Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - I’m a Very Normal Person with Very Normal Hobbies

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

Conan talks to Mara from Vienna about taxidermy, building dioramas, and what to look out for on Viennese escalators. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi. Hi Mara. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Hi. Hi Mara. How are you?

Nice to meet you all. Nice to meet you too Mara. Where are you? Where are you in the world? I'm from Vienna, Austria. Are you in Vienna right now? I'm from Vienna, Austria. Are you in Vienna right now? I am in Vienna right now, yes. I have never been to Vienna. I love Vienna. I think, was Vienna where they shot the movie Mozart?

Which one? There are several. Amadeus? Amadeus. Amadeus. Yes. Amadeus. I think they shot. They shot the third man. Oh. They shot the third man. Oh, the third man in Vienna, that's right.

I don't know, Vienna is one of those cities that I've always wanted to visit because it's just magical, I've heard. It's beautiful. It's genuinely one of my favorite cities. So Mara, you live in Vienna, Austria, which I think sounds lovely. I'm sensing a lot of pink.

Your hair. Oh no, it's awful. Just the worst color ever. Right? Right. There's a, it looks like you're on a scene from Barbie, but there's a, I'm sensing that, do you like pink? Is pink maybe your favorite color?

That's the sense I'm getting just in this scene I'm seeing. It is, it is, yeah. It's kind of a bleak story. I dated my ex-boyfriend for too long and I toned myself down for him. And after he kicked me out with five days to get lost, basically, I decided, okay, I'm gonna stop that. I'm gonna love myself so much more

and just be the brightest version of myself. Then I also came out as gay. Okay. Well, first of all. Double whammy. But are you happier now? I'm so happy. Good. That's the important thing. In a way, it's a powerful story

because you found yourself and I like that you're just doubling down on what gives you joy. Color pink, I'm going for it. Good for you. Yeah. I would just like to mention that we have the same hairstyle. It's true. Yes. I was going to say, your hair looks, maybe I should dye my hair pink. Go pink? I should go pink. What do you think? Go do it.

Mara, what do you think? It's such a great color. It's such a great color. It's so complimentary. Though you have a lot of pink undertones, so maybe, maybe not. Yes. What, you... I have pink undertones? Are you saying that my skin...

What are you saying? She started off so like, you gotta do it, and she's like, oh wait, never mind. You're already too pink, is she saying? Do you realize I have advanced liver failure? I mean, me too, maybe, so. Okay, good, oh wow, well, hey, we're... Hey, as long as we're all laughing about how our bodies are shutting down.

Well, tell me a little bit about yourself. What do you do, Mara? Tell us a little bit. What's your full name, Mara? Oh gosh, my full name is Mara Emilia Langenberger. Oh my goodness. That is a long name. Mara Emilia Langenberger. Lagenberger. Oh my goodness, that is a long name. Maria Amelia. That is a very long name.

Mara Emilia Langendegger. Langenbega. Langenbega. That sounds like a really cool beer. Yeah, Langenbega. I would like another Langenbega. Sorry, I'm just gonna market that if you don't mind. Without your permission.

What are your hobbies? What do you like to do? Well, I'm a very normal person with very normal hobbies. So... You know, Mara... Mara... Whenever people say that... Uh-oh. Uh-oh. ...it means that we're in for a world of weirdness.

Murderer! Yeah. So tell me, what is... Let's hear it. Let's hear it, Mara. So maybe there's several taxidermy hamsters in my apartment right now. So you like taxidermied, do you like all animals taxidermied or just hamsters? No, I like all taxidermied animals. I just happen to have a couple of hamsters.

Okay. So, how do you acquire these animals to taxidermy them? And here's where we reveal that you're possibly a dangerous person. I strangle, actually I send my cats out. No, no, what do you really do? To murder hamsters and get them taxidermied. Hamster murderer? I'm going to say,

Mara, just by talking to you, you seem like a gentle soul and I believe that you probably do not harm any animals. Is that true? No. They are all ethical hexidermy. That means the animals died of natural causes, or they are just vintage and extremely old. Okay. So by vintage, you don't mean alive. Because I'm old, I'm vintage, but still here.

