Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Comedy Crimes with Andy Daly

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

Conan and special guest Andy Daly chat with Peter in Framingham, MA about working for the CPCS Innocence Program, the best sources of DNA, and how to bring comedy into difficult conversations. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hey, Peter, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan. How are you? We're great, Peter. I want to get right into this because you are from Framingham, Massachusetts,

which is not far from where I grew up in old Brookline, Massachusetts. And where are you right at this moment? At this moment, I'm in Framingham. Oh, you're in Framingham? In my office slash playroom. Okay, cool. And real quick, we have someone special here with us today. Yeah, very special.

Is it me? Yes, it is you. Please introduce our friend. Well, Andy Daley, who was on the podcast, is joining us as well for this fan episode. So Peter, meet Andy. Hello, Peter. Hello, Andy. Pretty incredible to meet all three of you.

This is great. A big fan of all three, including, review I watched when that came out. I loved that. Oh, Conan loves this. Conan loves a compliment for me. Keep going, Peter. Keep going going.

What else? Did you happen to see Yogi Bear, the motion picture? That was in 3D. I'm enraged by anyone getting a compliment, even my children, but not Andy Daley, who is a true genius. I am fascinated. Yes, I'm very happy that Andy's joining us, but you, sir, work for the DNA Innocence Project, and this fascinates me

because I want to get away with the perfect murder one day, one day very soon, and this involves you, Andy. Is that what you think of when you hear the DNA Innocence Project is how can you get away with the perfect murder? Yes. This is noble work, Conan. Well, I know they're helping people and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I've got to get away with the perfect murder.

Doesn't you just saying you want to get away with the perfect murder mean you're never going to get away with the perfect murder? I'm trusting that no one's listening right now. Well, that's fair. Okay, well, Peter, let's get serious for a second. This is incredible work that you do. Tell us a little bit about it. It's obviously, this is science base, but there's also the law. Are you a practicing lawyer as well?

Yes, yep. So that's what I, it's the, it's actually the public defender's office innocence program for the statewide instance program. So I'm a DNA litigator essentially. I'm kind of focused on DNA, but there are a few other attorneys, including the director of the program, who focus on everything having to do with a wrongful conviction, including police misconduct, eye witness, bad eyewitness, testimony, stuff like that. But, I, My focus is DNA and trying to get DNA testing to prove innocence. I mean, DNA is, and the science of DNA detection is really a godsend because we're able to now solve these crimes and prove people innocent when that wasn't possible 25 years ago. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's really incredible how far it's come. Just even in the last 10 years, they've made a lot.

But yeah, there's a lot of cases that are from the 80s, 90s, that people have been incarcerated for 30 years, 40 years. And thanks to DNA, the discriminating power of figuring out that one person that it is or isn't, it's pretty incredible that we're able to test those things now and get somebody out. I think if you did not commit a murder, you should not go to jail for it, right? And you should be led out of jail for the murder that you didn't commit it. But I'm not so short. Wait a minute. Hold a minute. Bold take.

That's insane. In my opinion, if you've been in jail. Someone's got to be in prison. But this is what I'm saying. I mean, that's space that we have built for people to be in prison. You got to put someone in there. I absolutely agree. Where did they did or did it into it?

No, but I'm saying the opposite. I disagree. If you've been in jail for like, 40 years for committing a murder and then it turns out you didn't do it. I, in my opinion, they should let you out of jail. However, another bold take. I don't think necessarily the person who did do it should, I mean, if you get away with something for like 40 years, you should, they should be able to.

You know, just pat him on the back and say congratulations. You think statute of limitations on murder. It's more than that. You're actually saying like you deserve something for your wileiness or something. I think so. Oh, so not just. It's like a reward. Not just you don't, not just you don't go to.

But you also get a new car. A new car would be great. I mean, anybody could use it. But I think some kind of acknowledgement that you are the top, you're in the top echelon of smart people in our world that you got away with a murder for 40 years. You'll lock somebody like that up. No, I think you bring up a very bad point. But this is, I mean, it really is incredible.

Wait a minute. What? Spoken like something. someone who's gotten away with murder for a long time. That's true. I'm just saying if you, like, killed somebody in college, whatever, just because a bunch of guys were out and it seemed like a fun thing to do. If all these years later, you're 55 years old, you have a family, you're successful in show business.

You work in comedy. Yeah, you work in comedy or whatever. And a new car would be great. Anyone could use it. Peter, did you ever think the Innocence Project could be so funny? I mean, this is the important thing. It's just good to laugh. Laughs are the cure for everything.

Okay, well, so here's the question. What are the best ways, because I do want to get some real information, and then back to your idiocy, Andy. But the best ways to, what are the best sorts of, of DNA? Is it saliva? Is it blood? Is it semen? Is it hair? What are the best ones? Is it DNA? Well, the... Yeah, just DNA in a bottle. The very best that, I mean, because it just stays around so long is bone, but that's not

what we really see in our work for like what we'll see in a case. Usually it's going to be blood, uh, semen. Those are probably hair now. That's kind of more recent as far as... People don't leave behind bone at the scene of the crimes that they commit. You know what I love? I love a guy who's back from a crime and he's really smart. He's like, well, a perfect murder eye. Well, damn it, where's my tibia? I have to sneak back in and get my tibia.

You mean, I need to limp back in and put my tibia back in this leg bone sack. You're telling me, the bone man killer leaves one of his... bones in every murder scene? How is this man walking around? So wait a minute. You can, I didn't realize bone was such a good source of DNA. For how long? Could you prove that like a triceratops killed a stegasaurus?

At what point can you find the bone but there's no DNA? That's a good question. I don't know the answer to. Do you agree with me that it would be pointless to put that triceratops in jail at this point? And that triceratops, that triceratops should get a car. Yes! A specially made car Hey, that triceratops is chewing around that new Nissan leaf

Oh, you haven't heard about him? We're idiots and we apologize But at the same time, we're doing what we do And these are the murders we commit These are called comedy crimes But we're right to commit a crime It's almost impossible not to shed something I've got a lot of hair

rather distinctive hair. It's very hard not to shed some DNA, maybe even impossible, because aren't we shedding skin cells all the time? I know I am. That was. Had a sexual connotation and it doesn't compute. He's so proud of the skin cells.

How is the party? Pretty good. I'm pretty sure I left some dead skin there. What do you think conception is? I'm sorry. Peter, please. Please, continue. I mean, isn't it kind of impossible not to leave some DNA?

Yeah. I mean, like you said, shedding. So skin cells, if you touch anything, you're going to leave some touch DNA, some skin cells back there, wherever you're touching. You're going to, a hair's going to fall out. Saliva. If you're talking, you know, that could come out. I just had an idea. I would have myself laminated before I committed a murder.

Fed into one of those laminating machines that does business cards and stuff. So you leave no DNA. but a guy walks into a building who's completely laminated. Completely laminated. And expects to get away with it. Kind of hops, shuffle hops in. It might be a little loud. Can I come in, please?

No. Could you kill yourself? Police? I can't like, can't move my hands. Yeah, we're just shedding stuff all the time. It's incredible. It's incredible. No, it's true.

We just can't, you know. And the other. thing is, I guess a big problem is you, the police come to a crime scene and they leave their own DNA, they're eating their donuts and they're, you know, walking around with their nightsticks and saying, move it along now, move it along. So they contaminate a scene. So you have to make sure you, you, you, that their DNA doesn't mess stuff up, right? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Blay mentioned that, that he could, he had the idea of bringing in a spray bottle of blood or like a, I don't know, like a garden hose of cement or something like that. Garden house. I was just saying,

If semen lasts a long time, you could potentially carry a Ziploc bag full of a lot of different kinds of seamen and then just throw it around. Hey, I've got that. I've been wondering what to do with it. I've got nine different kinds of semen in a bag in my garage. Different kinds? Yes. I jerked off a grasshopper. This one's called wet velvet.

This one's called... Different strains? Yeah. Called the opal. Avenger. I feel bad because you're doing really good work, Peter. We haven't even let the guy talk. We haven't even let you talk because I just said I jerked off a grasshopper.

And you're a really smart, good man who's trying to help people. And we're awful. We're just awful people. That of us can watch Dumbo ever again. Or I need to see it right away. Pick your poison. Peter, I'm curious, and I'm desperately trying to keep this on an even keel. But is the science, it just keeps advancing.

I would guess that it's just going to get better and better and better. Is that correct? Yeah, it is. I mean, there's new stuff coming out now about, you know, we've been able to, the last few years get something from a seven trillions of a gram of material and take that and turn that into a DNA profile. And now we're at the point where we can take, you know, some fractured DNA and then run that through your family tree and figure out, okay, well, this person from that family was in that area around the time. Wow. And sort that. It's pretty, it's amazing stuff.

There's something that fascinates me. I listen to my history buff. I also enjoy crime stuff. I listened to a very long podcast recently about the Lindbergh kidnapping. And in the 1930s, Charles Lindberg's son is kidnapped from the home. And they got some ransom notes. And many people for a long time have said the person who was convicted and sent the electric chair, Bruno Hauptman possibly didn't do it. And there's one way they could really tell is if they

took the stamps off of the envelopes, which they still have in New Jersey, they still have the stamps and test that DNA. It might, it wouldn't maybe exclude Hauptman, but if his DNA is on one of the stamps, they know that he definitely was one or the only person who, uh, who, uh, who, he's, um, he. He's, who committed the crime. And the New Jersey refuses to do it. Why? They won't, they just, they won't say, but they just say, we don't want to do it. I suspect it's because what if they test it?

And there's a chance that Bruno Helptman didn't write any of those notes. They sent this guy out of the electric chair. But everyone's dead. Yeah. Why not? And I don't know why they do it. And I think they've sometimes said, well, it's a historic document. We don't want to destroy, to test the DNA that they'd have to destroy some evidence.

but I don't understand why they wouldn't. You could find out, they could find out, they could test it today and tell us what the answer is in a couple of weeks. Yeah. I mean, we actually see that kind of a lot in our work where we're kind of asking DA's offices, the prosecution offices, to test something because part of the process is getting them to agree to it or, you know, fighting about that in court. And a lot of the time they're saying, no, we just, we don't think that we don't think that.

we should. Yeah, because basically, sometimes it's we worked really hard, we've got this person, we think we have a pretty good, they're in prison, we don't, it says it would be a naturally a frightening thing for them, it shouldn't be, but a frightening thing for them to maybe admit, oh shit, he didn't do it, she didn't do it, that would be, so they'd rather just not find out? I mean, sometimes they have other reasons, too, like in the grand calculus of the case, does it actually matter that much or not? I mean, in this one, obviously, that would be helpful to know. I think the question for New Jersey is, you know, do they think that the science isn't there?

Because saliva can deteriorate faster as far as a DNA biological sample. So, you know, do they think that they can use the signs, probably the newest signs that I just was talking about kind of like getting little fragments of DNA maybe they could do. But it is something that we try to fight for getting autistic, just like what they should be doing with the envelope stamp. This is why when I send a letter, I use blood and semen on the stamp. Oh, no. I'm not going to help you at all. Oh, you're right.

It's the worst thing I can do. And it also takes so much time. What kind of semen, though? And which goes first? As long as you have a cricket handy and a little cricket porn. Cricket porn. I showed on a little projector to a cricket. Oh, for Christ's sake.

We were doing so well, too, for a second. No, you're right. Well, no, I think my... Oh, for a second there. For a second there, I think we were on an even keel. I'm New Jersey's behalf. New Jersey doesn't have a lot of cool stuff. You're from New Jersey.

I'm from New Jersey. So you don't think they have the science that the rest of the world These envelopes are pretty cool. These are like the Lindbergh baby kidnapper envelopes. Right, because they got Billy Joel and these stamps, and that's about it. They don't really have Billy Joel. He's out there on Long Island. Oh, sorry.

You're right. They don't even have Billy Joel. They don't even have Billy Joel. New Jersey has nothing. No, that's not true. They had Bruce Springsteen for a while, but he just bought an island in Crete. And he's now a Greek citizen. So everyone's getting out of New Jersey.

Yeah. His last album was all about how amazing it is in Greece. And they say he's lost his toe. with his fans. Crete girl. The Aegean blues. I mean, just born in the Parthenon. I'll edit that out.

No, I don't think you will. I'll say I will. Why? You'll see. No, come on. Leave it in. It's good stuff. I enjoyed it.

And now I was talking about it makes it even better. I'll edit all this out. No. None of us are going to be a trace. How about you leave us and you take out Peter? All his good ones. work and it's just us jerking off crickets and singing Born in the Parthenon. I think what I'm learning is it's just good not to commit a crime because with the science,

and you'd think I'd have learned that from my early Christian teachings, but no, none of that stuck. I just really wasn't paying attention. I thought that none was hot. But since then, I just think it's who commits a crime now? Because you're going to People do do it. Oh, still, crimes are still having? I think so, yeah. People do commit crimes. You sure?

I think so. Some time to time. Are crimes of passion, the predominant type of crime, like, is premeditated crime just not as much a thing anymore? I don't know. I think it's still certainly a thing. That's good to know. Still happen. Yeah.

But they're not, I mean, they're not thinking as thoroughly as can I, you know, jerk off grasshopper and then use that. You know what, Peter, we've ruined you. Here now. They're going to play this to discredit you in course. I know. Oh, my God. Well, anyway, I Peter Tilly believe, oh, you do, do you? Exhibit A, a grasshopper. Yeah. Or cricket.

Cricket. A cricket. I believe we've invoked both over the course of this podcast. We've spoken of grasshoppers and crickets and their semen. Hey, you know what? Thanks for clearing up something that didn't need to be in any way, in no way needed to be straightened out. I just love you got right in there and fixed a thing that wasn't broken. I just wanted to say we've talked about both.

And I'd like to say it again. The other thing I think would come a long way is that people now understand DNA science and that it's a real thing better. I mean, in the OJ trial, it was still fairly new. And you could, you know, there was some sense that, what's all this medical science gobbledygook have to do with the fact that those gloves don't fit as well? well as we think they should, even though he's wearing other gloves. He had catchers mitts on when

they tried those gloves on. I'm sorry, I'm really getting deep into the case, but I think people should know it. It's up there with the Lindbergh thing. Is there anything you want to tell us or any questions you have for us? Because you're an expert in your area, but look at us. We're an expert in, oh, I just remembered who we are. Yeah, I mean, a big thing that I, you know, think about our encounter is I'm having difficult conversations with people all the time, you know, clients that I'm trying to work with. And I'm personally, I think, you know, comedy and being a little bit more lighter in conversation can go a long way, especially with somebody who's kind of

living day to day behind bars and I'm wondering if you have any tips about maybe how to bring comedy into conversations that I'm having. Oh my God. If you're talking to someone who's been wrongfully imprisoned and they're not sure they're going to get out of prison and you want advice from us on how to make your conversations with them when they've got like, what is it, one minute on the phone to talk to you and there's a long line of people behind them. This is a good time for jokes. I think, yeah. If you're like, well, Conan O'Brien and Andy Daley told me I've got some important information about your case, but first, a type five. I think I can get you out, but hold on. Oh, we got the evidence back and something I got to tell you that's going to change your life. But first, I was talking to Conan and Andy and Matt Goreley. I don't know. I have no advice here on this because I feel just ashamed that I'm talking to you.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how well. how you would lighten that moment. Yeah, or even funny voices. Like, you could tell them the things you need to tell them, but, like, in a funny voice. Let's hear a little of that. I don't know. Just, uh, I spoke to the attorneys.

I don't know. Evidence came back and you did it. I like your good news. That's delivering the good news. You have Donald Duck I mean have Have Donald Duck say Your Siemens all over the place

How he's And so is mine Because I don't wear pants Yeah So is mine I don't want to buy it The prisoner Get off and he's crying

He's laughing so hard And he gets back to his that one, his cellmate's like, oh, good news? No, terrible news. But Donald Duck told me. Peter, I think we've changed your life forever. You have. Hey, next time my brother lives in Natick,

and I've got family all over Massachusetts. So the next time I'm back, maybe we'll bump into each other. That'd be cool. That'd be wonderful. I want to shed some dry skin on you. I'm going to grab a little. I see you, I'm going to grab a... I'm going to keep a lufa in my back pocket.

It's like a guy that put shreds cheese onto your pasta. I'm going to come over and... There's a little something for you. Take that to the lab. Yeah. Plant this on a crime scene, you motherfucker. Peter, this was a delight. Thank you so much and keep doing great work.

Thank you. Thank you, very much. Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goreley. Produced by me, Matt Goreley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

Supervising producer Aaron Blair, Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a fan wherever fine podcasts are down there.