Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Harrison Ford

Episode Date: July 3, 2023

Actor Harrison Ford feels confused about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Harrison sits down with Conan to discuss nearly changing his name in the early days of his career, smashing the Lego Millennium Falcon on one of his many Conan appearances, and the upcoming release of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Plus, Sona asks Conan for tips in preparing her speech as the 2023 Mt SAC Alumnus of the Year. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

Hi, my name is Harrison Ford. And I feel confused about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Now listen, you and I talked about this a long time ago. We did. And I've been a lot of time as pass. You've made no effort whatsoever. Now you show up out of the blue. And you want me to be your friend.

Yes, I do. Fall is where, here and now, back to school. Ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell where we are going to be friends. I can tell that we are going to be friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien, Needs A Friend. We have a very special episode today, big, massive star. I'd say maybe one of the biggest, one of the most iconic faces of the last, uh, easily 50 years of film, Harrison Ford, uh, and he was on the podcast and there was some concern

because everyone's a Harrison Ford fan, everybody. But Goryle takes it to this other level. I think the word's creepy. No. Uh, come to mind. You, uh, idolize the man and I was worried that you wouldn't behave yourself. Matt or you might soil yourself or embarrass yourself in some way. And I want to applaud you because I thought you handled yourself with a plum. Yeah, we talked about this on the earlier episode

and I think everything went really well so much so that I think it's safe to say that he and I are friends. Well, I'd like to see you try and cash that check. It'd be fun to watch you as scorted off the four-to-state by nine robotic security cards. Stormtroopers. Yeah, exactly. I would pay anything to see you tossed out of his house.

Like a drunk in an old movie and gets tossed out of a bar and they just grab you by the pants and throw you out. I don't know why we can't just leave it as fact. We don't need to test it. It just is. You know, you guys changed, exchanged numbers?

No, but we need to because we, I think we were beyond that. How are you? How can you be on? That's a big part of friendship. Yeah, you're not beyond it. Well, you don't need to call someone when you're always hanging out, you know what I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no and a Jones. He will have landed a plane on my roof. And he's going to whip you to death. I'll take it. I'll take it.

What a way to go. You'd be happy to go out that way, wouldn't you? Yeah. No, I thought you did a, I thought you were very good. You were very professional. You are, I give you a hard time, but you are at your core a pro. And I thought you were, you are.

Thanks. You're a professional. You handle yourself well. Sonia, you are not a professional. Okay. I was gonna ask you about your take on me, but okay. I should have just guessed That's what you would say. What would you say? You're a lot of things a lot of great things. Would you say you're a professional? First of all, I mean here's what you came in excuse you he came in and I was Very very professional a lot of times when you're around serious people, I am a very professional person.

So yeah, I do think that I was being professional and I think that I, it's not like I'm walking in, like, you know, puffing on a joint, meeting Cheetos and be like, yo, Harry, what's up? I didn't do that. Well, I think you would have appreciated that.

Yeah, first of all, I think you would have been fine with that, especially if you would, you didn't boogart that joint, but I think that, yeah, you set a pretty low bar for yourself. You set as long as I don't walk in eating Cheetos and smoking a massive blunt, then I'm a professional. Yeah, I will say, I think that day,

you did actually come in from the kitchen with a snack bag of something like little Cheetos or something. But that's what I do every day when we record. So that's not right. But I think that I was being a professional. I think everybody was on their best behavior. We just wanted Harris and Ford to think we were cool. Yeah, can I say I was not on my best behavior? I was not well behaved.

I said I said I wasn't even sure he was in the Star Wars films. Oh yeah. He doesn't really, he doesn't talk. You'll hear that. I said, you gotta admit, you don't really pop in those movies. I'm surprised he didn't come across the people. You're the problem here. You know what?

You know what's so funny? I came in as I do off and hot. I come in trying to give you guys a hard time. And while I was talking to you realized, I am the one who's unprofessional. Right. I am the problem. Yes.

And I'm saying this like it's a therapy session and I just realized that for the first time. But no, that's a breakthrough for me. You're all saying it like we haven't realized that from day one. I don't care what you guys realize. I'm having my own breakthrough. This is about me. I'm the patient. But I've said this many times that the fish rots from the head and you're the head of this fish. So I'm a rotting fish head. What's the what's the head rot the rest of the thing

rots? You know, we all know so no so no we know how it works. Okay. I just want to explain it. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm, yeah, not clear. So no, if you could really, so the fish rods from the head that mean, that means holding it in the head of the fish. And then he started to rot. What is it?

Is it a fresh water fish or is it a salt water fish? It's, I think it's a salt water fish. Mm hmm. Why does that make a difference? Do you know a lot about fishing? You fish? Sure. Well, you know me.

I'm a guy that likes to get out on the sea. I like that air in my face. I come from a long line of fishermen. And you're dad to my top biologist. Okay. My father, yes, my father's a microbiologist, but before that, he was a grotten fisherman who were a big yellow grotten fisherman's outfit. And then he was so bad at it, they said, I think you need to go get a microscope.

