Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Flula Borg

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

Actor, comedian, and musician Flula Borg feels mmmmmh…oooooooh about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.Flula sits down with Conan to talk about his fanny pack collection, developing an action-hero persona for his upcoming film The Suicide Squad, and his wildest dreams for the future. Later, Flula joins Conan and his team for a trip to the zoo on another Sound Effects Theater. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

Just to save you guys some money I'll do some of this. So we'll start with the Etch-A-Sketch. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. Chuddi-ba-dli, schnuddi-fladdli-bub. Hello, my name is Flula. Schnadli-dullumi-lub-ba-dli-bub. And I feel, uh-uh-uh-uh. About being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Ruhdi-du some lumpy day, schnuddi-bu, dan flambi-bleye. Ruhdi-ben kang schnanzi-sü, Cookie, wow, turn around, did you? I can see, I can see, I can see pretty good friends. Yay! Hello, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, a podcast where, let's face it,

I'm on a search for real friendship. I have some friends, some, but shockingly few in the entertainment industry. And I thought I should try and use this podcast. And it's working out very badly. Oh, shoot, I thought you were gonna say something else. No, the podcast itself is doing very well, people really like it.

And I am making nice connections with people. You always wonder, is this person really gonna be my friend now? I know. And it's hard to tell in this town, but I'm gonna give it time. Okay. I think some real friendships have already started to

slowly, slowly form. I think so too, maybe. You and Barack Obama have just been regular cousins. I call every day. See, that's the problem. I think I overplayed my hand with Barack Obama, which is he came on and I think he had a really good time and we ended up using him sort of more or less saying,

yeah, you're my, I think we're gonna be friends. And then I think I was a bit uncool. He is such a cool person. Yeah. And I started calling immediately. You came off a little thirsty. Yeah. Yes.

Which is a problem. Yeah. It would have helped if you had your chill chums there with you. Yeah. No, I don't think that was the issue. I think it was. I think it would have helped a lot.

No, no, he, the president did comment several times on how nice it was that it was just the two of us talking. That's weird. He's a regular listener to the podcast and he did sort of go out of his way to say that it was nice and streamlined. Okay. Without he added cinder blocks.

Cinder blocks. Yes, but anyway. Okay. Hard for a bird to fly with two cinder blocks strapped. Especially when that bird is a turkey. Yep. Okay. Because turkey is an insult since a chips episode in 1978.

I knew I was just a lot smoky in the bandit. Who says turkey anymore? It's for Reynolds and my dad. Yeah, I know. I can't believe you just said, you turkey. What is this, an episode of Alice? You can kiss my grits. By the way, we're now losing all of our young viewers.

Uh-huh. And I say. What young viewers? Well, I say viewers. And what viewers? I know that they, I still consider them viewers. I know I've come from television and some of you may think that was a slip of the tongue,

but I always think of people watching their device as they listen to the podcast. You did it on purpose. I did it on purpose. It was not a slip up. It was not me being an out of touch boomer. It was me being a really cool guy who understands that young people listen to podcasts

staring at the device. Okay. Yeah, you really get it. Yeah. I do get it. Oh, what do I get it? Yeah. Turkey.

He called me a turkey and I'm the one that's out of touch. And he just watched Smoky and the Bandit. Yeah. Sure. Sure, I'd watch that again. That's a good movie. That's one of the best movies ever made. Okay.

Burt Reynolds, not long before he passed, came on the show and I went backstage to see him and he started giving me a back rub. No joke. Oh, that's sexy. And it was one of the best back rubs I ever had. He took his knuckles and he was pushing me into my back and he went, does that feel good?

And I was like, oh my God, I'm getting like a massage from Burt Reynolds. I can't tell you how jealous that makes me. No, I'm serious. I know I'm dead serious. Vintage Burt Reynolds is one of my favorites. Yeah, he was endlessly cool. I bet he's done that to a lot of ladies.

No, he said just me. Oh, you think you're the only person he's ever given a massage to? He said, he went out of his way to say, I know I'm known as the consummate ladies man, but I haven't busted this out ever just for you, Conan O'Brien. And then he said, feel free to say this after I'm gone.

Okay, so I, yeah. I remember that very well. I can't dispute it. Anyway, I have to prepare our listeners today. Not viewers, but listeners. Oh. I have to prepare them today for our guest. This is an unusual guest for us to have.

I love him. I love him too. He's fantastic. He's a good friend of mine. We traveled to Germany together when I did an episode of Conan Without Borders and he taught me much about the German people. He joined me on tour as my opening act in 2018.

Did a little bit of a standup show with some other comedians. We had a blast. You know this gentleman from such movies and shows as pitch perfect two trolls world tour and curb your enthusiasm. And now he's appearing in the highly anticipated new movie, The Suicide Squad,

which is in theaters August 6th. Let me paint a visual picture. He's a very tall, he's a good looking. I believe he's a DJ, always dressed in the best eighties fashion with a very usually very colorful fanny pack. And he's just an exuberant delight. I really love talking to this gentleman.

He's quite unusual. And I'm very excited to talk to him today. Fula Borg, welcome. When I'm talking to someone, everybody knows the context. They know what's happening. This is a very special episode. Oh, will there be a lesson at the end?

There will be. Okay. This is a very special episode of Conor Bryant Needs a Friend because Fula, you are unlike any other man I've ever met in my entire life. And trust me, I've met them all. Hello.

Nice, meets and greets, meets and greets. I mean, you're quite an unusual fellow. I met you on the show. You came on as a guest. I can't remember when this was. I wanna say it was about six to eight years ago. It feels like 22 based on the events of the last six to eight years, but just 25 to 35 years ago.

Okay. Well over 60 years ago when I was just starting out, you came on the show and I didn't know what to expect. You are a great, so proclaimed DJ. Wow. One of the best DJs in Bavaria, is that right? You had to add self-proclaimed Conor. I mean, that's just your little route.

No, no, I'm sorry. I didn't know, is this an official title? You were considered one of the sexiest DJs from Bavaria. Is that true? Yeah, I'm the third sexiest North Bavarian male DJ. Oh. Yeah. So technically middle Franconia, but North Bavaria.

I got it. So not quite as big as achievement as I originally thought. And I'm not trying to insult you. Not insulting, you're accurate. I am accurate. The bronze medal of sexy in DJs of middle, well, North Bavaria, yes.

Okay, and this region of Bavaria, tell me exactly what it's like in this region of Bavaria. I haven't been there. Mountainous, I suppose. Well, there's some hills. There's some grass as humans. There's also an apotheke, which is German for apothecary, where you get your drogas,

which is Spanish for drugs. Okay, there's nine languages in there. I'm more confused than it was before the conversation started. This often happens when I talk to Flula. Flula came on the show. Absolutely hilarious. Audience crying, laughing the whole time. Me desperately trying to understand what you were saying.

You always are wearing your trademarked fanny pack. Yeah, hello. I've removed it and put it on the side chair just to increase genital comfort. You have a large... Don't say it. Hold it. You didn't let me finish.

Okay. You have a large collection. Hello, that's what we're calling it now. You have a large collection of fanny packs. So now describe these fanny packs. They're all very Euro. They're very Euro. They're very colorful.

They have different textures to them. Some are shiny. I love it. Thank you, Sonu. How many of these fanny packs you own because you're constantly buying them on eBay? Yeah, I've sent you several photos, but yes, you know, I've now hit 39

going for the Tom Brady, which I think is 42. Uh-huh, yeah. Very good. You wanted the 42 fanny packs. And you know what? I have to say, I have never even for a second considered having a fanny pack. But when you sport these fanny packs,

they realize how incredibly practical they are. Oh, quadratisch praktisch gut, as they say in Germany, which is you should buy a fanny pack. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What about you, Matt? Would you ever consider a fanny pack? Because it looks, you're someone who looks like you might bow to convenience.

Wow. Well, no, I'm saying you're a guy who's practical and these things are very practical. Bow to convenience. Well, no, they- What does that even mean, bow to convenience? Well, I just think that you're- Convenience bows before me.

Ooh. Wow, all right. This is getting very spicy already. Nice. What I'm saying, Matt, is that there are many practical applications. You could keep all kinds of things right there in your crotch.

And it seems like it would be something you might want to consider, that's all. Yeah, I think, you know, you're making it sound pretty good and it would be convenient. It's right there where your hands can get at it quickly. Exactly. I think I might be sold, yeah. Yeah.

There's also so many different styles, so many different- Endless sizes, endless of the shapes. You know, if you have chappy lips, where'd you go? Reach downtown and moisturize those. That's right. And many times I've seen you reach into your crotch

and pull out, I don't know what's gonna come out of there, frankly. Birds, bees, not a sponsor. But then you bring out chapstick, so you reach into your crotch and you pull out chapstick and you moisturize your lips. I moisturize everything that requires it, yes. All right, well, let's leave that where it lays.

Okay, in my pack. Um, you know, I am a big fan of yours. And you came on the show and then you came on again and again, several times you came on the show without being invited. You just sort of showed up. Like a German rash. Yes.

But you're endlessly entertaining and of course you have your own following. I like to think I helped you get start in entertainment. You did. Thank you, Conan. And of course I still sent you the 2.3% via Bitcoin. So. Weekly deposits.

Yes, yes. I have more than my share of euros. I don't know what to do with all of them. Convert them to Deutschmarks, print them out, hang them on your wall, decorate your bedroom. But you know, Pitch Perfect 2, of course, really launched you into the, I'm gonna say the Zeitgeist.

I was gonna say Ionosphere, but Zeitgeist also works. Okay, you know, and so there must be so many young people that know you from your role in Pitch Perfect 2. There are many of those people, humans, that heard me rap and sing and dance and do tasty moves, specifically Belle Biv Devoe's Poison. Are you familiar, Conan? But I know of Belle Biv Devoe.

Do you know Belle Biv Devoe? Oh yeah, and Poison, yeah. That girl was poison. Well, it is poison. But yes, no, but did she die? Yeah, she passed away last week. Well, she drank poison, she drank herself. She swallowed some of her own saliva and she died.

Some milk of the poppy. Because she was in fact the quintessence of poison. She was the essence of poison by swelling her own saliva. She killed herself. Got it, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. I got lost in there somewhere. I did too, I like it. The time was six o'clock and the swatch, watch,

no time to chill, got a date, can't be late. Hey, the girl was going to kill me. Wow. Someone just earned himself a fanny pack. Hello, Matt. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, gift. That was fantastic, Matt. I didn't know that that was part of your repertoire.

I didn't either. Hot. Matt, do you play those guitars in your background or those just, is this a blue screen? I do, one at a time, but yeah. We've never played together, Matt. You're a guitar player. I'm a bit of a, you know, six-stringer myself, I suppose.

And no one's ever said that about the guitar. What's that? I know. You're a six-string samurai. They call me a bit of a six-string samurai. What? But any hoots, you are a very talented fellow. I want to say that.

Flula, that's right, Flula. It's me, hello. No, you are a, you're very talented. You're a very funny fellow. And I got to know you even better because I've made a bunch of travel shows, shows where I traveled globe. Yes.

And I went to visit Germany, to Berlin specifically. And I asked you if you would come with me and you did. And we had some great adventures together. We went to a nudist, remember that? We went to a nudist camp. We saw lots of peepies and popos. Yeah. Yeah, we did this.

And you were quite, I did not partake in nudity. I thought, I didn't want to do it. And frankly, no one else wanted me to do it. No one else was interested. But you, you took off all your clothes. Yes, I did. And you have quite a formidable body. I will say that.

That's gross. It's gross, we mean. All I remember is in the early nineties, I sang that Montel Jordan song of this is how we do it. And I started to strip for you on the beach. And then you did not reciprocation. And I was. Oh, you wanted me to take off my clothes as well.

I did as well, yes. I'm just saying that you clearly, you work out like a fiend. And I am, look, we've been married for many years, but we all know that gender is fluid. And I found myself, you know, as saying, oh, my good Lord, this man has an ass that just does not quit. Oh, yeah. I mean, it works 24 seven, your ass.

