Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Ike Barinholtz

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

Actor and comedian Ike Barinholtz feels bullish about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.   Ike sits down with Conan to discuss his game show victories, how the comedy scene in Amsterdam taught him to perform for the masses, the inspiration for his character Sal Saperstein in The Studio, and his new podcast Funny You Ask. Later, David Melmed follows up with the team about the dos and dont’s of podcast-related tax write-offs.   For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, my name is Ike Barronholz, and I feel bullish about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Very Teddy Roosevelt. Yes. Bullie. Bull moose! Speak softly and carry a large red-headed man. Yes. Fall is here.

Hear the yell. Bing the bell. Brand new shoes. Walking loose. Climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are going to be friends. you're going to be friends Okay, welcome to

Conan O'Brien needs a friend It took me a second to realize what we were doing And I'm Conan O'Brien From the title of The Thing And this is Sonom of Sassian This is David. This is David Hopin. And I'm just trying to come in with fresh energy

I have an obsession lately That I want to talk about Yeah Which is rappers that have agreed To do a soundtrack for a major motion picture and then they have to

rap about the movie and kind of get bogged down in the plot of the movie. It's one of my obsessions lately. One of the things I was thinking about and I think one of the worst offenders was when Hammer,

M.C. Hammer for the sequel to the first Adams House movie. Oh boy. I remember this one. Adams family. Yeah, he had to rap about the Adam's family. And he, I know this is a long time ago and people listening right now like, Conan, what are you doing? What are you doing? And my love, I know, I have loved ones that tell me that all the time. What are you doing? Yeah, everyone says it. Yeah. And I think every conversation I have with you

son it begins with you going, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? And you always do it like what do you do it like, what are you doing? And you always do it like, what are you doing? So, Anyway, so MC Hammer was getting into the weeds. You know, some executives said, you got to mention Fester. You got to mention Wednesday. You got to talk about Gomez. You got to talk about, you know, and then, okay. And you think, okay, Conan, that's one example.

Have you got more? I do have more. Oh, my God. You can't prepare. He did research. No, I didn't do research. These are the ones. I wrote them down as they came to me.

I remembered Vanilla Ice Ninja Rap. Yes. Yes. Oh, my God, I remember that. Yeah, and of course, and of course, you know, Vanilla Ice is he, and no offense to, is it Mr. Van Winkle, was that his name? Yes, yes. In court documents. And no offense to him, but again, he had to get bogged down probably in talking about various ninja.

Go ninja. Yeah. And they started breakdancing. And they started breakdancing. And then did he have to get into the plot? That's my favorite thing is when they're like, Michelangelo has to get the blue jewel. It's out of show. What's that?

It is. It's in the movie. They're out of concert. Of course it is. Of course it is. Bobby Brown Ghostbusters 2. Oh my God. Remember that one?

Yes. And it just goes on and on and on. And I love it. And the reason I, it all came back to mine is the other day, you know, I like to sketch. You know, that's one of my things that I like to do. You're a doodler. I'm a doodler. I like to draw.

I like to draw. I like pen and ink. So I went into, I'll give him a shout out, blix, art supply. I can hang out in the blicks forever. I just love pens, paper. Yeah, I'm from the streets. But I'm there and I'm, you know, checking out some of the latest cool, you know, cool pens out of Japan.

And you need an eraser that you can need, you know. That's K-N-E-A-D, you know, a needing eraser. Anyway, I'm checking out. Yeah. And then I'm going to go out and get laid, you know. But that's the order that I like to do things. I like to get the really good Japanese pen, a needable eraser, and then I had to go out, you know what I mean,

and fucking spread my seat all over town. Oh, my God. That's just the order that I like to do things. And if people think I came in hot today, maybe I did. Because I was in blix here on the west side of Los Angeles. Blix or blick? Blick. It's just blick.

But sometimes I go in and they go like, hey, I'm going to blix it up, you know? Okay. And then watch out, world, because I'm going to. coming after, you know, once I get my supplies. Give me a little bag of my little bag. Japanese pens. That's when I like to stroll the boulevard and check for action. Anyway, I'm in there and what do I hear?

Oh my God, it's Pitbull. And he's rapping about Men in Black three. And sure enough, this rapper has had to bend the knee to the studio executives. And he's talking about we got to go back in time. And he's explaining the plot. Do you know what I mean? And again, that always freaks me out. When rappers, you know.

Yeah, well, everybody needs, I mean, imagine how much money they get. You should try to do a rap for a movie. You know what? I think maybe I'm jealous that no one's asked me. Toy Story 5. Yeah, you're in Toy Story 5. Thank you. Thank you.

Now, my guess is Toy Story 5's coming out soon. I'm in it. I guess I was thinking maybe in the back of my mind they might want me involved in the soundtrack. Yeah. You know, no one wants to hear. from Tim Allen and Tom Hanks anymore. You know what I mean? Ben there done that.

This is my chance to shine. I know Randy Newman typically does a lot of the songs for the Toy Story movies, but maybe we change it up this time. Well, it's probably getting late. My guess is they've figured this out already because they've been working on this movie for years. But if they haven't, and who's to say I can't rap? I did a movie last year. People thought, well, he can't do a movie.

Well, guess what I did. So I think I could wrap the plot to a movie. I think you can't do. of all, your beatbox is, your beatbox, there you go. That's, your beatbox game is off the chart. Yes. So I think you can definitely. If I'm even chart adjacent.

Yeah. I'm like off the chart and then so far away from the chart. Yeah. That no one can even see a chart near me. Do you know what I mean? There's no clipboard. There's no chart. If you had binoculars, you wouldn't see the chart.

I've heard you rap before and you do a throwback where you go, my name is Conan and I'm here to say. Yeah. Which is what everybody wants to hear right now. Early 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every rap should start with, my name is blank, whoever you are in my case, Conan.

My name is Conan, and I'm here to say, I'm here to rap the USA. That's how every rap should start. You also throw Superman into any... Superman rides really well. Superman. Yeah, I got a taste about Superman's boss is a cape an hour ago. You know, if you throw Superman in.

And beef fowzoo. I like beef fosz. It's a lot of it. Because I like to say, you know, those bills will accrue, and then you won't be able to afford your beef, which was my favorite meal in high school.

The cafeteria had beef hausu. It's a juicy beef. It's a real hard lyrics. Quiet. I mean, I respect. Uh-oh. I'm getting a call right now from my... What do you think Rick Sell wants?

That's my manager, Rick Rosen. Oh, he really? I thought you were doing a bit. No, my agent, Rick Rosen. Maybe he's going to let you know there's a wrap. Hey, Rick. Rick, you're on right now. This is Rick Rosen.

He's one of the biggest agents in Hollywood. Yeah. Hi, Rick. And that's Sona and Blaze back there and David. Rick. Here's my question. Is it too late? Do you think they've locked in the Toy Story 5 soundtrack?

