Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Howard Stern

Episode Date: May 20, 2019

Radio personality Howard Stern feels badly about not being Conan O’Brien’s friend.Howard and Conan sit down to talk about Howard’s new book ‘Howard Stern Comes Again,’ the punk rock element of radio, the stigma of psychotherapy, and the most painful parts of publicity. Plus, Conan recalls his childhood pets as he and his team respond to a positive review of the show.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].This episode is sponsored by Heinz Mayonnaise, Mizzen+Main (www.comfortable.af code: CONAN), State Farm (1-800-STATE-FARM), Roman (www.roman.com/CONAN), Best Egg (www.bestegg.com/CONAN), and Fracture (www.fractureme.com/CONAN).

My name is Howard Stern, what is this a piece of paper my name is Howard Stern and I feel blank about being Conan O'Brien's friend well first of all there's no blank here we're not friends we're not friends the problem that's that I have with you yeah that a friendship would imply that we've actually had a conversation off the air or maybe a dinner or maybe some sort of phone conversation so in other words hi my name is Howard Stern and I feel badly about not being Conan O'Brien's friend I feel you would be a great friend but you know I'm intimidated by anyone with a Harvard pedigree hey there this is Conan now welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend the the podcast it's really a scam more than anything else where I get people I just

really want to talk to to hang with me and have conversations I've always wanted to happen so far I'm loving it and I'm joined by my trusty assistant so I'm assessing hey sonna hi and of course our terrific engineer producer I don't even know what to call him Matt Gorely hi so you doing okay today Matt you're right yeah okay it's got a cough in his throat or something so now you're wearing a t-shirt today that says what's it say I completely forgot I was wearing this what does it say it's a surprise I'm drunk surprise I'm drunk okay does your parents do they did you see your parents today I did not know I wouldn't have worn this to see my parents oh yeah okay they'd be cool with it though wouldn't they no no they wouldn't be cool with it surprise

I'm drunk no okay I'm not though no you're not you're you're doing all right so far it's early it's really still I forgot I was wearing this this episode is going to be different I think they've all been a little different but this is a super sized episode of Conor O'Brien needs a friend this is a long one and I think it needs to be I just this moment flew back from New York City where I was interviewing this gentleman in his Sirius XM studio and so if the quality is a lot better than mine you'll know why they've got real microphones there anyway of course he's the long-reigning king of all media he has a new book out called Howard Stern comes again he has of course many many many fans he inspires strong feelings for those people who probably are like

no I don't know about Howard Stern he's not my cup of tea I will say this whatever you're feeling I have always found him to be an incredibly original mind curious razor sharp funny and I have long considered him to be the best interviewer in the business he is naturally curious he's voraciously curious and I've been lucky to speak to him on a few occasions and really felt like we connected so I was thrilled that he agreed to let me talk to him for this interview ladies and gentlemen Howard Stern you're not the Harvard thing doesn't bother you for real no I'm very envious of that I wish I had that kind of intelligence I wish I had that ability to understand math and and was a better writer even the English the command of the English language I feel people who go to Harvard are

privileged but let me try my best my name is Howard Stern and I feel aroused about being Conan O'Brien's friend I'm actually three inches hard right now I can see all full three inches let me show you it I can see it from here I'm excited about being your friend you know I potential here we've talked to I think there's great potential here there really is there really is and maybe the fact maybe the fact that there's potential was because no one's tried to force it right now this is a thing that's been in the business I mean you've been in the business a lot longer than I have but I've been doing my thing for about 26 years now and I think the fact that I didn't push it I didn't show up and say hey Howard man what about me what about me you would

have hated me if I don't know you're a beautiful guy that way personal let me ask a couple of questions before we start this I mean I know we're into it yeah this is it by the way this is it where it's all there is this is podcasting this might be my first podcast I think yeah I can't be yeah I've never done one you haven't done Mark Maron no I haven't done Mark Maron I don't think I have you know this is weird I turned to I was doing the show the other day radio show and when I'm doing the show during the commercial breaks the guys come in and you had just been on my show and I said to other guys I said you're gonna hate this story I said the guy you know Conan is such a great fucking guest and such a great guy I mean every time he's on it's just

great yeah and I said you know it's weird that I've never done his television show I never ever did it I should have done it we might have had some great chemistry and then Gary goes oh you did do his show yeah and I went really I did Conan show I go I assure you I'd remember that if I had done it well sure enough they had to prove it to me by showing me on your show I had no fucking recollection of it I don't remember so much when when Jerry Orbach died I remembered saying to someone you know what I love Jerry Orbach wasn't he great I wish and we'd had him on the show a few times I wish I had had a chance to do like a serious cop scene with him right and the person said you did and I said no no no I swear to God if I had had it if I had done that right I would

know and I said I mean a real great face-to-face cop scene and the person said I think it was Frank smiley said you did he left the room he came back in he put a big three-quarter inch machine in I shot a whole scene on the set of his cop shot where he shoved me up against a wall it was like you punk and it was this it was a comedy bit but we played it real his inches from my face and I had told someone if only that had ever happened to me and I did it so but you've been doing this so long that you have you have tons of that I know I in fact Gary's biggest job is to remind me of what I've done I went even when I set out to write this book yeah I'm like Gary you need to be there the first day I'm gonna tape stuff I'm gonna talk into a tape recorder you

gotta remind me of what I've done right and now people wouldn't understand that but I realized doing you know going on the Conan O'Brien show going on the tonight show going doing all of these incredible things I've done never struck me or touched me in a way I didn't allow them to and I guess I was just kind of plowing through my life I was doing whatever I had to do to make a living but not really allowing for these moments to be big because other people would say oh that's such a big moment but it didn't feel it's not an arrogance it's not me being an asshole it was just me going oh you know it's just one more thing I have to do you know what it is too it's volume right telling you that when you've had I mean your job is to meet a different person or person

comes in every day you talk to them right and you're in it in that moment you've also had these moments where you've been in New York premiere of your movie massive crowd but you're in that moment and you are for you in that moment you're getting through it I'm just getting through it in fact when I wrote my first book there was this weird thing that happened I said I got on the air and I said hey I'm gonna show up at Barnes & Noble and I'm gonna just go sign some books and because I had done it in prom too like that the police didn't real they were just kind of aware that I was going to Barnes & Noble but there were no barricades set up or anything like that and if you ever see this footage if you look it up on the internet I'm in this crowd people lifted me off my feet it was

it was nuts right and afterwards someone said to me oh my god that must have been something and I and I realized I was like oh it was just an exhausting day it was very tiring I did the radio show then I had to sign like 10,000 books in one sitting it wasn't like I was impressed with myself or thinking that like somehow I was the greatest thing on earth I mean just the opposite I was like oh god I got to go home and figure out what can I do tomorrow to merit that kind of praise hey I'm thinking of a couple of things number one yeah when we started the podcast we shook hands so I gotta yeah I gotta put some well I'm telling you you really should I got to put some what do you call this jizm on my hand there's no reason to go blue there really is no reason

to go blue it's a purel my wife and I call that jizm oh you do yeah we go hey do you I go do you have the jizz in your pocketbook those are the lovely little things a couple has over time I'm so witty this you can't what a genius oh wow he calls purel jizm and then the other thing I'm thinking are people listening do you have any indication of people are listening to your podcast this podcast is millions is no god no I don't think there are millions in podcast but it is doing extraordinarily well how do we know this we know it because they tell me oh you're like the number one comedy podcast in you know the podcast space oh nice now that's including some people call their podcast a comedy podcast but is it really comedy you know and you know what

