Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Claire Danes Returns

Episode Date: November 3, 2025

Actress Claire Danes feels blessed about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Claire sits down with Conan once more to discuss her new Netflix limited series The Beast in Me, preparing for her role on Homeland at “spy camp,” raising her kids on-set around the globe, and more. Later, Conan and the team respond to a listener struggling to keep Conan at the top of his feed. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, my name is Claire Danes. And I feel blessed about being Conan O'Brien's breath. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends. So I can tell that we are going to be friends. It's just so much spit on it. Hey there, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I just started the podcast to stop Sona from jabbering. You were jabbering a bit.

Sonam of Sessian joining me and Macquarie. Did you see what I did there? I started the podcast in order to stop her. I saw a slight opening and I jumped in to the breach. I'm going to leave in the edit. Just the last thing she said right before you spoke. which is there's so much spit on it. I was saying you rest your,

you rest on the microphone a lot. You did that. I remember you had, we shouldn't talk. No, it was in the documentary. You had pus on your eye. And then you kept shoving the microphone in your eye. And then I had to like wipe it with a wiping.

This is going back to 2010. Yeah. I'm preparing to do my tour. and we're having lots of problems getting the show up and going and at one point I remember it I wasn't feeling well I had a postulated eyeball

don't even ask me what was going on I had some disease that was eradicated in the middle ages but I wasn't feeling well and it's the poster for the tour the movie, the documentary Conan O'Brien can't stop is me

I see it every morning Because I had that, someone gave me that frame poster and I put it in my basement and I'm always passing it like on the way to like watch TV. And I, uh, it's me leaning my pusulating eye on the mic on the foam cover of the microphone. He's, you're holding it. I'm holding it and I'm rubbing, I'm wiping pus onto the microphone. Yeah. And then the director, Robben Flander, got a great shot of you. he inserted it later of you with a little

handy wipe You had to clean up his pus? I had to clean up his eye pus from his microphone His eye pus I did bring this up in your interview for the job I said I may

I may have a pusulating eye and you will need to clean it off I don't remember that well you were pretty high Yeah I was pretty high Scored Scored Crushed it

Yeah Goals I don't know That doesn't work But you have a thing With resting on whatever microphone Yeah sometimes I don't know what it is But I find it somehow calming

To rest my eyeball on the microphone Okay And Eduardo you are of course The designer of this wonderful studio This is your equipment You're very finicky about it How do you feel when you see me resting my eyeball on this

What I'm sure is a $600,000 our microphone. It's not. I'm okay with it because we have a bunch of spares. So if you've done it too long, I'll swap it out. Do you boil? Do you boil them afterwards? They can get cleaned actually this foam part here. I hope so. Once, once a year. Because I secrete many secretions and they could get on the mic. It just could happen. So also when people, you're not the only one uses that microphone. I know. Teddancing regularly does a podcast in here. and I've noticed lately he has all these horrible sores around his mouth. I think he has what I have now.

And he probably thought, oh, this is it going to be no problem, me speaking into this mic. Little does he know that I have some kind of scabies from this era of the Salem witch trial. It's coming out my eye and it's going into Ted Danson. And the last time I saw him, he had trouble, he was trying to just eat the softest muffin. You're killing Ted Danson. I'm killing Ted Dancin. He couldn't get the little soft muffin into his mouth because of the giant cankers on his Ted Danson lips. The other concern is the earphones, you know, sometimes when you, have you noticed if you picked up earphones?

Sometimes they've got a little. I clean them every pre-session. And I will say this. Every time we have a guest, I immediately have to move here. They glisten. And sometimes guests' ears glisten. They glisten. I know.

I've seen that. So you're talking about, is it sweat? They're nervous around kind of, Brian. What's happening? Or they're oily? Yeah. Maybe they're oily. What guest has been oily?

Ear wax. Oh, no. You know? Who knows? I don't know. Earwax around? Just saying. Can I just say, and I can say this because he's a friend, when Greg Daniels was here, he

walked in and he's just so oily. He's just an oily. And at first I thought he was an eel from the deepest part. The deepest part of the ocean An oily eel You thought if eel was walking into your studio And I said an eel And then he said Conan

It's me your old writing partner Greg Daniels And I said I'm sorry And I remember I recovered very quickly Yeah Yeah he took off his headphones And they were dripping Dripping You heard and someone's gonna get back to Greg with this

He's an oily oily man He's a greasy oily guy Yeah Slimy I used to as his writing partner I had to blot him Every day I had giant human-sized blotting tissues.

Anyway, I wanted to throw him out of the bus for no reason. But I thought, I can't go after any other guests, but I can go after Greg Daniels. So I made him oily when he's not oily at all. I know. But yeah. Well, I think we have a terrific show today. I really do. And I know that because we recorded it before I spoke.

So now I'm going to act excited. You were in a whole other state. On the other side of the country, for us. Yeah, we're not in this interview. You're not in this interview, and it's only because the guest requested. Oh. Yeah. What?

