Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Elle Fanning Returns

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

Actress Elle Fanning feels ecstatic about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Elle sits down with Conan once more to discuss fake radio call-in shows,  behind the scenes stories from the upcoming Bob Dylan biopic A Complete Unknown, and the vital importance of good manners. Later, Conan issues a very specific staff review for producer Jeff Ross. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

Hi, my name is Elle Fanning and I feel... ecstatic about being Coded O'Brien's friend. Yes, I'll take it. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walk in blues, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined as always by Sonam Assasin. Hello.

And just put a little pep into it next time. And Matt Gourley, how are you? Hi, how are you? I'm good. Hey, I want to bring up something that was a direct quote from you too, and I'm going to start with a little bit of a And just put a little pep into it next time. And Matt Gourley, how are you? Hi, how are you? I'm good. Hey, I want to bring up something

that was a direct quote from you just now. You just said, in this room, when I see a Hallmark movie, I watch it. I did. We weren't on mic. I didn't know that that would come back to haunt me. Well, so you're prepared to admit that and you're good? I will not only admit it, I will encourage others to do it as well.

And I'll say, many people say that our nation is divided, that we've lost our way. I think nothing would unify this country more than everybody watching Hallmark the Beast. I just enjoy the pattern. You could say that there are certain tenets of drama that were set up by the Greeks and it's never really changed since then. I love that Hallmark has

a certain formula. They follow it every single time with chilling regularity. Yeah. And they've also come up with something that I think is revolutionary. When we think of story, we think of conflict. Conflict is the center of story, right? It's the, what is the conflict? What is the problem? Any scene, someone comes into a room, there's a problem here. How does the person get the thing

that the other person's trying to keep them from getting? That's how all good drama story works. Hallmark, I watch these things, there's hardly ever a conflict. They're conflict-free, yet they exist. They're extremely popular, and it somehow works. But attractive single person meets other attractive single person.

Yeah, oh, one lives in Los Angeles and the other lives up in the mountains of Utah, but in a fairly affluent community. And they can get to each other within a 40-minute flight or something, hour and 40- minute flight. And there isn't really, they meet each other, she always immediately has to dislike him. But for not a good reason. It's never a good reason.

There's never a good reason. And then it's a reason that can quickly be removed. So it's really not a conflict. It's a conflict the way like, I'd like to come over there, but there's a small tissue in the way. You know what I mean? Well, there's usually small tissue in the way. I can't, you know what I mean?

Well, there's usually some big city ex-boyfriend that they've got to kind of like get out from under, but barely. I don't know, though. I've seen ones where it really is just, I've gone back and looked for the conflict and haven't found it. Do you think you could write a Hallmark movie?

Yes, I do. Do you think you should? I think I should. That's the better question. Yeah, I think it would be a good use of my time. I really want you to write a Hallmark movie. Do you think you could star in a Hallmark movie? Didn't somebody, I thought,

did somebody make a Hallmark in somebody? Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig. Yeah, Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig did one and it's brilliant because, so it's been done. If they hadn't done it, I would do it, but it wouldn't be that funny. I think- What would your situation,

if you're the star of a Hallmark movie, what's your situation? Who are you meeting? Where are you going? Who are you leaving? And where are you leaving? Well, geez, okay, wow, this is a lot. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.

Well, let's see. I am a guy, very good looking. This is the part I play. Oh, come on, there's prosthetics. Get off my ass. With prosthetics and lighting and CGI, they could do all kinds of shit to my face. So anyway, I'm a guy who has built an inn.

I have an inn and it's up and I'm very rugged. And I sort of look like the brawny paper towel guy. Well, you're playing a rugged guy. You're playing the rugged archetype. You said CGI. No, I'm not saying, look, I think you're an academic. You're teaching at a university and you're like a frazzled professor.

I think that's more your style. You know what, can I say something? But you're handsome and you don't need CGI. Stop being mean to yourself. I appreciate the notes because that helped me. Sometimes I see myself differently than other people do. And I do see myself as a woodsman, as someone. Woodsman, not even an outdoorsman.

You have the specific trait of a woodsman. No, no, I swear to God. Did you know that I sued Bronnie? You did? I sued the Bronwny paper towel people because I said, you totally ripped me off. Because it was around the time I was doing the tour, Soner, I remember when I had the red beard and I sued them

and I said, you totally ripped me off and judge threw it out. And he did a picture, he had a side-by-side picture of me in boxers and the drawing of the Brawny guy. And apparently they just threw it out immediately. And I tried to take it to the Supreme Court. Yeah. I have to interject here because-

This is by the way, I just want to introduce, this is Aaron Blayart, we call him Blay. That's right. And several major celebrities have told you to shut the fuck up. That's right. When you interject. The biggest, that's right.

Harrison Ford and Tom Hanks have both, yeah. And shut the fuck up actually. Okay, and so let's hear it. Well, I just wanted to say, I am a huge fan of Hallmark movies and Lifetime movies, and every Monday I watch a movie with, like on Twitch with some people, and I think you would be really interested

in a series by Vivica A. Fox that's on Lifetime called The Wrong Ex. So like The Wrong Man, OK. The wrong tutor. The wrong stepmother. Is every episode different? Every episode is different, but they're all kind of the same. And I think you would be perfect for it. And I want to start a campaign for you

to be in one of these movies. I would do it. I would do that. There's always a moment, and you want conflict? Oh, there's conflict. OK. There's always someone in a hoodie peeking around a tree. Oh, I could be a guy in a hoodie.

Exactly. You are a guy in a hoodie right now. I'm wearing a hoodie now. And at the end. And many times, many times I've peeking around a tree. Oh, I could be a guy in a hoodie. Exactly. You are a guy in a hoodie right now. I'm wearing a hoodie now. Put the hoodie at the end. And many times, many times, I've peeked around a tree at people. And at the end,

she always says the title of the movie. So she's like, told you he was the wrong man. Told you it was the wrong tutor. And I think you would be perfect for this. And I want to start a campaign. Okay, I'm okay with that. And I want to play this part. And money doesn't matter, you know?

I'll make sure that, I mean, as long as they, you know. What? I'm not sure that these movies have a huge budget. I'm just gonna put it out there. But they're fantastic. And there's like, I think there's- You would do it for free. I think I've seen 19 of them.

I'm not even kidding. Oh my God. Okay, Blay, first of all, first of all, you know that when someone says money doesn't matter, it means it all depends on the money. Oh, sorry, okay. But second of all, I'm willing even kidding. Oh my God. Okay, Blay, first of all, first of all, you know that when someone says money doesn't matter, it means it all depends on money. Oh, sorry, okay. But second of all, I'm willing to do it, but I think we should explore,

because I do take constructive criticism, and I do think I'd probably be a frazzled academic. Yes. But one of those things where when I take my glasses off, the woman realizes he's, you know, he cleans up okay. But should it be that you are in a current relationship with a kind of mean, snobby academic, and you go to a rural area and suddenly you meet this,

let's say like... Woodsman. A nature guide, a woman who's like does white water rafting and breaks you out of your shell, and you don't know what to do, and you frolic, and she finds the real you. Oh, first of all, I'm petrified. Yeah.