I've known us to none of them sitting here you have a very different approach on the podcast like when I see you on the show on the TV show you're kind of like this I more so I used to be more that way right and you change this is something that happens this is what I wanted to talk to you about right and this is my clever way of turning it back on you good because no one wants to hear about me you in this new book you do something that I I think might be unnecessary go I would say this as your therapist good you denigrate your old work you put it down and you say I'm so embarrassed of some of that and I'm I love this new way that I am now but you you have a kind of disdain or embarrassment about your old work and I'm telling you that's

not necessary and I'm telling you that as a potential good friend of yours I think that's the wrong tact to take no you know what it is I'm at first of all you know I mean I don't know that you have this but most people when they look at old pictures on themselves I look at old appearances on Letterman people say oh Howard your appearances on Letterman were legendary mm-hmm I can't watch them I cringe my delivery is different now my I'm I'm an older guy you know I'm 60 fucking five years old and I look back at 30 year old Howard on David Letterman and I go yeah I see me working a little too hard a little too desperate not owning who I was I critique it yeah I can't go back and watch old radio shows you know when we did them on TV we did them

simultaneously I can't go back and watch that stuff if there's no shame or embarrassment I was trying to entertain an audience right try to make people laugh who are stuck in the miserable existence of commuting and and I was successful at it I had one out of every four cars in New York tuned in to me I can't say that that's not a great accomplishment although I would sit there and look at it and go why are the other three not tuned in exactly so so in the midst of all of this and and some reflection it's not that I'm apologizing I'm not apologizing for my work I'm just saying I'm a different guy now and it's painful for me to go back and look at that stuff I relate to that I have some of young comedians now tell me oh I grew up watching you and the weird stuff you

did late at night and you did a thing in 93 or 94 95 and I'll say what are you talking about I was horrible then right I can't look at it I don't and if and if someone's playing any of that stuff from that era I can't be in the same room right and it's not a shtick you're saying no it really is painful it's painful and I want to say this to you as your therapist now I've heard you many times in fact you've told me you tell me this is why I love my the interview I did with you yeah you've said to me you know the reason I stayed with NBC and I didn't take that offer from Fox you could have gone up against Jay Leno would have been a very different sort of history your driving force wasn't money the driving force was you wanted to at least have access to your archive of material

yes so that you had it all yeah and when you were talking about that I said you know be careful what you wish for I when CBS sued me Les Moonves sued me personally at the end of it all I ended up owning my archive I own everything I ever did in which is a tremendous comfort to me yes but also it's a tremendous curse because some of this stuff now when we go back we have to go listen to it because we want to put it on our radio channels here it's serious and oh my god some of it I listen to I don't want to hear this on the radio again and I don't I wish I could just burn this sht and it's not that it's bad or it's in bad it's just not me and it's not you now that's right but you're you now because of what you did in the 80s 90s 2000s and that's the thing that

that's the only thing I wanted to come in right away I must feel like I was on a mission to say there was a time when in show business everything felt very manufactured when you came along and you were alienating people and you were going at them and occasionally I was on the receiving end of it right I still thought this is great this needs to happen this is someone who has been told by a first of all I have a thing with publicists where someone will come to me and I'll read the notes that they've they've talked to the person beforehand and the person will say tell us me this amazing stuff on the notes right and I'll say I can't wait to talk to this person and then I get out there and the music's playing and one of the second producers will come up and

we in my year and go cut out one two and three and be like what are you talking about that's the best stuff and they'll say no the publicist is here the publicist killed it the person likes it but the publicist killed it because it's a little and I one of the things that you did was publicist would say Howard can't ask about a b or c I would not have been and that would be the first thing that you would ask them right now sometimes they would walk out but it was compelling you were the only person doing it and I think you have no perspective on how that was important I do have some perspective and I'll tell you what my perspective is I was like a guy coming up from the gutter I was you know I was in nowhere'sville radio I was working at WR&W and then I had to

go to Hartford Connecticut I mean I really had to play all these markets and work out my my thing and what was always my universal truth was that radio was really dull and could be a great medium it could be phenomenal it could be so instantaneous that people would people on television would be jealous that they didn't have a radio show that was my sort of core value of doing this thing I really believed in the medium of radio the problem was the people doing it I remember being on the radio in Washington and I would tune in the local of WTOP in Washington was the all news station but they had opinion shows but who had the opinion people in the audience the hosts would not give their opinion yeah it was all very straight and so when I got into radio I felt like I was like the

version of punk rock fuck you fuck everything I'm gonna be unleashed it I'm the interesting experiment would be could I just blow you away by letting every dark thing out of my mind happy thoughts sad thoughts you name it don't really analyze it right just say it right and it is such a dangerous act because it's like walking a high wire I could have at any point been fired for anything I said I could have offended 50 people who I probably when I get off the air said oh shit I really don't even want to say that that was a thought I should have kept to myself but I just did it anyway because I thought that process would be revolutionary yeah I thought it would be like mind-blowing yeah driving in your car and there's this lunatic who's saying everything that perhaps

we think but no one will say right right and that was my approach and I make no apology for that the problem is it wreaked havoc on my personal life and everything in my life right wreaked havoc and also it didn't even allow me to be fully honest in a way because I went to negative dark places and that's what I described in the book about Robin Williams yeah I mean I love Robin Williams the arrogance to me to think that Robin Williams can't come in on my show and deliver some sort of interesting funny thing that the audience would stay tuned for the only thing that was any good was me he doesn't get my audience and I have to just that's just that just sucks for me right and so the reason I wrote this book is because I thought well what is it I'm really proud of I came over

to Sirius XM everyone expected me to just interview strippers and have women naked running in here maybe people even fucking I don't know what they expected because here there are no rules it is the wild west of radio yeah I could do whatever I want I could talk about you know people eating each other's assholes out for four hours and that's what I think everyone expected but I looked at this as like a weird unbelievable opportunity here's what I thought I am such an outsider I am a pariah publicists don't want to bring their guests in on my show but wouldn't it be interesting now because I'm that guy what if I could get really great guests people who have accomplished things to open up and have a conversation with me and because I have no

limitations in terms of what I do I could do an hour an hour and a half however long that person would sit there and we could just keep it as real it would be like if you got invited to a dinner party and I showed up and there was Gwyneth Paltrow sitting there what would this this guy who you listened to for years say to Gwyneth Paltrow could it be interesting to hear a real conversation and the answer was yes and so when I wrote the book I said what a great summer read a collection of these conversations that I've had with people some of them are really deep yeah I don't think anyone expects that the reason I chose you for my favorite interview in the book and people were David Spade still can't get over it he's very upset he's like oh go talk to your best friend

he texts me every night are you talking to your best friend Conan I go listen spade I don't even know Conan really I said we had a moment on the air yes that was so fucking incredible to me yeah not maybe not to him maybe not to anyone else in the audience but I have never heard a better talk show guest you came in and we got into a conversation you opened up with a story about Bill Cosby and what you had done yeah in Harvard to get this award that was one of the funniest best stories I heard on a talk show and then suddenly you said something and I heard something in your voice and we started talking about that you suffer from depression and you were so raw and honest about it that I thought this is like if I did have a dinner with you and we and there were

no microphones there and I go oh my god Conan I have no idea you suffer from depression I didn't know how upset you were in this day and age people don't think of you as a human being they see some guy on TV right let's attack him let's call him a fucking asshole you know all the trolls on Instagram or wherever it is with social media some guy sitting in his basement hasn't taken a risk hasn't said fuck it all I'm gonna go you had a Harvard education you could have been in a very safe job but no you took a chance because you want to entertain people at the end of the day I don't think you were looking to be in rich I think you really wanted to make people laugh true yeah and so when I sit down with you and I can somehow create a vibe where maybe we forget the microphones

are here you can't fully it's never going to be the most full honest conversation but it's the closest that I can get to you and sit down and hear about this incredible climb how you you know how you wrote for people how you got this break and you go on TV and then after you go on TV oh my god everyone wants you off the air you couldn't even get a 13 week fucking cycle contract from NBC every day it was like Conan's gonna be fired I had forgotten that and then you brought it up right now I didn't want to press but but this is an incredible story and to hear you talk about it yeah yeah in front of millions of people in a way the art of conversation is dead like yes everyone has a podcast and yes everyone's talking to everyone else but where can you congregate

in front of millions of people and have a real conversation and yeah I'm gonna ask people you know fucking weird questions but you see to me the mistake that people can make is they can think that the strippers and the vibrators and the little people that that represents pushing the envelope and what they don't understand is yeah sometimes it can and there was probably a time when it did but at a certain point sitting down and having a real conversation with someone is edgier than if you had 65 strippers come in here right now and eat each other out right what you're doing and it's I see this mistake all the time people will start a new late night talk show and they want it to be edgy and I've had some of them come to me for advice and they've

shown me I had someone show me tape of their new show and they just taped a pilot and it was just them coming out hard rock music they come out they spray paint all over the wall they kick something over they they're wearing half a leather jacket there there's no form they interview someone in the audience and they throw cream pies and someone interviews them then shit comes down from the ceiling and I look at it and I said it doesn't feel edgy it doesn't feel revolutionary because you're not the funniest thing in the world is give someone restraint you need to create restraint you need to create it's how engines work you make a confined space and then you create all this energy and it's got nowhere to go and it pushes the car forward stupid explanation of

how an engine works by the way but I don't know anyway yeah okay anyway you need what you have here where we're sitting right now is a small space few distractions and if you can get a person there you can get them to really open up that to me is edgier but you need to you need to set the rules first like a basketball game is exciting because there's a court and there's two nets and people have to play by the rules you just hit into the essence of this book because here's what my thought was when I was on terrestrial radio I had the government and I had religious groups after me every single day and you know I was a horny young man and I want to see naked women but the real thing I was also thinking is wow look at the response I'm getting it's almost like when you nag your

parents for a toy when you're a kid and as long as you nag you become the noisiest kid in the room and you eventually get what you want right I thought it was unbelievable like I was this revolutionary kind of guy who was sitting there and going you don't you say nudity is bad you fucking hypocrites you say that sexuality is bad fuck you I'll do whatever I want I was like a tantruming child and you know you pick the space that you're in to come to satellite radio where you can do everything and do that is just utter horseshit it's nonsense who cares at least I was railing against something the government was finding me I was the bad boy of radio the religious groups were screaming they would send out newsletters you must send money we have to get

