Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Elizabeth Banks

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

Actress Elizabeth Banks feels cautiously optimistic about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Elizabeth sits down with Conan to chat about standing up to her childhood bullies, communion, and mixing horror and comedy in her new film Cocaine Bear. Plus, a Neil Diamond song takes Conan on a trip down a memory lane of misheard lyrics.

Hey, my name is Elizabeth Banks, and I feel cautiously optimistic about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Who else was cautiously optimistic? Michelle Obama. Michelle Obama said cautiously optimistic. No way. Yeah. I have the same answer as Michelle Obama.

But then she changed it later to pessimistic. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walk in the lose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends, I can tell that we are going to be friends. Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend podcast that features not just me, but two lovely companions. I meant that.

Sonam Obsession, assistant I hired in 2009, I believe. And at the time you did, did you work in the travel department at NBC? I worked in the publicity department and events and operations. I did a lot of their fun parties and stuff. I saw you at a party years before I worked for you. Yeah, all the best parties I ever went to were NBC parties. I'm always a melting peacock ice sculpture and the cast of wings. Anyway, and Matt Gorley, how are you?

I'm well, thank you. How are you? I'm doing all right. I think I'm doing okay. It's nice. I am drinking, I don't know why recently, I just started switched over. I had this bad habit of I drink a lot of diet soda. People have been telling me that's not good for you.

So I switched over to iced green tea. And I think I'm going to live an extra day and that's it. I am of that mind because my wife is very much, she's so naturally healthy. And I'm quite fatalistic about it. That might be in sort of an Irish quality, but I just think, oh, you go and you go. And so all this, I think I could eat all kinds of healthy stuff and drink all kinds of healthy stuff, which I do, but I don't think it's going to change things much. It's a tough call, right?

Because you want to prolong your life, but you also want to enjoy your life. So where do you draw the line? Well, I would like to be a burden on my children. Okay, that's. I want to do that thing where I become very old very quickly. And then I have to, I'm just a huge pain in the ass. I feel like after a while, people will just leave you in your wheelchair, just like in the corner.

I'm sorry. I was just checking. That's a lot of caffeine. Isn't it? Well, green tea has less caffeine than coffee. I know, but the amount he's drinking. I do. But you know what?

I, caffeine does not affect me. Are you sure? Yes. This is a fact and you can check this. Where would I check this? I know. How would we know if it affects you? My wife, you could ask my wife, I will drink coffee at night and then go to sleep.

How do you? I can have, I've had massive doses of coffee and then gone right to sleep and they say that it's a gene, that it's a, they say it's a red haired thing, but I need tons of anesthetic to put me down. Really? Yeah. No, they have to hit me with like seven rhino darts when I go to the dentist, if they just want to put a, you know, drill a new cavity because they're always saying, okay, that's

enough. And then they start to put the drill and I go, and they say really more and I go, huh. And then they come in and sometimes I've had, I've seen as many as like seven people come in with different syringes and they're all, they're all jabbing at my head. And then finally they get this, uh, this crazy cobra to settle down and they work on my, my chompies, which is what I call my teeth. Crazy cobra. Crazy cobra.

And the chompies. And the chompies. That's my band. I'm crazy. I'm going to run the chompies tonight at the Odeon Theater. Is it true the redheaded thing in anesthesia? I've heard that. Really?

Uh, yes. It's reliable. No, I've heard it from doctors. I actually heard it from an anesthetician that there is a, they think that there is a link to the red-haired gene and, um, a tolerance for, uh, all kinds of, um, anesthetics. Was this anesthetologist redheaded? Yeah. No.

Is being redheaded and I'm not saying this to be mean. Is it an abnormality? Like is there something about your genetic structure that is- Are you a freak? Weird. And not proper. Well, uh, I wouldn't recommend it about that because it usually means you have very fair skin, which I do.

Yeah. Which means I'm really, um, especially these days, uh, with the amount of, uh, light coming from the sun that permeates our damaged atmosphere. Yeah. I'm doomed. I'm doomed. And, uh, we are, but, but it's a very, it's a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, it's a very strange gene.

Like my, my brothers and sisters are not, were not redheads. And when I look at these pictures of me as a little kid and I, my hair was even brighter. It was like a carrot red. It's like a glitch. It's like having webbed feet. Well, I do have webbed feet. You know that, right? I, I just, when I said it, I, when I said it, yeah, I didn't, I remember you saying this

because when I said it, I didn't know that you did, but, oh, yeah. Oh, this is like when I showed my back. Oh God. Look at that. Yeah. Yeah. That's a, um, yes. Uh, my, is it my third and fourth toe?

There's webbing between it. Did you, did you, did you, um, did she like, I don't know, was she drinking? Well, she was drinking plutonium in the, uh, second and third trimester. You're like the water world guy. You don't need like a mariner. You can swim faster. Uh, he's evolved. Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe I'm more highly evolved because I have webbing on one of my feet between the third and fourth toe. You know what's a drag for me? Swimming? No. The sun? I'm quite a good swimmer.

No. What's a drag for me is by if, if I want it and I don't, but I was in like an REI once and I love REI and I say that all the time, but it's like my happy place. I love to look at all the different gear and, uh, I went over to the like boot section to check everything out. And they had those kind of cool things that you put on your feet and it's like a, a rubbery glove that goes on your feet that, uh, allows your foot to move more naturally and they're designed in such a way so that each toes.

You're calling those cool. The toeshoes. The toeshoes. Yeah. You touched a bullet. Yeah. Hold on. This person was telling me all the advantages of them.

This is a very sad moment in my life. This woman was saying, oh, they're really, it's great for this and great for that. And I said, well, you know, I'll, I'll try one on. So she went and she started to slide it on my foot and because of my webbing, it stopped and she kept pushing and she said, what's wrong? I can't get this on. And I was like, ah, and then she took it off and she went, yeah. Monster.

Monster. Rino darts. Yeah. I mean, it was just, uh, my webbing. Yeah. And I know that I don't really think those are cool, but you know when you can't have something, you only want it more. Yeah.