And then you leave her and go back to the... No, no, I work at a small New England college. Yes. What do you teach? History? What's that? History? I just only, my one subject is Grover Cleveland. Oh, Jesus. I'm a professor of Grover, yeah,

I'm a professor of Grover Clevelandology. And, uh... It has to be liberal arts. It has to be... No, it doesn't have to. Because you're sensitive. Give me something. This is your archetype. Oh, okay. You're a sensitive man.

You know what? She's right. I've seen, you guys think this is a game for me. This is real life. Okay, I'm a sensitive guy. I teach like Emily Dickinson. I teach poetry. Yes. Okay, so, and I have a very safe,

but frigid relationship with this other woman who works there. Yeah. She's controlling manipulatives. She's, and she's always saying things like, maybe this weekend we'll go and look at that antique shop. And it's always very... Sounds pretty good. LAUGHTER

How soon she gonna be single? She wants to go teach at a big city, like Ivy League University, and you're like, this is my home, this is where I love teaching. Just go, Sonia, go. Preach. Then you're like, okay, my home. This is where I love teaching Emily Dickinson here. God, just go, Sona, go. Preach. Preach. Then you're like, okay, I need to go find myself. So you go on this white water rafting trip,

which is so outside of your comfort zone. And then I get to do my trademark Conan physical comedy where I'm like, whoa, whoa, and my glasses are getting knocked off and my book goes in the water. And she keeps saying, um, dude, just chill. Just go with the flow. The whole trick of white water rafting is just letting loose.

And then you guys kind of get marooned on a little forest island and you have to like kind of spend the night and make a fire together and stuff like that. And of course, I'm inept, right? I am. No, it's okay. Yeah, and of course I'm inept, right? Yeah, I'm sorry. I am, no it's okay.

You are, but that's okay. It's okay, but then there's one point where she's kind of fed up with me and I look up at the stars and from memory, I recite this beautiful like Walt Whitman poem. Whoa. And she sees me in a different way. And then we go into a tent,

and this is the part that's gonna depart a little from Hallmark. We fuck like animals. We go at it, and at first, the camera's outside the tent, and you just see silhouettes, but then the camera pushes into the tent, and it's two naked animals, and I'm just a machine, a machine.

And then you cut, you have all the cutaways to animals going, go, go! And owls' heads spinning around and deer running away and salmon swimming the wrong direction. Like a mama owl puts its wings over the baby owl's ears. And then you come to the, the sun is coming up and you go back to the tent, still going. You're still doing it.

It's like eight hours later. Oh my God. And then I pause to rehydrate and then, but anyway. But what's the conflict? Well, the conflict is then, I have- You have too much sex. No, no, no. I lose myself, but that terrifies me.

Okay. So I go rushing back to the New England college where Enid Crudd, Professor Enid Crudd, with three Ds, C-R-U-D-D-D, awaits. And she's like, you said you'd be three days and you were four. Well, on our calendar, it says we're gonna move up

to second base. We've been going out for years and we have never done it. You haven't even done second base? With Enid Crudd and yet I went away one night with this white water rafting woman and god damn it! I just went to, Jesus Christ. What's the name of the movie? Hold on a second.

White water, hold it, rafting, fuck, we gotta think of this. White water. Hold it. Rafting. We gotta think of this. Rapid love. Rapid love. Jesus, Sona. Why are you wasting your time with us? I know. I know. That's perfect.

Why are you wasting your time with us? I know. I know. That's why I ask myself every single day, why do I even do this? A lot of times you're saying it out loud. During the podcast. Why am I here? Why do I even do this? Well, a lot of times you're saying it out loud. I know. During the podcast. Why am I here? Why am I wasting my time?

Rapid Love. Yeah. We have to get this made and I'm gonna get on this, cause I love Vivica A. Fox. I'd work with her any day. I think you would be fantastic in one of these wrong movies.

Okay, but anyway- I'm gonna start the campaign. But this is great. We got a lot of business sorted out. All right, let's get to it. My guest today, she's one of my all time favorites. She's a talented actress. And saying talented actress does not even come close.

No, I love her. I think she's a phenomenon. She starred in the Hulu series, The Great, which is one of my favorite shows. Now you can see her in the new movie, A Complete Unknown. This is the Bob Dylan biopic with Timothée Chalamet and everyone's waiting to see it. It's gonna be in theaters Christmas day.

["The Last Day of Christmas"] Elle Fanning, welcome. I'm ecstatic you're here because, am I not right? Yes. The last time you were here, you left and all of us were just bathed in golden light. Because you're just, you've got a great energy. Thank you.

You've got like the nicest, kindest and like super funny game. And then I came home and my wife was like, well, you're in a good mood. I said, I was with Elle Fanning having a conversation and I'm as happy as I've ever been. And then she started to cry. And then you haven't seen me for,

that was a long time. And I haven't seen my wife since that night. Yeah. Pretty much ended it. Thanks to you. I'm so sorry. Yeah. So sorry.

I've never been that happy again. No, I'm so happy that you're here. We get it today. Yeah. But I feel the same. Well, thank'm so happy that you're here. We get it today. Yeah. But I feel the same. Well, thank you so much for being here. And we were just, I mean, and the second you came in,

before we could even start recording, you started talking about this call-in show that you were obsessed with for a while when you were in school and how they caught cheaters on it. And we just found out that it was a lie. Yep, yeah. It was a lie. I'm devastated. I can found out that it was a lie. Yeah. It was a lie. I'm devastated.

I can't believe that that's a lie. I know. It's sad that these cheaters are fake and that they're not real cheaters. I know. But what was the show? Just say what it was. Ryan's Roses.

Ryan's Roses. Yes, which I think they still do. And you used to listen to it when you were going to school. Yes, in the mornings, going to school in the mornings. And my grandmother, she actually tuned in. This was on the top of my mind because she said that she listened to it the other day and she hadn't listened to it in forever and we would listen to it together. And now I'm like, I have to go break the news to her.

You don't have to tell your grandmother. No, don't tell her. I won't tell her. She's always skeptical of things being fake though, actually. But this isn't like Santa Claus. This is good news that this is fake. Well, explain quickly what it is. Well, you know it better than I do because I... of things being fake though, actually. But this isn't like Santa Claus. This is good news that this is fake. No! Explain quickly what it is.

Well, you know it better than I do because I, yeah. Well, but yeah, Ryan's Roses, it's basically- It's Ryan Seacrest. Ryan Seacrest on Kiss FM, and it's a call-in show where a partner suspects, you know, that they're being cheated on. Someone from Ryan's team will call that person and say, we're a free florist company

and we're giving out free flowers today and would you like to give flowers to anyone? Meanwhile, they're being secretly recorded, their partner's on the other line listening in, they don't know that, and then sometimes they'll send flowers to the person that they're cheating with. And then they catch them and then their partner comes on and it's like, you know. But that catch him, and then, like, their partner comes on and is like, you know!

But that sounds horrific, but then, uh, but then, Sona, you come out with a bombshell. That was, it's, they were all actors. That they... It's fake. It's fake, the whole thing is fake. And I would, when I was just hearing it for the first time, I thought,

it would kind of have to be fake, because you're destroying lives. No, we all believed it, though. You should hear it. They were really good. They were. Yeah, they're really believable. And then they, though. You should hear it. They were really good. Yeah, they were really believable. And then they would even cut out, like they'd be like, oh, we lost them.

