Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Cedric the Entertainer

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

Comedian Cedric the Entertainer feels short, indifferent, sometimes angry about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Cedric sits down with Conan to discuss working as a State Farm claims adjuster, how Steve Harvey helped launch his career, the human message behind The Neighborhood, and his new novel Flipping Boxcars. Plus, Conan and his team provide tips on getting a voicemail through to the show. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. This episode was recorded on 8/10/2023.

Hey, what's up guys, I'm said you're being a tainer and I feel Short and indifferent sometimes sometimes angry about being cold and free I'm waiting on you. Yeah, I'm working this out. I'm trying to get into the mom. This is like rehearsal. You think what I do is easy? You think it's easy? Yeah, I'm working this out. I'm working this out. I'm working this out.

I'm working this out. I'm working this out. I'm working this out. I'm working this out. I'm working this out. I'm working on you. Yeah, I'm working this out. I'm trying to get into the month. You think what I do is easy? You think I just open my mouth and babble like a baboon? No. The fuck? Oh my god. When you die, they should give your brain to research.

There we go. I think research should take my brain long before I die. It's not helping me out any. Look, this is all good stuff. We didn't record it. We are recording. We got this. You were recording.

We got this. You were recording. We didn't record it because We are recording we got you to keep this in this is all yeah listen We were getting ready to record an episode of going to Mumbai needs a friend, but I started babbling And I was doing some kind of song the head of the girl is a day at home need to go did I was dad doing that you were yeah? Yeah, I don't know what we can clear that. Do we have to clear it or is that not matter on the podcast? Your version of it is so far removed from the girl. I heard her girl.

I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl.

I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl. I heard her girl the world was just told by Conan O'Brien. And now it's a song. Now it's a song.

And now it's a rap. Buh, buh, buh, buh. Okay, let's stop. That beatboxing is the best, right? Oh, that was. That was his beatboxing. No, no, that was me having an endless closed dryer somewhere. That was anaphylactic shock.

Many times I've had an adverse reaction to like a peanut butter that I was supposeder somewhere. That was anaphylactic shock. Many times I've had an adverse reaction to like a peanut butter that I was supposed to eat and I start going, and people gather around me and start wrapping. Is that what that, what is, what would it sound like if you tried to be bugs? Oh, so the exact same thing. Yeah, I like to do little sounds

and looks like you're on an iron lung when you do that. But a high end iron lung. Oh, for sure. Yeah. For sure. When I had an iron lung as a child, it was the Cadillac of iron lung. Oh, really? It was a really good one.

Does anyone even know what an iron lung is anymore that we're talking to? We have such a young fan base. A fan base? A respirator, right? It was a giant box. They put you in that helped you breathe. Back long before, there was a real respirator. But it looked like you were encased in a giant box. They put you in that helped you breathe back long before there was a real respirator, but it looked like you were encased in a giant, I don't know, it looked like an old boiler.

There's one in the big Lebowski. Oh, okay, there you go. Well, then people do know what it is. Because everyone knows what the big Lebowski is. I don't know. We've got to make sure our references are cool. Of course they do. Of course they do. Cool and up to date. That's what we have to make sure. No, people know the big Lebowski. That's how, that's what I learned when I learned what a white Russian was. Yeah, it's made with Koleva. And then you met your husband. Yeah. A white Russian. What? Oh my god. He is Russian. And he is. He's a Soviet. He's not a Russian. What's the difference? Yeah, really. What do you mean? What's the difference? That the Soviet union was a lot of different countries. And so people from like, you know, Moldova aren't Russian, they're Soviet. I understand that. Does he consider himself that by the way this intro is all over the map

We're beatboxing. We're talking about the breakup of the former Soviet Union iron lungs iron lungs This is a mess of an intro when I love it. Yeah, that's good This is the Jackson Pollock of podcast intros. It's just a bunch of an intro when I love it. Yeah, that's good. This is the Jackson Pollock podcast intro. It's just a bunch of splatter on a canvas. Did you even start the podcast? Did you say what the podcast was called? Oh, if people were listening to this and don't know what it is, fuck them. Well, they've all seen a download of it.

I mean, I'm serious. They download it and my face is on it. And if someone's going, what is this? Conan hasn't properly prepared me for what I'm about to hear. Now we're talking, here he goes. I've been trying to get you to be. First of all, what is a Conan? Is he that scallywag that replaced a letterman in 93?

Because I won't have it. Second of all, what's a podcast? Where's Walter Cronkite? I'm upset. Where's my photograph needle? Well, this is Conan O'Brien. I'm the Conan O'Brien needs fan blah blah blah. Jesus, right. I love this. Oh, this is the way all the intro should be. This is Pulitzer stuff. I just want to know how that guy even found the podcast. I mean, I don't get it. Okay. No, no, it's like one of his grandchildren

got into his Stutz Bearcat and they just had Bluetooth put in it. And he was like, he got it to the front and turned the crank and fired it up and he got in. And he heard me babbling about iron lungs. Oh, I remember having one of those as a child. They have a studs bear cat with blue teeth. Yeah, okay, I'm saying his grandson put it in. His grandson installed it.

All right, okay. And he's like, what is this tooth of blue? Whose voice am I hearing? What an irritable woman she is. Papa, papa, grandpa, that's Conan. This is the podcast for this thing too. Rugga, chaka, chaka, chaka, chaka, chaka, chaka, rugga, chaka This is the podcast for this I declare. Yes, grandfather. Oh, there he is.

Ah, hard right turn, kid falls out. Ah, no. Don't worry, there are seven more of those back at the estate. Good thing where real breeders. Anyway, if you can decipher this intro, good luck to you, because I sure can't. What a, what a bag of mush that was. And yet indicative of the quality of this podcast overall. Yes. Exactly. We've caught lightning in a bottle. A man free styling with his two

chums who add up to 8%. I'm telling you with the three of us, well, that's a lot. That's generous. That is generous. No, no, no, but Gourley's a solid six. Oh, I'm only two percent of it. I think in the state of this intro, this is a compliment, meaning we're not contributing to this absolute horseshit. When the episodes are good, you guys are performing like 70%. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, we should get going. Let's do it again. Very interested for fans to diagram what just happened in this intro. True charts. Flo charts. And diagrams. Oh, yeah. And also things where you have photographs and there's yarn connecting

them when you're looking for a zero killer. Yeah. Do that with this intro because good Lord. I don't know what happened. Hey, my guest today, look at me. I'm professional. The son. This is a hilarious actor and comedian. Hey, my guest today, look at me, I'm professional, the son. This is a hilarious actor and comedian. Now he has a new novel, flipping box cars available September 12th. I adore this man, I'm excited he's here. SEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER

Alright, well I'm so glad you're here because we have a lot to talk about. First of all, you're a genius because you named yourself Cedric the entertainer. That is the smartest move anyone's made in the history of show business because no one can question it. It's like, no, it's on my tax return. I am the entertainer. Let's go.

