Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Eric Andre Returns Again

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

Comedian, writer, and actor Eric Andre feels like sandpaper about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.   Eric sits down with Conan to discuss and his mental health, his Uber conversation preferences, and his new film with John Cena, Little Brother. Plus, the gang consider Conan as a terminator in a new installment of Review The Reviewer.   For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, my name is Eric Andre. And I feel like sandpaper. As Conan O'Brien's friend. How are you sandpaper? I don't know. I realized last time I said moist. So I was about to say moist again. And then I was like, no, you already did that.

Well, joke. And then I was like, what's the opposite of moist? Fall is here. Hear the yell. Back to school. Ring the bell. Brand new shoes. Walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

Yes, I can tell that we are going to be friends. Hey, there, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. I am joined by Sonam of Sestian. Hey, Sona. Hi. Matt Gourley. How are you, sir? Hi, good, thanks. I'm going to attempt something that has very low odds of working. Yeah. And I'll explain why. I thought, hey, maybe we should talk about World Cup.

It's a huge thing. Massive, biggest sporting event in the world. It involves 48 countries, which being hosted by Canada, Mexico, USA. But here's the problem. I don't think anyone here in this podcast right now, just the three of us really cares about the World Cup. That's not true. It is true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. I don't think you care at all. I'm sorry. It's the only sports I ever watch every four years. I really enjoy the only sports I know. You guys know that I don't care about sports. I actually love it too because soccer players are hot. They're really really sports. I know. I'm not. You're not selling it. I'm not. You guys are hot. I really. And that's why you watch, right? That's why I watch. When you're watching with your boys, you go, I do that guy. Yeah, and I high five him. Like, right boys? He can be your dad. Yeah.

Oh, my God. You guys want a brother? That's just, come on, man. Clean it up, Sona. I love tack, too. I don't want to. Oh, no, too. Oh, that's nice.

Oh, my heart also has warmth for the father of my children. Okay, I shouldn't say that. What I'll say is, I wouldn't say the three of us. are well versed in talking about World Cup. Correct. And we are recording this, I think, three weeks ahead of time. So we don't know where in the World Cup certain teams will be, who will be eliminated, what's going on. So we're really attempting something that I think is difficult on maybe seven different levels.

Yeah. What's that? Do you say several or seven? He mixed both on seven different levels. Yeah. Well, sorry. Sorry. I was going to let it slide. I was going to let it go. No, no, but I have a hard time when I talk about the sports of soccer. Oh, that's right. You didn't let that go. Fuck you. Hit them. Hit them hard. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to ask Eduardo to really help us out here because Eduardo, this is something that's very near and dear to your heart. You need to supply the passion here. Okay. You need to supply the passion because I'm not going to get it from anywhere else on this table. All right. So let's talk about it. We're a couple of weeks in. What do you think has happened by this?

this point. Who's been eliminated? Oh, man. Come on. All right. So I'll tell you that going into this, the top five countries predicted to compete for the final is Argentina, Spain, France, Portugal, and maybe Germany or England, give or take, one of them. It's the same as it almost always is. Without Brazil. Where are the Dutch?

The Dutch are actually considered a dark horse in this tournament. Yeah, that's what I thought. Great question. No, no, I did know that the Dutch, and it's funny because when you think someone's saying, we're the Dutch. You'd be like, oh, he's making a joke. No, I'm not. They, they're very good. Yes. And they could come out of nowhere. Wouldn't that be fantastic if the Dutch were still in play? I wouldn't be surprised if they're making a deep run. So if we're looking into our crystal ball, that's a good prediction. And if you're listening right now and the Dutch are out of it, that's on Eduardo.

Okay, I'll take that one. Anyway, okay, so go ahead. Tell us more. Yeah, it's being hosted by three different countries, all North American. What does that mean when they say hosting it? Yes, that's where the actual events are taking place. Correct. But they also have to, you know, when you hear host, sometimes you think they have to supply food, drinks, that kind of thing. Hosting the Olympics, man. You're not hosting it for game night. I know. I'm just trying to do a new thing where when you host, you really should be a host.

You shouldn't charge for food and drink. And there should be a host. Are you host? There should be music. It's just an idea I had. Awkward banter in the beginning. Yeah, exactly. And then people should say, hey, knock it off if it goes after 10.

Every spectator has to send a thank you note. Well, speaking about it. Speaking of after 10, the cool thing about this one for us that live here in the States or in North America, the times are like reasonable times for us to watch. So I don't have to go to a pub at three in the morning to watch Croatia play against Orlando. Correct. There'll be games starting at noon and the last game will be like at 7 o'clock at night. So yeah, it's full days of soccer. Let me ask you something. And this is something because I'm a patriot. America's getting better. Aren't we getting better? I know it's a long row.

but what is America has to do to really be competitive in world soccer? That's a good question, I think. It's a great question. Thank you. They have taken a lot of steps forward and a couple small steps back. So this one, it's a crapshoot. USA, some of us wouldn't be surprised if they're still in it at this time in three weeks. Some of us wouldn't be surprised if they're actually-

Where do you follow, Eduardo? What do you think? I'd be surprised that they're still in it at this point in three weeks. That's not to say that they're not good. I just... Is it one of those things where it's just... we didn't, in other countries, it's just such a part of the culture

and it's not as much here. And maybe you, is this a graph that's never going to completely take? Meaning, will we ever be really competitive with Argentina, with Spain, some of these other countries? No, I think we will get there. I think it's just taking a lot longer.

I think we're competing as like the fourth major sport, well, now fourth major sport. At one point it was like the fifth or six major sport in this country. It's slowly turning with the hell of, I think pickleball has slowed us down. I agree. I think the excitement around pickleball, the excitement around pickleball, I think we were starting to gain.

And then everybody who was really starting to get interested in soccer or, of course, other say, football. They, pickleball came around. And now I think it's, that has added another hundred years. I agree. We should ban pickleball. There's a lot of overlap. I don't like that it competes. Are you going to one game?

I hope so. Also, what's that game where on your iPhone, you put, you? Heads up. Heads up. That's what we were playing a lot. I think heads up put us back another 100 years too. And you're just getting settlers of Catan as well. I think, what's that?

Settlers of Catan. What's that? It's this famous board game that everybody played for like 10 years. There's like bartering. Weets and textiles. Oh, I love it when people come over and we have some wine and we all start bartering. I probably would. I probably would.