Yes. You know, like, oh, they hung up. They realized they were recording and they're gone. That's right. And it's like, oh, we're trying to call them. We can't get them back. I just texted a deep source within Ryan's roses. You did.

And I asked this person if it was fake, and hopefully by the time this interview is over, we'll have at least their denial, if not admission. Okay, this is good. If he responds and he's like, who is this? Yeah, I'll say this is Ryan. Yeah, it's what we've been doing. Maybe he doesn't know.

He could be Nixon, innocent. I said this too when I- You could do it on this, but do it for real. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That could be a new segment on the show. Is there anyone cheating on this? Conan's chocolates.

Coco's chocolates! Coco, Coco, Coco! Hey, Conan here from Team Coco, and I send free chocolates to people. Who should I send them to? Is that your wife? It isn't. Is that how it goes?

No. It's not. He has another person, she calls the guy or girl and she'll be like, Hey, you've been selected to send a free bouquet of roses to anybody you want. Who do you want to send them to? It's like you've been punked, you know,

but you've been caught cheating. Here's the thing. I'm terrified of pranks. When people say, oh, let's play a prank and we're going to play a prank on someone. People have assumed because I'm in comedy that I would love a prank. I hate a prank because I always think

someone's gonna get hurt. Their feelings are gonna get hurt or they're gonna be physically hurt. Like, oh, it's really funny. They're gonna open the box and this thing's gonna spring out. And I immediately go to it's gonna detach a cornea. Someone's gonna get hurt.

Yeah, well, cause you hear those things and then it's like, oh, it was all just for, you know, a laugh and to it's gonna detach a cornea, someone's gonna get hurt. Yeah, well, cause you hear those things and then it's like, oh, it was all just for, you know, a laugh and then it's like, they're dead. They're dead. Wait a minute. No, I wasn't allowed. I don't think you should be pulling pranks, Elle. My fault. Elle's pranks are always like,

yeah, and then it's a bomb. No, no, Elle, Elle, yeah, but it's funny, because who would expect a bomb? Elle. I'm like, no. No, we weren't really allowed, like my sister and I, like pranking, we weren't a pranking household. No, it's too dangerous. Yeah, that's what my mom was like, no, no, no prank.

Let's talk about your childhood, because you grew up in Conyers, Georgia. Yes. And it blew my mind, because I realized today that that is the birthplace of Mr. Jack McBrayer who plays Kenneth The Page. Yeah, Kenneth The Page from 30 Rock. 30 Rock is from Conyers, Georgia.

Oh, yes, but I know him. He- Oh yeah, you know him real well. Wait, no, I know, wait, I think it is you. Wow, this is a terrible day for Jack McBrayer. I don't know what I do. Jack Mahoo from 31, Wow, this is a terrible day for Jack McBrayer. Jack Mahoo? From 31?

Who played Kenneth a he? I really do. I think he knows my aunt really well, and I think they went to school. That's so funny. He is a guy who would bother your aunt. Wait, let me make sure. Excuse me? No, totally, and I've actually hooked up with him

a lot of times. Yay! I just wanna- Because he does know my aunt. Yeah, yeah. You don't know him, you don't know him from all of his film work, he's in Wreck-It Ralph. He's just not someone that I think, you know,

like Jack the Frayer. No, hey, trust me. I know him real well and I never think of him. I've spent a whole day with him and haven't covered him. No, but he is, he's exactly from there. So it's a small town, because I do know him. But I constantly give him shit all the time about everything and whenever we're,

like I had lunch with him not that long ago, right near his apartment. And we, I just love to, if we get on an elevator, I'll go, now don't be scared about this technology. I know you don't have elevators in Conyers, Georgia. And he has such a thick accent. Yes. Oh, my god. He sounds like a donkey.

And, uh, oh, my god. Oh, my god. He's like, ee-aw, ee-aw, ee-aw. Oh, my god. Anyway. Jack is just getting offended left and right. No, no, no. We have this relationship where I've been doing nothing

but abuse this man for, like, 20 some odd years where I've been doing nothing but abuse this man for like 20 some odd years. I've never had a real conversation with him in my life. But anyway. But he's the only other person you know that's from there. Yeah, Conyers, Georgia. And yeah, what'd you got there? I have an update. And from this person I will not name.

Okay, that's okay. I asked, is Ryan's roses fake? It is, right? And the person said, depends on who is asking and what they would want to use this information for. Whoa! Well, we have our answer then. We have our answer.

We have our answer. Okay, well. Cut that bit out. No! No, right? Why, why cut it out? I will see they want. I'll see what they're continuing to text.

Is this the biggest secret in the world? I don't wanna jeopardize their standing. Okay, well. This is a friend. Okay, okay, sure, yeah. Well, you're the one that introduced this whole- I know. You introduced this and now it's part of the podcast

and you're a terrible person. I did not introduce this. Well, you said I'll contact the guy. Oh, anyway, any mention of Kanye's Georgia has to come out too. And also any mention of Al Fanning. Also, I never said it was a guy. Okay, good cover.

Oh. Oh. Conyers Georgia. Where were we? Let's see. Conyers Georgia. We're back after having an off mic discussion. Sure. Yeah, we had a quick off mic discussion

because someone here got us into legal jeopardy, Matt Gorley. That was my superlative in high school, most legally dubious. Yeah, yeah. I did something very recently where there was a child actor on set and I was playing a Santa Claus and there was a child actor on set, and I was playing a Santa Claus,

and there was a quick break, and this woman came on the set, grabbed the child, and took the child into another room and started teaching her algebra really quickly. Like in between the shots, literally, like a cosine and then, you know, remember negative numbers and then, what, we gotta get back on set.

And I thought, negative numbers, negative numbers. But that's what it was like, right? It really was, yeah, totally. Because I mean, I went to a regular school from fourth grade on and graduated senior year, whatever. But when I would work, I would like go and I'd had a studio teacher that would teach me things. And it would be like, you'd be doing these

like really intense scenes, like, be like crying and then going down to like a basement where they've like set up a little, you know, picnic table and two chairs and you're there and having to do your schoolwork. And then I also, because the school that I went to was pretty hard, like I had to keep up with the schoolwork or like I couldn't do films.

Which I mean, I think it was very important, but then I would be like staying up till like 3 a.m. like getting stuff done and like writing papers. And like, I think now I'm like, how did I do that? Like I had the energy to do that when I was little. And now when I'm doing a project, I'm like so exhausted at the end of the day, but it used to be that I would go home

and have all this like work to do and book reports. I'm like, how did I find the time? But it's just so funny for me to think of, you know, an actor at your level who's doing this intense work, even as a kid, you're doing this intense work and then quickly take a break and you got to go make a paper mache dinosaur. Yeah, but it's kinda nice.

Yeah, there's something about it that is nice because you can just switch in and out of it and it's, I don't know, I'm not the type of actor anyways that really stays in it in between. Like I need to go do something else or, you know. But go to Crafty and like laugh and relax and like, I don't really stay totally in it. But I think because when I was a kid,

I was so used to switching in and out of it. Yeah. That that's what I'm programmed to do. It's funny, it's making me think now, wouldn't it be amazing if it was required of everyone, not just kids, but anyone during in-between scenes had to learn stuff. So I was just thinking of like...