Howard Stern off the air of course I would go on the air and say just send me the money directly and if you give me enough money I will get off the air right but you know it was kind of like that was terrestrial radio and that was then I'm on satellite radio I could have strippers running around nude here every day I mean sitting and having a conversation with someone like even Gwyneth Paltrow walked in and in the old days on terrestrial radio I just would have been like hey you know do you give your husband do you ever blow your husband do you blow your husband alive do you like to get flatioed you blah blah blah blah okay you could say that's something but the person runs out of the room they don't answer the question as I point out in the book

when I was talking to Gwyneth Paltrow and we were having this deep conversation about what it was like to win an Oscar and was talking about the death of her father and we're just going we're going all over the place with other people in Hollywood about how Brad Pitt confronted Harvey Weinstein on her behalf which is just fucking great to hear about and put Brad Pitt in a whole new thing and then she goes you know sometimes when I'm arguing with my husband it's and her husband's Chris Martin Coldplay and she goes sometimes it's just easy to blow the guy now that is way more satisfying to me because it's coming from her right I'm not forcing this woman into a weird dialogue and just pounding her with with sexual questions because it'll titillate the audience

I feel way more satisfaction sitting and talking to I'm thinking about Amy Schumer Amy Schumer really funny person a great stand-up I love her stand-up and we're talking but she'd written a fairly serious book and she educated me that day she said to me you know everybody wants rape to be perfect and it stopped me in my tracks I go what do you what do you mean by that because I was thinking about all the guys in my audience listening to this who really need to hear it and I said what do you mean by the perfect rape she goes well the perfect rape is the police come you've been raped in an alley by four guys and you know they take a semen sample and the whole thing that's the perfect rape everyone can get behind that maybe even bring it to court and all

that but the real problem is in her case she opened up about hey you know I was with my boyfriend and we were messing around and then he just got on top of me I I hadn't given him the green light I hadn't given me okay right but who is that gonna complain to in a way they're gonna say well you were naked you were in bed with him no and you know what guys need to know that guys need to know I swear to you I've said this on the air if you're inside a woman and she says get out you get the fuck out you know it's just the way it's gotta be this way we have to evolve okay we're back with Howard Stern but those kind of conversations to me are way more satisfying and and I that's why I like this I mean that's why I said and maybe what you were

saying before was addressing that that I you know I should be proud of everything in my career but but this is what I'm most proud of these conversations I mean when I'm talking to John Stewart who I think is terrific you know I don't know if you know him personally or not yeah yeah not not super well but yeah yeah I don't know him personally at all and yet this in a similar way like when I spoke to you I was like oh I just wish I knew Conan Conan just seems so evolved John had come in the day that Louis C.K. John was throwing a charity benefit he does it every year he booked a charity benefit Louis C.K. is the is one of the guys on the line right the whole situation had just broken with Louis C.K. in all these sexual allegations John was going around

promoting the charity event he's on something like the today show when he was on the today show they're hammering more questions how can you have Louis C.K. why are you having Louis C.K. he was he was frazzled comes in on my show and he sits down on the couch and we start talking about that because I'm friends with Louis C.K. too I know Louis really well and I was going through the same thing what is my relationship with Louis well you know so John starts sitting down and going man and this is you know this is the book this is why the book is good it's not anything about me it's about other people right this is the first book I've ever written that's about other people John sits down and starts to do a self analysis

he calls it rabbiying it out right and he goes if I had known Louis was doing that what I have spoken up what I have said something to Louis what I have said something out loud how do I feel about Louis doing that how do I he said you know I didn't know in that moment on the today show how I felt about Louis doing the show I didn't know how to answer he goes why do people assume I have the answer I don't I need to think things through and then why did I feel close to him in this conversation if I had been anywhere having this conversation this is the conversation I'd want to have with him if I was a Hollywood insider and I could be at a party with John Stewart we started talking about how everybody

when he was doing the daily show how everybody in the audience the right wing audience the Fox News guys whenever they wanted to get at them whenever they wanted to attack them they'd go uh yeah that John Liebowitz they'd start calling him by his birth name John Liebowitz and I'm a Jew and he's a Jew and we know exactly what the fuck that means right they're trying to shame you for being a Jew mother fuckers and when John said it I felt closer to him than I don't know this guy and somehow we're able to get rid of the microphones and start talking about this shit anti-semitism and the crap that he's felt and then the truth be told he goes this is what's so great he says you know why I changed my name from Liebowitz you might think it was because

I was ashamed of being Jewish or it wasn't a showbiz name he goes it was my mother's maiden name my father had abandoned me I didn't want to be John Liebowitz I didn't want any of the Liebowitz name I took my mother's maiden names you know that's that's the power of the book and I think the power of the book reflects sort of what that story you just told my experience is that we have a culture where people have to decide quickly who you are and so they put you in a box very quickly so Howard Stern represents a certain thing and maybe I represent a certain thing and John Stewart represents a certain thing and they don't know that you're a person and so when I go to my my therapist there were so many times where I'm talking about the ways in which I've experienced pain

or hurt or a sense of betrayal or just just life the stuff that everybody feels and there's so many people that I think do you turn into a two-dimensional like a like a sticker like an emoji they turn you because you're rich I'm rich we're rich shut the fuck up and they don't understand how you got there they don't understand what you did to get there they don't understand anything about your life or how complicated it may be they just know that that's Howard or that's Conor that's John Stewart fuck them you know and bring up an interesting thing just saying I'm rich yeah it's like that is such a fucking problem for me because I get so angry when someone says you're so lucky what do you have to be miserable about you're rich yeah I go do you know you know what do you think

what am I a Kennedy somebody just handed me a bunch of fucking money dude I how do you defend yourself and say because you're saying you're rich like you didn't deserve it how do you defend yourself and say you know what dude I got into radio I just wanted to make $250 a week I wanted to be able to get a shitty fucking apartment so I could entertain people I didn't give a fuck about money I never cared about it I just had to be on the radio there was something so much deeper in it for me about radio my father didn't pay attention to me at all but when my father had a recording studio and a guy got behind a microphone that lit up my father's eyes the world was important those guys were important but he had Don Adams or Larry Storch working behind a microphone

in his recording studio recording Tennessee tuxedo cartoons my father had a look on his face for me getting on the radio was a bigger thing my roommate in college was in six year med brilliant one of the most brilliant guys I know and he's still my friend this guy Dr. Lewis Weinstein and I'd say to myself oh why can't I fucking have that IQ I would love to be a doctor and not have to go through I have to go to a radio station and somehow get people to listen to me and not fuck up this whole career was filled with angst this wasn't about money for me money was an important thing for me because I just want to be able to support my kids and support my family and be able to have a house I didn't even know if I could do that no one knows my struggle I and the audience

doesn't need to know but don't fucking sit there and troll me about money and talk to me about how I'm in it for the money you fucking piece of shit and that's where my anger comes from in some of this stuff even writing this book what this book represents to me is a collection of my best stuff conversations that unbelievably somehow happened Rosie O'Donnell is sitting on my couch I have access to Rosie O'Donnell and I get into this heavy conversation with her and I never felt closer to her and I love sharing this with the audience and having these moments she's talking about the pain of losing her mother when she's five and taking a baseball bat and breaking the her bones in her hand and and and just wanted to feel anything but the pain of losing her mother

no one had ever explained that to me before that was mind-blowing and I'm sharing it with an audience and now I have it in a book I have that and that's my time capsule that's what I'm most proud of when she was talking about she'd go to the school nurse with her broken hands and the woman would be putting bandages on her hand warm compress and warm bandages she was getting mothering she didn't have a mother to do that so she went to the school nurse and broke her own hand so as I tell you that that's heavy stuff and to have a conversation like that with Rosie O'Donnell are sitting on my couch and that's what that's what I want my legacy to be these conversations what's also interesting because before you had that conversation with her you

might be guilty too very Rosie O'Donnell is just she's that person I was trolling her you control her yeah I was trolling I used to get on the radio and I'm not proud of this I was fucking out of my mind and I would slam Rosie O'Donnell and why was I slamming her and it took me years in therapy to realize she was a successful broadcaster comedian and in movies and in my little stupid world there's no room for her I'm supposed to be listening to me yeah and I was a jealous angry asshole I didn't hate Rosie O'Donnell I didn't know anything about Rosie O'Donnell and she miraculously gave me a second chance I don't know how she found it within her but she somehow did and I and I had said to her I was out of my mind and she's become very close to me I did the view

yesterday I was promoting the book and I talked about Rosie and afterwards I got a text from her she wrote I love you it just I just said man I was so fucking crazy I might have missed out on knowing this woman right and she's so open about even stand up she was talking to me and and again this is these are the moments I love in the book I said how did you figure this hurt girl this this girl who is in so much pain how do you become a comedian how do you get up on that stage and she says the first time I got up on stage it was unbelievable I had all my friends in the audience I killed I killed and I knew this was my career well every appearance after that she sucked yeah Richie Minervini at the local comedy place on Long Island turned there you know and it was

like what happened here and she went and watched Jerry Seinfeld on TV and she took his entire act she thought stand-up comedy was like I know there's about yeah yeah she she didn't realize that the whole point is to come up with your own stuff she didn't know she thought it was like a cover band like go do Jerry Seinfeld and all the comedians are going to her but I mean she starts to talk about this stuff and we're having a real conversation and the microphones are on but they're kind of not there that's awesome I mean and and I didn't even know if I should write a book about this because these interviews have been on the radio but they took on a different meaning as a collection yeah and I got a chance to say how much you meant to me and and Letterman and

even the Harvey Weinstein interview yeah I'm like man this guy his hypocrisy is completely pointed out in this conversation in the book I said Harvey what about the casting couch in Hollywood does it exist he goes oh Howard oh no right course not right he goes I'm a producer do you think if I was sitting there enforcing myself on women I could do business like you get inside this guy's head and now you read it in retrospect and you're like this guy knew all the right things to say oh yeah it's not like he was it's called being a sociopath it's called being a sociopath you know the right thing but you're just saying it you know no it's all revealing there's something you don't bring up in the book and I think it's a to me anyway it's a big turn and I don't know how

you feel about it but 9-11 I remember that 9-11 no comedians none of us were on the air we couldn't be on the air for a while but you narrated it as it happened in real time and reacted and I thought of you as you're you're not a CNN broadcaster you're not that kind of broadcaster I think of you as more of a late night comedian I thought Howard's more like one of us and you were reacting in real time to it and your response to it's incredibly honest and I know that you've subsequently played it on the anniversary and it's really powerful and it's hard to listen to yeah because it was such a painful day I can't listen to it but I always thought that that was a moment where against your will maybe prematurely maybe you were ready for it but you didn't want it

you were forced into this situation that you had to take us all through that day you were on the air and you did and it sort of pre it was an advanced look at where you were going is that seemed like it's possible I don't know I you know when it happened we were on the air I think if I remember correctly again I haven't listened back to it but I think we were talking about Pamela Anderson and how hot she was yeah you know we were really graphically going into you know what it is we might be doing with her or whatever right and that's why al-qaeda attacked they were so offended by your interview actually I have the other viewpoint if al-qaeda had strippers and like sex clubs and porno they wouldn't even be al-qaeda anymore some of those countries had that stuff and

that freedom they actually enjoyed living I think these guys are so fucked I think I thought our reaction to 9-11 should have been also to drop porn right on their fucking country so that they would some of these people would be a little less repressed right but all joking aside it was a horrible day I'm sitting there on the air someone comes in and says you got to put the TV on while I'm on the air but I'm live and I didn't have any thoughts of like you know I was helping anyone through this or whatever I was again I was in the moment reacting to what I saw and I immediately said to Robin the first plane hit I go this is an act of terrorism and everyone was kind of like no no no you don't know that you know it could have been I go to clear day this is an act and then

the second plane hits and then more and then everyone in the tri-state area starts calling me people who could witness what was going on and suddenly I was real reporters were calling in in the sense that people every day people who were sitting there were able to report on their feelings and what was happening and we all shared this together and afterwards some people who worked for me said I have to leave the building I got to get home I didn't put any trip on them I don't think but you know I was like saying oh you were so brave to stay in the building no I wasn't I wasn't brave at all I was just sitting there and I was sharing that with my audience and it didn't feel right to leave in the middle of this I felt I should just sit there we had already done like a

four-hour show and we were on the air till then like noon we did an extra two hours but it didn't occur to me to leave it just seemed like the right place for me that I would be the most useful right and honestly Conan I was sitting there in shock I was in shock and I was really fucking angry with these goddamn terrorists and I was you know and I was reacting we got to go over and blow them the motherfuckers up you know we got it you know that's how I felt but what's amazing is that that's a document now yeah I mean that is a document and I think it's probably one of them for me one of the more compelling documents I can't look at the footage of that day I don't think a lot of us can I still I lived in New York I was watching it all unfold from my apartment

when it was that while it was happening yeah I didn't know what to do with myself but your show that day is a document kind of a real-time document of an honest person's reactions as things are laid out and because it exists and as I said reporters can't say the things that you say you're reacting as a real person and I always felt like that day and I think a lot of us felt this way I know a lot of us felt this way oh yeah Howard helped us get through that day you were on the air as it was happening and the rest of us none of us could we were back on the air for a week two weeks you took us through that moment and so now it's a document of how a person felt as it unfolded first plane second plane getting calls shock anger speculation to me that's and by the way

when you get me thinking now I remember thinking at the time why are the late night hosts not going on TV yeah why don't they just break format and sit down with America and say we're all grieving right now right and maybe even just instead of like opening up to the studio audience let them say how angry they were I would it you know it's tricky and I know that because it might have them been seen as maybe you were taking advantage of horrible situation there's a lot of thought there was also no there was no network time available everyone was just like flights we were all grounded no one gets on the air and I get that yeah but I was and actually you made me think of another thing two things you made me think of just now David Letterman did call me and say hey can I

this was like a year later I don't know I don't want to even say what point but he did say hey I'd like to hear your broadcast I heard it was great and I heard it was good and I was very proud of that yeah that Dave wanted to hear it and the other thing you're making me think gee it would have seemed like a natural place I'm a little disappointed myself might have seemed like a natural place for me to inject some of my thoughts about that when I interviewed the comedian Steve I always get his name wrong Steve rather ran his NC or something do you know what you know I'm talking about Steve Steve for years he was a stand-up comic who got busted by the New York Times he had always told everyone that he was at 9-11 yes yes yes yes I didn't know his last thing and that's

why I put Steve in the book I actually called Steve I said Steve would you mind if I put you in the book because I know it's very painful for him but he said please do I want people to understand I told a lie and I and I'm trying to get I don't know what I'm looking for but he said I wanted to come on your show and explain myself and I almost didn't have him in but I'm glad I did yeah and maybe that would have been a natural space for me to write about my reaction to 9-11 and being on the air but even that feels like a little self-serving right and maybe it's just best I didn't write about that and it didn't occur to me anyway no it occurred to me that I don't think it needs to be in this book yeah but it felt to me that that was the first time

that I heard you in a different way yeah and I think a lot of us heard you in a different way and you could probably go back and look at that day and see some of the catalyst possibly possibly yeah for you thinking okay maybe there's more than yeah you know strippers and Pam Anderson and I don't think I drew that parallel right I think really where that started to happen for me and this is what I do explain in the book is psychotherapy right I still think psychotherapy has a tremendous stigma most guys I talked to you know they wince a little and it took me five years it was suggested to me that I go into psychotherapy by a guy named Dr. John Sarna who had healed me of back pain he has a wonderful book if he's now he's no longer

