Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Zach Woods, Lisa Gilroy, Charlie McCrackin

Episode Date: January 29, 2024

Zach Woods joins Scott to talk about his new stop-motion animated comedy series In the Know on Peacock, voice-over, and sleepovers. Then, child development expert Margo Tits stops by to raise awareness for raisin kids. Plus, substitute teacher Mr. Gunlock drops by to fill in for an absent guest.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, Jim, bang bang. Come on, Jim, bang bang. Jim Carrey, Jim Drop, Jim Pickback up again. Jim Eat anyway, Jim. Five-second rule. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Rokey, Rokey for that wonderful catchphrase submission and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. And we have, I know I always say it, but I truly believe it this week. We have a fantastic show coming up a little later. We have a child development expert.

We're going to be asking them all of our questions about our children, other people's children, any child we've known or heard of or read about or seen on the silver screen. We are going to find out about them. We also have an educator, an educator coming up a little later. Now, if that doesn't sound exciting enough for you to kind of brainy guests, then we have someone from the world of show business here. So people like famous people, right?

And yes, stars are back. 2024, SAG, we closed it down, we made it happen. And now the stars are back to be on podcast And there are none brighter than this one. Let's list some of his credits the office Silicon Valley Playing house Veepe the after-party season two and

Probably most importantly he played I believe it was Greg the magnificent who was it Greg the someone on Comedy Bang Bang the television show I don't remember my particular moniker but I do know that that was the kind of keystone yeah it was let me look this up it was Greg the remarkable Greg the remarkable Greg. The remarkable Greg. What an underwhelming adjective to assign yourself. Well, you were a magician. Yeah. And we thought that sounded the most boring

because you were a really bad boring magician who then also had telekinesis, I believe. That's right. Yes. Please welcome for the first time on the podcast, Zach Woods. Hi. Hi, thanks for having me.

I'm excited to be here and a little bit shy. Oh, it's great to have you. You know, a big fan of your work have been chasing this down for 15 years. We finally landed you. The white whale. Yeah. Our Moby Richard, if you will.

Thank you for that. Yes, I like to clean it up. Clean it up. I guess that's why I didn't come on for a long time is that shows fresh. That shows, there's a freshness to that show and I just can't abide that. So thank you for putting it out.

But I am gonna say a couple of dirty words right now. I hope you're prepared for them. But you have a new show called In the Know and it's out now on Peacock. Okay. These are two just filthy, filthy words. It's frankly, it's kind of redundant thematically because one originates from the other.

Exactly, yeah. I guess only P comes from, as far as I know, it doesn't come from P. But it's not like I'm saying, oh, this is my mouth food. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it's like, get rid of one of them. Someone said, I can't remember if you said this, it was on Twitter or something,

but someone said that when HBO Max became HBO, which just became Max, they said your move Peacock, which I thought was funny. Do you what do you think they should have been? The what Peacock should have been? Yeah. Well, I think they just meant shortening it to cock. Shortening it to cock. I get it. I think that's what it meant. That's how I understood. Could have been shortening it to pee though. Yeah, either way. I was a little distracted. I was putting it on do not disturb.

I forgot to do so. I checked in with you in the back half of that sentence. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, please do. For example, this just happened before we started recording. I said, I would like to P. Yeah. Some people say I would like to use the restroom.

Do you feel that there's something gross about imposing an awareness on the people who are with you that you're sharing it? I do and to me that I always feel like when someone clarifies that it's just pee, they're lying. And I think that they're really jerking off. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The white stuff is coming out. You're right. You're right. No, I do. I don't need to know what you... It's not in my business what you do in there. You don't have to tell me what you're about to do. So you prefer I have to go to the restroom? Sure.

Or I'm going to go into this room. That seems really much more suspicious. I would be nearly certain that the person was going to the bathroom. I'm going to go into this room for an indeterminate amount of time. I'm going to be occupied in this room. Right. I'm in a very indeterminate amount of time. I'm going to be occupied in this room. Right, however long it takes me to remember

the exact face of my non-biological aunt. Your biological aunt. Non-biological aunt. Non-biological aunt. I was trying to think what would be an upsetting thing to... Yes. Anyway, I regret the past 30 seconds. You said that movie, Ants?

With Jerry Seinfeld, B-Store. That was B-Store. No, the one I'm thinking of is the one with the past 30 seconds. You see that movie, Ants? With Jerry Seinfeld, B-Story. That was B-Story. No, the one I'm thinking of is the one with the ants in it. I don't know, I think there's probably just one. I can't imagine they made that many movies about bugs. What are the odds? I have 300 to one. I don't know.

Scott, that'd be insane. That many movies about bugs? Yeah, what's next, Dustmites? Come on, get out of here. Get the fuck out. You ever do one of those Animated movies you and one of those baby Angry Birds 2 you don't call me baby first of all a little okay What do you have a preferred pet name?

Honey boo boo, I was an angry birds, too. Wow. Why only the second one? I it's a good question question and it's a question that's for the Angry Birds Zars. I don't actually know why it was really excluded from the first one. Couldn't your character have been in the first one and shouldn't they maybe do like a Kevin Spacey, here me out!

You know, when Kevin Spacey was, they substituted Christopher Plummer in that movie for him. You could, they could put you into number one retroactively. Or do like an apocalypse now redux style version where it's like they, yeah, they add, but it was so sorely missing from Angry Birds one. I, I, uh, I'm not very good at voiceover, which is a problem because I'm in a show. Yeah, your new show. But that was a little different.

But when it's when you're, when you're sealed in a booth and you're just talking to your own ears, it's hell. And I feel so, I had an acting teacher once hold your applause, who, who said this thing, she was like, the key to, to good acting is finding something more important to do than giving a good performance. can be invested enough in the person across from you and the kind of fictional circumstances you lose yourself in the little satellite that orbits your head telling you how badly you suck sort of floats off into deep space. But can you be playing a character who has that orbiting thing saying you suck?

Well, luckily I've played mostly those characters so it hasn't been too much of a liability but I would say that when you're in a voiceover booth it's like the universe has shrunk to the size of your self consciousness, because you're hearing as is happening right now, you hear your own voice projected into your own ears, and there's nothing it's it's a dim room. So it's just you with your demons to keep you company. And I have a

hard time with it. So Angry Birds 2 was a challenge for me. Why are those rooms so dim? I've always wondered. They keep the lights low. It's a very soothing environment separate from the task that you're there to perform. But you're only there to perform that task. I know. So why not just make it like a harsh environment? I know.

Yeah, I think they should just lean in and just make their mirrors. Like it should just be four mirrored walls and like disapproving photos of your dad. And now everything's on Zoom, so no one's even there with you. It's just like the worst circumstances to try to. I met someone last night who worked on this show and who I'd only talked to on zoom. On the show that you're here to promote, which is of course in the know on peacock now. Yeah. And I wasn't just trying to worm it in there. I promise.

No, worms boy. Speaking of animated movies. Yeah. That'd be a good one. Who would you cast as the hero worm? The hero worm. And Jellica Houston. So like a worm who's like pretty, but she doesn't know it. And she's shy. Yeah.

I mean, Zellweger probably. Oh, that's actually a good idea. Worked with her on Sharktail, of course. Never met her. But back to your story about never meeting someone. I never met Renee Zellweger. Oh, that's actually a good idea. Worked with her on Sharktail, of course. Never met her. But back to your story about never meeting someone. I never met Renee Zellweger. You just met someone who worked on your show in the know.

Right, and I'd only seen her on Zoom and her face was completely different. Then the Zoom face. Yeah, I didn't recognize her. I said, who are you? Really? We've talked to each other a lot. And did she give it an explanation of how she had had she generously tap dance to try to like make my

Confusion normal, you know that thing where like someone has done something egregious and then you quickly try to fabricate a justification to put them at ease She probably looks exactly the same To me she looks so different. I don't know. What do you think? Maybe she had her lips filled recently or something? What's her name? Let's find her on social media. Her name is Sam, Sam, if you're listening, I apologize. What does she do on the show? Let's talk about the show because it's such an interesting show.

I've seen, I'm not gonna brag, but I've seen approximately one episode before it came out. Thanks guys. Can you imagine someone devoting that kind of time to something? I can't, I don't watch anything. I mean, people will, dear friends of mine, loved ones will have things and I don't watch them. Yeah. So I- There's got to be better things than like entertainment in this world, right? Maybe. I think, yeah, it's a good question. Like, why aren't I more?

I'm not your therapist, so I don't really care. But yeah, you don't want to know the interwatch works... Yeah, you don't wanna know the inner watch works. Yeah, we don't need to solve this problem today, but I do wanna talk about your show. It's called In the Know, and it's on Peacock, and would it surprise our listeners to learn, is it, I know, I can hear them all saying, is it animated?

Is it live action? Is it improv? Is it scripted? Guess what? It's all of those things. Relax. Just fucking relax. Why are you using that tone with me? We've never even met hypothetical listener. Exactly.

