Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Billie Eilish and FINNEAS

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

Billie Eilish and FINNEAS feel really excited and dubious, respectively, about being Conan O’Brien’s friends. Billie and FINNEAS sit down with Conan to discuss skyrocketing to worldwide fame at an early age, growing up seeing themselves all over the internet, favorite instruments, and their documentary Billie Eilish: The World’s a Little Blurry. Later, Adam Sachs stops by to drop some info about Gourley’s new high-concept podcast.

My name is Billie Eilish and I feel, I feel really excited about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hi, my name is Phineas and I feel dubious about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Okay Phineas, we've run out of time for you. Hey Conan O'Brien here, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I think my voice becomes more and more professional with every outing. I'm taking a lot of pills too. Voice pills?

Uh, well. Professional pills? Pure testosterone. What? Try and get me into a lower register. Oh. Uh, that smooth jazz register. Yeah.

Uh, Matt, good to see you. Good to see you. Uh, Sona, nice to see you as well. Same? Uh, how about Ditto? Does your, does your generation ever say Ditto or is it always same? No. Cause my son says same.

He goes same. Does he say same Z's? No, he doesn't do that. He's like a normal kid. He's holding a giant lollipop, dressed as, dressed as a sailor in short pants. Same Z's. Oh, oh, oh. No, I don't say Ditto.

No. No, I don't. Do you? You, I've never heard you say Ditto. I used to say Ditto Daddy-O back in the fifties, but that was a long time ago. You know, I don't want to blither and blather today because, um, I think this is kind of an important podcast. This episode or this podcast in general?

It's a whole podcast. I just think it's an important part of American history. Oh, you couldn't even finish the sentence. Couldn't do it. I tried. No, I'm excited about this episode because, um, today is a conversation with Billie Eilish and her brother Phineas. I love their work.

I really do. I think they're very talented and I was very excited because I don't think they do a lot of stuff that they were going to come into the studio and, and talk to us. And it was, uh, it was a fun, it was a really fun conversation. It was so fun and they're really cool and, you know, they came with like their parents who are also really cool. Yes. But it made me want to, like, I really wanted them to think I was cool.

I could tell that you were a little self-conscious. I was. I, I think I'm saved from that because I know, first of all, I'm old enough to be their father if not their grandfather, but so that, so that took away, that takes away some of the pressure. There's no effort for me to try and be cool with Billie Eilish and Phineas. I don't feel that pressure at all. Is that true?

I don't. I do. I don't think so. Well, I wouldn't know because I was relegated back in the nosebleed seats there in the shadows so you guys could have. And your mic was turned down in our earphones. You know why. I barely hear you.

That was Conan's request. Really? Also, that's my normal seat. Yeah. You're just arriving where I usually sit. Rise up. Yeah. I don't think it's right either.

Well, here's what happened because there's two main chairs and two microphones. Usually if there's one guest, the guest sits there and then you sit in your seat. But because it was Billie Eilish and Phineas, there was no choice but to place you in a Ralph's supermarket several blocks away. I'm seeing another mic stand right here. I know we've got extra mics. I'm just wondering. We couldn't have you creeping up in between Billie Eilish and Phineas.

Absolutely. And if not sandwiched in the same chair at least. Okay. No, creepo. And I'll take either of them. Absolutely not. You wouldn't have had room. She got really comfortable at one part.

And then as she was getting comfortable, I was too. This is what I was going to say about Billie Eilish's star power. So she's sitting in the chair you're in now, Matt. And she, as you both saw, almost immediately she got so comfortable, she started to, and no other guest has done this. She started to slide down the chair. And she just kept sliding down the chair until I was basically just looking at Billie Eilish's head, resting on the chair, her body completely disappeared.

And Phineas got very comfortable. And then at one point out of the corner of my eye, I look over and I see Sona. And you were mirroring Billie Eilish. You were way down as if you were on a transcontinental flight in first class. You reclined all the way. You ordered some warm cashews and a Pinot Noir. And you put on an eye mask. You were so chill.

And I was sitting on a milk bucket in the shadows. I think that if I did what she did, I would be cool like her. I think that's what I was doing. But the reason she's Billie Eilish is that she's not thinking about any of it. She just is. Well, also she's 21 and I'm 40. That may help. I also, I think this episode sets the record for the most times I've been called dude in one conversation.

They're very Californian. I don't know about you, but I wanted to be like, hey man, I'm from California too, bro. Hey dude. I was going to be like you. So did I get it? That's why you were on the milk bucket. What? I understand that.

I think you should have gone a bit farther. Yeah. Maybe the other road would have been better. Hello dudes. I live in Pasatina and I am most dudular as well. Why, my dudes, what's spanking? What's spanking, my chili willies? Hey guys, cool.

Want to come to the Rose Bowl, swap meat with me? And we could find some bagelate tea mugs. Hey, I'm going up to Fuckman's Leap to have some cordials later. Want to come? What? What was that? You lost me completely. I don't know what you're talking about.

Everybody got lost with that. Well, it'll come out. No, please leave it. Yeah, I think you had a stroke. What's Fuckman's Leap? I don't know. It just came out. Wait, so you don't even, that's not even a real thing.

I don't know what it is. Who improvises Fuckman's Leap? That's insane. That is not coming out. That is a pure moment of insanity. It's come out of my mouth before, but I don't know what it is. Fuckman, hey dudes, we were on a riff about you being square in front of Billy Eilish, and then your attempt to be a quote, square guy is to say we're all going up to Fuckman's Leap,

which for the record is the coolest sounding place I've ever heard in my life. And boom, that shows that I've got it. I want to die on Fuckman's Leap. Conan O'Brien committed suicide today. He jumped off Fuckman's Leap. His wife could not be reached for comment because she was too busy laughing. This is the problem. We're doing a whole day of segment and intro recordings, and there's no celebrity in here today.

I mean, no offense. And it just feels too, like, groovy. You know, we're too jazzy right now. I'm too comfortable. I love it. I think it's great. If it brought us Fuckman's Leap, I'd say more of this. Jazzy and groovy.

You're so cool. You're so with it. Let's get to it because this was an exciting one. My guests today are Grammy award-winning singer-songwriters. They have won, like, between them, I think, 155 Grammys. It's ridiculous. And they have taken the music industry by storm with their albums. When we fall asleep, where do we go?

And happier than ever. They are currently on their world tour and just delighted that they could join us. Billie Eilish and Phineas, welcome. I am thrilled that you guys are here. Thanks for having us. Yeah, and I'll tell you my story with you guys was, as you can tell, I'm a very old man. I fought in the Civil War on the good side. But my daughter, Nev, came to me a bunch of years ago and she saw you guys at a small venue.

And she walked away. I mean, her life was changed. Wow. To me. Yeah, just great. And so she was talking about you guys. And I was like, enough. All the good music was written in the 70s.

There's no more to be done. After air supply, it was over. But then I had this great experience where she said, I want you to take me to Coachella. And I took her to Coachella and watched you guys. And it was a fantastic experience. I had never been to Coachella before. Was that the one like in 2019? Or was this last year?

No, this was last year. This was last April. Thank God. I love that. Why? Because in 2019, it was horrible. It wasn't horrible. It was bad.

Phineas, tell her it wasn't bad. It was terrible. Phineas knows. Phineas thought so too. Well, the fable of Coachella, and it was true this year. It's true every year for everyone is just that it's a technical clusterfuck. So we had this show that everyone in your life, I don't know what the equivalents are necessarily outside of music, but Coachella is like the thing that everybody puts all weight and stock in your entire career on.

And they're like, better be perfect. And invariably, it's like a disaster. Everybody's this. So I don't know why they act like yours won't be. So the first time we were on... I remember you, because I saw the documentary, you guys had, I guess, a technical glitch. Oh my God. The screen went out.

Yeah. But you just roll with it and you fell at one point. I sure did. Which proves one of the things I learned in comedy a long time ago, which is mistakes are great. It's true. I hope you didn't get hurt. No, no, no, it's true. Oh, so you fell weekend too, yeah?

I fell weekend too, yeah. That was our favorite. If you were at weekend too. If you were at weekend too, I would love that. Two thumbs up. I don't know if you remember I got on stage, remember I had glow sticks. And I was doing like a robot thing and then you guys called security and I was beaten. Is any of this coming to you?

Vaguely. That'd be vaguely. I did not jump on stage, but it was amazing to not just watch your performance, but watch all these huge stars around the, you know, close to the stage. You know, like Harry Styles is there watching. So cool. Yeah. It's very cool.

I mean, you guys have had such a journey in such a short time. This is something I've had in my life, which, which I had always had hard time processing when I got to meet people. I idolized when I was a kid and then suddenly they're sitting next to me and they're on my show. What I do is I, I can't take it in in the moment. I just say, I'll file that away for later and I don't really deal with it, but you've both had the experience of meeting people that you love and they come up to you and

they hug you guys and say, we love you. We love what you're doing. Are you able to process that in the moment? No way. I mean, it's, you can't, I mean, I've been saying this for like a long time, even about fans and love, you can't actually process love like that. Like it's just not really from people, specifically fans and people in the world that you don't actually know, that don't know you nest like actually intimately.

It's just a kind of attention that, that you can actually process. And it's really interesting because I was that fan for like many people I looked up to as a kid and like I was the big fan that felt so much love for the artist or the whoever it was. And then becoming that and like switching sides, it's, it's devastating that I, I can never fully accept the love that the, that the fans give me, that the ones that have the love that they give me, and it's kind of the same when you meet people that, that you look up to, if they give you love, it's just, you can't even, you can't even process

it. Here's what I found is that when I revere somebody, when I love somebody and I'm looking up at them, it makes sense. Anybody tries to pay me in any kind of way, a similar compliment, I think, what is this bullshit? You know? Yeah. That's, no, it's me.

Honestly, tell me if you have the same, same thing. I, I almost lose respect a little bit for that because I'm like, and specifically if they're like, oh, I love your song, blank. And I'm like, that's not a very good song. I really, I, I experience this a lot in my life. People I'm like, their opinion is so important to me and they're so, I just think they're really smart and talented and look up to them and then they say, I loved this blank thing you did.

And I just, I'm like, ooh, I don't know, I don't know about you now. No, no. Can you let us know which songs we should compliment you on? That's actually good. I should. I should write them down. You should have your team send ahead. These are the things she's proud of.

Yeah, yeah. These are the things, and here are the songs not to mention. Your experimental song, Quack, Quack, went the far, which I loved, by the way. You guys really once took a swing on that one. I think to be fair that we have a larger, maybe not than anyone, but we make our music with so little input from other people that we like a higher percentage of it than a lot of people I know. That's true.

Like the amount of artists that I talk to and go, what's the process of that? And they're like, oh, I hate that album. They hate that whole album. We're not like that. We're really not like that. Yeah, I feel like I've watched some people's interviews and they talk about their albums and they're like, oh, I can't even stand. I can't even listen to myself.

That's very much not how we are. We listen to our music a lot. I just think about me at 14 in some stupid music video I've made and somebody compliments on that. It's mostly because I've said an interview. Yeah, mostly. Yeah. We're going to try and get a couple of those too.

Yeah, I'm sure you will. I'm sure you will. I'm never going to play them on a loop. Get them out there. I watched your process, The World's a Little Blurry. I really love that documentary because it's about the process. And I love anything that shows both sides of fame, success in a realistic lens. And first of all, the gap between the journey between you two in a bedroom, you put a blanket

over your head sometimes, bickering, you prodding, having arguments, arguing with your mom in the kitchen, and man, are you intimidating. I know. Billy, when you're mad, I have a teenage daughter. I get terrified. So when I'm watching the documentary, it's as scary to me as any horror movie because you'll just shoot those eyes at someone and you're not even trying, you're just staring at them.

And if I were your mom, I would jump out the window. I know. 16-year-old me is a scary thought. It's a scary sight to see. I mean, I think about myself and think about the people that I used to have to make them be put through being around me at that age and I feel very, I can't even, it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about if I had to be around the younger Billy, it really freaks me out sometimes.

Scary girl. What about you? I mean, Phineas, you seem, and this is again, this is just from the documentary and performances. He seemed like someone who doesn't lose his shit. But do you sometimes? Oh my God. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Phineas is an incredible actor. I didn't know. Incredible. Genuinely. Are we talking about backstage, are you kicking stuff, are you smashing things? Do we tell stories? Yeah. I think that's what we're here to do.

I was, as a little kid, as a five-year-old, six-year-old, I'm told that I was very explosive. And I have an infinite supply of rage, but I don't think anyone should be on the receiving end of it. So I try to just quell it. I try to go empathy first, but there's always rage below it. My friend Ricky always reminds me that at one point he said, he said, do you have a lot of rage, which is a testament to like being around me too much, maybe to see me sort of at the guitar center, staring off in the middle distance.

And he said, do you have a lot of rage? And I said, are you joking? That was apparently what he said. That is all I have. But I don't, yeah, but I don't, I don't, yeah, I don't know. I don't feel like I'm like, I don't scream at anybody. True or false. Yeah.

Yeah. I would agree. No, I would agree. I would agree. I, my team will disagree. I have no anger issues. Are you an asshole? You're, is the total asshole.

I'm not my shade. Passive. It's pretty awesome. Passive aggressive. No, are you, are you an asshole? Uh, I don't think I'm an, well, you guys can back me up. No. I am not an asshole.

I don't think. Everyone. But his mortgage is paid by... I know. I remember. Before you answered. Yeah. Your checks don't come out till Monday.

It's a full panel of people. No, she's not an asshole. No. To keep her job. No. Can we meet you behind the building later and tell you what we feel? Well, I think I've worked for him longer than anybody. And I will say he's not an asshole, but he has made an art form of being passive aggressive.

Because the way I grew up, the way I, I relate to Phineas because I have a lot of anger. I have a temper and what I, and I used to really get angry when I had a bad temper when I was a kid. Sure. And what I did is I learned, I grew up in a family very unlike yours where we weren't supposed to express negative things, Catholic, we're not supposed to express and no one was around saying, well, how do you feel about what just happened? There's none of that.

