Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - D'Arcy Carden

Episode Date: April 6, 2020

Actress D’Arcy Carden feels hopeful about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. D’Arcy and Conan sit down to talk about bringing Janet to life on The Good Place, meeting her comedic heroes, babysitting for Bill Hader, and being rewarded for working hard and not asking too much. Later, Conan takes a look at an old college photo with his team. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

Hi, my name is Darcy Cardin, and I feel hopeful about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking blues, clad the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Normally, Don, with all of us in the same room, but because of the coronavirus pandemic, I am in my home in Los Angeles. Sona, Moisesian is joining us. What's this town called? Altadena. It's not that far.

It's an island in the North Sea, I believe. It's not an island, it's a small Los Angeles suburb by Pasadena. So to get to work, I'm told you take a small cargo plane that's coming this way anyway, is that right? I've asked everyone in Los Angeles, they don't know where Altadena is. I think you're making it up. Well, I don't think you know everywhere in LA. Ask me where any place is, and I'll tell you. Matt, you want to help me out? Where's Ladera Heights? Ladera Heights is if you take 134 through Las Calles Noches, and you go towards Nachos Fritos,

you will eventually come upon what looks like Pomona, but it's not Pomona, and then you go through the deserts of Chacos Robles. So don't question my authority. But anyway, Sona, is it true that when you go home at night, you have to stop and change currency? Is that true? It is not true that I have to change currency. That's absurd. I'm glad you found a home that's closer to your birthplace of Armenia. Oh my God. I'm happy for you.

It's north of Pasadena. There's nothing north of Pasadena. There's no known map of anything north of Pasadena. It's just scrubland. Some adventurers have headed out that way to see what's up there, but they've never returned, and later their bleached bones were found at a store that bleaches bones. Is that the new thing, bone bleaching? Yeah. I also want to make sure we mention also joining us remotely, and often he's emotionally remote, so it all works.

Matt Gorley. Yeah, I think I have to be emotionally remote to handle you sometimes. Well, let's not do that. Let's try and be friendly. We are all in the midst of a pandemic, the worst since 1918. We all have to maybe drop our former ways of giving each other a hard time. So I've tried to set the right tone by correctly... You said I took a cargo plane to work. That was a fact. How are you, Gorley?

I'm good. I live in the city directly next to Altadena. It's not that far. I've been to your house. It took like six days to get there. That's because you live somewhere near Channel Island. Quiet! I'll have silence. God, it's so hard to be Stalin when all the people in the polypure you're trying to have killed are on Zoom. That's what it feels like. I'm so mad right now at Beria, but I can't kill him because he's on Zoom. That's what this feels like. It's a terrible time to be a dictator.

Yes, I'm a dictator filled with wrath who's used to being able to have people destroyed immediately, but I'm just picturing right now all the dictators in history like Idi Amin or Hitler or Stalin, on Zoom and someone displeases them on Zoom and they're saying like, What? You? I want you to be shot and people are like, Wait, which one? That guy. That guy on the far right square. Well, no, that's not my far right square. That's your... On my computer, it's different. Which one are you talking about? That guy there who just said that. Shoot him. Shoot him immediately.

Well, no, we're not at his house. Should I come in and have myself shot? No, that defeats the purpose. I'm dying. I'll have you killed. I'll have you shot. All right, you can have that one sitting out live. Just cut me a check. Well, I'm here in my study, my sanctum, if you will, where I go and I think my thoughts. What? Gourly, let me inquire about your health because Sona's always healthy. She eats a lot of garlic and she's always healthy.

I've never seen Sona get sick ever. It's unbelievable. Well, now you jinxed me. No, I'm knocking wood. Okay, good. But Gourly, how are you? I'm good. I try to get out and run or walk each day, but my mental health, I feel like I'm starting to slip. And this was like starting what? Like four years ago? All the time I started this job. How does it manifest itself that your mental health is slipped?

I'm just talking to walls. I'm just looking out the window and just, I don't know, around nighttime is it when it hits because that's when it feels repetitive. And my wife and I are doing this like keeping a pandemic journal and my penmanship has gone from really legible to stroke victim. Are you keeping a pandemic journal? I don't think that's healthy. I don't think that's a good idea. I think just for fun, for, you know, if we have kids one day, you know, day 29. You're not going to read it. Your kids are not going to read your pandemic journal.

You don't know my kids. That's something a great, great grandchild finds later on in the Trump. Yeah, you know, I was just thinking that because I would read my great grandfather's Spanish flu journal. He died of the Spanish flu, I guess. Oh, is that true? I love how that cracked you up. That's messed up. Why don't you laugh? You went, oh, my grandfather, he died of the 1918 virus. I laughed because he obviously couldn't have written a journal.

Yeah, he could have. He could have been keeping a journal. And then the last page was like not feeling great. And then the line just goes down. The ink just goes down in a straight line. It gets worse. My mom just told me that he got up to shave one day and just died. Oh, I think he didn't die of the flu. Why do you say that? That doesn't sound right at all. As a non epidemiologist, I'm going to say a guy doesn't just sit up in bed and say, well, time for a shave.

Oh, no, flu, clang, eek, dead. None of that sounds right. A lot of the stories in my family are apocryphal, so who knows what really happened. I think he had a shaving accident. It could be. I keep a journal, Matt. I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. You keep a journal? I've been keeping one. I write one line a day in a five-year journal thing that I have. I bought it with you, actually, in Minneapolis when we were on tour. I bought this five-year journal,

and every day you write one line. That's the laziest journaling I've ever heard of. It is really lazy, but it's cool. It's a good way of like... Did you buy that journal in the Minneapolis Museum that we went to? I did. I believe I paid for everything. Yes, I did. I paid for that journal. That was a gift, and I'm still waiting for a thank you. I said thank you. What are you talking about?

I want another one. No, you're not getting another one. I don't think you can name one thing in your life that hasn't come from my good graces. Oh, my God. Can we please introduce our guests? Oh, my God. No, there's no time for a guest today. You know what the sad thing is is when you said that, I was like,

and then I honestly could not think of anything. I tried. I was going to say, well, my husband, but I met my husband because of the show. I'm responsible for everything in your life. I bought and named your dog. No, you did not. This is crazy. Thanks for that journal, Conan.

