Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Fanhausen

Episode Date: April 15, 2021

On the very first Conan O’Brien Needs a Fan, Conan talks with minor league pro wrestler Donovan about his Conan-inspired wrestling persona. Then, Conan speaks on intrusive mothers and always being himself during a call with Leigh-Anne from Toronto. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Hey everybody, Conan O'Brien here, and we're going to try something a little different in the short time that I've been doing, Conan O'Brien needs a friend. I've just been delighted. I'm having an absolute blast, and it's working. I'm actually making some nice bonds and friendships with a lot of different people, but what occurred to me is all these people have one thing in common, they're celebrities. And I thought it might be nice to try making friends with average folk, people out there in the world, civilians, not celebrities, just talk to the people who make this great

country we call the United States of America, or even people from other countries. It doesn't matter. Let's just talk to some regular folk, and then hope, hope desperately that they become celebrities. Oh my God. That's the concept. What do you guys think, Matt? I'm horrible.

Yeah, I'm all in. Why is that horrible? It's very important to me that eventually they become celebrities. So you don't have time for anybody that would live their whole life as a regular Joe? As a folk. Who would do that? What kind of monster would choose that life? No, seriously, I do want to, and especially, I have to say, a lot of this comes out of

this last year. Let's get outside this bubble, this celebrity bubble that we're trapped in. I'm not trapped in a celebrity bubble. No, I'm not even chasing to. Oh God, no. I didn't mean either of you. Oh God, no. Okay.

No, no, no. Oh, please. Oh, how embarrassing. Oh, I'm covering my mouth. I'm laughing. Oh, oh, oh. Because I mean, we don't even do a podcast with a celebrity, so how would we do that? Snap, snapity, dappity, ouchy, wowchie.

I'm looking it up, I'm looking it up. I am looking it up. Yes, I am a celebrity. I just looked it up. You go with it? Yeah, I am a B-lister, but I am a celebrity. So of, okay. I am a solid B. I'm a solid B-list celebrity, and I'm proud of it.

And if Love Boat were still on the air, I could potentially be a celebrity. I could be a guest. Oh, God. Not the first guest, but like the third guest, who's the comic relief guest who stowed away. I would kill to see you on Love Boat. Yes, and, but anyway, this is something I want to do, and I'm really looking forward to it, and I don't know, we're just going to give it a try and see how it goes. Yeah, this is Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan, and it'll be out weekly in addition to the regular

episodes, so just an extra special treat. And we might as well get to our first guest. Are you guys ready? Yeah. I am very ready. Conan, please meet Donovan, who is a minor league professional wrestler. Wow. Donovan, very nice to talk to you.

Where are you coming from, Donovan? Where are you? I am in Michigan right now from Montreal. Do you consider yourself a Canadian? No, no, I'm from Michigan. Oh, you're from Michigan? Yeah. Sorry, I probably said that wrong.

My wife is from Montreal. Wait. Yeah, I'm confused already. You're from Michigan. You've married someone who's from Montreal. Yes, exactly. Okay. So I'm in the process of getting my permanent residency there.

Oh, okay. You're going to move to Montreal? I'm going, yes. Okay. Yeah. Well, that's all the time we have. Thank you so much. So Donovan, you are a professional wrestler.

Is that right? Yes. Okay. Now, help me, because I know of a type of professional wrestler that has a character, and I don't know, are you a professional wrestler who's really wrestling and using wrestling moves, and it's not that fun to watch, or are you a wrestler who's also kind of a performer and has a character? I am a character.

Actually, I have a picture if you want to see it. It's a... Oh my God. That's me. Okay. Well, we are a podcast, so I'm going to describe it. Yes. You're sort of demonic looking.

You just showed me a picture of what looked like a very fierce, evil, demonic wrestler. Yes. So I go by the moniker very nice, very evil, because nobody likes somebody who's too evil. I introduce the nice part of it, so then they buy into it and I can trick them. Okay. Very nice, very evil. Often, I get described if somebody, a demon possessed you, actually. Oh, a demon possessed me.