Is that probably locked in already? Or do you think there's a chance I could do a song that would be in Toy Story 5? A rap. A rap. I think that if you were going to sing a song, they'd erase the soundtrack that they have already locked in. Yes. Yeah.

So you're saying that if Randy Newman has already written like a great song that's a cure jerker but also a beautiful melody because I love Randy. Newman. And it's set, if I said, if you called them right now, you know, Disney Pixar and said Conan wants to rap about the plot of Toy Story 5, they would delete. I don't mean just bump it, but delete what Randy Newman is done. I think they might even move the release tape. Oh, my God. Oh, now we know why Rick's been around. We know why Rick's been around for a long time. You know what, Rick, you're the best agent in the business. I can't, I'm so glad I took this call. And I'm going to jump off now, but I will call you back when we're done wasting America's time.

I'll call you right back. I just hung up on him. That's how big I am. This guy runs Hollywood. He does. And I just, and guess what? I now don't have an agent. Because he's, that was fantastic.

That was great. And you know what? That was perfect timing. Surrounded by enablers. I'm so, hey, hello, Sona. How are you? You're my biggest enableness. her. Ha, ha, good one, boss.

So anyway, that is the goal. The goal is I want to wrap. And I really want to get into the weeds on the plot, because that's my favorite thing is when the rapper's like, they got to get the jewel, they got to take it up to that mountain. You know what I mean? They've got to meet Papa Smurf. Do you know what I mean?

And then they got to go back in time. But remember, don't cross. Do you know what I mean? Don't cross the, whatever, the Purple River. Because that means that what's another smurf? Smurfette. Don't say it like I'm an idiot. Smurfette, you idiot.

The girl won. Okay, well, anyway, these are the obsessions that I have. They grip me. And what did I do, Eduardo? Why don't you testify? I come in hot today and what did I make you do? You made me play pit bulls back in time. Yeah, and you know what I did?

I had you advance it to where? 44 seconds. I said, go 44 seconds in. I said start at 44 seconds because that's where Pitbull comes in with the rap. I don't want to waste time not hearing Pitbull rap. Oh, my God. Conan texts me days in advance warning me that he wants this to be the high. How do you know that?

Do you listen to it in your car often? Duh, that's such a big duh. You know what? I had to unlock my jaw to get this duh out. Like a snake. I had to unlock my jaw to push more duh out of my face. Yes, I heard Pitbull in a Blick's art supply store, right? That's right with a blitz.

And sorry, blick, arts, whatever. If they're going to give us free shoe, you got to give their right name. I don't know. Who cares? They're lucky I'm talking about him. And, and I hear it. I'm obsessed. I get in the car.

I have to hear it some more. Then I notice when, okay, I really like it when it starts right in on the, on the rapping with Pitbull. There's a big preamble that takes four. 44 seconds before we get to hear about Miami. You got to go back in time. You know the exact seconds. No, I did.

That's what I'm saying. I know exactly what seconds. So I said, and then I come in today. You're like, wait, wait, verse two. Yeah. Yeah, I know. What are you talking about?

You played it three times in the car when we drove around yesterday. Oh, and now I fooled David. So David was driving me around yesterday and make him wear a chauffeur's cap, which I think is illegal. and I sit in the back of his, what kind of car do you drive a Hyundai? Yeah. I sit in the back of his Hyundai and I make him wear a tiny, tiny chauffefer's cap.

It looks like a little Yamaha on his head. And it's got a little rubber band that holds it on his head. So I'm sitting in the back and I fooled you because I said, because I've been playing with a band recently and I said, oh, we worked out a really good tune and we have a recording of it.

And he went, oh, really? And I went, yeah, do you want to hear it? It's the first recording. And he went, yeah. And I started to play Pitbulls back in time. and you, for a second, what did you think? I turned and I said, you really recorded this with the band. Oh, David.

I don't know. I'm usually, I don't know what happened to me. You can't tell when Mr. Worldwide is rapping. Well, I knew it. I thought like he made the band play it. Oh, no. And then he got me again later. And then he started to hear the rap and it's Pitbull rapping. And he thought for a second, I guess Conan could have done that.

Oh, no. Oh, blasphemy. And then later he said, hey, can I plug my phone in? I've been really into this tape McGrathie. song. And then he played it again. Oh, okay. I'd like to hear that. And then I hit, of course, what did I hit? Pit bull back in time. And blasted you again. And you were like, why do I believe him? I've got it. I really want to play this new Tate McCray song. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice. You're David Hopping.

All right, peace out. Let's get into it. Who am I? All right. We got enough of this. My guest today stars as Sal Saperstein in the Emmy Award-winning Apple TV Plus series The Studio. He now has a new trivia podcast called Funny You Ask with new episodes every Wednesday. He's a very funny guy and I've always enjoyed him very much and excited he's here today. I'm so happy you're here. You are a fine fellow, hilariously funny, and now we get to hang. Now, we had a brief interaction recently at a pizza restaurant, and I remembered saying, I think to the waiter,

can you escort this man away? Yes, yes. I was there with my family, was my daughter's birthday. And all I did was I just gave Conan a wave across the restaurant, and we sat down a couple minutes later. Some of the staff came out and said, sir, you need to leave. I signaled them. Yeah, which was, it was.

And they took you away from your daughter. Yeah, no. And then she started crying, and she said, why they take my daddy away? And I said, shut it! And now, whenever we see Conan on screen, my daughter goes daddy. Yeah. She points in headman goes daddy, which is nice.

I'm fine with it now after a lot of ketamine therapy. I'm okay with it. I legitimately want to be your friend. I think a lot of phonies come on this show and they say, oh, I want to be your friend. And they don't care. They don't. And you know what? I try to follow up with a lot of them.

I can't get through. No, no, no. No one wants to talk to me. I'm here because I truly want to be your friend, more so than these vipers. Yes. These are not your friends. They are happy when you fail. They are the little fish that grab onto the larger, more productive mammal and suck it of its life essence.

Yeah, yeah. I won't suck your essence. No, no matter how much you ask. If you want to get ahead in this business, you will suck my essence. It's the way it goes. We have a lot to talk about. Let's go. And first of all, I'm a huge fan of the studio.

and I love your work in the studio. You also have this new podcast, which is trivia-based, which I'm very excited about because I know you to be a trivia maven. I was going to say maven, and you beat me to it. You are a jeopardy, celebrity jeopardy chant.

Yes. You won a million dollars for charity, of which I'm told you took $600,000. You know the phrase you got to wet your beak? Yes. Yeah, the charity got money. They got paid. They're fine. It was for, I think, pediatric oncology.

Yes. And you took $600,000. First of all, if you said to someone, I want to give you $400,000. That sounds pretty great, right? Right. Let's leave that there. I have an infrastructure. I have business.

I have people that I have to pay to make sure that I'm able to get to jeopardy. Okay. You talk that way, Ike. But when I saw you at the pizza restaurant in Santa Barbara, I did notice when you left, because I made you leave, that you got into a very expensive Bugatti. Yes. And the license plate was number four charity. That's when I say I'm playing for charity, you don't specify it.

