Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Ben Stiller Returns

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

Actor and filmmaker Ben Stiller feels…hmmm…about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Ben sits down with Conan once more to discuss the process of enlisting Tom Cruise for Tropic Thunder, producing a documentary about his parents Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara, and bringing the question of what he’d like to see on TV to the second season of Severance. Later, Conan responds to a voicemail regarding a burglar who was wearing his merch. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

Hi, my name is Ben Stiller. And I feel... Hmm. About being Conan O'Brien's friend. Wow! Devastating! Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school, ring the bell.

Bend the shoes, walk the walk. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Got a nice little podcast humming along here. Got Sonia with Sessian joining us. I don't normally say this, but that was adorable. Didn't you think? That's a nice little podcast we got. She's humming along. We got this nice little podcast humming along here.

That's how I feel about it. I do, I do feel like we got this nice, nothing grand, nothing fancy, nothing you could, you know, you put this on the lot, it would be the last car to go, but it's this, I think it's a sweet little ride. You know, I like it. I think it's an adorable little podcast

and I'm proud of it. Okay. Yeah. That's cute. Hey, I got a question for you guys. What do you think of my jacket? I like your jacket. Okay, let me tell you something.

Here's the story of this jacket. What if I said I didn't like it? Yeah, I hate it. I've had people say that before, not about this jacket, but I've had people be very frank with me. No, you haven't. Yeah, a few other people, if I'm wearing something, they tell me they don't like it.

I saw this jacket, it was not even, wasn't that much money. I saw it, it was a nice color of brown corduroy. Let me describe it for those of you who can't see it right now. It's a very rich. It's got a sheen. It's got a sheen to it. It's got a nap, I believe they call it.

What's that? A nap, you can rub it one way and it. It's got a nap, I believe they call it. What's that? A nap. You can rub it one way and it'll go dark and then rub it the other way, it'll go light. Wow. Keep talking, I'll take a nap. Um. It's like.

And. Kablui. I also wanna say this, I've never said this before. You're absolutely right about that. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, this is a jacket that it was like the day before Christmas. And I saw this jacket in a store and I tried it on.

I thought, that's a nice jacket. So I just bought it and I drove home and I handed it to my wife and said, just give this to me tomorrow. And she said, okay. She said, should I wrap it? And I went, you don't even have to wrap it. And I thought, is that, do either of you two relate to that?

Is that something that happens? I've been married now 22 years. Is that what happens? TAC and I send each other exactly what we want and we don't even take it out of the box that it comes in. Like I send him the link exactly for what it was. My son did this as a kid. He was really into tech stuff and he would send us like,

here are the nine things. This is the XC755G, whatever, something board, motherboard, just click here and it will be delivered. He took all the joy out of, just click here. That is joy. You know you're getting something exactly, you know you're getting exactly what you want.

I disagree. So I didn't used to do that, but I think it's just because I'm now in a different stage of life where I'll see something, you know, this isn't that much, I'm not splurging, it's a corduroy jacket, it's perfectly nice. I would like to wear that, hand it to my wife. I think she kept it in the bag.

I handed it to her. She might have tied a... You guys don't want any surprise? No, no, no, I do want some surprise. But how often does a surprise go wrong? All the time. It goes wrong all the time. In a gift from your spouse, it can't go that wrong.

Yes, it can. Unless she's got diamonds on it, I don't want it. Oh, wow. My wife is giving you gifts. You're the worst. Hello, Zsa Zsa Gabor joining us today on the podcast. Jesus. What kind of awful person are you?

This is not the person I hired to be my assistant. And it's just got diamonds on it. You've famous changed you. No, it has. I'm being, unless it's like nice jewelry that marks a very special occasion, I think that's what I was trying to say. That's no better.

No, it is. But it's like, you know, a 10-year and year anniversary. Maybe he gets me whatever. I don't know. But if it's like clothes, ugh. So if it's like anything, like you know. You want to get the clothes yourself. I just know exactly what I want.

And I don't think other people, including Tac, really know that. And I think rather than winging it, here's something I wanted, and here it is. Get it for me, and I'm gonna be appreciative. Do you think in any way that emasculates Tac? No, because he does that with me. Are you taking his penis away?

No. What? No. Then you have to get a new penis, then you know what to ask for. If you get your penis from doing that, then you shouldn't have a penis. I took your penis away when I bought you this gift. What is it? A penis!

I sold my vagina. You don't deserve a penis if that's what you need. I sold my vagina to get you this penis. I sold my penis to buy you a vagina. Oh, Henry's worst story. You get stuff for Amanda and she's like, yay. Okay, she does not do that. Okay, I bet you she does.

She's a very good actress. Yeah, yeah, she is. No, but when you get her her ninth, look, it's a chess set made of cork. They've only made a few of these in the 30s. What a horrible gift. You know, does she go, oh my God, this is amazing, or do you ever see a single tear?

The one time we got in a fight because I bought her an espresso machine and she thought it was too extravagant and she got mad at me. She got mad at you because you spent too much money. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't tell this on the bar. No, it's okay and you're keeping it in because you know, that's fine.

And you know what? We love your wife and I take her side. How, but it was really expensive. It wasn't, I mean, as espresso machines go, it's a mid-level espresso machine. Okay. Well, but maybe, maybe times were tight. Maybe she knew that-

We were fine. Does she like espresso? Yes. Okay. And she has since come to love that machine, but we got in a fight that day because she was, I can't tell a story. That's okay. It's all right.

If it happens to me in an appliance like that, I'll be like, where do we put it? Do you know what I mean? That was her big issue. There's limited real estate in the kitchen, and it's this machine that you got me. It's like a burden, kind of, but also, you know. You know what, I'm gonna say this.

If I get anything for the kitchen, I know I'm in very dangerous territory, because my wife runs the kitchen. I know I'm in very dangerous territory, because my wife runs the kitchen, and if I walk in the door and I'm like, look, it's a giant juicer that only does pineapples. And it's made of quartz. You know, we got a problem. We have to take part of the sink out for it to fit.

But if you got pineapples, we got a problem. We have to take part of the sink out for it to fit. But if you got pineapples, we got pineapple juice. Then I know we've got a problem. It runs on gasoline. Old fashioned gasoline. It's been badly stored. Yeah, I know I've done that. I've purchased a few things for the kitchen

and I noticed that she was very pleasant about it at the time and then it went away. Mm-hmm. It got exchanged for something else. Our Christmas has like slightly decreased. We're now, since we've had a kid too, we kind of are just like three gifts for each other and that's it.

And it, you know, one's like little or something. What? You know, we don't, we just get three gifts for each other. What is it, the Great Depression? What are you talking about? That's two, no, with three gifts, what? Well, I know kids are supposed to be, there should be endless.

No, not for the kid. Oh, but how many kids, how many, what are you talking about, how many presents do you get kids? Kids have to be flooded with presents. I agree. Cheap, no, first of all, I'm not saying expensive presents, but I'm sorry on the holidays when kids come down little kids Yeah, it has to be so many presents. It's mind-boggling and I don't care. I know people are gonna say well

This is terrible. What if people can't afford it steal them if you have to Kids have to be just spending hours I agree that the room has to be filled with crumpled paper when the day is over. They had a lot, but like, I also, the board now is, yeah. Three a piece. Not for the kids. For each other.