So the other day I'm walking along and I see this guy strolling in those same feet gloves and he's strolling along and I'm enraged. Really? But I can't have that. Oh, you touched a bullet. Those shoes would give me toe claustrophobia. I couldn't put those on. Toe claustrophobia.

Sure. Okay. Yeah. That's what I was going to say. I have heard those shoes are better, but I also think your abnormalities stop, what are you? Why are you? Stop saying abnormalities.

Like your freckles too, probably aren't. I'm saying there are normal people and then there's abnormal people with abnormal qualities. What's sad about freckles? What's sad about freckles? You're not trying. You're not trying at all. I'm being scientific about this. It's not normal to be right.

I'm like two minutes from being chased into a tower and then set a fire by an angry mid-century mob. Yeah. What's sad about freckles is that it's a terrible idea, but its evolution was thinking, we got to help this guy out a little bit. Let's give him a little bit of skin tone in tiny splotches here and there all over his body. And I'm just keep thinking about wherever the assembly line is, wherever dimension the assembly

line is, they're like, oh, he has no melanin. He's just the whitest thing we've ever seen. Give him some protection. What do you mean? Splatter him with a little bit. Okay. Okay. We did.

It doesn't look right. Hey, change his hair to a carry orange. How's that? Does that help? Not really. I've got it. Grab his left foot and create a duck-like webbing between his third and fourth toe. Should we do both feet?

No, no. Okay. What are you? Stupid. Sorry. Sorry. Just the left. Good.

I think he's ready to go. Hey, I know. One last thing. Load him up with self-hate. And pull the lever. Here he goes. Where did he land? In that family where everyone's yelling.

Hey, my grandpa was a red-headed fellow and I have very fond memories of him and I think you're a fine-looking distinguished gentleman. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. What the fuck? What the fuck? Listen, I'm the asshole now.

You are. You are. Well, you know what you did. I'm saying scientifically, these things are not given to everybody else. You're saying, in the assembly line, they're like, oh, fix it. I think in the assembly line, they were like, let's fuck this one up. She's saying you're abnormal scientifically. I'm just saying.

Let's fuck this one up. Who on the assembly line ever says that? What Kebler Elf ever, what technician at Ford or Chrysler or BMW ever said, let's fuck this one up. No, let's make him really tall and skinny too. Let's give him really long feet and make him super tall. There's a reason a lot of people aren't redheads. I'm just saying.

What's the reason? Because it's not normal. Well, sorry. No, no, no. I'm good. I love you. You know I love you. I know you love me.

Yes. The way Cher loved the boy in masks. Rocky Dennis. Yeah, sure. Sure. I'll throw in a Rocky Dennis reference anytime. Thanks a lot, Son. I love you too.

And I'm going to go out and fit myself for a bag that goes on my head. All right. Let's get into it. My guest today is an actress, producer and director, you know, from such films as Wet Hot American Summer. Pitch Perfect and The Hunger Games, her new movie, which she directed, I love this title, is called Cocaine Bear. It is out right now.

Awesome title. I'm thrilled she's here today. Elizabeth Banks, welcome. Thrilled to have you here on the podcast. That's a strong word. I am thrilled. I'm going to say that because I'm thrilled to have you here on the podcast. Because a number of reasons always admired you and think you're incredibly cool.

But we also became friendly. You and your man, me and my lady. I love, I'm in it for the wife. That's the only reason I'm friends with you. Exactly. I get that. What's your saying, Sona? My favorite thing about Conan is Eliza.

Yeah. By the way, I remember talking to someone, Liz, it's like 10 years ago now. And they were like, you know, I liked you when I met you. And then I met your husband and I liked you more and I thought, I think that's a compliment. I'm not sure. I think. I don't know if it is. But it made me feel confident that I chose well.

You chose very well. Right? Like he can hang out. He's nice. Are you kidding? He's a delight. He's really smart, cool. And we've hung out a bunch of times in situations where we're on vacation, we bump into each

other. Yeah. It's a skiing kind of place. Yes. And you're with your family, I'm with my family and we end up hanging out. And I remember very clearly you inviting us over for charades one night and. Running charades. You were running it.

Yeah. No, it's called running charades. What do you mean? The game is not just simple charades. It's running charades. Like you have teams in different parts of the house. Okay. All right.

You have to run to get your clues and then go give them. That's right. Yeah. We were all in separate parts of this house and you was divided us into teams and then we had to run and there'd be, I don't know what you'd call this person. The wizard. Yeah. Whoever.

The game master. The game, the giver. The giver. The giver. Was on these back stairs and say what the clue is and then you'd have to run back to your team. And here's what I learned that night. You're one of the most competitive people I've ever met in my life.

Elizabeth Banks is terrifying. You're a terrifying person. Truly no one who actually knows me would disagree with that statement. And what's great is that you were really determined to win and I kept thinking, this is fun, but then you'd win and you'd be like, in your face, we won. You're not wrong that I don't, I'm not a gentle winner. Where does that come from? Because we have some things in common.

We both come from Massachusetts, obviously, I'm 70 years older than you, but you come from Pittsfield, Mass. And you know, large Irish Catholic family. That's right. I come from Perfimass. That's one of the things we've bonded over over time, yeah. So how did you turn out cooler than me? I'm not.

You actually are. You are though. You kind of kill yourself. Well, you know, so half my family is also gingers. And so that's another thing I like about you. You remind me of home and all the best things, but I didn't get the ginger. So I think that's part of it. Like I didn't have to grow up worrying daily about like being made fun of.

Now it's good, like nobody gets made fun, first of all, you're not allowed to make fun of people now. I don't know if you know about that. I know. Like that's not allowed anymore. Right. Can't do it. It's good.

Keep kind in mind at all times. That's the whole thing. Yeah. I'm not going to come back. I'm going to come back strong. And I'll be ready when it does. There's going to be a whisper campaign. You wanted to come back, but didn't people make fun of you?

Why would you say that? You always say you were awkwardly tall, had really long legs, you were like 40 pounds. Yes. Yes. Yes. I was mocked and abused. But in the best ways. What?

I just. I mean, I had a great bully, like a really good bully. She was excellent. She was good at her job of the bully thing. And frankly, like what a great. She was a professional bully. Pretty much. Right.