I shouldn't be, I shouldn't be negative about it. But I do think that heads up. Yeah. Something of Catan. You could get Catan, but not. Not settlers? Remember the hard one. I thought it was Chris Catan.

I thought. And pickleball. And then pickleball, I think those things have probably destroyed our chances of being competitive in what I call football and which Edwardo called soccer. Yeah, I just, I'm, but anyway, that's what's happening. I resolve almost every year to pick a team and really get involved and really follow soccer. So are you going to pick? Yeah, who's your pick?

You got to go with the Dutch. No. I don't have to go with the Dutch. Well, this is a figure speech. That's true. And I think a worthwhile figure of speech, to be honest with you. Do you know any soccer players? Do I know them? I mean, personally, I'm very good friends. I don't know the sport very well, but I'm very good friends with most of the players. Messy was at my house like three weeks ago. Okay.

He was. He comes by a lot. You guys are not hanging out. What are you talking about? Why would you find that hard to believe? He loves my house. And he always wants to go over to Sandler's house. And I'm like, what do you need Sandler for? I'm here. Okay. And he's like, Stanley are much more famous than you.

And I said, why are you talking in that stilted way? Are you trying to do an Argentinian accent? Yeah. And he said, you know so little about me. You do stilted accent. That's what he said. This is all true. He said, your impression of me belies the fact that we are not friends and you don't

know me in real life. That's what he said to me. And then I said, belies the fact. Where are you speaking in broken English and then saying belies the fact? And he said, this is a terrible riff. Don't do it on the podcast. No, I'm going to do it severin times. Yeah, I'm going to do it severan.

Severeign. Okay, and that's funny. That's funny. That's when you misspoke, remember. I don't remember. It's so seldom. It barely happens at all. Probably happens at all.

Oh, my God. It doesn't happen. He's dying right in front of all. Hey, ask you a question. Sure. This is really dark, but let's say something where it happened to me. There was a medical event. Oh, God.

And then later on, a doctor said, didn't you hear it in the podcast? The degeneration. of his neuromuscular ability to speak? Do you want to hear something darker? You've asked this question. I know. No, no. But aren't you guys going to, I know what I've asked it before,

but I'm begging you guys to please pay attention. Oh, no. When I misspeak, don't giggle. Say, are you okay, Conan? We're trying to move it along, let it happen. Yeah, get me to the great. You know, faster. And you can all do your pity episode.

Oh, we're so sorry about Conan. Caching. It's going to be a Thursday episode. Oh, on Thursday, we talk about. Donate's passing. Oh my God, that would be great. And then stick around. We're getting together the cast of Facts of Life.

Oh, that'd be cool. I know. Can you name them all? Can I name them all? Yeah. Tutie, Joe. No, they're real names, you rookie. What?

I want to hear their show names. Tutie, Joe. Blair. Mm-hmm. God, this show meant a lot to you. It did it, but I do know the theme. Natalie. Natalie.

You take the good. Natalie. This is weird walking in here I went today. I wonder. I'm not kidding you. Stop. I was singing in facts of life. I wonder if that'll come up on the show today.

I am not joking. I'm not saying I'm psychic. I'm saying, I'm close. What? Were you watching it recently? No, it just came to me. I say something.

A lot of our listeners think this thing is so well crafted, they must write it ahead of time and really work out the architecture of it. And I want to say that I think this podcast episode proves that that is not the case. Yeah, America's screwed. Because the soccer team We are We were just talking about Soccer

World Cup and then it's Facts of Life and then you're singing the song You take the good You take the bad You take them both And then you have The facts of life

The facts alive The facts alive You take the good You take the bad And then what? You take them all And then you have You take the good

You take the bad You take them all No wait You take it all You take it all You take the good You take the bad And there you have

The facts alive And there you have I said When the world Those lyrics don't make any sense. To believe in it up to your dudes. Don't act like you don't know this. No, but what I'm saying is I don't know this song.

No, you take the good. You take the bad. You take them both and there you have. Oh, you take them both? Oh, that's right. That makes more sense grammatically. I don't feel how that makes sense as lyrics. You know what song did make sense?

Charles was in charge. Okay. Charles in charge of our days and our nights. Charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights. That doesn't make sense. That doesn't make sense either. No, why is the nanny in charge of your Days and your

And you're like your moral compass Of your wrongs Yes It's too much responsibility For him Anyway, that's our World Cup Wrapup Yes

What a mess Into Eric Andre All right My guest today is a hilarious comedian That was an intro Oh my God Of the Eric Andre

Show on Adult Swim What a mess Now you can see This is what people Come for And this is what we promise And this is what we deliver

and I don't regret it. Now you can see Eric, our good friend, in the new Netflix movie, Little Brother, a movie he made with Mr. John Sina. I will also say this is appropriate for this interview. It really is. It's all, the wheels have come off this trolley many times. I always love when Eric stops by.

Eric Andre, welcome. Here's why I love having you on the podcast. You are a cartoon character. You're not a real person. And I am a cartoon character. I'm not a real person. When we're together, I'm just happy. Because...

And the rest of America's annoyed. Annoyed and miserable. At the shenanigans. But you don't live in the real world. And whenever I... You just don't. You just don't. You think I stand out?

You are an insane cartoon character. You bounce off walls. You crash through ceilings. To the delight of everyone. My comedy hero is Gonzo from the Muppet Shaw. I had this VHS tape growing up. It was called... it was a clips episode of the Muppet Show

that Gonzo hosted in a Hugh Hefner vest and his wife was that chicken. Remember he had a chicken for a wife? And he hosted this thing. It was called like the weirdest sketches on... It wasn't called the weirdest sketches on the Muppet show, but it was like the weirdest parts of the Muppet Show had a more elegant side of the one I'm saying.

And it was just a clip show and he was like Dick Clark, slash Hugh Hefner, and he introed all the weirdest clips from the Muppet show. show and I would watch that VHS like over and over to formative form. I haven't thought about that. For me, it was Warner Brothers cartoons, but I always thought, well, that's the highest form of comedy is people getting stretched out, elongated, people looking to Cameron going, uh-oh, and then falling. Yeah. And then I would walk away like an accordion. Those are the, I just willed myself to be one of those people. The reality is you'd have a horrible and painful death.

