Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - James Corden

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

Actor, comedian, and late night host James Corden feels delighted about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. James sits down with Conan to discuss how growing up in a Salvation Army family led him to discover his love for being “up there,” producing his breakout sitcom Gavin & Stacey, and poignant moments from Carpool Karaoke. Plus, Conan ruins twerking. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].

Hello, my name is James Corden and I feel delighted about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Brand new shoes, walk and lose, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. My wife, Liza, love her. I say that, it's a contractual thing. But she's very into like taking care of herself, being healthy, and she sent me to work with this person. She said, I think this person would be good for you.

Teach you some like good stretches and movements and things like that. Cause she's always doing her best to see if she can keep me alive just a little longer. And, but this woman was telling me, oh, try this deep breathing and exhaling. I said, okay. And she said, when you exhale, make a lot of noise.

Because that's, have you ever heard that before? First of all, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Oh, I didn't realize we were doing... You just before we started recording, you said, so this is an intro. Oh, sorry. We're good, keep going. No.

No, I wanna, I really wanna hear it. What do you, I, cause I need to, I need... But I'll introduce you guys first, and then we can get. What do you, I, cause I need to hear, I need. But I'll introduce you guys first and then we can get. They know who we are, you just keep rolling. This is, man, we're fast and loose here. Hey, wow, this is so loose. Okay, I'm feeling a little bit of shame

because you did say this is an intro and then I just started babbling without formally introducing you. In your defense, we're doing a bunch of different things right now. Oh, no, we only do one at a time, once a week. We don't do a bunch of things in a row, jam them all together, and then leave for the Maldives for like six months.

I can't wait, guys. On our golden helicopter. Oh, I'm already packed. No, but she was teaching me that, you know, you breathe in, and then you breathe out, and you go... Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhh. Why? You know, you breathe in, and then you breathe out, and you go, ugh. Why? And that's supposed to be good for you. Has anyone heard this before,

that it's supposed to be good to make sound because it causes vibrations and, Let's all try. Ugh. Anyway, I was doing it, I lay on the floor, and I was doing it. I lay on the floor and I was doing it and it just sounded like I was an impatient asshole. What do you mean?

Because that was just people were, my kids are around and I'm in the corner going, and then I would notice that my daughter would say something like, I went to this music festival and I really thought the artists were really great. And people were like, hey, what's your problem? It just sounded like the biggest drag in the world. Did you feel a difference?

I can see what this woman was talking about, that it does make the exhale a little more powerful, and I could see how it really gets all the carbon dioxide out. I could see a lot of reasoning behind it. I think she's onto something, and I bet you that it's a real popular thought out there. But more what I realized is you've got to find a place

where no one else is around. Because people are having conversations, and, you know, whatever they're saying, it can, if you're on the floor behind a couch and they can't even see you, and they say things like, you know, I just want you to know, son, I really, I really love you. Ugh!

But it's gonna be even more weird if you hear it coming from a distant room. Yeah. I know. You know, well, I think we've made a lot of advance. I mean, we still have a long way to go, but we have made some good advances in civil rights. What is your fucking problem? My mom used to be-

Well, I'm really glad, you know, women didn't use to have the right to vote. And it's good. I mean, think about it. You know, we have come a... Stupid women having to vote. Oh, what? But that's what it sounds like. Oh, yeah.

That's not something I believed. I was going to say, I used to walk on my mom's back and she would exhale like that when I was doing it. I thought I was hurting her because to just like massage her and stuff. Did no one else walk on their parents' back? Was that just me? Well, I think I would have killed my mother if I walked on her back.

Okay. You know? I wasn't like a grown adult. I was, you know, a kid. And she'd just be like, can you walk on my back? And I'd, okay, that's all right. That's all right. No one else, that's fine.

I don't think it's that odd. I just, I have, I didn't do it to my parents. No, but the sounds that she would make were like those guttural sounds. Yeah, it's great. I didn't. Well, I, yeah, I think we're all so inhibited. And when I say all of us, I mean, just me,

but it's a good idea to, it's just that I, it does sound like you're editorializing. When theater school, we used to have to do that stupid thing where you'd go... Yeah, I want to... What's theater school? Motherfuckers, I have a Master of Fine Arts in Theater. We're all shocked.

What? Who says, Motherfuckers, I have a Master's in Fine Arts in Theater? This motherfucker, that's who. The first part of the sentences was like, I've got a Glock and I'm gonna put a cap in your ass. But then it went to, I've got a master's in fine arts and theater. Hey, motherfucker!

I've got a master's in fine arts and theater! Because there's no other way to say it without absolute shame and embarrassment. Why? Okay. That's a nice, that's good. It'd be funny to switch it and say like, well, I'd like you to know, I think I'm very qualified to put on Chekhov's production of the seagull

because I got a motherfucking clock. Switch it around. Well, we used to have to do this horrible thing where you try to release your jaw and you go. I hated it. Wait, what? I don't even know what that is. That's like to loosen it.

You're supposed to loosen your jaw and like get it as relaxed as possible. I could never do it. Do it again. That's like to loosen it. You're supposed to loosen your jaw, like get it as relaxed as possible. I could never do it. Do it again? That's how you trick someone into looking like they're giving a blow job. I love that they gave you a theater exercise, which is take your two hands like this,

and then go. Oh! And you're like, this is a theater. Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep doing it. This is a guy in a back of a van? Keep doing it. Yeah! Keep doing it.

Do it again. Do it again. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, Wait, what? You know... It's a line from Chekhov. It's a line from the cherry orchard where they have to work the shaft. Oh my God, I'm just realizing everything's flashing back on me. Yeah. Tell me about some of these other exercises at theater school. Well, sometimes we have to just straight up give a blowjob. Oh! Well, that's different.

Is your MFA on, like, notebook paper and it's in Sharpie? Yeah. I went to theater school. Where was it? It was in that warehouse My my diploma's on a napkin that you can only read under black light I can't believe you did that I never thought Wrong oh maybe it's down here. I don't know it's still Stop it Wrong oh maybe it's down here. I don't know it's still Hey, Sona stop it. I'm John seeing if it works if it actually loosens your jaw Maybe we should do more warm-ups before we record that there's now video footage of all three of us doing you specifically

I mean I don't care You know hey, hey we get the clicks I Don't care how we get the clicks You think I care how we get the clicks. I don't care how we get the clicks. You think I care how we get the clicks? Hey America, you want some? Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. Click away, America.

That's a meme, that's a new meme. That's a new meme. Yeah, you don't think we can turn that into something? My kid's gotta eat. You know, can I tell you what? This reminds me of an idea. I swear to God, this was an idea we had on the late night show and we really wanted to do it and we just never did it.

But we wanted to make a fake ad for like late night and we wanted it to be, figure out a pose where I've got like my mouth open and my hands like this. And we're saying like, you know, Conan gobbles up the competition in late night and put it all over New York, right? And make it perfect so that you can't not draw a dick, right? And wait two days and then go around and shoot all of the,

you know, we thought that would be like the funniest thing to do and then we just never did it. I think- It's not too late. Well, this is gonna top that. Yeah, yeah. But it's just, you know, whatever. Go for it.

What do I care? Am I, my life is pretty much over. I mean, we're both on the other side of things. Just go to town. All right, my guest today hosted the Late Late Show on CBS for eight years. Now he has a new SiriusXM series called This Life of Mine available on Channel 109

and on the SiriusXM app. ["This Life of Mine"] Very excited he's here today. James Corden, welcome. Very nice to have you here. It's lovely to be here. There is so much to talk about because you and I share certain experiences that I can't talk to a lot of people about this, meaning-

It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, I know what you mean. Yes. We've both murdered without conscience and we've never been caught. I think the term is manslaughter, I don't think. Well, can I just say yours was manslaughter. Yours was actually.

Mine was, I thought about it for a long time. There's no grounds for manslaughter. It was murder. Straight up. Straight out, I thought about it, I got the tub, I got the various chemicals. Oh God, well this is really taking the ticker. Now I am wary about being code memorize right there. You should be wary, you should be wary.

No, we have a lot in common, and then, you know, I thought I'd start with the obvious one, which is we've both hosted late night shows. I read a quote from you once that I could relate to a lot, which is you said when you were picked for the Late Late Show that you thought, well, this is absurd. I've never stood on a monologue mark.

I've never interviewed anyone. This shouldn't be what's happening. There was this sense of, gee, I haven't done any of the things that you're supposed to have been doing to be a late night host, but I thought I had other qualities that would out in the end.

And then it turns out that this very strict notion night host, but I thought I had other qualities that would out in the end. Yeah. And then it turns out that this very strict notion that we have here, I mean, these are really an American invention, these shows. I think this really strict notion of what a late night host had to be changed a lot. Well, yes. I mean, I think when I think about back when I started in amongst an entire out of body experience of feeling just unbelievably out of my depth and deeply unqualified to do such a thing, I think I just was not completely aware of

the, the history of the form in a way. I read when I got the job, I read all the books, which, you know, you're very, very much written about in lots of the Bill Carter books and things like that. I read them all and I was reading them thinking, this is nuts, you shouldn't be reading any of this. No. This is so silly to be reading this. It is so foolish to be reading books about, basically when you host one of these shows,

you're going in to be yourself and create an environment where you're happy and you're doing your thing. So the idea that you'd be studying for it, you can't bone up on any of this. There's no school for it. You just have to do it. And then increasingly find the things that you love to do, do those, keep doubling down on that.

And you did that, and it was fantastically successful. Well, that's it. I really remember quite vividly a sort of light bulb moment where we only had, I think we had 11 weeks to put our show together, build a set, get a team together, writers, all these things, segment producers, and all this stuff. So there was really not a lot of time to think about it

to sort of existentially. And then, you know, we couldn't really book any guests on the show because all the publicists were just going, well, understandably we're going, well, we're going to wait and see what the show's like and then we'll book them. And we would be like, I don't know that we have that time because we were, we were going to follow Letterman's last, I think, two months, maybe seven weeks. And then we were following like repeats of Hawaii Five-0 through the summer. And then where we actually-

It's my dream to follow a repeat of Hawaii Five-0. It was actually one of my funniest bits we used to do where we'd follow Hawaii Five-0 or shows of that ilk, and so we'd start episodes through the summer with a mock episode of Talking Hawaii Five-0. And we would just discuss what happened in that episode. And then sometimes, because the episode would be from like five years ago and we'd find the guy who played like the guy at the newsstand.

That's fantastic, pal. And we'd be like, how was, you know, we knew we had this little bit of time and I was just sitting thinking, God, and it's a strange thing about how you can sort of change your, just your attitude really to how something's going where I would sit and I think, God, nobody knows what we could do. No one knows what this show is. And then you just have a moment where you go, oh, hang on, wait, nobody knows what I can do. Nobody knows what I'm capable of and nobody knows what this show is. Oh, wow. All the things that I thought were negatives are positive.

Just suddenly became positive. So it was like, well, it doesn't matter then. Boggles my mind how people manage to, wherever you place someone in the world or whatever situation you place them in, if they're meant to do something, I have this theory that like a salmon swimming upstream, they will figure that out. You have a moment when you're a kid where you very much realize, because then you have two sisters. That's right, yeah. And your sisters are very funny, charismatic.

Oh, I'm the quietest. You're the quiet one. Of our entire family. But what's your- No one can ever believe that. What's your moment when you're looking at, do you go to the theater? Where do you go?

Where do you see it? Is it television or theater? Where do you look and say that? What is it? Because I've, I remember my moments where I'd say, what is that? I want to be doing that. Well, it's less so about seeing something.

What a real big memory of mine is I can remember that I was four years old and my, we used to, we were a Salvation Army family. So we used to go to church at the Salvation Army and which is, you know is a thing in of itself, which we'll come back another day. I have to be honest with you, I don't know what a Salvation Army family is. The Salvation Army is kind of different in America than it is in the UK, where basically, and when you, like any church that you're born into, you think it's completely normal

that on a Sunday your parents put on a uniform and you go down to church and then you march through the town while your mom sings in the choir and your dad, you know, is playing in the band. And this is just completely normal. Yeah, we're walking through the town. This is what everybody does. And it's the uniform that we know here in the US. Correct. It kind of looks a little's the uniform that we know here in the US. Correct. That's the Salvation Army uniform. It kind of looks a little bit like a military paramilitary.

It looks like a police uniform and your parents are wearing it and your mom's got a bonnet on and then you'll go to the morning service, you'll rush home, eat a roast dinner, which is essentially what Americans do on Thanksgiving. You'd eat that every Sunday until you can't breathe. And then you'll go back at night and do it again. And there's a brass band and all this stuff. It's absolutely absurd. But when you're like eight, it's four, five, six, seven, up until I was like 13, 14,

I was like, huh. So when you say weekend, you mean you're not playing like soccer or anything? Nothing, zero. Well, I love the assumption that you think everyone else is. Well, it's the weekend, so I guess your father is gonna dress up. Completely.