So I had to walk like, I know this is very tropey, but I did walk through the woods over rivers, the whole thing to go to school. And after school, those woods became like the bully zone, you know, like if you were walking home afterwards and you didn't want to smoke cigarettes with the guys who are like dirtbikes, you just got bullied by them. So I don't understand bullies in the woods is a whole different thing. I remembered encountering bullies over near Stephen's market at the point, not too far from our house.

It's one of the packies. Exactly. And but, but what I, I'm just imagining walking through beautiful woods in, in this nice part of Massachusetts, this rural part of Massachusetts, and then you just a bully steps out behind a tree. That's literally what it was like. It's literally what it was like. So, but the great news is that I stood up to my bully in like fifth or sixth grade must

been six. I was, cause I was in middle school, North middle school. That's all we had. It's North South. You went to, I lived off of North street. This was North middle school. And I came, she was pushing her friends into me in the line, you know, in the lineup to go back in from lunch or we'd never recess, I don't think in sixth grade, maybe anyway.

And I, and I, I finally, I just had it and I turned around and I pushed her back and she fell to the ground in front of everyone and it was super embarrassing for her. And I was like, I'm a superhero. I never felt like the adrenaline of like the whole thing and like, I've defeated my bully, you know, and the best part was I happened to be chewing gum, which is not allowed. And so I didn't get in trouble for pushing the ground. No one saw cause there was like a whole group that like circled around us, you know, at the moment.

And someone, one of her friends like pulled her up and everyone was just in shock that I fought back. Yeah. And then, um, and so I turned around like chewing my gum with my adrenaline running. And the like monitor at the door was like, yeah, come and was like, you have detention. And the worst thing at that moment I could get was detention because the bullies all got detention. And so then you had to walk home the 30 minutes later, there was no one in the woods to save

you if you were alone in the woods with the bully. I had to go with the pack. So I literally, I remember I went to the detention person, I don't know, and it was like, I can't stay after school. Like I'm being bullied by this person. I can't say their name because I don't want to get them in trouble because I'm not a narc. And, but all I was exactly, all I was doing was doing gum. Can I do it?

I'll do extra homework, like anything, but I cannot walk home alone 30 minutes after school ends. And I don't know, they took, they took pity on me and I did not actually have to serve detention. And I got away with everything that day and I was like, I felt pretty darn good. Yeah. I think that's what it is. I think you have to fight back a little bit with the bullies.

There's a quote you have that I saw that I thought is really fascinating, which is you, I think I'm getting this right, but you said, you feel like you're a character actor that's trapped in a leading lady's body. And I thought, that's so true because, and I'm, you're stunning, you're stunningly attractive. No, seriously. Yeah, you are beautiful. Yeah. Yeah.

And we're not being nice. We're sort of just like stunned. And I feel that way every time I run into you and you've, but you've got, you know, it's crazy to act like it's a contradiction at all, but your comedy chops are so crazy good that to have both and then also to have all these other ambitions that you have, I think is a very, maybe it's unusual. You know, it, it didn't used to be that. I think about like the old movies, stars of, you know, the Greta Garbows and like the May

West. Like they were so cute and like even like Catherine Hepburn and Audrey Hepburn, they, they got to, yes, they were like leading ladies. I mean, Audrey Hepburn probably more than the rest of that list, but they were like, you know, Joan Crawford was like a broad, you know, like she really got Rosalyn Russell, like Auntie Mame was like my favorite thing growing up. Like I was like, I just want to be Auntie Mame. And that, that's what's always appealed to me, you know, but just people who really got

to chew up the scenery and like do physical comedy as well as, I don't know, do everything. And then there became like these Angenous who were just like damsels in distress. And I've played a lot of those in my like girlfriends, the girl, you know, there's not much to do. Just kind of like being the movie with the guy, like, you know, it was so funny cause just not really, I don't know. When I saw you in four year old virgin, obviously you were, you know, crazy attractive popping on the screen.

But also the way you were playing it was so funny in a different way that I hadn't quite seen before. Do you know? And I remember thinking she's so funny in this way. I haven't seen anyone else quite do this. It could have been a character that was just kind of there, but then it just became like a really funny character because I know you did it. I had so much fun doing that.

Yeah. Beth. With the, I think a little thong sticking out. I did add a thong sticking out. Not that I remember. Yeah. You really remember that. I just scored it out of that movie four times.

You kept coming back in. Yeah. I kept coming in and saying, it's my right. Weird. I have not seen that movie in a long time, but you know, it did was my friend's kid who's 13. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

He's like, so he had a bar mitzvah and then he watched the four year old virgin. Cause I was like, I'm like literally his like auntie. And now it's like to speak with you. Impossible. I was like, what were you thinking? He's like, I kind of forgot about that. Like really? Also, you have, I mean, in the comedy where like people like Paul Rudd, you've really

clicked with him as well. I think I've worked, yeah, I've worked with Paul like six times or something. Now maybe like four or five. A bunch. A lot. Yeah. I mean, he never calls me. Well, that's Rudd, just how he is.

Just busy being an aunt man. Don't belittle. He's belittled. He is. He really is. That's the whole point of it Conan. His whole power is that he is belittled. You're right.

You're right. How dare you belittle aunt man. Paul wherever you are, we're sorry. So tell me about how you, because I'm curious about just getting the arc here. I know that you. The arc. I'm trying to, that's what I. I know.

I like it. I'm trying to find because. You're doing a timeline of my life. I know you. Okay. I understand where you come from. Yes. You better than most.

I understand that Irish Catholic thing. It's so funny that when you said that you were chewing gum, my mom, who's a wonderful woman, great mom, but she had this almost Victorian Irish Catholic division when it came to the boys and the girls. So she had this thing where my, my brothers and I could fuck up in any way. She'd be like, Oh, those boys. And if, uh, if one of my sisters chewed gum, she was like, you spit that gum out. You know what you look like.

I'm trying. Yeah. Concentrally. And we'd be in the corner. I'd have like nine sticks of gum in my mouth. She wouldn't say anything to me. No. She said, Oh, he's a good little boy.

