Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Charles Barkley

Episode Date: January 6, 2020

Basketball legend Charles Barkley feels great about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Charles and Conan sit down to chat about the extreme competition of going pro, getting booed offstage at a Katy Perry concert for dissing the Timberwolves, his friendship with Shaq, and advocating for education. Later, Conan issues a warning to his staff about spoiling certain tv shows. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].

Hello, my name is Charles Barkley, and I feel great about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hello, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Search continues. Many guests have said, yes, I'm your friend now, then I'm told to stop emailing them. Anyway, I'm loving it. I'm loving this podcast. It's so much fun and adding to all the excitement. Of course, my trusty assistant, Sona Movsesi. Am I saying it correctly? Yes, you know you are. But also, you talked by yourself for a really long time before you introduced me. I know. What's wrong with that? I don't know. It was just really funny. I don't know. Sometimes they call me. Sometimes they don't. I don't know. Oh, you thought I should get to you faster? I don't know. It was just kind of funny. You're

just like going on. It's surprising because you talk to yourself a lot, and I didn't think you would do it on the podcast, but you did. So you're telling people now that I talk to myself a lot. Why don't you describe what that's like? People want to know the real me. Tell them. You will be in your office, and you'll be like, you stupid. You don't know what you're doing. And you'll be doodling and stuff. And I'll go in there thinking you're talking to someone, and there's nobody in there. This is absolutely true. And you know what's crazy? Who am I talking to when I say you're stupid? You don't know what you're doing. Yourself. Yes. I am directing that at myself. Yeah. I have a very harsh, punitive voice. Yes. Directed at me all the time. Yes. And everybody

hears it, and they hear me say all the time, yeah, really funny asshole. Great job. And then they come rushing in. Who are you yelling at? It's me alone. Yeah. Often like eating an ice cream. Yes. In an otherwise happy situation. You're not angry. There's nothing that happened. Holding a red balloon, wearing child shorts. Everything's hunky dory. And then suddenly I'm yelling at myself. It's nice to know that even you have to deal with you. Yes. Oh, I forgot to mention our producer, the younger irritating brother I never had. Matt Gorley, Matt, you are a solution that stings and burns, but it's for the good. I don't even know what to say to this. I'm saying that's good that you get the wound clean. The scab goes away, but it hurts. What am I allowed to just say fuck you? Fuck you. You're

saving people's lives. You're preventing use ease. Why do you think, why do you think that that's an insult? You are a lifesaving solvent. What's wrong with that? The only comfort I take is that maybe late at night in that office by yourself, you're giving it to yourself a little harder. That sounds dirty. I know it does. I gave it to myself really hard last night. And you do that and dirty talk to yourself and put yourself down. I really went to town on myself. You sexy little dip, should I hate you? Yes. You sexy little. No, it's very SNM. It's very, I'm very much into the humiliation, but let's get back to you. Okay. I don't see why you're complaining. I said that you are a pretty smelly wound. No, you didn't hear me. The irritating

solvent that cleans out the back team. Yes. What's wrong with that? Sony, you got that. I did get it. I did not call you the wound. It did. I usually stick up for you, but that was so good. Yeah. So are you the wound and I'm the back team to you the wound? Oh no. No, I'm fine. You're the knife. Oh God, no. You're just the solution. Yeah, you're the solution. This has to be a universal metaphor. I can't exist alone in a vacuum. I am the visiting surgeon who's watching, who's watching Sona, the nurse, apply the solvent. Why can't I be the doctor? Yeah, you're the doctor. Yeah, thank you. Sona, please. Jesus. There are no women doctors. No. And I'm pretty sure we're not going to get any comments about that. No, look in the phone book. That's right. I said phone book because

I've been listening to a lot of Joe Biden speeches. Look in the phone book or listen to a phonograph and you find good luck finding one woman doctor in the United States. Good luck to you. I think you have a lot of female doctors. I do actually. Dermatologist. Oh my dermatologist is Dr. Soriano. I'll say her name. I'm allowed to say people's names, right? Yeah. She's terrific. How long are those sessions? What's that? You must walk in and she's like clear my schedule. You know what's funny? I would think that a dermatologist would need a lot of time with me because I have so many freckles it would take forever to discern, hey, wait a minute, is that she looks at me very briefly because I think this is not a pleasing sight. No, to her you're one giant mole. She looks at me

really quickly and goes, you're fine. I'm worried. I'm worried that Dr. Soriano is not giving me the full. You're too much to handle. She's like I can't pause. Well, I take off. I open up the little, you know, the, what is it called? The gown. The gown. I open up the gown and just bright white light shoots out from my skin. Yeah. And she's usually wearing welder's goggles and it's just a farce. The whole thing's a farce. I worry that she looks at me very briefly. You're saying that you go in and this begins with you open, you did a little Miami and Flasher thing of you opening your gown. Yes. First of all, my knowledge of those gowns is they open from the back. No, no, no, no, I like to put mine on backwards so it opens in the front. And you flash it.

No, and I do this to male and female doctors. I say, they come into the room and I say, behold. It's just to try and make it a little dramatic. But yeah, I get a very quick once over the dermatologist's office, but we went far straight. I was trying to compliment you and saying, you do a very good job, Matt. Yes, irritating when applied, stinging, a bit of an ammonia odor, but you do solve the problem. That's three insults, one compliment. Do you understand this? So there's a net loss. You're looking for trouble where there isn't trouble. I'm trying to be nice to you. You're trying. I am as close as you're going to get. Really? No, you're not going to get a better ratio than that. Just enjoy it. Just enjoy it.

All right. Appreciate it. Just enjoy it. Just enjoy it. You are. I'm still learning the ropes. A healing balm, you know. Period. Full stop. Okay. Sure. I guess you're in charge of me. Yeah. All right. Okay. Yes. Healing balm. Here we go. Yeah, that's it. Fine. It's good. Okay. Yeah. If you over apply the balm, there are risks of irritation. A little of this balm goes a long way. Is that fair? Yes. What do you mean, yes. What do you mean? Listen, a little gorely cream, a little gorely cream goes a long way and it has not been approved. FDA. It's not FDA approved. Well, I can take this from him, but I can't take it from you. Well, because I was going literally, I said, yeah, a little bit of balm goes a long way, but I'm sorry. I was also checking my phone.

