Comedy of the Week - Brian & Roger

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

This is episode 1 of the latest series of Brian & Roger, titled Carla.There’s not much that could quell Roger’s positive mood; he’s got a plan for a very special bonding activity with his teenage son Jamie and Brian may be able to help. There’s romance on the cards too but he'll need some dating advice...Brian & Roger are friends that met at a support group for divorced men. Both are starting again, both are finding it hard. One of them is nice.To hear more episodes from this series, search "Brian and Roger" on BBC Sounds.Written and performed by Harry Peacock and Dan Skinner. Produced by Joel Morris and Sally Harrison. Music by Bach, arranged by Hywel Davies. Hywel Davies (piano), Luke Belcher (bass), Tilly Tremayne (vocals).Executive Producer: Johnny Vegas A Woolyback production for BBC Radio 4

Brian and Roger are friends. They met at a support group for divorced men. Roger was genuinely grieving the loss of his marriage. Brian was attending on the advice of his solicitor to avoid paying alimony. Both are starting again. Both are finding it hard. One of them is nice. Hello Brian.

It's Roger here. I hope you're okay, mate. I haven't spoken in a little while. I'm okay. just a bit of a difficult time of year, you know, anniversary of the divorce, brings up, you know, all sorts of emotions. I miss Jamie terribly and Claire, obviously, but just not seeing Jamie day to days is very tough, you know. Anyway, I was watching race across the world last night.

It's a brilliant show about couples racing around the world for money. It's really, really tough. You have to sleep on buses and milk cows and, you know, you have to try and communicate with the locals without phone as well. And the couples on the show usually end up forming these incredible bonds, you know, having been through this tough experience. Anyway, the reason I mention it is that I spotted someone in the credits called Jane Kildum. And didn't you go out with somebody who worked in telly called Jane Kildun? Have I got that right? I only asked because I would love to apply to go on the show for that.

me and Jamie because I think it would be a great sort of bonding experience for us. Anyway, if you do know Jane and you could put in a word for us, I would be forever in your debt, mate. Thanks a lot. Bye-bye. Hi, Roger. It's Brian.

Jane killed on. Christ. I didn't go out with her, mate. She hospitalised me. In a good way. It's good pain. I used to take her to a dungeon in Cross. I think it was. But I met her pitching an Antiques Daytime reality show.

If you didn't sell your item in time, you were punished physically. You know, it was frantic and informative, like one of those Japanese game shows from the 80s. It was a great idea, but they didn't go for it because they're thick. But she was very into me. Must have been giving off those pherombs because she was very grabby under the table during the pitch meeting. Anyway, we had sex in the disabled loo after the meeting

And after that it was the dungeon Which was great But then she got very needy I want to rid of her She wouldn't take no for an answer and she kept bloody calling And she thought we were playing some sort of controlling sex game But we weren't And in the end I had to tell I was moving to Singapore

But she found me again In a pub in a kneeling And it all got very messy But yes, yes, she's a big deal in TV now. I did know that. So it must be the same person. Look, I could get back in touch with her if you like, but it's a bit of a risk mate. Although I'm willing to do it. However, if I do, there is something I would need you to do for me in return, if you don't mind. All right. Cheers, Roger. Bye. Hello, Brian. It's Roger here. Yes, I thought I wasn't going mad. I remember you

telling me that you did, you know, those sort of things with her and went to those events. But look, if you could get back in touch with her, mate, you know, I'll do whatever it is that you need me to do, you know, no problem. It's been such a struggle with me and Jamie, you know, recently. So, you know, the opportunity to go around the world with him would be just utterly amazing. So, yes, just tell me what you need to do, mate. Okay, speak soon. Bye-bye. Hi, Raj, it's Brian. That's great. That's great, Roj. Thanks, mate.

Ironically, I'm in a similar situation to the one I was in with Kildun. And it occurred to me that Bar Linda, who I think I did love at one point, mother of my children. Yeah. So, you know, there's a pattern here, which brings me to Ava. She's a Polish lady that I met at a bus stop. a couple of months ago. Nice girl, strong, but it was only ever a short-term thing for me, and she will not take the hint. And I really don't want to go through what I went through with Kildan again. So I wondered if you wouldn't mind calling her and telling her that I've got a terminal illness. It'll take you five minutes. Max. Cheers, Roger. Thanks. Bye-bye.

Hello, Brian. It's Roger here. Oh, God, I'm sorry about either, mate. That sounds a bit tricky. And yeah, obviously, I'd love to help you. But I don't know if I can tell her you've got a terminal illness, mate. I'd find that really quite difficult. Could you not tell her that you're moving to Singapore? Try that?

You know, I'll tell her that happily. I want to help you if you're going to help me with Jane Kildun but I would find that uncomfortable okay mate speak soon Hi Roger it's Brian

what a shame What a shame I text to Kildan Well I WhatsApp her And she got straight back to me And she got straight back to me and reminded me That the last time I saw her in person I was hanging upside down in a nappy.

She was keen to meet, but I'm afraid, old boy, and I want to be very straight with you. I'm not prepared to butter her up and get back into her life and start asking favours unless you tell Ava, I've got three months to live, and I'm heading to Zurich to end things. Okay, thanks, Roger.

Bye. Hello, Brian. It's Roger here. Well, that's It's great news that she's been in touch, though, and you'll speak to her. Yeah, it sounds like you two used to be very, very close.

Okay, mate, well, you know, I'll, yeah, I'll just have to bite the bullet and tell Eva you've got a terminal illness. I hope she's all right about it, though. I tell you when I'm done it. Okay mate, speak soon. Hello, Brian. It's Roger again. I just have one more

sort of friendly favour to ask. I've actually met somebody myself. She's a security guard at the benefits office I go to. She's called Carla. And she's really, really sweet. And there's definitely sort of butterflies between us. anyway naturally I don't trust my own judgment so I would really

really appreciate it if you could meet her mate with me and I really love your opinion just to see you know if you think that she's long term material for me

you know obviously I hope Claire doesn't mind and okay mate let me know by Hi Roger it's Brian look

Claire has clearly moved on and I think you should do yourself a favour and you should accept this and do the same I think it was Sigmund Freud who said fuck as many people as possible although a security guard Roger a benefits office it's hardly the folly Bejere

also Roj Ava is still phoning me so I'm guessing you haven't told her I'm terminally ill yet. Can you crack on with that, please? And then we can get the ball rolling on Carla, who I'm happy to meet, and obviously race across the world.

All right, mate. Bye-bye. Hi, Raj. It's Brian. Look, Ava is still fucking calling me. Can you just fucking tell her? Just tell her I've got a fucking terminal illness. It's easy. You're not curing malaria, for fact's sake. It'll take five minutes.

Quicker than a wank in a public toilet. All right, thanks in advance. Thanks, Raj. Bye. Hello, Brian, it's Roger here. So I called Eva, mate, and I broke the news. It was awful. Yeah, awful.

I did it in Sainsbury's in the cheese aisle, because that's just where I found myself. Yeah, and she screamed down the phone so loudly that everyone else in the aisle could hear her. So I had to run out of the shop with my basket, and then the security guard grabbed me, still trying to placate either and security guard is trying to drag me back into the shop and she's wailing down the phone and eventually she hung up and so i explained to security guard that i wasn't

shoplifting and about the call that i'd had to to make and he just said yeah that's not my problem mate but but why the fuck did you do that in sainsbury's and i couldn't really answer that question um anyway it's done so yeah look if you could let me know a good time to meet with Carla and me, that would be great. Okay, mate, speak soon. Bye-bye. Hi, Roger. It's Brian.

Look, I just wanted to double down on what I said to you earlier. Carla does seem a very interesting and attractive woman, but too vulnerable, I'm afraid. I think you'd cancel each other out. It wouldn't work. It's a non-starter. So, sorry, it's not. the news you wanted. But yeah.

Okay. Cheers, Roger. Speak soon. Hello, Brian. It's Roger here. Yeah, okay, mate. It's quite tough to take only because I really, really like her, you know, and there was there's definitely a spark.

But I think probably deep down I think I probably know that you're right to sensitive people together just I think I don't yeah it might not work out as you say

yeah it's it's a shame but thanks for coming mate and meeting her with me I am very upset but as I say deep down I think you're right I'm just going to have to lock the door on it

I think and just walk away. But thanks again, mate. I appreciate your opinion. Bye-bye. Hello, Brian. It's Roger here. Mate, I'm not quite sure what's happened here, but I had an extremely angry phone call from Eva, your ex, and she's furious because she said she saw you in the corner of a pub snogging a female security guard. So I was just wondering. if that was true, you know, just in case she calls again, just so I know what to say.

Okay, mate. Thanks. Bye. Hello, Raj. It's Brian. I had a nanny growing up in Wiltshire in the late 70s, early 80s. She was a shy girl from Southampton. On her deathbed, she told me a story.

She told me she'd fall. in love once with a sailor called Dennis, they planned to run away together. And they arranged to meet outside a cafe opposite Salisbury Station at five in the morning one Sunday. So she packed her bag quietly the night before and left a letter to my mother and myself explaining what she was doing. She got to the cafe at 10 to 5 and waited. At 6.30, She realized he wasn't coming and she returned to the house, took the letter and put it in the bin, unpacked and then prepared breakfast and laid out my Sunday best for church. The reason I'm telling you this, Roger, is to explain that love is painful and that in bedding Carla, I've done you a huge favour. I promise you, she will only have broken your heart.

Cheers, Roch. Speak soon. Brian and Roger is written and performed by Harry Peacock and Dan Skinner. The producers are Joel Morris and Sally Harrison. It's a Woolleyback production for BBC Radio 4. If you enjoyed that episode of Comedy of the Week, you can hear more on BBC Sounds. Just search Brian and Roger. Political language can seem archaic.

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and I'll be exploring the verbal tricks of the political trade, the intentions behind them and the effect they have on all of us. The new series of Strong Message Here with me, Amanda Unucci, from BBC Radio 4. Listen now on BBC Science.