Let's hope that hair changes color and then she'd whip around and one of my, my nice sisters would come in and go, hello, mother, you spit that out. I remember I wanted to get my ears pierced and my parents were like, you're going to look like a pirate. Okay. Is that bad? I don't even know if that's bad. No, any.

It was so strange. Only pirates have that. It's what? I don't think that's true. No. We're talking about like the seventies for me and like eighties for you and it's just like this. I know it's just crazy.

I think it's just how some family, my family was like that they let Danny get away with anything. And then with me, it was totally different. The rules are different. In Armenian culture, it's I guess it's the same thing, which is Danny's the boy so he can do whatever he wants. Yeah. I didn't know Irish families were like that too.

Right. Oh my God. Yeah. My mom is one of seven. There's six girls and a boy. My uncle, who I love, love you, Uncle Ricky, who I think is Matt Conan. But he like got kicked out of schools and kicked out of high school and he's on the hockey team.

He's lost all his front teeth. Like he's like, you know, plays the super ultra like went to Harvard. No one cared. Like they just get away with whatever they want. Yeah. Yeah. It's the way it should be. It's the way it should be.

Yeah. I think so. It builds character. I thought we were complaining about it. You were saying that's how we should. I know. And then I realized, what am I sticking up for my sister's for? I love that guy.

Just being very deserving. But like girls always had to, I always felt like the girls had to work like twice as hard, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And also I think about the picture of me and my little virginal white, you know, first communion dress. And it's like, that's how they want to picture you all the time when you're little.

I wore the same dress at my communion dress. I'm wondering what that was all about. I remember being scared of communion, you know. Communion or confession. What's that? Confession was terrifying. Yeah. Confession is terrifying because you'd go in there and I would always freeze up and

just make up things. Because I'm not going to say what I'm really doing. I would. No kid says what they're really doing. No kid says it. You don't go in there and go like, well, anyway, I touched myself. You don't want to say that to a priest. No.

God. They are, they are, they're way, they're psyched if they hear that. Yeah. But you know, it's so weird. Like you don't see the priest. There's just like this silhouette. But you lie. Don't you feel guilty lying?

Like I say, and I lied and then you get forgiven. So it doesn't fucking matter. Is that how you ended every confession? And then something else and then, hey, it doesn't fucking matter anyway. It doesn't, it doesn't Padre. Chomp, chomp. My dear, are you chewing gum? You don't fucking bet I'm chewing gum.

I remember going, sitting in the pew and going this, I was in high school and our friend, his name was Gordy. He goes in and you know, we all would make a pact. Like, I mean, you're not going to tell him this. We're not going to tell him we're having sex or anything. And it's like, no, of course not. So it's like, yeah, like you go in and you'd be like, I, you know, I took the Lord's name in vain and I followed my parents and I lied and da-da-da and I cheated on it, math test,

whatever. And then, you know, and you just kind of like finding like five Hail Marys. Great. Right. That was very typically how it went. And then Gordy comes in there and all of a sudden we hear like the priests kind of start like raising his voice, which never happens. Right.

And then Gordy kind of comes out bright red, won't look us in the eye, like goes up to the front, kneels down and start doing what, you know, it's normally five Hail Marys. So we're all like, what the heck just happened with Gordy, you know? So we go in, I go in, da-da-da. So then we all, we've all gone. We've all gone up. We've all done our prayers, our little penance. We're all standing out front for like half an hour.

It's getting dark. Gordy's still up there. And to this day, I still am like, what the hell did he tell me? But he had to say like 700,000 Hail Marys. Like, I would think it was like, you might go to hell for this. Oh my God. Gordy. Poor Gordy.

I don't know what he did. We got to find out. We're going to get some people on this. It probably wasn't even anything. Gordy and Fitzfield. Whatever Gordy said. You know, it's crazy when you think about it now, it's such a weird thing. We all just accepted that you say to the priest, I did this.

I stole, you know, I ate a piece of chocolate cake when I wasn't supposed to. I took the extra Pop Tart. I used the Lord's name in vain. And then it's like going to an auto body guy and he gives you an estimate. Yeah. He's like, right off the top of his head. That's six Hail Marys, three R fathers. Maybe do a rosary.

Do a rosy, you know, whatever. And it's just like, like he, he can hear it. Like one of those people that can guess your weight. Yeah. It's 162. Wow. You nailed it. When you get a second opinion, it's probably like fewer Hail Marys.

You know what they should have had is another confessional where you could say, you know what? Let me, let me get another rate. I'm going to get another rate. I want to know if I can do it in three Hail Marys. Can I get in the heaven with just three? But I really did. I lied and just would say things like I, and they were almost biblical.

I, and, I envied, I coveted my neighbor's wife. I was like, how old are you? 11? Exactly. I was laying with the sheep. You did what? It's all biblical nonsense. Such, I know.

I need a. Yeah. Organized religion. Yeah. So I want to ask you about, cause it feels to me like in your career, I mean, I loved you on 30 Rock. And I think that was supposed to be just, I mean, it wasn't planned to be a recurring role. No.

And then you came on as Jack Donahue's lady. Yes. Love interest. At love interest. And how quickly did you know, oh, this is going, this is going places? Well, I went in for, I had two episodes, I think was the initial like offer. Like come in and do a little quick thing, two episodes. I was playing, you know, this news, this Fox news type cast, newscaster.

And, and then like a month or so later, it was like, Hey, did you, did you like doing that? Sure. And then it was like three years later and something I was pregnant with this baby when we were getting married. That's nice. So it's pretty nice. And, and I really enjoyed working on that show.

Loved it. And, and then of course, pitch perfect is where it felt like things really ramp up in a great way because you get to, you get more control. You get to move. Yeah. Closer into a different role. I think my, so my husband and I, we have a company together, Brownstone Productions. We produced pitch perfect, all three of those.

And I directed the second one and, you know, as my first foray into doing, yeah, making more of my Hollywood life, I guess, and just acting and hanging out by the phone, waiting for somebody to call. But you know, it's, it's occurring to me now. I'm remembering that Lucille Ball, you see photos of her in the 1940s, stunning. I mean, like, like you, a, a leading lady. Yeah. But definitely a character.