I'm done. You know, like I can't do this without you. All right. I know. Same. Okay. I love you guys, man. Oh, come on. That wasn't even me. No, I didn't do that. Yeah. I have a guy here who's just going to lean in. A stunt emotion. You know what I do? I should have someone who come in and do, it's a stunt double for emotion. Yeah, you have an emotional stunt help. So he's right next to me and his name's Chad. And he just, well, what was the name of Brad Pitt's stuntman? Oh, Cliff. Cliff. Yeah, Cliff. I love Booth. I love Booth. Cliff Booth. I have a Cliff Booth, but he just does emotions. Cliff, get in here. I'm having some trouble. I love you guys and I respect your work.

Thanks, Cliff. He's legally mandated. Yeah. All right. We have to, we cannot waste time today. No, we have. Too late. And we haven't. And we haven't. We've talked about crucial issues. My guest today was named one of the 50 greatest players in NBA history. I just missed the cut. I was 53. He's a host of Inside the NBA alongside Kenny Smith, Ernie Johnson, and Shaquille O'Neal. We are very excited. He's here today. Very funny, always compelling, interesting, and just beloved. Basketball legend, Charles Barkley. I have bumped into you at our hotel. Nobody gets free pub. I just said our hotel. There's a hotel. There's a hotel. And who we can say where it is? No, no, it's in Atlanta. It's in Atlanta. But nobody

gets free pub now. Right. Don't set a name of the hotel, Conan. So you don't have the time to say publicity. You have to say pub. No free pub. No free pub. Okay. No free pub. There is a hotel where you and I have run into each other. Yes. And I took several times and I tell people, you're one of the nicest guys I've ever been around. And I mean that sincerely. Because, you know, people always ask, I said, oh, he's a great guy. Well, that's nice to say. I'm glad you got a podcast, too. It's fun. Yeah. It's actually really fun. You got a perfect face for, like, not to be seen on TV. I mean, why are you guys laughing at that? Why are you guys laughing at that? Because it's funny. It's not funny. It's a terrible, terrible thing to say. I have,

you're saying that I have the perfect face for radio. Yes. No, yeah. Nobody wants to see that thing that often. That thing is my face, Charles. That thing is my face. I'm really excited to be here today. I'm very excited to have you here because I want to, I want you to tell these people that I would have been a force had I been in the NBA. I think you should tell the people the truth. I am 6'4". I am 200 pounds. I am a well-muscled man. I am a graceful athlete. You have sized me up. You and I have stood toe to toe. Tell the people that had I been in the NBA, I'd have been a force. Have you ever played sports before? I mean, I'm not trying to be rude if they have you ever actually played. You're not trying to be rude. You just said I had a great

face for radio. No, no, no. Because no one wants to see that thing very often. You said you were 6'4", 200 pounds. That's right. Well, you're about two to three inches and about 40 pounds, two light to play in the NBA. You think I'm too light? Yeah, 200 ain't gonna get it done. Okay, let me tell you something. I could wear heavier clothing. No, no, no. You have to be able to run and jump. Oh. You're gonna be playing against big old muscle men. 200 pounds is not gonna get it done. So you think what my technique is, I say, pass the ball to me, fellows. No. Over here to me. And then they pass to me when no one else is around me. And then I say, here goes my shot. Alley-oop. And I put it up before anyone can get to me. So I just get open. That's what I do. I get

open. No, you would not be open. I would not be open. No, you would not. First of all, no team is gonna be that bad that's gonna put you in a game. Okay. I mean, there's no team in the NBA gonna say, hey, Mr. O'Brien, go in the game. They wouldn't put me in even a second. No, no, no. What about just for pure entertainment value? No, you're the kid on the team for great point averages in college and high school. Oh, and for each row percentage. Okay, this is the hardest my people have laughed since we started this podcast. We've had all these comedians on and then you come in and Sonia's crying. Sonia's crying. She's laughing so hard. I have tears coming out of my eyes. Here's the thing. Here's

the thing. I remembered once I did the same thing to you. I said, come on, Charles, I could do it. I could do it. And this is when we were at this place that gets no pub. No pub. No pub. And you put one hand on me and shoved me and I went flying. And you weren't even trying, but you just moved me like I was a kitten in a hurricane. You know, it's a very physical game. Is it? Yeah, it's a very physical game. Okay. I mean, even today, when you can barely touch people still very physically demanding. I mean, guys, these guys are big and strong. Yeah. And I still think I could do it. I still think I could be a force. Hey, let me say, don't quit your day job to try to make it an MBA. So you know what? You famously used your whole body. You used your whole body

when you were underneath the boards and you were, and your technique that you've talked about a lot was you wanted to use your butt. Yeah. Talk, let's talk about that. Well, you know, because I use my butt and my line of work as well in a different way. Well, you know, when you're six, four, six, five, everybody you play against is a lot taller than you. So one way to minimize their height and jumping ability is always be putting your ass on them, banging their bodies. If it's clear that nobody can jump as high when you're hitting them, right, they can't jump as fast. So it's really just about just common sense. Like if I'm playing against a guy who's six, 10, he's taller than me, he probably can out jump me. But if I got my ass or my body on him the entire

time, I can negate a lot of his size. That's really, it's really just so you would rush at a man and try and get your bottom, no, no, no, no, no, not rush. You just have to stand close to him because you don't want to give him the opportunity to get out of the way. So you're standing close to him and then when the shot goes up, you put your butt on him, you put your ass on him. Right. Yeah. This is the stuff that I've been yelled at on the subway for doing. You know, I try to create a little space on the subway or on the bus. I like to create a little space. So I like to move my junk around a little bit to create a zone called the cone zone.

It's 200 pounds. It's not much of a zone. It's much more like a zoo, a zoo. You're not taking out much space. Not the whole. No, it's not, you're not taking up a whole zone. You're just taking up a zoo. Right. Right. Not that I can look at your ass. It probably is not that big. I have no, I've been told by the best, the very best that I have no ass. Okay. See, that's, I am duct taped to this seat right now. I would slide off. A 200 pound guy with no ass is gonna have a tough time in the NBA. Okay. I have a lot of spirit and spunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what all the ugly people say. I'd be like, hey, fellows, we may be down, but we're gonna make a, we're gonna make a comeback.