It never takes time off. No fortnight breaks. Exactly. And your ass works on the holidays. It's just an ass that goes and goes. No, it's true. Well, we were hanging up on please continue. No, I was going to say his ass actually

makes a lot of overtime. It's because it just does not quit. Well, you sent me this big bag of walnuts and just with the words crack it with your crack it. Yes. And so I did mail those back. I don't know if you received them, but I did. I didn't.

I didn't ingest them. Did not. No, I did not. But I have a lot of crushed walnuts. OK. Courtesy of your formidable ass. My point, Fula, and this is the least I want to say. How many of these have we done?

Would you say we've done 110, 100? Yeah, probably like 120 or something. OK, we've done about 120 of these. This is by far the stupidest one we've ever done. And I mean that as a compliment. Oh, I take it. There is no rhythm to this. Right.

We're going nowhere. Yeah. It's like deaf jazz. It's. Yeah. But I'm thoroughly enjoying it. Now tell me about your childhood, please. Well, let's learn about Fula Borg, the man starting

with Fula Borg, the boy. You grew up in, was it in Schleitz and Schlauze? Very close to Schleitz and Schlauze. Was it near Upp und Schliezen? Just below Upp und Schliezen, actually. Oh, when you're Eidenglaut. Yeah, of course. Just south of Lutten-Liebend.

Of course. What are you talking about? Here to Lutten-Liebend is the Erlangen, which is where I was from. Oh, Erlangen. Erlangen, yeah, yeah, yeah. Erlangen, I love it there. Haus Hans.

He's so good. Haus Grüter. Terrible. Oh, poor Grüter. Oh, it happens. You listen to Belbiff Devon. They don't do it every time. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

As a little boy, would you run around wearing the little leather shorts that little boys were in Germany? I did wear some Leda Hosen. Thank you, Conan. I would hop and skip and jump. I used to beatbox in the closet, quietly, not metaphorically, literally. Just boom-de-da-bop-de-da-boom-de-da-bop.

And then this, yeah, you got it. You didn't need the temperature. Do they wear a, what kind of shoe? Is it some kind of little European shoe? A European, you just lumped 26 countries to footwear? What is this? Because that's the way I always know European people. When I, all those years I was living in New York

and doing the late night show, I would be walking around New York at lunchtime to grab a bite to eat. And I would just sometimes sit down and watch the footwear go by. And every now and then I'd see what I called schludens. Just weird shoes that I've never seen before. And I'll never see again. And I know, oh, that person's from Alban, Lieben.

You know, I don't know. They're from Germany. They're from some strange. Rutsch-schnutz, yeah, yeah. Why is it that you European people, you European people? Well, I'm sorry, but I'm an American firster. I'm sorry, America first, middle, and last. That's what I say.

Just the whole podium. And you Europeans come along with your European ways. Marzipan. Oh, no, can't be started on Marzipan. Crushed on it and sugar, bitch. What? I've never heard anyone talk about Marzipan. It's so hard to talk about Marzipan in a threatening way,

and you did it. Oh, yeah. Count me in. Delicious. Weapons of Marzipan. No, I'm sorry. That was all. I love the European community.

And footwear. And no, I don't like the footwear, but I really do. I love travel and our European forebears, of course. Which constitute much of America. And I'm sorry, just going on a little bit of a digression. I love that. Yeah, yeah. I can tell you one thing you may know is the footwear.

So we have socks often with the shoes. I've noticed that. Yeah, the sandals. So Birkenstock. So I always wear some sockies with my sandals. And everyone's like, why are you doing it? And I say, because it's cool, suck it. It's very provocative with you.

It seems like a little. Now, so you grew up in this air langen? Air langen, yeah. Well, good. Next to Ruden schnauz. And Lieds and Krüter. And you grew up there, and you probably ate. I'm betting that you had a Christmas that wasn't as fun

as American Christmas. Because in America, we've made it all about presents and toys and eating food, and we've really commercialized it. And then I've always noticed that in Europe, and when I hear about places like Germany, especially when you get up into the Netherlands, their Christmases always sound, well, they sound kind of sad to an American, because it's always, what happened?

We get an apple. Perhaps. And then what happens? And then we wait in the closet for Santa Klubenglieben. And what happens if we've been very good? We all get a hazelnut. It's that kind of thing. Am I wrong?

No, you are very correct, Kauenn. I would say Christmas is for us. I've told you before, it's a fear-based holiday in Germany. It's really not about celebration. It's about weird monsters and spirits and getting your butt beaten if you're not. Is that true? What is it?

Is there Santa Claus? No, we have Santa Claus. We have this Christkind, and we have a whole lot of monsters based on Krampus. Krampus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Krampus. Oh, yeah.

There's a town you can go to. And in the nighttime, all of the males will get very drunk. We are strange hay costumes, very large bells, scary monsters, and just run at you and throw coal in your face and scream, and then go to a barn and drink all of the schnapps. What are you guys doing Halloween? Yeah, I was going to say, it's Halloween. You go to bed early and someone brings you lots of presents.

Does it sound like we need Halloween? No. We have Krampus. Krampus. Krampus has us covered. That's the bumper sticker. Krampus is, is he an evil Santa Claus? Is that the idea of Krampus?

We have several monsters. Krampus is only one. It's like Lord of the Rings, except everyone is an A-hole and no one has a white beard. This sounds truly ghoulish. Oh, it's terrible. Yes. Other presents, what kind of presents do you get?

Yeah, well, there are some apples, as you said. There's also some sticks. And then I'm going to die. Yeah, bring it. And then to bring it back, Marzipan also, if you are good. Oh, my, wow. Marzipan is, oh, wow. That's the highest thing.

Well, so no battery-operated cool car, no video game, no wind-up robot. No, like to control a robotic Krampus to scare the children? Yes. But not as an actual gift. No, no. Well, you are in Massachusetts, home of Larry Bird and something else, correct?

A few other things. Maybe Paul Revere, the cradle of the revolution. Oh, it's the keep it there? Yes. Where is it now? OK, you know, what I'm saying is Massachusetts is known for more than Larry Bird. Oh, Kevin McHale.