Yeah. Let's go. You know what? It actually kind of happened though. It was weird. It was weird because another dude called me that first and it was only because I didn't have a lot of jokes. I used to sing a lot and, you know, do poetry on stage. Anything I could do to fill up the time.

And so I just told dude, don't call me a comedian. Call me an entertainer. And that's how it happened. So, and I just kept the name from there. But then like when I first got the Hollywood, they definitely wanted me to change that. That was like, you know, all the agents is like, no, go buy your government name,

Cedric Schaefer. No, it's not, it's not Schaefer, dad. Yeah. You know, I tagged you for a Schaefer. The minute you walked in, I tagged you for a Schaefer. I'm like, this guy's Jewish. I know it. It's already been a hard time finding my dad as it is, but that would be...

No, I just... No, it's just more of a challenge. I love it. I love it. I love it. You go to these people for creative advice and their advice is, use your government name. Yeah, exactly.

What's your talking about? I think I wonder what Bono would do, you know Yeah, I'm all right. Yeah, no one wants to rock dudes. Hey patty Think about the Joshua tree But really like when you're out there and Board and living there and a tit that version. You are hilariously funny. First time I saw you and you really came to my notice was and I want to go back before

that but Kings of Comedy is when I felt like who is this guy and I didn't know and I thought that was such a great film because it featured you all so brilliantly. It showed that you are. You still are the Kings of Comedy. It'siantly. It showed that you are. You still are the kings of comedy. It's amazing. It's a beautiful thing. Man, that was such a unique. What year was that?

Was that late 90s or early 2000s? Early 2000s. Okay. We started the tour in the late 90s. It was so 98 was the first dates, but we didn't shoot the movie until like oh, one right at the end of 2002, to oh one right in there. And so, you know, fun time, man. You know, comedy was growing, you know, the the idea that shows like Def Comedy Jam and started to really put like black comedians in the in the forefront of like just having an audience that was out very

on. So, you know, when we by putting us all together, we were able to do arenas. And there was a few people that had done, you know, of course, Dice and Eddie Murphy, I think Martin had done arena tours, but nobody kind of did it like this, you know, like a Coachella, like we, you know, you got a lot of your favorites there at one night. And so that was fun. That was rock star stuff, man.

We had a blast on that tour. I also think it blew up awareness. This that needed to happen. It blew up awareness in a really beautiful way that that you guys are a force. Do you know what I mean? That and it's you weren't trying to you weren't trying to get other people into the tent. You were saying we we don't fuck that, we don't need that. This is what we do, we're hilarious. And look at this whole world that follows us. And you should be here too.

I remember thinking, Jesus Christ, these guys are a phenomenon. Yeah, I think, you know, you're right. And I think that was really what became a catalyst to opening up, you know, of course we had like, you know, the networks with like WB and UPN starting, you know, like create shows for, you know, like predominantly African-American families, but it definitely opened up

this idea like comedy is not like the, the, the, the, even at the improv way, which is the only way you can get on television, right? Back then you do even at the improv way, which is the only way you can get on television right back then You do even at the improv and try to get picked to be on Carson or Leno or something like that And then you know you you came along at a time when it was far, you know Things were one of us That's what makes you cool That's good. Everybody goes everybody you know, I'm just saying in the hood everybody goes

Trust me. There goes. Oh, come on. It. Oh Brian Yeah, one of us you know, I'm just saying in the hood everybody goes trust me There goes no Conan O'Brien I swear to God I get that all the time don't laugh so not I get that all the time When I go to the hood It's people are like oh good you're back in the hood Yeah, you're back. Everybody's like yo,, I mean, I'm going to barbershop. You see Conan lately. I'm like, yeah, man, that's my, that's my inward.

Yeah. Come on, sonat, how many times have you been looking for me? And I've been at the barbershop. Oh, yeah, so many times. I was just shooting the shot. Yeah, hanging out. Getting a nice fade. Yeah.

I need a fade. I need a fade. I need a fade. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yes, yes. Yes, that's true. I need a fade. I need a fade so badly. You should go like the Philadelphia where they do the linings where they line up.

You haven't had facial hair in the long time. No, I shaved it off a long time. Yeah, I had a beard for a while and then I shaved it. Will Farrell actually said, shave it or I'm coming on the show and I'll shave it. And I didn't shave it or I'm coming on the show and I'll shave it. And I didn't shave it. So he came on the show, brought a barber chair and shaved me. And it was hilarious.

And then I thought, once Will Ferrell shaves you, you can't go back. No, that's it. That's it. So I was done after that. But I have to say, the other thing that has always impressed me is you have such amazing style. You really have. I mean, even the hat you're wearing right now is fantastic.

And these are fun. And these are fun. This is a good friend of mine, this guy, James Keith, the company, his name Keith James. But he came up with this red bottom hat like a few years ago. And it was me and Floyd, maybe whether we kind of jumped on early and then everybody, you know,

this is a very popular hat, the red bottom hat. So this is cool, you can go and grab it. That's a very cool looking hat. I don't think I could pull it off. I think you have to be able to pull it off. And when I put a hat on, I look like a child that stole his father's hat. That's what it looks like, you know what I mean?

It just does. And I've got a massive head. So even a big hat looks like a Yamaha on me. So yeah. Which you can relate to, Mr. Saffer. Yeah. Sure. Of course.

But you know, it's amazing because I'm curious, that was something you were interested in even as a young man as a kid, you were very interested in style. Yeah, yeah. You know, I grew up in a small town in Missouri, Karatasville, Missouri, but my mother, who was probably, I guess in her generation, was one of the first people to go away to college

and then come back. And so she knew how to do the order from the catalogs. And so people would normally shop at the little local store in town. But my mother would be ordering from you know, ordering from magazines. And so very early on, I could remember having like nice outfits when I go to school, third, fourth grade.