Like a corporal and bang on a drum. And sing onward Christian soldiers as you walk through the town. Yeah, that's, we're all doing that, right guys? It's funny. I grew up, I grew up very Catholic and I just remember thinking, well, this is what people do. We go to church, these magic tricks are performed, where the cookie is turned into the body and blood of Christ and there's incense and chimes are ringing. And I just assumed that this is what everybody does. And then you realize, oh no, yes, there are.

There's a large number of Catholics, but no, not everybody's watching this Las Vegas act every weekend. Correct, that's it. But I don't say that with disrespect. I have the greatest respect for Las Vegas. Ha! Ha ha ha!

And Siegfried and Roy were your pastors, right? Yes, they were. Until unfortunately, well, you know what happened. So I'm four years old. So you're doing that, you're four. So I'm four years old, my sister's being christened, which is the equivalent of sort of being, yeah, christened, you call it christened, right?

Sure, yeah. So she's being christened. And our family is on the platform, You know, I get, yeah, christened, you call it a christened church, so she's been christened. And our family is on the platform, which is kind of any other state, parlance would be a stage. And the Salvation Army officer, who the vicar or the priest would said, I, you know, James, you can't really see, let's grab him a chair. And he got me a chair and I stood on this chair.

And then suddenly I could see the congregation of this church, which was probably 17 people. In my head, it was a thousand. And I looked out and then I just sort of started pulling like a face and gets a little giggle and then do something else and they giggle. And then I remember turning around and looking under my legs and they're all cracking up laughing and I can remember. I remember turning around and looking under my legs and they're all cracking up laughing and I can remember.

The weirdest thing is I remember feeling amazing and then going back to join the congregation and sitting between my elder sister and my mom and I'm back in the rows of the church and someone's back in front of me and I remember thinking, well, this is boring compared to being up there. Up there is better. Up there, good. Down here, bleh. And from then on,

just became a quest to be up there. And that was it. I really, really remember that. And then we would go to the theater all the time. When I was turned 11, we didn't have much money really. So I never used to get birthday presents or Christmas presents. I would just get theater tickets and we'd go and see Starlight Express or Les Miserables, the Phantom of the Opera, any of the big running musicals.

And I would just remember sitting there just thinking, well, this is the most extraordinary feeling. I'm in a room with 2,000 people. This is just magic. This is amazing. How can I be a part of this somehow in any way, shape or form? This just feels completely right in every way. It's interesting because you have this trajectory in the UK. I think when you started your show here in the States, you had had success on Broadway,

but your big breakout moment was unknown to a lot of us. Like I didn't know really about Gavin and Stacey. Yeah. And this is a show that you created with a friend of yours. Me and my friend Ruth wrote it, yeah. And you write this, and it's 2007, I think it's 2010. It's the sitcom that really launched your career. And what always interests me is the impetus

that the old term for it is moxie, like they would say in the 1930s, that kids got moxie, but to create your own show and sort of launch your own career that way is pretty amazing, You made that happen. Well, it really came out of a kind of moment of frustration in a way, because I was in a play called The History Boys,

which really when it opened became the play to see. It was the play in London, then we did a world tour. We shot a movie of it, and then we went to Broadway, and it kind of swept the board of the Tonys and all these things. And in this play were eight boys, all of a similar age, all in a pretty similar stage in our careers. And I'd been lucky that I'd done a couple of like films and I'd done a TV

series that my friend Ruth was in. Ruth Jones, who is just a magnificent actress and writer. And we were doing the play. And then when we got to New York, the play was such a smash that, that all these boys were like, just like my buddy Dominic, who's like, you know, I used to live with, introduced me to my wife was just coming in every day with like five movie scripts and he was like, God, I'm going to read all these before I meet Martin Scorsese at 6 PM over the road.

You know, it was all this like, you know, Sam Barnett was like, I've just been to a restaurant with Steven Spielberg. You know, it was all like this. And I remember one day there was a script and it was a HUD script. And it was so amazing about these two young British guys, aged sort of late teens, early twenties, who were going traveling around the world and then they got accused of a murder. And this was like, this was the thing. It's going to be huge. And me and my friend Andy and Russell were all being sent the script. This was actually when we were at the National Theatre before we got to New York. And we

go down to pick up these scripts and I'll never forget it, that they both had the entire script. And I just had two pages, which was the guy who worked on a newsstand who sold them something on their way to the airport. And I was like, fuck. And it was like, really, because I'm fat, right? And you're like, oh, man, I didn't, I never thought about that. I was genuinely like, I hadn't even considered that like, I just, the way I looked was gonna really felt like- You didn't fit into a certain mold. Yeah, the people were going, well, we think you're good,

but you know, you'll drop off a TV to Hugh Grant in a rom-com. Hey, many of us got our start that way. And you'll work your way up, and then maybe when you're in your early 50s, you'll play like a sort of bubbly judge in something, you know? And I remember being like, oh, I hadn't even thought about it. I was like, oh, I just figured this was going to be what I do. So then it was like, oh, okay. And I was discussing this with my friend Ruth and I'd been to a wedding

in a place in Wales called Barry Island, which Ruth knew very well. She's from Wales and I just told her I'd been at this wedding and I was like, I had this idea for a story and she said, ah, I think we should try and write that. And it was really her perseverance of going, James, I really think we should write this and we submitted it to the BBC. And then to nobody is more surprised than Ruth and I that the show launched on a small digital channel called BBC three.

And it had, I think like 420,000 viewers, which was a respectable number for that channel. And then by the time the last episode that we, that we put out was at the time, the most watched scripted show of the decade in Britain. I think it had like 18 million viewers, I think. And then it was just kind of a crazy time of where it just was amazing. I went to audition for a film and I knew this must be 20 years ago now, if not more, and definitely more actually because I remember I was about to turn 21 and they'd sent these sides of the character and I forget who the character was. I went in and I read the scene and the director goes, that was great, James, that was really

good. I promise you these were his actual words. He went, seeing you now and meeting you in person, we think there's another part that you're perfect for. Can we give you the script and you go outside, take as long as you need and look at these scenes and come back in and read it if you want to come back later in the day, or to take half an hour, whatever you need, but we, seeing you now in person, we really feel that this is great.

I was like, okay, we, we, we just can't find this guy. And just so you know person we really feel that this is great I was like okay we we just can't find this guy and just so you know we really think it could be it and I'm like this is how Hollywood this is how Hollywood's like a train that's coming to kill us I know it's coming and there's nothing we can do I open the thing and I forget the character's name but I remember he said, mid-twenties, repulsive. And he said, he said, he said he has acne on his face, acne on his face, hair's growing like his hair is, his scalp is like, his scalp has flaky skin, all this stuff. And I literally, I remember reading it going, mm-hmm, mm, okay. And then, and now I think, well, why wouldn't you just go,

hey guys, I'm, no, I'm good. But at the time you're just like, I just need a job, I wanna work. So you're like, so go back in and they're like, what do you think? I was like, I love it. But the idea that someone would say, now seeing you in the flesh,

rather than this black and white headshot photo, now that I see you, repulse it. You look at the script, enter shithead. Yeah, exactly right. The great thing about this arc is you decide I'm gonna take matters into my own hands and then you have other massive success on Broadway. But then you come to the Late Late Show,

there are a lot of successful segments, but the carpool karaoke just blows up. It's not often that I see someone else do something where I think, oh man, I wish that had been me. But when you spent the day, and because I ran into you once and asked you about it, I'm such a Beatles fanatic, and when you spent the day with McCartney,

I was just like, damn it, why couldn't I have just been in the back seat listening? You know, like why couldn't I have been there? Because that was just a dream come true for me. It was extraordinary. You know, I don't know if you're like this, but I'm really aware of what a great time I'm having.

It's only retrospectively I look back and go, oh yeah, that was fun. At the time I don't, you know, I just not. You're just in it, you're in it and you're doing it. Yeah. But doing that day, you know, I just knew that we were doing something that was incredibly special.

And I knew, I think I knew before I even watched the edit that it was like, okay, well, this is the pinnacle of this bit. It's really up to us how slowly we can glide away from it. Okay, well, this is the pinnacle of this bit. It's really up to us how slowly we can glide away from it. We won't hit a peak like this again. It's not just that you're in a car with Paul McCartney and you're singing Beatles songs,

but you're driving through Liverpool because that's gonna fire neurons in McCartney. And it clearly did that, yes, he's giving interviews all the time to everybody. And he's sometimes probably saying things he said before, but if you're driving him around Liverpool, he's gonna, neurons are gonna fire and he's gonna say things that maybe he hasn't said before.

And that's the impression I got of that time you guys had together. All of it, completely. Well, I think what I realized that day is it's actually true for anybody who's left their hometown. Anybody who leaves their hometown, when you go back, like I can't remember what I did last week. If you said to me, what did you do last Tuesday?

It would really take me a long time to go, oh, what day was Tuesday? I can remember the journey from my house to Richard Shedd's house, to Greg's house, to Andy's house, to school, to the back of the, like that. And so when you go home, you are so, you're so acutely aware of the road you've traveled from it, you can see it. So being there with Paul who, you know, he was kind of reticent to do it.

You did mention this to me, you said that obviously he's the obvious person to go to to to do carpool karaoke and that looked like it was going to happen, but then maybe- And then he was out and then he was back in and then he was out again. And then even on the day- What do you think The Redistance was about? I just think at that point, that segment, you could so clearly view it in numbers. And I think he felt like, ah, but you know, I think when you're in it, like if Justin Bieber was in the car last week and One Direction in their car next week, I think he was aware of trying not to look like he was trying to grab onto something that was perhaps quite young and youthful. And I was saying to him, look, Paul, we've, we've never done anything like this where we've traveled somewhere. We are, we have a stunt at the end.

We're going to go into your house. You know, we are giving this everything. We're going to switch places and drive my car. We are going to, we will not let this fail. We will not, even if one of these bits doesn't work, there's going to be three other bits in the segment that will. And, and even on the day, you know, he, he said to me, we were in this hotel, I can like hair and makeup and this where we're going to leave from and microphones and all these things.

And he said to me, he said, James, can I speak to you for a minute? And I said, sure. And we go into this walk in closet and he shuts the door and I say, okay. And he goes there. I don't want to go in my house. Yeah. I said, what do you mean? He said, I don't want to go in.

I've never been in. Whenever I bring people to Liverpool, we just drive up outside and I show them the house and I drive on. He said, I feel a bit weird about it because it's now a national trust house. It's all been put, it all looks the same. And he said, I just don't feel comfortable with it. And I was thinking, okay, this is quite a big bit that we were going to do. But I just went to him, I said, Paul, there is the only point of today is that you and

I have a great time and if we're having a great time this is going to be great you shouldn't be worried about anything but I wouldn't dismiss anything now either you don't know how we're going to feel we'll have been in the car for 45 minutes at that point so why don't we do this we'll put up outside and if you give me a look that says you don't want to go in we'll just drive on and I'll take the hit for it. Right. I'll say it was me. It was my fault, but don't, you shouldn't overthink it in any way. So we're doing it. It's all going great. We're having a great time. We're singing the songs and we pull up outside and then I was thinking, Oh shit, I should have

said code word because what if he's giving me a look and I don't know what the look is. We never really worked out what it was. Cause he does wink a lot in conversations. Which means... I know. What if he has gas? So I'm going, and it's actually, it's in the finished clip where I go, do you want to go inside? And he goes, yeah, let's go in. And I was like, okay. And then we, you know... But let's go in was the signal meaning let's not go in. Let's leave. Let's leave.

You fucked it up. But he's never forgotten it. That day I've never seen people, you know how now like, you know, now that the selfie is the thing, everyone wants a photo, I have never seen people not be wanting anything from someone who's famous. They just want to thank him.

I've never seen anything like it. Like going up Penny Lane and going in the barbershop and all those things. You know, when people go, Oh my God, it stopped traffic, but it didn't. Not really. I've never, traffic standstill. People just, every car around this roundabout, just no one moving. Just there's Paul McCartney on Penny Lane. And then going into his, going into that house and all these things. I've just never ever been so aware of like, what an absolute privilege a day is to spend a day like this. I've never, I'll never ever forget it.

And it was also just a real gift to, to Beatles fans because that was a great format, perfect for him. It kind of leads me to my next thing, which is you did the show, because you talk about, okay, I did that, and now we're gonna try, and it's how long we glide away from it. You decide to wrap it up.

It's very interesting, because I don't know what your experience was, but I can't talk to many people about this. My experience was, I was so glad I got to do it. I loved it, every second of it, not every second, but I loved a lot of it. And then when it was over, there hasn't been a moment where I've thought, gee, I wish I

could be doing that late night show again. Exactly the same. Because I think I get one life. There's so much to try. There's so much to do. Did that. And so you, how do you feel? Exactly the same.

I haven't, the only thing I miss really is, is being part of a gang. Like going and sitting with, sitting with people who I am, every day would be blown away by how funny they are. I just could not, like, that's what I really miss. Sitting with Ian and Lauren and Cece and Sean and they, like, just sitting with these people. That was your mistake. You had funny writers. My god, did I ever. Like, just sitting with these people. That was your mistake, you had funny writers. My god, did I ever. I only hired absolute terrible people.

The worst. Right, Sona? The worst. They were awful. Yeah, that's right. How many of them are in this building listening to you? Oh, they're still here. Oh yeah, yeah, but they're not smart enough to figure out how to get into this room.

Okay. So I'm safe, no, but I know what you mean. I miss that. I miss the idea of having like an idea in the morning and being like, yeah, let's do it tonight. Like, that's what you mean. I miss that. I miss the idea of having like an idea in the morning and being like, yeah, let's do it tonight. Like that's what I miss. I don't miss, I certainly don't miss walking out of a curtain and being like, let's have a look and see

is on the show tonight. I don't miss going, stick around, we'll be right back. I don't miss any of the actual doing of the show. I would go so far as to say I haven't thought about it. The thing I think about is the people. Yeah. Like I remember the day after the Oscars when the Will Smith, Chris Rock thing happened. Like this was a sort of real example of how our show used to work where it was like,

okay, everybody's going to be talking about that. Everybody's going to be talking about that moment. What's our show's version of that? How do we do that? And it's ticking down. It's now midday and you're like, okay, we tape at five. Okay. We're probably just going to do some jokes about it.

And that's, we haven't come up with a good idea. And then, you know, one of our writers goes, uh, I think it was Molly who worked on the show, just goes, I've got this written down. I don't have any more than this, but we don't talk about Jada because we don't talk about Bruno was the big song of that year. We don't talk about Jada and everyone goes, oh, that's it. Okay. Great.

So now we need to write the song. So Molly, why don't you go with Dave and with Lawrence and then, okay, probably need dancers, but hang on. We need dancers who've been COVID tested. And then someone's like, we've just found out there's a Steadicam operator in the building doing a thing for, I don't know whether it was like dancing with the stars or whatever, he's COVID tested. He can be here at six, but we'll have to tape it after. Okay. That's probably a positive. And then it's like, are we going to sing it live? And then that's the thing.

That's the stuff. And then you're kind of feeding it almost live down the line to be on the East coast at nine 30, because an idea that happened at midday, and then you get the thrill of the next day, X amount of million people have watched it on YouTube. And you go, huh, that was great. And then the absolute horror of going, Oh fuck, what are we gonna do tonight? Yeah. Did anyone slap eat anyone last night?

Yeah, I love that. But the other thing I've missed, having a live band as a regular part of my life gave me so much joy. And I realized that it's not so much the show that I miss anymore, but if I could get my band to play when I come down in the morning to get my coffee. -♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- I just loved the power of that and also being around so much live music all those years. We just missed your birthday, right?

I think this is what I would say to the team here. It's unlikely that I'll be here, but I would say for Conan's birthday next year, you should get him a band from when he wakes up in the morning. No, but if you have it from when he'll see he'll he won't miss it. If they're in card. Yeah. I'll just say fine. James, this is what we're working on.

You really do need a friend. That's why I'm not fucking around with the title of that. I need a friend because this is what I get. A card. and guess what? It won't even be, it will be like a, congratulations on your bris card. It won't even be for my birthday. Yeah, it'll be one we find in a drawer.

You'll just grab it. But that's fascinating to me that there are little elements you can miss, but I think you know when it's time to like, let's go and do the next thing. I knew for quite a while. I was gonna leave at year five. I was real close. Like I genuinely had like one foot out the door

and I'm very, very pleased that I chose to stay. Cause I think then, if I'd left then, I think it would have been way too soon and I would have thought, oh, what did you leave for? You got to, you were just reaping the rewards of it being good, getting good guests, all that stuff. But, uh, I really, you know, I really felt like so many things changed from when, you know, when we, when we started the show, it was like Obama was the president. And then there was like, then it was Trump and then it just, then it felt like it changed.

And somehow if you didn't do a deeply political monologue, you were somehow complicit with the Trump organization, which I didn't quite understand not being from here. And then it was COVID. So then like you're doing a show in the garage in your garage and you're like, you're just trying to keep as many of the team in work as you can and trying to find, you know, jobs and everything for people and stuff like that. And so I was like, ah, this isn't, I just, this, okay, it's time to, it's time to, to, to go now. It's time to, to move away from, from this. And again, I will always be dumbfounded

that it was something I was able to do. That it was something I was even given the opportunity to do. I thought it was a stupid thing to give me the job or mystifying to give me the job a year in I was like, Oh, this is, was so stupid. Just some guy from a play. Like I didn't do a pilot. I didn't do a test. I didn't do it was just nuts though. I had some days where I thought, Oh, I think they've hired me to end the franchise.

Well, what I went through, which I do not believe you experienced, was a year into my gig, I could read in the paper, it was a big mistake to get this guy the job, signed Conan's dad. That's the twist ending. Well, I think I was so certain that it wasn't going to work. I was going to work harder than I'd ever worked, I was gonna do everything I could to make it a success. But I was like, I was saying to my wife, we will be home within a year.

Like we rented furniture. All of our furniture in our first rental, which me and Cone used to live on the same road. You lived right up the street from me, and we realized that, so you came over to my house because I was not gonna sit on rental furniture. Correct, yeah. Well, I would have been embarrassed

if you would come to my house. And I was a real prick about it. I said, you said, please come in, and I said, if that looks like rental furniture, I will not come in. Correct, well then you were right because I would drive past your house and it was only when I was driving past your house

and I had to fill up with gas halfway through the hedgeways of your road. So I was like, wow, this is quite the property. I bought seven homes and I had them all stitched together. And it's hideous, but I just, it was pure ego. I always used to enjoy, because I used to drive past you and you would, you would be putting your kids would be getting on the bus to go to school. And I'd be driving mine down to school because they were like, you know, they didn't get

on the bus because it was a, they were much younger. And I'd always enjoy, sometimes we'd wave and sometimes you wouldn't see me. And I would really, I genuinely mean this from the bottom of my heart. I would say this happened about six or seven times. If you are lucky enough to watch Conan O'Brien, uh, hugging his kids and putting them on a bus, you're like, ah, man, that is, that's some real dad goals. Cause my kids were- Here's the problem.

Those weren't my kids. Yeah. And it, it ended badly. That really, such a nice thing. Why? Why did I do that? No, you really...

That was such a nice thing and I don't know why I did that. No, I used to look and I used to think, oh, that is genuinely... I know this sounds so silly. I mean it. I used to look and think, oh, that's it. That's it. If you can keep a relationship with your kids that long that they want to hug you on a bus before they get on the bus. That's a great thing. And I look at my kid and go, why can't you be like that? No.

Your kids in the backseat smoking a cigarette. No, then I'd realize, I'd forgotten the kids. Yeah. So it's funny too, because I read an interview where you, I believe you mentioned No! No! No! No! No! No! Yeah, so it's funny too, cause I read an interview where you, I believe you mentioned this David Bowie quote that really resonated with you. Yeah.

That, and I'm such a Bowie fan, and because I was lucky enough to be doing my show back, we were able to have him on. Oh man. And do a bit with him. And he was on a couple of times, and he was a such a nice man to the point that once I was in some club watching a show

and someone tapped me on the shoulder and it was David Bowie and he was with Iman. And he was just like, hey, you know, he saw me and he came over and just wanted to say hi. And I thought, this is the, he's such a gentleman. He's such a lovely man. Have you seen the film? Have you seen Moonage Daydream?

Yes. Oh my God. Such a lovely man. Have you seen the film? Have you seen Moonage Daydream? Yes. Oh my God. I mean that- Such a lovely man. I never met David Bowie, but I felt like I was catching up with an old friend when I watched that film. It's like, it's- So what is it he said that spoke to you when you were thinking of moving on? I mean, I would honestly watch this clip like sometimes multiple times a day because I was really walking away from, I was walking away from a contract offer that I was pretty certain I'm never going to earn money like that.

Again, I'm pretty certain that that won't come my way again. And he says in this clip, he says, you should never try and fulfill other people's expectations. And I go, and then he says, and I go so far as to say, if you're comfortable in the area that you're working in, you're working in the wrong area. And if you know, you should, you should always swim a little further out. Yep. So the, the, so the waters at your chin and your, your feet are just scraping the bottom. And if you, if you feel slightly scared and you and you feel out of, out of control in it,

you're, you're probably in about the right place to do something very interesting. And I just used to watch it all the time and go, no, no, I'm, I am too comfortable here. I think if I stay, you know, it's not that I'd be miserable. I didn't think that in any way. I was very happy doing it. I loved doing it. I loved doing it. I loved doing all the people that I was working with, but I was like, if this, this can't be the last thing I do, it can't be, I have to go and see what I have

to go a little further into the water. I have to go a little further into the woods and see what else is there safe in the knowledge that it might be nothing safe in the knowledge that it might never ever be as big as this again or as, you know, acclaimed or talked about in any of those things. But like, you know, like I'm about to do a play at the Old Vic in London for eight weeks. I've never in my life felt more scared. Really? Than what I'm about to do. Like I genuinely-

Have you played the Old Vic before? I've never played at the Old Vic, but it's because it's a really, really serious play. It's a really serious- The Constituent? It's called The Constituent. Yep. And I, and I can't, and I've never been more, I, when I say I've never been more scared, what I mean is I am, I have woken up in the night, I think for the last two

weeks, terrified by the notion that I will forget the words, because I've just never ever done anything like this before. But that's the reason to do it. Yeah, but it's the old, I mean, again, it's to be able to say, you know, I played the old- I ruined the old Vic, yeah. I was the last person to play the old Vic. Shut it down.

I was- Aren't you the one that- That's me. That's me. Hey. Hey. I gotta make sure I mention, you, first of all, welcome. I welcome you to SiriusXM, you're here, but I've really enjoyed having a channel on SiriusXM.

It has been so much fun. And I'm constantly meeting people that, you know, I tell me that they rented a car, they turned the car on, they heard my voice and they started laughing. I've had a terrific experience with it, but you have a show called This Life of Mine with James Corden on Channel 109 and of course the SiriusXM app.

I mean, you get fantastic guests. We're lucky, we get fantastic guests. And, you know, we're lucky. We get good guests, you know. Occasionally we'll have someone on, and I'm not having it, and I just eject them. Because I have that, and it never airs. Usually you give me a signal, don't you, Matt? Right. Yeah. You're safe. You just made it.

Yeah. You were about to go. But, no, you get terrific guests, and you're doing this show for serious. What is it about it that gives you the high when you're talking to these people? Well, really the show is, essentially what I realized is that people open up and they're very, people open up in a different way when they're talking about things that they love. So the show basically is each week people talk about a place of possession

in a person, a piece of music, a memory in a movie that has been significant in their life and through that you talk about their life and every facet of their life, their upbringing through, although through to now really. And I've, I've, I've found it way more insightful and moving than I think I was going to. Because people have opened up in a way that I've just not really heard them talk about before, you know. And it's, you know, some of the, you know, Dr. Dre talking about, we asked him for a

favorite song that he'd worked on and a song that he hadn't. And I was like intrigued as to what he would say his favorite song is. That he hadn't worked on. Well, no, I was intrigued by the song that he had worked on. What would he choose? And I never for a million years thought he would have chosen In the Club by 50 Cent. And I was like, why?

And he was like, that song is incredibly personal to me because of the way that it's mixed. He said, we used that song to get the tuning right in beats headphones because he said, I know where every stab and every don't don't don't everything I know where it should be and what it should sound like. And he said, and for that reason, it's that song or, you know, David Beckham's memory was the, the, the moment that he got told that Lionel Messi was signing for Inter Miami and he was in Japan and he woke up in the middle of the night, looked at his phone and it was happening and he couldn't, he said

he couldn't sit down. He couldn't, he couldn't believe it. He just burst into tears because he just thought it was such a far flung dream of his or, you know, Tom Ford, you know, Tom Ford's memory was the passing of his partner, Richard, and he tells this Ford's memory was the passing of his partner, Richard. And he tells this story about being in the house that day. And you're like, God, I've never heard these people talk like this. So it's, I've really, really enjoyed, I've really enjoyed just talking to people about things that they love.

Well, I think the other big difference, the other format is great as it is, doesn't allow for that as much. Ever. And then you get into this format and this is the thing I found that was just so refreshing. Talking to people for an hour, sometimes an hour and five, 10 minutes, you go down, you just follow these currents

and there's no one waving at you saying, let's wrap it up, let's go because we have two other guests and we have a music person here and we gotta, boy, we're gonna have to cut one of these good stories because there just isn't time. And the audience, and the audience, and the idea that there's six or seven ad breaks.

You can't really do a true interview. Like, it's not a true interview. It just isn't, and it's wonderful, and it's great because it's alive and there's people there and there's noise't and it's wonderful and it's great because it's alive and there's people there and there's noise and cheering and it's atmosphere and it's great, but you're never really going to be able to, and people don't really want to open up in that way when there's 200 people watching and cameramen and all those things.

It's just, it's a completely different thing, but I think I'm pleased to have done it this way around. I wouldn't want to do this and then be like, oh, now you're going to do a TV show. And you'd be like, hang on, what's seven minutes. And then right. We'll be right back. And also the pressure, I don't know if you used to feel this, the pressure of knowing that you're, that you're getting close to that time and thinking, well, I have to go out on a laugh. Yes. Somehow. Right. So then you can't find one. And then you're sort of digging around for what it could be. And you know, that I used to find, that used to give me panic attacks. To this day, if you saw me at a party and I got a laugh, I would leave immediately.

Yeah, yeah, gone. I would be like, I got my laugh, we gotta go. And Liza, my wife would say, we just got here. And I'd be like, I just got a big laugh, we're not topping it. I'll be in the car. For sure. And I go out the window if I have to. But I remember meeting you in, are we allowed to talk about?

You're allowed to talk about anything. Great. Because I, just in my, my real great fond memory or of a night that I had in Los Angeles where I just always thought that nights like this in Los Angeles were happening and I just wasn't invited. And then one night I got invited to Tom Hanks and Rita's house. Do you remember this? No, I don't recall the greatest party.

Oh, I wasn't talking about that party. I was talking about a night that we went and we watched a film. Do you remember that one? Yeah. What was that? Well, we went and we watched a movie and Larry David was there. And Larry David, who I know is a friend of yours and was on the show, did one of the funniest things that's ever happened to me, where I am so in awe

of Larry David, I can't really sort of, I just can't really be myself around him. I just find him, he's just given me so much joy in my life that I'm just finding myself being a bit like, I don't want to be too like, I don't know, Larry, this is hilarious. And at the same time, you don't want to be cold. So I find myself sort of in the middle. And I was so grateful that you were there because I was like, okay, come on, this is fine. So we're in the middle, just chatting and chatting. And Larry David said to me, this is how in awe of Larry David I am. He goes, do you play golf? I said, I play as I'm not very good. I don't have the chance to play enough to get good at it. He goes, I'll play with you. Do you want to play Saturday?

And in my body, I'm thinking, I'm thinking fucking hell. I just, Larry Davis just said, do you want to play golf? And I said, and I just looked at him and I went, I can't do it, Larry. And he was like, why? And I said, because I know I'm not good enough to play with you and you'll be really pissed off. Yeah. I said, you will hit the ball straight down the fairway.

Cause you play like three times a week or whatever. I will then hit the ball and I will spend the next 10 minutes looking for a ball. I will catch, I will then hit the ball four times to catch up with you. I said, by hole five, you'll be like, why did I invite this fucking idiot to play golf? So he's like, and he, he went, I really, I really appreciate that. But there was a moment later on and he killed me where we go into this, we're all watching a movie and we go into this movie room and, uh, me and my wife, we,

we did, we had a new babysitter. We didn't have a nanny at the time. We had this new babysitter and we told her that we'd be back by around 10 30. It's now like 9 45 and we're going to watch a movie. So we said, let's sit here because we're not going to be able to watch the whole thing and we can just leave halfway through. So Larry comes over and goes,

James, that's where Tom and Rita like to sit. Just so you know, that's their seats. And I go, oh shit, thank you so much, thank you. So we get up and we move away. The film's just about to start and I think Tom spoke about why we're all watching this movie and he gave us his lovely words about the movie we're about to watch. And just as the lights are going down, I hear James and I look around and Larry David is

lay completely across the couch. He makes you vacant. He goes, what about these seats, huh? Yes. He is a wonderful prick in so many ways. I was like, oh my God, you killed me. I thought you'd give me a name. How about these seats?

What about these seats, huh? And you know what the trick is, and this is a message to anyone that runs into Larry David anywhere, he's not playing anybody on that TV show. That is him. And he, so you'll be at a party and he'll come up and he'll break into your circle of people

you're talking to and you'll have a plate of food. He did this to me, part of my house. He just breaks into this group I'm talking to because he says, hey, hey, hey, don't you guys hate it when someone breaks into a plate of food. He did this to me, part of my house. He just breaks into this group I'm talking to because he says, Hey, don't you guys hate it when someone breaks into a group of people and starts talking, but they, they kind of interrupt the flow of the conversation. You know what I mean? They interrupt the, and it's like from the show, he'd do that on the show. And it's fantastic. And I'm looking around like where are the HBO cameras capturing this?

I saw him in a restaurant once and he said to me, we had to walk right past where they were sat with my son and kids and he was with some friends and you had to say hi. So we talked for a little bit and I go, I'm going to get on and Larry goes, that was the perfect stop and chat. He goes, the perfect, how did you know to do that? The perfect stop and chat. He goes, the perfect, how did you know to do that? The perfect stop and chat. That was unbelievable. He goes, it's like you're doing a talk show.

He goes, I started to think if this goes on too long, I'm gonna get pissed off. He goes, that was the perfect stop and chat. The perfect stop and chat. And then you hear, Womp, womp, womp, Womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp,

womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, wump, wump, wump, wump, wump, wump, wump, wump. All right, I'm gonna let you go. We have kept you far longer than I was supposed to, but so cool having you on the show. I know you're really busy. You're gonna kill it at the Old Vic, despite your fears and your dreams.

And check out This Life of Mine on Channel 109 on the SiriusXM app. And James, go in peace to love and serve the Lord. Okay. Onward Christian soldiers. Yeah, I meant that in the, yeah, Salvation Army. The Salvation Army, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that Lord. This is the salute.

That's it. That's it? That's it. You do that. That's it? We're number one? That's it. It's not we're number one, you're giving the glory.

So people at football games are actually praising. You're giving the glory. So people at football games are actually praising. You're giving the glory. All right, thank you. Thank you, what a thrill. Godspeed. Thank you, what a thrill. Are you sad you can't twerk like I spice? I can't twerk, honestly, should we talk about twerking?

Well, I think we've just begun, were you recording? Okay. Yeah, you can't. You start, Sona, what's up? We've already started. We've already started. She just threw down the gauntlet that you can't twerk like I spice.

Wait, so wait, what? Oh, you're gonna edit. That was really, that was so funny. You're gonna edit, got it. No, but I don't know, you can just start with, you're just mad that you can't twerk. I know, but that was just a very honest confusion. We'll use this as a segment.

Okay, go ahead. Yeah. Are you sad you can't twerk like I Spice? You know what's interesting? I was looking through my newsfeed. I always liked to check out the music section and it was talking about the BET Awards. And so I went in and was checking out, I just like to know what's going on.

I'm a curious person. This led to me watching a video of I Spice twerking. And I realized like, I just, I cannot, there's nothing back there for me. Could you try for us? No, no, no, no. Even if there was. You know what?

I know what you're, I see what you're doing, but no, I'm not gonna shake my, I'm a 79 year old Korean War veteran who has served this country honorably. And for you to say, hey Conan, get up and twerk in front of a camera. No, that's not gonna happen. In my defense though, that was 50-50.

I mean, he- He could have. Yeah, he might as well have. And I still might. I still might. But what I'm saying is, okay, explain to me twerking. It's when you know, you could clap those cheeks together. I don't know how else to explain it.

I honestly don't even know how they're doing that. I don't know what's happening. It's like the buttocks are separate entities. They move separately from the main skeletal structure. That's what's happening in twerking. I'm like, great, I'm all for it. My ass is not a separate entity from me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's basically all I have is a pelvis. There's nothing else. That's okay, it's okay. No, but what could I do? Could I learn it? Or would I have to have-

I don't think you could learn it. It's something, it's not in you. Twerking is not in you. You're just never ever gonna twerk in your life. Guess what? That's a terrible thing to say to me. Oh, you just laid down a bullet. That's a terrible thing to say to me.

No, you're never gonna twerk. Oh, now, I mean, first of all, that's rude. Okay. That's very rude and probably the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me. And I've had some pretty mean things said to me. But if you even put it out there in the environment that I can't twerk, I think is offensive.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're a twerkist. Yeah, you're a twerkist. A twerkist behavior. It is, it's twerkism. Can you twerk? You know what it is? It's twerkism and it's worse.

Oh, he's all the time. He's out in front of his beautiful, beautiful one story craftsman that's gorgeously maintained, the manicured lawn, twerking. I've seen him on. And neighbors think he's having an epileptic fit. They call it twerk manner. Yeah, he's at twerk manner and he's twerking.

And his neighbors who are all, they all voted for Reagan, Nixon. They're all like, oh! In the last election. In the last election. That's how out of it they are. They call an ambulance and a 1950s ambulance shows up and they run out with defibrillators

and put them on his ass. Yeah. Clear, kataing! Lay off, I'm twerking nine to five here. Yeah, I'm twerking. To what song, to what song? To nine to five, by Dolly Parton. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh man, you couple twerkers. What a couple twerkers you are. I twerk to King of the Road. Trailer for sailor rent, rooms to rent for 50 cents. A jug, a jug, a jug, no phone, no food, no pets. Ain't got no hoos, cigarettes.

A jug, a jug, a jug, a jug, a jug, a jug, a jug. Hey, someone's shaking their, a skeleton over there is shaking its pelvis. But there's no articulated movement. So you're saying things would have to be added to my ass for me to twerk. I don't know, I think it is also, it's a lot more than just the ass,

it's your hips and it's the like. What is this zombie thing? You really are a skeleton. Now I'm twerking in a, well, it's kind of a rolly chair. Yeah. A desk rolly chair. Yeah. Is that what you're doing?

I don't even know. I don't know what's happening. But I saw a Spice twerking. And I just thought, well, God bless her. I would need several operations, a host of operations. Can you twerk? I cannot twerk. You've tried?

I have tried. OK. Wait a minute. What was the occasion where've tried? I have tried. Okay. Wait a minute, what was the occasion where you tried? I was at like, I don't know, a party with friends and I tried to twerk and it looked awful. Because someone called for a twerk? We were, I don't know, I was probably a little drunk

and we were all just trying to twerk. You didn't need to say you were kind of drunk. Oh, okay. But is it like a country where there's a line dance, like people get in the line and start twerking? Or they go in the circle one at a time? Yeah, and then they... Oh, yeah, footloose. A circle twerk.

It's a circle twerk. How are you guys making something that's, like, kind of new and hip so dorky? No, no, what I'm saying is, is it people clapping and then someone comes to the center and they start twerking? No, no one comes into the center. It's not like the twist. You're not... It's not people doing the center. It's not like the twist.

It's not people doing the twist. Don't act like the twist is an outdated thing. It's not the Watusi, guys. Well, there's not like a square dance collar. Grab your partner and swing around, twerk the jerk all through the town. Let those buttocks go up high. Let those buttocks flee and fly.

That's sexy. That's sexy! That's sexy! It's not sexy just because you say it's sexy. Undulation! Why do I have an erection? It's the opposite of sexy because you're saying it's sexy. I don't understand. You're un-sexifying it.

The two of you are making twerking not sexy. But we cancel that out and make it sexy. That's not how it works. Undulate and let it flow. Twerking is the way to go. Well? Button up your overcoat when the wind blows free. I'm fully erect. Take good care of yourself.

And please twerk for me. Odie odie o. Put your bottom in the sky. Just a little bit longer. Wiggle left and right. Just a little bit longer. Oh, god. Twerk to the left.

And then twerk to the right. Ho-dee-oh-dee-oh. Well, I wanna, you're gonna twerk one day. You're going, we're gonna see it. Oh, I am? Yeah. What? And guess what? That sounded like a decree.

And guess what? What the fuck? And guess what? There's no law, trust me, I looked into it, and I'm pretty sure there's no lawsuit in your old, your old boss saying, you're gonna twerk for me. Hey, assistant, you'll twerk for me, or you'll know why. What?

You know, the good thing is there's no record of this transgression. You'll twerk for me. Oh, you'll twerk. Oh, you will. Oh, God's my witness. And we'll all see. Didn't he say we'll all see?

And we'll all see. I have to be in the room with you all sitting there watching me twerk. Yeah. What an awful thing to say. We're going to have those little judges' placards with numbers on them. I never know what's going to happen when I come in here.

You'll truck for me. We'll see. Oh, please, make this segment stop. I'm in pain. End it. OK, peace out, Tupac. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam O'Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.