If Conan O'Brien was possessed by a demon, that's what it gets described as, because I'm heavily influenced by you rather than other wrestlers. Yes. You mean, of the wrestlers, I'm the one that's influenced you the most? Yes. Yes, of course. That's fantastic. Describe, then, a demonic Conan O'Brien as a wrestling character.

What, are you using some of my moves? Is it my attitude? Does your character have, you know, sort of little beady eyes and thin lips and sharp cheekbones? Yes. Yeah. I don't have the height, but I have, I utilize, so I pour teeth in my opponent's mouth to disorient them.

Pour what in their mouth? Human teeth. You pour human teeth into the mouth? That's crazy. I love how that's, people see that and go, oh, that is so Conan. That is. No, no, no. It's just, I think it's the presentation, because I take a lot of like, Simpsons references

and references from you and just 80s horror movies, and I pull it all together, because these are the things that I like, so I included it into the character, because wrestling should be fun. Yes. Wrestling. It shouldn't be work. Yeah. Yeah.

So, okay. One of your standard moves is to pour loose teeth into the mouth of your opponent to confuse and disorient them. What are some of your other moves? Pick them right in the mouth. I have the go to sleep, which I call the good night housing. I add housing. My wrestling name is Dan housing, and I add housing to everything to make it all about

me. That's very coding. Yeah. Okay. That's very nice, Matt. Yeah. I love that. You just add a housing to things, so it's, so good night housing is like a good night

move. Yes. And I pop them up off my shoulders, and I knead them in the face. Okay. That's my finishing. Well, you knead them in the face housing. The face? Yes, exactly.

Sorry. Like, if I were talking to you, I'd call you Conan housing. I add housing to the end of everything. This is fantastic. You're, I'm delighted by you. You're, I'm delighted by this foolishness, and that you've, like me, dedicated your life to absolute idiocy. This is fantastic.

Now, are you a good wrestler? Are you a good athlete? Yeah, but that doesn't matter. Uh, no one cared when I was just a good wrestler. They cared once I switched and put on makeup and started acting goofy and doing Simpsons references in the middle of matches and like I stole the Mr. Burns hop in. I brought a tiny airplane to the ring and I told my opponent to hop in and I had three, 400 people chanting hop in at this guy.

How successful have you been? It sounds like, is this growing? Do you feel like Dan housing is becoming a bigger and bigger character? Yes. Absolutely. Since I've switched this, which is about two years ago and about a year full of doing this actual character, I've been wrestling for eight years. Once since I've switched this, it's just like snowballed more and more and more.

And now I have a shirt and hot topic and I've gotten signed to like a TV company and they're just like, go do your weird stuff, like do it. That's have fun. I want to be Dan housing. That's what we need. I want to be a part of Dan Housen's world. Don't you see that, Matt? Yes.

I want to maybe do some sort of, I want to tape a video. I seriously want to do something where you're in the ring and then I appear and I'm either for you or against you, do you know what I mean? Or you're my long lost son. We've got to somehow get into, I want to get into the lore of Dan Housen. Do you know what I mean? I want to be part of it. What would you do with me?

Like, oh, with you, I would call us both legendary ladies, go on. Guess what? There's a lot of those now. There's literally like 600 in America, so he might want to come up with something cooler. This character is all about himself. He's all about making sacks of money, I call them. Yes. I carry around a money sack.

I pulled it out after I won my contract on TV and I revealed it from my cape. I pulled a $20 bill and I said, look at these millions and they threw it. Would we actually fight? And first of all, you know, I know how to handle myself. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, come on. I'm fairly athletic. I can take a punch and I love to fake fight and so if I entered the ring, would we start

out being friends but then I would think that you had gotten too cocky and I would attack Dan Housen? What would happen? Well, maybe I think I do this thing where I try to punch people in the groin right before the bell rings so I can just pin them without doing any work. So I don't think I would do that because people know that I love Conan. As a character, it's very public that I love Conan and that's one of Dan Housen's idols. So I don't think they would think that.

They'd probably be taken back if you did it. Okay. How about this? Let me pitch you this because I'm really into this. All right. So Dan Housen, you're fighting your foe. He starts to get the better of you. He starts to win.

He grabs the bag of teeth and starts to pour them into your mouth. He steals your sack of money. He punches you in the groin. It's all going badly. When all of a sudden the music changes, fog machines go on, and I appear, I come down on wires and it's me and I'm there to save Dan Housen. And I think the crowd would go nuts. I hope so.

What if the crowd just like, all right, okay, there's Conan I guess. Let's see what he's got. All right. If we go early, we can beat the traffic in my mind before I go on. That's what I think. That's the reaction I always think. If I leave now, I can beat the traffic. I want in on the Dan Housen world.

I really do. Donovan. Yeah. Well, I would love that if that's a possibility. That's like the ultimate guest for Good Night Housen with Dan Housen. You know what? I've always said, if there's a way that I can be involved with Good Night Housen with Dan Housen, I want in Housen and right now Housen.

Not tomorrow Housen, but today Housen. I'm not fucking around Housen. I'm serious Housen. So let's make this happen, Housen. Let's sign a contract, Housen. I want to get paid, Housen. Yes, we'll pay you in a wonderful sacks of human money. There's only one kind of money.

There's only human money. No animal uses money. He has no idea. He just knows it gets you power. Yeah. Wow. That's very exciting. Well, you know what?

I think you're going to do well. I love that you're going to Canada because I don't say this just to suck up to Canada, but I love Canadians and I think they're like the funniest, one of the funniest countries in the world. They're really funny people. So I think, and they really love nuanced, like weird kooky comedy and they've always been so nice to me. So I love that you're going to Montreal.

I think that's great. Thank you. It's exciting and a lot of work. Donovan, you have my blessing and I will figure out a way to enter the world of Dan Housen. I will. Please do. I would lose my mind and so would my fans. It'd be crazy.

All right. Well, Sona, make sure you'll follow up on this. Yes, we'll follow up on this. I'm really excited about it. Yes. Thank you. All right. Thank you for doing this.

Yeah. Yeah. No problem. Hey, really nice to meet you, Donovan. Nice meeting you too. Nice meeting you. Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited.

Well, I'm very excited to talk to you, Leanne. Yeah. Leanne, tell me just a little bit about yourself. Just so I, when I meet someone for the first time, I like to ask just a few questions. Find out who they are, where they're coming from. Yeah. For sure. And I'm from Toronto and I'm actually, I'm an engineer.

So I went to school. I did engineering in school and I'm a mechanical engineer and I love to ski. I love to bike. I know you like to bike too. I listened to your talk about biking recently and your trip to Mexico. So that's kind of me. I like outdoorsy kind of stuff and I like having fun and hanging out with my friends and a good laugh.

You like a good laugh. Yeah. A good laugh is good. Yeah. And I listen to your podcast all the time. I think I've listened to every episode at least once. So I'm a huge fan of your podcast. Do you get a sense of maybe any mental illness when you listen to the podcast?

Oh my God. What? Why is that your first question? It may or may not, but... Okay. Well, I was just wondering if, you know, you're obviously a very intelligent person. You're an engineer. What kind of engineering do you do?

So I did chemical and chemistry in school, but now I'm doing mechanical engineering. But you understand chemistry. You understand chemical engineering. Yeah. And have you ever, when you're listening to the podcast, thought, this guy, I think we need to regulate his brain. His brain needs some sort of chemical regulation. A couple of times, but it's okay if you get asked the podcast.

So what you're saying is what adds to the podcast is my mental illness. That's true. Also, my mom's in the background laughing her head off, so... That's okay. It's always good to have a mother in the background laughing at me. It adds to the whole podcast experience. There she's, oh, and look, oh, and look, she's shooting this on her iPhone, which is piracy. That's piracy.

That's, I'm going to have her arrested for stealing our copyright. So... That'll come later. We fled the country because of that reason, so you're too late on that. So you fled, you fled to north of Toronto just because you wanted your mom to record you talking to me on the podcast on her iPhone. That's right. And you wanted to escape any attempt for me to seek retribution.

You've thought this through so far in advance. You're so smart. Yeah, we have. It was a big move, but you know what? It's worth it. So... We're nice people. We're Canadians.

Oh, yeah. Sure. Oh, yeah. I've met some of... Nowhere American can pledge a country. Oh, that's right. Good improv skills. You picked up on your mom's mistake.

Yeah. Yeah, mom. Good improv. Cut it out. Put out the information. Leigh Ann put out the information that you fled to Canada, so you can't ruin her improv by denying her information. Oh, God.

Moms. Yeah. They always ruin improv. Yeah. They always ruin improv. But I was going to say too, I know your mom had... I love when you talk about your mom on the podcast. It's hilarious.

And how her dryness always kind of sparked your comedy. It sounds pretty good. Yes. I listened to her most recent episode and you were saying how she always thought you were pretty crazy, but... Well, she would say, my mom's line is, I don't like that even fooling. I love that. She had a good sense of humor, but yeah, she was always saying that to me.

And I think that spurred me to go further and further and further. She's a great straight man in comedy, so that helped me. And I hope your mother's helping you in your comedy pursuits. Yes, she is. Yeah. Mine are more domestic, but that's okay. Yes, I understand. Your mom helped you so much with your comedy that you're an engineer.

So that's all I have to say to you about your mother. It's her fault. You'd be playing Vegas right now. You'd be in the biggest rooms in Vegas. I would. Like, oh no, your mom had to get in there and go, that's not true. Yeah. You're from Toronto.

Yeah. It's true. I love, I do love Canada. I've had a very good time. I love myself at Tim Hortons. Yeah. I love a Tim Hortons doughnut and a cup of coffee. You'd blend right in.

A double, double. Wouldn't I? Yeah. Oh, a double, double. And then I get on the hockey rink and I beat someone to death. It's a good time. Yeah. I really enjoy myself.

She just got off the ski hill. What? What is she saying now? She's just... Did your mother just spout things in the corner throughout your life? She said, I just went off the ski hill. That's what she's saying. Snow, snow skiing.

I think you called it in a bit a long time ago on, I don't know where you were, but it looked pretty good. It was the Olympics. The 2002 Olympics. Yeah. And I learned how to snowboard. Yeah. And I'm still recovering from that.

Yeah. That's... I lost most of my spine, had to be replaced. Yeah. But you're here now. With a coat hack. Yeah. And you're still tall.

I'm here now and... So that's good. And what I'd like to do, Leanne, if it's okay, is I'd like to tape an episode of my show sometime where your mother's in a little inset box randomly saying things while I'm trying to do the show. That would be great. So I'm trying to talk to Hugh Jackman and she's saying things like, I was on the snow hill.

I'll just be sure. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show.

My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show.

My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show.

My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show. My favorite show.

It might come off as mental illness, but you continue to do it, and I think that's really cool. I really like you. It comes off as mental illness sometimes, but I like it. Yeah, but I just wanted to ask you if there was any time that you had to pretend that you weren't showing any sign of mental illness, and you had to stray from being yourself. I just wanted to ask you how you deal with that kind of thing. I am mostly myself when I perform or show myself to the public, but, and Sona and Gorilla,

you will back me up, I can be weirder than even what people have seen or heard on the podcast. The podcast probably catches it the most, but I go on these riffs sometimes that they start out making sense, and then they get more and more twisted and strange, and they're just not for public consumption. Isn't that true, Sona? Yeah, I think that you would be arrested if a lot of the things that you said were released. What are you talking about?

Clean me and arrest it. Well, she's asking if you ever turn your mental illness off, but it's actually much more amplified a lot of times. Can we just start calling it my gift and not my mental illness? Sorry, I know. I'm just using what Leanne said. Yes. Oh, thanks.

Okay. Your gift. Yeah, Leanne, you're getting the sanest version of it. I know. You're getting the most gift. I can only imagine. I am constantly talking and babbling. Yes.