Like people would know me for my clothes. And so it's not like today's generation where you gotta have like the top thing, you know, like everybody like you gotta have Jordans or these shoes. It's just like you just wanted to have something different than the other kids. And so I think that became, you know, a part of like my identity for sure. And then coming from St. Louis, that was another thing to like Midwest was a very, I remember like my family would dress up on Saturday mornings

to do nothing. Like you would go by you like, where are you going? No, no, we're just full fled beautiful outfits on and that was kind of the way like people who love to show off their clothes. So, so I think I brought that to the stage. And it was good because I think very like right after me, the, you know, the kind of genes and t-shirt thing became very popular. And I kind of like that I'm not, that I treat going on the stage more like a professional. Yes, yeah. I always like, even to this day if I'm doing, from on stage, I like to put on a tie.

And sometimes I'm wearing it with a gene jacket, but I'm wearing a tie because I like to create the difference between, it's like if you get up at the altar or something in church. You want to have a little bit of that feeling of separation that I'm dressing up to go do this thing that's very important to me. And you have to show it in very small ways. But, you know, I didn't realize how much clothes could influence a person.

I had no clothes. I was nude for years. But I wasn't until I was like in my late 20s. When you had to go to an overrun. Then shrieks. Shrieks? I can wear anything. I can see his veins.

No. You're taking my yammerkin. Cover that thing out. Cover your other head. I was vain. Yeah. You're taking my Yammerkin. Ha ha ha ha ha. Cover that thing out. Cover your other head. Yeah. So I was, I was, uh, nobody's true that I, I didn't have a sense,

and I remembered, uh, getting some important gig and going and needing a suit and going out and buying like a nice suit and I put it on. But I was in my late 20s before I owned like a really nice suit. And I remembered thinking, this makes me feel better about myself. Oh, definitely. And it was as much for me as for anybody else. And I think when you get up on stage and you know, you want to, I don't know, you want to feel like you look good. It helps anything, you'll take anything that will help a little bit.

No, definitely. That's so important. And I don't think people would like take that into account anymore, because it's just really a world where you can just show up with whatever you got on and everybody's just like, it's all about the artist, which is fine. But I'd say the same thing.

I remember when those suit warehouse places kind of came on, you'd get like three suits for a hundred bucks or whatever Yeah, and I used to like sell facts machines like I used to sell Like the the Rico facts machine and I remember you having one of those suits And I lucked up and got one like a Zenuti or some some brand that felt like it was like, ooh, this is really Italian. But I remember that particular suit made me feel extremely aristocratic like I was like,

oh, the laugh changed. I did that laugh, actually. Yeah. Oh, guys, come on. Yeah, yeah, anybody can get a message from you. Like, just put this in there. This is going to be the thing for the next seven decades. You'll, uh, you're going to, the facts is never going away.

Never going out. You're going to need this trust me. This, you can own this forever. Famous. You were a claims adjuster for state firms insurance. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was, uh, and that was, that was, were you good? Were you a good claims adjuster? No. No, no, yep, that was and that was where you good were you a good claims adjuster. No No, no, let's just get that out there and you know in case anyone's trying to hire you Get that out there now in a rental car. Yeah, you know, which is probably the kind of stuff I would do I would just I would just like I was I was like one of those claims of justice like you give me any hard luck story I'm like, okay, sure that makes sense and I To the point that one year a a mummy, a mummy's story of your house.

Yeah, oh, yeah, of course, yeah, I get it. Mummy, it's been a rash. Trust me, I see it all the time. I haven't seen, I got files, I've stacked up over here. You're good. But I definitely, people would start to come to me around prom and graduation time and have these made up accidents so that I can get them rental cars for their kids to drive. So, you know, and I knew that's what was going on. So, like, oh,

somebody ran into me at the grocery store. I'm like, okay, got it. We'll, uh, we'll, let's say that your card needs a two day thing. And go ahead, rip the cat a leg for the door. I know what you do. I'm going to give you a upgrade. Thank you. It's a, it's prom. Yeah. Stay for was like, uh, yeah, no, not so, not good.

But, yeah, but I was able to, you know But I was able to do that for a while. That was a fun kind of professional gig where you did learn and all the differences between people's personalities because car people are exactly who you think they are. Like Corvette people are the super the best. If you can't tell a Corvette person anything, they drive like Corvette people are the little super the best if you know you can't tell a Corvette person anything they drive a Corvette Yeah, you like we didn't have Ferraris in in you know in St. Louis So that was a rare I met a Ferrari person. I would be at all

To this day, I've never driven any of those fancy cars really I've never driven a Ferrari or a Lamborghini or Bugatti or any of those I don't even know what it's like to drive one. I don't know that I've been in one. Yeah. I had a Ferrari for, I had a Ferrari for like maybe a couple of months. It just, it kept breaking. It was weird. I don't know.

I felt like I had a limit or something. So I didn't really keep that one. And then I got in a Lamborghini one time, and it's solo, it's just really what made for brothers of my girth. So, just quite embarrassing. You know what they should do? They should make up.

It's like you pull them in a 300, 300,000 out of car, and then you gotta do some kind of drop-in roll. Oh, run! The valet is like, yes. Yes. Thank you. 9.8.

9.8. You're like, what's up with the gas in? I'm waiting to everybody else leaves before I get in, you know. They should have tailors for cars. They should have people that you don't even like you want a Ferrari. I make you a Ferrari. You know, and they measure you and then they get you that slightly wider rounder Ferrari I love Giuseppe. Yeah, I love Giuseppe.

Oh you like a Ferrari? Oh I make you a Ferrari. Just thank you. Oh thank you, just thank you. Are you Mr. Entertainer anything? Yeah, but of course. A lot of us listen to comedians and watch comedians when we're younger and we get, we sort of start to zone in on different people. Who was it for you?

When you're a young man or a late teen or whatever, who are you watching? Who are you listening to? Well, the key, I mean, who's the couple of figures that really pop for you? Probably the most, you know, prevalent four most ones is the late Robin Harris. That's who I kind of really decided, you know, that I can do comedy, I emulated him.