Like she's someone that that's who I should have named when I was naming those. You know what? Can we edit that? No, we can't afford that. Make sure I didn't, I didn't mean to say Audrey Hepburn. Fuck Audrey Hepburn. I meant to say Lucille Ball. It's about time someone went after Audrey Hepburn.

I went to say Lucille Ball. But you know, when you see, you know, people think of her as Lucy and the, you know, and, and, and, and you see pictures of her in the, in the 40s and she just dropped dead. Yeah. Super model gorgeous. And then to have those kind of comedy chops. But then she and her husband take over. They figure out a way to own the factory.

And I think they had the largest deal at CBS, like that had ever happened at that point. Yeah. At some point. I think like now Ryan Murphy has one of those or Shonda Rhimes has a bigger one. Like in the day, that would have been Lucy and Desi's. Yeah. But also they, I don't think it had been done before. No.

I don't think anybody had done that. Taking, taking control of the whole thing. Yeah. And I think that there used to be just a different attitude. I mean, obviously in the 20s and 30s and 40s, like shut up and act. Don't worry your pretty little head about it. We'll take care of this. And so.

And suddenly they were like, no, no, no, you can't do any of it without us. We own the whole thing. Yeah. It was amazing. They were incredible business too. Yeah. Something to truly strive for. Yeah.

Lucy. Well, I wanted to talk to you because the last time this was a very funny thing. I was talking to you. I saw you around Christmas time. Liza and I see you and we're hanging out. We get dinner. And this really happened. I'm telling you about this trailer that I saw online.

Yeah. I'm someone who, um, if something grabs me, it really grabs me and I can't stop thinking about it. And I watched this trailer and then I watched it again and again. And I was showing it to my kids. Uh, and it's the trailer that had gone viral called cocaine bear. Oh yeah. So I am talked to you and I go like, oh man, this thing cocaine bear.

And you went, yeah. And I went, oh man, I don't see that. And you went, you do know that that's my movie. And I didn't know. And I was talking to you about cocaine bear. You were. And it was so, I mean, I felt like an idiot, but also you could, what's nice about it is you could tell my enthusiasm was genuine.

Yeah. It was real. I was like, oh my God, because I thought this is the best title for a movie since pootie tang. Like it's one of the best titles for a movie. It's an amazing title ever. And, uh, and I just, cause all you need to hear is cocaine bear. Yeah.

And then I, I see the trailer and I was like, oh jeez. And like everyone else who saw the trailer, like what the. It's a big like what they made. That's real. They made this. They allowed people to make a movie called that. And then, um, I was very excited because they said, Hey, uh, Elizabeth Banks is coming on the podcast, which I was very excited about.

And they said, um, you can check out cocaine bear if you want. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? And they're like, yeah, no, we'll give you a link and you can watch it. And I watched it and, uh, I had a blast. We had an absolute blast. And there are so many sequences there. I mean, I was, there are so many sequences in the movie that I kind of want to watch a few more times.

And I don't want to give anything away, but, uh. We do. We talk a few things into it that I hope make people want to see it twice. Like, wait, what was that line that she said again? What was that thing that she did? And you know what's, it's fantastic is all you need to know is it's cocaine bear. Yeah. Um, my only disappointment is at the end, the bear doesn't become like a producer.

That would have been a really good ending. He's on the lot. He's on the lot. He's a very, and he's still doing a ton of cocaine. And it's occasionally attacking like a tour van, but other than that. Um, but what was really nice about it was I think doing. I think the combination, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that is scary and funny is probably almost impossible to pull off and you pulled it off.

It is scary and funny. Thank you. Yeah. That was the challenge of it, right? Like that was the, the tone in the script that I thought, oh, if I get this right, I think it can hit. And, and, but it, yeah, it's a fine line to walk for sure. Because there are moments where I don't, there are times where truly the bear is doing

something absolutely terrible to somebody and I'm howling. Yeah. I'm laughing and also shrieking at the same time. And you don't want to hear me laugh and shriek at the same time. I won't, no, you don't. You don't. It's really good that I saw this. I'm glad you had that reaction.

Cause I've, I've only seen it with audiences, you know, and seeing it with audiences. It's pretty intense because, you know, I mean, you'll have couples having completely different reactions sitting right next to each other. Like some that are just like, I, you know, and others that are laughing like in the same moment, you know, which is very fun to see. Yeah. All I'll say is there's a whole scene that involves EMTs and an ambulance and it plays out and I'm just like, and it, and it goes on for a while and it just keeps to the point

where I think this can't get crazier, crazier. And then it doubles and, and the other thing I really liked about it is I, and we've talked about this before. We won't name names, but there are movies famously that star kids that, and I'll say it's so tricky cause some, a lot of times I watch movies with kids and I don't like the kids. Yeah. And I'm in general, I like children.

I really do. Oh, you do. Oh, that's good. Okay. I mean, I root for them because that's the future of the species. It's very controversial. I don't want to spend time with them, but I'm told my own children are lovely and I will meet them one day, but the, the girl and the boy who are central to it are great

and, and the boy is, I think a real find. He just gets a lot more time, but he's a real find and I liked him. Yeah. He has some great lines. He's a, he is a, for sure, a, an audience favorite. Yeah. So putting kids into adult scenarios too, like truly adult scenarios is always, to me, can be very funny.

Right. And the movie is really about, I really love making movies about underdogs generally. And I like multiple POV, I've, I've made three films out of, they all are like, you know, many characters. I've never just followed, you know, Jack Reacher or something. Right. Um, so the, the notion that we could find like kids to put into this scenario was like, well, you're never going to have a bigger underdog than like anybody meeting a bear

that they don't know as high in cooking. Right. Like, I don't care if you are Jack Reacher, you are an underdog in that scenario. Also, I just love, it was so funny to me how much the bear enjoys cocaine. He really likes it and, and, uh, and then once he gets a taste for it, you know, God help you if you have some cocaine in your back pocket. Yeah. And, um, it's all based on a real story, which I didn't know.

Yeah. And, and frankly, partially based on this notion. So in real life, let's just say the real life bear OD'd big time on cocaine, right? So it's a good message to get out to those kids. Yeah. But I think the movie is not pro drug, by the way, the movie is very much like drugs is bad. Yeah.

It is. It is. I feel like I stayed true to my, you know, to, we're, we're keeping it clean for the kids. Yeah. In that regard. Um, but the real bear truly obviously loved that. I mean, could not stop eating it to the point where it's like the necropsy on the bear,

you know, was like, it's a hard exploded every organ inside of its body. The bear itself became a good poster child for don't do drugs. Correct. It really did. But I remember when I read that story, which is, is about this drug runner, Andrew Thornton, who opens our film, dropping these drugs out of this airplane. And then he ends up in a whole other scenario. But basically that this bear was like collateral damage in this, you know, bizarre drug runs

scenario and the war on drugs and hot. And I just, I remember feeling deep sympathy for this bear, like, what the fuck, like this, that's so. And so when I read this script, I thought, well, this, this is the revenge story for the bear. Yeah. The bear didn't ask for this. The bear didn't want it.

The bear didn't call his dealer and say, get over here. The bear was like, I mean, you put these drugs right in front of me, I tasted them. They made me excited. I needed more, you know. And though, so now in the movie, we just imagine, well, what if that bear ran into a bunch of people? You know what? I don't, I don't think I'm giving anything away when I say it's, and you learn this in

the movie, but I thought it was a really cool distinction that there's a real distinction between brown bears and black bears. And black bears are thought to be much less worrisome. Yeah. And they are. They truly are. Yeah. We shouldn't create, I don't want to create like jaws here.

Like I don't want everyone to be like, I can't be, you can, you can see a black bear and not totally lose your mind. I mean, don't go close to a wild animal. Do I really have to say that out loud on the podcast? And maybe don't give it a lot of cocaine. Don't give it cocaine. Yeah. No.

So, but it was, it, what I, there's a thing in the movie where people make assumptions about this black bear because black bears are supposed to be pretty harmless and they don't know the, what's the back story. They don't know what this, what's in this bear system. So they're like, I don't worry about it. Bears are friendly. Yeah. And so, I was, yeah.

That's one of my, that's Jesse Tyler Ferguson's character is like a, like a Peter bear expert, right? Yes. Like he loves animals. He calls them friends. He doesn't. He's really funny. And you know what?

I, when he first came on camera, I didn't recognize him. I didn't thank you. And, and, and then Liza's the one that said, oh my God. And I was laughing and thinking, oh, this guy's terrific because he looks quite different. Yes. And then Liza said, that's, that's Jesse, that's Jesse Tyler Ferguson. And I was like, oh my God. Yeah.

He's great. He's so great. We've been old friends. We, I made one of my, I think my second movie ever I made with Jesse in Vermont in the late nineties. And he actually played a, an anti gay priest or like seminary student or something, which is obviously clearly not his life since he's married to a man with children. He changed a lot.

He saw, I don't know. Yeah. He saw the light. I was really testament to his acting skills at Conan because he really played that up. How excited were you when it's Christmas time and the trailer hits and people were freaking out and it's blowing up? Was that, is that a fun experience? Well, I mean, I would think it would have to be.

You go like, oh thank God, you know, you just are so relieved. I would say I was relieved more than anything. I don't know, I also though, I'm like, I still has to translate into people buying tickets and putting their butt in the seat and I don't know if that, I don't know what's happening in the world. Well, it's crazy. I mean, it's a crazy time. Yeah.

There's giant tectonic shifts happening all around us that we can't control. But I think you've got a really good head start with cocaine bear. Yeah. Well, I'm very glad that you enjoyed it. Yeah. I think two of you snuggled up in your house. There was no snuggling. Liza called a halt to that year.

Well, it was very fun to make and yes, I'm happy that it, that the pieces of it that are in the world so far are being well received, of course, but we'll see. You get, you know, I'm, so you're, it's like your baby, like you just are like, I was, you know, a ball of wreck of nerves when we put the trailer out. Is this because it's funny, you've achieved so much and in different ways, but just talking to you, I can feel that you are, you're tough and you're tough on yourself, probably tougher on yourself than anybody. I mean, I think that that's true.

Yeah. Yeah. I do also, I, I'm in my mind, I'm like, you give yourself grace, you give yourself grace, which I am trying to do to more of like give myself grace because I do think the guilt and pressure of being a working mom too is like, it's real, unfortunately, in our society. And so I truly bringing myself a sense of, yeah, it's okay, I enjoy, I really enjoy getting to collaborate and make things with people. It's really fun.

I love entertaining people. I love making people laugh. And if I get to do that, it's like, it's, it's a privilege, it's an honor, it's all the things that it is. It's also really hard work and it also always takes me away from other things I also like to do, like go into my kid's basketball game, you know? And so just making sure, I don't call it balance because I think that's, but There is no bound.

Yeah. When people say, yeah. What is that? There is no balance. I don't know what that means. I mean, I just, in other words, I'm just trying to like be my, the best version of myself. So that's being creative, doing the collaboration, having fun with what I'm doing, like, you know, taking advantage of the, the, the relationships I've made along the way, you know, and, and

hopefully grow planting seeds that can grow later so that this can keep going, you know? Like, that's what I think about, like the big picture stuff. But at the end of the day, I also, I'm just trying when I, when it isn't great, because sometimes it's not great, or I'll have a bit like a bad day or a, you know, and by the way, when I watch cocaine beer, I'm like, there's still things I'm like, God damn, why did I cut that line? Or, oh, I should have cut that line. Like it's still not exactly right.

But I like the idea that there's, at some point, pencils down and you just go like, well, I did the best I could do with the time and money that I had and the resources and the people and the, and that's the grace. I don't want to talk to an artist who says, no, I nailed it. I mean, that's not, no, that's not the way it is. You can always hear something or see something. Totally. But quickly, Ray Liotta, who's one of my all-time favorites, and this must have been, was this

the very last thing that he worked on? I'm not 100% sure. So I don't know. Well, he went to the Dominican Republic where he passed away to do another project, and I don't know how much he'd actually shot of that before he passed. But I got to know him a bit just over the years, interviewing him and, I mean, obviously, you get to know him from good fellas and that's such an iconic role. And then when you talk to him and he's just shrugging and being self-effacing, you can't

handle it because you think, no, no, no, no. You know, I think it's okay to say this. I went to like a memorial for him after he passed away, and I thought what was so sweet about it was that the guys that were there, like his best friends who were like from high school in Jersey, like, you know, they're like, they're just the guys that he's all his own, that know him as like kind of sweet and, you know, It's Ray. It's Ray.

And like, he had a dream and he was, you know, and he thought he was going to go Hollywood and like, they're all still like, and he did it, you know, and he was like, I'm doing it. Like, it's just this beautiful sense that he kind of really appreciated it and knew where he was from and loved doing it and all of those things. I love him. He says a lot about people that have that kind of success and there's, but they're still good friends with people they knew in high school, college, grade school.

Yeah. I've cut all those people out. Oh, they had to go. What? Why? You were just, as soon as you went on TV, you were like, well, hey, what's the point? I had to cut them loose, you know, and have those guys hanging around. But you just said it says a lot about someone.

Oh, no, I does. I'm a terrible person. Oh, okay. I just wanted to make sure I understood what you were saying. Okay. I can't hang out with those Brookline creeps. Brookline. Do you go back a lot?

Do you go back to Massachusetts? Not as much as I want to. I just got a, I just got a suite at the garden. Nice. For Madonna. Nice. I'm very excited. Yeah.

So I will go back and I'm going to bring all my, my cousins, you know, love, all that stuff, I have so much, my sisters, my other sisters, how many, how many are there? How many sisters? Well, I'm the oldest of four. Okay. Yeah. So I don't have that big of a family, but my mom is from seven and my dad's from eight. So I have a lot of cousins.

I have a lot of first cousins. Right. And then we'll be, well, we're going to have a blast where I'm taking them all to the suite at the garden. That's fantastic. Well, thank you for, thank you for inviting me out there as well. Oh, I didn't hear the invitation. I don't know if you, are you a, are you a Madonna fan?

I mean, I feel like you can get down to some Madonna, the old school hits. You know, it was never in my wheelhouse. I think that's fair to say. You're more like a Springsteen guy, right? That's your vibe. Yeah. Oh, Springsteen. I love Bruce Springsteen.

It just wasn't, during the, I'm going to say I didn't, I didn't go whole hog on the Madonna phenomenon when it was happening. I appreciated it and I think she was a great showman, show person. Yeah. She is a show, she's a show person. Yeah. And, and she certainly killed it and did a, you know, so, but it's just not quite in my wheelhouse.

See, I think like me and my gals, we're going to lose our minds, you know, it does the soundtrack to our youth. We did, we did like a virgin and holiday and, you know, the whole, like a prayer and the whole thing. Yeah. See, I was too old for that. It wasn't my thing. That was like, we did like dance routines to it and we had to do the moves.

You know, this was MTV. She was like on the videos and we all dressed like her, we wore all the, you know, the bracelets, the rubber bracelets. I mean, you know, we worshiped her. So I'm excited. Yeah. Anyway, that, that, that for sure is, I'll be home in the summer and I'll be seeing Madonna. That's, I think, how often do you go back?

I go back whenever I can. My parents still live there and most of my family lives within like 30 minutes of where I grew up. Yeah. So I go back every chance I can get and then walk around and just remember the old days. There's the. Go to Duncan. There's the, I go to Duncan.

Of course. I walked by the football field where I had no involvement in football. I was wondering where that was going. I go to the old baseball field where I had no involvement in baseball. You reminisce about not doing sports. Yeah. I reminisce about being in my room studying. That's the room I studied in.

Uh-huh. And then what happened? Then I took a nap and then studied some more. They're not good stories. Yeah. I had a few scrapes in my day. That was a real rap scallion. Yeah.

Well, the movie is cocaine bear. I want to make sure, like, when does this drop? This will, the movie will be out when this episode drops. It's out. It's out now. Yeah. It's out now. That's right.

This comes out the Monday right after the release. Oh, great. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, cocaine bear is out now. Yeah. And congratulations.

And thank you for letting me hang out with you and your family occasionally. Thank you for hanging out with us. You are my cool factor. Yeah. And my kids. Which is quite an accomplishment. Are like, who's that tall guy? Yeah.

Who's that tall lady hanging around? It's wild. They don't, you know, they don't have any, like, they don't want late night TV. They don't have any, you know, there's no notion of that right now for them. Whereas when you were growing up, it was like Johnny Carson and Esenal and the whole, of course, you had to do the whole thing. If it's okay, I'll come over to the house and, Blay, you'll come with me and we'll

load up a bunch of, like, Best of Conan stuff on a computer. I need your kids. A bunch? A bunch of? Yeah, I need your, a bunch of. They're gonna start getting into it. We're going to, all I need is about six hours with your kids and some energy drinks. And then that'll be.

And a large screen. Well, all right. And then they'll start worshiping you. They love the Simpsons. They love the Simpsons. There you go. But I literally were like, he wrote on the Simpsons. And they were like, okay, now we, now we get it.

Now we're sort of interested. Now we're into it. And they say, well, he was an accountant on the Simpsons. I didn't really write. They wouldn't care. He sort of worked on the books. I was going to say, because you said that you're going to take Blay to her house, you can just email YouTube clips and stuff.

No, I need to be there and I need to be gesturing to a stream. Now wait, wait for it. Wait for it. And then Kapowee. What do you think guys? What? Pay attention. They're like 11.

They were like, all right. Is it on Tik Tok? They start crying. All right. Load up the next one. You're breaking Blay. Blay, bring up the next one. Blay, bring up the next one.

He's the AV guy. He's the AV guy. He's the AV guy. He's the AV guy. He's the AV guy. He's the AV guy. He's the AV guy. You gotta do AV up the next one.

Here it comes. Another remote if you're delivering food. Chinese food delivery. Here it comes. Think a guy who delivers Chinese food, right? You've seen them, right? Hey, where are you going? Pay the fuck attention.

Mom! Who was the guy who lived under the stairs? Who lived under the... Oh, that was Letterman. That was Chris Elliott. Chris Elliott. See, that's why I need to be there to educate them. Right.

I don't want them... See if I let you do it. Oops. I'm showing them Letterman. Oops. If I let you do it, you'll be like, oh, I showed them all the classic Letterman. And the kids will be like, man, that Letterman's so sharp, so good. And I'll be just...

Okay, yes. He's the best. But I'm coming over. I'm coming over. Blay, Blay. I'm there, dude. I'm there. We're gonna put the money.

We're gonna have it transferred to like 16 millimeters. And show it on a... All right. Now, coming up next, you see, this is 1998 coming. You see my face fill out a bit. Anyway, such a joy having you here. Thank you so much. Congratulations on everything and especially cocaine bear.

And give my best to your old man. All right. You give my best to Liza. I call her my old lady. I call her your better half. So does everybody. Thank you. I think everybody does this.

I was driving into work today and I had the radio on. And Neil Diamond's song came on forever in blue jeans. Oh, yeah. You know that one? Money talks but it don't sing and dance and it don't walk. Forever in blue jeans. And I remember... You know, when you hear a song, it takes you right back to that moment in time.

I remember it was time to go to school and my clock radio went on. This would be in the 1970s, whenever that song was a hit. And I'm up in the attic of my parents' house because that's where they made me live. Really? Like flowers in the attic? You just forgot the child. It was really... They would throw a roast up there every day.

But I was living at the end of the hall in the attic and it was really cold up there. I remember that. Like put your feet on the floor and it was really cold. And I don't know why because heat's supposed to rise but for some reason in our house it didn't. And anyway, I can still picture the clock radio. It was a gift from my uncle Gavin, who was my godfather. And the clock radio came on. Neil Diamond's song came on and I was listening to it.

It was a big hit at the time. And I thought that the song was called Reverend Blue Jeans. And so for years, I was like, it's Reverend Blue Jeans. And then it wasn't until years later that someone said to me, I love that song forever in Blue Jeans and I just got really quiet because I knew that I'd been living a lie. And then I realized there were so many times and I think this is maybe peculiar to me. I know a lot of people do this. They sing this song Dirty Deeds and they're done dirt cheap.

I swear to God, I used to sing it as Dirty Deeds and they're Dunder G. Which doesn't even mean nothing. I just thought, oh, they're Australian. I just thought, oh, these Aussies, they're probably like, it's Dirty Deeds. You know, oh, it's a Dunder G. And so there's a Roo and there's a Dunder G. And it does sound like a didgeridoo and a wallaby mixed up. Wallaby, didgeridoo, you know, shrimp on the bobby, Dunder G.

And so I remember singing it really loudly in the back of our family station wagon and going, and they're Dirty Deeds and they're Dunder G. And my brother was like, what the fuck is your problem? It's Dunder Cheap. And again, I was humiliated. So I started thinking about these today on the way over, which is just how I remember. I swear to God, Van Morrison's famous song, Brown Eyed Girl. There's that part where he says, and I swear to God, I wasn't even trying to be funny,

but when I first heard that song and I didn't know what the dirty implication was, but I used to sing because he says that part where, hey, there we go, days on the ring change, you know. And then he gets to the part where he says, going down the old mine with a transistor radio, like go down into the old mine with a transistor radio is what we used to do and listen to music. I thought it was, and I'm not, people are going to say, oh, you're making this up. I'm not making it up. I honestly thought it was going down on an old man for a transistor radio. I think when I was a kid, and when I was a kid, I loved that song,

and I'd be like, going down on an old man for a transistor radio. And I didn't know what going down meant. I just, you know, it's, first of all, you can't fucking understand Van Morrison. Oh, that just conjures the whole scenario. So then later on, when I start to figure out what that means, I'm like, that better be a really good transistor radio. He's just sitting on a park bench going, hey, little boy, you like music? Oh, sure.

And I do. I like music. Do you like subterranean environments? Well, how much do you like music there, lad? But I honestly did used to sing. And now just in defiance, because that song comes on all the time. When that song comes on, when it gets to that part, I he belt out going down on an old man for a transistor radio.

Do you remember that song? I mean, things are tough. And I mean, we're talking about Belfast. That's where he grew up. Yeah. I'm sure it was hard to procure a good transistor radio. You did what you could. And if old man McGinty had one, you do what you got to do.

And what if the kid got it because he wanted to give it to his parents for a Christmas gift or something? Yeah. Yeah. There's a sweet story about it. But then there's that, oh, Henry Twist, which is the gift they got him. Was a blow job. Is that you never have to give a blow job to an old man.

A certificate that says you never have to do that. And that's how he got them the transistor radio. Do you remember that old song that goes, uh, I might like you better if we slept together. Yeah. I thought it was my mother'd get better if we slept together. Hey, that's a line I used to utilize in the 80s. My mother's ill, but she might improve if we were to have sexual relations.

Never worked. Um, that's, uh, yeah, I think there's a lot of those. I think a lot of us do it. We mishear things and, uh, I, I, no, I, I don't, I think, I think I get 90% of the lyrics I sing. Is this cause we learned in a previous segment that you have perfect hearing and that. No, no, no, no, I'm saying I don't hear the lyrics properly. I think, I think I am the opposite of what a musician,

of who a musician wants to listen to their music. Cause I don't really listen to the lyrics that much. I just listen. When I was at Saturday night live, Mike Myers told me that he thought yellow's hit song, uh, the evil woman was medieval. I've thought that too. Yeah.

That's a very common. There's a few of those like no one else thought it was dirty D. D's and their dunter G and no one in the history of the world thought this kid is blowing an old man to get a transistor radio. That's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. I have to say when I get it wrong, I really get it wrong.

Yeah. That's, I mean, it's almost an art. What you're doing. Yeah. Well, I am the Joyce of my time. Just some woman named Joyce. She's her carpool night is Thursday. It's Thursday.

Not that Joyce. Not that Joyce. No. Oh, for God's sake. Not that Joyce. Uh, all right. Apologies to everyone who will never hear brown eyed girl the same way again. You guys tell your dungarees.

You love them. Dunder G's. Dunder G's. It's Dunder G's. Peace out. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely, produced by me, Matt Gorely,

executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solotaroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples,

engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brick Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 323-451-2821

and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.