Because the only fish you're catching are so tiny, you can't even see them. So that's how we did it. All right, well, we should get, let's just say I admit, I'm the, I am the weak link in this chain today, but man, we had a really good time. So let's get to it. My guest today, of course, one of the biggest actors of all time,

appearing in over 70 movies over the last 50 years, including Star Wars, Indiana Jones, the fugitive Blade Runner. Good God, it's ridiculous. My buddy, it's, it's ridiculous. Yeah, that's your pal and so many more. I'm so proud of him. Now you can see him in Indiana Jones and the dial of destiny Harrison Ford welcome

What can you say on a podcast you don't say anything you like anything you like oh fuck you Can you say on a podcast? You don't say anything you want, anything you like. Oh, fuck you. Already my favorite. Clearly, Harrison, you've read the room, and you understand that there's a lot of animosity towards me. And that you will do quite well if you

shit on me throughout this process. Thank you for confirming my instincts. You know, the first thing you do when you came in here is say, I just want my my parking validated. That seems to be your chief concern is that we validate your parking. When maybe I'm going out on a limb here, this could be the biggest hour of your career. It's possible. It's possible that this podcast recording will outshine any of your other work. If he gets a parking belt. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, don't worry about the car, I'll walk home. You will walk home. Right in the next suffer the year. On air. Yeah. Can we record you for the whole walk home? Oh, yeah, sure.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. I want to say something to you. You came on my show many, many times on the whole walk home. Oh, yeah, sure. Thank you. Thank you. I wanna say something to you. You came on my show many, many times on the late night show. And over the years, people would say, who's one of your favorite guests? And I would say Harrison Ford,

because he's so goddamn funny. You would come on the show. Have you seen these appearances? You are so hilariously funny, and you tossed me around like a rag doll, verbally on these shows. And there's some of my favorite segments of all time you're a hilarious man and I've always loved being around you. You guys wrote some great stuff for I remember us. I don't remember. No

Do you know who I am at this moment Conan You know who I am at this moment. Conan. Oh, Brian. Yes. It's kind of cool when you say it that way. You know what? It's only cool when you say it. It's the only time it's ever been cool. Do it again.

Conan. Oh, Brian. Yes. Wow. It's like jazz. Yeah. We're jazz. We're jazz. We all pick up on each other. He's jazz. You're you're He's jazz like Keras. He's saying you're jazz. Yes, and I am yeah circus colliopeia

I think something kind of that it's that a chimp would dance to and your chas I'm sure. All right, I'm going to go with Josh. My kind of name is Conan. Is it? How dare you? Conan is an old Galic name that my parents gave me. They thought we'll call him an old Galic. I come from...

Do you speak Galic? I do not. I do not speak Galic. In fact, I don't think anybody really speaks Galic. I think it's a made-up. Have you heard Gaelic? It sounds like a bunch of someone threw some chairs down the back stairs. It's just a lot of consonants. There's not a vowel in there.

And I think it's just to confuse people about when it's time to go to the pub. So I don't speak Gaelic, but I do have a very Irish name. You know what fascinated me to learn? I'm part Irish. You are part Irish. Irish, German, and Mother Jewish. What's the German part? I thought you were German Irish.

I thought your dad was German Irish. Is there such a thing as German Irish? Sure. German people were allowed to marry Irish people, sure. But you don't carry a designation by marrying somebody a national. I'm sure you do. Yeah. I'm there are Irish Italians. Okay. My father is was Irish Irish. Right. Okay. No German. No German. No. Okay. I refer you to this piece of paper right here that says born in race in Chicago to an Irish slash German father. If that's a quality of your research. And I imagine is because right there it says Harrison Ford, then you had to write down

Han Solo. Yeah. I did. I can't remember that. No, I can't. I can't remember Han Solo. Are you serious? Yeah. I wrote down because I heard that you were in some of the Star Wars films. And this was news to me because I've seen those films and I don't exactly think you pop. Well, you, I'm sorry. Whoa. But I mean, I remember Chebacca. I remember the bad guy with the black helmet.

And then there's some people. I'll come here and not still on television? Yeah. I think it's quite obvious why I'm not still on television. Yeah. Listen, my research might not be the best, but my intentions are good. They are very honorable are good. They are very honorable and good. Now, I've always thought you have one of the coolest names

of any leading man, Harrison Ford. You cannot beat that name. Yet, you were asked, or it was suggested early in your career that you change your name. Who's a true? Who the fuck wanted you to change from Harrison Ford? Jerry Dukovsky. Oh, well, physician, he was.

He just had a hatred for his own name. Is that true? So he wanted you to change your name. Yeah. You said Harrison Ford, he went, no, we can do better. Yeah, he said that's a two pretentious a name for a young man. He was about four years older than me.

Well, he's called me boy. Oh, boy. So what did you, did you come up with an alternate name? Yeah, Jerry Tkachsk. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay. I don't think it was very original.

You could have followed. I did come back the next day. And I was not always supposed to come back with the name, but I was supposed to be there earlier than by naming a conference to get a haircut. And I'd been given a picture of Elvis Presley to take with me to the studio barber. They told you get this haircut? Get this haircut and come back with a name. They said, okay, I didn't get the haircut.

And I said, my new name is Kurt Affair. Incredible. Yeah. That's a great name. Yeah. Kurt Affair. Yeah. Irish German name. Oh my God. So obviously that didn't stick. No.

You did. Nothing did. Nothing did for a while. No, they threw me. They let me go after a year and a half of a seven year contract. Wow. After which I would be making $1,200 a week. Really?

After seven years. So this is a different time in show business that kind of fascinates me. It's a dentured servitude. It really was, but you look at, I'm thinking now about the television. I know that I think you came out and trust me, my research could be off. But I'm told that you came out. You're actually come off. You're still in. Trust me. That's going to happen later in this interview. You come to Hollywood in 1964 and the big way to get a job if you're lucky is every show on television is a Western, a TV Western,

pretty much. And you were American style. Did love American style? Oh, yeah, man. I played a hippie. Oh, yeah. A real stretch. It's so funny because I have a brother, Neil, who's obsessed with TV of the 60s and early 70s.

And so I told him today, when I'm on the, I told him when I was on my watch, is it your watch? Yeah. Oh, that's very rude. It's time for you to go. Yeah. You just pushed the alarm on your watch so you could leave this interview now and not look rude.

That's what happened. I don't mind looking rude. Well, that's true. That's true. You're right. I just did misread the situation terribly. But so I'm driving into work today and I'm talking to my brother and I said,

yeah, I'm going in and I talked to Harrison Ford. He said, that's so cool. Ask him about that gun smoke. Yeah. I said, what? No one asks Harrison Ford about his episode of gun smoke. Oh, yeah, no him and there's The other guys take over the town and you kill a guy in a bar and in a poker game and he knew it and then of course I looked it up online. There's a picture of you looking real nasty

on gun smoke. Oh, yeah, I did gun smoke in the Virginia, but I don't remember Yeah, I did gun smoke in the Virginia, but I don't remember that. Yeah, I did. I played the same part twice on FBI in one season. And they didn't even realize I was just... So you just came back and they were like, we had a great time with Kurt Affair. What's your name? No, I always played, I seem to get these, that if there were two criminal brothers,

I was the one that was sort of duped by my smarter older brother. Right, right. Hold is your brother? He's three years older than me, or two and a half years, yeah. See? Yeah, exactly. He tricked me into talking to you, and he'll be delighted because you'll listen to this and he'll say, you got Harrison Ford to talk about gun smoke. or two and a half years. See? Yeah. Exactly. He tricked me into talking to you.

And he'll be delighted because you'll listen to this and he'll say, you got Harrison Ford to talk about gun smoke. But it is interesting to me like that whole period because Clint Eastwood get started in television westerns, Bert Reynolds, all these sort of iconic, Steve McQueen, all these guys had to do their, it's like you had to do your time on a television Western before you could move on to other things. Does that a fair assessment of that period? Uh, well, no, not really.

Oh, for Christ's sake, you're wrong. Why can't you be that? Why can't I have that? You're wrong. You just say sure, sure. Yeah, fine cone and let's move on. Instead, it's no, you're wrong. You're wrong your brothers wrong

Well, okay, I'm okay with him your name's wrong. Okay, everything's wrong. My name's wrong. No, I played the same kind of character over and over again Nobody noticed so I don't think it I was not on the I was not on the Clint Eastwood track in television. I was on the, here today I'm going tomorrow. Right. Track. And this is, that's why you're, you're making your living primarily as a carpenter while you're doing these other parts. I'll get a part and I'm lucky to get this sort of quasi background role in these little parts.

And I think for any still the case. Yeah, you're hurting. It hasn't gone well for you. I think we can agree on that. Look, show business has been very, very good to me. Yes, it has. I think you've been good to show business. Well, I do. I mean, you're very, uh, I was very lucky. I mean, for, for years, I, um, you know, I did the same little thing. I went from Columbia pictures, uh, to a contract at Universal. Yeah. For $250 a week. Um, that lasted a year and a half. I always could get out of these things just by being a dick. Really? Is that how you would get out of it was just being kind of unpleasant? Well, in Columbia's case,

Jerry Takowski, write it down folks, called me into his office and told me that Mike Frankovitch, who was the head of the studio, was in Europe and he'd forgotten to sign my contract when he left, but he was going to suggest to Mike Frankovich he, Jerry Tkowski, was going to suggest that they dropped me anyway because I had no future in the business. I appreciate and notice that you know their names cold. You have already forgotten mine, but... No, I haven't. And what is it, please?

Conan? Oh, Brian. Oh, my God, I want that on my, that's my outgoing message for the rest of time. I'll get a lot of hangups. I love that when you're in that early part of your career and this is true of all of us, and someone doesn't see it, or someone wrongs you in some way,

or disrespects you, you never forget that name. But you're not letting me finish any story. Oh! Oh! Oh! Finally! Oh, fucking interrupt me. Every time I get to that punchline,

you're there to wander it. Oh! Oh! Anyway, so he said to me, Jerry Tukovsky said to me that Mike Frankovich had signed my contract. And he was going to, perhaps like you, I got this far before, it was gonna suggest that I get that they dropped me. He said that he would give me two weeks pay until Mike Frankovich came back because he knew that my wife was pregnant. My wife at the time was pregnant and I needed the money. I said, no, that's fine.

Goodbye. And I was out. That was it. Why not just take the $250? It was $150. Two weeks would have been $300. And that was stupid, wasn't it? Yeah. Your wife's expecting a child. Yeah. That money went a long way back then.

What were you doing? I think that's how much money you have now. If you kept exactly that money invested wisely then would be making $1200. I have a very clear memory of the first time I encountered you, which is you had not been on the show yet, and you're easily one of my favorite Hollywood stars, and I'm going to say of all time, and my show is struggling along for a couple of years, and we're getting which is sort of starting to catch, and I could never get a star of Harrison Ford's caliber on the program. That would be unimaginable. I'm almost done. And that exhale was like the last breath of a thousand-year-old man. No, I'm just remembering that you never fucking asked me to show it to you.

We did ask you. You did not. Don't shout at me on my podcast. It's room not shouting. I'm in Washington, DC for the White House Correspondent Center. And I'm going to be up there on the day. As with Clinton, I've never met Harrison Ford and I'm on an elevator door that's closing.

And all I'm nervous about, how's my set going to go on this thing? Elevator doors are closing. And I've talked about this on the show years ago. Elevator doors closing when I hear a voice say, hold the elevator, and I'm thinking, I really gotta get upstairs. The doors, two thirds closed. So I don't really try to hit the button. When the face, the iconic face of Harrison Ford appears in between the two closing doors

and looks right at me and the doors shut. And I, um, all the way up to my room, which is on the eighth floor, shit myself, the whole way up. That's what propelled the elevator up. Yeah, the elevator was not functioning, but it was propelled purely by my, it was a horrifying, horrifying moment for me. I apologize again. We recreated the moment on the air. You can see it online where I asked you to, what's recreated the moment and you gave this amazing death stare into the camera and we had two elevator doors close on it and I re, I felt the same trauma all over again. That's how you remember your name like Jerry

I'm sorry Harrison. I could have probably it was a horrible moment for me and I'm glad that we've you've come here. I come here as a friend. Oh thank you. Yeah. So it's all past you're not gonna So it's all past. You're not gonna know you hold you bear no ill will no no you're no Jerry That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said so here's the deal the last time I saw Jerry You're a success listen in that office on Gower on Gower 15 years later, I'm sitting in the executive dining room at Warner Brothers, and a waiter came over to me in the middle of my meal in a little tray and with a little white card on it. I never seen that before and he profored the trade. I picked up the card. It said Jerry Tikovsky by his president, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And I

looked around the room and everybody looked like Jerry Tikovsky. And I turned it over and on the back handwritten was a little note. It said, I missed, I guess. Wow. He was guessing. Yeah. But I give people credit for, right? For acknowledging he acknowledged that I thought so too. Yeah.

I give people a lot of credit when someone comes up and says, I'm sorry. Yeah. Like you coming here today to apologize for Jerry Tkachsky. Didn't quite say you were sorry. Oh, he just said that he made a bad bet. That's not good enough. By the time I leave here, you will be sorry. I'm sorry now. I do. Do these people get to talk at all? I try to discourage it. I see. It's working.

The best I can. You weigh in because you're having the time of your life. I am really into this Jerry Takovsky character arc because I do think that there's a nice end to it. It is. Where is he now? Exactly. Okay.

Let's bring him in. Well, he now? Exactly. Okay. What's bringing him in? Well, we have a surprise about you. Do you have a phone number? Yeah, we could. No, he is here in person. We we arranged all of this. He now cleans pools in Redondo. And he's here to say again that he missed his bet. Yeah.

Oh, there you go. I, um, oh good, he's taking a drink of water. I'm going to get a question in. So, my God, he's not swallowing. Harrison. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh This behavior is not worthy of you. A man of your stature.

All you've achieved, this is not worthy of you. Where's he also mentioned that he's been eating those little cuties, the little orange slices, this whole time. The smallest orange I've ever seen. Make a tiny, mini nectarine, a tangeload, if you will, and you've been eating it section by section. It's what I do. It's only the recammers here. Why are there cameras here?

This is just for tax purposes. I need to be able to show that we made a podcast. And then we get to write it off, because I monetize everything. I now own your likeness because you've been on the podcast And you need to buy it back from me for the new Indiana Jones film to come out That's how smart I am That's what makes me different from other people in this business. I'm a real whiz Harrison a real whiz

I saw you at a party recently. No, yeah, I did a real whiz. Wow. Wow. I saw you at a party recently. No. Yeah, I did. I did. And I remember. I saw you too. Thank you.

I was glad you saw me. You're hard to miss. I'm hard to miss. Yeah. I kind of stand out, don't I? Stand up. Quite a hang up. But I had a, I just was in a silly mood,

and it was fantastic, because I walked up to you and I said, I think I'm the new Harrison Ford and you gave me that great look and you said, fuck you, I'm Harrison Ford. And I said, well, you've been Harrison Ford for a long time, but there's time for a new one and it's me. And you said, okay, you can have it. And I thought, that was a verbal agreement that maybe I take over. What a waste. What are you talking about? I have the gravitas.

I have the bearing. What will you do with it? I would try to keep the different franchise is going. Oh, no. Why? You is Han Solo? Yeah. Let's stop this right now. No.

Where was this party? Where was this alleged party? You is Han Solo. Yeah, no, let's stop this right now. Where was this party? Where was this alleged party? This was a party a alleged party you were there. This is a party that was a lot of the shrinking gang was there and yeah, and but by the way you are hilarious on that show. That's a fantastic part. And you play it beautifully. And we had a nice time at that party. A bunch of the shrinking cast was there. And I remember it now clearly, clearly. You were there.

You were there. And I think you were having maybe a tequila. And I was having a little bit of orange juice. Okay, it was orange juice. They're easily, very easy to mistake orange juice for Kila, in a shot class. But anyway, I thought we had a real moment there. I thought, and I thought that you enjoyed my company.

And I hate to make this all about me when you've had this incredibly storied career. No, I actually, I know where you live. And it's not very far from where I live. You could walk over to my house any time. Is that true? No. I could walk to your house, but would I get in? If the doorbell rang.

No, you would walk back. But at least you would, at least you would make an effort. I'd make an effort. You know, if you really wanted me to notice the roundness of this, if you really wanted me to be your friend, but you didn't. And it's over now. I had my chance. No, no, I think this is your chance. I think you can still redeem yourself. Well, how's it going so far?

I have actually I have friends like you. Okay. I mean, you know circus people. You have no friends like me. Yeah, no, not exactly like you, but I've always liked you. I liked you. That's why I did your show many times. Many times. Yeah, I did like what twice. Oh no, four or five times. You did my show nine times.

Right. Right. Nine times. Did show nine times. Yeah. Yeah. You did it nine times. And you were unfailingly very funny every time. Yeah. And one of my favorite things you ever did was we have this person who are fans, no very well-known George Lansky, who's a Star Wars obsessive, and he had built a Millennium Falcon out of Legos, and it took him nine months to build this thing. And he brought it out and gave a long speech to you about the meaning of his Millennium Falcon and handed it to you. And you threw it up over your head. And it went down the floor and shattered it up to hell, you pieces.

And it was the greatest day of my life. And then you picked up a piece and then signed it. And you signed it for him. And it was one of the greatest, greatest things I've ever seen in my life. And by the way, it's a clip online that people adore. They just adore it. It was just a magical, magical moment.

And I thank you for that. Well, those of you at home who don't know how these things work, let me point out that this was a scripted bit. Yes, as it was. He didn't build the damn thing. Somebody else. Okay. In the prop department. This is why I built the damn thing over a prop, you know, probably took him three weeks. He probably had to take it home and Ask his kid to help him put it together. Yeah, and then and then you built this whole stick around it and you

and then you built this whole stick around it. And you made, well, you suggested, you suggested that it would be funny. Yes. If I destroyed it. Yeah, yeah. Right, I will make it clear. And first of all, this is why you've never. And you were right.

It was funny. Yeah. It was. Cool. Cool. Cool. I'm cruel. But funny. I'd like to point out that you'd be terrible working with a magician because the magician

would come out and do a trick where he saw as the lady in half and then puts her back together again and just as the crowd is applauding Harrison Ford walks out and says, excuse me. I'd like to point out that this was all a sad sham. This woman secret herself into the first half of the box. And those legs are fake. I have a picture you as a terrible, terrible magician's assistant. But yes, you just exposed my little trick that delighted millions. And you just explain me why people never do imitations of me.

I was just trying to get my voice into a male register. That's all I was trying to do. All I was trying to do. You tried. I tried. The only way I can sound like a man is to get out here. And then I'm either Nixon or Harrison Ford. And I am neither one.

He sound a little like Jerry. Jerry! You've got to get this man behind. I know now that you wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat yelling this man's name. No. You won. You won.

No, no, no. This is the first time I've remembered his name in 15 years. It just came to me. Wow. I have that effect on people. This is like a good therapy session for you. I'm freeing you of your past demons.

Oh, my wife is going to be so excited. I saw Conan today. I'm a new man. Oh, my demons are gone. Yeah, I think, yes, I think she she's gonna be quite pleased with this transformation. I hope so. I've tried everything else. This is a total meltdown of some kind, which I'm really enjoying.

I am very excited as is especially my friend, yeah, the upcoming. I'm excited. This is actually, this is him excited. How much I can't wait for this. In this era now where people are saying, I don't even, I don't know if I want to go to the theater anymore, the idea of going and seeing a new Indiana Jones movie is absolutely thrilling to me. I'm going to go to the theaters to see it.

If they're gonna see it, you know, I hope they'll see it. I'll make them personally. Yeah, but I can't imagine. I think all of them have been spectacular. Your family are not an audience, you know? No, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, it's not fair to the movie, right?

I mean, yeah, you can see it at home if you wanted to. Maybe later, right, but give it a chance. Go to a movie theater. Yeah, being the dark with strange people. Well, I've done that and I've done that and I've gone to a movie. One was slightly more erotic than the other. I'll say. But I can't imagine seeing an Indian and Jones film any other way. I just can't.

I think it would be... And the thing is, I know it's going to be an event because I know that my son, who's 17, loves the franchise. He's going to want to go. I mean, just going to be an event because I know that my son who's 17, loves the franchise, he's gonna wanna go, I mean, just gonna be a thing where we can all go as a family, if they allow me, I get to go to, and I wanna see it with an audience. I wanna see it with people. I've got tickets.

Did you get them already? Did you pay for them? Cause maybe, Harris. How much does a movie cost these days? Well, there's like those two levels of regular theater, and then they have those lie down ones where you can get food and take a movie cost these days? Well, there's like those two levels, a regular theater, and then they have those lie down ones where you can get food and take a nap. You know, no one's a mad.

That's a nice thing to say to Harrison Ford. I bought a napping seat to go see your movie. What the fuck are you doing? I'm not saying during his movie. Right. Of course not. I've been waiting for this for years, and those are like $20, $25.

To lay down and have a nap. Hahaha. So you got the special, uh, well, wait a minute. You say you don't know what was the last time you bought a ticket and went into a movie theater. Has it been a while? Uh, you're scaring me when you stare at me like that. You're frightened. You frighten me to my core. No, I don't.

But I also don't remember the last, you're right. I have seen movies on a big screen, in a theater. Right. But there was no uppity else in the room. That's how Howard Hughes did it. That's expensive. Yeah. Wouldn't you just get the can film festival?

You probably saw some... Yeah, so I saw the new Indian toast. That's right, you sat in an audience. I've seen pictures of you. That guy's really good. Yeah, I sat in an audience. I've seen pictures of you. That's the last time. That guy's really good. Yeah. I got in for free. I would have loved it if they had stopped you

and you had been looking for your ticket at the Cannes premiere of Indiana Jones. Yeah. So you were there, that's, I know that you've experienced everything one can experience. One can experience it go. Yeah. Everything one can experience in this business at the highest level, but that still has to be exciting.

What part? Can Film Festival, you're going up the big red carpet, beautiful wife on your arm, you go inside, a whole crowd of those fancy French people, and then your movie comes up, a storied franchiseied franchise, you know, I don't know. I just have to think that there's be some part of you that would say, yes, this is cool. I'm gonna wait for you. No, it was, it was actually a pretty interesting experience. I haven't been there for a while,

but I had been there in the past, but with other, even Indiana Jones movies. But anyway, it was beautiful projection, system, great room, lots and lots of people. But they weren't like a real audience. I mean, they had tuxedos and beautiful gowns on, stuff like that. I want to see it with a ordinary rabble. I got an extra ticket. Yeah, we can all go together. If you'd like. If you'd like, we'll all go together. In wouldn't wouldn't word oh you're invited as well

And yeah, no play. I don't check your schedule. Yes, no play or it is the fifth right? Yeah June 5th When we comes out June 30th I believe so let me check my incorrect. Yeah, I already know it's Says it on the ticket, right? So we'll wait here. Mm-hmm. Oh, 25 days. Wait here for 25 days. I like this.

I'll have food brought in for you. We do this show every day. Every day. You know, yeah, now we do. And you're the only guest every day. And so it's, we call it, it's a special promotional month of Harrison Ford. And it's you every day for an hour.

I promised I wouldn't do this. What? What are you doing? Get excited. If that's your orgasm, I- I know what is that. You're a disgusting man. I'm just tensing up an excitement.

That's not what it sounds like. That's not what it sounds like. You're a filthy minded. It did sound sexful. I apologize for my partners. No, it did sound sexual Thank you so much. Yeah, it might have been glad I brought this creep along. Oh, thank you Mr. Ford again, you make me blush. I declare Why did you get that? You be clear. Where did you get that Southern sail? I'm in the clear. Oh my.

Oh. You had to be here. Oh, no. Yeah, this is, this is, Oh, no, you got this is Cameron's. It's all, yeah, you'll see. You'll see. This is all gonna turn around for you as podcasts.

Did you, this morning when you were coming here, was there some, did you have a second of thinking, what, I'm going to do what? Colonel Brian has a tiny radio show in a little room. Was there a point where you did a 180 and started headed home? No, no, I didn't. I was curious.

I was curious about it. But then I got here and I see this is a really kind of a big deal. I mean, this shit's not free. No. This is made of the art studio designed here by Eduardo. Really? And nice, man. Yeah. A beautiful building that we have, large complex. We do many parts. And there's like probably, there's three, six people here outside. Outside is another 20 people. Yeah, what do they do? Well, first of all, a lot of them are here because you're here.

Yeah, and I hate to throw people into the bus, but when Nick Crowe rolls in, they're not here. I'm sorry, Nick, but you're going to take a bullet to this one. but when Nick Crowe rolls in, they're not here. I'm sorry, Nick, but you're gonna take a bullet for this one. Yeah. Who's Nick Crowe? Exactly, exactly. Exactly. And why are...

My point is that... Is he like Jerry Tikowski? He's my Jerry Tikowski. He's a very funny, brilliant comic and actor. Oh, right. Nick Crowe. Yeah, I threw him under the bus for no reason, other than his name came to mind,

and I thought, I'm friendly enough with him that I can do this in this moment. So that was undeserved and Nick, my apologies, but you got a shout out, I'm talking here with Harrison for you. And also, yeah. Let me say his name again. Yeah.

Nick Crow. Yes! There you go. Now, see, all this forgiven, he's just thrilled. Yeah. He's thrilled now. But no, we do see, all is forgiven. He's just thrilled. Yeah, he's thrilled now But no, we do have this is a big operation and many many many people will hear this and They'll say Conan does interrupt too often and he should shut up and he should let Harrison talk Yeah, should let these other people talk a little bit because they've got microphones in front

Yeah, you have not said one fucking word Can I say something? I mean about a lot. You know, it's your last day at work because they've got microphones in front. Yeah. And you have not said one fucking word. Yeah. Can I say something? I mean, about a lot. You know what's your last day at work? So why not? Go for it. Well, I would just like to say that I

addressed up a little bit today, because I'm a huge fan. And every single person in the office is commented, oh, you dressed up, you look nice. So do I just normally look terrible? I just put on a button, button down. I'm sorry to bring this in. You use the opportunity to ask a question about himself.

I know. You're crazy. You finally got the mic. I'm sorry. You're the biggest, you're the biggest nest. You messed up. Fuck off. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Harrison. I'm sorry. You spent your one bullet on that. You missed your guess. Who is this guy? Exactly. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Harrison. I'm sorry. You You're one bullet on that. Who is this guy? Exactly. That's why I don't let him have the microphone. Yes. Sorry. So anyway, what do you think about what I'm wearing? Arithins. Do you like it? Is it nice? Sorry.

Jesus. We're wearing almost the same thing. They see we're almost matching. Oh my God. Yeah, sorry. But I didn't bring it up. Yeah. I didn't think we'd take sort of cogniz valuable time

to talk about what you and I are wearing. I have to say this is humiliating. Is this humiliating? This is humiliating for me. It was humiliating for you the minute you walked through that door. You are a colossus. Yeah, I'm just a colossus. Yeah, and then the minute you walked in here,

it was all diminished. Your career's through, Harrison, it's over. I've just been told that shrinking no longer wants you. They're getting a new Indiana Jones. Oh my God. Yeah, been replaced. Nick Crowell will take over that role. What are you doing? You're removing the belly button.

You're removing this a little mark that keeps you on the belly button there so that you always see your lighting is just perfect and you removed it. You're a carpenter. Do you like our table? What do you think? Yeah, it's nice. Everything is nice here. It's nice.

Yeah, we did a really good job. It's a nice, yeah. So what do you say? You, me, maybe we start hanging out a little more regularly. Well, I thought we had this daily podcast deal. He was really kidding. No, that's not. I don't think he'll never see you again. It's over for you. We're going to Chipotle after. I'm going to Chipotle. Okay, we go. Yeah, I mean, I don't have a lot of time. Left. I'm 80.

You look fantastic, by the way. Unbelievable. Yeah, so you can be my friend. What would we do together? You and I. Yeah. I see us getting a meal. We get a meal.

We get a meal, probably. We both live with our lives. We take the girls. Our lives. I think we should take. I can't do that. I think we take the ladies. Take my wife.

You take your wife. We go to a nice place. We get a, and then you and I take a little stroll afterwards. We lose the ladies. You and I walk along the ocean in Santa Monica. We look at the moon for a little while. The way fellas do. And it's a nice way to digest.

I'm digesting it right now. So. So. So. So. So. People will say there's Harrison Ford. And who's that tall lady with him. He's taken a new lover.

Why is he out on the town with that very strange tall woman? And why are, are, are, why? Why are they not in the, yeah, why are they letting it happen? Yeah, they're better than that. Yes, they are. They're won't be both married up. Harrison, I want to say an all sincerity and I you do not. This is it. You're not someone who encourages, you know, sincerity, because so much foolishness and laughing, but I'm not kidding when I say that people turned up today who I haven't seen in a long time. Just to watch you walk through the door and you mean the absolute world to people. And you should have been in this room last week when it was confirmed that you were coming on the podcast, I believe

Matt openly wept, uh, play jumped out of window. Yeah. Uh, so when I took an edible, but she does anyway, I do that regularly. Yeah. She's pretty high. Although I am excited. You're here. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. She's a major. Yeah. She's got a problem. Oh, not that. Not that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's got a problem. Oh, not that. Not that. Yeah. Yeah. We all have an edible from time to time.

You don't do that. No, I don't. Yeah. I wish I did. I think I could be good for me. But my point, Harrison, I eventually do get to my point. My listeners will tell you that is that it was an absolute joy having you here. And I will say again, you're one of my favorite funny people.

You are so funny in an original dry way and you're just the whole way you come across. I've always loved having them on the show. Always. And I love now too that in shrinking people get to see you be so hilariously funny. Nope. Wasn't written down. That was all genuine. No, that's 10 times now. I've done you ten times. I've done you ten times. Yeah, you are done. That's it? Ten? No, just for me. If this were... Hey, if this were it, I would be quite happy. I would be quite happy with that. Seriously, it's... it's fun for me. You know, it's an honor to know you and a blast and God, you make me laugh. So thank you very much for doing this. And I'll be by in about 48 hours. No, you'll be there waiting to turn you away. Personally, turn me away. It's been a while since in the old days they would throw a guy out of a bar by grabbing the back of his shirt and

His belt and throw him out. That is how Harrison is going to throw me off of his property. What a way to go man Nothing like that. You're a big guy. I'm an old man. I'll never have you could beat this shit out of me. Yeah Yeah, trust me. Yeah. Yeah. I say we never do this, but Round of applause for Harrison Ford. Thank you, sir. Seriously. Thank you.

Yeah. That's all I got. That's it? You're free to go. Okay. I hope you enjoyed yourself. Right. I don't know why you're crying.

I'm happy. Oh, good. Glad I came. Thank you. Thank you for being here. And you got a friend. Thank you. That's so nice. Thank you very much. That means a lot to me. Thank you. What about us? Yeah. Don't push it. No.

No. I think that's a smart choice. No, I'm not giving the commencement address. Okay. Two minute speech. Okay. Wait, I thought you were giving the commencement address. It's a two minute speech. Okay. Wait, I thought you were giving the commencement address. No, I'm a love love of the year. Uh huh. Hey, congratulations. That's great.

Congratulations. I don't like the way you said that. What did you, didn't, is that more, would you? No, that was, I was congratulating you. Well, surely. I think that was, delivered sincerely with the understanding that an insult was to follow. Yes, thank you.

You have a later, like in 20 minutes. Okay, all right. So off my later, like in 20 minutes. Okay, all right. So off my hand. And unrelated to this. Oh, so now I really am honestly proud of you. Thank you. I'm very proud of you've accomplished a lot. And I was saying, a nice thing to you.

That's nice. I honestly was. It's, the way you said it was just very, I'm sorry. Thank you. Sorry, sorry, but it was, you had a tone. Thank you. Sorry. Sorry, but it was me had a tone. My nasal voice. I can't help it. You're like, you had a tone and your lips were thin and your eyes were beating. Yeah, that's me. I can't help that.

No, but they named me alumna of the year. I went to a community college before I transferred to USC. I'm very proud of my time there. And then they named me alumna of the year. And you did an interview for the video they're gonna show a commencement. And I found out recently there's gonna be like 12,000 people. 12,000, that's a big crowd. Yeah, that's a big crowd.

I know. But wait a minute, you're always talking about how you were speech champion when you were. Yes, natural speech champion. Yeah, you bring that up all the time every you bring that up when they pull you over for DUI you're like now is that so sweet man. All right, you're free to go. There's some more alcohol. Thank you, officer. Officer, Gizzy.

Alcohol. Here are the dogs. Yeah, we didn't realize you're a national speech champion. Here's much more vodka. Thank you, Toth, I'm sure. Well, it's officer or not, officer, but I still refuse to give you a blood alcohol test. So I think you're going to be fine.

Do you know what you're going to talk about? Yeah, give us the first line. Give us a little preview. Uh, well, I'm doing it in a, they built a brand new stadium that we're going to have the graduation. Oh, are you sound doing it in an accent? No, no, no, they built this brand new stadium that we're gonna have the graduation is. Oh, you sound doing it in an accent. No, no, no, they built this brand new stadium at the school.

So my first line is, thanks for building this stadium for me. That's good. I like that. It's too big. It's too big. Not a work, it. But there's not like a lot of jokes. It's not like a-

Oh, you gotta have jokes. Will you write it for me? Well, you've done, you've done it too. I won't write them for you. All right, because there's a writer's guilt strike. So I refuse to help you with this. And I hope you bomb. Go WGA.

Yeah, you producer, you ruthless cab user. I thought you couldn't write shows and stuff. You could write a commencement in your essay. I can't. Wait for real? Listen, I union it all. It's me. It's just a two minute speech.

You're the man. You're the man. You're the man, yeah, don't. You know what you are? I'm sick of your boot on my throat. Yeah. You've written two- Why don't you get AI to write it, you asshole? I know I should.

You should get AI to do it. But you've written two of like really well-known commencement addresses that were like longer than two minutes. Can I borrow from your Harvard class day speech, your Dartmouth address? No, you cannot. But also, how much time did you say you have?

Two minutes. There's no such thing as a speech that's two minutes long. That's, are you sure they're being square with you? You're not just introducing someone. No, but there's a three minute video, and then there's a two minute, I get five minutes. I'm just like a little blip Can I say something they say two minutes, but you're gonna take more than two minutes because there's no such thing as a two-minute speech

Okay, why that's called ordering a pizza, okay, you know Not a bad idea. Yeah, but still that's why can't I just take stuff that you wrote? Well, it won't match okay, you know, you'll be well, also, it just won't match your personal experience. You come from, you have such a different background than me. And you have a great story to tell coming to this country. Oh, come on. A boat that you made out of brillo pads sewn together with beeswax that had been dried and turned into twine. You forged a path across a mighty sea. You have a great story to tell. And also what I think is very cool on and being sincere here is, you know, this, you start at this community college and look

what you've achieved. I think that's, that's very cool. It is. And I'm shocked because there's a lot of really impressive alumni that have come out of there. So when they first said I was the alumni of the year I was like, I was like, who are they? Are they are anyone we know? No. Oh, to be honest with you though, though, I think it's I think it'll be an inspiration for all of them. Yeah, to see you because you do have a lot of fans and you are an impressive person. And I think I, and I'll tell you, I think it's also, you know, good for these people to see your, I think you're still able to connect to young people. I think you're a very youthful person. So it's not, you're not a stodgy old person saying, now let me tell you something when I was a boy, you know, and the first while you shouldn't say when you were a boy, because you weren't. But, but I think it's going to go really well. I'm proud of you. I've when you were a boy because because you weren't but but I think it's gonna go really well

I am I've got thank you. I've gone back to Mount Sack a few times to talk to the students and I can't tell you how many people Love you which I was Say these are educated people well He says people. No, she means some of the farm animals hanging out In the agricultural lab. They're super young and they're like not that, you know, I know I'm like staying,

I just, I always think that they're just like into like Taylor Swift and like Billy Eilish and then I can't. There's big crossover between my fans and Billy Eilish fans and Taylor Swift fans. I'm convinced of that. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah.

Just because you convinced yourself doesn't mean that it's true. On her current tour, Taylor often starts the show by saying, how many cone and fans we got in the crowd and the place erupts. Okay. I've not seen any footage of that at all. I haven't seen it either. And I haven't even heard about it, but I'm pretty sure it's happening. Because my power to deceive myself is absolutely incredible.

That's impressive. Koniftees. No, so this is, yeah, Koniftees or the, I'm a Konifte, excuse me, what's that? I tell a swift fan who's also a Konrubrant fan. Okay, how many are there? I said, I'm a Konifte. I'm V-Koniftee. That's what it should be. Are you V'm a Konifte. I'm V Konifte.

Yeah. That's what it should be. Are you V, you know what, it's like this rare bird that no one's seen in a thousand years. Are you V Konifte? Someone who loves Taylor Swift, but also loves that fringe weirdo. They photoshopped a picture of the two of you, like, just together hanging out. Yep. Yep. yep, yep. Coneifty.

So cool. Well, when is it happening? It's happening very soon. It's happening. Well, by the time the audience hears this, it will have already happened on June 9th. OK, all right. But it hasn't happened yet in this reality.

No. No. Do you get to wear a gown and a mortar board? Yeah. That's nice. I know. That's going to be cool. Do you get a special scarf of some kind of like,

in Nexium. I don't know, I do. They gonna give you any kind of doctorate. You get a doctorate. Come on. I don't know. You got a Donnery doctorate? I'm not, I think from Dartmouth, they said something.

I don't know, I don't know. Don't be coy. I'm not being coy. I honestly don't know. They put something around my, we gotta look up what I got. I'm pretty sure he got a doctorate. Yeah, but I know that it was I wanted it to be an oral surgeon.

I wanted to actually be a doctor afterwards and then be able to open up. Doctor of arts. I'm a doctor of arts. Oh, Jesus. I'm a doctor of art. Come on. Madafuckas. Is there a doctor in it?

I wish I'd be next time I went on the airplane and something happens to go like is there a doctor here? Hello I am a doctor of arts from docks miss and I'm gonna push my way to the front. Well this person's gonna be having a heart attack. Have you got a book? Maybe attack. Have you got a book? Maybe Fakare? Well, one of the prontas sisters cared to talk about the contra postdo of the statue, David. Cause on those matters, I'm good to go. He's dead. He's dead. He died while you were talking about the prontas. Well, I did what I could. I suppose that makes me some kind of hero.

Excuse me, I'm an actual doctor, and I couldn't get up here because this asshole was blocking the aisle. I'm actually a pulmonary specialist. I could have saved this man by doing chest compressions. That's all well in good. But I got here first because I'm a doctor of the arts. Well, all right. Let's wrap it up, gang.

Congratulations, son. Congratulations. Congratulations. And you know what, my advice to you is enjoy it. That's a moment when you're up there, take it in. And don't you have a tendency to go, oh, no, take it in. That's a really nice moment. They'll be thrilled that you're there and enjoy it.

And we're really proud of you. Oh, that's very cool. Thanks, guys. All right. Peace out. Tupac. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley, produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at

Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Themesong by the White Stripes, Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our Associate Talent Producer is Jennifer Samples, engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt

Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the team Coco Hotline at 3-2-3-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien, Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are down there.