And then you'd be quizzed on it later. Yeah, but I'm thinking of like Al Pacino in Scarface, you know, and he's just doing this over the top, like, say hello to my little friend, and then they're cut, and he's in the next room, and they're like, now remember, the Kansas-Nebraska Act in 1950, he's like, oh, yeah, I got it, I think I got it, I got it.

So, okay, so everything... That's a great skit, actually. So everything north of the 50 degree latitude had to be, oh, yeah, I got it. I think I got it. I got it. So, okay. So, everything- That's a great skit, actually. So, everything north of the 50 degree latitude had to be okay. Had to be okay. A free state, but anything below. Okay, and back on stage. Say hello to my little girl.

I think everyone has to do that from now on. I like that. You know, it's hard for me to believe that you've never done a scene or you've never acted in a scene with your sister. Like you guys haven't done that yet. It's crazy.

We've done, I think the closest thing was an animated, we were in My Neighbor Totoro when they did the American, the English dubbing like version of that. And I was four, Dakota was eight, I guess. And we played sisters in that, but it was voiceover. It's not the same. Not the same at all, no, no. Are you guys looking for something?

Yes, yes, and we have a production company that we're producing projects together. Is it Llewellyn? Yeah, Llewellyn Pictures. Did Llewellyn do The Great? Did you guys, were you a producer on The Great? Yes, yes, producer on The Great. That is good for you.

Yeah, really cool. And Llewellyn is our, she was our family dog. Oh. She's passed away, but yeah, that's, we're honoring her. But she, yeah, we have this, we're, you know, always looking at projects and we had a couple projects that were like, oh, it's almost gonna work out that we were gonna do together.

And there are still some ideas cause we have to make it happen. It's like, it's crazy that- You know what I'm gonna do that we're always looking for it. I'm going to write the script. Great. And yeah, no, no, it's good. And I've never, listen, first of all,

never written a movie script, but I got it. And you'll be the third sister. Yeah, I'll be the third. Yeah, I'll look like the Wendy's girl. Yeah. Yes, sister. Dude, Chekhov's three sisters. You know what I love?

Yeah, it'll be you two two and people will be like, this is great, this is fantastic. And then ding dong, you! Me in a big red wig. Totally like checking out, looking into the camera lens, doing all the things you're not supposed to do. Totally unbelievable. Wearing heels, six foot eight.

Well, sisters. Well, I think that's very cool. You guys both have, because I know fashion. Mm-hmm. You know, fashion's very important to you. Yes. And you seem like a very artistic type. I know you cook.

Mm-hmm. I know you like to express yourself in different ways. And you like fashion. You like to take risks. Yeah. I do not take fashion risks. You are wearing a cashmere hoodie under a blazer. That is a risk.

It's called the Larry David. I think this is what he, well, that's a risk. Yeah, but it's like, it's a good color combo. Thank you. It's dark green with the navy. I'm doing a benefit. I'm doing a charitable thing tonight. So I'm usually dressed down. It's very interesting. I'm doing a charitable thing tonight. So I'm usually dressed down for the podcast,

but because I'm doing this charity thing tonight, I need to be dressed up a little bit. So this is me. I would say, but I don't take fashion risks. I mean, I don't, what I'm saying is I know that you'll really go for it sometimes. Yeah, yeah. Which is cool.

I don't think I have the guts to do that. I mean, I think I always like growing up I was kind of allowed to like put my outfits together and wear what I wanted to I did a lot of like thrifting and Vintage shopping and stuff like that. So and then it's like I don't know what acting it also comes with this whole other area That's like this red carpet side, which is like, you know Yeah, which is weird because it's like not everyone likes to do that. Just because you're in movies, it doesn't necessarily mean that you want to get your picture taken all the time. But I think, I don't know, for me maybe I was like, I do like this. I do like the red carpet kind of artistic expression and getting to, it's like another character, you know?

Yeah. And keeping up with those things. It is so unfair. We'll be going someplace and we'll be seen and my wife will be in the closet for an hour and she'll keep coming out and trying different things. And I just go in and put on a suit. I know. And you know, and when my, I just put on a suit

and people, and everything is just like, yep, check, you're fine. And my wife will come in, she'll come out, she's in a beekeeper's outfit, then she goes back in, she comes out, she's, you know, she's wearing like, yep, check, you're fine. And my wife will come in, she'll come out, she's in a beekeeper's outfit, and she goes back in, she comes out, she's wearing like a lion costume. It's a fashion montage every time. Fur pants with like a armored,

Flemish armored top. She's trying all this crazy stuff. But I feel like it's so much, the pressure is so much different. Yeah, there is, and there are some days you're just like, oh gosh, like you have to think so much about that stuff. But then, I don't know, other times it's very fun. But it's interesting with like, with movie like this,

like certain press tours and stuff, you know that it's gonna be, oh, you know, what clothes you wear. And like, that's a part of promoting films now. Yes, yeah. I don't know. Like literally what clothes you wear. and like that's a part of promoting films now. I don't know, like literally what clothes you wear. Well, let's talk about this because- And especially like Timothy Chalamet, he's a fashionista himself.

He is quite the fashionista. I just was past the television the other day and a commercial, it was a men's cologne ad that he's in. For Chanel. For Chanel, and he's like falling through the air wearing and I just thought, That should have been me. They are never coming to me.

Oh wow. Look, if we can't get Timmy Chalamet, we've got Conan O'Brien on the line. Martin Scorsese directed that ad. Oh really? Mm-hmm. Well, let's get into it because a complete unknown, highly anticipated biopic about Bob Dylan

and you are in this movie and you are playing, it's interesting, you're playing kind of a composite character. Yes, I mean, she, I play, in the film, her name is Sylvie Russo, but she's based on Suze Vrtolo, who was Bob Dylan's girlfriend. And she's on the cover.

Exactly. I mean, I know the iconic, one of the most iconic covers ever is for the freewheel in Bob Dylan, where he's walking down the street in Greenwich Village. Yes. He's with a woman who's like sort of holding his arm and snuggling up against him.

And that was his girlfriend at the time. Yes, and that's her. Yeah. And so that's who you're playing. That is. And it's really, honestly, it's really true to their relationship. It's just her name is different.

That's the only thing. Sure. And I think it was actually out of a request from Bob Dylan himself because everyone else's name is what their name was. Except for Timmy, who plays Dobb Dylan. Yeah, yes. He's a folk singer, but everything's a little off. Exactly. He sings Glowin' in the Wind.

Stand, Lady Stand. Stand, Lady Stand. Stand, Lady Stand. Do not sit long, you must stand. Stand, lady, stand. Stand, lady, stand. Do not sit long. You must stand. Stand, lady, stand. Well, first of all, I am so excited to see this film. I would think because also I'm fascinated with that period. We're talking 1961,

6061 around that era in the village. And I've always thought clearly there are times in American, not just American history, in any, in all world history, there are times where there's a moment that happens in a city that's organic. It happens in a place. It happened in Seattle in the late 80s, early 90s

with grunge. It happened in Liverpool in the late 50s and 60s. Something was going on in the village in the 50s. Stuff is percolating. And Bob Dylan makes his way there from Hibbings, Minnesota and changes everything. And so, I mean, and you guys are incredible actors. I'm, I'm cannot wait to see this movie.

Yeah, it was so amazing to see. And I, yeah, cause it's, it's just like, takes place from like 61 to 1965, basically ending when he was at the Newport Vogue Festival and goes electric for the first time. And it changes the course of music forever. Yes. And I think he was, well, he was called Judas

at that festival. I don't know if it was at that one. I know in our movie it is, cause we play, you know, we try to stay true, of course to what happened, but then at the same time it is a film and James Mangold who directed the movie, he wanted to take liberties as well because it is a movie.

And also Bob Dylan himself as a figure, he is so mysterious and he himself likes to play with what's true or not. We don't necessarily know all the truths. First of all, I have no time for people that sit and watch a biopic and say, hold on a second, that happened in October. I know. What they described in the film, it's November because because they just had, you know, I think- And there are those people.

Yes, there are those people, but the point of a film like this, an endeavor like this, in my opinion, is to capture the spirit and the energy of what was happening and transport you. It is not a visit to the IRS where you have all of your documents ready. So the stuff that happens in entertainment

that is so out there and so explicit and so crazy. And you realize that Bob Dylan basically just plugged in his guitar and played electric at a folk festival. And someone in the crowd shouts, Judas! Yes. Oh my God. Because, I mean, it's so preposterous now and so laughable, but there are these famous stories

of he's playing and Pete Seger's backstage with an ax trying to cut the electricity cable. So they say. So they say, again, so they say, but you think about, oh, Pete, rap hasn't shown up yet. You know, like funk, rap, I mean, there's all this stuff that's gonna blow your mind. You know, like he's still playing folk

with an electric guitar. Exactly. And it just takes that kind of one person to be daring enough to change, you know, and step outside of the box. He risked, I mean, he risked, he disappointed his core fan base, which you're never supposed to do. I've done it many times, I think I'm very brave.

Um, but, uh... I think I'm very brave. Yes. And if that can be the pull quote from this interview. What did Elle say about the movie? Well, Conan kept talking over her, and he kept shouting, I'm very brave. And don't sell yourself short. You've disappointed all of us as well.

I was calling, listen, you are my core fan base. Oh no. That's the bad news. Oh no. Oh man. But I would think. We are gonna host the Oscars. I know, yeah, I know.

That's insane. I know, but they'll, I said. That's exciting. It's exciting, but I think they'll, after this interview, they'll revoke it. They'll say, Kona, did you shout, I'm brave, at Elle Fanning? But I would think, Elle, I mean, I'm,

I was born in 63, so this is ancient history to me because I wasn't connected to it in any way. But for you, this might as well be 1861. You know, it's such a long time ago, but the style of that time is so iconic. Oh, completely. And I mean, not just the music, but getting to, I would just think from a art production standpoint,

like I really wanna see the movie and I'm looking forward to the performances and the story, but I'm also looking forward to the cars, the guitars, the clothing, the look of things. Yeah, it's really shot with such authenticity. I mean, we shot in New York and also New Jersey, because obviously a lot of those iconic New York streets now are very modernized.

So we actually took, like Hoboken kind of created like Cafe Wah and West Village over there. Ariane Phillips did our costumes and she's just absolutely incredible. I think Timmy had like 70 outfit changes because it really goes from him like starting Robert Zimmerman to Bob Dylan. Like you see him as someone from Minnesota Minnesota who literally just got off the bus and seeing New York for the first time. So there's such an evolution that he takes in the film. And I was a huge...

Saying this, it's like, oh gosh, I hear how I sound. But it honestly is true, but I was a huge Bob Dylan fan because Cameron Crowe, I did We Bought a Zoo with Him when I was 13. I think that's what I came on your show for the first time. But he introduced me to Bob Dylan. And I became like a Bob Dylan nut. And I wasn't allowed to have posters on my room,

but I had a cork board. And on the cork board, I had Bob Dylan up there, and I would write every day, and I have to find photos of this, something, but in middle school, I would write Bob Dylan on my hand right here in cursive every day. Wow. Like, weird. But you know what? I don't know why I also did that.

I think I was like, I'm cool, you know? I like Bob Dylan. And in middle school, I was like, you don't know who he is, you know? And I was like, I'm cool, you know, I like Bob Dylan and in middle school I was like, you don't know who he is, you know, and I'm like I do but I did that and I really did So I feel like I manifested like getting this part. It's kind of wild Kids in school were like what is that? Who is that? I'm like, you don't know. Wow. You sounded like an awful kid. I know. I was just more like, oh, you know. I love that. You don't know, do you?

I wrote his name on my hand and you couldn't possibly know. What kind of kid were you? Well, bye-bye now. Yeah. Yeah, I... I know, but I was very excited about doing this. I was like, what? And they came to me. I was like freaking out.

People have dream boards where they're supposed to, right? Vision boards. Vision boards were supposed to... Your hand was your vision board. That's right. I know, I've never done that. You were just manifesting things. Totally, totally.

I mean, I know the movie they'd been trying to do for a while and with the strike and COVID and like, Timothy's been training for it for like five years now. So he, he sang everything live. He did the guitar live and it was really kind of amazing. Like hearing him for the first time, like it was extraordinary. And we were in-

It's so funny when you said he'd been training really hard, I thought he went the Marvel route. Uh-oh. Yeah. And so he shows up as this completely jacked, and he just misunderstood. But Bob Dylan just all roided up. Exactly. V-shaped torso.

Yeah. I'm all set to go. I put on 100 and... I put on 150 pounds of muscle. Well, now we need to do your algebra. Come on. Yeah, exactly. So what, so I didn't realize, I didn't realize he did all of his own.

He did, yeah, all of his own singing. I was in like an auditorium for the first time and hearing him sing, I think it was a hard rain's gonna fall, he was singing that and all the background artists like in the auditorium were like, that's not him, like he's lip-syncing. I was like, yes it is. I tapped him, I was like, I know it is, I know it's him.

You're always a know-it-all in all your stories. Yeah, I know, it's horrible. I happen to know it is, and I've written it is on my hand. Like the most annoying person. Like, well it actually is. Oh no. We should have you just pop into the podcast every now and then and go, ah ah. That actually is. Oh no.

We should have you just pop into the podcast every now and then and go, ah, ah, it is. And I have, was that Al Fanning who just popped through that little window? Wait, you have Conan O'Brien written on your hand currently. Yeah. I'll start, I'll start. I don't know what that'll manifest, but you know. Yeah, yeah, you don't wanna know.

Being on the podcast a ninth time. That's so cool. I'm looking forward to, I'm really looking forward to seeing it. And you know, one of the things that fascinates me about Bob Dylan and always has is he was a shapeshifter, probably still is a shapeshifter, totally made shit up left and right. So there's this famous introduction

a couple of years before the incident where he plugged in. There's this famous incident where Bob Dylan's introduced by Pete Seeger at a folk festival. And Pete Seeger says, you know, he tried to run away from home nine different times, but was caught and returned. And then finally he like jumped a train and came here and camped out with hobos and here he is tonight. And everyone believed that. It later turned out to be his parents were like,

well, good luck, here's some money, and don't forget to write, here's a cell phone, here's a credit, you know, whatever. He had made it up. Yeah, he said he worked at a carnival. Yes, he said whatever. Part of the traveling circus, which I don like worked at a carnival. Yes. And yeah, he said whatever. It was part of the traveling circus, which I don't know if that's true.

But I guess I think it's part of an American tradition where William Faulkner completely made up his past. Ernest Hemingway made up stuff. Great artists invent themselves. I believe that. And they come up with all these stories. And I think Faulkner had everyone convinced that he had flown in the Royal Air Force in World War I.

It's like, nope, completely untrue. He was like tending a furnace somewhere in Tennessee or something, but that it's part of the creative process in a weird way. Sometimes you hear it and you think, oh, that's a sociopath, but no, that was part of his process, was inventing himself. Yeah, definitely.

And I think even through his, I mean, obviously his songs and he's like one of the greatest writers, I think that we have. I mean, and it is interesting, like thinking about, he didn't want to kind of deal with the fuss of people judging him for his past. Yeah, sure. You know, like he just was like, this is my work. I want you to judge at face value.

I thought it was hilarious when he won the Nobel Prize. And I just love that he was annoyed. What? I don't wanna go. Where do I have to go to get in? You know, just like annoyed by it all. Which would not be anyone else's reaction to winning the Nobel Prize.

Exactly, didn't want the fuss. I know I never, I haven't met him. I was told. I thought you did meet Bob Dylan. No, I did not. I was told, Timothy hasn't met him either. Jim has met him, James Mangold, but we have not met him. I was told that I was gonna have a rehearsal

with Jim and Bob Dylan. I got this email and I was like, oh my God. I was like, this is amazing. I have to pick out what I'm gonna wear. What am I gonna say to him? What am I gonna ask? I'm like so excited. And I walk in the next day and it's Jim and Timmy.

Oh no. And I was like, oh, what? Boo. I know. Who wants was like, oh, what? Boo. I know. Who wants to meet Timothy Chalamet? I know. I was like, no. What a waste of time.

I thought it was Bob Dylan. We were laughing over that. Was he in character the whole time or something? No, I think it's just like, sometimes they do that on set. He's just being whimsical, yeah. Well, there's, you know, and, you know, an assistant had like written it down, Bob Dylan. It was like both names, like Bob Dylan, all caps, bold in bold.

So maybe I should have realized. Well, I've met him briefly. I've told it before, but just because you're here and it lines up perfectly, I can do it really quickly. Backstage, at a concert with my good friend and guitarist, Jimmy Vivino, in this sort of backstage area. And then I'm pushed, like literally pushed into a room and there's a bunch of people there.

And then suddenly, because of the way people are moving in the room, suddenly I'm sort of spit out at the front of the room and there is Bob Dylan staring at me and I'm right in front of him. And he's got the little tiny pencil mustache that he had during that phase where he's wearing the string ties and the little pencil mustache. And he looks at me and he goes,

hey, I know you from the TV. Whoa. And then just then I get interrupted by somebody who literally drags me out of my one conversation I'm gonna have with Bob Dylan. And Bob Dylan like skitters away. Oh no. And that person was Al Gore.

Whoa. And I've always that person was Al Gore. Whoa. And I've always been pissed at Al Gore ever since because literally he went, hey, I know, he said, I know you from the TV. And I'm about to go like, oh my God, Bob Dylan. And I'm just about to speak to him. And he's looking at me when I hear Conan, Conan,

it's me, Al Gore. No. Global warming's a reality. Oh no. It's an inconvenient truth. Oh, no! The Earth is warming by three degrees every day. And I see Bob Dylan shrug and kind of walk away.

Oh, man. Did you know that? And that was it. That was it. But he knows you. He knows me from the TV. He didn't know my name. And it wasn't the TV.

It was the TV. Accent on the TV. I've got to get to Chalamet and tell him that's how you pronounce TV. Yeah, yeah. You should have told him. I saw him at a concert right before. We went at the Kings Road Theater in New York.

And I saw him. And I actually, so sad. I had eaten a bad turkey sandwich. And I was like in the middle, like the concert. I'd never seen Bob Dylan live before. And I'm like, I knew I was bad turkey sandwich. I was in the middle, the concert, I'd never seen Bob Dylan live before. I knew I was doing the movie and Timothy was there. There and I just was like, oh no, I'm going to throw up.

So I had to leave halfway through. Actually, I ran out of the stadium and it's like a beautiful theater, really grand and gold. It's like, it's really pretty. Run out right next to the concession stand, like in the lobby. And I can't make it to the bathroom, just puke turkey sandwich all in the carpet. And then I know I was like, oh gosh. And I had, I had to leave and I went to the bathroom and then when I came back, they had like a sad little like cone over my throw up, you know, like avoid this area. I was like, no, I have to get back to the concert.

Oh, that's terrible. I know, so darn. What was the turkey sandwich? It was not Bob that made the sandwich. Yeah, exactly, it was the turkey sandwich. Well, I don't even, I think you met Timmy Chalamet, but you don't even know it. I met him right before he blew up.

I went and had ice cream with him. We went to ice cream after. Yeah. What was that like? What was he like? He was cool. I mean, he was like a young kid. I mean, you know, he was taught,

he at that point had already been an inner, was Interstellar the one with Matthew McConaughey? Yes, yes. He was in that movie already. But he had a small part in it. And you know, I think everyone was like, you're gonna do great. You'll be great. And then called me by your name came out.

Yeah, you sat him down, I think, and said, I, you know, look, you should try comedy. Because acting's not your thing. And you'll, you know, try comedy, and maybe you could be like half a Conan O'Brien one day. Remember when you said that? I did, I did. I was like, I don't know, comedy seems like it would be a better fit for you than drama. And he's like, I'm gonna'Brien one day. Remember when you said that? I did, I did. I was like, I don't know, comedy seems like

it would be a better fit for you than drama. And he's like, I'm gonna show these two people. Yeah. Yeah, you made him. Yeah, we did make him. Exactly. It's because of us. Have you ever noticed?

What is that your villain origin story? Yeah, yeah. Do you know what he has written on his hand? Conan is wrong. Yeah. Well, I have that on my hand as well. Yeah, I've seen it. Yours is a little, yours is fucking wrong.

Yeah, I think we all do. I think all five of us have something. I just had it tattooed. You know what's so nice? I was reading different interviews with you in preparation for chatting with you today, and you said something really interesting to me, which is that you learned,

you've learned different things from different people. You say that a big part of your education was working with Sofia Coppola. Like, so you've, you've learned different things from different people. You say that a big part of your education was working with Sofia Coppola. Like, so you've, you know, your education continued long after your formal education. And I really believe in that. I really believe we learned so much. But you said that you learned manners

from working with Kirsten Dunson, Nicole Kidman. You're working with them and you learned manners. And I thought, nobody talks about manners. And now I'm gonna sound like an old man, but I promise you, I think it is a magic power. It's a magical thing to be well-mannered. And you are exceptionally well-mannered. You're just a, you're a very kind person.

And I don't think people understand the superpower that that is, do you know what I mean? And no one talks about it a lot. They don't talk about, it's all about, well, obviously you've got to have talent, but you also have to like, you gotta be tactical and you gotta do this and that. Like, how about, I swear to God,

being well-mannered and I understand it's, maybe it's, I've always heard it's part of a Southern thing. Like Jack is insanely well-mannered. So anytime Jack McBrayer comes to my house, two days later, I get a note. Sir, it was an honor, you know. I have a feeling that's not what it says. No, no, he doesn't say it was an honor, but he does write.

He says, it was lovely. It was an honor hanging out with your wife. Everyone likes Liza. People tolerate me, but no, it's just like, that's such a nice thing. Yeah, it's true. I mean, I think like, just growing up, you know, from, I didn't go to like acting class or anything.

So it's just like being on set and around different personalities and different people and picking up on what people do. And I mean, honestly, it's like my mom. Yes. She would be on set with me or my grandmother, and I would write a note, get rap gifts for everyone. I've just always done that. Even small things about like putting

at the end of the day, like your costume, like making sure that it's like hung up, that you hang it up in the trailer. Because then you hear, because you hear people say like, they just throw and they're like, thank you so much for just hanging it up. It's like, well, it takes like a second to do that. You know, like it's, and I don't know.

Also, sometimes it makes you realize how other people are behaving. Right. I've had situations where, I don't know, I'm doing something and I'll, I don't know, it'll be like a serious XM record in New York or something and I'm headed out and I'll pass the person at like the front thing and I'll say,

I'm gonna get coffee, do you want any? And they go, what? Yeah. What? And I'm thinking, I'm not giving you a kidney. Right. I'm saying I'm getting a coffee, would you like one too? And you realize, oh, it's such little things like that.

I know, it just makes you feel better to, I don't know, to be kind. I mean, it sounds so cliche and easy, but in this business, it's like, there's a lot of not nice people. Why'd you look at me? Yeah. And by the way, that's a made up story

about getting the coffee. I was like, did you really get coffee? Not fuck that. No, I think you took the coffee from them. I took the security, I took her coffee and I said, thanks for the Java. Now go get your own. But you are known, you actually are known

as like the nicest and the best. Well that's very sweet. You are, everyone says it and everyone thinks it. Sona, you've seen the real me. I have seen the real you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I have, it's coming out in a tell all. You already wrote it.

The real Conan O'Brien. You wrote a book. Yeah, I did, that's right, I did. She wrote a New York Times bestseller called World's Worst Assistant. She basically put it all out there. But it's basically the two of us. It's good to have a little edge.

Mostly you read the book and it's a hilarious book, but you mostly just read the book and think both of these people are idiots who shouldn't be allowed to do anything. I think I started writing it thinking it would be a takedown of you, but it was really just an indictment on me and how bad I was as your assistant.

But having, being your assistant, I will say there's a difference you can see between people who will dismiss you and people who actually talk to you. Right. I've got that a lot. Right? Yeah. And it makes a really big difference. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you mean? It's just remembering people's names. You know, people, yeah. You know what I mean? Like on set, you do meet a lot of people. It's like- Assistance, like people can sometimes just be very rude to assistants because they're trying to get to you. you do meet a lot of people. It's like. Assistance, like people can sometimes just be very rude

to assistants because they're trying to get to you. And there's a lot of people who will actually talk to you. I had a really interesting thing happen to me. I've never forgotten it, which is I was working on the Simpsons. I was a writer producer there. This is before I got the talk show

and I'm probably, I don't know, 26. I used to just wear like a t-shirt and kind of that, you know that red James Dean kind of iconic jacket with the flip-up collar. I had one of those. So I'm wearing like, that's just how I'm dressed and I'm wearing sneakers. And I remembered I was gonna go meet my friend,

Suzanne Daniels, who was a big exec over on the Fox lot. I remember for some reason I had a package in my hand that was just my package. And I walked into this office and I said, yeah, I'm here for Susanna Daniels. And this person behind the desk went, yeah, just put that down, just leave it there. And I went, well, actually, and they went,

just put it down, okay? Like, because I'm the delivery guy. Yeah. I kept trying to stall and and the person was just... just looking through me like I didn't exist. And then, of course, Suzanne saw me and went, -"Conan, hey!" And this person... she was like, -"Have you met Conan? He's a writer-producer

at The Simpsons, and da-da-da, and he's gonna have a late-night show in a year and a half, even though nobody knows that yet." And... She just knew? And, apparently, he is a delivery boy. Yeah. But anyway, I just saw in a moment.

And then he's like, oh. I saw status completely shift arbitrarily. Because why does that make a difference? And yeah. Completely. Yeah, that executive was Jeff Ross. I mean that, yeah, he was terrible to me. I'm sorry.

When he was assistant. No, it doesn't make any sense. You made it. I know, he was terrible to me. I'm sorry. When he was assistant. No, it doesn't make any sense. You made it. I know, you really messed it up. Face that up, yeah, I got it wrong. But anyway. No, you know who the assistant was? It was a very, very young Timothy Chalamet.

Oh my gosh. Oh! Wow. Bring it in around. Nice. Yeah, yeah, I remember it, he was a fetus. Uh-huh. He was like, there was a fetus, a really good looking fetus.

Yeah. Wearing, like, some kind of exotic cologne. Who said, like, just leave the package there. And I said, why do you have an umbilical cord? Just leave the fetus, just leave it there. And cure the wrap, like, cure the wrap. There we go. I got us out. Hey, Elle, everyone's gonna see this movie

and I'm just, it's a complete unknown. It's you, Timothée Chalamet and- Edward Norton. Edward Norton. Monica Barbara. I can't wait to see it. But also anytime you wanna come in and just sit down and talk about anything, you're one of my favorite people.

No, seriously. I wanna pop in now. I wanna like, cause the office is, it was, this is really nice with the kitchen and everything. Yeah. Yeah. Just don't go in there. That's our kitchen.

Like I've already had like pockets full of snacks. Okay, well I'll need you to empty your coat before you leave. Snacks don't grow on trees. No Conan, they're nuts. They literally grow on trees. You are an absolute delight. And as you know, I'm a massive fan of the great

and watching you in that role, walk this crazy tight rope of being near death experiences, being assaulted, but then being hilariously funny in the next scene. I don't know how you do it. It's one of the best performances I've seen in a show ever. And it's one of my favorite shows. And then you just have this insane career and you're a delight.

You're a delightful person. So come back anytime. We will. And thanks for being here and sharing your energy with us because these guys are sucking the life out of me. Hey. Hey. Hey.

We thought we might initiate a series of staff reviews here at Team Coco facilities. We're going to start with your, long time producer, Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross, not to be confused with the roast master general, Jeff Ross, the comedian. Jeff Ross has been my producer. We really started in Late Night Together, what is it, 31 years ago, Jeff? 93, April of 93.

We met in April of 93, so someone do the math. I don't want to. I think it's been- Yeah, I don't feel like it. You wanna go to Calculator? No, no, it's been 57 years. I don't care enough. Anywho, you get the math. I think it's 31. I don't want to. I think it's been- Yeah, I don't feel like it. You want to go to calculator? No, no. It's been 57 years.

I don't care enough. Anywho, you get the point. We've been together side by side on this crazy adventure through show business. And what we're doing, Jeff, is thinking that maybe we just review people, talk to them about their work. It's not going to go well. No, no, no. It's going to go well.

Of course it's going to go well. Jeff, you've been with me at the helm of this ship for a long time. That's how I know. We've been through highs, we've been through lows, we've been through highs again, and then some more lows, then lots of lows, then a quick high, then years and years. No, it's been great, it's been great.

We've had a great ride, but I think it's time for a brief catch up lately on your performance here at the show. Jeff, I'm just gonna come out and say, in all the time I've known you, you've worn glasses. Okay? This is where you're coming. You've worn glasses the whole time I've known you.

Very recently, you had a surgical procedure which you needed to have. This was not elective. It was a surgical procedure that you needed to have on your eyes. And while they were doing that surgery, they were like, hey, we can correct your vision at the same time. They kind of, that's the way it works.

That's the way it works. So they corrected your vision and I didn't, you didn't, first of all, talk to any of us about this. You went ahead and had this surgery, which you had to have, which you had to have, hold on. Why would he talk to me? Because I talked to Jeff about all the surgeries I have. That's true.

We've talked to each other about our various surgeries. When I was circumcised and then I went back and had it put back on. What? And then I was circumcised and then had it put back on again. I tried to talk him out of it both times. You had it and you were just like, put it back?

Yeah, I wanted it back. You got to keep it? They couldn't, well, I was holding it for a while. Here's the thing. I don't, Jeff had it for a while in his wallet. The way high school kids keep a condom in their wallet. People are like, Jeff had it for a while in his wallet, the way high school kids keep a condom in their wallet. People are like, Jeff, you got a condom in your wallet?

He's like, no, no, no, it's condoms for sports kids. But thank you for keeping it, you're supposed to moisturize it, but he didn't. So anyway. So when it's back on there, just like an old dry pig ear? Yeah, well, we went back and forth two times because I kept changing my mind.

Now it's back on and I'm not convinced it's mine, but that's a whole other story. Anyway, that's not why we're having this review. Okay. The focus should not be on the crazy surgeries that I've had butchering my member. Maybe they should be. But Jeff, you had this thing and you come in

and suddenly you're not wearing glasses because you don't need to anymore because you have now 20-20 vision. But I need readers. You need readers, but most of the time you're walking around the office. I just went on, we shot a travel show together in a foreign land.

Mm-hmm. We traveled the world together and you're not wearing glasses. And you're, he's, Jeff, you will agree, a very good looking man. Yes. You're a good looking guy. Thank you everybody. You are, you're a good looking man.

I think you're right. Listen, the whole time I've been with Jeff, women always nudging me, like that Jeff Ross is a good looking guy, and I'm like, hey, what am I, chopped liver over here? But Jeff- Make it about you. What's that? What?

I said, you make it about you? Yeah, I was born on make it about you mountain. Okay. So Jeff isn't wearing glasses now and he comes in and you walk around, you don't have glasses on, and I can't get used to it. And I'm not the only one, a couple of us, Eduardo, feel free to weigh in.

Weird. It's weird, I can't get used to it. And here's the thing, I can't get used to it and you'll get to talk in just a second. Wait a minute, I'm not even sure that's true, I might just keep talking. This is a great staffer here. Probably true. A lot of us are having trouble adjusting.

And the thing is, it's our problem because you've had a certain look for a long time, and then suddenly it changed and you look great, but I'm not used to it. What are we gonna do, Jeff? Let me say two things. First of all, I'm not used to it either because still I wake up in the morning and I reach over to the bedside table,

actually it's on my left, and to reach for my glasses and they're not there. And sometimes at night when I brush my teeth and I wash my face, I reach for my glasses and they're not there. What I might do, I'm considering is what you did, which is get like progressive nothing up top

and readers at the bottom. Yeah, yeah. I'm considering that. I don't mind wearing glasses which is get progressive nothing up top and readers at the bottom. I'm considering that. I don't mind wearing glasses and I just decided, yeah, I did the progressive thing. So my eyes without glasses are fine, but I don't like putting glasses on and off all the time. Yeah, this is a pain.

And so I just wear glasses so that when I can pick up a book and read. I'm sorry, I have a question. This is a staff review? Yeah. Okay, all right. Okay, let me get back to the review part of it. Could I just do a segment of reviewing the staff reviews?

Cause I have a couple of notes. Hold it, but listen- But please, let's talk more about your progressive lenses. Well, I didn't put it on that. That was Jeff who made the executive producer decision- You asked me a question and I answered it. No, here's what I'm saying. I want you to immediately, this is a staff review.

I want you to immediately start wearing glasses. I want you to wear them all the time. No, those are at the end of your nose. Now you look like grandma Moses. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I want you, and if not. I'm gonna go do what you did. No, no, no. Let's not get back on. I do you, and if not. I'm gonna go do what you did. No, no, no.

Let's not get back. I do that a lot anyway. Let's not get onto progressives again, because that's a, Sonia's told us that's a bad topic. I had a thought. Go back to your foreskin. No, no, no. That's a separate episode.

That's from my staff review. By the way. Yeah, that's a different kind of staff review. By the way, I could get it again. Yeah. So listen, Jeff, I had an idea. Which is that you get a tattoo of glasses. Oh. On your eyes.

You get glasses drawn on as if you fell asleep at a fraternity and instead of a penis on your cheek, it's just some really nice glasses, Tom Ford glasses. Only if we can go back to New Zealand to that place with the guy with the crazy tattoos on his arm, he does it. Okay, you like that guy, you like the tattoos. Oh, geez. I like to guy. You like the tattoos.

Oh, geez. I like to keep it secret where we're going, but Jeff, I guess, likes to just blab it out to the New Zealand. Wait, you thought it was a secret because everybody knew you were there. Yeah, that's true. I saw so many things on social media.

I saw something in a stadium full of people. You know what I forgot? All I heard the whole time was, in the van was, Blake, how's socials doing? How's socials doing? Ah! Staff reviews, staff reviews.

Well, listen. I like the idea of no glasses. It's a whole new world. I just have to get used to it, but I like things, I'm at a stage in my life, I'm no spring chicken where I like things to be the same. And so the other thought that I had was get Jeff two monocles, and he puts one in each eye,

and you walk around with two monocles. Yeah. You know, Colonel Clank had one, you get two. I remember Colonel. And then when you're- I'm the only one in the room who doesn't remember Colonel. And then when you're in a meeting with me and you're surprised by something like,

Conan stole that much from the budget, your eyes widen and they both fall out. That would be funny. One at a time, maybe. Yeah, one and then the other. Well, when something's quizzical or skeptical, one falls out. One falls out, yeah, but you meant to keep the other.

Anyway, these are just ideas you should think about. I appreciate that. And it's weird for me too. Would you like to maybe quickly review me since you and I, you're the only person that can, you're the only one that has the authority. How am I doing, Jeff? You're doing great.

We're still working. Wow. We're still going. We're still going. You don't have any notes? I have a few notes. No, we can feed you a few notes. Sona, Sona.

You don't have notes? I've been riding this gravy train for 31 years. Yeah! Okay? If you think I'm gonna start giving notes. Jeff is- You're crazy. Jeff's sitting on top of the caboose in the gravy train. Well, Jeff, other than the glasses

and get that shit straightened away. I will. A plus all the way. I like it. Keep doing what you're doing. Thank you. Well done. And I thought this was pretty painless. Totally painless. All will. A plus all the way. I like it. Keep doing what you're doing. Thank you. And I thought this was pretty painless.

Totally painless. All right, foreskin on the table. Oh, come on. Come on. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leal.

Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode.

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