Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Greta Lee

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

Actress and writer Greta Lee feels excited about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.   Greta sits down with Conan to discuss her childhood deeply rooted in Korean identity, experiencing a massive cultural shift moving to the Midwest, experiencing the impact of her role in the 2023 romantic drama Past Lives on audiences, and her upcoming Netflix film The Last House. Later, Sona celebrates husband Tak’s recent promotion to black belt in karate.   For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

My name is Greta Lee. And I feel... Greta, you just set the record. That was the longest... It wouldn't be the longest intro. Because that record is held by Jeff Goldblum, who went for maybe 45 minutes. But there was just silence.

I just died a little bit. I saw it. And then came back to live. life. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends. I can tell that we are going to be friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend.

I am Conan O'Brien, of course, joined by my two chums, pals, amigos. They're my ride-along buddies. That's right. Sona Musessian. What's up? What? And, uh, okay. I don't think you really want to know what's up with me. I think you just said that.

I do. I didn't. I don't want to know. How are you, Matt? I'm good. Did you kind of mean ride or die? Because ride-along feels like we're, you're a cop and we're like your kids. Yes. I think comedically, I'm an expert and you two are researching the role of being funny and

you're riding along with me. Oh, okay. But then we stop and we're involved in a shootout. But we also don't have a choice to who we get to ride along. You don't know. You want it to be, hey, I want to write along with Bill Hader. No, that's not going to work out. You're with Conan O'Brien.

What's our shootout? Sometimes you do get phrases wrong. I do, yeah. Yeah, and it makes me laugh. Like you said cute meat the other day when we were recording and it's me cute. Yeah, but you know what? You can flip those around whatever you want. I play with language like James Joyce.

I'm constantly, no, no, I'm very creative with it. You're like, the rule is to say it this way. Well, you're just saying. it incorrectly. Cute meat is not the right way to say it. Right along makes no sense. What I'm doing implies like they didn't have a meat cute but they just sigh each other and went, hey, you kind of got cute meat. Like your meat is cute? Yeah. Oh. You guys are terrific. And by the way, I want you out of my comedy cop car. We can't these doors are you can't open from the inside. I don't follow the rules. I don't

You want to color inside the lines and do a good job with your talking. I'm all over the map. And I think that it's the way to go. And it's just important. Like, you remind me sometimes of my mom and she is not a native English speaker. So you, the two of you have the same sort of grasp on a lot of like new. Does she say cathartic like he does? Do you say cathartic?

I like to throw a sea in there. It makes, it gives it an Arctic. chill. I didn't realize it was on purpose. Yeah. Wow. I'm telling you,

there's a lot that I do that, and you're thinking, of course, you're the guy that if you got in a time machine and go back to look at Picasso and go,

no, no, no, not two eyes on one side of the head. This will never work. Make cats with big eyes. And that's why, you know, your time travel

adventures are always just terrible. But what I do is I play with the forms. I'm very elastic and creative. It's all on purpose. Of course it is. Yeah. What are you talking about?

You say Saturday Night Live weird too, which we've talked about. Well, that was years ago. Yeah. You sat on lives. Yeah, you did it. Well, I told you what happened. Lauren is from the Deep South. Okay.

And then he invented this whole thing. No, we're not doing this again. No, he invented this whole thing about being from Toronto. But when I first met him, is like, hello, Coda. Welcome to Saturday Live. He was drinking a mint julep and he was fanning himself. He was sitting on a big porch. Big spread down there in Alabama.

Anyway, sure. Okay, I will try to conform to your more legalistic ways of speaking. We could do you. We could go on a comedic ride-along. Yeah. That's what it is. So we're both like in the backseat of the cup of car. And you say I remind you of your mom.

And you remind me of my- Well, she created you and I created you. So that makes sense. Okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah. You know what?

Yeah. I don't know how to argue with this because he kind of did. And I saw you. And I cleaned you. up a little bit and then cuts you with my magic wand. And now your international star, Sonam obsessus, you. I can't even argue because you're kind of right. And I did clean you up. You were a mess. You did not clean me up. I was fine. Covered in leaves when I met you. So here we are. And I think that. It's good we got that out. It was very cathartic.

You say words incorrectly. Thip-de-de-de-de-thi. You sound like my mom and she's an immigrant. You don't know how to speak English sometimes. Even though you were born here and you went to college here, you're supposed to be a writer. But how? I love the teacup is the best part. I should be insulted, but that's one of the better songs I thought. It was brilliant.

That was really nice. Thank you. I will be paying you back for that for weeks and weeks to come. I know. And so... My lawyers will be in touch. You're lawyers. You're lawyers.

You mean the ones that are suing you? David Melman. She uses lawyers that are suing her. That's like when you go to buy a house and you go to the seller's realtor and go, hey, could you represent me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, let's get into it. This is quite a show that we have today. My guest, this fine day is a talented actress who starred in the fantastic film past

lives. She also voiced Lillipad in Toy Story 5. So this... I've heard of it. Yeah, Toy Story 5 is a, many people say the performances in Toy Story 5 are the best performances ever recorded. I heard that, but they said they've singled out one. Nope. Nope. They said every single performance. They said one performance in particular really made it. Gratily. It was Gratily. Anyway, now you can see her in the new Netflix movie, The Last House. She's lovely, super talented, so happy. She's stopped by the podcast today. Greta Lee, welcome. You and I have had some opportunity to hang recently

because we are part of the most successful movie of all time. Oh, is that right? I just said that. You guys are in the Odyssey? Yes, we were. Well, yes, we are there. Did you not make it until the end? We are there.

We're definitely there. People have always said I have a Matt Damon quality, and I pulled it off. He was unavailable. We are in this movie together, and you were fantastic, by the way. And this thing, I don't know about you, but William Morris and Devere will send me like a thing that says, you know, Toy Story 5 has now passed the $800 billion mark, which entitles you do a check for $75. And I'm just really excited.

So I just go like, yay, ice cream's on me. Yeah, exactly. It's really fun. It is very fun. Yeah. And I don't want to be goosh about it. it and bring up, you know, the numbers. Well, I'm sure your numbers are very different.

You could carve out, you know. But, you know, a lot of people in America, and I know this to be true, I have facts on this, see that the emotional core of the film, Smarty Pants, and LilyPad. And there's a lot of like Tom Hanks, Who, Joan Kusawa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's a lot of that going on. Yeah, that is going on right now. In my mind.

