Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - It’s Wine O’Clock Everywhere

Episode Date: November 16, 2023

Conan chats with Yvonne from Hawke's Bay, New Zealand about smelling wine, tasting wine, and then just all be drunk. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoCo.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Oh my god. Oh, I hear someone. I hear someone, but I... Hi, Vaughn.

Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Hi. Hi, Vaughn. How are you? Well, I'm well. How are you? I'm doing very well. Tell us where you're coming from.

I'm coming from Hastings City in Hawkes Bay, New Zealand. Oh, you're in New Zealand, okay. I love your very colorful background. I love the flowers in your hair. You're very colorful. I'm just loving it. Very cheerful. What time is it where you are?

So it's 11 a.m. on Wednesday morning and it's a beautiful spring day here in Hawks Bay. But the weather has been quite poxy lately, so I kind of thought I should just put some color on. What does poxy mean? Pox means, in my mind, it means that there's a disease spreading. Is that what you're saying? The weather has been's a disease spreading. Is that what you're saying? The weather? The weather has been spreading amid evil disease? Yes, yes, Conan, it has. Sounds lovely.

A gloom. Yeah, a gloomness and do it. Well, the New Zealand tourist bureau must love you. It's just been a gloom. It's just been a gloom. It's just been a gloom. It's just been one of those seasons. You know, the start of spring, you just never know from day to day what you're going to be.

You never know, right? Yeah. You think it's going to be sunshine and flowers and blossoms all the time. And then you get a couple of days of merceness and rain. And it's like, oh, so I was thinking that might be happening today. So I thought I'd put some stuff on that was bright and low. Well, guess what? You look fantastic.

You look beautiful. Everything is popping. Tell me a little bit about yourself. What do you do for a living? I do lots of things, but my core business, as I'm supposed to say, is I'm a wine writer. So I'm a, yeah, I taste wine for a living. You taste wine for a living? This sounds like a fantastic job. How does that work? Do you taste wines at night? How does it work? When is your day start?

My day usually starts quite early. So the best time for me to start is early as I can. So sometimes it's seven, eight in the morning and I'll get up and quietly sort of pad out to my desk, which is actually my kitchen table where I'm sitting now. And I'll start tasting wines because... Wait, it's seven in the morning? Whoa.

Yeah, well, because my brain's fresh, you know, and my taste buds are fresh, there hasn't been stuff happening to them during the day. I haven't had a zillion cups of coffee. You know, it's like, well the only thing that's not fresh is my teeth, because you don't clean your teeth before you start tasting wine. Right, you can't brush your teeth before you taste wine because you're just going to be tasting the crass toothpaste. I'm getting money for them. Correct, I knew. Specifically. Yeah. We don't have crass over here. What's great about crass? Why should I be using that? Oh, I don't know. I just said that.

Now with extra weightening powders. Have you ever considered brushing your teeth with wine? Yeah, would you ever brush your teeth with wine? Well, yes. You can brush your teeth with wine, but the outcome won't be that great. So particularly if it's red wine, after a day of tasting red wine,

your teeth can go this really attractive, bluey purple gray and it sticks and everyone wants you to smile and it's amazing. You say that you get up at seven in the morning and you start drinking and you drink throughout the day. Pasting, tasting Conan, tasting. Sure, tasting, yes, tasting. I'm not drinking it.

No, no, no, tasting and tasting and tasting and tasting. And then do you actually write about it later on or are you just an alcoholic? I write about it later on. So the thing is I've got special equipment. My most treasured position is my spit bucket. Which which I carry with me everywhere. It's it's got its own it's got its own handle see it's nice So you walk around carrying a bucket. That's nice Yeah, you don't want to look inside it. It's it's not not pretty, but you know the thing is you You look at the wine you sniff the wine you swish it round in your mouth you because you look at the wine, you sniff the wine, you swish it round in your mouth, you think, okay, what am I smelling, what am I tasting, and you're writing notes the whole time, and then you spit it out.

So you actually, you must get some alcohol though, some alcohol must get passed through various capillaries in your mouth, right? Yes, yeah, a little bit for sure. Right, do you ever get a little, I mean, after a long day of just even wine tasting, do you ever get a little tipsy or? Yes. Yeah, I mean, you can't help, but it's not tipsy, but it's like you get it's exhausting after a big day. Like if you're judging in a competition and it's, you know, over a hundred wines a day. By the end of it, you're, you put your, I mean, for start, you do not want to drive. You don't want to operate any heavy machinery or anything involving a lot of technology. And you probably just want a cup of tea in a beer, you know, and then some more wine. Yeah.

