Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - DJ Jazzy Josh

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

Conan talks to Josh in Cape Town, South Africa about working on impact games and his history as an auctioneer.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hey Josh, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Hey there Josh, how are you? I'm doing well, thank you Conan, how are you today? Well, I'm very good.

You are coming to us from where, sir? I'm coming to you from sunny South Africa. Cape Town. Oh, you're in Cape Town? Wow. Take it, you do the local news and weather. I do the local news and weather, that's an accent I've been preparing my whole life for this moment. Terrific, are you in your place of work right now or are you in your apartment?

I'm in my little studio apartment, so in theory I'm in my kitchen, my lounge, my bathroom, everything I kind of have. Listen, I think we all understand, you only need one room, you know? 100%. That's all anybody needs. We all live in this room. Yeah. Well, there we go. We have left this room in over nine months.

Okay. Yeah, it stinks in here. Yeah. So let me tell you about yourself, Josh. Josh, you are living in Cape Town, South Africa. I've never been to South Africa. I know really very little about the place and are you from there? Did you grow up in South Africa?

Yeah. I'm a South African through and through, home of the Eiffel Tower, as you know. Yes, no, South Africa is... What? You lost me. How was it home of the Eiffel Tower? It's not. That was sarcasm.

It's not the home of the Eiffel Tower. But I mean, the fact that you were lost. Wait a minute. Hold on a second. I know a little bit about humor and that one totally sailed past me. Yeah. And I think so, too. Gorly, did you know what was happening?

Yeah, I was just in my own head about how James Bond's never been to South Africa, either. Well, you got us on track. Thank you. So this was the most covenants that have been to South Africa and James Bond's that have been to South Africa. Okay. Really, in all of his travels, James Bond has never stopped off in South Africa. Or Australia or Canada.

What the hell's going on? The cinematic bond. I don't know. Yeah. The only James Bond is the cinematic bond. There's the literary James Bond. Has he been there? He's been to Canada.

Okay. Terrific. Josh, we're going to call you back because we have to straighten out some bullshit over here. Cut this. Yeah. Don't worry about it. So, Josh, you live, you are a native South African.

You're from there. Yeah. And what do you do? I'm a sales executive at an impact gaming company here in Cape Town. I don't know what an impact gaming company is. What does that mean? Most people don't. So, you get your regular gaming companies, so you're called of duties, you know, that

stuff you play include as gamer. Then you get impact games, which is games that drive a business or a social sort of impact. So, that might be games about mental health awareness. That might be games about, you know, driving some sort of social message that needs telling to the world. Oh. Oh, I didn't realize there were games that served a purpose.

Yeah. That served a real useful purpose. I thought all games were just a waste of time that made us more violent, but I didn't realize even in non-shooting games, I often end up shooting people. Yeah. No, I saw what you did to that chicken. Yeah. Pac-Man.

I have my death rate in Pac-Man. I've shot so many ghosts and so, so Josh, these are, so there are games that, that help people with depression. I didn't know that. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, there's games that can drive sort of any social message, but yeah, whether it's depression, there's games about saving certain animals.

There's a game called Gibbon, for example, which is about Gibbon monkeys and portions of those, of the revenue goes towards, you know, conservation. There's all sorts of stuff. It's a whole branch of gaming. Ironically, though, in making the game, I think they have to grind up a lot of Gibbons. Isn't that one of the ironies of the game? Are those, yeah, these are blood Gibbon games, they're conflict Gibbon games. Yeah.

And when you buy the game, the packaging is made of pure Gibbon bone. So you gain, but you also lose at the same time. Wow. I didn't know that. And so you're a salesman. Yeah. Do you think you're a, now tell me, I don't know anything. I've never, I've never been in the business of selling people things.

Do you think of yourself as a good salesman? What are the tricks of the trade? I like to think of myself as a good salesman. I wonder what my boss would say. I mean, tricks of the trade, all sorts of things, but there's usually three things you're selling. So the really big tip here is you're always selling the product, you're always selling the company and you're always selling yourself.