Did I get a Bugatti that has four cars for my family? Yes. We drive up and down Montecito. You see everyone's seen a motorcycle with a pod. I've seen you. I've seen you. I've seen you. A pod here, a pod here, a pod in the back

and the pot. It's amazing. They're all lashed. It's smaller Bugatti's attached to the larger Bugatti. And they're lashed together. So they take up both lanes. Yes. Oncoming. Yes. So cars have to, he has a, you have a car that goes ahead of you. Yeah, we have a follow car. You have a follow car. You have a follow car? Well, you have a follow car that goes

ahead of you and lays down orange cones to keep people off the road. This is why I need money to pay these people. They don't work for free. You, motherfucker. That's what all I wanted to say Was to get Ike Barron's hold to her Who's everyone's like oh he's so funny He's such a good guy Ripped off this charity

In the name of charity jeopardy Ridiculous I also won a million dollars on celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire That's true Yeah so I've done two Celebrity How much money

And you got to keep all that money That money went straight to me baby No that went to everything Went to charity Every dime went to charity Unfortunately This has kept me off these charity shows I won't

I'm sorry. It has, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't do it. I can't do it. I work hard. I don't want to go on Celebrity Jeopardy if I'm not getting a major piece of that dough. Okay. And that's just been my policy since day one. You know?

I do think you would do a good job on it. I think it keeps charitable organizations. They get soft if they just get the money. Do you know what I mean? They got to work for it. You got to earn it. And it will make them stronger. Anyway, this may be an unpopular stance.

And if anyone thinks that I'm on the wrong track here, feel free to let us know on I don't care.org. It is good that you guys got an organizational status for that. That is that, to me, that's reeks of dot com. But you guys did the paperwork. You paid the fees and now it's an organization. Well, we didn't pay all the fee, but okay. Listen, we could score around like us all day.

I don't want to make me very happy. Yeah. But so much to talk about, we have points of commonality here. And that's always a good place to start, which is my interest in comedy really began with my dad. And I know that similar dynamic with you growing up Chicago area, right? Big comedy house. Mom and dad, both. Yeah, yeah.

Loved SCTV. Love Saturday Live. And in my early, love Taxi. I remember, like, my first memory was them watching Taxi and thinking, like, Jim was funny. But there is something about them laughing. that it's very nurturing. That's why, because I don't want my kids to be in comedy, we don't laugh at all now.

We watch serious documentaries. Yeah. I watch comedy, but I wear an iron mask, so they can't see that I'm laughing. And so I've watched some of the funniest stuff wearing an iron mask. They're watching Step Brothers and just a full mask. Yeah, just a full mask. No gesticulation.

I've painted. I didn't paint it. I'll admit to that. I had a very good artist paint a friend. frown on the iron mask so that, yeah, because I don't, it's the same thing. Right, right, right, right. I want them both working for the, any kind of electric company. Yes, that's steady, good, steady work.

Working for the power grid. Everyone needs power. So you're watching your parents laugh and then you get this jolt. And one of the cool things about your story is that you very literally then pulled your dad as you had success. Yes. As you've had success over the years, you have taken your dad along. Right.

And given him his chance, because he didn't go into comedy. My dad was a research scientist, doctor. Nerd. Researcher nerd. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I apologize. He told me he was a jock.

Yeah, I'm sorry, guys. But he said it as he was holding a microscope and wearing very short for you to shorts. That's when I knew. When someone tells me, and he didn't say jock, he said, I'm a real jockster. So I suspected. that wasn't the case. My dad wanted to be in comedy, and he auditioned for Second City

when he was really young, and then it was just, like, too hard, and my mom was pregnant, and he was like, I'm just going to go to law school. Let's go to law school, and come on an attorney and have steady work. And then he kind of took me to see my first improv show, and I remember seeing, like, Amy Poehler and Chris Farley,

Tim Meadows in particular, was so funny that I was like, I want to do this. And then years later, my brother did it, and our dad was watching, from the outside looking he was watching from the inside looking out and long story short

he a couple years ago got a call to put himself on tape for a random show where they needed to judge and that became jury duty and now he is an L.A. based actor he's doing a movie right now with Jennifer Gardner and it's pretty wonderful

his career has far outstripped yours and the reason you're here today is he canceled yeah okay that's that's what it was He was the big get. That's what it was. Okay, I got it. Alan is your dad, right? Alan is my dad.

Yeah. And so what's so cool is that, and working on the studio, he played a part in the studio. Didn't he have a cameo? He played the projectionist on the studio. I know you're a fan of the studio because I, I, like, everyone was destroyed when we lost Catherine O'Hara. Yes, yeah. And she had this memorial service, and my family and I were appropriately in Canada that weekend, so we couldn't go. And I talked to Seth Rogan when I got back.

I was like, how was it? He goes, it was really beautiful. It was really sad. Conan came up to me, and he said she was incredible in the show. Yeah? If you're replacing her, I would like to be considered. Oh, Tony. Yeah, I did.

I did. And I was, yeah, and I thought it was, it was, it was the memorial, and I had an 8 by 10. And it had the quad split of me as a nerds. On a safari. Yeah, on a safari. Yeah. is an ice cream vendor. Ice cream vendor is a real

neutral specific. And Seth said, I don't think this is the right time. Yeah, it's an appropriate. And I said, when is the right time? Would later today be okay? So that was, that's on me. That is on you.

But they're still trying to figure it out. So, yeah. The season's done. I get mistaken for a woman a lot. So that's in my favor. I live in this neighborhood. So I see you. I remember I was I was at my vet one time, and I saw you walking down the street, and there was a guy in front of you who clearly worked with you, and you were slapping him on the shoulder as hard as you could.

That would be a writer. Probably a writer. It's like shaking it. That would be either Mike Sweeney or Matt O'Brien. I have certain writers, and Matt O'Brien in particular, no relation. I tell everyone he was my cousin and I had to hire him, even though he's not funny. And he's a brilliant writer. He's really funny. He's no relation. It's just such a common. last name, but I'm very comfortable giving him a physical beating. Yeah. I'm very tactile, too. I touch people.

I kind of grab my friends and. Yeah, I grew up with a lot of, there's a lot of grabbing, wrestling, and growing up. Irish Catholics and Jews are both tactile. Like you like to touch. I like to get my hands on consenting males. Yeah, that covers it for the law. I think I'm okay now. Well, here's the thing, because you talk about comedy and these influences, but I do love the studio.

And then I heard you talking a while ago about how much the Larry Sanders show meant to you. And I thought, oh, this is interesting to me because I love the Larry Sanders show. And there's a similarity between Larry Sanders and the studio. They're both about the business. and there are specific ways if you're in show business that you can pick apart certain things and say, well, that's not really how it is. And for me, watching Larry Sanders back

when I was doing a late night show and there was one writer on the show. Right, right, right, right. And Larry would be... Wallace Langham. Yeah, I would see things that if you're in it, you can pick apart, but those are irrelevant because they're getting the essential soul of it right.