Wow, OK. And I know that you are, I know this, too, because we spent many, many hours wandering the streets of Berlin together. We did. Looking for some really killer walnuts to chew on. Yeah, with my butt to crack, as you said, yes. I like, I videotaped a lot of that.

And this crack Chestnut TikTok, follow us. But you were obsessed with the NBA of the 1980s. I loved them very much in also the 90s. But you tried a segue. I want to hear about the Christmas times of Massachusetts, home of Larry Bird and company. OK, it's different. We would go to sleep and be all excited because we wake up

in the morning and in my house, Santa would leave. I was one of six children. Six? Yes, it's what the Irish do. That's a small nuclear family in Ireland. And Santa would leave if there was a presence from my brother, Luke, he would get them in his chair. Kate would get her presence in her chair.

James would get them in her chair. Neal would get them in his chair. Justin in his chair. And then there's a chair in the room. There's a bunch of chairs in the room, and they would stack the presence on that chair. They being Santa and his helpers. But my area, and this is I want to get to this,

because it's a big complaint about my childhood. Mine was a long couch, the long couch in the living room. So Santa would put whatever my presence were on that couch, which made the presence look like nothing. Because it was such a big couch. So everyone else, hold on. I defy anyone out there to have a worse horror story about childhood than what I've just described.

Oh, come on. You got a couch while everyone had a chair. Thank you. So what happens is my presence looked, it always looked like I was being punished. And Luke's were just, his chair was so narrow. His presence were all piled, one on top of the other. And it looked like he'd been such a good boy.

And Neal's an even narrower chair. Presence going up to the ceiling, one on top of the other. And then this long couch, a vast white tundra of nothing. And then you'd see, oh, look, I got a AA battery. Oh, look, I got a Kleenex. Oh, look, I got a toothbrush. All spread out narrowly across this fast couch. Oh, my God.

Now listen, I've researched other people's childhoods. I've read all of Dickens. No childhood is worse than what I just described. Oh, wow. You had a very long couch. Everyone had a tiny chair, stool. Yes. That's the OK.

They had little stools and chairs to make the presence look like a lot. But that large couch, it just destroyed my couch. It's just the worst. Maybe the couch was part of the gift. No, I tried to take it once and my father beat me with a cane. And he didn't even use a cane.

He had to go out and buy it. He said, wait here, I'm going to go get a cane. And he went. He was gone for a long time buying the cane. And they didn't have the cane he wanted. So he made one in his wood shop. And he still said, stay still. I'm on my way.

Yeah. OK. Were you a good child when you were growing up? I was a quiet child. Yeah, I like to make nice little marzipan-shaped figurines. Everything was marzipan with you. This was my favorite calorie. OK.

What was your favorite calorie? I was supposed cheese popcorn. I love cheese popcorn. Oh, this is the gift always in the room, the greens room, when we are in your show. You're like, hey, everyone, have some cheesy this. I want people to enjoy what I enjoy as a child. Thank you very much.

It's very delicious. Well, you seem thrilled about it. Medium thrilled. It's not marzipan-filled popcorn, so. So you grow up, you go to school. I attend the schools. Were you a good student? I was terrible with it.

I like to make all of the cut shorts that you can have to achieve some good. Short cuts. What is it? Short cuts. What? Short cuts, meaning you like to avoid work as much as possible. Absolutely, yes, yes, yes.

I like efficiency, so how many times can I not attend and still receive an ice-grade? In Germany, we have grades of numbers. So like, eins is an A, and seven is a stop it, try again, boys. So, eins, so if you did well in school, you'd run home to your parents, papa and mama. Papa and mama.

And you'd go, I got an eins? Eins, eins, eins. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would just run the street, saying the word eins, which is the German word for number one. Matt, I'm not so sure of you. Yeah, eins, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Oh my god.

Hot, hot, hot. Oh, yeah. Swiping right on the Tindo's with you. Oh, man. Matt, you're busting out information. Left and right, I'm very impressed today, very impressed. Dankeschön. Natürlich.

Wow, come on. Look at your staff. Very impressive. And so we got to know, you grow up, you're a fine student. Not great, but fine. Terrible, yes. Terrible. Awful student.

You come to America to bring your DJ gifts and maybe make it as an actor. Is that the dream? I met a man named David June Tolle. He's on a show called A Million Little Pieces. It's a show on one of the three-letter channels. Some years ago, he was just Euro-tracking when they're on the trains.

The Americans on the trains with the backpack and the badge. We met in a bar in Erlang. We got very inebriation. And he's like, listen, come to America. If you're ever here, come stay at my place. So I did this. He does not remember this. So when I showed up 62 days later,

he did not recognize me. I stayed on his terrace with him. Was he unhappy to see you? Yeah, I think it's fair to say. And your fanny pack was probably just stuffed because you were intending to stay in America for a while. Yeah, I had my overnight fanny with me. You had your international travel fanny with you.

And I also had my mute cousin, Jürgen, who is just as tall as me, but plays the big rugby. And he does my audio sound. So it was me and a man even larger than me. And you're a large man, yes. Yeah, more than the average. And so you come to America. You do have some success, first DJing here and there, yes.

I won a Seagate hard drive, 250 gigabytes, for hosting a Battle of the Bands concert at Busbys. And then four years later, I received a job at in and also out for two days. For two days. So you call in and out, burger, in and also out. I like to say, I don't like abbreviation. You're right.

You're right to distrust in abbreviation. I agree with it. Why abbreviate when you can say the whole thing? Say a whole thing, enjoy it. You've seen German words. They are very, very long and strong and down to get that friction on. Yeah, incredible.

You then, of course, start appearing in movies, but you have higher aspirations. I'm told that one of your dreams would be, if there's a die hard reboot, you think you should play Hans Gruber. Hans Gruber, yeah. We need to die hard, but from the perspective of Hans Gruber. And I would like to play this person, or at least audition

slightly. So, and you think you would have a different take than the classic Hans Gruber, who is very cool, icy boya. The actor's name, Alan Rickman. God, he was good. That's going to be a very, man, I got to say, Fula, I love you. I adore you.

I'm a big fan. Don't say it. I don't know. Don't say it. You have to go in a completely different direction than Hans Gruber. Then Alan Rickman did with the role. Imagine Hans Gruber.

He is on the floor, not on the floor. He's on the elevator. He's in the elevator. And he's wearing a fanny pack. OK. You know, I have to say, one of the big roadblocks for Hans Gruber in the original die hard is that Bruce Willis steals the charges.

The detonators. The detonators. He steals them. And that means Hans Gruber has to get them back. In this one, Bruce Willis' character would call you up and say, ha, ha, I've got all the detonators. And you'd say, not all of them. And you'd reach in to zip.

And you'd reach into the fanny pack and pull out one. And so that's already a good addition to this reboot. Yeah. This is a deleted scene, I imagine, from the not yet created DVD of die hard. Now, do you think in your version of die hard, there'd be long breaks where while your men are out looking for Bruce Willis' character who's

hiding in the elevator shafts and they're out searching for him. Yes. Your German thugs are out looking for him. That maybe you would be just DJing and dancing with the hostages? Yeah. If you first see the first one where he comes out and those people are playing Pucklebell's Brandenburg

concert or so, whatever, dee-doo-dee, blub-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee. Yeah, that would actually be me DJing the entire hostage situation. And when they open the bank vault, would you do Beethoven's Ninth Symphony as well? Yes, I would have a French horn nearby. And I would just go all eight octaves. That's how I would rock it.

Yeah. That's my dream. Yeah. You also would love to be part of the Fast and Furious franchise. I would like all of the Furious isn't fastest, maybe an Autobahn version of this. It just might decide to be an action person. You know, all of the action people now speak perfect English.

You know, John Cena and also Rock the Dwayne Johnson and all of these people are speaking without the accent. Where have all, you know, like that song, we have all the cowboys gone? Yeah. Well, we have all the action heroes with accents now. You know, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Arnold is a little old now. You know, Dolph, I think there is a, you know,

like when they like make an omelet, but they forget an egg. I think I'm this egg. I think you are absolutely right. Thank you. I think you would fit nicely in the Fast and Furious franchise. And I love that you could bring the whole gang over to the Autobahn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no rules, just right. I drove a very fast car when I was, we were shooting a show over in Berlin in Germany. I rode on the Autobahn in this crazy BMW that they lent me. Oh my God, I went fast. I went, it was like Star Wars where the dots become straight lines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when you go into hyperspeed or whatever they call it,

it was amazing. Were you listening to Tracy Chapman while this was happening? Tracy Chapman. Fast car. Yeah, I was. How did you know that? Well, I hit that iPod in your pants. So that's what that feeling was.

Yeah, that was the Bolshevik. I thought I was falling in love with the person who was driving with. No, it was an iPod. Ten thousand songs in your pocket, not shlongs, songs. So you think you could be, you think you could be sort of the German version of the rock. Imagine if the rock in Angela Merkel had a baby. I do every day.

Yeah, yeah, right, Matt? That's what I do to go to sleep at night. Yeah, just imagine this. Some people count sheep. I imagine the rock in Angela Merkel getting it on and I go right out like a lamb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch out. So, so this is incredible.

You think, I mean, I think you could do it. I really do because I think you have Action Star written all over you. Oh, oh, don't you? I agree. Yeah, you're buff. Wow, you're tall, you're cool. Yeah, I mean, he's a bit, I'm going to say, is silly, you know, there's, oh, you know, he's, Lula's a strange fellow.

He's not, you, and I'm saying this could be a positive. You could be a different kind of action hero. I'm going to say this. You don't seem that menacing. Yeah, you could be menacing. Absolutely. Yes. If you hypnotize me, I can be super rude.

Have you seen that the King's speech where he's like dropping all of those F-bombs every place and then someone plays Mozart and it's just like la-li-lu-li-lu. If you, that's like hypnotizing a person. If you hypnotize me, I can be super rude. I can give you all of the Wojcys in your pants. I can make, what's it called, atomic Wojcys. Oh, Wedgys, Wedgys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do this very easily.

No, I mean, Matt, yes, weigh in, Matt. Well, what about when you kill someone and you need to have like a good one liner? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just crush you like almonds and sugar. Oh, everything can't be Marzipan. Why not? You can't, you can't, not everything. If I become a wrestler, that will be my wrestler's name, Conan.

I'll just be called Marzipan. So if you're struggling with a bad guy and you kick him off out of the helicopter and he goes into a nuclear power plant funnel and is incinerated, you're going to look down and say, I just crushed your hazelnuts, added sugar, browned it slowly in a pan. But I would yell it so he could still hear it. So let me hear you do it. Hey, I just crushed you like some almonds and also added sugar to create a tasty dessert metaphorically.

A whole. Yeah. Well, I'm. That was good. I don't know about you guys. I will invest all I have in this movie when it comes out. Thank you. Do you have a name for your action hero persona or are you just going to be Flula?

I think it is also Marzipan. I mean, I know I'm just tripping around. I know. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I can't help it. God forbid. It's all about Marzipan.

I know. Marzipan on the brain. I've got to switch it up. Some Ritter Sport, perhaps. Yes. OK. I'll switch it. You know, you were kind enough to come with me when I did a stand up tour about two years

ago. Yes. And change, maybe. But we crisscrossed the United States. All these 90s band references told him. Yeah. What is happening? Yeah.

I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm sorry. I just, you know, just falling out of my mouth. I don't know. You came with me and you were very funny. You DJed. You opened the show. You DJed.

But you also were great. Helped me at the end of the show when I would take questions. You would run around with a microphone. Yes. And we got to know each other pretty well on that tour. And you said to me once that I speak fake German, but you said actually almost every other or every third word that I make up is a real one. Is a real word.

Yeah. And it's and you said, that's real. I mean, I, you weren't kidding. No. I didn't speak German, but then you, you'll say, I'll just start babbling and you'll say, you just said chair, babble, babble, ice cream, babble, babble, sleep, babble, babble, marzipan. It's like if you had a Rosetta Stone and flushed it on the toilet and like found it at the edge of Santa Monica Pier and turned it on.

