Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - A Very Special Self-Quarantine Episode featuring Andy Daly

Episode Date: March 14, 2020

Comedian and actor Andy Daly joins Conan and crew for a bonus quarantine episode of Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend. Coming to you from Matt’s allegedly safe and socially-distanced home, Conan discusses the current state of things, enjoys a visit from two questionable characters — Dalton Wilcox and August Lindt, and speaks to Team Coco assistant David Hopping about life without access to Disneyland.

Hello, and welcome to a very special episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm going to retitle this one. Apparently, Conan O'Brien does not need a friend right now. Conan O'Brien needs to stay the fuck away from everybody. Corona no virus needs a friend. Exactly. This is the coronavirus edition. There may be others, but we just thought that you know, given that a lot of people are quarantined at home or

or hunkering down that it might be nice for our fans out there. If we made an episode to let you know, we're thinking of you. We're here. I've assembled a small group of friends who've all been boiled in various antiseptic liquids to keep them safe. I'm here with a very funny, I mean, he's you know, I'm from. He's a he's a podcaster extraordinaire. He's a master improviser, a hilarious guy.

Mr. Mr. Andy Daly. Hi. I also live close to where we are. That's a large part of why I'm here. You know, it's so funny because I thought you were here. First of all, I was delighted when I heard that you could be here. Yeah. How are you going to book a show in the midst of a pandemic? And then I find out and I almost hugged you when I saw you because I thought it was such an act of bravery.

And then it turns out you practically live in this house. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, sometimes I do crash in the yard if the weather's nicer. OK, let me be clear as to where we are. We are in the home of our producer, Matt Gorley. Hi. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome. OK. Are you OK? That high was very contrast that with Andy's high. Let's hear your high. Hi. Yeah.

And then yours was a. Hi. Which sounds like you're already short of breath and you don't have the disease. Welcome to my home. You're a gracious guest. Well, let me point out. Yes, we are in Matt Gorley's home in Pasadena. I won't give you exact address because no one would bother you. Oh, man, I still got it.

I still got it. I'm glad to see this virus hasn't affected your capacity to be a dick. No, we thought we had this idea yesterday. Maybe we should get together and do a podcast. We are our guru, Mr. Adam Sacks said he'd been reading some comments that people were listening to the podcast a lot because they're hunkered down. And maybe we could I thought, hey, let's try and do something special.

We don't do this often. And we're just going to take this and get it done right away and get it out there. So then we had the idea we could meet somewhere, maybe at my house. And Matt Gorley said, I have a better idea. Come to my house. Yeah, then I don't have to drive. Isn't that what you said? Yeah, but I am regretting it as we speak.

Oh, come on, I have to say this house is beautiful. It is nice, isn't it? It is really I did all of this. I did the I did the stone. You did realize that you were. Yeah, it's a I mean, it's a veneer, but it looks nice. Let me just describe it is sort of kind of got an arts and crafts vibe. It is no, that's not a joke.

Why are you laughing? I don't know. That's an actual house style. Sometimes you're laughing when I say a real thing. Did you think like scrapbooking? It's like a macaroni glue to the wall. This house was built in, you tell me, I'm guessing. Forty seven, nineteen forty seven. Yeah, it's absolutely gorgeous.

And you and your wife, Amanda, who's also very beautiful and kind, have done an extraordinary job. This is like a museum. We did clean up knowing that you were coming. Yeah. And it's got a lot of cool stuff. And I. Oh, look, is that a stormtrooper blaster in a lusite case? Here's the problem. I knew I needed to cone and proof my house, but I just went, you know, fuck it.

Yes, it is because you have a lot of beautiful, really cool Americana and old photographs and stuff like that. And then you walk into this room and you have a storm stormtrooper blaster. Yeah. OK. And what did that set you back? I'm not prepared to say, but it's not gross. What do you mean? Well, it's not like thousands of dollars or anything. What happened to the stormtrooper? You took it off. Well, he mouthed off of it.

Yeah. Sona is joining us, my trusty assistant, son of assistant. How are you, Sona? I'm good. How are you dealing with all of this coronavirus fear, worry, anxiety? No, none of the above. Oh, you're pretty chill. I'm pretty chill. I'm fine.

I don't know. Should I be worried? I feel like I should be worried, but I'm not. Well, you have an amazing immune system. I do. I have a great immune system, which because you use a lot of old remedies. What? Old? Wait, what? I'm not. I'm being honest. You are always telling me that your mother and your grandmother

have always told you eat garlic. They did. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, when we get sick, we eat like clothes of garlic, drink a lot of tea. We don't take medicine. What's that? But that's like what you do when you're sick. You do that anyway. Like, that's your Halloween candy.

OK. You know what? Garlic and their empty pumpkin. I will say, I mean, a lot of it. I mean, you give out some garlic. It's the Armenian treat for all the kids love it. We do that. I'll get some garlic. Garlic at Halloween. We don't do that.

But yeah, no, we sometimes fear too much last year. We fear a little too much on the side of, you know, super holistic. Like I walked around with a broken arm for two weeks because my parents thought they could just they didn't think it was broken and what are you talking about? When was this? Oh, they're going to be so mad. When I was in sixth grade, I broke my arm and my parents like it's not broken. And then they would cook something on the stovetop and then put it on there

and wrap it up and for something. Should I point out to be fair, Sona was born in 1312. You look great. Yeah. And it's just she really moisturizes a lot. What do you mean if you had a broken arm? So it was a bone. We didn't know it was broken. Well, could you move it? No. Yeah, that means it's broken. Yeah.

So then what would they rub into it? When they're cooking something, is it an omelet? Why are they rubbing into it? They did not rub an omelet on my arm. I'm just so you just so you have some context. I've never had anything cooked on the stove wrap around my arm. That sounds odd. Yeah, it sounds it doesn't sound right at all. No, no, never. Hey, little known little known fact,

I do know that in in when Lincoln was shot in in this, of course, you know, April 14th, 1865, what they do is they lay him out on this bed and the doctors then knew relatively nothing. He's got a giant hole in his head and he's dying and they put a mustard plaster on his chest. And you're thinking, OK, good. I guess we got that taken care of.

But your parents are doing pretty much the same thing to you. No, they're they thought it was just sore. And then a couple of weeks after doing this thing they were doing, I was like, my arm really hurts. And I think I should go to the hospital and they're like, OK. And then they say, tell us more of this hospital. OK, why do I talk? I don't talk about these things. Anyway, no, but I do have a good immune system.

Thanks for, you know, to mom and pop for not making me dependent on antibiotics. Oh, good. That's a good message to get out right now. Yeah, don't seek treatment. Don't it makes you weak. Yeah, you're being too weak. Find some Armenians and they will cook you a stew and you can sit waist deep in it for a while and you'll be fine. You'll get better. OK, it will get better. Andy, how are you?

First of all, thank you very much. And I know that I don't often get to talk to you because you're so often in character. I am now, too. This is a character. Is this a character because I don't know who the real you is. No, me either. OK. You ever do you ever get up in the middle of the night because I've seen you so many times and you're always you're hilarious and you you're always funny, but I don't know if it's the real you.

Yeah, do you ever get up out of a deep sleep at like three in the morning, go to the bathroom and then look in the mirror and and really see yourself and say, I'm a monster. Yeah, that's the only time it happens. But when I when I wake up like unexpectedly, when I wasn't expecting to be away, I can't. I don't have time to go through the process of becoming whatever this is. Yeah, I'm immediately just faced with the actual me. Yeah, yeah. And then it's just like I pop whatever pills are in the coverage.

Yeah, knock myself back out, knock yourself back out. So is I don't know if there is but the Andy, you are now, I don't know which one it is. And of course, I is the Andy, you are now worried at all about things. Are you fairly calm? You how are you feeling about the current situation with this virus and people freaking out a little bit? Yeah, yeah. I'm freaked out by the freaking out and I'm reading a lot of articles.

But I'm also are they articles about this or just article? Any article. No, mostly about the Eagles. I've really been brushing up on like, what's up with those guys? They really didn't get along. They really didn't. And then what brought them back together? I've just been trying to unravel that mystery.

Well, again, that's just a tip out there. If you're worried about the coronavirus or a lot of articles out there about the Eagles. Yeah, a lot. And exactly why they brought up and how they got back together again. And you can read interviews with Glenn Fry or the other guy. Good stuff. Yeah, as you can tell, we've done our research here. As I can tell, you've read a lot of articles. I remember it was Glenn Fry and the other guy.

What was that? Oh, Don Hanley. Yeah. Don Hanley was was he was the heart of the band. Anyway, you've got this is really not. OK. And can I just break in for a second? Because I do want to point out if you are listening to this podcast because you want to get information about the coronavirus, you want useful tips, you should probably stop listening to it now.

Because together, we are dumber than we are individually. And that's saying a lot. Yeah, this is an act of hindrance. This is an act of hindrance. The government may come and shut us down. But on the other hand, that helpful information is also not available anywhere else. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Who knows? Who knows what to do? Who knows what to do?

I just said garlic. Garlic. Yeah, garlic. I don't even know how to hoard appropriately. I went and I just I went to every store I could and I bought all the barbecue sauce. I bought all the barbecue sauce. I bought every kind of barbecue sauce. And this is when there was still lots of toilet paper and fresh water available. And I was knocking ladies over old ladies to get to the barbecue sauce.

And they didn't even want the barbecue sauce. But I have hundreds and hundreds of bottles of barbecue sauce. And I've been drinking it and my stool is a blue gel. Oh, my God. Yeah, I don't know what that's all about. That's unexpected. Yeah. I'm just hoarding old pocket watches. Yeah, that is such a gory thing to do. He's hoarding. He's hoarding old railroad pocket watches.

I've got them all. They can come to my door, but knock it down to get my pocket watches. And also, all of you have all the Rutherford B. Hayes photographs. Yeah, courted. So when the shit goes down, come here. I'll know when the train's coming. I'll know when the train's coming in. Exactly what Rutherford B. Hayes looked like when the shit goes down, says Gourley.

Also, you've got that Star Wars blaster. So you can wield that as if it were a real gun. That's all it does. Does it shoot anything? No, no. It's a full on replica. Bubbles don't come out the front. I wish. All right. I did break out a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle last night. I saw that.

And so, yeah, that's going to that's going to do it, I think, for the duration. Edward Gory and Edward Gory. Oh, that's good. Is it a good jigsaw puzzle? I hate the ones that are just abstract shapes. Yeah, there there are, believe it or not, there are lunatics, psychopaths who will do like a a monochromatic. It's just one color. It's all white or it's all black and it's the same.

Yeah, yeah, those those people will they deserve what they get. Yeah, put it out there. I think that's true. Whatever befalls them, they will not be mourned. There's no reward when you finish just looking at absence of something. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Like this podcast, when we're done, we'll be looking at the absence of something. We will have created a hole.

I said that the title of this episode was, you know, this is Conor O'Brien needs a friend. It is. It's just a special edition. I joked that Conor O'Brien doesn't need a friend, meaning we all have to stay away from each other. And, you know, that was sort of a riff. But I think in these times, I do cherish that I have good friends. And I'm not with them now. I'm with you guys. Right. Yes.

But I'm glad that we could be together. And we're all at a safe distance from each other. Yeah, more or less. I have a lot of questions about this microphone. Yeah, I scrubbed it down with you. You really did. I did all of this. Yeah. OK, that's very nice of you. Well, I didn't want anyone getting sick on my watch.

That's not really that's good. I'm that's very nice of you. That's you're not being selfish. We need a lot of selfless behavior now. That's true. I'm going to double scrub it after you, sons of bitches. They say, of course, the big fear is, you know, if everyone were to get ill at the same time, what if they flooded the hospitals? Right.

This might be an awkward question. But as a celebrity, what I get sort of bumped up Oh, my God, ahead of is that an awkward thing to ask? I just I'm being completely honest here. Wouldn't they come to you? Wouldn't you be able to like hire some private respirator crew? You know, I've been calling around about that and they say you need to be an A-lister.

Oh, they haven't really. Yeah. Apparently, I'm a B-lister. They have a list. Oh, they said that I don't get special treatment. I get like slightly better treatment than other celebrities. They will not bring a ventilator to your house. No, they said they would bring garlic and onions to my house. It's Sona that's going to have to bring it. And then I realized it was Sona talking.

I thought I was talking to the head of the CDC. But no, no, no special. But, you know, normally on the show, we say hi. The celebrity guest says hi, I'm blank. And I feel blank about being Conan O'Brien's friend. And just for the fun of it, maybe we should do that now to create a sense of calm and continuity for the people out there that are looking to us as a as a port in the storm.

Oh, would you like to do that right now? Yes. Hi, I'm Andy Dailey. I feel conveniently located to be Conan's friend. You were the first person we thought of, regardless of proximity. You know, it's funny when I said you would be great for like an emergency podcast. I did say that to Adam Sacks and he said, yeah, I think we could get him. And then I find out that you I think you didn't even have to take a step to get here. I think you rolled over onto your left side and you were in this house.

And then I was in this house. He rents a room here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, you know, and I earned my keep by beautifying this home. That's right. You know, I did all of this. It is lovely to talk to you in your actual speaking voice. Oh, really? If at any point a character wants to show up and tell us what he thinks of the coronavirus or what everyone's going to.

Well, I shot the coronavirus a couple of nights ago. Well, who's it? Well, I'm Dalton Wilcox, Poet Laureate of the West. Oh, yes, you're the Poet Laureate of the West. That's right. A true frontiersman and Westerner. That's right. I'm a I'm from the real West, not this bullshit West. You're living in. I'm from the real West. Well, this is as West as it gets here in the United States.

But you know in your heart that that's not true. This isn't the real West. This isn't the real West. No. OK. I mean, geographically, but that's not what matters. Well, West is in the heart. OK. I think geographically, I've been is pretty much all that counts. But OK. Not when it comes to the West. Not when it comes to the West.

So you said that you shot the coronavirus. I did. I shot it. How did you do that? Well, I was having a few drinks at my local saloon. What's the name of that saloon? The spitting pot. The spitting pot. Yeah. That would be a good place to avoid right now.

No, sir, they've got a pot right in the middle and anybody can spit into it and you can spit whatever you want in there. Right. I'm just saying, given the current pandemic, probably. Oh, no, you know, going in, there's going to be some disease. That's been the case for a long time. So so anyway, you a lot of people are worried about what to do about the coronavirus. I know you say that you took a shot at.

I know I've been trying to tell people it's dead. I shot it. People still running around buying toilet paper. Yeah. But what happened was I had had a number of drinks and I tried. I tended to order another one. A fellow behind the bar says to me, no, you need to settle up your tab first. And then I'll be happy to give you another drink. And I looked him dead in the eyes and I said, are you the goddamn coronavirus?

And he said that he was. What? Really? Yep. What did he look like? Well, he said, what monsters say? Whenever you ask them, are you a vampire? You a mummy, whatever? He said, what are you talking about? Right. Right.

So that's all I needed to hear. Did he appear to you like the coronavirus? Did he appear like the coronavirus? Absolutely. Holding out his hand for money, refusing to give me another whiskey. I asked him for a whiskey and a broken glass until I drank my whiskey. Well, that doesn't seem like a good idea. That'd be very sharp glass.

A lot of pieces. You'd cut your lip. That's right. That's why a cowboy has a mustache. Oh, they cover the cocks on his lips. Cover up all the scars from all them glasses of whiskey and a broken glass. Got it. So you didn't sound like you did much research into whether this actually was the coronavirus. All you know is that. I did all the research I needed to do.

A man behind a bar, I'm guessing the bartender asked you to settle up your tab and ask for the money. That's right. And you said your conclusion scientifically. No, no, no. You're skipping over the most important part. What's that? I asked him fair and square. Yeah.

Are you the goddamn coronavirus? And? And he said, what are you talking about? What do you expect the coronavirus to say? I guess the coronavirus wouldn't identify itself as course not. Yeah. Never in hell. Anyway, I shot him in the heart with a silver bullet. Oh, silver bullet.

I thought those were for werewolves, but I guess, you know, well, you know, yeah. That's why I have them in the gun. Yeah. What am I going to do? Swap out my silver bullet for a regular one to shoot a non werewolf? I hadn't thought of that. It's inconvenient. Yeah. If you're ready for a werewolf and you got the silver bullet.

Yeah, you can't swap it out if a mummy comes in. You just got to use what you can. That's exactly right. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And that'll kill a mummy just as good. Yeah. Well, anyway, you you took care of the coronavirus. And so you don't see why people are so worried. No, I really don't.

I wish people would understand it's dead and you can get all the whiskey you want right now at the spitting pot. Just hit on down there. There's nobody tending the bar. No, I think you murdered the bartender, a.k.a. coronavirus. Yeah, not murdered. I saved us from. OK, all right.

Did he have a weapon, a coronavirus? I think that fella keeps a baseball bat back there. All right, all right, all right. Well, that is the first symptom of the virus, of course. He's struck by a baseball bat. I don't know. You tell me, Gourley, is this the right man to be talking to for for any kind of in these times?

Yes. OK. Yes. Yeah. We need a man like this. Yeah. Well, you got him. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's you. What? What? No. Oh, sorry. Wow, a simple logic failed you.

Yeah, I get. I often do get confused. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to amelon out of here because I hear that there's some vampires stucking up on Purell and Albertson's. Oh, you're going to go over there and take care of that business? I am. Absolutely. You know, absolute pleasure to have you here, Mr. Wilcox. Yeah, I'm sure it is.

Well, good luck to all of you. Yeah. And good luck making a friend. OK. Well, thank you very much, Mr. Wilcox. And I suppose now there'll be some kind of sound of your boots walking out of the room. Sure. Try to remember when you put that in and put some spurs on there.

Yeah, take care of that in the 30 seconds you have to edit this thing before we put it out there. So what do you think? Do you think we helped anybody there? We're having Mr. Wilcox step in? No. But there was really no information there was? There was no information.

And you're not confident that he helped stop the coronavirus? No, I don't think any of this is helping. Right. None of this is helping. We'll see. We'll see in the numbers. Hey, you're back. Oh, hi. Good to see you.

How did you go? God, you scare the shit out of me. Whoa, really? How do you have a relationship? I mean, how? How does it work? What are you talking about? Who are you?

I don't know where you are and where you end. I don't know how. Yeah, that's how it works. Yeah. Yeah, you don't want to be in a relationship. If one of my characters starts coughing, but you're not, you know? How do you know who's sick and who isn't? That would be wild.

Yeah. Would that be crazy? If one of my characters had to go to the hospital, but I didn't. You'd be fine. You'd be in good shape. Yeah, I'd be fine. We could do without that one character. God, yes, we could.

Listen, we've gathered here together and I'm repeating for anyone who just tuned in. Oh, no. Which doesn't happen on a podcast. I'm just saying that to irritate gorelly. They love it here when I don't understand how podcasts work. But hey, if you're just tuning in, let's say you just came out of a long tunnel and you got reception again and you're picking up on where we are. Never seen Andy Daly look more confused.

Andy, I really don't understand podcasts. I do think that they're radio programs broadcast through the air. Right. Yeah. Isn't that what they are? Yeah, that's what I thought. Okay. And so, and my staff loves to give me the old Joshua Roo, which is gorelly's, I guess

saying for kidding. Yeah. Anyway, if you're just tuning in or just coming out of a tunnel or just picking us up on. Well, maybe they're walking into a room that somebody else has been listening to the podcast. Right. So it is possible. And they see their look of disgust and they say, what are you listening to? And then they leave.

Yeah. And then they leave immediately. So now you're talking to someone who doesn't like this enough to listen to it themselves, but lives with someone who does. Yes. But even that person they live with who does is disgusted by this episode. Yeah. Yeah.

So anyway, that's the point. Yeah. So we're listening, we've come together quickly. It is, well, it's coincidentally, I think Friday the 13th. That's right. Yeah. It's Friday the 13th of March, 2020. And so people are, it's getting a little weird out there.

It sure is. People are hunkering down a lot of the late night shows, including my own. We've all sort of gone dark for a while. And I think Broadway went dark. Yeah. Broadway. The U.S.D. schools just closed right before we started recording this. My kids are off school for a month.

My kids are off school, but everyone's panicked about me being around them. I'm not kidding. My wife, my wife, Liza is horrified by the idea that I'm around. And last night, she and the kids were looking at me and I had extra energy and I was talking a lot and they were all, they were all saying, we don't know, you have to go somewhere. Is that why this happened? I think so. Oh no.

I think we're doing this because, and that's why I think I was eager to do it in Pasadena is they do want me out of the house. Because it takes longer to get here and back. Yes. And so I'll be gone for a good chunk of the day. And I came here on a horse. So I'm, I'm, but people were delighted that I was leaving the house today because I think that's going to be the biggest.

You can't go on tour like last time this happened. No, I can't go on a tour. Yeah. I cannot go on tour. You don't want to go stadiums full of people. No, no. Actually, I'd love that, but it would be a selfish act on my part. No, we must discourage people from gathering together.

Do you not, is there not like a run in the yard where they could throw a ball for you? Just, just in this scenario, I'm a dog. No, I'm just saying that's what you do if you need to get someone, somebody's energy out, you know, yeah, I guess specifically a dog. Oh, you mean go outside of the area where I poop. Strip along where they let me poop. Yeah. Yeah.

Sometimes I could, yeah. They have a long lead on me that retracts and goes out again. Perfect. If there was a way to put audience laughter and approval in one of those dog treat toys that you had to like forage around and get it out of there. Just approval. Yeah. Just if they could put pure, if science could identify pure audience love and approval

and put it in a little pellet and then they put it in one of those rubber toys. Peanut butter. With some peanut. You don't even need the peanut butter. Okay. I will get around the peanut butter to get to the audience love and attention. You chew on that all day. I would chew on that all day.

And then finally I'd bite into it and you'd hear applause. And I'd be like, and then I'd go into a blissful sleep. I want to take a second here and bring in someone who I asked to show up. He's someone who's worked at the show for a while now and his name is David Hopping. And I wanted to bring in David Hopping because the work just came down yesterday that that's okay. We're in a very cramped area. And Adam Sacks just keeps bumping into what appears to be a wet bar.

I'm poorly that you have in the corner. I've noticed like three wet bars. I think you're an alcoholic. Yeah. It's a problem in this house. No, there really are like in soap operas when someone's saying, I've got to talk to you, Jessica. And they go to a little cart and there's bottles and little shot glasses.

And then the actor has some business of making a drink and saying, I've got to get control of evil co-industries. And then takes a slug of the drink. You have like three of those carts. Men in there have a lot of dramatic moments where we need to punctuate it with it. Well, back to David Hopping. He works at the show. And how long have you been at the show, David?

Almost three years now. Almost three years. Yeah. And where are you from, David? Carlinville, Illinois. Okay. You're from Illinois and you came to this city. You got off.

Did you get off a bus holding two cardboard suitcases? I drove. You drove? I drove. And then I saw a skyscraper and go, Lordy, Lordy. I'd seen skyscrapers before. You had. I had.

Okay. Yeah. All right. Were you afraid of that moving room that we call the elevator? I had also been on elevators before. Okay. Well, all right. Very exotic part of the Midwest.

You come from, apparently. I've traveled outside the Midwest before. Please. Yeah. When you escaped, your minders. But here's my point. I wanted you on the show today because you have a specific frame of reference, which is, I know for a fact that you go to Disneyland a lot.

I do. And every time I see you, why don't you tell what it's like usually when I see you at the office? Well, I see you. You'll walk in. You'll ask how my weekend was. Uh-huh. And I would say once, maybe twice a month, I'll say it was good.

I was at Disneyland. I think it's more like three times a month. I disagree. It's excessive. You go to Disneyland a lot. I go a lot. I don't think it's an excessive amount. Okay.

I think it's... You go with your friends? I go with my friends. And you have a good time? I have a great time. Yeah. Okay. They've announced that Disneyland has closed.

I know. Today's the last day it's open. Oh, what are you doing here? Yeah, what are you doing here? I know. Well, you have to go there. Anyway, so thanks. So, this has got to be hard for you.

I mean, that's why I wanted you here is I wanted to... I heard Disneyland closing. I said, we've got to get David Hopping in here. Oh, yeah. Because this is hitting... Just to watch a man cry. Just to watch a man be very unhappy. What's it like to be in a room with a real Disney celebrity like me, the Talking Trashcan?

Yeah, it must be a big deal. Did you know that? I actually did not know that. The voice of Push the Talking Trashcan? He was the voice of Push the Talking Trashcan. Yeah, big time. Yeah. He was the voice.

I guess, have you seen Push the Talking Trashcan? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I don't know what it is. I have not been there since I was a child, I think. Which is, I thought, when you were supposed to go. Well, if they serve an alcohol now, so it's clearly meant for adults too. Right. And not just alcohol, some people bring their own substances we've learned from Sona to Disneyland.

You need to just lean into a microphone. Yeah, we're in sort of an improvised studio. It's beautiful looking. Yes. So you've, you've, we've talked many times, you've had many edibles at Disneyland. Okay. All right. That's all right.

She's not. Yes. Yes. Okay. No, no, no, you're not giving Senate testimony. Sona. You're not under oath? You're not under oath?

You're not giving Senate testimony? Yes, that's true. Yes, I've brought edibles into Disneyland. David, do you mind telling us, what kinds of things do you do at Disneyland? What do you love so much about Disneyland and what are you going to miss so much about it? I mean, I, I'm not going to lie. I was, I did have one to two trips planned for next week. To, to, you might, so you might have gone twice to Disneyland in one week.

Yeah. Okay. Well, because I have different friend groups have passes and sometimes, you know, the friend groups don't mesh well. So I was going to go one day with one group, another day with another. So you go sometimes with the Crips and sometimes with the Bluff. I honestly don't know what you're talking about. You don't seem like the kind of guy who had, who would have friends that clash and rumble

and they get together. Well, just like some don't get along as well with each other anyway. But that is amazing that you belong to two different friend groups that both have all had season passes to Disneyland. Yeah. But, and don't get along with each other. Right, yeah. Wow.

That's incredible. That is, that is a, that is a really interesting fact. So I didn't even know that. This is interesting. So you were going to go, how do you go, and I'm asking, I'm honestly asking you this. Disneyland, yes, it's an amazing place. And find people at Disney, you do an incredible job and, you know, my hat's off to you. And I salute you.

And if there's a way to get some of that stock, I'd take it as a gift, depending on where it is now and where it's going. Sure, sure, sure. And I have to talk to my accountant. But my point is that I don't know how you go that many times and not get bored. Well, I'll go, some days we'll go and just do rides. Some days we'll go, just walk around. Some days are all about the parade.

There's a new parade. Well, now there's not, but there was a new parade last week. Oh, is that right? What was the theme of that parade? Isn't it Moana? They have Moana in it. They have frozen in it. I can't think of the name of it.

Wait, wouldn't those be the people that are always in the parade? Yeah, but it's like new floats and they gave them new costumes and doesn't sound that different to me. Sounds like the same effin parade and they switched. They just what they gave Moana like a little captain's cap. I don't think Moana had ever been in a parade. Okay. I'm going to look into that.

Okay. I have a feeling. I just don't. I don't sounds like the same parade as always. Well, you don't watch it every time. They gave her an eye patch. It's a different parade now. You know, I don't know different music.

Oh, okay. All right. All right. Slightly different chord progressions. Have you ever gone in costume? I have not. Uh-huh. I liked it.

They banned that for people. Yeah. 14. I didn't know that. I'd love to know what was on the list of, you know, incidents that made them ban costumes. Wasn't it? Because also that the costume quality was getting so good. People were getting confused with the actual princesses and that sort of thing.

Oh, yeah. So they've got unofficial princesses saying whatever they want. Yeah. Right. Instead of the stuff that's been approved by Disney. Exactly. Right. So they had, they had princesses walking around saying, build the wall.

What? I also just told. We got enough tests, tests for everyone. We got plenty of tests. Anybody want an edible? Something I dressed up as a princess. Oh my God. You have like a cigarette box full of edibles.

Yeah. Just in the middle of the park at the castle with her edible box. So this is David. You are an example of, you know, the average Joe who's been affected by this coronavirus because your, your sole pleasure in life. Disneyland has been shut down. Is that fair to say? I do other things.

I don't think you do. I'm not, I'm not putting you down. I think you spend it in amazing. I'm not. I'm saying your only pleasure in life is a child's amusement. Stick to your guns, David. We got you. Stick to your guns.

We're not putting you down. Okay. So what else will you do? What will take the place of Disneyland? I'm supposed to go to Vegas next weekend, but I don't know now. How could they, how could Vegas not close? I don't know. I don't know.

I mean that, if that is your spit bucket saloon. The good, the fine pot. Yeah. How is that not, Vegas would be, I mean, look, I don't want to cause any trouble or say anything untoward, but Disney, I mean, Disney closing. Yes. That makes sense. Vegas closing.

That really makes sense. They're real good about disinfecting those slot machines. Yeah. Well, and I read that they closed all the buffets. So there's just no buffets, but. Isn't that the only reason to go to Vegas? I'm not a gambler. So I really, I used to mainly go for the dollar 99 buffet.

That's why. What year did you go? How long did you go to Vegas? Well, I remember it was just after I disembarked from the USS Norfolk after the Korean War. And I went to, it was then, it was pretty new. It had been a watering hole for GIs. It's just Bugsy Siegel saloon. Yeah.

And my friend Bugsy Siegel said, you want to stop by my new place? And there was a dollar 99 buffet. Tell us about when they invented air conditioning. Well, I'll tell you. We used to have to, if you went to Washington DC before air conditioning, it was rough. It was really rough. But then in the 40s, they came up with air conditioning and suddenly we were passing laws in July and August.

Wow. Is that what you're talking about? That's all I wanted. That's a good story, huh? No, it wasn't the invention of air conditioning, a major part of the success of Las Vegas. I don't know. I didn't do the reading before this required studying. Is that true?

Maybe you know more than I do. Don Henley touched on that one. There's Rolling Stone interviews. That's true. Casino is cold so that people will continue gambling. I keep forgetting. I'm sorry. Anyway, I'm done.

I said what I needed. Wait. She pushes the mic. She pulls the mic towards her as she's finishing her speech. Then as she's pushing it away back towards David, she starts talking again. It's amazing. Between us and then we can just... You can do the lean.

You can do a lean. I don't know. I'd like to provide some helpful advice to people, but it's really not what I do. Oh, boy. I don't think anyone looks to me for that. No, I don't think so. Yeah. Wash your hands, I guess, is about...

I mean, the thing that I... All the tragic stuff aside, social distancing and self-quarantine is wonderful for me. I love it. It's speaking my language. It's a reason to celebrate. Yeah. Yeah. It's a person who started self-quarantining in 1989.

I talked to him today and he's like, I'm so far ahead of this thing. He went into his room like sort of towards the end of the Golden Girls run. And he's like, I'm good. I'm totally good. So yeah, he hasn't seen a new germ or pathogen since God knows when. Since Reagan was in office. So anyway, yeah, that's what you're supposed to do is be responsible. I had dinner plans tonight and then the people canceled them.

And then they found out about the virus. You didn't see that one coming, did you? It's because they didn't want to eat with me. No, but it's one of those. I didn't see it coming, but now that it's happened, I was like, well, of course. Conan wouldn't say something real in this time. So on that video you did that you licked Jordan Shlansky's face. Yeah, we did a video on the show where I was trying to, I guess, and David Hopping was in it and Sona was in it.

And Jordan Shlansky was in it where I was trying to, you know, foe be helpful and give advice around the office. That one, that's online now. But as part of it, yeah, Jordan Shlansky was being an incredible pompous ass. It's just saying, well, this disease will not infect me. And I said, how do you know that? And he went, I take good care of the flora in my stomach canal. I take multivitamins. And I was like, and I said, oh, then you won't mind if I lick your, and so I ran my tongue up the side of his head.

Yeah, that's a win-win. Yeah, yeah. It was like licking a very high-end urinal. You know what I mean? Like a really good one, so that's not a put down. And that had not been urinated on yet. Maybe just a little. But anyway, yeah, so if I get it, it'll be because of that and there'll be footage of me getting the coronavirus. And then we all have it.

No, you don't. I haven't touched any of you. No. Well, but I mean, we're close proximity here. It takes, I would have to start, I don't know, right? I think we're far enough away from each other. Uh, no. So what are we doing here? Why are we doing this? That means like, well, we have to be quarantined together then if we all have it to keep the podcast going. We'll just all be in our robes and respirators.

You know what? Podcast production is going to go up 10,000 percent. I know. Because everyone with a podcast is just going to start saying, well, I'm still in my room and I just, you know, watched the episode of whatever, Narcos. Yeah. Where such and such happens, the drugs are purchased. I guess that's a safe description. You've never heard a podcast. Podcasts are not people who just watched a show.

What, really? No. Well, tell me, help me. I don't know. I'm new to this and I know that you're an expert on podcasts. I am an expert. But your new podcast is about people who have just watched a show. That's a good point. Yeah, wait a minute. I accidentally just, what is your new podcast? I'm back.

Oh, so when Andy says something stupid, he just can just disappear. No, I've come back. Do you know there's a horse outside? Yeah. One of you fuckers came here and a horse. I did. You did? Yeah, my family wanted me to take a horse so I'd be gone longer. You're kidding me.

No, I came, yeah, all the way from the west side of LA, all the way here to Pasadena on my old horse. Wow. Butterscotch. Well, I just set him free. Yeah. But no, I need that horse to get home. Well, you'll have to find another horse. But anyways, yeah, I have a new podcast.

It's called Bananas for Bonanza. Oh, really? It's coming soon to the Ears Wolf in, around about the end of April. Oh, that sounds terrific. We watch an episode of Bonanza and then we talk about it. Oh. And the only problem with it is that there's only 431 episodes of Bonanza. So we are going to run out.

But anyways, I heard you talking about your podcast and I thought I'd come in here. And just after setting that horse free, I was out there trying to start a fire on your horse. And I thought I'd come in here. So this is a podcast where you talk about episodes of Bonanza. That's right. You watch episodes of Bonanza. Classic.

I'm going to take a stab at this. I think I'm right. Bonanza went on the air in 1959. That's Korea. And I think it went off the air in 1974. 73. 73. Wow.

But you got to admit, not bad. That's impressive. You know why I know that? Why? Because of my brother who's self-quarantined in 1989. He knows everything about Bonanza. Is that right? We got to have him on as a guest.

Yeah, come on the show. Yeah. I mean by phone, I guess. Well, he... He ain't going to leave that room. He might for this. Really? This might be what does it.

Love to have him on. Yeah. If he's a real expert on Bonanza. Yeah. So there's a lot of episodes of Bonanza. No, there's only 431. Okay. You wish there were more, don't you?

Oh my God. I can't believe it. I can't believe they stopped in 1973. Why? Only one of them had died. That's right. Well, and one of them had left the show. Adam had left the show.

Uh-huh. As played by Pernell Roberts. Yeah, yeah. And... Dan Blocker. Of course, Dan Blocker, who played Haas, of course, died of a long aneurysm. I don't know why. A long aneurysm?

I believe it was a long aneurysm. Oh, a long aneurysm. Lung Clont. I thought you would say a long aneurysm. He had a long aneurysm. It started in, I think, 62. Yeah. I don't know, riffing about the death of Dan Blocker.

That's not going to happen anywhere. That's going to probably come out. Well, no one else is doing it, at least you have a niche. You know what? Exactly. You know what I mean? It's not like I'm going to get an angry phone call from... You stole my podcast.

You took my... You took my Dan Blocker, riff, you son of a bitch. No, I think I'm in safe territory there. Great actor, great man. I'm looking forward to that podcast. I'll give it a listen. Yep, you're going to enjoy it. Well, I may.

I may not. Yeah, there's lots of Chinese and Native American savages and Mexicans on the show. And they're depicted very respectfully. Wait, this is on Bonanza. On Bonanza. Yeah. Always depicted very respectfully. I'm sure.

And they don't make the mistake of casting actual Native Americans as the Native Americans. Yeah, of course. Of course. Who would do that? Who would do that? That's a true story, like F Troop. I grew up watching these shows and they would depict Native Americans. And then afterwards, I never really noticed it, but then later on I noticed one day I watched the credits

and all the Native Americans were played by Italian men. It was all like, you know, by Vincenzo Aldore. Well, a real Native American doesn't read like one on screen. You got to get the Italians to really sell it. Okay, yeah. Well, you sound like a very nuanced guy. I'm glad that this podcast is in your hands. Yeah.

Well, I'm headed, I'll back out to the ports and cook myself some beans. I got a campfire going. You tried to set it on fire, didn't you? No, no, I'm just getting a little campfire going on your front porch, cook up some beans. Okay, all right. Is that all you eat, primarily beans? That's all I eat. Have you ever had a vegetable?

Is beans a vegetable? No, it's not, sir. Then no, I have not. Okay. Well, anyway, we're going to move on now. All right. Matt Gorley, jump in here. Or Sona, maybe you can jump in.

What are ways that I can help during this time? You guys know me well, Sona. What do you think I could do to help out in this time? Or is this a time where Conan should just go away? Well, you're kind of doing your part. You're taking your trade for the public good and doing a podcast and giving for free. I was going to say money. I don't know what about money.

Let's go back to what Matt was saying. Yeah. Okay. I agree with Sona now. No, Matt, really, you were really onto something there. No, I'll take that back. Give you something for free. I was going to say donate to something, but I don't know why.

I don't know. Where do you buy a respirator? I don't know. I'll tell you what. I just... Oh my God. You're coming in with a pretty hot energy. Yeah, big time.

Ready? Yeah. I was just thinking, maybe I would ask like my Facebook friends, does anybody have like elderly relatives out here that I could run errands for? I love to run errands. Do you know what I'm talking about? You know what's funny? You used comedic energy.

Yes. And kind of a comedic voice to say something that actually sounds helpful. That was the plan. That was cool. I was thinking, oh, I'm going to listen because here comes a joke and it was just good advice. Yeah. You put a little sort of hazelnut chocolate around a piece of medicine. I just said a piece of medicine.

Oh my God. Hazelnut chocolate when we might have just said Nutella. I know. Sorry. God. I'm not on my A game. I'm telling you that. You did great.

It's wonderful. But I think that's a very good idea. Helping out the elderly. Yeah. Or the immuno compromised. All right. Good to do that. That's a really good idea.

You can also Skype with elderly people if they're alone and lonely. But I know my parents don't know how to Skype. Well, you could call them, I guess. Yeah. I know. No, it's just, it's, it's, but like I call my parents and you know, they're, they're fine. They're, they're good.

But, but if I, I know that we've tried to set up Skype before and it's a complete mystery and I probably shouldn't be the one explaining it to them. Do they have FaceTime? Cause that's very easy on an iPhone or iPad. Yeah. They, if someone else is setting it up and everything they can handle that they can handle the, and that's how they like to see the grandchildren. In fact, it's the only way they like to see the grandchildren.

When my grandchildren are in the room, they'll only look at them if they're Skyping them. That's a true story. It's not really. I just said that. Son, I want you to chime in. It's been a while and you're having a free sparkling water. You should earn it. You know, what are you doing?

What are you doing to help out the people around you? Well, I'm not, I'm not helping anybody. I'm a, yesterday I made a Bolognese sauce. That took me some time. You said you had to go to like three grocery stores? I went to like four grocery stores. Not, you know, a lot of stuff was gone. And so I drove around and got my ingredients, then went home and made the sauce.

And that's what I've done so far. If anyone out there needs barbecue sauce, I have them all of it. I went and hoarded all the barbecue sauce. You're not going to sell that barbecue sauce at a very highly inflated price. Profiteering. Yes. I'm going to wait until everyone wants to barbecue. And then they're going to have to come to Konesies O'Brien.

It's quite brilliant because when the grid goes down, people are going to have to like barbecue found game and shit like that. Oh, and there you are. I've got it all. Oh my God. Everyone else was busy grabbing tissues and sanitizers and thermometers. I got all of the barbecue sauce. You're thinking way ahead.

Yeah. I'm one of those guys that plays, they're all playing checkers. And I'm playing something that's more advanced than checkers. Yeah. Like Tecto. Chinese checkers. No. There's a game that's also an agrarian.

Tron. No. Anyway, we'll figure it out. Checkers. If you're listening now, you can call in because I, again, don't understand what a podcast is. It is some barbecue sauce has alcohol in it. So it's almost like a sanitizer too. That's why I used to buy barbecue sauce early on because of the alcohol when I went through

a very dark face. Just drink it. I would drink it when I couldn't, you know. Yeah. There's some bourbon in there. Yeah. Yeah. Delicious.

This is a treat. We do have an expert on travel, Mr. August Lint. Yeah, that's me. Hello. You're an expert traveler, right? Absolutely. I'm an expert traveler, not by design, but only because I work in a pretzel factory in Dusseldorf. Uh-huh.

And we get, you know, our boss gives us about 10 months of vacation every year. You get 10 months of vacation a year? Sometimes. Sometimes a little bit more. But when it's like when the boss is really cracking the whip, it's 10 months. So pretzels are not that hard to make. That's what I'm sort of guessing here. Well, no pretzels.

What I do is I inspect the salt. I'm the salt inspector for the pretzels. I see. Sometimes you say this grain of salt is not good enough for a pretzel, or this grain of salt is too good for the pretzels, or this one is just right. Uh-huh. And then, so you do that, and then you get all that time off. Yeah, that's right.

That's a pretty good deal. Yeah, and I go on vacations. And I have never been anywhere in the world that I did not love. That seems hard to believe. No, but it's true. Every place is wonderful. I've been to war-torn regions. I've been to standing room-only prisons.

Wait a minute. How could you say you had a good time at a standing room-only prison? Yes, it was wonderful, because after three days there, someone let me use the toilet hole, and I thought, this is humanity. Okay. I went to Chernobyl, you know, that whole area. Wait, why did you go to Chernobyl? Because I wanted to see the radioactive wolves, which are really running wild all around

there. Can you tell they're radioactive? But you can tell when they bite you. That is not the regular bite of a wolf. It's different. How is it different? Because you're spying tingles. You're very different.

It's really wild. You get an electric shock from the wolf. It's not quite electricity. It's something else. I can only say you'll have to experience it. That's amazing that you would go to Chernobyl and still say that it was wonderful. It was fantastic. You've got to go.

No, I don't. I don't want to be bitten by a radioactive wolf. I wish I could recommend a restaurant there, but it's like nothing. There's nothing there. Nothing. You'll just have to sort of dig up roots and things like that to eat. Yeah. And is the food, the roots would be affected though.

Oh, certainly. Yes. The radiation has seeped into the soil for centuries. It will take forever for it to be. So, yes, it's fascinating to eat in a radiated root. Yeah. So if they ate like a carrot there, how would it be different? Well, I can tell you, you don't have to talk hypothetically.

I ate a carrot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And did the carrot appear different when you looked at it? Yes, it looked very different. Yes, it seemed to have a personality. The only way that I could really express it. It was fearful.

And yeah, my teeth turned purple and fell out. Did the carrot make a noise when you bit into it? Yeah, it was sort of a high-pitched whine and then a pop. Okay. Well, I think it was a bad idea to go to Chernobyl. I do. Well, you're wrong. It was wonderful.

And I would go again in a heartbeat if my heart was still beating in the sort of normal way we expect them to. So, all right. So you've been to, you just said a standing room only prison. You've been to irradiated Chernobyl. And the other places you've been, because right now people are afraid to travel. Oh, yes. People are afraid to travel right now because of the coronavirus.

Do you think that that's a mistake or people being overly cautious? This is the perfect time to travel. It is the perfect time to travel. The deals right now are unbelievable. Particularly for cruises. Okay. This is the time to take a cruise. I don't think it is.

It is absolutely the time. I could not disagree more. Listen, I was just on a cruise. Okay. And right now I'm supposed to be on a military base in California. But I said, you know what? Wait, you were on, you got off that cruise and you didn't go into quarantine? No, I didn't want to do that.

I thought, you know what? That cruise was so magnificent that I think it would be a let down to be on a military base. The thing is, it's not a choice. You have to go to the military base. That is exactly what they told me. That's so funny. That you're saying just what they said. Yes, because it's the law.

You have to go. Right, right. You're saying exactly yes. That's what they said. That's so funny. You have to get out because there's fences and there's people there to make sure that you stay in. Yeah, well, I have escaped from all kinds of places in my life. I bring along a pickaxe and a shovel.

You always have that with you? I always have a pickaxe and a shovel. Okay, all right. So I just dug underneath the military base. It was fine. Okay, so you were on the cruise ship and you think it's a good time to go on a cruise? It was fantastic to be cooped up for an unknown amount of time with all of these passengers and just to watch the mood go from yes, it's wonderful.

This is the cruise of a lifetime to we're going to die here. Okay, but I'm fascinated to see that progression. You're the only person I've heard who thinks that that was an enjoyable experience. Well, but so far. It was really great. And you know, the entertainers, you know, had to put on shows. They made them put on shows. They didn't want to.

To watch a band who is reluctantly performing for people who don't want to be on a boat anymore. Just to watch their eyes. It's wonderful. At a certain point, the crew had to suppress us with pepper spray. And that was, that was fun. Yes. Okay, so you're, I just want to break in and say, I disagree with Mr. Lint. How can you?

Well, because I don't think this is the best time to go on a cruise. I think this is exactly what we shouldn't be doing. And I'm sorry. You have not made your case. I'm getting myself on a new cruise. Okay. Where's the next cruise going? It's just going to sort of tour around Italy and do the sort of do the canals and whatnot.

A cruise doesn't, both big boats can't go through the canals. Oh, it can't fit. It doesn't need to be that big because from what I understand, I'm the only person that's signed up for it so far. Okay. So you think it's possible you'll be the only person on this cruise? Yes. I have to find a captain. You're looking to hire out of your own, out of your own pocket, your own captain.

Yeah, right. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to hire a captain and I'm going to take a cruise through Italy, wherever there was water, I would cruise it. Okay. Well, I got to say, you have a very low bar in my opinion for a good vacation. I don't agree.

It's just that I've literally never been anywhere I didn't love. Okay. And everywhere you go, you had a good time. Yeah. I think that's basically true. Yeah. Yeah. It's really good.

I've even been to Disneyland. I've even been through that hell. You went to Disneyland? Yeah. You went to the hell of Disneyland? Thank you. Doorbell, you hear in the background is the actual doorbell of Matt Gorley. Someone is for real coming by this hall.

Yes. But you stay in character. I love what you're doing. This will be great. I want to interact with whoever that is. Yeah. Who was that? That was the CDC coming to get you.

Oh, shit. No, really? That's not nice. All right. Well, look, that'll be fine. It would be interesting to be quarantined on a military base under threat of being shot. Yeah. I don't think you should have escaped quarantine.

I think you should go back. Yes. You're endangering people around. Oh, I have all of the symptoms of the virus. Oh, you do? Yes. Okay. I have all of them.

Where are they? They are just sort of like enjoying your life. What? Have a wonderful time. Oh, okay. I have a fever of 109. Okay, that's not good. Yeah.

That's not good at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, it's good to talk to you guys. Does anybody want a back rub? No, I don't want a back rub. A facial massage? No, I don't want a facial massage. Very good at massaging faces.

Yeah, I'm sure you are. Well, have you been anywhere that you slightly didn't enjoy? Was there one place that you didn't quite enjoy? Of all the places you've been that you loved? Where? Was there one place that just didn't quite make the game? There was. I was in a bar.

Are you offended by me doing this voice? What voice? You're finally speaking normally. I was in a biodome for a while. And you didn't like that? No, I didn't like it very much. No. It was only because the spirit of the people there was so much like,

we're all in this together. I thought it would be interesting over time to see people go crazy. Yeah. They had specifically chosen these people to be very even-keeled. Yeah. And so it was really uneventful. It was uneventful, yeah. We were farming with a self-sustaining little community,

and I thought, where is the madness? When will it come? Have you had any, well, I don't like to pry, but any sort of sexual adventures when you travel? Yeah, sure. I mean, sometimes you have to, you know, to get out of a jam, you have to have some kind of sex. I don't even know what that means.

You mean you use sex as a way to escape a predicament? Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. I mean, look, of course, you bring along traveler's checks, you bring along some extra cash, you bring along some chocolate, but at a certain point it's like, well, I have to offer the blowjobs. Okay.

So sometimes that happens, but I was once involved in a slag heap avalanche. Oh, really? Yeah. It was a slag heap that had crumbled down upon a village, and all of us were trapped in there, and so, yeah, to get out, you know, to be one of the people that went through the cross-based tunnel, you had to get to the front of that line,

it was all about the blowjobs. Okay, okay, okay. Well, all right. Is that not this kind of podcast? Yeah, yeah, I don't know. Would you prefer if I said hand jobs? No, no, no, no, I think you said your reality. That's for sure.

And that took bravery. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's the problem. You're welcome. Well, Mr. Lint, your full name again. It's August Lint. August Lint, yes.

And you've traveled pretty much. Is there anywhere you haven't been in the world that you'd like to try and check out? I would be interested to visit the Mariana's Trench. Okay. It's the deepest part, I think. It's the deepest part of the ocean. Yeah.

You want to go to the bottom of it? I want to get all the way to the bottom of the Mariana's Trench. Okay. But there's no returning from there. Yeah. Because the pressure would crush you. Yeah, it would crush you, yes. It would atomize you.

I think so, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that might be maybe the last place I go. That's enough. The last thing you do will be to go to the Mariana's Trench. Perhaps, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, one cell, yeah.

The water pressure, there's nothing that can save you from that. I guess that's right. Yeah. There's no blow job will get you out of that predicament. Well, I mean, I'd try it. It's worth a try. We don't know if there's like Atlanteans and Merman down there. Okay.

Okay. But you're probably right. Yeah, probably right. Blow job can't save you from that. I guess Lint, the man who's been, never been anywhere he hasn't thoroughly enjoyed and loved. Yeah, that's true. Except kind of maybe that biodome.

Yeah, the biodome, yeah. That was too responsible and studious. Well, again, I have to disagree with yet another one of these odd characters that's come in. I don't think this is a good time to jump on a cruise ship. Oh, it's the perfect time. Couldn't disagree more. I'm sorry, Mr. Lint. No, what you should do is you should collect up as many ventilators as you can and get

on a cruise ship. Okay. I'm, again, if, don't write any of this down. This is terrible. There's a bean cookout on the front porch. Yes. So I'm going to go out and have some beans. Yes.

There's a cowboy out there. Yeah, there's a cowboy in the front porch. Yeah. Why don't you go and visit with a cowboy? Okay. Then if you see Andy Daly, would you send him on back? I guess. Okay.

Okay. Bye. All right. Bye. Let me just quickly mention that Andy Daly, obviously a hilarious, talented gentleman, I've had the privilege to know for quite a long time, is going to be on, if you're liking his madness and who doesn't, is going to be on The Three Questions with Andy Richter on March 24th.

Oh, boy. That's coming up soon. So Andy Richter's podcast, he'll be on that. And I'm sure that will be quite a good time. That was just Andy. Oh, yeah. Hey, Andy, how are you? I'm good.

The German fellow sent me in. Yeah. He had really, he had bad advice, I have to say. We've had two gentlemen in a row with terrible, terrible, yes, a cowboy and a traveling man. I don't know. I hope we've done some good here. If not, you know, press delete. Is that something you can do with a podcast?

I suppose you could. Yeah. Yeah. No harm, no foul. It never happened. Yeah. It is, it's starting to rain now, which I only mentioned because we're in Southern California and that never happens.

People in California, when it starts raining lightly, they act as if lava is spilling from the sky. Yeah. And raining down upon them. And so that, that's the sound you're hearing in the background is this, this slight pitter patter of rain on this beautiful home, MacGorley, beautiful house. I think the rain is part of it. This is all manufactured.

Yeah. You have a rain machine out there. Yeah. Good investment. Yeah. It was good. You, you bought it from the producers of the notebook so that you can kiss in the rain whenever you need to.

This has been, I think this has been a, this has been a fun time that we got together. We didn't stand too close to each other, so I think we've been responsible. We've washed our hands. Sona, are you good at washing your hands a lot these days? I always have been. Yeah. I'm a big hand washer. Yeah.

I don't like the feeling of gross dirt on my hands. Right. I don't know. I'm wearing two catcher's mitts. Yeah. I've been walking around with those. It makes tuning the radio very difficult. That's right.

I said tuning the radio. Again, a man trapped in the late fifties who wasn't even born then. David, what do you think? Do you think we accomplished anything good today? We got the word out about Disneyland being posted. Yeah. But you didn't know about Disneyland, you know now. Yeah.

Do you want to find other things to do with your time? Thank you. Probably a lot of Netflix. Yeah. Are there other places to get that Dole Whip? I guess you could try to... Now that Disneyland is closed. We can all go away.

What's the Dole Whip? I don't know what that is. You go to the Tiki Room and they've got this Dole Whip ice cream and it's like it's the whole reason anyone goes to Disneyland. Yeah. Do you like the Dole Whip ice cream? It's good. Yeah.

No comment. I guess we could try to make our own. We're going to have a lot of time. Wait, you're going to watch Netflix and not Disney Plus? Oh. Well, I have both. Okay, good. Yeah.

Yeah, smart. Yeah. Yeah. The hardships we go through. It's a rough. The pandemic. I might have to eat some Dole Whip in front of Netflix. No one was saying that in the last century.

Matt Gorley, you know, the idea here again is to try and put some good cheer out there. The regular show, Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, a new episode is going to drop this Monday with our good friend, Will Arnett. Oh, it's a good one. Yeah. It was really funny. Yeah. So if you're sequestered at home and looking for something to do and you want to laugh,

Will Arnett is absolutely hilarious and that'll drop, did I say drop? That'll drop. That'll drop. That's my app. My app, Ted Kennedy. That'll, or Mayor Quimby, whatever you want, that'll drop on this Monday. And it also includes the return of the much beloved podcast quiz. That's right.

We have another podcast quiz and I won't say anything about it other than that I'm enraged, so I'll be looking for that. So this has been our special kind of coronavirus quarantine episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Look for the regular one on Monday with Will Arnett and much thanks to Mr. Andy Daly. Oh, thank you. He's never had a real word with any of his children. Sonam of Sessian, of course.

Yes. No, no. You know what I'm saying. Your Senate hearing is over. You're David Hopping. Oh, yes. Bye. Thank you, David.

Bye. Adam Sacks for putting this all together at the last second. Of course, Matt Gorley for having us into your extraordinarily beautiful home. Thanks for coming. And much thanks to your lovely wife, Amanda, for making this available to us. And yeah, on a quick serious note, everyone take care of themselves. Just be sensible, be calm, wash your hands, and we'll talk to you soon. Bye.

Tony H MP. Connor O'Brien Needs a Friend with Sonam of Sessian and Conan O'Brien as himself, produced by me, Matt Gorley ex marcave produced by Adam Saks and Jeff Ross a team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Eer wolf theme song by the attached by the white stripes. Incidental Music by Jimmy Vive Uponour supervising producer. Is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer, is Jennifer samples. The show is engineered by Will Beck in.

You can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts, and you might find your review featured on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts,

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