Also, I think, too, if you did, like, exact version of what it's like, it would be kind of boring. Yes. It would be like, it's like, oh, we're in a car, we're driving to the lot, and we're going to talk to a director. And in real life, they show up,

they say hi for a few minutes, and then they leave. But we want people to watch it. Yes. And also, I always want to believe when I'm backstage that there will be show girls, two people in a horse costume. Yes, classic.

And I wanted to do a late night show that had that backstage. Yeah. So that almost influenced what kind of comedy we did. I wanted horse costumes. I wanted people dressed as soldiers. Masturbating bears. I wanted masturbating bears.

I wanted all that shit backstage, you know? Shut up Brian Stack, by the way. Brian Stack. Conan O'Brien Legend. Brian Stack. Yeah. He is, and you know what? I had a very sweet moment with Stephen Colbert

because Brian Stack, one of the great all-time writers and and performers. Yeah. on my show who did so many great characters and was so prolific and was such a voice of the show, he went to work for Stephen Colbert after we shut our thing down and has done great work for him for many years. I went, this is a couple of months ago. I'm in New York. I call Steve, and he says, come on by.

And I went and I'm hanging out in Stephen's office and we're chatting for a long time about different things, late night, war stories. And then he had to get to rehearsal and he was going to show me out or have his. His assistant show me out. And so we leave his office and there's a flat screen up. And on the screen, they're rehearsing a comedy piece. And it's Brian Stack wearing a ridiculous costume with his wife, Miriam, incredibly talented, Miriam. And incredible actress, really funny and such a great, such a big part of our late night show as well.

They're both on screen going like, nah, you listen here. And they're wearing ridiculous costumes. And I'm looking at it and I realize I was looking at that. 1993. Yeah. On the screen as I went down to my late night show, here it is 2025 at the time,

and nothing's changed. Now you're isn't here. I'm going to tell you right now. You know, we're the watermelon heads or whatever, and Colbert and I just lost it. Like, there's no escaping that face on a rehearsal cam,

and it will exist forever. But I have to talk to you about this. Yes. You had this experience. Yes. because you... A threesome. You... No.

What is it? Says here a six-sum. Well, there was two of us. Twice. I see you had a threesome twice. Different days. Separated by many hours. The math.

Okay. Yeah. It says here's six cocks. Six-cocks. You know what I love my research? It says here six cocks. Yeah, six cocks. No, it's three cocks.

Three veg. Okay. Oh, God. I'm telling you what happened. You're researcher. is incredibly base. Oh, in there. I have to say, yeah, three cocks.

He's dry. Two. Let me see. Oh, that is me. Yeah. Okay, take it back. The guy's working hard. You're giving, uh,

high-fiving the cameraman. Oh, okay. It's my dad. He's my friend. And he also happens to be doing a great job. Get it, son. Get it. Just like I told him.

You know what? Tell Alan that he's mentioned. in the podcast. Gotta listen to the whole way. You got to listen to the whole thing. When you get to the six-sum, where you're filming me... And you're listening with Mom, just do me a favor and be like, I'm losing a signal or something.

I just hit plus 15-12. I don't know what happened there. Did they say Six-some? No, no. He said Rexum. Rexum. They talked about Ryan Whitehall's football team. It's wrong with you.

What's wrong with me? It's him. He's the one that did it. I went there. I went there. So there's this thing that I heard about years and years ago, one of the early, early travel things I did, travel shows I did was I went to, I can't remember. I think it was related to some kind of promotion. They were going to have our late night show appear in some European markets.

They asked me to go to Amsterdam. And I also think maybe Cologne, Germany. And so I traveled there and thought, well, we. should record this. So we're in Amsterdam and I only found out later on that there, I think I was stopped by someone on the street who said, hey, Conan, we're a bunch of Americans who are doing improv, which was how I began. It was an improv, not stand-up. He said, we're doing improv here in Amsterdam. Can you stop by? I remember saying I'll try to and then I couldn't because we were busy shooting all this stuff. And also, I just didn't want to go. Which I didn't have to mention.

Why do that? Why not just so it's too busy? No, but I get it. You're in a foreign country. You're working. Saying as someone you want to watch some improv is can be a tall order, especially for someone who's done improv. But it was very mean what you said. Please continue. But I'm remembering now how not busy I was. Well, now you're just gilding the mean lily, I would say.

No, I have my research to put my schedule in. Two whole days of nothing to do in Amsterdam. In 1999. Yeah. Just nothing. Nothing. It's a tundra. It's a vast...

All I have is wake up and see the Matrix. Yeah. See the Matrix twice, it says. And then question mark, question mark, nothing else to do. They wrote that down? I did not have... No, no, yes. I didn't have time to go do it,

but then I later found out from Seth Myers that he was part of that troop at that time. And I'm thinking, I wish I had gone down. and met everybody because that'd be cool and see what they were up to. And it's this thing called Boom Chicago that's in Amsterdam. And you did this. Yes.

I replaced Seth, basically. Right. Right. Like it was like 1994, like these three American guys are backpacking through Europe and they love Amsterdam. And they're like, this is the best city. The comedy is terrible. The comedy scene in Amsterdam at the time was still like old European cabaret stuff where

it's like, you know, uh, Hans and Yope. And in the second act, he will wear a dress. Right. And it was like, what the fuck? It always ends with, let's go buy some wooden shoes. It was the blow to every sketch. A lot of clogs.

A lot of clogs. A lot of clogs. Very clog heavy. And so they're like, what if we opened a second city style theater that was some sketch, some music, some improv and stuff. And at first it was just like five or six of them in the back of a bar. I believe Miriam, Flynn was one of the, or Tolan was one of the first ones, rather. Yep. Later, Miriam Stack.

Later, Miriam Stack. And by the time I got there, it was like a big theater. Like, it was like a 250, 300-seat dinner theater. And the appeal, if you were in Chicago for me, was like, oh, you don't need a day job anymore because I had a horrible day job that was killing me. And then at night I would do improv. And to go, I'd never been to Europe. I was 22 years old.

And I went and I had a threesome every day. I was there for two years. That's like 700. That's like 21,000 sexual experiences I had. A lot of cox. With all different people, a lot of cox. Once you're in it, it doesn't matter. This was in the 90s. Yeah, different time.

Yeah, before 9-11. And it was, but it was incredible. I got there and I learned how to perform big. Because in Chicago, I was doing a ton of improv in Chicago. And in Chicago, you can kind of, you can score without how to. having to go big in Chicago. You can come in and drop a really funny reference. You can play like kind of a cool character

and you're in a small room, you're going to get a big laugh. But going there and having to perform for people who don't speak English necessarily or don't understand your reference base at all, that taught me how to, I think, be bigger and kind of perform for the masses. Well, when I was 22,

senior in college and about to graduate, I knew, I said, I want to do stand-up, but I'm very interested in improv. And a lot of people in 1985, I would say I want to do improv. They didn't know what it was. And so I wrote a letter to Salins. Oh, Bernie Solins.