Yeah. So there was nobody expressing any of that. So what happened was there's a lot of pent up anger and what I learned is you could express anger in this, I could let it out like a teapot, there's a little hole that it's coming out, but it's shooting out at great force and it's passive aggression. It's me saying, oh, well, that sounds like a wonderful idea. And people are like, fuck. And I mastered this thing of being able to talk to somebody for a bit who I was really

mad at and we were had a pleasant conversation in that leave and it think, I think we had a pleasant conversation. Oh my God. I'm bleeding. He stabbed me with words nine times, but I didn't feel it. So it's an issue, yeah, it's an issue that I have to work on. But I don't think you can have creativity without some, you have to have, I think that's one of the things that...

I think you have to be a little tortured. That's what I think. Yeah. There's some great quote and I'm misquoting it, but it was like, a lot of the world's great work has been done by people who didn't feel quite well. You know, it's like... It's true. I think the caveat there is that it's this slog and it's this challenge and then sometimes

it's effortless for two hours. Do you know, does that... Yes, yes. So like we had that yesterday. We've been slogging through writing for months and yesterday we had a couple hours where it was the faucet was on, it was really easy, but mostly it's not. I feel bad that I interrupted your great creative flow and you had to come here and do the podcast. That was yesterday.

Yeah. What if it was going really great and they said, you got to do that Conan podcast. We'd do it. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you very much. Well, they have to say that. Now they're here.

Yeah. But then their fans would be like, what did we miss out on? By the way, have you played other giant, have you played Bonnaroo? We've done all of them. You've done all of them. I did. Yeah. Sony, you were with me when I did Bonnaroo.

Yeah. Oh, because they have the amig... Years ago. Yeah. And it was... What the hell? Trench warfare. It was like trench warfare.

Disgusting. It's all mud. It takes place in the summer in Tennessee. You're in a tent. You're in a tent. And like what I noticed with your fans is they love to get their hands on you and you're very generous about hugging people. I'm the same way.

I don't mind hugging people. Huge mistake at Bonnaroo. They're moist. No one had...nobody had had a shower in a week. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Naked and moist. Stinky.

Yeah. And disgusting people. Yeah. Yeah. But happy and high probably. Oh, yeah. Like they're just done, you know. Well, you were high too.

I was. But not too high. I was working. I would send you out for a nice coffee and you'd come back with like a goose. Here you go. Oh, it's not a nice coffee. Yeah, it was Bonnaroo. Yeah.

It was Bonnaroo at the time. You know, one of the things that I noticed was there's this difference between your fans who you love, like when they're telling you they love you and these, especially these young women who you mean so much to and they're going crazy and they love it. And then at a certain point when it's, if it's hundreds of thousands of people, I would think it starts to get, it's overwhelming. It's weirdly in a way underwhelming when there's more people. So like I played my first stadiums over the summer.

You know, I was playing markets that I hadn't played before, so I hadn't been there. So I could, a lot of people wanted to go and I didn't want to do, you know, five shows in an arena. So might as well do a stadium or two stadiums or whatever. So I did a couple of stadiums over the summer and like that was really exciting because I was like, ooh, I want to be in a stadium, it's so sick, it's so big, you're a fucking star. And then you're on the stage and it's like, you feel like you're just alone.

And then there's like a, it feels like there's a printed out wallpaper of thousands of people because they're so far away that there's like no intimacy. I went to the Super Bowl the other day and I was sitting in a box with Adele. I know. It's what people do. But we were talking about it because she's... I didn't see you there. It's weird.

You know the name drop thing where people say the first name of the person and then they say the last name? Like you go like, I was on Conan O'Brien. Like that? You were talking about the name drop? Yeah. You can't do that with Adele. No, you can't.

This is Adele. Adele is just Adele. But anyway, we were talking about it because she's doing this Vegas residency and she's just, you know, not to out her, but she said she's having a fucking time of her life. And she's like, I love that it's, it's like a 4,000 cap room and she's like, it's so nice, I feel like I can be there with them. And I feel intimate with them. Well, you outed her for having the time of her life.

I don't know. She might not want that to me. No, I don't know. I can't write a song about that. So you've got new battles that you didn't have two years ago. I've been in a, I've been drowning in a pool of that recently. I was just like, what am I, where do I, how do I evolve and what do I do? And you know, I've just, I feel like for the last month I've been, I've been completely

drowning. I feel like, because dude, I mean, I, I, I achieved the kind of things before I even was 18 that are, you know, things that you, people work their entire lives for and maybe never even get and maybe, and like one of the things that I achieved is like one thing someone gets at the end of their life and one of the, you know, when I got all of them, you know, and I'm 21 now. And I'm, I'm in a point where I'm like, I'm done it all, what am I, what am I going to do now?

And like, where do I go from here? And who do I want to be? Because I've also only ever been teenage Billie Eilish. And so that's the person I thought I was. And then I got to a certain age and I was like, oh, that was teenage me. That's, I thought, I thought I was being my, I was like, oh, I'm myself and this is who I am. And you know, it was who I was, but it was a, me as a teenager and it's very strange

to, to grow up and become an adult and like the person that you, you kind of finally figured out how to be in like the, the, like the perfect way that everybody thinks is who you are is yourself as a teenager. It's very jarring and hard to deal with. I was really happy that your parents came there. They are outside. Yeah. They're outside.

I wouldn't let them in. Um, your father got in here twice and I had him taken out and I, I had someone, uh, shave his beard. Um, Oh, why? Yeah. Yeah. I like it.

It looked really cool, but I just, I have that kind of power. You're in my building. Okay. Right. So, um, no, he's, uh, I think one of the things that you two have that is rare, um, especially because you're both so young when this all started, when this was happening is to have your parents there and have them be really decent people who have their head screwed on right, just doesn't happen.

I think nine out of 10 times it doesn't happen and, uh, that's, that's a godsend. That's really special. I mean, I'm sure there are moments where you're like, why are they on the tour bus? Very rarely. It's really fun. I love having our parents out. Yeah. Yeah.

There, there was a moment over the summer where I was having like a, I need to be an adult moment and like, I need to have space and I need to have, I need to have my own this and my own that. And I need to go on tour alone and I need to do this and this and this alone. I want to be independent. And I do need that in a lot of ways because, you know, you need that as you grow older, but then also now I'm like, well, I like, I like my parents being around and I like my mom coming and doing stuff with me.

Well, Billy doesn't really moved away. I did move away. And I think when you don't live with your folks anymore, you're just, yeah. It's nicer to, it makes you more grateful to do everything with them. So I'm like, now I just like, I, I, you know, when I have a free, a free night, I like go and hang out with my parents. That's the first thing I think of doing. What is the pattern?

I mean, I've seen it with, with my daughter, which is she was, you know, very smart, independent, cool, artistic. And then I could tell we were getting on her nerves and then she went off to college and she'd come back from college and she would ask us to do things that we know for a fact she can do on her own. She'd be like, could you pour me a glass of milk? Like, you mean the carton of milk that's right there in the pretty, please, and you could tell like she just wanted to be back in that space.

This girl's drinking just regular milk. No, no, no, she has, no, she has a flask of scotch that she has on her, that she pours into the milk. Okay. That's how we do it in our house. Makes it even weirder. Yeah. This is whole, we're talking a whole milk, two person.