No problem, Sona. And you know what? Don't even mention it. Oh, you're the worst. We can't mess around too much because we have just a lovely guest today, someone I adore. I want to point out that the interview I did with her was taped well before the pandemic as many of these interviews have been. So just make that clear. And I don't remember, but there might have been some point in the interview

when she says, ha, ha, there'll never be a pandemic. It's not her fault. My guest today is an extremely talented actress who played Janet on the hit NBC series, The Good Place. Now stars alongside Bill Hader in the HBO series, Barry. I am thrilled she's with us today. She really is a delightfully funny person. Darcy Carton, welcome. You know, I feel like we already are friends because we've hung out.

You've been to my house several times. Thank you for inviting me. You weren't invited. What? Remember? You came in once to the bathroom window. You pretended to be a FedEx person once. It was really sweet the time that we first formally met.

I knew that we had had some encounters before then, which we'll get to. But you were at a piano recital that my daughter takes part in. And you had been on The Good Place at that point for, I think, two seasons or something. That sounds great. And my two kids absolutely adore that show. And that's the show that we can all watch together. There aren't many. It's that and Narcos.

Because I want them to know how to sell drugs and how to make the most money off of it. You're a good dad. Yeah. And what to do when people with snitches get stitches. But anyway, she always turns away when she's laughing. And I'm saying, these are valuable laughs. And then you act like you're not farting. Those are laughs.

You're laughing silently. We don't know if she's not. She's cracking up. So anyway. Snitches get stitches. Anyway, so you show up and my, it was as if Rose Kennedy saw the Pope. It was just like my two kids melted down and couldn't believe it. And then this is one of the sweetest things.

And I love it when this happens in real life, especially for my children. They went up and my daughter met you and my son and you were the Darcy card. And they wanted them to be plus 60%. So it was so nice. God, that's so nice. Well, your family is so lovely. All of them. Well, that's over.

I'm not with them anymore. Oh, no. Yeah. Did you read the papers this morning? I don't read. Oh, no. Now I'm with Pam Anderson. And we're going to be married for two days.

Yeah. Well, I was pleased as punched to meet them. They were lovely, lovely. You know, you, you've raised two really cool. Well, my wife, my wife, as you know, has gets 80% of the credit for that. I think I've taught them a lot of foolishness and yes, ending improv skills. And then the fact that they're decent human beings is my polite and are smart. That's my wife.

She absolutely rules. But you're, you're pretty cool. Yeah. I mean, I know you're an asshole, but you're also great. Yeah. Thank you. And I was really big in the nineties. That's out of context now.

Yeah. Unless they were recording. No, no, just before we started recording, you were like, yeah, you can tell your kids someday I was big in the nineties. And I was like, fuck the nineties. I swear to God, I was pretty famous into 2002. I know I made it beyond. Let's come on.

Okay. 2004. No, I know, I know. It was fun. What does ribbing mean? Oh, wait, I was thinking rimming. No, I was right. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Wait a minute. Wait. What I need to say is. This never came up when my kids were around. I'm sorry. I knew I meant to say ribbing, but as soon as I said ribbing, I was afraid I said rimming

or that they meant the same things. Either way, I was just, I was just giving you the old one. The old rim job. Anyway. Sorry. The, moving on now. And this is the one my daughter's going to insist on listening to. Of course.

Of course. She's going to insist because when she found out that I was talking to you today, she was like, oh my God, there is your current information. We're actual friends. Yes. Yeah. And, but you know, in your role on The Good Place, so historically funny and I, and, and because it's such a nice cast, because the people are so nice, I was really impressed.

We did a cast show with all of you guys, Kristen Bell, such a lovely person. But she like stopped the show and said, let's all talk about how amazing Darcy Carden is for like 10 minutes. I was annoyed because I had my own schedule and that was the 10 minutes I wanted to talk about me. Talk about you. Right. I saw the schedule.

My interview schedules are always talk about them, talk about Conan, talk about them, talk about Conan, talk about Conan. But anyway, and I thought, what, you know, star of a show does that? First of all, props to Kristen Bell for just being such a class person. But also, it was merited because your role, it was like this magical role where you're a robot that has to be all things at all times, which is the ultimate improv challenge. Right, right, right. Don't you think?

Yeah, it was. It was such a, when I started with that role of Janet, it was really stressful and I didn't know exactly how to do it, of course, because I didn't know what the hell it was. But it was, the writers just kept giving me these fun little weird things to do, shits to do, I almost said. And then, and also just, you know, Mike Scherr, who was so lovely, the creator of my world. And he is so collaborative and really was just kind of left it so much up to us. One of the things that was, was so fascinating about playing Janet is that.

Yeah, tell me what was fascinating about playing Janet Conan. And I don't think you ever understood this, but you got to play your own alter ego. You got to play all these different versions of yourself. I don't know how Mike Scherr knew that you could do that, you know, from it. You know what I mean? Like, how does, that's kind of a Hail Mary pass to give to any actor. And so somehow they knew, I think this person can do pretty much everything we asked him to do.

Well, Jesus, thank you for saying that. It was a little bit like, I remember reading the Janet's episode, which was an episode where I had to play all of the characters. Like, I can't even explain it. You, you, you watch it. Yes, I know. Yeah. And it was almost like all of the, like, every time your parents told you they were proud

of you, like, it was all, every great warm compliment, like, rolled into one script because I was like, the thing I could do this, like, this is, this, this was getting that script was like the maybe best compliment in my life. It's too much for me to wrap my head around. Yeah, yeah. It is the nicest thing that has ever happened to me. Well, you know, what I wanted to talk about initially was this was a long time coming. I mean, there are people that get a break like this really early.