She's a avid fan of the podcast, but she said that she goes to great expense to have you two removed from it. Oh, man. Yeah, audibly removed. No, I was in New York doing some work there and did a podcast or two. And, of course, when I'm there, there's no way to get you guys out to New York. You have both of you. You both have, you know, fans. families. Yeah. Yeah, but my boys are four. Like, I can use a night or two away. The problem is you'd

probably insist on flying first, and I'm not playing for that. Well, yeah, you are. Coach is fantastic. I've heard. I have your, I've heard Coach is great. Yeah, I'll fly coach. And then, someone showed me a sketch, sketch recently of Coach. They drew it for me. Oh. Your only connection with coaches, someone showed you a drawing of it. Yeah. Yeah, it was a illustration of what it looked like. You're talking about it. I was practically born in coach. My whole life was coach. Only recently have I moved up.

Now I sit with the pilots. Yeah, yeah, I have. Oh, my God. Imagine being on a plane where the pilots are sitting next to Conan. I would be so afraid for my life. I'm doing bits. And then the bits get physical.

And then I hit a button. And then suddenly we're in a power dive and I'm just making a bit out of the power dive. They have to, what do they do when people are unruly? They tape them to the chair? Yeah. They would do that to you. They would do that to me.

Yeah, for sure. Should we do that with you here? Yes, you can. Oh, we should tape him for a full episode to the chair. But wait a minute. I'm still allowed to talk. Oh, you just get the same amount of jibber jabber that you always get. Well, we'll tape your mouth shut.

You're not removing the problem. If you tape the mouth shut, then you've got something. Okay, can we tape his mouth shut? We'll isolate everything about Conan, but his mouth. What does my body ever do? My body is. Your body flail. a lot. You are flailer. You are. You're very animated. And you grab and you twist and you

nugi and you hit and you hit. Let's say for HR purposes. I don't hit. I caress with purpose. For HR purposes, you hit. Yeah, you do. And then would you be able to have a whole conversation where you don't whip off your glasses dramatically? Can I make it that sound? Yeah. When I take my glasses off. Yeah. Oh my God. People love that bit. Yeah, but you wouldn't be able to do it. I'd do it in my mind. And then I'd make it happen. I am, there's so much happening in my mind right now. It would be great to do a segment where you're here, but your mouth is taped shut, and he's taped to the chair, but we just get to talk, you know?

But we just talk? And we can say whatever we want, and he has to hear it. But then it would just sound like just the two of us talking on the, when people listen to it. But we could do things to infuriate him, and the listener would know that he was there and can't speak up. He can't defend himself, you know? I'm down. It would be fun. The worst thing you could do is compliment me.

I know, I know. I said something nice about me and I'm not able to deflect. But you couldn't do that. Could you, girlie? No, I couldn't. All right. And I wouldn't.

What's that? I couldn't and I wouldn't. You wouldn't. It would be irresponsible. It would be wrong. What are you doing over there? Yeah, what are you doing? Finger guns.

Why are you doing finger guns? I don't know. I don't know. We were wrapping up and I was like, and then I had a mouth full of water. Why did you have to draw attention to it? I just want people to know what I'm dealing with. You couldn't sit with the pilots either.

No, you can't sit with the pilots. I'm broken. You can't be on the plane. My guest today is an Emmy award-winning actress who starred in the hit HBO series Homeland and the Hulu series Fleishman is in trouble. Now you can see her in the Netflix limited series The Beast in Me. Thrilled. She's here today. Claire Daines, welcome.

You're such a very. breath of fresh air. I love seeing you every time you drop in. And you were a great friend to me on the old late night show back in the glorious late 90s. When I think you were maybe three years old, you came on your first appearance. You cried the whole time. I did. Yeah. No, it is funny. I have this interesting relationship with people who were coming on as kids or just very, very young adults in that time. You know, and these clips come up every now and then, and I'll think, oh, my voice was like eight octaves higher. And mine was 10 octaves higher. I'm like, Claire, how are you?

I'm going to see you. Yeah, I went through puberty, I think, in Obama's second administration, as I love to say. But it was just, it's always so nice. And then I see you now, and it's like family, kids, you're kicking ass in your career, which gives me a lot of joy. Thanks. All good? Yeah. All a lot.

It's funny, you have a thing you do a little bit, which is like, yeah, which is you're allowing for the possibility of disaster at any moment. That's accurate. No, no, that I sense. That is a very fair description of how I am perceiving my life. Yeah, no, it's good. It's very rich and on the verge of overflowing with life. Yeah, I have three kids, 12, 7, and 2. That last one was a real shocker.

I was so pregnant with her when I last spoke to you here. That's right. That's right. Deeply pregnant and a little sick. I'm still sick, but because I have three kids, but no longer with child. I couldn't tell if the sickness was pregnancy related or just my personality. Yes. And

and that. It didn't help. A little like the Tylenol apparently, but yeah. So, no, it's good. It's wonderful. It's just I'm, you know, kind of Eking it out, it feels like. Yeah, this is what I remembered when I have two kids, and when they were three and one,

I remembered, and I, this is a, I feel guilty saying this. I love them, but I was so happy to, oh, I've got to go to work. And I would pretend, I have to, well, I just wish I could be here. And my wife saw through it all. She was like, uh-huh, yeah, really. Yeah, no. But I have to go to work and talk to Claire Daines. It's like working in the minds.

