Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Hannah Gadsby

Episode Date: June 3, 2019

Comedian Hannah Gadsby feels confused about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.Hannah and Conan sit down to talk about her new show 'Douglas,' the pitfalls of self-deprecation, breaking the comedy code with ‘Nanette,’ reacting to her mother in the audience, and needing to not care. Plus, sparks fly between Conan and producer Matt Gourley as they once again Review the Reviewers.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].This episode is sponsored by Heinz Mayonnaise, Airbnb (www.airbnb.com/Experiences), Away (www.awaytravel.com/conan2019 code: CONAN2019), Instacart (www.instacart.com code: CONAN10), State Farm (1-800-STATE-FARM), Chrysler (www.pacificaconan.com), Hair Club (www.hairclub.com/CONAN), and Mizzen+Main (www.comfortable.af code: CONAN).

Hello, my name is Hannah Gadsby and I feel confused about Dean Conan O'Brien's friend. Hey, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm Conan O'Brien. I guess that part was obvious. Not many people have my deep bass voice. I'm joined by my assistant son of my assistant. How are you, Sona? I'm doing great. Are you? Yeah. Why do you have your fingers up at your mouth? I don't know. I was biting my nails because I'm a nail biter.

Are you a nail biter? Yeah, it sucks. You know, when we were kids and we would suck our thumb and our mom wanted us to stop, she took that clear stuff that you strengthen your fingernails with, that varnish and she put it on our thumbs. Oh, really? And when we put our mouths, but then the problem is that reflexively my thumb would go into my mouth at night and then I would wake up with all of this. Oh. Yeah, but here's the kicker to the story. I was 24 at the time. I am not surprised.

Yeah, she did the right thing. I was sleeping in a giant crib, but that was more of a sexual thing for me. Matt Gorley is here. Matt, how are you? Better now that I've heard all that. We all have our different fantasies and mine is to be a six foot four inch Irish baby. Mission accomplished. You did it. Yeah. And my nurse is Sophia Vergara.

Oh my God. What? Yeah, she comes in and says, you know, she's Asian? I don't know. I didn't. I just went, I don't know what happened there. Oh. She was eating something when she came in the room. She was eating like some quiche, so her mouth was a little full. Oh my God. Am I not a, I caramba? I don't know what she would say.

Oh my God. Move on. Dot org. Whatever it takes. Just move on. Just introduce what's happening. What is happening? I don't know. I'm just a guy. I'm just a guy who's trying to earn a living. One of the hardest ways you can earn a living with a podcast. If I had a choice between digging a ditch with my bare hands or doing a podcast,

I got to tell you that'd be a toss up because this is a very dangerous job. And there's a lot of physical labor involved moving these mics around and drinking water. Okay. Let's get into it. It's stupid. I am very excited to talk to our guest today. She is in my opinion a brilliant and brave performer writer. You name it. She is just a very impressive person and I'm thrilled that she's here. She exploded under the scene.

She'd been around actually doing Combi for quite a while, but in 2018, she did a Netflix special entitled Nanette and it was a seismic cultural event. One of the most discussed television happenings of the year. If not the most discussed, it was absolutely breathtaking. She is now touring with a new show called Douglas. And I'm overjoyed that I get a chance to mind meld with her today. Hannah Gatsby, thank you for being here. How's it going so far?

It's going well for me. I'm delighted. I just met you minutes ago and I am delighted and I don't use the word delighted often. You've used it several times very quickly. It will soon be revealed that I don't know many other words. Delightful. I'm so delighted with you right now. I'm furious. I am an admirer. I wish I could use a stronger word. I'm trying to figure out what's a better word than admirer.

Desirer. Desirer, stalker. Long time fan, first time caller. Exactly. I'm going to get this right. I am a massive admirer of your work and I really was blown away when I saw Nanette. I know you hear this from a lot of people and I hate to be the person who's saying the same thing. You've heard over and over and over and over again, but I thought it was brilliant. I thought it was spectacular and I watched it.

I'm so glad you watched it after all that. I was just working off of an article on Buzzfeed. It was a list, but I felt so many things afterwards. There are maybe 35, we can't get to all of them, but there are 35 things that you've brought up in your work, in that performance alone and just in your comedy that have got my mind reeling. When I found out that you were willing to come and do the show, I was so relieved because I thought I want to talk to you personally and I want to connect with you in this way that can only happen in a podcast.

Because if we talked in real life, it wouldn't be recorded and no one would make money. And I'd walk away. This is a good, like, oh, I know what's happening here. In conversation, sometimes I go, I think it's finished and it hasn't, but it's too late. So you would have by now just walked away. Yeah, you do pause and I wasn't sure, but I knew because everyone's still sitting and I'm taking my cubes. Okay, okay. Because I wasn't done, I do intend to go on. Yeah, no, it's okay.