From Amanda and me. For each other. We get each other, we limited our, this is her idea, look, I'm not a boarder, I wanna do more. Oh my God, this is awful. But I know. Three each. I would want that. And I bet one of them's a walnut.

Okay. Here's your walnut. I agree. I like to go big for Christmas. I've been tailored back a little bit. Yeah, you've been. I like to just chill. I don't like things.

I don't want new purses. I don't want new jackets. Oh, I know that. You've been wearing your Dr. Zaya special for like 20 years now. Dr. Zaya? She's got years now. Dr. Zaya special? She's got this jacket that's got weird. I know it's come up, but why?

I know, but I mean, for God's sake, I'll pay for it. Get a fucking jacket. I get things, I like them, I use them all the time. I know, but that's too much. I mean, it's really. What kind? It looks like you slept in a bus station or something. For God's sake.

I got slept in a bus station. I bet you have, but the question is with who? What do I mean? Looks like you slept in a bus station or something. For God's sake. I have slept in a bus station. I bet you have, but the question is with who? Yeah. By myself. By yourself, eh? So you were just having a nap. I like trying to still do the sexy leering talk

long after the sexy part's over. So you weren't just by yourself having a nap, huh? Yeah. Yeah, just by myself. Wearing a bulky jacket by yourself. It's not bulky. Why bulky? Listen, you've wore that jacket too long.

We're not gonna get stuck on that, but get a new jacket. It's a leather jacket. It's nice and broken in and it's perfect. Yeah, whatever. You have jackets that you've worn forever too. So, that's all. That's all. I have more than one jacket.

Could I just get you guys to shut up? I do have jackets I have for a long time, but I wear them. But I have more than one. I have more than one. More than one. More than one. If someone stole your jacket, you're free to death.

That's the only jacket you have. Oh yeah, in Los Angeles. I don't like purses and I don't like jackets. Free to death in Los Angeles. It's 67 degrees outside. It gets pretty cold at night. It gets cold at night. the 40s some say. All right, listen, we-

I won that one. You guys should do a gift exchange this year. Oh, I'd be so afraid to buy her a gift. She'd get mad at me. I won't like it. Oh my God. I'll email you exactly what I want. I'm not interested in buying a gift

for someone who's forcing me. A gift should be about what another person would think would make you happy. No. What? I know, well that would make me happy. You guys are horrible people. I'm sending him something I know I want,

and when he gives it to me, I'll know I like it. But what if it's something you didn't see? Like I'll go shopping sometime for Amanda, or I'm out and I see you. Yeah, and you get her an espresso machine, the whole thing blows up in your face. I know, I know. I mean, no, that was, you took a chance,

it didn't go well. I am gun shy since then. Exactly. I buy my mom and dad's stuff all the time, and my mom has returned 100% of the presents I've given. I bought your dad a new mustache, and he wears it every day. Okay, you know what?

It's more real than the one he's wearing. Won't stand for it? Ridiculous. Won't stand for it. What areulous. Won't stand for it. What are you gonna do about it? Yeah, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna stand here,

sit here, upset about it. Oh, so you don't stand for it? Is it you're literally just gonna sit down? I'm gonna sit down. All I have to do when I do an impression of her dad is put a finger under my nose and there he is. There's Gil right there. That's not Gil.

Gil's cooler than you are. Gil's so much cooler than you are. He is cooler than I am. You have to have the thing and you have to be cooler and you can't do that. Oh, you just did it. You just put the finger under your nose to do that. Stop, make me do that.

Put this rap sign up. All right, we're gonna wrap it up. Anyway, find out from your spouse about presents. Don't buy that espresso machine, it's too expensive. Never wear the same leather jacket for more than 30 years in a row. These are our suggestions, good night. My guest today is a tremendously accomplished actor,

filmmaker and showrunner. You know him from, of course, Meet the Parents, Zoolander and Dodgeball, and just the tip of the iceberg right there. He's the director and executive producer of Severance on Apple TV Plus. Season two premieres January 17th. I am very excited about it because Severance was my jam.

Ben Stiller, welcome. I've contacted you many times through your people. Yeah. I often get just, we'll get back to you. That's why I have people. Yeah. But what's- I'm gonna get some people.

But what's weird, but can I just say something? What's weird? The people sounds suspiciously like Ben. It sounds like Ben picking up and he says, let me get Ben's people. And then the people sound a lot like you. It's like the guy from the, that Donald Trump who called into the post. Oh yeah.

Whatever that guy's name was. Baron, David Baron or John Baron. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I've known you a very long time and I was very excited you're coming in today because you're one of my all time favorite comedy people. Your body of work is fucking crazy stunning. you're coming in today because you're one of my all-time favorite comedy people. Your body of work is fucking crazy stunning.

We're gonna talk about Severance, which was my favorite show. That first season was perfection, and I am delighted that Severance is coming back. So much so that your people said, I can watch a few episodes, and they said, you can watch a couple of episodes of this new season, we'll make them available to you. And I'm like, no, no, no, I'm re-watching season one to watch season two. And I don't wanna watch it on a computer.

Yes, yes. I don't wanna watch it. I wanna watch it because I think the direction, which is you, is I know some other people direct, but you direct the majority of these episodes is absolutely fantastic. The art design, the acting, the whole thing is through the roof. It's delightful.

Thank you. Conan, I really appreciate that. Thank you. That means a lot, because you know how much I respect you, seriously. Well, I- No joke. I'm, well, now people think it's a joke,

because you said no joke. I know, I said no joke too quickly or something. I don't know. I think seriously was the first place I went wrong. And then no joke is trying to save it. Yeah, yeah. Too many qualifiers. We're gonna talk about it because anyone

who's listening to this right now, if you're not watching Severance, if you didn't see season one, go and watch it. It is, it's just, I think, flawless. And there's so many images in it, moments in it, and it's got me thinking about so many things. So I'm very psyched for season two. But along those lines, I just wanted to go back to,

I'll just touch on it, met you for the first time. We mentioned this last time, but I think it bears repeating. I met you when you came to SNL, and right away was doing one of the funniest things I had seen when you played a grownup Eddie Munster. Real. Right. With the whole outfit, but you're jaded now.

Yeah. You had done a Tom Cruise film, which was a parody of Color of Money. And I looked at that film and I remember thinking, well, why isn't this, this is what Star-Night Live should be, which later on, if you look at what Please Don't Destroy and a lot of the shorts from Lonely Island,

it became more, these short films, which are just, you know, became more and more of the DNA of the show. When you first came along, I was remembered, the first thing I saw you do was that short that you had made, I think yourself, self-funded or something. Yeah, I made it on my own. Is it before Ben Stiller's show?

Yeah, no, this was before anything. I was in a play called The House of Blue Leaves off-Broadway and the cast, the play was doing really well and it moved to Broadway and John Mahoney was in it and Stockard Channing and Chris Walken and all this amazing cast. I made this short take-off with these two guys, Steve Klayman and Ralph Howard.

I put all my money into it that I was making for the show. We made this short and then we were like, okay, let's take it somewhere. This was, I mean, it's just a proof of how old I am. And we are, is that you- Not me. I met you when I was four years old. I know, I know, I forgot. I'm 39 years old.

But there was nowhere to go. There wasn't anything to upload it to at that point. So it was like a video cassette. And Lovitz had come to the show, he'd seen the show. And I reached out to him because he came backstage afterwards and he knew my parents and was very nice and he, you know, and I reached out I said, hey, I've got this short, can you,

is there any way you could get them to take a look at it? And he literally like met me in the lobby at 30 Rock and took the video cassette upstairs. I remembered watching it. All of us were blown away. Your Tom Cruise impression was fantastic. I couldn't believe that they were putting it on the air because there was nobody from the show in it.

And it was Jim Downey. Yeah, Jim Downey, great. Who's been on this podcast, amazing head writer. When he saw something that was great, he knew this has to just be on. I find it so interesting that people can go back and look at that color of money parody that you did and you should look it up and check it out.

But to me, it was saying, it occurred to me today, oh, this was the way to go. You were ahead of your time, in my opinion. Like it's- I don't know. I was just sort of like, honestly, I've probably talked to you about this before, that it was for me trying to do what Albert Brooks who I think was ahead of his time

for sure. Very much so yeah. In terms of like what he did his first movie real life which was about reality television and making fun of it and what he had done on the show and watching that when I was younger and wanting to do that kind of thing. When I first saw you were doing a spot-on Tom Cruise impression, and then you flash forward all these years with Tropic Thunder. Yeah. And Tom Cruise plays this executive in Tropic Thunder, and it is, I mean, I've talked to Tom Cruise about it.

It is one of the funniest cameos. He comes out of nowhere, and I know that he came to you when you, I don't know, if you approached him about playing this, this character, what's the character's name? Is it Lou? Les Grossman. Les Grossman. Yeah.

He had like two requests. Jewish. Yeah. I mean, it's never really stated, but it's kind of implied. Just occurred to me now that's a Jewish name. But he had requests, right? He had two requests. Correct me if I'm wrong, or you could say he wanted his hands. Yeah, he wanted to have big, thick forearms that were hairy.

He wanted to be Jewish. And he wanted to. And he wanted to dance. And he wanted to dance. And so. Again, Jewish. What's crazy to me is that when he said those things to you, you might have been thinking, oh, what? I don't know.

Did you right away say? No, I was, I mean, it's a strange set of circumstances the way that this happened. We had done this little short for the MTV Movie Awards where I played a stunt man. And that's where we, and we had met a couple of times over the years before that, but then we had a great time doing that together, and it stayed in touch since then. And I had had this idea for the movie for a long time, I had been working on it with Justin Theroux,

and Etan Cohen came on later, and we finally had this script, and I had talked to Tom about it. Originally, I wanted Tom to play my part. Oh, really? Yeah. But I was too nervous to ask him to do it. Yeah. Because he's Tom Cruise. Sure.

Yeah. He has other stuff to do. Yeah. We were friendly and hanging out. He was so nice and just the greatest guy. But I didn't want to bother him really with this. But eventually, I sent him the script and he was like, this is great.

I'd love to be a part of this. And I was like, well, maybe you could play, there's like an agent role. He's like, well, no, I've played an agent before. Yeah. Jerry Maguire. Yeah. He said, but it was his idea, this character.

He said, you don't have a studio exec in the movie. It was perfect. Yeah. So this was like three months or maybe like two and a half months before we started shooting. And Justin and I were like, well, Tom is, you know, would like to be in the movie.

And he had this idea of playing a studio exec. And so we went back and came up with Les Grossman and it changed the whole plot of the movie but made it so much better. Oh, it's. And I think he has a very, you know, an amazing instinct about movies. He's so smart.

Like, it's crazy how, you know, he's a really, he's a student of movies and he's just, he had this feeling like you need this element to the story. So there's no element where what was happening back in the States the whole time in the Tropic Thunder story. And so we came up with this and Justin wrote a bunch of those monologues where he just goes off and...

But at the end, when he starts... And then he said he wanted to dance, yeah. ...when he starts dancing... First of all, I talked earlier, we started out about your body of work, and it is crazy. There's so many movies that you've directed which have so many moments in them

where I go like, okay, that's one of my favorite comedy moments. Zoolander, the gasoline station fight. When they're throwing gasoline on each other and laughing in slow motion is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It delights me every time I think about it. Also when you and Owen are trying to hack into a computer and you become more or less apes. So there's all this.

It's a 2001 reference. Yes. But I have to tell you something because I was actually, for another project I'm working on this documentary, I was looking through some of this old behind the scenes footage from Zoolander that I have and I found an old, this was literally last week, I found an old cut of the gasoline fight and I had forgotten that originally, you know, they light, he lights the cigarette and I

think the way it is in the movie, I watched for hours, it's like he lights the cigarette, I go, oh no, and then boom, they blow up. But originally it was he lights a cigarette and I go, oh no, and then boom, they blow up. But originally it was he lights a cigarette, I go, oh no, and you watch the flame kind of light, he drops the match on the floor, and you see the flame kind of track under the car and go up, and then it goes up, and it starts engulfing each one of the models.

Oh my God. Oh my God. And it literally goes on for, I'm not kidding, for maybe like two minutes where they're just like dancing in pain. Yeah. But you know what's great? That is, but you know what's great, Ben,

that's a master class in the difference between this way is funny, this way is not. It's awful. And you can't really explain why, but the way you- No, no, when you watch it, you see it's awful. Like the long... And also, this is like, you know, the year 2000. The year 2000, where four real, like, you know, CG effects,

where, like, we had three stuntmen doused in those, like, the jelly, where they put the jelly on and actually be... Screaming. So they're on fire for real doing this. And then the explosion was a real explosion that like knocked the windows out of the buildings across the street because it was like bigger than our guy thought it was gonna be.

Oh my God. It's just like a different time. But that is a great, like I say, if you ever teach a class on comedy, which would sell out, just the idea of, this is the way we showed it in the movie. Yay. Let me show you a way that we didn't go with. People crying and screaming.

If it bends, it's funny. Yes. No, it's true, yeah. In Tropic Thunder, when you're running across the bridge and you, when the kid gets thrown, I got on the floor. It's so wrong in every way. It's so wrong in every way. Like, there's not anything else that's wrong in that movie There's so much that thing comes to mind comes to mind but absolutely So just the body of work reality bites cable guy has so much funny shit in it

You know and well like all like all those are you know? Collaborations with people and for me, that's always been the thing. It's like, I love working with people who are funny and it doesn't just come from me. It's- Well, I could always tell that because all those years when I was doing the late night show, through all your different stages,

you would always show up and want it and say, okay, let's do something. And you would always show up and want to, and say, okay, let's do something. And you would come with ideas and then you would spend a long time making this great idea come to life, working with other people, working with us. And then you would do this thing and it would be on it, you know, 1250 at night on NBC and you either saw it or you didn't, this was before internet.

And it was, I mean, it's great. It was just great. And I have, for this documentary before internet and it was, I mean, it was great. It was just great. And I have, for this documentary I've been working on, I've been looking at some of that old stuff and it's just, I mean, I'm like, what was I thinking? Because it's such a commitment. I mean, besides just looking at myself 30 years ago,

whatever it is, and just like kind of like my attitude and like coming in with like, hey, I'm going to be funny, and you know what I mean? Or like, I'm going to have an attitude with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you were great. You played along, and you were always so open to it, and you were always like, okay,

let's go for it and let's do it. Right. It was, now I look back on it, and I think, wait a minute, we were doing a 1230 show, and Ben Stiller would come by and work all day on doing a nine minute comedy piece for us. You know. But I was thinking about.

How did I, how did that happen? Like that's that I mean I did something right in a previous life. But also you know I was thinking about it because like I had to do a talk show next week and I was thinking okay what am I gonna do and I should think of something and then I'm like we'll just we'll talk and we'll be fine. I didn't realize, I'm just like, I don't have the energy for that. No, it's at all anymore.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm like, it'll be good, we'll come over. No, that's the problem is a late night host now would look at like, oh no, I saw you, you did Jesus Christ Superstar with Conan. So we thought maybe you could do a thing where you're Godzilla. And you're like, no, I just want to come out in a good Tom Ford suit,

chat about my work. Yeah, I'm tired. Are you? I heard you were working on a documentary about your parents. Yeah. And I wanted to talk about that because I grew up watching your parents, the great Ann Meara, Jerry Stiller. And I remember they were kind of ubiquitous when I was a kid.

I thought they were really funny. I'd see them on like Love American Style or they'd be these different, they'd be in ads. And I just knew, oh, these are these really funny people, but I didn't know exactly who they were. And then later on they came on the show in their own right. Of course, your dad was on Seinfeld. Yeah.

Very well known that way. Yeah, I mean, they had, yeah, they were a comedy team. An old school comedy team. Old school comedy team from this, you know, they started in the late 50s, early 60s and were two young actors who met and fell in love, got married really quickly, and then became starving actors in New York. And after five or six years, tried to figure out a way that they could make some money. And my dad was the guy who always wanted to be a comedian,

grew up during the Depression, idolized Eddie Cantor, people like that. And my mom just wanted to be a serious actress, but she was really funny and really talented. And my dad had this idea that they should do an act, so he pulled her into it. Interesting. Yeah, and, um...

Did they do, like, Sullivan and all those shows? They did, yeah. They did Ed Sullivan. I think it's 30, I always get it wrong, it's like 36 or 37 times. Wow. And it kind of made their career. Yes. And that's a big-

I had a memory, I have a sense memory of them because there was that era where a comedy team could come into people and talk about like half the country would be watching them do a routine. No, I mean, that's part of the story is that the pressure that was on them as live performers, which a pressure you know, as doing what you do. But for them, every time they went out,

they had to get re-invited back by Sullivan and they had to do well. So they had to do like five, it wasn't like two minutes, it was like six or seven minutes. It's hard for people to know now because there's 75, there's an infinite number of outlets. So there's no such thing as, well, I came on Conan, or I came on one of Conan's late night show a couple of years ago and he wasn't pleased,

so we're through in the business. Well, no, there's a billion other places to go. There's no such thing as, you're through kid, you displeased me. But this was a different era where if Sullivan didn't like you and there was a problem, that was it. That could be it. Yeah, and luckily he liked them.

They did a number of different sketches every time they come out, but then they finally hit on this one sketch where basically they played off the fact that my dad was Jewish, my mom was Irish Catholic and they had you know It's these two characters meeting off a computer dating and it was Hershey Horowitz and Mary Elizabeth Doyle laughter Funny now yeah, and it was controversial at the time because you know

They didn't know if people would go for it, but Ed Sullivan's wife He was Catholic, but his wife was Jewish. Oh, wow. Okay. And he loved it. And that was sort of, you know, he kept on inviting them back. And that's, yeah. But you know, you're in the documentary

because there are so many, you know, these talk show appearances. You know, I'm kind of also looking at it through the lens of, you know, for me, over the years, being asked about them. Yeah. And so many times, and really trying to figure out, well, what was it like being their son? Who were they? What's the core of what my experience was with them as parents?

And stuff I never really questioned until you start doing something like this and you start looking into it. But we went on with you once, and there was a bit that I was sick and my mom was taking care of me, and my mom and dad came out with me on the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's so funny. It's so great. No, those are, I mean... Uh...

You know, the... And then I have to tell you another thing too. Yeah. So I've been working on this thing for like four years. And as a documentary develops, you start to, I've never made a documentary before. And what I'm learning is that as it goes along, you start to figure out really what it's

about through the process of editing. Yeah. And then you think it's one thing for like a year or two, and then you realize, oh no, I got to have more of this story, or you know, I have to have more. For me, it's one thing for like a year or two and then you realize, oh no, I gotta have more of this story or how I have to have more. For me, it's been more of like, oh, personally, like really like getting into like, what's my experience with them?

Because that's, I'm the one making the movie. And we figured out this part of it that I've always felt which was my dad on Seinfeld was, he um, you know, he was so angry, right? And that was so funny, was to see him blow up and scream and yell. So funny shouting. Yeah, yeah, amazing. And I always felt it was because he had all this suppressed inner rage in him, that he kind of kept down, you know, he loved my mom.

They were like, you know, he was the most loving, generous guy. But he had, like, he had to sublimate a lot. And over the years, doing their act together, the sort of the dynamic between them was that she was kind of like, you know, shut them up a lot. You know, like Jerry, Jerry, stop talking, stop talking. And I have all these clips, you know, from the 70s of them on all these talk shows doing that.

And I thought, you know, when he finally hit it on Seinfeld, it was because he was able to let out all of that. Yeah, makes sense. I was trying to find a sound bite to explain that where he talked about it. I couldn't find one and I was driving home. This was literally a month ago. I'm driving home and I put on your serious XM station

and it's literally, it's a clip of my dad on the show, on your show and you're asking him about Costanza and why is he so funny and my dad said, this was like literally, he says as I turned it on, he says, it's because I had all this inner rage. Jesus! Yeah, and I literally like pulled the car over and like, you know, texted my editor and yeah.

Isn't that insane? That's fantastic. And we pulled the clip out and it's in the movie along with the other thing. Well I don't give you permission to use it. That's actually why I'm here. And I'm editing this part out of the podcast. Let's come up with a number gang.

I need a tone. That is, that is, that's great. I felt like it was my dad and the ether or something, just like this moment was happening. Well, first of all, I love that. I love that. And I do think that it was so nice that your dad got to have that, that role. And then he's in King of Queens after that. And so nice that your dad got to have that role.

And then he's in King of Queens after that. And so he has this whole. Yeah, it changed his life. And there's a whole generation that knows him from that stuff. You know what I mean? Which is sweet. He always wanted that.

He had had so much success with my mom, but then there was a period of time after, when being a comedy team was not something that was as viable in show business. As you go into the 80s and the 90s, it's not like there are shows that are like the Merrick Griffin show or that's all in show. It's just so they were having to figure out their careers separately. Then Seinfeld happened for him in his 70s and it just fulfilled everything that he'd wanted.

My mom, it wasn't as important to her because she was, I think, happier to stay at home and write and read biographies, do the Sunday Times crossword puzzle. But my dad, he was so connected to the audience, to being recognized, it meant so much to him. Yes. Because he was so deprived as a kid.

His parents, he had such a tough child. His dad was a cab driver. You know, they moved 13 different times when he was a kid over the course of a few years. And you know, so he was just like both loving and needy, but like in the most generous way. And you know, they would like, someone come up to him on the street and you know,

recognize him, he'd be with my mom and he'd talk to them for like 15 minutes. And my mom would be like, Jerry, let's get the fuck out of here, come on. This guy knows me. Yes, exactly. I'll do a dance for you, whatever you want.

Boy, do I relate to that. I didn't get any of that by the way. Yeah. It's funny, cause I know you did, early on you were a musician, drummer. Well, just sort of. Super early on, but did you ever think that was gonna be it or did you always know?

No, I was not a great drummer. I was just, that was- I was a terrible drummer. I know you were in a band called Capital Punishment. Capital Punishment, yeah. Right, I was in a band called the Bad Clams and I was a drummer and then I told them I'm out. I don't have time for this, I've in a band called the Bad Clams, and I was a drummer, and then I told them, I'm out. I don't have time for this, I've got other things.

And I remember thinking, good luck without me, and they replaced me with a drum machine. Oh. And it's like a little. Can we do that on this podcast? Yeah. And people were just like, whatever, it's better. It's keeping time correctly.

But yeah, that was just a, that was a moment for you. Yeah, it was, I had a friend in high school who was just a, that was a moment for you. Bad times. Yeah, I had a friend in high school who was the band leader, and he was really talented. We're still friends, Chris Roebling. And, but I was not a great drummer. I really wasn't great at keeping time. What is that documentary about Ginger Baker?

Ginger Baker, yeah. From Cream. Yeah, there's a great documentary about him, and he's like so like hard-ass in terms of like, you gotta, like either you have time or you don't have time. Oh, and in that documentary, they're saying things like, you mean great, like a great drummer, like Keith Moon from The Who, and he goes,

no, I'm talking about real drum. I mean, people are mentioning icons to him or John Bonham from Led Zeppelin, he's like, no, I mean a real, I mean then this guy who thinks of like maybe three people in the universe are real drummers and everyone else is just shite. Yeah. You have just in addition to these movies you're directing

and you had all this crazy success as an actor and then you've sort of made a conscious decision to step back a little from that, I'd say in the last five, seven years and say, okay, what I really want to do is craft things, direct, produce. That was a conscious decision? Yeah. It was a moment that kind of hit me.

I always loved directing since I was a kid. So, like that. and then, you know, I was directing a lot of these movies I was in over the years. But I never had, except for Cable Guy, I'd never directed anything that I wasn't in, but I always thought of myself more as a director than an actor really. I felt like that was more where I was,

I thought I was better at that. Definitely not a live performer for my short time on SNL. It was so nerve wracking for me to be. It's still anytime doing something live, it's like I don't enjoy it. I'm happy when it's over. If it goes well, it's great. So directing to me was always like

a comfort area and just happy. It just made me happy. It was really after Zoolander 2 came out, that was like sort of the inflection point where it's like the movie, you know, didn't do well. It was not well received. And it was this moment in time where I was like, ah, man, you know, like what am I gonna do?

What do I wanna do next? And I had some space just to kind of like think about it. And then this project that I'd been developing kind of right when the movie came out, Escape at Dannemora, this limited series about this prison escape in New York that happened in 2015, I think, that was there. And I had the time to work on it

because I wasn't doing other stuff. First of all, Escape at Dannemora, I love that. And I loved, to me, it's about, you get to craft something. You get to take some time. I know how much telling a story visually is important to you. And so you get time to, let's get this exactly the way we want it. And I always think that the plus and minus

of doing things that are live or done quickly is we'll grab it, it may not go our way. Sometimes when it goes well, you get the rush. When it goes badly, it's over and it's time to do another one. But if you get to really craft something, it's a very different feeling, I would guess. Over a long period of time, you get to think about

what is this gonna look like? How am I gonna tell this story? Right, and which is daunting too, you know this going to look like? How am I going to tell this story? Right. Which is daunting too, because it's like, all right, how do I do this? But it's also, to me, it's like the most subjective thing where you just, how do I see this? How would I want to see this?

I think when I just got to the idea of basically, what would I want to see? Because I do love comedy and I love comedies growing up, but I also really love just dramatic movies. So I just started thinking, what would I want to see? With Escape of Damor, I was like, yeah, I would love to see this.

If it was a movie, limited series, whatever. The vibe and the feeling I think for me was so much, like it was so clear. Then you just take the time and work again, collaboratively with people who you think are really talented and you have a similar sensibility. And you know, you have these partners, you're a cinematographer, production designer,

costume designer. Dan Amora was Michael Tolkien and Brett Johnson, these two great writers. And you know, the truth of what happened in that story was to me was what I was most interested in. Because it scared me too because I'd never done a prison escape movie and it was like, all right, well, I have no idea how do I do this and make it real?

How do I make it feel authentic? So I just went to the real facts and the more I learned about what actually happened and got to the real places, I just said, all right, I'm just gonna go for the real thing. Because that was what was fascinating to me about that story, was that how could a prison escape like this happen in 2015 that feels like something out of like Escape from Alcatraz or something? Yes. Yeah. You don't think it's possible anymore.

Yeah. And then you realize, oh, there's like the system that's in place at this old prison. You know, it's, it's, there's so many places where, you know, things can go wrong. And also the hierarchy of how it works there in terms of with the guards and the prisoners and, uh, you know, the, I mean, the dynamics in a prison, it's a huge prison too. So you know, it's like its own little, you know, city or something. And uh, so the more I talk to real people who experienced it and got the details, I was just, that was really fun for me. And then, cinematically, yeah, it's fun to like figure out how to do something that, you know,

hopefully look cool and be intriguing. Did you ever consider being imprisoned for several years? Do you really? I mean, if you really, I'm sorry, if you really, if he really wants to capture the story, I think you should have, if you took it seriously, I think you would have done three years in prison. Years.

If you want, you know what I mean? Not like Dave? I thought you did a fantastic job, but think about what you could have done if you had been in prison. If I'd actually experienced it. Would you ever consider going to prison for three years? I would like to be put in prison.

Many of our listeners want me in prison right now. Well, this leads me nicely to Severance because I'm lucky enough to be friendly, friends with and encounter people all the time, especially in the comedy world and acting world. And so I kind of semi know Adam Scott and my wife and I watch Severance when it comes out. And I shortly after that, I see Adam Scott.

And I said, that was the best thing that's been on television in memory. That was fantastic. He was like, oh, thanks a lot, man. And I was like, no, no, no. And I'm like, I think I put my hand on his chest. Like, no, no, no. Jesus.

You don't understand. Why? I know there's a show business thing. Well, I wonder, have you felt his chest? Adam Scott's chest? I have not, no. Well, you haven't lived then. Okay. No, but my, you know the way there's a show business thing

of hey man, I saw your thing, it was really good. And it's, you'll say it about me at some point, but. That's so sad. But it'll come out naturally, or we'll edit it in. And I'll touch your chest. But I, it was very important to me to let him know, no, no, no, no, I'm not doing that thing. I'm doing this other thing where,

and he was appreciative, I think, and then just wanted to get away. But the quality of the storytelling, the intricacy of it, the respect it has for the audience, it's so smart. And there's so many layers to it that there's what, I mean, I've gone into deep dives where people discuss, you know, just various levels of it, and it all holds up because when you put that much thought

into something, it's really beautiful when people appreciate it and see it. And start to go like, oh, wait a minute, what do you think's going on? And the whole concept of severance is fantastic. it's really beautiful when people appreciate it and see it. And start to go like, oh, wait a minute, what do you think's going on? And the whole concept of severance is fantastic. Yeah, that's great to hear in that the trust you can have for the audience, which you have to sort of like take a sort of runner on

and kind of, you know, just go, okay, I'm gonna believe that they're gonna get this. But, you know, you never go bad when you don't underestimate the audience. Yes. Because people are smart and especially now, people watch television so closely and they appreciate it so much, and they look forward to it. That's a great thing to know that people will pick up these little things. But we made the show in a bubble during COVID with no, you know, you make the whole series

and then you put it out. So there's no feedback. And you don't know, you've basically built this giant contraption and you put it out there and you don't know, is it going to work? Yeah. What if people watch the first episode and say, I don't care.

Right, it's not like the opposite of doing like a late night show or something, right? You're getting feedback every day. Every second. care. Right, it's not like the opposite of doing like a late night show or something, right? You're getting feedback every day. Every second, yeah. Right, right. And so it was one of the, a great experience making it. And then near the end, I was like, oh, I hope, wow. I hope people, I hope people get it.

I hope they like it. This is, we've been working on this thing for a couple of years. Like this could be either good or it could just be like, oh, you know, maybe nobody's can even see it. Um, and the reaction was, it was great. Insane.

It was great. It's as great as anything I've been a part of and you know, and you know, being in the business so long, like you never know how people are going to react to stuff. And when it's great, it's so great. And when it's not great, it sucks. But you know, and it, but it's not that different. The experience of whatever you make, you know, it was something that gets well received or not it's you're still, the experience of whatever you make, something that gets well received or not,

you're still putting your all into it. Well, I've always said it takes a lot of talented people working really hard to make something shitty. Meaning when you see something and everyone sits around and hate watches it or says, this is bad, that was a lot of, often times, very talented people working really hard and it just didn't come out quite the way they wanted it to

or it came out at the wrong time or whatever. Right, whatever it is. Whatever it was and then those same people can work on something and it can be absolutely amazing. And you're all in on it the whole time. Yeah. So you can't go back and it's just sort of like, okay, so this is it.

There are these moments, I talked to you earlier about, there are always these moments in your work where I remember them, they're really fantastic. There was a moment, there's so many moments in the first season of Severance that were, first of all, the look of it. And there are moments as, where I think you as a director, the use of corridors and ceilings.

Like, when I watch this show, I feel like I'm down underground and I'm in that place. And it's a very specific, the lighting, the look of it, the vibe. You've got these great wide, like, flat shots sometimes. And it does feel a little bit like Kubrick or something. It's just like, all the references are absolutely incredible and bears rewatching. Like you can rewatch it over and over and over again.

It's really hypnotic. But there's a moment with the actor, he plays Lance. Is it Tramel Tillman? Yeah. There's a moment, I'm not giving anything away, where he goes into a dance in this first season. And it's my favorite moment in television of that year. Because it's not part of his character, but then he goes into this kind of dance

and the way you shoot it, and I think I've watched it like 20 times. I don't know this gentleman. He, I please tell him I'm his biggest fan. But that was my favorite moment. It was so, it came at me in such a weird way from the side. You know what I mean? It came through my peripheral vision

and it was so fantastic in the way it was scored, the music and the tension building while he's doing this kind of, what's supposed to be a joyous thing. It was, it's sort of David Lynch. It's everything. It's like 15 different flavors. Yeah, it was just a confluence of events

that came together. I didn't even know he was gonna dance like that. It's dancing. His dancing is fantastic. It's the same thing Tom Cruise is dancing. I didn't know Tom Cruise was gonna dance like that. Did this guy have in his contract though? No, but that was also one of those things

where it was just like, I felt the same way watching it. I was like, oh, this is so cool. And I love watching this. I could watch it over and over again. And I think as a director, you kind of, it's not like you wanna like say, oh, my work is great. It's like you're almost like an audience. You have to act as an audience and you're the sort of,

like you have to make the choices based on being an audience that you're projecting would be watching something. So I loved it too. I was like, I love watching it. I was like, oh, this is really fun. I could watch this all day. At the heart of this show is this concept. And again, this isn't giving anything away

because anyone who's listening to this and you need to watch this show, but you also, if you haven't seen the first season, watch that. And the concept is people working at this company and to go into this company, they're, they descend and they're disassociated from their previous life. So their work life and the person who's above ground, they're the same person but-

Yeah. There's just a chip that's inserted into their head and it gets triggered when they go in the elevator down to work that they don't remember who they are upstairs and they just know their reality at work. And then when they leave, the chip gets triggered again and they don just know their reality at work and then when they leave, the chip gets triggered again and they don't remember what happened to work. And you see there's a subtle thing you do with the lens

when Adam Scott's going down the elevator and I don't know what it is, I don't technically understand it, but something happens where you can see the focal point kind of change just a little bit enough to know that they've gone through a transformation. So everyone's severed from what's happening to them in the top of the world.

And there are so many analogies to that, which is why would these people choose to do that? And one of the things, and I might be fishing here, but it very much felt to me like, oh, this is like alcohol or drugs, people that something happened in their life, they want to disassociate from it. And anyone who's had issues with drugs or alcohol knows that there's a reason you're doing that.

You want to be somebody else because being who you are and feeling that's too painful. And it's just really, I mean, there's like 35 different scholars could talk about all the different things that are brought up in one way or another in Severance. And it's all Dan Erickson, the creator, the writer, who's the first script that he had produced.

It was a spec script he had sent around. And Jackie Cohen at our company, Red Hour read it and thought it was good. And I read it. thought it was good. That's a spec script? That was a spec script, yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, it's good to know for aspiring writers.

He had this amazing idea and this amazing facility in terms of the tone of his writing. But I agree with you, there's that analogy. Just the idea for me also of these people are like coming into work and doing their thing and having their banter and kind of, you know, it's very like kind of, you know, like an office comedy kind of vibe. But they don't know who they are. They don't know why they're there. And they don't know what they're doing. To me, that's like the life analogy. Yeah.

Like, you know, that's where we're all here. You know, and we get settled in and we figure out how to get through and do it. But like we don't ultimately know. We're all here. You know? And we get settled in and we figure out how to get through and do it, but we don't ultimately know what it's all about. So I thought that was what was always resonated for me. The work they're doing is so, I mean, it's really funny. The work they're doing on their computer screens is hilariously, I mean, it is analogous to how a lot of people feel about their jobs.

Yeah. I'm here moving these numbers around. Kind of widgets. Widgets, I don't, and it doesn't make sense. When I watch it, it doesn't make sense. But when someone does it, they're like, good for you, you did it. And I think many people, many Americans watching it

would say, that's what it feels like at work. My daughter was role playing, going to work the other day. I said, what do you do for work? She goes, I push buttons. Yes. She's gonna go far that kid. Well, Dan worked at a door factory when he came out to LA and that was where he got the idea

because he was just going crazy every day working at this door factory and he wanted to forget about it. So he wrote, I mean, to me it's also, it is a great message for people that there are a lot of people that say, oh, it's all who you know. And it's like, no, if you have a really good story to tell and a great idea and you write it, the cream does,

the truth does out, the cream does rise to the top. If you put something out there that's of real quality, it's gonna bounce around and someone like you was gonna find it. Yeah, I mean, it's hard. It's hard to get the access for people, you know, to get that script in someone's hands. But I feel like in this business,

everybody's always looking for that next thing. Always looking for talent, looking for something that they're gonna read and is gonna excite them and feel new and different. And that's just always gonna be. Also this cast you have, I mean, I mentioned Adam Scott and Britt Lauer is amazing and incredible in it, but also you've got John Turturro,

you've got Christopher Walken. I mean, you've got, there's something really fascinating about this show, which is that people naturally, when they work together, want to create community. And there's something happening here at Lumen where they kind of really don't want people talking, they don't want people getting too close to each other. And that's another mystery.

And I know, I think the reward of a show like this is that you get really smart fans online and there are so many of them that are all arguing about what does this mean? And Eduardo, when I came in, Eduardo was, no, but Eduardo, you said, you said you, don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up.

This is Severance, man. Don't fuck this up. And I'm like, well, Ben Stiller has been around a long time and we could shoot the shit about a lot of things and I do intend to spend half the time talking about seven, she's like, you don't fuck it up. By the way, Eduardo, I totally get it.

I know Conan a long time. He's seen me fuck up a lot of stuff. But I read an interview with Patricia Arquette, who's amazing in the show, and she has this quote about you as a director. It was just about your tenacity, how hard you work, how important it is to you that you get a director. It was just about your tenacity, your how hard you work, how important it is to you that you get it right.

It was really lovely. Yeah, oh, that's nice. Well, she's amazing. I mean, yeah, you know, I think we're all going through life and try, I feel like a kinship seriously to Conan because I know how hard you work and how much it means to you,

but you're also trying to figure out the work-life balance, which is part of the show too. And that's important too. And I hope over the years, over the, I don't know, last whatever, 20, 30 years, that I've figured out that a little bit more because you have to, there's a point where you work it and work and work it, but then you also have to also then be able to step back and go, okay, I can only control so much. Yes. I haven't gotten to that point yet.

But I've heard tell you can only control so much. Learn the hard way. But I will say on a personal note, when you walk in the door, you seem happy. And I know that you're someone who, one of the, maybe the subtitle of this podcast could be, sometimes I want it to be, be careful who you envy. Like I wanna talk to people and let everyone know

everyone's got shit. Everyone has got things that they're dealing with. And predominantly I get to talk to people like yourself who are very talented and have done this amazing work. And you're trying to figure out most of the things that everyone else is trying to figure out. So when you walked in after all these years to see that you look great, you seem happy,

this is incredible work you're doing. And I love that you're able to say to yourself, yeah, I can go back and be in something again. I think you're gonna go back and maybe do a cameo in- I'm doing Happy Gilmore. I've got this little movie I did with David Gordon Green called Nutcrackers that's on Hulu. And we did like super low budget and it was really fun.

Yeah. But like you can dip into that when you want, but you can enjoy this and also enjoy your life. Yes. Well, that's the big part of it, enjoying your life. I mean, and that's- And you and I are talking about it as if we don't know what that is.

I know, exactly. We've heard tell of this life thing. My agent tells me my children are thriving. You guys are severed. We are severed. We don't know what's happening. I think I'm told I have kids. I have to go up in the elevator and-

No, you know, it's, you know, your kids are older too. I mean, my daughter's was. No, you know, it's, you know, I have my, your kids are older too. I mean, my daughter's 22, my son's 19, and they will tell you, they'll give you feedback. Oh yeah. On how you're doing, you know? And I appreciate it. And we've actually, like working on the documentary,

I interviewed both my kids and Christine, and you know, we talked about stuff that's worked in our lives and stuff that hasn't worked in our lives. And my kids were very honest with me, you know, we talked about stuff that's worked in our lives and stuff that hasn't worked in our lives. And my kids were very honest with me, you know, about times when my work was, I put my work in front of the family. And I'm very grateful that I'm in a place now where I still like have these relationships with them

that we can work on and talk about that stuff and, you know, and adjust. Cause it's true, you know, it's cliche, it's true. But like at the end of the day, that's what it's true, it's cliche, but it's true. But at the end of the day, that's what it's all really about. My joy comes from working and being creative, but sharing that with my family and going home and not having anybody to share that with. I've had that because Christine and I were separated for a few years.

That's right. If that's the right thing for people, if that's the right thing for people, sometimes that's the right thing. But you know, for me, being together with her and our family being together, I am so much more appreciative of it. So I feel really grateful. Well, I am delighted for you.

I'm really delighted. I figured it all out. I have no problems. And... Why are you crying? You're crying as you say it and it's tears of blood. It's just fucking weird. I just figured it all out.

Ben, just a absolute joy to see you again. And I'm so delighted for you. I really am. I'm genuinely, and I have a very just nice, funny little memory of I lived on, predominantly on the Upper West Side for years, all those years I was doing Late Night. And for some reason I would always run into your mom

on the Upper West Side and she was so lovely to me and such a real person on the Upper West Side. You know, such an Upper West Side. And a fan of yours, she loved you. She was absolutely, you know, we Catholics have to stick up for each other. By the way, I just have to say also, there is one scene at the end of the last episode

of season two of Severance that I'm really looking forward to you seeing. Oh, I'll- Because I feel like you of all people- I will text you. Yeah, no, we'll appreciate this little scene. Okay, okay. And it might even seem to others who watch it,

maybe weird or indulgent, but I feel like it's like made for you. If it's weird and indulgent, if it's weird and indulgent, I'm going to love it. That's what you are, weird and indulgent. Okay, I think I spelled it out enough. Yeah. Hey, Ben, thank you so much.

Yeah, man. And congrats on Severance. Great to see you, thanks, man. Yeah. Okay. We found that something very interesting happened with a fan of yours and more specifically, some merchandise from this podcast. Okay. And this comes from Instagram. We're going gonna take a listen to it or watch it if you're watching this on YouTube.

Okay, let's take a look. I found a burglar for wearing my Conan O'Brien needs a friend t-shirt. There was a man in my house. And I told him, you know, this is my house, get out. Then I saw he was wearing my Conan O'Brien t-shirt. I ordered him to take it off. He did not and so I did a stupid thing and I went up to him. I pushed him a little bit and yanked the shirt right off of him. You might be thinking, yeah that is

stupid. Why would you react that way? it's just a shirt. and i think it's partially because what that shirt represented to me at that time. all the comedians i had watched, i told them they saved me. when i saw him wearing a shirt that represented why I like living. I love laughing, I love combi, I love all of that. All the friends that I've made. I snap. Oh my God, happiest day of my life.

I did meet him. Best day of 2024. He still doesn't know the story because he just signed my shirt, took this picture and left. It was like midnight. So this comes to us from an Instagram username, True Travels of Hope. My first thought is that were you the burglar

just trying to get the shirt off? Yes, I do try to reuse merchandise as much as possible because we know where our merchandise is sent. And so I try to go there. So I'm often in my downtime, patrolling the Midwest, the Southern States, the Southwest, and the Pacific Northwest, looking for people wearing Conan Merchant.

And I just try to reclaim it as best I can. So we can sell it a second time. That's what it was. And I do sometimes take other stuff stuff when I'm in the houses. Might as well. I noticed, because she's wearing one of those shirts for the podcast that say, I feel blank about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

And there's a spot where you can literally fill it in with a marker, and she has not done that yet. No, she's still not sure how she feels. Um, well, what do we think of this story? First of all, I really wish she wouldn't have confronted this robber. Yes, I'm going to say that too. I think, and I want to of this story? First of all- I really wish she wouldn't have confronted this robber. Yes, I'm gonna say that too. I think, and I wanna say this to all my fans.

If someone, and first of all, let me start by saying to this woman, true travels of hope. I wanna say the true travels of hope that I very much appreciate that you're a loyal fan and that our nonsense has meant something to you. And so this comes from the bottom of my heart. Our merchandise is not worth risking your life for.

No. This is very shoddy material. It's often repurposed. Some of it might be toxic and endangering your life. Exactly, yeah. That's an old Friday night light shirt that we spray painted over using a, really an out of date spray paint.

So no, do not risk your life. Do not approach a burglar. If anyone approaches you and says, give me that Conan O'Brien merch, just give it up. Just give it up. And it's funny, you should say that she shouldn't approach him because I feel like the first thing that you would do... I would absolutely approach him.

Not for a Conan O'Brien shirt. Not for... No. But, like... But if someone was wearing, like, your Cher shirt... Oh, if someone was in my house and, like... First of all, he just put a shirt on? I know. Also, here's another thing.

She said she ripped it off, like he's a stripper. Like it's a stripper. Like it's a tear away shirt. I think the shirts are so threadbare and cheap that you can just rip them off. Or most people that own Conan merch are so, and I'm speaking about myself in the third person, so love Conan that they rarely take it off

and it becomes threadbare more quickly, hence easily to tear. So I think that's a possibility. I don't know. I don't think people should be risking their lives for Conan merch. No. Especially the mugs.

I mean, the mugs often explode. That's been proven. Mugs could be good weapons. Yeah, no, not our mugs. They just turned to powder the minute you hit someone. But it's nice. She did say we met, but she doesn't say where we met. She said it was midnight.

And I can't tell from the picture where we were. So maybe it's when I broke back into the house to get the shirt back after my initial failed attempt. It would have been really funny if you were just like an absolute dick to her. If you were just like, ugh, I don't like taking pictures. But that's the obvious taking pictures, dumb fans. He broke back into the house so he could get a selfie

and so he could force her to sign it. You realize I'm the guy that asks people, would you like a selfie? When often they don't even have a phone near them. The sirens are down the street and he breaks back in going, I haven't signed your shirt yet. Would you like me to sign it? That would be more likely.

But, well, I'm glad she got her shirt back. I'm glad she's okay. I'm glad she's okay. But I do think we should take a lesson away from this, that, you know, look, if it's Marvel merchandise, yes, fight for your life to get it back. That's the weird thing. What's the motivation of the burglar? What, this is what they decide to take?

You know? Well, first of all, okay, now you're being a dick. Well, I'm on this podcast too. When I used to steal, I used to just be like, can I do it? And so it wasn't about what I was stealing, it was about could, and also I got very arrogant. Like I would wear a bracelet in the store

and I'd just be like, I'm gonna walk out wearing the bracelet. I remember once Sona and I were in Worcester, Massachusetts and there is an armory there. And there's an armor museum, a museum of like Flemish, British, French armor from 18th and 19th century. And we were in there and this is during Sona's, let me see if I can get away with this phase.

Sona walked out wearing a full suit of armor. Eee-oh, eee-oh, eee-oh, eee-oh, eee-oh. If you act like you were wearing it in, they would just be like, oh, she's just leaving in the outfit. It was from 1622, and it had all this fancy filigree on it. And so the guy said, excuse me, miss, I think you,

and she was like, what, what? I was wearing this on the way in, you're racist. Oh my God. Remember when you said you're racist? No. And you had the visor down, so he didn't even know, right, he didn't know who you were. Right?

Look, I liked just like showing, hey, I just took it. Yeah. And it's, you know, most of the time, if you walk out confidently, people are just gonna be like, okay, it belongs to her. It was a suit of armor that you stole from Worcester, Massachusetts, and you should give it back. That was such a buildup to what you were gonna say.

There was so much just information. Well, listen, always appreciate- What museum did we go to? There's a, can you look up the, what's the Museum of Armor? We're fact checking this? Yes. This fake story?

It's not fake. It really happened. It really happened. Worcester, Massachusetts Museum of Armor. Come on. What do you mean I'm working on it? Once I had a headband. Higgins Armory.

Yes, Higgins Armory. It was the one thing when I would go visit my cousins. Every time my aunt would say, it would be raining out, and we'd be like, we got nothing to do, and what is there to do in Worcester? And she'd say, go to the Museum of Armor! Oh my God. And so we'd drive over to the Higgins Museum of Armor,

and there was no attempt to make it look interesting, just literally a giant warehouse, and someone had lots of suits of armor that they just laid out. They didn't even put mannequins in them. I feel like you would enjoy that, though. Did you act like you weren't excited because you didn't want your cousins

to think you were... Truth be told? Yeah. Greatest days of my life. Boy, did this little orange-haired boy love a suit of armor. Oh look, it's Dutch! Hey Luke, hey Neil, I found one, it's Dutch!

And then the beatings commenced. Anyway, take care fans. Don't stop crime. And visit the Higgins Armor Museum in Worcester, Massachusetts. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

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