You try talking to her. She's a nightmare. Yeah. And so, and she'll be like, uh-huh, really. Okay, well, good luck with that. No, no, no. It's so much harder staying put, staying home and just, you know, making waffles for your children. You will get it wrong.

You will fail every time. You will fail. Even if you just put it in a toaster, it's not the right maple syrup. It's not enough maple syrup. It's too much maple syrup. And the response is, not commensurate with the effort, the effort or the failure, or whatever it is. It's just, it's always at such a high pitch.

Literally, it's just a lot of hyperbole. It's a lot. Yeah. They're very expressive and they're beautiful and I love them. And I, too, I'm very excited to go to work. You gritted your teeth as you said, I love them. I love them. So much.

It is, you know, I, again, this is kid talk, but I remember my. My son being so particular that he would call it a bit. If there was a bit, meaning like a little tiny grain of something anywhere, he wouldn't eat it. And I just thought, who's this little Lord Fauntleroy who won't have a bit? Of course, then remembered me being one of six and trying to declare to my parents, I will not eat this. Yes. That didn't go over too well in my house. I'm sure that's true of six, one of six.

I was one of six. We were born three months apart. Oh, no. Yes, well, which I'm told is never, is not medically possible, but it's what happened. My mom was one of five, like she was four and a half when everybody else was born three months apart in very, very quick succession and was the kind of default, you know, nanny, sort of. And I absorbed that through her. You absorbed it all. Yeah.

And, you know, I don't know if you ever done this with your kids, but it doesn't work when you try to declare to them, you know, I'm a big deal in my, in the world. You need to understand something. This waffle may not be perfect, but I'm Claire Daines. You give a whole speech about that. Rowan was asking me today on the way to school, he said, Mama, what is the least favorite part of your job? And I said, huh. I said, maybe rejection.

There's just a lot of rejection. And the heels, the high heels that I have to occasionally wear. Anyway. No, I, first of all, heels, I've worn them. It's a killer. I went to this premiere last night and my wife came with me and she was wearing very high heels. And the first thing happened when we stepped out of the car and people were taking pictures was her heels went right through a grate and one of her shoes came off. And we just both started laughing because her white skirt flew up. Yeah, exactly. But we're just not built for any occasion that a normal show business person has to do. all the time. I'm not one of those people. She's not one of those people. She looked absolutely beautiful,

but we step out, foot right into a grate. Sure. I think there are welders right now trying to free it. Yeah. And that's just the world we're in. It's true.

It's interesting. You talk about rejection. You almost didn't make it, you know, because it's a very high bar to get onto this podcast. Well, thank you. And I had to look. I was up all night looking at tape.

Thank you. And I finally cleared you. Yeah. Well, okay. And that feels divine, because I am blessed. But, yeah, no, it's true. It's just an integral part of it. And you'll always get reviewed.

And if it's a good review, you're screwed. And if it's a bad review, you're screwed. There's just no winning. Also, you have to make that decision. If you're going to not validate the bad reviews, you have to make it. Yeah, I'm not allowed to. I am pretty good about not reading it. But it just seeps through, like, by osmosis.

I mean, you can't really safeguard yourself. No. I used to have my mother would, I don't read anything. I just don't. And then you hear, if there's some really good stuff, people will tell you to you. And I'll say, oh, really? That bates you. That bates you.

Yeah. And then my mom, who meant well, but she would say things like, I'd say, oh, this latest thing I did. People seem to really like it. And she'll say, yeah, I don't know what's wrong with that writing. at the Boston Herald Tribune Dispatch. And I'll say, is that even a paper? Well, it's a supermarket circular. And I'd say, oh, but I don't think you have beady eyes and lifeless lips.

And it would all be under the guise of defending me. Yeah. I don't think you're with completely devoid of talent and a cancer on humanity. Oh, well, okay. And then years later, it would be like five years later, well, Mom, they just gave me the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm still angry at that writer. You know what his name was? Brian McElhaney.

What? I know where he lives. But it was her way of exercising it. But yes, you hear about the good. You hear about the bad. You can't hide from it. Yeah. But I am very, very, I don't know, very happy for you.

This new project, I have to be full disclosure, which I love, and I have a little bit of a weird history with. A lot of bit. Which is the beast is. me wouldn't exist if it weren't for you well i don't know about that it's such a good script and david kissinger who was a long time uh associate of mine um and just a brilliant guy he said i found this script the script came my way and you have to read it and i read it and it's that classic thing it it was just a page turner we did our best to shop it around and this was a bunch of years ago it was a Slow burn. It was very hard to berth. But we did it. Yeah. And then so I am, you know, was some part of the story quite a while ago, and I'm very upfront about this is a terrific project. And Howard Gordon is, took the helm. And so many people have come in and done an amazing job. And I take no credit for any of that. You know, I'm happy I was involved early on. But I'm just thrilled.

I don't think you're fairly representing yourself, but okay. All I wanted was a walk-off. Yeah, no. That never worked out, yeah. I always shoot the camera, look right into lens and wink. And I give the thumbs up, and I'm like, Conan here! And you guys are like, cut! You're just the butler.

Shut up. But how did this come to you? Because I remember it was quite a while ago. Yeah. But you are very hard to, it's hard to get Claire Dane's because you are a busy person. Sure, even though rejection was the first thing that came to my mind when my son asked me that question. Yeah, we were deep, deep in COVID times. So we were all in our, you know, respective bubbles. And Jody Foster reached out to me because she was going to direct it

at one point. And she and I known each other for a long time now. Yeah. And I read it and similar to you, just it, you know, it was immediately clear that this was a, this was a great conceit and, and a really vivid character. Yep. And I loved the kind of Hitchcockian feeling of it. And, but, you know, it's in contemporary time, but it's all, it's a very classic. Yeah. I really wanted to know what happened next.

And so did everybody, when involved in. making it. It took us a long time to figure that out. And it went through a few different iterations. And it was tricky defining the, let's call him the antagonist, that other lead character that Matthew ended up playing. It cycled through a lot of different names. One of them was Cyrus, which is my eldest son's name. And I said, time out, no. I can't be having a torture relationship with Cyrus. That's going to be tricky for me. So anyway, ended up being Nile.

Anyway, I think it really works. Thank God, you never know. You don't ever know. Not even when you're making it. Maybe especially when you're making it when you're in the, yeah. Well, that piece that was missing was who is this guy? He's playing opposite you. And then one day, David Kissinger called me and he said,

we're thinking about. That's a good Kissinger. Yeah, David Kissinger. He's like, we're thinking about, you know, And it was kind of like, what's your take on Matthew Reese? And I said, only one of the most charming, amazing people I've ever met. And a major man crush of mine. And so, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not that my yay or nay. He's very crushy, isn't he? Yeah, it's annoying. Yeah. It's annoying. Yeah. No, he's kind of stupid, impressive and charismatic. It's like uncomfortable.

It's so funny, too, how it seems to be a. prerequisite that actors who are very charismatic and kind and affable can play sinister so well. And I think there's something, I've noticed that in sketches or any time that I've done some version of acting, I really enjoy being an asshole. And it's not because I'm not. It's that it's so contrary to the face that I put out there. Yeah. I've never played. played like an overt batty. And to be fair, Nile isn't, there's, it's not supposed to be overt. No, no, no. It's not overt. He does not play it that way. And that's really was another reason why this appealed to me because I thought their dynamic was so surprising and unusual and

fun because they're kind of in love with each other and, and they're antagonists. That happens a lot in love. I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. You brought this thing you never know, and that's another thing that it's a theme that really fascinates me, is you can get all these great, amazing, there's no way we can lose people together. And I remembered early on in this project, one of the first meetings that I took was Jody Foster came in. And we had this meeting with her, and she's this iconic, incredible actor, director. and meeting's over and I said that's one of the smartest people

I've ever had it. I mean, I just was so impressed with her. But you get all these people together, chemistry. There's something about, something magical happens and I've found it so many times

in my career is, if I point to the things that have gone well, I couldn't have told you beforehand. Yeah, yeah. There's some kind of little spark that happens

that nobody can control. You do the best you can, but it's like the weather. You just don't know. Yeah, I mean, you try, you do what you can, and that gives you a better chance of, you know, finding that elusive, you know, mystical, magical thing that we all are aiming for.

Yeah. But, yeah, well, I'm just thrilled for all of you guys. Thanks. Go us. Yeah, I just wish I had a piece of the merch. Beast in me, action figures. Yeah. I'm always looking for the merch.

I have to ask you a question about I was absolutely a fanatic for Homeland and loved it. And found out only later on that you got to regularly meet with people who did special ops, people who did basically spycraft. And I thought, oh my God, I would do any project where I get to talk to those people. It was amazing. It was maybe a couple seasons in. One of the writers of the show, Henry Bermel, who actually passed away way too early, he was crazy gifted. But his dad was in the CIA, and so his, I guess, his uncle also, you know, anyway, this man who was very closely connected to him was in the CIA and at a very senior position, just retired.

And so this became his project where he would assemble, which we ended up calling SpyCamp. every year. And there was a club for Spooks in D.C. and we would meet there for about five days. Just as the writers were starting to think about what the season might be, and we interviewed a pretty wide range of people within that universe, people from within the CIA and also ambassadors and senators and, you know, journalists. And we, we Skyped with Snowden when that wasn't such a kind of common thing. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Before he had his own Sirius X-M channel.

Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, and we would get these forecasts. And it was dizzying. We were so drained by the end of every day because it would start at 9 and it just didn't stop. There was this revolving door of, you know, fascinating people who were telling you. horrifying things. Yeah, it's almost like you don't want to know how the kitchen works.