I found out the name Bernie Solins. I wrote a letter. And it was just very formal. I wish I had a copy of it. It was very formal typed letter that said, Dear Mr. Solens, my name's Conan O'Brien, and I'd been, you know, President Lampoon and I've done all this work in comedy and I wish now to do improv and I'd like to

come to Chicago. Is there a way I could join your troop? I didn't know about the classes. I didn't know. And I basically got like a form letter back that said, I was asking basically, can I come be a part of the show? As opposed to can I move to Chicago, start taking classes and try and work my way in? I just didn't know what it was all about. I got sort of a form letter back saying that's not really how it works. Bernie Sallens just took some of his cigar ashes in an envelope. There you go. Bernie Sallons is a famous line where he was directing a second city show or something and someone was pitching a sketch and another actor was like,

yeah, but we kind of did a version of this sketch in the last show. It's kind of the same joke. And Bernie Sallens goes, look, there's seven jokes. And it's all about how you tell him. Seven jokes. Yeah, it's like there's only seven real jokes. It's mind-blowing to me. Chicago, we have a couple extra bonus ones.

Oh, right. Sausage and then, yeah. Hardtack. The Cubs. Dittca, and then sausage. Big one. But I, yeah, I was intrigued by that. And so when you guys talk about, I mean, it didn't exist when I was going there,

but the idea of being 22 and living in Amsterdam and doing comedy, I would go, I almost want to do that now. You can. Like, at my age, I would want to go. and do it now because... I can make one phone call and you will be in the boom Chicago cast. They would be thrilled to have you. They're going to have to fire

one of the younger current cast members, but you know what? I think it's worth to squeeze. I was going to say that same saying and then I realized I don't know what it means and I've never heard of it before and that's why I didn't say it. I think

it's funny when someone who's established in their career and very old and has like really is set financially goes and takes work away from young people. That's the funniest thing you could do. That's funny to me. It's funny and it's a good life lesson for them. Yeah.

Yes. Work hard or not, it doesn't matter. Someone more famous and rich might come in and take your shit anyways. Some old prick like Conan O'Brien can come in and go, hey, you know what? This amuses me. Great job you got here would be a shame if something happened to it like I took it. I'm going to live in the fanciest house in him.

to damn. It's on a, my house is on a boat. Yeah, I'm going to have a big boat house and I'm going to drop by and do some bad improv. And you can fucking hit the road. This is, I'm so happy with all these life choices I'm making here. Well, I think that just sounds fantastic. It was so much fun. And it was a great group.

It was, you know, Seth Myers, I kind of replaced him. But he would come back a lot. His brother, Josh Myers was there. Jordan Peel was there. and Sadekis, Liz Kikowsky, K. Kahn, and Jill Benjamin, all these great performers were there. And it was a really great time, too. It was 9,000, it was before the Euro.

So we still have the Gilder. You were on the Dutch Gilder, and it was two Gilders to a dollar. Isn't that crazy? I picture you guys having leather pouches with gold coins in the other. We had leather pouches. And you'd be paid by someone

tossing you a leather pouch and you'd catch it. That was basically what it was. Tie it to your saddlebag and go out. Get on our mule and go back to our village. It was really beautiful. It was a special time. Nice show to here tonight. Here's a sack of Gilden.

But we still go back. I took my family there last year. Amsterdam is an amazing city. Really one of the greatest cities in the world. I love it. And that has nothing to do with the abundant legal drugs. That's a separate thing that I love. That's nothing to do with the charm and feel of the city.

Yeah. Yeah. And the drugs, yeah. The drugs are good. Which we have now in. Angeles. Do you guys have any here? Should we do? Should we do? Should we do some back down? Yeah. Do you ever do that? Do you ever microdose? Do you ever do any of that?

No, I don't really. For like any moral reasons? Or you just like I'm the at point of love it? It was not, no, nothing I make, I don't have any moral judgment about it at all. I really don't. I just didn't ever feel like it was my thing. And mostly I've been spending a lifetime trying to understand my mind. So the idea of throwing some cuckoo juice in there didn't appeal to me as much. You know what I mean? Putting in an accelerant or anything weird thing in there

always felt to me like, no, no, no, it's everything I can do to get this thing to settle down. What if I told you by doing it, it could help you understand your mind deeper. Yeah. What if I don't want to understand it? What if I'm happy with this level of understanding? I'm just trying to get to the grave.

I look at the grave the way a tired person looks at a well-made bed. I just want to pull up the soil around me and go gna-n-n-n-n-n-n-h. Soon, my love, soon. Soon, the grave beckons. The grave. What the fuck? This is your fault. You know what?

I blame Ike. I really do. I blame you. I blame you. Because you're an accelerant for this kind of foolishness. I am. I am. I want to make sure that I, because we could do this for thousands of hours, you and I,

which is the lovely part of having you here. Which is why I should be your friend. Because I know some of your friends in real life, and I'm better than them. And guess what? I know what you're talking about. I would rather swap out. Right, we're going to say his name on the can of three. One, two, three.

Paul Rudd. Here's what I'm going to say about Paul Rudd. He's richer. He's more famous. funny or he's better looking. I am younger and I am more loyal. Yes. Yes. To my friends. Yes. Also, you know, Paul Rudin, if you're listening, Paul, I'm speaking directly to you. He comes and goes with the tide. When Paul's tide is up, you know what I mean? Yes. I don't hear from him. Yes. You know, but God forbid there's a setback or a movie that doesn't quite hit. Then he comes running back.

He comes running back. He's like, hey, Kuna Kuna, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? But then the second thing start to hit again for Paul, as they always do, because he's just doesn't age and he's perpetually successful, then he's gone again. You won't have that problem with me. Nothing hits. Right. I will always be there. I'm a loyal. I'm a loyal friend.

You know what? Your career is consistently ice cold. Just, yeah. It's just never interesting or good. And that's why I'm... No, no. Ice cold. Ice cold.

Well, yeah. Frozen. Just absolutely frozen. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I know you got, oh, I got a Critics Choice Award for my character in the studio. I bet you did. He came in.

Did you see what he was wearing when he came in? He had his Critics Choice Award made into a necklace. It was like, yeah. And he had it, and it was like 26 pounds, by the way. That's a heavy necklace. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Listen, I'm just saying. It was like Flavor Flaves clock. And he's, that shows the kids. I know what time it is. We were just about to get the word out on whatever. project. I just started shitting on him. I was about to,

I know, I was about to do the professional part. We have to take a second here and acknowledge you're hilarious as Sal Sapperstin in the studio. You were so funny in that role. And it's funny because you had a very specific idea for who this guy is.