See, I was watching one of my favorite movies is Lyre Lyre. He was talking to this little kid. He says, you know, they said beauty is on the skin deep. That's some ugly people say. You're not having it. You're just thinking. No, no, no, no. You just listen, a lot of guys work hard. Right. You know, they can't play dead. Right. It takes talent to, you can't just go out there and work hard. Right. Because every single person in the NBA can play. Yeah. Well, just across the board, everybody in every sport can play. You don't get to the pros if you can't play. Now, obviously, the guy who's sitting on the bench is not as good as LeBron or Kevin Durant or guys like that, but like the 11 to 12th guy on the NBA team was a great college player. Right. He just probably

has some deficiencies. He might be a two or three slept slow, probably two or three inches, a little smaller, but that's the only thing to separate. A guy who's six, five, if he was six, seven, six, eight, he might be an all star. Right. That's the difference. I think it's true in a lot of, I mean, first of all, I think it's brutal in professional sports. When you look at that, you don't just have to be in the 1%. You have to be in the 1% of the 1% of the 1%. It's so. It's like hitting the lottery. Yeah. It's so heartbreaking because these people, some people devote their entire lives, their youth to this dream and, you know, you must see this all the time where people come up to you and say, hey, Charles, I'm really good.

I'm so glad you asked me that question. I am because it drives me nuts too because, you know, I'll be just out of my own business. I'll be traveling or doing something and somebody say, you know, my kid's Mr. Florida. He's going to be in the NBA and I'm thinking to myself, don't want to be rude. You know, they got 49 other of those, right? Yeah. That's 50 states. They got 49 other of those. Like that does not mean your son because he's Mr. Florida or Mr. George or Mr. Tennessee. You know, I says, you know, they have 50 of those states, you know, so that's, so you can always have hundreds of guys trying to compete for it. Well, no, thousands and thousands of guys trying to compete was probably going to be

40 or 50 jobs a year. Right. I mean, I always tell people that's a little over 400 players in the NBA, but we probably every year, we only add probably 30 or 40. Right. So it, like I said, it's just hidden like hidden a lottery to be able to play a pro sport. And man, I was so lucky and blessed, but it's just like hidden a lottery. But I hate when people come up to me and say, especially this one drives me crazy. When they're kids like in high school, I'm like, yeah, okay, just because you're good in high school, that does not mean you're going to be good in college or the pros. You see all the time, there's guys who are great in college, who never step a foot on a professional level. There are a lot of great college players who ain't got zero chance of playing

in the pros and any sport. So what, I mean, do you ever notice there are people that have incredible ability and they have everything on paper? Everything is there. You know what I mean? If you look at them and you look at the tape, everything's there that should be there, but there's something that isn't quite there on the mental level or there's a great question, you know, like there's a couple of things. Number one, they have no idea how hard they have to work or they're not smart enough. There are no dummies in pro sports. There are no dummies in pro sports, but I think the number one thing, I'll give you an example. So when I got to the NBA, I wouldn't, the most important person in my life was Moses Malone as far as basketball. When I got to the NBA,

I had great success in college, but when I got to the NBA, I wasn't getting to play. And Moses was having to live in my same business, one of the greatest players ever. Yep. And I said, Moses, why am I not getting to play? And Moses says, well, you're fat and you're lazy. I said, what do you mean? He said, which part? You didn't understand the fat or the lazy part. I said, dude, I'm working hard out here. He says, yeah, but you can't work hard because you're fat. And this guy who won the greatest ever took me on this wing. He's, let's lose 10 pounds. So I started losing 10. I lost 10. So I started working harder. He said, let's lose 10 more.

So I go from 300 all the way to 250. Wow. And if, if, if I hadn't have been a willing listener to like, Charles, you can't play fat in the NBA. But listen, I have been in the NBA since 1984 and Conan, I met, you can ask any coach or any great player. There's been hundreds of guys that we have met. We says, man, when that guy gets it, we're going to have our hands full and they never get it. They don't get it. They don't get it because number one, you have to work your ass off. It's like you as a comedian and like, you can't be a lazy comedian. You probably have to go and do when you first started, you have to do all them crappy clubs and do stuff you don't want to do. And a lot of guys, they're not built for that. And anybody who's successful like yourself or

in a form of success, it's hard. It's very hard. And sports are probably the worst place to try to be successful because you're going up against the best of the best all the time, no matter which sport it is. And then you got them young boys coming into every single year who are bigger, stronger, hungrier. So it's like, it's, you got to fight for your place all the time. You got to fight for your place at the table all the time. That's one of the things that has come up again and again and again on this podcast is work ethic. People love to make it. It's not sexy to talk about work ethic. What's sexy to talk about is talent, blazing talent. This person came out of nowhere and it's, I think, the fantasy. It's one of the great fantasies in America, someone coming out

of nowhere who's got these amazing skills, applause everyone else away. And I always, I've said this many, many, many, many times. Yeah, talent's important, but it's one of like 50 things you need. Luck is a huge thing too. You need, you also need luck, but you also have to get in there every day and you have to try really hard. You 100% correct. One of my good friends is Darius Rucker Hoot in the Blowfish and I've known Darius forever. Right. And we always talk, we play a lot of golf together. And you know, people say, well, they came out of nowhere. He says, well, if you come working every weekend for 20 years coming out of nowhere, we did come out of nowhere. Nobody comes out of nowhere. Right. That's, that's like, you just need to right break and the right

luck. Right. I mean, I truly believe nobody comes out of nowhere. It just depends on where you're born. Yeah. And if you can get the right break, because there are a lot of people who are talented just not in the right situation. But I truly, I hate when people say, oh, they came out of nowhere. No, they didn't. They've been working their ass off for a long time. They just finally got a great break. Yeah. Well, I want to ask you, there's a lot of things to talk about here. First of all, you are pretty fearless when you open your mouth. You will say exactly what's on your mind. So many people today don't do that. And you have no fear when it comes to that. I want to bring up an example. You went out on stage and you were in, I think, Minneapolis,

Minnesota, and at a concert. Do you remember this? Yes. Do you want to tell what happened? No, you got to remind me. Do you know where you are right now? I am in El Los Angeles, California, where the basketball world is now. All right. Let me read this to you. You're at a Katy Perry concert. I have to do is Katy Perry. Yes. That's part of the Capital One concert in Minnesota last year. Okay. Well, let's not bring business into this. No free pub. No, no, no. I get paid by them. You get paid by them? What do I get? I don't get anything. Oh, sorry. My bad cap one. Can you get me in on that cap one thing? It's just a black commercial. Me, Sam, and Spike. We need a white guy. Why can't you have one white guy in there?

