Comedy of the Week - Do Gooders

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Garrett Millerick’s Do Gooders is a new ensemble sitcom that takes us behind the charity curtain and mines the numerous frustrations that come with trying to ‘do good’ on an industrial scale. With Frank Skinner, Fay Ripley, Lisa McGrillis, Ahir Shah and Ania Magliano.The series follows the exploits of the fundraising events team at a fictional mid-level charity, The Alzheimers Alliance. Fundraising for this kind of mid-table organisation comes with its own unique set of challenges, be it setting up eye catching events, courting celebrity endorsement or juggling the inter charity politics.And while certainly not languishing on the lowest rungs of the charity league table, Alzheimers hasn’t got the dazzling sheen or the pulling power of a cancer charity, nor does it capture the public’s sympathies in the way lifeboats or guide dogs do.If Cancer Research is Coca-Cola, Alzheimers Alliance is Lilt. A cracking drink, but they’ve got to work hard to remind people they exist - or face total extinction.Episode One - The Team Player Clive has one day to prove to Harriett that he can be a team player, or risk losing his status as a manager. Lauren and Ken battle it out over the new hot desking arrangements and Gladys introduces the new hire Achi to the peculiarities of life at The Alzheimers Alliance.Cast: Lauren – Ania Magliano Gladys – Lisa McGrillis Clive – Garrett Millerick Harriett – Fay Ripley Achi – Ahir Shah Ken – Frank SkinnerWriter – Garrett Millerick Sound Engineer – David Thomas Editor – David Thomas Production Assistant – Jenny Recaldin Producer – Jules Lom Executive Producers – Richard Allen-Turner, Daisy Knight, Julien Matthews, Jon ThodayAn Avalon production for BBC Radio 4

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. $10 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you, Rogers. It's summer in Britain, and the crimes are just getting started. I found another body. Stream the best of British crime drama only on BritBox. Don't miss new seasons of acclaimed series like Blue Lights,

which Time Out calls Belfast's answer to the wire. Back up, back up, over. And The Responder, starring Martin Freeman in his international Emmy award-winning role I can feel it. I'm gonna crack stream the best of British crime drama on Brit box You know, this is why I want to be a detective watch with a free trial today BBC sounds music radio podcasts Clive why do you work in the charity sector?

I was told it would be rewarding and isn't it no it's like being trapped at a dinner party sat next to a primary school teacher It's fancy dress Friday here at the Alzheimer's Alliance And yet you have declined to participate for the 53rd week in a row. Harriet compulsory fancy dress wasn't in my employment contract. Look out at the office a scene of happy people do you know why they're happy? I know this one it's that thing about bliss and ignorance isn't it? It's because they're being a team.

Exactly, I'm team manager. The team manager wears a suit, a nice suit. It's not just that though, is it? And explain to me why you refused to go on your own Brecon Beacons Bike Ride Challenge last weekend. I'm not the outdoorsy type. You're the fundraising manager for outdoor challenge events.

Okay, I'll give you that one. You're just not a team player, Clive. Why didn't you sign Helen's birthday card? Because I don't know who she is. Why do you refuse to play in the Inter-Office Rounders League? Because it's baseball for fannies. Why do you repeatedly insist on sitting on your own at lunch like some sort of disgraced

monk? The sound of other people chewing gives me violent thoughts. As a manager, I expect... Is all this actually in my contract? Muff-ty day, birthday cards, buggering up a hill on a Saturday outside of contracted hours? No, but I... Then I'll tell you what I told my nephew at his last birthday party. I put up with a lot of shit round here,

but if you force me to wear fancy dress, I will sue you. Do Gooders by Garrett Millerick Starring Anya Magliano, Lisa McGillis, Garrett Millerick, Faye Ripley, Ahir Shah and Frank Skinner This week, the team player. Lauren, if you're going to dress as a ghost, could you not pace around my desk? I feel like Pac-Man. Gladys, they're doing it again.

Why am I always expected to play the class prefect? The boys, they're not hot-desking. To be fair to them, they have moved to the other corner. The boys all sitting together creates a patriarchal power structure. There's only two of them. But what are they planning? Nothing. Ken's picking his teeth with a mouse mat and it looks like Clive's writing abuse on Cliff Richard's Facebook page again.

Gladys, you have to sort this out. But it's got nothing to do with me. I manage digital fundraising events. That doesn't involve policing a game of musical chairs. Well, if that memo is to be believed, you'll be put in charge of a whole department. I think I'd sooner manage an Airbnb for Joseph Fritzel. Joe, nice evening, Ken.

Not really. My wife accused me of burning down my shed. Wouldn't let it go. Why would you burn down your own shed? Oh, don't you start. You got anything exciting in the pipeline? Just running out the clock. I meant at work today, not life in general.

Oh, God, here comes Casper, the perpetually furious ghost. I'm out the clock. I'm in to work today, not life in general. Oh, God, here comes Casper, the perpetually furious ghost. Morning, Lauren. I like your bed sheet. You're meant to be an American racist. I'm a ghost. Nice to see you making an effort. What are you meant to be? Estate agents? No, we've come dressed as the patriarchy. It's quite like being a ghost.

Yeah, everyone's worst nightmare. No, they're both made-up things people like to talk about on podcasts. You're supposed to be hot-desking. We are. This one's so hot, Ken's liable to try and buy it dinner. I could be tempted. It's got nicer legs than my wife. LAUGHTER Making comments like that does still count as harassment. Then we shall eagerly await the desk's email to HR. How are you, my manager?

Administrative Darwinism. Well, it's not for much longer. We're about to be equals. You not read this memo? What's that, a fax? Is it 1995? It's a leaked document. I'm hardly going to tweet it. Didn't you get fired from your last job for that sort of thing? Insider trading. No, I did a tweet about a stock I was shorting.

The market turned. It's complicated. And I didn't get fired for that. No, it was the two billion quid you lost in an hour. You Guardian readers love to exaggerate. It was two hundred and seventy 279 million in four hours. Now give me that bloody memo. Sorry, my mistake. Here you are.

This is not good. Non-essential. How dare they? I'm glad she's leaving to run this place. Not personable. Poor communication. I suppose. Shut up, Ken, I'm reading. Ill-mannered. Your problem is you think with your nice suit and condescending manner

You're bringing this whole sort of like Lord sugar vibe. Thank you, but your energy is actually way more farther in law at the stag do You can't speak to me like that on your'm your boss. For now. Don't worry about it Clive, it just says the department's may be being merged and Gladys may be being put in charge. As she's a bit more of a team player. I'm surprised Harriet didn't bring it up. We got sidetracked. What am I going to do? This is a disaster.

So I'm being fired. Demoted. Which is fair enough. In the last four years you've raised less money than the vending machine. No! There was a pandemic blip. Fundraising wasn't exactly impossible. What about Captain Tom? We're an Alzheimer's charity.

The entire point is to stop confused old people wandering around their gardens. So, Achi, we're really excited to have you join the team. LAUGHTER So, Achi, we're really excited to have you join the team. Have you had much previous experience of the charity sector? I'm doing November. Yes. Yes, I can see that you're certainly having a good stab tip. Oh, oh, and I did the ice bucket challenge. Oh, that's great. Who for? How much did you raise? My mate Darren, on his Insta, we raised 300 likes.

Yes, yeah, to be fair, most people miss the point of that one. Anything else? I did Dry January. And who's that for? Me, really. I fell down a flight of stairs on Darren's stag do and fractured my skull, so I thought it was for the best. Hi, Clive Brennan, head of events. Was there something that you wanted, Clive?

Yes, I want to orientate the new hire. Now, in just three words, pitch me your motivation index for being on my team. Er, OK. Need. Any. Job. Okay, um, need... any... job. Welcome to the third sector.

I'm sorry, actually. You'll have to forgive Clive. He's just read the new Elon Musk book. We're hoping this is just a phase. I love Elon Musk. Do you lean more Tesla or SpaceX? Oh, it's sort of quite funny on Rogan. Oh, perfect. This is very encouraging.