And I know there are a bunch of execs. Many execs come to you and say, oh, that's based on me, isn't it? Yeah. Because, yes, they're all self-involved, but they all see themselves in what you've created with Sal. Which says a lot about them, by the way.

There are definitely times where there's guys and ladies that I know who are studio execs who will say that, like, oh, you stole that for me. I'm like, yes. And then there's some that are like, I know you got that for me. And I'm like, I didn't. I'm struggling to remember your name right now. Yeah, yeah. But I did not take that from you.

But I think people see what they want in the part. And it's really based a lot off of my friend Eric Byers, who's an executive universal, except for he doesn't do drugs and is very responsible. Right. But they love the, some of them, the work isn't exciting, making the movie's exciting, but they want to, where are we going to dinner afterwards? And that's like my cornerstone of like, where are we going to go to dinner? Where are we going to dinner tonight? Yeah, that's me too.

Yeah. Well, dinner isn't for, I mean, it's not even noon yet when we do this. And I eat, I'm from Madrid, so I eat at 10 o'clock at night. And I always, I'm for Madrid. You were born and raised. You immigrated here when you were 19. I have the face of Madrid. Look at my face.

It's so Madrid. You are real. No, no, but it's always 10 o'clock at night. It's always paella. Yeah. Always 10, always paella. I just got back from Italy, by the way. We were shooting the studio in Venice for two weeks.

How great is that? It was amazing. That is an experience you're having that makes me so jealous that you'd be part of something where they'd say your job. is to go live in Venice. Yeah. And yeah, you're working, but then I'm sure there are times where you're not working and it's time to go watch someone blow glass and drink really good wine.

So I just believe this is Venice Beach. Oh, fuck. Yeah. They had me stand at a motor end off Lincoln. Also, you have a travel show. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. You've traveled all over the world.

You've just remembered who I am. I thought I was Gallagher 2, which is Gallagher's brother, who I think is dead. One of them is not with us anymore. I think neither one is with us now. They both went. I think Gallagher 2 went to mourn Gallagher and fell into the grave.

This just sets up Gallagher 3. This is finally his time to shine. Then Gallagher 3 was there and was like, I should probably pay my respects. No! Watermelon explodes out of the grave. No, what I'm saying is, I guess what I'm thinking about is when I do these travel shows,

it's go, go, go all the time. But if I was playing a part and they said, we don't need you for six hours, that would be very different. There was a couple times. That never happens on the travel show. There was a couple times where I was not needed and I got to go explore Venice

and I saw them blowing the glass and I went and drank a ton of spritzes. I had dinner with Michael Keaton. Wow. It's a big one. Was he there as part of the show? He was sitting with his girlfriend at a different table and I was sitting next to them

and I kept saying, Michael, it's Ike from the studio. and he didn't acknowledge me at any point. But we were in the same restaurant. This is the same thing you did to me at the pizza restaurant. Well, no, he'd know. You actively said, I want him gone. Michael completely ignored me the entire time. Good, good.

Like, I was, and I was next to that. You know what it's called in L.A. when someone's bothering you at a table? The Berenholtz. No, the other day, I was in and in and out, and I'm just trying to enjoy my shake, and this guy gave me the full Berenholtz. I don't know who the fuck he was. It turns out was Michael Keaton.

He'd go to him. Conan, remember me? I was in Batman. And I was like, what do you give me the Berenholtz for? I'm trying to enjoy my shake. I'm trying to sit at a table alone and enjoy my shake in and out, and you're giving me the full Berenholtz.

Do you remember? I mean, this is who you are. This is my namesake, and I'm fine with that, and it's something that my daughters will have to kind of carry with them throughout their life time. Wasn't even book today, and he comes in and gives us the full Berenholtz. I'm here. I'm here. Good luck getting rid of me now. I'm part of the show.

No. He lives here. Jesus. I want to talk about this new project. Yes. You love trivia. You've always loved trivia. You're very good at trivia, as you've proven on these different shows.

Are you good at trivia? Here's the thing about me. I know, I think I have a, my brain knows a lot of different strange things that shouldn't know. But I don't have command of it. Let's find out. I don't think I could just go bang, bang, bang. Let's find out because I don't recall. That's not true.

You would be crushed at trivia. Here we go. So this is just trivial pursuit. I think this is like Genius 3. So I'm just going to run through these. What city's Lord and Taylor boasts the Wanamaker Grand, the second largest pipe organ in the world? I think I know this.

I don't know this at all. Wait, say it again. What city's Lord and Taylor boasts the Wanamaker-Macon Grand, the second largest pipe organ in the world. I have no idea. I'm almost sure at Chicago, because my Aunt Libby used to work at Lauren Taylor. Well, okay, so the guy from Chicago picks a Chicago question. I was wrong.

It's Philadelphia. Okay. Boom, okay. What hip-hop mogul mused. I feel safe and white because deep down inside, I'm an angel. Okay, I'm going to have to go with flavor of flavor. That is... Just because we came up earlier.

That came up earlier? No, the answer is a dear friend of mine, Sean Puffy Combs. Oh, no. Oh, no. You know you are in a documentary. Yeah, yeah, but just for a minute. Yeah. Giving him the advice, whatever you're doing, do it some more.

Who became the first? Look at him and move on. Anyway, next question. We'll get out of that part. Next question. I don't know. Lord and Taylor, Sean Puffy Combs. Who became the first female British Royal to walk instead of ride in a family funeral procession in 2002?

First British female royal Well it's not Fergie We know that It ain't Fergie Because she hates walking It's just a little fun fact I know about her In 2002 she was on tour with the Black IPs It's definitely not her

Yeah But she is a royal She's a Royal As there are many After half the people in the Black IPs I don't know I don't know her A royal pain in the ass If you know what I'm talking about

Let's see which royal Why is that Well it wouldn't be Queen Elizabeth There's no way She's breaking tradition She's very traditional. You think she's going to get on a horse? No, she's walking instead of riding in the procession.

She ain't walking anyway. No, she ain't walking. And Anne isn't walking. I think Anne's walking. I think Anne's walking. I think Anne's a walker. The answer is Princess Anne. Yeah.

Incredible. Yeah. How many? These are terrible questions. This is Trivial Pursuits question. How many of every six stutterers are male? All. Well, I'm going to go with five.

Five is the answer. What do you know that? What do you like I say? stuttering enthusiast? Which Grand Slam singles title had Monica Seles failed to win during the 20th century? Which one did she not

win? Well, you have first of all of them. I'm just going to see Australian Open. Australian Open. I'm going to say U.S. Open. Wimbledon. Last question. Oh, damn it. This is about a friend of yours. What hugely successful video was Joe Francis inspired to make after viewing

a flasher tape sent in for his ban from television video? This is your dear friend, Joe Francis. We are not friends. Former business partners. Business partners. I saw what he was doing and I wanted in financially in a big way. And then I did everything I could provide moral support.

He made a lot of money. But I wish we were better friends. Yes. What's it again? What's the name of the show? I believe it's Girls Gone Wild. Yeah. And it is Girls Gone Wild.