So, you're fun. You know, this is fascinating to me because I just, you know, I've always thought that even the guy who tastes ice cream at the ice cream factory, at the end of the day, he must have some days, he's like, oh my God, if I have to have another taste of ice cream, I'll go crazy. Do you, can you enjoy a glass of wine when you go out to a restaurant or is that the last thing you want when it's your job? Well, if it's like I see before,

if it's been a really big day of tasting, if I've tasted a lot of wine, then yeah, I'm gonna, I want an agrony, or something, or a nice cleansing ale. Yeah. Whatever, you know, or something else. Or just like some pills or something, you know.

Something that gives you a high, but it's like a clean high. Yeah. A clean high, yeah, a clean higher, that can't be smelled on your breath, you know, something that gives you a high, but it's like a clean high. Yeah. Clean high. Yeah, a clean higher. That can't be smelled on your breath. Yeah. Um, that's, uh, that's fascinating. Yeah. Well, I guess sometimes, you know, if you go out to a restaurant, everyone goes, they hand you the wine list. They go, Oh, you choose. You choose what we all drink. Come on. And it's like, sometimes I don't want to do that. And other times you'll have friends that go, oh, let's go out for a girls night, let's go have wines.

And I'm like, yeah. It's your profession. And there's no way that you can just chill and enjoy a glass of wine because all your friends are going to like the wine that you're going to be thinking, um, little bit too many citrus notes for a cab, right? I'm tasting cinnamon when I feel I should be tasting basalt, you know.

Yeah, possibly not salt, or maybe a little bit. I said basalt, I meant the rock. Basalt, always. Yeah, like a mineral. Oh, we say yeah, yeah, basalt or granite or graphite characters. Mm-hmm, yeah. You're good, you or graphite characters. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You're good. You're good at this. Oh, I just say things. I don't think that I actually have a good palate. How would we know if I have a good palate? Well, we're actually prepared to test this. Oh, good. Where you said that maybe we could give him some food.

He could describe then. You could tell if he really has an act for this. Yeah, do I have a palate or not? Do you think you could tell? Yeah. Yeah, because everyone does. Everyone has a palate. But, you know, some people can actually verbalize what they're smelling and tasting better than others.

Right. Everyone can taste, you know, it just takes practice. So, I don't know, what have we got to try in front of you? Well, I just rated our... The best getter, or a cracker, or some... Teen Cocoa Snark Cabinet. And from the fruity side of things, we've got welches fruit snacks, if that's, you know, for your fruity or wines. For your more atominal, we've got welches, fruit snacks, if that's keynote for your fruitier wines. For your more atominal, we've got bear, bake, crunchy, Fuji, and reds, apple chips. And then finally, if we want to go something

just a little bit more baseline, we've got Barnum's Animal Crackers. Okay. What do you guys think is best? I'm gonna defer to the expert, Yvonne. Yvonne, what do you think I should be tasting? Oh my goodness. So hold the options up again for me to have a look at.

Uh, animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers.

Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers.

Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. Animal crackers. like apple. It's got a kind of a chicken. No, no, I want you to tell me what kind of apple and yeah, because you have different apple varieties, right? Yeah, but I don't know. I don't know about apple varieties. I don't get out much. Okay. Is it? I was raised. I think it smells like a red apple or a green apple. All right. Right now I'm smelling. I'm getting red apple. I think it's a red apple. It's also on the packet. Yeah, it says Fuji Fuji Fuji and red. Well, I didn't see that. I actually did see that and you're really good at Yeah, but I didn't see that. I don't see you didn't see that. I feel like you could make it up. All right. Well, deconstruct away. I'm trying to do something. You know, you're trying to take it to see item did not all right

So I'm looking just at you. I'm not looking at the package, but I did I did sense it was a red apple. Should I taste it? Yes, taste it and Think about does it taste really sweet or is it dry or is it creamy or is it does it have a crunchy texture or does it have a rubbery? It has a tang it has a kind of a tang a sharpness. Okay Would you say it's refreshing or I would say I would say it's no, it's not refreshing It's because I know my brain is saying oh, it's an apple, but then it's all dry and crunchy so my brain is saying red alert red alert

This is a dried dried up old apple that you found it's from the Civil War something And then that's what you write. That's what you write down. I would say this is an upsetting wine. It makes me think of a desiccated old fruit. Yeah, I think this is a terrible way to test my ability to check out wine. I think that Matt gave no thought to this. He just went to the snack cabinet, grabbed some shit.