He was just, he was a regular dude that was funny. So he came off like a, like a uncle or He was just, it was a regular dude that was funny. So he came off like a, like a uncle or a cousin. And it became a delivery. Now, of course, I loved Eddie Murphy. And then Richard Pryor would be one of your first, one of my first introductions because, you know, my uncles would be playing albums and you would listen and hear it. And so of course, those guys were one, Eddie Murphy was just extremely the most talented person ever. You know, he could sing. He would do sketches. He could do stand up. He was just like, oh, man, that's to do. But he was definitely a superstar from the very beginning. So, you know, get

coming from St. Louis, you just don't see yourself as that dude, like for whatever reason. He's like, he's a star. He's from New York. That's another thing to climb to. But Robin Harris was from Chicago and he would come on stage. It just like has a regular dude, like like your uncle, your cousin. I was like, oh, if you can do it like that, then. So he became the person. I kind of based like why I can do comedy and, and, and, you know, and then really took the steps to move forward because I saw him do it and he became my favorite. And you were, I think, if I know the story correctly, you go to a comedy club and the guy, and it was in maybe Texas

and the guy working the comedy club or booking it is Steve Harvey. Yes. And that's how you guys met? Yes. So you went there and you basically said, can I get up on stage and you, they said you have to go talk to Steve Harvey. Yeah, it was actually I was in Dallas to do a different club.

And when I got there, I was to open an act and it was a new ownership. And he was like, well, I don't use, you know, non-local opening act, sorry. And I was like, what? Like bro, I drove 10 hours. I was supposed to, you know, non-local opening act, sorry. And I was like, what? Like bro, I drove 10 hours. I was supposed to make $350 for 19 or 17 shows. I don't have, you know, even just a huge back then.

Come do 11, do 14 shows and we'll give you $300. So, all right. Thank you. You know, so half a milkshake. Yeah, yeah. Don't ask for the other half. Do not. Do not do not. Is this been opened?

Hey, none of your fucking business. Do you want it or not? Sorry, I'm thirsty, but, but, but Steve was starting his own little comedy night at a bar club kind of situation. And he had had a couple of weeks where he was killing it. I knew new of him. He was like the big name of a comedians that was out and so I went there and you know it was one comedian that that introduced us you know just be a like hey you need to hear

about this guy and then he told me about Steve so I was like yo I know this guy and he was like oh yeah yeah come on in and it just so happens that the headliner that week was not doing well. And so he was like, you think you can handle this crowd? And so I'm gonna put you up on stage to do five minutes. And so I went up and I killed it and he just told me if I come back every night, if this guy doesn't do well, I'm gonna put you on stage. And so that's, I never really hope for somebody to do bad, but man, you talking about Juju, I like come like every night

and just look at that guy like. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's not a terrible feeling because we've all had it. I like to think I'm a good person, but we've all been in those situations where we're like, please, please, please, I'm so, exactly, I'm so bad. But it was one of those situations where Steven, I became very close from that because he ended up going and doing well.

He gave me a couple of hundred bucks to get home and then they brought me back the headline, like a few months later and so, and then our relationship started from there. So we just end up being friends. And you guys have been tight for ever since. Very since, that was probably late 90s. Is it true you guys vacation together?

You'll go, what's that like? What's it like when YouTube just hang out on a beach? Well, you know, Steve is definitely became a super fashion person now So now it's like too much anxiety of me trying to figure out what my outfits are gonna be You just like cool me buddies, but like now he's like become some fashion icon It's like I can't even be near him without like having my drip right Like, I'm like, so it's like, you know, the whole time before the vacation, it's like, okay, does these shorts go with that? What shoes should I, I'm not gonna go.

Also, you're looking out the window with binoculars. What's he wearing? What's he wearing? I don't want to show up at dinner. I don't want to clash. I don't want to match. You said, you in a cape. Is he?

Is it a flowy cape? What is going on? Like this dude is like killing the game, man. So, but no, but we usually golf laugh a lot, you know, you know, just have a good time. You know, he can gamble too. And I'm not much of a gambler, but usually whenever I'm gambling with Steve, I make money. So that's the only time that I like the guy to go

because he'll be like, you know, he plays cards and he'll show me like, do this, do this. And I'm like, oh cool, I just want it. But I would never do it on my own. Like I'm not a gambler. I'm not either, but if I'm around someone, I just tell them, please tell me what to do. Yeah, exactly.

And if it goes badly, I have someone to hate, which makes it work out. Yeah, I had some, the last trip, we were in the Bahamas together. And I actually, when I was leaving, I had like maybe like 3000 hours worth of chips in my pocket and told me forgot. So it was like, what did I do with this?

So I look like a big timer because I was just like giving people chips on the way out. You know, I ain't going man. Thanks, bro. Except for the bags. My man, take that. Here you go. Here you go.

Customs agent. Yeah. Yeah, don't look at that, man. But here you go. It's not a bribe. My friend is just a chip, but take it over there. Has he, I would think, the one thing I think of when I, when I Steve, see Steve now, it's always family feud.

I seem doing family feud. And, and the one thing I worry about is that, doing a gig like that, over and over and over again, would just, would like start to get to your mind. You know what I mean? I worry sometimes, like, kid, with, I talk to people. Yeah, exactly.

I don't know, that just over and over and over again doing the family feud would change. Top five appetizers before your order. Let's go. Let's get it on. Go on and sound a come on up in. Give it to me. Top five. Buffalo wings.

Buffalo wings. Number two. Fritz Price. Fritz Price. We have to go away. Buffalo wings. Number two. Fritz Prize, Fritz Prize. We're going to see the salad. Then you give him one that clearly disappoints him. Stu tomato.

Stu stewed. Oh, here we go. I don't know that I know. Yeah. You know he's doing that when he, you know if you wake him up at three in the morning, that's what it's like. If I wake up, yeah.

