Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Goulash on the Beach

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

Conan talks to Veronika from Eger, Hungary about beach food, getting engaged, and writing a wedding speech.  Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay. Let's get started. Hi, Veronica. Meet Conan in the Chilchups. Hi, Sona. Hi, Matt. Hi, Conan. Hi. How are you, Veronica?

I'm so good. It's so nice to meet you all. It's very nice to meet you. I'm sensing that you are from a foreign land. You have a slight accent. Tell us, where are you? Are you coming from someplace else in the world? Yes, I'm from Hungary. Are you in Hungary right now?

Yeah. Oh, what part of what part of Hungary are you in? I'm in Egyat. It's like a tiny town. How tiny is that? How tiny is tiny? It's 50,000 people. Oh, wow. Okay.

That is a very small town in Egyat. So you're in, you say Egyat? Egyat. Egyat. Am I saying it? I want to say it right. Egyat. Yeah. Egyat.

Yeah. You're in Egyat. I think it's so nice the closest. Yeah. Oh, wow. Of course, she was also not born in America. Okay, I was. I respect other cultures.

Sure, okay. Now, whatever you came in, you ain't. Anyway, Egyat Hungary. Wow, that's incredible. I have never been to Hungary. Tell me, what is it like in Egyat, in your town? What's it like to be Hungarian? Tell us all about it.

Well, we've just been declared another democracy. Oh. Oh. Wait. I don't know if you guys. I don't know. So we are not a democracy anymore? Yes.

We don't fit the criteria, according to the UN. Oh, right. That's right, yes. This was announced, how recently? I think last week or two weeks ago. Right, and this is decided by, was this decided by the United Nations? The Union, the European Union.

Oh, European Union said that you don't qualify as a democracy. I have news for you. I don't think we qualify as a democracy anymore. No, I don't think so. I mean, I- We don't hear that team Coco either. No, well, not a team Coco, certainly.

This is what we call an autocracy. But no, United States is having its own real problems with democracy. And we like to think that we helped not invent it, but give it a real boost. And we were supposed to be a beacon for other democracies. And we're struggling right now to figure this out. But, well, yes, you're going through,

is it turbulent where you are right now, or how are people accepting the news? Are people upset? I don't really know, because it's like a, it's a weird time. We just had an election, and then the guy, I don't know if you guys know Orban, he's the prime minister, he's like Trump.

Everyone seems to have their own Trump. I mean, you know, it is, yes, it is just a hallmark of humanity that each nation increasingly seems to have their own. So, are you able to speak about this freely? Are you comfortable talking about it? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't want to bring the conversation down, so we don't have to talk about it. Well, we'll talk about other things, but you know, I'm sorry that you're going through this turbulent time. You know, we, you know, it's, but it's nice to be able to speak with you.

You know, it's one of the things we like, that I like the most about this podcast, we do two, we do one where we speak to celebrities, and then there's this one where I get to talk to people all around the world, is I like, I'm really fascinated by how people are living, and I like to hear how they're doing, and how they're experiencing life.

So, I'm glad that you mentioned that. But it's, it's fine. We don't have like revolutions or anything. It's peaceful, it's just weird. Yeah, it's weird right now. Well, guess what? I have news for you. It's weird everywhere right now.

It's a very, I think it's a weird time for just across the world, humanities. So, but this is also helpful too. Like, I feel like I'm going to leave this podcast and just read up more on what's happening in Hungary. Me too. Because I don't know anything. I'm glad that I didn't know what was happening.

Well, Sona, to be honest. We're right next to Ukraine. Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah, I can imagine. What were you going to say? I'm sorry? I was, I was going to say,

you don't seem to know about a lot of things. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I'm sorry. You're not wrong. You're not wrong. No, you really know a lot about- I thought you were going to insult me. Oh, no, no, no.

You know a lot about- You didn't take that as an insult. You're not wrong. Veronica, Sona knows very much about different, she knows a lot about reality shows that involve people, what we call hooking up. Hooking up. And she's watched every iteration of Human Caterpillar.

Yeah. Oh, Centiply. Human Centiply. Oh, no, I watched Human Caterpillar. Oh, you're doubling down on Human Caterpillar? Oh, and you know what? It's not weird at all. I mean, it's not sexy at all.

And weird as anything. That's just the movie where they graft feet to people's butts. Exactly. Yeah. Multiple feet. Yeah. I love Human Caterpillar.

And I'm waiting for a human slug. Oh, God. Okay, we got off track here. This is stupid. Veronica, tell us- So serious. You live in this small town and tell us about your life.

Just, we're gonna leave politics aside. Okay, so what? You're no longer a democracy. Democracy, shm-a-mocracy, I say. It's all gonna work out in the wash. Tell us, what's your life like right now on a human scale? It's fine that I- Is someone, is someone-

Are you being held at gunpoint right now, Veronica? Is someone holding you prisoner? I have to tell you something. So Hungarian people are very sad all the time. Do you know about like Portugal? Wait. I'm not funny. I don't know why I'm laughing.

Yeah, that's so funny. That's a real rib tickler, son. My people are very sad all the time. You're smiling when you say it. My people, they're so sad. I mean, you seem happy, but you're saying- Are they sad because when you say they're sad, people just laugh at Hungary?

Is that why they're sad? No, so we're generally not very optimistic, I guess. Oh, yes. Well, that's- Yes, I am Irish. I mean, my people are from Ireland, and we are not optimistic. We're very gloomy people,

and we drink a lot to make up for it. I don't know what they do in- You guys, you drink and you have goulash as well. Don't you have goulash? Yes, it's a beach food. It's a what? Beach food? Beach food, yeah.

Wait, a beach food? Like you eat it at the beach? No. No, you don't. Goulash shows? No, goulash is the opposite of beach food. No one- I'm sorry, Veronica, no one goes to the beach

and says, let's- Hey, I worked up a big sweat playing volleyball. Now let's break out the goulash. He has a point. I'm sorry. Maybe this is why you guys are so sad. Yeah, we found out why you're depressed. Try some ice cream or like a pre-sum.

Yeah. We have those as well. What? Also, we have a beach food that's, it's a doughnut dough, but it's salty. It's like the size of a plate. A salty dough the size of a plate. Yes, and then we put garlic on it.

Oh, wow. Yes. And then sour cream. Yep, this sounds like- And then we just eat on the beach. This sounds like light beach food. You know what I like to do? I like to eat a giant, salty, garlic frisbee,

then have some goulash, and then what? I jump in the water and I drown. Make sure you wait 15 hours after eating goulash and a dough frisbee before going in the water. Oh my God. Oh my God, Veronica, this is incredible. What do you eat for like cold winter months?

Just bricks? Yeah. Wow, this is amazing. Now, you know what? You know what I love, Veronica, about the podcast, about doing a podcast is that you get, you listen to the podcast in Hungary. Isn't that cool?

I think I just love that. Were you familiar with my work prior to the podcast? Yeah, so, no. It's okay. It's okay. You don't have to be ashamed. We were probably never seen there. And you know, I was-

No, we didn't have like late night on TV. So the only thing, all the things I know about you is from the podcast. Yes. Okay, so you know that- When I picked up. You know that I'm a megalomaniac. Yeah.

No, I am one of the biggest stars in the world. Wow. From television. I had a show, uh-huh. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to amend what I said. I'm going to change what I said. I had a late night show and for a number of years.

And so that's how many people know me. But it's interesting that you only know me from this podcast. But as long as you know me, my ego is satisfied. Oh, that's good. Yeah. So that's a victory for me, I think. Congratulations.

Yeah, congrats. It doesn't bother you at all that you had this whole body of work for 28 years and she doesn't know anything about it. Well, maybe have you ever watched The Simpsons? Nope. Oh my God. Well, I think this conversation's over.

Oh. The Simpsons that did it. Yeah, I can't speak to you if you haven't watched The Simpsons. Have you ever watched any of his online clips from the show, like Sona Remotes with Sona and thing? I watched some interviews. And then when I found out I'm going to be talking to you, I googled you.

So what I'm hearing is you like Conan, but only if Sona and I are involved. Well, that's not what I'm hearing at all. That's not what I'm hearing. I think you're missing the headline here, Gorley. The headline here is that she knew nothing, then found out that she was going to be interviewed by me, so she googled me.

That's not true. That's a podcast you randomly applied to be on. You didn't even care. You were like, I don't care. I listen to every episode. OK, well, that's nice. That's nice. But it's nice that you googled me.

I want to tell you a true story, which is sometimes I sit. I'll be invited to a dinner party, and I'll be seated with some people I don't know. And then it becomes very clear to me within minutes that they googled me on the way to. No, no, it is. No, no, I mean, they knew kind of who I was or whatever, but they'll start saying things.

It's just so funny. They'll just start talking to me in a way and it's clear that they were reading this off of Google not five minutes ago while they were waiting for the valet to park the car. I remember when Adam asked me to work on this podcast, I had to Google. Yeah, I did too.

Before my first, my interview with you, I googled you. OK, well, you're all awful people. It doesn't mean we don't. No, I'm not kidding. I really did. Because, yeah, OK, yeah, you hosted a show, but you did a lot of other stuff too that I didn't know about.

You didn't know I was a bodybuilder. OK. You didn't know that I was also a successful eye surgeon. Veronica. Anyway, we're forgetting about our friend here, Veronica. Veronica, welcome. It's OK that you googled me, and I'm glad that you listened to the podcast.

And I'm glad that we're friends. And tell us about your life, like day to day. Well, I have a question that I know from the notes. Veronica, you're quite a knitter, is that right? And did you make that sweater, that beautiful sweater? Yeah. Oh, that's very nice. I want to know.

It's crocheted. It's a little cardigan. It's got it's got hearts all over it. Does that mean you're looking for love or are you already in love? What's happening? Well, I am in love, but I just made this because it's not cool. It is cute.

It is really nice. OK, so that's not a signal. You know, I see. OK, well, tell us. I'm just curious. When I wear a when I wear a lot of hearts, it means I'm desperately looking for love. And then my wife asks me to please take that off.

Yeah, you've been married for like 20 years. Well, you can Google it. All right, researched. So who's in your life? Tell us about this this this person in your life. So I just got engaged to my fiancee in April. Oh, very nice. Congratulations.

We went to Portugal on a holiday and then he proposed there. Oh, was it a surprise that he proposed to you? Yes. And he tried many times. What do you mean he tried many times? I kept accidentally sabotaging him. What do you mean? Like describe what were you doing? So he so he started to try and work his way into the proposal.

And then you would say, let's go get some goulash. Or I have a date tonight. Yeah. Or I've never loved you. I have a date tonight. What's so what's his what's his so his name is? Marty. Marty and you kept interrupting him?

Yeah, so he had a plan to go see a sunset from like a nice park in Portugal. And it was supposed to be on the first day when we got there. He meant they wanted to do it so, you know, it's out of the way. And and and then I told him I'm not leaving the hotel because I'm too tired. So that was the first day. OK.

And then the next day was the same plan. And then we went to the park and we wanted to see the sunset and we got there on seven. And then I checked my phone and it said that the sunset is at like 9 30. So after an hour, I told him that it's just I'm getting too cold. So I'm just going back to the hotel. Oh, my God. You sound like.

Well, anyway, you sound like a lot of fun. Veronica, it's really fun day. So did you ever have you ever seen a sunset in your life? No. You know, you don't even know what one is. It goes down below the horizon. In the West, really? I didn't know that.

So did he eventually maybe he needs to give up on the sunset thing and just pop the question. And he did give up. So he just asked me when I started walking away. Well, you know what? I think I think you guys are going to be very happy because let me tell you something, Veronica, marriage is all about giving up. He just gave up.

So literally you're walking back to the bus stop. And he was like, oh, anyway, maybe we'll get married. And he went, sure, let's get out of here. You just see a ring in a box get thrown past you. Like, there it is if you want it. You want it. At the back of her head. Well, he sounds like a very patient man.

He is very patient. Yeah. He's a mathematician. Oh, really? Do you have a question for Conan at all? Yeah, so about the wedding. Yeah, who are you? Who the fuck are you?

I don't want that in my Google search history. Sorry, go ahead. So I was thinking I found out that I am going to have to make a speech. And my question was, how do you write a wedding speech? Because it just seems like such a big moment. And I've never had to write a speech ever for anything. And I want it to be special. I want it to be honest.

Also not embarrassing. Well, I think, first of all, I wouldn't eat any of the food you've described before the speech, OK? So no goulash and no giant 15 pound manhole cover of yeast. And certainly do not give the speech at sunset because you'll never make it. Yeah, yeah. But my sincere when you know what I really do believe is sometimes

people think speeches need to be long and they don't. I think the magic of a speech is that it can be quite short. And and you just be honest. You know, you you love this guy. And if you speak and also, I'll tell you this, you have a very good sense of humor. You seem like a really delightfully funny and fun person, despite you're just a terrible person to propose to.

But I think I think it's low blood sugar around sunset is your problem. But but if I were you, I would just I bet if you sat down and you thought about what he means to you, what Marty means to you and what he means and the life that you want together and you're honest and you wrote it down, I think in 10 minutes, you'd have something really lovely.

And that's all it has to be. I think you don't put too much pressure on it. And I think and I think that's going to be a lovely speech. And can you make it funny? Is that I can't. I'm not good at that. And also, I'm in a union. I got to get paid.

It's the Writers Guild of America. But yes, of course, you can make it funny. And I think myself, I mean, we've already ruined it. But I think if you just told the story of how many times Marty tried to propose to you, that would be really funny and people would laugh. If you said, I mean, first of all, you can be, you can start out and you can talk about how much it means

to you that everyone's come to your wedding, assuming that everyone in town shows up. What is that? 50,000 people. No, but if you tell that story, that's a really sweet story. It really, it's funny. And then you can end on a sweet note and just talk about what he means to you

and you have a really good speech right there. That's what I would do. Sounds good. Yeah, it does sound good. Okay. Well, send it to me and I'll punch it up with a couple of jokes. Yeah, you should write it for her.

No, no. Or you can send it for her and then film it and then she could just play that at your wedding. Yeah, and no one in the town will know who this man is. 50,000 phones start googling. Yeah, so it's just Google will crash. Your wedding will crash Google. Suddenly, we're getting all these hits

for who is Conan O'Brien in Hungary. Anyway, Veronica, please have a wonderful wedding and you're gonna do very well with your speech. You really are and we're very happy for you. And it's nice to have you as a friend. It really is. Thank you so much. It was so nice to meet you guys.

Nice to meet you too. And I'm sorry if I said mean things. Oh, no, no. It's funny. It's really funny. It's funny and you know why it's funny? Because it's true and so that was terrific. That was good.

So don't you worry about that. Thank you, Veronica. Thank you, Veronica. Bye-bye. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Conan O'Brien needs a fan

with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely. Produced by me, Matt Gorely. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Soloteroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Music by Jimmy Vavino. Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples.

Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineered by Will Beckton. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.