Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - 41 Insults

Episode Date: June 1, 2023

Conan chats with Whitney from Thailand about working in HR for the UN and specific tips for Conan should he ever attempt to rock climb.

Konen O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konen? Visit teamkoko.com slash call-konen. Okay, let's get started. Hi Whitney, welcome to Konen O'Brien needs a fan. Hi. Hi Whitney, how are you? I'm good.

Hi Sona. Hi. Hi Whitney. Nice to see you Whitney. Tell us where are you in the world right now. I'm in Thailand calling from Thailand. Where is it called? Calling? No, she's calling. Oh, she's calling. Oh, I thought you're calling from Thailand. I thought you were some from some exotic province of Thailand called Culling Board. Oh my gosh, you just made me sound like, my English isn't good or something. No, your English is very good.

It's not your fault. I have terrible hearing now as I age. So it's all on me. Whitney, tell me a little bit about yourself. Well, I live in Thailand and I work for a unit that nation as a recruiter for the HR Pacific office. Wait, so you work for the United Nations and specifically you work in which department? Human resources.

Oh, you do human resources for the United Nations. Yes. Interesting. That's very fascinating. So you have to make sure, because in the United States, HR is to make sure that people behave properly. Is it the same idea for the United Nations? Well, yeah, I think it's the same idea everywhere.

Yeah. So you have to call a manual Macron and say, like, you can't say that. Yeah. And then, whatever French over offices. Yeah. Oh, if he's due, whatever French over offices. Yeah. All fees do. Well, I will particularly in recruitment. So I recouped people for offices. Oh, okay. Can I get a job? I don't do it. Whitney. No.

You know, Whitney. No. No. There's enough. Whitney, there is enough trouble in the world right now. We do not need Sonah working for United Nations. I was so excited when I got an email from Lisa. I was like, oh my God, I get to see Sonah. I'm going to get a job at the United Nations. I'm going to get a job at the United Nation. I'm going to get to you. Well, I guess I win if that happens. The world will be destroyed, but I'll be rid of this plague.

Well tell me, I like you, Whitney. It makes me feel good that you're out there working, doing your part, United Nations to to bring peace to the world. Tell me about your life. Tell me about yourself as a person, as a human being. Well, I am married and my husband lives in Cincinnati, Ohio. What the? Cincinnati, Ohio.

Now, where is that in Thailand? Right next to Colin. Is it near calling from? Is it South of calling from? Wait, so your husband is American. Yes, he is. And he actually got me introduced me to your show on YouTube. And you're still married. Well, we got married after that, after he introduced me to your show. So good. Oh, good. So he waited. He waited.

Yeah. You know, most Conan fans wait until they've sealed the deal before they... They're saying this came first, like you were the reason they got married. No, I thought you said he waited. Well, he introduced me to the show a few weeks before we got married. Oh, that's risky. That is very risky. That is end of many a relationship has not gone forward.

We stay here, so. That's good. Well, that's nice. And so you're familiar with the podcast and probably some of the classic television bits on YouTube. Yes. Exferectually the one that with the employee of the month or the Italian trip with Jordan. Yes. Yes. Those ones people really like. Yes. And I also, I did an HR remote with Sona, where we tried to get help, remember?

Yeah, we tried and it didn't go well. We were going to try with our HR rep, yeah. So we're familiar with how ineffective HR can be. Yeah. Well, this is very exciting, Whitney. So you're living in Thailand. And what do you do for fun? What do you do?

I know that you work with the United Nations, but what do you do to relax for recreation? I come. I do indoor rock climbing. Oh, rock climbing. Yes. Have you tried? No, I have not tried.

The only rock climbing I've ever done in my life was to escape danger. You know, in the wild, if I saw something menacing, like a pigeon that looked like it had a disease, I quickly scrambled up some rocks to get away. But no, the idea of going to a gym and doing rock climbing really frightens me. No, it's really fun. You should try. Well, wait a minute. Are you being do Whitney?

Do you really think I'd be a good rock climber, honestly? No. Well, wait a minute. Okay. Well now, now I, well now my feelings are hurt, so I'm going to take the opposite opinion and say I think I'd be a great rock. Why would good reach? I'm sure. Well, well, with me explain why you think honestly, I would have trouble as a rock climber explain.

Well, I don't know how good you would be with like coordination, movement and stuff, but your height would be really and stuff, but your highs would be really, would add it to advantage because you are tall, you're like six four. So you can reach out really high, like for me, M.O. 5, 4. So some movement that's for the next move, next four, is really far for me, like far better. Okay. So I would have advantage. I would have an advantage in my reach, but you're saying like you think I would have, what makes you think I would have bad coordination? I don't know. It's just the way you talk about yourself in the show.

Well, I suppose I'm maybe honest about, yes, I have some challenges, some physical challenges. Let me ask you something. Do you need a body strength decline? Yes. Is that required? She's right. Because I think that would be a problem for me. That's the problem. Well, where do I need the strength? Which part of my body needs the strength in order to climb? Well, at the total body, I would say. Oh, no, that's not good.

The total body? Isn't there just one area that could do all the work? To a fingertip. No, even your finger, you need your strength on your finger. So you pull. I play guitar, so I think I have strong fingers. That's not the only thing though, your legs and your upper body would be too strong to. No, I don't have enough of body. I have I have I'm all leg and no

upper body. Imagine some long long skinny legs and then a head and nothing in between. That's what I am. And then two little noodle arms. Then you can try like jumping movement because there's some you have to jump from one hole to the next hole. So that's how you use it. Yeah. Um, so Whitney, I think it seems to me that you would you introduce the idea that you like rock climbing and you'd like to see me try rock climbing. But I think you just want to see me try rock climbing because you think I'm going to look foolish. Yeah.

Is that correct? Correct. Well, that's terrible. That's being my plan to hold. Whitney, that's terrible. That's terrible. No. That's terrible. You just, everyone can terrible. No. That's terrible.

You just, everyone can come. Everyone can come. Trust me. But I just want to know. You said watch him? Yeah. You're, yeah. She's inviting a bunch of people to win.

No, she's saying everyone can climb. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's what she's saying, but I think what you really mean is everyone can come and watch Conan make a fool of himself. That's what you're really saying. Now do you think that you could help me become a better climber? Well, I have to see you come for this and see you have a chance. Oh, I don't know.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. She's incredible. Let's see if you haven't. Have a chance. Have a chance. Well, listen. Do I, if I don't make it? I think it could be a lost cod. I think you need to put a diseased pigeon at the bottom.

I don't know. I bring you early. You know, here's the thing, Whitney. You're just really loving. You seem joyous at the idea of me falling and getting hurt. That's giving you no end of pleasure right now. Now, let me ask you something. How far would I fall?

Is there anything that would, is there a special safety line that I'd be attached to so I wouldn't fall? Well, there's a two type of plumbing. One is the rope plumbing, which you will be attached to the rope. And there's a be layer at the bottom and then be layer you. So it is easier than the bordering. The bordering means that you only have a mat underneath here. Oh, so a holder ring. There's no rope.

And if I fall, I land on a mat. How thick is the mat? But it's me. No. No, really. But how thick is the, if I fall, how thick is the mat? It's about, that's down to four. Okay, no, I need like seven of those.

And then I need some marshmallow fluff for it. Then you wouldn't have to come if need like seven of those. And then I need some marshmallow fluff. You wouldn't have to come if you need seven of those. That's exactly exactly. Exactly. I'm going to pile seven mats up, walk up to the perch, and then just lay down and go to sleep. Have you ever fallen? Well, I just did and dislocated my elbow a month ago. Oh, well, you're a great ad for climbing. And are you okay now?

Did they fix your elbow? Yeah, I took the sling off now, so it's better. Yeah. Wow. And what's the worst fall you ever had? That wasn't, yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's not so bad.

I fall many times and I never heard myself, but this was like, I dislocated my elbow. So, um Whitney, you seem like a young vibrant woman. Are you aware that I'm a very old man? I am aware. You look 70s. No, I'm not 70s. Like Whitney. That's terrible. Whitney, you're supposed to, Whitney, that was your cue to say, Oh Oh Conan. Don't be silly. You look so young. You look so Viral. You're so handsome. That tell me when you're ready to apologize. Are you ready to apologize? Well, I think Matt is correct in your baby. Yeah. Alright.

She's doubling down. Oh, ridiculous. This is insane. I like Whitney. I know. Whitney, you've done nothing since we began chatting. First of all, you say you're a fan, but I can't believe it. See, I of all, you say you're a fan, but I can't know when. See, I know all about you from your show, or like from your podcast. So, I know you're like, you're in your 70s, and you're like,

I am 59 years old. I am 59 years old. About to be 60. We speak the way. I am 59 years old. I am not in my 70s. This is ridiculous. And I, I, I, I, I don't know. I just think if I were to fall, you realize if I were to fall while climbing, it could be the end of me. I could, you know, I'm not like you. I'm not. That's a mat. You get a lot. You say there's

a mat, but it's probably 30 feet below. I'll hit the mat and explode into just a bunch of packing peanuts. And that'll be the end of me. There'll just be a big, but just an explosion of dust. And then I'll be gone. And how would you feel? Well, you said awesome. You said awesome?

It's a good, it's a pretty cool way to go for you to just just see the. Well, she said awesome. You said awesome? It's a good, it's a pretty cool way to go for you to just see the fuff of Boulder. So you think if I fell, well, so you think if I fell while climbing with you, Whitney, and I exploded into dust and was gone forever, you think it would be awesome? Well, you're not, you are not in pain. I mean, like, so

no. She's really looking out for you. Oh, man. Okay. Okay. Yeah. You're right. It's a, it's a painless way to go. And for a man who's in his 80s, I suppose I should be looking for just a clean way out now, Whitney. So I do, I do think you have my best interest at art. Where's your husband right now? I want to, is he there with you? He will be listening to the podcast, but no, he's, I was that how you communicate with your husband? You call into podcast and then you tell him, listen in. I'm on Joe Rogan tonight.

Yeah. We wouldn't be like, have you listen to this Conan podcast if we talk about it? So, Oh, that's sweet. Is he in Ohio right now? Yes, he is.

Do you have plans to live in the same place at some point? Well, that depending on your government. So it's me. Oh. We are waiting on the paperwork to be committed. So. Well, I hope that gets taken care of. So I wish maybe if I got involved,

don't you think I probably have some influence with the US government? No. No, it's already been a year, so don't you know, be wait for a year, so if you get involved with my beaten year, so okay, and then you'll be in your late 80s. Yeah, well, I'll be in my 90s. Yeah, that's right. Whitney, you have I'm counting now. I think you have insulted me 35 times in this very interview. And that's hard to do.

You may have set the new record. You are no, yeah, you look really sorry. You're laughing so hard. So let's just, let's review. Whitney would very much like for me to come visit her. She's aware that I'm according to her in my late 70s or 80s. And she would like me to go bouldering, which means I have no rope to help me. And if I were to fall, she thinks it would be awesome because I asked her if she would

feel any remorse about this. And she said, no, because it's a quick, painless way to go. And so I think that pretty much sums it up. That sums it up. Yeah. Yeah, she'd head out there. You got it. And also you think I should not get involved in your immigration status with your husband

in America because you think if I get involved, it will take 10 years longer. Yes. Is there anything you'd like to say that's positive about me? Well, no. Well. Well, well, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, but that was really funny. Well Whitney, I like you. Despite, I must be into like SNM or something because all you've done is torture me. Well, you can tell she's a regular listener to the show.

She gets what you need. Yes, yes, and trust me. Everyone around me understands a little too well that I need to be constantly put in my place and humiliated. So that's very cool. And yes, I don't know. We'll see.

Maybe I would go boldering. And. It's true, or at least you should try the rope climbing. Yeah. And then if I... And then if I slip, then I'm suspended by a rope. Yeah. What about your whip feet? Oh, yeah. You're right. On one of my feet has two toes that are attached by a webbing. Would that give me an advantage if I went barefoot?

I think a lot. No, you have to wear climbing shoes. So there's specific climbing shoes. What if I cut a hole right where the webbed toes are so they could stick out and give me that little edge that I need? Do they have strings? No, they're just two weak toes held together by some freckly weak flesh.

Oh. It looks like a, it basically looks like a piece of baloney got stuck between two of my toes. Imagine if Orville Redenbacher was Aquaman. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Then, then there were less.

Well, you say worthless. I say beautiful. Well, here's what I have to say to you. I, you have not helped me much with my confidence, you know, but, but I'm glad. I'm glad we met and I'm glad we spoke. And I think that we've made a really a good connection here. Yeah. I think so. So special. No, Whitney, I really did like talking to you. You seem very cool and you're very funny. And you've hurt my feelings terribly, but you've brought great joy to many people and you also work the United Nations with this proves your

You're good at uniting our nations Through a common contempt for tone. I do my I do my part. I'm not sure if I'm good at it But it's right. I think you are I suspect that you're very good at it Well, thank you very much when he was really nice talking to you and Please say hello to any other fans that might be out there in Thailand and tell them. No one knows. No! Well, I beg to differ.

Well, that means you need to come to Thailand and maybe you do a show and then you get people know about. Because you never been here. You never been here. I know you've been to Japan and South Korea. So you should come here. Okay. I'm sure there are some some fans that I don't know about. But so you're just the number of 41 insults.

Yeah. Yeah. Without even trying. You the insult comic of Thailand. I know you really are incredible of calling from Thailand. All right. Well Whitney, I do hope our paths cross one day and you take care. All right.

Thank you. And be safe on those climbing ropes. Okay. I'll try. All right. be good. Alright, take care. Bye. and Colin Anderson at Earwolf, music by Jimmy Vivino. Supervising producer Aaron Blair, Associate Talent Producer Jennifer Samples, Associate

Producer Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez, please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher. Thank you.