Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Adam Sandler Returns

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

Actor and comedian Adam Sandler feels sad about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.Adam sits down with Conan once more to discuss the celebrities he’s still nervous to meet, being awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, the warmest comedians to spend time with, and his new film Spaceman. Later, Conan recounts a true story of mistaken identity at the airport. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].

Hi, my name is Adam Sandler and I feel... I'm sad about being going sad. No, no, no, just because I'm... We know each other 35 years. No, I'm sad because I should give you more. I should give you more. I should give you more. I'm sad because I should give you more. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking lose,

climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. I don't think we're doing anything. Oh, almost, almost. Don't do it! No! Don't like it!

Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Hey, hey, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Hey, hey, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. And this is a great way to start any episode because just as we counted down, I looked at a little table that's between Sona and I and I saw that she had her chapstick there and she was really enjoying blowing on her tea. So I picked up the chapstick, tossed it and it went right into her tea. So I picked up the chapstick, tossed it, and it went right into her tea.

And the place exploded in joy. And of course, Sona of Miserable. And then you said we're here. And that's what we're starting on. It's too good not to kick it off. Yeah, that's a great... We should kick off every episode with me just having thrown something unhygienic into your tea. Come on, man. No, I think that's a bad idea. with me just having thrown something unhygienic into your tea. Come on, man. No, I think that's a bad idea.

First of all, you tried this. Well, you know. It's a giant wad of paper. Yeah, thank you. It's an audio medium. Oh, my God. I did this. You're like a mime, and then I did this.

Oh, did it all. I got, I think. I'm just mad. I don't know how to react. Chapstick's better. That was fantastic. The chapstick went right into your tea. It made a satisfying clink and then a splash.

Oh yeah, we were happy about that. I am not unhappy. Okay. Oh, you should try and, can you isolate the sound of it going in? Let's play that now, see if you can hear it. Don't do it! Yeah, that's cool.

That's fantastic. What a great, That's ASMR. Yeah, and also, you're still gonna use that lip balm, aren't you? Well, I'm gonna use the lip balm, aren't you? Well, I'm gonna use the chapstick, but I can't drink my tea.

Why not? Because of all the germs that are on that chapstick- That's a hot tea. All the germs are dead. That doesn't, that's not how it works. And the germs on the chapstick that you put on your lips? Yeah. It's on the tube outside.

That's why there's a lit gorely. Oh, wow. I'm so sorry. Oh, so when you walk around- It's like tap, it's not even a- When you walk around and you see like dog shit on the sidewalk, you take out your chapstick and you just roll it around in the dog shit. What are you doing that's so toxic? The exterior of the chapstick touches so many different surfaces,

and it's kicking out your arms. What are you doing with your chapstick? Yeah. It's everywhere. It's on this table. Well, it was on this table. Why are you shouting? Because I'm so angry right now, because I really wanted to drink that tea. But you can still drink the tea. It's on this table. What was on this table? Why are you shouting? Because I'm so angry right now,

because I really wanted to drink that tea. But you can still drink the tea. It's fine. I promise you it's fine. You won't get sick or anything. The tea is fine. How would, what are you, why are you acting like you know things?

My father is a microbiologist. His father's a microbiologist. Would you some Marco? My father, my father is Marco Polo? His father is Marco Polo. You drink, you drink my tea. I would happily drink your tea. And I'll use your chapstick.

Pass it over. I use my chapstick. I'm gonna use your chapstick and then drink your tea. Don't use my chapstick. I don't know about your lips. Come on, man. Now you can't use it. God, I hope you get my herpes.

I really do. I really do. I wish I had an outbreak right now. Oh, I would kill for herpetic sores. Then I'd get some sympathy from the showbiz community. You two are disgusting human beings. Come on. Oh, stirring the tea with the chapstick. Oh, my God.

Let me see if I can recreate that sound. Oh, almost. How did I miss it? I know, it was inches away. I held it. You know what's crazy? I swear to God, I held it an inch from an open wide-mouthed cheek up. Gigantic cut.

And I swear to God, it's... Here we go. Ooh, that's a lovely sound. I love that sound. You love ruining things for me. Don't leave it in there. Oh, it's fun. It's like a little boat. I love that sound. You love ruining things for me. Don't leave it in there. Oh, it's fun, it's like a little boat. Come on.

Oh my God. Anyway, Sona, tea's not good for you, that's all. What? Same with chapstick. Yeah. It'll kill you. What are you guys, you guys don't know anything. Yeah, my dad's a Marco Bible digester.

Thanks for sticking up for me. Of course you know, his dad's a Mikro Makbock, Bogdanovich. Uh-oh. I hate this place. God, you know what? When Sonia Force laughs like that,

that means she really is mad. Seems like it. Are you really mad? No. I could have another teabrot in here by David. I don't know. Do not make David bring in tea for me David no don't do it. I won't allow I won't I will not take tea that David brings me why

Because we're peers and it just appears he's your replacement. You still are above him in the chain of things That's not true. I there's no way to him what you could if you told me David's got to go he'd be gone like that There's no way to him what you could if you told me David's gonna go he'd be gone like that Can I fight can fire David? Yeah, Dave? Where is David? And see if it works David try firing. Yeah David come on in here David David David better have tea. They're gonna pull this up You know what David pack your up. You're fucking done here. I'm so sorry. Okay, you can assist Conan. No, no, no. Please come back.

Please come back. David, quick question. You are the assistant that was hired because Sona was no longer really assisting me that much. Wow, okay. I want an maternity leave. Whatever. I had babies. I had twin babies. I still don't buy this whole maternity excuse, but anyway Only two babies at once and you get time off. I think three babies at once should get you out of work

But anyway, David, yeah, I'm so nice said that she can't ask you to get her tea. I ruined your tea I don't know if you do even listen to the podcast when you're out there. I had a What were you doing? I was talking to Paula and Gina. Okay. Really important things about like your calendar and like your podcast bookings. Okay. So anyway, I brought you in here for it to be fun and interesting and that was awful. I...

Well, it's like you have a lot of dates coming where you're busy. That's okay. I'm very busy. We were working on it. Popular celebrity. Anyway, definitely A list or top B list. A B rising. Anyway, I ruined Sonia's tea by throwing a chapstick into it. Well, that wasn't nice.

Thank you. It's kind of funny. Think about it again, and then think about your job. That was hilarious. So anyway, and then I said, well, just David will get you another tea, because she doesn't want to drink this tea. And then she said, I can't do that. And I said, why not? And she said, because David's a peer and I honestly don't. I think you're great, David, you're amazing. But I do think you can stop there. No, no, I think so.

And thank you so much. It's a sona a click above you. Probably. Yeah. No, I don't think so. Do you think that sona could fire you? No. No, I don't think. You know, I'm thinking about it now. I don't know if someone has called you up and said said you're out and don't and lose Conan's number I would call you then you'd call me and you'd be rehired immediately. Yeah, you're right. So I can't fire I can't back

But also He's your he's your assistant. So why would he be bringing me tea? I would bring you a tea is like a friend Yeah, you can ask people as a friend. Yeah, but I could just wait and then go get my you know This tea is seriously fine. It had a chapstick floating in it, but it's not like the chapstick was contaminated. I have a big problem with that, with just foreign objects landing in my drinking beverages. I remember this from New York

when Sona refused to ride in a New York cab because she said, anyone can have sat in those seats. And I was thinking, what are you talking about? When you travel the world, you're constantly getting in transportation and sitting on things where someone else has sat. She said they were covered in jizz, I believe, was the actual consent.

A lot of other things, a lot of fluids. Yeah, but the good thing about jizz is it forms a protective coating when it hardens. Oh, what? It's like a layer? Most sneeze guards are made out of dried jizz. That's true. That's a jizz. That's true. That's a true fact.

That's true. Yeah. Come on. Yeah, they use them. It's porn runoff and then they harden and they cut them into sheets and they're used as sneeze guards. Porn runoff? Yeah, they have little channels in the floors when they shoot porn and it collects all the

extra semen and then that's laid out in sheets. It dries. It's cut into sheets and then it's made into sneeze guards. They're in the condoms. That's where the giz is. No, that's why during COVID, so many plexiglass things were in need in the porn industry just rose. Yeah. OK, all right.

We're doubling down on it. But it's just isn't clear. Some churches have mistakenly used a stained glass window. I'm just I went too far. But what I'm saying is it can be used as a glass and it should be recycled. Let's have a happy, healthy earth. I'm also taking an Uber home today. So, I mean, Ubers are basically taxis now. So, it just kind of, I don't know, for some reason, Ubers, I'm like, yeah, that's cool. It's like my friend's car. And then taxes them like, yeah.

So. Sorry to cut off your story by enjoying this wonderful, you know what? And I have chaps, I don't wear a chapstick. And you think you can tell because my teeth are like, just shredded old snakes. Your teeth, what have your teeth got to do with it? My teeth are my lips. I love what you misspeak. I do.

I really enjoy it. I do too. I love when you say the wrong thing. And then I can- It must be really fun. Yeah, it is fun. To watch a man's brain decay. And then two years from now, when I'm gone.

Yeah. And neurologists are saying now, when I'm gone, and neurologists are saying, you could watch the whole thing fall apart when you listen. When you listen to the podcast, you can see it all happen. And you're laughing. It's funny.

And Liza's there, weeping. She would be laughing. We would all be laughing. We'd be like, remember when he said, teeth instead of lips? And we would laugh about it. Remember when he said, he accused me of having public display of affection, but he would laugh about it. And you were body with you right there. Please do not have a public display of affection,

but he called it a PDF. I don't remember that. Do you remember Blink 187? That was me. No, it was him. But I think I said it was me, and then it got ridden in the history that way. Yeah, no, no, it was me,

but I just think Blink 187 is an improvement. No, he just knocked it up a few numbers, you know. Can I just say last week Conan asked me where his sunglasses were and they were in his hand. Oh, I love that. But see what I'm saying is if there's a neurologist listening, if you're listening and you are this is your field, I do think that I'm a speak more than I used to. And I think that there could be an issue here. And everyone's laughing.

And later on, David, you're gonna feel pretty, pretty bad. Didn't you have a neurologist on to discuss this very thing like someone called in? I don't know, I forget. Oh no, oh no. Is this how you ask for medical advice? Instead of just going to a neurologist, you're like, hey, any listeners,

can you guys just listen at a podcast? Surcing free medical care. I could just go down to the hospital and get it checked, but instead I'm gonna ask a bunch of strangers. See that checking your credentials. I also want a pair of bootleg jeans. I want them with a gold stitch. Come on, let's get on it, people.

All right, let's get into it. We have a, what is dumb opening that was? I know, and for, you know what? I want him with a gold stitch. Come on, let's get on it, people. All right, let's get into it. We have a, what is dumb opening that was? I know, and for, you know what? For this person specifically, he deserves better. He does deserve better, but he's not getting it. My guest today is a hilarious actor and comedian. Starting such movies as Billy Madison,

The Water Boy, and Uncut Gems. I think people know who we're talking about now. Now you can see him in the new Netflix movie, Spaceman. You still don't know they say their name in the beginning of the episode. I do know, I just know that- They're written in the title. Here comes the big surprise.

God. Oh my God. Someday I'm gonna listen to this podcast. I'm excited he's here today, you won't guess it. ["Sandler"] I'm Sam Ler. Welcome. I passed your house again maybe two days ago. Screaming out Conan.

You always yell, I tell people this. No one in LA, everyone lives near each other but no one, everyone lives behind a hedge. And everyone's real cool about where everyone else lives. And one of my favorite things is this man when he's outside your house, he goes, Cody! Cody! I do, and my kids wait for me to say it now. They just go, all right, he's gonna do his thing.

I call that, call that. And then they go back to telling me some thing in their life. And then the times that you've come over, when you come over to my house, the first thing you say is, I gotta go. I'm not, no one wants me here. No, people are very happy to see you.

Everyone's happy to see you. The party was great. It was nice. Christmas bash. We had a good time. Perfecto. I saw your son as a big boy now. Yeah, he grew fast.

Can't believe it. What a nice guy though. Sweet as hell. He did good. Doesn't love his old man, that's for sure. No, no, he's running away. Running away from that. Oh, man.

I wish you had been here for, because a good friend of yours was on this podcast, Jim Downey. All our favorite. Everybody. We put him as the number one. When Downey gave you a joke for one of your skits, I, for me, I was like,

oh my God, Downey gave me gold. Were you like that to him, Downey? When he gave you something. If you could get his attention. Yes, yes. Because he liked to stay in his office with the door shut. Yeah.

And we'd all wait for him. Yes. And Schneider was the most aggressive. And he always figured out a way to get in there. I don't know if it's because he's small or what, but he like went in through the keyhole. But we were always mad like, God damn it, how did Schneider get in there? Yeah, they got good.

And then the door would open and Downey would come out and I go, oh, hey Jim, so I had this idea and he'd be like, walk with me, Kony, walk with me. And walk with me meant follow him to the bathroom. Kid use the urinal and I'd stand next to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd be like, yeah, so anyway, it's a caveman and he finds a time machine and uh-huh, uh-huh,

flush washing the hands, then door shut and then I could hear Schneider in there again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Caveman. Where are we, where are we from? Yeah, I know. But I think back on those days a lot with a lot of fondness because you were the most enthusiastic person.

Mac then, yes. You were so enthusiastic and your attitude was, we're at Saturday Night Live. This is amazing. Let's get milkshakes. Oh, yeah. Remember, you loved milkshakes. Yes, yes.

And then they'd bring food in. They paid for them, you couldn't believe it. Yeah. It's like, everything was so wondrous to you. You know what I mean? And now it's like, okay, so wondrous to you. You know what I mean? And now it's like, okay, the Netflix jet is here. Whatever, it's like, yeah, yeah. There's a time when you're young

and you're only that young once. I was 23, yeah. Were you 23 when you got on that show? I think I would have been 24 when I got started. I have this memory of it's like high school of when the day people first showed up. So I remembered you showing up. You were very excited and very confident.

Spade was nervous. He stayed up late, though. I remember Schneider used to always say to David, you know, we're here all Tuesday night. Try to stick around, you know, in Spade. Around 11, he's spade like, my neck hurts, man. I'm going, I'm going, oh. But we did stay late. You always stayed late. I would'm going, oh. Well, we did stay late.

You always stayed late. I would sleep there, yeah. Yeah, we had the best. Those mornings when you'd wake up nuts and your stomach hurt from a whole night of being no sleep, but it was, and then the read through was around three o'clock or four o'clock or something, you were so off.

Like an idiot, when you're that young, you think this is cool. I'm like a fighter pilot. I know, that's true. Because I was so wanted to be, I wanna be the fastest gun. I wanna be on the edge. I didn't sleep for two days.

I mean, I'd hit these two women who were my roommates in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, when Attenonian had come in and I'd almost like bragging like, I haven't slept in 52 hours. And they'd be like, oh my, you should just go to bed. My stool is a white gel. I think this is cool. And then I realized later on, you don't do good work

when you haven't slept. Yeah, that's true. I had terrible, I mean. But we were just, and then making sure that they typed it up right, remember? Because it was back before computers, I think. Yes, it was. You handed, you wrote it.

On a legal pad. A yellow pad, we'd write it and hand it to anybody. Claire, I remember, you used to work there. A bunch of people, your hand just get in. And if there was a word off. We're all sleep deprived, and some of us have bad handwriting anyway. Exactly.

And then so these very nice people would come up to us and 10 o'clock or 11 o'clock in the morning and they'd say, what is this word right here? And usually it was a filthy sketch. You'd have to say, that's masturbation jizz machine. This very nice, you know. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I know that.

35 year old woman would go, Okay. All right. But you, you had probably told you this before, but when you got the show, when we found out you were hosting the show and taking over for Letterman, right? Is that what it was? Letterman?

Yeah. It was unanimous with our reaction. Everyone was like, oh wow, yeah, that's great. There was nobody going, oh shit, why come I didn't get that about it? Everybody who was Conan's name, everybody just went, yeah, wow, that's perfect, what a great idea. You were sharper than everybody

wrote the coolest shit. And, but you never came across nervous. Like I remember watching your first night. Who was the guest? It was Goodman. Goodman was the first guest and then Drew Barrymore. Drew Barrymore. Wow.

And then Tony Randall came out like wearing, like a tuxedo. And then he and I sang Adelweiss. We wanted to on the first show tell everybody this is the kind of show it's gonna be. Right, right, right. So he and I sang Adelweiss and they cut to the crowd on there was a weeping Nazi We just wanted to tell everybody like this this is this what this show is gonna be cool I'm pulling for you all knew you were the best and and like we're like wow, it's official

You you you're that guy now that didn't it's so funny. It doesn't feel that way for the longest time You still feel like you're auditioning every night in the beginning. Yeah, yeah, for a long time. And, but I remembered you had had, we all knew you were really funny, but Robert Smigel immediately knew that you were fantastic.

And the other person, this is really interesting, is Jim Downey is such a giant brain. What's interesting is, remember Jim Downey sort of looking at you and saying, it's funny because you're doing like your take on a Jerry Lewis sometimes. But don't be fooled. I think he's smarter than any of us.

Like that was his analysis, which I thought was very fascinating because people that took some of the buffoonery at face value didn't understand. Yeah, yeah, sure value didn't understand that you're a really smart motherfucker. In my own way. No, I mean, but you are. You've always been, and that was always the plan that, okay, this is what I'm doing now, but then I'm gonna start laying other stuff in.

And actually, which I didn't even know at the time, but I would talk to you and you would talk about serious acting, to you and you would talk about serious acting and you knew you could do it. I think I did that when I did the wedding singer. I probably was like, yeah, let me try not to be too goofy in this movie just to maybe slowly ease into doing other stuff one day. Of course, PTA, he's the one who put me in like a long-term.

That's Paul Thomas Anderson. Paul Thomas Anderson. Not, PTA, he's the one who put me in like a... That's Paul Thomas Anderson. Paul Thomas Anderson. Not the PTA committee. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's the guy who helped me get into doing just a straight up serious movie, but in my head, I knew I could eventually handle something like that and I should do something like that. I always, my family, when I first moved to, went to NYU acting, my grandmother was always like, you're the next James Cahn, you're the next James Cahn.

She always used to say that to me. So part of that line made me go, oh shit, I better do some real movies too one day so my grandmother can accept this life. I probably told you this, but I met James Conn when I was young. I was on the Paramount lot. I'm walking. I had an audition and James Conn is with his buddies throwing a football around and he

had a black eye and I was like, oh, shit, he had a famous James Conn kind of fight or something, but he was just, he was shooting misery and he had the makeup on. Oh, he had the makeup, right. And so I was like, oh, fuck, he was shooting misery and he had the makeup on. Oh, he had the makeup, right. And so I was like, oh, fuck, I didn't realize it until like a year later. I was like, oh, shit, that's why I had to, but I walked by him and I said, I gotta say something to James Cahn, man. And so I did that douchebag kind of walk up to him and see everyone going, what the fuck,

he's having fun, James Cahn, throwing a footballer. And why is this guy interrupting? And I said, hey, my grandmother said, I'm the next you. He goes, what? I said, my grandmother said, I'm the next you. And he goes, you don't want to be me. Oh, wow. Yeah, that was...

He was one of the, you know, people talk about who are the coolest people ever in movies. Was he on your show? Oh yeah, James Cahn was on the show. And what I remember is you could, even when he was getting older, you could take a carpenter's level. Tell me if I'm right.

You could take a carpenter's level and put it on his shoulder and the bubble would go right to the middle. He had the craziest straight. And you can see it in the Godfather. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of scenes where, where Sonny's wearing like a, what was known or the, what it's a wife beater t-shirt but he's just got like the white strap on a t-shirt and look at his shoulders his

shoulders are just crazy got that ridge of fluff yeah oh yeah a little bit of fluff there he he would keep little treats in there it's got a little start a little lifesavers and a starburst but no I've met him and you know the times that I've met anyone, anyone from the Godfather, I lose my mind a little bit. They all love him too. They all love him. All the Godfather guys would be,

when you say his name, they go, he just had a coolness about him. And he did, he would fight anybody. He did have that go time kind of like, if somebody says the wrong thing. Oh no, he looked like a guy who would drop his sandwich and punch you if that was I had to I'm always that way I don't want to bother these people. You said you were that way about McCartney.

McCartney, I ran past McCartney. McCartney was at a restaurant the other night, and it's actually my friend's restaurant. Everybody knew we was coming. I was with my wife and her friends and my friends, and they were like, you've met McCartney? Go say hello. I said, yeah, yeah, absolutely. I got up. I saw a side shot of his head, he was eating, and I was like, come on, man, just say hello.

And then I saw Ringo was at the table too, and he looked up and I went, I can't fucking handle it. And I just kept going. And I ran past him and all my friends are like, what happened? And then my wife goes, go back in. You're gonna never forgive yourself, go. And I said, yeah, you're right.

Went back in, saw the side shot. He was talking to his wife, I think. I just fucking get walking. Faked the hand wash in the bathroom. Then I was like, what are you doing, man? Go fucking do this. Just say hello. This is amazing, I love it.

You're Adam Sandler. The Adam Sandler did, and you know what else didn't help other people were watching Adam. Sandler, be nervous. And they were just going, is he gonna fucking talk to McCartney or not? And I just bolted out and got. But you know what, I get it.

Cause I, someone like that, I think he's been famous since about a year before I was born. And when I say famous, like the most, one of the foremost famous faces in the world. And then. Lunchbox in the house. Yeah, there are people that I have no problem walking up to. And sometimes I really give him attitude.

Like, look, you're a C-lister at best, so I'm gonna say, I'm a real dick about it. Obama. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You were president. Now I'm president. Conan, that doesn't make sense. You've never been president? But anyway, yeah, I would not... Athletes do that to me. Some superstar athletes where everybody says, go over, say hello. Oh, the worst was KG.

I went to a clipper game with Kevin Garnett, and after they, it was it, it was ending, he was on the clippers, he knows them all, he's like, let's go back and say hi, I said, no, no, no, no, man, you go. He goes, come on, come on, man. I go, no, no, no, I don't wanna go in the locker room, man. He goes, come on, man, and blah, blah, blah. I go in there, just feeling so goofy.

They're all, you know, the clothes are off. I'm in there just after a game, just there's no reason at them, saying there's no locker room. They're all hugging KG. I'm staring at him, giving some head nods, and then somehow it was me alone for a second. They spread out and me and Kawhi was in there

just kind of sitting there thinking about the game and I'm just standing there just me and Kawhi. And I'm just like, yeah, this is a bad moment for Kawhi. I didn't say nothing, just froze. I was just thinking about this because I think he was on TV last night but it was, Joe Buck came up to me, I was at a bar with a friend and Joe Buck walks up to me and he's with

John L. Way. Yeah, that's cool. And, but John L. Way doesn't say anything and Joe Buck is just like, oh man, I'll always love coming on your show. And when we were chatting and John L. Way isn't saying anything and isn't really making eye contact with me and then Joe Buck says, well anyway, we're, you know, I think our table's ready, but so great to see you. And I'm like, yeah, good to see you too. And he walks away and John is left standing, looking at me for one second and he looks at me and he goes, we're fans. And then walks away.

And it was so clear to me he doesn't know who the fuck I am. Oh. And I respected him for it. Yeah, yeah. I respected him. But just the generic is we're fans. And it's like, first of all, who's we? Because Joe Buck is gone.

Do you mean America? Yes. You mean the L ways? The Broncos. You mean the NFL? Yeah. We're fans. And then zing and he's gone.

But now you've got the thing where you have that on the other side. You know, I saw, I was was there part of a group of people Honoring you and watched him when you got the Mark Twain Prize and It was just funny to see how many people came out and how you're that guy to them, you know if you're you know I mean like they're there You know like a Pete Davidson is telling stories about, oh, shit, there's Adam Sandler. That's funny.

So where those guys now that to the young guys, yeah, he's a funny bastard, that kid. He's always texting. He's just, he's enjoying his life and then also nervous. He certainly seems to be. He enjoys it, but he's nervous about it. And he's, but he's a very nice kid. And yeah, I don't know

We that was quite a weekend man. You you were such a great man to me because I was so Not enjoying it the first why weren't you enjoying so you get this big on the Mark Twain prize and everyone turns out and it's gonna be at Kennedy Center and when I ran into you I checked in At the hotel in Georgetown, in the lobby, and I walked through and I'm thinking, well, I guess I'll see Adam at some point, maybe when I go up on stage to give my speech. And I see you standing, as you always are,

in basketball shorts, in the lobby alone. And I go up and I go, what's going on? You're like, I don't know, Coney. And you were in a bit of a well. I just get nuts when I have all my family, all friends. And then the thing was bugging me the most was I knew everybody came because they were doing, I felt like everyone was doing me a favor.

So I was like, God damn, this is a weekend. Everybody would probably like to have their own weekend. I really wanted my own weekend. You, but you made it, you said, we all wanna be here. It's good, let's just enjoy it. I swear to God, it was like five o'clock at night on the Friday and I went, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Let me just, this is a once in a lifetime time.

Well, also it's, yeah, take a second. You're such a workaholic. You're working all the time. You are too. Yeah, but it's good to take a moment every now and then and say, okay, this is nice. All your friends turned out and it was really... It was a great time.

It was a really good time. We all hung. But I don't know if you're this way. I would always hate it when my fine new family was in the audience. They would always say, yeah, we're coming, we're gonna be in the late night audience. And I'd say, why don't you just,

I say this to my brother Neil. I'd say, just hang out in the dressing room. You can watch it. No, I wanna be in the crowd with everyone else. And I'd say like, I'd kind of prefer it if you were, because I can see everybody. And if I can see you in the crowd, it's weird that my brother's there and I'm trying to be a talk show host.

And you're the guy who beat the shit out of me when I was five and took more than your share of the sugar cereal. So I don't, there's six Pop Tarts and there's six kids. And so you come down, there's only three Pop Tarts. No one's had any and Neil's got crumbs on his belly and he's laughing at all of us.

But I would say to him like, I would really prefer and he would look me and go like, nah, no, this is what I like. And then he'd just be there and then of course he would always find a way to talk to the celebrity guest backstage. Oh, Mary Teller Moore. So nice to see you.

Conn's brother Neil. So when you worked on a show called Bennegan's Revenge in 1966. It premiered in color, but then the second season was in black and white. Why was that? He has that kind of mind. That's amazing.

He went up to Elvis Costello and was like, hey, I saw you at Live Aid. I was in the crowd. Oh wow. And then I was thinking the crowd at Live Aid. That's in the crowd. And I was thinking the crowd at Live Aid. That's a big crowd. I was there. At Wembley Stadium?

No, I was wearing a blue T-shirt. Remember? They changed my vibe too. My dad told my mom, my dad came to see me in Boston one night when I was doing standup and I just was getting going and I was cursing a lot. And my father, no matter what, even when I did bad,

he would, oh, that was terrific. You were great, terrific. And I said, that thing I said, blah, blah, blah, didn't do well, huh? He'd be like, ah, that was terrific. You'll figure it out. But he would say, don't have mom come see you. And so my mother, every time I had a show, my mom would go, your father says, I shouldn't have mom come see you. And so my mother, every time I had a show,

my mom would go, your father says, I shouldn't come. Do you want me to come? I'd be like, well, dad said not to do it. Maybe it's better. And then I did my album and it was filthy. And my father played my mother the record. He listened to it first and then my mother would tell me, I listened to the track and then my mother would tell me I listen to track one five and eleven

But I did change my vibe whenever my parents or my family is something about my act as a stand-up I don't really tell the truth ever. Yeah, I have the start of the truth and do some goofy joke. And anytime I've looked out at a family member and I start my joke, they have a look of like, this isn't true. And so it throws my head off. I'm like, God damn it.

You know, my mother never came to see me do stand up because that was the instructions. But I opened for Seinfeld. Seinfeld was cool. He let me open for him in Boston one night and my parents are in New Hampshire. And to open for Seinfeld, I don't think he told me to, but I said, oh, he doesn't curse, so I can't curse.

And I told my dad and mom, hey, I'm doing sign for, oh, that's a big deal. And they were so excited. I said, I'm doing 15 minutes before he goes on, if you guys want to come. Cause I'm not allowed to curse. And so my father's like, Judy will go. And they both came.

And I had, because it was a clean set, I wasn't used to it. And I fucking ate it for 15 minutes Oh, and my poor parents were watching me just fail miserably And then sign fell went on and it was fucking, you know, two hours of destruction Yeah, and just the whole car ride home is like and how about when he said Yes, that was very good. My mother's like, you'll get there, you'll get there. That's nice.

I love that your dad is, you know, the production company logo that always comes up is the golf ball. That terrific. And then, and then terrific. And I guess that was your dad's, everything was terrific. Everything was terrific. Always about your golf swing,

about everything, school, you'd come home with a report card. All right, terrific, you're doing okay. He had a great attitude, but my dad passed away and that terrific is actually me. I did it in a microphone and they lowered it and put it in the thing and my mother, for a long time thought it was my dad and happened when daddy said, and then I think I put it in the thing. And my mother for a long time thought it was my dad and happened when daddy said,

and then I think I broke it to her recently. I said, that's me. Huh. You destroyed it all. I don't know. I liked hanging out with your mom and your sister and it was just Yeah, my two sisters. Your two sisters, that's right.

Yeah, yeah. Have it when my sister took over the speech the first night. There's a night before, when you get the Twain Award, there's a night before, they have another night and yeah, your sister came out and like did a set. She did a 20 minute hit. Yeah She took over she made me sit down on stage Yeah, she said get up here and made you sit and there was nothing you could do your sister was in this was she said like this Is my moment? Yes, and I'm taking it she and Nada didn't try to be funny or was funny or also just nice and real,

didn't have the thing that we have of like, I gotta kill, and she was just like taking her time and telling stories about me. And, but had me locked in there pretty good, but it was sweet. Everybody was nice to her. I love it when Spades, like mom has been around.

Yeah. I'm sure I've told that story about spades mom. It's just, I love it when these people that I came along with when their parents are around. I love it, like I said, when your mom's around and I went to an event and it was an event that you were throwing for, I think it was one of your daughters, Bar Mitzvah.

Oh yeah, the Bat Mitzvah. Bat Mitzvah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm sitting at a table with David Spades on one side, his mom's on the other side, and sitting across the table from us is Dustin Hoffman. That's right. And she leans over to me and she says,

Conan, that's Dustin Hoffman. And I wanna go say hi to him. I love Dustin Hoffman. He's wanna go say hi to him. I love Dustin Hoffman. He's in my second favorite movie of all time. And I said, oh, that's, yeah, you should say hi to him. She's, yeah, I'm gonna go tell him he's in my second favorite movie of all time. And I said, well, you know what you should do, Mr. Spades,

just say you're like in my favorite movie of all time. I said, what was it? And he said, well, Shaz, like, Tootsie is my second favorite movie of all time. I said, what was it? And he said, well, Shaz, like, Tootsie is my second favorite movie of all time. And I'm trying to remember. I said, like, well, what's your, you know, and she said, I just said, just say it's your favorite. And she said, it's, you know,

it's not my favorite movie of all time. My favorite movie of all time is nine to five. My second favorite movie of all time is Tootsie. And my third favorite movie, you know, of all time. Tootsie and my third favorite movie of all time. And then she had a third favorite. And I said, just don't, you don't have to say all that. One of my favorites. You don't have to do it.

Just go up to Dustin Hoffman and just say, you're my favorite movie of all time, Tootsie, that's all. And she looked at me and she said, but it's not my favorite movie. And so I said, David, help me here. And Dave was like, ma, ma, just say, you literally love Tootsie, that's all you have favorite movie. And so I said, David, help me here. And David was like, ma, ma, just say, you literally love Tootsie. That's all you have to do.

And she was like, all right, all right. So she goes around and there's all this music playing because it's a Bat-Mitzvah. And I see her walk around and she goes up to Dustin Hoffman. And then she starts talking and then she holds up three fingers. Ah! And then she does one.

And I see her mouthing it and it's not Chutzie and I see Dustin Hoffman listening like and he doesn't even know it's David Spade's mom. He just knows it's this older woman. Yeah. Now, it's my favorite movie. You're not in it. Oh, hold on. You're in the list but not at number one and I was just dying. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, my mother does the, if I, someone famous, is in the room, my mother, I'll introduce my mother,

go, you're wonderful, you're wonderful. Congratulations. And thank you so much. You were wonderful. We love you so much. And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that?

And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that?

And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that?

And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? And then the walk away and then like, who is that? and he, everywhere he went, they had to shut streets down. It was crazy. And he came by my small late night party in my apartment and my mom was there. And at one point I see my mom over in the corner talking to Jim. And you know, you just get that feeling like, ah, okay, well, I hope this goes all right. And then sooner or later, my mom drifts back to me and I go, mom, what were you talking to that guy about?

And she went, well, he wants to, you know, he's in comedy and he's an actor. And I told him, listen to me, my son, a lot of people gave him a lot of guff when he started out, but he kept pushing and he kept pushing and he made it. And if you stick with it, you too are going to make it. And so I put my hand on my mom's shoulder and I said,

mom, she was still working at the time at this law office in Boston. I said, mom, you're going back to Boston tomorrow and I want you to tell everybody on Monday, gather everyone at ropes and gray law firm and tell them that you met Jim Carrey and you told him to just stick with it. And she was saying, why? Why?

Why is that funny? Why would I do that? Who is he? Who is he? And I said, just do it. Just do it. So then she called me from work. Why?

And she said, well, I didn't know. And you could hear people laughing in the background. My mother sat next to Dice Clay on a flight out and she was just telling me this nice boy Very nice. We talked the whole flight and very sweet and you should get to know him his name is dice And he's very nice from Brooklyn Giant star yeah, yeah, well he's very wise handsome Nice had of hair.

He told me the loveliest little nursery rhyme. Hickory dickory duck. The mouse ran up the top. He was always nice. Every time I'd see dice after the bill, I'd say hi to your mother. Oh yeah. He was the shit.

And then what about fucking Dennis when he would go, what the fuck, but Dennis, what is it? Jimmy crack, Jimmy crack corn and I don't fucking care. And the whole place would go nuts, something like that. Yeah, did you get along with Dennis back on the show? He got me on the show. Oh, he was the one that got you on the show? He called Lauren about me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice. He was great to me and he used to take us out before SNL. We would just goofy comedian Schneider and Spade. He used to take us out golfing all the time at Witsit, you know, in the valley and we'd play with him and got to know him and then he watched our acts and told us, you know, what was good and bad and that kind of shit. And then he's like, Sandman.

He used to call me Sandman. Used to call, I think he was like the first guy. My friends when I was a kid used to call me Sandman and then nobody did that. And I think he used to go, Sandman. And he's like, yeah, you'd be good on the show, Sandman. And then I'd be on the show and I remember I wasn't doing great in the beginning.

It's a hard place to get it going, but I was definitely, Schneider hit big, and some of the youth was starting to get there, and I was not getting there. And then I remember it in the hallway, he goes, I thought this would have caught on by now. I was like, oh no, not yet, not yet. It'll get there. But you knew, you were always pretty confident that you'd get there, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess so. Yes, I kept going. But yeah, he was great to me. He did scare the shit out of you. He didn't exactly, almost like the McCartney thing. Like you just get a little fucking out of your head and nervous and you're gonna say the wrong thing to Dennis and the guys who were just better than us back in the day.

Who else had that? Phil was warm. Phil was warm. He used to make it feel good. Phil was warm, Phil Hartman, but you always thought you didn't know the real Phil. That's right. Phil would walk in and see us and go,

keep him flying, boys, keep him flying. And then you'd go in and you'd, to tell him about a sketch and go, and he'd say, what's up fellas? All right, let's take a look. Got it. You know, and he was a machine. He could do it, but it's not like I ever had a heart to heart with him.

No, no, no. I never shot the shit for real, but he was sweet. He was sweet. Love it. Love it was pretty goddamn nice to us back in the day. He was funny, because John Love Itz just wore his heart on his sleeve. He was who he was.

And he was kind of, it was all there. Like he had no armor. So many comedians have armor and John Love Itz would say, I've got an idea. He always would picture these ideas because he was looking for a new catch phrase after the, after the liar, he was always wanting a new catch phrase. And he'd be like, yeah, I got an idea for a character.

He says, get to know me. And you'd go, yeah, I don't really know. I'd be like, oh, I think it'd be really good. Come on. He'd get sort of like a kid. And I thought, but he was very sweet, really nice guy, very sweet guy, but just felt like kind of like a kid. And I thought, but he was very sweet, really nice guy, very sweet guy, but just felt like kind of, like his inner child was exposed.

But those guys were bigger than, cause we were younger than them, that we always were a little nervous around them. Yeah, of course. That's just how it works. Whoever, I'm in awe of people, people that were on TV when I was a kid are just always, I mean, they're all dying now, but if they were on television or in the movies

when I was a kid, I'm in complete awe of them. Well, you owe something to them. What I have found is that people can be absolute icons, make the biggest stars in the world, but if they came along five years ago, I'm very happy to meet them, but they don't have that effect on me. Sure, yes.

I'm not like, oh my, oh my God. Taylor Swift, because what she means to my kids, I get a little fucking jumpy, because I don't want to blow up for my kids, so I'm a little like, Taylor, Taylor, you know, like I talk a little too loud or something, I don't act as cool as a cat. Do you yell her name outside her house? Taylor, Taylor, you know, like I talk a little too loud or something. I don't act as cool as a cat. Do you yell her name outside her house?

Taylor! Taylor! Talk to me. Speak to me. Yeah, she's, I mean, she's this whole other level now. That is, people talk about the Beatles of it all and her just, just, man. I mean, fuck so many smash hits. There's not a word my kids don't know. My, yeah, my, my daughter, it means so much.

I know him too, by the way, but they know, they know him inside and out. But it's just, remember the Beatles, every fucking song on the record you knew. That's Taylor Swift too. You just did not a song you skip. You go, that was pretty damn cool. Very few people have hit that level of fame. That long? Me. Taylor. You've been outside with me. People just, you know, they're like shouting out different sketches and bits. No, they're just like, do I know you from something? How do I know you? Big man, what's up big man? Taylor has called me and said like, how long will this go on?

How do I handle it? And I go, look, you just got to be chill, you know, you just got to just you got to breathe into it. That's what I always say. Never have. You know, what's very cool is I think you have had an extremely, continue to have an extremely unique career. I'm just, it's amazing, the vantage point I've had, you know, meeting you that first day you showed up at SNL and then just seeing this body of work that you've made, which is so varied that when people come up to you and they're touched by something you did or they love something you did, there's a lot of people who they

know what's coming. Yeah, you like that one movie. But for you, you never know what it's going to be because you've done so much. You've done so much stuff that's affected people in different ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, shit, the latest Leo movie. Leo is my go. My daughter is obsessed. Oh, yeah? yeah, I mean, shit, the latest, that Leo movie, Leo is Michael. Yeah, my daughter's obsessed.

Oh yeah? She loves that, and it's such a good movie because I watched it with her three times. That's fantastic. Yeah, it's like a joke bag, feels great, Bill Burbs, Michael crushed it. But I'm so happy that. I also love too that the voice you did in Leo.

Oh, Bernie. We all know it's, you know, my former representation, your former is in Bernie Brillstein, had this just unbelievable voice. I mean, first of all, he looked- You used to do him, you and Smiley used to do him, talking about your Adam West product. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was- And you do Sandy better than everybody did. But this was this great, Bernie Brillstein was this iconic figure, and they don't make him like that anymore. And he wore all black. He was very heavy guy with a big white beard, and he looked like a Jewish Santa Claus with a,

wearing, and he'd wear dark, and he'd say, it's slimming. I think, well, apparently it's not. But he was, everyone did a Bernie Brillstein impression. And, but you took that voice and then changed it. Yeah. And if you had told me this massive hit movie, Leo is coming out and kids are gonna love it. And it's gonna be an instant classic.

And the main character is the voice of Bernie Brillstein. That was... I'd have said... Do you remember that you guys, I think, Smigol used to do Bernie if he was a cannibal? No. He used to go, you know, be giving advice and be like, you have to tell Paramount,

take cheese, yeah, whatever you be saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, let me, you have a wonderful hand. Let me feel that head first. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I was good. The kids coming up and talking about that, fantastic feeling. And then you have this, I just watched it last night. You got the Space Man. Space Man, which is, I really loved it and it's quite different from other work that you've done. And it's got a great premise. I don't know how much I want to say to give anything away, but it's someone who's about

as far away from Earth as you can get, who gets some upsetting news and feels like something in his relationship with his wife has gone wrong and you're literally on the other side of Jupiter. And then there's this element that comes into the movie that's really fantastic and you don't expect it. And I thought it was a beautiful movie. That's cool. It really did. Great, great.

Yes, well, it's this director, great guy, Johan Rink, just a great person. You would love him. He's from Sweden. He directed Bowie's last video. He's a really cool bastard. I love that video, by the way. I've seen that. I love that video.

It looks cool. Bowie, he has great stories about Bowie and he did Madonna and just cool stuff. And he was a singer himself and he gave me the script and it was very different. And this guy's visually makes cool shit and let me be in it. And I love it. I like it.

You're in this enviable position where you can do whatever you want. You can decide, you know, I'm going to do an uncut gems and work with the Safdie's before that was even a thing, you know. And I think you can make a Leo, then you can come out with Space Man, which is very much, it's got like a 2001 vibe and has a lot of different darker textures in it. I think, okay, this is this amazing place to be in right now where you can be as goofy as you want.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then... I did get lucky there. I don't know how the, I don't know what I'm supposed to do half the time. I'm like, shit, I gotta make a movie. I wanna make a movie. I love making them. What the fuck I'm supposed to do half the time. I'm like, shit, I gotta make a movie. I wanna make a movie. I love making them.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I just want, I like doing comedies. I like when there's an idea that we're freaking out over and we can't wait to get it going and try to write it and all that shit. But it's a weird age, right? Now it's a new age. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to really talk about

what I'm supposed to be, what kind of movie I'm supposed to make right now, but it all eventually gets there. Well, I think my take on you is I think you're a secret weapon, and I like to think I've been this way too, but you've mostly been interested in pleasing yourself, and you decided a long time ago, I'm not gonna read anything about me

and I'm not gonna try and make certain people happy. I'm just going to do what I think is right and what I wanna do. And it's kind of a masterclass in what more people should do. Because I think that's a great way to go through, especially a comedy career, but just make yourself happy. And if you stick to that, chances are,

the worst thing that happens is you've made yourself happy. And in your case, you've made everybody else happy too. So that's a beautiful thing. And it does feel, yes, there are times in your career you go, I guess you do something that you weren't 100% sure of and then you just go, I can't ever fucking do that again. That didn't feel good. Like doing whatever makes me feel like,

at least I like it like you were saying. And it's just, yeah, lucky, lucky. Me and you are very lucky. I bet how long you've been getting to do this and kill. And this new building, you gots the lucky, lucky. Me and you are very lucky. How long you been getting to do this and kill, and this new building, you guys, the greatest, man. I love it. Yeah, I always wanted a little tree house. That's what this feels like,

is like a very nice tree house. And... It's packed with people who look happy as hell. Yeah, they don't do anything. That's all right. Super happy, the checks keep coming. Every picture on the wall is of me. Yeah, I feel good.

Keep that. You know, I don't want to keep you any longer, but I'm just honored to be your friend. Me too, man, I love you always. Happy, so happy for you and so happy. I'm doing a stand-up special and I dropped your name in it in a good way. Oh, in a good way?

You have nothing to fear. I hate when somebody says that I heard your name in a comedy club, I'm like, oh geez, that could go the other way. Yeah. But no, this is a good way. Friend of Epstein, oh no! Ha ha ha ha.

Well listen, I love you and I'm so happy for you and proud of you for you just, I don't know, you're following your own North Star and whatever you're doing is perfection. Thank you buddy. Thank you. I love you Conan, I love you too. I love you too, Nistan. Thank you buddy. Thank you. I love you Conan. I love you too.

I love you too, Gourley. What? Yeah. I'm sorry, different Gourley. Yeah. Sorry. That feels better. I didn't have my glasses on.

Okay. Thank you. That was close. Thanks. I have a tale to tell and it's an embarrassing tale and I think these are the ones you guys like. These are our favorites. This is a true story.

I just flew in from Boston. I was seeing my family there. I check out my family. I check out my family. Hey, you guys are looking. What? Hey, Mom, Dad, you guys are looking good. Sexy nuclear unit.

No, I was checking in on my family and seeing my fam, my Sibs. And then I go to Logan Airport and I'm going to take the flight from Boston to Los Angeles. You know, you wait in the line to hand your stuff over, put it on the conveyor belt. So you're a little distracted, but I'm, you know, taking my belt off, they always say you can leave

your belt on, but it always sets it off. So now I take everything off. I'm pretty much naked when I go through that thing. But I'm taking everything off, I'm putting it down into this bucket and this very nice kid who's wearing a white sweater and he has glasses and dark hair. And he says, oh, hi Conan, and he could not have been nicer. He said, your TV show meant a lot to me.

I've listened to Conan O'Brien, needs a friend all the time. He is Armenian, he introduces himself. And I think he said his name was Arman. He could not have been nicer. And he was talking about, beautifully talking about what the work is meant to him and all that. And I just had like the nicest conversation with him. And he was kind of holding his phone,

but we were just about to go through, you know, when you go through the, whatever the X-ray machine, the magnetic thing. And so he had to put his phone in and I was kind of thinking, I think he wanted to do a photo, but he didn't, okay? Hold on, but anyway, we go through and I'm thinking, that guy was so nice. Then they wanna look again at one of my bags.

I think it's, you know, how many men travel with nine bottles of hairspray? So it was suspicious. And it's Aquanet, it's for old women. They don't even make it anymore. It was like a two day trip. It was a day and a half trip. And it's not all for my hair.

But anyway, no, I'm saying, I inhale that stuff. It's an incredible high. Shout out to Aquanet. But anyway, I get through and I get called some of my stuff and I stand up and standing there, white sweater, glasses, dark hair, this guy and I just walk up to him and say, hey, let's do a selfie. And he said, okay.

And he starts to fish around in his luggage for his camera and I'm thinking he was just holding his camera and he doesn't seem that interested. What the fuck? That's weird. I thought I was being super nice because he said all those nice things and he starts to pick it up and he goes, okay, and I went and look at him and I go, wait a minute. Oh no. It's not that guy.

I just, I swear to God, I just, so this guy, who's just a guy who's wearing and I look over and I see the other guy. Listen to me. I see, listen to me, I'm not kidding. I swear to God, this is all exactly happened. I see the other guy. He's wearing a sweater that is practically identical. They look very similar and he's got glasses and I see him standing over at a post holding his cell phone.

And he's thinking, why wouldn't he take a selfie with me? And I'm looking at this guy and he goes, okay, and he takes a selfie with me? And he's, and I'm looking at this guy and he goes, uh, okay. And he takes a selfie of us. And so look at it from his perspective. He's sitting there waiting for another relative, a girlfriend or whatever to come through. And Conan O'Brien walks up and goes,

hey, let's do a selfie. He must have thought you were insane. He thought I was fucking insane. And so then I started to go, no, no, no. I thought you were him. And I'm pointing to the other guy. And the other guy isn't even looking at me at that point. He's looking at his phone, cause he just got a text.

And there's no good explanation for why you would walk up to a stranger and say, hey, buddy, let's get a selfie. You're gonna want this. You're gonna want this. So somewhere out there, there's a guy who isn't a fan. Doesn't care, maybe actively dislikes what I do. Came up to him and made him take a Sophie.

And I can die just, and so then I walk up to the other guy and I said, I'm sorry, I thought he was you. And the other guy, I'm just, you know, there's no, now he just thinks, oh, so all non-celebrities look alike to you? Oh, I know. I think what happened is there was no first guy and you just got a bad reaction from someone

you wanted to take a selfie with. And this first guy's you're like Fight Club Tyler Durden got it, gets you to do selfie. Nice, nice try, yes, that I see FANTOM people. No, I loved, it was so perfect. And I don't have photos, but if I could show you a photo of what both of them were wearing,

you would laugh because it's- Some of these selfies exist though, right? It's as if a higher being, God said, this is gonna be really funny. I'm sending down two people who look somewhat alike and they're both wearing this very similar sweater and like dark jeans. So whatever, that happened.

Oh my God. And I just keep thinking about this guy, just like, okay, where's Sarah? I just gotta wait for Sarah to come through. Hey, hey, let's take a selfie. What are you, let's do it right now. Come on, get the camera out. Like you're doing him a favor.

Like, hey buddy. Yeah. And now I think I chose a new. Hey, guess what? Randomly every hundredth person gets to win the ultimate lottery. You're getting a selfie with Conan O'Brien. I'm sorry and you do what? Come on.

Late night show, 90s, 2000s, NBC, TBS. Come on, come on. Podcast. Come on, come on, podcast. Come on, come on, get the camera out, let's do this. Incredible. That's just happened, that happened 36 hours ago. And the minute it happened, I said, these exist. This is why I have the podcast, because this is fresh.

This just happened. Hey buddy, let's do it. Get the camera out, let's do it. Get the camera out, let's get that selfie. I love that you said these two selfies still exist, but that guy probably just deleted it. He never took it. Yeah.

He went, he's like, yeah, oh yeah, I took it. There you go. Hey, and you know what he said? He said click. He said click. And I was like, I didn't think he pushed the phone. And then I saw him walk up to a trash can and throw his iPhone away. And it was the new one. It's the new one with the funny new cord. He threw it away.

Click. There you happy now? You irrelevant funk? Oh good a trash can. Funk. Alright, Conan O'Brien a fool once again. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely. Produced by me, Matt Gorely. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brick Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read

on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.