This is not even like an LA. I thought she didn't, aren't you, aren't you, isn't she a Nepo baby? Why aren't you, isn't she on oat milk or almond milk or pistachio milk? You got this girl on 2%? Yeah. Yeah, 2%. No, I live in the Palisades and I'm a celebrity, so I found a special 9% milk. It's got huge chunks of fat.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I drink the 1% of the 1% milk. Tony Adele gets that. Sorry guys, go back to the suite and think about your daughter. Yeah, think about it. But no, I think that's normal to, you know, that to me is almost defining not just your relationship with your parents, but the relationship you have with each other is it's a push me pull you. Right.

There's that mythical Dr. Do Little Beast of, I don't want to fucking write a song. We got to write a song. Yeah, yeah. Fuck you. That's so true. And then you get this great music and, but then you have to go back to that space. Right. It's very true.

Yeah, it's true. Billy is the most comfortable I've ever seen anyone in a podcast. It makes me want to get more comfortable. Can I do it? Can I? Okay, thank you. Oh, lean back. And I'm wearing like basically pajamas too, so I'm in a good place.

I've been thinking about doing it this whole time and then I was like, but the mic doesn't move and it does. No, the mic has so many joints. The mic has a lot of joints. Take it easy, Sona. I might fall asleep. Oh, you will. Okay.

All right. I was once doing an interview with a very important journalist and Sona was next to me in a restaurant and you fell asleep. I did. In front of the journalist. There you do that in front of Matt Lauer. Shout out to Matt Lauer wherever you are. No, we don't need to.

He's on that island in the Hamptons, right? That's just his name. I had a call with Robert Rodriguez who is incredibly talented and incredible and legend and I fell asleep on that call on Zoom too and then I drooled on my bedsheets. Is this pre or post you have in COVID? This was post me having COVID. Yeah, Billy had COVID. Once she had COVID, she got very lethargic.

I got fucked. Super lethargy since COVID. Never napped in my life before COVID. Now I'd be napping. That's her COVID story. But I did, but I was doing a Zoom. He was pitching me this whole idea because we were going to do this. He's pitching you.

He was pitching me. He was pitching me because we were going to shoot this movie for, oh, like you even remember what he said. Is this the one you did? Or is it different? You know, it was the Hollywood Bowl. Yeah, we did this thing. We did this Hollywood Bowl film of the album, whatever, and he was pitching me the ideas

and I was like, I was fully, I had my phone propped up and I was laying on my pillow. It wasn't like I was sitting, you know, and I accidentally fell asleep, but I was like fully on my blanket, on my pillow, like this, watching, fell asleep, woke up, drooled all over my pillow. So gross. I took a screenshot. Did he know? Or did he?

Oh yeah. He was talking to me. Yeah, but sometimes in our industry, people are so into their pitch, they don't notice that you're falling asleep, you know? I wish. He was like, I just had the greatest beating. Billie Eilish. She didn't say anything.

She was so awed by my idea. Yeah, she was. She was jaw-dropping. Yeah. And at the end, when I said, are you going to do it, she went, as above us. She was salivating for it. She was salivating. She was so happy.

How do you deal with, there was a moment, I saw that where you're worried about a song and you said, oh, I don't, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this song and the internet's going to hate me. And I remembered when I heard that line, I thought, I got to talk to them about that. It's true. The last thing I would ever do in the world is type in, what do people think of Conan O'Brien? Because I would read things that would make my face fall off. And why would I do that?

Because he looks like a guy whose face could fall off. My face is barely hanging on, Phineas. That's what they're saying. Phineas. Yeah. You know, it's comedy, it's okay. I like some of this stuff on YouTube. But he kind of has a face that looks like it might fall off.

Is it actually a mask? It looks like the staples are giving way. And that would invariably make your face fall off. Yeah. I know what moment he's talking about. He's talking about when you're hitting the belt. Yeah. Yeah.

It's interesting to think about and to rewatch that scene because I remember at that point in my life, my voice was maturing in a way I had never experienced before. And I was able to sing in a lot of ways that I hadn't ever before. And more like I was able to open the door to singing like that. It was more like I didn't know if I could, but I was trying to and I hadn't. And it was scary. I mean, it was outside of my comfort zone. And it's just interesting to look back now because my voice is completely changed since

then. It's just so, it's very sweet and like touching to me thinking about that. It's a vulnerable moment. And I completely understand everything behind, I understand a thousand percent what you're talking about. And then at the same time, I think the internet, I mean, your generation has only grown up with it. We don't know what it does yet, but I can tell you this, checking it out does not, is

not going to help the creative process. No, I know, I don't look at it anymore. I've deleted it all off my phone, which is such a huge deal for me because dude, like, you know, you didn't have the internet to grow up with, right? Like for me, it was like a big part of, and not my childhood. I wasn't like an iPad baby, thank God, but honestly, I feel like I grew up in the perfect time of the internet where it wasn't so internet-y that I didn't have a childhood. I really had such a childhood and I was doing stuff all the time.

And it was like computers and like games on computers, but barely, you know? And then it was like... Yeah, we were outside. We were doing stuff. And then when I became, you know, a preteen, there was iPhones, and then there was, you know, I got a little older and there was all of what has become. But then being like a preteen and a teenager on the internet, those were my people. I was one of them.

I was one of those people on the internet. And then within myself feel like nothing changed, but suddenly I'm doing what I've always done and looking at the internet because I am an internet person, kid, and not meaning like I'm an influencer, I'm a person that goes on the internet, that's all I mean by that. And to change nothing about the person I am in the life that I live and to just keep doing what I do over the years and slowly the videos that I'm watching and things that I see on the internet are like about me. Yeah.

I'm like, ooh, stinky, I don't like that. And it's like about, you know, how I'm a, like a video came up, I was with my boyfriend the other day and we were sitting there and this video came up and it was like, it was like, Billie Eilish is a horrible person. And then it was like a very serious video of why, and the person seemed like very, you know, like in the right headspace and they were saying all these things and I was like, this is amazing. Honestly, and I was like, geez, wow, these are good points.

It's just funny. I'm just like, wow, it's just such a crazy reality that I live in and like, that's my face. Oh, that's my face. Oh, that's my name. Oh, that's me. Oh, interesting. Okay.

All right. And it's these definitive statements that they know are right. Somehow they know, somebody told, God came down and said, this is the truth about Billie and you know it for a fact and you don't know her, but you know that this is the truth and you have to tell everybody about it and then everyone's going to believe it. And that's the other thing that freaks me out about the internet is how gullible it makes you. And it makes me anything I read on the internet, I believe me and I know for a fact that that's

stupid and I shouldn't do that because I have proof that it's not all true. It's almost none of it's true and it's like little things like small white lies that go over everybody's heads, but everyone believes like, you know, there'll be a photo of me somewhere at the gym and then I'll see paparazzi photos of me there and that's what I was doing and it says like, Billie Eilish in Hollywood going to a studio to work on her new album. And that's such a small lie, but I'm like, why would you even need to lie about that? It just is very strange. And then it makes me like, wow, how much was a lie that I was reading when I was looking

at the internet? No, this is why I never go to the gym. But they probably thought you were going today. Yeah. And at times I have gone to the gym. They are, they do say Conan's working on his new album, but no, but I totally, you get to see firsthand, both of you, how skewed that reality is. Here's the thing about the internet.