Yes. There's no comedic value. Yes. Eric, I would. But the coroner would say, oh, my God, we just looked at the x-rays of his body. It's a accordion, you know? And then they would push on each side of my body and would go like, weirno, Yankevich would be like, Conan, Conan, Conan, Conan, Conan. So, for all those reasons, I'm delighted you're here. I really am.

I don't want to leave. You had to forcibly remove me last time. I did. This is my favorite pocket. You're one of my favorite human beings. Oh, that's so nice. when I look in to your eyes. Why the angry male all the time from you?

Well. I hope you die. And then you sign your name. Yours truly Eric Andre. Why do you write those to me? And your return addresses on them? And they're filled with anthrax. I don't know.

Oh, that's what that is. Yeah. I thought it was powder sugar. You know, celebrities are not well. I'm not a celebrity. I still drive an Uber. But as a passenger or as a driver? It wasn't a good joke.

That also died in my mouth. There's a tombstone on my molar. Here lies, Uber joke. You'd be a great Uber driver or a terrible one who wouldn't stop talking. But I would love it if you picked me up in an Uber. That would be so much fun. What do you do when they start chatting you up? Or back in the day, yellow cabs when you were in New York City when they start chatting you up.

This is going to sound weird to people. Would you lean in and chat, or would you just be like... I think they want him to stop chatting. No, no, this is what's weird. This is what's weird. And I hope this doesn't put people off of me. But when I call an Uber, I bought one of those plexiglass separators. And I have it.

It's heavy. And I carry it with me. And I call an Uber. And when I get in, I quickly attach it. Oh, God. You have one for each making model. Oh, I say, I look up which card they're going to be... They're like, oh, it's going to be...

And they're like, oh, it's going to be a Toyota four by four. And I go like, I know which one is for the Toyota four by four. I know which one is for, you know, I mean, literally every kind of SEP. Your house is like a plexiglass factory. That's all it is. And I quickly shout to my son. And this is he, I won't let him go to college. So he just is the guy that he is my caddy for plexiglass separators.

And I'll just say things like, you know, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a Subaru outback. And he's like, got it. What year? And I'll go, 98. And then he rushes in. So that's kind of a dick move. And they always get very like, what the fuck? And I'm like, shut up.

I don't want to talk to you. And then I actually drill into their seats. And they don't like that. You go, uh, uh, uh, uh. Shushy-wisie. No talkie walkie. No, no, no, no, no. Now, what do you do?

Because I'm going to imagine we're probably similar spirits that you like to talk to people. You like talking to anyone, right? Not in the, not in the, not in the, uh, Not in the cab, not in the Uber. Well, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm catching up on work and I'm locked in. And I got my laptop on my lap or I'm doing work on the phone. What are you building a rocket?

What you're locked in? Getting the specs for re-entry. You got to get just the right. What the hell are you locked in on? I'm trying to write jokes. I'm trying to write ideas. Okay. You've worked in this business.

I've never sat down and written a joke. I just go... You wrote on legacy shows, since I did. I did. In my defense, I did, but I was never locked in. No, I get it, I get it. I'm just giving you shit because it's fun. You know, we're good guys.

We're hanging out and I'm giving you shit. You're harassing me. I'm harassing you. I'm harassing you. You're constantly harassing me. You show up at my house. I don't know how you got my address. I think you looked at the paperwork.

I look at the return address. on your hate mail. It's funny because the last time I saw you, I was doing a club here in L.A., and you were about to go on, and it's the same thing. If I'm about to go on... I had my...

I'm not going to say Ginger. You get that too often. I have my redhead friend from Australia, very funny comedic actor, Reese Mitchell. And instantly, you guys locked eyes and you went over to him

and you went, when's the last time you got your skin checked? And you guys talked about skin... I did. skin for like 30 minutes and then you went up and you're like, I gotta get ready for the Oscars. It was like a matchmate.

They saw each other and it was like they were instant best rest and they just talked about skin health. And you kept trying to talk. That's like what two widows do when they've lost a husband or something. That's right. That's right.

How are you managing? I'm getting by. Instantly, there was no hesitation. He like, you looked into Reese's eyes and you just went right and you gave him like a dermatologist number. Yeah. You guys were and it was like he didn't take off his shirt

and I did a very close exam with those special glasses and that special light. And I did not like what I saw. Yeah, but it's funny how. You didn't let me answer rude by the way how I am in an Uber and I

am very rude in an Uber. No, I don't use like to talk. Well, I like to talk if the person's interesting, but it's a crapshoot. So the risk, I do a risk assessment. And sometimes the person knows when to stop talking and start talking. And sometimes they're interesting and stuff you're interested in. Sometimes it's a crazy person. So you do a little bit of risk assessment. So because I don't want that like, you know, 3% of them that are bad shit crazy, there was a guy, as soon as I got in his car within 10, 10 seconds. He's like, I love fentanyl, man. Oh, that's my problem. And I go, I go, well, yeah, I'm listening to some tunes.

You see my headfoil? I was, I'm sorry. That's horrible. And he's like, God, I just quit, though. I just quit. I go, oh, when? A couple days ago, and he's pulling up to my house. So I'm like, great, now this guy has my home address. And I'm like, this is an office. It looks like a house that I live in. It's an office. I'm going to work at the end of the day. It's kind of a weird job, and I can't tell you anything about it because I don't like the fact that you have my personal information. And he was telling me, he's like, the patches are better than shooting it up,

but shooting it up with the patcher. But I'm through with that shit, man. Also, he's been driving you. Yeah, he's been in charge of whether you live or die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm plagued by that. And my heart goes out to his afflictions, but I was trapped in it.

And we were in, like, the thick of traffic. Like, we're in West Hollywood at, like, 5 p.m. So it was, like, the slowest, what would take, like, 20 minutes to get back to my house? Took, like, an hour and a half, you know? And it was the longest afternoon in my life. Yeah, it was rough. I always say this. If the driver's been weird and they pull up to my house, I always say, it's been nice talking to you.

By the way, we're selling my house tonight. To Eric Andre. This is where he is. To Eric Andre. who, by the way, loves visitors. Has a stash of fentanyl. He keeps vintage fentanyl. He keeps his fentanyl right by his loose cash.

He's got the loose cash room and the fentanyl room. And a bedroom, that's it. That maybe the kitchen in there. Anyway. Oh, well. Yeah, I always say to people, when they pick me up from my house, or if it's a guy that, like the Amazon guy recognizes me or the UPS guy, I go,

I just go, yeah, I'm Airbnb in this place. Pretty trippy, huh? Anyway, don't think about the address. Why is there a mural of you on the garage? Oh, that's why I Airbnb. Yeah, to do a self-portrait on the garage. Yeah. Is this what you want to talk about?

