Comedy of the Week - Ivo Graham's Obsessions

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

Ivo Graham brings 2 more celebrity guests to Radio 4, to tell us about their obsessions.Comedian Fatiha-El Ghorri and Paul Gorton of the hit BBC show 'The Traitors' join Ivo this week. Fatiha El-Ghorri is obsessed with trainers, and judges the audience on theirs while Paul details the hours he spends in his gaming room. Ivo also delves into the audience to find out what their obsessions are, and finally Ivo is joined by a Very Obsessed Person, or 'VOP'. This week, Ailish Morrison comes on to tell us about her unexpected twin passions of cheerleading and Lord of the Rings.Hosted by Ivo Graham Featuring Fatiha El-Ghorri, Paul Gorton and Ailish MorrisonWritten by Ivo Graham and Zoe TomalinAdditional Material by Cody Dahler, Christina Riggs and Peter TelloucheRecorded at the Marylebone Theatre by Duncan Hannant Sound edited by Charlie Brandon-King Production Coordinators: Katie Baum and Jodie Charman Executive Producer: Pete StraussProduced by Gwyn Rhys Davies, a BBC Studios Audio production for Radio 4An EcoAudio certified production Show image: Matt Stronge

BBC Sounds music radio podcasts Hello! This is Ivo Graham's Obsessions. This is a show all about people with fascinating fixations and to be fair we play less fascinating fixations. One of the great obsessions of my life is board games. Anyone who's played Monopoly at Christmas knows there's nothing like a board game to blow off some steam, by which I mean, finally push mum and dad to start drawing up that divorce. When I was young, Cluedo was my favourite board game, until I played it with other children and realised it wasn't cool for a six-year-old to know what a billiard room is. As the board gaming host of obsessions, today my worlds collided as I took delivery of...

The Board Game Obsession! According to the box, Obsession is for up to four players, but it does also offer a solo mode, which is good news for the kind of people who play board games. In the game you play the head of a respected but troubled family estate in 19th century England which I'll admit is not a huge stretch. The aim of the game is to win back the respect of high society England in 19th century Derbyshire whilst romancing what the instructions worryingly describe as marriageable children. So just to be clear, after you play this game, you will not be able to pass a CRB check.

I'm yet to play Obsession myself, but I have read an extensive review on it on BoardGameGeek.com by someone with the username SardonicWolf. SardonicWolf Sardonic Wolf writes, I've played Obsession 21 times now and I still don't get it. Superb commitment from Sardonic Wolf. I'm holding it in front of the audience and I must make it clear, the box is so heavy. Tonight, we will welcome a panel of celebrity guests

who agree to share their darkest and dirtiest obsessions on the show. We'll also be joined by our V.O.P., our very obsessed person, who will be telling us about their most intense and all-consuming obsession, whilst I nod politely and repeatedly press the panic button under my desk. Tonight's audience is also full of obsessives who can't wait to tell you about their all-consuming passions like a stranger who's just sat down next to you on the night bus. And at the end of the show, I will decide who has the best obsession of the week.

I will award them a choice of two prizes. This cap with the word obsess on it, or of course, this unbelievably heavy board game about life in 19th century Derbyshire. So without any further ado, please welcome this week's celebrity obsessives, Fati El-Ghori and Paul Gorton. Now, Fatiha, you are a fantastic stand-up comedian. We've worked together many times. Thanks Ivo. We had an awkward interaction when we were together in Brighton.

We did. Basically what happened, we was in a gig and then he went in his bag and he pulled out like all these clothes and then he started asking them for an iron and an ironing board and I said Ivo let me iron your clothes and he went are you crazy? A woman ironing my clothes? And then like Ed Gamble was on the line up and he goes, can you imagine? He just went on and on brother, he wouldn't shut up. He's going, can you imagine if Ed Gamble walks in and catches you a woman ironing my clothes?

And then he goes, it would be on every WhatsApp group in the country. What's up, group in the country? I've never seen him so animated here. Like, look at, his hair's quite stiff, isn't it, bruv? Do you know when it's windy and the cornfields go like that? That's what he was like. It's actually a story about me being quite self-reliant and grown up, but you have made it sound like a manic episode. Anyway, Fatihah, it's lovely to have you on the show.