Anything I can do to help you? No, this is all great. I'm tethered. You are actually, you're wearing a headset that is tethered to the table so there's nowhere you can go. And this is my chance to talk to you about so many things. I'm going to start with self-deprecation in your special NANET. You sucker us in beautifully with great, great self-deprecating humor. And then you talk about pitfalls of being self-deprecating and some of the problems with it. And so you gave such a compelling argument for not doing self-deprecating humor.

You made a very compelling argument for why I should go away and I'm not even kidding around. And so I wanted to talk to you about it. Yeah, I'm finding myself in an interesting position now because part of the reason why self-deprecation was bad for me was because I exist in a marginalized, several marginalized identities. But post NANET, I mean, I've got a powerful platform now. Like I have quite a voice and a platform and so now is the time to be self-deprecating. But I can't, I won't be self-deprecating about those intersections of marginalized identities. So I'm not going to make fun of my physicality.

I'm not going to make fun about my gender and my sexuality, but just being generally hopeless. That's fine. So that's still on the table. I think so, yeah, because that's, you know, that's universal. We're all idiots. That's, I'm so glad you said that because over the years, many people after my show became established. I think to many people they would look at me and they would think, well, that's hollow. He's being self-deprecating, but he's a white man in America with a television show. Yeah. There aren't enough of us.

And I thought my self-deprecation went under my hard drive at a very young age when I was none of the things that I am now. And it, I was anxious. He's not always white. Well, if you want to get into it, no, no, I was not always white. You've changed. Yes, I have changed. But why did I go for this shade of white? It's a real commitment.

I could have gone for an off-white. I mean, there's so many ways I could have gone. I am an ecru. No one uses that word enough. It's not going to help. It's not going to help me. No, no, not just the word. No one's going to hear that and go, must slip that into my conversation.

Yes, they will. Someone out there is writing down ecru right now. How do you spell it? It's, I think it's E-C-R-U. Cool. I was just to help the person who's writing it down. Okay. Well, I was in the midst of telling you about my childhood pain and torment,

and you got us off on the spelling of ecru. And now I'm less than delighted because that's still the only word I know. Happy to help. Happy to help. Tell me about the pain of your childhood. No, I don't know. I felt when I was much, much younger, anxiety and lots of just negative feelings that I think a lot of young people feel.

And I downloaded all that into my comedy and then it never changed. And so... It's a reflex. It's a reflex and it's there and it's a little bit my approach to the world. And I have never minded that that was my approach to the world, but I have often thought, especially after seeing your special, it made me think a lot about ways in which self-deprecating humor can stunt. It can stunt you, it can freeze you in that moment of powerlessness and anxiety

and reinforce it over and over and over again. And I watched it and I thought, I believe you're right. Yeah, well, it's always that conversation. It's like, oh, all comedians are depressed. And it's like, yeah, because a lot of comedians work with self-deprecation. And it's that, you know, there's an investment in being a bit hopeless. Like there's an investment in being, you know, you're not going to make many people laugh with high status.

Very few comedians get away with that. They're like, I'm nailing life. And I'm just like, no one cares. I don't know if you're going to agree with me, but Jerry Seinfeld seems to be this strange exception where his manner is very much, I'm good and everything's okay. He's human, neutral. Yes.

He's kind of like the perfect straight white man, you know? He's not, he doesn't even have red hair. He's like, he's made some bad decisions on the hair and the shoe front, but other than that, he's fine. You know, there's a lot of pressure, particularly on, I think, guys to, you've got to be likable. And the best way to be likable is to be self-deprecating. But in this world, we're finally recognizing, you know, the perils of power.

This is like, there's a lot of particularly guy comics who don't know they have, they're in a privileged position because they've worked their entire life going, I'm just a little guy. And, you know, life's hard for me because I'm not the perfect guy. But now it's like, hmm, but being a guy is an advantage. And so, you know, there's floundering to be had. Yes. And so when I watched Nanette, there are so many things that started spiraling in my head,

not just self-deprecation because I thought, okay, I can't, I got a table that. But Hannah really has me thinking about this and ways in which it might be seen as false, ways in which it might be false, ways in which it might be stunting me from finding something else or communicating in a different way. Yeah, I think, I think it's an enormously helpful, you know, way to grow. Like, you know, it's the compost, you know, pile of shit on. But then, you know, you can't just, you know, I think that's where I was in my career.