I did pick out the three things that I wanted to eat at that moment. No, no, we're snacking. So here's a thing, it's quite citrusy. It's quite citrusy. Okay, that's cool, but Apple's not a citrus, it's a tree fruit. I know. I'm telling you that it has a citrusy tang to it, so I do think that it has...

Well, here's a trick though, Conan. Here's something you can do. This is what I do when I'm tasting wine. Like I've got one right here. This is sharding. Oh, good. I have a wine right here. Oh, oh good. This is turning into a dig-a-day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool. Because we've got a big shardinase symposium happening in my town at the moment. So there's just shardinase everywhere. But what I do when I'm tasting wine is I sometimes think if this wine was a person what kind of person would it be? So I kind of think about the wine with personality traits as well as aromas and flavors. So is this person Fun. Can I open a bottle of wine? Oh wait, it's got a cork.

Yeah, it's got a cork. We don't see corks very often. Wait, you guys all screw tops now? Well, a lot of the winers under screw tops, because screw tops are amazing for wine. They have the greatest things ever, in my opinion. OK, I've poured myself just a little bit. Great.

OK. Now, your glass, actually, your glass is quite good. I like the shape, because the shape is really important when assessing wine, because you don't want one of those small Stumpy short no, this is this is airing the one this is airing the wine right now I'm swirling the wine around as I've seen people do in movies. Yes, but also you could go all Cirque de Soleil on it and I'm hold it from the foot and soil see very good from the foot you're holding it you're holding it from the foot and soil. See? Hold it from the foot. You're holding it from the steam kind of? Oh, can I say one thing?

This class is really dirt. Yeah, dishpots all over the... I mean, you know what the problem is? We have a podcast studio and Aaron Blair, who works for us. You could take that one. Is a bachelor. And I think he lives in a hoarder. And...

He's not that good with the... No, I think he would know a clean. He's not that good with the... No, I think he wouldn't know a clean glass if it was shoved with a sundown shine. So no, anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm sure some try this is getting in there. What do you think? How am I doing? You're doing very well, but the way you're holding it is giving me anxiety. See how I'm holding the foot of the box. Yeah, and then you can do it like lots of swirling it. Put a bit of restriction. Oh, I'm crashing it.

You guys got it too. It's so amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's so amazing. Sonas has been drinking like a can of juice. They see mine. You're doing exceptionally well, my darling, right? It's just like, ooh, it's a cinnamon. It's like my new job. Sonas drinking in the womb. Oh, come on. That's a nice wine glass in the womb. Okay, so I've swirled this about as much as I can swirl it. Yeah, you've swirled it load, so enough of the swirling.

Now we're going to sniff it. And we're not going to do any of this stuff bullshit, you know. Like water jet. We've left it through. You just get your nose right in there. and we're not gonna do any of this stuff bullshit, you know. Like water it, we've laughed it through. You just get your nose right in there. No, you see people, you just get, you know, it's right in there. Mmm. Are we trying the same kind of wine right now?

Oh, we are. Oh, has heard no? Oh, well, what a great experiment. What's that? Someone in New Zealand with a glass of wine and someone in Los Angeles with some cookies and see if they have the same Put them on zoom and see if they have the same notes called Rayburn Russian River Valley Shardinay 2020 Rayburn okay, okay great great great. So it is a Shardinay brilliant alright alright and you have a Shardinay

Alright, let me tell you what I'm gonna have a Shardinay. I have the the Tony Bish nice label. Well, they shardinay the Tony Bush is a fish fish oh I'm sorry I went a different way one you see that yeah yeah so Tony Bish now he is the absolute guru he's like the Gandalf of Shardinay making here in New Zealand. He is Mr Shardinay it's all he does he just makes Shardinay the whole time. So this is his outward and it's beautiful. Like, anyway, enough. I love him. So we're going to smell it and we want to smell interesting things.

