Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Blueberry Jam

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

Conan talks to Logan from Tulsa, Oklahoma about working as a reconstructive urologist, the operating room playlist, and getting up at night to go pee. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoCo.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hey Logan meet Conan and Sonna. Hey Conan. Hey Logan, how are you? I can't hear you.

Oh we can't hear you Logan. How about... Logan are you there? Oh I'm here. Oh good. There you are Logan. Now, I want to, before we even begin, find out whose fault that was.

Would the fault be on our end? I think it was on our end. Now, what happened there at Wordo? I was trying to talk to Logan, who seems like a wonderful fan. And what happened, you didn't turn, you only have two buttons, you're using. There must have been some interference in the connection,

the satellite. Oh, the satellites. That was smart, because he'd won't know if you're not saying the right thing. No, I can tell him being bullshit. Logan, let's make it about you and not about my sound engineer who made a terrible mistake. Logan, where are you right now? I'm in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Tulsa, Oklahoma. Okay, very cool. And are you a native of Tulsa? I am not a native of Tulsa but I grew up in stillwater Oklahoma. Okay. It's about an hour and a half away. All right. Okay. So you didn't you don't have to go that far. It's you went to you're in Tulsa now and what does it you do, sir? I am a urologist. Oh, okay. We have a lot to talk about. Yeah. We really do. I was never that interested in urology and then as one gets on in years, one, you know,

starts to think, you know, maybe I'll need a urologist in my future. Everything's fine now, but you never know. Tell me what I should be concerned about as a urologist. I've just come in to talk to you, talk to me, Logan. What do you need to know? Well, you know, first you probably should tell me what your symptoms are. Because when patients come in to see me, they usually don't, you know, ask me to tell them what the problem is. They usually come in with a problem. Very good. Thank you. I was basically, you, you, okay, you're, you're practicing a very strange kind of medicine, but yeah, I always, all my doctors are improvisers, and so I come in and go, hi, Doc, what's up?

And then they say, you have a lump on your bottom, and they haven't even looked at me yet. Logan, whenever I urinate, a blueberry jam comes out. Oh, God, but I mean, it's not. It's not. Actually, but it's an actual, uh, sellable, uh, blueberry jam. And I mean, it's, is that the one you bring into the office? Yeah.

People love it. Oh, no. Christmas is coming up. Christmas is coming up. And I'm making jam. Oh, no. Logan, tell me, uh, let's get serious here for a second

and then develop into more foolishness. Tell me about being a urologist. What kind of things do you work on? What are your specialties? What are your treatments that you're usually doing? Yeah, so I am a reconstructive urologist. I did a fellowship and so I do a lot of surgery for urethral stricter disease, for example, in men, which is where scar tissue builds up inside the urethra stricture disease, for example, and men, which is where scar tissue builds up

inside the urethra, and it becomes very difficult or impossible to urinate. Wow. Can I also, for you to start? Can I break in with a quick question? I have many questions. Absolutely. I do too.

Macurious person, why would there be scar tissue in the urethra? What would be, what would one have to have been, I mean, I understand an athlete getting scar tissue on their knees, because they're using their knees all the time and their athletic pursuits. But why would I have skirt tissue in my urethra?

So that's a good question. So I'd say the most common thing is some sort of a straddle injury, you know. You've kind of land between the legs. Oh, like falling on a bicycle seat or something. I mean, a lot of times it might be something nobody even really noticed had happened, or maybe it was just a minor injury,

but over time the scar tissue develops because the urethra kind of gets crushed under the pubic bone. Mine does, for sure. I have a question. First of all, I'm not done yet, because one follow up to this, which is Logan, I often, I like to cycling, I like bicycling, getting on a bicycle and taking long rides. And I have this habit of, rather than my bedroom's on the second floor, and the bike is in

the garage on the first floor, a lot of time to save time, I just leave the bike out side the second floor window, and I said to my wife, I'm gonna go biking now. And I leap off the second floor window onto the hard bike saddle. It's very painful and I've been doing it for about 25 years every day. Am I a candidate for your re-thral stricter? I would say yes.