Like, I was, you know, 10, 12 years in, definitely not 11. And just going, I don't know what else to say. Like, it's just, unless I kept repeating the same angle and I was growing, you know, with confidence because I was, you know, reasonably safe. It sounds silly now, but I was doing quite well. And now it's silly, but so it's sort of a, you know, I felt stunted and I was watching, you know, bitterness creep into my attitude and that's never been, you know, professional jealousy. And just like, you know, it's like, that doesn't make sense.

So there's all sorts of things that are no longer part of my life now because it's changed so much, but that was part of the writing of it is to break out of a rut. What you did in Annette is so raw and so real and that is the power of it. And now you have people that might be saying, we can get you 190 dates doing that, or we can, you know, with 35 Netflix specials and you're being asked to, you know, crank it out. Do you know what I'm saying? That's something we do in America is in the UK, if something's good, they make six of them and they're done. In the United States, we make, we say, let's just keep making these until everyone hates them.

Yeah, which is great. That's a easy way, a retirement plan. You know, I'll keep chaining this out until I'm hated and then I'll just, I will quit like I promised. No, but I'm very inert, I'm good at being inert. I'm feeling that pull, but I'm not so much doing it. I mean, I've written a new show and I'm about to start touring it. But, you know, I feel that slight advantage in that sense is like a lot of comedians I work with started when they were teenagers. I was in my late 20s, so there was a lot, there's a lot of unmind material.

And then I've been working quietly on the other side of the world for 12 years, honing my craft. And now suddenly I'm here, but I've got, I've got a whole life. You know, although I did, I do regret packing so much internet. That's, that could have been three shows. They could release it separately. Exactly. Tolkien, Tolkien was one of the writers, you understand, helped you with parts of it. The part where you go in the Misty Forest lost me.

Felt unnecessary, but... Yeah, you know, it's a bridge. It's just getting you to the next thing. There's a, I feel it anyway, this, what's next? What's next? What's next? What are you going to do next? I was very fortunate that someone else had the idea for this podcast and said, would you do a podcast? And I didn't, I wasn't that excited at first. I thought, why would I do a podcast? I've been doing a TV show forever. Why am I working my way into radio? And I've absolutely loved it because it is a completely different rhythm.

And it's a rhythm that I love. It's a rhythm that I find really exciting and honest. And also I get to talk to people I really, really, really want to talk to the way I want to talk to them. So not much of a risk there. Obviously a white male doing a podcast, as I said, not a big risk, but a huge reward to try something new. And I'm just curious for you, you say you're fairly inert, but that would be a strong temptation, I would think. People are coming at you and saying, okay, we know you have a new show, but can you come speak here? Can you come speak there?

And when you, can you, can you retell some of the parts of Nanette that are, must be very painful for you to talk about? They clearly were in the special and now there might be pressure to. Yeah, it's out there, it exists, and it's, I will, I don't really want to talk about, you know, to that directly anymore, because it was painful and I toured it for, you know, 18 months before it even aired. So it was, you know, I performed that show in front of crowds of like 30 and 90 people, which is not a comedy show. It's someone kicking off at a family reunion, you know, like it's gruelling, you know. And it is like, I broke the code, like I broke the contract of comedy and I knew what I was doing and I knew that was going to be hard for me. Why do you think you broke a code? What code do you think you broke?

People relaxed, you know, they don't have their defences up, they're not in there ready to, you know, receive trauma. And that's what I did, I made them relax and then I did that to them. So that's a violation, essentially. So I had to take care of them, so that's why the show is written so precisely. You know, I do leave people in these, you know, it's quite, it's quite a hard place. So, but doing that in the room is, you know, at least when people are watching it in their home, they can pause, turn off, walk away, whatever. Although, you know, they're in it, but there's a whole room of people getting something they certainly did not expect. And so it's kind of like a exhausting for me, you know, 18 months of that.

I have a very strong reaction to anybody, and I didn't hear it a lot, but I heard that there were people who thought, well, wait a minute, is this stand up? It starts out as stand up, and then it becomes this, and I had a very... My view of those people is like, well, you're not a human. Like, if your first thing is after watching that, I go, ah, it's not technically comedy. And so it's like, what is wrong with you? No, exactly. Like, don't watch it again, fine, but what is wrong with you? Like, if that's like...

First of all, where is the rule? It's made up. I know, but it's an hour, it's an hour and ten minutes of you and a microphone. It is going to be what you want it to be, and it was powerful, and at no moment did you lose me, and I laughed a lot. And then you also did what I think great art, great theater, great works of writing are supposed to do. It got in me and wouldn't let me go and made me think about a lot of things in a way that I was very grateful for. And so I was very angry with anybody that had a bit of a like, like, what the fuck are you talking about? This is a beautiful, powerful piece of work, and I will fight anybody.