Don't you think it'd be better if I did the orientation? No, honestly. Coming to work dressed as Wonder Woman and suddenly everyone thinks you're in charge. I'm Captain Marvel. Yes, so I've read. Apologies for how everyone is dressed, by the way, actually. Oh, fancy dress Friday, she said. That's a good point.

So have you got something awful to wear? I've got my gym kit. That'll do. The boss says dressing like you're actually going to achieve something is bad for esprit de corps. Gladys? Oh Christ! Lauren, you can't just sneak up on people dressed like that. Oh sorry.

I mean what if I'd had an elderly supporter with me? I mean, you could have killed someone. What's wrong? The boys, they're still doing it. How can you work under these circumstances? Evidently, I can't. Who's that in the conference room? His name is Achi.

He's joining us as an assistant in the events team. You can't hire him. We have a one-in, one-out policy on men in the office. LAUGHTER You can't hire him. We have a one in, one out policy on men in the office. No, we don't. Well, it's unofficial, but it's essential. Lauren. The charity industry is one of the few industries in the world where women dominate.

Well, aside from sex work, and that's basically... Yes, thank you, Lauren. You know, I don't need another podcast. I'll speak to them. There's been another complaint. We moved to a different corner. Just move? I mean, hotdesking is supposed to help people make friends. You can't make new friends at my age.

We're just trying to integrate. You took away our toilet. We just made the toilets unisex. I'm of a generation that can't de-clench if there are ladies in the room. Yes, Ken, yes, we've all read your letters. Yes, we've all read your letters. LAUGHTER Clive, I can't actually achieve anything

because I'm stuck with people moaning at me all day about problems that I can't solve. Well, you do work in a charity. LAUGHTER The hot-desking, Clive. I just want to stop the endless complaints. It's only Lauren. No, it's not just Lauren. It is. I've read the WhatsApp conversations. What's only Lauren. No, it's not just Lauren.

It is, I've read the WhatsApp conversations. Well, you've hacked her WhatsApp. No, I was added to the team WhatsApp years ago, but I never engage, so people forget I'm there. They renamed it the Women's Alzheimer's Chat, which is amusingly pressing. Ken's not even anything to do with your department. You've just adopted him like an old dog.

Why? I found Help the Aged's last campaign very moving. Well, you could at least help manage him. I do. It's jazz management. It's subtle. It's between the notes. We've got our presentation to do. I haven't got time to run a daycare centre. Presentation? Oh, my God. For God's's sake Clive, read your emails. If I read all my emails I'd never get any important work done.

Well how are you supposed to know what's important if you don't read your emails? Someone will tell me, like just now. Well what would you do if we suddenly stopped talking to you? Oh Gladys, don't tease me with promises you can't keep. We're presenting to Harriet and the board our upcoming fundraising proposal. Right, yes. No problem. Loads of ideas in the file.

They need to be costed and viable, not just thinly-veiled excuses for you to go on holiday. I mean, your last presentation looked like an advert for Thomas Cook. Hey, my Val d'Azaire-sponsored ski trip would really help raise awareness. When I was younger, fellas were fellas. Okay, there were exceptions.

Lola in the kink song being a notable example. But there wasn't the minefield you get now. Oh, erm... Hello, Gladys. Lauren. I was just saying to the ladies... See, he's still talking about it. Nobody can get any work done. Two people from accounts were in tears in the toilet.

All right, Lauren. I said I'd speak to him. Is there a problem? Ah, I was just wondering if you could maybe lighten the chat a little. Just, you know, fear of voicing opinions that, well, actually, just fear of opinions. Thank you. Would anyone like a pickled roll mop? A what?

It's pickled herring. Fish? Oh my good god. How are you settling in, Hatchy? Can you tell me what I'm actually supposed to be doing here? No. I don't work in the events team. I handle legacy fondres in gifts, trust, wills, that kind of thing.

Oh, that sounds quite interesting. Not really. Most of my work in life is spent in petty legal battles with the recently bereaved. Endless choruses of, well, daddy wasn't in his right mind when he signed that. LAUGHTER Bleak.

Ah, it's a living. LAUGHTER Actually, that gym kit you mentioned, can I have it? You can, but I did an hour of circuits this morning and I'm half your size. What do you want it for? I just need to impress Harriet with something. Who's Harriet?

Have you seen the Teletubbies? She's sort of like the baby in the sun. The baby in the sun? Yeah, comes across as friendly and nice, but is inescapably a threatening overlord. Oh, right. She's the boss? The head of the fundraising director, yes. And you think she'll be impressed

that you can fit into my dirty gym kit? Look, I come from the corporate world where the person in the best suit gets the stuff. But apparently I need to show up on a Friday looking like I've just had a manic episode in a Primark. So give me your bloody gym kit. Come in. Oh, Clive.

Are you okay? You look like you've been the recipient of disaster relief. Hey, Harriet. Just a bit of fun. Can this wait? I haven't had lunch. Me either. I'll join you. Well, not smelling like that, you won't. Why have you stolen a child's pee kit? Well, just, you know, joining in, having a bit of a laugh.

After your tantrum this morning... My joke. I was just trying to demonstrate. Demonstration time is at the presentation. Do excuse me. Oh, and Clive, can I suggest you do it in a different set of clothes? I can see the outline of your penis. Donations in wills from care home deaths were a real bonus. Sure, a high death toll appears at first glance to be antithetical to our overall mission, but... Oh, hello Gladys.

I was just entertaining the marketing girls. Have you been there long? Long enough, Ken. We're discussing fundraising. Yes. People are finding your nihilistic celebration of death just a bit much. Every time I discuss what I do around here, I'm accused of being morbid.

You'd all just rather I was seen and not heard. Yes, just embrace the lessons of your Victorian childhood. Oh, hi, Ken. You're seeking refuge in the kitchen, too. Coffee? Can I have a bovril? LAUGHTER No. Ken, I'm a team player, aren't I? Well, I've always seen you more as a general. Absurd. Bloody exactly. I don't hold with all this modern hand-holding anyway.

I like the fact that you don't speak to people and act like you're better than everyone It's the way managers used to be Yeah better times now I've got till five o'clock to come up with a decent fundraising proposal, and I'm nowhere mmm Celebrity endorsement no celebs are all going for the Premier League boys these days You know war the top cancers boob and ball, diabetes. Oh, diabetes has made a huge comeback.

Well, that's all the free marketing from the body positivity movement. Type two body positivity. Gladys is in charge, I don't have to live in a world where Lauren gets to tell me where I can sit. What am I going to do? You could just ask Gladys if she wants to run the department. She probably doesn't. She's a single mum with three kids. Just ask her to surrender. Yes. There has been so much anxiety, pain and suffering in my life

because I didn't have the courage to ask women direct questions. Like what? Like, do I have to go to your sister's wedding this weekend? Hey Gladys, I've been looking for you everywhere. I'm hiding. I had to get away from the complaints for five minutes. I mean, they can't team up in arms. Well there's basically no money that does tend to upset accountants. No. No smell around Ken. It's become untenable.

Yeah he's just had a bov rule. I mean it took me three hours to get him to stop reading them J.K. Rowling tweets. I mean, what am I meant to do about this smell? Well, nothing. Old men smell a bit odd. That's just a fact. You can't tell him off for that. That's ageist. God, it's relentless. I mean, at least when my kids are tearing strips off each other, I can just pop them in front of Peppa Pig.

I suppose there's always smacking. You can't smack children, Gladys. No, I could just pop them in front of Peppa Pig. I suppose it's all smacking. You can't smack children Gladys. No, I was talking about Ken. Look, this is clearly all getting to you. I was wondering if you wanted to maybe team up over this presentation later. Take the burden off, be more of a team. Hmm, you've read the memo. I mean it's just a performance review. Calm down.

I just thought a healthy bit of teamwork... Can I have a look at your homework? What, that's your best shot? I don't want us to be in competition. You mean you don't want to lose a competition? I just thought... What happened to the everyone getting a sweetie the taking part is ruining Britain guy?

I mean, he had so much to say when I was planning my kid's birthday party Exactly, you're a single divorced mom now. You don't want to overload Actual you've gone on that doesn't bar me from consideration for a promotion and it's not 1953 I'll see you at five Well Clive you just kamikaze'd yourself right up the chuff there. All right, Clive, he's Gladys's white flag of surrender flying high over the office. Ken, you could work for Japanese air traffic control.

That's racist. Actually, it's xenophobic. And if you get a complaint to HR, I will check you spelt that correctly. Um, Clive, I still don't have any idea what I'm supposed to be doing. Assisting me, I've got 45 minutes to come up with a plan to demonstrate my dynamism as a team leader. You guys aren't allowed to sit huddled in your little badger set. You're here? Is that not diverse enough for you? And anyway, I'm not sitting, I'm pacing.

Yeah, you look like you're awaiting a court appearance. That suit really adds something now. I like it. You're gonna help me come up with a plan, or are you just gonna make snide remarks? I think I'll stick with the snide remarks. You laugh, but it's not just my status on the block, it's the whole department.

No, it's just your status. If Gladys wins, it will be wall-to-wall digital fundraising. The computer nerds and their Twitter opinions will dictate everything. Fine by me. Come on. If there's one thing that unites us, Lauren, it's our mutual loathing of spotty little nerds. We need to come together as a team and show that bread-and-butter events like bike rides and marathons still matter.

You could get a celebrity to run the London Marathon? Oh, Atchie, don't you think I've tried? The only celebrity to have shown any interest in dementia in the last five years is David Cameron. Christ, I miss Terry Pratchett. LAUGHTER We all do, Lauren. You'd get more interest if you did the marathon. Yes, well, if I proved anything today it's that I look sarcastic in shorts.

You know, you doing the marathon would be a great way of leading from the front. She's right. No, I'm not. She is, actually. It's the ultimate team leader exercise. You put your money where your mouth is. That'd be inspiring. I'm not right.

No, actually, you are for once. This is a brilliant idea. It's simple, it's cost-effective, it's dynamic. I'm not right. No, actually, you are for once. This is a brilliant idea. It's simple, it's cost-effective, it's dynamic. I didn't say that. You can show people that you're on the front lines. In the boat, pulling with everyone as a team. Oh, this is a terrible idea.

You could document the training and the event on socials, you know, like, show the burn, show the sacrifice, right? People eat that stuff up. You're right, and I could get control of the socials and really lord it. Well, I didn't say that. This is fantastic. I've got to go. Hey, Gladys, I was wondering if I could have a quick word. What's Ken said now? Has he added racism to his repertoire?

No, it's... I just wanted to ask... You're a man. Explain this to me. Can I not? In my experience, this to ask... But you're a man. Explain this to me. Can I not? In my experience, this sort of question never ends well. No matter how many times I ask, the boys just sit together. I don't care, but it causes problems. Maybe they sit together because Clive doesn't mind Ken's smell

and Ken doesn't mind Clive being rude, and everyone else probably does, right? So they can sort of exist in peace. Like a patriarchal human shield rather than a terror cell. Yep, something like that. So the boys just sit together so nobody has to sit with the boys. Brilliant. Done. I didn't mean... I just wanted to know... Hello, everyone. Can I have everyone's attention, please? There will be a change to the hot desking arrangements from now on they will be allocated on a gendered basis boys on

Those three desks in the corner and everyone else well Whatever you like 445 I thought it'd take me longer than that Whatever you like. Mmm. 4.45. I thought it'd take me longer than that. Fancy a bovril, actually? I still don't know what I'm meant to be doing here, but if it's watching you eat roll mops and drink hot beef water, I'm asking for more money.

Hi, Clive. Crunch time? Ready to do battle, or are you still looking to use me as a marionette? No actually, I've had a real moment of inspiration. What's going on out there? It's like the liberation of Paris. No more hot-desking, you can go back to the corner. Huh, 4.45, I thought it would take him longer than that. So are you going to tell me your brilliant idea? It's not the David Cameron one again, is it? No, you'll hear

about it in there shall we? That was a surprisingly engaging presentation Clive I look forward to seeing the results. You know what Clive that was incredible. Ah the hollow congratulation of the loser to the victor. Loser? You just agreed to put yourself through six months of pain and misery with an almost certain guarantee of failure. It's like an OnlyFans, just for me. LAUGHTER

Harriet, the boys have sabotaged the hot-desking. Lauren, did you actually enjoy sitting with the boys today? No, it was like being trapped in a GB News-themed escape room. Look, if you want to change the world first, you must learn to live in it. I just don't see why they won't follow simple requests. Men, they're like horses, Lauren. You know, you can't just approach them head on. They get skittish and bold. Take Clive, for example.

Must we, though? When I hired Clive, I expected he'd bring a focused energy to fundraising from his years in banking. Rather than an, I've just done coke in the bathroom energy from his years in banking. He than an, I've just done coke in the bathroom energy from his years in banking. He's been doing coke in the bathroom. Well, no, but only because he can't afford it.

Anyway, I really don't think this place should be run like a bank. I think it should be run like... A vegan taco stand, yes, but a middle ground must be achieved. You must learn to deal with the boys. I'm not afraid of them. No, but they won't do as you say just because you ask.

Take today, okay? I needed Clive to focus his leadership efforts, so I left a memo lying around near your desk. I didn't say anything to anyone. Lauren, you're a 25-year-old Instagram addict. It's never occurred to you that keeping things to yourself is even an option. You're always telling me to buck my ideas up.

You could just try that on Clive. I asked him to sign a birthday card earlier, and he threatened to sue me. So if I want the boys to do something, I have to make them think it was their idea. And they'll gallop around the field like victorious little ponies. Well done chaps, very successful day. I vanquished the threat and Ken's got us back in the corner. It really does stink over here. It's the sweet smell of success. Oh, it went well then.

You're doing this marathon? Yeah, I'm going to become a sort of Charity Joe Wicks, but one you don't want to clip with your car. You'll have to quit smoking and drinking. Detailed. So you're not coming to the pub now then? I'll quit tomorrow. Actually, a point to celebrate your first day to the pub now then? I'll quit tomorrow. Actually, a point to celebrate your first day at the charity Cold Face?

Feels kind of odd to celebrate. Why? I've achieved absolutely nothing all day. Oh, actually, you're going to fit right in here. That was Do Gooders by Garrett Millerink. It starred Anya Magliano as Lauren, Lisa McGillis as Gladys, Garrett Millerink as Clive, Faye Ripley as Harriet, Ahir Shahra as Achi and Frank Skinner as Ken. The producer was Jules Lomb and it was an Avalon production for BBC Radio 4. If you want more, check out the Friday Night Comedy podcast, featuring the news quiz and dead ringers.

Hello, it's Simon and David here from When It Hits The Fan, and we'd just like to tell you about our bonus series of mini-episodes that's coming up over the summer. That's right Simon, Quick Winds is the place where we answer your personal PR questions and share everything we've learned along the way about how to manage your reputation at work. That's right David, we'll be answering some of the questions you've sent us from how to deliver on welcome news, dealing with backstabbers at work and how to be an effective leader. These short and sweet how-to guides will be popping up in our feed so make sure you're subscribed to When It Hits the Fan so you don't miss them.

They may just change your working life. and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you, Rogers. It's summer in Britain and the crimes are just getting started. I found another body. Stream the best of British crime drama only on BritBox.

Don't miss new seasons of acclaimed series like Blue Lights, which Time Out calls Belfast's answer to the wire. Back up, back up Ivan! And The Responder, starring Martin Freeman in his international Emmy award-winning role. I can feel it, I'm gonna crack. Stream the best of British crime drama on BritBox. You know this is why I want to be a detective.

Watch with a free trial today.