I'm a house of flow. How's your flow going? What's that? I told you, it's a blueberry jam. And it's once a year. There's no other being. Now I'll throw know how to explode, how's your float going? What's that? I told you, it's a blueberry jam. And it's once a year. There's no other peeing. Now I'll throw it over to Sonahueim Sure has a real question. It is a very important question.

If the peepee can't come out, what happens to the peepee? Is it just there? Is it in your bladder forever? Where does the peepee go? Can we call it here? We're all adults here. Excuse me, Logan. We're all adults here, it here? We can call it we're all adults here. Excuse me Logan We're all adults here, and I think we can call it we we

You know we're men of the way we go So the we we stays in the bladder or it can reflex up to the kidneys and we we stays in the bladder. Or it can reflux up to the kidneys. We can actually cause renal failure if it goes on too long. Oh, so not so funny now, are you sound a little more? No, you said the we we think. You did the we we.

What? So that's bad. I would imagine that you need to treat that very quickly because as we all know that you want to keep your kidneys healthy. You know bladder to hell with the bladder. You can always get another one. But what?

They could just get a put a balloon in there or something. I'm guessing a bladder, I mean, kidney does such complicated stuff. Yeah. But I'm just thinking a bladder, you could go to a firestone tires and get some kind of, is that right? It's easy to replace. You can have a fake bladder, can't you, Logan? That's actually not correct. Logan yeah you can't just go down to the hardware store and pick up

another bladder well I think you know what I think I think Logan you're look here you tell people that you want them to pay the big money your big fear is that this is an easily solvable problem and they don't need to go to Logan and lay out their harder and cash. So you're creating this fear. Oh, there was a guy what? Well, there was a guy that experimented with this sort of like 3D printing model, almost type of regenerative bladder kind of surgery where they would kind of put these cells onto this mold and try to grow a bladder. And he did, I think, perform that surgery and reported the results, but it couldn't be

really verified by others. The results didn't seem to be to hold up with other people. Yeah, whenever someone says, I did something amazing and they say, do you mind if we look at the results? And they say, I'll be right back. I need to go to Argentina and never return. I mean, be suspicious. This person is amazing, by the way.

I don't want to run them down. He was a genius, but still. I mean, it was a way to find him. Was a genius, for sure. So he passed on. Is a genius. No, he's still alive. OK, all right.

OK, then I can find him and have him arrested. So you do that kind of, what kind of, so it's reconstruction, you don't do, and I'm asking for a friend, but you don't do a cosmetic penile enhancement in any way, do you? No. I don't. Right. Okay. So I would do that. Who would do that? It's such a thing as a Pironi's disease, which is a condition where the erection becomes curved, and it's a result of scar tissue that builds up with the creatinus. So I've heard of that. We do surgery to correct that, or we do injections to correct that. But it's for a functional issue.

Right, it's not difficulty. Yes, difficult. Not necessarily cosmetic. No, it's a practical, if something is really curving crazily, one cannot have Congress with one's partner. That makes sense to me. Although I'd kill for a curve, you know? I think it just... Why? I'm saying... Why? Because after a certain period of time you want to

spice things up in the bedroom and went with Spice it up more than check this out. It starts out straight and it's hate rate! People have surgeries to correct it and you want it. I want to go to Logan and have him to give me a curve. Oh, can you give people curves? I mean, I've never done that before. Well, you know what, there's always a first time. But I suppose I could. Can it curve?

I want it to curve and then go up. I want it to do like not just a curve, but a curve. Yes, I want to guess. And you know what, if you do this and it's a success they'll call it the Logan swirl. And all the celebrities. All celebrities will be lined. Yes, I wanted to look like my popcorn. I wanted to match my pompador. Yeah, and then when I'm in a bar and I see a lady I see her like what's going on up top, well guess what? It's also going on down south of the border! And then the doctor's coming take me away.

You know what, I feel terrible Logan because this is a serious craft you're really helping people. How do you help women? What kind of work do you do on female patients? So I treat incontinence, bladder leakage issues, prolapse, vaginal prolapse, pelvic floor reconstruction and that kind of thing. Right, right. That's not as fun as we we in P.P.

You know what, I'm gonna say this. Man's genitalia is just funny. It is. Like when you talk about women, I'm like, oh, yeah, oh boy. Okay, well, I hope they get better. When you talk about a man, I'm just laughing. Yeah, you were talking about wanting a curve. That's what?

A swirl. No, swirl. I want the Logan swirl. You can't do a swirl vagina. Well, that's a good one. Can you swirl? No, what are you? I don't I don't know if you could swirl a vagina I don't know Logan I'm getting a bad word right thought into it Logan Logan they just took away your medical license Just just because you said I'm not sure you can swirl a vagina. They're taking it away

They emailed you about Logan's Just got this from the New England Journal of Medicine. Oh, it's a big article. It's front page But they say me Most of the good stories come you know from the male side as far as the things you see on call Things that come into the ER and that kind of thing. Well, our reproductive organs are outside our bodies and they're ridiculous looking. I mean, I'm just going on, you know, my own, but it's an absurdity.

They hang outside the body, they're very vulnerable. And so, guys are constantly getting into, I mean, what, rom-com, if you've seen in the last 10 years, that doesn't include a quick scene of someone getting hit by a tennis ball in the balls, and then they cut to a dog going, oh! And, where do they stick them in places?

Stick what you mean? They boys like to stick them in things. They're not all boys. Like they like to stick things, they like to stick their things in their peepees in the like holes, in all the like weird holes. You mean, I mean, not like holes they should be in. Yeah.

You know what, I told you that in confidence. That was two friends tropping and I was asking you, do you think I'm gonna get in trouble? That's the light socket was at work. No! Yeah, it was. And everyone thought a fuse must have blown and then I came into my hair and was going straight

up and I went, what happened? Everyone okay? It was a small fire in my pants. Logan, listen, we have taken you are a man of science, you are a man who is helping people and look what we've done. And I'm going to say mostly this is on Sona. What? But, um, why? Just go with it. Okay. But you, uh, I admire you. You, you're, you're, you're obviously got a great sense of humor, but I appreciate that you're doing this good work.

What's it like when you're operating? What's the, kind of, what's the mood in the operating room? Is it super tense? Um, no, I wouldn't say say so. I mean it can be at times, but most of the time it's not We do like to we actually listen to music in the operating room and What I like to do is you know, I'll pick a I'll say all right somebody pick a decade and someone pick a genre You know and we'll do a playlist you know of those two things So like 70s dance party is one of our favorite ones. Oh, that's because it keeps things moving, you know, it's like disco music. It's kind of, you're scraping out of it as your e-thra. And you want to,

you want to hear some soul-trained classical? Yeah. What if you dance too much and you cut it off? Oh, well, we don't dance in there. I mean, we're operating. But your head's popping a little bit. It's good to have a little something, you know, in the background. Right, right. I can see that. Would you ever listen to this podcast while you're doing your rethral,

stricture surgery? I mean, you know, podcasts don't really translate very well in our world. Our stuff. You gotta pay attention. No, you don't really have to pay attention to this one. What I'm doing. Yeah.

Okay, well, I highly recommend that you and the other, what's the, what's the, you know, short term, what do you guys call other urologists? You must have a quick way of saying it. Are you Uri's? What are you? Uri is. Sometimes we're the stream team.

Stream team. Oh, nice. Yeah. I love the stream team. I love hurting me. You're hurting me. You're hurting me. Sometimes we're the stream team. Stream team. Oh, nice. Yeah. I love the stream team. I love that. I'm ready not down.

We're going to get you a stream team t-shirt. Well, I'm learning a lot. I am too. I am too. So you don't do cosmetic stuff. OK, Conan. No. But who does?

No, that's not me. I'm sorry, Conan. But who does? That's a good question. And I got to listen. This is not a, this is not a, I'm gonna be honest with you, it's not a size issue because everything's a okay there.