I have to talk to Sam about that. He makes all the decisions. Well, tell Sam, tell Sam it's time a white man got a break in this country. I'll tell you quickly. It's ridiculous the way we've been, you know, shunted aside. I know times are tough, but you... You bitch. It's ridiculous. Every time I turn on those commercials, I'm like, how can a white guy get in there? What's going on? When are some white guys going to be accepted by the banking community? Come on, cap one. I'm dying over here. Anyway, pitch me to those guys. I'd be funny. Oh, my glasses just fell apart. Don't worry. That's all coming apart. Okay. I'll call them. We need some cash if your glass is going to keep coming apart like that. Listen,

so you got booed offstage at a Katy Perry concert because you came out to introduce her and you said, I want to thank Minneapolis, Minnesota. You guys have a great, great city. I want to thank you all for a great weekend. I haven't been here for a long time because the Timberwolves suck. That crowd tried to kill you. They tried to kill you. You know, it's so funny when I travel now. Nothing when I travel now. Like when I, like I got friends who call me and says, yo man, I haven't seen in a long time. I says, oh, my life is very simple. If your basketball team sucks, I'm never going to see you again. That's just the truth of the matter. Yeah. Like I told one of my good friends is Dan

Lebatard. He says, yo man, when you come to Miami, I said, no time soon. But he sucked. Once LeBron left, it's over. So when a team, so you are the ultimate fair weather friend? No, no, no. I'm the ultimate TV guy. I'm not going to, when I go to cities, I'm going to watch basketball and talk about basketball. I'm not going to go to a city and watch bad basketball to talk about it. Right, right. I was, I was talking to a friend of mine in Cleveland last week. He says, when am I going to see you again? I said, no time soon. LeBron left. There's a chance I'm never coming to Cleveland again. You are so honest. You are so honest with people. Well, listen, I'm not one. I hope they took that as a joke. You know,

Conan, I made in my mind a long time ago. I'm just going to be a straight shooter. Yep. Because man, it doesn't matter what you say. You can't make all these people happy. Right. I don't do any social media because I think those people are idiots, fools and jackasses. But I refuse to do any social media, but I'm going to be honest and a straight shooter. And that's the best I can do. Yeah. Well, guess what? It's worked for you. Yeah. People, people like that. It's a great quality of yours. And I think it also makes you, in my opinion, one of the best commentators on television. Thank you. You are so good at it. You are so entertaining. And I think it's a combination of two things. You know your stuff. So you always have,

you have a deep knowledge of the game and deep passion. You love the game and you know what you have a lot of intelligent things to say about it. But you're also not afraid to say what you're thinking. And that's so entertaining. I mean, you guys do an amazing job. Well, thank you. You know, when people say they want honesty, they really don't want honesty. Fans want you to, they want you to tell them their team is great, their favorite player is great. And it was always somebody else's fault. Some people going to love you, but some people are going to hate you because fans, they said they want reality, but they really don't want reality. Right. They don't. Describe your relationship with Shaquille O'Neal. What's it like with you and Shaq?

He's a great friend. I love working with him. He has thin of skin and flat Stanley. He gets offended easily? Yes. Because, you know, Shaq has always been the biggest guy. You ever met him in person? Of course. I've spent a lot of time with Shaq. He's the biggest dude in the world. Yes. And he's never had to think his way through a basketball game. And me and Kenny try to explain to him sometimes, you know, when you're the biggest dude in the world and you're the baddest dude in the world like he was for X amount of years, he can just do that. But the rest of people are male models. And when we try to explain to him some on a basketball court, he's looking us like cross-eyed. And then he gets so mad. And all he can say is, you don't have

no championship rings. And I'm like, yeah, I don't. But that has nothing to do with our basketball conversation we're having. But he holds that over your head that you have no rings. Oh, yes. Because when he can't win a basketball argument with me, because he don't know anything about basketball. So he just lords it over you that he's got all these rings. Every time we have a disagreement of a basketball, I can always tell when he don't know anything about basketball. Because one minute we'll be talking about basketball. The next thing say, you're wrong because you don't have any championship. That's when I know I'm winning the battle. Yeah. That's when I know. He's funny though. He's great to work with. He is really funny.

He's a good dude. He's a funny guy. He's a good guy. He's he is sometimes I feel bad for him because I've been in situations with Shaq where he's so big. Yeah. It's almost like he just has to go in a corner because people go to him. Yeah. And they swarm around him. And sometimes I can feel like he just must be getting uncomfortable with all that. And it's hard for him to disappear. Do you know what I mean? How can he disappear? He's on TV every damn two seconds in a commercial. The guy got more commercials than any person in history of civilization. Do you use icy hot? Do you think he believes in the products? Hell no. You don't think Shaquille O'Neal believes in these products?

I don't think he ever used icy hot. Doesn't use icy hot? That's sacrilege. I bet his insurance is not with the general. You don't think he has his insurance with the cartoon general? No. I don't think he has his insurance. I mentioned his name but no free pub. I don't think he's Papa John's pizza either. What? No. I don't think he's Papa John's pizza. You don't think he's eating Papa? This is a scandal. This is a this is terrible. I think we should out him. Yes. I think people should know that Shaquille O'Neal... He does not use icy hot. He does not use the general and he doesn't eat Papa John's pizza.

Right. He's not using any of these products but you bank with Capital One, don't you? I do bank with Capital One. Shout out Capital One. Capital One. I got bills to pay, Conan. I know you do. I'm gonna put in a good word for you. You know what? I think I'd be great in those commercials and I think, listen, those commercials are great. Thank you. You, Spike, Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Takson. Sam is the most awesome guy to work with. Yeah. Because, you know, when you're shooting it, like, he just gives you little subtle hints to try to do things. Right. It's amazing. Like, you know, because him and Spike are better. Well, Spike's not a great actor. He's a great director. But Sam is such a great actor. And like, sometimes

I'd be like trying to make it funny or not funny or sarcastic or whatever. And Sam's like, and like, he just does it in a subtle way. He's like, hey, Chuck, just try out like this. Right. And it's amazing to work with. Yeah. Somebody that good who's helpful. He's terrific. Well, if you want to talk to him and Spike, I am who? Don't you have enough money? No. There's no such thing as enough money. First of all, I've invested badly. I invested in Icy Hot. I actually thought it was a real product and I put a lot of money into Icy Hot. Between TV and the podcast, you're rolling in the door. Man, when you, man, who knew there was so much money in podcasting? I get paid in

farm animals. It's ridiculous. That's not a bad investment. I had a bunch of cows one time. That's a good investment. You invested in cows? I did. And how did it go? It went well. How many did you buy? Uh, thousands. You bought thousands of cows? Yeah. All you do is sell them. One by one, door to door? No, I didn't do it myself personally. Are you sure this all happened? Oh, yeah. I went down to some farm in B.ville, Texas. It's probably close to 30 years ago, maybe longer than that. And I had like, there was cattle as far as you can see. They were out in the middle of this field. See, that's my problem. I did the same thing with squirrels. I invested heavily in squirrels.