It's anonymous and they don't think you're seeing it. Right. That's the problem. And it's also because you're so freaking popular, it is a kind of like a nice provocative thing to do. The point is, if magically I could bring that person in here right now, that is not how they would talk to you. Well, also if we just, if they just took the time to like have a conversation with me,

we'd get along. Of course you would. That's the part that freaks me out so much. And I think a lot of the people, a lot of trolls or a lot of people that are sort of lighting fires on the internet, I always think if you could go to their house and just ring the bell and they answered and you have it and talk to them, they'd say, oh, yeah, would you want to come in? Would you like tea if you want tea?

Oh, that, yeah. I don't know. I mean, anyway, it's so nice to meet you. I mean, that's what they wouldn't say that to your face and I don't even think they really would believe it. Well, I think that that's just the proof of like that we don't seem like people. And I know that's like the most common thing I mean, anybody says, but it's really the truth.

Like I am not viewed as a, of just a person at all to those people. And they think that why would I be looking at the internet? And also if I was, why would it affect me? I have everything, which, you know, is true to an extent. And like, you know, I remember there was a period of time where Billy, hashtag Billy Eilish's fat was the number one trending on Twitter and we're just right. The infinity's had a good laugh over that. I'm sorry.

And there were all these. It's so extreme, but it's also just, it's not subtle at all. Yeah, yeah. It's not even a joke. Yeah, yeah. It's not even like a play on words or anything. It's not even, it's not even clever. There's like, there's no remote truth to it be, it's not something that someone crafted.

Well, but I was going to say though, that the person, the person who like started it and was kind of the one instigating all of it. And it was this person that was like making these edits of me where I looked. Do you remember those edits? Where I looked really. They were like drawings. They were drawings of me just to look, make me look really bad. And it was horribly mean shit.

Like mean. And I remember it. Like these tweets and everything, it was like hundreds of thousands of likes and responses and whatever. And I remember my little thumbs and my little eyes just looked through all of that stuff. And that's why I had to get off recently. But because I'm a fucking internet kid, I look through everything I always have since way before anybody knew my name.

I used to look at the drama of what was going on and look up through all the comments and look at all the responses and like, then when it's about me, of course I'm going to do that even more. So, and I remember looking, somebody said like, dude, you're going to like, you're going to make her, you know, suicidal, have an eating disorder. Like you're going to fuck her up. And he was like, please, she's doesn't, why would she give a fuck? This wouldn't affect her at all.

No, it was like, as if she's going to see this. Yeah. As if she would never even, she's never going to see any of this stuff. She lives in a castle made of Grammys. Hundreds of them. Because thousands of feet into the air. I just don't know what they think we're doing. It would be so funny if you won another Grammy and you were like, only 20 to go.

So like build the final one. Beyonce probably could. Smelt them all down. It's like the game of thrones. It's made of swords. Someone welding a bunch of Grammys together. And then driving around in it, putting a motor in it. Oh, this?

Oh, there's my 45 Grammys. Whatever. Just the ultimate humble brand. I've got a parallel park, my Grammy car. Speaking of cars, I don't want to forget, but I love that you have that. Is it a Dodge Charger? Challenger. Oh, it's the Challenger.

Love those cars. Yeah, they're nice. Matt Black. They're nice. And then I, we're talking just before we started this recording. And I find out that your dad trashed it. He did. He did.

He's going to be so mad because he very well. I mean, it wasn't his fault. It was not his fault or so he says. Correct. When I was in New York, I was hosting SNL last two December's ago. You know, after we came back, I'd been home for like days and my dad sits me down and he goes, so, um, I didn't want to tell you this when you were, you know, in New York. I just didn't want to bum you out.

But, you know, when you guys were gone, I was home alone and I was, I was, I wanted to go to this, this show and I used your car and I didn't ask you because you were busy. I didn't want to bother you, but I just thought it'd be fine. So I just used your car and I drove it to go see the show because I was late and I didn't have my keys and something, something. And he was going through a light and a car was turning left and smashed into my car and got a nice classic good old den. You know what I love about this?

It's total role reversal. I know. Because you're away at work. I got to go out of town to go to work. Dad, I used your car and I crashed it. Your dad is like, well, you were gone at work. I used your car. Where were you going?

To a rock and roll show? I told you not to go to those. I also had a party in the house. But like all the other little dings on the car, like that's the first car I ever had. And I, you know, I learned to pretty much learn to drive in that car. And so, you know, and also like having that nice car with, you know, my parents, my brothers, tiny little houses and tiny little driveways and learning to park in a driveway. I, I, I bonked and clonked into lots of walls when I was 16.

You know, learning to do it. You don't have to answer this question if you don't want to. Do you have some car that you drive, sell them that's hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars? What do you want to answer that for me? No, he does not. You don't have any cool cars. Famously for at least half of my career I drove in 1992 Ford Taurus. He still has it.

And I still have it. We still get it registered. And fans asked me how the Taurus is doing. Yes, I love it. One of my great achievements was tricking Brad Pitt. He was on the show and I tricked him into shooting a segment where he drove it. And he's, of course, amazing at everything. So we got in it and, and peeled out and burned the clutch.

And I refused to get it fixed because I was like, that clutch was burned by Brad Pitt. That's sick. That's sick. And then, uh, yeah, I have a, I have a Toyota Tacoma downstairs. So sick. I like this answer. Cause to me, my friend of mine, Anton, one time said, we were talking about fancy cars and he was like, I'm rough on my cars.

And I remember thinking like, yeah, me too. You know what I mean? Like I, and I eat food in them and shit. Like I feel like the kind of per, it's like sneakerheads who have. Yeah, I kind of agree. Where are you not walking? I, you know what I mean? It can get that, it can get that way too with, with gear, like guitars.

I have a lot of guitars. Yeah. Our dad, uh, did like handyman work a lot. Our childhood to pay the bills. And, uh, one of the guys that he was a handyman for was a concert violinist and the guy played a Strativarius violin. And my dad talked to him one day when he was like, literally fixing the guy's shelf or whatever. And he was like, so the strat is the one you play.

And the guy was like, oh, you have to, or it doesn't. Yes. It falls apart. You have to keep playing. You have to play it. Yeah. Which I think as a philosophy is like the way that you should be with everything in life. You don't need to preserve stuff.

You should use it and like get joy out of stuff. Is there an indulgence that you've, you guys have like dabbled in that you were, you're like, okay, we've had all this success. We've worked really hard. I'm getting myself a, a Falcon, you know. I'm a bird. Yeah. Yeah.

Caw! Caw! Phineas, what's up? It's my Falcon. I've worked hard. Uh, well Phineas reverted into old rich white guy mode and made a, built a pickleball court. I do a pickleball court. Yeah.

Wow. That's a super. That hasn't made any of my music better. Yeah. Sure hasn't. Yeah. And you had robots built that you can play with. Yeah.

Yeah. But no, I feel like we don't, we haven't really, there hasn't been like a big, you know, purchase. I feel like. Um, no. Right? I'm about to get a new car, actually. You know what? I have a feeling they're going to send it to you for free now.