Yeah. We have a clip. Listen. Sorry. If you had a Girls Gone Wild clip, I would be I'm like Paul Ruh but instead of Mac and me

it's Girls Carvano All right so let's get to your new project There we go Funny you ask A weekly comedy trivia podcast

What's And this is This sounds like A labor of love for you It is I for years People were like You should do a podcast

And I was like I don't think the medium Is gonna work And a couple weeks ago I was like The Medium works. Right. So let's get into this now. We're not on the ground floor, but we're on like the 80th floor. Right. Right. I wanted to figure out a fun podcast and I just couldn't think of like a fun hook.

And then I was like, oh my God, what if I just wrote trivia questions for my friends? You write the trivia? Oh, I write the trivia. Not because not for me. I have a producer who writes the questions for me so I don't see the questions honor system. But for my guests, what I will do is I will take three subjects you know a little bit about. So for you, what are some things that you, You wouldn't consider yourself an expert on, but you know a little bit about it. I know a lot about the Beatles. Beatles? I know a lot about probably American history, 19th, 20th century, that kind of stuff.

That's good. Sorry, sidetracked. You remember the last time I was on your show was Beatles Week and Paul Simon saying, here comes to this, here comes the sun, to me and you. It was a deeply romantic moment. What? That was not my show. That was your show, my friend.

You were here, I was here, Paul Simon was right here. you know, you were here, Paul Simon was here, I was right here. I think Paul Simon was in my lap. I remember that very clearly. He kept calling you Garfunkel? Yeah. He kept saying, are you art? Yeah.

And you kept interjecting, and he said, what's, you give me the full Berenholz here. Remember that? I was honored he knew my name. That was cool. He didn't even know who you were, but he knew, he didn't know you were Ike Barrenholz. He said, what's this fucking guy giving me the Berenholz for? I'm trying to tell a story. So you would come on.

I would write questions. about the Beatles, American history, other things. And we would come on, have a fun conversation, and I will sporadically ask you trivia questions, and then you will ask me trivia questions, and then we do a big speed round. So the guest shows up with their own trivia questions. No, my producer writes the trivia questions for me, yeah.

This sounds really fun. It's very, very fun. The reason I'm here is to ask if you will do mine. I don't have time. Today. I don't have time. Okay. Not just today, but I don't have any time. I've never been this busy since I was in Amsterdam.

that's when that's 27 years ago yeah boom Chicago there's no time okay we'll figure it out it's pretty wide open sounds like there's a little bit of a discrepancy here between what you're saying and the truth remember I have that thing what is the thing David

what is the thing never been more clear he's just swiping true not just months but years he's just he has a whole year on one page and he's just swiping I see nothing yeah I would be honored to do your show. I mean, it really is. I, you know, I so enjoy you. You are so funny. You are such a good fellow. You are always hilarious on my show. All the times you came on.

So yes. The answer is yes, yes, yes, a thousand times. And I feel like we are making really good headway into the friendship arena. This is the real reason I came here. You know what? Be careful with this guy. When I say this guy, I mean me. I am a slippery eel. You will probably never hear from me again. I, when I'm here in the zone, I'm all heat and yes, yes, yes, yes. But then the minute you get out of here, I'm like, what's what that guy? And then an hour later, who was even on today? Right? You completely disassociate within an hour of finishing the podcast.

I don't know who was on. I admire your ability. And it's David's job to bring me seven baked pheasants. And I just eat them. And there's on. Orde-line. with the napkin over your head so that God doesn't see

your shame. Yeah, it doesn't see my shame. No, I would love to come on. I would, and I do think we should be pals. Oh, my God. I wasn't expecting that. Woo! Now, are you up in Santa Barbara a lot? We like to go there a couple times a year.

Yeah, I'm sure you have a house there. I have seven houses there. That's... You're really building out. I just bought Oprah's house and kicked her out. against her will. I bought it out from under her

and I said you've got an hour. But she's squatting now. She's actively squatting. She's roaming around. Yeah, she's hanging out in the garage. She's roaming around. Yeah. She said, I didn't know,

Oprah said this. I didn't know legally someone could buy your house without you letting them buy it. But you know what I did? I have a lot of money from these charity gigs I do. Clean up. And then I just buy rich, people's houses and tell them to leave.

So you can stay in one of my 50 homes. We'll take you up on that. That would save me some hotel. We love it up there. We love that, Santa Barbara. What a beautiful, beautiful... Okay, let's not doing an ad for Santa Barbara. What I'm saying, it's about a 90-minute drive from L.A.

You're there in no time. There's a beautiful downtown. Okay. And don't forget the Cherry Blossom Festival. Okay, let's move on. I don't know how this guy from the Tourism Bureau got here. But... Just an enthusiast.

Yeah. Sir, I wish you the best of luck with your new podcast. I will come on. I will be happy to come on. And just delighted to have you today. This was, this is just not work. I don't know what to call this, but it is not work. An easy Monday, right?

Well, we don't say what day it is. I let you create the illusion that it's happening as people are hearing it. It's a good, you know what? Just having a fun Monday, Tuesday, what day, that, in 2020, 26, 27, 28, 10,000. You know what I mean? This was a real honor. You are the funniest person of my generation.

Jesus. Well, let's expand it a little. Okay. Why just your generation? Okay, okay. We've seen some of these, quote, funny people from previous generations are not so funny. That's actually true. Yeah.

I'm looking at them all. Let's just click it to be a little bigger. All generations. Thank you very much. I got what I wanted. Hike Barrett-holes. Okay, this is part three of Blaygate. Bairn Blair's attempt, and this is to fraudulently use IRS loopholes to bankroll his childish fantasies.

And we have Mr. David Melmeds here with us, and you are, are you a lawyer? I am, yes. Okay, because that's what we hired you to do. Yes. But you might have been here to fix the AC and we just hired you. That's fraud. Yes. Okay.

Well, anyway, let's get back into this, what I think is a major scandal roiling our podcast. So what are we talking about? Edibles and Edel. Can I write all that off? Anything I mentioned on this podcast, can I write it off based on Blaze logic? Maybe. Based on Blaze logic? Yeah.

Maybe. Based on the law? And again, I'm not at, let me just explain. I'm not a tax expert or an accountant, so this is just... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. But why did I bring you in? I actually, no, no.

I have a cursory sort of understanding of what we're doing here because I also am familiar with the tax coat. This is ridiculous. No, no. He's going to start listing things to write up. I'm trying to understand exactly how fission works. I got a squirrel here. Can you help me out?

This is for the listener. Oh, well, I'm a squirrel. I know about... Knots and hiding them for the weather. Don't know much about fishing, but here goes. This is my protecting the myself and the show. So if someone hears this and said, oh, I'm going to start writing off X, Y, and Z. Right.

I'm just saying, I, maybe. Kids don't do this at home kind of thing. Do you not do it? Yeah. Correct. So personal expenses that are not related to the podcast, you cannot write off. So if you're bringing edibles, I think I heard that segment for, for Conan, right?

That would probably work more into production than on air. Right. And where production costs can affect Conan, and I am the opinion that we are here to manage Conan, right? It could eat into net revenue. You know, if it weren't for you and for Blay, I don't think I'd make it in this business. But through your wise counsel,

though you're clearly not an expert in anything. And through Blaze's incredible, work of buying these doodads and shoving them into the conversation. Correct. Like with a crowbar. I don't know that I would have a career at all. I think that's why we're, that's where we're here. No.

So I'm saying, Blay, maybe. I think you have to separate yourself into when you are bringing something on the show, are you in your role as a producer or as an on-air personality? Can I ask you a specific question? You can. Okay. And are you a producer?

I call myself a producer. What is your title? I don't know. What do you mean? You don't know the title. I thought you were here to get lunch. Oh my God. I kept wondering, where's the lunch?

I just want to ask this kid was getting us food. Can I ask Melman a specific question? Okay. So like, for instance, we talked about how I watched Bain clips on a plane. Great. Okay? Which I love Baines. I watch a lot of Bane clips.

Big fan of Bain. Now, that's been established on the podcast as a bit. Okay. Now, can I buy a, this is a real question. Can I buy a Bain mask as a follow-up and write that off? Because it's been established on the podcast. Can I buy a Bain mask? I would say maybe. I think it should all be submitted ahead of time. I think what might be a problem here, Blay, and I say this with all respect, is that you are this untethered child running around having these ideas and swiping a credit card. and I think that's potentially problematic.

Could be. What I think you should do is you should go to Adam. I'm invoking you. And you should say, here's my idea. I want to buy a Bain mask. They're $999.99. And I think it would be a good segment. And then you can think about it.

Maybe you can approach me and we can have a discussion. I totally agree. And the whole thing, I mean, I think, you know, we have established. I think that Blaze committing fraud. But what I am hearing, though, from David, and David, tell me if I'm wrong, is it's very like tail wagging the dog, right? Like, it should start as the show wants to do X, Y, and Z.

So let's go out and buy the necessary supplies, curiosities, whatever it is, so that we can make that happen, so we can execute on that. But to do it the other way around, which is we're buying a bunch of random curiosity, and let's see if the show can do that, feels like it's in violation of whatever the tax goes. Yes, I think that is exactly.

I think that's a very good way to articulate. Not to say that what you're doing hurts the show. I'm just saying if you're looking to write off certain items, probably go about it the way that Adam described it. So I guess my next question is, can I have a company card to do that? I'm going to ask if you had a corp card. I don't, but it would help, I think,

with this situation, don't you guys think? I can put that sword on a company card. I think you need a real accountant. Yeah, I took for all. Company card flat no. No, wait a second. There's no way you're getting a company. But wait a second.

Sona had a company card and put a bunch of lunches on. Has. Has. And puts lunches on it. Has. She has one to this day. Yeah, and that is lunches on it. I sure do.

So, first of all, I knew that was the deal when I hired Sona. That's what comes with Sona. Is it in her contract? No, I mean, she's like Zorba the Greek. You don't, you know, she needs to have access to. to all the things that make Hersona, I think it's a little presumptuous to think that you should be entitled to those same things.

I just do. I'm just saying, like, okay, I bought a big medusa skull, okay? You're not helping yourself better and better. But you have, but a medusa skull you have forever. Sonas just has a lunch. What do mean? A medusa skull you have forever. No, you don't.

Yes, I do. You have it until you get married, and she throws that shit out. But lunch you just eat once and you're done. I mean, they're business lunches. They are, we talk business. Can I ask a question? So we have David here. We should take advantage of it. What are, are there things that we should be

writing off that we're all, that we're not? Well, let me, okay, so. Lunches. This is good. Lunches. Lunches, yes. Hey, I do you guys a favor. I would say anything to manage Conan can be written off. When did I mean? I'm sorry, when did I become, you're on your title.

B. No, no, no, no, no. You're on it. When did I become this virulent strain that must be contained? Oh, no, a Conan got loose from the lab. That is, that's the way the IRS sees you are on-air talent and we are here to manage you. So anything we do to manage you. The IRS knows that I'm a toxic. I love it. Well, you're, okay, so to answer your question now, anything that sort of costs to create, produce, protect the show is deductible, right? Anything sort of personal, performance, the consequences of wrongdoing, we cannot.

Consequences of wrongdoing? Well, meaning you're bringing a mask on the show for, we have to say, what's the intent? If you're bringing it on to have a potential ride-off, I would say, if you're, if we've discussed the segment, right first and then you bring it on to sort of you then I'm going to say maybe so then I'm going to say maybe so bane mask might be something I could do it might but I would probably bring that up first then just bring it on and start talking about it but don't you want to can just ask why not just pay for the bane mask

it's why do you need uncle sam's help you're well compensated and you should take pride in spending your own money on something as precious as a bane mask you shouldn't need to invoke some weird codosal that you think you found to the IRS code to do it. Why not just be a real man and when you buy a pain mask. Own it. You know, in the true tradition of being a man, like a real man, when you go to buy, you know, your whatever, it's a bumblebee head. Or when you go to buy, you know, oh, it's, you know, it's, you know, the vision from Marvel comics. I want to buy his panties. Why can you just be a real man and say this is what I want to feel

good about me and buy yourself? He's an Android. He doesn't wear panties. I think so to just summarize in terms of what the eye. So these are sort of personal lifestyle expenses, which are not deductible. I think. And so that's, I'm putting it into. Unless. Unless. Unless, unless, unless, and this is, Blay, you'd have to accept this. Okay. But if you could prove that this was an illness of his, a deficiency, if you could prove that this was some kind of a handicap, something he can't help because something stunted, something never developed.

Like a medical, like a medical expense kind of thing. But he never grew into a real adult. And he's trapped in this cycle of just more toys and more ephemera and more bullshit. and he just won't break free of that and won't go out into the world and really realize himself as an adult. He can't. Then this could be possibly his version of a wheelchair or crutches or a special seat that helps him sit on the toilet because he can't make a poopie without it. Does Conan get a tax credit for employing? Yes.

Okay, I think we cracked it here. And I think we've been in the red for a while now, which means we've gone way too long. We'll probably have to lose some of your talking, Blay, where you defend yourself. I do think the real criminal here is Blay's mom. I think that she's... I think Mary Blair needs to go to prison. I think she is an absolute criminal. I agree, too.

Yeah. By, and look, we wonder why he's infantilized and she's sending his taxes to turbo tax? When's she get a diaper you next? You know? She insists on doing it. She wants to make sure that my bottom is talcumed properly. So, yeah. If I can write a box, let's launch.

Investigation. Can I write out the... Investigation into Mary Blair. Well, I'm going to end this right now. Blay, I find you guilty and no corporate character. Agree with that. Thank you. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien,

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