No, cattle is the best way to go. That's a good way to, okay, I should have invested in that. We're going to take a little break. We're going to play a commercial. It's not a Capital One, but... Free pub for somebody else. Yeah, here we go. And we're back. Wasn't that a fun break? Oh my God, what was that? Man, what a great commercial. You just gave me, I just got a deep tissue massage from Charles Barkley. I would love one of those. No, you give a pretty good one. That was great. I will massage you anytime. Would you be comfortable with that? No, I would not be comfortable with that. You don't want me coming? No, no. Wait, this is from the guy who used to professionally put his butt

on other people's bodies. I did. Yeah. And now you don't want me to... You can make a good living doing that. Okay. But I don't want your hands on my body. What? I don't want your little head, your little tiny fingers on mine. Tiny fingers? I've got a large hand. No, no. You don't think I have? I'm used to being around guys with big hands. I don't want your little tiny fingers on me. This is absurd. I don't want your little tiny fingers all over my body. Spiders. Look at these. What about the described freckles? Do you think that's an attractive feature? Tell it like it is. No, I have no problem with freckles. You have no problem with freckles, all right, because you just don't like the size of my hands.

Yeah, I want them little things all over me. I've never had anybody call my hands those tiny little things. Never. That's just unbelievable to me. How would you handle someone like... If you were playing today and there was someone like Drake on the sideline who was getting incredibly involved in the game, you know the way he does with the rafters and he's really involved. Would that irritate you if there was a celebrity who was getting way too involved in the game? It would make me want to beat the other team so I could run over to him and talk trash to him. I think Drake is great for the NBA and I thought the NBA totally overreacted. Like, he's Drake. He can chip for his team and I thought the NBA did not handle it well. Listen,

he's Drake. The players love him, too. You saw the players giving him crap every time something happened. They didn't know who Drake is. I mean, we don't want no regular fan acting a fool. We know there's a double standard. Of course there's a double standard, but I thought he was great for the NBA. He's great for the NBA. I think he was great for the rafters and that's unfortunate because unfortunately I'm probably never going to Canada again, either. You don't think you're going to Canada again? I didn't quite. Kauai is gone. Toronto is my favorite city in the world, too. I love Toronto. Toronto and Chicago are my two favorite cities. The bull stinks so I'm not going to Chicago and the rafters love losing Kauai. I'm

probably never going to those two cities again. All right. You told me something once on the subject of the bulls. You told me because you are famously generous. You are a very generous man. You won't say this yourself. I have witnessed you be incredibly generous and there are many accounts of you being extraordinarily generous with people. You're a big tipper. You take care of people. You're very good at sharing your success with people you encounter around you. And then you said not so much with Michael Jordan, Scotty Pippen. Oh, I'm some cheap brothers. Let's just say cheap brothers. They call him no-tipping Pippen. Cheap brother right there. Let's talk about that. What are we talking about here? Did you witness this happen?

Oh, yeah. Many times. Many times. Many times. Yeah. And these are guys that were getting good money, getting paid good money. Great money. Yeah. And I was walking with Michael a couple times and like a guy comes up to me, you have any spare change? And I said, yeah, I got some. He's like, yo, man, don't get him in a spare change. If he can say, if he can say he's with spare change, he can say, welcome to McDonald's. Can I help you please? Michael Jordan said that. Yes, yes. Yes. He's got the same number of words. He can say, welcome to McDonald's. Can I help you please? Oh my God. I know. Wow. I'm cheap brothers right there. Yeah. Yeah. Great basketball players, but cheap brothers. Do they think when they, when people like that see you being so generous,

do they ever say to you, yeah, you're, you're being crazy. What are you doing that for? Why are you tipping that much? No, I think that's number one. The reason I tip so much is people who normally work in those fields, like they survive on tips. Yep. And me giving them some extra money is not going to have zero effect on my life, but it might have a huge effect upon their life. Yeah. So I'm always going to tip a minimum of 20% depending on the service more, but think about that. I mean, those people who work at those restaurants, like that's how they make their living. Yeah. And like I say, me giving somebody some extra money, it's going to have zero effect upon my life, but hopefully it'll help those, those people pay their bills. That's the least

you can do. Yeah. I always have this thing that works for me, which is I think. Go to the bathroom when the check comes. You're the white Kenny Smith. You're the white Kenny Smith. Is that what he does? Wait, what the bill? The bill's here. What's Kenny? He come back, his hands are like, yo man, you go to the bathroom every time the bill comes. That's fantastic. Yeah. I don't want to be one of those people when you doubt it's like, man, we glad he's gone. And people lie all the time. There's people when they die, we're glad they're gone. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't ever say it, but there's people who die. You're like, I'm glad that SOB is gone. But I want to be one of those guys like, oh, he was a good dude, but I don't want people to sit around and cry and things like

that. I've had a good run. I'm 56. I'm 56. Are you? The same age. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that. That's pretty cool. What do you mean? Do I look older or younger? No, you don't look, you look the same. Okay. I mean, you don't look. You look surprised when I said I was the same age. Well, I was surprised you're 56. I thought you were younger, actually. Yeah. I did think you were younger. Yeah, I do a lot of moisture with your little fingers. Every night I make my little fingers. Because my fingers are so tiny, it takes hours. It takes a long time. It takes a long time to rub the moisture guys are into my face. Yeah. No, I was born in 1963. Well, I already knew that when you said you were 56. I just wanted to remind you what year

you were born. Okay. Okay. I got you. You know, what month were you born? February the 20th. Okay. I'm April 18th. So I'm a month older than you. Yeah. Two months. Yeah. I think if I'd been born just a couple months earlier, I could have been in the NBA. Yeah. Okay. That's the only thing that kept me out. Yeah. You would have been an official or something like that. An official. Oh, a guy with a whistle. A referee. A referee with tiny hands running around. Got the whistle small. Your little hands can hold a whistle. I don't have little hands. Anyone listening to this podcast has to know. I mean, large man, I'm just talking to a larger man. It doesn't take a big hand to hold that little whistle. You're good. You're good. Man, do you ever think

about the fact that you played a very physical kind of ball and it's very hard to walk away from that sport and or any sport, but I would say I would think particularly basketball without having lifelong pain. Yeah. What did you come away with? Because that's such, you took such a pound. I'm in such pain. Like I just got two new hips. That's the first thing I did. I probably need knees and shoulders, but I don't care to be honest with you. And I've been shot a lot in the ass. I've taken every drug possible to stay out there. I wouldn't change a thing about my life because, you know, Conan, I'm a little kid from a small town in Alabama. I grew up in a project where my mom, being a maid, my grandmother working in a meat packing factory, I was able to buy my mother

and grandmother a house, take them out of poverty. Two of my brothers are passed away. I got one brother left, but I've been able to send four of my nieces to college, change the dynamics of their life. And then obviously, I've exceeded all my expectations and I don't care what kind of pain I'm in. I'm just going to take some Advil or some Aleve. You getting paid for those two? No, no, no, no. I was, I'm hoping I get an actually hot commercial out of it. But like I say, I don't care about the pain or anything like that. Like I say, I got my hips done so I can play golf. You know, but like I say, there's, like, that's like these football players, I'm amazed by football players because it takes real courage to go out

there. But it's a dangerous sport. But I guarantee you, as some of those guys, they wouldn't change your thing about it. It's an amazing life. But like, where am I going to make this type of money to be able to buy my mom and grandmother's house and send all my nieces to college and live their life that I lived. I wasn't going to be a doctor or a lawyer. Let's be realistic. You are a very passionate proponent of education. That's something that means a lot to you and making sure that young people are educated and not just your nieces, not just family members. That's something that you have worked hard to make sure is available to more people. Well, it's really important and significant to me because I found out something when I made the

role model commercial back in the late 80s. There's too many young black kids who think that they're going to play pro sports. I'm like, guys, I'm not trying to be a bad guy. I'm not trying to reign on your parade. You're not going to play pro sports. Get your education. Get your education. Get your education. And that's all I talk to them about all the time. One of the things that I've done the last couple of years, I gave three historically black colleges each a million and I'm getting ready to do another one. I'm not going to announce the school yet, but I'm getting ready to do the fourth one. When I go spend time with the kids, I said, you can be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, fireman, policeman, engineer, something like that.

Go home and look at your mom and dad. If they're both five, seven, you're not going to play a pro sport more than likely. But like I say, you can be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, fireman, policeman, engineer. You can do something amazing. So that's the one thing. Like I say, my biggest regret in my life is that when I was younger, we didn't take education more serious because it worked out good for me, but I feel bad for some of the people because you know, you got, when you're a young kid, everybody's, you're not taking education that serious. Now you see now like guys, we should have taken education a lot more serious. That's probably my biggest regret. And I'm trying to make up for it now when I go speak to schools. I said, guys,

I don't care if you make it to pro sports, bless you. I said, but that's less than 1% in every sport, less than 1% in every sport. And I don't think they understand how important it is to get a free education. Yeah. It's like a free education. Like most of my friends, like they got like real jobs, they in serious financial debt because of student loans. And I said, guys, they're gonna, they're gonna pay you to play a sport and get you a free education. That's a really big deal. Listen, and like I say, I remember vividly in, I forget what year in the 80s, when the first NBA player made a million dollars and me and Dr. J. Moses and all the guys were going around high five and each other, we could not believe that an NBA player was going to make a million dollars.

Yeah. And now we got guys making 30, 40 million. I think we probably got 25 to 30 guys making 30 million dollars or more. And I'm like, that's amazing for them. God bless them. But if I'm a little kid, and like I say, I'm going back 10, 15 years, even when it was like 5, 10, 15 million dollars, all these young kids think that's the reason they want to be famous. They want to be famous, but it's really just about the money and all the stuff that comes with it. And number one, I wish them all luck. But at some point you got to be realistic. I mean, it's not that simple. Nobody just like, you can't wheel yourself to be famous and having a talent. If you got a talent, bless you, but you just can't say, I just want to be famous because it doesn't work like that.

Right. Right. Sona, you'll attest that I have large hands, won't you? You've seen them every day. Well, I'm probably sure that's work appropriate. I know it's not. I'm like, damn. But honestly, I saw Charles's hands and yours look like small dainty hands compared to yours. I'm not sure you can be asking women at work, hey, how you like the size of my hands? I've actually been doing that for a couple years. Is that a problem? Yes. Yes, it is. That's a question during the job interview. My hands. Behold. What do you think of them?

Man. What? I like your little tiny hands. We're good. Hey, gorelly. Yeah. Take it easy. They're tiny. Okay, gorelly. Can you grip a basketball? Hell no. You don't think I can grip a basketball? Hell no. I can't hold it. It doesn't stay in the hand. I can grip it. That's what's the point. First of all, that's so wide of you. It's not called grip, it's called palm in the basketball. You don't even know the terminology. It's called palm of basketball. I can grip the old pellet. Hey, man. It's called palm in the basketball. Okay. Well, you say tomato. I say tomato. That was so wide. I can grip a basketball.

I can. As long as I'm holding it so that my hand is on the low side and gravity, then I can palm it. You know what you remind me of? Some of these foods who walk around spinning a ball on their finger. I'm like, yeah, that's not a basketball talent. You're not a globetrotter. You don't have to do that in the game. Kids want to show you that all the time. Like, I can spin it on my finger. I'm like, yeah, what part of the play is that? You have to put it in the basket. That's great when you're a globetrotter, but that doesn't work in the actual basketball game. Do you think there are ways, I'm always thinking of ways to improve sports,

but will we ever go beyond the three-point play? No. Listen to me. You didn't hear my pitch yet. Please don't start with the four-point play. I want to go to five-point, but here's the thing. It has to be from the other side of the court. So you have to be covering the entire length of the basketball court, and you've got to throw it up. But just before you throw it up, you've got to put on a costume quickly. And if you can accomplish that, you would get like five-point. Do you know what I mean? Little things like that. That's not a little thing. Well, they would have a costume. They would have a bin of costumes on either side, and then they rare chance that a team really needed to score five points instantly.

If you put on a Lincoln hat and beard really quickly and hurled it up and got it in, that's five points. That's called a mass-singer. They got a show about that. Yes. Let's keep it on a mass-singer. All right. No. Don't ruin the game. So you don't want to see a four-point shot ever? I do not. Like one guy gets on another guy's shoulders, and they score from the back court, and that's four points? No. We don't want to see that. Okay. All right. Well, I guess you've just decided for everybody, Mr. No Fun. I'm thinking of ways to improve the game so that... That's not one. Thinking of ways to add an exciting element that completely blows it open. We're accustomed now. Hey, what did you think of the three-point shot when it came along? Were you excited about it?

I don't mind a three-point shot. Right. I mean, it takes some talent to make that shot. Right. I mean, when you start going, some people, like I said, come up with a four-point shot or a five-point shot, and that was just strictly luck. Right. No. Listen, there's enough lucky stuff to happen in the game. We don't have to make it like a trick show. Right. Well, just telling you what I think would work, and I'd like you to pitch that to the guys. Okay. Well, what guys? Well, Kenny Shaq, you can tell it. We don't. Pitch it to those guys. Bring it up on the air, and let's see if we get a movement behind this. Do you think they listened to us up in New York City? Well, maybe. I don't know. I could make a few phone calls. I got a lot of pull from the NBA.

They'll take your call, too. You think they would? Well, yeah. If you called the commissioner of the NBA... No, he would not take my... He would take my call? Of course he would. Okay. If they called, if you had... First of all, you can't do it yourself. You have your secretary. I know you've got a secretary or a personal assistant. Say... This is my personal assistant right here. So Conan would like to talk to Adam Silver. Of course, he's going to take your phone call. Okay. How long is he on the phone? How long does he stay on the phone when he hears my idea for the five-point shot where you have to put on a hat and a beard? Oh, that'd be like... He'd probably give you two minutes out of common courtesy. Right. And then he'd say, well... You are a big star. He'll say,

we'll think about it. And then... No, he says, we're good. So he doesn't even lie to me. No, Adam's not gonna lie. Adam's a great commissioner. But he's not gonna... No, we're not going with your idea. Okay. Wow. Wow. You do tell it like it is. I had, for baseball, I had what I thought was a really good idea, which is once you hit the ball, you can decide to run from home to first or from home to third. You can go counterclockwise. But once you choose that direction, you have to stick in that direction. And then you have... It adds a whole other kind of strategy. And then you have players running past each other on the base path. What do you think of that idea? What were you drinking when you came up with that idea? Because you couldn't have been sober when you came

up with that idea. It was a very hard lemonade. Is that like Mike's lemonade? Yeah. But again, no free pub. It wasn't Mike's. It was lemonade that had gone bad and become fermented. I'm from the South, so they like a lot of lemonade down there. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's not a bad idea. It's not as bad as your first idea, but it's bad. Okay. Just thinking of ways to improve sports. So these ideas are free and you can take them or you can leave them. I'm gonna leave them. Very honest, man. I want to thank you again. Years ago, I was in a location which we will not divulge, but I was in a very nice upscale place and I was with my wife, newly married. I'd only been married about a year at that point. And the waiter came over and he set down two appletinis

at my table. And then he... I want to blast your ass so hard right now. Why? You sent it to me. Because that's what you were drinking. I was not drinking an appletini. I was sitting there and the waiter comes over and puts down an appletini for me and one for my wife and then says, Mr. Barkley sent it over and you're in the corner waving at me. You sent me an appletini. I was not drinking an appletini. Was I trying to be funny? I had to be joking. I had to be joking. I was not sitting there drinking an appletini. Okay. Well, then I was trying to be funny. Now, maybe the drink I was having was equally ridiculous. That's possible. That's 100% joke on my part. I thought you think that was funny. I enjoyed it. Oh. And I got hooked.

I think we covered a lot of ground here today. I think we established that in your opinion, I would not have been a very successful player in the NBA. First of all, that's not just my opinion. That's everybody's room's opinion. Yep. Yes. Yes. We've also established that my hands are tiny. Yeah. Yeah. Like a little insect. Yeah. A little, hey, that's okay. Some people like little small fingers. I don't have, this is completely absurd. It's ridiculous. I'm a towering figure. You are a tired figure with little fingers. That is not the case. It's ridiculous. And you think this is the right medium for me because no one has to

look at my face because quote, no one wants to see that thing too often. I think that's what you said. I was thinking that. Did I say it? You did say it. You said it and we actually have it recorded. I apologize. Sometimes I see things I shouldn't say, but if I said it out loud, I apologize. If you said it out loud, you apologize, but you do think it. Yes, but I should have said it out loud. I should have said it out loud. Listen, I encounter many, many, many people in my career. I'm hard pressed to think of anybody. You were just in this rarified air of people I've met who are incredibly charismatic and real and hysterically funny and also genuinely nice. You're a special guy. You really are. It's an honor to have you here.

When we were discussing doing the podcast, I would only do it for you because I tell people, you've been a nice guy to me the few times we have met. I enjoy it doing your show. But I said, oh yeah, we're going to make it work. So thank you, brother. Thank you. Thank you very much. And we're shaking hands now. Man, you got to look at that. They smaller when you touch them. God. Damn. If it's okay, I'd like to bring something up. Is it okay with you, Sonia? Are you okay with this? Yeah, I'm cool. Okay, here we go. I'm cool. I walked by Sonia's desk today and as usual, she was watching a TV show and it looked really intriguing. It was a reality show

where people were blowing glass. Is this true? You know what's very frustrating is... Hold it. Just go with the flow. Go with the flow. So I was really intrigued by it. I was really fascinated and I was like, oh, that's cool. And I didn't know what it was. Then we get in here and we're about to record the podcast today when she starts talking to you, Matt, and saying, oh, it's this show called, what's it called? Blown Away. Blown Away. And it's really good. And what's it on? Netflix. It's on Netflix. It's called Blown Away. It's really great. And then immediately she says, I can't believe blank one, blank one. I didn't think blank would win and you gave away the ending of the reality show. And what if I had wanted to see that show?

Here's my issue with the way you're setting this up. Yeah. Because you're making it seem as though when I was watching it, you'd walk by and be like, huh, that seems interesting. When you and I both know that you made fun of me, you made fun of the show, you started talking to everybody about how I wasn't doing any work. So stop acting like you're like this normal guy in the office like, Blown Away, that looks really interesting. Like you're not that guy. You're not that guy you want to be. I am that guy. I am that guy. I wanted to see it. No, you didn't. I do. My whole life, I've wanted to see. Oh my God. I'm very interested in the process of people heating glass. To a temperature, it becomes a resonance goo. And then blowing through it and making different shapes.