But it's all of these things. It's live. It's animated. I can tell there's improv in it, but there are scripts. Tell me about this show because I'm sick of trying to describe it for these people. Well, as you just said, it's a goulash. I don't think I use that. But there are scripts all it did tell me about this show because I'm sick of trying to describe it for these people Well, as you just said, it's a goulash and I think that's probably I use that. Yeah, you said you said it's like It's babu babushka's goulash. Hmm. I don't know I would use those precise terms as I thought

Well, I was offended by it because I was like, oh wow, he's like appropriating Ashkenazi culture and it's ugly. But it takes place at an NPR station where the host is a gentleman named Lauren Caspian, who is a girlfriend who's also named Lauren. And she's a dreamer under DACA, but she's an MFA student from Montreal who's just here illegally. Although I don't think we ever mentioned that in the show. But anyway, this is

unnecessary backstory. I love a ton of specifics before we ever get to the premise. That's it. I think you guys understand the show. So come. It's about this guy and a lot of detail about this one particular person. Exactly. So he's not even a series writer. He's the, Lauren Caspian is the host and there's a bunch of other people to work at the station. It's stop motion puppets puppeteered by the people who brought you Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio from Shadow Machine. Wow. Yeah. I can't believe it. Did they ever were they ever like, Hey, maybe Pinocchio could be in this episode because they

still have the puppet or anything? Yeah, I mean, he's just hanging out at that studio now because he's like, he's really can only be typecast. And so it's really ugly. Like he kept offering, like he kept offering to do stuff for me if I put him in the show. Yeah, that's terrible.

Well, I mean, the good thing about him is he's sort of like Webster, he never ages. So we can always play the little boy parts. Yeah, but it was gross. He was like, you can slap me around, do whatever you want. And I was like, I don't want to do that. And I don't want you in the show. And he was like, I'm a real boy.

And I was like, I know, I know. But yeah, it was weird. He was such a little flirt, but I didn't feel like it was about me. I felt like it was about like opportunity and I just wasn't comfortable. Yeah, exactly. Like if he actually wanted you to slap him around, yeah. Oh my God. Then it would be a different story, but yeah. Are you kidding me?

Oh yeah. But it was cause I could tell it wasn't, you know, it's just lonely I've been down that road before where you like get into like a trist with a fantastical creature and then you realize they're just using you for your real world entertainment industry connections. Like a wooden infor or an ent?

Yeah, it was like the font. It was the guy from, what's it? The guy, the font from Narnia. Oh, Mr. Tumnus. Tumnus. Yeah, that asshole. Geez. Yeah, I mean, it's like, well, that's the thing I've always wondered like, Mr. Tumnus is this way too, but like Scooby-Doo, we love him, right? I've never seen him. Oh, yeah, he's great. He's a dog. I know of him, but I've never seen an episode. Okay. So he has a TV show.

Okay. They spin it off into a couple movies. And then what? He's just not in any other movies. Like, why can't he be in Maestro or something like that? You know what I mean? Maybe he'll have like a Brandon Fraser style thing where he'll just play like an massively overweight dog in like 20 years.

Sure. It doesn't have to be a branded Scooby-Doo movie, but we love Scooby-Doo. He's got such a high Q rating. Put him in other movies. It's a good thing. You know, it's funny. I guess that's true that the characters, although if you get

like a Mickey Mouse, they can some of them just pop across generations. That's true, but we can use Mickey Mouse now. Steamboat Willie, baby. That's right. Sorry. Steamboat Willie in the know, which is out on Peacock now. He's not yet, but maybe one day.

But I, with Mr. Tumeness, I don't know why. I guess I brought him up. When my father read me, you were talking about her parents earlier, my father read me lying on which in the wardrobe when I was a kid. And there's a scene where... That's a commitment. He was great. We would read like Neil Simon plays together. Really? We would do the voices and stuff. He was really a sweetheart and remains a sweetheart.

He didn't be curdle with age. But he, yeah, but he read me that book and there's a scene where the queen is angry at Mr. Tumnes and she goes, her goons go into Tumnes' cave and fuck up his house and ruin a picture of his dad, which is his only picture of his dad as far as I know. And I remember my father reading that to me and finding it so desperately sad

that I could not continue with the book. Something that my father reading about this guy losing his last remaining image of his father fucked me right up. So did you say, father, please put down the novel. I did. We cannot continue a pace with this. I did, I did. We cannot continue a pace with this. I did, I did.

We need to seize all reading. I think I had a more slightly more a feet way of saying it. I think I had a slightly more aristocratic tone of voice. I'm trying, you're the best I can. I wasn't raised in the slums, Scott. I don't talk like gutter trash.

But anyway, so okay, so I don't know if I've summarized the show yet, but it takes place in an NPR studio through stop motion puppets. You're like, and I don't know if I've summarized the show yet, but it takes place in an NPR studio There's stop motion pop. You're like and I don't know whether you're allowed to say this But I believe I am tell me you're like an ira glass type. Yeah, he's kind of like a Hybrid of like ira glass Ezra Klein Michael Bobarrow Terry Gross Malcolm Gladwell who all bear a kind of strange Resemblance to each other if you look at them, there bear a kind of strange resemblance to each other.

If you look at them, there's a kind of through line. It's like they want to, too. You know, they all get the same pair of glasses, and they all kind of style themselves the same way. Oh, and this is important. This, if nothing else, this is important to me. If you're listening and you listen to the Dailies starring Michael Barbaro, please Google Image Search,

Michael Barbaro, sexy pose. Okay, Michael Barbaro, sexy pose. And I'll just leave it at that. I have to do this, I have to do this right now. It has to be an image search. Sexy pose, okay. I'm not gonna describe exactly what comes up because I'll leave that for the list. Oh!

You getting this one, Scott? Yeah, I certainly am. I'm getting another one too, which is a couch. That's what I'm saying. These guys are saucy. I tell you. So you play sort of an Ira if I may glass half empty? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. I'm fucking crying. Scott just put a gun in his mouth. Oh, shit. This is the end. Don't do it. It's a flare gun. Scott.

Okay, I'll put it aside. Okay. Oh, fuck. Okay. Anyway, so you play this character in there. And there are the other people who work at the NPR station, including some on air personalities. And then your character, it appears from the one episode that I watched, twice an episode you interview actual celebrities, and those are a la Space Ghost, I would say. Those are live, they're over sort of Zoom. So we're not seeing claymation or puppets of them, we're seeing them live. And it weaves the interviews throughout storylines of what is going on with these characters.

That's great. That was a better, I've been explaining this show for a month and you did it better than I've done. Well, I saw an episode. But thank you for doing that. But yeah, and then it's the interviews are all, except for one which we scripted, which is sort of self-evident. But they're all improvised with the guests. And we have Mike Tyson, and we have Roxane Gay and Ken Burns and Jonathan Van Ness and a million people. It's like, one thing I actually really love about NPR is if you listen to Terry Gross, she has a million different guests who are from all different businesses and pasts. They'll have loan-owned companies, though, probably. Yeah, they won't fuck with you if you don't have an LLC. But though, probably. Yeah.

I would imagine you did them as yourself and you had like lists of questions and things you wanted to try. And it was, those were kind of improv. Is that? Yeah, well, the way it would actually work is Brandon Gardner who co-created the show with me and Mike Judge would, they wouldn't see me.

Brandon would just say, you're going to do this interview. We're going to put up a picture of this NPR host and then so that they would never look at my face. So they're always just looking at a picture and I would always just staying character. And then we just do the interview that way. Interesting. Yeah.

So did they ever get to see the picture of you? Like, like at the end, like suddenly like they show a picture of you and everyone goes, Oh, more handsome and than they applaud or anything like that. No, it didn't happen that way. They did see my face, but their reaction was comparatively muted to what you just described. Well, let's describe who else is in the show. You mentioned Mike Judge. He also does a voice in it, but we have such luminaries as Carl Tartt's, a favorite on this show. He's so lovely in it.

Who else do we have in this? We have Jay Smith Cameron. We have Caitlin Riley, Charlie Bushnell, and Mike Judge. An incredible cast, wonderful guest stars, six episodes from what I'm guessing. Six episodes, little commitment. And they sent cookies over in anticipation of you being on this show. Peacock, they said, how many people are on the show? And I mentioned how many people, I thought they were going to

send one cookie per person. They sent a box of cookies per person. So we're just swimming in, in the no cookies, and they, and they, they are pictures of the characters. So at some point, I'm going to be eating your face. That's correct, yeah. How do you feel about that? I guess Peacock maybe has some sort of like pharmaceutical advertising like diabetes medication

or something so they're just trying. They must. It's a kind of. They get them coming and going. Yeah, it's a snake eating its own tail. Exactly. Yeah, but yeah, it's weird. I mean, that was, I remember getting on television

for the first time in the experience of seeing Merch and stuff. What was your first television experience? Let me guess the office. Yeah. Yeah, and you had you had your character whoever he may be Do you even gave the remark it was gay, but all right Did there was like Gabe merch and stuff like that? No, but you would just see like, for the show you were on or whatever. And there were like Silicon Valley there started to be like stuff where you'd see like, oh, this is a little doll that looks like your or fan fiction.

I like that like fit like erotic fan art. I really like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Have you have you ever been reading like erotic fan fiction about one of your characters? And then you're reading and going like, wait a minute, I've done all this. And then you're like, who sent this? Who posted this?

You know, I grew up with a kid who was, I think went on to be a Marine and was like from a kind of conservative family. And this is the sweetest thing, adolescent boy, like loved sport, you know, just kind of like your prototypical like jock kid. But when he didn't like pornography, he liked to find old literary erotica and read it. That's so sweet.