And the survey says, you can't, you can't ask him a question. It would out of being phrased like, yeah, that's probably so true. And they do a lot of them at once too. That's the other thing like when they shoot those shows, they do it. So you write, too. That's the other thing, like when they shoot those shows, they pull up them like so. So you write, I think in that period of time,

it just gotta be in your head because you're doing like 100, sometimes they do like a hundred and six shows and a matter like three months, so just day, every day, like popping them off like well. Right, and then change suit and act like, okay, now it's Christmas time, even though you're shooting it July. You know, you just keep going and act like okay now it's Christmas time even though you're shooting it July

You know you just keep going and going and going exactly. We should do the podcast that way We should do like 30 a day Center you got to go we got someone else Plains on the airport The amount of guests that you have like I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm going to forget who's who's the pilot that's moving. Exactly. Ask the people the wrong question. Ask the wrong question. Yeah. I got my barista coming up next. And it's just the guy from today. Not the my regular baristas. It was a random stop. I told you come on. Just get in there.

Get in there. Well, you know, you know, go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go random stop. I told you. Just get in there. Get in there. You know, you go. I heard a lot. Hey, what's in a lot. Say anyway, what's in a lot. Take why and why a lot. Why is the name? Seems weird. Seems lazy with coffee is opposite. Will you look at it? La. Take, you know, I thought it was to get me up. Okay, get the fuck out of here.

I'm done with you. Thanks a lot for nothing. Who's next? What's your revolving? Director, Werner Herzog. Get in here Werner. He's madness. He's insanity. Shut up Werner. I got to ask you about a friend of yours, Tracy Morgan,

because he's a friend of mine as well. And I just, I know you've worked with him on the last OG. And it's just, he's the guy who I, if Tracy wasn't famous, I couldn't explain him to anybody. Is that right? So, I just talked to Tracy the other day, so I called him just on some random, hey bro, check it in, you know.

He just goes like you've been having a conversation. Said, you don't make no sense, you know? Ha ha ha ha ha. It's just the way that make no sense you know It's just the way that it is you know You know you got it I agree I agree agree 100% It's a lot of money for fish yeah, what's, he's really into the fish. Into the fish are crazy. I'm telling you, this is true story. Well, during COVID, when everyone was, we were doing the interviews and did be people would be on zoom. And I'm talking to him and he's talking and being crazy. And that's crazy enough. Just trying

to talk to the man is insane. Talk to Tracy Morgan, have a conversation with him is insane. And then a barracuda swam behind him. And I was like, what the? And he was like, that's my fish tank. And it's not a fish tank. It's a fish tank, the size of this studio. This in his house. Yes.

And it's got sharks and barracudas. It's like he's a James Bond villain. You know what I mean? You look up and it's like groups of barracudas. It's like he's a James Bond villain, you know what I mean? He looked up and it's like groups of kids doing field trips through there. It's a very odd thing. Like it's such a big fish tank. It's someone's out.

He like, is that what caught a cat of me? It's kids. Oh, this kids, why they have uniforms on. Like, in the fish have names And they usually rarer than just what you say. Yeah, it's not just the barracuda. It's some crazy unique barracuda That he's found, you know off the Shores of seashell or somewhere You like what

Yo, that's that's that's my ring. That's my man's right. Yeah, it's my ring. He's better cool. He better cool, but he get everybody pregnant. He get all the fish. What was it? He was on the podcast.

We did a podcast in New York City and he came on and he, I hugged him when he came out and he smelled, I gotta thought, he had this powerful colon on. I'm like, what is that? And he said, it's jup, and you know what, he holds it for a long time and he looks at the whole crowd and he's just put on a jup, it's jup. And he made half the segment about jup,

and jup was delighted. Yeah, because no one talks about jupe in a long time. Yeah, but he gets into something and he can make it. Yeah, you can barely get that in the middle of the mall nowadays. I don't know. Well, they sent us a crate. He sent you a bottle. It's a classic. It's still one of those ones like Corus and jupin logger fail those were the ones when we grew up on smelling great and groovy. Yeah obsession. I put a little on and didn't say anything and I went home to my wife. Yes. And no,

it didn't go well. She made me check into a hotel. They're not a Cologne guy. I'm not a Cologne guy. I have my own odor that's tough enough. I smell like onions and fear. It's a nice combination. Oh, the combination. Oh, the combination.

That's what people don't know. Yeah. It's like mixing colors in the crayon box. It's great. It's great. The onions and fear come box. It's great. It's great. Unions and fear come out. You know, I heard you say once, which I really liked, you were talking about how, with the exception of that guy who

you needed to knock out in order to get your start and show business, that is a rare exception for you because you, you don't root against other comedians. You're happy for them to do well because your theory has always been, that concept that a rising tide lifts all the boats. You're rooting for other people to do well. You think it's gonna expand the space. Yeah, for sure.

I think, you know, I mean, cause, you know, creativity is definitely that. Like if you're around creative people, I mean, just like this vibe, you know, the energy lifts up. You start saying things or doing things that you would never have thought of before. So, you know, it's great to be around like people

that are, that they can be young or older, but they bring in a good vibe and good energy, then, you know, that's usually gonna inspire you to go higher, you know? So that's why I like that. That's why I kind of love that attitude of like when people will kill in it or they bring something new to the game or something like that,

you're like, yo, let's go. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a great attitude. I'm gonna pretend to have the same attitude. I like it. No, actually, I really do.

I like to root for people. And it's just like the, in the time that I've known Kevin Hart, he went from being, you know, this guy that would come on our show to, he's, I think he's basically has the gross national product of like a fairly well-to-do country now. You know, like he's, he's everywhere. He's in every commercial. He's in every single commercial. And they just switch out what he's holding. He doesn't even know. They take out one credit card and they put a different one in.

But he has such a positive energy and I get, I always get energized when I'm around him. Yeah. Because it's coming from a good place. He just, it's what he loves. He's honest. And that's what's so great. I think that a lot of people too,

like Kevin Little is one of those people, like you go, you know, he's this is what he loves. He's honest. And that's what's so great. I think that a lot of people too, like Kevin Lillie is one of those people, like you go, you know, he's the same person as when you kind of knew him back when, you know, even though he's like extremely successful and really rich, he really is very approachable and, and regular dude. And he'll go right into, like, what did you say? That's bullshit. Like he's right there and connected. He starts giving me shit about like what I'm wearing immediately in this very friendly

in touch way, whereas we all know people that have hit it and then something happens. It's like they go behind a bubble forms around them. Oh yeah. I mean, it seems to be less of that. I guess probably nowadays with, you know, with social media, the opportunity where people kind of know you a little bit more, but I think you're right. I think that it used to be being a star, meant you had to be a little more reclusive. You had to give off this persona of, I'm kind of

other than, you know, I'm a little bit more than the average person. But now, I think if you do that to somebody, like at a damn Starbucks, then you big time them, then they can light you up all day. And it just starts away. If you like, no, I just didn't see you. I had my sunglasses on or whatever, but I think you've got to protect yourself as a human being. Like, I was always one when my kids were little

and I was a stickler for, like making sure that people understood I was with my children. Like, let's try to get that some merit guys. Like, it's not that I don't wanna take pictures with you or, but I'm with my little kids. Like, I'm not gonna let. I find that mostly people respect that. Yeah. For the most part. And if they don't, that's telling you something about them, right? Yeah. Exactly. You're the target. Yeah. So that's the hard thing, you know,

until I turn the target on you. Jesus, what happened? Yeah. You totally switched. You all right? You're off your meds. Yeah. Yeah. As I, I, I, I, that's just about something because you've done clearly, you love getting out in front of a crowd and doing stand up. You've also had this success with the neighborhood, which is now going into its sixth. I think it's sixth season now, which is, you think about it for a television show, sitcom to go six seasons.

Yeah. And, and be chugging along and doing well. That's an achievement. How do you feel about that process, the process of, okay, we're gonna work on it for a week and then we're gonna shoot it, which is very different, very different from, I'm gonna get up on stage, this is all me, 100%.

I've sometimes found, I just love to be me. And then, what if I'm in a situation where they say, okay, we're gonna change it so that you have to behave yourself Yeah, and you're in hit your mark. I realize oh, I'm a chimp I'm a chimp on some kind of cocaine. I'm not supposed to do that. Yeah, you know what? I mean this something that you know, it was definitely a part of my kind of like trajectory like so, you know Like coming up when when I did it that was the goal as was to get a sitcom. So I got, you know, I was able to be on a Steve Harvey show pretty young in my career

and then, you know, was able to do a lot of television after. So I actually loved that process. You know, and getting to like a show like the neighborhood, like being on a major network and having a great cast, like that's the other thing like everybody's like super pros. They came from other shows to Sheena and Max and Beth and even the two young sons and she on and Marcell. And Max is I have to say Max is an off the charts performer. Yeah. I mean, I used to see him on New Girl and he's just he's just brilliant. Yeah, yeah, and he's a kind person and funny and easy going and just keeps life simple. That's what's really so wonderful.

So we actually operate in that space. So to be able to take a script and then shape it and tell the story of these two neighbors getting to know each other and becoming friends and what happens, it's been a blessing, man. So I really appreciate that, you know, the show works, you know, the people tune in each week and that we get to do it, and that the network is behind it. Like, they push in for it.

So, you know, I'm ready to get back to work, so I'm just gonna strike over. I also, it's also, it's about something, you know, it's about something. It's about something that we need to keep talking about. And I don't mean to find comedy in it, I think, is much more powerful than lecturing people or trying to have a, you know, it's talking about, you know, people of different races living in the same neighborhood and how is it all being worked out? And what are the issues? And without being preachy, just being funny. Yeah, yeah, that's the truth, man, because I think that's when the show first,

when it first came to me, that was kind of like the idea. And we definitely went through a phase where this idea of race separation and sexuality, people felt like they had to draw these hard lines in the sand if you were this or you were that. And it was like, no, people are humans. And like, what if that person was your neighbor? You would have a totally different feeling about some in which we do usually, you know, when it comes to sexuality, or if there's somebody you're friend and you work with them every day or

you live next to them or they married into your family somehow, you don't look at them as some big group of people. You look at that person, you already know. If you're sharing space with them, if you're breaking bread with them, if you're asking them, can I use your garden hose because mine's split, it's gonna, then suddenly everything is quite different.

Exactly. And I think that a lot of times we kind of like get put in these, like these barrels of groups and people feel like they have to define themselves by the group. And I think that's the idea to show us to show like the humanity and the people. And then of course we think we have group think, but then we kind of, we all are these individuals.

And inside that is where the relationships are. And so let's build from there. So I think that that's really been the fun part of the show. Some of the things that we try to attack. We're both married on the show. We both have kids, we're homeowners. We're trying to figure it out. His wife is more the breadwinner.

So he's got that kind of thing that we have to kind of figure out. Like what's that story we're telling there, you know, and, and, you know, how life has changed, where, you know, it used to be one way. And now, you know, your wife can be the bread winner in the family. Does that make you less of a man? Like these kind of things. And so we have, we have those kind of themes that we've been able to have fun with. Like you say, they're not being preached about it. Just tell a good, funny story and then be like, I, that was worthy. So let's talk about, because this is,

you've been talking a little bit about how you make these jumps, because you clearly like to try things. You like to expand your abilities and say, okay, what can I try now? You write a book, fiction. Okay. And what's cool about it is, it's not at all what I expected, because I don't even know what I expected, but first of all, I think, okay, it's going to be your life story.

No, it's not. It's a book of fiction. And then I think, okay, it'll be about a comedian who, nope, nothing like that. It's incredible flipping box cards and it takes place in 1948. And it really feels like you know this world. You really know these people. And the language, I mean, the terminology you're using. Because I love 1940s, 1930s, 1920s slang. I just love it and I love to use it. I

love to I love people not to know what I'm talking about. But in this one, people are really using what sounds like very legitimate real language. Tell us a little bit about the story. Yeah, so this is the story about loosely based on my grandfather who I never met. But, I would hear these stories from my mother and my uncles and relatives. And my grandfather passed before I was even born. Yet, as I started to kind of come on my own rise, I would actually get these, I would call them machinations,

but be like daydreams of him, like very vividly, you know, doing things. Like I could see the suit he had on it and what he would say in a certain situation. And so, you know, I would just jot them down sometimes. And so that really became the basis of this book because some of these, some of these stories are based off real things and then what I decided to do was create a fictional tale Around the Fourth of July in 1948 of him on this caper to try to make it, you know, and it takes place in in your In Corrothersville, Missouri in your hometown where I grew up this is after World War two. Yeah, and It's and the central character. His babe voice. That was my grandfather's real name.

That's what they called me. His name was Floyd voice, but everybody called him babe. And he was known as babe voice. And he was like a famous gambler. And this was like dice, but you know, it would be like and to the way we know poker players today. Like famous poker players. Right.

But back then, if you threw dice, you were known. And he was one of those guys. He was a businessman. He was a bit of a gangster. He was a civic man for the black side of town. You would go to him and he would, he would, you know, he would know how to get people's gas turned on and, you know, get a fire truck

over to the city side of the town. Like he was just a mover in a shaker like that. And these were real stories that I would hear about. And then I just kind of told it as this fictional tale. So that's funny because you it revolves around this Fourth of July celebration. And you talk about all these things that really that you've seen. There was like a greased pole that people were trying to climb. And I was thinking like, that's didn't happen in Brooklyn, Massachusetts. Yeah, it was.

I don't think this is true. It didn't happen in my neighborhood. Yeah, those were the kind of, you know, those are the kind of carnival fair carnival games, you know, but the grease pole, like you would slide a grease pole and you would win. And it was like one guy that was the hero,. In his family, it was kind of legendary down there to Agnews. And so this guy was always could win. He could climb up this pole faster than anybody, but it would be a greased pole, a real contest. That was his claim to fame.

Hey, come on, somebody had to beat the guy. You have a big banner out front of his home. Home of, Yes, exactly. Like the Grease Pole champion. You know, you ride past. When you would walk into the... When you would walk into the bar, the piano player would stop. Oh, think that everything would free.

Yeah, I like watch it. It's Greasy Pole Johnson. So I love this. There's a glossary of terms in the book. And my favorite one is the term for a blow heart or a braggart. A guy who talks a lot is a gum beater. And I thought, oh, I'm a gum beater. I'm a guy who I don't have any other skill. I really don't think I have any skill other than none. I'm a gum beater. I come in here and I just flap these

gums and I keep going until I hit something and then people go, here's your cookie and they kick me out of here. Yeah, man. And you can bring it back and I think once people know you as a gum beater, Conan, you can embrace it. You know, like you can, you can be in the head of the association, you know, it's so useful. All right, everybody quiet down.

It's all down everybody's beater gums. Everybody's beater gums. Everybody's beating our gums. Hey, come on. I know you're all very good at this, but come on. We've had nine meetings of gum beaters, and we haven't agreed on anything. I haven't got a word in as well. I feel the gum beaters are just fucking. You know what I love?

I love this one. To take a nap is to color a nod. Isn't that great? I'm gonna go color a nod. I don't get it. What do you mean? I'm gonna go color a nod, grab a nod, nod, nod. Oh, no, okay.

I'm gonna get it now. I'm sorry. You gotta get outside more. You gotta hang with me in seven. We know what's going on. I know what's up. All these new generations. You don't know shit.

Color a nod. You can't do it. Jelly or jelly roll is sex. I knew that. Come on. Come on everybody. Yeah. Let's back this back, Vogue. Yeah.

Bones are dice. Hey, I need some jelly roll tonight. I've been beating my gums all day. Oh, wow. And then I call it a nod. And now I'm ready for some jelly roll. Okay, wait a minute. This isn't good It's cross the line. I said I was beaten my gum and beaten my gum. Oh, I'm ready for some jelly rolls Okay, I think I did this wrong Why did you give me these terms? Why did you write this book? You've ruined my life.

That made me laugh so hard. That's what it's. A stroker. I love this is a player who makes overly complicated bets and causes dealers to work harder unnecessarily, usually pissing them off. That is so specific. Yeah, that's like, you know, this is the guy that's like, you know, give me, give me four on a heart A, but take the two down, move that time, move know, this is the guy that's like, yo, give me, give me four on the heart A but take the dude to down move that time move that move that nickel to the two take this to I'm gonna take a I'm gonna take the

The yo on the come out, but I'm gonna move just to the pass on I've seen this to like Vegas you like yo let that's a lot bro Like I don't even know what's going on right now. Like, you know, so. And also the poor dealer just burned more calories and wasted more time for these guys, nickel, you know, whatever. It's ridiculous. Yeah. And then he's going to lose it all on one stroke and just curse everyone out after that. Well, I love, I just, I think it's very cool that you've written this. And then it's a

caper. It's a real story because main character, I won't give, I don't want to give way too much, but he gets in some trouble and he needs to come up with a lot of money or he's in real trouble and then that's where the fun begins. Yeah, exactly. And I wanted to, I love that. You know, I was really inspired by the Walter Mosley books. There was like devil in the blue dress and, a blue dress, and that character right there, the fearless Jones, he has a couple of characters that,

I love that kind of writing, that 40s film noir energy. And it's just like a regular guy doing something and out of nowhere, he's in the middle of something super crazy, and that's what we did here. So he's got a regular life that he does, that is, you know, in between the lines of good and bad,

like being a good dude, and he makes a choice that puts him in deep. And now he has to kind of like, again, like he's always been pretty much lucky as a gambler, he has to fight itself out of it. And so the caper just digs him in a hole and it's so much fun. And I just had a good time weaving the story.

Yeah, how long did it take you to do this? It was over a year. It took a while. You know, because I had a great co-writer who helped me kind of like take my ideas and then formulate this thing. So Alan Eisenstock, great dude. And we kind of like locked in with each other

and that's when it became, you know, it became just this fun idea. We just took our time and made sure we did exactly what we wanted to do. Like I had it in my head, but you know, of course, you know, the formula of writing the novel, I'm not a novelist so, you know,

but I think of stories very vividly. So that's how that's so we just have to kill it. Rule number one is always right what you know. And you know, Carothersville, Missouri, and you know this Fourth of July weekend, and you really know these people. So that's that you knocked rule number one out of the park. You know, you didn't write a story about, it's Mars.

Here's 3,075. Yeah, no space out of, yeah, no space, honestly. Yeah, I wouldn't know what to do. Yeah, same character. Can't believe I see it. Yeah. Welcome to Mars. Yeah, hi.

You got any jelly roll in here? Yeah. Uh, you. come flapper you. You're making us uncomfortable with your crude references to sex. Well, the book is, the novel is flipping box cars. And I have to say, I was just delighted that you could come in. You are such a funny guy and always, always killing me

and just such a great force. You are a force. Yeah, man, always the same thing, man. Always fun to be around you many years, back in New York days and then when you came out here, just so just always fun to be around you, man. You're a fun dude and you, you know, like I say, I think that that really works.

So I swear that you don't have a lot of friends. Come on in. It's really good. Cedric, if you hung out a bit, you see. I can hold it together for an hour. You can do it for people. But no one in this room is questioning why I don't have a lot of friends. You can just get quiet.

It just gets real quiet. Everybody's sitting around. Yeah. Well, I'm gonna go. You know what's a bad sign? You know what's a bad sign when people who work for me leave the, just start to walk away during the podcast. What happened Conan? Where they all go?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah.

I'm just working into a cameo on your show whenever when this strike I'll come back because you've dealt with you know white people but you haven't dealt with a really white guy like Guys go there super white. Yeah, like so white that white people like what is going on? Okay, yeah, like what's happening? Yeah. We actually went, we're gonna have to move. We were shooting in Haiti and all these kids gathered around me and they were touching my arms in Haiti. And remember, and they were like looking at the freckles on my arms. And then one man was just staring at me and I said, what are you looking at?

And he said, I want to know if you are well. Oh, I was sick. I'm like, I'm not sick. I guess I am. I guess I'm kind of sick. Anyway, Cedric, thank you so much for stopping by. Oh, awesome. You bring joy wherever you go.

And I'm excited for your book. Yeah, thank you, man. Pretty ordinary. Go to, you know, go and give it now, man. Slipping Bobcars, check it out. Check it out, man. Yeah, thank you, man. Pretty ordinary, go to, you know, go and give it now. Slipping Bobcars, check it out. Check it out, man. All right, definitely brother. been a while, but you remember we used to listen to voice mills from people that would call in and we'd answer their questions? Yes, back in olden times.

Yeah. Well, we don't have any today. And that's kind of what we're going to talk about. Okay. Our system for collecting voice mills has failed us. What? And now we have a brand new phone number. Wait, I have a first of all, yeah, how long has this been going on

for and why wasn't I made aware? It's been going on for a while. What kind of shitty organization do we have here? Oh, a shitty one. Okay, oh, there, oh, the shitty ones, this is the shittiest. I'm just curious, have people been trying to leave messages and they couldn't? I believe that either couldn't or we couldn't retrieve them

because it had something to do with us leaving an old network that we used to belong to and, you know and company changing companies. Is it possible that people have been leaving messages out there for us and we haven't been getting them? It's possible. That's terrible. Back to I'd say it's likely.

That's awful. I feel badly what if people were really needing us or needing our help? The number just got disconnected. People have not been leaving messages that we haven't reached. Blaming the drama. Oh, this is drama.

I'm going to shut up. No, no, no, no, I'm glad. No, no, no, cut this part. No, no, no, no, no, no, don't cut it. It's supposed to be dramatic. No, don't cut it. That's actually good information for me to have because it would kill me if people were leaving us messages.

I have a need to please. Blay, I'm glad you grabbed the mic in your Hawaiian shirt. I told you. It's got flowers on it. And not every floured shirt is a Hawaiian shirt. He's right. Thank you. No, sorry, Jerry Garcia.

I didn't tell. Maybe it isn't a Hawaiian shirt. But no, sorry, just I don't mean to kill the problem. I hope you can get the band back together. You guys were really grooving there for a while. I am glad and stop telling us what we can cut and can't cut. We're going to leave this all in. Okay.

You can need to know what a stumble bum you are. Stop, sorry. Anyway, don't worry. No messages were left with that you don't know about. It just, just, the number you just said. It failed a long time ago. I know and didn't know about it. I mean, there are messages that the listeners don't know about

because I would say one out of every 50,000 is usable. Oh. Yeah. That's a terrible thing to say. Why? Well,,000 is usable. Oh, yeah. That's a terrible thing to say. Why? Well, they're just sometimes raving lunacy on there. And I'm not even joking. Well, wait a minute, maybe my father's in trouble.

Oh, what? Oh, what? But maybe we should talk about some tips for the listener because we have a new phone number. Oh, we've got a new number. That if you want to get your voicemail on the podcast, here are some tips, you know? Yes, to talk about how. We have tips? Oh, we've got a new number. That if you want to get your voicemail on the podcast, here are some tips. Yes, to talk about how.

We have tips. Well, I could think of a few. Okay. Yeah. First of all, should we read the number and then we'll read it again? Yeah, I'll read the number. If you want to contact us, or if you're a raving lunatic,

it wants to scream into the void, call 6669-587-2847. That number again, 6669-587, 2847. That number again, 669, 587, 2847. Okay, keep it concise, keep it friendly, keep it fun. Here's my tips. You know what, I'm gonna guess, I'm gonna guess that anyone who was calling and leaving angry and sane messages, I think your tips probably gonna change the mind.

Oh, oh, Gory, I'm sure I'm gonna call in the other room anymore! About the space man and the dragon in my ass! I best not call that number then! I'll try it again! Hello, how are you? I'm an Aries. Curious what sign you guys are. Your little tips will do no good.

I thought we could also, because Sona's going to leave the outgoing message. Oh, I am? We can just do that right now, and listeners can hear it, and then we'll take that, and we'll use it. Yeah, let's use it. Sona, five, four, three, two.

Hey, you called 2, hey you called us and this is why you giving me the phone number so you can say it. But they called the number to get to the voicemail. Right. You're just congratulating them that they got it right. Hi, you called this number and you heard a dial tone, not a dial. You heard the beep and then you're leaving a message. Keep it concise. Keep it concise. I'm friendly.

And friendly. Say your name. Say your name. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Hey, you might hear your message on the podcast. And we will get back to you as soon as we can. No, we're not going to get back to them. Are we going to get back to them?

This is the worst outgoing message I've ever heard. I think the worst outgoing message in the history of the world. You don't know when you tell me to do something like this, it gets me very nervous. I forgot, so is personal little quirk, is that if you give her a task, she's terrible. Thank you for calling. All right, well, listen, reach out to us. 669-587-2847. That number again, 669-587-2847.

Leave us a concise message. We'll get back to you, or we won't get back to you, but we might reach out to you through the pottosphere. Conan O'Brien needs a friend, with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Ear Wolf. Themesong by the White Stripes, incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our Associate Talent Producer is Jennifer

Samples, engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever

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