You mean that you find animals that have suffered a massive heart attack. They've passed on already and then you taxidermy them. I don't taxidermy them myself. I work with an artist who is extremely talented. How many of these? She does the taxidermy. Okay. I like that though. I like ethically taxidermied animals,

animals that have already passed on. I eat meat, but I will only eat a steak where the cow passed away. It was pet to death. Old age and like- Yeah, old age or- The cows? I will only eat a steak where the cow passed away. It was pet to death. Old age and like, Yeah, old age or sometimes if the cow was in a car accident and passed on, then I'll eat the cow.

Old diseased cows, that's what you like. I just, that's my way and I'm ethical. What about cows that have died from mad cow disease? No, you're getting crazy. But if they had mad cow disease and were stupid enough to get on a motorcycle and then got killed, I'd eat them. Mara, we went on a little bit of a-

Yes, stupidness. Stupid, yeah, and I apologize. And you're better than that, and I'm not. Okay, so you like taxidermy animals. Yes. And how many of these taxidermy animals do you have? I own a cat skull. It's not taxidermy, it's just a skull. Back there is Miss Daisy. It's a little duckling and two hamsters.

Okay, so that's the full compliment. That's everything you have? No, there's currently a third hamster on the way. On the way, you mean you're just waiting for him to die? He's in hospice. He's in hospice. You check in every now and then. How you doing there, Mr. Piss? He's been in a coma for a very long time.

How you doing there, Mr. Piss? We're waiting to pull the plug and then we can actually go. Actually today I'm feeling a little better. Really? No you don't. Oh my God. She just pushed the hamster off a ledge. No, no, no, she put the pillow. There's a pillow right?

Did you put, did you ever walk in, did you ever walk into the hamster with a tiny little hamster sized pillow? With a tiny hamster pillow. Sleep well Mr. Pips. What else do you do? I love the tiny hamster pill. Tell us a little more about yourself. Besides taxidermy, tell me other interesting things about you.

Things that you do with your time. I'm a textile designer. I design fabrics. Very good. The dress that I made is from a fabric that I made. The dress that I'm wearing is from a fabric that I made. The dress that I'm wearing is from a fabric that I made and I made the dress as well. Wow. You're very talented. Yeah. All of this back here is from me.

Very good. That's very impressive. That's very impressive. Yeah. What else, what other things do you do? Oh gosh, I build miniatures, tiny dioramas. And currently I am working on a 70s themed living room that I have nicknamed the Coke Room. You build tiny dioramas and you're building one that's a tribute to the 70s called the Coke Room.

And then do you ever put your little taxidermy animals in there? Like there's a little hamster who's scar face and there's just a bunch of cocaine on a table. And then maybe a little cat skull comes in wearing a white suit and it's just a... I mean, I know you're joking, but that's the plan. Can we see it?

Do you have any made that you can lift up? Can you show us the day, Rem? Oh, sure. You're making a miniature cocaine den and you're gonna put your taxidermied hamsters in there. So. Oh. Oh my God.

Look at that. What? I have to take the dust cover off. Yeah, you're gonna have to hold it up a little more. So there is a hamster. Is that a hamster? It is a hamster, yes. And that doesn't- oh my God.

There's electricity. Oh my God. And is the hamster, what's the hamster doing? He's just sitting and reading a book. Oh, well, that was 70s Coke Room. No, that's not the 70s Coke Room. The 70s Coke Room isn't done yet. Oh, I see. I'm sorry. I thought that was was 70s coke room. No, that's not the 70s coke room. The 70s coke room isn't done yet. Oh, I see. I'm sorry.

I thought that was the 70s coke room. And I thought, man, you have never done cocaine. Do you think it just involves sitting down and reading? No. Oh, there it is. Okay. You're very talented. The bones are done.

You can't see it properly, but I designed the wallpaper for it. I built, good thing I don't put anything away, and it's just all on my desk here. It's a tiny, teeny tiny bookshelf. Oh, cute. You are very creative. There's a little chair.

Tiny chair that I still have to put the upholstering on. Is the textiles the way that you make money? Is that the only way that you make money is through the textiles? At the moment, yes. I mean, if you want to give me money, I accept it gladly. Sure. I mean, I'm always willing to mail anybody money who wants money. Oh, sure. Really?

Yeah. I mean, anyone here at the- it's a policy I have here at work that if anybody needs any money, I will just take care of you. Yeah. And I think she's fixing her light first, but it's very good. I'm sorry, the cat's got in the way. Oh, I thought the lights went out. Oh, wait, that it's very good. I'm sorry, the cat's got in the way. Oh, I thought the lights went out. Oh wait, that's a live cat.

Run cat, run. Yeah, get out of there. Hey cat, get out of there, no! Oh, what a good cat. I know what lays ahead for that guy. So Mara, it's not like this is a very good time in your life, because you've found things that you really love. You've got your textile work, you love the color pink,

you seem to wear that almost exclusively. You love taxidermying animals that have died in a peaceful way, or violently, but not at your hands. You have a cat who, it's just a matter of time. I have two. You have two cats. And do the cats ever check out the taxidermy and look at each other and go, we need to split,

we need to get out of here? Well, no, because the big black one that you just saw is blind. She literally can't see it coming. Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! So you made sure to get a blind cat, so the blind cat has no clue.

Yeah, and the boy cat is just... He's challenged. Yeah. Yeah, we're all in part... He's challenged. Yeah. Yeah. He's not particularly smart. No, if he's living with you, he's not. No. He's also seem selected that way.

If he's living in Death Alley, then no. And I'm glad you got out of that bad relationship. Are you in a good relationship now? Yeah, me too. Yeah, I'm married. Oh, you are? And I am married. This week is my two year wedding anniversary.

Happy anniversary. Thank you. My wife lives in Sacramento, so you are more likely to run into them than I am. Wait, your wife lives in Sacramento? Yeah, they do. Okay. What do they do there? Living there.

They are American. Oh, gotcha. I see. But you still get to spend time together? We spend time together once a year. We try to, yeah. Okay. You have a little advice for me, Mara?

Yes, of course. You should definitely come visit Vienna because it's a beautiful city and it's absolutely fantastic. The thing is, you have to be very careful when you're on the escalator because the right side of the escalator going down or up is reserved for people standing, and the left side of the escalator is exclusively for people walking. And if you don't walk on the left side of the escalator, but you stand still, it is very likely that an old grandma will come by and beat you up.

All right. Well, this is good to know. So on the right side, you can stand still of the escalator. On the left, you need to move up the stairs. How fast do you need to move up the stairs to get out of the way of this insane grandmother? I mean, a little bit faster than the grandma and grandmas are not that fast.

Is it just one grandma that we're worried about? Yeah. Yeah. And if it is just one, can't we taxidermy her? I want to find this grandmother. If they have a walking stick, you have to really, really look out because they will use the walking stick.

Is it acceptable in Vienna for somebody to strike someone else with a walking stick? It happened to me at least twice. Oh my God. Because you weren't moving fast enough or you weren't moving at all. I wasn't moving on the left side of the escalator. Are you sure you didn't just kill their hamsters

and they're out to get you? What if Conan wants to fight a grandma? Yeah. Can I say something? I have fought many a grandmother in my day. And I mean all around the world. I can't say my record is good. But I want to challenge grandmothers everywhere.

Yeah. In all parts of the globe, bring it. Yeah. Bring it, granny. Let's do it bring it. Yeah. Bring it, granny. Let's do, bring your stick, bring your crutch. Bring your hard cake that you let go stale. You can throw your teeth at me, I will take you down. Do you think I'd have a good time in Vienna?

Oh, absolutely. I mean, escalators aside, I'd have a good time. Would I fit in? You think people would accept me in Vienna? You would stick out because you're so tall, but other than that, I think you would do fine in Austria. We also hate every other people, so you fit right in, I think.

Well, wait, that would include me, wouldn't it? They would hate me then, because... Yeah, but then it's mutual. Okay. So, okay, all right. Okay, I think I get it. Yeah, so the slogan in Austria is, we hate you as much as you hate us. Yeah.

Yeah. Pretty much, yeah. Yeah, and watch out, here comes Granny. For sure. Well, Mara, it was really nice talking to you and I'm glad that you have found the life that's making you happy. You know, I'm glad.

You seem like a very nice person and a good soul. So I applaud you. It's the facade I put on that people don't realize how fucking awful and hamster murderous I am. Well, we have you on tape confessing. So we're sending the hamster detectives right now. They have little pipes. You'll see.

Nice talking to you, Mara. Take care. Nice talking to you too. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leal.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blayard, Associate Talent Producer Jennifer Samples, Associate Producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. You'll get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com slash Conan. Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.