And I've actually, it's occurred to me over the years, why is there no reality competition show about blowing glass? And then I remembered thinking you could actually do like a play on the title like Blown Away or they blew it away. Oh, you came up with the whole concept. These are things I've been thinking about. And then I've been thinking maybe someone, maybe I could sell this to Netflix. And then I see they've already done it. Okay, whatever, a disappointment, but very excited and invested to see it. But now I don't think I can watch it because you blew the ending. I think that you, maybe it should be called blown endings. Oh, pretty good. That was stupid. Really? Not good? No. I have a question for you. Do you know when that came out? I think it's pretty

new. July. Yeah. It came out in July. Yeah. So that's not new. It's been out for like six months. So why didn't you watch it sooner? Have you seen The Mark's Brothers Night at the Opera? Oh my God. Have you seen it? No, I haven't seen it. Spoiler from that. I know. Why are you gonna tell me? It came out in the 1930s. And you've had all this time to see it and you haven't seen it yet. So why don't I just spoil it for you? Yeah. Those three guys act real kooky. Harpo slides down a backdrop. Harpo's physical. Groucho's verbal. Oh, that Chico. He's quite a rascal. Anyway. If I was you, I'd be like, come on. And then you'd start tolly everybody. You're like, you know what? I'd be saying, oh, I really wanted to watch Night at the Opera and then Conan

ruined it for me. And you make it all serious. Like I really ruined something because you like being the victim sometimes and it infuriates me. You're such a baby. Man, Sonny, you are legitimately getting angry about this. I am. You are legitimately getting angry about it. I will admit, I wasn't that interested in blown away. I didn't care. And when you spoiled the ending, I decided to go for it and you got real hot under the collar. And you know that you and your mother have anger issues. Oh my God. Why are you bringing my mom into this? I didn't know that for fact. I just assumed. I've heard you on the phone with her. It sounds like two Dracula's fighting over a cookie. You're awful. You're so. I mean, I don't know. I don't understand what you're saying half the

time. Do you and your mother fight in Armenian ever? Yes. Okay. I'm telling you, it sounds like two Dracula's arguing. I'm going to bite that neck though. I'm going to bite that neck. I will bite the neck. No, you will bite. That's my neck. I saw it first. Are you making fun of the Armenian language? No, I'm making. Listen, this is not. You have to be careful. No, I don't because I'm just saying that all languages sound interesting to people. I'm sure when I talk to my mother and go, ah, Mither, how are you? Remember the old country we had the Tatos and we drink the Guinness and eat the Tatos. I'm sure you're welcome to make fun of me. Okay. So, you know, we're all the same underneath. Listen, if you haven't watched Blown Away, it is a really great show. Okay. I mean,

I unfortunately, I can't watch it now because you told me the ending. Can you even repeat back who wins? Not at all. I don't remember their name. You also kind of gave it away when you're like, oh, I can't believe so and so won because there's obvious people. Don't do that. Now you're going to spoil it for other people. Well, you did it. Sona, you're getting way too, you get very angry and then you lose control. You know what? I do get angry. I used to get yellow cards a lot when I was playing dodgeball and I had to stop that. You had yellow cards and dodgeball? They make me sit out the game and I would get really upset. I almost started a fist fight. This is true. Tell them the name of your dodgeball team. Oh, this is an adult league. Yeah. But tell them

the name of your dodgeball team. Arsenio Balls. Her dodgeball team was Arsenio Balls and they would give her, this is what amazes me, she has a real temper and she, it's a sport where the whole idea is to throw something at the other side so hard that it hits them in the face and they fall down and she was committing fouls. She was committing transgressions. What were your fouls? I just got malvy. You're not supposed to cross the line because it's very, it's like aggressive and I crossed the line a few times because there's a line in the middle and if you walk past it, people think that you're going to start a fight. I'm going to start bringing yellow and red cards to this podcast because both of you guys crossed the line sometimes, frankly. I don't, I think.

I'm always cool and collected. I do not. No. Never have? No. I'm called the Iceman. I run very cool. I am cool to the touch. Sony, you get angry. I do. Yes. Thank you for admitting it. I am going to admit it. We were in a restaurant once with one of your friends and Veronica and I was having a dinner. This is in New York with you and your friend Veronica and there was practically no one else in the restaurant except an older gentleman way across the room and at one point he just said, shh, because you were speaking kind of loudly and she said, are you serious? Are you serious? And she's at a table with me. The story the next day is going to be Conan O'Brien loses it. I don't like how you changed the story to make me look crazy sometimes. Oh. He yelled, he was like,

very aggressively from across the restaurant. He was 110 years old. He was wearing a confederate general's costume. And I said to him, I was like, are you serious? And then I said, there's a nice way to say it. Good for you. I don't think I changed the story that much, did I? You made it sound as though he was like, oh please, like shh. But he was so awful the way he shushed. There's only, there's only so loud you can shush. No, he shushed like a dick. He was a, he was such a dick when he shushed. Wow. I hate this segment. Do you want to, would you feel better if you spoiled some more endings for Conan? Yes. Off mic. I can bleep them. Really? Yeah. Have you seen the end of the Mandalorian? No. Good. They haven't put it out yet. I love Baby Yoda. Why would I, how would I have seen it if

they haven't put it out yet? I don't know. You gotta get advanced copy sometimes because I'm revered in the industry and they send them to me and you watch them. George Lucas sends me most things before they're ever shown to the public. I don't think that's true. I've never seen him send you anything. He sends them under an assumed name. His name is Luke Georgeus. And he sends them to me. Same thing with Steven Spielberg, who's Spiel Steven Big. And they send me things because they want to see how what I think of them. What has he sent that we haven't seen yet? Like, oh, lots of cool things. Like what? I'm really interested. Oh, lots of cool things. Yeah. I mean, first of all, I'm buying it. And second of all, give it to me. Oh, it's like a Gulliver's Travels that they did.

The two of them, Lucas and Spielberg, did a version of Gulliver's Travels, except rather than being really big, he's really small and the little people are really big. And it takes place in Detroit in the 50s. Have you seen the new Star Wars? No, that dates. This podcast and I like this to be evergreen. Oh, do you have tickets to see it? Yeah, Thursday night. Me too. Oh, where are you going? I'm going to Burbank. I'm going to ARG like Pasadena. Oh, okay. My son and my daughter are going. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What are you doing? You're going to read a book, Star Wars, The Novelization of Rise of Skywalker? Yes. It was written by Henry David Thoreau in 1855.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Sonamov Sessian and Conan O'Brien as himself, produced by me, Matt Gorely, executive produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf, theme song by the White Stripes, incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. The show is engineered by Will Bekton. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review featured on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already,

please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.