This is great. No, I mean, no, I really did feel that way. Well, it never really happened in the live shows, like, that's not... But once, I guess, it went on people in their own spaces, it's happened a little bit more. And particularly here, I think you have a different stand-up culture than we have in the UK and Australia. So it's more long-distance runner as opposed to a sprint. But two interesting people that I thought about when I wrote the show was Donald Trump and Taylor Swift. You know what? I was going to finish that sentence for you.

Together again, yeah. Well, you know, because it was... We've all heard it, yeah, we all put those two together. Because I was kind of watching with horror, you know, Donald Trump and his rallies, right? You know, this was before he was not even nominated, but just those... And it was like, he's not saying anything. And he's like, you know, just watching that group mob mentality. And then Taylor Swift, I went through a brief obsession, just only because I wanted to understand, I still don't, but I really studied it hard.

The Taylor Swift of it all. What is this, Swift? Yeah. What is it? What does she? I couldn't understand. I mean, it's fine, but it's like, there's a lot of people think it's more than fine. And they're like, oh, she writes her own songs. I'm like, maybe...

He read the words. I mean, Reign is a strong... I will not sit here and listen to this. Reign is a strong metaphor, but it shouldn't carry an entire career. But that's... No, good honor, good honor, good honor. I really don't have a problem, but I did study the Swift. And during her 1989 will tour, I think it's called the Clean Speech. I don't know if you're aware of this.

I am not. That would make me a creep. Yeah. Well, I guess it makes me a creep too. I really don't feel on the demographic, but it was intellectual. So she just sort of, in her concerts, went up in this platform with a keyboard and she stood there and was just like, like a messiah. Just talked to this huge crowd and they're like crying, going, this is profound. And I got some transcripts and just studied them. And she has said nothing.

She has genuinely not said anything. She meant it, whatever she didn't say. Sure. But she really meant it. I think it was that vagueness of speech that people were just like, oh, I want this. So they fill in the blanks. It's preaching to the converted quite literally, but I was quite fascinated with it and it happens in the room.

It's alive. These things wouldn't work on TV. So I was fascinated with that mob mentality and I'm like, I don't think that's healthy. That's not how you open a closed mind. So that's why I started to go, I need to shatter that illusion, break the audience up so people are like, I don't know how to react because that consensus has been broken so people are left as individuals in the room. I was playing my muses.

I wish the show had ended with dedicated to Donald Trump. Hi, Ty and Tay-Tay. Everyone would have known just what you were talking about. I've never admitted that. It's quite the admission. Yes, we have this tradition of the stand-up special where someone prowls the stage and... I didn't move. Exactly. I was going to say you are like a master matador.

You didn't move. No, you didn't. You didn't move. I don't think you moved an inch and in fact at one point you went and you went to take a sip of water. I think it's maybe one or two points during the show, but when that happened it was electrifying. Minimalist. Because you had moved so minimal and you didn't move.

That was a really conscious decision I made early on because I chose to stand still because I thought, that's a thing I don't ever have to make a decision about during performance of it. Literally taking a stand because it's a lot of heavy lifting in the show. Emotional, I guess. But also the show, I think, is technically, if you had all the material, it's three or four strands,

three and a half hours long all up. I would pull it together and take every performance with slightly different. So it was alive in every room that I did it. So that's why I thought, well, let's not throw walking and thinking into the same moment. I thought you are so eloquent and clearly well read and clearly have thought through everything so well.

I thought that added a lot to the performance, that your language was so precise. Was that a choice or you're just really, really smart, which I know you are? Columne, Columne. I always found myself working a lot and I found that being intelligent was disarming for this bundle. Being quiet, quietly intelligent,

actually worked early on for me. And I think audiences are quite smart generally. And I think they're getting increasingly more intelligent, particularly with comedy because we've got access to comedy all the time now. There was a time when, you know, the only time you could watch comedy usually was on TV unless you were in a city that had a live scene.

But generally, you know, that's not much of the world in the scheme of things. And so you had a very small amount of comedy and that was what you were left with. Now you can watch comedy anytime you like. And I think, so that I think is great for the form because it's like, well, we can really push it now because people have got the yuck, yuck sorted.

Anyone can just Google cat videos to find. They can have laughs like that. So that I think it's blown the, you know, so much potential in, you know, in the idea of what stand-up can be. And it's, I think it's become much more specialized. It used to be, everything's become more specialized. And entertainment's become more specialized.

You can find the exact thing that you want to find because there's so many different small niches that are possible now when there used to be, at least in this country, there were three networks and that was it. Here are the shows. Here's happy days. Here's Livern and Shirley.