It's going on in my mind. No, it's definitely. I'm not on social media. But if I am the right person to confirm, it's definitely going on. It's been the blowback. Wow. Incredible. Have you checked in on Tom?

Is he okay? Tom is depressed. So depressed. He's flatlining. Yeah. You know, just, I mean, these guys, Tim Allen hasn't spoken since the movie came out. I know. Because they're just decimated by all the love for Lily Pads, Smarty Pants.

Yeah. Did you have fun doing it? Because that was an insane experience. The press tour or the actual recording of the movie? The press tours are just, I don't even know. know what to say about press tours. Increasingly, they're more embarrassing. Yeah, yeah.

I would say this one, though, compared to some others, it was pretty okay in terms of the embarrassment factor. I mean, I thought we did some honorable work out there. We did some honorable work out there. My favorite part was Tom Hanks and I were tossed into a van, driven down to Disneyland, and they said, we want you to get shot in the theme park, you know, videotape of you in the theme park for promotion. And so our characters are behind us going,

do, do, do, do. This is real? This is real. So we go down there. They take us through all these different tunnels. They put us up in front of this. Yeah, they put us up in, oh, you're graffiti's all over the place.

You know those tunnels? And a lot of Matt's a dick. But he worked there at Disneyland. Oh, yeah, okay. Back on the day, he was a talking trash can. And I make fun of him because I'm a talking toilet train. toilet paper. How the mighty of power.

Yeah, exactly. You actually have the superior position on me. But anyway, they had us pose in front of this flat. Yeah. Yeah. It could have been anywhere. Why did we have to be? But you're a method actors.

Your performers, you take this seriously. They're not going to shaft you like that. They're going to put like a green screen behind you. Exactly. Now, Greta, once again, as I've always said about Greta Lee, she's always right. She's always right. You've always said that. You are a.

lovely person to hang with and talk to. And so we've been trying to figure out, you're very busy, when could we get you here on the podcast to chat? And so I'm so glad you're here. Yeah, you got me. Yep. This is our first six-hour podcast. We've never done one of these. It's a six-parter, right? Yeah, it's a six-parter. Is it six hours in one sitting? Yes. It's cheaper to do six hours in one sitting. Okay. Got it. And no bathroom breaks. Oh, great. I have my catheter. Let's go. I'm ready. So much to talk about. And I like to set the stage a little bit. You're born and raised in Los Angeles.

Your parents are immigrants from South Korea. So that culture is super strong when you're growing up. Super, super strong. And you are, it's kind of, I remember it in my family, which is Irish Catholic. There were certain messages we got loud and clear about how to behave and what's okay and what's not okay. I'm imagining it's the same thing in the South Korean diaspora. Yeah, I'm still not in the clear. You know, like I'm still being tested.

I don't think I've passed yet. What's the message that you were given, whether out loud or just subtly, was it to be quiet? Was it to be a certain kind of person? Well, I don't want to be dramatic, but it was like, you are not enough. Stop being so loud, be a lady, be more respectful, stop trying to be funny. It's just weird. Also, kind of not ladylike.

Yeah. To be funny. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I feel it's funny hearing colleagues and other artists talk about, especially people who do comedy, their childhood's filled with, you know, watching us and all together on the couch and the whole family kind of getting behind. that did not exist in my household. It was like, but by the way, my family, the funniest people on this, on this planet, hands down.

However, the idea of like telling a joke, it's like, what are you doing? You want to get spanked? Like, what are you doing? So that was, that all came later for me in terms of understanding that, oh, comedy is a business, is a profession, and you can actually do something with that. But yeah, my childhood and growing up was deeply rooted in Korean identity. I was also the first born in my family. So that means I was sort of the gateway for everyone.

I was the first person to go to school in the States. I was the first person. I remember teaching my parents a Star-Spangled Banner for their citizenship tests. Oh, wow. And, like, that was hard. You should have. If me, I would have talked. them the wrong stuff. I would have made up some words in there just to screw with them, you know?

But it's the test. I know. But hey, if my parents get kicked out of the country, that's funny to me. You really flunked that one, dad. You would have like a weird house on. I'm just saying it's an opportunity to throw a few extra words in there, maybe get a chuckle. Oh, sure. But I've read that your role models when you're a young girl, when you're like a young woman, young girl, and you're growing up in this family you're supposed to be ladylike, you're watching movies and you're identifying with Val Kilmer, Nicholas Cage.

What's that all about? With men. Well, I think it makes sense if you think about how much I was under this pressure to be more feminine, more like hyperfam, a lady, all of that. So I just swung full throttle the other way. It's like Val Kilmer.

I mean, which I don't know, was the poster child of that kind of masculinity for me at the time. And yeah, yeah. And Nicholas Cage, Jack Nicholson, those guys, I remember watching them and feeling like, wow, I want to be like that as a young girl, which I, you know, I don't know. It still doesn't quite make sense to me. I think it kind of does because if the repression, and I'm not using that in a dramatic way again, I'm saying like if there is a repressive stay in your box sort of, vibe you're getting, you need jet propulsion to get out of it.

Mm-hmm. And so I can understand saying like, okay, I'm going to identify with these guys who are kicking ass in movies. Yeah. And throwing people through walls because that will propel me more out of this world. I mean, it's not that you want to be them, you just want to get out of this. Yeah. Yeah.

I think. Yes, that's it. Yeah. You go to New York. You go to college in New York? I go to college Northwestern. and I made a stop in the Midwest, and that was strategic on my part. Really?

Yeah, because I applied early to Northwestern. I remember as a 17-year-old looking at a map of the U.S. and thinking, like, oh, I could go from one coast to the next. I could just go from L.A. to New York, and that would be great. And I think I would know exactly what that would be. And then I thought, wait, but what's this middle area here? What's Shiboygan, Wisconsin? What?

And I really, my mind, I was open to a whole new to me, a hugeer cultural shift from the Midwest to how I grew up than like other parts of the globe. I couldn't believe that there was this whole section that I just didn't know anything about. And it really paid off for me, actually. I met my husband there. I'm like, yeah, I'm basically Midwestern. It's funny, you were approaching your move away from home, like, it's this buffet table, and you're not going to go right to the end. You're going to work your way down. You should have moved one state at a time and slowly made your way across.

Exactly. Exactly. And I'd make it there at my deathbed. Like, finally, New York City. I'm ready to have a good, oh, my hip. Oh, college. College, here we go, freshman year. So you met your husband at Northwestern, and we see you in the dramatic.

arts as well? Yeah, I think maybe he would like people to know. He was actually an urban studies major, a sociology major, who also was in Meow, the comedy group there. Yeah. And we met through that, not because I was in Meow. I was in the band that played for Meow. Really?

And we were called Captain Teabag. Okay. So, Captain Teabag. So, anyway, I got to go. This was really nice. Captain Teaback. The band you're in. No follow-up question.

It plays for the comedy group Meow, which is where urban planners get together and do improvisational comedy. And all the comedy is about, well, if we could get the... The city grids. Like, what's wrong with this public? A roundabout might help ease pressure. Yes. And scene.

Yeah. Yeah. You have worked on so many great shows. One of the shows that you're... You're just going to let Captain Teaback go. Yes, he is... Just leave it. Because I'm a sensitive host who got a signal that...

we move on from Captain Teabag. But you countermanded it. All right. So Captain Teaback. Oh, my, yeah. What instrument did you play? The teabank. Vocal.

I, the teaback. You throw out, you want me to go in a certain direction. I go that way, and then you're like, I'm sorry. I'll just, no, no, you're going to leave that all in. Oh, geez. Sorry about him. It's what he does.

It's fun. So what jobs have I done? Was that your question? No. If you could be reincarnated as an, Any tool in a toolbox. Yeah. I love that question.

You're kind of an Allen wrench, I think. Yeah, definitely. You work on these amazing shows. I mean, I was thinking about it and going over like your past. Girls, Russian doll, of course, the morning show. But you did this spot on Broad City, which I saw recently because I've been binging Broad City. Oh, you have? Well, I watched it here and there.

back in the day when it was on and I really liked it. But my daughter came home from school and summertime and she started binging it with my wife. And so I sat in and I just would watch whole seasons and then go to the next season and the next season. It's so good. Isn't it? It's fantastic.

And it really holds up. It does. It's great. They're remarkable. No, thanks. And I remembered liking it at the time. But because of this new streaming era, you can really, really appreciate all the different little circuitous roots and notes and themes that run through

a show. Mm-hmm. Just fantastic. Yeah. Are you re-watching girls, too? You know, it's interesting? My daughter did. I have not, but I want to go back and start it again.

Yeah. That is also one of those shows that it holds up in a very, in an uncomfortable way. Yeah. Like you almost wish we had progressed a little bit more since that time. as a society, but a lot of it really holds up. In what way? I think like for millennial specifically in that time, I mean in the world, but specifically for people living in New York City, I feel like, I really feel like that was the next

chapter after sex in the city. I really do. And the way, and Lena, I think she's incredible. and what she was doing at that time, I think was absolutely remarkable. And, yeah, she deserved all kinds of crazy for what she did. It was also incredibly remarkable, her book. Yes. Lena Dunham wrote an autobiography.

I listened to it. You listened to it? Yeah, I don't always do that. I don't always love an audiobook, but for this one in particular, I think you have to listen to it. What I like to do is read the audiobook. It's very hard to do. Very hard to do. You just say whatever is being said to you?

You put a glass of water next to the speaker and then you just watch the water vibrations and then you figure out what they're saying. You're worried about my interjections in this. I'm just telling you either got it or you don't, buddy boy. You're going to see. That's going to get a lot of likes. Podcasts don't get likes. Sure they do.

Right. Like this guy knows podcasts. But yeah, she's in a remarkable person. and so honest. Yeah. So honest about everything and that and a great writer. An incredible writer. And I realized I was having like a suspended panic attack while listening to her audio book, driving in L.A.

Because, you know, I were in a car so much. I kind of thought like, oh, this is a perfect listen. It is and it's also not because it is so, she writes with such brutal honesty. and it is so, it's so painful and enraging, frankly. I'm a little enraged on her behalf in terms of the things she experienced, but I, yeah, highly recommend. If you want to be enraged while driving, this is the book for you. No, it's a, it's a beautiful book.

It's an amazing document. You have worked with so many incredible women, Amy Poehler, Tina Faye, Lena, of course, Amy Schumer and Natasha Leon. And so, you know, my journey, obviously very different from your journey, but some things are the same, which is I, in my family, I never in a million years thought that this was any kind of a job. So when I was in high, you know, grade school and high school, I was a nervous grind. And I was funny with my friends, but I had no idea.

I mean, I never saw anybody from show business in Boston, Massachusetts in the 1970s. And it wasn't part of my culture in any way. And then it was just through a series of accidents that I sort of got closer and closer. But when I finally did get into this world and you realize a big part of it is working with people whose mind works kind of like your mind and in different ways. And there's a whole world of people that we're also getting beat up on the playground. But now we're all together and someone's paying for lunch. It's, you know, and it's a job. That's crazy.

My version of that is I actually grew up really knowing a lot about the industry, not because of my family, but because in L.A., I went to Harvard Westlake, which is a very good school. Private school here in Los Angeles, filled with industry families. So I had a lot of exposure to, you know, a lot of different very successful people early on. But the idea of what that was was presented in a way that was almost like, don't sell out. Like, don't actually be like Spielberg, which is so funny to think about. God forbid, anyone was like Spielberg. Yeah, like, I don't know. And I remember an English teacher pulling me aside and saying, you know, don't, I hear you want to be an actor. I hear you want to go to Northwestern. Don't come on.

Don't do that. But what way was she saying it? I think there was this real emphasis on like being an intellectual and being a real artist, whatever that meant to people. But that's it. I have to say, inform a little bit of my decisions in terms of like what I was, where I wanted to go to school and what kind of moving to New York after college. Like I wanted to be a stage actor and I really wanted all of that. But to your point about finding your people, I grew up at that time like dealing with a little bit of my identity and being Asian American. Like, oh, basically at lunchtime, like, do I hang with the Asian kids?

Where do I sit? And it wasn't until I found the theater kids. It was like, oh, I'm just that race. Yes. I understand now. It's all fun. These are my people. Right.

And it doesn't matter where you come from. Yeah. But if you're a theater nerd, I'm with you. That's what it is. Yeah. And yeah, it's so funny. I remember in another lifetime, I think I was working on Saturday Night Live as a writer. And someone noticed they put,

that throw me in sketches sometimes, and someone said, you should take a serious acting class. And I thought, well, okay, we have weekends off. And so I took a class with like, you know, I think was it, Uda Hogan. Oh, wow. I got into this class.

And I thought, well, I'm going to really learn. And I remember they went around the room and every single person said, well, I would never do a commercial. And I don't want to be in a movie. I wouldn't have anything to do with it. I just want to do check off and I want to do it in a very small theater.