And I think you are old. You got this break. Well, I'm just going to go on the record. You are 66 years old. And I look good. And you did have, you know, served our country in Vietnam. Very yeah. No, you're still, of course, very young, but you, you got this, you didn't get this rule

like right out of college, this isn't something that just happened to you. You had this whole other life where you weren't sure this was going to happen for you. That's the stuff that I always find fascinating. I have such clear memories of having those mornings or, you know, those sort of like where you take stock in your life. And I remember many times being like, whoa, I missed it. Like I thought my life was going to be this certain way. And things are fine and I'm happy and I'm doing some stuff, but like I'm too old.

Like they're like scientifically proven, you know, like I'm looking at all these people that I admire and I'm like, well, it happened for them when they were 22 and it happened for them when they were 27 and it happened for them when they're 30. And it's literally impossible for it to happen to me now for me. So I had, I had a lot of days and moments like that is sometimes it was sad and sometimes it was like, okay, well, keep on, like that's, it is what it is and, and this is your life and, you know, keep going, but that thing you thought was maybe going to happen or even positive was going to happen is absolutely not going to happen.

To be honest, I think when I really, really came to terms with that, when I really looked at my life and looked at where I was and looked at my age and what I had been through and my friends around me that had all sort of, you know, found success and I had this moment of, but look at all the good things, you know, you get to do, you get to perform at a comedy theater that you love, you love your husband, you love your family, you have great friends. There were, I had enough things where I was like, this is still a good life. It's just not the thing that you thought it was going to be. And then truly within like two months, I got the good place.

I think there was something about maybe not, and it was never like, and now I'm going to quit acting or anything. It was more just like letting that desperate, you know, notion, this thing of wanting something so bad, letting that go. I completely believe in that because I've been through that many times. And then when you completely abandon it, not abandon it, but let it go. Like are at peace with it or something. There's something where you set it down or something.

I don't know what the new age phrase would be. You set it down and you put it in a cherry wood box with furnished edges, rounded edges and a copper, copper hinges. And then you shot it and it clasped. This is a nice little clicking sound that closes. Get to it. Okay. I wish you were in my head all the time.

Just get to it. Just get to it. Yeah. I do think, oh, maybe I want to take my cans off. No, maybe I want to come on. This is something that you should. Cans is a term for headphones. Yeah.

In case anyone. And you should keep this in the podcast. Don't cut this part. It's a real humanity and also a little behind the scenes magic. And that's just fun. But I do think that there is something about, maybe it's like the desperation we have for whether it's relationship or, you know, career, like letting that go that is actually more attractive, whatever.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You're putting out, there's some charged eye on that comes off of you when you're desperate for something to happen. Totally. That repels it. And we are scientists.

I am, I don't know about you, but I am a graduate of the Lawrence Livermore Labs. And so am I. And a great, I didn't see you there, but I. No, I'm much, much younger than you. No. I'm actually not. I'm not. I have no idea how old you are.

You are. Let's not talk about age. Okay. I promise you, you're a lot younger than me. Okay. I've preserved very well and I've had a lot of treatments. Radical treatments. I believe that.

Yeah. No, I don't. You look perfect. Thank you. It's good work. We did. I wanted to bring up that in your odyssey to find your way, you told me once that you encountered me one or two times when I was, you know, doing the late night show in New

York, because that's where you were. And I was like, oh, that's, I mean, being a narcissist, I want to know what was it like to bump into me. But also, no, just it was, I'm always like, if I meet someone on the subway, I will, I will try to get them to laugh in an annoying way. Deeply who you are. So I was curious, like, huh, was I, was I doing shtick with you when you, when I met you?

What were you doing when we met? Here's the thing. I, I don't know if I can look at you while I'm even saying this, but like your, your, when you got on TV, your show was so important to me as a, as somebody who had, was, you know, kind of figuring out her comedic voice and it was, it was so formative. Is that the word? And it made me a little bit who I am and it was such a, it's as if it was a, okay, words are gone, but I know how to explain this.

Like people that liked your show, it was almost like probably like maybe Monty Python or something where it was like the people that liked Monty Python, you're like, oh great, we speak the same language. That's what Conan was for me and the people that I found the funniest in my life. You know, I used to like VHS tape it. I would tape it and then watch it over and over like a little psycho and then transfer that to a papyrus. Yeah, exactly.

On a scroll, an ancient scroll. It was the first of its kind for me. It was, I, you know, we had seen comedians on TV forever, but this was like, oh, this is for me, my age, my, what I find funny, me and my friends. And it was, it was, it made us who we are for real. And then when I was a, when I was in New York after college and I was doing improv and my life was, you know, was doing improv shows and rehearsals at night for free. And then I worked at an interior design, a fancy, cause you're a rich man.

Well, I was, I invested badly, but I was before I fucked around with Bitcoin. But anyway, yeah, my wife and I got an apartment and someone said, you have to get it. You have to know what you're doing. You can, I thought we can just go to IKEA and someone was like, no, no, no, this is like a nice apartment and you got to go. So we, we got the name of this very good interior designer and we, we went to an office. I remember going to an office and you were working there. And I was the front desk, you know, I was like the office manager or whatever.

Even the receptionist is maybe a better word for it. And you came in, it was so, you know, it was the thing about seeing Conan, I'm talking to the audience now in person is there's no, like, there's no mistaking him because the man be tall, the man be thin and the man be red. So it's like, I've always said it's like Big Bird from Sesame Street, putting on some dark glasses and trying to go clubbing and just being left alone. Big Bird. What are you doing?

Right. And you walked into the office and I think the woman who owned this place and your wife were having a meeting because they knew what they were talking about and you probably didn't. I did not know. I did not know. And, and you hung out with me in the front office and you were so funny and what I told you before is you were so Conan-y.

You were exactly, it was like, kind of what you're saying about what I was with your kids or whatever. It was like, you were perfectly who I hoped you would be. You were making jokes. You did like a little, a thing when, when you left where you like popped your head back in and went like, which as you know, you can picture that right? Complete nonsense. Like a real Conan noise.

And it was great. It was like a, you know, you meet heroes and you meet people that you're fans of and it doesn't always go well. And sometimes they're having an off day or sometimes they're dicks or whatever. But this was like a lovely interaction. Well, you know, it's funny because I've had, and you've probably had this since then. And now what's cool is that these, these things are secular. Now you've, you've done that for my daughter and my son, which is so neat.

