Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Bike Pervert

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

Conan chats with Rene from the Netherlands about designing custom bicycles, horse riding underwear, and Conan’s favorite biking trails. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamkoko.com slash callkonan. Okay, let's get started. Renee, welcome to Konan O'Brien needs a fan. How are you Renee? Hello, I am good. Good to meet you Konan.

I love the way you say my name. Can I hear it one more time? Conan. I love it. It's a Conan. Whatever you want, I think he put an umla on my name. Two little dots. I love that.

Conan. It's very cool. Conan. Conan. You can't. God. I should not forget Sonia met, of course. Hi guys.

Hi. You're welcome to forget them if you wish. Renee, first of all, tell us where you are right now in the world. I'm in the Netherlands in a place called Brayda which is in the south, close to Belgium. Oh, you're close. Maybe you're already lost with the Netherlands. Oh, okay. Thanks a lot. You show a lot of faith. No, I'm very aware of. I think the Netherlands is one of my favorite islands and just southwest of Spain just floating off the coast.

So, Brayda, I have never been to Brayda or the Netherlands, and I would love to go someday, but tell me a little bit about yourself. You appear to be... Well, he's a... He reminds me a little of you yourself. You, uh, you appear to be, well, he's a, he reminds me a little of you. I was just thinking that, you know, but I think I flatter myself. You're a very good looking guy. Well, so are you, Matt. But no, doesn't he look, I think if something God forbid, something were to happen to Matt, very soon. What do you wait? I mean, like literally within three days, I think Renee, you could drop right in and be the, the, the Brayda Netherlands version of Matt. I love Star Wars and Indiana Jones. See? He knows all about you. That's all you need to do. Yeah. Yeah. Oh,

he doesn't really know. Not so much. I'm sorry. I used to, I used to like it, but don't you get Star Wars and Star Trek confused? Because then I know you all the time. No, we're not all like you Conan. Yeah, no, it's it's simple. Okay I like the story. I like I approve me. That's my replacement. I like the movie where we're spock and Yoda finally make up and men fences Renee, am I saying your name correctly Renee Renee? Yeah, okay, you know some people prefer Am I saying your name correctly, Renee? Renee, yeah. Okay, you know, some people prefer Renee. Renee, I see it looks like a bicycle crashed in the background behind you. I see a bunch of tires.

Oh my god, you've got several bikes. No, they're hanging. You have several bikes. I've got several bikes. Okay, tell me, are you a bike fanatic? I am. Yeah, I cycle quite a lot, and I'm also a bicycle designer,

so it sort of fits. That's cool, so wait, so you design bicycles? I'm a little, I have to admit, I don't have a lot of hobbies, but I love bicycles. I really do, I'm obsessed with bicycles. You really do, okay. And I love to ride a bicycle, and like to, I just, I also just love looking at them. I think they're beautiful, beautiful examples of engineering and sculpture.

I really like you just look at them like you sit standing in your garage and just stare at your bike. That's what we do. So, no, I'm not kidding. There are times when I've been riding my bike, I have this all steel bike that I had made by this gentleman in Portland, who's quite good at it. And I will ride my bike and then I'll chain it up outside a coffee shop down in Santa Monica. And I'll be sipping coffee and looking out the window, staring at my bike like a creed.

This is all the worst because you recently revealed that you shaved your chest for biking too, and to think of you there, just all smooth chested. It wasn't just for biking. There was another reason too, and I don't want to get into it. Wow. Let's just say it's for a movie role

and a movie that I'm not allowed to publicize. Bike pervert? That's nothing to do with biking. Okay. Are you shaved, Renee? Sorry. My legs biking. Okay. Are you shaved Renee? My legs are There you go and I got admit it's by the way aesthetics Renee don't don't be put off That's so much question for everyone on the podcast are you shaved?

As long as we don't get any further than the legs Yeah, every time every time I'm in a restaurant with Sona, that's the first thing she asked. The waiter or waitress. Are you shaved? Any drinks for this table? Shaved. How do you like your Parmesan?