And I was sitting there, And I thought, bullshit. You're just all lying. Yeah. I mean, it's fine to have those aspirations, but I just, you know. And then subsequently, I've seen them all, you know, getting a burrito. This tastes delicious. It's scrum dittily do.

Yeah. I don't know. There's no ramp into this question. I can't wait. Okay. You committed a murder. Yes. Let's not talk about that.

In 1999, Portland, Oregon. Off the record. Off the record. You committed a murder. No. I heard that you would sometimes get an impulsive tattoo. And I am, that's one thing I have, that's a world I've never sort of. Well, your skin looks delicate, I have to say.

I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, yes. Greta. What do you mean by that? And please be honest. I just, I mean, it feels. It feels vulnerable. You should actually feel it. I don't need to.

I can tell from where I'm sitting. You reacted like a mummy walked into the room. So you're saying if I got a small tattoo of like a yin-yang symbol, it might kill me. Possibly. Yeah. The way it transfuses into your blood. I don't know. I do.

You know what? Immediately when you said that, everyone here nodded their head. Yeah, definitely. You're just speaking a truth. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have like piercings or anything else? Oh, I have a ton of piercings. Okay, right.

Yeah. What? I just, I'm really into it. I think it's fantastic. I cannot go through a metal detector at the airport. And then when I show them why, they're horrified. Right. Yeah.

I do. I'm really into that. No, I have no piercings. I have nothing. No tattoos. I think because I grew up with bright orange hair and very pronounced freckles that faded over time, not interested in any other marks on my body. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But what would be an impulsive tattoo for you, something that's just like, oh, my God, I can't believe I did it, but I just went for it. Okay. Fine. You don't have to do this. No, I'll give you one. I was so mad about a certain election one year that I tattooed the female symbol on my finger,

which was really stupid because it's like it looks like I have forgotten. gotten what I am and I need to remember it. It's like memento where you have to remind yourself. I think when a kid puts right and left on their sneakers. Yeah, exactly. Like it looks deranged. But at the time, I mean, I put it on this finger because I felt, I mean, I don't know. I just felt like it was this moment, you know, heard of mansplaining.

Like I felt like that was a big like, no, no, no. So I put a female symbol on my finger. So now I can do that all the time. with this reminder. I realize recently I don't have enough testosterone to mansplained. It's just, when I try to mansplain, it's just, it doesn't come across that way. It's just spaining. It's just spaining.

And women are like, it's okay. Yeah, they're like, from you, it's fine. Manspending from you. Just feels like I'm chatting with one of the ladies. The least intimidating guy. Yeah, yeah. That car was mansplaining. Were you mad?

Not really. He was on a pink phone and. Can you man spread as well? You can't. Hey, let's not get into it. Okay. We'll see those piercings. Okay, let's just settle down.

I apologize. Okay, so this, I know comes up a lot in your interviews, but I need to tell you that when you were booked on the podcast, and you've had so much different success, but some of the people on our show that work here are sort of religious zealots about past lives in a really sweet way. And I know that you must get that all the time. I do get that all the time. Which is nice. It deserves it. It's such a great movie. Thanks. You know, I do get that all the time and I do really appreciate it. Not just, listen, it's so nice to be in a movie that people love and, you know, is successful. That's so great. But beyond that, I still have so many people stop me and not in like an aggressive or intrusive way and just feel the need to just turn and say very simply, I love that movie so much. Thank you so much. And to me, I think there are so many different ways we can complain about our industry and this job and what.

But I think that's like an instant reminder that like I love film and I love what we do. and how great to be able to connect with all kinds of people. Also, one of the things I've noticed is you're never, it's nice to be busy, we're really lucky to get to do this, running around doing all these different things, you never quite know what's going to resonate. Yeah. And I'm sure you felt, okay, this project is special,

but you're doing a bunch of things, you do that, and then it endures, and that's one of those films that's going to make a big impact. It is much discussed. It is much praised, but I feel like in five, 10, 15 years, it's just going to keep going. Yeah. And other things that maybe got some noise will fade a little bit, but that's one of those movies that touches on something very elemental.

Yeah. I think so. And I like that the reason is something that feels so kind of elemental to just being a person. Like one of my favorite experiences was a young woman coming up to me and saying, thank you so much for past lives. She said, I'm 17 years old. I've never been in love, but because of your movie, I'm so excited to be in love. Oh, man.

I was like, Jesus. And I was like, you shithead, leave me alone. How dare you come up to me? I'm with my family right now. Turn around and get out of here. No, but it really, it's just, I mean, how could your jaw not hit the ground when you hear something like that from someone? And I just like, I am. so appreciative and genuinely do hope that I get to experience that for a long, long time.

And obviously, your story relating to that film because you were up for a part, didn't get it. Oh, my God. And you were crushed because you thought, well, this would have been a really good part. You moved on with your life. And then the original casting fell through. Is that right? I think enough time has passed now that I can tell this story. Okay.

The murders that I've committed. Portland, Oregon, 1998. No, it really was such a messy ride. And this, you know, it happens a lot with casting and with you find out like, oh, I was not only the second choice. I was like the 15th choice or whatever it is. But in this case, I really was told by the universe several times that this was not going to be my job. And at a certain point, it just became so absurd and insulting. Because the first time I auditioned, I was convinced to do it. I didn't really think I could speak Korean well enough to do it. And that wasn't something that I was looking for.

But I was convinced did the tape and then didn't get it. And it was like to my agent, it's like, come on. I'd see? Like, what did you make me do? And they're like, no, no, you know, they thought that you are just too old. Nice. Don't worry. It wasn't your Korean.

It's you're too old. Oh, Jesus. But basically, that was the case because they had cast the other rule. this really excellent Korean actor who was much younger than me. And it went to someone else and they were going to shoot it. But then it fell apart. And it came back almost exactly a year later. Same thing.

And I think I had sort of started talking to them. And at the time, and this is just wild, but I got a call from Scott Rudin's office and he was attached at the time. And it was a message that was a long voicemail that was something. something like, where are you? Come, you have a meeting at Cafe Clooney. You know, he's waiting something, something. And I thought I got past lives because I thought, oh my God, like, this is amazing. Like he wants to meet me at Cafe Clooney to tell me that I got this job. I listened to the message again and again and I played it. I sent it to my agents and they played it. And we realized collectively that the message was actually for Greta Gerwig. Oh. For something completely.

Who knows what that was for? I don't know. I've told her now since, and she was like, oh, my gosh, I have no idea. But that was such a publicly humiliating experience because the whole, you know, all the agents were like, oh, my God, oh, my God, yeah, that's, that's rooting. And then collectively realizing that was the wrong Greta. And so I really thought, like, please leave me alone with this job. It's not mine.

I get it. I'm too old and I'm too American. Or whatever. And you're no Greta Gerwig. I'm not Greta. You're the wrong Greta. Wow. And, you know, it is when you have experiences like that, you think, I didn't ask for

anything. Exactly. Leave me out of it. Stop coming to me, getting my hopes up a little bit, and then slapping me around. Exactly. Stop it. So then it comes back around again and all works out. Well, yeah.

And then it was like, can you Zoom with Celine tomorrow? And it was during the pandemic. And I had no time to, you know, cram and try to pretend like I'm like a different actor. Like, it's sort of like, no, it's go time, you know. Yeah. And we read together on Zoom and she gave me the job on the spot. And it was just, I know. I hate stories like that, though.

You know, it just feels too. I don't like when it feels so cosmic or like so. Well, you know. Mostly it doesn't feel that way. There's so many things in life that don't happen. that when it does happen, you kind of have to honor it. Yeah. Because I've, I mean, I've had one major cosmic moment like that where...

What was yours? How I got into this whole on-air thing, which is how I... I mean, it's too long a story to go into, but I had no business getting this late-night show. When I was 29 years old. It just had no business. It shouldn't have happened. I was in no position to get it. I wasn't ready.

But things kept conspiring. Yeah. How many people did you kill to get that? Oh, my God. Well, a lot of them lived. Yeah, okay. Camel Fallon, they all somehow survived. Yeah, Greta Gerwig.

She was the big one that had to go. Yeah. Although why they called me when they were trying to get Greta Gerwig, I don't understand. I am a scientific person. I can usually look at someone's magical story and tell them why, well, that's not really magical because this is. But every now and then I hear something and I go, yeah, there's no explanation for that. And my situation, it is truly, you know, when I got the job, I knew Tom Hanks just as a writer from Saturday Night Live.

He knew me because he would come on the show and I would write things for him. And he looked at me and he pointed me and he said, this doesn't happen what's happening to you. It doesn't happen. I don't think it's ever happened. And he was saying it as like in a calm, historic way. Yeah. It was very bizarre. And so when I try to explain that to younger people who've grown up with me yacking in the background.

Yeah. The idea of me doing a show just seems like, well, of course. Well, they're like, you've been around forever. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk about old. Take your old and multiply it by 15 and you get me. So, I mean, I honor that. Sure.

I don't get it. I don't get it either. But is that stressful for you now? I mean, that was a while ago, but. Not now, but then it was, oh, my God. To feel like that lucky in a way. Yeah. And also when you have that kind of situation, it was some Esquire piece about me.

And no one knew who I was yet. And they had one photograph of me because there was no internet. There was no, I didn't have head shots. And Esquire did a thing about jealousy when someone you know has been elevated. And the headline of the piece was my photograph with like a bull's eye on it. Oh, boy. And I remember looking at this. Before I even went on the air, looking at it and going, okay, this is going to be fun.

Oh, yeah. So, but I guess what I'm saying. is that I do think sometimes, and this is not scientific, and this is maybe just Irish magical thinking, but sometimes there is something at work that cannot be explained. Yeah. And I think in your case with this project, it just kept coming back to you. Yeah. I mean, I think for me, it's still really hard to explain and to wrap my mind around what's happened for me. I think there, in our business, no one is entitled. to anything. I feel like I came off of a lot of years when I was first starting out, feeling really, really kind of put down by, you know, the lack of opportunities for someone like me, like forget being a girl, like all the other things. And I just felt like I couldn't believe I was still in it or trying. And there was a time it, I really, and I've said this before, I felt like I had already gone to my own funeral. And it wasn't,

It wasn't like so desperately sad. It just felt so like fact. And I had made peace with it. And I was living a great life. I mean, I had my kids and I had this husband that I met in college and a really full dynamic plate, a full plate. And yeah, made peace with like, I'm going to be a supporting actor. Like, I think I will have enough opportunity coming in to just like support my family enough. And this is going to be okay.

I think, but I know now looking back how, well, how dead I was. And like, there is something that is, yeah, a little sad about that because you think, wow, that is such a human thing. Like, your dreams very often die and have to die. And we see it all the time. And then sometimes new ones happen that are so much more than you ever could have to die. And we see it all the time. And then sometimes new ones happen that are so much more than you ever could have. imagined, there's just no possible way to wrap your mind around it. And that's sort of how I feel right now. Like, there's no, it's hard for me to categorize or sort of like place myself within a world of like, oh, I'm like, I'm like Val Kilmer or I'm like this person. Yes, guys, every day I wake up in the mirror and I'm like, how much am I like Valcomer? But it's just, it can feel disorienting is what I'm saying. And like what that sense of purpose and what's going to keep me going because I have all the tethers and all the things that I used to have to kind of measure myself and how much I was failing. All of it is just cut and it's all new and it feels like there's no blueprint. And I have no

idea. So. Well, I was just when I was talking to you just before he came in here and you're saying, well, I'm here today, but I got to jump on a plane because I'm going to London for a project. And the speed of things has picked up, all because you are extremely talented, you work really hard, you know your craft, and people now you're a known commodity, and the flip side of that is you're going to be jumping on a lot of planes and a part of a lot of things.

And so that's great, but you do have the ballast, which I think is the most important thing to have in this business of, I've got my family, I know what's important to me. And I had all those years of thinking, this probably wouldn't happen, that really helps when things pick up the way they are now. That, like, everything is is cake. Everything is dessert. It's extra. Like that, it really does feel like

that. I mean, of course, I have my days and there are certain jobs that are more challenging than others. There's certain situation. Of course. But I feel right now, I mean, check on me maybe in a month, in a week. I'm just going to call. I'm going to cold call you at three in the morning. Hey, are you okay? Conan, what? How you doing? Yeah. So remember when you said it was cake?

Yeah. Okay. How do you feel now? Yeah. Yeah. I want to talk about this movie The Last House. Yeah. Which, and I'll tell you a little quick story.

I always like to see the movie of anyone who's coming on. Yeah. And so I was like, okay, well, I know your work really well. I'm in a movie with you. We've chatted. Okay. We have a lot to talk about, but I want to see this movie. And then my assistant said, oh, it's, we got it.

We're going to watch it this morning. So I came in early and it came through Netflix. Yeah. And it starts to play and there's no, you can't hear anybody. You can't hear anyone. And then every now and then you could hear a little word and you'd say something like, would you like a sandwich? But then you don't hear anything.

You do like a sandwich. I do say that a lot in a movie. Yeah. And then we tried for a while putting subtitles on. And I think they're not quite done mixing it yet, possibly. or something. I don't know, but they sent us this movie that, and we were all like banging, like chimpanzees were like banging the side of the flat screen.

Like, dueling Foley, like old school stuff. Like Thunderclass. Yeah, yeah. And there were things that weren't there yet. It was disconcerting because someone would walk, but there's no footsteps. Oh, my God. So something, maybe some track didn't come through. And back in the day, this will date me, but you would get like a cassette or then you'd get a DVD or then.

But now it's. Oh, so Netflix is doing that now. They are? You didn't get the cassette. No. Damn it. It's a big three quarter inch. And they send you the machine that was built in 1981.

It's from the movie Broadcast News. Great movie. Great movie. I remember my first job in 1985, not necessarily the news. My writing partner and I showed up and they gave us these things that looked like giant mortar bricks. Oh, my God. And you would put them in a machine. It would go like, and then it would play whatever it is you were trying to look up.

Well, now it's all. here's a special code. It's going to be sent to you, Sona, right? You were at a restaurant not picking up your phone, having a good old time and putting it on the company. I missed one phone call. And I did put it on the company. Did you have a little liquid courage at lunch? No.

Okay, whatever. Anyway. So we were texting Sona saying, what's the code? What's the code? And she's like, another round. And put it on Team Coco. I missed one phone call. At her favorite restaurant, Shea, expensive.

And so then we finally get the code and we all gather on the TV. It took three minutes. It took you a while. Anyway. It took me three minutes. Please. Anyway, you're a little hungover,

but you have no sense of time. The waiter had to wake you up at the table. She was wearing a giant pinata. I don't know how you were a pinata. My point is, we watched it. It's a complete... There's no sound. There's no sound.

There's no sound. There's no sound. Oh, here's a pen for you. There's no sound. We're trying to watch it. But so then we went and we watched the trailer. And the trailer has sound. And we watched the turn.

I'm like, I want to see this. This looks really good. Did you think it was a creative choice? Like, did you think it was intentional? Did you honestly for a moment think like, oh. For a second. It's like the quiet place. It starts with your husband like on a dock fishing and there's no sound.

And I thought this is a really bold choice. This is cool because you hear nothing. don't even hear ambient sound. And you see lightning, but you don't hear it. And I thought, well, this is, I don't know who this director is, but they got guts. This is cool. Louis, I'm sorry. You are, he's having a stress attack right now.

No, no, no, no. The point is, I'm not saying anything bad about the film. I'm just saying that was our experience. This film that has sound. And we stopped it. Well, we don't know that. So we had to stop it. Yeah, it says you.

We stopped it like three minutes in. So I still haven't seen the movie. But we then watched the trailer and I'm like, I think it's a really cool idea. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Family goes into their house. That's normal. I think they live in Seattle

where my wife is from. I've been there many times. Yeah. And then there's just... You picked up on that without sound. I think the shot of the space needle. And most of Pearl Jam walking around gave it away.

Yeah. And people throwing fish to each other. Right, right, right. All that stuff. But then they can't get out of the house. And what's interesting to me is that initially doesn't seem that scary because what's safer than being in your house.

Right. And the cool thing to me about the idea is that at a certain point, being able to leave your house becomes terrifying. Yeah. Just kind of what we went through in COVID. Yeah, a little bit. I mean, I loved the idea of just a regular day and like, you know, this family and the sort

of chaos of the morning that a lot of parents know and then getting the miracle, like, finally we will leave the house and going to the door and it won't open. Yeah. And then a lot of time passing. Yes. And what is going to happen? I just, I really love that. And I just love Amblen-y kind of like those movies, a kind of thriller, sci-fi, survivalist stories.

Yeah. And I thought, yeah, let's, you know, I liked Louis's ambition for it. We shot a lot of it on 35-millimeter, which I at first was like, that's crazy. Right, right. Why? You sure? That's a lot of film. Well, actually, that's just an app on any iPhone.

35-millimeter. That's so cool, though. And so I am, I'll tell you this, I watched the trailer and I was like, I want to see this movie when Netflix lets me listen to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Just for that cassette. It's just some technical thing. No one should be reprimanded for this in any way.

These things happen. Yeah. Don't you think? You reprimanded me earlier, but yeah. I just think drinking at lunch and putting on the company card is a bad idea. I had fun. Also, if you checked your hearing, maybe it's just you. I don't come.

No. That's actually horrible. It could just be you. Maybe that's the true horror movie. And by the way, everyone around me loved it. And I'm like, too bad, there's no sound. And I saw everyone get really sad. Oh, yeah.

Tears falling. They're like, don't get down it. Yeah, yeah. And why does it make you urinate in your pants? And everyone was like, oh, Conan. Well, that's part of what the movie does, right? That's part of it. Greta, how much you regretting coming in here?

I mean, I don't know. No, this is great. So I'm sure you have a ton of follow-up questions about the movie since you've heard all of it and you've watched all of it. I did. So, I did. We should, like, really get into it. Really get into it.

Yeah. Now, you took a very, made a very strange choice for the way that you spoke in the film, I'm told. I haven't seen it, but I heard you. My accent. Hey, I can't get out of the life. What's going on? Yeah. We worked with real.

Marionette Papette. I'm getting it in so much trouble. The talking points are like, do not bring up Marionette Papette Tears. Stop doing that, Greta. Yeah.

Yeah. I love being told what not to do because then that's all I can think about. And we have it here with ad reads. They'll say, do not say that this car brand will explode. Do not. And it's things I would never bring up.

But then that's all I can think about. And then I inevitably say it will make, it will explode on you and then I get in trouble. Yeah. But I know you're that way too. You have the same problem. That's why I'm going to be quiet for at least five seconds while I clear my mind. Well, you morph into Val Kilmer. I am, this has been an absolute delight.

Seriously. You're just a lovely person and an amazing talent. And thanks. I know you're crazy busy. And we've been trying for a while to say, like, getting you in here was a, was quite a task. That's a compliment. Because when people tell you, I can do it whenever.

I'm in my house waiting to do that podcast. It's never a good sign. I'm talking about you, Al Pacino. Oh, wait, you know what? I do want to plug one more movie that's coming out on the same day. Okay. It's called Late Fame, and it's with Willem Defoe and I, and it's a movie that takes place in New York City, directed

by Kent Jones. And it's a real special, precious gem of a film that's coming out on the same day. How can we see that? In theaters. Is it also Netflix? No. Oh, good. It'll have sound.

It'll have sound. No, but Willem is so incredible in it. He's great. Sammy Burch wrote our script. She did May December. And it's the past lives team. It's Christine Mishon and Pam Coughler. it's amazing.

Willem Defoe can play the most diametrically opposed characters in film. And, you know, I'm thinking about him in Grand Budapest Hotel where he's this hilariously comic assassin. But then he can, you know, I mean, think about the different roles he's played where it bears no relationship to the role he just did. You know, he's a shapeshifter and a lovely guy. So lovely. He's just really lovely. Absolutely lovely. And the things he can do.

do with his face. I just don't understand his musculature in his face. And yet it's the performances for me, like Florida Project and this movie, the ones where he takes it all away and is just this man. I mean, he's not playing himself, but where so much of the other really joyful things we get to see him do is stripped away, I find that version of him so compelling. And that's this movie. So enjoy everyone. And it has sound. And the name of that film again is Late fame All right

Yeah And get the word out on that film too Yeah Should I go Should I go now? Oh I want you out of here So badly You were terrible today

You're just babbling I do hope you can come back Some time Because I feel like we just Scratch the surface But thank you so much For stopping by And

Yeah And just things have sped up a lot for you, and that's a great thing. And I don't even think I have to say this to you, but like, I just wish you take care of yourself. Oh, my gosh. You know what I mean? Like, protect yourself, protect you in your family time and all that because it's Greta mania out there. Oh, gosh. Yeah.

And I know what it's like. Trust me. Then I just start crying blood. Thank you. Thank you. I just found out some very very. exciting news. Check this out, David. What?

Sona told me yesterday that her husband, Taktikisian. Oh, Tach-Beroian. What's that? Tach-Beroian. Does it matter? Yeah, it's his last name. It's not Tegesian. Okay.

Arminian names don't work like that. They're not just like... I thought that was just whatever. As long as it ended IAN, it was okay. Yes, you know what? Some of them do actually work that way. They take the name and then they put IA in. Yeah, yeah.

I always called him Tach-Takisian, but that's not it. It's Beroian. No. But anyway, Tacticesean, your husband, father of your beautiful children, lovely guy, funny, talented. The best. Yesterday, he had a huge milestone. Can you tell us what that is? He tested for his black belt, which is very, in a very intense thing.

And he got his black belt after seven years. This is incredible. With this specific dojo, he got his black belt. You know what? I would, first of all, I just love that I got you to say dojo. Because it's one of my favorite words. But this is amazing. How many belts are there?

Well, for his, because his is very traditional, there's only three belts. There's white, brown, and black. But there's degrees to each one. Right. So there's like, you get like, I don't know, three degrees of white and then you qualify for brown. Then there's three, I think, degrees for brown belt. And then you qualify for black.

And they only test for black belts once a year. He was supposed to test last year, but he got food poisoning. Sorry, it's not funny. It's not funny. I think he had nerves. I really do. But he got sick and couldn't do it. So he had to wait a full year before he could test again.

That's incredible. He was so close to getting this maybe the coolest award anyone can have. Yeah. And he got a little dummy trouble. Oh, no. I've got some tummy trouble. No. Yeah, but he tested.

Do you throw up all over the dojo? No, cake. You just wanted to say dojo. Maybe I did. Yeah. No, he tested and he did it. And I'm very proud of him. It's something he's been working for.

And that's really cool. I mean, it must have been so cool for him to have passed that test. He must have been just feeling so good about himself, you know? Yes. I think he was. He must have felt like I'm really in such a great, everything's going my way. He must have had mojo in the dojo. I was waiting.

I can't. I can't. I will say. Do you think he had mojo in the dojo? I'm not going to say he got mojo in the dojo. He just did. Thank you. Okay.

So anyway, Sona. Sona, this is a big deal. It is. And all my life, I've been hearing that's cliched phrase, you better watch out, I'm a black belt in karate. Now he gets to say that. Yeah. Does he say karate or karate? He says karate.

Like, he says it properly. And I think they make fun of people who are like karate. Like, they make fun of people like that. Now, what was the, do you know what the test was? They have like katas, which are, you know, you have to, you know. Did he have to fight a bunch of other guys? Memorized movements. like spar, I don't think he's spard.

But it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's a pretty intense. In my mind, it's like one of those classic, you know, Bruce Lee movies where he has to work his way up a tower, you know, each room. Do you know what I mean? Karema, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is in one. You know, it's different. There's 700 ninjas and another. And he just has to keep working his way through.

I so wish that that was the case. But no, he just went through some various chore. Yeah, they like, told him stuff and he had to do it. And it's all about how smooth. he is and how sharp he is and what about breaking stuff? I don't know. I mean, he didn't really tax not like you have to like fish information out of him. And so I I can't get he doesn't really he's not open about his last name. You know, so.

It's Broyon. His last name is Boreign. So yeah. Tekeesian. Well, he's Boreen. It's Boreen. Okay. But he, um, no, he had to do a test and it's in front of a lot of other black belt and in front of everybody who's at this special training thing, which is a lot of people from all over the country. So it's, it's a pretty intense thing. And there was six people who were testing. I think it would be better. First of all, it just doesn't, this doesn't make for a good story. I would have added some things. Yeah, at one point, they release six apes and he has to sub,

he has to subdue them all. Wouldn't that be great? They tie, yeah, they tie bananas, they tie bananas to his body. And then six apes, six ravenous apes are released. And he has to fight them all off. I don't like that test. Now, was karate chopping part of the? I knew, I said it before we recorded. I said, don't say anything about chopping. Okay. And I'm surprised you went this long without saying chopping. I went much longer than I thought I would.

I've always loved the idea of someone, let's say, like TAC, who's a black belt, before they attack someone or defend themselves, say, I chop you, I chop you. I chop you. And then they give them a karate chop. Do you think he ever would, if he was in a bad situation, had to karate chop his way out of it? Would he start yelling at as a salons? I chop you. I chop you.

I hope you. He's going to say I chop you. Although I might say my husband's a black belt. He'll chop you. Yeah. I might say that. Yeah. Has he taught you any moves?

No, he hasn't. He hasn't. Actually, no, he has. He's taught me some self-defense moves just so I know them. But also, I'm mouthy. And so because there's been a couple instances. He breaks boards. You break balls.

Yeah, I do. Hey, that's the perfect couple. But I do think, I do think there's times when I've let my mouth kind of get ahead of me. and then he's had to like jump in and like settle things. Oh, you mean out in the world? Yes. You've taught you've, because you have a hair trigger temper.

I'm a shitster. And you get mad. I've been with you when you start to get into it with someone. And, yes. TAC can intervene and calm you. No, he's like very old school where he,

like, he will defend my honor. And he'll like get into it with whoever's doing it. And because he's my muscle, he now knows, like he's always. known how to like really fight. He grew up learning knowing how to fight because he was like a little immigrant kid and people used to pick on him. Yeah. And so he's always had that. But, you know,

now it's like he's a black belt and karate. He'll chop you. And then, yeah, so I can use that. So you say it. I'll chop you. I'll chop you. Yeah, I think that would be. So you'd be in a situation where you're driving, he's in the passenger seat. Someone cuts you off. You beep your horn, maybe give him the finger and they yell at you and say you can't drive. Well, it's not usually road rage. Would he jump out of the car and say, I will defend your honor? No, I mean, there was an incident on a gas station once where these two people were picking on this older man and they were like threatening him when he got out of the car. And so I started yelling and then one of them started yelling at me and then TAC came out of the store and he's like,

don't talk to my wife that way. And it got very intense. Wow, good for him. But nothing happened. Good for him. What I would have in that same situation, I'm being honest, if someone was, we were a gas station I was inside and someone was screaming at Liza, I'd come out and say, when you're done yelling at my wife. No! Conan, no! Because I would say, well, this is your affair here. This is your business. When you're done screaming at my wife, I will move the car so you can pull in.

Okay. You would give them your spot at the pump? Best not to be hurt. But now I can say, you know, you're yelling at my wife. My friend, Tack, chop you. TAC chop you He chop you Good

That's the one I like Do we can hire Tack As like a security card for you He chop you good I feel like every guy thinks one day They'll become a black belt in karate I feel like that's like the sort of

I have never thought that You guys have never wanted to be in karate Learn karate and then become a black belt No he wants to be The person who's seen the most Musicals nonstop In a nine week period You don't need karate for that

Yeah And you should see the belt It comes with that It's a really, very shiny. It's a very colorful, fun belt. It's a sassy belt. Yeah. But Sona, I think this is very cool that he can do this now.

And I am curious if it has practical applications. Of course it does. Or I'm sorry, karate. Yeah. I think it does. I think knowing any kind of martial art is good for you. Yeah. Right?

You don't think so? No, no. I'm not saying I don't think so. I just am curious. I don't know. You think it's all like chopping boards and like kicking the air. but you're just wondering, does that actually translate if you're in a fight? If you're in a fight, I'm sure it does.

I'm sure it does. Yes. Don't you're upset. I'm just saying, I think even just saying, I'm a black belt and karate, bitch, then that's enough to scare somebody. I don't know. It's such a cliche, I'm a black belt and karate. I would just start laughing if someone said that to me.

You would not be, no, if someone was coming into your face and they're like, I'm a black belt and karate, you'd be like, okay, sorry, bro. No, you'd start doing bits. Yeah, I do bits. Oh, yeah. You would never say bro. I don't know why I would think you. I'd say, bro.

Bro. What are you talking about? I'd say, he is no sibling of mine. And then they just beat you badly. Yeah. I once, when I was at late night, one of the writers studied martial arts.

And he's since passed away, Brian Rich, but he's a really funny writer, really, and it's tragic that he's gone. But I once, he was very serious about studying, I think, martial arts. And I told him that I had studied a defense called the Cube. where you trace the outlines of a cube with your hand and you never stop and you cover every side.

And I said, if you do that, you can't penetrate the cube with a blow. And I would do the cube to him and he would go to like slap me. And basically I would just then move my hand so that would knock the hand that was slapping at me. But it had nothing to do with the cube. But I kept talking about the cube.

And I think I drove him insane because he kept saying, well, I don't understand. What do you mean it's the cube? You're not doing anything. You're just, the minute my hand starts to come near you, you just bat away at my hand. But you're, what is the cube? And I'd be like, no, it's the cube defense.

It's been worked out mathematically. And if I trace that and if you can see this on video, I would just do this and say, it's the cube. You're miming. He's miming a cube. I'm miming making a cube with my hands by moving my hands around in a, you know, geometric pattern. Yes. And the least threatening thing I've ever seen.

You look like you're vogging. Yeah. It looks like, yes, it looks like I'm Madonna boeing. It looks like I'm vogie, but I would say it's the cube, man. Nothing gets through the cube. It just made him crazy. And then when my son was old enough, when he was like seven, I started telling him, yeah, I know the cube defense.

I started doing the same bullshit with my son. And he was like, what is that mean? It does, no, you're just, that's not anything. What is that? So that's why he doesn't talk to me. It's a wonder you haven't been, can I be very sincere? It's a wonder you haven't been beaten up more than you have been. I was beaten up once.

It's a surprise, it's surprising you haven't been beaten up more. But I think in a way, maybe God made you tall because he knew this would be how you are so that it would be, you would be threatening, but not actually threatening. If you see me in person, I don't look like someone you'd necessarily want to mess with. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And you're in good shape and you look like you could fight. Also, I have so much untapped rage. I think that would work in my favorite. Eduardo, do you agree with this? I agree. I would go, you know, I do think I have a lot of anger. and I'm very physical. So I might snap. I'd be more hesitant to fight the guy with the cube

than the guy who says he has a black belt. Because you don't know what I'm getting. You're crazy. Because you seem ill. You're unpredictable. Because you've seen ill and unwell. Yes. Yeah.

And who knows? No one wants to fight crazy. Yeah. No one's fight crazy. So congratulations to Tack. Yes. Very proud of it. I'll get this right someday.

Yeah. Yeah. And I hope you don't chop you. Oh. Oh, my God. He's not going to chop me. Don't say chop. Why did you have to end it? I chop. I chop. I chop. I chop. I chop. I chop. I chop. I chop. I chop. I chop. I chop. I chop. I chop. I chop. I'm a chop. I chop. Something's wrong with me. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goreley. Produced by me, Matt Goreley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brick Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

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