Shut the fuck up and go to bed. And that's what you got. I didn't mean to shout at you all like that. No, no, that was kind of like, that's real insight into your, your life this. Well, then Shirley, shut the fuck up, go to bed. That's how my, my mother used to speak to me. She raised you well.

Yeah, she did. She was a sailor. But a very good sailor. Yeah, yeah. Mum's usually are. Don't know what that means. We'll be right back with more things that aren't true. And we're back.

Isn't that beautiful? Oh, it's really good. I even read it as you said it. Yeah. It's something I noticed that I thought was brilliant. I loved it because I've never seen anybody do this and no one's had the guts to do this. And so many people talk about the brave aspects of your show

and there are so many of them, so many brave moments. But the one that I don't hear about is that you go after Picasso. And brave on so many levels. No, but no one, he has always held up as the example of, well, you can't, I mean Picasso. And I just love that you just said, I don't get it. I don't like it. I don't like him.

I think Cubism is shit. Cubism is fine, like Georges Braque. Let's bring him up into the world. But it's like, you know, also he's just a mythology now. Nobody really is moved by a Picasso now. Not emotionally. At the time, sure. He was doing that.

You know, and I could say the same thing for Nanette. Maybe in five, 10 years time, you know, more people have done things, you know, grown the idea that I've thrown out there and Nanette doesn't move people in 10 years time because the conversation has changed. It's of the time. Picasso does not move people now. Occasionally you go, well, he's good with a line,

but essentially, like he's an historical figure. And the only reason he moves people is because of his worth. And his worth is built on his mythology. And I just don't have time for it. It's just like, only rich men buy Picasso's and that's why they talk about it. That's why he's worth it. And he's all right.

Keep him in the museums. Keep the conversation going. Sure. But I had a few other people in there and let's keep in the story that he was a prick biscuit. Like he was an asshole. And he was, but, you know, we can learn, we could have learned from that, but it was enabled, right?

And that's, you know, by not looking at that and thinking about that and, you know, making sure that that's part of his story, we've still got those guys who are getting away with stuff and people who allow them to get away with stuff because that's the culture, because we think, oh, we can't exist without the genius. But genius is like, it's an event, not a person,

and it's replaceable. Like, it'll always, you know, where there's a need, artists will fill it, but, you know, you don't have to, you put an artist on a pedestal, they're no longer responding to the world. They're not breathing the same air. Right. So I get, it's bullshit.

No, I've also, it's also driven me crazy when people say things like, well, if, you know, if it weren't for Newton, we wouldn't know about gravity. And I think, listen, Newton was amazing and I'm not going after Newton. That's your job to go after Newton. But no, someone else would have figured it out. So he was brilliant in his moment at that time.

But whenever people think that had Thomas Edison not come up with the light bulb would still, in 2019, be stumbling around in the dark, I want to fight them in a bar. A dark bar. Very dark bar. Swinging wildly and hoping to connect with someone. Yeah.

You would eventually. If you've seen me fight now. Sort of like freckled pasta whipping around. Oh, wow. Yeah, no, that's an image. Yeah. Two strands of freckled pasta just flailing on a sort of ill made turbine.

Steam powered, spinning. And it's really just sad. It's a good image though. Thank you. I'm working on it. It's like a lazy Susan, like a steam powered. Yes. Steam powered lazy Susan.

That you've stapled two pieces of freckled pasta to the pastas. I just have that image, you know, of those inflatable car sails. Yes. Yes. It flip and flop around. Yes. In front of a car lot where they're selling cars. That's you fighting in a dark bar.

Yes. Yes. Imagine that without being able to see it hitting no one. This is quite zen now. Yeah. I want to say something else. Cool. And I think I'm allowed to.

Yeah. Because my name is somewhere on the show. Go for it, kiddo. I'm not a fan of the angry comic on stage because a lot of times I think, wait a minute, they're really not that angry about getting a bag of peanuts on an airline. They're really not that angry. This is manufactured. There are moments where you're quite angry and upset and you're expressing that and it is profound.

Well, the, the filming of it was actually kind of even more difficult than usual because my mum was in the audience and that wasn't supposed to be. I heard about this. Your mother's was, did you, did you know before you went out that your mother would be in the crowd? Yeah. Yeah. And I'd been looking after her all day. You know, so, and then she's, I did a whole run at the opera house.

But before I filmed it like a couple of months early and I kept saying, do you want to pop up and play in the opera house? You can come up and sit. And she's like, nah. So she's a pirate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

There's no time. Yeah. Pretty much. So she's, I organised the date for the filming. She's like, I'm going to pop up for that. Yeah. I reckon. Yeah.