This is more of a, things over time, just starting to look like they need some rehab. You know what I mean? Mike, he just looks like I went six rounds with a champ. And I, and I, I want the fuck.

Oh, I do know, this is a true fuck? Oh, I do know. This is a true story. True story, I do know. I won't name names, but I do know this is a woman had sex with a pretty well-known rock star who's famous for getting around. And afterwards she said, oh my god, his penis looked like it had been through World War 3. And I was wondering, what does that mean?

Yeah. Was it smoldering? What did it have? You know what I mean? Was there rubble? Was there crushed concrete? What does that mean? It looked like it had been through World War III.

Did it have a limp? I mean, I patched it in the whole thing. It suddenly appeared. Yeah. I'm not shaming the whole thing. Hips ugly a pirate. Yeah. Oh, I've been on the seas many times. Oh my God. Well anyway, Logan, I can talk to you privately about cosmetics. I'm sure you know some people in the business.

And look, I live in Los Angeles. I'm sure they're everywhere. Sorry, Logan, do you ever... I'm sorry, I was just going to jump see if you have a question for Conan. Oh, was that something that came to you naturally? Or were you... No, I looked at play and I said, should I ask you ever, I'm sorry, I was just gonna jump see if you have a question for Conan. Oh, was that something that came to you naturally or were you playing? No, I didn't play and I said, should I ask you if I should ask you? So play was nervous because there were too many laughs and we were having too much fun. Sorry, okay.

Okay, see Logan, I work with my own team and man, I wish they were listening to music because sometimes they do the wrong thing. But Logan, do you have a question for me? How can I help you? Sure. So, Conan, how many times at night do you get up to pee? Oh. Wow, that's a good question.

Well, I'm going to say on average twice, maybe not. I can get by on once, but sometimes twice. It depends on how deeply asleep I am, but it's not that bad. I've talked to other gentlemen of my vintage. What, what, what, well, why should I be telling you? What do you think? It's twice too much. I mean, I think two, no, I don't think too is too much a one to two is okay I mean people start to you know lose sleep if they're getting up three or four times at night I mean it could really affect you the next day, so you know That's probably something that should be looked into I do shit 24-7 Non-stop

You didn't ask about that. And that had been told it's not right. I sleep on the toilet and I'm wearing a giant funny hat. I don't know why I'm wearing a funny hat, but I mean, it's nonstop shitting. Just, yeah. I mean, I'm right now in the studio. It's crazy. So, but that's not your area.

Right, that's not really my idea. That would be a, who would I talk to about that? Probably a colorectal surgeon or a gastroenterologist. Yeah, or maybe a restaurant tour. It could be the food. Oh, yeah. I eat. Yeah, perhaps an allergist.

Yeah. I eat about 8. I can assume about 800 pounds of red pinto beans a day. That could be the issue. While you're on the toilet, you're eating beans. Oh, hotly. I have a funnel that comes down from the sink. Come on, man.

All right, Logan. Oh, man. You're a delight, and I apologize, like I've, this has been absurd. You're someone to be taken seriously. You're very intelligent. You're kind. You're doing good work. And then why did you call?

Why did you contact us? What made you think any good would come of this? I just want to say, Conan, I'm a huge fan. This is a dream come true for me, honestly. I can't believe I'm talking to you right now. And I'm loving every minute of it. Oh, good. And you're all just have a pretty good sense of humor

for the most part. If you meet a set of party or something, just chat us up. We've got some good stories to do. OK, so what I should do with the next time I go into a party and I see yo, who's on the stream team Hey Logan a real pleasure talking to you You seem like a very cool guy and I hope to cross paths with you Probably when I'm having some kind of your reethral structure. You're the man. All right

If you get it, give me a call. All right. Thank you so much. All right. Take care Logan Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O''Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Themesong by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vino. Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our Associate Talent Producer is Jennifer Samples, engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and BrickCon. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode Got a question for Conan call the team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message It too could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already

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