alive but it's called healing back pain yes and the mind-body prescription and and I became a Dave Otay of his but he said to me you got to you got to go into psychotherapy it's important so for five years he gave me the name of somebody and for five years it sat on my desk I just did it was not brave enough to go confront myself and as Bill Murray says in this book in my book he says you know sometimes we don't want any self-reflection because when we really dig deep we find the person inside isn't all that attractive it's pretty ugly inside and I love that Bill Murray says that it's a good piece of wisdom in the book but I know for me I just didn't know what it meant to go into psychotherapy nobody had ever listened to me no one I had never had an adult who listened

to me yeah I never had a teacher that I bonded with I never had an adult male role model I didn't have those things I didn't have anyone I'd ever really had a conversation with who heard me and as a result I kind of shut down I didn't know that you could even have an emotion and think about it my parents had had such a tough life I never wanted my to burden my parents with any of my problems I just didn't know from that it's funny because in the book you mentioned that you went to your therapist and you you did you did shtick you told jokes you performed for the therapist which is hilarious because I completely relate to that I did the whole thing about my parents like I was in there and I'm like you know how it I raised you to be I didn't have the megaphone in

the office yeah I love I wish you had the megaphone yeah I should say therapist hey I brought a megaphone with me by the way I started using a megaphone when I do my mother because hey it just sounds funny right she's on the phone it just works you know but um so I'm in the office there and I'm doing all these routines for the guy I thought that's what you do you go you sit down and you tell them about your parents yeah and so I did it in a funny way also you were you were doing your job which is I've got an audience I've got an hour you've got a you've got to entertain in that hour yeah and the sad thing for me was I didn't think anybody would care about me unless I kept them laughing yeah you know I spent a lot of my mother was a very depressed woman

with good reason uh and uh you know she she lost her mother at nine and she went in you know my grandfather tried to send her into an orphanage there was no room she and her sister were sent off and so he sent her off with relatives and she didn't have her mother and she was never even told her mother died she didn't know anything and my mother really went through a horrible life and my father's might be equally as bad and so they were very traumatized individuals but I didn't understand any of this but I did know when I'd come home when my mother said I'm going to commit suicide her sister had died when she was in her 40s and I was uh I think I was in 10th grade and I saw a very depressed woman she's talking about going upstairs and maybe doing herself

in and I and I didn't know if she was for real or not and maybe it was just like kind of a stick like because in my family no one ever did everything was just kind of words you just kind of talked and people laughed and and so I found one of the things I could do to cheer up my mother I was really good at standing up and doing impressions of all the mothers and fathers in the neighborhood I would take her on a tour of all my friends houses and start to do these routines and there was one mother in particular who was a complete phony I'd hear her yelling through the door at her son and she'd be like you know oh let's call him Bob or John or whatever you know John your mother fucker you're a fucking son of a bitch you're fucking and then and she was

rather obese but she always wore a nightgown like a negligee and then all of a sudden I'd bring doorbell and I'm hearing mother fucker fuck you and then the door would open up she'd go oh hello hi Howard Johnny's right down spot whatever his name was I wanted this guy's Bob's right downstairs and he's playing with the dog you know and it was just this and my mother there was such joy and laughs when I was doing these impressions of the neighborhood mothers and the hypocrisy she loved it and to see my mother smile and laugh and it's one of the reasons I was interviewing Stephen Colbert that's why I chose to put him in the book another one of these moments that was so great because Colbert lost his father and his two brothers in a playing

crash yeah and we're talking and I said when your mother your mother must have been a very sad woman a very depressed woman he started talking I said how do you relate to women now when you only see women as people you have to cheer up he goes whoa you know he stops in his tracks and I and that's why I want people to read the book he stops in tracking goes how do you know to ask that question and we started to have a real moment I go because I had a very depressed mother and I had to cheer her up and his reaction to cheering up a woman is different than mine as you'll see in the book but it's those moments where if you can you know because of therapy because of being in psychotherapy I got in touch with how much I had to cheer up my mother I wasn't

even aware of this stuff about what my what the burden was on me to get what I had to carry on my shoulders but that therapist sitting on a couch stripping away all my fucking bullshit and hearing me and knowing my you know knowing my children's names understanding what I was going through after being divorced really hearing about whatever my pain was in in life it blew my mind and I said what if I could do that with the people on my couch I mean when I'm interviewing the Kardashians who I also put in the book it's more about anal and who you know what do they ever fuck white guys as it should be as it should be it doesn't have to all be heavy right but you know some of this stuff is heavy and some of its light and it's kind of a gamut of what it is I do

and we're back with more Howard Stern you know what's interesting is I've always said if I could change one thing about myself it would be to not care so fucking much about what other people think oh it's not mine is for a small penis oh that was my number two okay but you have a big penis stop it I look at you you're reverting what are we in night it was just 1995 we needed a little like I didn't secure that maybe we put some people my penis is is better than you'd think let's just put it that way all right go ahead it's uh I know it's no Liam Neeson but it's it's better than you'd think but it's had some damage Liam Neeson oh it has yeah what happened lava you put your penis in a volcano wow I didn't I didn't want to hurt my hand you see what happens on

that couch it's magical have you ever put your penis into something weird I I interviewed a guy who claims he he put his penis into a vacuum cleaning uh you know the the the kind that's in your house I mean yeah yeah exactly yeah the one in the wall not the Dyson one yeah right and I'm like you fucking moron that's how people lose their penis there's like are you out of your mind it's worth it but you were saying the one thing that you would change about myself is I've always cared so much about what other people think now what's fascinating to me is that I would probably said to a therapist maybe 15 years ago I wish I had more Howard Stern in me right because he doesn't care and I care way too much I I really do care about not hurting someone's feelings if someone doesn't like me I

want to know why how I can fix it and I wish I could have that piece of my brain removed and what fascinated me about the book is you make it clear that you do really care about what people think about you and you have insecurities about it which shocked me yeah no I I which makes also makes sense it also makes sense because you're you have it you are an empath who when in the 90s and early 2000s you're trying very hard to maybe hide the fact that you're an empath but the reason that it worked for you is that you really are an empath you are paying attention I and you do care at what people think yeah in a way I somehow turned that off because the greater good was hey you can't afford to show that insecurity because this uber man that you've created this guy who

says fuck you can't show any vulnerability and let me tell you it was not easy because I am insecure you know I cared too much about are people going to go see my movie are people going to think it's good even to this day and I admit this insecurity I've said I won't do it but I'll check Twitter once in a while Conan you'll be on and we've had this incredible interview and I'll go oh I bet you the people are saying this was the most incredible radio and you're reading oh Conan was so great Howard and Conan blah blah and then some guy writes it was so fucking boring I had to turn it off yeah oh man I'm fucking crushed you know I can't believe I have a rule I have people come into me all the time and say such and such went really well you should check it out you should

read it it's a nice thing I don't read anything I can't and I don't think you should be because we live in a world where if Mother Teresa had been on Instagram or she had been on Twitter and she was literally cleaning the wounds of the lepers yeah and then she went and checked out what people thought she'd feel like an idiot the fourth comment would be you're a whore right you know and what yeah what are you talking about you have small tits yeah exactly you know and it's like what she didn't by the way no but when you when you think about it you become paralyzed by that stuff because when I was on the radio and I was really bad for a lot of years on the radio if there had been Twitter around and they go hey just heard this guy Howard Stern on WR&W and

Westchester and he socks I think I would have been crippled inside I you know I'm crippled enough inside you know I love that John Lennon song you can't hide when you're I mean I really am and that's why I had such a thin skin on the air because I am so crippled inside I am so afraid of what people might say and in fact I with the promotion of this book I did an interview with the New York Times I did interview with the Hollywood Reporter and I guess I should read them I don't even want to read that no because I just want to know look let's say Gary came in and told you this New York Times thing came out this is what and and it's the greatest piece ever written about anybody now let's say the sentence yeah I would find the most horrible thing yes yes I would

say this you know I got a with all this book promotion a lot of people contacted me and told me they love the book very famous guy wrote me and said hey I love the book and I love the piece they did on you on CBS Sunday morning and I said oh oh I'm good he goes yeah I did a couple of pieces on CBS Sunday morning and they fucking annihilated me well this got me curious so I got to go watch these things so I googled it and I looked at it they were the most glowing pieces I had ever seen on this guy they were wonderful and I wrote them I go what are you talking about he goes oh it's probably just me a lot of people suffer from this well a lot of people have a prism in the front of their brain that whatever light you shoot in there it immediately refracts

and gets twisted and so to me it's women talk a lot about body dysmorphia yeah and you'll see these very rail thin women and if you ask them to trace their outline in a mirror they'll draw a really fat outline because that's what they really see and they really do and it's heartbreaking and I and it's and it's a heartbreaking sad fact that that's what they actually see I think many people in our business have career dysmorphia I really do I'm not even kidding a joke that you can look at your career and yourself and you you see criticism you see pain you see failure anybody sees that other people don't see that they're saying what are you talking about oh yeah and if so if someone gives me an article I don't read it and they'll say no I'm telling you it's the nicest thing ever

written and what I do is I give it a lot I ask my wife a lot can you just read this and then she'll tell me it's really nice but she doesn't say you should read it she knows that if I read it there'll be one line that said you know the host who and you'll fix a struggled in 90 about why do I struggle right no it's yeah it was joyous to have a new book out doing the publicity is the most painful thing and I'll give you an example so George Stephanopoulos who I know I know his wife Allie and we we have dinner together yeah we're friendly unlike you and me we this is you know we we go to dinner and maybe our relationship is more pure I don't know this is I think is pure I mean this is pretty good right now I love it yeah I love you you want to have you want to have food brought

in because I can do it I love you so much right now I'm just even thinking this I go God Conan's deep and he gets it and he's such an interesting guy and I go I this is a side of you I'm glad you have a podcast because it's a side of you we don't get to see right on TV but see in that comment right there yeah what I and I'm doing what you would do I have so many people now that say oh my god I love the podcast because and I'll think shit I wasted 25 years you know what I'm saying this is just another side of you yes yes you know what I'm saying I'm saying to you because I know that's that paranoia yes I'm saying you man this is such an interesting side the medium of network television doesn't allow you know to have these kind of we would have taken

seven breaks by now right and it wouldn't have happened we wouldn't yeah yeah that happened to me on the view I did the view and they had to take a break and whoopee was about to talk to me about something and she said oh I'm going to ask you that when we get back and we got back and she didn't even have time to ask me about right and it was kind of a sweet thought and it's the same getting back to this thing with George Stephanopoulos so I did an interview with him for Good Morning America and it aired and everyone was calling me oh you and George we're so great together blah blah blah blah and I think people think sometimes this is an act or something I said I'm not going to watch that my wife texted me she was she was out of town and she said did you watch

Good Morning America I said no I don't want to I'm having a good day I don't want to watch it I don't want to have a bad day that's what I wrote I said I plan on painting today I want to forget every fucking thing and I know there's going to be something there that's going to upset me and I'm not going to like the way I look I'm not going to like the way I sound and I should have done this and I should have done that and I'm should have cut a wood and she said to me no I'm telling you it's safe to watch it there's nothing there I said there's something there there and and I trust her enough that she gets me she knows how fucked up I am and she loves me anyway I'm lucky man but it took a lot for me to watch it and I used to read about Letterman's

insecurities oh you know be throwing things after the show and all that and and I would goof on it and I said I do the same fucking thing I'll do an interview this is why I loved when in the book I name you as my favorite interview because afterwards I wasn't upset with myself somehow I felt like we had just hit every single mark in that interview yeah yeah I'm Christlike yeah well I don't know what it was to me it was and you know Spade can joke about oh you know your buddy Conan he's your favorite right it just worked and then I found myself whenever you were a guest on a talk show I don't know you had done a series of shows later on I have to watch now because it changed my whole fucking perception of you I go this guy's a great talk show guest

and it was funny I don't know whether it was the Tonight Show I saw you on recently or Colbert one of them you were absolutely on the I don't know did I write you a note about how good that appearance was you said it on the air you talked about me going on Colbert and and people came and told me and I was fantastic nice to hear but it was completely different you had obviously prepared a couple of stories you were you were in your zone it was all comedy pure comedy it wasn't like what we had done right but yet it was equally as fucking great and so you know I I hope people understand all of my guests in this book were great but for me it there was a special connection between us you know yeah there's a no no uh just was yeah and and I I've

always my thing is when something goes well I then don't want to ruin it so um I always and I this is exactly what I went back to which is and I said it when you talked to me on the air recently about when you name me that your favorite guest I I said afterwards and I think I said this to you my immediate feeling is we'll go to dinner and you'll see oh I see and I feel the same way yes exactly I say this my wife will tell people go to dinner and they're very disappointed in me and I have gone to dinner with people and then you never hear from them again and I'm like oh I'm I'm such a fucking bore and I'm you know of course they don't they don't enjoy me you know it's weird I got friendly with uh Steve Martin who's my my comedy hero yeah me too me too yeah I go I didn't

fashion my career after radio guys I wanted to be like Steve Martin I want to write a book I want to do a movie I wanted to do it all I was excited by it all and he was a guy who could do it all and I my perception of Steve was like oh shit he's just a super funny guy it was so easy for him again you fall into that trap and when Steve came on the show and and that's why I included him in the book he's talking about the struggle he had it is absolutely mind-blowing to me that he was a writer on the Smothers Brothers yeah and couldn't even write an intro for them when they asked them to he couldn't come up with anything funny so he calls his friend who's funny and he says can I borrow that joke of yours and give it to the Smothers Brothers and I was like oh my god Steve

Martin couldn't come up with a joke oh yeah he has to work as hard as this at this as I do as every one of us who tries to make people laugh he was one of the first revelations to me the first time I got into big-time show business was Sarenout Live and I was 24 and you get to Sarenout Live and they throw you right in the deep end and I showed up kid still going through puberty I think and they they said go in and pitch Steve Martin you know sit your ideas I go into this room he's sitting there I had only known him as my idol and the guy with the arrow through his head and the extrovert excuse me and the guy who changed comedy overnight and I went in to the room and I saw the most serious almost seemingly depressed professor like professor like yeah professorial

kind of like and I just was uh and that was my first education that people are not what they seem and that some people I got to spend a day with John Candy once and he was John he was the John Candy I wanted him to be but Steve I at that moment I saw oh I don't understand anything I'm just I'm just beginning to get and he was an education but he's another person my experience though yeah going to his house for dinner yeah I sat there and I went oh I shouldn't have come here Steve so brilliant Steve was being so fun everything he says out of his mouth he goes that should be written down and preserved and I'm sitting there going I'm not worthy of this yeah you know I'm just not I'm not good enough and I remember Jimmy Fallon was there and Lord Michaels was there and and all

these you know brilliant people and it's just like oh now they see who I am you know now they see because you know I have to work really hard at putting this stuff together it's you know but but then I learned everyone else does too it's it is it is no one is that naturally and everybody is looking at you the way you're looking at them right so they're thinking yes and and you're stunned by that you think no that's not possible because you have your camera's been going since you were born so you went through your childhood you had many many years of no one knowing who you were not giving a shit right you went through all your different pain and so it feels like an accident it feels like I'm here the rest of these people are supposed to be here and I'm not but I'm not

and I saw that you know you started this interview and I'm going to wrap this up in a second because I don't want to take your too much your time but I you started it off by bringing up Harvard and that's the thing that I I least like people knowing about me I wish I could go back and people didn't know that I went to Harvard because the truth is I busted my ass to go there I'm not a gifted I was I had a terrible math wow that's interesting so I was not I was not good at math my math SAT and I can prove that I took my own SAT because my math SAT sucked now you have to prove yeah yeah my verbal was good I didn't feel smart I've got a brother who's much smarter than me and I felt unintelligent so I just ground it out in elementary school and high school and in a very unappealing

way I worked like a dog was your goal to get to Harvard my goal was to get into a great school and so I ground it out and I was creative but I just I just worked and worked and worked I would memorize textbooks I did what I had to do so I got in there and when I got there I immediately felt like I'm the fake I don't belong here which is a common feeling there and then over time I would look around and it took me years but I looked around and I thought there's a lot of these people who have no emotional intelligence right they don't know how to tie their shoe they don't know how to talk to people they don't know how to interact and be in the world some are brilliant some really aren't wow and so I get out of Harvard and then people know that you went to Harvard