Yeah. We had some good times. We would talk back and forth in German quite a bit. Very much. And you said that number eight at one point, you said peace and then something about Dirk Nowitzki's fade away. No, he has quite a fade away. It does.

So I wanted to mention that. You are, this is very exciting and I'm excited for you. I want to mention this again. Yeah. I mentioned it in your intro, but you are now going to be, oh, first of all, let me mention your appearances and curb your enthusiasm. This has happened. Oh, that's cool.

Larry David. Yeah. He's also in the show I've heard. Yeah. Yeah. He's a small part of that show. Yeah, he is. Very exciting.

It's nice of you to give him a little more room in the episode. That's what we do. Listen, not everyone was born with a long couch in their bedroom. What? Where was your long couch? Was it? It was not in the bedroom. No, it was in the living room.

I should have been. We all came down into the living room and there was these chairs and then a long couch that made, no matter what I was given, it looked puny and it created this endless need hole. What? A need hole? Need hole. Okay.

So it's constantly wanting more and more and that drove me into television and look what happened. Yeah. Okay. I love it. But I'm very excited for you. What's the big story is that you were going to be in the new highly anticipated movie, The Suicide Squad.

That's correct. Which is coming soon and I know you're not allowed to say much about your role or what you do. Yeah. And I don't want to put you on the spot. Spot me, Conan. I think this could be the beginning for you of your transition into action films. I agree with you very deep.

I was told that this man was a supervillain man. His name is Javelin. I mean, he has a very big, as you know, Javelin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He just has a large Javelin he throws.

Yeah. There's no, yeah. What? Yeah. He wasn't doing a... Oh, okay. Oh, you meant a sex penis thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. I thought that's what was happening. The next question is fair. The penis. The penis. It is...

I would say if you... Have you seen before the tunnel that connects in downtown when you're trying to get from Century City down to Silver Lake? Oh. No, again, that had nothing to do with... Oh, that was just about the tunnel? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I thought it was penis. Well, I had to become very buffy and, you know, not like the vampire slayer, but like... You know, I have to say, you... I saw you, as I said, in Berlin naked and you were in fine shape then. You got into sick, insane shape for the Suicide Squad. Yeah. For your character, Javelin. Yeah.

And you... I guess we're working out all the time. All the time. I had hired a Paolo Maschitti, who is an Italian trainer. And so we... I have very much trouble with communication because he's Italian. I'm German. We both are having accents.

You know, it's like... And then I'm like, and then we just stare at each other. And then I just do curls. We do curls. Yeah. And then you put on... You got into superhero shape. I did it, yeah.

What about your diet? Tell us about your diet. And if you mention Marzipan, I'm coming across the table and I will kill you. What was your... What was your diet? I had a lot of, as you call them, I-Vice, which is proteins. Zero, you will be happy to know it, Marzipan, none of it. Right.

Yeah. And then, you know, lots of chicken, lots of egg, you know, no sugars. So high protein, no sugar. Yeah. Did you find yourself getting cranky? Oh, yeah, cranky, cranky. Like that song from the bingles, the another man, like the Monday that's sad, except every day was that Monday.

It's weird, you know, so much, and yet you're always a few vowels and consonants off. It's always the bingles, you know, maniacal Tuesday. You're always so close, and yet you're not close. No cigarillos. I'm... You're a fool. Can I ask... I don't know what else to say.

I'm talking to a fool. May I ask a question? Yes, you may. Who has the etcher sketch that starts to shake it when the ads come? Because like, we'll be talking like, oh, and I remember that about the locker room, and then someone, one of you just starts going... Oh, it's probably Matt. Matt does all that stuff.

He does the etcher sketch. Yeah. Matt, is that what it is? Yeah. It kind of was like an asp, you know, that was rattling, you know, it was hissing in the grass about to stab. I've got an etcher sketch that I've drawn a picture of an asp on, and then I shake that.

Oh, okay, got it. Thank you. You know, we should offer an award for anyone who listens to this entire conversation and follows it and can kind of prove that they did. We should get some kind of prize, because this thing has taken so many twists and turns, and I find it thrilling. Oh, great, wonderful. Yeah, wonderful.

I think at the end of this episode, if you've made it through this episode on Twitter, do a hashtag like Flula Strong. Yeah. I like it. I like that very much. Can I save you guys just about $32 in mechanical and performance right fees? I feel like you're paying this person. I thought Mr. White Stripe was always here just playing this song, but I can just sing

it for you now so you don't have to pay, like just to save some money on this. Pay Mr. Jack White. Rather than pay him for singing, we are going to be friends, which he does come in and do personally live every time we do it. Oh, I must have just... He's waiting outside. He's in the parking garage. But we can tell him to go home today.

We don't need him today. So you could do it. Yeah. Okay, wow. You know, I see great things ahead for you, Flula. I really do. I think you are capable of being an action hero. Wow, thank you.

I really do. I think you could go further in the music business than you have gone. Well, that would include just one song doing well. But yes. Yeah. But you know, you have a real ability there. And I think, what are your dreams? Let's say you do make it big.

Yeah. Okay. And the money's coming in. Oh, yeah. What does Flula do? You become a big star. Let's say you really, you kill it in Suicide Squad and you get another movie and then you're in your own movies and your name is above the title of the film.

Oh, above what? Flula Borg, Is Mars a Pen, you know. What do you do? I would build a tree-less treehouse. A tree-less treehouse. Would you tell me what that, how would that look? What would it look? How would I identify it?

If it, is it a, it's a house just suspended in the air. Yeah. A tree. No trees. Just imagine a treehouse and then subtract the trees. Okay. Should I ask you what's supporting the house or would that be a foolish question? I think my film career, probably.

Nice. So, um, and what do you, what would you drive if you could drive anything, what would you ride around in? I mean, I want to say my tree-less treehouse, but I would not do this. I would go a Schwinn 21-speed mountain bicycle. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

I would buy a little order. I don't think Schwinn sells that. You'd have to have that specially made. Oh, I would just purchase one from an old man in Schrausen. Okay. And then what do you have a, what they call a posse? Do you have a, a group around you, a squad? Who are these people?

Yeah. I have my father, who is a retired engineer. My mother who knows Mama said knock you out by LL Cool J. She knows it by heart. Yes. Shout out. Yeah. Exactly, Matt.

Mama said knock you out. What? Gonna knock you out. Matt, you, I have to say, you are earning your stripes today. Not that you don't always do a superlative job, but wow. Incredible. I mean, you're just coming at us. I'm surprising myself.

It's fantastic. I love this very much. And so, so far you're describing your cool posse because you're a rich action star and DJ. Yes. And you're on the prowl here in Los Angeles. Wow. Living in a tree-less treehouse, driving a 21-speed Schwinn that you stole from an old

man. In Schrausen. In Glubengladen. In Glubengladen. But you can't just say, oh, my mother and my father are part of my posse. They have been down since day one, count them. I know they have. But who else are you adding to it?

Tell me, you know, there must be some, some homeboys that you got with you. Jürgen Horst. Homeboys? Yeah. You know, friends of yours from Germany who you bring over and they, they're part of your your posse. Of course. Well, Jürgen Horst.

Entourage. Entourage. Yeah. Shout out, turtles. Yeah. So, Jürgen Horst, who is my more taller than me, rugby playing audio man, he is my cousin as well. And Sven Lussel, who I was screaming my very first beatbox to and I was like, how did you

like it? And he did a hand thing like this. Like kind of a medium. Medium. That means it kind of okay, kind of not okay. And that's all I'm needing. Just give me, you know, as that one man said, all I need is the rhythm of Adam Devine. I just need someone to do this and I'm very happy.

All I need is the rhythm. Yeah, kind of lost me there. So that's quite a posse that you'll be rolling around in. Yeah. Yeah. It will be very deep and very dope. Are you looking for a special lady in your life? Maybe you could tell us, what do you look for in a, in a companion?

And I shouldn't say lady. It might be man. You know, it's, it's all up to you. Oh yeah. I like to just, I normally just date like music, like I date a techno beat or something like this, because you can just, you know, just set it up, BPMs, let's go. You know, when the song is over, you can make a snooze. If it's a human, you have to ask them for questions.

No, you cannot, you cannot have a relationship with like a beat box. Have you seen this, this film with Thomas Hankey? With the ball, with the volleyball? Yeah. Wilson, the volleyball. Yes. He had a very deep relation with an inflatable pentagonal ball. Okay.

I can do it with a whole note. Okay. Interesting. Sonia, what am I missing here? What am I? I think the entire interview. I don't even know. I don't know what happened.

No, but explain to me. I, I, you know, I've taken this young man under my wing. Yes. I am a formidable, I think, comedic force in this country. What? Just let it go. Okay. But that's true.

Thank you. Yacom. I remember. What is that happening? Now I remember why I like you. Oh my God. You're the best. You, yes, and my delusion.

My point is that I've taken this man under my wing and I want to do the best by him. You know, you know, jump in here, tell me, you know, how can I be helping Flula? What can I be doing for Flula? I don't know. I mean, do you have any contacts in the action world you can get in touch with and just feel like guys, Flula, they don't, they don't, they don't get, call me back to be honest with you. Oh.

Oh, I, I'm going to be honest. With your very limited capacity, how can you help Flula? Yes. With your very limited capacity. Maybe you could join his posse. Oh, that's great. Oh, it could be part of the entourage. What if I was part of your posse?

I would love this. We have a third opening. Yeah. You could be the driver. He could be the turtle. Oh. Drive the 21 speed twin. Yes.

He sits in the tank. He sits in the basket in front. Of course. With your legs dangling out. My legs, but I would be facing you. So it would be like, you know how baby monkeys hug the mama monkey? I could feed you small little snacks. I, uh, I'm going to do all I can to make you a force, but then I don't want you to

forget me. Would you forget me, Flula? I do not have from everyone that's told me zero Alzheimer's. I will remember all the things, including your face and the way you walk. I saw you walking by a chipotle one time and screamed at you. Oh. That's true. Yeah.

This is not long ago. I was walking down the street in the Larchmont area of Los Angeles. This must have been a week ago. Yeah. Suddenly I hear, I couldn't hear exactly what you shouted, but people shouted me out moving cars all the time. All the time. Yeah.

Um, half the time it's nice. Half the time it's some sort of a death threat. Either way, I'm happy because it's just nice to be reckoned. It's nice to be all that. Yeah. And, um, sometimes people just throw the owner's manual, uh, from the car at me and say, fix my room tail light. Not even just, I hate you, but I have nothing other than this.

And then I get hit with a Toyota Tracelle, uh, owner's manual. Manual. And it has faux leather binding and it really hurts. But the point is I was, someone shouted at me and I didn't know who it was. And then I got a text maybe two minutes later from Flula, who I guess had pulled over and said, sorry, I screamed at you out the window. Oh, that's nice. But, uh, what, what did you yell?

I said, hello Conan, it's me. How are you? It's Flula. Let's hang out soon. I couldn't, it did. It just sounded like insane yodeling. Well it was the, what's it done? It sounded like a yodeling, a yodeling, a yodeling, a yodeling, a yodeling, a yodeling, a yodeling,

a yodeling, a yodeling. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, very top alert. No, I thought a Ram had yelled at me out the window. I didn't know what had happened. I was confused. But we are friends.

Yeah. Um, and I'm excited to be your friend. You really make me laugh. Uh, and you're a very talented fellow and I really do, I believe in you. I think you're going to make it big in this country. Wow. And when I say I hope you remember me, I don't mean you just actually, yes. I remember Conan.

He's about six, four and he weighs about this much. and this is the composition of his face. What I mean is that you remember me and that you bring me along with you. You remember me in speeches and you say, I wish to thank Colin and O'Brien who made it all possible, that kind of thing. When I first met you, I told you,

you are my Edmund Hillary, I would be your Tenzing Norge. I will follow you around everywhere with snacks. Okay, if you understood that, please contact us. I want anyone listening. What did we say it was gonna be, Flula Strong? Flula Strong, yeah. Flula Strong, if you followed this conversation and you got even 80% of what the hell was happening,

please say Flula Strong because I didn't, I just lost. Me as well. Oh, you're completely lost. Oh, God, yes. Me too. Well, we're gonna wrap this up, but Flula delighted that you could do this. Thank you.