We are so ADD. I don't think we ever make a single point. I looked away from you for a second, and I forgot who the guest was. And then I was... And the good news is, then I looked over at you and I was happy that you're here.

So it's nice to see you, by the way. I'm curious if, because you have such... And I want to talk about this, too, you have such a serious music background. I was reading up on you today. No, but... No, but... Sorry.

So far, you've shouted two things at me. Root! And boring. I'm sorry. No, but... It's very hard to be. You just... Like, bring it back to serious.

Well, this is going to say serious long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love that you just dropped an album, and it's called film scores for films that don't exist. Yeah. It's a classical album. You wrote film scores for movies that aren't real. Yeah. And I was listening to it today, a bunch of us were listening to it, and it's legit.

It's really good. Thanks. It's really good. I'm flattered about that. Thank you. And then I was listening to it. like, well, wait, I know that you played jazz bass and you're serious. You, like, studied at Berkeley School of Music, but I didn't realize when you were a little kid and you started playing

tuba when you were really young. Yeah, I played piano at five, tuba in sixth grade, and cello and bass in high school. Yeah. Yeah. And then so this is just something that was in you. Like, I, I went to, I went to school in Boston. I went to Berkeley College of Jazz, Daddy-O, and I played I played the Seinfeld theme over and over again for four years. Yeah. And I flicked a dime under a lamp post. That was a course. I shot an apple off my wife's head or whatever.

William S. Burroughs did. You know about that? And he killed her, right? He killed his wife. And then when the cops come, he goes, we were playing William Tell, the game where you shoot an apple of the head. It was more of like, I think he was like the laziest excuse for homicide. I'm sorry, I made your podcast so dark.

No, no. This is what people love true crime podcast. So we're going to become one briefly. But that's what I always heard is the police show up. And he went, we were playing. And his wife's lying there with a bullet in her head. And he's like, we were playing William Tell. And I tried to shoot an apple off her head.

Didn't work out. But she can't arrest me. Yeah. And the cops were like, that's legally. Like, I mean, that's solid. That's true. We bothered you. Yeah.

Yeah. So, wait, so he essentially killed her and then went to the refrigerator, got an apple, and placed it by her head. I don't even know if he just said I ate the apple. Oh, yeah. Oh, there wasn't even an apple there? No, I don't know. I don't know. What kind of true crime podcast is this?

This is the best kind where people just shoot off their mouths about a crime that maybe didn't even happen. And I'm going to right now say, Eric doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. We both just kind of heard this thing. I also got self-conscious because I was about to make the same jazz jokes that I made on your podcast. last time. So I was like, what's another beatnik?

I haven't covered. William S. Burroughs. And then I heard your audience, everyone's butthole dried out at that moment. And Adam can... They were all moist until... Can we say that on your podcast? We can.

You Puritan? Adam Sack. We'll confirm this. No one's ever listened to more than one of these podcasts. We have a huge, huge number of people, but we're just working our way through Earth's population.

But no one's ever after listening to one, listen to another. Wow. Repeat away. It's a very strange way of getting an audience. Repeat your stories at will. We got a verdict on William S. Burroughs. It really happened. It's dark.

You're about to look up some dark. Yeah, go ahead. 51 in Mexico City. William S. Burroughs shot and killed his wife. And said he was playing William. And how did he get off then? He didn't. He was convicted.

Oh. Oh, he was. Oh, I thought they were like, hey. So did he go to prison for a long time? He was convinced. of culpable homicide in Mexico, but served only 13 days in jail before his brother secured his release on bail. Well, murder it. He fled to the U.S.

He fled to the U.S. He was on down to Mexico. Wow. He was later convicted in absentia receiving a two-year suspended sentence. What? Doesn't seem that bad for killing your wife. Yeah. I'm just going to say, message to all murders out there.

Keep that William Tell thing in your back pocket. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep an apple? Yeah. And the William Tell story in your back pocket. And maybe do it with a bow and arrow, too, just to really legitimize it. You came into a bank, took all the money and shot someone. It was a William Tell game.

Yeah. I barely know what William Tell is beyond a guy that shot an apple off of somebody's head with an arrow. Beyond that, I couldn't tell you. Yeah. I couldn't tell you a single thing about William Tell, what era. I know he wrote an overture. That's it. There is an overture.

Yeah. For William Tell was William Tell a fictional character? You went to Harvard. smarty pants you tell us. Daddy wore bucks. That would be work if you're rich. I meant like an egghead. Einstein?

There you go. Einstein's better. I'm off my game today, Coden. You are so off your game. You're just a big mess. And it's delighting me. You ruin for the Knicks? Mr. Boston. Yeah, I am. You know why?

You know why? Are you okay rooting for the Knicks right now? I am okay rooting for the Knicks because I think it's a good thing for New York. I spend a lot of time in New York. They haven't had a title. 73. I'm very happy for them. There are Celtics fans listening to you right now. I know. What a shell

out. Piece of shit, human beings. How dare he? That's my Boston accent, by the way. What Celtics fan has ever committed violence? Look it up. I don't think it's happened. I think I'm on safe craft. Very Boston historically, very safe sports fans.

I'm happy for the Knicks. I am. No, you can be. You just know there's like three guys in Dorchester right now pissed at you. Yeah. There's a guy an ale wife right now, pulling his hair. Bonin, you're a Celtics fan and nothing else. Nothing else. I can't do.

I can do a brain tree accent, but not a Quincy or an alewife. But not a boynton air Nashua. Can you do those? I can do Tuxbury and Andover, but I can't do Worcester. Pretty good. And when it comes to Massachusetts, I only do region by region. My accent work. I'm the Fred Armisen of Massachusetts.

Oh, I thought of something today that would be funny. And you'd have been good at this, too. This would be a great thing for you, but I was convinced I should do this. When we record this, I don't know when this airs, but the Knicks are up to games. They're looking for a suite, possibly. They're headed back to Madison Square Garden.

It's just like a huge thing. And all these, you know, hardcore Knicks fans who've been there for years, like Salome's hardcore Nick fan, Ben Stiller, Spike Lee has been in every Knicks game since they created basketball. And I'd be really funny if I dressed up in all this Nick's regalia and somehow forced my way in and did one of those things that some celebrities do where they act like, I've been a fan all along, but they're just there for the gravy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And people, I love ideas where people would hate me so much. But somehow I get a decent ringside seat and I'm like, yeah, yeah, and I keep going over to Chalemay and trying to high five and instiller. And I've just got Nick's goggles and a goofy foam hat. And we're number one, people would be so justifiably mad. And then in interviews, I don't know who any of the players are. I'm not even sure how the game is played. Hey, they were shooting against that basket in the first half. What are you over there for?

And when do they hit a home run already? Yeah. And then I'm like, go Kinnix. Go Kinnik's. Wouldn't people get so mad? And if you were with... I got these tickets for free. F-R-E-E-3.

I even had the money and the fentanyl batches. Hello. I called W-M-E and I said, make it happen. Get me in to see the Kinex win the World Series of basketball. What a dick move.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know, I'm fine. You must be fascinated by those things because that's been making people. I've been, I haven't told anybody of this. I've been photoshopping fake injuries of Knicks players and sending them to my friends who are diehard Knicks fans. So I've been photoshopping fake TMZ articles like Brunson

TOR's ACL this morning with today's date and texting them to my friends who are diehard Knicks fans. And they're like, I swear to God, Eric, like your voodoo, whatever you think is funny right now, it is not funny. You are not funny. And the more angry they get, the more I'm cranking out these fake photoshopped articles of injured Knicks players right now. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm losing friends. bad. But also just to like, I mean, yes, to say things like, what, you text people early in the morning. Why was Brunson operating a wheat thresher in the first place? Yeah, yeah. Wait, what? I don't know.

Why would they trade Josh Hart to the pistons now? Between game two and game three of the finals, they're going to trade them? Okay. It's their team. And my friends are pulling their hair out. Well, of course, they take everything with a, I try to, I mean, I think I do stuff like all the time where I'm just deadly serious. And I can still convince you, Sona. I know, I fall for it.

But you guys both seem to like humor that only you think is funny. Yeah, that's a problem. I'd be much richer if I'd have Kevin Hartsbeck account, hopefully, if I didn't have that affliction. I forgot you got to do comedy for other people. And then you make it a money. I still don't see it that way. I still don't see it that way.

I'm still a, if you like this, you can have. some. And if you don't, get out of my store. I'll talk to Ali Wong and she's like on a private jet on her way to play like a soccer stadium in Qatar. And I'm doing like the chuckle hut and coyote bladder Mississippi, like passing out flyers outside of the venue. I'm like, man, I should probably start writing jokes that more than three people like.

Also, I really, I got some pretty good laughs falling 15 feet onto some spikes. And then there's a recovery time. By the way, do you have lifelong injuries? No, no, no, no. I mean, you should bring the jackass guys in here. Those guys are very injured. They're like evil-knievel injured. When Johnny Knoxville starts going through some of his injuries, it actually makes my stomach queasy.

He's been here, and I love the guy, but he's, I mean, he broke his penis. He broke it. Yeah, and he had a catheter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And his eyeball fell out, and that one movie, and he had, like, shloop it back in. They didn't even have a medic there. I had injuries and I used to brag about them, but when I started hanging out of those guys,

I'm like, oh, dear Lord. It sounds like how they, like, England would torture people in, like, the year 1133. Like, whenever you read about the dark ages, you're like, God, damn. England really hated people. So how did you, your tongue got torn out and then shoved up your ass

until it was back where your tongue goes? Yeah. What stunt were you doing where that happens? England was being quite rude. for, I'd say a thousand years. Yes. To their own people and all their neighbors. Rude.

Rude. Rude. To the French, to the Irish. They were being less than polite. Yeah. They were a little cranky for a couple thousand years. Then they got it out of their system. Yeah.

Yeah. Then they chilled. Then they went to India and Africa, and they chilled out. Then they were cool. Then they were chill. Then they were chill. And Australia. They were quite rude to the world.

England. I'm taking England. I'm taking England down a peg on this show. Don't. Don't. Don't. I won't be silenced. You will be silenced.

Love you, England. I'm pandering to your Irish, whatever Irish you have in you. Because you could be a little Scottish too. There's no, I'm 100%. You're 100%. Yeah, I was trying to pander to you and you didn't take the bait. I was like, England sucks, right? Because guess what?

Hey, March 17th is coming up next year. Your favorite holiday, don't know. Have you ever? Have you ever seen me wear green? on St. Patrick's Daysona? Never, never, never. I at least thought you would be like I hate the... Because real Irish people don't like Irish people.

I always see, yeah, which is the thing. We just don't. You hate everyone equally. That's good. I think it's good. That's healthy. I want to ask you about I'm going to change the subject and I'm going to do something this semi-professional, but don't hate me for it.

You drew a naked picture of me and I feel very uncomfortable every time you look down at it. You made a movie. You made a movie that's coming out. And it's just... Epstein's emails at the bottom of your notes. J-E-E-E-Vacations at Gmail. With my body drawn. I keep trying to book a flight on his plane,

and he won't get back to me. Hello! You made a movie called Little Brother. Very funny movie with you and Mr. John Cena, and you do a... There's a lot of you... Very funny, but doing very physical stuff. Yes.

And I pray to God you have a body double for these things because there's some truly cartoonish scenes. Please tell me there's someone who looks a lot like you who's getting thrown into a wall at 600 miles an hour. This can neither be confirmed nor deny. I'm like Tom Cruise, I'm taking it to the grave. Wow. And yes, of course, I paid a 25-year-old Puerto Rican guy

to fly through glass. I'm in my 40s now. I'm not, you know. I injured myself enough on my own show. I need a little help now. I need a little hope. I need a little hope. What I seem to remember is you made this movie with John Cena,

and you guys are very funny together, but I think John Cena once seriously injured you, didn't he? Poor John. So he, in reality, he did not. He did, we did a stunt that went to Rye. This is like back in 2000, I believe? No, no, 2000. Yeah, I was kidding.

I was trying to see how healthy you are now. No, it was 2020. It was 2020. Was this 2020? I think it was 2020. You're from the show, Golden Girls, right? I'm talking to Blanche Dubois. I love your work.

I love your podcast. Your questions are all over the place. Kindness of strangers. Look. You have a Blanche Dubois quality about you. I'm just realizing now. I do. I was very beautiful in my youth.

That's what people. Yeah. It's a Randy old woman. Now I'm a Randy old lady. And I'm flitting around my. New Orleans apartment. It was Boca Raton, Florida, where the show took place, fictionally.

Streetcar? Yeah. And you're doing Streetcar? Yeah. I'm talking Golden Girls. Yeah. Is it Dubois or is it Devereaux? Devereux.

It was Blanche Devereaux. On Golden Girls? I was correct. Blanche Dubois. Brzeebois from streetcar named is higher. No. So I was right and you're wrong. That's Vivian Lee, right?

No. Yes. The fictional characters, Blanche Dubois? Yes. My entire life, up till this moment, I thought Blanche Dubois was the redhead on Golden Girls. I do get why. They both have French last names. This might be...

Their almost names are almost identical until the last couple syllables. What is it? It's Blanche Devereaux? Devereaux. This entire podcast. I was living in a broken joke for five minutes and you did nothing to help me. This entire podcast is one of the... It's like seven garden hoses that are hopelessly gnarled together.

And one of them's leaking. and we're trying to untangle them to figure out which one to turn off the water, but we can't. And there's just water everywhere. We're still in that jalopy with a triangle wheels.

We were just asking. I really loved how long he was talking about the Golden Girls and how long you were talking about a street car named to Zahker. But we were vibing, man. We had Riz. I don't know what that means,

but we don't know either. You quoted it. I have to say, I have to come clean here. I just got off a plane. Very recently from Morocco. My mind is... That's your excuse for everything, O'Brien.

My mind is not working. And you know what? Yours isn't working either, and I don't think you have an excuse. And together, we're just a big hot mass. And I'm very happy. I don't care. This is a disaster. Why were you in Morocco?

I do some business there. Yeah, you were smuggling hash. Again, I either confirmed or deny. I'm Tom Cruise if he was smuggling hash. No, no. What did you ask me? You said something about John Cena. You know, this is like a cop.

Oh, your travel show. This is like a cop who pulls a guy over, but the cop and the guy are both drunk. Cassie, here, wallet. Wait, wait. You have to step out of the airplane. It's a car. Wait, what?

We're just two big messes interrogating each other. I don't know who's in charge here anymore. Oh, I didn't know Blanche. DuPois. I wasn't the one in front of the Golden Girls. I watched Golda Girls when I was young with my grandma, because I lived in Boker Tome, Florida. I watched Streetcar Name Desire with my grandmother over and over again

because I was very closeted. I just wanted to clear the air. That liquid has been here for ages. We don't know what that. Is that Guinness? This story. Yeah, I'm having a Guinness right now. That's my other problem.

Okay. Now, see. What did you really ask? I truly can't remember. I am going to say this very clearly. I changed, let me tell you what's going on. John Sina. Yes.

In 2020. Oh, yeah, he threw me through you. Okay, so he threw me through me. It's not much of a story. He threw me through a shelf on the Ergrondri show. I destroy the set every time. And I found out he was a big fan of the show. So he had him come in.

He grabs me. He's like, ah, he grabs me, throws me through a shelf. That part of the stunt was fine. By our department, we forgot the sandbag down the shelf and it had a metal frame. And even beforehand, my stunt coordinator was like, that thing's got a metal frame. You got to be careful. I don't like that pro.

I don't like that prop. You said, shut up. I go, blah, blah, blah, blah, dude. I don't pay you to think, dog. Now, show me those abs, daddy. And then Sina threw me through the thing. He did the son properly. I went through the thing properly,

but then the thing went over. And it was the only season of Aragonja show. I got rid of all my body hair on purpose. I bicked my head bald. I waxed my pubic. hair that you can't even see on TV. Alana Glazer goes, you have to blur your crotch for, why did you wax your pubs? That doesn't even translate.

I go, oh, yeah, I don't know. I didn't even think about it. These are the things professionals talk about. I have one question. Yes, Alana. Why did you wax your pubs? That's a good point. So I didn't have, my hair works like antennas.

Like I know when stuff's coming because I have big hair. You have big hair. So I didn't feel it coming. And the thing went over. Boom, gave me a big Fred Flintstone, and I got a concussion. And I got dizzy. I was talking about things that didn't make any sense. And I went to the hospital.

I got a cots cat. And you immediately booked a podcast. That came here. That was 10 minutes before I showed up. Yes, that wasn't his fault. The craziest trip to Morocco, whatever. I'm trying to pitch a travel show right now. I pitch to the network you're on.

And because of you, they go, we already have a travel show. And I go, Conan stole my. idea that I stole from Anthony Bourdain. Yes. Trust me. Listen, you can have my travel show. I will give it to you. But you still have to call it Conan O'Brien must go.

But it's with you, and we don't even explain it to anybody. And you get all the money and the glory, and I just am like, yep. And people are like, what is that? Why is it, Conan O'Brien must go? For five minutes, you were my Newman. I was like, oh, Brian, always after me. Always nip it at my heels. I'm eating canned beans by fucking candlelight.

I'm like, oh. I switched my SSRI by five milligrams by like this much. In which direction? I went up. I go, maybe I just go up a little bit. And now my brain is like. So I called my psychiatrist today. I go and I think I got to take the elevator back down.

I'm sweating. You should have. I'm on like 55 peptides. I'm going to be ripped by the end of this interview. But I'm going to have pendulous breasts like Vivian Lee and Streetcar Name Desire. It's weird like Vivian Lee and Golden Girls. You guys want to train SSRIs by the end of this? Why don't we do a little Russian roulette?

You can be on what I'm on. Yeah. I got on him pretty late for a guy with my affliction. Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm like, why did I wait this one? I got it out for a really long time and then Andy Ricker. What do you think that is? Pride? I'm like, why did I wait so long?

I know in my case it was just, nope, you don't take anything to make life easier. Then you do things to make life harder. So I hairshirted it and I just was like. Well, it's hairshirted. Do like hair shirt means you're just like, I don't know, you're. That's not a phrase. Yeah, you wear a hair shirt. I just, I've never heard about either.

I collapsed. I collapsed. Old bunks used to wear it to do like self-punishment. Yes. It's a kind of putting on a hair. hair shirt. It's like Irish Catholic repression. It's like repress everything or self-inesthetized. Was it like that kind of thing? I like reducing you to a stereotype. That's what I'm trying to do. You are reducing me to stereotype, only it's exactly true. You're right. Hey, Celtics, right? England bad.

Celtics good. I keep pandering to you. And I do live under a magical mushroom in the forest. Putting on a hair shirt is this phrase, but basically I think that's what I was doing was saying, I don't, something that makes life a little easier for you, fuck that. It's supposed to be hard. And I did that well, well past the age when I should have been doing that. And you're in your 90s now, so what, what are we talking? You know, I didn't like that. Okay.

Yes. Did I fight in World War II? Yes. Was I old then? Yeah. I went into the battle at 35 years old. And you fought for the Japanese. I thought for the Japanese because I said that.

The cars they make in 20 years are going to be fucking amazing. I should have done my homework. Anyway, now they're Guinness. I'm sweating. You are. You're a big mess. But, watch this. But I did climax several times.

What's going on here? She just throwing garbage at me. No, she's throwing you some Kleenex so you can wipe the sweats. She tried to slide it like a bartender, but I just like a flogoon. I just see giant. And it's empty. There's one in there. Why?

I was like, do you want me to throw that out for you? No. Do you have recycling? Budget are tight. I worry that if I do that, I'll have patches of tissue all over my head, which will be worse. Oh, no. You made a movie with John Cena. It's called Little Brother.

You guys are really funny together. Thank you. I've been trying to talk about it the whole time, but you're all over the place. We get it, dude. You went to Morocco. But now you're back in the USA. A country with absolutely zero problems, baby! Hey!

Don't you dare make clinical commentary here. Don't you dare! I didn't say a word. USA! USA! USA! Do they got that chant in your little Moroccan paradise? No, they don't, no they don't.

Thank you. I chant USA to every foreign country I go to. And they like it? Oh, they love it. Tell me more of this USA. I wear stars, I dress like Uncle Sam. Star-spangled top hat outfit. This goes back to the beginning of the pod.

When I talked about the worst Halloween custom I ever had, my mom, God bless her soul. But she said, I'll take care of it. And she got me an Uncle Sam costume. And it was like 1970, height of Vietnam, 1973. Watergate. And I'm like, I've got this man. And we've talked about it years ago on the podcast.

Yeah, we bought it. Do you have an image of it? You got to put a picture out. Yeah, we did, I think, find one. Put a picture on... Put a nude image of yourself on the screen right now. I'll have to get some clicks. Let's see what you're working with.

All right. Well, I think you'll be quite, please. That yours isn't like that. I want to see what you put your wife through. I'm going to say twice a year. Why, she's crying. Ah. Oh, you're so far off.

We hit the big hurry. Sorah, why are you just laughing along? Why can't you jump in and say, that's not true? He's very sensual. Why would I say that? Just from what you've heard. You're supposed to have my back on these things. He's super sensual.

Wait, wait, wait. Can we talk about my movie, Conan? I don't want you. Dude, help me out, dog. You guys are funny together. I'm trying to plug a thing here. Why don't I do it because you're in no state? You're crashing.

He took the wrong pills. You need to get a real... Oh, I have five milligrams of Zolov, dude. I'm partying, no. Isn't it funny in your 20s? You're like, you're like texting your friends. Get me Coke. Get me Molly.

Get me mushrooms. And your 40s are like, get me propitia, Zolov. Well, Butrin. Something to moisten my gums. What? Is that a thing? You bet it is. What?

What? What? What? It's very funny. Thank you. And my curiosity is, you guys must have known beforehand that you do well together. I mean, clearly he had been on the show. He had thrown you through a bookcase, but...

I love John... Well, he... Well, we're totally opposite. Yes, you are. The way we look, the way we behave. So I knew, like, instantly, that's a recipe for a good comedic duo. Yeah. And I love his work ethic, and he's got comedic chops.

You look at him. And he does. He does. Jack. It's like he shouldn't make sense. He doesn't exist, but he does. He knows Mandarin fluently. Do you know what this? He plays virtuoso, like piano, like concert piano. He's the most interesting man in the world. And like he's just, he's got comedy chops. It's not fair. No, it's not. You have to have comedy, comedy jobs. Or no one will talk to people cross the street. Very good athlete.

And a male model But anyway I look like Stavlovagis Yeah Last time I was on the pod You told me you had gray teeth growing up That's what I That's what I clicked

Because you are a handsome man And you're tall You're tall and you are a handsome man But as soon as you said You had gray teeth I had two dead gray teeth In the front of my mouth I go that's why he's a comedian

I was like There are plenty of other reasons I was a comedian But the great teeth They help You need those things As a child People are surprised

when I like, I tell them I meditate and I do my homework and I got like straight A's in school. They're like, what? Yeah. They think I dropped out of like fourth grade and just like ate candy until like now. They think I'm just like, I eat a gummy worm sandwich every morning. I think I go home and I'm just like. Which, yes, I do do some of that. But you know what I'm talking about.

Well, I know except I really do those things at home and I don't meditate. So I could use more Eric, you know? You want to snort some Lexa pro dog? Which one are you on? I'm on a new one. Oh, really? I'm just on straight Prozac. Oh, old school.

Old school. I mean, Prozac, and my Prozac was developed in the 50s. Oh, you have vintage. You have like an artisanal. It says, it's very hard to source. Hughes. It's Prozac. And you run out a lot.

More effort prozac. Yeah. It says goes well with cigarettes. When you started, the demons just go, and you were like, oh, I didn't have to live like that for that long? It was annoying. It was annoying. What was that all about?

But, no, I credit Andy Richter. Andy Richter's the one that said, you know, why don't you get some. Take the help. Yeah, and it doesn't change who you are or anything. I thought it would. That's the other thing. That's why I didn't do it. That's why I was hung up.

I was like, I won't be comedians. Yes, that's what I thought. And clearly, I'm right because I've been a mess this entire podcast. But I was like, it'll change my personality. I don't want to be like catatonic. I thought I was going to be like Jack Nicholson when he gets electroshock therapy and one flu or the cuckoo's nest just like, like vegetableed. Yeah.

And I was like, I can't, that'll ruin me. But I was, I guess that's part of it. Yeah. Excessive, compulsive, thought loops, depression. I am really just bringing this podcast down. No. I think it's. And I won't let you plug the very movie I'm in.

We're not plugging that anymore. We're now plugging Lexapro. Eric, Andre, you are what I want to be when I grow up. You're just, you're just, I so love being around you. You're so sweet. Being super serious. Like I just, I've always loved all the times you came on my show, crashing through things.

And you're just a force for good. So I'm super happy for you. I'm happy if you've made this. I mean, and again, there's not just the movie, there's also this album that just tickles me. Film scores for films that don't exist. You're such a hyper-talented guy. And please come back and make even less sense next time.

Because these are my favorite, these are my favorite episodes. They really are. They're good. Peace out. Tupac. Credits. Godin always says, peace out, Tupac, whatever he ends anything. Yeah.

Do you guys want to do a review, the reviewer? Well, I think the answer is yes. Okay, great. Yeah. Always say yes. Just as we planned it. Yes. This is where I go to Apple Podcasts.

I find a review for the podcast and we can talk about it or review that podcast. Terrific. I love it. We have Katie, Jordan Wolf. The title is Ghost of Christmas Hell, five-star review. If Conan had wanted my five-star so bad, he could have just called instead of haunting my dreams like the ghost of Christmas hell. Guys, I'm still reeling.

I can't get the cackling image out of my head. from a nightmare I had last night. I guess the spirit of Conan won't rest until I rate the damn podcast, and Ghost of Christmas held me. In my horrific vision, Conan was the villain of Terminator 2 Judgment Day. With, and this might be the most disturbing visual

of the whole thing, a shaved head. He was like a cackling joker slash Lex Luthor in a too tight suit and staring at me with his beady little eyes. Anyway, thank you, Conan, for this awful image that will haunt me till the day I die, and I will probably somehow lean, after I'm long dead, buried in the minds of my descendants.

I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year. Here, take your five stars, your ruthless animal and stop visiting my dreams. Oh, my God. What is her first name? Katie. Katie, first of all, great writing. Yeah, great writer. Really funny.

And help me, because you know these things. The villain in Terminator 2, is that the policeman who can, who can try into liquid? It's the evil T-1000. T-1,000. Don't act like, don't do that. What, don't do what? It's a T1,000. It's the evil T1,000.

It's a nerd assist. He's helping out. Thank you. I'm helping out, yeah. Nerd assist. There we go. Al U. Nerd Al U.

Any hoops. Awful. We were inventing these terms. So I was shaved head. I wonder what a Freudian psychologist would say about, you know, what does it mean? I'm there cackling. Yeah. I've got a shaved head.

I don't know what that means. kind of are T-1000 in a way. You're lithe and like nimble, you can slip through jail bars and things. Yes, yes. I can, I'm, first of all, I am primarily made of liquid metal, but also, um, yes, I can shape shift. I'm a

shapeshifter. A mind grifter. Uh, a high plains drifter. There's not a thing I can't do. There's no gum. I won't chew. Oh, God. Um, I see myself very much in that role. So I think it's cool and, and correct that Katie identified me that way. Don't you want to be Arnold Schwarzenegger? No? No.

That's awful. Because then you have to be governor of California. And I think the state is ungovernable. We're going to find out. There's a big thought that California should be split up into smaller states. What? Yeah. Because it's too big.

It's too big. No one seems to be able to run this place. The north and central and the south? Yeah. I think there should be three different states. Oh, so you do subscribe to this. I'm just going to go with it because it's good for the podcast for me to have a strong opinion. I think it should be subdivided.

I think it should be three states, Cala, Forne, and Ia. Yeah, I live in the state of for Ea. What is Ea? I'm in form, but we're headed down to Ea for Christmas. I live in foreign, but I vacation in Ea. Yeah, that some people believe that that's what should happen. Some people believe it should secede from the Union, too. Where do you fall on that?

Well, because we are the world's fourth largest economy. Interesting. No, I don't think so. Okay. But I will change that opinion if it gets us more content for the podcast. I'll do whatever it takes. So for me to have a strong opinion, do we secede? I mean, I guess, but then that raises all of its own problems.

We could be attacked by Utah in the night, and you don't want that. Utah? Yeah. I think we could take Utah. I don't know. Our army. I don't know how our army will do. And also, remember, if we're split into three,

Then that's a, oh, you're saying, if we're three, are we three different countries? No, I think if we secede, we're one. So what do you for us breaking into three and staying? Oh, I'm not getting in. You're not dragging me into this. Well, you are California born and bred, so you have to weigh in on this. I love my state. So you're an immigrant.

What? I'm not an immigrant. You can vote. I can vote. Immigrants can vote. What? Conan. Yes, we can.

First of all, I'm not an immigrant. Yay! I got her. I got her to admit. I was birthering you long before Trump was birthering Obama. I was putting your status now. Don't brag about it.

You know what? I got you uncertain. I was born here. I was born in Montebello. Well, which is it? You keep changing your story. Stop. I'm saying I'm trying to teach you that immigrants are allowed to vote. And it's okay. And I'm not an immigrant. I think they should be. And I'm glad we've now changed it so they can. Oh, wow. Okay, good.

You're so brave. So brave. Great. I'm for it. I am for it and I'm glad that finally that's the way we're doing things. Well, Katie, I hope we answered your question. I know. You totally went off topic. I brought up Arnold Schwarzenegger and you started bringing up rigging the state into three parts. Well, which is it? Do you want it to be three different states or do you want it to be one that secedes from the United States? Its own country. I want to keep us together. I think we're stronger together. So I'd like to be our own country. Okay. I would love to have a passport that's just like California.

Yeah. And it says, chill, dude. Yes. In Latin on the top. What is chill dude in Latin? I don't know. I'm not even going to try it. Dorme. Brocephus.

Brocephus. Yes. Hey, you know what? That's a you. We're going to legitimize your citizenship for that. You know what? Sona, welcome to America. Don't do an accent when you say it.

Everyone says it's America. This is awful. That's, you know what? It's okay to be an immigrant. That's a strong stance I'm taking. I love immigrants and I'm so glad that you are here now. I'm glad I love that you're here now. Okay.

She used to listen to me on Radio Free Europe when she was growing up. In the country of Montebello. In the country of Montebelo, I nestled in between Serbia and I got to get out of here. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm going to secede from this podcast. Yes, yes. We're all going to let's break this podcast to into three distinct sets.

This is why people are dreaming or having dreams of you as a villain. I am a villain. If you listen to this podcast, you are a villain. I am an arch villain. Yeah. I'm the Joker and the Riddler all combined. Yeah. It's true.

Peace out, Tupac. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Strives. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair,

and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-287.

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