Read it to himself. Yeah. Yeah. Like other guys that have like whatever penthouse and he would be reading about like, whatever, like, Lady Shatterley's lover. Yes, that's exactly right. That's at like whatever penthouse and he would be reading about like, whatever, like Lady Shatterley's lover. Yes. That's exactly right. That's okay. I mean, you know, that's what it was written for. Isn't it sweet that he felt, yeah, I don't know how I found out. I'm sure once the internet was invented, he's just like, oh, okay.

Now I'm now I'm at Pornhub. No, I think he was finding it on the internet. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And one time he had, we had a sleepover and I made him read a one act play with me. I guess maybe because my dad would read us Lost in Yonkers or whatever Neil Simon plays. So then I was like, let's read. This will be fun.

Truly. I was like, it was like an old, well, this is what I didn't realize. This is before I knew he liked the literary erotica. So I was like, let's read this 19th century British satire one act play. And then we read it and he was like, down, he did it. And then later I found out about the literary pornography and I was like, oh, yeah. I wonder if he got his bad on.

We did this play. Oh, interesting. So if you felt, if you wanted to. Man, I gotta go to one of these sleepovers at your place. Cause you sound great. I mean, they're not just to be clear. It's not happening currently. That was when I was a, oh, oh really?

Oh, okay. Yeah. I thought this was like two weeks ago. No, but if you wanted to sleep over at my house, you're legitimately welcome. And I'm not talking about couch surfing. I'm talking about a real sleepover where like, we're in the same room, you have like another bed, you know, like, and, or maybe we make a

fort and stuff like that. That's fun. Yeah. I would, is my, the thing about sleepovers for me that was really interesting is just the scuba diving into another family and seeing like, oh my God, it's not the same. My first best friend was a born-again Christian and my family were heathens, you know, we're just secular Jews and we would curse all the time

and I was, we were playing Atari and I said, God damn it. And his mother, Judy, just like, oh my God, she wasn't any angry, she was just heartbroken. Judy, just like, oh my God, she wasn't any angrier, she was just heartbroken. She was just like, oh, we don't do that. We don't say that. And I was bewildered. Another time I was at my friend James's house

and his parents were fighting and then I came home and I was really upset and I told my parents, I was like, James's parents are gonna get a divorcement. And they did. Oh, okay, you're right on the money with that. Yeah, yeah, I was right. Wow, okay. Not to brag. Well, In The Know is out now on Peacock.

All six episodes are available. You would suggest watching all of them or would you say like watch the odd numbered ones or the even numbered ones? I'd say it depends what's going on in your life. You know what I mean? Like if you got the time, yeah, be a completist. Sure. But like, I don't know you.

I don't know you. Look, it's not like someone's gonna watch this thing and then say, I watched your thing and what are you gonna care? Like it's like, okay. Don't get me wrong, I'm desperate for you to watch it. It's a labor of love and like, of course, I prefer not to just shout into an empty void.

But like, I don't know, maybe like your kid has this like, like, cystic fibrosis or something like that. And you don't have time. Yeah, I'm not going to like, sweat you about not watching my fucking show. That's for damn sure. But, but, and we're not saying that people who are in situations like that shouldn't watch the show if you have time.

I mean, it'll take your mind off some of your problems, probably, because it's a very funny show. I watched one of my parents parents had a major surgery and the night before we watched Midnight Run and it really hit the spot. Yeah, it could relax you. It's like, what are you gonna sit around thinking about this surgery that's gonna happen? You know, or it did happen all day and all night? No. No, I asked my friend. I just because her mom had had cancer and and I said, what's your advice? What's your advice? And she said, we watched a lot of comedies

with strong female protagonists. And I was like, that's great. And so I picked Midnight Run with Robert DeNiro. And Charles Brown. No, not a woman in sight. Trying to think of a single woman in that show. You got Joey Pants. That's it.

It was like a Shakespeare play. It was all men well in the know out now on peacock you can find it pretty easily by Going on your peacock app Typing in in the know or probably Zach Woods would would make it come up It probably is might be on the main page if you get it there soon enough kind of hope so yeah Maybe the holdovers is there on the main page. Don't watch the Holdovers. Watch in the know.

Now, if you have some time after in the know, and you wanna watch it. No, don't, guys. Just don't watch the Holdovers at all. And this is straight from the top of the, this is straight from the top of the Peacock food chain. Do not watch the Holdovers. I'll tell you one thing,

there aren't Holdovers branded cookies here on the table. Nothing with Paul Giamatti's face. I haven't seen the movie, but, you know, I just prefer you not watch it. Yeah, I get it. We get it. All right, we're going to take a break, Zach. Can you stick around because we have some very interesting guests. I think who are really up your alley here.

Thank you. We have a child development expert. We also have an educator. I think this is a classy, classy show today. Yeah, that's good, because again, it's been fresh in the past, and I really hate that I appreciate you raising the bar for you. So I appreciate that we're gonna take a break when we come back We'll have more from Zach Woods more comedy bang bang. We'll be right back after this

Comedy bang bang we're back Zach Woods is here in the know is out now on peacock. Why is it called in the know? I here in the know is out now on Peacock. Why is it called in the know? I think there's something about, okay, this is a little shade. Okay, we're throwing shade here. I love that, yeah. People like a bit of shade. Are we gonna make gossip rags? We're gonna make gossip rags.

Okay, I love it. So Alec Baldwin has a show called, had a podcast called Here's the Thing. And this was my experience listening to that show. He would get really interesting people on and he would ask them questions. They would start to answer the question. And then he was so eager to advertise

that he knew exactly where they were going that he would cut them off and finish their answers in ways that seemed totally obviously not to where they were going to me. But it was that kind of thing, or like Seinfeld with comedians and cars getting coffee, where these kind of like, these like little confederations of people who are sort of understand the talk, you know what I mean? Like, I watched that show, I enjoyed that show, but you can be like, as comedians, we know the way this works, you know? So that kind of thing, that kind of like,

the self-satisfied insularity of someone like Lauren Caspian, I felt like would lead to a name like, in the know. And I also think there's that thing of like wanting to, I think there were people who feel like their value is their familiarity with cultural references. It's like people feel like what they have to contribute is their kind of almanacness or something, as opposed to just being like a squishy, boring, sweet person. And those people drive me bananas because they're tiring to be around because you endlessly have to be validating that yes, that is impressive that you've seen that and yes, I've never seen that but you have and

I'm trying desperately not to interrupt you so you don't think I'm like Alec Baldwin. Well, I was talking for a long time. Please put me out of my misery. Now you see why he does it. I feel embarrassed. Yeah this is I'm yeah. Yeah, I feel uncrossed your arms. We're in the same space here. We like each other. We're I like you.

All right. I like you. Let's get to know our next guest. What do you say? Because maybe we'll like that. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, that would be great. Let she's a child development expert.

Do you have I don't know your personal situation. Do you have children? No, I have your personal situation. Do you have children? No, I have no none none none zero zero children. Yeah. So the sum total of your children is zero. That's right. Okay. I have the sum total is one. So my recent child. And so I'm very excited to talk to her about maybe what's in store for my child. And this is a serious subject, so I'm glad that we have someone who's an expert on. Please welcome Margot Titz. I'm sorry, what was the, can I just, what's her name? Margot Titz.

Hi there, thanks for having me on the show, Squires. Hi Margot, yeah. Yep, it's me, Margot Titz. I am an early childhood development expert. When you say early childhood, meaning early childhood, or you are an early adopter to the world of child development? Both and neither. So earlier than you could ever imagine,

when the baby starts growing, it's so early on. Now I've written a book called Raising Kids. I'm an expert on raising kids. Raising kids. Raising kids. Raising kids. Raising, like the California raisins? Like it's like they're like just tissue,

like a raisin like in the womb? Yeah, like. Yeah, okay, sure. No. You don't have to say yes and this. No, I am an expert on raisin kids. Now, what's a raisin kid? It's a kid that's so small, it's the size of a raisin.

Okay, that's what we're, okay. You know premature baby? Yeah, I heard. Is that a specific person? Do you know premature baby? Is, I got a specific person Do you know? The local hospital your baby you've never seen him. I didn't see him I work with him on you know educating the public on different kinds of babies. Okay, so There's your job just to educate us about the different types of babies because well and specifically I guess raising kids So now when a baby is premature, it could be a weak premature.

That's kind of what we call the big fat ones. And on the other side of the scale, you could be... Maybe one day premature. You could be 8 1⁄2 and 12 days premature. And that is a raising kid. That's not as far back as the scale goes, too, by the way. That's as far back as it goes, yeah. Because the raising kids are still living

and they get sent to the special incubator in Ontario. Oh, I see. Ontario, are you Canadian, by the way? No. Okay, yeah, I just, you have a Canadian air about you. Oh, I'm from Minnesota. Oh, you are? Oh, hey, what?

Raised in capital of the world. I did not know that. My wife is from Minnesota and she does not like raisins. Maybe that's why. I'm married, Scott. You don't have to say, oh, my wife, this, I'm not coming on to you.

Okay, I said I was married. I know, you're trying to tell me that you're married as if I'm doing something inappropriate to you. You're not, I mean, you are very close to me right now. I hugged your lower back tight when I met you. Yeah, it made, maybe too low. I have a recent lower back tattoo as well, and it's very itchy, and so it kind of irritated it.

Oh, I could feel the bandaid crinkling under your shirt. What is the image of that? It's a mermaid. Nice. But it's really small because that bandaid covers the whole thing. It's just a tiny little mermaid on your leg. Yeah, but I requested a giant bandaid. Sensitive back skin.

I don't like to waste bandays. I don't want to constantly put on a new one. I just want a big one I can move around. Were you a premature baby by any chance? I was not, no. I was to the day. Really? I believe, yeah. How come your body so like that? Explain. So like what? So well, it's stretched in the middle and it's melted on the

hands. Big, big tall, but not really, you know, emotionally big. Yeah. Taking up a little bit of space as if, you know, early origins would suggest not fully develop. No, I don't know how to explain that other than just not working out maybe. The premature Riz, the kids are calling it. Exactly. Yeah. So tell me about your work. What exactly do you do? Do you have an office? Do you? Well, I'm on a mission to raise awareness for raising kids because you see what happens is they get sent to a special hospital in Ontario, the

Shania Twain Memorial Hospital. Oh, that's a she's not dead. We're just remembering her and we we can remember people. We can remember her. Yeah. Don't call in. Yeah. Don't don't don't get upset. Don't don't be complaining about like oh my god, you made me think Shania Twain was dead. Well, and she's gonna be eventually that we all are. Zach, you ever think about that? About Shania Twain was dead. Well, and she's going to be eventually. We all are. Zach, you ever think about that? About Shania Twain's death?

Yeah. Every day. Yeah. Shania Tumness. How do you think she's going to go? Oh my God. I think just like, hopefully like while she's doing something she loves. I hope it's just that she transcends.

She just passes over. Yeah. She just hits a note. Like in the middle of a big concert, she's singing like, you hear that boys? And she sings about who? Man, I feel like a woman. Yeah. Brad Pitt or, she's singing like, you hear that boys? And she sings about who? Man, I feel like a woman. Yeah, Brad Pitt or whatever she's singing about. And then just suddenly she just like,

boo, just like Jesus. Boo, just boo, right up to heaven. Brr, yep. Remember when Jesus went up to heaven? He's like, brr, brr, brr. He just went up. His reggaeton stuff was pretty offensive, honestly. Yeah.

It really was, it's like Jesus. I know you're Middle Eastern. So there's- Jesus. Yeah. So tell me- Right, so special hospital for the premature kids that are on the raisin side of the scale.

And so now what I'm here on the podcast to talk about is, there's been a terrible mistake. Oh no, a mistake. Now, I was in charge of the raising kids and I took them for a field trip To unfortunately the Kellogg's factory No, and they went on the belt line and they got themselves into the two scoops of raisins and every Kellogg's boxy raisin Right all of them. I love them. Okay. So now how many souls are we missing?

At least 400,000 feet. You brought 400,000 raisin kits. They're a little 80 bitty, they almost fit in my purse. Oh my God. What do you mean they all, you tried to put? I brought also a backpack, a second person, a bowling bag. Oh, okay. So I brought some over there. So it's sort of like when you get a milkshake,

you get an extra cup or something like that? Exactly. And I was at the factory, I was showing them around. I had to go pee in the bathroom. You were going into that room over there for an indeterminate amount of time. That's right. Okay.

And what I was really doing was doing poo. You were, I see this is what- But I told them pee, I told them pee. And when I came out, they were all gone. And I said, oh Christ, they've gotten on the belt and they've gone now distributed to America. Oh no, so anyone who's eating raisin bran right now. Yeah. Oh, this is a terrible, terrible story.

So you got to check to see, you know, do I have a raisin or do I have a raisin kit? How can we check? What are the differences? Well, you can take a raisin and you can hold it underwater. If you see little bubbles coming. It's screaming for it. OK, that's the only method. Not the only way because this is cool. It's like waterboarding these If you see a bubble as soon as you see a bubble the man easy one bubble

The minute you see one bubble and it's gonna be a small one. This should be a two bubble test No, it's not the two bubble test. That's for higher up on the preemie skill for the big fat one That's the big fat preemie test and that's kind of you shouldn't be testing it It's like if you've got a big fat pre-me baby, you know what it is, don't test it. I need to, I would prefer to test. Why? What are you worried that it's going to be? I just don't want to find out that I was wrong. And it's not, it's not premature. Yeah. Oh, if it's on time, I want to know. Hmm. Because if you're late, you're early, you know, the whole thing, if you're early, yeah, five minutes early is

being on time. That's right. So what, people need to, every single raisin that's in your raisin brand, you need to hold underwater for how long? Just a moment. As soon as you see a bubble, take it out. Or, you know, check for things like little, it's little boots, pants. Pants, if it's wearing clothes at all, it's a raisin kid.

Okay, any kind of clothes. And this is, I can imagine the post, or this is Kellogg's, right? Kellogg's rais this is, I can imagine the post, or this is Kellogg's, right? Kellogg's Raisin' Brand. I can imagine the Kellogg's company maybe making a cereal that has like raisins with clothes on it. They do, they have, it's a fruity, it's a part of fruity pebbles.

It's fruity pebbles now with raisins with clothes on. So you have to be really careful. Yeah, really, yeah. First of all, check the box. That's step one. If it's Raisin' Brand, not fruity pebbles now with raisins with clothes. Well, here's the thing. Some of all, check the box. That's step one. If it's if it's raisin brand not fruity pebbles now with Well, here's the thing some of the reasons with clothes on are actually raisins. So that makes it extra complicated Because they have you know taken they made little sugar pants for the raisins for a gimmick

But what they didn't know is that some of those kids are really raising kids that had their own pants They put double pair of pants on a raise. This is too complicated. What happens if I just eat them? Well, it gets even worse. What happens? They're, you know how gremlins they eat milk and they can become more gremlins? I mean, as Scott, you know how gremlins eat milk

and become more gremlins. That's not covered in the movie. Scott, whatever this cute flirtatious act is. Oh, pretend I don't know a movie. You are nose to nose with me right now. Back up. I can explain it to me. Back up.

It does feel. I can smell your tattoo from here. OK. It's a scratch and sniff. It smells like blood. That's the scent that I wanted. OK, but it does feel like you're laundering your flirting by mentioning your wife because you're,

and I don't know, are you married, Margo? I, my husband's dead. Thank you. You said you were, you said you were married. Yeah, but he, well, married once and married forever into the grave, wear a sweater. Wear a sweater or wear it not, take it off when you get hot, kiss your husband once or twice. Married forever, roll the dice.

And that's from the Bible. I haven't heard that particular book. Is that Psalms or I know a lot of those rhymes? It's from Mormo I haven't heard that particular book. Is that Psalms? Or I know a lot of those rhymes? It's from Mormo Jahoho Christi Budism. Oh, okay. And that's what I subscribe to. I see.

So you're never gonna marry again. You're never gonna dance again. I'm never gonna marry again. I've gotta help those kids that are really raising. So now you're spending all your time devoted to this. That's exactly right. Because what I was going to say about the gremlins, which you claim to not understand in a flirtatious way,

is that if you do happen to be one of these raising kids, it embeds itself inside intestine and becomes, makes more. Oh no. So then you have so many of these kids. It's like parasites. Have you ever pooped out a raisin, Scott? I mean, that's like parasites. Have you ever pooped out a raisin, Scott? I mean, that's given birth. And that means if you saw one, there's about 40,000 others in the toilet bowl

and they eat poop to stay alive. What? Zach, have you ever heard the like? I mean, I guess I never wanted kids before and that continues. Yeah, I mean, this sounds, I guess I was lucky with what happened with mine. I mean, it just came out kind of- Oh, you had a regular size regulation size. Yeah, just that is lucky

Yeah, but you don't know you should check the house. You might have raising kids in there. Oh, no, really? Yes, I've booked out corn before those kids. I'm not sure I don't deal with that you don't deal with corn You know that species. Yeah, is it different corn kid? I don't know it, but I think they have corn kid. I don't know it Yeah, exactly. Mm-hmm Interesting well, I don't know it, but I think they have. Corn kid, I don't know it. Yeah, exactly. Interesting. Well, so your advice to people out there. Check your raisins. Check your raisins.

If you have raisins in the raisins, now can they be normal raisins like sun kissed and stuff? None of them ended up there. The blonde ones are yellow. Okay, the blonde ones are yellow. The brunettes are brown. Okay, red heads. Crazy. Any gingers? Okay, you're flirting with me. The brunettes are brown. Okay, red heads. Crazy.

Any gingers? Okay, you're flirting with me again, and I can tell. That was. What do you think it's about? Can I ask about this? When you guys are flirting with each other, do you think, like, what is the end game? Is it just to feel reconnected to the ways in which you're attractive? Yeah, I mean, I-

Or do you feel like you're actually trying to make something happen? I haven't been able to flirt with anyone in over two decades at this point, So it's just like, I want to remember how it feels to be alive. Right. And what made you choose me as your first one? In 20 years. I mean, I'm flattered. I don't know. I could, there was a sense of sadness with your husband's death. How did he die? Do you mind me asking? Bathtub. Uh, fell on? Don't just, bathtub, Scott. Come on. Don't be rude. You don't have to be rude. Like, I get it, you're the bad boy in the flirtation, but like, you find that he's-

I'm trying to nag her. It was bathtub, he died bathtub. He died bathtub, okay. And so for me, I'm obviously lonely. And when I see someone who I think and I was wrong, but I thought you were a premature baby grown up into a man, which is always my sweet spot. Sure.

Was that your husband? Yeah. That's how bathtub got him. That's how husband? Yeah. That's how bathtub got him. That's how you got interested. Oh, that's how bathtub got him. Yeah. And before I came on the show, Scott was like, you gotta come today because my guest has a smoking hot last name.

And I was like, I was like, oh yeah, he's like, oh, one of the hottest last names I've ever seen. That was how Zach agreed to do the show. It's been 15 years you haven't done the show and suddenly. Yeah. Oh, it was the tits that got you. Yeah. And I'm the, I'm not Yeah. The tits will get you.

It was a cold email. We haven't spoken in years and I was just like, Zach, you got to come. You got to come here. This last name is fucking smoking hot. You got to get over here. And he went to your credit. You were over here within like... I left because yeah, I was at... 45 minutes is is I don't want to give away exactly where you live or your assassination coordinates But yeah, it's 45 minutes of 45 minutes and he said I'm gonna flirt like my life depends on it That's what you said to me. Oh really? Well so You're doing so far so good. I'm doing good. Let's just say let's hope I forget about bathtub by the end of this

Because I'm always sad and I'm always thinking about it. Yeah, I'm so sorry. Anyway, so check your raisins for pants. And if they're sugar pants made by the Kellogg's factory, you'll be able to lick them off. But if you can't lick them off, that's a real trouser. So lick the pants, but- But don't do it in a perverted way.

These are children. Jesus. God, God. Do you recommend getting consent before you do this? Of course. Okay, so ask the raisin child whether you have consent to lick his pants off and if they say yes That's one clue as to whether it's a raising child. It's a clue for sure All right, these are this is good to know

Okay, so it's this is like an alert out there to all parents or all people who wanna be parents or people who have parents or people who used to have parents. I don't know why we're talking about parentage, but anyone who's eating cereal out there needs to know about this. Yeah, because we gotta get these kids back to their parents. Okay, that's a good question. Once they do, let's say they are rescued

from the Kellogg situation or whatever, and then they become, they have childhoods. Do you parent a former Raisin Baby differently as it grows up or is it still the same approach? Well, I don't know because they haven't been reintegrated. The first batch of Raisin Babies we ever saw was in 1994 because of Nintendo. What happened with Nintendo?

When people are playing Nintendo, what it does is it fries up your ball sack. Oh. Makes a baby smaller than ever. Because the controller's right next to your... And it sends a Wi-Fi signal through the sperm and the gelatin. Oh, no. And so that's what made the whole influx of these babies. And now they...

You ever play Nintendo back in the 90s? Sure, yeah. Oh, my God. Did you hold the controller right under your balls? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the way. Don't have kids. Don't have kids.

Because it'll be the gelatin. It dealt with it. It dealt with the gelatin for sure. Yeah. Yeah, that's yeah. Don't have kids. Don't have kids. Don't have kids. Because it'll be the gelatin. It dealt with it. It dealt with the gelatin for sure. Yeah, that's a bad situation. And now I was an Atari guy, so. Oh, you're safe. Okay, good. You're safe.

Okay. That's why you have your gorgeous little baby. Yeah, okay. So anyone who had played Nintendo in the 90s between 1994 and what years would you say, when did they fix this problem? 19, it was fixed in 2001 when Hillary Duff came out with her first album. Oh, okay, was that related at all?

Because her, something about the quality of her voice is good for semen. It's like massaging, it's good at, so Hillary Duff's voice is what you're trying to say, is good at like making semen sort of in health. Now you said that, and that's a sound bite from you. I. So Hillary Duff.

Sick fuck. Hillary Duff's voice makes semen brew in testicles in such a manner that it makes it potent and viable. It's a healing force. It is a healing force. Let the rain come down. Okay, great. Well, this is important information for people out there to know. It is. Because if you let those raising kids run a muck in your house, they have, you know, certain diabolical needs and ways, and they might be trying to destroy your family.

They'll kill a dog. They're talking to dogs. They've killed dogs. Now, I thought the fear was we were going to kill them by eating them. You're saying they're going to run a muck in our house? Well, and I'm saying you can't even eat them because they will procreate in your intestine and when you poop them out 40,000 more counts. I see. So I'm not worried if you could chomp one up good enough, but something tells me when you throw a yogurt parfait down your gullet, you're not really chewing.

Am I wrong? You know, I- Big strong boy like you, huge mom? I want to protect these choppers here. I don't want to use them all that much. So I just, I swallow everything whole. Yep. Now let me ask you, because you're saying big strong boy like you and things like that. If you guys had a kind of sliding

doors situation, of course, you're happy in your life. We're like, I slide my door and cool up goes out and she comes in. Exactly. Like, like, it's a shadow life. Like, like, of course, you have your own lives. But if you were to, to, to wander into a different reality in which you were belonging to each other, We're talking about a parallel universes, much like across the spider-verse. Exactly.

I'm on VOD now. I'm a damn web. Yeah, sure. How do you think- My damn web. What do you think would be your big, like, what would you think would be your strong suits as a couple and also the things that you would be the kind of recurrent fights?

I think communication is one of our strong suits. Absolutely. I would say biggest fight. I'd say, don't get in the bathtub, please, please don't go. Because I could be going the same way as my other husband. What do you want me to take showers every day? I can't do that. Similar body as my other husband. It's the premature ankles, which no offense, but you have in a big way. That's a great, no, yeah.

And then the rest of the body seeming kind of stretched, but normal. You'll slide down the drain like a slippery little packet of ketchup. You'll be gone in a heartbeat. What if I put ankle weights on? They have to be big. That accelerates it, I would think. Ankle sombrero would work a bit better because it's not about the weight, it's about the width. So this is one of our recurring fights.

Yeah, see, and see, we're already fighting, but the communication is on point. That's right, because it's a healthy back and forth. We're saying it with love, we're maintaining eye contact. That's right. It's nice. Honestly, the fights you guys have right now are feel better to me than like warm conversations I've witnessed between my own parents.

Yeah, and especially your friend's parents on that sleepover. Oh my God. Oh my God. They got a divorce. Was it the next day? Or like, did they file the paperwork literally within the week? I wasn't, yeah, I wasn't, I was not a part of the Bersar's office or whatever. Whatever. Do you aren't notarizing any of the paperwork? I did very little notary work as a boy and it's one of the things I don't feel good about. Well, this is good information to know.

In the know. In the know, that's right. Yeah. And in the know is out now on Peacock, but we need to take a break. Margo, can you stick around? Of course. Because I kind of promised Zach, you know, like... That you could flirt with my last name? Well, just that someone with this hot last name was gonna be here for... Of course. Okay, great. Alright. We're gonna take a break. Do you want me to say Margot Titts, signing off?

I love it. Okay. Alright. Can you say Hillary Duff makes semen grow? Hillary Duff makes semen grow and I'm Margot Titts. Alright. We're gonna take a break. We'll be right back.

We have an educator on the show. We'll be right back. We have an educator on the show. We'll be right back with more comedy, baby, after this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,, probably a little less, maybe two hours, 45 minutes, somewhere around there. It's not even the size of one godfather. I think the selling point of this show is brevity. If nothing else, it's not long. Yeah, that's true.

I mean, it's not short. No. But it's like right there in that sweet spot where you're like, oh, this is a thing, definitely. Yeah, like if you're about to throw on Gandhi or or out of Africa. Yeah, you'd be like Yeah, it's essentially the same experience, but you know more lol's So you so so your soul in the action just dead probably both of them being honest But I meant lol's like lol's lol's, but I would say that Gandhi is like your show, but with more lol's

But I would say that Gandhi is like your show, but with more Lolls Lolls LUL so which makes it three hours. That's right. Yeah, I say the amount of content So much to do a cut of Gandhi where they just take out all the dead air. Yeah, I know movies back in the 80s man So fucking slow. Let's you know tighten this up tighten it up Well, we need to get to our next oh by the way, Marco tits is here. Hello tits in your face? Is that how you answer the phone? That might be a problem if we were to get together. Well, if it's the phone, I say Titz in your ear.

But if it's someone comes to the door. If it's a FaceTime or a Zoom. Or even to the door. If it's a FaceTime, I'll say Titz in your face. And if it's to the door, I'll say Titz at the door. Was your husband who went through the bathtub, was he Mr. Titz? Don't just cavalierly say, was your husband that went through the bathtub, was he Mr. Tits?

Don't just cavalierly say, was your husband that went through the bathtub? You're how painful that was for me? I'm so sorry. Have you ever watched a loved one slink down the drain never to be seen again? No. You're a scream for a mile long like this.

Ah. Splash. Has that ever happened, Zach? No, it hasn't. And if it has, I've blocked the memory. So then keep my husband Zach? No, it hasn't. And if it has, I've blocked the memory. So then keep my husband's name out of your goddamn mouth. So it is his name, his last name.

He's from... He's Tits, yes. Okay, that's the question you had to ask. Yeah, I just wanted to know. Did you keep your maiden name or was it...? Was there a discussion with you of like, I don't want to take that name or did you jump at the chance? Well, I was Broobs before.

Oh, okay. So I was going hyphen to Broobs Tits. Like Brobs? Broobs, I don't know. It's a French name. Oh, okay. So I just went Tits and my husband, my late husband's name was Big Le. Big Le?

Big Le Tits. Big Le Tits. Like Big Little Tits? No, like Le as in French, or in the article. Yeah. That makes a lot more sense. So like L-E-S. No, that's plural. It was singular, R-G article. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. So like L-E-S.

No, that's plural. It was singular, L-E. I haven't taken French, I just like that. Big Le tits. Big Le tits. Well, R-I-P, Big Le tits. Thank you. Again, with that flirty nature, Scott.

It's hard to say R-I-P, but well, be flirty. He gave me a low wink when he said R-I-P, Big Le tits. I pulled it off. All right, well, we need to get to our next guest. She's an educator. This is so exciting to have. Another woman on the podcast. Another woman on the podcast.

Can you imagine, too? I can't wait. This is incredible. Please welcome to the show Mrs. Maxie. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning.

Hi. Oh, I'm sorry. Is Mrs. Maxie, I thought. Yes, I am Mr. Gunlock. I am here filling in for Miss Maxie. She's out today. So I'm substitute. I'm a emergency certified substitute teacher. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I guess I could have. What is your name again? Mr. Gunlock. Mr. Gumball. Yeah, you can call me Mr. G if you want, Mr. Gunn, Mr. Lock, either any of those works. Mr. G is cool. That sounds cool when I say it. Yeah. I mean. What about Mr. Goo? Mr. Goo?

I've not been called that, but that can be our special thing. I like to have a special nickname with every one of the students I have in class. Oh, really? So it's like the special handshake, you know? Yes, but I'm not allowed to touch students, so I don't do that, but I do do nicknames. Is that personal to you or is that every teacher is not allowed? Every, every substitute teacher you you have three things that you're trained on. Don't touch students. That's part of the

your mandatory reporter of child abuse. And also don't touch students. Bloodborne pathogens and classroom management. Those are the three things that you're trained on to become an emergency sub. Oh, okay. And what is the emergency? What happened with Mrs. Maxine? I was really looking for her talking. You know what, if she wanted you to know that, I'm sure she would have told you.

Oh, okay. I, you know, honestly, I kind of wish she had just canceled instead of sending, I mean, do you know about what she was gonna talk about? No, you know, she didn't leave me a lesson plan or anything that I know of. But, you know, I know how to handle a classroom and I know how to handle groups of people. So I'm

gonna we're gonna use my classroom management skills to make sure everybody's doing all right. Okay. Thank you all for sitting down. Oh, sure. I mean, this is, I mean, we're adults too. So it's actually kind of kind of fun for us to sit down. It's like what you standing is worse. Whereas I think when you're a child, it's the opposite. They want to be, you know, they have so much energy. Well, what you do is you make sure you instead of calling out bad behavior, you want to make sure that you're complimenting good behavior. So I want to say thank you all for sitting down. Thank you all for behaving and being quiet. I'm sitting on Scott's lap.

When I would say that's an unwanted behavior because you're not supposed to be touching each other. I'd say over here to Zach. Thank you for not sitting on anybody's lap. Oh, no problem. No, yeah. I can I thank her for sitting on my lap because that's a behavior that I like. Well, are you trying to manage the classroom? Um, I could. Do you want me to? It's got you there, Scott.

Well, are we flirting now? A little bit. That's very inappropriate. I'm not allowed to do that at all. Okay, I'm sorry. Oh, I want to try too. Mr. Goo, is it true what they say about your goo? Oh, what do they say about my goo?

I'm not allowed to ask that. I apologize. Post stuff goo. Hey, can I talk to you for a second Margot? It's sure Mr. Gooh here Okay, look, uh, mr. Mr. G. Mr. Mr. Gunn. Yeah, hold on. I do have to take attendance. Oh, okay. Sure. Yeah Did you can ask me your question when I'm done? Yeah, yeah, whatever they want this done in the first 10 minutes. Whatever you need.

Is there Angela? I mean, there's three of us. Yeah, I can tell you who we are if I would say time. Diego? Nate, what? Diego? Diego, no.

Diego. No, Diego. Folly, Faley, it's T-H-Y-L-I. T-H-Y-L-I? T-H-A-Y-L-I. T-H-A-Y-L-I. No, there's no one, no one even like that. All right.

I can tell you their names, Zach Woods. Yeah. Marco Titz. Okay. Me. All right. Josue. No, Josue.

That's Hoseway. No, Hoseway either. All right. Okay. So it's just the three of you will do that. All right. I don't need you to tell me when someone's not here. I'll know from the silence.

I really don't think silence on a podcast is really like the optimal. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you guys were working on a podcast. No, this is why you're, no, see, Mrs. Maxine, this is not a class. This is not a class. Mrs. Maxine was a guest on the show. She was going to talk to me about how to educate young children.

And I mean, this is like, this is kind of like an NPR show. I mean, you know, Zach Woods is like a famous actor here. He's been in things like the office. You ever see the office? The office? Good wife, late, I've recurred on good wife. I don't know. Yeah.

What does that mean? It's a show starring the uncontroversial Juliana Margolies. I think he means recurred on. Yeah. What does that mean? I know the good wife. That's Christine Baransky and, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It just means you show up up but in a way that is Limited because they don't want to pay you for every episode. Yeah, you have to get your own hotel and stuff Okay. Yeah, okay. What hotel did you stay at? I think the Nickerbocker Times Square. Oh, that's a great one that place is haunted for sure Can I ask you something? How come you're because are you a shit ghost by the way? Can I ask you something? How come you're because are you a shit ghost? By the way, I'm sorry. Oh, okay. We'll talk about that later, but go ahead. Well, I just was curious. It's like, did you ever have a permanent tenure as a teacher? Were you always subbing?

No, I like to sub. It keeps my schedule free so that I can take care of my hobbies. What are your hobbies? Something ghost related, I would imagine. Something ghost related. I like to read about ghosts, track them down if I can. I collect fire. You collect fire? Sure. What does that mean? Well, I tend to fire. I'm part of a group of people who collects and tends to famous fires.

We keep them going. Famous fires like the Griffith Park fire? Yeah, I've not seen that one myself. I mean, they want to put fires out usually. Right, but they're... Or what about the one the Statue of Liberty is holding? Well, that's a bronze or something. You're gold.

Oh, I don't think it's gold. Can you help down the Statue of Liberty? I think if it was gold, we'd see a movie about that by now, for sure. This is not a bad idea for a film. Yeah, you write films. I don't. But I will. If you want me to, I can write anything.

Really? Sure. That's part of my job as a sub. I can go into any situation and take care of any. What if I were to say fade in? Oh, now I'm write anything. Really? Sure. That's part of my job as a sub. I can go into any situation and take care of any. What if I were to say, fade in? Oh, now I'm ready for, okay, fade in. Uh, the Statue of Liberty's, uh, empty torch. Is that, draw your attention in?

Yeah, it does. Interior empty torch. And you're like, I guess I wonder how this happened. Yeah. That's what the Statue of Liberty would say. I bet you're wondering how this happened. Okay. I'm going to need you to write 99% of this and I'm going to take a little bit like half the credit. Okay, you just write your name on that cover sheet will be good to go. Cover sheet is great. Yeah, sure. They use

those for reports. Oh, okay. Wonderful. So have you ever caught a ghost? No, you can't catch a ghost. Well, the why are you chasing them? Well, to look at them. Oh, OK. They should have ghost zoos where you can just go like you don't have to chase them. They're just all there. It's like birdwatching. Yeah, you're not catching the birds. You're just like you see that one and you check it off your list. Right. I've been to a go-suit, actually.

Have you really? My grandmother lives in a home. And when I walk through. That's just in there. That's an old age home. No, have you been calling it a go-suit? Yeah, I've been saying hello. I've been to go to your ghost. You say to your goats.

Ghosts now not go to do that. Something different. Ghosts do is delicious, but go through is where my grandma lives. About goats. Goatsy. I think it's in the somebody that I used to know. Great. I mean, that's a ghost. Someone you used to know. Great name. That's a ghost.

Someone you used to know. Yeah, that is true. That's so true. So how many ghosts have you seen then? I've seen upwards of two ghosts. Okay, two. And have you ever seen a famous ghost? Not that I'm aware of.

Oh, okay. I mean, I don't know. Not famous for being a ghost, but just like someone. Not the ghost of a famous person, but I don't know how fame works once someone's dead. What about Casper? Casper's the most famous famous ghost Casper's the most famous ghost? Yes? I can't think of a more famous Maybe the cast of ghosts. They're all kind of famous like Patrick Swayze Patrick Swayze is pretty famous ghost Hmm. Is that CBS show ghosts about Patrick Swayze? I think it's about Rosemek Ivor that was it's a sequel to it, right where they went in and they pitched it and they're like

You liked ghost and they drew An ass like alien and what about ghosts? Yeah. Yeah, so who were the two that you saw? I saw the the ghost of my father. Oh and then I saw the the ghost of What's the name of that guy William Howard Taft? Oh? The president? Oh, why why did you see him?

I mean, did he have- You can't ask someone why they saw a ghost. Okay, I guess, yeah, you're right. But did he have unfinished business on this earth? Well, I was at a convention. I was looking at, somebody had a piece of the triangle shirt waist fire. So it was a fire convention.

Not a ghost convention. Wait, this is all of your loves converging into that. Yeah, it happened to, that's what got me into ghost looking, is I was at this convention looking at ghosts, I mean, looking at the fire, and someone's like, you want to see something cool turned to your left. That's what Scott said to me when I first came in.

You want to see something cool? In that room over there for an indeterminate amount of time. Oh, the restroom? Can I ask you if like Margot wanted to get in touch with her husband, LaBoub? What, sorry, the, LaTits. That's right. Big LaTits. Big LaTits. Big Little Tits.

My late husband, Bathtub, got him. Oh, same as William Howard Taft. Really? The Bathtub? Yeah, he didn't go all the way down. He was it couldn't get down. Yeah, he was too big and the bathtub cracked around him. Yeah. What's the what's the name of a baby that grows too big and overdeveloped baby?

Yeah. Uh, I don't that's not my area of specialty. Is it different species? Maybe you crossed it over and learning about it. I guess Butterball. I don't know if I had to guess. OK. So she wants to contact him. Like, what's the first step if you're chasing it goes?

Well, the first step when you're chasing it goes, you want to get start where they died. OK, that's the bathtub. Right. And then you do concentric circles out. Well, the bathtub's up against the wall. OK. Well, I mean, you can go outside. Ghosts can travel, right? OK. They can go through walls. Yeah, but humans

can't. Right. They have to be attached to something when they die for them to be a ghost. So William Howard Taft was attached to his bathtub. That's when I looked to the side that guys like want to see something cool. I looked over and it was a bathtub. Oh, so he had brought the bathtub with him. It was William Howard Taft in the bathtub. Wow. He was like, you want to see something cool? It's me. Taft-hub. Yeah.

Interesting. So was he showing, was it like cordoned off so no one else at this convention could see it or could anyone just turn their head and look at it? Well, I say convention. This is people we're meeting up in places that are sort of secret. We're not really allowed to carry these fires around.

Yeah, I was gonna say like, if you were to go to the San Diego Convention Center and light a bunch of fires, that would be. We don't light fires. We keep them lit. Just keep them going. Yes. Okay. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I've seen the Chicago fire. So the Chicago fire is still going? The one that that old cow started? Yeah. Sometimes we sometimes at the conventions, they get out or we let them out.

You know, that fire that shut down the 10 for you? That was the Chicago fire. That was, really? Yeah. So it just traveled over. That's right. Amazing. Wow.

I've had teachers who at times have been mean to me. And I guess I've had a hard time relating to their side of it. But you probably in the lounge talk to the other teachers, like, for example, okay, right? I, I have piano teacher who told me that I would always be sloppy. In terms of your piano playing or in terms of general appearance and your sort of work, it was kind of she took from she ascribe slaviness to my piano playing and extrapolated

to all the things you just said, you're going to be sloppy, you're a sloppy person, you'll always be sloppy. Why do you think she said that? Well, now, I don't know how to teach anybody anything. Oh. Okay. I manage classroom behavior. I make sure that everyone who's in the classroom when it starts is there at the end of class

and nobody gets hurt along the way. Oh, I see. So you don't, I mean, what does Mrs. Maxie even teach? Do you know the subject? Um, oh, let's see. Let's see. Please don't start taking attendance again. Yeah.

But also, can we talk about attendance? Because there was quite a few missing kids in your class. Yeah. Well, this one seems to care about. Is there a Vladislava? No, you don't. See, all these kids are at school right now. I guess.

Oh, and you're here. If there is a Vladislava, Nadoski, Napaesana Zadania. That's a message I'm supposed to give to Vladislava. Really, and you're here. If there is a Vladislava, Nadosky, Napaesana, Zadania. That's a message I'm supposed to give to Vladislava. Really? Now you're giving messages? Yeah. Nadosky, Napaesana, Zadania for Miss Maxie. Oh, okay. No, I mean, Miss Maxie, I think she was taking an hour off to come do this podcast. Oh. And was going to tell us about her area of expertise, whatever she teaches the kids. I got you, because I'm supposed to be in history.

Okay, so she's history. So she was gonna teach us about history. Well, she's got English history. I do it, I found she did leave me some lesson plans here. Yeah. Is there anything about English history? Thank you for taking out your computer, Scott. Yeah, no, this is what I record the show on.

Is there anything about history you can teach us because I feel like this is a waste of a segment. Oh, sorry about that. Let me just dig right in. You're supposed to be doing today we're going to work on ancient China, Ed puzzle. You guys know that? Are you familiar with an Ed puzzle?

How to do an Ed puzzle? No, no, if you take out your, if everyone has out their computers like Scott, you can look it up on Schoology. School is that a website? We're going to dig into the ancient China interactive silk road map that's on Google slides. Doogy is that a website? And then we're gonna dig into the ancient China interactive Silk Road map that's on Google slides. Do you guys have that? I found something for Ed got erectile dysfunction

in Silk Road map. I got something on 4chan for Silk Road Underground. Okay, so just start clicking on that. Okay. We'll see what that comes in. I don't like you clicking on that. When Margo finds it, she's gonna let the rest of you know, she'll share that to everybody else. Yeah, I don't know. I have this. When Margot finds it, she's gonna let the rest of you know, she'll share that to everybody else.

Yeah, I don't know. I have, right now I'm on, I think Michael Barbaro sexy pose. Is that, does that have anything to do with your lesson plan? Is that an ancient China? It's supposed to let you know. You need to do this Kahoot on ancient China. And this is a graded assignment.

It's really important that I remind you guys, this is a graded assignment and you're not going to get points unless you complete the entire assignment. So you don't know anything about any subject matter? I know how to get onto schoology and I know how to find the folders. And I can't look at it though. So I can get you guys to the assignment. You guys can work on it, but I can't answer any questions about it. Okay.

So this is just, this is a waste. I, I, well, maybe we can teach you something. Do you know how to tell the difference between what could be a raisin or what could be a raising kid? Um, well, I mean, the only way that I can think of is to hold them under water. That's one way. Here's another that I haven't shared yet. Oh, take it, take the raisin, hold it at hip height, drop it on the

ground. If it bounces a little bit in any direction, that's a kid you had. If it falls flat and what you've killed it now. Okay. That seems bounces a little bit in any direction. That's a kid you had if it falls flat and Well, you've killed it now. Okay. That seems like a reliability in terms of the test. It's a last resort This is a drowning the witch kind of situation where you know, no, it's not like that. It's not at all No, it's different. Well, I'm not certain with me right now I'm not certified for early childhood, you know, I do K through 12. That's it. Okay I don't deal with raising kids. Then between the two of us, we've got all our bases covered. Because I've never even,

you know, I've never seen a raising kid become a raising adult. And if I do, I will call you. Holy moly. So they all pass away? Well, they're just on the, they're at large, even though they're so small, which is ironic. It's very ironic. You can also sing to a reason. And if it falls asleep, that's a reason. How would we know it's asleep? I mean, if it's an inanimate reason. You can look so close for the rise and fall of the chest. Okay, I don't know. Oh, where's the chest on a raisin?

Okay, pervert. Just because I'm Margot Titz doesn't mean I can locate the chest on everything. Well, I apologize. I apologize. Which, by the way, if you ever see a woman's nipples through a shirt, it's not nipples. It's two raisins and they're puppeteering her body like Ratatouille. What? Are you sure? I'm not shitting you.

I think I've seen some like sports illustrated swimsuit editions. Those girls are in trouble. Oh no. They bought a box of raisin brands. Raisin got loose in the house, got into the bikini and now is kind of controlling the body. Like they probably didn't even want to be in that photo shoot. They might have been like, like, yeah. Of course they exploit women Like they probably didn't even want to be in that photo shoot. They might have been like, yeah. Of course they exploit women.

Yeah, why would they want to be in a photo shoot? So these are like misogynist little raisin babies? Well, they do it to men too. Have you ever seen a man in like a golfing shirt? Sure, all constantly. Couple reasons on the chest. And they're piloting them like two pilots in Pacific Rim? That's exactly right.

Oh, right. Why are they so bad, these raisin babies? They're diabolical, I told you. But what happened? Yeah, is it nature? Is it nurture? I think it's a bit of both because when they are in the hospital incubator, they had training from Professor X, who's not related to the X-Men trilogy.

Oh, so not the X-Men, not the Patrick Stewart character. No, no. He's just a regular bald man in a wheelchair and he was teaching the Raisins how to get strong to go out in the world. But their training was interrupted by me, who took them to the Galax factory and then they were introduced to the world before their training was finished so now they have power but they don't have responsibility.

I see, so he's training them, you don't know, you're just a field trip person. You're just a field trip person. Hey, I relate to that. Yeah, right? Okay, so you guys are very similar. We are. You have a lot in common.

We do. And I have to say, I am married. So I don't know if this thing that we have, obviously we have something very combustible. You want me to hop off your lap? Yeah, okay. Could you do mind? Hey, do you mind if I hop on yours?

Whoa, okay, that's fine. Zach, thanks for not flirting with anybody. Oh, I've been flirting. It's just, I've been flirting. Oh, that's flirting to you? Yeah, I just don't, I'm not that great at it. Yeah. Oh, sorry.

I have a hard time. You're doing great, pal. But I think, honestly, are you with anyone? No, I keep myself free from my hobbies. You do? Okay. No wives or dead wives? Anything like that? No, I have a trail of failed girlfriends. Oh, they failed. Me. They failed. They failed me. That's right. I have high standards. Well, you know, it seems like we have two available single people who are, you know, very available and and looking for love, perhaps. And so if you want to go on a second date, we'll pay for it. You will?

You sure? Where will you send us? Where have you been in the world? Where would you like to go? Maybe the Statue of Liberty's torch? Yeah, let's go check that out. We can write that off as well as a business expense because we're going to make oodles off of this screenplay. If I'm paying for it, I don't know if you're going to write it off as a business expense,

but whatever you need to do. Well, I'll double dip if I can. Sure. Do you feel like that's a key feature of your date planning is tax savings and stuff? Quite a bit. Yeah. Quite a bit because they're not thinking that way. My dates, my failed girlfriends, I'm always finding out they are not considering the financial repercussions of our dates.

And do you feel like the same thing with like where you have to keep fires alive in a literal way? Like that that's your sole responsibility with your partners? Well, I think... What? Like you know how you have to keep fires alive? That is by the way the perfect comedy bang bang answer. Well, I think... What? That says it all.

Zach, I think there's something about your conversational skills. Do you mind if I ask you a question? How do you stay so impossibly unflirtable? Again, I just want to be really clear. I'm trying to flirt right now. I just don't know what the signifiers are. No, it's just not even possible to do it with you. It feels as if you've got an iron wall, the great wall of China,

not to bring it back to the Silk Road, but around your sort of chemistry. You're an impenetrable wall. It's like, you know how people just ooze chemistry or a cheese moe? Yeah, yeah, sure. It's like a reverse ooze. Is there a word for a reverse ooze?

It's like you're ankles. You don't have much cheese moe, you have nacho cheese moe. So will you guys teach me? Because I really would like to be better at this than I just have, I have nacho cheese moe. we just guys teach me because I really would like to be better at this than I just have nacho cheese moment. I just, it's easy to flirt with. First you got to start an argument.

Of course. You got to pretend you hate each other. You've seen the beginning of our rom-com. Sure. Oh, new guy at the office. He's a real prick. I hate him until the day I drop my papers and he helps me pick him up, but I'm embarrassed that he helped me with we touched fingertips.

Nice. Yeah. They have you ever done anything like that? Like dropped anything? Uh, I've dropped things before, but it's never been the source of like a pick them up, but I'm embarrassed that he helped me. We touched fingertips. Nice. Yeah. Have you ever done anything like that? Like dropped anything? I've dropped things before, but it's never been the source of like a budding romance. But I've started.

Well, can I ask you something? Are you dropping things when you're alone? Cause that could be the problem. Yeah, mostly it's when I'm by myself. So try to do it around someone. Okay. My advice is need help. Yeah.

Need help. Be somewhere where the person you want to flirt with can see you and be in need of help. Yeah. Like, like, oh, I can pick up those papers for you or oh, I can change that tire for you. Like constantly be in a state of duress. Well, I spent a whole New Year's Eve walking around in the bitter cold with no coat and only a tuxedo jacket crying and like no one said, no one flirted with me. This is prime flirt. Yeah, I don't know. I think the problem is you because I see that happening.

I'm in there. I'm flirting. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it problem is you. Because I see that happening. I'm in there, I'm flirting. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it is about you. I had someone told me, I remember reading as like someone said Marilyn Monroe, you wanted to protect her, but you also wanted to. Fuck her.

Yes, that I believe was the quote. And you also wanted to watch her movies? Boobies. Sorry, I meant movies. Yeah. Okay guys, look, we can talk about this all day, but we are running out of time. We really only have time for one final feature on the show.

And of course that final feature is a little something we call plugs. Open up the blood plug back Open up the Bud-Blood-Bad Ooh, okay, very abrupt ending. That was Open Up the Butt Plug Bag by Molly Bang. Thank you to Molly Bang, a very spacey ethereal entrant here in our plugs themes. But thank you to Molly Bang. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBworld.com slash plugs and submit it along with your remixes of our closing up the plug bag theme.

And what are we plugging? Obviously, Zach in the know out now on Peacock. I promise. It is. Yeah. Can I ask if people go on Peacock and it's not up there? Are you willing to? Personally, apologize and do something. Yeah, go to their houses.

Yeah, do whatever you need. Yeah, really, whatever would satisfy the situation. You'll correct the situation, whatever it is. Okay, great. Anything else going on? Or anything coming up aside from that? Or should we just focus on this? No, focus relentlessly and exclusively on that. Great. And people should not watch the holdovers. I really, if nothing else, I don't, to be totally frank, I don't care if you watch it in the know, but if you watch the holdovers,

may bad fortune hound you to the end of your days. Great, okay, perfect. Margot Titz, what do you wanna plug? Now, I wish I could go back in time and plug that damn bathtub dream and save my husband But unfortunately, I can that life has no rewind button. No, it doesn't click or something Oh, you like the movie cat. What do you like the movie? Just a kiss me Scott. I didn't I'm not Okay, I'd like to plug I'm doing a show at the Largo on February 23rd with the Raisin kids

We're in an improv group called Dinosaurs, me and a couple Raisin Kids. Oh, how cool. And then last but not least, certainly do not fucking watch the holdovers. Yeah, whatever you do, don't watch the holdovers. And Mr. G, Mr. Goo, what are we plugging? Oh, well, you know, if you're going on to Peacock, you can check out AP Bio, which was canceled a few years ago, but it's got a whole bunch of people pretending to be teachers, much like myself.

And that's a lot of fun. You can check that out. And, oh, there's a podcast called Those Who Ant, which I don't have anything to do with, but it's a very funny podcast. Those Who Ant. Those Who Ant. Like the movie ants?

No, like the- Which is of course B movie? Your parents' sisters. Oh, those who, like, aunt. Correct. But it's less funny if you say those who aunt. Well, it's most funny if you listen. Oh, okay, so people should listen to it instead of just saying it.

Correct. Okay, great. I want to plug, look, obviously, I want to plug CBB World head over there for the past episodes of this show, all the archives, add free episodes of this show, as well as new material. We have my movie show, Scott hasn't seen. We have a CBB Presents with shows like Hey Randy

and Who Me with the Batman. And we have Neighborhood Listen, so many shows over there. So head over to CBBworld.com. But I have a big announcement here, and this is the first time we're announcing it. So this is very exciting. We've been working on it for quite a few months.

Coming this February, Comedy Bang Bang action figures. That's right, by FC Toys, 3.75 inch action figures. The first two figures available, Scott Ockerman, that's me and J.W. Stillwater. That's right. These are the first two that are going to be available. J. W. Stillwater's figure comes with a cloth cape accessory. The figures will be shipping in February, unlikely before Valentine's Day. If you're one of these weirdos who's like trying to get their loved one, two figures of us, they are available worldwide at shop.figurecollections.com with free shipping to a US address or in Europe with cheaper import fees at actionfigureseller.com. You can pre-order the Scott Ackerman

and J.W. Stillwater figures right now at shop.figurecollections.com. Bundle deals are available and you never know, we're gonna be releasing these two at a time, you're gonna wanna collect them all. We've been planning this out for a while and we've been designing them. It's a great team over there who are fans of the show designing all the people that you want.

So that's going to be really cool, I think. So yeah, check those out. Please don't bring those to class. Yeah, you don't wanna to get them confiscated. Definitely. Would you confiscate something like that? Absolutely. Keep them in your bag, please, with your cologne bottles and your phones.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag. What is it? What is it? What is it? Hello? What is it? What is it? Hello? What is it? What is it? Hello? What is it? What is it? Hello?

What is it? What is it? Oh, nice and short. Thank you so much. That was What Is It by William Byrne. Thank you to William Byrne. And hey guys, I want to thank you so much. Zach, great to have you on the show.

Thank you, Scott. In the know, continued success to you. I hope to watch those other five episodes whenever I have an appropriate amount of time. I don't wanna fast forward through them. I wanna watch them at regular speed. Whatever speed you want, Scott, it works at least. I could do 1.5 speed?

I wish you would. Everything should be at 1.5. I lead a 1.5 speed life. I think everything should be. And look, Mr. G, Mr. Goo, great having you on the show. Please, can you tell Mrs. Maxie we would rather she just cancel instead of sending a sub? Is that a-

I will never meet her. Okay. I get a robo call that tells me where to show up. Can you leave like a note on her desk or anything like that? Yes, I got subnotes, I'll do that. Okay, yeah, that would be great. And then of course, Margot Titz. Of course.

Of course. Titz in your face. Please check your poop for raisins. I mean, check your raisin brand, of course, for raisins, but... Check your raisin brand for poop. Honestly. Like, have you ever been eaten raisin brand? Have you ever been eaten raisin brand?

And then suddenly there's poop in there? Suddenly there's poop in there. That... this is good standup material. Do you want to do a duo act? So apparently I was reheating raisin brand the other day. Okay, that's gonna be it. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye!