Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Al Franken Returns

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

Al Franken feels privileged about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Al sits down with Conan once more to discuss why you can’t be funny in Washington, getting his parents cut from SNL, and The Only Former U.S. Senator Currently On Tour Tour. Later, Conan attempts to extract an apology from Sona.

It's the build-up she can't handle the build-up Oh that help just nothing whenever you're ready Oh yeah hi my name is Al Frank and I feel privileged about being Conan O'Brien's friend Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are gonna be friends Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend sitting here with my companions, my friends, they would do anything for me

can't say that I would reciprocate but Sonam Obsession, Matt Gorley, good to see you sir I have to tell you I did a lot of traveling recently, I've been all over the world on a special project and then came back and had to do some work on the East Coast on the way back and then flew here and I came down with quite a cold sounds like it and here's the thing that I like when I get a cold I prefer my voice yeah oh I think this is a better voice Eduardo why don't you weigh in yeah I love it yeah I think you should always have a cold okay so you're saying yeah and Eduardo be honest you're saying my natural speaking voice it's just more soothing

it's easier to like mix yeah you know when you normally speak kind of gets up here a little bit yeah yeah but this is you know nice and cool no this is this is nice and I have this register right here and it just feels good and so I'm wondering how can I keep this going all the time because I prefer this and so I don't know what to do one would be to constantly reinfect myself I think that's your best hire sickly children to cough into my open mouth yeah but you also your your immune system will get better and eventually you'll never get sick again and then you'll never have this voice again I think if you scream

wake up and scream every morning I don't think that's going to do it you know smoke smoke you think I should start smoking maybe that would do it what if we just have you record like a bunch of random sayings while you're feeling this way while I'm feeling this way this is Conan recovering from a cold and maybe we should just record some stuff now that we can use in the future let's try some how about yo Adrian give me that yo Adrian pretty good it's cool how about this what we want we want little phrases that will fit nicely into almost any interview things like oh yeah I hear you I've never heard you say that but

you never said that now you're taking on a persona you want to be but that's not who you are no but you could still slip that in if we have someone who's talking on the show and on the podcast you could just slide that in but how's this gonna work if normally you have your regular voice and then it just goes into this no people hear it and they'll just think oh that's the real Conan you'll you think people will think this is the real you and then you make your voice that other way I do hope you come back soon that's a good one to just slide in there and you want me to slide that somewhere in the middle of the

interview yeah just in the middle of an inner interview with Henry Kissinger I suddenly you sound like Henry Kissinger I do sound like yes yeah I just think it's we should try and get as many of these as possible do you feel different hold on a second say what about like Kakarou how about this Katakai is God made her that's pretty good how about this one a Kakarou but this is when you could hey this has been a great episode I've enjoyed it if you've enjoyed it half as much you probably had an orgasm oh that was

creepy hard left turn hard left turn yeah something else until the hard left turn what what took a hard what took a hard left turn I didn't say that you did say that guys your personality is changing with this voice I think that you're changing as a human being oh hey hey Sona yeah you're looking fine today you know what's wrong with I don't know that felt weird I don't like that also your posture has changed I know you're all like you're I don't like this guy like don't I miss you're missing a cigarette yeah no it's okay no this guy sucks heat smoke Virginia's I'm wearing athleisure wear come on no that

guy would not say athleisure wear that guy's cool oh yeah well I guess the point is maybe this doesn't work but I do think we should try and record as much as possible I should probably try and get a book on tape deal while I have this voice you know what I mean but then what if you get better as you're doing it no no I'll trust me I know how to sustain this cold for a little while longer if I could just get a good book you know maybe one of those sort of a real sensual novel I think that would be fantastic no one's buying it because I can't even imagine you doing you saying like a

sex book without like feeling very uncomfortable by it when I have this cold I'm not uncomfortable about anything this cold has literally changed my personality give us a little a sample of the sex book I didn't think you'd be here she said I thought you I'd never see you again I made it clear I'm here because I saw in your eyes you want me to be here this is that's so arousing hold it I'm not done I am I'm not done wait you saw it in my eyes yes I looked into your eyes and I saw that you wished me to come by and I could tell the way your eyes were that you wanted me to come by there's not even no one's

undressing yet when is someone gonna undress that's 40 pages from what is it about my eyes it makes you think that she asked widening her eyes well I have to say it's just a quality the eyes have when the light hits them a certain way plus some people have a lot of veins in their eyes but you don't you're relatively vain clear so made me think cut to 40 pages later hey okay if that's what you wish zip flabba-dabba shabba-dabba but it's not what you think it was he unzipped his pants and just putting fell out yeah he was keeping putting in his pants what a waste of a good voice I know I can't I can't even

do an erotic thing for eight seconds can you laugh in this register yeah that's right good one guest let's use that how about this ha ha good one guest hey hey interview subject do it during the interview you said hello guest or good one guess well we want to make sure we can use this as much as much about this I'll do I'll do oh yeah guest yeah loving it loving it keep it going hey that was a great anecdote guest can't wait to hear more after this brief commercial for a kind of software I don't understand and we're back Conan O'Brien here with guest and we are killing it I'm is it oh I think I'm worried about you why I don't

know I just feel like maybe this time you've gone too far okay maybe I have yeah yeah I apologize it's the cold I don't know I just I like it I don't know maybe we can do something it is cool no I think it's a really cool it sounds really I do prefer this what a regular voice try some classic action hero lines and see if it matches like Yippee-ki-yay motherfucker Yippee-ki-yay motherfucker that's pretty good okay give me a couple I don't remember I dare you to knock this battery off my shoulder you were referencing a commercial nobody remembers what is it's a battery ad from 1977 okay this is gone too far yeah that you

know everybody an apology yeah Robert do I are you oh my god it's me pudding pants soda do you have it do you have like a sexy voice yourself it has to be sex oh I've seen I've been with Sona I've been with Sona in her single days when she would find someone attractive and she would do it all with her face it would be a lot of giggling no but you would do a lot of pointing you would point your face and move it in different angles and your eyes would get very wide I know it was really fun to watch let's have a quick conversation with the three of us in sexy voice all right here we go everybody how's going hey man it's

going pretty good what I'm sorry about your throat cancer hey man it's all right I'm sorry about your tongue off to me well they reattached the tongue using a rubber one so I'm fine now yeah so you guys want to have sex or something no I do not know me that's not how sexy people ask me no if they want to have sex really how do they have will you ask us how to have sex with us what a fuck Jesus that's what I'm going back to my regular yeah Jesus oh my oh my stars and garter fresh Jesus Christ the hell sonna mother of two the hell is wrong with you we're all doing sexy you guys were really bad at it you guys were so bad

at it you guys were I don't think so not the what not the sound quality but the shit you guys well what I'd like to know is if there's a way Eduardo the real takeaway from this is that people do prefer this voice and so we've got to figure out a way for my lungs to fail more often yeah so work on that maybe there's something in the technology we could yeah I think I can copy and paste for later oh good all right that's sound that that made sense to me all right well listen guys we got to get into it give this the sexiest reading you possible yeah my guess today is a comedian writer and former u.s. senator

oh really narrows it down oh he was one of the original writers for Saturday night live in the author of four number one New York Times best he currently hosts his own podcast the Al Franken podcast I'm thrilled he's here today Al Franken welcome we go back a long way we do I met you in February no you didn't let me finish 1988 February of 1988 I showed up at Saturday night live and you were I was so nervous and you have a very distinctive hearty laugh and I remember you early on laughing at something I said and it made me feel a lot better and I was I felt like okay that's a star is the oxygen of comedy

yes okay it's I guess that's true so there's evidently bad things there's some oxygen in the room apparently very little I don't think I don't think mice could live in this environment if that's the level we're gonna go for Carvey said that to me that laughter is the oxygen of comedy Dana Carvey who was in our podcast studio just a few hours ago doing something for us and he is the oxygen of comedy he is you gotta change it so not everything's oxygen you know you so yes laughter is the oxygen of comedy and then Dana Carvey maybe is the son around which other laughs revolve hydrogen of comedy oh okay we're this is

a terrible podcast already and just say that that I got to know you all those years ago and we've remained very good friends and the thing is the privilege part is that you're a really good guy I know yeah they don't like it when that comes up on the show that I might okay let's take it back no I mean it's the thing I mean I you play your character mm-hmm on this show that's not a character yeah yeah yeah but there's a spin on it which is you embrace yeah all your faults mm-hmm which are very real yeah and too numerous to mention yeah no well thank God yeah so you have something for you

guys to talk about but the the weird part is is that you're a very I'm one of my saying I'm saying stuff that's so obvious that you're very aware of the stuff and of course you wouldn't be able to be funny about your faults unless you were them yeah that's good there we go yeah but then okay that was not the oxygen no no no but also just really stick the landing on but also a great guy huh that you know that's right yeah yeah okay good good good good good okay I think we know what we need I do think your instinct not your instinct but you can be so good at being bad if you wanted to and you I don't think anyone's

better at just just being just you know like just oh yeah I came from a kiln a kiln in Brookline, Massachusetts they packed a bunch of crazy Irish people together in a very small space yes and that's where you get this Frankenstein so blame it on them it's like you're an addict to evil but you're sober but you could you could like fall off the wagon at any time yeah yeah yeah that's close to really just being the worst guy I'm more of a Stalin guy you know I like agricultural plans that don't work devastate a whole generation anyway let's make the focus you Al now which is you are such a funny guy and you have made

this tour your but that's what I was gonna get to is you've made this tour to stand up now you've been in the business a long time your sketch writer famously you performed for many years on the show but your experience going in front of live audiences used to be with your partner Tom Davis yep what happened was after I left the Senate I started doing speeches and I realized that my speeches were like 80% funny mm-hmm and then 20% was we got a win we got to be Trump yeah we do Bernie I love Bernie I serve Bernie Bernie's great I understand single-payer I backed the single-payer yeah and Bernie was saying

there'll be no private insurance people would like their private insurance and also their employer paid for it basically right and what you'll get is something you've never seen and you don't know what it is but I guarantee you know and then you know there's a reason for that yeah the British system is great but every other country has universal health care and other than they all have health some private health insurance so I was that and then 80% was fun was like I went oh well this is stand-up yeah and I admire

stand-up sure yeah that's the thing I've been watching a lot of stand-ups but none of them do public policy at all no sin bad did for a while sin bad would crush with public policy you know this is the this is you know we've been we've known each other for a long time and I've seen you through I think a a dispassionate lens where I can say there was this period in the Senate where you needed to be serious yeah they don't be funny they said don't be funny and so don't be funny you don't be funny on the floor right be funny in hearings don't be funny don't be funny no jokes no

sarcasm because the other side whoever that is can take that out of context just read it it and it can it was more well that was true yeah of course that was true but it was also more you won by 312 votes right and people Minnesota want you to be want to know that you're serious about this yeah and I went yeah no shit and I didn't really internalize it at first so I I tell the story well the first day I'm there gets worn in go back to my office first day my office I have never been there I take the subway back to the office go to the heart art building get in my office there's a sheet on my paper on my desk set and I

learned that one of your duties as a senator is to write congratulatory notes to constituents and this first note is to Ruth Anderson who's turning 110 she's from Marshall Minnesota she's turning 110 so I've been told don't be funny so I get out my official station I use it for the first time I write dear Ruth you have a bright future and then someone put that in the shredder yeah close my new assistant who I had never had met comes in oh I had met her but I hadn't worked with her she takes it and brings it to my new chief staff who I selected and he says what is this and I said it's a joke yeah uh-huh you think Ruth Anderson

will find it funny I said I don't know she's a hundred and ten we'll see but he said I'm sorry he said do you think her family will find it funny and I went oh yeah and I thought start thinking about her 90-year-old son reading it but see this is what I'm trying to get to is for those of us who knew you and you worked so hard at at being a senator and taking it very seriously and really doing the work and you and of course of course but of course it was interesting of course for me to see you just keep saying that of course it was interesting to see you at that time because I knew that you had to

restrain this whole other side of you which was really funny because you can't you really can't be doing that if you're in the Senate and then now I see that you're just back to hitting on all cylinders comedically I'd say on three out of four I'm trying to hit on all film there's always been 12 cylinder engine you're hitting on three cylinders it's a we're talking about a classic I like say eight three out of four but no I think I'm hitting I'm doing high two cylinders two cylinders you're now down to two out of 12 oh boy the car is smoking it's not even moving it was interesting like the second week I'm

there there's a Supreme Court here and I'm on the judiciary committee and so do my aura and Amy Klobuchar who's my senior senator who's a pros was a prosecutor asked her like why'd you become a prosecutor and she said well I because I watched Perry Mason mm-hmm as a as a and I watch Perry Mason too and I so when it got to me I just said why if you watch Perry Mason a case a show in which the prosecutor lost every case yes every single case a prosecutor and she goes actually burger 1-1 case that was a prosecutor and so I said okay well look I got 30 minutes of questioning so let's get to that and then at the end I had

like I had about a minute left and I couldn't develop a new line of questioning so I said okay as long as we're at it what case did Perry Mason lose yeah and she said I don't know and I said just because I'm trained like you I just said didn't the White House prepare you which of course didn't they prepare you on TV trivia well she offered it as a piece of information and then couldn't follow up so I was very damaging but and then but what the point about that is I just got killed for that really Al Franken have

to be funny yeah yeah and was as you know it was just I didn't go okay I will ask her yeah why she became a prosecutor because I think he had an asset yeah and then she will say Perry Mason and then she'll say why did you become because it but hey at what point because I know that you you know your history well at what point did were we not allowed to be funny anymore in our political discourse I mean real politicians I'm not talking about wags on the sidelines but there's been some there's a kind of funny you're supposed to be right or can be and sometimes it's funny like everyone

hates me because I say Lindsey Graham was the funniest son it just hates me right now I don't hate you I'm just confused well I he has a quick sense of humor he has a sharp sense of humor he does and his sense of humor is I'm very cynical so I'll give you an example I'm going to we're taking break for winter vacation for Christmas vacation and he says Al you going anywhere take your family for son I said I'm going to Vieques which is Puerto Rico and he goes like do two foot immediately bump do two fundraisers one for the people for who are for statehood one for the people who are against they never talk to each other

every one of his jokes is I'm the most cynical guy in the world yeah and he's proving that actually has day in and day out he yeah I last time I talked to him I said why are you for Trump and I know the answer to that which is he wants to be relevant so that's what he did well I called you once because I just didn't understand during some of the intense and this is really saying something I just qualified during the intense Trump craziness I don't even know what but yeah but something happened and of course everyone was falling in line behind him and I I happen to know that that you know some of these people like

Lindsey Graham and you just don't understand I mean that I didn't understand but I knew that you knew him so I called you up and I said now couldn't he say look we've gone too far and so you know and you went no that's not what he's gonna do and you were right yeah I mean he's one East and South Carolina so you know if you're gonna get reelected in South Carolina what are you gonna do and also every other Republican who did that and Flake or Corker or anyone like that was gone yeah Cheney well she voted along Trump lines a very very you know 90 some percent of the time so politically

they're aligned but she yeah after January after the attempted insurrection maybe we should look into this yeah after that it was amazing to me that only 10 Republicans voted for impeachment and I thought that any of them were going like well of course how can you not vote for this and now you know it the Republican National Committee not so long ago said that January 6 was quote legitimate political discourse now by the way just so that you know the Conan and and his show aren't don't have a political bias they all none of them had any reaction oh I totally just letting I just I agree yeah we all do

yeah wait what no I'm gonna we'll handle this okay I'm just a woman I'm just gonna sit over here the men are talking so no and it was just discourse the gentleman the beating over the head yeah yeah yeah yeah but anyway so I when I remember when they took that vote I was going like well how can you be damaged politically by voting for impeachment that was pretty obvious yeah and 10 of them did and I think the all probably all 10 went like well this is the right thing to do and I'll be it's obvious isn't that everybody and now they're in the private sector yeah do you time travel a lot in your head when you're

watching everything that's unfolding and think okay if I was back there now right now yeah what would I be doing how would I be fighting this fight yeah it's painful it's painful I regret designing and all that and it's very painful to watch and but you know I you know especially when we were saying it I was relieved at the election that wasn't the red wave everyone thought Franny my wife you know Franny you said it's as if American said stop it yeah you know this whole this election denial and stuff but you saw what happened in the house and it's kind of a squeezy time yeah yeah no do you I know you have your your great

granddad I just have read that I don't know that personally my great granddad yeah you're a great granddad oh great granddad that's officially yeah what we put out yeah you you handed me a strict type your handler gave me a sheet of paper that said mentioned my publicist terrific I should have said terrific grandfather and I'm just doing as I was told yeah I thought you were gonna I thought like did my great-grandfather die in the Holocaust like I don't think I don't think we put that out yeah but I know I'm a grandfather and I but no but what I'm saying is I think now about things so differently that I have kids

that are 19 and 17 and I god damn you do think about things very differently when you have kids going out into the world about where we are and the level of discourse and I am a I would say a 53% optimist maybe a 52% optimist and that gets me in trouble at home because I tend to think we're gonna muddle our way through because we've muddled our way through before maybe 53% sure about that 52% sure about changing I know it's oscillating as I discuss it but I don't know are you are you know you're not optimistic I'm I'm 47 but I used to be 52 I'm watching you go down you used to be 54 yeah for a while I was I was 66

that was a single guy hitting the clubs and so you know I remember that rave every night and that just affects you you know what you come on you rave you rave you had pacifiers in and I had a pacifier and ecstasy and I had glow sticks matter I was whipping them around yeah yeah sure you've seen photos of me from the late 80s really 90s I was losing it yeah fantastic I wore I wore two eye patches and I couldn't see where I was going I was constantly being hit by calves and I told you wear them over the same fucking eye yeah asshole asshole and then I did and remember I was very grateful to you yeah what's about the

SNL days because people love to hear about those times were we're gonna we're gonna time travel now back to the year 1951 when you and I worked on a radio show called Saturday Night Live so Franklin Davis we would do this thing the show within the show called the Franklin Davis show and we had my parents on twice and once they got cut your parents got cut between dressing air yeah rough okay and so the first time they're on they just came on and I the character I played was me as an asshole right and so wait that was a character that was that was a character it's just like you self-deprecate and paint

yourself kind of as an asshole all the time yeah we all know I'm we all know complete opposite exactly complete 180 degree opposite so that was the whole premise here kind of so anyway so I have my parents on I sing a song with them hey mom and dad this song is for you I sing it the different key better anyway so and I say and then my mom says this reminds me of when they called from school and said you shit your pants or something like that I get mad at her my dad says stop yelling at your mother and she should have crapped your pants this is right right and then I get mad at them I'm an asshole and I didn't I kicked

my dad in the ass okay so that one was on everyone loved it next time I have mine Tom and I would do very dark stuff and in this one I think I have them they're in dress they're wearing stars of David mm-hmm and overcoat circa 1935 Nazi Germany mm-hmm and Tom and I are in Gestapo outfits right look at the smile on your face this was our this is something you kind of could do back then right yes very dark that the show hallmark of the show sometimes very dark especially after a certain hour things could get very yeah and Tom and I were always on after that hour so the whole point was at a certain point my

dad goes Alan I can't do this I decide I go we rehearsed it and you know we've done it all week well why do you say now we're on the show we're live I just can't and I friend this I I can't go back to temple right this sketch with you when they're Gestapo you know and then I get really mad at him and yell at him and this kind of ends that way yeah Bernie Brillstein famous what would you call him manager no he was a manager but he was even beyond that he's a man that looked like Santa Claus and was a show business legend and had a big personality yeah he was there and represented everybody including Lauren and just said to him

he's watching a dress and going you can't do this so and I guess he was right and so I think we could have done it but anyway so we get my parents get cut Lauren comes after up to me after the show and said out don't put me in the position of cutting your parents ever again were they upset that they were cut they must have been a little bit but I mean they understood I couldn't go like Lauren that's amazing that you cut us on the Gestapo star of David my parents as just the tip of the iceberg with you you were constantly pitching ideas that you loved to go right up to the edge and sometimes over oh oh yes miles and miles

beyond but is were you always like that well I think I just came of age during a period where very dark humor was about the opposite of it in other words that you were exploring really dark things in order to laugh at how awful they were that's all yeah yeah I went over a line at times and were you on the show with killers okay so this was Downey and I had this idea Jim Downey yeah head writer yeah for it was a game show like Jeopardy but it's called comedy killers so the categories were the Holocaust the Kennedys cancer yeah and so this is a joke I tell in my act because everything I'd ever done when I ran for the Senate

in comedy it was used against me yeah I told the joke from that sketch that Rosie Schuster wrote and it was this would have been a bad gift for Anne Frank what is a drum set oh oh god Jesus okay okay so that's brought up now of course you're running then for Senate and Frank and told jokes about the Holocaust yeah yeah yeah so I written a magazine article in the late 90s saying that parents should probably monitor what their kids get online and so but I wrote it satirically so I said my son Joe did a great fourth grade report last week on bestiality and he downloaded a lot of great visual aids and the kids in

the class just loved them and it was Al Franken do jokes about peace yeah so we had to Chuck Schumer was like monitoring my race I was running for the nomination at the time yeah and he's going but this is too much baggage so what I my pulse we had to do focus groups to see if this really was a problem and if we could you know overcome it you have the focus group in and should the first question you ask if you knew that Al Franken told jokes about bestiality would you be more likely to vote for him and turn that less likely but we discovered that you know if you explain

thing that Minnesotans got irony and they got you know what satire was and so it wasn't a real problem and then I went out to show this great report saying it wasn't a problem to Harry Reid and then he asked me what joke did you tell about the Holocaust and I said well it okay the joke was I think a bad Hanukkah Gifford and Frank would have been a drum set and then Harry started shaking and I start thinking okay this is either very good or very bad right and he just thought it was the funniest joke ever so I was okay right after that oh I but the best joke in comedy killers the sketch you remember was final comedy killer like

Final Jeopardy the last it was you know the ding ding ding ding ding ding was the biggest comedy killer of all time down he wrote this joke here was what was the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand how did this sketch play in front of the audience great did it yeah it was what year was it I don't know it was in the 80s I think probably one was closer at that time yeah people have forgotten it was like you know 34 years closer or something right five years closer so everyone was a big you know oh that was terrible war and of course started by the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand yeah by Gabrielle French

warfare Gabrielle Princip I think shot him yes interesting Archduke Ferdinand was on his way back he had he was he was leaving Sarajevo are you doing a comedy killer yeah okay he's leaving Sarajevo his driver took a wrong turn really and his car kind of stopped right in front of a cafe Princip had had his chance to shoot you know the Archduke and hadn't done it but the suddenly he's sitting in a cafe consoling himself by having a cup of coffee when this car pulls up in front of that cafe and who's in it but the Archduke and his wife and he just puts his cup of coffee down and steps out and

kills them both what an insane coink eating any who we were doing comedy killers and I wanted to keep going with the Archduke Ferdinand well that that shows something nothing what what I'm sorry listen why do you suddenly have the balls to do it if he was if he couldn't do it the first time he wasn't able I think there was he didn't have a shot yeah I think he didn't have a shot he just couldn't do it not that he like chickened out I think he has blood sugar was low but then he had a donut and a cup of coffee and then this guy in a big hat with ostrich feathers and metals pulls up

right outside he ran his horse too and it was in favor of it yeah yeah yeah and the waiter said oh we're also serving gun today grab the gun said I'll take one of those and then the whole thing just came together beautifully okay yeah yeah do you watch Sarnat live now do you check it out I don't see it as frequently and then I see things online as I do I go I don't know how much of their monetization is from online because millions of people will go and watch the YouTube right yeah yeah do you feel like oh that's the show this isn't music that's music like they're talking I understand kids like it but I don't you

never thought rock and roll would make it I remember that very clearly I was wrong and you know what I grew to like it I listen to nothing but dead wait that was turning back into Bernie yeah I couldn't tell it was a Schumer or Bernie yeah it was me I don't know it was just me as an old Jew and that the Schumer and Bernie I guess but more Bernie if you see SNL now though as you say that you check it out can you wrap your head around the fact that it's the same show that was it was your I think you're in Tom's first real job in television and you you started the summer of 1975 right does it can you understand that this is still

the same show or does it feel like well it's it it's not it's it's morphed so many times it's something else well of course it has and I remember when we first started the show it would be like Belushi was on and he would smoke a joint and everyone go like oh my god they're having or they're doing they're not doing that on Sonny and Cher they're not doing that on yeah the Brady Bunch and then I remember when Dan Quayle was nominated to be vice president and they won and they asked him who was your favorite act or musician at at Woodstock and he said Jimi Hendrix and I went like oh I see there's no counterculture

anymore the vice president the Republican square vice president liked Jimi Hendrix yeah right so I went oh I see that you know and so now you know things this is what now it's like 48 years right yeah 48 years so yeah it's different it's different I just think their approach to political comedy is different downy and I used to write a lot of stuff you know that and you we talked last time when I was on about doing the debate stuff and we tried to do stuff that our motto was to reward people for knowing stuff but not punish them for not knowing stuff right and so I was proud of the political

stuff we write and yeah they hit it every once a while and like we missed it every once in a while as well now that you're doing stand-up and I love the name of your tour and I have it right here and I'm gonna I'm gonna read it off his piece of paper because that's how I work I like to include people in the process so they can see behind the scenes what's happening you're touring the country and the name of the tour is the only former US senator currently on tour tour I love that I want to say what it was are you mostly talking are you talking about current events a lot in your stand-up are you talking about your

years in the Senate I mainly it's it's sort of biographical so how I became you know like Zelensky right is considered now probably the bravest person and of course comedian bravest profession yep I believe so yeah yeah podcaster maybe third sounds right as profession yeah but of comedians Jewish comedians the bravest and then the Irish of course and then Jewish comedians who go into politics like Zelensky the bravest yeah so so then I talked about how I became basically the second bravest person so it's biographical and then I get to me in the Senate and they talk about those colleagues and and then I go yeah and then

I go into some stuff that's happening now right you know Zelensky famously prudent invades and the United States reaches out and says we can airlift you out of there right away and he says I need guns not a ride such a cool line perfect now you in that same situation I see you fleeing with a suitcase running running running with a suitcase that keeps flapping open and long underwear falls out and you've got to stop and shove it back in and then you keep running I've thought about this myself I mean it was ballsy I mean he said I it's I don't want ammunition I want I don't want to ride yeah I don't

want to ride I want ammunition and that was pretty I have to ask you that you're you're you're married to a guy from Russia but he's from Armenia which was part of the Soviet Union yeah but he I mean he speaks Russian and and TAC has children's toys that are from his youth yeah in the Soviet Union were you little little children's toys do your kids play with the little Soviet toys they love those Soviet toys they're cute you pull the string and it says get in line for bread I pitched to attack that we start a podcast about American versus Soviet toys called Paris Toyca that's Paris toy I would listen to that that's

great well those be French toys okay hey wait this is very rare but the new low light has just gone off amazing wow look just taking in all the love Paris Toyca the French toys every time you came on my show in the late-night show years and years and years you'd come on and at the end music was playing you would do an insane dance up and down the aisles running and running and burning all these calories and the audience loved it and then I think you never ran it nine times out of ten if not ten times out of ten it got cut for time oh you built you must have you worked so hard on that ending and it was fantastic I

think it got in once I do I'm not sure it did no this was the comedy of energy that's all it was right it's called what they used to call it in vaudeville was a sweat act Martin and Lewis they would say it's a sweat it's just a lot of jumping around and then of course Jack Benny or you know there are other clothes the theme let's see on the thing you can sing the theme of the show here we go oh this song would go and go and go and I think the band didn't want to cut you off so they'd keep it going your resting heart rate when you were done was something like 265 and and then because show would end with me saying all right

you know tomorrow Lenny Kravitz and then bang out completely out and there was all this wasted energy there was not seen by the American public well it was still worth it and entertain me and entertain the 185 people that were in that room that's right that's right and that's all I that's all you three thousand I can make just we never could throw those back isle as Pat proff I don't know if you know he's a comedian Minnesota's great writer said if I can make just one person laugh then I know it's a Tuesday night at the comedy star Al Franken I love talking to you I cherish he was a friend oh I said

all right what did I say privilege yeah do you feel that still yeah I wonder now more I cherish oh you also have of everyone I know I think some of this very strong legs just gonna end on that okay you have very strong buttocks and legs I've seen you leg wrestle I saw you leg wrestle in these serenade live offices and I was impressed no one could take you very strong muscular legs that sounds like a challenge to me Conan no not for me no I have I'm I have two twizzlers for legs the red twizzlers no I would I would fall apart immediately I'm no I'm just telling you I'd love to see it I just wanted to end on a fun fact

about Al Franken is you won't find a man with stronger leg and buttock muscles they used to be stronger I'm 71 now so we're all gonna look at your legs in your butt yeah the cameras here they do that yeah add the well these cameras they're good but as cameras do they add about 15 pounds of muscle to the ass so well that's good for me because I lost some yeah yeah some of its after feed yeah Al thank you very much for being here we learned nothing but actually you learned too much learn something about World War one and I think and a little something that I hope you don't include about the debt limit I've got it in my

notes you know we'll do speed up that part yeah yeah there you go thank you Al you bet thank you so now I think you need to apologize what I do what I know that's the thing is I I was saying to Gurley he's he said to me should we do some kind of new segment and I said let's just do a segment called Sona apologizes and it's just because I know you've done something bad I don't know what it is you know I don't wait I know that you've screwed something up come clean so now tell us first of all what it is you did wrong and then please apologize what are you doing I don't know what are you doing well don't you

think that's a safe assumption that you've done something you've probably done something you probably made a restaurant reservation and said it was for Conan O'Brien and then you and tack went but I wouldn't apologize well that's a different thing and so clearly you have and by the way the cheese cake factory does not require I know I've waited for over an hour for the cheesecake factory but I don't know I don't think I've done any I mean the thing is though because I don't do as much as I used to do right so the chances of me screwing something up have fallen a lot because now whenever you

asked me to do something I really want to like you want to please me no I want I want to keep getting no I want to keep getting paid yes I see so like I want to just keep doing is there anything in the past you want to dig deep maybe find something from the yeah about something I should apologize to you don't you think in general you just I'm saying blanket gorelly yeah like in general you should just apologize do you want to apologize to me well listen that could be another segment and I don't think we'll have time for a family emergency is if my dad's mustache went on strike you said this a like a week

ago what are you talking about yeah you said that you said that doesn't even a joke you that's a fragment what you said you said a family emergency for Sona as if her dad's mustache went on strike that's funny okay do you said it I just wanted you to say it right times have you pet my head and you've you've like smelled your hand and you've got garlic yeah and you've also said you've also said you know I need an industrial press to straighten my hair your hair is out of control yeah you know what we had to get you know when we started doing the podcast we didn't think about this we just used regular headsets you know by

by sure they're the best headsets in the business if you ask me I'm glad they have their name on the side but we forgot about Sona's hair your hair is so powerful that we had to get we had to go to the US Army Corps of Engineers and have an engineer out of steel they just may used an old bear trap they used a bear trap yeah it's basically yes exactly you told me you said that my dad's built my brother out of wood and that he wanted him to be a real boy God you have she has so many memories of my good bits yes did I say that your father who looks a little like Chippeto had built your older brother possibly

out of wood and because he dreamed of having a real boy yes I did make that off-handed quip once you probably said it to a member of the press or like or like an Obama or someone important that like I want to think I'm interested like cool yeah I did at great length explain to President Barack Obama that my assistant Sona's brother was carved out of wood by his father well so Sona do you want to apologize for me what I don't think first of all I think these are all class A bits good material they solid landing I mean the fact that I'm able to be this creative around you I think should be a source of wonder how

many stores have we walked into where you're like watch out for her she's steals and she's got sticky fingers no I've I said you steal babies at the marketplace right okay oh but you've also said I just steal like stores we just walk into well no one specifically was an eyeglass store we went into I said watch out for her she's she's got sticky fingers and you know what they followed you around I wasn't joking that's not a joke no but I don't take stuff sometimes I think first of all that's a dangerous precedent for me to admit to any crime and to apologize I think that's a road

we shouldn't go down but I'm gonna take your admission that you steal and steal often as an apology and that no that doesn't know is that a special know that you reserve for special times me admitting something doesn't mean I'm apologizing for it I'm just admitting that it happened I think that you if you're not gonna apologize to me I'm not gonna apologize to you why should I do it if you're not gonna do it well if you've paid me recently all right I'm sorry this I'm this is just how it works I'm the guy who's writing the chat somebody needs to apologize to someone so I'll do it how many times have you

tried to smack my hair bun have you seen me do that no she gets her hair in a bun oh yeah I take a whack at it and if I do it just right the little elastic goes and the hair goes and it fills the whole room you're in it's great it's so much fun no I think that you I so now I'm gonna end this right now you have nothing to apologize for your wonderful person you're a good friend we've been through a lot together my lawyer made me remember and I think because you're telling me not to apologize now I'm gonna say I'm sorry oh really wow you didn't accomplish mission accomplished and gorelly I think you owe us both an

apology you got it right you come in here with your mr. Rogers sweater okay I'm sorry but you know what I mean yeah these are the people that you meet in the neighborhood in the neighborhood that's that's me yeah that's not the song what these are the people in your neighborhood you're seeing what you're talking about which one is cookie monster on Sesame Street apologize I'm realizing now I really don't like mr. Rogers neighborhood you know the neighborhood of make believe is in is in mr. Rogers I'm sorry I'm rewatching all the stuff every day yeah wait what are we talking about now I got lost well we

just watch a lot of children's programming right because you have kids I just sit there and watch it as it's just a fan yeah I'm like mr. Rogers is on I gotta you know get my cereal out and watch those are good times look I got off the rails there a little bit we'll clean it up where do we end no I want to talk about this we ended we got son of apologize we got son of apologize and gorelly has apologized and I never did actually I said I would do you want to you just you're not gonna apologize for anything what have I done except take care of you and your extended family I am the son and you are a plant that

grows because of my rays my beneficent golden rays like you to apologize for your weird metaphors sometimes the sun will sunburn you yeah and I think that the sun owes that person an apology I am the son and I apologize for that sunburn that's funny the Sun is just I provide all life on earth yeah I know what about that sunburn that guy got in Bermuda he's very pale and he didn't son oh all right what about Icarus that was his fault that was Icarus's fault I trust son I apologized to Charles Milman of Kenoga Falls Ohio for burning his shoulders it made his stay unpleasant and he had to buy alo gel thanks son now

maybe you'd like to thank me for all the crops we're good son bye Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien son of Sessian and Matt gorelly produced by me Matt gorelly executive produced by Adam Sacks Joanna Solotar off and Jeff Ross at Team Cocoa and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at your wolf theme song by the white stripes incidental music by Jimmy Vivino take it away Jimmy our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer samples engineering by Eduardo Perez additional production support by Mars Melnik talent booking by Paula Davis

Gina Batista and Britt Kahn you can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode got a question for Conan call the team Cocoa hotline at 3 2 3 4 5 1 2 8 2 1 and leave a message it too could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend on Apple podcasts stature or wherever fine podcasts are down this has been a team Cocoa production in association with the world