And they say, whenever you're selling anything, you've got to focus on those three things. Right. Yeah. So, so you're selling, say it again, because I completely forgot. Sure. Okay. So you're selling the product. I wasn't paying attention.

So listen, let's try it one more time. So you're selling the product. Selling. You got to sell the product. That seems like an obvious one. Yeah. You're selling that company. Oh, okay.

Meaning, trust me, we, we know what we're doing when we make this product. 100%. Okay. And then the third one is, and then when you, when you're selling yourself at the end. This is an interesting conflict of interest for you because your product is you, the company's team Coco, essentially you. And if you're selling yourself, that's a triple. It's all, you're right.

I mean, Matt brings up a very good point, which is that I am a salesman. My product is me. The company, let's face it, is me. And I'm selling myself already because of the first two. So I, I'm the consummate salesman, I believe. I don't think you do any of the sales stuff. Also, I believe that I have the finest product in the world. Well.

And yeah. I think you would sell yourself for much less than you're probably worth, which is why you hire people to help you figure that out. Yeah. Maybe, maybe. Probably. What do you think? Do you think you need confidence, don't you?

But you don't want to be overconfident. Is that right? Yeah. I mean, you don't want to be overconfident. You have to be really confident. But I think ideally you have to get past the point where you go past both of those things and you just don't care. And you should say, I'm just going to sell this product as best I can.

I don't care how I look and how I sound. I'm just going to be persistent and you're going to buy the damn thing, which I think you do pretty well. Thank you, Josh. I'm going to take that as a compliment. I don't. I'm not. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, okay. So let's say this, Josh, let's say you happen to know for a fact that the product is terrible and probably dangerous and could kill Gibbons everywhere, but you've got to sell it. Do you have a moral qualm with that or do you sell whatever you need to sell? That's a great question. I mean, I have to be paid at the end of the day, so I saw what I need to sell. Oh, man.

Oh, man. This guy hates Gibbons. Wow. Josh, I have to say, you really, you didn't even think about that. You just said, you tell me what to sell and if it's baby carriages that explode after they've been pushed three meters, I'll do it. Is that what you're saying? That is 100 percent what I'm saying.

That is the most interesting thing I've ever seen. I appreciate the honesty. Well, you know what, I guess what, Josh, you were honest. A lot of people don't say how they would, what they really believe and you believe that baby carriages should explode within seconds of being operated. Yeah. Exactly. That's, yeah.

I mean, who really needs a baby is the real big question. We were about to hit eight billion people. Let's be honest. This guy, wow, he's good. You're an interesting man, Josh, and it didn't take long. All I had to do was just scrape the surface just a little bit and the true monster that is Josh came out. That's it.

What else have you done in your life? What other skills do you have besides you can sell anything and you will sell anything as long as the cash is there at the end of the day. What are your other skills? Well, here's the thing. I'm in sales and that's probably my primary skill set, but I actually studied music. So you know, who knows how the hell I got there, but that's probably the primary skill set.

It's actually music. So I studied jazz guitar and bass at a university here in South Africa and that's what I've been doing for most of my life is playing, performing, gigging, producing, whatever. So that's your passion. Yeah. Yeah. Most people who play music don't get, that doesn't get to be their living, you know, that's just the way it is.

Especially if it's jazz, you know, 100% I'm sorry, and that's why the salesman, whenever someone starts to even, whenever someone comes to me and says, Hey, can you invest in my jazz radio station? I usually have to say no, I can't, you know, it's a, it's a art form that people pretend to like, but come on, it's not really happening. But I salute you for being apparently you're very good. I imagine. Do you use your sales techniques on your own music and become super successful?

I mean, definitely I could, but then now what's really coming to light is that I'm not a good enough musician to be a musician and I'm not enough of a good enough salesman to sell my skills as a musician. So what you're really giving me now is career anxiety. Appreciate it. Okay. We didn't mean to do that, but I would like to point out, you have revealed yourself to be a sociopath who will, who will, oh, I love that you toast that.

Yeah. Who does that? Who does that? There is a sociopath. And it's just that you're a jazz musician that reveals you as a sociopath. Yeah. Exactly. I shouldn't go after jazz because Eduardo, our engineer, loves jazz, listens to it all

the time. I do. And has no friends. And what other skills do you have? What other kooky jobs have you had? So yeah. So when I'm not, you know, when it's not babies or Gibbons or music or sales, I've also worked in the world of finance, which was in some way, that was an indirect, indirect tax reclaim

sales job. So a whole other direction, and then I was also an art auctioneer on cruise ships. And that's where I learned most of my sales skills. Wait a minute. You sold, what kind of art is being auctioned off on a cruise ship? And how bad is that art? I mean, that's not a place to auction off art is a cruise ship. You wouldn't think it's stolen art.

Do you sell it in international waters because it's been stolen? That's exactly what it is. All that missing arts and all those paintings that people are throwing paints on at the moment. That's where they go. They go to the cruise ships and get flooded. International waters. I understood. But no, no, there's amazing arts, amazing artists on the ships.

And yeah, I was an auctioneer for two years. That's where I learned the skills, the sales skills. Wow. That's cool. Incredible. You're drinking a lot of water, Josh. You've had many gulps of water while we're talking. What?

Why are you giving them about that? Well, I'm suspicious. It is true. I've noticed it too. I just feel like you're sort of nervous. Are you lying to us or something? What's the feeling you're getting? I'm getting the feeling that Josh is pulling some kind of scam on us.

It's a tell. When someone's drinking too much water, it's a tell. He's thirsty. No, he's going to pitch a timeshare. Yeah, you are. You're going to... Look at him. Look at him.

There he goes again. Oh my God, that's a lot of water. Are you just... Have you been urinating the whole time you've been talking to us? Yeah. It's a bucket underneath you. You did say it was a one-room thing wherever it happens. Thank you.

She's sitting on the toilet as we speak. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a jail cell. It's a toilet in the middle of the room. Okay. Well, you're... Are you a good auctioneer?

I like to think I was decent, yeah, and I had fun doing it and I got to speak. Imagine you're selling an appearance on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Could you auction that off right now? To us, we're the buyers. Yeah, we're the buyers. Good luck. Okay. Pass.

Okay, so soon it's already passed. Okay, great. No, no, no. Security is... Security is a scoring son of a... Because she doesn't... You know, she's not dressed appropriately. That's actually how a lot of your actions were.

So that's pretty accurate so far. Okay. All right, so you're the auctioneer for Conan O'Brien... An appearance on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. And this is... You get out... You want to get top dollar for this. All right, ladies and gentlemen, next on the block, we have an incredible offer, a talking

appearance on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Ladies and gentlemen, this has an estimated retail price of $3,500. But we're going to start the bidding at just $2,500. $10,000, that guy's a genius. $12,000. Conan O'Brien? Conan fucking O'Brien? In the brown coat.

Ladies and gentlemen, that one is so... She's the strength. No, no, no. I will pay more. I didn't realize it was that... The guy that worked on The Simpsons, the guy that changed the face of late night... The guy who then reshaped audio as we know it... $175,000.

$180,000. Wait, Soledad O'Brien? No, no, not Soledad O'Brien. Oh, retracted, retracted. She's amazing. Soled for a hundred thousand dollars. The NBC broadcaster? Yes.

You want to... Well, I do like Soledad O'Brien, so... Okay. There was some confusion there. Anyway, that was good. You had me very excited. I can tell. I was really pumped.

Yeah, well, I raised my voice and I use profanity. That usually means I'm excited. Yeah, yeah. You're really excited a bit on yourself. That was the most masturbatory thing I've done since I last masturbated. Come on. Sorry about that, Josh. Josh!

Don't ask. Please. Come on. It's been a... Jesus, it's been a full hour. Let's change the subject. Okay, we held that tone for a while. Josh, say I were to come to Cape Town and visit you.