You know, and I may have mentioned this before, but when I was in college, I got a chance to spend a day with John Candy from SCTV and of course from Splash and all these great movies. And I really loved his work from SCTV because that's the show that I thought spoke directly to me. And I was nervous to meet John Candy. And then he was exactly what I talked about. He was everything I wanted him to be plus another 60% of John Candy.

He was, he, and, and it was almost like I had a camera and he was performing for it. And even in just when it was just the two of us walking around this college campus, he'd be like, Hey kid, look over there. You know, and I was like, Oh my God, he was, and I always thought that was just such a great gift. When he passed away, which I think was like in 1994 or something or 95, I, I was so depressed because I thought I really wanted to close the circle and have him on my late night show and, and, and just feeling like he was this magical person who I just, I love meeting

those people and they're out there. And, you know, clearly you've had the experience of you meet a Tom Hanks or something. And first time I met him, which was years and years and years ago at Chinat Live, he was everything you'd want him to be plus 60% just, Oh my God, he really is this person. He's another person I met at your house. Thank you for that. I just have. You have cool parties.

Well, it's because of the podcast now. Yeah. It started out as, I don't know, Brian needs a friend and then we just, and when they, when people leave, I make them sign a piece of paper that they have to go to my house on a certain night. I shouldn't even say this, but it was, it was very funny. I, and feel free to cut this out if it's too nasty, but you know, that means keeping in you and my husband, Jason and who, by the way, just to shout out your husband, Jason,

a very, usually I'm angered by a good looking man. He's a very good looking, but also very cool and funny person who, and so I wasn't angered by his good looks. That's great. That's great. Yeah. He's, I still fought him and lost, but very, and quickly, no, you're, you're lovely to him.

He likes you so much. You, this is a, this is a friendship for real. But it was, it was a, a cool moment where you, you sort of, you took me and Jason and said, come, come hang out by the, um, by the fire. And it was you and Adam Sandler and Jack McBear. Tom Hanks was talking to someone else, but you, you kind of included us in this cool dudes group, which was really sweet. And we were talking, Jack and Jason and you and I were talking about how hilarious the,

the term fucking and sucking is. Yes. Laugh. It's funny. It's a weird, insane thing for people to say. No, I, I, I, I don't remember this conversation particularly cause I talk about this so often. But, but I'm telling you, I've always, you know, I always thought it was hilarious when people go like, man, it was crazy.

I mean, there was fucking and sucking and you're like, what? So we were truly talking about how funny this thing is. And then Tom sweet man, Hanks comes over and says, what are you guys talking about? And the first thing I say is fucking and sucking. So my, my, unfortunately my first word was to this American, you know, world. Yeah. Our Jimmy, our Jimmy Stewart, the two time Oscar winner and, and probably America's greatest treasure.

And the first time you meet him, what are you guys talking about? Fucking and sucking. Fucking and sucking. It was, it was terrible and wonderful. Yeah. He's game though. He was fun. Oh yeah.

Let's take a quick break. Okay. We'll get right back. And we're back. Did you like that break? Listeners, you have no idea. You have no idea how quick that was. It was literally the same breath.

You think it was something else because there was probably a freaking commercial about mattresses or fracture prints where you either one glass. I don't know if we still do those. It's been months. Good. Good. Maybe they can't afford us anymore. Suck it, fracture.

Fucking and sucking. Yeah. That's disgusting. Yeah. What's your problem, Sona? What are you doing, Sona? I'm sorry. Sona.

Tom Hanks is in the booth. Sona. It's our first show edited and mixed by Tom Hanks and, and Dame Judy Dench and you whip out the fucking and sucking. Oh my God. I'm sorry. You whipped out the fucking and sucking. You absolutely whipped out the fucking and sucking.

My God. Now, let me ask you something. You're a Darcy, but with a D apostrophe. Right. How does that happen? Is that a shortening of another word? Is your real name like D or Ratharcy? It is now.

My real name is D-A-R-C-Y. Cool. Okay. Then in junior high, I became obsessed with the band Smashing Pumpkins and the bassist for Smashing Pumpkins has an apostrophe in her Darcy name. That's right. And I truly just started doing it. That's the end of that story.

I literally just put an apostrophe in my name in junior high and never stopped ever. That's great that you had the presence of mind to know this needs an adjustment. Oh wait, the bass player for the Smashing Pumpkins has jammed an apostrophe in there. Then so shall I. Exactly. I mean, I was a real grunge head when I was in junior high as we all were in this room, I can see. Yeah, it was like she was the ultimate cool girl and I wanted to be that.

What was I going to say? But my parents thought it was very silly and I think still do. And my mom's way of making fun of me is to put an apostrophe in M apostrophe O-M. Oh, I was thinking I want to do it with Conan. You could. Yeah. So I said that I was sort of named after Joan of Arc, Joan D apostrophe A-R-C, Arc Joan de Arc, friendship.

And so it was kind of like you made me do this. I don't know if I was really named after Joan of Arc mom, but now I'm going to rub it in your face. Just go with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've asked people have asked me why I'm Conan. I mean, and I say my dad just wanted me to have a very simple but distinctive name. He did. And he went and he didn't know anything about the comic books.

He went and he just researched and found this old name that was kid never heard before. And I've looked it up in Gaelic and it means like wide face. I wanted it to mean like courage. Of course. Or integrity. Right. But no. Big fat face.

Fat, fat face. You got when you were studying acting, you got this advice because I've done my research that you should, you should try and do as many, learn as many different skills as possible. And I'm curious if that was something that helped you at all. I mean, I haven't quite heard that. Right. This is probably from, I remember in theater school. I went to school in Southern or at Southern Oregon University.

And there was a big Shakespeare festival like down the street and sometimes the professional Shakespearean actors would come talk to us. And one of the guys, this actor named Anthony Heald, who you would sort of recognize from things, Silence of the Lambs and other things. And he was like a real big star in Oregon because he had been, his face had been on screen. And he was sort of, he talked to this group of theater majors and was like, get out. He was like, don't do this. Like do everything else.