So I'm in my New Zealand Shardinay. I'm getting aromas of toasty oak, like rising dough, biscuits, and roast peaches. Toasty toasted stone fruit, and like toasted stone fruit, and spice. You know, just a little bit of spice. I'm getting hints of microphone. Oh, no. Oh, wait, my microphone is closer to my nose than the wine. Hold on a second.

Well, it battle do it? I, I, I'm getting essence. Uh-huh. What's a, it's a waiting. Yeah, I don't know. I don't have good words. Use your words. You're, you're right. Okay, okay, does it smell fruity?

Yes. Smells fruity. Okay. It smells fruity, does it smell? Does it smell fruity? Does it smell fruity? It smells fruity. It smells fruity, but it also smells like. I'm getting kind of a grapefruit. Oh. Okay, good, that's great. And I'm also getting, what if he's wrong though, because I'm reading the label. No.

Okay. He's not wrong, because grapefruit is in the shot. You definitely get grapefruity characters in good shard and I so well done. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, and you know It is have a little bit of a mineral. It doesn't yeah, I'm gonna say it it feels a little Drier mm-hmm, then a normal shardinay It's tasted it. It's tasted. Well, I think so and already did

I swallowed is it okay to swallow? You can swallow. It's all right. You don't need the bucket. Oh! Oh! Easy! What are you guys getting up to down there? What? That's how you do it. You haven't had anyone spit on microphone before? I'm not judging you. I'm getting, this is very nice.

I'm going to say for podcast wine, this is pretty good. This cool marine influenced region is perfectly suited to exceptionally flavored chardonnay. Fresh layers of green apple and pear are accented by a creamy richness due to surly aging. Okay. So do you know what surly aging means? And this is a tip for anyone that's listening watching.

Someone goes surly, it doesn't mean you know moody and angry which is what surley is you are LY means surley means on leaves. So the leaves are when the yeast is finished doing its ferment and it's um it's basically dyed. They drop to the bottom of the barrel or the tank and they form like a really attractive grey green paste in the bottom of the vessel and some wine makers will leave the wine on the leaves for an extended period of time or they'll stir the leaves through the wine which gives a kind of a creamy textural character to the wine. So if you see Sur Lee on the back label of a wine bottle or on a tasting note, you can go, ah, right. So it's been aged on its leaves. And everyone will

think you're a guru. Okay. That's great. That's a really great descriptor. It's really good. And the mineral thing is interesting Conan, because when you have grapes by the seaside You're gonna get that saline character in the soils. You're gonna get sea breeze on the you know on the leaves of the vines And that's all gonna end up in the berries and gonna put some the berries ends up in the wine So you did really well. That's great. This isn't my podcast anymore. Oh This is not Conan or Brian needs a fan. This is now. Here's another thing. This is wine talk.

Can you please be quiet? She's trying to host the show. Our host is Yvonne. We'll take it Yvonne. We're pairing it with animal crackers. Is that good? Perfect. Yeah, parent with anything.

But one thing I want you to think about guys, is Sona, this could be for you. Oh, yes. One thing that I think about when I'm trying to figure out is this a great wine, like is it a really good value wine? Is it deliciously made? Think about the length of flavor. So have a sip, swallow it, and then just kind of count how long you can still taste that wine for. Because you know so many wines, you know, you pour it in the glass and it looks pretty and you

sniff it and you go, oh, that smells delicious and then you taste it. Mmm, yeah, that's really nice and then it just disappears and you're like, mmm, well, I'm going to have to keep sipping to keep the thrill alive. Yeah. And before you know it, you're wrapped around the clothesline outside. Oh, I think we all know what it's like to chase that thrill. Okay. When you chase that thrill down a bottle, the bottle always wins.

The bottle always wins. Yeah. I find the animal crackers are overpowering the wine, the animal crackers. And maybe it's just because these are powerful animals, but the all again. But does your wine have good persistence and flavor? It can't fight the animal crackers.

I don't know what I would have to be drinking. It would probably vinegar to fight this animal cracker taste. But this is a very good white. I like this white. I think my issue is, what I don't like is I don't like a heavy wine, I don't like a heavy cab. Unless it's paired of course with a thick steak say. But what I'm just speaking.

A bo? Yes? Well speaking of Cabanet, you know how before I said that sometimes I like to think of wines as people or the kind of personalities that they have, you know, I kind of thought about you Conan about what I would, if you were a wine, what tasting note would I write about you? And I kind of, it just came to me like, just while I was waiting because we had some technical issues. And I thought about maybe Shetto Conan Christopher Cabinay 1963 because I googled you. Sure. Going rate 1199 at most supermarkets. Ooh.

Oh, love it. This is amazing. Wow. It'smarkets. Oh, I love it. It's a good price. It's a cost of 11.99. That's a good price for a wine that's 60 years old with episodes of Desperate Housewives. So here's what I wrote. Correct me. I'm probably wrong.

Go for it. Go for it. I trust you. A long leaky red that despite hitting its peak drinking window in 2009, is still clinging to layers of seasons, sebble leather, aromas of roast beetroot, freshly plowed earth and key frichids. Flavor-wise, it has complex nuances of old swamp sandals and wet dog and blueberries and new money. Finishing with sinewy, gum tingling, skeleton and delicious textures. You're going to hear from my lawyer.

You've consulted me roundly. No, that's very nice. I like that. I would taste that wine based on that description. Yeah. Well, Yvonne, this is nice and you gave us, wow, Sonia, I want you to pour yourself a little more. Glad you're not breastfeeding right now. Funny.

Your kids would crash their little tricycles. I also remember that you like, I'm transmitting your tricycles. you remember you like bikes, right? Bicycles? Yes, I do. Yeah, so I bought my... She's a bike tester. My... Yes. So from one of my recent, so from one of my recent tastings, I took out the inner tubes of the bike tyres and made these earrings. Oh cool.

Those are fantastic. I thought those were feathers. They're from Bicycle Tire rubber and as one by our ex-Primonistage, and they're our doing all these earrings. Very nice. You're clearly insane. And what we're going to do is have you arrested. I'm contacting the authorities in your town.

They're coming in through the window. You have bicycles hanging from your ears. You're trashed on your 90th line of the day. No, this is very nice. I don't know that I have the capability to be a great connoisseur of wine. I don't think I have that ability, but I sure like that kind of numbness

that comes after the third glass. Mm. The numbness, little, I don't know about that, but this is why, you know, I really like that kind of numbness that comes after the third glass. The numbness. Well, I don't know about that, but this is why, you know, I do know about that. It's good. But all the pain goes away. Yeah, it's to give you some ideas as well of, you know, how seriously I do take my job and there are lots of people like me that do this for living in seriously. My business cat, I don't know if you can see that there has chief tasting officers. You do taste. You do take yourself very seriously. That's good. Seriously, my business card, I don't know if you can see that there has chief tasting officer.

Okay, you do taste. You do take yourself very seriously. That's good. It's good to take your, whatcha like to take your profession seriously? I have no idea. I have no idea. I have never done it. Well, it was very nice talking to you, Vaughn.

I think I've learned a lot. I will not be eating. First of all, what I've learned is that these animal crackers are stale. They're very soft. They're stale. And I think they've been in our... Right, I didn't notice.

Yeah, I didn't think you would. They're just, there's not crispy at all. They're just, you know. They're kind of nice when they're soft. Sure. I'm so happy. Sit, no lady ever. I'm like, I don't know. You did very well on the food. Sorry, did joke. Anyway. Like at home.

You did very well on our way home. Sorry, Dick joke. Anyway. A cockaroo. Oh boy. You've won. It was really nice talking to you. You are a bright spot in our day.

You're bursting with color. And it's nice to think of you down there in New Zealand, drinking all this incredible wine and being a force of positivity in the world, I say. That's what I say. Thank you, Conan. We do try. Thank you.

The depression that comes after drinking is settling in. So I'm returning to my native Ireland and my friend. This has been so fun. I've come to you. What's been really nice talking to you, Yvonne. Thank you so much for making time for us. We really appreciate it. Thank you.

This is great. The whole of New Zealand is shorter. Ah, very nice. Well, thank you so much for making time for us who really appreciate it. Thank you. This is great. The whole of New Zealand is Kiora Yeah, very nice. Well, thank you very much. You have a great day. Bye-bye Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien Sonom of Sessian and Matt Gourley Produced by me Matt Gourley Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Themesong by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

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