What would we do for fun? I mean, right now, you're a guy who sits pretty much in one room and occasionally gets out the guitar and plays suspended ninth chords that no one really is tapping their toe along to. What would we do? The tortoise really laughed at that. Oh, man, he loves the suspended ninth. What are we going to do, buddy, when we're in Cape Town together, walking the streets?

What's going to happen? What's your plan? Just judging from everything you've said, we're definitely going to hit all the jazz clubs. That's an absolute... Okay. All of them for every single one, but thereafter, I mean, then we can go take a cable car, table mountain, we'll go check out the restaurants at Sea Point, we'll go check out the incredible

nature that's available to us here in Cape Town. There's some of the world's best restaurants here. Are there Gibbons running around in Cape Town? Not anymore. Not since I got you. Yeah, they've been ground up. Turned into video game, video game packaging. You monster, you brutal monster.

Oh, you're the Popeye of South Africa. Did you have a question for me or did we already answer that? I can't remember. Do you have a question, Josh? I did have a question. Yeah, I've always been curious going in because you seem to use humor as this great connector of people and cultures. Oh, thank you.

Yeah, it seems like you watch your emotes, you're going to this place, you're interacting with people. Sometimes they don't even speak the language, you don't speak the language, whatever. That humor has played a fundamental role in South Africa, post-apartheid. So I was also wondering from your perspective, have you noticed that humor has this ability to connect people in ways that maybe other things can't? I've noticed that it can connect people and also at times alienate people. It has the power to do both, but it is to be sincere for a second, which I hate to do.

I think one of the greatest pleasures of my career has been going to different places, especially places where they don't know who I am or sometimes I'm talking to children that don't even speak, we don't speak the same language and if I can make them laugh, it's very, very gratifying. So yeah, I have very much enjoyed that and I love doing it. It's one of the great joys of my life is going to some of the places we've been to. Haiti, Armenia, Italy, Berlin, Finland, Israel, I mean, that's just Mexico, Cuba, thank you. I just watched all these.

Oh, that's right. I was punishing Matt and I made him watch all of them, but he says he's never going to do it again. He's going to behave himself from now on. But I really do like it a lot and so I'm glad that you feel that that's what's how happening. And I'm sure if I keep it up and keep traveling the world at some point, people will become very angry.

I'll misstep, but we'll get some great footage of my demise. So yeah, but it's very nice to connect with you. Did you find us by listening to the podcast or YouTube clips? What did you find? I mean, I've been a fan of yours for years now, at least 10 years at the very least, but that's through the most. My career is 30 plus years. Yeah, but I mean, the first 20 were really just not for me, but there are.

I've known you for a long time, I've been a huge fan of yours. I really like that, that made me laugh. We once did a bit. I was doing an anniversary show and it was my 10th anniversary and Mr. T, the famous iconic Mr. T came out and presented me with a gold seven and on my 10th anniversary and I said, Mr. T, I've been to where I'm at my neck and I said, Mr. T, I've been on the air for 10 years and he said, yeah, but you're only been funny for seven. He saluted, turned on his heels and walked off stage.

It was one of the biggest laughs I've ever heard in my life and probably fairly accurate. Josh, this has been a real pleasure. It was really nice talking to you. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for reaching out. I do applaud you. I'm glad that you're the games that you're selling are doing some good.

That sounds very cool. So you're helping people, which I like. So thank you very much, Josh. Thank you, guys. I appreciate your time. What time is it? Where are you are? Right now?

It's now 11.30 in the evening, which is why I'm dressed like this. Okay. You ready for the clubs? Exactly. This is straight after this. Get out there. All right. Go do your scales.

I'll talk to you later. Thanks, Josh. Bye, Josh. Thanks. I'm a Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely. Produced by me, Matt Gorely. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Salateroff and Jeff Ross, a team Cocoa and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

Music by Jimmy Vivino. Supervising producer, Aaron Blair, associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples, associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez, please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.