Comedy of the Week - Wing It

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

"No Script. No Prep. No Clue."Alasdair Beckett-King plays host to a panel of improv comedy all stars in this new spontaneous series, full of ridiculous challenges & completely made up games.Presented by Alasdair Beckett-King.Starring Cariad Lloyd, Steen Raskopoulos, Alexander Jeremy, and Emma Sidi.Devised by Shoot From The HipProducer: Sam Holmes Executive Producer: James Robinson Production Co-ordinator: Becky Carewe-Jeffries Sound Editor: Joe BayleyA BBC Studios Audio Production

BBC Sounds music radio podcast. It's showtime. Hello, I'm Alistair Beckett King and welcome to Wing It, the completely unprepared show with no script, no logic and no public liability insurance. So if anyone falls, try to roll with it. Four of the UK's funniest improvisers are about to compete in a series of games and challenges, making the whole thing up as they go along.

I'm here to tell them what to do. Think of me as a cool substitute teacher who lets you swear. But actually, please don't swear. Let's meet the players. First up, we have comedian, actor, Let's meet the players. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE First up, we have comedian, actor and Britain's Welsh-est English woman, it's Cariad Lloyd. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Bull-a-daw, everybody, bull-a-daw. Joining Cariad, an Australian comedy giant, surely one of the tallest, handsomest men in Britain, but by Australian standards, quite average. Steen Rascopoulos. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You can't see that thing at home, guys,

but I'm actually seven foot three. Next, you've seen her master tasks on Taskmaster, Let Flats in Staff Let's Flats, but can she wing it? It's Emma Ciddy. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I don't actually master tasks in Taskmaster. I'm really bad! LAUGHTER

And finally, we have TikTok improv star Alexander Jeremy, one man with the names of two men. LAUGHTER Alexander, Jeremy, I'm going to call you both AJ. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I'm not quite sure how I feel about that intro, if I'm honest. These four players know absolutely nothing about what's going to happen next, right? We haven't colluded in any way. No. And we don't hang out socially. No. Absolutely not. As much as you ask, no.

Quite emphatic answer there. OK, players, I have devised a series of challenges to test your improv skills. No. Absolutely not. As much as you ask, no. Quite emphatic answer there. OK, players, I have devised a series of challenges to test your improv skills. Cariad and AJ, let's start with you in our first game, which is called Change. AJ and Cariad, I think of you both as my children. So...

Dad? You will be starting... You will be starting this game as siblings. But whenever you hear this sound, change. I want you to go back in time and change whatever you just said to something totally different. Let's play change. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Betty, would you just come and play with me today instead of your friends? I just, like, don't know if I can, because I just think you are quite annoying. Betty, why are you always so mean to me? Look, I'm three years older than you.

Ago, I am very cool. I'm nearly eight. Change. I am 25. LAUGHTER Can you teach me to be cool just like you? I can try my hardest, but seriously, you're gonna have to work so hard on your personality. Change? I don't think this can happen.

Will, I promise, I promise, I'm gonna make you really, really proud, okay? Maybe I'll come up with like a cool line to say hello to people. Yeah, like- Hey, what's up, you cool people? Change. Hey, what's up, bad people? Yeah, you could say that when you come into the class or something, or you could just try and maybe relax

and not be so focused on whether people like you, you know? It's hard, Doug, being your sister. Change. It's hard, Doug, being your mother. I didn't want you to find out like this. In a way it seems cruel. Can I be honest as well? Yeah. I always knew.

Change! Oh my god. What? This whole time I thought you were my sister! Oh no, no, I don't want to be anything like you, I don't want to be cool like you. Do you know what? I'm leaving. Change. I'm staying right here. That's what I'm going to do, I'm going to stay right here

until you explain yourself. I don't know what to say, Doug. I'm still trying to work out the maths of how I am your mother. We'll end that there. Fantastic stuff AJ and Cariad. I'm so proud of you kids. Next game. Emma, Steen, it's your turn. In this game, Emma, you can say anything you like,

but all of Steen's lines must come from the Old Testament. Steen. Are you familiar with the Holy Bible, Steve? Read it back to front, baby. Excellent. And the setting for our epic scene will be a doctor's waiting room. Take it away, Emma and Steve. Hello, can I get your name please? Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

Samuel thus addressed. Got it. Right, okay, and address please. David was a son. David was a son. David was a son. Good pub down there. Right, so what time's your appointment? 28, at that time the Philistines mustered their army

for an attack. Right, I've got you down for 10.30, but fair enough. And what is your problem today? Virgin daughter of Babylon! Right, right. Yes, and is she with you? My eyes are a fountain of tears. Oh, Mr Brendan Matthew Luke.

Look, in that case, I've got something special you can have. Be on your guard. Why's that? They deceive their friends and never speak the truth. They have trained their tongues to lying. GPs. And we'll end that there. CHEERING Fantastic stuff and two points deducted from Steen because all those quotes came from the New Testament. Cariad and Emma, this next game is for you and it's all about genre. You're going to start the scene with a particular relationship

suggested by the audience. CHATTER I heard... I heard priest and confessor. You're going to start the scene as priest and confessor. I'll be pausing the action with this sound at various points to switch up the genre. Let the game begin.

My child, what brings you to confession today? Oh, hi. Hi, Dad. Hi, Father. Erm... I've sinned. I'm feeling just dreadful about it. I just had to come here straight away. Right. You're not going to tell anyone else? That's the deal, right? Well, look, I'm a priest, so I don't know. OK. LAUGHTER Just because I know my mum also comes to you for confessions,

so you won't just be like, oh, by the way, she did this, you won't be... Well, the Catholic Church, you know. Right. Okay, well, I don't know what else to turn to. I was in the shop and I don't know why, I just... Spanish soap opera. I don't know why.

It's difficult for me to talk about. Please, Margarita. Is it really you, my twin sister? I didn't think you would recognize me. I had so much plastic surgery so that you would never recognise me, Margarita 2. I know! Science fiction. Was the shop... digital? Margarita, tell me it is not true.

Period drama. I am so sorry. I must confess my countenance upon my face must be as blust as a peach, but now that I have committed such a terrible sin of plastic surgery and also theft within a digital workspace. My darling child, do not think that plastic surgery be of such a naughty nothingness. Indeed, my lord, indeed is true. Look, are you still a virgin? GCSE drama. One thing you should know about virgins is it's okay to be one.

Because V is for victory. I is for I don't want to have sex tonight. And R is for rebella. Get your vaccinations. G is for give it to me or don't. I is for in or out. And N is for no way. And scene.

Our next game is for AJ and Steen. Up you get, AJ, you can say whatever you want, but to make things easier on you, Steen, you can only speak in three word sentences. Not two, not one, three. Is that clear? Any more than that and you will be severely penalized. And this, thank you.

And this game will be set in a? A pet shop. A pet shop. This scene will be set in a pet shop. Take it away, Adrian Steen. (*audience cheering*) Dog, cat, parrot. Yes, that's what we have here in this store. Is there anything here to your liking?

Fish, frog, turd-pole. Yeah, well we've got a whole range of... Can I interest you in... What's in that? Well, you can't go in there. What's in that? Well you can't go in there. What's in that? Listen, there's something in there that I don't know if you'll be able to handle but... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's a dinosaur.

Jurassic Park... I've... You've seen it as well. I've seen that film also. And I did it. I went in, I looked at the codes that he did in the film and they work. There's more of? There is more of. Many many more of. Look.

Here is a sequence of eggs. I mean just a series of eggs really. They're in sequence, but they're mainly just a series, and I've labelled them, but they're here. Colour, height, age? That's right. That's right, I've put them in colour, height and age. Do you want to try this Velociraptor egg?

I eat it? Yes, of course. Can I call? Yeah, you can have a phone call if you want to. I'm just going to put this on the frying pan. Hey, Mum! Me! Wanna eat... You what? A dinosaur egg!

You just keep saying three words, I'll be over here. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Time for some quickfire improv, please. That's right, AJ, we are recreating the TikTok For You page live on stage, and you are my flesh algorithm. LAUGHTER I'm creating the TikTok for you page live on stage and you are my flesh algorithm. LAUGHTER A couple who aren't sure if this is a date or a fight.

This ratatouille is delicious. Oh, yeah? LAUGHTER You got a problem with that? Or are you proud of yourself? Are you proud of yourself for this incredible ratatouille? Hey, do you... Why don't you have some of my ratatouille? Does that taste nice? It wasn't as nice as my one.

OK. Actually. God, I love you. That was so sexy. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Finding out your grandparent is more progressive than you. Oh, it's lovely to see you, James. You're so tall.

How's all the farming going? The farming is going very well, thank you. You don't actually need as many heat lamps as you think to grow them. They're actually growing just outside. Granddad said you were getting an electric tractor. Which grandad? Can I just say I love that Cariad's interpretation of progressive is recreational drug use. Voldemort trying to convince you to watch his favourite film.

LAUGHTER Err, ho, ho! LAUGHTER Have you seen my favourite film with... I'm just a posh person. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE my favourite film with... I'm just a posh person. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Gentle parenting gone too far. LAUGHTER

Right, everybody, let's all just take a breath. We don't need to go into our red zone, OK? So listen, I can see five bodies on the floor. LAUGHTER No, no, I know, it doesn't matter who killed them, please don't raise your voice to your sister. Now, listen, that's fine. It's okay. No, no, actually, let me handle this.

No, it's better when one of us does it. It's better when one of us does it. Because we talked about, I sent you an Instagram reel. This is what she said to do. Dr. Becky said to do this. But we're not going to call the police yet until we as a family have had a discussion about our house rules not to kill people, okay?

So I think it's fine for now. We'll bury these five people. They look like they don't have fixed abode. So that's going to make this easier. Okay, no, no, okay. Because they still have to get into secondary school. This can't go on a UCAS form, Jonathan. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Next game. Cariad and AJ, this one is for you. Now, AJ, I've been stalking you on social media, and I've harvested comments from underneath your most popular videos. I've written them down. LAUGHTER I've written them down. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I've written them down on cards.

Please take a handful, Carrie, take a handful. Okay. I'm so sorry. Okay. Oh. We're gonna start this scene at a job interview, but when you hear this sound, whatever is written on your card

will be your next line of dialogue. Your scene is a job interview. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! written on your card will be your next line of dialogue. Your scene is a job interview. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yeah, so I'm just very excited, really. We were so excited that you've come in, you know? We've heard... There's been a bit of a buzz about your CV in the office, actually. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, I was speaking to Max, you know, head of IT,

and Max said to me, came straight up to me when he got your email and said, ****, came straight up to me when he got your email and said, cancelled. Yeah, so I have been cancelled. Oh, okay. But I'd like to think that I've come like a phoenix reborn from the ashes. Absolutely, yeah. And like a phoenix, I just feel like my kind of mission statement now, my mission statement is when in everything I do,

this is what they call suspense. So in everything I do I make sure everyone is really tense the whole time. And that will help my cancellation. You know you can see we're a small team but we're growing fast and I mean recently we were you know in the papers and they reviewed us and they said oh dear. He said, oh dear. Yes, and okay, well, can I read you my CV? I'd love to, I had it on a PDF, but why not read it live? This is so good. That's the first line.

That's the first quote, I like that from your history teacher year nine. Yeah, this is so good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then of course I did a little bit of work. Yes, Tom, yeah. A little bit of work with, keep up so good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and and then of course I did a little bit of work Yes, a little bit of work with keep up the good work I love those guys. Yeah, they're great, right? They won an award a couple of years ago for their advertising campaign Yeah, yeah, just called keep up the good work and and they were great

I remember I remember the other slogan they run which was find hot lonely singles in your area I remember the other slogan they run, which was, find hot lonely singles in your area. That's a great slogan. You really got to the point. This kind of ties in with my cancellation, if I'm honest. Right, okay. Okay, well, like you said, you're a phoenix rising. So Tom, what do you think you can bring

to a PR company like this? Just, do you know what? When I walk into a room, sometimes some people look at me and they just say straight off the bat, they just say, Who's that, mate? Because they don't know you. They don't know me. Who's that, mate? Oh, it's me. I'm here. That could become like maybe a little office catchphrase.

When people see me, they always say, it was well worth the wait. Yeah. When people see me they always say it was well worth the wait Thank you very much a Jan carry-on you're hired For this next game three heads are better than one Emma Steen carry-on you are going to be assuming the role of renowned scientist Dr. Corky McCorkadale who as we all know shot to fame teaching toddlers to calm down. I think we'd all like to know the secret of that, so please a big round of applause for Dr. Corky. APPLAUSE Dr. Corky, welcome. What is the secret of your success?

Children... ...of...... nuisances. They cause pain and distress to everyone. Of course, this is all in your new book, which is called... Could you remind me of the title? Kids Get Gone. Kids Get Gone, of course. Unforgettable. And what was the subtitle to Kids Get Gone?

If you are struggling with a child, get gone. Now, Dr. Corky, do you have a family of your own? Three. Families? Now, if you have one piece of advice for aspiring parents in the room, what would that be? Use all protection. And I believe there's a very pithy quote on the back of your book. I can't quite bring it to mind.

What was that? When you are feeling sad, make sure you use every ounce of strength to use against the penis. Yes, it's not quite as pithy as I remember it being already. So let's say an unruly toddler were to wander in now, what would you do as an expert to calm that child down? Bring the child towards me and pick him up and say get friends. Get... Friends! Friends! Get... Friends! Dr. Corky, thank you very much.

Now it's time for the very last game of the show. Streaming services are always looking for the next big thing. They spend millions on scripting, props, and special effects. We don't have that budget. But last night, I broke into the BBC Radio Phonic workshop and stole loads of sound effects. I haven't had a chance to listen to them yet, so whatever you folks hear, improvise.

The players are going to create a brand new show based on a title suggested by this wonderful audience. The Leaping Frog. The Leaping Frog? What else? The cow who The leaping frog. Oh. The leaping frog, what else? The cow who flew through the moon. Oh. So I'm gonna go with the moon, the moon one. We now present the cow that flew through the moon.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Well, I don't know. I don't know where she's gone. She was the best cow that we had. The only cow we had. But I'm sorry, I was supposed to be looking out for her, and I just came here this morning and she was gone. I need you to find her. Promise me you'll find her. Or what, Jemima?

I haven't thought of that yet. Meanwhile, on the highway... I haven't thought of that yet. Meanwhile on the highway. What's going on with you? Oh, you know, I'm just a big lady with a bonnet. Skin's black and white, boobs quite low. Don't try and tempt me little lady. I know you must be lonely Bob doing all these late night drives. How do you know my name?

It's on your shirt. Oh. So it is so it is. Yes. But I feel like I hardly know you Bob. I only know that you drive trucks late in the night and you don't mind picking up cows. Wait, what did you say? You don't mind picking up cows. Wait, what did you say? You don't mind picking up cows.

Do you say cows? You are a cow! Oh, I thought you knew! I thought you knew! Bob, no, don't drive it! My wife is gonna kill me! No, I swear I'll never tell her, Bob, do you understand? I won't say anything, I'm trying to get to the moon, that's all I need.

So some help to get there, will you help me, Bob, do you understand? I won't say anything, I'm trying to get to the moon, that's all I need, so some help to get there. Will you help me, Bob, will you help me? Look, Cal. Oh. Oh. Well, look, I didn't want to have to do this, but I also am packing something. Oh my God.

This is an udder attached to a milking unit. You don't want to get this milk, it's gone bad. Pfft, pfft, pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. PffPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPPY POPP There's none left in there. Scream at it, Desmond, scream! You were saying? You were. I'm nearly here.

Here's the space station near my farm. I knew if I got here eventually. Can I help you? I... Oh, let me put my bonnet up a little higher. Because you look totally like a cow. I wanted if I could have a tour of the space station. Why, of course, we'd love to give tours to any kind of person, no security needed.

Off we go. Oh, thank you. Oh, don't mind that, that's a burning furnace. Wow. It's a burning furnace of white goods. Oh, you just burning white goods. Oh. You're just burning white goods? Yes, that's how we're gonna get to the moon.

That's how we're gonna get to the stars. Well, that's the tour over then. Off you go, little lady. Okay. Do you mind if I just go a slower way out the exit? Make sure you don't do anything dodgy. Oh. Like what? Like what?

I don't want you jumping over no moon or nothing. Well, if I was a cow I could, but I'm just a person with allergies. All right, well. Wait a second. Let me get this bonnet off your head. No, no. Oh, you're a damn cow.

And I don't mean in the derogatory way against women. Please! I need to fly through the moon, not over the moon. Everyone expects me to go over it, but I need to fly right through the goddamn thing. And why the heck do you want to do that, you stupid cow? Our best jet pilot's just died. Oh my god. He fell into the furnace.

I knew that was gonna happen. We need someone. We've gotta take this cargo up there. Oh god. I mean, I've been training for 20 years on a computer game called How to Fly a Rocket. Look, Cal, you seem to really want this for reasons we don't freaking understand let's get you in that thing a rocket I just took a few pictures just commemorate the moments. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. I got an Instagram account. Oh, nice. What's the handle?

At Rocket Cal. Nice. Why are you confident? All right, put this on. Okay. Ooh. I, ooh, well, at least my heart rate's stable. Still going.

Okay, I'm okay. She's okay. Okay, we ready for lift off now? Correct. Three, two, one. Wait! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Nope, too late, she's gone. She's gone. Wow! Look at her go. Meanwhile in space. Pshh. Whoooo. I can see it.

Can you hear me down there? I'm radioing you. Pshh. Yes, I can hear you. Do you recognize this voice? I left you back in the farm, god damn it! How'd you get here before me on the goddamn moon? I went into that space rocket, went into that furnace,

shot me up real fast. Just to get your cow back. Just to get you back. We're nothing without you in that farm. I ain't nothing to you, I ain't nobody. I ain't never been nothing to nobody and no one will be. Do you remember when you were first born? Oh, somebody pulled me out by the hands. That was me? Remember these hands?

Now I do. Hold my legs. What did you want? I wanted to fly through the moon but instead I've landed right on it. I guess I realize now it's a solid rock and I, I can't fly through it. Maybe we can build a farm on the moon. A moon farm where we farm moons. That's it, I'm sick of being your cattle,

I wanna be part of the team. You wanna be part of it. Can you trust me? Put it there. And that little, is the story of how the cow flew through the moon. Interestingly, it's written by Elon Musk. And, sing! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE And that's the end of our show!

And that's the end of our show! Your wing-it players were Steen Raskopoulos, Carrie Adloyde, Emma Ciddy and Alexander Jeremy. Your host was me, Alistair Beckett-King. The show was devised by Shoot From the Hip. The producer was Sam Holmes. And it was a BBC Studios audio production for Radio 4. Strong message here from BBC Radio 4. A brand new series stress testing to destruction the buzzwords and phrases used and abused by politicians. Orc barrel politics. Red state. Purple state. Sports washing. Strong and stable.

Flip-flopper. What do they actually mean? I'm Amanda Nucci. And I'm Helen Lewis. And like a couple of disgraced stage magicians recently kicked out of the magic circle, we'll be revealing all the verbal tricks of the trade. And singling out the worst examples of political doublespeak. Strong message here from BBC Radio 4. Listen now on BBC Sounds.