I mean, like do plays and learn how to be an actor, but also do everything else and learn how to do everything else. It'll make you a way better actor. And for some reason that really stuck with me. Now, I think he probably meant like get, be smart, like learn history and stuff. And I didn't do that, but I did try to, you know, like anything that interests you. I think he, I took that to mean like really dive into that. And so it's not like you would say, oh, I'm going to learn how to make a lasso and rope

a calf just to know how to do it. But you would just try and have different experiences, different life experiences. Yeah, although things like roping, lassoing a calf. I like, here's an example, maybe the show I'm shooting right now, a league of their own for Amazon.com ever heard of it? We're going to remove that plug. Okay, that's fine. There's no one's ever going to hear that.

So for a league of their own, we, you know, we have to play baseball and there's like a lot of swing dancing and there's a lot of 40s stuff. And, and I do think that things like taking dance lessons and, and playing baseball and playing sports and, and all of that helped me and the other actors so much. I'm trying to think of like my favorite people that have, I mean, Ted Danson is one. He's like, I mean, he's been working forever, but like you've talked to him. He just has story, like so many wonderful stories from his childhood and from his, you know, playing basketball.

He just has, he's just full of stories. He's also, he's one of these, uh, What were you going to say? I was going to say pieces of shit. Oh, well, anyway, we'll go with your story. Uh, no, he is such a lovely guy and he's been, uh, he's had this unprecedented string of like, I mean, I remember seeing him in, you know, body heat and the onion field and being like, who's that guy?

Yeah. I mean, this is in the late seventies. He's in movies and he's great. Pre cheers. You were already right. And then cheers is enough for anybody. And then you look at all these different ways that he just keeps popping up again. And that's one of the things I loved about the, the, uh, the good place is that he was,

it was such a great part for him to show this other side of himself. You know, and he's the most, he's amazing. I love, I love that man so much as a person, as an actor. He is one of my, one of my very favorite people. Um, I'm, he's so inspiring. He also is when we were doing the good place towards the end, he was like, the next thing you do has to be as far away from Janet as possible. Right.

And I was like, I'll do whatever the fuck you say, man. Like if I could have a fraction of your career, you know, like just the different characters he's played and the choices he's made. And, you know, he's, he's, he seems very unafraid. Uh, I, I love, I love, I love Ted Danson. Well, I'm excited about your new project where you play a robot named Janice. Yeah. Janice.

And on the good life. By Mike Shore. Sure. Sure. Make Shore. Yeah. I had an experience with Ted Vanson. This is apropos of nothing.

Please. Where this is what friends do. You're right. We're friends now. Yay. We, uh, my, my wife and kids and I, uh, there's this, uh, sushi restaurant that's very good, but they, you know, you got to wait and everyone has to wait. And it's, it's actually, it's, there's no like, oh, that person's famous.

They get to cut ahead. Nope. Um, I'm pretending. I think that's cool. But I don't actually. And I think it's terrible. I think celebrities are celebrities for reason. Uh, what the fuck.

Uh, but anyway, no, um, so you have to wait for a long time and then you get your seat and it was like a Friday night. Right. And we finally got our seat and we're sitting there and my kids are really happy. My wife's happy. We really love this place. It's, it's amazing. And we're eating our food and we're only like about it.

We're just starting our meal when we see, uh, Ted Vanson come in to ask, to put his name down and they clearly tell him, yeah, it's going to be like an hour. Yeah. And I see Ted dancing going like, oh, should I wait? Right. I don't know if I can wait an hour. Uh, and he's with his wife and you know, you're like, uh, and they're conferring, should we wait an hour?

And I had this thought of, I'm sitting there and they're just bringing me my sushi. And I thought, it's not right that I should get to sit. I was actually having this thought. Right. His body of work is so much, so much greater. I shouldn't get to sit and eat fish that is denied Ted dancing. I'm sitting. He's standing.

I'm eating it. I'm going to get his for an hour. And I thought for a second, I wonder if I should just tell him, come take my seat instead. Tap out. And then I thought, no, this is really good fish. I am enjoying my sushi. Yeah. And you know, whatever.

Right. Okay. You know, you can get a pizza. Yeah. You know, there's a pizza hut down the street. So I think I made the right call. Did you say hi to him? Uh, I did.

Yeah. He's another, he's another big bird in sunglasses, right? Yeah. Yeah. I went up to him and said hi. And he was of course, uh, very nice. Um, and, uh, Mary's so lovely. And then he did the thing where he said hi to my kids.

And again, because they're good place fans are like, I can't believe that's the nice thing about one thing I'm very happy about with my kids is they live out here in Los Angeles, but they, I could give the address to your fans want to know. Yeah. I think they, you know, fans should come by. Fans should come by. I should welcome by. But I, uh, I live on the island of Catalina with my family and, uh, an A frame house.

Um, but, uh, sort of a Swiss chalet, just in Congress and Catalina. But anyway, they, they don't, they're not jaded. No. So meeting you or meeting Ted dancing. It's like, oh my God, they just came out of our TV. They're not like, yeah, I know you're in the business. Right, right, right. Jump, jump, you know.

What are they eating? Uh, pure entitlement. Pure entitlement. That's right. Pure burritos made of entitlement. Delicious. Yeah. Oh, this is good.

Of course we have this cause we should have it. They are very normal, very cool kids. Yeah. You guys have done a great job. Well, I haven't met them in a long time. I'll, I'll, when I see them, I'll tell them that you say hi. So who are the people that you've, uh, met that like you mentioned of meeting Catherine O'Hara, like people where you think, oh, this person speaks to me.

Yeah. This is, you know, uh, some of the actors that you've met, some of the improvisers you've met. Catherine O'Hara was, Catherine O'Hara was a big one in, I was, I love her so much that I didn't want to meet her. There's a few like that. Like I remember Maya Rudolph and Lisa Kudrow in Jennifer Aniston actually all these are, a lot of them are women and funny women.

And I, um, when I'm at a place where they are, I don't want to meet them. That's the, the feeling is like, please don't introduce me. This is, this is that. That's interesting. Yeah. I was, I was at a birthday party years ago, maybe six years ago that Maya Rudolph was at and we left. We literally left.

You're kidding. And I love her so deeply and so it's, it's so important to me that I, that I was like, this, this isn't the way, this can't be the way. Um, and I even think when she, when she gets started on, or you know, when she was on years of the good place, the first day she was on set, it was, I think all I did was say hello and then, you know, no conversation and it took, it took a minute and now we're great friends. And it, when I, these women like, it is a lot of women.

Catherine O'Hara, Lisa Kudrow, ever heard of her? Yes, I have. Okay. She was in, which one is it? Um, I can't remember the name of it, but I know it was. They live in an apartment. I don't think so. Okay.

Thinking of something else. Yeah. But anyway, she did okay. Yeah, she did. Um, these women that I, I, that are so important and influential to me and, and, uh, uh, are my absolute heroes, like, like, like, um, superheroes. Yeah. The, the idea that they could maybe not be nice or that they could not like me or that

I could say some stupid shit and they kind of look at me like, hmm, like I want to be included. I want to be part of their clubs so bad that it is terrifying to meet them. Right. And guess what? All the women that I just met, Molly Shannon, are the nicest, the nicest people on there. Well, I'm going, taking through my head. Lovely people.

Yes. 201. I do feel like we're in some sort of golden age. Yeah. Of some of the funniest people, you know, and across the spectrum, like, you know, you, you look at a broad city, you look at, there's so many shows where you look at everybody and you think these people are just funny to a point where I'm not, I don't, I'm not conscious.

Obviously I'm conscious of their gender, but it is not part of the equation. And I think we're getting there. I think there's of course so much work still to do. I mean, even in the time that I've sort of been in comedy from, you know, post college discovering the upgrade citizens brigade and being, you know, like wanting to be on that stage so badly and, and, you know, let's say watching an improv team full of 10 people and one was a girl, you know, usually it was like one or two. And that has changed so much.

Yeah. I remember God, it put so much pressure on those girls to be, I remember being in the audience and as a girl, as a woman thinking, you better be funnier than those guys. Like you can't just be like, you have to be funnier. Otherwise, it was, it was so much pressure when we sort of started and, and, you know, think of all the, the women before us, us, you and me. I identify as a woman. I know.

I mean, biologically, I've, the tests have come back and it's, I know. They. They. Everybody knows Conan. Everybody knows him. I was raised as a girl. My mother always wanted a girl.

She raised me as one. But yes, I think we are, we're heading that way towards not thinking like funny for a girl or like, huh, she actually is funny. Like we're, there's, there's so much proof, right? That there, proof, you know what I mean? Like the, the. I haven't seen enough proof yet. We're getting.

Tell me more about these funny women. Yeah. I don't have any data. No, but I, I do think we're, you know, it's, there's always much farther to go, but, and I'm, I think I'm a 51% optimist in most times, which is hard to be in this, in these days that we're in right now, but I still remain a 51% optimist. Me too, maybe. I think that's right.

51%. It's, it's hard. It's hard. Oh God. It's so hard. Yeah. It's hard. Yeah.

All will be well. Let's talk about Bill Hader for a second. I know that you worked, I mean, before you, you hit with the good place, you were working for Bill. Yeah. One of, one of the many jobs that I had back in New York, you know, again, doing improv at night, one of my day jobs was babysitting, nannying, and I, my, my, my goal with nannying was to just have a bunch of families, like maybe 10 or 15 families so that nobody could

really count on me so that I could just call in sick or I could say I'm busy that day if I had an audition or just didn't want to. But then when I started babysitting for Bill and Maggie's oldest daughter, when she was a wee babe, six months or so, I fell in love with her so instantly that I, I bailed on all the other families and just babysat for them every day. I became their full-time nanny. But I think one of the things that I, I think says a lot about you is I know for a fact that you were never saying to Bill or Maggie, hey, by the way, here's my tape, here's,

you never did that, which I think takes, this shows a lot of character. I mean, not that you, not that it would have been wrong for you to do that, but I just think that shows an unusual amount of character. Thank you for saying that. Thank you. I, like, I think I, it was, I was so, I just did not want to cross that line at all. They were so important to me and are so important to me. And I know that that's like a great way to, you know, I also have a hard time like asking

for things, right? Yes. So, so thank you for saying it shows character because I also am like, does it show weakness? I mean, no, no, it shows character and I'll tell you something else. There's a kind of, there's a kind of acting teacher that tells their students, here's what you got to do. Anyone you see who's remotely related to the business, get in their face and say, I'm the one, see, here's my picture, see, here's my resume, see, and then when you see them

again, get in their face again and follow them around and put things in their mailbox. And I say, no, I do too. And I'll tell you that over the years at, you know, late night or any of the different shows I've done, we've had interns quietly did their work, weren't pushing themselves in any way and they've gone on to these big careers. Mitch McConnell is an intern for our show. A great intern. Yeah.

He's a fucking amazing, terrific intern and. And hot as hell. Hot as hell. I know you shouldn't say that about your interns, but. No, no, no, I was actually told to stop spending so much time with him that I was putting my hands on his shoulders. But yeah, you didn't suddenly become aware of your ability shortly before you did the good place.

You know that you have it in you somewhere, but you're modest. But you just, you have some sense of it. So you're not going to pull this stick on people and say, Hey, I left a flyer under your windshield wiper. You should check it out. You know, which I, that's where I think it comes from. I so strongly believe in like doing the work and, and putting your head down and in my case across the board, not just with the good place, but truly, I think you were sort of

saying this earlier in my whole entire life. Things have happened for me later than I wanted them to. And it's sort of like proven to be the way my life works, but in a way that is good. And so I've been like rewarded, I guess, for not asking for things, but for just sort of chugging along and, and working really hard, right? Also I think there's a quality, I think it's a kind of a kind of an emotional intelligence that I recommend to people out there, which is if you, which you keep your head down and you do your, and do the work.

And this isn't just in comedy. This is just across the board. What happens is, and you don't ask for attention, people will start to seek you out. People will start to say, wait a minute, who's that? Because over the years I've had, you know, I've gotten onto elevators. I got into an elevator once and an intern jumped on. It was a guy jumped on just as the doors were about to shut and we start to go down and he turned to me and he went, Hey, Conan, you, me, right now, we grab a beer.

What do you say? God. And again, Mitch McConnell, and we did, and I suggested maybe control the Senate. And he did. So, no, but, no, but that was such a, okay, that's, that's the wrong move. I know that sometimes someone's going to tell you that's the right move, but the, but the right move is do a really great job. And then I will say, Hey, wait a minute.

Who is that? That person, whenever they're around, I see them hustling, they always do a great job. There's an opening. Let's move them up. Yes. Be undeniable and have patience. I think would be like the advice I would give myself at 18 or whatever. Well, then Hitler followed that too.

Oh, well, he and I have something else in common. It's undeniable. I mean, Jesus, I'm sorry. That's line one. It's the first page of Mein Kampf is be undeniable and have patience. What the hell? What's wrong with you? Well, it's not wrong with me.

What? I don't. How? The last time you did an improv. So are you doing improv now? I'm doing improv now. Where? Where can I see you do improv?

Yeah. Right. Don't lie. No, seriously. And yell things out. Okay. I do improv at the upright citizens brigade in Los Angeles, California. Yeah.

But there are more than one location. Yeah. That's true. There's the sunset and Franklin. But if I go to Franklin, you're at sunset. Wow. Oh, conversely, I go to sunset and you're at Franklin. Text me.

Oh, you don't have my number, nor will I give it to you. Why did you become an old witch? I don't know. Hey, you don't have my number. I get to do improv with some of my favorite people, some of my old friends, people that you know, and love and your Zach Woodses and your Abby Jacobsons and it's, oh, you hate them? These are, I mean, they're not my favorite people.

They're on my list of least favorite people. You're Drew Tarvers. Oh my God, don't get me started. No, I, lovely people and very funny. Like one of the things that I think is in your, definitely in your skill set, you have a lot going on in your skill set, but you have this quality where when you said

you're gonna be in this movie that takes place in the 40s playing baseball, I thought you seem to be this, to me to be this person who could play any era. You know what I mean? No, but I mean, you don't have this like very specific 2020 look. Right. You are a very attractive person who can be anywhere.

Like I feel like you could be in a movie about Salem. I think you could be in a, you know what I mean? Yeah. Do you have that sense of yourself like? That's so nice of you. I was so worried, you know, doing League of the Roan that I would, once I got into the costume or the hair and makeup that I would look like, you know,

Darcy Carden 2000, whatever year this is. And when I showed a picture to my husband, Jason, he was like this, I feel like I'm looking at an old picture, which is great. I think it's my big nose. I don't know. That's not what I thought. I feel like you're this,

I think you were able to inhabit, like you have this classic look, but you can sort of time shift. I think you could time shift and be sort of in any era. I hope that's true. That's exciting to even hear. I don't, you know, I don't really know what the hell I look like, cause it's hard to see ourselves,

but if you say it, then I'll believe it. I know exactly what I look like. You do? And I've got some complaints, but there's nothing we can do now. The work hasn't taken. I think we're, our time has come to- No, no.

More? No, no, no. It's up to you guys. Let's not be crazy. All right, we're going to add one more thing. At the Christmas party, at one point, I don't know if you had a drink or two. You had?

No, I had actually. I was completely dry at that party. Think of the year before. Oh, the year before I was actually on heroin. But you reached up and you felt the muscle that runs from my neck to my arm, to my shoulder. What is your deal? You're ripped as hell, homie.

Oh, hey, I can't believe that's what came up when I asked that question. No, you really are so meaty. I'm looking around the really quick. Because I was on a meaty. Because I was at a party and an attractive woman put her hand on me. You, also this show was wrapped up

and then you had a lesson. You wanted to keep us going for a seat. Does he take a shirt off a lot? No, I can't, no. But you reached up and you started to identify the muscle and say, oh, you've been doing some work here. You've been doing some work there. It was ropey.

It was a ropey muscle. Ropey muscle. Yeah, so. You know what it was? It was a rope that I pretty much did. But you're taking care of yourself and that's good. Well, I just wanted to, I don't know how we got on this topic.

I don't know exactly how we got on this topic. How so? Because you brought it up. I don't think so. And you led her exactly to this point. I'm not sure. And you should be ashamed of yourself. I think we were almost done

and Darcy said, how come no one talks about your body? Yeah. And your muscles. I don't remember that. Wasn't that what happened? I don't remember that at all. Wait here, I'll do it. Ready?

Yeah. Okay. Wait, before we go, Conan, this is crazy, but how come nobody talks about your body? Oh my God. Yeah, we don't stop. Yes, we can insert that earlier. I'll make sure that happens.

I'm a huge fan of you as a performer and as a person and stop making those faces. It's crazy. I mean, thank you so much. And this is, I mean. No, let me say this. Oh yeah. Thank you so much for saying that.

It is wild to me that you even know my name and you've been so lovely to me since we met again recently. And thank you for being such a supporting fan of the good place and for being so lovely to me. It means the fucking world to me, Conan. That's sweet. It's a bigger deal than you probably realized. Well, if I admitted that I knew it was a big deal

for you, I'd be a total asshole. Ew. See, there's nothing I can do. Yeah. But I will say this, that this is a good example of why I love doing this podcast so much is that you and I have encountered each other many times

and it's always really fun and funny, but this is, I mean, if it's didn't air and it will, it will go out there. But if for some reason they said afterwards, oh yeah, this didn't go out, I would say I got to have a great time with Darcy today and really download with her and connect. And so, and you have a great aura.

Like I feel better now. I think whatever disease was in my body has now fled. So I thank you for that. Thank you, Conan. Thank you for having me. I do love this podcast. And actually listening to it feels like that too. It feels like you're just having a fun conversation

with whoever the hell. So I'm thrilled to be on it. Hey guys, thanks for listening at home. This is. Or in your car. Or in your car. Yeah. Or on the Stairmaster.