I mean, there are times where I've little moments where I've been brought face to face with the fact that everyone's doing their job the best that they can, but we're human beings and it's a insane world out there. And if you are aware,

I think it's one of the problems today is that we're all hyper-aware all the time because of 24-7 news. We're all hyper-aware of every single possibility for danger all the time. And I think that's not meant to be. Just to live your day and get up and make the waffles for the kids. And then say, yeah, exactly, whatever. And I think I'll go get some, I need to get some shoes. Oh, I also need a Bluetooth speaker. You need to exist on that level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But for you to be made aware by these specialists of every single insane

thing that's happening all the time. Yeah. And they, you know, they would contradict each other. You know, that was, it was fascinating. I don't know. There was something kind of consoling about it too because I could see that they were all very invested at the very least. Everybody cared a lot. They didn't all agree with each other.

But, you know, that was a long time ago. I have no idea what that environment is like now. I really can only imagine. They may have wiped your mind. They may have. Men in black. They may have. Yeah.

But no, I mean, actually just doing that show was an amazing way to metabolize what was happening politically, you know, to be able to kind of reflect on it and make something of it to comment on it like that was helped me. It helped me feel a little more active, you know, and now I'm just, you know, I'm in the much more passive position of just, you know, absorbing it and gawking and worrying. And, you know, so I miss that. I've had a few moments that I'm sure you have, too. I think you went to a White House correspondence dinner when Obama was president,

and you have these moments of meeting these people. And then you see the people around them. I was at some event years ago, and I believe President Obama was there. And then I went back to use the bathroom at one. point i think i was emceeing something i went back and i see some military guys and there's like the nuclear football and you're thinking uh they just seem like people and they probably are and it's it's more than i want to know i want to think do you know what i mean that there's like a golden palace somewhere right right right no uh and look i'm sure i don't even know what i saw but uh it's just

a feeling of when you get around power like that when you get behind the scenes it's why I'm not a conspiracy theorist. Whenever I've had a chance to peek behind the curtain just a little bit, what I see is people like me doing the best they can. Right, right. And that's why I, I don't know. I don't think that it's, I don't think there are just masterminds. If there are masterminds, they're probably working at a tech company. Yeah. Yeah. They're not working. Yeah. No, there is something kind of unsettling about that for sure. You sort of are like, oh, you look down and there's no net. But, yeah, I don't know. That was a wild ride.

How many seasons was it all told I'm trying to remember? Eight, eight seasons. And we filmed all over. And draining, too, I would think. Yeah, but it was, I never worked on anything for that long. And there was something really wonderful about being part of a company. And, you know, earning that history. and you then develop a kind of fluency

that is so helpful. We were so efficient. And it was so intimate. And yeah, and I just loved that feeling of like efficacy. And we would parachute. We, you know, we filmed all over the place. The first three seasons were primarily in Charlotte, North Carolina, which was standing in for D.C.,

but there were like a month in Tel Aviv or, you know. But then it became this international show, and we shot a season in Cape Town, which was, again, standing in for a very different place, but, you know, Afghanistan. I thought you were going to say Cleveland. Sure. We couldn't shoot in Cleveland, so we went to Cape Town, South Africa, for Cleveland. Yeah, and then we shot a season in Morocco. We shot a season in Berlin, you know, a couple months in Budapest.

My son, Cyrus, went to school in all these places. Like, he still can't eat cuss-coos because he ate it every day at his school. What a great experience for a kid, though, because through osmosis, he's getting a taste of all these cultures at a really good early age. Yeah, and he, you know, he doesn't really share that with his siblings. Cyrus, I mean, Rowan was, I was also pregnant with Rowan shooting the show, but he was little. He was, you know, he was like a baby by the end of it. So, wasn't like, I mean, Cyrus was raised on that set, too. and Leslie Linkett, Gladder, our primary director,

she would literally like cradle him and, you know, and then eventually while she was directing and then eventually he would call action and cut. And, yeah, I remember when he was a toddler, he was like three. Get really mad at me. He would say, back to one, mommy. Back to, they shouldn't even know that.

I know. I was like, what? Back to one. Back to one. So on the set, you're back. to your first positions at the end of a take. But anyway. It's funny because my daughter, I remember when she was maybe three,

she was really small and she said something like we were, I was in the kitchen and she said, yeah, I asked for orange juice and then cut to you not getting the orange juice. And I was like, cut to because I spoke that way all the time after just years of being in comedy. And yeah, I thought, oh my God. three-year-old is saying cut to um so yeah i think that's how i told her bedtime stories and then cut to evil monster uh i used to try to frighten her to go to sleep um but yeah i just uh they just

pick up the lingo they're around yeah and he would be on a playground and he would kind of teeter up to another kid and say my name is i was i speak english because it wasn't a given that you know the other person necessarily would and i thought oh that's cool Like he understands that the world is big and it holds many different kinds of people within it. And probably also he's very fluent in, you know, his percentages. What do I get from this? Do I, yeah. Yes, there's a lot of that generally.

Where do I get from this? What do I get? Yeah. Then my kid's very interested, my son, very interested in. What do I get out of this? There's a lot of talk of fairness. You get nothing and you'll like it. Yeah.

It's so funny because you got started so young, I mean, to me, seemingly had success right away. I'm sure that's not how it would feel to you, but you had the success right away. And then you did something that I always think is a great decision, is you decided, well, I got to go to school. Yeah. You know, I mean, I didn't stay there. I didn't graduate. But I sure did go. If you didn't graduate, you have to leave right now.

We only take college graduates here. You did two years at Yale. I did two years. I was very present while I was there. I really did apply myself for those during those two years. You did Romeo and Juliet, I think in 96. Is that right? Yeah, I was 16 when I did that.

And then you did that and then you went to school or was it after? Yeah. Yes, I went to, gosh, I don't remember, but I took, I deferred a year. I did a movie. I made a movie called Broke Down Palace and I just also just like had a minute and went. And that first year was just a. amazing. I was so happy. I mean, I was totally overwhelmed and out of my depths, but I was just so thirsty. And boy, did I find water. Thirsty for. I think, you know, I didn't really go to high

school. I was tutored on set. And so I really had a deficit. Like, I mean, it was a- So you want a community of people your age. I was lonely. I didn't realize how lonely I was. So, but yeah, but It turns out, like, all those, it was unorthodox, but those extracurriculars of, like, working on those sets kind of amounted to something. So I was, you know, that was a choppy initial month. Yep. But once I sort of got my bearings and figured out basically how to write an essay, I realized, oh, I can kind of do this. And it was just, it was just a blast. I mean, again, it was exhausting.

and I, yeah, but, but, but, but, but, but wonderful. And it was so nice to just think, like, for the sake of it, you know, and be making friends who I wasn't, I don't know, working with formally, you know. Yeah, and that's a connection that you can have the rest of your life. Yeah, and I, you know, all those cliches turned out to be true. It's still some of my dearest friends. And actually, there's a, woman named Sarah Treem, whom I'm a writer who was in my same year. I didn't really know her during that time, but she's become a really, really close friend. So she kind of insisted that I go to the, I don't know, which anniversary or, or they don't call them that, do they. Reunion. Reunion. And I felt like not at all entitled because I didn't have my, you know, my stamp and my certificate of, but it was so great to go. And actually, Hugh and,

I took the kids. We kind of went on a staycation to New Haven at the end of our Christmas break this year. We were feeling a little restless and we really wanted Pepe's Pizza. So we went and stayed at like the nicest hotel in New Haven, which is, you know, just fine. And we didn't even go to like see campus, but, you know, of course, we were there. So we kind of stumbled on, you know, into it. And oh, I was very moved by it. It was so beautiful. And I thought, what the What was I complaining about there with my three kids? I got to sit in these unbelievably gorgeous spaces and read. People that are lucky enough to go to college,

and not everyone is lucky enough to go to college, obviously. But if you're fortunate enough to go, I say, just keep in mind this is a small period of your life where you get to be, you're not with your parents, you're with these other people, your age and your job is to think thoughts and read books and it's really magical and then of course all I can think about when I was there was you know in college was I got to get out of here and get going on my career sure and okay what's the hurry yeah yeah that's how it is I mean I that's that is

why I left because I did you know in aggregate it had been about three years since I had done any acting and when I went to college I mean I really was giving I was wondering in a genuine way, if that was what I wanted to commit the rest of my adult life to. And it turned out, sure, yes, in fact. I mean, it's actually interesting. The couple years just following my time at college were a little hard because I had to kind of, my academic self had become very developed. And I forgot that a lot of acting is just an intuitive, like, visceral.

experience and exercise, and I had to just, you know, be a raw nerve and not do so much thinking. But when I'm, you know, choosing a role or, you know, when I'm trying to make sense of the story and it's, in it, formally, boy, did those, did that time and that institution, yeah, it really comes in handy at those points. And there's plenty of that. But, um, So, but yeah, I had to kind of compartmentalize. But, yeah, I thought I could do a movie a summer and, like, I forgot how much work goes into getting work and I was not able to read a script when I was really immersed in college. What's not realistic, I don't think, to say, what did you do with your summer? I helped out at a camp, and I was in charge of the canoes.

What did you do? I shot a movie in Budapest. Yeah. It's hard to. Yeah. I mean, I, if it had worked out, I mean, I was actually going to do something with Jody and a film with Jody and it fell apart. I mean, it just things, it's, there's nothing predictable about our job. And you can't say, I'm starting on July 1st and ending August 17th. It, yeah, it didn't work that way for me. Well, I want to make sure I hit this because the beast in me is out now. And it is this project that I foresaw. a bunch number of years ago and it just gobsmacked me it's really terrific and then the fact that now it's you and matthew reese and howard gordon and it's just this incredible team and uh i'm

i'm happy for people to see this yeah me too i'm so glad we finally get to share it yeah um you know that's fun yeah um i hope they enjoy it i really do i believe they will i believe they will and i think I know, I don't think anyone knows more about show business than I do. I'm going to take a second here and say, I think your daughter does. Cut two. That's true. That's true.

At two, she knew the language better than I do. Yeah, I'm so happy for you. You're obviously you're such a talented performer, but you're a really good person. Oh, thank you, Colin. And I love talking to you.

Oh, same same. Very happy for you. Thank you, mate. And so all good things. Thanks. And I'm coming to your house for waffles. Great. Are they good waffles? No. Do you think you could up your waffle game a little bit? I know I

could. Okay. Let's get on that. Well, thanks for being here so much. Thank you for having me. Oh, you don't want to go home. Well, me. Yeah. Well, I don't mind going home. I already watched the summer I turned pretty today, so I'm all caught up in case anyone's wondering. Team Conrad. For reals, bro?

I don't know. I heard someone say that. I've never seen it. Oh, man, I was so excited. I can only talk to two other people about it. I hope you're talking about character actor Conrad Janice. Oh. It's so hard.

I went a different way and you couldn't do it. Is Conrad Janice the dad on Morgan Mindy? Yep. That's right. You guys, it's really hard to do this with you too sometimes. It's really hard. Hackiest opening ever of a TV show. I'm trying to remember.

Because the song is like, you guys are ticking in. And they show, you know, Morg and Mindy and all that. And then they go, and then at one point, it breaks into classical music in Conrad, Janice is going,

that, like that. And then they pan over and the old lady, and it turns to rock and roll and she's got a guitar and she's doing it. And you're like, oh my God,

this is awful. What an awful decade. All right, let's go. Okay. Let's do another review, the reviewer. This is where we go to Apple Podcast. We pull out a five-star review.

We review the review itself. Nice. There's a twist. Yeah. They think they're reviewing us, we're reviewing them. Exactly. They get a taste of their old medicine. Good one.

And this one actually calls back to a discussion we had a while back on the podcast, but I think it's worth revisiting. This is from Brian 80, 86, A.D.E. 86. It's called a losing battle. Fighting the good fight to keep Conan O'Brien is the first Conan that pops up on my Google search. Yes. Unfortunately, my teenage daughters are fighting diligently against me. and in favor of Conan Gray. Yeah, remember this?

He's a singer. I'm told he's quite good. But is he? Yeah, he is my question. I'm going to put Conan into Google here. Conan the Barbarian followed by Conan O'Brien, followed by Conan Gray. Yeah.

I don't see why Conan the Barbarian is still popping. I mean, that movie hasn't been relevant in 40 years. Well, there was a remake with Jason Mamoa a few years ago. Yeah, there was. So maybe that gave it a little steam. There's two Conan movies plus a Red Sonia, plus the remake. Oh, my God, you have so much knowledge.

And I think there's a new Red Sonia movie coming. So there's a Conan, oh, good. Guess what? There's a Conan and Sona here, but we are still battling Conan and Red Sonia. Let's see what comes up first, Sonia or Sonia. I have to say, by the way, I just asked Chat GPT, who is the most famous Conan, and Conan O'Brien came up first. I love Chat GPT, and guess what? This is proof that AI is not going to work.

Yeah, it's broken. Chat GPT is broken. We just proved that it will not. not take over the world. Conan is the superior, Conan. Wait, what? Wait, did you put in Sono? It comes in.

Well, you guys spell each other. You spell your names differently. She's I-A. No, she's J-A. What? I think. Red So-D. What do you mean, I think?

You know. That's anti-American. Let's see. Am I wrong? Well, she is, isn't she red? Does that mean she's a commie? No, she's like a barbarian. Oh, my God.

She's a redhead. And guess what? I'm a redhead. And I'm a proud patriot. I kind of want to bully you for not being nerdy enough. Here's the Sona.

Oh, man. Oh, man, I'm going against, no, I can't do that. Hey, you're in there. Are in the Sona. I know, but I'm never going to be. Why can't, wait a minute. You, that's big.

What is an Indian singer? I can't, I can't go up against that. Sona. Will you put this in perspective? When you ask AI, who are the famous Sona's, you're number three. Yeah, that's cool. You came from nothing.

You were a lump of clay that, and I breathe life into you. You know what I mean? You're like a puppet that came to life 10 minutes ago when it's wondering why you don't have more followers. That's ridiculous. I just want, I want to be able to get to like share where I just am one name.

Oh, there it is. Okay, here are the bullet points for you. A longtime assistant of late night TV host, Conan O'Brien, not sure who that is. And a popular co-host of his podcast, Conan O'Brien, needs a friend. She is the author of the humorous book, The World's Worst Assistant. Hey.

Wow. Look at you. That's me in two sentences. It really is. That's it. No, you're more than that. I'm proud of that. I'm proud of that.

I'm saying you're more than that. Negative things, but you're more than that. I didn't mean good things. But you're so much more. That's like 2%. Most of the iceberg is beneath the water. I'm just going to spend. And all negative.

All day. Googling Conan Gray. So he just beats you as the most Googled guy. You know, I really am not familiar with the work of Conan Gray. But I understand he's very talented. But I think he, if he was coming for you, he would have taken you by now. Yeah, he's a handsome guy.

How can I supplant? I don't want to hear about Conan the Barbarian anymore. Yeah. You know, I've been hearing about Conan the Barbarian since I was like 10 years old. I don't want to hear about him anymore. We have to make this a project to diminish Conan the Barbarian

and enhance Conan O'Brien. How do we do it? Maybe we give you a fantasy comic of your own, you know? Oh, that's a way. Or I could start working out. Like, I'm sure I'm at that age where muscle just springs out of me. doesn't as you get older isn't it easier to put on muscle i forget which way to i think it's

easier yeah you should play conan the barbarian yes then it's just like an or a boris and you're red so you're eating yourself good for you and i'll be red sonia oh wait sona well sonna are up you know what we should start doing a thing where i'm like i don't know we yes we want to skim off their fame without feeding them how do we do that i don't want to feed their fame in any way with our fame i think you what i'm saying is you You eat the fame. You become Conan, the barb. You beat, like, you can totally beat out Jason.

I can't even finish saying that sentence. I'm so sorry. I've met and talked to Jasonamoa many times, wonderful guy. But I have said to him, I could take you in a second. You can't, though. I could. Why do you think you could take him up? You could take him to lunch in a second.

No, okay. That's not. Okay. I see what you're doing. I see you're doing. You're saying take you in two different ways. No. Take him a lunch.

I know how I would do it. I know how I would do it. It's important that he's asleep when I attack. That's the first thing. Okay, then you have a shot. You do. And sedated. Yeah, and sedated. And sick. And that the part, the font now, the font, I'm hoping that he hasn't a, he doesn't have a closed font nail that it never closed. His skull never closed when he was an infant. Uh-huh. I need a weak spot. Yeah. But I think of all those things are true. I think here's what you have to do. You have to enlist your legion of listeners to start just Googling your name and not Conan the Barbarian. Yeah. Right now, ask them to just Google your name multiple times a day for the next 10 years and you know what people's going to say something

sometimes there's this misconception that the important things right now are you know trying to get some resolution uh but you know between ukraine and russia or global warming anything like that and i think no no that's important right now we start with yeah googling conan o'brien several times a day we really could do this what is what is your fan base called do we have a name do they have a name team cocoa is it is that what it is that what it is yeah Your fan base is just the name of your company? It would be like if Taylor Swift's company was called Swifties. No, it started with fans being Team Coco, and then we just said, well, let's just name the company that.

Yeah. Well, it started where... There's a movement. Team Jacob and team back in Twilight. And then Tom Hanks said, I'm Team Conan. Team Coco. I'm Team Coco. He said, I'm Team Coco.

That's right. But it was Team Edward, Team Jacob. and then Tom Hanks was like, I'm Team Coco. Yeah, during a little fracas I was having at the time. And he said, I'm Team Coco, and that took off. So thank you to Tom Hanks for the whole second half of my career. Seriously, he did a solid. Always a good friend.

So Team Coco rise up. Yeah. And so then, you know, it was a great, powerful grassroots movement that I then monetized. Let's see if we can do this. For the next week. Hey, this is really heartfelt and pure. Let's attach a money wheel to it. Or a Boris.

Or Aborce. So, let's try and experiment. For the next week, if every listener would please Google Conan O'Brien, as often as you think you can. And then we'll check in to see if it's beating Conan, the barbarian. Yeah. That's the project beat Conan. Yeah. Yeah.

And remember, just put global warming. Everything else on hold. Yeah, turn off your AI mode on your Google search, though, so you don't burn all of the energy of the world. But Google has an AI search mode that it does on its own. And when you use that, it burns up all this water just because all the servers that it does. I don't get, I don't understand computers. We had something really good going here and then you got us into this. Conserve water.

Yeah, I want to hear more about your commentary on the summary. I turned pretty. Oh, we were doing that before. Sorry, just kidding. Wow. Team Conrad, that's, that's, okay. But I only learned to say that because someone else said, I have no idea. Where, did you hear that somewhere?

Michael Sarah, getting impatient. Because it is the real, it's good. Okay, I am team Conrad. I'm team, who's the other guy? Jeremiah. Oh, yeah. His brother. Oh, my God.

Can you believe it? Oh, can you believe it? So team Edward, team Jacob, team Conrad. I'm going to do my taxes over here on my phone. All right. It's doing my taxes here. Uh, all right. We're done.

Yeah, we're done. Oh, we were done a while ago. I've left. This is just a hologram. I'm in my car. People are going to be really excited to hear about that. About what? Team Conrad.

They are. They're really excited. You don't get it. Just, I thought we were out and you pulled this back on. Hey, Team Coco. Google, Google, in the summer I turned crazy. No, no. Don't get them Googling anything else.

What do you mean? Can you clean this up in editing, please, for God's sake. Of course, this one's out of control. Okay. Yeah, you had it right. Okay. Peace out. Shadrack.

Shadrack. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goorley. Produced by me, Matt Goorley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair,

and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Byrne. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brick Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien, needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.