Comedy of the Week - Unspeakable

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

Ever struggled to find the right word for a feeling or sensation? Unspeakable sees comedian Phil Wang and lexicographer Susie Dent invite celebrity guests to invent new linguistic creations, to solve those all too relatable moments when we're lost for words.This episode we hear Jack Dee’s new word for when you try to sound cool but end up sounding exactly your age, Miles Jupp’s new word for being fed up by a world in which there is an app for everything, and Ria Lina’s new word for something that is damp, limp, a bit pathetic.Hosts: Phil Wang and Susie Dent Guests: Jack Dee, Miles Jupp and Ria Lina Created by Joe Varley Writer: Matt Crosby Recorded by Jerry Peal Producer: Jon Harvey Executive Producers: Joe Varley and Akash LockmunA Brown Bred production for BBC Radio 4

BBC Sounds music radio podcasts Hello, I'm Phil Wang and welcome to Unspeakable. This is the brand new show about inventing brand new words, coined by three amazing guests. Words are very powerful. Just a few simple words, well chosen, can save someone's life. Like, stop standing in the middle of the road, you idiot. God, I hate lollipop ladies. Now we'll be meeting our panel very shortly,

but first let's meet our expert of expressions, the guru of grammar, the wizard of weird words, it's Susie Dent! Hello Phil. Susie, are there any interesting words you've come across recently? Yes, one I came across recently. A nonversation. A nonversation is a completely pointless conversation in which you learn absolutely nothing. I also learnt the word twirlies. So twirlies are pensioners in Liverpool who get a free bus pass which they can use from 9am and they always get there too early. They start queuing from 8 o'clock

and the bus drivers called them twirlies, too early. That's nice. That's not bad. Thank you, Susie. That's a taste of the infinite possibilities of language. Now the challenge is, can our panel come up with any brand new words as powerful and long-lasting as nonversation? Well, let's meet them and find out. Joining us for this episode are the indefinably excellent Jack Dee, Miles Jupp and Rhea Leena! Jack, you're a famously enthusiastic man. Are you enthusiastic about words? Yeah, I use words all the time. Otherwise, you know, I find it very difficult to say anything.

Thank you, Jack. It's such a weird question, wasn't it? You like words? I'm afraid it's the theme of the show, so... I know, I got it. You might be hearing more weird questions. Ria. Hi. What's a word that you don't think you say enough? That you look at sometimes and go,

huh, I really need to say that more. I would say I don't use the word perfection enough because I don't come across it. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Miles, I saw you recently in the film Napoleon. You were wonderful in that. You said a good few words there.

Several, several words. In fairness, they'd asked me to. Right. Let's play Unspeakable. Each of our guests has come armed with a brand new word of their own invention that describes an experience, emotion, object, or sensation that currently has no word to define it,

to help cure that all-too-common feeling when we're quite literally lost for words. And whichever word I deem to be the most useful for humanity will be added to the one true book of books. No, not my 1999 Backstreet Boys annual. I'm talking about the Unspeakable Dictionary! Woo! And it gets even better because for our winner, whenever they read a new book, it will now come with an incredible new auto-save function, courtesy of the coveted unspeakable bookmark!

And if any listeners at home want to buy one of these unspeakable bookmarks, please get a hobby. So let's start the game with our first word, which comes from none other than Jack D. Jack, please give us your word. Tell us a brief definition and tell us why you're so keen for this word to be created. Okay, the word is sprank. Sprank.

And sprank is when you adopt words or expressions from a younger generation or from a different nationality or just people who are cooler than you. So examples of spranking could be if I said, yo, instead of good afternoon. And it's surprisingly easy to slip into this bad habit. If you are surrounded by young, you know, quite cool people, you tend to, you pick up their expressions and give it back to them.

So all my kids are kind of like, they're young adults, but they'll use words like bants and jokes and something is sick when it's good. But then if I say it, oh yeah, that was sick. They look at me with a kind of hatred I never thought I'd ever experience. And so that's it. So you can be described as a right spranker. If you overdo the young speak, as it were.

And a lot of these, there are variations of it. If it's a particularly American expression, like, you know, good job instead of well done. Now good job is an American, so that is a yank sprank. That's a yank. You know, that's a yank. And there is a thing that you hate yourself when you find yourself doing it. You know, you say, way to go, because you think that's what a young person needs to hear from you, but they don't. What they want is for you to keep your dignity.

And then I guess finally there's the, it works the other way around, is a thing called de-spranking. De-spranking is when young people use words that really only older people use, such as please or thank you. And that's de-spranking. That's de-spranking. That's de-spranking. That's de-spranking.

That's de-spranking. Well, it sounds like Jack has really been thinking about this one. Sprank, spranking, I love it. Coincidentally, a spranking is what I get when I've been a brad broi. Susie, what do you think of spranking? I think this could be very worthwhile.

Yeah, I agree. We just say this is not a word, ironically, to look up in a dictionary of slang used by the cool people, because it means something very different there. Oh, does it? Yes. Do expand?

No. Stop spranking my chain. What's it mean Suzie? What's it mean? 2024! 2024! And on the radio it's just inexcusable. LAUGHTER And also, speaking of things you're too old to be doing, Jack...

LAUGHTER All they ask is for you to keep your dignity. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE It's too late. Too late. APPLAUSE LAUGHTER Indeed. It does remind me of one word I think we can say, which is testiculating, which is waving your hands around and talking bollocks.

Rhea, do you have a sprank? Yeah. We have a jar that whenever one of us spranks or de-spranks, we have to put money in and we call it our Sprank Bank. Very good, very good. We're saving up for a trip to Disneyland. Miles, do you keep up with the kids word-wise? No, I don't really.

I mean, I've got five children, so I spend a good proportion every day saying, what is anybody talking about? Your children talk to you? They talk about me. They think I can't hear because of my furrowed brow. I have teenagers, they grunt. That's about it. It's terrible, because now I'm of an age now if I grunt everyone just assumes I need help.

Okay I'll be judging whether Sprank is the most deserving of a place in the Unspeakable Dictionary at the end of the show but Spranky very much for bringing it, Jack Deane. Now age is no barrier here at Unspeakable. We like to celebrate words old as well as new. So before we hear our panel's second original creation, it's over to Suzie to present our regional word of the week. I offer you a titamatota. Thank you very muchata which just sounds so gorgeous and in East Anglia this is a seesaw also called a titatota and in Durham it's better known as a shig shog. A shig shog is a seesaw in Durham? Yeah but I like titamata. I think it's very rhythmical. It's been nice. A shig shog just sounds like you're drunk in the playground.

True. I'm just going to have a go on this shig shog. LAUGHTER Why didn't you sit on the other end and help me maintain my dignity? LAUGHTER Fans of the old seesaw? I find it can be a bit up and down. It's a show about words.

Not jokes. Right, well it's time for our second word of the show and that's been brought to us by Rhea Leena. Rhea, please tell us your word, then give us a brief definition and tell us why it matters so much to you. Okay, can I just caveat this by saying I did not know that you would pick which word goes in the dictionary when I picked this word. Just caveat that. So the word is wangy. Well, depending on the definition you could win or lose this. It's a word I

actually first heard from Delia Smith who heard it from a friend and I've been using it ever since I saw that episode and she used it to describe the condition of toast that wasn't aired properly. And you all know, if you make a piece of toast and you put it on the plate, the bottom of it steams between the toast and the plate, it steams and it goes wangy. LAUGHTER Yes, I've always thought the definition of wangy was intelligent and suave. LAUGHTER But you're saying wangy is sort of limp and floppy Slightly pathetic. Yeah. Yeah

Well, Rhea has no interest in winning today and I respect that Suzy I think this is a bit too close to home for me. I need someone a little distance to judge this one, I think. Wangy. Okay, so I looked this up in the Oxford English Dictionary. I couldn't find Wangy, but there's so many definitions for Wang. Oh, good. Can't wait for this.

So it can mean anything from to strike, to beat, or to pull vigorously, to throw, welly wanging I suppose, to waffle on, or as a noun, an unpleasant aftertaste, or a particular part of the body, and I'm sure you've heard them way too many times this Phil, so essentially there's nothing good in the dictionary about a wang. But there is, rather wonderfully, a wang doodle.

And a wang doodle is either an imaginary creature or the thing whose name we can never remember. I have to say that does not make up for all the other ones. Miles, ever suffer from a little touch of wanginess? A touch of wanginess? You know, like if you rented a holiday home or something, you open the door and you're like, oh gosh, I don't think they've had any other people staying here recently. That's that sort of slight sense of nightclub moisture about the walls. That's wangy. I mean, I could talk for hours about things that I personally find wangy. You know that bit under,

you'd buy some minced beef and then between the beef and the tray there's that sort of strange paddy bit. Yes! Oh isn't that wangy? Yes! He gets it. This is the worst day of my life. The irony of his wang in Chinese is king. Can you say them together? Not on Radio 4. Not in this slot, anyway. Well this has been a very difficult time for me. I had my name thrown at me in the most undignified circumstances. But there we go.

That's our second word. Wangy. Will real eners Wangy defeat Jack D. Sprank? And why do I feel like I'm about to get a warning from Ofcom? We'll find out soon, but thanks for bringing it in. Rialina! Well soon we'll be putting our third new word under our unspeakable microscope, but before that I'm going to wang the rules of the game right out the window and ask our panellists to suggest a word they'd like to see barred for all eternity

by sentencing it to the word jail. Miles, let's please start with you. I would like to sentence the word feedback to the word jail, partly because of its sort of overuse, the kind of relentlessness of it. It used to be a sort of polite, do you mind if I give you a little bit of feedback or whatever, if you think that's sort of alright. But now in this day and age where you buy a lot of things online or whatever it might be, the relentless, when you get an email, you know, you've just about recovered from buying a sofa for heaven's sake,

and immediately you get an email that says, how did we do? All I've done is order and pay for a so it hasn't arrived you want to know how I have found this process so far this is a machine demanding validation from me let's tell people continually demanding feedback at a point where nothing has yet happened really now Susie we should probably tell Miles what we think about his choice of the word feedback, but he'd probably hate that. No, I think it's a brilliant choice. And just tell a little bit about it. So it has acquired this usage since the 1950s.

It's one of the 5,000 most common words used in modern written English, which puts it in the top 15% of our vocabulary, the average person's vocab. And what I really hate is when you write a really long and detailed response, you might attach photographs, you go into a huge amount of detail and then you just get the classic passive aggressive thanks for your feedback and then that's it. Thanks for your feedback Susie. You know actually when the sound engineer tonight said, when we turn on the mics, there's going to be a little feedback, I thought, everyone's a critic.

Okay, over to you, Ria, what word do you think is living on borrowed time? Oh, I'm just going to say this needs no explanation. Every single time it's used, I will say it's a nonversation. And the word is hollybobs. That's it. It needs no other, it's a horrendous word. It's not like it's for children, they can't even say it. You either went on holiday or you had a vacation.

That is it. You did not go on your hollybobs. Did you do anything nice on your hollybobs? No, you didn't! Well, it's redundant because bobs is meant to make it sound more positive, but holiday is already a positive thing. Yeah, and no one should be that happy about anything. Hollybobs. Susie, hollybobs. I think this is probably a pretty popular choice.

Yeah, I think one of the most universally disliked words is something with frie-yay. What's frie-yay With what? Fri-yay! What's frie-yay? What's that mean? It's friday, you're excited about friday It says frie-yay Yeah But I'll feed the slang definition left by someone on a free dictionary site

It says hollybobs is a word used by tw Gits who deserve a punch in the facey bobs. You can hear some stupid words like this. Well, it sounds like we're sending hollybobs a packing. Finally, Jack, what word would you like to never see or hear again? Well, the word is poo. The poo I think is a horrendous word that has crept into adult language and it's supposed to be a euphemism and somehow ends up being, in my opinion, more offensive than the proper words that you would use to describe that. And I don't know why we're all using it without any sense of

shame or apology. I had to have a colonoscopy recently. Thank you. Thank you for your concern. I am the wrong side of 50, and you get sent these little packets that you have to send off a sample of what I would describe as your stool or feces I think that that's an adult way to call it, but even in the literature, it's, it calls it poo in this would you for me

So you do that and you send it off, you know, off to the lab, you know, not Downing Street, which is my usual destination. Anyway, they came back and said, well, you know, nothing to worry about, but you know, you might be about to die, so you need to come you might you need to have a colonoscopy so I go in and even the consultant is go have you noticed any irregular about your about your poo you're about to push a camera up my bottom I'm trying to be grown up about it I wish you would as well frankly you notice anything unusual about your plit plops? Have you? What are your big jobs like at the moment?

Let's just all, let's park that word. I haven't used it since I was four, at which point my dear mother taught me to swear properly. I don't know. Susie, tell us about Poole. Nursery speak, really. So it's child's word, exactly. The essence of the S word in Old English was freely used.

It was no ruder than excrement or defecation. So we've kind of made it this big taboo. Anyway, it began to emerge poo. Well, I'm sorry. LAUGHTER In the 1960s, and in other languages they have caca, don't they? And we have cac as well. And I found this great record in the Oxford English Dictionary from 1600 of cac. And it's a wonderful sentence. It's, he had the face like one that is at CAC. Which is Jack when he's unhappy, I think.

What do you think about other euphemisms, then, for poo? Number two, dropping the kids off the pool. Cable laying, I like. Yeah. Opening the cave and consigning the big brown serpent to a watery grave. The Victorians used to call it visiting the Spice Islands. Going to do a poo as visiting the Spice Islands.

Now you used it again there, just there you see. You used the word that I'm trying to get rid of. Oh I'm so sorry, it's just so much part of our... I'm advocating for getting rid of it altogether together, so Phil, if you could try not to... Yes, sure. No, I'll try to decolonize. Yeah, think of me next time you go, will you? Well, thanks to all of you for your marvelous word jail suggestions. Now, before we close up the word jail and throw away the key, let's see if our studio audience have got any words they'd like to give a custodial sentence.

Ellen from Reading. Hi. What word would you like to put away forever? The word I wanted to put away was blessed, as in hashtag blessed. Why is that? Why do you hate hashtag blessed? It just seems like a humble brag that people are proud to show off. Yeah and they're trying to, I guess the humility they're

trying to imply there was not of their doing. Yeah they're trying to imply that they were just given these nice things or haven't chosen to do it themselves. Does it include Brian blessed? I'll let him off. Brian hashtag blessed. Really? Is that what the H stands for in Jesus H Christ? Is it hashtag? Well, you did have a lot of followers. Thank you, thank you.

Thank you so much, Alan. Sue from Eastbourne. What word would you like to get rid of? Diet. I'm sick to the back teeth of hearing it. Very popular choice, Sue. Just the word of a concept as well. Yeah. Yeah. Anything to do with it. I'm sick of hearing it and seriously, it's just... I can hear you a second bit. Well thank you so much Sue. It's time now to hear our third brand new word that's in the running to enter the unspeakable dictionary. This one is the creation of Miles Jupp. Miles, please give us your word, tell us what it means and why it matters to you. The word is ap-nauseam. That sense of utter sickness that you feel when yet again you're inexplicably asked to download an app to do almost anything.

Anything at all. In the last week I've had to download an app to park in a station car park. I'll never visit that station again But I had to download an app to see some tickets that I've already paid for An app to work out how to use the washing machine in a holiday rental. It was a quite wangy Susie probably should say this but, but you have an app. I do have an app. Jolly good it is too. It's like a word game, so I guess, but yes, it is an app. But I think this is genius, I have to say. And so nauseam, nausea, that obviously means seasickness, or meant seasickness originally.

But it's also the root of the word noise. And some of these apps have really annoying noises, like when someone is playing or learning Duolingo out loud. And all you can hear is the bing. Yes, oh man, the Duolingo people. I wish they'd just learned the Spanish for piss off. Yes. I just think this is a marvelous invention. I tried to launch an app, start an app, and get it. And I still think this is a marvellous invention.

I tried to launch an app, start an app, and get it. And I still think it's a good idea. It's got mileage, because it's meant to give you a lot more time in the day. So it's an app you have on your phone. And basically, whenever anyone WhatsApps you or texts you, it automatically replies, so what. Honestly it frees up so much of your time. It kills every conversation dead and you get your life back.

What is it called? So what that? good. It's good. It's good. So it's called so what? So what's that? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Yes. Call so what's that? And if you pay monthly, it'll do it at Nodium. See? Yeah. Yeah, I'm a fan of some apps. The phone. Yeah. Wow. Um, the phone. Uh... Wow, okay, boomer.

There we have Miles' choice for a brand new word, apnauseum. So now we have all three words that our celebrities have brought to the show. Sprank from Jack D. Wangy from Rialina. Mmm. And apnauseum from Miles Jupp. The question is, which one deserves a place in the prestigious unspeakable dictionary?

I am President Wang, and executive power rests with me. And I've decided that our champion is... Sprank by Jack T. It's just fun to say and considering one of the other words was wangy, that's a high compliment. Congratulations, Jack. I'm well made up, I am bro. I'm well made up, I am bro. Don't deep it too hard, please don't deep it. Now before we go, we've got just enough time to see if our audience have any suggestions that they'd put into the unspeakable dictionary. Lucy from London, do we have Lucy in?

Hi Phil. Hi Lucy, how you doing man? Very good. What new word would you like to add to the dictionary? My word is animothety. Is that a new word or just an existing word with a lisp? I don't have a lisp. Animothety. Animothety. And what is animothety? It's the hatred of mosquitoes, moths and wasps. But it can't be a phobia because it is entirely rational. I can understand mosquitoes and wasps, but why are you afraid of moths? Because of my clothes.

Do they just eat the clothes off your body? Have you found yourself suddenly naked walking down the street? Ah, they got me again! And now of course our final word must go to Suzy. Suzy, please give us one last word to leave us with. Well, this is a French expression and it is chanter en yaour, which means to sing made up words or sounds when you have no clue as to the lyrics of a song. And it literally means to sing in yogurt. Also known as absolutely Mullering a song.

That's what your license fee pays for. And that brings us to the end of the show. I hope the chat hasn't been too wangy, that our sensitive listeners haven't been put off by all the spanking, and if you're listening on the BBC Sounds app, it hasn't made you puke. Thanks very much to the always brilliant Susie Dent and to our guests Jack Dee, Miles Jupp, and Rhea Leena. I'm Phil Wangy, and this has been Unspeakable.

Goodbye! And to our guests, Jack Dee, Miles Jupp and Ria Leena. I'm Phil Wangy and this has been Unspeakable. Good luck! Unspeakable was presented by Phil Wang and Suzy Dent. And guests, Jack Dee, Miles Jupp and Ria Leena. It was devised by Joe Varley. Additional material was written by Matthew Crogby and the producer was John Harvey. It's a brand-new production for BBC Radio 4.

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