I might do it now. So it's sort of like, oh, bullshit. Yeah. Because, you know, I couldn't do it. I had to do it. So, but so that, and as it happened, I could see her because she got quite distinct white crop of hair. And, you know, it's a sort of like in my eye line.

And when I did this certain bit, I just saw her slump, you know, like, and I just, it was, it was a lot. I cannot imagine that. I think I can have a good imagination. I can't imagine talking about something that potent and your mom is, is there. And I know that she's, you know, going, oh, I let my daughter down. Which is not what I was saying. But, you know, that's your, that's your thing.

That's, of course, she's going to think that in that room, you know, like, so that really, you know, I can say with all confidence that was a genuine performance because of that. Also, you know, like, I just think the, you know, separation of comedy from drama is not the smartest thing we've ever done. Like it historically, you know, they've always coexisted. Yeah. You know, I don't think I've done anything new. I've just reminded of why it works so well.

So, you know, it'd be interesting to see what I do next. Well, let's talk about that. Let's talk about that. You have, where do you go from Nanette, you know, what's, what's the next? Do you have another canvas now? So it's, I don't know why I stopped talking, but I did, didn't I? I think I just got scared. Oh no.

Touring. Yeah, I have, it was kind of a really interesting creative process because I felt a lot of pressure creatively. The spirit in which I wrote it was like, well, I can't back Nanette up. She's quite singular. I can't just keep, you know, it'd be disingenuous to go, here's some more trauma. Yeah. You know, I think I've dealt enough of that out.

I just need to work on my stuff on my own. But so I think the way I approached it was to say, well, I can't back that up in the, you know, I have to create something, you know, that's content to live in the shadow of Nanette, you know, because, you know, that's where I live now. At the moment, I'm living in the shadow of Nanette. That's what this show needs to be. So I ended up writing a show that's really fun. Really fun.

I like that. Yeah. I'm genuinely having fun on stage, which is new. That is new. I mean, I'm happy for you. I am. I want you to have a show that is giving you joy and not, and not putting you through the ringer every single night.

Yeah. I'm getting angry about peanuts on the plane. It took it from you, you know. Manufactured, manufactured rage. That's working well for me. Yeah. You smashed melons for a while on stage, you know, in your Gallagher phase. Oh, right.

We're going to die. You were a very good prop comment back in the day. Yeah. That's something people don't know. I've seen the footage. You were a master. Yeah. I used to take the microphone out of the stand.

Proud of the stage. Yeah. Yeah. Amble. Yeah. So I'm actually quite excited about it. It's interesting. It's my first North American tour.

I gave not really, you know, I did New York and a couple of dates in LA, but I really haven't traveled about. So it's going to be fascinating how, you know, audiences receive. It's interesting now when I get standing ovations before I even get to the microphone now. And it's weird because it's like, guys, you've got to give me a room to fuck up. Like, don't like, it's sort of like you just need to have some respect for yourself. But I kind of understand that they're like, they're going, thank you for what you've already done.

Like I said, I now live in the shadow of Nunnhead. Yeah. So, you know, which is funny that I've created quite a light show. Yeah. Well, I wrote it in the spirit of like, I, I need to not care if this fails, which is the spirit I wrote in a net in. I need to not care if this, you know, does push me into the mountains even further. So it's like, I'm prepared to artistically and creatively take a risk.

And if it fails, that's fine. Wow. So that's, I mean, I had, I had to because I, where I did, where did I even come from? Nobody knows. Like this is, I could just, I could, but Nunnhead lives, you know, she lives and she's doing a thing in people's heads. And it's, I know that that show has had an impact. I've done enough.

I can clock off now as a human, right? No, that was not the point of this podcast. Not clock off as in like, and like, no, just like, I can just get a job on my brother's supermarket and fruit and veg off and just having a nice garden and stuff like. Yes. You have earned the right. Yes, you have. I'll give you that permission because I know you need that from me.

I do. So that, but that knowing that and thinking like that gives you the creative freedom that perhaps if you, if I invested in the wall to wall, I have to say, I think the risk that you took to risk people's ire or dissatisfaction, feeling that this is in a comedy show. That was my Australian accent. It's pretty good, mate. This ain't a comedy show. We're all part of mothers.

Yeah. It's not. Oh, fine. That's all I know if in a comedy show. This is a no if in a comedy show. What? Isn't that? Yeah.

Paul Hogan is still very relevant with the young people. Yeah. In Australia. You know, when I, you know, before I turned 18, I'd seen two films at the cinema. It was Milo and Otis and Crocodile Dundee too. I hadn't even seen the first. Oh my God. Oh my God.

