Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - 21st Century Bangable

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

Conan talks to salon owner Kristi to get recommendations for his style and to get the scoop on the weirdest conversations she’s had with someone in the chair.  Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, Christy. Get a load of these guys. What a natural introduction. Is it Christy?

Christy, yeah. Christy, hi. How are you? Where are you coming to us from? I'm good. How are you? I'm coming from Naperville, Illinois. And now international action hero Bob Odenkirk is from Naperville.

Did you know that? I think I did. So is Chris Radd. Yeah, a lot of people are from here. Yeah, Chris Radd's from Naperville. Yeah, it's a great, it's not too far from Chicago. I know all this because years and years ago in another lifetime I did a stage show with Bob Odenkirk and I knew that he grew up very nearby, and we were in Chicago and he was

right nearby. So I have a soft spot for Naperville. Yeah, it's cool. Okay, well, that's clearly you don't work for the tourist bureau. Naperville. It's cool. All lowercase letters. It's cool.

Dot, dot, dot. Question mark. Well, tell us about yourself, Christy. What do you do? So I own a salon currently. Oh, cool. Yeah. I was going to say, your hair looks, you own a salon.

Your hair is very beautiful. Thank you. It's long and I love the color. It's gorgeous. It's gorgeous hair. Oh, thanks. Thanks. It's fake.

It's fake. Is it? What does that mean? Yeah. I get extensions. Oh, those are extensions that you clipped onto it. Can I ask you a question? Yeah.

Can men do extensions? I mean, if they really, yeah, if they so desired, sure. They also have like fancy toupees kind of that can be put in permanently a week or two at a time. They're like glued to the scalp. It looks incredibly uncomfortable. That sounds awful. I'm not interested in that, but I'm curious about extensions.

I don't know why. I'm just, because I like to try things and I'm known, you know, people have known me for my hair for a while and I'm wondering if I came to, you said you have a salon? Yeah. If I came to you and asked for extensions, would you think, you'd think that was weird, right? I mean, yeah, but I would do it because the dollar is the dollar. If I asked you to shoot me in the face, would you do that too for a dollar?

And how much? No, that I could not do. I will do anything for a dollar. Yeah. Okay. So you have a salon and you have, I complimented you on your hair and you immediately told me it's made of nylon and velcro. Yeah, I can't.

Whenever anybody compliments me, I just can't, I can't lie. I can't be like, thanks. Well, you look lovely. That's the important thing. And do you, is it, do you, do women come to the salon or do men come as well? I have both. I have both clients. All right.

Let me ask you professionally, if I came to you, to your salon, I'm in your part of just outside Chicago near Naperville and I come to your salon. What's the name of the salon? Salon Luciani. Salon Luciani. Is that your last name, Luciani? Mm-hmm. So if I came to Salon Luciani and plopped down on the chair, what would your recommendation

be for me and be serious? I, okay. Well, seriously, your hair's amazing. So I don't know if I would do anything different. You have the, it's iconic at this point. Wow. No notes. Look at that.

That's really nice. I never get no notes. That's, that's very nice. Sometimes, you know, I think like, well, I've had this and it's, it's been this way for a long time. And then I think maybe it's time to really switch it up, but I never have the guts to do it. But how do you switch it up if it's like perfect?

Like how do you? Okay, you're my favorite person ever, Christy. You're fantastic. Okay. Well, obviously you don't. You can't improve perfection. Coralie, this is so nice of you. No, I've always said you have amazing hair.

Because we can't improve perfection and we can't polish a turd. Oh. Oh, so now we're talking about my body. Okay. Well, that's fantastic, Christy. What do you think about my body? Well, you can't polish a turd. Oh.

What if I had an actual turd? Still no? No, I've tried. Okay. It doesn't work. It doesn't take. So what's it like? Because you seem very personable, Christy.

When someone's sitting in the chair and you're doing their hair, I bet you'd be very good at talking to people. Yeah, it's part of the job. I used to not be that way. I used to be kind of quiet, but this forces you to sort of get out of your shell and kind of take control of the conversation because there's a lot of duds out there. So. Tell me about it.

Go ahead and say it. Go ahead and say it. No, no. None in this room. But you're just 28 years of late night and I can find you some duds. You know, I'm curious. Someone sits down in the chair and I bet you people get very unguarded and they start talking about things that they normally wouldn't talk about.

We hear everything. What's one of the weirder things you've heard? Oh, gosh. The weirdest thing I've heard was a phone call from my client who's a dominatrix. So she had somebody call her while she was in the chair to request some services. Hold on a second. So let me paint the picture. This woman's in the chair.

She's a dominatrix. That's her business. And she gets a phone call from a client while you're working on her hair. And this client wants real time back and forth talking service at that moment. Well, no, he just was setting up his appointment. It was actually like shockingly very professional. Okay. Was he on speakerphone this guy?

Could you hear him? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So what was he requesting? I mean, was he obviously some of it's just, can you do 330? No, I can't. I can't do it.

Then I got to pick up the kids. Okay. How about I got a slot tomorrow at 110. You know, so there's that, but is he giving any hint as to what he wants? I feel like vaguely it was like a baby thing, like wanted to dress up like a baby. Okay. I was told this call was private. This is bullshit.

The fuck. Wow. He wanted baby stuff. Okay. Got it. It wasn't like extensive or anything. Like I said, it was, you know, professional, but it made me sad a little bit. I don't know what the psychology is behind that.

So. Well, let me explain. It's a design. It's a design. It's a design. It's a design. It's a design. It's a design.

It's a design. It's a design. It's a design. Well, let me explain. It's a desire to return to it. Will you give him my number because all I'm doing is taking care of baby things. You can make some money off of this. He was probably just trying to trick the dominatrix into babysitting.

That's what I can do. Yeah. You can find a sitter that way. Have you ever made a terrible mistake while you were doing someone's hair and then just tried to cover it up? I've never tried to cover it up, but yeah, I have. When you say a terrible mistake, you mean you chopped off, you know, something that they've been growing for 30 years?

What are you holding there, by the way? What is that? This is Moira Rose. Oh my God. Moira Rose. I thought you had a wig in your lap. I didn't know either. And then you held it up and it's a little dog.

Yeah. She likes to sing the song of her people, so I got her in her little strap, so she's quiet. Is that real hair or does she have extensions? She's got real hair. She's just a beauty. Yeah. Look at that. That's a gorgeous.

She's not a fan. She's not making eye contact. She's like, I don't know who you are. I'm sorry. She's like, do you guys know that? Is this the smart-less people? Oh, it's Conan. Okay.

What would be a terrible mistake to make in the chair? One was my clippers kind of slipped while I was doing a fade and I got like a little bald spot on the side of his head, but he didn't. Okay. Unfortunate, but that's, you know, in the grand scheme of things, that's not that bad. No, that's true. It could be worse. Yeah.

Space for advertising. There's a way to monetize that. I think... What? What? Advertised? What? Please.

How many people work in your shop? What? How many people work in your salon? It's just me, actually, and then I just hire out for like events or weddings or stuff like that. Have you ever hired someone and then they're just awful? They come in and you hate them and you have to kick them out of your shop? Oh, yeah.

It's an interesting group of people in this industry, so you get that a lot. You get a lot of like transients that don't know what they want to do to say it nicely. I'm not trying to be mean, but they didn't know what else to do, so that's what they're doing. That's kind of what most three Stooges shorts are based on. Yeah. I mean, they have the truck that has their name on it and they've shown up at the Fancy Society Ball, but they're always clearly doing something for the first time and they have

no idea what they're doing. And that includes being a barber, being a plumber, being a surgeon. They're always just there giving it a shot for the first time and then they move on. So you're probably getting people like that occasionally. Do you want to throw in on that something? No, I don't. I keep gorely this look. Can people know about the three Stooges?

I know they do. It's just a weird... It's an interesting comparison. I mean, don't people have to get their cosmetology license? You're saying some people just weren't meant to do it, I'm guessing. Yeah, they get their license, but it was like instead of going to college because they didn't want to go to college. So...

Right, right, right, right. Where's your broadcasting license, Sona? Where's your podcasting license? I have zero. Where's yours? Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

We're just here... We're making it up. You guys, don't joke because this is serious because you have to have a podcasting license. I know. Take a bus test. Is that...? Yeah, we could be arrested. They're going to take our podcast.

You guys aren't serious. No, we are serious. Totally serious. I need a podcasting license. I believe a lot of stuff. This isn't cool. Not anyone can just have a podcast. No.

I know you're joking. It is a very hard thing. I didn't know if you had to have a thing, like documentation. No, you have to be born into it. All right, forget it. You know what? You know what? It sucks.

You know I'm stupid. No. No. There's been a suspicion. You've just got better priorities. Hey, my brother thinks you're really hot, so... Hey! Are you talking to me?

Oh. No, I'm talking to Sona. Oh. That's nice. Now, tell us... Nice. Sound like... Sona is married, but you never know.

Things can get a little rocky. No, I mean... Look at you flip your hair to one side. Just saying. Show your little neck. Just saying. What is happening? What's his name?

His name is Ryan. Yeah. Hi, Ryan. There is a face, but when Sona was single and there was a good looking waiter, because we spent a lot of time together, you would do a Sona face. You would angle your face differently and you would act like you were trying to catch light that wasn't there. What?

You know, in the room? Can you do it? I mean, it was just a lot of like... It was a lot... It's what everybody... You bat your eyes. You just like, laugh a lot at the things they say, and you know what? It worked a lot.

It's the stuff you do girly at the flea market, when they have an Eisenhower poster, you've just got to have. Yeah. You do want hair flips too. But it's crinkled on the sun. I must have that loot. Oh my gosh. It might complete my collection.

You know what? In another life, if I was single, tell Ryan I said hi. I will. Tell him I said hi. No, it's not about you right now. It's about me. Yeah, it's about Sona. I can't do it with this.

You're not in on this. Okay. We'll take you to the Rose Bowl swap meet. Yeah. Ryan thinks Sona's hot, and I have a twin sister who said she was in a Facebook group called I Do Conan. What? What?

This was like when she was in college. Yeah. Everybody wants to bang us. I know. Wait. You know what? You guys are very bangable. I don't know.

You're bangable. She changed the podcast to everybody wants to bang us, even though I have not been included in this. No, no, no. That's okay. I'm not. I'm not. And eventually someone will want to bang you.

More of whispering from my lap that she's into you, Matt. Wait. What year? What year was that? Is this the 90s? It was in the 90s that people wanted to bang me. Or was it in the 2000s? It was in the 2000s.

Yeah. Yeah. It was around in the 90s. That's what was around in the 90s. 20th century bangable. Are you going to join this Facebook group? I was in the group. Remember, there was-

We started the group. There was one woman who looks suspiciously like me, who was named Conanina. It was always going, anyone else want to bang Conanina? I know I do. Only cool people are banging Conanina. I have a friend who banged him and said he was a good bang. Crowley, I don't know. Ben Affleck banged Conanina.

Oh, well. I know someone who saw him in the gym. Well, let's just say he's built a bank. And then at one point my wig falls off and everyone's like, Conan. But your hair becomes better. I don't know if you know how Facebook works. Yeah. Are you live broadcast?

I don't know. I forget it. I don't know why I'm trying to make sense of this. Yeah. It's stupid enough as it is. Well, anyway. My congratulations and felicitations to all three people in the international odd bank. Facebook page.

Well, this has been fun. I mean, I think we've learned a lot. Wait a minute. I'm looking. Nope. Not learned anything. Wait. No, we did learn that I shouldn't get hair extensions.

No. If you make a mistake when you're doing someone's fade and you actually shave off a part of their hair that needs to stay, just mention it. Be honest, right? Don't try and hide it. Yes. And that when you're asking your dominatrix over the phone what you want, be conscious that other people may be listening.

Be mindful. Yeah. They may have you on speakerphone and they're at a Denny's about to order. And you're there saying, you need to dress as a really nasty chef. This sounds specific to me. You know the Denny's I'm talking about. Well, this is cool. Yeah.

Do you have a question for Conan? Yeah, do you have a question for me? We can wrap on a question. Maybe you want to know something, learn something. Okay. I have like a collage wall with like iconic hairstyles. We have like Dolly Parton. We have Marilyn.

We have James Dean. And I want to put a black and white of you up. But what are we going to name your hairstyle? Well, it's got to be the Conan. Yeah. Everyone knows, right? Yeah. I don't know.

You can think of something a little bit more fun. Like what? The Belgian twist? Like. What about you with Belgian? Yeah. The ginger, the ginger wave, red squall. Are the other celebrities, do they have names for their?

No. No. We don't care about them. Why are you mad at me? Yeah. Got it. And you're such a nice person who doesn't seem like you lose your temper at anyone, but you snapped right at girly.

She just knows. She knows. I mean, you could try and, yeah. I mean the. Okay. The Conan's fine. The ginger pastry. The snackable ginger.

Oh. I thought you said bangable ginger. You can't let that go. I can't. You're buying to keep going back. No, they tell me I was bangable. Conan. Yeah.

Yeah. I just, I'm sorry. I hate to be. I just think I'm the Conan. I think so. And I think what we should do. It's like the Rachel. We're going to get your.

Yeah. It's like the Rachel. It's the Conan. And what we'll do. We're going to get you a photo. Yes. And I want to sign it to your shop to you. And then we'll mail it to you.

And we will get that to you. I want to make sure that our producers hang on with you. And make sure that I get you this. Because I want this to go up on the wall of your shop. That's important to me. Yeah. Absolutely. I'd be honored if people had to use.

And guess what? No one's going to come in. And say I want the Conan. Because people find my hair fascinating. Nobody wants it. Nobody's interested in replicating. I think they can't do it. That volume is hard to get naturally.

Yeah. It is very hard to get. Yeah. It's good hair. It takes a lot of. A lot of pressure. Yeah. It's a lot of self-loathing to get that kind of lift.

Oh, jeez. Hey, Christy. It was really nice meeting you. We're going to get you that photograph. And you know, you never know. Someday I might be driving through Naperville to check out the Bob Odenkirk statue. Or the Chris Red statue. And I'm going to come by your shop.

And get the Conan. And I'm going to say, give me the Conan. And then you're going to slip and cut off half my head. Nice. You're going to say, I want the Conan. And you're going to ring a bell and go, we finally got one. Finally. Someone wanted one on purpose.

Not as a prank. Hey, thank you very much, Christy. Really nice talking to you. Thank you. You too, guys. Thanks. Hang on. He's going to get your info.

Okay. Okay. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye. Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gorely. Produced by me, Matt Gorely.

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