Seriously, and continued success and let's continue to have adventures together because you are, it's always fun when we do things, when we have adventures, it's fun. I agree with this very hot. Thank you very much, Conan. Thank you, Sona. And thank you, Matt as well.

This was a very fun time. Thanks. You call me and just quickly. Yeah. Koenig, what do you say? Koenig. What do you say? Koenig, what do you say?

Koenig, what do you say? Koenig. Is this Koenig? No, he says it weird. You put like a lumb loud over the egg. Koenig. Koenig. Koenig!

What does he say? Koenig, what does he say? Koenig, what does he say? Koenig, what does he say? Koenig, he says a bit strange. Koenig, what does he say? I'm hanging out in the cafeteria and does boat does boy. Yeah. Oh, this is fantastic. You should get out And we're sinking fast. Yes, blue the board. God bless you. Thank you guys

It's time for one of the most called for segments ever on a show and that's sound effects theater and we have we're gonna do sound effects theater now Yeah, yes, this is where you know, so now and I typically will act out a scene and you will provide the sound effects But using only spoken word. Yes. This is an innovation. I came up with that. I'm very proud of You're proud of it very proud of it where instead of going to all the time in trouble on a podcast of Recreating a sound effect. Why not just say what the sound is. Oh, that sounds cool. Yeah, and let me also explain That's a special episode Fula. Yeah, um guests never hang around for this part. Oh, and I don't know why you're still here I went downstairs during the break and someone has stolen my mountain bike. So We're we were here and we're we had this wonderful interview with Fula. Yeah, and then

He leaves We start doing this part of the show and I notice he's back in the recording room again Yeah There's a chair in here Do you not own a chair at home? Well, not outside on the pavement. Okay. I just ordered another bicycle on prime All right. Well, uh, Fula Wow, we've never done this before. Oh, okay. Uh, we've never had the guests Hang out like this, but I know you I know that you will be very unobtrusive

of while we do sound effects Uh, theater and um, you know, just try not to touch any of the buttons here. Okay. Any of the knobs like this one No, no, don't touch that one. Okay. Sorry. I'm just fired a missile. Okay. All right. Um, all right Let's uh, we're gonna do sound effects theater now where I create my version of sound effects And this is my gift to the podcast world to get radio You know any anything where you only have the audio. It's my gift. Yeah. Nice. All right movies could use this too Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, okay. Um, so let's do let's do we're at a zoo this time. How about that? Okay. All right Borg with Ceci as the new hires here at the Cincinnati zoo

We have a lot of work to do to get to cleaning up these cages. First of all, how are you two today? Um, I'm doing great I'm really excited about animals. Uh, thank you matt for hiring me I hope to save enough money to purchase another mountain bike soon smart. I like you kid You got a good head on your shoulders. Thank you adult Uh-oh looks like the baboons are acting up The monkeys are speaking. Yeah, I'm gonna need you to sedate them. Uh, they get a little too, uh, excited sometimes Great shoot him with the tranquilizer at dirt here. Stop moving baboon. Boom trigger Through air

Skin secrecy got you baboon. Don't die. Oh Borg you killed our showcase baboon. Oh, no Well, he's dying. Let me apply cpe Oh, okay, I was going to make out with him and pump his rumpus. Oh, what is it? What's that? Men and girls interlock. Yeah, compressor compressor compressor compressor Heart to beat the heart to beat the heart to beat the heart to beat Shoot him again, shoot him again. Okay. I will shoot you again. You are annoying yet still alive baboon pull trigger shoot Real gun accident

Oh, no, I've accidentally murdered the baboon. Oh no, please help me sona Why did we give a trainee a real gun? I don't understand why that happened. I've never learned how to do it I figure he's as good as anyone else and now listen. We've excited the elephants Frank blown Jesus drunk blow noise. Stop running at me big big one foot for foot for foot for foot for Rattle fumble rattle fumble foot for foot for trunk blow noise Sona quick jump on this one. All right. I'm jumping on him to team him jump Um boy and back the only way to do it is for one of us to do a very accurate Tarzan yell. Okay. Uh-huh jungle. Yeah

Is that accurate? No, not at all. We're gonna have to try again. Oh, sorry. Uh-huh jungle. Yeah Yeah, I'm looking for that kind of pitch shifting, you know Tarzan. Yeah, we swing it on the vine. Yeah, we swing the vine Yeah, I know my yodeling would come in handy. You're welcome everyone. All right. Well, that's taken care of now We just need to go over here to the lion den Oh, we're walking We're loud walkers. Well, the Muppets here Fossey there. Fossey, what are you doing? Yeah, key insert twist Key open. Why are we opening the lion area? You know, honestly, I did not intend to but I just just happened

And here we are inside the lion den so and here comes Leo Lion He's not well. Oh The lion is just saying lion Lion Oh, he seems kind of turned on. I think he likes to look at you, Borg. Wow, he looks like a descendant of Chewbacca a little bit Speak some more you hot hot feline Oh, that clip. I'm hungry. Oh here, let me get my chapstick out of my fanny and zip

Moisturize you hand over rub rub rub Satisfied Wow, you've been a real good Leo here. Here's a big T-bone steak hand steak Chew, chew, chew, chew, chew. I love it. Nice. I want to eat some of that as well, Leo. Chew, chew, chew. Mastakie. Swoow Digest Wow delicious I love you. I love you. I love you. He loves you

The feeling's not reciprocating. Oh no, rejection has a sound effect Oh, count me out. I quit this terrible job, Matt. I don't blame you. I quit as well. This place is full of hate Sona. Oh, I quit too. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was gonna say. Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm quitting too because you I don't want to do this alone. The end Oh my god Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gourley produced by me Matt Gourley Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Salatarov and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf Theme song by the White Stripes

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering by Will Beckton, Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brick Kahn You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message It too could be featured on a future episode And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded

This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf