Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Gonzo's Nose

Episode Date: April 14, 2022

Conan speaks with Emma about her work making leather bondage harnesses and the wonderful world of custom sex gear.  Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi there, Emma, please meet Conan. What a dream come true. Cut the background. Wait a minute.

Wait, what is, I didn't, Matt was too busy laughing. You have kind of an outrageous background. What is your name? My name is Emma Alamo. Emma Alamo. Wow, Emma Alamo, that's fantastic. What a lovely, I love the way your name elides, the way the first name smashes into the second name.

It's cool. Thank you. Emma Alamo. But that is not where I want to begin. It's just a fascinating name. Because when I want to, I'm going to explain a visual to my... Is there something weird about my workplace? Well, behind you are, I can see three mannequins

that are nude and then their bodies are encased in what looks like bondage straps, leather bondage straps. So let's talk about that. What is that? Oh my God, it's a little dildo on a pot. There's a potted plant with a strap on. It's a, you just held up a small, it's a podcast when you describe things.

You just held up a small potted plant and it has a blue dildo strapped to it. Yeah. Yeah, as if the small little shrub is ready for action. It looks like Gonzo's nose. It does, yeah. It looks like a blue dick. Yeah, that's like a...

Gonzo's nose famously looks like a blue dick, so... Okay, Emma, I'm going to try and get this thing on track. Should we start over? I apologize. Oh no, no, no, we're not starting over. Emma, you appear to work, is this right? You're somehow working in the bondage industry or bondage trade.

I make leather bondage harnesses. Wow. Yeah. Is that a family business? Yeah, yeah, passed down from generation to generation. Since 1782, that'd be great. Why, George Washington was our first customer. That would be great if there was a long line of severe-looking women with bonnets

and men with big beards, black and white, old photos. For nine generations, we've been making bondage harnesses and bondage material. Okay, I'm just going to come right out with it. I shot a remote once in Germany where... Do you remember this, Sona? Hard to forget, I guess, where I went to this, I don't know if it was

an avant-garde woman who does bondage and she put me in straps and harnesses. And all I remember is thinking, this doesn't feel sexy at all to me. This is not what I envision as something sexy. So that was a great awakening for me, was that, okay, this is not my kink, this bondage thing. But I was impressed with the quality of the leather

and the quality of the workmanship. So tell me, how do you know how to make this stuff? I'm self-taught. I've been doing this for like five years. Lot of YouTube tutorials and just searching on the internet, asking friendly people at leatherworking stores to show me how tools work. But yeah, I was a woodworker for most of my 20s.

So I feel like I came into this with some, an understanding of making three-dimensional things. So that definitely... Okay, so you started out as a simple carpenter, like Jesus. A simple carpenter, exactly like Jesus. And then, like Jesus became, they don't go into that in the Bible.

Had Jesus lived, had Jesus made it later into his 30s, maybe he would have branched out is what you're saying. And my apologies to maybe two thirds of the people listening. Yeah. But anyway, so, okay, let me ask you this. When you're making a bondage harnesses, what is it that you're going for? What is it that you want the harness to do?

What's the thing that gives people pleasure? Well, I mean, it totally depends on what I'm making. Some of the things I make are just for the aesthetic and they don't have a function. Beyond that, like this one behind me, basically, like a lot of... So most of the market for bondage harnesses is geared towards like really masculine,

like gay men and like leather daddies. And what I try to do with my designs is kind of subvert that and make more feminine looking things. So aesthetically, my stuff is more like elegant and has thinner straps. But some of them are for to be like, to have parts of your body cinched

or to enable someone to yank you around or to be restrained like handcuffs. This is a hogtie set that I'm holding up right now, which I sell a lot of. Okay. So that you sell a lot of those. Those are leather. You're holding up very... Everyone's trying to get untied.

Yeah. Hey, tell me about it. I'm on a waiting list. Yeah, exactly. They keep saying this item is out of stock, refresh cart. So, okay. So restraint is a big part of it.

Yes. People that want to be restrained. And then like the little plant with the boner that I was holding up earlier, I make a lot of strap on harnesses. So, you know, sometimes you want a dick and you weren't born with a dick. So, you know. Sure. You may do.

Hey, tell me about it. With a store. Oh. Store was fine. So wait. So these are women that want to have a penis? Women or trans men. Or, you know, sometimes people who are born with a penis,

you know, want to have two or want to have one that is different or works differently or stays, you know, stays erect infinitely. Yeah. So some of, I make a lot of strap on harnesses, which are just leather harnesses that have O-rings that can hold a dildo. And again, what I try to do, you know,

with my harnesses is make them, in addition to being utilitarian, make them something, you know, that's flattering and that makes the person wearing it feel confident and sexy. Yeah. That's the thing is it's important that the strap on be flattering. You know, you want to take into account

what you're wearing, what else you're wearing, you know, what your, what your mood is, I suppose. Yeah. Yeah. It's the whole vibe. You want to, what about chastity belts? Is that a thing that people are still into? Yes. And it's funny you should say that because again, I mostly make things for women and queer people.

I do sometimes make things for, for, you know, the men, the straight men by request, but it's not my specialty. But at this point, I am so wary of any man who asks me to make him a chastity device. Because- Oh wait, men can have chastity devices? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I always thought of it as like women, women.

I didn't know. I thought it was, I think of like that old medieval times of, this woman will have to wear a chastity belt and this will keep her pure. Yeah. Men can wear chastity belts? Yep. Sure can. Well, it is, it's like a metal cock cage. Oh. Yeah.

And it goes- What? And sometimes it'll lose- Can I just point out, that's the, this is the seventh time on this podcast that someone has said cock cage. I'm glad you keep a tally. Yeah. So you win. You win a grand prize. So it's a metal- Which is in fact a cock cage.

Only two of them were in reference to Nicholas Cage. So wait, so, so, so it's a metal thing that encases a man's, you know, unit as it were. Oh wow. Now you're censoring yourself after everything that's been said. And it's snug enough that it makes it very uncomfortable for the wearer to get aroused. Oh.

So sometimes what men have asked me to do is make a harness that keeps it, you know, snug to their hips. And frequently their dominatrix or their dominant partner will have the key to it. So they're in control. But on two different occasions, someone has asked me to make them a harness for a cock cage

and then has continued, been like, okay, these are the specifics of what I want. And like five minutes into the conversation, I'm like, oh, you have no intention of commissioning a leather harness from me. You're just trying to get me to talk to you about your chastity fetish and you're like getting off on this.

Which is really- So this is over the phone, someone's saying- Oh, so here's what I- Over email or Instagram, yeah. Or Instagram and they're saying, okay, if you could, what I want is I want this and then I want that, but I want the, I don't want it to be a key.

I want it to have a pin code. So I want it to have an electrical unlocking system. Does that voice sound familiar, Emma? You know? Listen, Emma, I called Emma, I called you both times with every intention of making a purchase. I just got a little carried away. That's all that happened.

Emma! You Conan, now anytime a man asks me to design any sort of chastity device, I'm immediately requiring a $200 deposit. Smart. Yep. So- You should, men are, men are weird.

So, I mean, I'm sorry, that's- Yeah, they are. Can I say, that's a new low to call and engage you. It is rude. It's not listed in- I like you to call a phone sex line. Like there are so many sites where you can pay, where you can pay to have someone

who does this professionally talk to you about- Emma, those lines, those lines aren't great. And trust me, I have a whole list of complaints. And I've, I've actually been talking to the Better Business Bureau about some of these lines. Are they the problem? I don't, I feel like you see a unit. Why?

So anyway, so Emma, here's what I'm curious about. So someone will call you and at what point do you realize this is, person doesn't even want me to make this. They're just trying to arouse themselves while they're getting me to talk about it. At what point has it become clear?

What's the moment when the nickel drops and you go, oh. Well, first of all, they email me or message me through Instagram, because it's 2022 and no one makes phone calls anymore. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can I say something? My fetish is having a woman like you tell me I'm a boomer. Who doesn't understand how K-Technology works?

This is very arousing to me right now. Oh, come on. Well, I'm going to need a $200 deposit for me to come home on. Having an attractive young woman. Okay, but first. So anyway, what did I do wrong? What did I say that betrayed me as being out of touch?

That's hilarious. There are human hatreds. People, people are into all sorts of shit. People who are raised Irish Catholic, especially, are into all sorts of shit. So, I didn't protest you. Look what I do for a living. I have been, I have sought out a career of being humiliated and I have pursued it relentlessly

and whatever they come up with a new kind of like, oh, there's a new thing called a podcast. It's another way that you can be humiliated, routinely Conan, I'm in. So clearly I have that fetish. But anyways, back to the male chastity thing. When, I can tell when they start asking me for my input too much.

If they're like, I want it to attach to a cage. What do you think about these cages? Which one would you pick? What like, when they start wanting me to make decisions. Yeah. And at this point, I feel like I catch on pretty quickly. And I'm also just wary of people who seem like straight men immediately when they want to engage

in a longer conversation about an order. I try to gear them towards putting down a deposit pretty quickly, so I know they're serious. Yeah. Get them to put down a deposit before they put down a deposit. You know what I'm saying? If you know what I mean. Oh, come on.

You owe her $200 for that. I owe you $600 for that. Yeah, that's my good. We're really racking it up. Yeah. You know, can I say something? And boy, this is, again, I know that you are a crafts person.

You are an artisan. And you find that there's a certain kind of leather. Is there a perfect leather for bondage? Is there, do you find there's a kind of leather that's like, oh, this is the pre, like calfskin. Nothing beats a calfskin chastity belt. Nothing beats this kind of leather or that kind of leather. But yeah, I definitely geek out about the material

I work with and like obsess over the specifics of it. And I'm a perfectionist to the point to my own detriment. And I also really like solid brass hardware. I use solid brass hardware for most of the stuff, which is, which drives the cost way up, but it's stronger. It holds up better. You know what? It's worth it.

It's worth it. You want to have, this is not an area where you should cheap out. It should be the best quality brass. It should be highest quality leather. And my other question is, what about sizing? So for example, let's say I were to buy some sort of leather harness.

Come on. Just let me finish. This is a question and I'm a journalist. Let's say that. What? Let's say Emma, let's just say I'm a customer. And I have unusual, let's just say I have unusual proportions. I have usual, you know, I'm very tall.

My body is very disproportionate in many ways. Would I ever come in for a fitting or is it all done? Do I supply you? Actually, yes, you would. You would come in for a fitting. I do every now and then, I see people, I see people with an appointment for fittings. Yeah.

And everyone's body is different. Who buys a suit, you know, over the phone or online? No, that's not how you do it. You go in for a fitting, right? Yeah, and I do, because I sell all over the world. I ship everywhere. So I do have a video on my website that shows people how to take their own measurements.

And I do custom sizing for free and I do plus sizes. Because yeah, everyone has a different body and everyone deserves to like hot in their leather gear. During COVID, like a lot of us, I was not as active and I was sitting around and depressed and my eating habits changed a little bit. And so I put on some weight and I noticed that some of my clothes, you know,

as COVID is winding down and I'm starting to put suits back on, they don't really fit as well. I just thought it'd be really, it must happen where people get their bondage outfit and they get it. And then of course, they let themselves go a little bit and they have to come in and say, can you let this out? Can you do, I need an adjustment on my bondage outfit

or, you know, I thought this was the right chastity belt for me, but then I hit the nachos really hard and now I need to make some changes. You know, you need to do some alterations. People's bodies change for sure. And I definitely had to adjust all of the harnesses I've made for myself after COVID.

And I've mailed out a lot of harness extenders in the past two years. That would help. Yeah, because they all, I mean, you know, as opposed to a suit, the harness is all buckle and the buckles, you know, give them a few inches of wiggle room on either side. So if someone doesn't want to buy a new harness,

I can frequently make an extender. One funny thing did happen like a year ago is someone... Let me double down on that. Just so for all listeners, harness extenders are available and you should look into that. They are available. I mean, you're asking so many questions about fit

and there's so many other types of questions you can ask. And you're like, can I get it tailored if it needs to be extended? Like, it's all about why, you're not asking anything about the cakes or anything. He's trying to keep it really safe. Emma, do you take PayPal? Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, this is working out really well. Someone did like a year ago, they emailed me and they said, I bought a strap on from you forever ago. I really love it. I've actually lost some weight. I was wondering if I could mail it to you and have you take it in so it fits me better. And I had just moved into my new studio.

So I said, sure, and I gave them my address and I had put a number wrong in my address. So like a month later, they reached out again and they said, did you get the harness? And I double checked it and realized that it was, I accidentally had them send it to a different residential building. So someone just with no note

got a used strap on harness in the mail. Wow. I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm just gonna make you a new one for free. And I really, that's so fantastic. I could learn something new about themselves. Yeah. Can you imagine just wow, what's this?

Oh, great. I'm in the movie seven. Hey, so, yeah, Sona pointed out, I didn't ask about, I mostly have been figuring out my own order. Placing an order, yeah. I am. Yeah, you have to do my website up right now, right? Many things are up.

And so what we'll do is... Oh, man! Oh, man! So what we'll do now, do you ever get a request that betrays an insane kink? Like a kink that, I know you're non-judgmental, which you should be, but does anyone ever say, I want something and you just, no, I can't accommodate this?

Or I've never heard of this before. There's never been one that I won't do. There have been so many that I haven't heard of. One guy who has bought several times from me, him and his wife are belly button fetishists. And first of all, I'm so glad they found each other, right? Yes, I was thinking that same thing. They both are.

Did they know that before they got married? You know what, as people, it's for every Mickey, there's a mini, you know? For every Audi, there's an inny. Yes! Yes! Yes! That's the quip of the week.

That's a good one. But I've made both of them harnesses, harnesses that have like big O-rings that like cinch their waist and like push into their belly buttons. And I had to actually reach out to a welder, I know, to have some custom metal pieces made. Cause for one of them, they wanted like a piece of pipe

that was going to sort of push into their belly button. And it was funny because at one point the welder was like, do I need to like smooth out the inside of the pipe? Like, are they going to be fucking the pipe? So then I had to email the customer and be like, is the putt, they were pushing into the belly button? Are we going to be putting any sensitive body parts into the pipe?

And he was like, no, of course not. And I was like, I don't know. You know what, I love that. I love that you're just talking to a friend of yours who's a welder. He's like, yeah, Emma, what can I help you with? So, hey, are they going to be fucking the pipe? Yeah, okay, better galvanize it.

All right, so they're going to be fucking the pipe. So I won't go, I'm not going to go copper if they're going to be fucking the pipe. All right, let me ask you a question. Hey, another quick question I got for you. Are they going to be sticking this in the ass at all? They are, okay, so all right. Bruce, Bruce, we're doing a fuck pipe.

Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, we need another fuck pipe. Well, just, I know, I know that's six this week, but just add a seventh. We got it, we can get it done. Man, I love the mundane technical questions. Wow, this is fascinating. This is just fascinating. And so Emma, I'm told that you have gotten involved

more recently in the furry sensation. Is that right? The people wearing furry costumes that do you attend conventions where people dress up in furry costumes? Yeah, I attended my first one a couple of months ago. It's called Midwest Fur Fest. And for a lot of the furries, which are people

who have their fur suits and their fur sonas, and it's this other character that they become in their giant mascot costumes that hide every inch of them. And there's a big community for it. And some of them, there is a sexual element to it. For a lot of them, it's not sexual at all. It's just playing.

But I did, I vended there. And yeah, we're showing you right now some photos of a horse and a possum that are wearing leather harnesses. And these photos will be available on Team Coco Podcasts on Instagram. Just to be able to check this out. Yeah, because you're gonna wanna see these. Okay, so I see.

So you don't make the leather, you don't make the fur costumes. You make leather harnesses for people dressed up in fur costumes. I mean, mostly for people, I'd say a lot of the people at Fur Fest who bought from me, it was like 60% of them bought harnesses to wear outside of their fur suits.

Because there's a big overlap between people who are furries and people who are kinksters. And sometimes they are not kinky as their Fur Sona. It's just a separate thing. So a lot of people bought harnesses just to wear over their normal mortal bodies. But then some people bought harnesses to wear when they're in their Fur Sona.

Oh, I see. When you kept saying Fur Sona, I was thinking of Sona. You mean instead of Fur Sona, it's Fur Sona. Yeah, yeah. I thought people dressed up as like a furry version of Sona. And I got confused. There was a lot of that there, yeah.

I bet you there is gonna, so Sona has quite a following. And I bet you someone's gonna go as a fur Sona. And that's gonna become a sensation. It'd be a huge honor. Yeah, so this is, and you say some of it is sexual, but you never know. So you could be talking to someone in a furry costume

and not know if this is a kink or if this is just them playing around and having fun, but there's nothing sexual attached, right? Yeah. Okay. Before we wrap up, I think there's a really important question that Emma has that I wanna get to to make sure we hear this question.

Emma, do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah, well, I was thinking I name all of my harnesses and sometimes I just sort of pull names out of thin air because I'm running out of ideas, but frequently I name them after people, different characters, or sometimes the first person who modeled that harness,

but I wanna name a harness, the katakai harness. The katakai. That's good. Yes. And I was wondering what kind of harness, yeah, would the katakai harness, is that a name befitting of like a strap on harness or like a bustier type of harness?

Yeah, what kind of harness would that be? Sorry, that's my first control arm going off, but that can wait. No, it can't actually, you might wanna get on that. Anything you wanna tell us or everything's good. Everything's great. Okay, all right. My birth is under control.

Okay. Okay, wow. Sorry, where were we? The katakai harness. Okay, the katakai refers to, James Lipton of course, the esteemed dean of the actor studio was, I told a story once on the show that has just reverberated

and it was about his wife Katakai and he says the line in the story, Katakai as God made her. So I have a lot of respect for the late James Lipton and of course, and by extension, for his lovely wife Katakai. So I think there should be respect here. I think it should be made of the finest materials.

I know that Dean Lipton was very open-minded and had lived a rich and full life. So he would be thrilled. I'm sure he'd be thrilled there was a strap on or a harness made in his honor, the katakai. So I just think, my only insistence is that be made of the finest materials, the very finest materials.

Something that's sort of a higher ticket item. I think it has to be the highest ticket item. I think the katakai has to be, you're not using brass, you're using gold. The leather has to be found. Human leather. Human leather, exactly. I don't think our skin is actually thick enough

to make a functional bondage harness. Not that I've put a lot of thought into it. Mine is after being on this podcast. Yes. I've toughened him up real nice. He's ready to be turned into a skin suit. Yes, the katakai is made of gorelly leather, gold fittings.

Make sure it has a good cock cage on it and make sure you get that welder on the phone to get the very finest materials. Get Lou on the line and make sure that this is fuckable pipe. Jesus, this is terrible. What an awful conversation. And yet at the same time, also quite beautiful. One last thing before we go.

Last night, I, you know... I don't know what happened last night. Well, I made something for you, Conan. Oh, look at that! Is that like a butt harness? No, it's a bulldog harness. But I, you know, I would make you a butt harness if you asked nicely.

What's a bulldog harness? It's green. It's St. Patrick's Day green. Yeah, I figured you'd look like a submissive little leprechaun in it, which is all anyone's ever wanted. So it goes over your chest like this. Oh, that's gorgeous. Yeah. I love that. Is that all you just connect a leash to or something?

You can, yeah. Oh, you know what? This is my fetish. I would wear that, okay? And I'd be restrained and I'd be saying to my mistress, I want me pot of gold. And she'd be saying, you can't have your pot of gold. And I'd say, I want the pot of gold. And she'd say, no pot of gold for you.

And I would say, I want the pot of gold. You get the pot of gold when I say you get the pot of gold and no sooner. And oh, exactly. I love, I love the submissive leprechaun. That's going to be my new character. The submissive SNM. I hope this brings us that out in you. I'm sure it will. I'll probably, I'll wear it every day under my shirt.

And my fans will know I'm wearing it. Emma, Delight talking to you and you're clearly very gifted and you're out there letting people be themselves and letting people let their inner selves out and flourish. It's very nice. You're doing, you're doing good work. So onward and upward for you, Emma. Thanks, Dad. Sorry, I just made it weird. It wasn't, it wasn't weird before.

It's finally weird. Well, so. Sorry, should I have said daddy? I think it's. Oh, God. All right, I'll see myself out. Yeah. All right, I'm going to, I'm going to a Catholic mass right now.

All right. Don't forget your little harness. Don't worry. I've got the harness. Sorry. Nothing weird happens at Catholic masses. Okay, Emma. That's it.

I'm done with you, Emma. I love Emma. Emma, you're the best. Seriously. Thank you very much. Oh, man. All right. See y'all.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely, produced by me, Matt Gorely, executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Soloteroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf, music by Jimmy Vavino, supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm, engineered by Will Bekton. Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.