I say a lot of words that don't make sense. I have microaggressions. And macroaggressions. And macroaggressions, but none of it's really based in reality. Like I'm constantly threatening you, Mr. Gorilla, but I'm not even angry with you. It's just like I have no anger towards Matt Gorley at all. I think it comes from a good place, too. I do, too.

I think my desire to kill and kill again comes from a good place. Listen to that laugh. It's the Joker. We do a podcast for the Joker. Yes, Leanne. I know there was a question in there somewhere, but I think you nailed it. I think, yes, has there been a time where I've needed to hide? Yes.

There are times where my mind goes probably to a darker place and I edit myself. How about that? That's very true. Sounds good. But I love how it just seems like you're always yourself, and same with Matt and Sona, and that really shines through in the podcast, and that's really cool. I would say that's very sweet. I would say Sona is very much herself.

I don't know who the real Matt is, so I don't know if I can say either. Like you're a shapeshifter, Gorley. You could be, I just don't know. You could be someone completely different. It's like that movie, The Stepfather. I just don't know. You could be a complete maniac, and I wouldn't know it. Matt's like Switzerland.

I am like Switzerland. Yeah. Sticks in the middle. Yeah. He's like Switzerland. Rarely visited. That's hilarious. Amanda and I just went to Switzerland.

Did you? Yes, we did specifically and only Switzerland. Oh my God. Isn't that just ridiculous? I'm with you. I'm a mess. You're not a mess. Yeah.

You're good friends. And you know what? It really does help. Good friends. To do this. What the hell is this? That was the most robotic. Were you talking about Sona and me, or am I good friends with myself?

That's actually, I created that soundbite with my computer. If you listen to it, again, carefully, all I did was press control D, and it just was like, we are good friends. You're good friends. Good friends. Good friends. I enjoy. And then control alt J is, I enjoy people.

I am a human. Control alt W is, I love children. When my wife and I visit her family with our kids, we stay in this hotel in Seattle. And there's one of those elevators that has a voice, a robotic voice that's telling you what floor you're going to. It's this accent we can't place, but when the elevator, when you get in the elevator on the fifth floor, and you're going to the lobby, this woman's voice says, going down. And it burned into my brain.

And whenever I'm in an elevator, and it starts to go down, I hear in my brain, going down. It's very, I find it very disturbing, and I'm glad I shared it with you. I think your mom's trying to get in on the act again. Was that your mom who just walked behind you? That is. Yeah, that is. She's incorrigible. She can't be stopped.

She can't. She can't. She's fierce. Also, that's an awesome guitar. Is it a grudge behind you? Yes, it is. Do you know your grudge guitars? Yeah.

I want one. I don't have one, but I love to play guitar. That's another thing I love about you. I love to watch you play. Like I've seen a few videos of you playing and it's just so fun because it's just you're up there and it looks like you love it. And I love to. I love it.

I really love playing with Jimmy Vino and guys from my band. And we've put out a couple of videos and I was really proud of it until someone said great Viagra ad. And it was like, yeah, like, look at the older guy bopping out with his guitar Viagra. Don't you know, and I, that was a torpedo that just blew me apart. I just, I think I almost burned my guitar that night. I was like, I'll never play this again. But yeah, maybe the good news is I'll probably get an ad for Viagra.

So that'll be good. Congratulations. It's been very nice talking to you. Leanne, I've loved talking to you. And occasionally your mom, tell her I said, is your mom still there? She is. She's right there. Okay.

And I'm coming after you. What's your first name? My name is Carol. Carol, I'm coming after you. You've been, you've been taping this call illegally. I'm coming after you. I will use the Canadian courts to bring you down. I'll have bike to Mexico by then.

So you guys are talking. You guys are taunting me. Like come and get me. Oh, oh man. I'm going after this family. Hey, lovely talking to you. You too. Thank you so much.

No problem. Bye-bye, Leanne. Take care. Bye. Bye. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely, produced by me, Matt Gorely, executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Soloteroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf, music by Jimmy Vivino, supervising producer

Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm, engineered by Will Bekton. Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.