I hope they're not listening on the Stairmaster. I love that machine. All right. Good night everybody. Bye. On this very episode, you mentioned something very specific about an experience you had with John Candy, right?

Yes. Where he came to Harvard, I believe, while you were there and you spent the day kind of showing him around. Yeah, that's right. So his son Chris happens to be in acquaintance of mine. And during this pandemic had some time on his hands and was going through old photos

and sent me a photo of you that John Candy apparently took when he was there. Oh. Yeah, you know what? It's because I also got to know John Candy's daughter and she may have had a copy of the same photo, but I really want to see this. This could be different.

I'm emailing it to you right now and I can't believe this little guy in this photo. Okay. Oh my God. And it's just this. Oh, look at that guy. Why early little guy in a tweed? I wasn't. Sport coat.

You're being very unnecessarily angry. And hostile. Tweed. I remember that check, it's made of cardboard. That was a time. My God, look at that guy. We got to put this out online. Yeah, we'll put this out so everybody can see it. So John Candy, I think, took this picture

and I look, you know what? It's slightly evocative of if you've seen 16 candles. Anthony Michael Hall. I've got an Anthony Michael Hall. I think I have the same body as Anthony Michael Hall in that movie, not now, because he got really bulked up. Yeah, I look like I weigh about 140 pounds, but you can see a kindness.

Yeah, where did that go? I see it. Yes, so nice. What a nice boy. Well, they kicked that shit out of me in the 90s. Is this the photo that John Candy's daughter gave you? Or is this one you've never seen before? The one she gave me is different. It's me in the yard, Harvard yard,

but I think I'm wearing the same outfit. It all took place in one day, and trust me, I had one outfit. I wore one shirt and one pair of pants and one pair of Adidas sneakers through most of college. So what's that hissing sound? It's a tack. I think there's an alarm going off or something.

No, it's okay, Sona. If there is a fire, just keep broadcasting, okay? This is important. Should we evacuate our home? No, not yet. I'm sorry. It's okay. This is all going to be in the podcast, I hope.

No, I hope not. Yeah, I think so, because what you're hearing now is Sona. Because of quarantine, we're all in our own homes. There's an alarm that keeps going on. It's our smoke detector. No, that is a hummus detector. That means you guys are having way too much hummus. Why did you have a hummus detector

that you know that's going to be going off all the time? Here's the problem. I would be so offended by that, but we have so much hummus. I know you do. That's why it's not an ethnic slam. It is a true description. I've never seen anyone eat as much hummus as you.

I love hummus. You had a car once that was made of dried hummus. Remember that? And you used to- Yeah, Conan, I remember that. That's good improv. Yes, and remember that- The beeping is making my cat meow, she's going crazy right now. Can you guys hear that?

Well, taxing now that it's the carbon monoxide detector. So this might be a problem. Yeah, but noticing your speech has been a little slurred. I just thought you had an edible, but it turns out it's carbon monoxide. Oh, and there's your dog. Okay, right now, I can see this on Zoom. Sona's in her home in a place called Cayes Noches,

which probably north of, I think, Arizona. But she's holding her dog Loki, right? Oki, your dog is Loki, my dog is Oki. Oh, my manager takes care of these things. And then- Wait, what things? Just all, like any animal I might own. My manager hires people to pet them and care for them and know their names.

Tell us about your cats there, Gorley. What's going on with your cats? Oh, it's just one, though she acts like she's many. Margot, the fat guy, she's obsessive about food and she's a nightmare, but she's gorgeous and she knows it. Is it true that you're the only person I know that has a vintage cat? She does, like it.

You went and got a vintage 1940s cat. You got it at the Rose Bowl Swap Meat and it came in the original packaging. She does, she's out of another time. She's unbelievable. I've never known a cat like this, but she found us. We didn't even find her. Matt Gorley drinks vintage milk.

He buys milk that was made in the 20s. Vintage milk. Vintage milk, yeah. It's got all the diseases in it that milk had back then that killed 60% of young people. Oh, man, pre-depression milk is the best. Anyway, thanks to Chris Candy, the son of John Candy. Yes, roundabout way and a big shout out to Chris Candy.

God, I loved your dad. He was such a special person to me, comedically, and then when I got to meet him, he was an absolute delight. Everything I've heard about John Candy is how nice he is and Chris seems just as nice as his father. That's cool. They just seem like wonderful people.

Well, I'd like to meet him in person someday if you can arrange it and just thank him for finding that photo, that's so cool. Will do. See, proof that I'm nice. You don't have to say it though. You know what? What's the problem?

You know what the problem is? The fact that I said that afterwards. Yeah, and that laugh doesn't help. Yeah, we had a beautiful moment. Yeah. Oh my God, that alarm is still going off in Sona's home. I really- That's not like a carbon monoxide detector, is it?

No, it is. No, it is a different monitor. This one detects too much product in your hair. It goes off constantly. Come on, you have a Yankee candle melted in there. What's going on? You know what? I just hate when I don't have anything

because I do put a lot of product in my hair. I know that. I just don't like it when you acknowledge it. It doesn't make me feel good. If you're ever trapped in a cave, you could light it on fire and it would burn for probably six years and get you out. Yeah, I could light my head on fire.

Well, I'm saying you're walking around with a torch coated in wax. You should be very, you're always ready for any emergency. You know what? It keeps going off when you're talking. I feel like it's a dick detector. It's a what detector?

It's a dick detector. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. We had, you know what? It started to be fair. We had a dick detector in my home and it was just a constant, it wasn't even a beep beep beep. People say, eee!

All the time. And then Liza said, what is this? And they said, it's a dick detector. And she said, don't you know who I'm married to? And they went, oh, we're sorry. And they took it out. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Is this what my cat is responding to?

It's a dick. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right, let's get out of here. All right, well, wherever you are, John Candy, thank you for one of the better days of my life. I do appreciate it. Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Sonam of Sessian and Conan O'Brien as himself.

Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

The show is engineered by Will Bekton. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review featured on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already,

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