Yeah, I have a feeling they're not. Trust me, I'm constantly mentioning. Who do you think she is? Carnet. They're going to send it to a friend. Wait, why would they send him free car? Because he does the voiceover for all the commercials. Oh, of course he fucking does.

GMC trucks, is that what he does? Yeah. I mean, he's got that perfect Bojack voice. Yeah, he does one line and then Bateman does another line. They both do a line of cars. But also it's so funny because he's changing his voice too. I know. And, and so when I hear Will doing those commercials, he's like, it accelerates.

You know, it goes one to 40. And I'm thinking, that's not quite how Will talks. I wish I had, I wish I had Will's voice. No. Imagine how cool that is. Yeah. Yeah, that's what you should do. I just pulled up and that's how I suppose.

If only you had it. If only you had a different voice, Billy. But then I sang like me. Yeah. But what if I talked like him and I sang like me? Great. That's so funny. That would be great if you sang, you did a whole concert as you and then it was over

and you're like, what did you guys think? Plus Phoebe Bridger's heart. That's kind of how she rolls. She does have a very cool speaking voice. She does. Yeah. I get it. We're in the same boat.

My voice is Will Ornette. Anyway. Anyway. No real indulgences. I have some, I have a couple expensive guitar. Like I was the, I was buying like the cheapest guitars I could as a kid. Yeah. What's the, what's the guitar that, that you have that's the first one that you get in

the fire? I have a Martin from like the 40s. Come on. What about your little cocoa guitar? Well, that might be the one I get first. We were on tour in 2019 in the summer. It was like June 2019 and Billy's album had come out and it was doing great. It was like the first time I went to a guitar store with any funds ever in my life.

And I was like, this is crazy. I could kind of get whatever I want. And I remember going in and I was playing, I was at the guitar center in Boston right by Berkeley College of Music. So every inch of the store was, was 19 year old kids going shredding and I was so kind of a P shy guitar center. I'm not going to sit down and play a G. Like I don't, so embarrassing.

Right. And so I just eyeballed it and there was a toy guitar. There was a Disney, a Cordova cocoa guitar that like a wonderful movie for $70 or something and it was nylon string. And I was like, well, it was small enough that I'll sit in the lounge on the bus and I can have it in my arms and have people next to me not like be taken up too much room. And I bought it and I remember the clerk being like ringing me up and I was like, do you guys sell a case for this?

And he's like, no, no idiot. How about insurance? You're just supposed to break it. But then we like immediately wrote happier than ever and then recorded it with that guitar. And so till then. That's the guitar. Well, I was going to say that since then to my, what would you call it? I don't know.

To my annoyance. Oh, everyone thinks it's a ukulele. Everyone thinks it's a ukulele because it's a baby. It's a little sweet, tiny guitar. Is it a six string then? It's a six string. Yeah. It's regular ass guitar.

It's just. It does sound teeny like. So we do a lot of things where they're like the ukulele on happier than ever is amazing. And that's really bothers me. That's all. I love that. I really love that song. But it's a really easy.

Kids guitars was so easy to play. That's really nice. And to your point about guitars have to be played. It's the easiest. I remember you picked it up a couple of weeks ago and you were like, this is so easy to play. Oh yeah. I mean, it's made for a kid. Literally.

It's like what you would get for a kid if they wanted to learn to play. My favorite guitar move of all time is there's this famous shot of the Ramones on their way to a gig in like 76. And they don't have guitar cases. They have their guitars in shitty shopping bags. In shopping bags. Like just paper shopping bags. So cool.

You know, we got our jeans on. We got our leather jacket. So cool. Going down in town. We're going to play some fucking rock and roll. Who knows where the case is. Let's just use these Ralph's shopping bags. How big are the bags?

They're just a normal grocery bag. So the guitar is sticking two thirds of the way. They just are kind of using it like, put it in that fucking bag. Let's go. Come on. Dee Dee, where's Dee Dee? Let's go. I think that's.

Conan, how loud can you shout? You haven't even heard it. That's why I'm asking. I would like it if you stood in the corner and just shouted as loud as you could. Oh, no. Oh, really? All right. Fuck it.

Take your headphones off. I want to hear those pipes. Come on. Also, my signature vocal move is anytime. Oh, Phineas, Phineas is being rushed to the hospital. I just shouted. It's one of the weirdest moments. It is weird.

You know what? I'll tell you something else. My signature song move when I'm singing a song is I always put in and I did it years ago. I was singing a thing. I've done it in front of a lot of like big deal people. Yeah. And I would put that in at the end and I did that in front of Sting and he was like, what the fuck was that?

Why did you do that? It's so good. And I'm like, I don't know. It's the thing I do at the end of a song. Yeah. And you know what? I'm happy to come and put that at the end of any song that you guys write. Definitely have you do that on the next record?

Yeah. That was the most. That was the politest fuck you. That was the actor. I couldn't even look you in the eye when I said it. Look at that. That's a note that no one's ever hit before, right, Sonna? They shouldn't.

Yeah. Nobody wants to. All right. Listen. I don't want to keep these guys because I think they have a heart out. There's no way we're done. What? Yeah.

No way. You're part of a huge machine. I was told I'd be murdered if you guys weren't out of here. I don't actually have a heart out, do you? No. Who's lying? Well, I have to be somewhere at six, but that's in like two hours, isn't it? Actually, I have a heart out, so.

Well, Matt, I want to bring this up because Matt Gorley is a James Bond fanatic and I am as well. Oh, me too. And you know what's amazing? So much happened for you guys and then it's like, oh man, come on. Let's go. We got to get to work on this James Bond theme. What are you talking about?

It's incredible. It's great. It's really good. Thank you. I want to know when you're in that luxury skybox with Adele, were you two just kind of like a couple of Bond? Oh, I literally didn't think of it until like just now. Really?

Didn't even think about it. Oh my God. Yeah. Wow, interesting. Which is crazy too. Which is funny because Skyfall, yeah, Skyfall is one of my favorite Bond songs. Well, one of my favorites, but. There's so many good ones.

There's so many good ones, but no. I didn't even think of it. That's so funny. But she was like, part of why that was so exciting for me, again, because I was young. You know, Bond wasn't like the way that it was for people in, you know. You're the youngest Bond performer ever, right? Yeah. Yeah.

And so for me, you know, when we were offered the idea to try, we weren't offered the gig. We were offered to try to get the gig. Which is the deal I think everyone gets. An audition. Pretty much, yeah, for Bond. I mean, because what if it sucks? You know what I'm saying? But could you imagine Paul McCartney submitting Live or Let Die and they're like, yeah, I

don't think so. Yeah, I know. That's true. That happened with radio. Live or Let Die. Live and Let Die. I know. Live or Let Die.

That's more appropriate for Bond, though. That's pretty good. But what if it was, yeah. And he said, what is it? He doesn't even know he said it wrong. I don't think I did. I was, I still can't hear myself because of my scream. What did I say?

You said Live or Let Die, dude. Why do you think it should be Live or Let Die? Oh, okay. Live or Let Die. You're doubling down on it. I also, he says, it's grammatically incorrect also. What? Your heart wasn't ready to say Live or Let Die.

My God. What are you talking about? Oh, and which we live in. The world in which we live in. I don't think that's grammatically correct. The world in which we live. You can't end on a preposition. Yeah, you can't end on a preposition.

You can't end on a preposition. But you can if you're McCartney. McCartney. Yeah. They should strip him of his nighthood. Wow. Oh my God. He ended on a preposition.

You can't do that. The world in which we live in. And I've seen him in concert when he says that, I stand and go, ended on a preposition. That's cool. I just watched Spit fly out of your mouth. Yeah. He gets really fired up about prepositions. Yeah.

Sorry guys. I don't know what happened to me. Bond was cool though. Yeah. But I was going to say that we were, I was pretty young. And so the thing that, that was honestly a big part of what was interesting to me about Bond was Skyfall, to be honest. Right.

That movie specifically, that was the first movie and song of Bond that I, I heard about Bond. Sorry to say it. But then that opened, you know, me up to like, oh, whoa, you know, this is an incredible franchise that I didn't really know much about. And, and that's like really thanks to Adele. And also that, the first, that, that title sequence is unbelievable. He like falls off this bridge and falls into the fucking river and like sinks down into

the fucking hole. It's amazing. Those animatics. That was like for years, I was like, this would be the coolest thing to get to do. Like we used to, I mean, we used to sit around and, and write potential Bond, fake Bond themes. So did you go to that well at all when you had to sit down and write this or you just started completely from scratch? We looked through it and they were all bad.

We were like, yeah, let's look at our old ideas and they said, James Bond, James Bond. Liver left on. Bond, Bond, Bond, Bond, Bond, Bond. Yeah. I don't think that one either. Yeah. But I just think to have, I don't know, there are certain things that you get in a career. No one can ever take away, you know, and I think having, for me anyway, and I think

for you to, you know, like having written not just a James Bond song, but a really good one. A really good one and the one where Bond dies. It's in Daniel Craig. Yeah. I know. People watch your movies. Yeah.

Get out there and watch your movies. You're late. Yeah. But thank you, dude. It was, it was the coolest thing we've ever done. It was very cool. And then at the end, they, there's that Bond cord. Spoiler.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that something that they just put in? Well, it's Johnny Marr. Johnny Marr. Yeah. He's a fucking G.

He's tight. Everybody, we got to, like we've collaborated, we're now a little bit more, but at the time we've collaborated with so few people and so getting to do that with Hans Zimmer and Johnny. Yeah. Especially such legendary people. And they were so cool. Yeah.

I think we went in so. They were so cool. So bashful and kind of like, man, if Hans orders us around, like, what are we going to do? Sure. Yeah. You know, he's Hans Zimmer and he was so nice and deferential. Yeah.

The same as Johnny. I remember one time we asked Johnny what he was doing on the score and he said, I'm making a lot of sounds. That's true. He was. So who, because I know for you, because I've seen, I witnessed the moment, but I know that for you, Justin Bieber, meeting him for the first time blew your mind. You have a completely different, because Justin Bieber came on our show when he was a little

kid. He was so old. In his teens. Yeah. I remember he was in that. The hair. Yeah. Hans's on your show are so dope and you didn't you pour marshmallow peas on him when he was

like 18. Yeah. He was sick. Yeah. I did. But and then I was at some event with him and he was still, he was like, he was still a kid. So I've always thought of him as a kid, this like, yeah, that kid.

And then in the documentary, when you're freaking out because you grew up listening to him and I think, wait a minute, if you're a big star and you grew up listening to him, that makes me a hundred and four years old. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. But in your defense, it happened very young. It's not like there's a billion.

Yeah. True. They're within a decade of each other. I know. That far apart. But I was thought he was, I was very impressed with, I thought the message he sent you. Oh, he's been the nicest guy. You know, was eloquent and kind of beautiful and really nice.

And I thought, well, good for him. You know, like. He's, he's, I am, I am so grateful that he's in my life. I like truly, it is a, something I, I don't even, like, I don't even know how to like explain it. Like I am so, so thankful for him and like the way that he was to me when I needed it and he needed it, you know, and like we've talked about it a lot and just, he could have, you know, he could have just been like, oh cool, you're a fan, like bye, you know, oh,

let's meet and that's it. We'll take a picture and nothing else. And he's, he's continued to be so, he just doesn't like give up on me. And I know that sounds like stupid, but like it, it's really true. He really, he makes me feel so loved and seen and he's always reaching out to me in the sweetest ways and the most like just comforting ways of just like, you're not alone in this. Like I was there and I think, you know, I talked to him the other day for a long time about, you know, this, the pool I've been drowning in, as I said.

And you know, he just, he said something that was so heartbreaking, which was like, you know, he was like, I'm just really glad that honestly you have me to talk to about this because I actually understand and there's really, you know, almost nobody in the world can know what it, what it was like, except kind of you and me and a few others. And he was like, I really wish I had me to talk to, I wish I had a me to talk to when I was starting out and doing all that and going through everything because I didn't and I was alone. And oh my God, I was like, whew, it's true.

What about for you, Phineas, like, who are the people you've met where you, your soul left your body? It was too weird. Fair few. The, when I was 11, I went and saw Green Day. And that was pretty rock and roll to me as an 11 year old. And then Billy, when in 2019 did like a show in Portland, right? Well, that too, but you did this like Rolling Stone.

That was tight. It was like Billy. It was the cover. His name is Billy Jarmstrong. It was a digital cover for Rolling Stone. And it was Billy and Billy. It was me and Billy Jarmstrong. And it was us in front of his fucking tight vintage car.

And you can. I have no capacity to be myself in front of him at all. You don't even, like there's those people where, and he's been very personable and generous to me. And I just look at him like, oh my God. I mean Phineas, Phineas was him for many, many years. I mean, every, every. Just to sign checks in his name.

I mean, truly every single thing Phineas did from a certain age to a certain age was, was just trying to just be Billy Joe. I just thought that. Yeah. It was so cool. So I mean, everything. That was, that was big. Well, I am self-conscious about.

Time. Yeah. Keeping you guys. Cause you've been so nice to, to come here. And I will tell you in a very honest and sincere way that one of the nicest things that happens in my life occasionally is I get to meet and talk to really young people who are great at what they do and who seem like really decent people. And it, I get this energy from it.

And even though I've been doing what I've been doing forever and I'm starting to fall apart, I feel like a vampire. Like I'll have super strength tonight because I talked to you guys. And it's, and you know, I'm grateful that my daughter, man, I mean, she has good taste in early on. She was like, Billie Eilish Phineas and, and your daughter. That's awesome. Yeah.

She is. Very cool. She is very cool and a pure soul, but it, it means a lot to me. It's very cool that you would come by here. What a treat. So. This is so exciting. Yeah.

We're both really important. I can't believe we've never done anything. Also. That's what's crazy too. What's that? We've never done anything with you. Never interacted with you. That's.

Never even met you. Sad. Look, I'll take you guys out to the cheesecake factory this week if you want. We're around. Yeah. Sure. But thanks for having us. I'm sure you'll be around.

This was very fun. Thank you. Thank you guys all. Keep doing what you're doing and stay off the internet because it's none of your business. I don't belong there. No, you don't belong there. And also, you know what you're doing. You both know what you're doing.

You do not need anyone else who you've never met in Peoria telling you differently. So I didn't mean to laugh. You're so specific with Peoria. Well, it's an old thing that people used to say is, how's this going to play in Peoria? This works in LA and New York, but what about Peoria? It's one of your hip references. Yeah. You're fine.

But you're right. Thank you for saying that. I agree. Anyway, I'm going to go out in the hallway and yell at your dad. Thank you guys so much. Of course. What a treat for us, man. Thanks guys.

Hey, guys. Adam Sacks here. Hi, Adam. Hi, Adam. Hi, Sona. Hi. Matt, I'm sorry. But I came here with some information.

Oh. Yeah. It's my duty as a member of the team to bring news, I think that's pertinent. I have fiduciary duty, civic duty to the company. I am terrified at this moment. I don't know what he's going to say. I think I do. Matt knows what it is and it's really unfortunate.

But I had to bring it to you guys, which is that Matt has a new podcast and I think you're going to want to understand what it is. What? Yeah. You have a podcast. Well. A new podcast. Yeah.

Okay. So I just hesitate to even put this in your lap, but I have a new podcast called Mall Walking. Oh. What? Mall Walking? What are you talking about? Mark McConville and I, we just record ourselves walking through malls.

Okay. It's called Mall Walking? Sure is. Like no G at the end. There's an apostrophe. Yeah. You all walk it. This is a spin off of another podcast called Pistol Shrimps Radio where we would call play-by-play

on women's rec league basketball, even though we don't know anything about sports. But that league ended and we stopped going. I love that idea because I've been doing that for years. I've been trying to do color commentate when I watch sports intelligence with other people and they become enraged because it's all just nonsense. Yeah. So that one's in the wheelhouse. I don't understand this mall walking thing.

Well, we just take two microphones and we go walk through a different mall each episode and talk about the mall. You're holding the microphones? Yeah. And you record it in the mall as we walk through the mall. Do people look at you? Yeah. Is it awkward?

Yeah. You think? No. You just walk through the mall? Yeah. Okay. Those are, first of all, impressed with the speed of those questions. Yeah, what?

Were you like interrogated? Sorry. That was right. You were just firing off questions. That was fantastic. I am. Really? I'm not going to lie.

I love the mall. And I like this. Really? I thought for sure I was going to get lambasted, but I'm a big mall fan too. No, no. Not at all. I only brought it up so that Matt could get lambasted. Oh, okay.

So maybe it's time that I spoke then. You are a new father. You have an infant at home. You can barely make it in here to do this podcast. And I'm always hearing, ah, he can't really make it in, you know. He can't really, no, he's got, because the baby, well, this little girl, no, we can't. Oh, he's feeling a little out of the weather. You're constantly barely making it in here for this podcast, which by the way is a juggernaut.

And now you've carved out time for mall walk in apostrophe with your friend, Britt Googly. This is bullshit. I would never put mall walking ahead of this podcast. Well, how could you have time? There's no time. First of all, does your wife know that you've carved out this silly podcast? Well, my wife was on the basketball team where we did the play by play. So she's in a sense responsible for this.

What do you mean? Well, because that's, we would go to her games and call the play by play. That was pistol shrimps radio. But now this is pistol shrimps radio presents mall walking. So you've told your wife, I can't, I got to go. I know the baby has colic and I know that you're running a fever and the dishwasher is overflowing because it's broken. I got to go because it's time for mall walk in apostrophe with Chaz Billman. Look, when you put it this way, yeah, this is, this is a, this is a terrible, you've created a huge, I mean, Sona.

Do you go to the food court? Like, do you eat it like a sparrow? We did stop. Oh, that would justify it, huh? We did yesterday. We passed a sparrow last, whatever we went. My buddy, Mark, got a Dairy Queen Blizzard. Oh, nice.

By the way, I'm determined not to know his name. It's Mark McConville. Okay. I got it. Got it. What is it? Yeah. We'll see if itnen shines.

We also got kicked out of a Macy's. Why? Well, we went to the Eagle Rock Plaza and their Macy's is like a cave of darkness. It's just falling apart. Yeah, it is. It's scary. Yeah, that's rough. I should probably have my headphones on.

Okey. Sorry. Let me put them on. I want to be as responsible and professional as your other podcast co-host. Dis Likman. Which malls have you gotten to? Eagle Rock Plaza. Okay, Burbank Town Center, and that's all we've done. Also, this thing's probably only gonna come out once a month

Okay, again, your time is precious. Yeah, you this is fitness though. Can you do a live recording? Can I come? You can come. No, you work on this idea of guest on Mall Walking. No, no, no, no, no, I am not losing my team to Mall Walking. We're gonna miss it. Yeah, we're gonna miss it because we're going to the shops at Santa Anita. Hey, I want to go to that one for sure. Guys, can we explain how show business works? Okay? Yeah, you can walk around the mall. The water flows down from the top. This thing, this podcast we have here. Oh, you want to be on? Is that what you're asking? No, I don't want to be on. I don't want to try and compete with Wiz Backman. Let me tell you something, Buster Brown. We've got lightning in a bottle. We've got a tiger by the tail at this corner. Brian needs a friend and you're off Mall Walking. Yeah. And now you want to go too, Sona? Do you wear like track suits?

Are you, is it fitness thing? Well, we are getting fitness because we're marking our steps and we're walking around. Aren't you afraid of like the teenagers looking at you and judging you? Oh, we're doing this at 11 a.m. on a school day. Oh, okay. Yeah, no teenagers cut school to go to the mall. I hope you're attacked by teenagers. I really do. I hope I, I hope tomorrow I'm driving in and I'm listening to the local news and they say big trouble over at the Eagle Rock Walkatorium. Look, Matt Gorley and co-host Xander Backstman were brutally beaten by a gang of 11 year old children who were cutting school. Normally I'd be insulted by this, but I'm actually with you. This is a poor excuse for a podcast. If you listen, you listen in your own risk. It's stupid. It's dumb. It'll probably rarely come out. Check it out on Spotify and podcasts, wherever you listen, Stitcher.

Can you go to the Pointe Hills Mall? That was my mall. Yeah, and that's the Twin Pines Mall from Back to the Future. It is. Okay, Sona, is it not true that you used to cut school sometimes? I never cut school. I had perfect attendance from kindergarten to 12th grade. Really? Yes. Suck on that. Suck on that. I was really proud of my perfect attendance. It's the only thing I did right when I was in school. That's refreshing. I know that you went through a wild child period.

I did. You were Rizzo from Greece. I was, but I showed up to school. I'd get a lot of detention because I wasn't really there. Also, you had a temper probably. You probably lost it on people. I did. I had an issue. I don't know if you would believe this, but I did have a problem with authority. So I was malvin' off quite a bit. Malvin' off, but I'll... We'll do Pointe Hills Mall together. You come on Mall Walkin'. I'll show you where I used to work. I love it. At the watch store?

Yeah, at the watch store, which isn't there anymore. Alright, well, check it out. Mall Walkin', Matt Gorley, Zapsternick, coming to a mall near you, getting a lot of ambient sound and muttering. It's not a good podcast. Yeah, yeah. Well, you've done your job promoting it. Check it out, everybody. Check it out. Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solotarov, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf. Theme song by the White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.