You just saw Crocodile Dundee. You started. Milo and Otis and Crocodile Dundee too. I, yeah, I just, I was just in Australia and I was telling you that. And I think one of the big, I feel like that country's been lying to us because I went there and all they've done my whole life. My perspective has been Australian saying, come to Australia. You, you're going to have, you're going to party in Australia.

Because we have no rules and we have a shrimp on the butt. That's all there are no rules. And I, listen, you're going to listen to this accent. This is important to me. I'm feeling it. I'm not just listening to it. I'm feeling it. I'm going to come to Australia.

It's crazy down here. And then I got there and it was, we have a lot of rules. They're all tight about their rules. What makes me laugh about that? You know, like we don't care. Throw another, you know, shrimp on the butt. We don't say shrimp. We say prawns.

If we really didn't care, we'd say chuck another fucking prawn on the Barbie and catch up and learn. Exactly. Like we speak different words sometimes. Right. And you don't drink Forster's Lager. Hate it. Everyone hates it in Australia.

It's cat's piss. Yeah. That's another thing. They always said Forsters, Australian for beer. Yeah. No. An outback steakhouse. Yeah.

What's also interesting is like. Do you guys have bloomin' onions, by the way? Is that a real thing? I don't know. What is it? It's, I don't know. It's an onion. That's not in a specific way.

I love that the two of us just jump right in. I know. It looks like a tumbleweeder, an artichoke out of it. Yeah. It's like a fried onion that they've convinced us is an Australian delicacy. Who say? The people at Forsters. Outback.

It's a conspiracy. Well, the thing is, like, everyone's idea of Australia. Australia is a huge country. Like, we haven't got a very large population, but it's a massive, you know, in terms of its environment. But people think it's either, like, surf or the desert. Which essentially, that's what it is. It's the outlines in the desert.

But I'm from Tasmania, which is another world entirely. So it's not, you know, it's more like New Zealand, really, and it's, except it's politics. But, you know, like, so it's that sort of, like, it's almost, you know, people's idea. I don't come from people's idea of Australia at the best of times. But I did have a meeting, one of the meetings where I think it was Warner Brothers.

That's where we are now. Yeah, this is Warner Brothers. This woman asked me, you know, she's saying, you know, talking about a particular show that she's worked on. She says, very popular in Australia. I'm not sure how popular it is in Tanzania. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Neither am I. Yeah. We love rules. We have rules. Yes, they were very into rules and they kept saying, you know, they were very needy, very needy. And they give this impression that they're eating prawns off.

Do you like us? Do you like us? Do you like us? What do you think Australia? Do you like us? What do you think? We're all right, aren't we? We're all right.

Good on you. Are you good on us? Yeah. I love that, that they were very, very interested in, you know, this closes at this time. And no, you can't, we don't serve after this. And these are the rules and this is the district that you're in and that you must behave.

District. Yeah. Did you go to the Hunger Games by mistake? I did. There was a long train in Woody Harrelson was there. Yeah, that's... Australia. I mean, this is a frightening tourist,

that tourism ad you've seen. I know, yeah. They yelled at me about fosters and they yelled at me about a shrimp, not a prawn, and I was scarred for life. Yeah, well dig deep into that well for your comedy. That's gonna be... That's gonna be... That's your well of pain.

Well, wait till you see my hour 15 minute show about how I was deceived by Australian commercials in the late 70s. The last 15 minutes, pin drop. I did want to thank you for busting the myth, and I believe you that pain is necessary for art and for inspiration, because that has been one of the big struggles

in my life is for years. I refused to seek any help because I thought, no, I need this to be funny. And then I finally got to a point where I thought, whether I'm funny or not, I don't care. I don't want to be unhappy anymore. Yeah. Pain's always gonna find you.

You know what I mean? Like, it's life. That's what it is. You don't have to go looking for it. And especially not staying in it. I think there's a lot of... I know a lot of comedians who are like, I don't think I'll go on antidepressants.

That's where my funny is. And they're like, yeah. That's not funny. Right. It's harmful. Yeah. But, you know, a couple of shows down the track,

I'll just be doing proper comedy. I love it. And that's when the issue is really set in. You're gonna work out your real pain with the prop comedy. I love it. No, that's where the emptiness goes. Well, that's very different.

Yeah. It's an honor to talk to you. It really is. And the name of the show, it's this throwaway line about Conan LeBron needs a friend. The truth is that I really do value meeting people that I admire who've done something I think profound and getting to talk to them

and even just be their friend for now. It means a lot to me. So this is a big deal for me. Well, thank you likewise. It's been a treat. All right. There you go. It's been a podcast equivalent of a fosters and prawn.