Thank you very much for coming back. And I've brought loads of clothes today. Paul, thank you very much for joining us on the show. No problem. I've obviously introduced you as Paul Gorton, but I suspect that your surname hasn't seen much action over the last year. Because your surname is surname is of course from the traitors yes that is what I'm known as now yeah but that's all right isn't it you're happy to be

introduced as Paul from the traitors yeah I think so yeah well that's great you're a big fan of the show yes bro did you enjoy Paul on the traitors or did you think he was a disgusting man? Kerr Paul do you know what he asked me this outside I was like think he was a disgusting man. Kerple. Do you know what? He asked me this outside. I was like, brother, I loved you. I loved you, brother.

Such a lie. But I hated him for real. But yeah, no, I loved him. He was really good. Good entertainment, innit? Darth Paul. Darth Paul. Did you enjoy the name Darth Paul?

I love to hate Darth Paul. Yeah. So many people get a picture and say, oh my god, it's you. You're in that show. And I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. And literally, as I'm on the picture with them, they go, we hated you. And I'm like, oh, okay.

Fatihah, could we talk to you first about your obsession, please? Yes, anything you like, Habibi. Well, that's a lovely remit, but we're going to stick to the topic that was pre-agreed with the producers. What is the obsession that you nominated to them? So my obsession is trainers, okay, and I love to match what I wear, like I love...

It's important to say for someone who's obsessed with trainers, until you've just readjusted your posture, people couldn't even see your trainers. Oh, okay. There they are. Can you see them now? Have you worn trainers you're particularly fond of as an ambassador for trainers? Yes, I have. These are limited edition.

I've got another New Balance leopard print. Whenever I wear them, people ask, where did you get them from? And I tell them to do one. I'm not telling you so you can wear them like me. No, brav. They're just mine. Okay. Yeah, so I like...

You've got a lovely attitude. So yeah, I just... So I've got a lot, but not a lot of trainers. I've got a medium amount of trainers, but they're like... A lot of them are collectibles. I'd love to know what a medium amount is, and I think I'd like to do a quick survey of the audience, if that's alright please. So if you could just cheer at the amount of trainers you've got please and obviously you know

per pair. So one pair of trainers, two pairs of trainers, three pairs of trainers, four pairs of trainers. Give me a cheer if you've not yet answered. Are we anywhere near your total? Well, I've got like 10. It was well worth doing that survey. We wanted you to be in the survey or to be such a comically high number that we'd never have got to, rather than be like,

yes, we would have got to you quite soon. You're at the top end, in this room. You're at the top end in this room, you're at the top end. But also there are some trainer nuts out there who would laugh at 10 pairs. Yes, they would. But I wear mine though. I don't, this is those people that collect them. The inner box losers. Yeah, exactly. I wear mine, but I look after them like, so I've got these pair of Nikes and originally they're 400 pound, but I'm not a muppet features in it. Like I'm not paying 100, 400. You're not a muppet features in it. Like I'm not paying 100, 400 pound. You're not a muppet features.

Yeah, I'm not. I'm not paying 400 pound per trainer. So I got them for 170 and even that's too much. But anyway, they're Nike and they're yellow. They're so beautiful. When I wear them, I feel like the sun. Honestly, I do. But and I matched them.

So I wear the yellow trainers and then I wear black jeans and a black top and then a yellow hijab. How cool is that? I look like a bumblebee, bro Naomi Campbell can do one in it It's a fantastic ensemble. And yes Naomi Campbell you heard it here first could do one

Do you remember your first pair of trainings Fatiha? Well, I think so they were champion. Do you remember champion? I don't think you ever wore shit like that because it was from like the high street where you never frequented. Do you know when I... I went to buy my tailcoat from Eden Ravenscroft like proper muppet features. When I saw him today, I goes, what are you saying Ivan? He goes, oh, what was I saying?

Oh, yeah. I've on he goes oh what was I saying oh yeah I'm wearing trainers now do you think you didn't they're okay no great what about Paul's for example yeah what do you think of mine no they're like the sister of those what are you talking about the family I thought I. Yeah, Paul and I are wearing very similar trainers. But what a fun bit of radio this is. And do you ever sell your trainers? No, man, I wear them. But I like so these ones I don't wear for a long time

because they're suede. So I have to wait for the weather to be OK. And I spray them. I take the trainer spray. Yes, I do. I spray them. I think that's upsell nonsense. No, it's not.

It works. And I'd be careful. Like when I'm walking down the street, I try not to step in anything disgusting, like litter or like leaves or like- What a crazy eccentric you are. Those are the bits I try and walk in. Yeah, I just try not to.

It's disgusting, isn't it? Like you walk in the spit and then you walk in your house. Are you mad? You're not coming to my house like that, I tell you that now. I even make the electricity man take his shoes off. You've got a very clearly delineated domestic policy. Yeah. I'm sure all of your staff respect that.

Have you ever had a pair of trainers ruined for you by someone else wearing them? No, bruv. They're locked away. No one's wearing... I don't do those tramp things. Lending people my shoes, that's nasty. But some bitch stepped on my shoes and I was gonna punch her. But it was on the bus, they've got CCTV, so I restrained myself. I actually meant more celebrities wearing shoes

rather than just some woman you wanted to lamp on the bus. Would you like to quickly rate some audience members? Crepes? Yeah, go on then. Raise your hand if you're wearing any trainers that you would like to be ranked by our resident trainer obsessive Fatir El-Ghori. Oh, what an electric piece of radio this is going to be. We've got a couple of people on the front row, that's probably good. And then we've got one person right on the end of a row back there so if you three would come up onto the stage please this is very exciting

so we've got Jack we've got Eve and then our third person is... Habibi we said trainers Habibi what is this? this is boots what's your name please hello Anton yes you really have come to the stage in a pair of Chelsea boots so So Anton, why did you want to come on stage to have your shoes ragged by, Fatihah, when they're clearly not trainers? They're classy shoes. They're classy shoes. Right, what do you want to do about this, Fatihah? We've created quite a tense situation.

All right, so are we allowed to hit them? I think you should treat the Radio 4 panel show the same way you treated the bus. There's a lot of recorded evidence. All right, then no. So we're just going to just rate them. I treat the Radio 4 panel show the same way you treated the bus. There's a lot of recorded evidence. All right, then no. So we're just going to just rate them. So I've got them in black and white, and I've got them in cream and that same orange.

Congratulations, Jack. Thank you. I've heard you might be a typical hype beast. But actually, never a hype beast. Never. Never a hype beast. Please pass the microphone over to Eve. Is it Eve?

Yes. Hello, Eve. I do like those as well I like the color combo. Yeah, like a bit of blue and green. However, my surname is that brand So I'm a bit off-brand. Your surname is Nike. Well with an R on the end, but everyone just knows Anton could you run through one more time your philosophy on shoes that brought you to the stage for this? Who's got the best trainers competition while not wearing trainers? Well, these are very classy.

Yes, you've said already you think they're very classy. Fati, would you like to run the final ruling over this competition, please? Anton, please. Come to my house. I've got ten. I'll give you one. Wow. I've got ten of these. You've got ten of these. Anton is providing you with a super. Can we have a huge round of applause, please, for the desperation of Jack? You've got ten of these. You've got ten of these. And Tony, you are super.

Can we have a huge round of applause, please, for the desperation of Jack, the surname of Lee, but the winning trainers of Jack. Congratulations, Paul. We didn't really rehearse the fat ear ranking the trainers game, but I think we've got a pretty lovely spread of delusion there. I've got nice trainers, I've got a brand in my surname, and it's just the repeated assertion that your non-trainers were classing.

Can we have a huge round of applause, please, for the invigilator of the exercise, Fadir El-Ghori. Now, I was about to say it's time for the part of the show. We step away from our celebrity guests to speak to the audience for the first time. We've just had a pretty hefty dose of audience. Nonetheless, I'm going to go to the obsessions forms that were handed in before the show. And this is probably a pair of people, the Lloyds. The Lloyds here?

Hello. We're obsessed with romance novels. Yes. Julie Lloyd has written obsessed with romance novels. Yes. Julie Lloyd has written Obsession, Romance Novels. I have a podcast where I talk about steamy books with my daughter. And Ellen Lloyd has written Obsession, Romance Novels. I have a podcast with my mum where we discuss steamy books together. Wow.

Am I talking to Ellen, the daughter? Yes. Yes. Hello. So you have a podcast with your mum where you discuss, and I'm using your expression here, steamy books. Yes. Can you tell me when your mother first introduced you to steamy books? It was actually the other way around.

Oh dear. Could you recommend any particular steamy book lest anyone want to make a purchase after the show? I mean, do you want like over-the-top steamy or like... Ideally, I'd like a steamy book set in 19th century Derbyshire. We probably have. Have you tried writing any steamy novels together yourself? Not together. Not together.

I think... I think that's probably for the best. We've had awkward interactions where I've had to tell her to stop looking things up on Urban Dictionary because... Like what? Like what? The one... I mean, how blue can I get on this?

I can think you can say one short, slightly lewd thing and then we'll move things on. Probably pegging was the thing. Pegging. APPLAUSE APPLAUSE Please, can we have a huge round of applause for the lawyers? APPLAUSE APPLAUSE

I'll promise you, I'm going to take them to the mosque after this, OK? I'm going to fix them. She took my obsession. How weird's Okay. I'm going to fix them. She took my obsession. How weird is that? It's going to link in.

Paul, we're going to have to make a very swift pivot, I'm afraid. It's your second choice. Paul, what is the obsession you have brought with you to the show today? So I'm obsessed with gaming, day in, day out. Day in, day out, he says. Obsessed. How many hours a day would you spend gaming? So my other half goes to bed about half nine now.

And I just go down to my basement. Your man came. Of course I have a layer. And I game for like three or four hours on FIFA and Call of Duty. And I love it. It sounds a dismal conclusion to a day. I'm familiar with the games. I've lost many hours to them myself.

But the specific routine of never going to bed with your partner so you can descend to the dungeon for four hours. I must say, only at the moment, we're having another child. Congratulations. So she's a lot more tired otherwise we would normally watch a TV show together for an hour and then she would go to bed and I would go and game. So I've gained an hour. Yes you've really won it round there. Four hours a night gaming? You sound like quite a disloyal partner. No, I must explain. We've just had another child.

Yeah. Okay, of course. Case closed. I like escapism, I guess. And then I game with Harry. That is also from the Traitors. We have the same surname. Because he beats you every time and you say, I taught you everything you knew. Yeah, yeah. I let you do that. Fattier, do you play any other video games such as Mario Kart?

I play Mario now, actually. Are you familiar with Wario? Yes. How would you describe Wario? An evil Mario. He's Paul from The Traitors. Wario is rude, crude, greedy, raucous, repulsive and antisocial. He zigzags from hostile to helpful if there is something in it for him.

He's a showboater. He's proud. He's arrogant showboater. He's proud He's arrogant egotistical boasting and flexing his beefy arms Paul has flexed his beef There's not a lot of beef on the arm is there the rest of the stuff is probably quite accurate though I didn't mean to insult you too much. Well, listen Paul You've you've sunk a lot of your life into these video games, you've sunk a lot of money into your FIFA Ultimate team. Oh yeah.

How does your partner feel about that? Well, she doesn't know. Oh great. Hopefully she's not going to listen to this. But yeah, you pay money. It's a shortcut, isn't it, right? So you pay money and then you can buy better players and stuff like that. Yes, of course. And of course you've got your Trader's winnings to sink into it. Bit of fun. He didn't win anything on the Trader's.

Way too fun. But you've got your Deal or no deal winnings? There is the deal or no deal. He won 50p on deal or no deal. He's an absolute hero of our time. So what's really sad is it was 10p. Wow. He's inflated your deal or no deal winnings. Yeah, my last two boxes were 10p and £10 and the banker said do you want to swap? And I said yeah and I ended up with 10p. I didn't even get a tenner from the whole show. That was my villain origin story, right?

I'm so sorry Paul. I Hope that the your new child brings you more happiness Whether that's in your family responsibilities or the even more hours you devote to gaming in your man Paul your obsession is gaming, but we have only your word for it unless we put your obsession to the test so we're gonna play a quick round of game and shame. I'm gonna describe the premise of a video game to you and you've got to tell me if that premise describes a real game or a fake game that we've just made up. Are you ready Player One? Sounds amazing. Fantastic. Great. If you're right, you will hear this sound.

And if you're wrong, you'll hear this sound. Wonderful. The room has just disappeared into a Pac-Man reverie. So, Paul, at the end of the game, based on how well you've done, you'll get a GG, good game, or you've got a... You've been pwned, you noob. Noob, yeah. Yeah.

That's what people say on the internet when people haven't been very good at video gaming. Because pwned is owned, but people have typed it wrong, and then it's become part of the vernacular. I find it all absolutely thrilling. Paul, are these games real or fake? The first one, perfect date. You're a research assistant on an island populated entirely

by cats. On your first night, you're bitten by one of the island's elder cats, which begins a process of catification. You must now seduce and date all of the other talking cats across the island. Is that a real game or a fake game? I hope it's a fake game. It's a real game, released in 2017,

rated nine out of 10 by the gaming community. The second game, Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion. After failing to pay taxes and getting evicted from your home, you must play as an adorable turnip and go on an epic quest to pay back your massive debt to Mayor Onion. I'm going to say fake game.'m gonna say fake game. It's a real game. A sequel, Turnip Boy Rob's a Bank, was released this January. The next game, Party Like It's 1914.

You're a party planner in 1914 Europe. World War I is about to break out and you have been tasked by Tsar Nicholas II to organise a party for Europe's political leaders to smooth out relations and avoid plunging the continent into destruction. Real or fake? Please be fake. It is fake. We made that one up and we had a lovely time doing so. Finally, Changing Rooms, the video game. You must battle it out with evil villain Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen

in a race against time to redecorate a stranger's pixelated back bedroom. I really want it to be a game, but it's probably not. What do you reckon? No. I've just realised that I forgot to do the sound effects for the entirety of this game. That's absolutely heartbreaking. We were so excited to hear the noises. The last one, maybe? Yes.

It's real and it's 10p on Amazon. Paul, you've got a few of those wrong, but you've got a lot of them right. You have validated your obsession with video games. A huge round of applause for Paul Gorton, everybody. Right, could we have one more obsession from the audience, please? Lucy, are you here? Oh, hello Lucy. What's your obsession, please, Lucy?

My obsession is the Muppets. Yes. Particularly 2014's Muppets Most Wanted. I think it's a cinematic masterpiece. I think the flop at the box office ruined modern-day Muppets. And I'm really passionate and angry about that. You've written with quite a lot of passion.

And then halfway through, you've switched to a different pen and just kept going. Yeah. Uh-huh. Lucy in a black biro. I spend every day thinking about the Muppets. They live in my head rent free, particularly Sam the Eagle who is the best fictional character ever.

Lucy in a pink pen. I also think Muppets Most Wanted is the greatest film this century. And everyone who did not see it is responsible for the downfall of the modern muppet give me a cheer if you didn't see muppets most wanted i too did not see it we are all responsible for the downfall of the modern muppet can i ask when i when i called him a muppet features did you like it oh yeah i got so excited

i felt like it was for me. See, we're kindred spirits, we're both mental. Yeah. Yes, I hope that's reassuring to you. Let's bring on our V.O.P, our very obsessed person. Please everybody, would you go wild and crazy and welcome to the stage our V.O.P. Ailish Morrison. Ailish, could you tell us what your obsession is? Yes, it's a bit of an eclectic collection I suppose. Personally cheerleading, massive fan.

Massive fan and also practitioner? Yes, completely. I don't know how from the word practitioner is used in the cheerleading world but it's not in the manual but I mean you're obsessed with cheerleading and you do cheerleading yeah I do do cheerleading which is probably a bit of a more of a under the under the radar under the radar of like women's sport but it's incredibly dangerous and I've been doing it for like 15 20 years now so would you like to run through some of the dangers involved and any of the dangers that you have suffered? Yes. If it's not too traumatic? No all good. I

think the biggest one I did I fractured my ribs and fractured my spine once but I'm quite accident-prone anyway I mean I fell off the sofa and onto a glass. They have a week and got eight stitches. I mean it's a give or take with what your ability is. In some ways sort of cheerleading is more safe than just being in your own home. Ailish can you tell me how you got into cheerleading in the first place? Yeah well I used to I'm from Gravesend so I used to hang around the park it's like a promenade and the boys there used to do loads of parkour and I really fancied one of them. And they had a gym that they went to for parkour nights.

The lady there set up a cheerleading team, and I left. He was bye-bye. You know, moved on. Oh, nothing happened with the guy you followed all the way to the gym? No, I think I was like 12, so... Have you been in touch again since? No. Right.

It's quite a heartbreaking tale, really. You've been trapped in an obsession for life to impress someone who you've never seen again. Exactly. I'm sure he follows my socials and C's, hopefully. Yes, you are a successful person on TikTok. Yes. Well, this is moving on to other obsessions that you post about a lot online. Yes. Lord of the Rings.

Yes. Specifically the films. Oh, yeah, and the books, obviously, but the films more. Shout out to my father, who read me the entirety of The Lord of the Rings when I was seven. You've got such a good vocabulary, though. I went, that's because he's a posh twat, isn't he? Ailish and I shared the briefest of moments, just bonding over Tolkien. And you cut through it and called me the posh twat I am.

What have been the sort of net effects of you posting as much as you have about Lord of the Rings? Have you met any of the people involved? I actually had one of the fellowship ask me on a date, but I won't say which one of the fellowship, yeah. But you're not going to confirm which member of the fellowship it is? No, it's Ian McKenna one of them. No, do you know why? Because he fell over in it and smashed his rib. Hello. Oh, rumours. You're suggesting Ian McKellen just wants to bond over rib injuries. He was kind of, weirdly, my kind of awakening, I suppose. What is happening? Do you know he's gay? I don't.

I like gander, but you know. If only there were a mother-daughter combo in the audience. Who could write some erotic fan fiction about a cheerleader and an old wizard? If only. Oh my god. If you do write it, I'll be interested in reading it. Ailish Morrison, everybody. Ailish wasn't meant to leave the stage at that point.

It's alright, she's trying to make visiting hours, innit? Oh no. We've heard about lots of obsessions today, but only one obsessive can be crowned the Obsessive of the Week and walk off with the coveted obsessions cap Given that we've got two prizes the cap and the board game I think I am gonna have to give the two prizes To the pair of obsessive in the audience the romance novelists and novel fans Julian Ellen Lloyd Julian Ellen everybody

Thank you to our wonderful audience. My guests, Fatih El-Ghori, Paul Gorton, and Ailish Morrison. That's all we've got time for this week. If thinking about the next episode is keeping you up at night, it could be a sign that you're obsessed or a sign that you're the host and you really need to get on with writing the script. I've been Ivo Graham. Thank you very much.

Goodbye, everybody. Ivo Graham's The Sessions was hosted by Ivo Graham, featuring Vatia El-Ghory, Paul Gordon, and Eilish Morrison. It was written by Ivo Graham and Matthew Crosby, with additional material by Peter Telush and Christina Riggs. The producer was Guenrius Davis, and it was a BBC Studios audio production for Radio 4. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I'm Maurice Davis and it was a BBC Studios audio production for Radio 4.

Hello, I'm India Axon and I just want to quickly talk to you about witches. In this series from BBC Radio 4, simply titled, Witch, I'm going to explore the meaning of the word today. It is a twisting, turning rabbit warren of a world full of forgotten connections to land and to power, lost graves, stolen words and indelible marks on the world. Because the story of the witch is actually the story of us all. Come and find out why on Witch with me, India Rackerton. Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.