Shaved. Oh, God. So you designed bikes. I'm going to tell you something, Renee. I don't know if you are aware of my physical attributes, but or deformities however you want to call it. I have extremely no but Okay, take it easy. No, not just no but Renee take it easy. This will wow tensions between the US and the Netherlands are boiling. I have very long legs and so

My when I get a bike off the rack, it just doesn't work and so I know I was it I was tortured years And then someone said no, you have to get a bike fitted So I did that Custom made and it was it was night and day. But when people see my bike, they start laughing because of my dimensions. The seat is maybe five and a half feet from the ground, but then the seat and the handlebars are very close together. It's like some circus bike that it's a seriously bear would ride. Can you imagine Renee what my bike would look like? Yeah, you got a long head tube and you sit quite upright on your bike probably.

Yeah, and people see me for miles around and circus music plays and it's a lot of fun. I know it looks weird but it's healthy in your six foot four. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, you need a custom bike. Otherwise, you just hurt yourself. No, it's true. So what kind of bike would you design for me? Would you, let's say that you got the proportions correct.

What about styling? If you were to make me a bike, what would you, would you do any kind of special styling for me? Tassels. No, not tassels. If it's all tassels and fringe, tassels and a big banana seed. Yeah.

Yeah. With a horn that you can work with. With a full custom, we can make a nice carbon bike for you. Just a one off. I mean, you probably got the money for it. No, I don't actually. I invested very badly. I hope bike is nice, but it's like,

the 17 is calling the bikes back. Oh, man. Oh, wow. Oh, bird, bike, bird. It's a bike rash. Now, wait a minute. Some people, I don't want to talk about a very specific fight. Some people think that the steel bike has its advantages over the carbon

bike. What are those advantages? Well, carbon bike, you get one little nick on the carbon the whole thing can explode! What? And it's happened. Every day I ride down the road and I see bikes exploding to the left and the right of me because the carbon can't handle it. True or not true, Renee? Oh, absolutely true. Wow. You read that on Facebook probably. Yeah. We're on the Tucker Carlson show. Oh, well, I only go to Tucker for bike advice. And he's always, he's always spot on. Okay. So you decide on about every, you decide, you design bikes. What else, what else do you do? Is that your is that your profession? That is that's my main profession for the last 20 years or so. Okay. And it's not just the frames or the bikes. I'd also do graphics or smaller parts like wheels or handlebars. What are

what are wheels? Wheels are not a smaller part. Yeah. Oh, and those little fringe parts like wheels. Oh, and those little fringe parts like wheels. You know, some people get crazy and want wheels. Yeah, but when I get an assignment, it's either the frame that I have to design or the graphics or the wheels or the handlebars. It's all just a matter of putting all those components together, but the client is usually somebody who makes either the frame or the handlebar or the wheels or like that. Now, do you have another profession as well or is it exclusively bikes?

Well, on the side I also have a small company that designs horse riding underwear, which is quite straight from the other. That was going to be my guess. From cycling? My bet, my guess was going to be either you sell heroin Or you make horse riding underwear. Wait a minute. Is there special underwear for people that ride horses? Yeah, well, there's now there used to there wasn't until I started it is Well, you can imagine that's quite a lot of vibration in the saddle. Yes Yes, they're moving around in certain riding styles. Yes

Could you keep rocking up and down like that? Right. Renee, just do that again. All right, let's play a little music. I'm not going to catch a duck. I'm not going to catch a duck. From the side. It's not the music I was thinking.

You two are on completely different pages. You're here. You're riding a horse. And I'm in late 70s. Foulon steel back. I got to say, I don't write horse, so excuse me for not portraying it correctly. Did you make these so that you could also use them

for the bicycle, is that part of it? Or did I just give you a brilliant idea? Well, if you sit more upright, then our padding would be correct, then it would be very nice. But the position of the body is different for horse riding and for cycling. So the cycling wear would not be suitable

for horse riding, which is why I came up with specifically for the horse riding. Renee, let's get into specifics here. You're riding a horse. What do we, and you talk about abrasion? Are we protecting, let me just be very clear and clinical, the genitalia or the ass region or the area in between which I think science calls the taint.

What are we protecting? We're protecting everything. So it's sort of like a diamond shape. Yeah, I would imagine that. The preridium, you got the pubic arches where you're sitting. Oh, yeah. You go for five billion serve. The pubic area. By the way, my pubic archches where you're sitting. Oh, yeah. You go for five billion serve. The pubic area.

By the way, my pubic arch collapsed a while ago, and now I'm wearing pubic orthotics. Oh, God. I eat as a pubic gulch. Oh, no. So, so Renee. No, you know, you need to apologize to everybody in this world. I just rolled up a piece of paper and fire it at you with my finger.

Renee, if you don't mind me really, cause I'm interested in designing my own binding netherware, this equestrian gear, why did you get into, what made you think of getting into designing underwear for horse riders? Well, I was, at the time, my girlfriend was a horse rider. And I was designing cycling wear for a client.

And she saw me working with this foam, this pad that you wear in the cycling shorts. Yes. And she said, oh my god, I want this for horse riding, some kind of padding, some kind of comfort. Sure. And she said, oh my God, I want this for horse riding, some kind of padding, some kind of comfort. And I asked, well, don't you have this kind of stuff here in the equestrian world? So I dug into that whole market and there was barely anything. So I started designing new underwear. Wow. So, so you, do you create this company with your girlfriend?

Yeah, which is now actually my ex girlfriend, but the company still exists. What do I think's a little less complicated? Okay, I don't want it to be I don't want this to be awkward But the business survived the breakup of the relationship exactly. Yeah, okay. That's very nice. Do you still work together? Yeah Yeah, so it sounds like you invented an office while we meet each other every day, but yeah, we see each other. It's ironic that you designed a garment that could cut down on friction, but not the friction in your relationship. Wow. What do you think of that? That's pro-found. Deep. Yeah, everything. I think about this. I've got a question.

Why not cut out the middleman and isn't it time to reinvent the saddle? It's just an old leather thing. What if you put the foam on the saddle? You know what? I like the way you're thinking and I want a piece of this business. No. Yeah. I just thought of it. I know and I'm here to say me too. Good idea. There was a guy next to Edison who said, I like it. And he got 50% of the light bulb. Renee, what do you think about what Matt just said that you're, you know, let's fix the saddle. Well, there are foam pads that you can lay over the saddle. I don't want to. But a lot of the writing that that that needs to

have more contact with the leather saddle. There's a reason why it's so hard because you need to be able to steer the horse with very subtle movements with the legs. I didn't know that, but my ex-girlfriend told me about it. I think there's a better way to suggest a better way to steer the horse. Because traditionally, I think people use their legs and they use the reins. But I think this is something that could be done

with one of those Wii controllers. There's a way to do this. There's a way to do this. What about just a steering wheel and planted into the horse? I tried that one. Okay. Yeah. It didn't go well. It's great listening to the two of you talk about horse riding. Well, yeah. I feel like we're making more written a horse. We're making vast improvements already between the two of us. We've reinvented the saddle, which will now be made

of a very different material, probably some sort of soft meat and also... Do we need the horse? Let me ask that. If we were just to get a motorcycle or... Yes. What about four wheels? Okay. And then you have a really nice seat and... A steering wheel.

A steering wheel. I'm in on this. I went in on this. Yeah. And you call it... Or whatever. A Mustang. A Mustang. Yeah. There you go. I think we've now transformed your business radically. You need to move to Detroit.

Start making these on an issue. I agree with this reasoning. I'm not a big horse fan either, so I prefer four wheels or two wheels. Do you think the fact that you don't like horses and in fact just admit it to hating them led to the break of the relationship? Yeah. No, it wasn't that. Oh, okay. course is in fact just admitted to hating them led to the break of the relationship. Yeah. No, it wasn't that. Oh, okay.

But maybe a little small part, aren't you? Okay. All right. Well, I want to tell you something. I'm going to tell you something. I like to write a bike, but I made a decision a number of years ago. This is all completely true. I don't like wearing cycling wear.

And I really, and the guys that I bike with, they don't like it either. So we all started just wearing like regular cargo shorts. I like that. I don't want to be dressed as a spaceman. And I'll still do a good, long, serious ride. But if I wear, there's cycling, like underwear you can buy that you put on underneath. And then you just put on regular, I'm going camping clothes.

And you take off. And as far as I prefer that, I don't, I hated walking in to get coffee someplace and looking like my, my UFO had just landed out in this street. So you're the same way. For some things, yeah. I adjust my style according to the writing I do. Yeah. Well, it's another question. And this fascinates me some countries, and I'm hoping that this is true of the Netherlands, but my dream would be to drive, would be to ride my bike to work.

I live quite far from here, and there's, LA isn't built for it, but I see that in Europe, they've done, I mean, they've they've they've so much progress in building all these incredible you know, thoroughfares and places that are just completely for bikes so that people can ride their bike to work, get off, but be wearing like a cool suit. I just think that's an amazing way to live. It's a very bike-friendly region, the Netherlands, yes? Correct. I mean, we're very used to having bikers on the road, so the car drivers are, I mean, they're not very scared of having cyclists on the road as well, but it's got separate lanes as well. So yeah, it's pretty safe over here. And this is the thing that's less safe, but we have a-

Renee, I've just given you, I've put you on, I mean, I hate to brag, but this podcast is international sensation, and I have now put a spotlight on you. I think the least you could do is to design me a bike. Oh. I would of course pay you a nominal fee upwards of 100 to 200 US dollars. But what do you think? If you post it, if you post my design, I will design a bike for you. Of course, I'll post your design. And I got a factory that makes the bike for you. But you need to,

I have to have a bike fitting. You need to be there when I have a bike fitting. Unless I send you one of my existing bikes, but I want you to pay for the postage. You mean email. Oh, okay. But if you made me a bike, I would want it to be to all of my specifications. I want a milkshake holder. I want a place to keep magazines. I want all these things that most bikes don't have. You want a bespoke bike. Yeah. I'm doing podcast. That's how you podcast. That's that's done. Renee, it's been very nice talking to you. You seem like a gentleman and a scholar. Do you have a question for me? Maybe something you've always wanted to ask me since you've been a fan, even as a little boy.

These are assumptions I'm making, but I think they're safe to make. I don't have a question which was with me all the time, but since I know now that you're a writer, where would you take me writing around your location? What is the nicest routes around LA? Oh, I'll tell you exactly. We go over right together. Are we talking mountain bike? Are we talking road bike? Whatever your pick is, I can do both. Mountain biking here is fantastic

because the mountains you're incredible. You can ride up, you can actually see some wildlife of them. Every now and then, if you're lucky, you'll encounter a bobcat. You get off your bike, you fight it, and then you get back on your bike. You get to a hospital as quickly as possible because the Bobcat won. And the other one I would take you on if it was a road bike was, I love to go over to the ocean and then down to the marina and then go south of the airport, and you just ride along the ocean and you can't believe you're alive.

It's just a great feeling. Wow. Yeah. Okay. So. Okay, I'll get you a call when I'm in the light. No, seriously. Do that.

It's, they all have my number. I'll take you on a ride. They all have my number. Yeah. Does that mean, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this. Anyway, no, of course, everyone here knows how to contact me. Everyone you dealt with for this call knows how to get in touch with me because that's something I insist upon is everyone in the chain has to have my personal phone number. You and I,

I think it'd be great if we went riding. And here's the thing, when we do go riding, I'm going to look very different in person. Okay. You're going to swear it's not me. I'm going to be short. My hair is going to be kind of dark. And I'm not going to answer the name Conan. But that's me. Okay. The real incognito. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Okay. We're now you seem like a good man. Yeah. And we wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. And I bet you make an amazing bike and maybe, maybe I'll contact you. Maybe we'll get a bike made. Cool.

All right, peace out. Peace out, guys. Bye, I don't know. Thanks for the ride. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley, produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf, Incidental Music by Jimmy Vivino. Supervising producer Aaron Blair, Associate Talent Producer Jennifer Samples, Associate

Producer Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez, please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien, Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been 18 Coco Production in association with Ewol. production in association with EWARF.