Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Atsuko Okatsuka

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

Comedian Atsuko Okatsuka feels honored and a little suspicious about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.   Atsuko sits down with Conan to discuss her latest stand-up special Father, being kidnapped by her grandmother to the United States, learning how to make her family laugh, lifelong friends made in cheerleading, and more. Later, Conan reviews his own collection of very authentic reviews.   For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, I'm Otzko Akatska. And I feel honored and a little suspicious about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Now, where does this suspicion come from? It's too good to be true. It's really not when you get to know me. Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school. Ring the bell.

Brand new shoes, walking blues. Climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are going to be friends. Can tell never we are going to be friends Hey there, welcome to Connor Bryan needs a friend, joined as always by Sonam of Sestian. Hello. And, wow. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. And Matt Gorely. And I'm happy I've got a bubble gum cigarette. Yeah. And puffs like candy puffs cigarette.

Yeah, it's got a little powdered sugar in it. David Hopping from my birthday gave me a bunch of boxes of candy cigarettes. And yeah, it looks like smokes coming out because you blow a little powdered sugar. But sometimes I have them hanging out of my lip. They're just up in my office. And he gave me a lot of them. I'll be honest with you. Do you think you look cool?

I think it looks super cool. I think you do kind of look cool. Yeah. And, you know, me, I'm always kind of fascinated with smoking. Yeah, me too. Because it would be a great prop. It would be a great thing to have. Also, I like all the accoutrements to go with a cigarette.

Yeah. You know, the really cool lighters and maybe that little, you know, art deco cigarette case. The one that stops a bullet. Yes. Yeah. Yes. It's very noir.

And I always think. I've never seen a movie. I always think. Yeah. So I've been trying to gauge when I can start smoking. Now, listen, let me go out of my way to say, people don't smoke. You shouldn't smoke. No one smoke.

It's bad to smoke. But you want to time it with when. I want to time it. I feel the same about heroin. Yeah. I'm serious. Yeah. Well, you know, people have these amazing experiences and you think, I don't know, when I start to get, you know, to within a certain amount of time before my clock is going to run out.

Yeah. Maybe I'd start smoking. And maybe I'd be a really cool looking old guy who's smoking and I have a really neat, like sort of gold, Dunhill lighter from London. And I have this little case of cigarettes and I pop when I got one going on the side of my lip and it's hanging off right there. and people are like, wow, he's really cool and he's going to die very soon because he's old. But what do we think?

Is that something it's viable? I mean, I don't think I'll do it. It's like if you get diagnosed with something terminal, like when you're like 85, 90, is that what you mean? Then you'll start, then you'll take up smoking? But the minute you're diagnosed with something like that, they're like, you know, no, this medicine we're giving you,

there's still a chance. They never say you're through. They always say there's still a chance. I won't my doctors say you've got exactly a week. Here's some heroin. Go for it. The doctor's giving you heroin? Well, my doctor.

I want my doctor to say you have 45 years left, but this won't really kick in until you're 50, for 55 years if you smoke these unfiltered. So, you know what I mean? So I get to enjoy smoking a cigarette for a really long time. I see, okay. And trust me, I think I would hate inhaling smoke. What I basically do want is a more convincing bubble gum cigarette.

And I want a lighter that puts a little extra sugar powder on my cigarette. It caramelizes it. It caramelizes my bubble gum cigarette. To smoke, you just want the accessories that come with smoking. That's what you're saying, yeah. I know, but it's like you don't actually want to take up smoking. I want, though, something hanging out of my lip that I can play around with, do little tricks.

I can blow smoke rings. What? Wheat. I don't know. Wait, wheat. Or a toothpick. A toothpick doesn't weed. Oh, that's the same.

Yeah, I love it of all my noir detective movies had Humphrey Bogart. Chewing on some wheat. It's the opposite effect. Yeah. And he's like, of all the dames to walk into my place, she walks into mine. Look at those gams. Chomp, chomp, chomp. What is he, a horse?

I could wait for me. I'm just thinking other things that could hang out of your mouth, that can be acceptable. Yeah. And the first image that came to my mind was wheat that a farmer does. Celery, a ruda bega. No, a toothpick. A matic's cool. Cobra.

Yeah, that doesn't. Matchstick really looks like you're trying hard. Yeah, well, he was. So you think heroin for you. I mean, we're talking, and again, this is, we're telling people you can't do these things. These things are terrible. We're just talking about when you've got a very short amount of time left. What are the things we would do?

I've never done hard drugs, but I would love when I'm at death store to know what heroin feels like because everybody that talks about it, every movie I've seen. No, no, no, no. It's all, I don't think so. I don't think so. You don't think heroin is a magical experience? Haven't you seen train spotting? You go through a toilet. I just, I just, I just know that it looked, the whole thing looked, the only thing looked disgusting.

That's what I'm saying. I'm the only guy that looks at train spotting as aspirational. Wow. I could hang out in a really grimy, Scottish bathroom with a bunch of skinheads. No, I'm talking about the upswing of heroin and you have none of the bad stuff after because you're dead of natural causes anyway. Okay, this is so dark. I want to just be the voice of reason and say I have a bubblegum cigarette and I think there's

nothing cooler than that. Oh, I'm talking about bubblegum heroin. Oh, okay. Okay. I don't know what I would do. I can't think of anything that I'm like, oh, I want to try that. You mean just before you go? Yeah.

I think if you were told you had maybe a month to live, you would say, I want a whole room filled with hummus. Don't you think? Because you love hummus. I could do that now. It's good for you. It's garbanzo beans. No, but a whole room.

Yes, I want a whole room. But also, no, it would be almost, it would be like just all the bad food you're not supposed to eat. All the steaks, all the candy, all the chocolate. But you know what? No one does that. No one does it. On death row they do when they get their last meal. Fried chicken.

You are dark today. Look at you. Go. You're a very a dark, dark blend today. You are. Heroin. And also, you thought about this. You had heroin in your back pocket.

What about this? What if they, there was a restaurant called death. throw. And you go and there's different cells instead of tables and you order your last meal and you can say whatever you want. It's like, I want fried chicken. I want a triple cheeseburger. I want this. And they bring you a very high quality version of those things. And then a priest comes in and sits with you and then you're led out. But instead of to the electric chair, it's to your car where a valet hands you the key. That is so brilliant. That's a great idea. I think he's dark. You're talking about a restaurant. He's talking about death.

I'm talking about a good meal. Everybody gets morphine on the way out mostly if you die in a hospital anyway. What is wrong with you? You know what? I really want to try morphine one day. That's heroin. Okay, you know what?

Medicinal. Guess what? Your restaurant's called hospice. Good luck with that. Mine's called Death Row. It's a huge deal. It's going to be on Melrose in Los Angeles. Everyone's going to go.

I once had an idea for a restaurant called Restor Room. It's a regular restaurant, but everybody sits at an open toilet. What? No, but why? Oh my God. It's not real.

Girls. It's just a joke. But wait, how does it work? It's called Rusta Room. Yeah. You get your meal. And your chair is a toilet. And so you don't have to go to the back.

You don't have to excuse me. Are you sitting there with your pants around your ankles? You're laughing so hard. Yeah. Is you sitting there with your pants around your ankles? If you like, sure. If you like. If you like, are you shitty?

He had to say it's not real, by the way. Caviot. It doesn't exist yet. You two are the worst restaurant. You're with us in this. No, mine is like Willie Wonka's chocolate factory. My idea of what I want to do before I die is Willie Wonka. Okay.

Yours is smoking. Yours is heroin. Which one is the sunniest one out of all of these? I'd like to end on my idea for a restaurant, death row. This is my idea. I know people listening right now are rushing. It's a good idea. It's a really good idea.

You've got to have a hell of a like food stock and chef. It's like the cheesecake factory. It's like the cheesecake factory. It's got a menu that big. And I think you call ahead so they can get it all ready. You call ahead. This is a very expensive restaurant. But like I would want like in and out cheeseburgers.

Exactly. Can I call them and they would bring in food from another place? They take care of everything. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. But you have to wear prison overalls. And you're in a cell.

And the priest is, I don't care what's your religion. and it's a Catholic priest because that's what's in the movies. And that's not negotiable. And there's a series of phones from the governor, from the DA and all on the wall. And all the bad news comes in.

Nope, nope. The governor went to bed once you did. It's not going to happen. It's like dinner. It's a really good meal. And then they lead you. Uh-oh. Oh, you know what it is?

It is an electric chair or a gas chamber. And then at the last second, um, they, you veer away from that and it's the valet parking. And you get a little doggy bag. It's a great idea. Or it's the gas chamber and you sit on it.

It's an open. toilet. And say we're back in business. We're back in business. All roads, all roads lead back to toilets with you. I just remembered we have a guest. A big toilet guy. Who's our guest today? My guest today, thanks for asking, is a hilarious comedian whose stand-up special father is available to stream on Hulu and Disney Plus. She's incredibly talented. She's amazing. I cannot wait to speak with her today. Welcome. I've been aware of your work, which I think is fantastic for a while. And then we met outside a comedy club in Los Angeles.

What a blessing. On the street. And we were just talking about what a great experience that is. I was getting ready for the Oscars. And so I was hitting all these out of the way clubs. And we were outside the Elysian. Is that right? That's right.

The Elysian Theater. The Elysian Theater. Yeah. And I'm, you know, when you stand on the sidewalk, in Los Angeles. This is what's unique about Los Angeles. Any other place you stand on the sidewalk. But if you're on the sidewalk in Los Angeles,

people think that you're unmedicated and dangerous. So, I mean, it's just so weird. But there was just all these comedians standing around. I was talking to them. And then all unwell, all of us, including myself. Peeing on ourselves. Who are we, dogs, you know? Right?

People are like, on the sidewalk. Yeah, yeah. They don't have cars. Yeah, people were staring. walk in Los Angeles, there's been occasions where, you know, you park your car and then you walk a couple of blocks to the pharmacy. And if people see you walking in LA, the assumption is something's very wrong. Yeah, Conan's going through a breakup. Conan's, you know what I mean? I always tell my husband, like, because sometimes he'll be like, I'll go on a walk. I said,

on a walk, we don't do walks. Yeah. We know, we're very pale. And we're like nighttime people. And We've tried nature, but it's, nature is hard. Nature is hard for us because we're very like, we tried it. We went to like Joshua Tree, you know, because we got inspired by other people's Instagram posts. And while we were out there in nature, we were like, oh, no, we ran out of things to talk about. Yeah. Right?

Things like that. Anyway, so I said, don't go too far. People might think we broke up. And so that's kind of the thing. But I love that you describe nature, like I'd say, dangerous medication. It's so scary. I tried nature once, and I really didn't like it. Conan, it's just you and your thoughts for hours, possibly.

You know what I mean? You're like, oh, you know, how long can I touch grass for until I'm like, okay, I've felt it. And now it's back to my thoughts. Okay, Oskill, you don't go into nature and then just touch grass with your, you don't kneel down and touch grass with your forefinger. What do they mean by it? What do they mean touch grass? I say, okay.

And like there's a trap. No, okay. How long? I'm going to tell you right now as your friend and your physician, I'm going to tell you right now, you're never to go. You're never to go. And your botanist, you're never to go in nature again. I don't think any amount of talking to you is going to make this a healthy experience.

Do you said you're not supposed to go and just touch grass? No, you're just supposed to be in it and walk around and breathe the air and let it sort of gradually. It's not a thing you accomplish. You have a very sort of type A approach to I'm going to go into nature. Now, you're talking to someone and listening to someone who also doesn't go into nature. So I don't know what I'm talking about. I am not, I should not be your spirit animal on this one.

Do you think what is it? You don't have time maybe to go into nature or? I think I too. I think we have a lot in common. I think we have a lot in common. And I know from your story and from listening to your comedy, we have a lot in common. One thing we don't have in common is you walked into our place on Larchmont here, just minutes ago.

And I'm stunned. You look perfect. Doesn't she look perfect? No, you really do. You're very beautiful, but you're also what you're wearing. I mean, you, it's all perfect. Me?

You, yes. Mid bite? Mid bite. Mid bite. I love that. This is just me. You're being all. Naturally.

Oh, that's how you rolled out of bed. Oh, I'm just celebrating. I'm just here celebrating. Oh my God. I'm just having cake and what? Oh, I don't even know what I'm wearing. Sweetie, I was just here celebrating your birthday. Sona back me up here. You invited me. But you always, you have such a colorful aesthetic.

You are really, you have cheese at earrings. I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm obsessed of everything about your appearance. And the, the outfit is just kind of perfection. It's cool. And the lines are, I mean, you clearly this is how you present yourself is important to you. I'm, look like I'm. in treatment for alcoholism. I'm just worrying a...

And sweetie, that's a brand too. Yeah. That's also a brand. Well, I don't want to... I'd like to dress well, but then you do this podcast and we end up talking about diarrhea half the time.

So I'm not going to put on a nice tie. Well, because you usually take us down that road. I do. It's your favorite topic. Y'all are so silly because you all have very specific brands that are so iconic. What are we talking about here?

Aesthetically, yes, I think aesthetically something that makes a person iconic is can someone draw you very well? And yes, literally, you know. We're good caricatures already. That's right. Yeah. That's true. I kind of in like a silhouette, like The Simpsons, you know, in the dark, we see Sona's hair, your hairstyle, you know? Your glasses would probably be prominent.

You know what I mean? Like, I've thought about this. David has his own brand of glasses. Yeah, you all are very aesthetically icons, too. The one thing that you and I have in common is we both have very distinctive, uh, hair styles or haircuts. That's right. I'm not today. Today I didn't think about it much, but usually I'm sporting this kooky wave thing in my hair.

I don't know. It looks like defying gravity. Defying gravity. It's a swoop. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, there you go. I tried. Thank you. But then.

Is everyone okay? I'm sad to hear that. No, I'm sterile now. Um, but you have this very cool. bowl haircut as worn originally by Mo and the Three Stoges, and it's fantastic. It's perfect. And it's very intentional on your part. Is that true?

It is. Yeah, it is. This is how your hair was when you were very young? This was, you know, me when I was very young. A lot of kids were cursed with this haircut, they would say, as a kid, right? My parents made me do the bowl cut. They put a bowl on me. Is this part of the culture specific?

Is that what you're saying? I guess a lot of Asian kids had it, but also I've met a lot of people across cultures who come, you know, with stories about how they had it too. Right. I think this is also very like before Moe from the Three Stoge's friars. Yes. Also really. Friar tuck. That's right.

And, you know, monks would have the bull haircut? And you know what I associate it with ease? It's easy to give a bull haircut. My mom had the Sears and Roebuck haircuting kit. There's six kids. She'd line us up. outside the kitchen and one at a time would jump up into like a high chair and jup right across. So all the photos of me that you've seen when I'm a kid.

That's right. Just bang straight across. Icon. Style icon. But I do think if any culture is doing it, it's because especially with kids, it's easy. That's right. So they probably just like snip, snip, snip, snip, you're done. Sure.

And that's why they do it with kids. But most kids at certain point when they can take control. of their own look, rejectable haircut. It's true. You decided not to go that way. Yeah, because I said, if I'm going to be the weirdo self that I am on the inside, maybe, you know, I'll just show it on the outside so that people will know immediately, right? Okay, you're safe? Maybe.

You're a weirdo. You're a fellow weirdo like me. Yeah. And you didn't have to conform to, you know, I still get a lot of messages once in a while from, you know, from guys who are like, you would be more attractive. if you would just do the long hair thing, you know? And it's like, well, there were a lot of times in my life where I felt like a bit of an outsider or a freak, you know,

and it's like embracing that. All the things that, you know, I didn't, I was like, oh, no, this makes me look like such a, I can't make friends with this haircut, you know, and now I just want to embrace it and let people know, like, yeah, let your freak, is it freak flag fly? Yeah, yes. Oh, what a tongue twister.

Freak fly? Yeah, it can go dirty so quickly, if you say it quickly. You know what I mean? Freak flag fly. Like that? There's other F words, get, you know, I'm just saying it can easily, if you say it really quickly, it's one of those things that if I was on the air live and I had to say freak flag fly really quickly, I'd be nervous.

Oh, okay. You know what I meant sexually a freak flag like your kink. Well, that's my, I'm in that, yes. Is that the saying, is the saying more about sexual stuff than like being a weirdo? I think it could go either way. It can be any way. You know, any freak, any flag of any freak can fly. Yeah, in any way.

This is really helpful, Sona. Thank you so much. Thank you. Any flag you have, that's freaky. They lie it. Yeah, and no one knows more about a freak flag flying in Sona. Yeah, then that's a compliment. You are very comfortable in your own skin and you're happy just saying whatever stuff you've been up to, be it legal, illegal, cool, dangerously wrong.

She's like, how old did this turn into? I know. Looked around for help from anybody. Excuse me. Diary thing. And now it's on the freak. It lets my flag fly. Let's get to focus back on Osco, if you don't mind, Sonoma.

Happy, happy to. Freepfug-Cai, Diary Lady over here. But that's not important. That's very sweet. I think what you do is, you know, because you've, sometimes I'm like, oh, Conan, like, this is a similarity I think maybe we have. I'm not sure. I might be putting it on you, but like you don't want anyone to feel like an outsider to. Right.

And so I don't know. I feel like you just sensed me being like, oh, I don't know how the saying goes. English isn't my first language. And you're like, you, Sona, you're a freak. You're crazy. You do that. And then Sona's also a very good, you know, yes-and improv. Yes, she is.

You know, teammate. So she's like, yes, I, what are you doing? And then suddenly no one remembers Ossco doesn't know English. Suddenly, Outsco's, you know, oh, freak flag flies. No one remembers anymore. This is the genius of Conan. Thank you so much. Cut the commercial.

Until you just brought it up, Oscoe. I did a very good job of, you know, distracting from your pain by brutally making fun of Sona. That's right. We have a lot of commonalities. It's not just the hair. I watch your comedy and I see how all of your instincts are to put people at ease. That seems to be very important to you. And I love you were so, I love the way you talk to an audience and get involved with an audience.

you're so good at it and kind of shining a light on what's the funny thing that's happening here without hurting someone's feelings, which I think is kind of a superpower. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. It's all about like, you know, wanting to be seen and wanting others to feel seen too. Yeah. Well, you've done this.

I want to make sure I mention it now and we'll talk about it later too, but you have this special on Hulu called Father, which is delightful and amazing. And it is, you know, up for Emmy consideration, which it should. should be, you talk a lot about your childhood. And there are people that say, comedians that say, well, I had a really strange childhood. And then you hear about it. And you go, yeah, kind of.

Your story is crazily unique. And sounds perilous, but you talk so well about it and you're so funny about it, that sometimes the reality of it can get a little obscured. And so if you don't mind just talking about that a little bit because you're born in, Is it Taiwan? You're born in Taiwan, but you end up kind of growing up in Japan in your early years, right? And there's a lot of stuff going on in your family. Right, yeah.

Yeah. So I'm half Taiwanese. I was born in Taiwan. Day one already. So my dad is Japanese. He stayed in Japan for my birth. Day one, the first face I see coming out of my mom. And I don't remember this, obviously.

People who are like, oh, I've, I, I know I have, my memory starts from day zero. Yeah, yeah. I feel like. Well, they're just lying. It's true. Or maybe they, you know, they're like, I did ayahuasca, you know. They're like, and my past self was two cats, you know.

Like, I haven't had the, what is it, the pleasure of having that kind of. I put some in your cake. So you will have that image very soon. I'm feeling dizzy. Why am I? Oh, day one. Oh, we're still on day one. Sorry.

So my uncle's face is the first thing I see because he's helping my mom get me out of her. Because he's not a doctor, but he was studying to be an OBGYN. And my family loves a discount. And so I think because I was like, what? Why didn't we have like a real doctor, you know? And so I think that's why they flew to Taiwan. They loved that there was going to be a deal and that it was. You're at a mall.

It's not like getting your ears fierce. Let's go to the birth kiosk. And then we'll grab an orange Julius afterwards. I'm just outside of a Clare's. It was a hospital. But yeah, so they want that's already happening. And I find out later, my dad wasn't there because I guess the relationship was already rocky. That's, you know, pretty early on me as a baby.

And so three months after that, we all moved to Japan to reunite with my dad. Yeah. And so my mom, you know, so my mom suffers from schizophrenia. And my grandma was heavily involved in orchestrating, you know, my mom and dad meeting because she was like, it's going to be hard to marry this daughter off, you know, in Taiwan. Maybe we go somewhere kind of far. Maybe we go to Japan where, you know, my daughter doesn't really speak the language. And so... Wait, your grandmother is trying to hide your mom's schizophrenia or mental issues.

There's mental issues. I think they didn't really know what was wrong with her, you know. Right. But she's thinking I... She'll have a better chance of marrying if we go to a country where people don't understand her. It's kind of like my inkling. Because I've said to grandma, you know, like you, there's Taiwan's a small country, but, you know, know, there's still, like, I think here's the thing. At the time, right, a woman in her 30s,

single, never had a boyfriend. They're like, what's wrong with her already too? And so, you know, I think there were multiple things going on. Let's just, let's just try a different place. Let's just try a different country. And, you know, she has a hard time making friends. Something is off about her, you know, so I think it was a lot of that. And then so my grandma took the reins and saw in the newspaper, they were doing a speed dating event in Tokyo. So, signed my mom up and went there, you know. And there was a language barrier, but I think, I like to think that, you know, when there is, though, all your secrets can't be revealed. Yeah. You know. Yeah. So, I mean, your grandmother just sounds like a mastermind. She's a criminal. She's a criminal. My grandma,

don't get me wrong. She is a criminal. She also then took me to America. That's right. You live in Japan for how many years. I lived there for eight years. For eight years. And then your grandmother said, and I'm going to tell your story for you. Yes, please. I think more men have to do this for women. Okay. Okay. No, I want to. You should do a one man. Your next one woman's show, I should come out at the top and just started telling your whole story. I think people would love that. Yeah, no. And then you come out and have me beaten. You're helping me out. Yeah, yeah. I'm here to mansplain what Osco went through. But your grandmother says to you, we're going to take a trip and she takes you here to Los Angeles. Right.

Yeah. And then you realize over time she kidnapped me more or less. Is that true? Yes. Yeah. She said it was a two-month vacation to Los Angeles. Again, she's a liar. And right.

So we're in Japan and then suddenly. And before, you know, I'm living with my mom and grandma in Japan, too. I was living with my dad. He full on had full custody of me. And then slowly, you know, was like, hey, what if we spend more time with her, you know, oh, we got an apartment down the street from your place, you know. And so my dad was like, sure, you know,

he was already raising two other kids of his own from the previous marriage. So, and then my mom's mental health declined pretty bad. She was very suicidal in Japan. And so I think, you know, my grandma was like, okay, we changed locations again. which, you know, at this point, I'm like, sweetie, it's not a location, you know? Right? But I get it.

Like, as a single mom for so long, my grandma was. And then she was also now helping to raise me. I think she was just trying to get ahead before the next disaster. So she contacted my uncle, her son, her other son, who lived in Los Angeles already. Hey, do you have any space for us? I think we're going to try living there. He's like, we have a garage. She said, that'll do.

And so, yeah, we came here. But she only told me it was going to be a two-month vacation. But you end up living for a while in a really small space. Right, right. With your grandmother. And my mother. And your mother who has this very serious mental illness. And that is such an intense experience, but probably contributed to your abilities and comedy in some way.

Don't you think? I think so. sure, yeah. And a lot of it comes from, it's not like the sadness of it. It's really for me, you know, like our need to make other people laugh. I'm also a people pleaser. You know, being quick enough to be like, without anyone noticing that like what I just did, ha ha ha ha, is like master fact that maybe this person was feeling insecure over here. You know, my mom, all my life, I've seen her, right, suffer right now, you know, even as we speak, I know where she is. you know, in her bed, you know, like unable to move that much.

She has seizures too now. And so she doesn't have any friends, you know. And I get to like tour and see the world. I get to hang out with icons, legends, heroes of mine. You just said that because you don't know our names. I'm going, I'm here with icons. That's what I say to the Uber driver when I forget his name. Sona.

You're an icon. I can Matthew was it People call me Matthew sure No and so you know And so it's this that's like my My want to make her feel Not so bummed out

And so like Could you reach her by being funny or outrageous? Is that the way you could connect with your mom If she was even in a debilitated state growing up? Yeah Yeah I was honestly afraid of her most of my life So I didn't know how to make her laugh, but I knew how to make my uncle and aunt laugh.

Yeah, yeah. Because the family is so intense. You know, we grew up, so they lived in the front house, but there was like, at least in the garage, there was no music in our house. There was no, my mom and grandma didn't watch anything. You know, my uncle finally installed a TV for us back there. And so I would watch, like, Chelsea lately. And then that's when I started, like, even learning what stand-up was. But when we would have dinners together as a whole family,

that we would just eat in silence. Like, you know, we just witnessed a funeral. Nobody would talk, just silent. Eventually, I think out of survival, out of like making it easier for me, I started trying to make little jokes, you know. I remember one time we had another one of these silent dinners. Literally just all you can hear is just like things being cut on the plate.

One time my aunt asked for salt, we all jumped. Because someone talked. We were like, oh. Like, Don't ever do that again. You know how I was jumpy when Maddie came in with a tea? That was, it's because of that. It was always silent.

It's like, oh, my God. You know, what happened? And it was just, she's like, salt. I just said salt. But. You all had to retreat to different corners of the garage. Yeah, totally. To think about what just happened.

We're being attacked, you know. And she just, she just wanted a little more seasoning. But so then, you know, we would sit in silence and one time I remember we finished eating and I just said, well, that was really fun. We should do it again. And then my uncle cracked the smile. That's good. Okay. That's, that's. I couldn't get out of my mom. Right. Right. The long stories. Yeah. Sorry. No, but no, I mean, that's. We're not going to have any of that. There'll be no apologizing here for telling a really great story. I think because I'm like, oh, you know, maybe I don't know how much you already know or not.

No, but I'm just fascinated by your story, and I love talking to really funny people and hearing how they made their way. That's one of my favorite things. Or not just funny people, but a bunch of the people we've had on the show, whether they're in music or acting or whatever. Writers, I just love figuring out how people sort of like salmon swimming upstream, they have like a little idea that they're supposed to do something. and they develop it,

and then you can put any obstacles in front of them. They usually figure out a way to get there. And I don't know if you had a lot of role models growing up where you could see someone and say, if they can do it, I can do it. Were there standups that really you gravitated towards? For sure, yeah. I mean, you know, it was hard, though,

because I never saw, so I was starting to see stand-ups on like the Chelsea Lately show, for example. Yeah. And one of the first stand-up specials I saw was Margaret Cho's. through someone at church. I used to go to church. That's how they get immigrants.

They go, do you want friends? Hey, welcome to the country. You want friends, right? We like, yes. We speak your language. Oh, that's cool. We have free food. I like that.

Yeah. And then, boom. Suddenly, you know, I'm at Jesus camp. So there I am. Go, Jesus. Go, Lord. That's how they get you. Go God.

You know? Yeah. I'm a cheerleader for God. I'm in the choir. I'm an alto. I'm an alto. My uncle is a choir director. Anyway, sing a cantata.

Well, clearly this was a huge inspiration to you, this religious conversion. The way you talk about it. I mean, it really came in my life so quick. I mean, I'm from Taiwan and in Japan. Like, Jesus-less countries, you know? And then suddenly I'm getting baptized willingly. I mean, and then in a choir singing alto because I could never hit the high notes. Alto is very hard, you know.

We all know. No. Yes, we do. Oh, we do? Okay. Well, Alto's, you have to harmonize. Oh, boy. No, no, no.

So you had Josh Groven the other day. He goes to sing the melody. Sing happy birthday, dear Conan. I'm going to have it, boo. To, too, too, yeah. Nobody cares. They go, oh, that sounded beautiful. Yeah, because someone was harmonizing,

creating an illusion that there's a whole group. Okay, you're very bitter about this. You've had so much success, and you've achieved so. So much, and you can't get past this. Well, Conan, when you get kicked out of the choir by your uncle, who is the choir director? Oh, God, I'm sorry. Because of your musical abilities or because you were causing trouble? I don't know.

You just heard me sing. But we did a cantata, okay? I only got to perform once with the choir. We did a cantata. Do you know what a cantata is? I was going to be quiet because I thought everyone else would know. No, I have no idea. Timothy Shalame would know.

Yeah. But it's like a short opera. Short opera. It's like 45 minutes long. We did a contata? That's a short opera? Because I think all I like a handle. Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, you and Timothy both. I mean, I went to Timothy both again. Oh, it turns out. I'm kidding. I love opera. I was there last night at the opera. Which opera? Laboem.

He only lasted. He only lasted. Oh, wow, nice. You had that in your pocket. That was good. Back pocket. Lama, ma'am. Yeah, he left 40 minutes in.

I had you. It's a urinary issue. I love opera, but I can't go more than 40 minutes without relieving my bladder. It's a terrible disease and I'm waiting for a big commercial that I get to do about a medication. You're right. It's ages. It's ages to even ask you. Thank you.

We must respect our elders. We can't expect them. Wait, how did I get here? Oh, wait. I've had this condition since I was 15. I urinate every 11 minutes. I'm so sorry. You've been doing really good.

Are you doing the... Well, I don't want to tell you. I'm wearing a device right now. It's okay. I've urinated nine times since you've been here. Let me guess. This got dark and thanks a lot, Sona. I did this.

Let me guess. The device you're wearing, sponsored? I'm glad you asked, Oskow. I'm glad you asked. You know, with P on the go. Pea on the go. Developed by NASA. Listen, we're going to try and make sense out of this, and I know I can do this.

Right, right. But we left you at Jesus camp. You're getting kicked out of the choir because no one appreciates the incredible... It was an Easter performance. It was the first one in the church. I love to sing loud. Oh, boy. Because he has risen.

And I don't know. Wouldn't you do that too, I guess. So I'm not a trained singer. Choir is a voluntary basis thing. Yeah, yeah. They can't be picky. There's no audition. All is welcome.

Well, guess what? That means I'm on there too. With my skills. My uncle, call it nepotism. I got to join, you know, pretty easily. And then after the cantalta, I was never asked back. Wow. He said, you love to sing loud, Otsko.

And we could hear you. Wait, he wanted you to sing but not be heard. Because I was off a lot. And he said, sometimes you would also. in English. It was a Taiwanese church we sang in Chinese and we could hear, because I don't speak Chinese at this point. A bitch is confused. I was in Japan. I'm in Japan. Now I'm in a Los Angeles in a garage. I left Tokyo for this to be undocumented. We were undocumented. We were undocumented. We had no papers. My grandma didn't because we were supposed to be here on vacation. So we just applied

for a two-month play visa or whatever that's called. Tourist visa. Sure. Sure. And then we overstated, boom, what happens? Suddenly we're here illegally. And in Japan, I only spoke Japanese. Suddenly I'm learning Chinese because I'm half Taiwanese too, and now I'm living with my Taiwanese side of the family. I'm confused. I'm Christian now.

And now I'm singing alto. Of course I'm off key. Of course I'm going to go into English sometimes. I think you put it best when you said, a bitch is confused. Yes. You know, that was going to be the title of my autobiography. Now you've got it. out here for a Pimp

when you're trying to make money for the rent So when I first saw Margaret It was just me like Oh, this is so awesome. Okay, now I know this exists and she exists And, you know. Also, at the time, I didn't even know I didn't know until I was like 16

that I was undocumented and what that even meant, right? Because I wanted to suddenly drive Like all my friends at school. Like, everyone was getting their permits. And I said, Grandma, I want to drive too. You know, none of us drive. I think it'd be cool. And then I can drive us around. We don't, uh, the bus, I don't, we don't we don't have to take the bus anymore. You know, you're old, you know, and, um, it'll be easy on us. And she goes, well, you can't drive. You can't do that because we don't have, uh, social

security numbers. And I was like, oh, like, that was the first time I had realized, you know. What a way to find out. Yeah. I know. I was, yeah. Because I wanted to do... By the way, you're here illegally. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right.

So it's like it comes to like bureaucracy, paperwork stuff, right? That how would I know? I'm a, I'm just, you know, a high school kid trying to kiss boys. And I did. Yeah. That was, that you don't have to be an American to do. You don't need. And go to school.

Most boys don't ask for your social security member. Oh, thank God. Before. Well, I was always a stickler. Oh. Sometimes a girl would be like, what's snooch? And I'd say, well, hold on a second. I'd like to see various documents.

Yeah, we call it. Yeah, that's why I was a virgin until, well, Obama's first term. Okay. We call that a narque. Yeah. We're like, the school snitch over here, trying to get kisses still. We're like, do not trust him. I sure like to kiss you, but I'd like to see your papers.

Yeah. Like, this narc over here. No, and so, yeah. Because I was surprised because there's so much you could. do. I was going to school. I was in the cheerleading squad. Were you a good cheerleader? I was, you know, as a squad, we were okay. As a squad, we were self-talked. Together, we were okay. Together we were okay. Separately, we were awful. What a great recommendation. We're not very good. We're terrible when we're apart, but when we get together, we're okay.

Tune in. we really kept people's attention with our spirits, you know? We were, we really kept to the thing. We were very self-taught. We didn't have a coach, our cheer squad. When people hear that I was a cheerleader, they're like, oh, you were a jock. I'm like, no, no, you don't understand. My squad, it was like full of girls who were like, if it went for it, if it went for cheer, I would have joined a gang, you know.

These girls were scary. These girls. I didn't know that. I didn't know that being a cheerleader was the last exit before gang. That's hilarious. Welcome to Venice High School, early 2000s. Sure. Okay.

Venice. No, me too. I was like, you know, I thought cheerleaders were like to bring it on girls. Yeah. You know what I mean? Sure. And then here I am. I'm, you know, I join.

And it's, yeah, it's my first, they were like the first girls to accept me, right? So my first friends were Latinas and black girls who called me Coco. They gave me a nickname. And some of the girls, I mean, they were, like some of the girls were, their boyfriends were part of the Crips. Oh, wow. One of them, Juanita, I remember. One time, her boyfriend called her a bitch to which she pulled out a switchblade, put it up against his neck and said, if you call me that again, I'll cut you. And then I'll cut myself.

Oh, what? Juanita! I know, I said, damn, you are crazy. You are crazy. I mean, I get the first part, but the second part seems extraneous. I'm going to say extraneous. We're like 16. I'll cut you.

And then later, I'll cut myself. Wait, Juanita, I'm very afraid of you cutting my throat. What you do on your own time. Later. The drama. Yeah. The drama. Right?

She was a poet, too. on top of it. I was like, wow. So these were the kinds of girls. Once I got my driver's license senior year, the captain of the squad, she borrowed my car during lunch, went, got an abortion,

came back for six period. What were your friends like? Oh, my God. So this is the cheer leaders. When I say, yes, when I say if it went for a cheer, we would have joined a gang, these are suddenly my friends in America,

you know? And I was like, wow, like, I have been snoozing. What is this? Exciting life. There was, we would go to, um, one time we went to, uh, Denny's parking lot, uh, where a fight broke out between the cheer squad and the flag team. I had never seen such a thing.

We were all in uniform. It was after after. The cheer team fought the flag team. Yes, because one of the flag team girls started dating. Oh, no, no, no. One of the cheer squads ex-boyfriends. And I said, oh, what, what is this? And, yeah, I was trying to get on board because I'm such a scared of

I don't fight. Literally, like, the only things I fought are, like, helped fight are the voices in my mom's head in that garage. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, fighting for my life to stay on the choir. That's the only things I fought for. Is this so the fight starts to go down. Did you, what did you do? So I was scared. I show up with Juanita. They're already, everyone's in uniform. Juanita is just hitting herself in the corner. I'll get you and then I'll get them. She should have done that. She should, can you imagine? The flag team would have retreated. Yeah. This crazy bitch.

I'm going to first punch myself, then I'll get you, if you're not careful. Incredible tactic. I love Juanita just backwards with everything. I love this. Incredible. She's all cartoon life. I would love that. Oh, man.

I'm cheering her on because we're cheerleaders. Sure. No, so I'm on the sidelines. I don't know what to do. And Juanita's like, I'm going to get in there. I'm going to get in there. The fight started. People are drag.

each other in the ground. But first off, they march in, okay? The flag team comes in with their flags. I was like, is this West Side Story? It's West Side Story with flags. And it's confusing because it's like a, the flag team was also like Latin and like black girls too. So we look like we're on this.

We don't know who's fighting who. Thank God for the uniforms because you'll get confused. The uniforms help a lot. At least with West Side Story, it's like, okay, Puerto Ricans versus the white people. Yeah, yeah. Similar dance moves. It's confusing. You know what I mean?

Yeah. These girls, yeah, so thank goodness for the flags, because then I go, okay, that's not my squad mate. Right, right. And the pom-poms, we have the pom-poms. Dumbest fight I've ever heard. Easily the dumbest fight I've ever heard of them. But I'm dying to know who won. Yeah.

People are getting tracked. There's no winning, sweetie. There's no winning in violence. Yeah. Yeah, David. Yeah. Yeah. No one wins.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry to ask. Yeah, David. Except for maybe. Juanita's boyfriend who is at home going thank God I have a break tonight

Have you kept up with Juanita at all or any of these people? Yes, we're on Facebook Oh, that's nice. They still call me Coco a few of them come out to see my shows

That's okay, that makes me really happy. Yeah, me too. And so, oh, I was the, you asked me for my role, I held everyone's jewelry because they knew, They were like, Coco can't fight. And I was like, well, yeah, I'll just hold yes.

And so, you know, the seed in Cinderella. Right. You have one of those TSA bins. Yeah, that's right. Or the scene. Let's have it all. Clink, clink. Now get to it, you two.

Who's coming up. Yeah. Thank you. A more, you know, modern reference. I'm referencing Cinderella. I'm like, you know, the scene in Cinderella. He's like, how about the TSA yesterday? You know.

Yes. Any way I can help. I like to help. Thank you so much. Yeah. I'm like, you know, Cinderella, Cinderella, Cinderella. Who's watched Cinderella lately? Anyway, there's a scene where they're throwing things at her,

and she's like holding the jewelry and the clothes. You're not, go to the ball. That was me with the fight. I was holding the jewelry and then just shouting positive affirmations. Because, again, we were cheerleaders. I could do that. J-U-A-N-I-T-A. What's the spell?

Juanita. So those were all. Yeah, why did I, I don't know why I went into cheerleading. Well, no, because I was asking you about this fight. And I'm curious because the Hulu special that you did, Father, you're talking about, because so much of what we talked about today, your father's introduced at the top of your story. And then I think you guys were estranged for a long time. Right, right.

And this is your reconnecting or reestablishing a tie with your dad. Right. Yeah, it's true. He didn't, he missed out on my cheerleading days, my choir days, my Jesus can't. In a way, it's cool, though, because when we got to meet up and we really got to reconnect. Has he been living in Japan this whole time then? So he's been living in Japan, working as an engineer, raising, you know, my half-siblings. So once we were undocumented, another rule that I didn't know was you can't leave the U.S.

if you want to come back in, right? Got it. So we were stuck here. And I suddenly, you know, I didn't get to say bye to my dad who's in Japan, super busy. you know, raising kids, single dad, and I didn't get to say by to my friends there. So I just felt super like suddenly, oh, like I didn't get closure from a place. Yeah, you're cut off in an unnatural way. Yeah. And then I got busy, right, with like cheerleading or trying to get a driver's license. I finally got my green card when I was 17. We did the visa lottery program where, you know,

I guess my grandma, the hustler, finagular. pretend that we were in Japan still the whole time, and she put our names into the lottery. I mean, she? I mean, first of all, I want this woman running my life. Yeah. I'll say, actually, I want her running our foreign policy, too. Don't take David's job away?

He's right here. I think your grandmother just would beat out David so quickly. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you can't do these things. You can't get me into a Japanese lottery system to become a full citizen in the United States. You've never achieved that. You went to Lulu Lemon today and bought me some under.

That's true. I did do that. Yeah. Yeah. And she, yeah. Would she do that too? She could do that too. She could do that too. But she's doing like international, committing international, I don't know.

I say crimes, but she really was able to, with a network of other grandmas from the church. And we know grandmas. Like the network of grandmas, they're true. They're making it happen. Yeah. They're true like gangs. You know what I mean? Yeah.

They're telling each other, you know, the best deals at, at the supermen. supermarket or, you know, they're telling each other like what loopholes, you know, to what bank to go with if you want the higher interest rate or whatever. Yeah. And so through that, she figured that out. And then every year she would apply for the lottery. And every year, you know, our names wouldn't get pulled. And then on the seventh year, all three of our names got pulled. And so, yeah.

And that's how we got to get a green card. Well, let me be the first to welcome you to America. Oh, what a place. Thank you so much. I'm assuming I'm the first. It's been a while. Yeah. But probably no one else had the courtesy to say that.

Okay. So welcome. Thank you. I mean, you're kind of like a diplomat, right? To so many countries, to many countries, you're the orange-haired American man that they'd rather see when you go abroad, right? And you've done that for us. That's true. That is true.

That is true. I'm trending ahead of other orange-haired. shared people who tend to show up in countries sometimes. You've done that for us. I mean, you close the gap for us on, like, or you tried to get ahead of it with Greenland, you know what I mean? I've, I've, I've, I've pioneered in a lot. I think I've done so much for the world.

Oh, you have. But I think like the Alto and a choir, I'm also overlooked. And I think that's another way that we're. Thank you to the nod at Altos. Yes, that's what I do. I have to ask you this before we wrap, your father, how does he feel about this crazy success you've had? Oh my gosh.

I'm guessing he's really proud. Yes, he got to see me perform a couple of times on my international tour now. And so it's cool. You know, I was saying like he missed out on, you know, my choir days or cheerleading days and stuff like that. But also he kind of missed out on, you know, me struggling to in my comedy career, right? Like trying to figure it out. I said, okay, finally, let's try this stand-up thing. And, you know, it's wild that after years of trying it, years of doubting myself, maybe I'll go to, like, art school instead as a backup plan, which is a terrible backup plan, right?

Why go linear? Why, with also an unemployment. I got a degree in creative writing. Yeah. Boo art, boo creative writing. No, this is art school. So creative writing is literally like, if you want to turn in two words. that's your thesis.

You know, it's like that. So, you know, he missed out on those years, but then I was developing my voice. And then when we met again, right, it was me doing an international tour back in Japan to thousands of strangers who know who I am in Japan. When you come back from like work or school, you say, Tadai-ma, I'm home.

And your family members go, Okaidi, welcome home. And so on that show, where my dad was there, I tried saying it. I said, Tadai Ma, I'm home to these Japanese audiences. And all thousands of them together said, welcome home. And I was like, I almost broke down and cried. And my dad could understand those parts. And it was really cool because it was like, like, you know,

I hadn't been home like that in 22 years. You know, it's, yeah, so it was really cool that that was how, We got to reconnect. It is like your, you know, it's like the Superman myth. He's put into a space capsule and, you know, when he's a baby and shot off. And then if you catch up with him 25 years later, whatever, 10, 15 years later, he's Superman. And it's just this thing that happened that you couldn't foresee, but it's magical. And I think an amazing gift that your dad gets to see that.

Sometimes you're going to make people miss you and come back, you know, hotter. Right. Isn't that the whole thing? Well, listen, Osko, the special is beautiful. It's on Hulu, Father, and I wish you all the best in Emmy season because you deserve it. You are so funny and you've got a great spirit. And it was just, it's nice to get to know you better because I admire you and then to have you here and talk. And we got to chat a little bit and bond out on the sidewalk outside of that comedy club.

But I remember leaving that night. It was like, oh, this is unfinished. business. We have more to talk about. So I was so glad you could come in, and I hope you come back. Oh, thank you for having me. You guys are true kindred spirits. And if I may, now I cheer. Okay. I've really, I've really set it up. Yeah. There you go. Give me a C. C. You got your C. You got your C. You got your C. Give me an O. Oh. Oh. You got your O. You got your. Oh, give me an N.

End. You got your N, you got your N, get me an A, N, N, and we got Conan. Yay. I like when you ended, there was a little bit of, oh. Because I. We got, well, Conan. Osko, thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me.

All right, we're going to do a little segment. Normally we do this with Matt Goreley, and we do something called Review the Review. where people call in with reviews and we listen to them and then I respond to their reviews. But Gorley's not here. He's on paternity leave. And because he's out

and we don't have review the reviewers, I thought I'd just supply the call-in reviews myself. Oh, boy. Oh, this is so sad. So let's listen. This is Jack Muncie. And he's coming to us from Cleveland, Ohio. And he says, let's play it right now.

You're pressing a bump. I listen to Conan O'Brien needs a friend all the time. I think it's the best podcast ever. Conan's mind, like I listen to his mind work. And I'm like, this guy's splitting the atom. I don't even have a question. It's just that funny, a show. And it's like, I also think, I don't, is it me or is he like the coolest guy ever?

I don't know. But I don't know, Conan. I don't even have a question. here. You're just incredible. Well, wow, that was pretty cool. Oh, yeah, that was so nice. Mr. Muncie. Mr. Muncie, I thank you very much. I don't think I'm splitting the atom.

I'm just saying things that come to my mind and it tends to dazzle, I guess. You know what I mean? I don't know. You know, it's weird. If you have these superpowers, you don't walk around going, oh, wow, I have superpowers. You're like, I'm Superman. You know, I can crush this pizzole and it becomes a diamond.

Yeah. Another day, another dollar. You don't get amazed by it because you've lived in this body for a long time. Sure. What do you think about me? Yeah. Good enough. What do you think about me?

What are, who, what, what are you, what's happening? Karen Stipson in Anchorage, Alaska has a call. We don't know. Um, hey. Conan, um, yeah, Karen here and I listen to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Why would you need a friend, you know? I would think you'd have more friends than anyone. on earth. You just

are the funniest, most creative. And I just, I don't know, I saw you host the Oscars, and I was like, I'd do that guy. Oh, God. He's all that and a bag of chips. Karen. And that's how people talk. I know, I shouldn't be talking this way.

Karen's live reacting? I'm only. Karen, are you listening to us right now? I'm anticipating what you guys will be saying, I guess. I want an anticipator of the year award last year.

I'm a really good anticipator, but I'll just wait for Sonas and David's laughter to calm down, which I'm assuming is happening. But anyway, I just, I don't know, I just, I was into Conan, I'm like, wow, how's he? Wow, how's he? He's just the best. So, anyway, Conan,

I'm just curious, do you think that they'll divorce your wife? And maybe be back on the market and hang out of Anchorage? I sure hope so. A lot of ladies up here will be pretty happy. Well, got to go now. Oh, look, it's cold outside. That's anchorage for you.

A little joke, bye. Well, no, I don't think I'll be divorcing my wife anytime soon. Love my wife. We've been married a long time. She's my soulmate. But, hey, you'll be the first I'll call should the deal go down because she may want me out. Yeah. Yeah, she gets pretty exasperated.

I do this thing at home where I take pretend calls and Liza hates it. Oh, she does? Yeah, yeah. Oh, but it's so great. It's so great. She said, want you go do that at work? So I thought I'd do it here at work. But anyway.

Yeah. Well, no, no, no. I didn't do it here yet. I'm thinking I might do it. Karen said you're all that and a bag of chips. Yeah, that's how kids talk now, I guess. Yeah, okay, it's funny. I hear you say that all the time and literally nobody else.

Yeah. Yeah. So pretty cool. Victor Hidalgo. Where's Victor calling from? He's coming from Corpus, Christi, Texas. Oh. Conan, man.

You're the man. You're the man, Conan. You're a one cool, Ombre. Is he Mexican? You're a cool guy, Conan. I'm actually, despite my name,

I am, my family is from Sweden. But I just use the word Ombray every now. Okay. But my father is Lars. and my mother my mother is

Torkia and yeah I just go by Victor Hidalgo this you know but anyway I just want to say the show's amazing

and sometimes when I'm sitting in my sauna and having a taco I just think this coding guy is amazing again no question just Victor Hidalgo

here from Sweden and I just think you're amazing again no question like he's referencing Jack Muncie? I'm just anticipating in my message that everyone else probably didn't have a question either because what can you ask this man? It's like perfect.

You know, we have an old saying in Sweden. If the skates aren't bent, skate away, skate away. And I just want to say you're the best, Conan. You're absolutely amazing. And someday I hope you and I can split it to me chunga. Peace out. Wow, that guy's incredible. Peace out.

He said, peace out. Yeah, he did. I don't know. I have to say, these have been amazing calls, and I don't, I don't, these are better than the calls that are curated. The goarly finds? By goarly, who I think does a shitty job finding callers. Do you think there's a collar from like a Sona fan?

Oh, well, I could try and find out. Let's see. I'll look through the list here. No, there isn't. Oh, okay. I know that violates every rule of improv, but no. It isn't. There's absolutely no.

Not a single one. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We're getting a call right now. We're getting a live call right now. Eduardo, can you patch this through? This person says they're a Sona fan. Let's see if they are.

Let's patch him in right now. They're on. Hey, he's going in there? He's Conan on the line? Yeah, this is Conan. What's going on? You say you're a Sona fan? Oh, yeah, I'm a big Sona fan.

I'm a big Sona fan. I just want to get on. Oh, boo! Sike, Sake! I'm glad Sona. I just wanted to talk to Coton. You're the best, and I don't even know what Sona does. Sona seems like she asked you for a lot of favors.

I think it's too many fars. God, hang out of the phone. I just say Sona. You suck. You suck. You suck. You suck. Sike!

You suck. Fuck you, Finn. Baba booie, Baba booie. Fuck you. Yeah, fuck you, Fing. Yeah, you stink. Yeah, you fuck you. You're dragging Conan down.

He's the best. Bye, bye, bye, bye, God, and ah, woo! Jesus, that was unpleasant. It said he psyched me out. He said he was a fan of yours. You know what? Not all our fans are good. I think that we don't need all of them.

Well, we do need that guy. No, I don't think we do. It says here he's a multi-millionaire and he wants to give all of his money to the show. Which, of course, would mean it would go to me. All right, well, that was review the reviewers, and I thought it went really well. Incredible fans I have. You know great fans. The best.

Peace out. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goorley. Produced by me, Matt Goreley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns, Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brick Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan?

Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.