We're gonna get money. See, now you sound Australian. Yeah, better. I hate it. All right. Thank you very much. And again, thank you. Hey, we haven't done this in a while.

Let's do review the reviewers. So these are some of the iTunes reviews. They're all five stars that I have here. Nice. Congrats. I'm sure there are others that are less than five and you didn't pick those. Well, why would I?

Those people should burn their own special hell. Why don't you say there are none? Come on, Conan. There are none. Thank you, Siri. Okay. Why are you like that? Why am I like who?

I don't know. Damaged inside? Yes. Well, let's call my parents now. Speaking of that, best out there, five stars by Elbow68 and their review is good job, honey. Mom. Oh.

Well, my mom has never used a computer in her life. So that's not coming from my mom. Is that what this person's implying? I guess, yeah. No. My mom. She's a brilliant woman. Yeah, but she doesn't use computers.

And if you gave her a computer, she would try to microwave a ham sandwich with it. So that's not from my mother. Sorry. Nice try, Elbow68. LuluCatchoo says, wish I could be Conan's friend. Five stars. The podcast is amazing because I get to listen

to my favorite comedian slash celebrity. Just talk and be funny and learn more about his life and the lives of people in comedy. I love learning and who better to learn from than sexy professor O'Brien. See, can I say something? That's someone who sees me as being sexual. So I don't understand this, this riff you guys have going

that I'm, you know, oh, gross Conan, how could he ever be sexual? I'm a highly sexualized being. If you listen to the last episode, we talked, well, we were grossed out by you being sexual. Yeah. Yes. In general, most people are grossed out when I,

in any way, intimate that I may at one point. I don't think that's true. When my wife horrified. When Goldblum was in here. I mean, he pulls it off. You know what I have to say? There is a sexual energy between Jeff Goldblum and I and I'm not even kidding.

Something's going on there. And I am a heterosexual male, but there's something going on there. You'd hit that. I'd hit that hard. Yeah. I'd take a Louisville slugger to that. What?

What? That sounds like you could murder him. Why don't you stick to collecting presidential memorabilia and making wildly different fashion choices every time you come into this podcast space? For fuck's sake. Yeah. Oh, look, what's tomorrow?

A pork pie hat. Oh, my God. Hey, look, he's wearing a World War I German helmet and golf shoes. I don't know. That'd be pretty good. You're never the same guy two days in a row. What are you talking about?

This is a very different look. I'm wearing a polo shirt. I know. And two days ago, you're like an architect from the 20s. No, I'm not. And you are dressed in the same uniform every time. Yes, because I came right from doing my show, where I, in fact, wear a uniform.

Yeah, but even. So nice thing for yelling at the ER doctor for, hey, you're always in scrubs. I don't get it, ER doctor. Why are you always in scrubs? I don't want to go. Why don't you change it up a little bit? Because I don't want to infect the patient

whose brain I'm operating on. I'm just going to come into Dickie's coveralls from now on. No. What I'm saying is pick a look and stick to it. It's very confusing. No. No. I don't have to stick to a look.

Yes, you do. I can express myself through sartorial ways. Listen, first of all, you're cocky because you know there's 900 other podcasts that you have going at this time. You come in and it's like, oh, look, Gorly's a beekeeper. He's got a full net over his head.

Who's he going to be tomorrow? Hey, look, he's the ambassador to Finland. And it's 1911. Hey, look, he's an Arctic explorer. What am I wearing? No, today's just very different. Matt is wearing jeans and a nice sensible polo shirt. A polo shirt?

Hold up the sweater you were wearing when you came in. I didn't realize. Yeah, it's a sweater. Yeah. I didn't realize you were in the IRA and you were blowing up bridges. That's so cool. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You're suffering bastards. Turn that bitch out. I'll show you. Listen, Gorly, I like that you take chances and you take wildly different chances. Today, you're just being a different person. That's all.

Acting like I'm Lady Gaga or something. I mean, I'm just wearing pants and a shirt. Whatever. The point is not what you're wearing today. It's that it changes wildly. It doesn't change wildly. It does change wildly. Don't you dare ever speak when I'm speaking.

The idea of a podcast with three people is that only one speaks and the other two listen in reverence. In reverence? In reverence. You hired the wrong people. In reverential awe. I'm coming in in a hospital gown from now on.

Open in the back. I've seen that. What? What? This one took a... I mean, it took many dark turns. It didn't really. It was fantastic.

You took many direct hits. All right. Let's please. I'm tired. Let's wrap this up. Let's wrap it up. I want to go to bed. This has been a Team Cocoa Production,

in association with Ewolf.