and when I first got into comedy there was an assumption I remember when I first got to late night so people thought oh the only thing they found out is that Conan O'Brien a weird name he worked on The Simpsons went to Harvard and people said oh it's going to be like a dick cavat kind of right and I thought no and then it becomes oh they can reduce you it's one of the easiest ways to reduce someone oh you went to Harvard which means you probably come from a really rich family right and you're probably oh you just were always smart and nothing was ever a problem for you and I'm guilty that too because I would think about you and I go oh my god that guy's so fucking smart and and it's like what is that really saying like it was almost like the you

shouldn't even be in comedy yeah yeah exactly you know I used to get I remembered once I think 60 minutes was contemplating doing a piece on people that were from Harvard that went into comedy and it was going to be sort of like you know you cancer would be cured right now if it weren't few people and I wanted to say I would make a terrible cancer research or you should have automatically been successful in comedy if you chose that because you're so fucking smart yes comedy equates with that kind of yes or science intelligence exactly it's all it's all it's all kind of crazy yeah yeah and I could see I could see where people might even just look at you and think you have a chip on your shoulder because you went to fucking Harvard who knows right and

you know but but I think that that's what coming full circle because I in my head is let Howard go he's done a full you've been working all day all morning and I'm gonna let you go but I think what is really nice for me as a long-time listener long-time fan short-time listener however it goes is that there's this nice evolution I think you can start at the beginning of your career and your career has been studied and will be studied but people are going to go back and they're going to look at the stuff you did in the 80s they're gonna look at the whole arc they're gonna look at from the late 70s all the way through they're gonna look at the arc and this book is a really nice place in the arc but the whole arc is a thing to behold and I think that you should

own that I think that's good advice I probably need to hear that thank you for that because again it's my own shit you know I'll have fans who say you know that was your best radio was the 80s or this or that or the other thing and and I can't look at life that way as I say in the book that you have to evolve I point this out the average age of our audience the audience that listens to Sirius XM 37 years old listens to me now 37 years old back in the 90s on terrestrial radio average age of my audience 37 years old and that to me means the show has to change it has to keep people's interest it has to change with the times and all of that I don't it's not that that stuff was but I know what I was out to do I was out to entertain I was out to

blow your mind I was out to be this unleashed it all of those things and I do own it it's just that I can't stand to hear it yeah but you know what it's not your place you are the worst judge of your own work in some respect it meaning it's not your business as we started out in the beginning of the conversation saying your job is to be you and do the work and love the people in your life and feel what you're feeling and this is your canvas and you've done that and that's your job it's not yours so much your job to say this is the good stuff this is the bad stuff that's just this is what's resonating with you now which is fantastic it's funny you say that because recently I had to make a will I changed my will and I was thinking about all

this stuff and I just said just just get rid of all of it you know destroy it that's in my will just get get rid of all of it all the shows everything just fucking burn it you know what I mean at some point right um but you know maybe you're making me rethink that some of it's important to me some of it isn't but I guess as a whole it's been one hell of a career yeah it's been crazy yeah it really it really has been nuts and I don't think in in this whole world anyone was banking on me to someday be sitting here talking to you or or or perhaps you know becoming an announcer that had some success and then went on to this big career and they made a film of his life yeah it just it just is unthinkable but this is a snapshot yep and right now if I was to say

to you and you didn't you've never heard my show and I'd say Conan here's a book Howard Stern comes again right this is what I've been able to do at Sirius XM I mean this is what in my life I stand most proud of I was able to sit with some of the greatest people in the world from Paul McCartney Sia of music show business and other people and say to them hey I'm going to ask you every question that I've been curious about and I revealed myself and I reveal these people right and I think it is a glorious ride and yeah this is this is how I feel right now if I could just take this and hand it out to every person I would because this is what this is who I am well you'll make no money if you hand it out so my advice you know you're like my publisher yeah he says let's get this in

store we handed out a bunch in Times Square the other day you know are you okay yeah now did you get what you needed yeah yeah I got what I needed and I have a technique I use on my show I'm interviewing someone it goes on it's long and everything and then I go okay listen we got to wrap it up let's review everything that just happened in the interview and then they feel like the interview is over we're reviewing now and then the best shit comes out yeah we because now we're not in the show anymore right now we're just reviewing what happened now we're just let's review what happened what did we do what did you what is your takeaway from this my takeaway is that you don't lie when you say you're germaphobe right because you you put the the liquid jizz on your hand immediately do you want

some jizz no I'm I'm happy to have your germs I'm a sponsor now he came up with the jizz that goes on your hand and protects you up to eight to ten hours has he proven that I'm accepting him at his word then you're a fool I'm no scientist Conan I didn't go to Harvard I went to BU oh oh god that's sad I'm sorry that's as good as I could do I was the worst student oh my god yeah but that's you know I mean I didn't understand education I wish I could go back don't you want to go back now I do because I would love my sense of history is zero I lived in a horrible neighborhood the the idea of education you just survived the school that I went to was locked up by the government it's the only school in the entire country in the United States that is run like the prison system it's run by

the state and so education I would shit my pants when I walked into that building was it gonna live another day right and you're fighting and this now if I could just do it over and understand if I could have understood how important it is education history you know what you do that now you could the same thing is you can do it all I'm playing catch up I have I went to an English teacher this is funny I met a guy who uh was talking to and he tells me he's an English teacher I said would you give me a syllabus I want to learn about first start with war war two everything leading up to and I gave him my and he started he started giving me books to read and I was like why didn't I why did I waste so much time I feel like I wasted so much fucking time it's so negative

that's what I am so when I'm when I'm wrapping up with you is to say that what I have taken away is everything has a negative I wasted so much time I didn't know I fucked up yes I wish I could do it again I and then I'll get you as your therapist your second therapist the one you don't pay I get you to say what a career what an amazing ride I'm so proud of this book I wish I could you get you get there yeah then you immediately I backslide into I wasted so much time I didn't read I didn't know I was on I was on the view yesterday okay perfect example right before we were about to tape this I was talking to will Murray who's the head writer on the show and I was saying man he says oh it's great on the view you know it was really funny and blah blah blah blah and you

came out and you started talking about where's Julie Chen moonbezz hey he loved all yeah I said oh but I fucked up he goes what do you mean I said well at one point I'm sitting there on the view and I know all the yentas there except they have one new yenta and I'm talking to talking to whoopi I'm talking to joy it's going well talking to senator mccain's daughter there about mega mccain and they got this new woman there and she starts attacking me a little bit and then I handled it I said I should have gotten up from the table walked into the audience sat down next to one of the guys there and said okay let's take a break a breather what just happened so far I've got whoopi yeah she seems to be on my team she made no negative faces joy bayhar I think I have her

eating out of my hand right mega mccain I complimented her father she's in love with me what's with this one she's attacking me wait a second all right I collected my thoughts let's go round two like Muhammad Ali I'm going back in the ring yeah and that was thought to myself wow if I had done that I would have broken through the fourth wall I would have been talking to the audience at home I would have been analyzing what I was doing right it would have been great fucking television and I blew it yeah you blew it I suck the whole thing suck the whole thing suck now so that's it the and and I relate to this because uh paula davis who's came with me because she's she's been with me 26 years paula davis I don't have a davis paula davis is your

biggest fan and just she came she's back she's back there is that the woman you do the podcast with no no that's sonam of sesion uh who's uh my my real life assistant oh so who is paula davis is a booker on the show and she's been with me and she's a huge fan of yours but I will talk to her every day and she says oh my god the relentless negativity in your head oh it's horrible and she says to me it is unbelievable and I'm in therapy yes but what's gonna be I say to my therapist when are we gonna fucking help me here well I mean yes don't get me wrong but don't you admit don't you admit that you know I would say if you want to analyze what we've looked at here you want to wrap it up I would say that you have to accept in some way that the negativity

and the pain some of it is the fuel somebody you live like that you've you're figuring it out I'm doing it you're figuring it out by the way you found you found that you found that you found you found you you found your you know Beth is the opposite of me right she is just like I mean she can get dark too but but she said to me I've never met anyone so dark and I said well how can you love me then she goes I just do yeah you know and it just makes me so grateful that somebody could care about me she was watching again she watches the appearance on Jimmy Fallon the other night and she was watching it and she goes oh I'm so happy for you there's such a celebration of this book and people just seem to really be getting it and enjoying it blah blah blah blah I was like

wow somebody's happy for me like she's genuinely happy for me I'm just like what you know a lot of people are I don't know well you don't know well I'll tell you people I think this book evokes jealousy I see it where's this woman that you work with who who who is she power Davis yeah do you think she's listening right now she's listening oh she's back there she's there she is yeah and she thinks she thinks this went well do you want to get a critique but is that us again being insecure what's this find out Paula why can't we wait a second why can't we own that this went well I think it went really well I was very I was uh I had a blast and I know that Paula Paula will be this is Paula Davis Paula hi Paula she is she adores you did it go well Paula amazing

just amazing will you tell Howard that every day I come into your office and I make you laugh really hard and then what do you say I say what's the noise in your head I'm not going down this road this is relentless who did this to you what happens yes oh my god oh yeah wow that's so important no and it is every day she says the noise I'm not gonna do this with you you want me to hate you with you and we're not gonna do it do you think everyone has this noise in their head I do think everyone has it they do right it would not we're not unique we're just exposing it you're you guys have higher stakes jobs than us normal people so I think your noise might be a little bit louder and a little more relentless but I've come to believe that we are right yeah because I know

when I was a dishwasher it was the happiest time of my life I loved washing dishes I just never really felt like I was I felt actually they told me I did a really good job and then I went home right and I was okay with that yeah I think I what you've done Paula and I think Paula has given us the button on this is yes she is very emotionally intelligent and I love Paula she's been with me all through all through the highs and the lows and she adores you she's so good at listening people and knowing people and she has sort of helped me a lot saying you know you know that tape you do where you hate yourself and and I've listened to you now for an hour and and and plus this is there's an undertow it's like a wave that crashes and you all of this

accomplishment and then it pulls back that is what I hear in you that's what I feel in me and I think that's what Paula picks up on yeah you know you just made me think there's this wonderful woman who runs my company Marcy she once in a while when I get really fucking nuts and when when this book was coming out I was like I'm going fucking nuts I have to go on all these shows I'm going to go on these shows I'm going to disappoint everyone I'm going to go on Conan's podcast I'm going to disappoint him I'll go on Fallon's but you know just horrible negative thoughts and she wrote down a series of reframes which I never you know I thought ah what is that I started reading um and she said you know and was basically reminding me you wrote this book because you really

believe in this book you love where is the love that you had for this book you wanted to talk about all these people in the book and I started to read them and I went yeah I gotta hold on to that yeah yeah I gotta not get sucked into you know guys and their problems um how are you gonna wrap it up I'm gonna wrap it up by saying uh your job okay is to continue your journey interesting yeah your job Dr. Conan see this is the Harvard guy showing off his your job is to continue doing what you're doing and I think if I think you have moments I believe you have moments where you understand how much you've evolved and you can even if it's just for a millisecond you can say good job Howard nice nice job all right nice job then we're gonna end on that we're gonna end on that nice job Howard

thank you Conan it's all good and by the way yeah job well done today I like that sound I know you do I know what that means I know you do what does that sound mean I've seen you do that before that's usually when you have a hot female guest yeah I go it's the last thing it's still okay in the Me Too era you're allowed to go you can do that you can you can still do it I always thought it was a bit much okay when Howard Stern's telling you to back off yeah it makes women uncomfortable number Howard thank you this was an absolute joy here with you luck with the podcast thank you love you and god bless and look hi hey do you want to do some more review the reviewers sure this is from Renee EKD 87 Conan is my don knots when I was 11 I would sneak into the

living room to press record on the VCR so I never had to miss an episode of late night when I was 12 I got a homely white cat I loved him more than anyone in my family did I named him Conan love the podcast that's nice of course I always go to the negative oh boy do you she named a homely cat after me so anyway that can only white cat only white cat I had a white cat growing up what was its name pebbles and I named it I named it pebbles and I got that cat when I was four years old was that your cat or was that the family it was my cat I wanted a cat and my dad tells the story that I was maybe three and a half years old and he was driving in our 1963 Chevrolet Impala and he was driving me somewhere and I was so small that my feet just went straight

out they didn't bend over the you know the seat my feet went straight out and then I said do you think I could maybe possibly one day somehow have a cat I had I put all these he said he was remazed that I had all these conditional he started screaming at me beating that ensued was memorable no my dad got me the cat he went to a shelter and they got me a white cat and it was my cat and I remember really just thinking wow I'm in this massive family and nothing's really yours when you're in a big family but the cat was mine you know I just moved my cat so and I had that cat for a long time did anybody else have their own pet yeah um we had two dogs and um well this isn't funny this is really tragic but uh they uh god they were colleagues the first one

was rule and he got out of the house somehow and took off and they we we lived right near a highway and he ran right under the highway and got killed in front of a Dunkin Donuts and then we replaced him with another dog as a colleague and his name was Raggles and when he the first chance he got charged right to the same highway and committed suicide just like the first one had and it made me think oh my god at the time I thought they would rather die than live with us that's what I remember thinking they would rather die than live in this crazy family oh my god yeah and both in front of the Dunkin Donuts I know it's terrible and you have and you have the appropriate response so uh welcome to a very special Conan O'Brien no I just told you something about my

life I had a cat we had two dogs that committed suicide in front of a Dunkin Donuts rather than live another day in the O'Brien house I had a turtle that ran away and it felt like a turtle but there a turtle can't run away it was in the middle of the street what are you getting into no it was just in the middle of the street walking the opposite direction of our house like right anywhere but the gorlies yes well uh oh all my pets were happy well did you what kind of pets did you have I had a hamster we had two dogs you don't ever know if a hamster's happy they can't do anything they're like in jail and they've taken their belts and their shoes away they can't end their life you know they do chew on the cage and try to yeah yeah so you don't know

they're listening to all the Armenian madness going on in your home okay no that's not an okay I'm just saying your families they're I'm sure they're loud we're loud oh god you are very loud you came from a house with six kids you were allowed to probably but you make more noise you alone Sona are louder than I think anyone I've ever met that could be true I mean Sona will be on the complete other side of the office and we're in a big building on a sound stage and I'll hear her talking so loudly yeah and that's your is that everyone in your family your dad's everybody no everybody's loud your dad is not loud my dad is not loud my mom is loud yeah she's loud uh okay relax um when I first met your mom for the first time I hired you when I came out here to

in Los Angeles and you brought your mother by the set of the show and she said something I wish I could remember what it was it was sweet but she said I want to meet amazing American entertainer man yeah something like that you rocked she said something like you rock the USA yeah I want to meet Matt yeah I want to meet you you rock the USA I think she said something like that remind me reminded me of uh Noho Hank on Barry something he would say you know what I mean like baddie you know you rock the USA um I love your mom you know that I know you do she loves you too she thinks you're jacked what sorry last time that they saw you they were like Conan's been lifting weights yeah I do I work out I do work out a lot and you know what this has been a theme

on the show many times whenever anyone makes a comment about how I'm kind of sexy or I look sexy you guys go ew ew your mom has sexualized me in her mind oh come on oh come on did I go too far that's my mom dude oh well I'm just saying she's coming home and she's saying she's saying to your dad he's jacked get out to the gym why don't you look at gym you're trying to do an accident yeah why is Arnold Schwarzenegger what is that her mom her mom has an accident does she not that's not like that that is not my mom's accent get to get out to the gym oh my go to the gym and into the chopper yeah go to the chopper I hope there's a gym in the chopper let's hope there's a gym inside the chopper gilmore says he ain't getting the gym so you're jacked like Conan right isn't that

sort of what it sounds like at your house and then the gerbils in the corner trying to make a noose I want to get out of here I want to die look at this Ramsey can't kill itself like Conan's dogs should we go home all to our one home that we live in yeah you know our podcast house just for you listening yeah we all live we live together and we sleep in a stacked bunk bed triple bunk and when we snore it's in unison like the three stooges we get up in the morning we all get out at the same time and we go crashing to the floor and

then I get up and go come on you lame brains yeah all right let's wrap this up we gotta get to our house Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Sonam of Sessian and Conan O'Brien as himself produced by me Matt Gorley executive produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf special thanks to Jack White for the theme song incidental music by Jimmy Vivino our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and the show is engineered by Will Beckton you can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts and you might find your review featured on a future episode got a question for Conan call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message it too could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already please subscribe to Conan

O'Brien needs a friend on Apple podcasts where wherever fine podcasts are downloaded this has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf