Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Javier Bardem

Episode Date: May 15, 2023

Actor Javier Bardem feels scared about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Javier sits down with Conan to talk about reinventing the Bond villain, playing with the threat of violence in No Country For Old Men, learning English from AC/DC, and portraying King Triton in the live action adaptation of The Little Mermaid. Plus, Conan’s team voices collective upset at being pod-blocked from great guests. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

Hi, my name is Javier Bardem, and I feel scared about being Conan O'Brien's friend. You should be scared. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking blues, books and pens, I can tell that we are gonna be friends, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined today, as I always am, by the lovely and talented, song obsession, what's- What'd you say? Nothing.

No, no, no. I said talented. Oh yeah. Let's try it again. I got off to the wrong start. Here we go. Here we go. Hey there.

Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, one of the best podcasts that we've ever made, joined by Sonam Obsession. How are you, Sona? Good. This is, you know, the best podcast I've ever been in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Good. We've won several prestigious awards, you know. Have we? I think so. Have we? We have, right? Yeah. Yeah, okay, cool.

Yeah, it's important to know. That's good. Yeah. Congrats. And also joined by Matt Gorley. How are you, Matt? I'm good. How are you?

I'm very well. Thank you. What is that? Why? Do I not look well? Well, usually by now you've insulted me. I don't insult you a lot. That's a bit.

You know that. I'm a really good guy to you and our off-mic time. All the times I've taken you out fishing. What off-mic time, dad? And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon. Yeah. I'm feeling good. And, you know, I want to bring up something.

Sona sent me this terrifying video the other day. Absolutely terrifying of the moment that her life changed for the worse. Oh, shit. She sent me a video and I guess your twins, Mikey and Charlie, they're in side-by-side cribs. You have always put them to bed at night and then you wake them in the morning and they're right there in side-by-side cribs. And you woke up one morning and they were both in the same crib and you went and you checked

the night camera. Yeah. And you sent me this video and it's Charlie. And you can see it's when in like a plan to the apes movie where the ape learns how to make fire. Yeah. Or the ape learns how to log onto a computer. 2001.

Yeah, 2001. You can see this moment where Charlie's probably as he has for months now. He's kind of struggling and he's kind of struggling. And then he kind of, he's almost there and then he gets up. He's pulling himself up and he gets kind of to the top. And then you see he has this look in his eye and he just dives on his brother and you hear it. And they both start shrieking and pounding each other and you realize your life is over.

It's over. Was Mikey asleep? No, Mikey was awake. He was like basically cheering his brother on. Yeah. Then when Charlie did it, Mikey's like, oh, shit, we can do this. So now they're both climbing not just into each other's cribs. You're just climbing out of their cribs.

How do they get out the other side without falling? They do fall. They don't care. They're just looking for freedom. Then by the end of the night, it's much later on, you see them mixing various powders to create TNT. You can see that they figured out the rope. Like you got to have some sulfur.

And they're figuring out, no, that's too much. This is just the right amount. And by the end, they're putting it into a brass cylinder. And they fire off a howitzer. No, but I mean, they're, you're screwed because they're evolving very quickly. I know. I know. I'm screwed.

And now they like in the morning, they'll just jump out of their crib. They don't know what to open the doors. They'll like run into our room. Do you ever hear the car start? You're lying in bed thinking, well, they're probably going to watch cartoons into reverse, peels out your credit cards missing. Oh no. It's only a matter of time.

It's awful. I don't know what to do. People are like, you could put a canopy over the crib, but then I just feel like they're in a cage. Don't fight it. Don't fight it. Or maybe you're onto something. Cage them.

Yeah, feral. No, you know, it's funny because we have, we have dogs and cats, but we have one dog that's just hyper. And he likes it. We learned a long time ago who would rather at night sleep in a crate. He just kind of prefers it. So we'd put him in this crate. Is this you you're talking about?

Yeah. Okay. No, our dog. Okay. All right. Yeah. So we put him in this crate and then he figured out recently because he wakes up at five and he wants to, he wants to party down.

And it is a really complicated system of like a latch that's very complicated. I have trouble working it. And I'm always like, I think I, okay, there, I think I've unlocked it correctly. Now I've locked it correctly. He figured out recently how to unlock the cage. And so at five in the morning, he'll pound on the door with his head and then push the door open and come in and he's like, what are we doing? What's the plan?

It's crazy. He waits till five. Yeah. He, he, it's always five or five 30. And I'm saying now we have to weld it shut every night because I think if we, we've thought about using like garbage ties, but I think he would, you'd just see pause on tying them. And then he'd probably know where he could return them or recycle them. If people want to escape, they're just going to escape.

I mean, we had a hamster that escaped for like two weeks and he was somewhere in our house and we couldn't find him for two weeks. Did you, he was he dead when you know, we found him, he was just living his life outside of his cage. Wait a minute. How did he live all that time? He was eating just random shit that he would find. Did you notice that he had his own profile on your television?

His own Netflix account. He had his own Netflix account and it just, it had a little emoji of a hamster. Who's watching these romances? These, who's watching? He's just human romance. Yeah. He's watching human romance. It says, who's watching all these Bridgerton's?

All the 50 Shades movies. All the 50 Shades movies and your hamster's just up at night. He keeps pulling out. Yeah. He put beads in her ass. Come on. Meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet.

Oh, Minnie would never. What are you talking about? It's a highly erotic scene for hamsters. In fact, some people think a hamster can go up there and it's quite pleasurable. Come on. I'm going to tell you a true story. Conan. I'm going to tell you a true story.

Mrs. Eiffel Tower. I'm going to tell you a true story. Mrs. Eiffel Tower. What the fuck? Yeah. You've said more, you've described more hideous sexual positions than anyone in the history podcast. Okay.

Oh, it's the, it's the pirate going. The angry pirate. That's my favorite. Okay, listen. Sorry, we can't go back there. You did that. I have to get this out really quickly, which is, because we brought up, I brought up a hamster maybe as a sexual deviant act, an act of sexual deviance.

Okay, you know, there was that rumor about Richard Gere. Yeah, sure. From years and years ago that Richard Gere enjoyed having a hamster placed in his bottom. A gerbil. Oh, it was a gerbil. Yeah, it was a gerbil. Sorry. There's a big difference.

Is there? I don't know. I guess what. I'm telling you, they feel the same to me. But anyway, there was this rumor that, you know, that, okay, Richard Gere had done that. And then flash forward to, it's 1993, I think, and I'm doing my late night show. And it's, it's those early days when it was really kooky and it's always off the rails every night and we might get canceled any second.

And the guest that night was Mickey Rooney, who was, as we all know, the biggest movie star in 1940. And he, now at this point, he's like 85 years old and he's pretty kooky and out there. And he's come on and he's Mickey Rooney and he's telling stories about 1940. I was the biggest star in the world. And he's talking, he's telling all these old show business anecdotes and he's there. And then at one point he starts talking about a movie he had just seen. I forget which one it was, if it was Chicago or something.

And he went, and it has that actor in it. What's his name? He was in, and we're trying to figure out Andy and I are there. And this is actual footage exists of this somewhere. But Andy and I are trying to help him figure out what the, who the actor is. And he went, it was this, it was this actor. And we were kind of honing in on who it might be, but we hadn't said yet. And we went, really?

Well, was it? Was it? And all of a sudden Mickey Rooney says, ah, yes, there was talk of gerbils. And the whole crowd gasped. And I like put my head on the desk and Andy Richter loses it. There was talk of gerbils. And I swear to God, every now and then I wake up in the middle of the night and I just think, there was talk of gerbils.

He says it in such a creepy like, they say the headless horseman was never found again. But he's talking about gerbils going up Richard Gears ass. Who was that actor? Who was he? I don't know. I don't know who it was. I'm trying to think, Mr. Rooney. Wait a minute, there was talk of gerbils.

Guess what? This is going to be the new Katakai. Oh, that's why you want people to yell at you on the street? When I walk around anywhere in the world, in the world, I mean this happened to me in Thailand recently, people yell, Katakai, well guess what, we're switching it up. There was talk of gerbils. You've heard it here. That's the new phrase.

Katakai is no longer active. You get no benefits from that. Only there was talk of gerbils. Let's move on to a very esteemed guest. Oh no. He deserves better. He deserves so much better. My guest today is an Academy Award-winning actor.

So excited. There was talk of gerbils. I love how we drag everyone down into the mud with us. My guest today is an Academy Award-winning actor who has started his films as No Country for Old Men, Skyfall, and Vicki, Christina Barcelona. And I can see him in Disney's live-action remake of The Little Mermaid in theaters May 26th. I am absolutely thrilled he's here today.

Javier Bardem, welcome. It is great, maybe the greatest honor of your life. I haven't done any research. I don't know if you've won any awards of any kind. I've heard talk of an Oscar, but who knows. Those things can't be verified. Who cares? Who cares?

It's a true honor of your life. No, no, listen. Everything has led me to come here today. I worked hard for years, for ages, to be in front of you, man, because I love you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what's great? This man, you would come on The Late Night Show many times over the years. You came on several times and you were always so funny because you just spoke from the heart.

And it was so fantastic because you would look at me and you'd go, hey, man, your hair, you look like a fool. And the whole crowd would go crazy because they were like, yes, Javier, get him, get him. He was like, what is this? What are you doing, man? What are you doing? It was fantastic.

I would laugh so hard that on the way to the podcast you did today, thinking about seeing Javier again, I was laughing, thinking about it. Well, that's good. The only thing that I will ask for in any promotion is I want to go and see Conan O'Brien. That's the only thing. That's so nice. That is so nice. Here I am to them.

I'm so glad. I'm so honored. Your dream has come true and congratulations. Thank you so much. I hope it's really up there as I imagine. This is a problem now. I used to have this problem with women. They would imagine that the word would out that I was a great lover.

When did that get out? Well, I kept putting it out there. Okay, I figured. And then, of course, there was always disappointment and crying. I was crying often. But you're here now, it is so great to have you here, and we have to get a few things out of the way because we have some major insane fans in the room. My friend here, Matt, and I'm going to bring this up right now, is obsessed with James

Bond movies. All right. And I agree with him. He maintains, and I will back him up on this. We both believe that you may be, if not the best, one of the greatest. I don't think there's even a question, frankly. Best Bond villain. Oh, wow.

Best Bond villain, and your performance in Skyfall was so freaking insanely good. And I had all this mixture of qualities where there were times where I really, you sucked me in, and then I felt sorry for you, but then I hated you, and it just kept swirling around. What about you, Matt? Well, even just now, when you said that everything led up to this moment, is very much like what Silva says for James Bond. That's what James Bond said.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Frankly, I almost fainted. Yeah. Because Conan is the most similar thing to James Bond, because, I mean, exactly, right? Yes. And then I am very pale. I'm going to open your shirt very soon, and start carrying it in your verches. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I did that to Daniel Craig. Can you believe? Yes. I am the man who was touching Daniel Craig's breast, like this close eye. He was the man that had you touch his breast.

That's the way it goes. Yeah. Now, it's funny. You always wonder how planned out was a moment like that, because it's such, you haven't seen that happen with James Bond, and it's this move, it's this move that's crossing all kinds of lines. It's so shocking. And I think, is that the kind of thing that's discussed beforehand, or can you just go for

it with Daniel Craig? It was written, but till the moment we got on set and we started to put it on our feet, he was not, we didn't know how to achieve that moment. So we just, and Sam Mendes loved rehearsal, but he said, you know what, we're gonna shoot it. Let's see how it goes. And Daniel is the best partner ever. He was having a blast.

Like he really wanted to go as far as we could. As far as the studio will let us go. And I think the chemistry was there because we liked being with each other and playing with each other. But I think Sam Mendes was the heart of the, and the heart and soul of the whole thing. He really wanted to create this profile of a villain that you can relate to, and it's more reliable than... Also, I thought that your relationship with Judy Dench, you know, as, that's mom, and

trying to relate to James Bond, that we all do this for, you know, the queen is mom and this is mom. And so there's that element to it also when I thought it's the most emotionally complex relationship with a Bond villain and showed you what these movies can do, what they can be. Because we, when I was a kid, I grew up and it was just, you know, you must die, Mr. Bond. And petting the kitten and you, it's a caricature, it's fun, but you never thought of these kinds of moments.

Yeah. Absolutely. And that little walk you do from your monologue intro, is it true that they built that set basically the length of your walk so you could time that out? Well, when I got there, the set was built, so that's a lie. Okay. I have to walk. I just want you to know I'm a huge liar.

That's why you are in this program, this podcast. Every day he says, Conan, I really admire you, you're so funny, and you're a good looking too. Why aren't you in film? He says that all the time. Yeah. Because it's true that I never rehearsed on the set, but once I was there and I saw how far Daniel Craig was sitting down on the chairs like, man, how am I going to do this?

And I'm going to tell you, we did it like seven times and it was not there. So Sam and I, we look at each other and we said, this is not, we haven't done it. And he said, you know what, let's play the scene. And at the end, if there is some time, we'll go back to it. We play most of the scene, most of my side of the scene. And then in the last 20 minutes, he said, are you ready? I think we can make one of those more. Yeah, let's do it.

He put the camera and I did it and that's the one that's in the movie because my body was more relaxed. It was more, it was more at ease when the first thing in the morning to do that for me was a little bit of a shock. And it's funny because Daniel, the camera was on his shoulder and he was like rooting for me because he was seeing me how I was coming to the mark, the end mark and I was making it happen. And he was like, yes, yes, yes.

And at times you're taking these little baby steps to make it time out, but it works for the character. This is kind of like almost a little boot, scoot, and boogie. You can see it sometimes, if you look really closely, Daniel Craig starts to high-five you. He fits up a little finish line. Yeah, and they had to cut around it and that got a little awkward and not to just totally fan geek out, but in addition to that movie, one of my alts, I idolized the Coen brothers

and then I think my favorite of all their movies, if I had to, if they said, okay, you get to pick one, I would say no country for old men. And as great as that cast was, I know you came on the show to promote it and had the nerve to show a clip of Anton Chagr and then minutes after showing that clip turned to me and told me that my hair looked stupid. And I was like, wait a minute, you're an assassin who looks like Dorothy Hamill on skates, you know who? But it was such an amazing moment for me because I still had the more ridiculous hair than

Anton Chagr. Exactly. That is one of those movies that anytime if I come upon it and it's 10 minutes in or if I come upon it and it's 40 minutes in, I am watching it. I am watching it and I've seen it so many times, but I always pray that I get to see the scene of you and the old man at the gas station because it is, to me, just a brilliant example in clearly, there's violence in every movie we've mentioned, but such a clear example of one of the most tense scenes I've ever watched and the tension is building and it's

unbearable between you and this gas station attendant. Nobody shows a weapon. There is no violence in the scene and when it's over, I'm just my heart's beating and this man has just narrowly missed death, but he knows it, you know it, but no one ever said that. Absolutely. And I think to me that shows that the beauty of there's so many movies every day when they come along and show you that violence implied is often scarier than violence that's actually

happening. Absolutely. And I just, I revere that movie, that scene, your performance and it's been so many years now and you've done so much other great work, but I always come back to that and think that's a very unusual performance, a very unusual role and a very unusual, I mean, and your acting was just absolutely stunning. Thank you very much. And I would say is one of those things that many beautiful accidents happen together at

the same time, in the same moment, great writing, great directing, amazing actor who was playing the man in the gas station, he plays fear so well. I don't do anything. He just, he does the heavy lifting, he plays the unpredictable and the fear of being killed or not knowing what's going to happen so well that I just have to be cool and just do my job with the coin. And also, and you're eating, you have these little, little, little nuts and you're chewing and every time, it's just a dialogue back and forth and then he says, you know, he says,

well, you know, my wife's parents had this and he says, oh, so you married into it and he went, well, I don't know if I put it that way. How else would you put it? And it's just, it keeps ratcheting it up and it's small talk, small talk, but it's also mean so much more and we shot it, we shot it in 30 minutes. It was the end of the day, for me, it was the scene where I had to speak the most. The rest, I was just killing people and I couldn't, and if my English is bad now, back in 2006, which is where the movie happened, it was inexistent, I mean, for me it was impossible

to say a word in English. I have these five pages long scenes, so I work on it for months and the day came and he's like, okay, let's do the scene 37, 37, but we have only 30 minutes, one hour, but we'll make it. Oh my God. And it's not that I feel rush or anything, but it was like, it happened, but one take to takes done because everybody was really focused doing their job and there was nothing else to do than focus on what we had to do, do it exactly the way it was written and just

off we go. You know, I've been thinking about your career, how your mother was a very famous actress, activist, and you came from a long line in Spain of actors and some people say, well, it's in, maybe it sounds like a cliche to say it's in your blood, but it must be in your blood. This desire to do it and do it correctly. And you were very interested in art as a child, were you not educated to sort of be an artist in some way?

Well, I guess I was born into it and I saw my mom and my uncle was a director, my mom was an actress, my grandparents were actors, so everybody was working in the thing, but I saw more the downs than the ups. There was a lot of unemployment, there was a lot of struggle in trying to make some money, but I also saw the decency, the honesty that the job will bring to them and what they will bring to their job and how much passionate they were about their craft and the respect they have for not only the job, but also the people that is in the job and makes the job with them.

So I liked that very much. I felt that was a nice way to go and once I decided to become an actor, I knew that I have to really be responsible for the surname, but then that belongs to many generations and that's why I always try to do my best as everybody. You never thought to yourself, I'll make movies internationally or I'll make movies in the United States. You thought I might or I've read anyway that you thought this might be, I might just work in my whole life in Spain as an actor and that would be fine.

And not only that, I thought I may not be able to make a living out of this, but I don't know what to do else. I don't know what else to do, I'm very clumsy, I don't know anything. You know what, many of the actresses I know and actresses are very like me, they only know how to perform, they don't know to do anything else and that's fine. If you know at least to do one thing in your life and you are lucky enough to make a living out of that, you are blessed. And I guess I bet on that and I bet on that and I've always seen my steps like as you

were saying with Silva in the sky for like little steps, like I never imagined or thought of myself going to anything big or achieving this or that. It's like, what if I make this job and it's good enough for them to call me again? And that's still what I think of when I make a movie or I make something, it's like, okay, is that really bad? Is that bad enough for them not to call me or can I keep on going? And that's something that I guess I got from my family because everybody was waiting for the phone to ring and I guess I have that fear still, like it's not going to ring anymore.

But that's fine because that gives me the nerve from the drive. You had this drive. I mean, do you ever think to yourself, how do I make this jump or did they come to you? Were you recognized and people said, okay, we have to get Javier Bardem and that's how it happened? No, it's funny, it's one accident after the other. I mean, my two biggest movies that really opened the market to me in Spain and out of Spain were accidental.

One, the one Jamón, Jamón, I was accompanying my sister to make an audition and I was sitting down near her and then they asked me, do you want to come in and do an audition? I said, no, I don't want to. Yeah, come in. Okay. And they gave me the job. Oh my God. And before night falls.

Wasn't the part your sister wanted, I hope. Put on this wig. Same with the Bond villain. I had her wig. Yeah, exactly. Your sister was this close to being Silva and then you had to go to the audition with her. And the other one before night falls with Julian Snabel, I met him in a party in New York and

he said, would you like to make a movie in English? And he's like, no, I don't want to, I don't speak English. I said, well, why don't you try and read this and I was going to play this little role and I said, okay, I'll try to, I'll play that as an experiment. But then the person who was going to play the lead fell apart from the project and he told me, will you do it? No, I don't want to do it. Yeah.

You are doing it. You have a month. I said, okay, I'll try and then I did it. But I never expected that anybody would watch that movie and it happened that I was nominated for an Oscar for it, which is weird because I thought nobody's going to watch it. Who cares? I'm just going to see if I can play in English. So other movies that I thought this is a masterpiece, they were like, buried.

That happens again and again and again in this business. It's never the thing you think. You think, okay, this is it and it's not. And sometimes I try and encourage people because there have been times in my life where the thing that I thought was going to really make me early on when I was younger didn't happen. And then I could see later on if that thing had happened, the thing I was meant to do wouldn't have happened. It's all gets very mystical, but I believe in it.

Absolutely. There's something to it. You should try podcasting in Spanish. It's important that we are graduates of Madrid's School of Arts and Officials, but Eduardo, I take it back, but don't cut to Eduardo, don't save it, I'll leave it, I'll leave it. I just about ran out. Just ask Eduardo. Hey, Eduardo, I just have to keep saying Eduardo to fill it out.

Eduardo. I think the word is ayúdame. Ayúdame. Ayúdame, por favor. Let's see. Claro, claro. Claro que sí. Sí.

But when you talk about not speaking English, you know, so many people in the United States were so... Don't speak English. They actually really don't. They really don't. Some of them were presidents. Some of them were presidents. But it's funny.

We almost forget, I mean, because we are so self-absorbed when we think, well, we all speak English and it must be nothing to speak English, and of course, it's not an easy language. And then when this is your craft and you have to learn to adapt to this other language, I was told that there's a particular rock band that helped you learn English. ACDC. Oh. All the curves, all the bad words, all the things I learned from ACDC. Fuck yeah.

And I'm still learning, I'm still learning. So just certain ACDC songs and you thought this, I can plug into this and this will help me learn. Like there's a song called If You Want Blood, You've Got It, High Voltage, Let There Be Rock. And those were the first songs. And you have to understand that on 54, I will have tapes. I will open the tape, we'll get the lyrics, and the lyrics were in Spanish.

They were translated. So for me, it was like, what is he saying? Because they are not singing in Spanish. What are they? And I was trying to make sense of the word in Spanish and what I was hearing. And then I will go to a dictionary. And then because of that, I will learn that word on top of that word below. So that ACDC made me learn English because I want to learn the lyrics.

You know, it's so funny because I've watched your very earliest performances and you come on stage and you're like, she's got her ass machined, she's got her lower. You're way up there. You're shrieking. You're supposed to be saying, I love you and very tenderly, or we must escape before the guards come. We must escape before the guards come. Yeah, yeah.

Like you bit it. Please, just the words are right, but could you take it down a little bit? I love those guys. Yeah. It's so funny because, you know, just traveling around the world and doing travel shows, people come up to me and they say, I've learned English by watching your shows. And I think that's a terrible mistake, but it is funny how pop culture, you know, how pop culture is so important to people that it's often the bridge.

It's not that they want to read this Dickens book, you know, in the original. It's that they really want to watch that soap opera or they want to watch that TV show or that music video or sing that song. Absolutely. And that's the bridge for them to jump into something else and deeper and deeper. And that's why it's so important to watch in Spain, the original versions, the movies in their original version, because we dub almost everything. And that's such a big, big mistake.

And thanks to the platforms now, the youth, the new generation speak way better English, more English than I used to speak when I was 20, because now they see the things on their original version. But in Spain, it's impossible to find one movie in the original version. There are only one, two, three, four movie theaters in old Spain, maybe two in Madrid, two in Barcelona. And that's such a big mistake because, first of all, we are giving our language for those movies and at the same time, we are not helping the audience to understand what they are watching

since you can't dub Marlon Brando, you can't dub Robert De Niro, you have to see it in original version, you can't dub John Malkovich, you have to hear those voices. It's part of their richness. I find that now in this age of streaming, there's so many great foreign TV shows, movies. I prefer, I like the subtitles because I like to hear the language. And I think Spanish is such a beautiful language and I just love to hear it spoken. I love to hear it spoken and the same is true with, I was just taping a travel special in Bangkok and I turned on the TV and there was one station for some reason that was broadcasting

the news in French and I was watching it and I just was like watching it for a while and I couldn't understand what was happening but the language is so beautiful. But I find that just being exposed to these different languages, some of them are music and of course some languages are not music. Spanish is not music. But yeah, I wouldn't want to watch, you know, there's so many great films that I would want to see if they're in Spanish, I want to hear them in Spanish and of course I need the guide to help me understand what's happening.

But that's, I'm always struggling to because when I say that those things in Spain or in Europe, they go, hey, wait, wait, and it's true that the dabbers in Spain, they're some of the best in the world and I'm not against that. They have to make a job and that's why I don't dub my own movies. It's like when I do a movie like Little Mermaid, it's in English, okay. The version in Spanish is going to be dubbed by somebody else, I'm not dubbing it. So everybody wins. The audience wins.

I win because I stay home and I don't do the hard job and the dabbler wins because he has a job, everybody wins. But what if you hear the dubbing and you really don't like the voice? I try to avoid to hear it because it's hard for me to see myself with another voice. I'm telling you this for a reason. They asked me to dub you in Spanish. Oh no. I knew it.

I knew it. And apparently advanced reviews are just brutal. Just you going Eduardo? Eduardo? Why is King Triton, no, he's supposed to be talking to Ariel and giving her advice. Yes, but Eduardo, help me, it's important that we go to the theater. What? And all the kids like crying.

Why is Javier Bardem sound like that? He sounds terrible. You have been the people that you've met when you achieved this level where you're going to these premieres, you're going to these places and there's an actor that you idolized and they look at you and they're excited to see you when they come over. Do you have, does anyone who pops for you where you think, oh my God? Well they have Colin O'Brien. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, all right. Well, that was a big moment for you, yes. That was a big moment for me and it's always a big moment. Okay, that's the peak, but what's near the peak? That's near the God's stuff. Now talking about humans, I will say Al Pacino. Yes. Al Pacino.

It's so funny. Al Pacino sent me a phone, he called me after watching Before Night Falls, but it was two o'clock in the morning in Spain and it was a time where there was a tape, a nursery machine with tape, remember? So I was sleeping and I was like, who's Colin, and then, hi, hi Javier, it's Al Pacino. And they were like, and I couldn't get the phone like, Al Pacino is calling my home. I saw the movie, I liked it a lot and congratulations. I was like, and then I went and I play it again and I play it again and I have the tape.

I have the tape. Yeah. And then I met him in Toronto Film Festival, I went to the toilet and I took a picture with the camera, no phones at the time, of my face in the mirror because my face was like, I'm going to meet Al Pacino. And the good thing about it all is that he's such a wonderful man. So when you meet someone that you admire so much, you go, and he's even better that you wouldn't imagine.

Yeah. He, my first encounter with him because I grew up on the Godfather movies and then Serpico and it just, you know, dog day afternoon and it's just, I mean, he is such a, above a star to me. He's something else. And so I was working on an award show here in the States and I think I was in LA and I did my thing and went all right. And then I go backstage and it's between, it's in a commercial break.

So I go backstage and suddenly they're bringing all this scenery through. They say, clear the way, clear the way, so I get pushed into this little room, literally pushed into a little room to make way for these guys to come through. And I look around and it's just a room with me, a tiny room, like the size of a phone booth and it's me and Al Pacino. And I'm stump-struck and he goes, Kuro Bryan. And liquid shit just comes out of, I urinated it, I defecate, I mean, just it was awful. It came out of every poor Kuro Bryan and I went, Mr. Pacino, you have no idea.

And I just tell him how much he missed me and he's like, and then he puts it back on me and he's, no, you, a tightrope every night, a new script, you got to wing it, madness. You know, and he's just going on about how, oh, sure I've done the Godfather, but I saw you without woken, you know, but I thought this is no, sir, no, sir. And I just blew my mind and then every now and then I'll be in New York in a restaurant and it just happened recently where I hear Conan and he's there in the corner in a restaurant. And I get to have these little conversations with him and what I found is in the last one, I'm so self-conscious about taking up his time that I'll have a few back and forth with

things with him and the other, and then I'll say like, well, you know, have a great meal and it's nice to see you when I run away. And then he apparently, cause I rented this woman who was at the table a couple of days later coincidentally at this other event and she said, I was like, why did he run away? I ran away cause I'm scared. You're Al Pacino, I don't want to wish, he fled, he flew, why did he go? But yeah, that would be one, I would think, yeah, he's just a guy that, and I read somewhere and this is something that I completely agree with because I'm on record of saying this

a long time ago, but you were star struck and had a bit of a man crush on Brad Pitt. Oh yeah. Who doesn't? Thank you. Of course. I mean, if there are many times where women have said to me about men, don't you think he's attractive? And I'm like, I just, I don't know, I don't, you know, it doesn't, but Brad Pitt, I think,

damn, I sleep with that guy. Of course. I don't even know how it works, but I would do as I was told, that's Brad Pitt. I'd have someone explain to me what my role is in this. Am I up top? Am I down below? Am I against the, I don't care. It doesn't matter.

Somebody told me. I'll just do it. I'll just do it. Do it. A series of drawings, a diagram, but I mean, it really is like so charismatic and good-looking and I don't know. Exactly. I agree with that.

To me, the three of us, we have something, something to do with it. Well, listen, you're the one that has the pole here. The call has to come from you, Javier. And then when she says like, you know what, I really love you, Javier, and yes, you and I should get together, thence when you have to say, there's one person I want to bring along. And Brad's probably like, oh, well, it's, you know, I don't know, I guess it's another huge, you know, it's Tom Cruise or it's Ben Affleck, and you're like, no, no, I'm full

tone. Oh, God. It's happening. It's happening. It's happening. He doesn't know yet, but it's happening. Oh, boy. When does this, when does this come out?

This just comes out soon. This comes out on Brad Pitt three some day, guys, I'm here to promote a movie of four kids. Okay. Hey, when I, when he said three some, he meant bicycle built for three. That's right. A ride to the park because it's funny because I heard you were, when I first heard that you were doing The Little Mermaid and I heard King Triton, I was thinking, okay, I'm trying

to, and this is live action. This is not animated. And then I saw a picture of you as King Triton and it's this, this man is born to play King Triton. You have, I mean, I've always thought you have a regal face. You really do. You look. Thank you, sir.

Doesn't he? Absolutely. You have the face that I could see. Of course. You have to say yes. Yes. If he's asked that question, you go now. No, they often.

That would be great. I don't know. He actually does disagree with me most of the time, but you have to see, you have to see photos of him as you shouldn't even call up on your show. I'm shocked I haven't yet. You are so regal and I look at that photo and I think no one else could play King Triton in live action. It's fantastic.

I'm so happy that happened. And also I texted Rob Marshall, which I wanted to work with since many years ago, and I said, if there is such a thing as a King Triton with an accent, will you consider? Look at that. Will you consider me to play it? And he said, I swear to God, I'm in the grocery shop talking to John about you and I was going to call you in five minutes. Oh my God.

That happened. I said, really? So I said that to my then seven year old girl. Luna is her name. I'm going to be in the little mermaid and she went, are you going to play Ariel? No. No. No, I'm looking for your aunt on sugar weight.

I could diet rent. Now I want to see you as Ariel. Oh my God. She's that good an actor. He can do anything. I know. But I said, no, I'm going to play the father and she was crying. Oh, I'm so happy.

So I was Rob, you know, you don't, you can't imagine how happy you made me and my daughter by this offer. So it's, and they are watching the movie in Spain in the premiere and I can't wait for them to see it. They're going to be thrilled. My child Leo, it's 12 now when I start to, because we start to shoot this movie in January 2020, but then we have to stop because of the pandemic. He was 10 and, and he was excited.

Now he's like, he pretends not that's for, that's for Luna. I'll bring only 45 friends to the screening, but that's not my kind of movie. So yeah, right, right, right, but three years, three years ago, he was like, yeah. But now he will, he will love it. That's why I do Dune as well for him. I do Dune for him. I do Mermaid for her and I get the paycheck for both. Which is good too because they have to go to college.

It helps. The Dune movies are so visually stunning. Yeah. I mean, just mind blowing, mind blowing. And even though when I was first watching it, the first Dune that came out a few years ago, I was, I didn't understand every, the significance of every single moment, but as a whole, it was so beautiful and powerful, the, the, I've never, it just looks different. You know, we're, we're flooded with so many intergalactic movies.

And then there's so much artistry in the Dune films. I think, I think the need really has created something unique in the sense that he really created the universe. I mean, everybody that works in those movies are at the top of their game, the wardrobe, the lining, the everything, the designs, everything. So the first one was amazing, but I think the second one, I haven't seen it, but I was there. I think the second one is going to be, is going to be really something out of proportion

in the sense that the sets that I saw, the sets that they built, it was, they were, they were huge and they, they were filled with so much art inside and the lining and the wardrobe, everything is, is really magical. I, I, and I saw the trailer and I, I, I called the knee like, man, what is this? I'm in it and I can't believe I'm in it because it's one of those movies that you feel like an actor. Oh, I wish I could be one of those. Well, I'm in it.

So it's, it's, and he's adorable. He's a great man. Have you, have you ever interviewed Denis Villeneuve? No. No, I have not. He's great. He's rumored for the next Bond film. Yeah.

I really, he will do it for sure amazingly well. But for the, for, for this movie, uh, how does it work? Are you, are they using wires? Are you in a harness? How does it work when you're doing a live action little mermaid? I have no idea. It's all in the studio and they, they put us in these, uh, uh, ricks and, uh, called fork, whatever, I don't know, is, is what they, is, is some, some stuff that the olympic

athletes, uh, use to create, to train, to make, uh, lips on the air. Oh yeah. Flips. Flips on the air. And what they do is they, they put you in a harness and there's a long arm and then you can go vertical, you can go horizontal. You can go like this because they move it, uh, and it's, and it takes like six to 10 people around the, the, the thing, the machine to move it around.

So it's a choreography. You have to talk to the, the director will say, I want him here and then there and then here it goes up, here it goes down. And you have to do your fishy moves, like with the shoulders to make believe that you are a fish. And, and, uh, please tell me they call them fishy moves. That's how I called it. I know.

It was perfect. I just wish that that was actually in the, the dialect they used. Yes. And I don't know how they do it. I saw the movie and still don't believe how good it looks. And what's interesting is the amount of trust you have to have. You know, we're having this moment here, you're there, I see you were a couple of inches apart and this is it, and this is a situation where you're getting all this makeup and then

you're being put in the, the fishy move, 4,000 machine and spun around. And it's total trust that someone's going to take care of this and then it's going to look awesome. Absolutely. And, and the only thing you have to, you can do, you have to do is to try to, to learn the lines, say the lines and forget about the whole noise around you because it's huge and try to be honest and try to go back to the big, to what it means to perform and be able to be relaxing within all of these things around you because as you said, it's a big

leap of faith. And then with that, somebody else will do something else. And when I watch the movie again, yes, of course there's a lot of CGI, but it's so beautifully done. It's so realistically done. And at the same time, it has so much magic that I, I don't, I'm not pulled off by it. I go like, wow, I believe that they are under the water. It's, it's, it's something else.

It's something else. But I mean, it's also, it's been true since the Wizard of Oz. You can have all that stuff, but you look at the quality of the acting in the Wizard of Oz and that's what makes you, sucks you in every time. Absolutely. And that's hard. I'll also do it over and over and over again. So it's not as Marlon Brando said, everybody's a performer because we all act in our lives

in order to survive. But the professionals have to repeat it constantly and that's true. And also do it on command. On command. Exactly. And go, you know, yeah, action. Yes. And then you have to, you have to have that scene, you know, Anton Chagour has to walk

in to that gas station and have that scene. Even though you're not ready, you don't feel like, but that's also just the training. Absolutely. The years and years of training. Yeah. The training and also the, there's someone where you have to let go and, and I embrace the fear and say, okay, I can't control anything, anything anymore. And it's all about getting lost in what you're doing and, and try to find meaning or sense

in, in the journey while you're doing it, rather than going with everything marked and knowing where you're heading and what's the goal. No, you just go there, you work hard in order to understand the whole picture. Now you jump into the abyss and see if it makes sense. But again, it's movies. So somebody will make sense of it. If you don't, if you didn't make the sense, somebody will make it happen. In theater is different.

Of course. Theater is like, okay, you are so exposed that if, if you get lost, then people will, will notice. Right. You actually see them get up and start to walk out. Unfortunately, I have the ability if it's, if it's 3000 people in a theater and I will see the one person who gets up and walks out and maybe it's just to use the bathroom, but it'll get in my head.

Absolutely. It's like the, the one bad review of a movie that is going very well. Yeah. But that guy didn't like what I did. Okay. Do you read stuff about yourself? I used to read a lot and now I'm 54. I, I, I don't care anymore.

It's really healthy to get to a point where you think, I'm only on this earth for a while. Yeah. I'm going to make an honest effort. I, if someone likes it, great, if they don't, I can't, you know, the, the line I keep coming back to is I, Jeff Daniels, I think was doing some show and, and I think critics, some of it, some liked it, but some had different opinions about it. And he said, you know, I can't help you guys. And I remembered thinking that's so much how I feel at this point, which is, you know,

at my age, after all these years, if you don't like what I'm doing, I respect that, but I can't help you. Absolutely. And that's very liberating. And also it is, uh, yeah, it's giving yourself a credit that you own and that you earn by the time that you were working so hard in order to be where you are. I mean, it's, uh, but again, when somebody says something negative, it hurts. Yes.

Of course it does. It hurts. And you know what? They sometimes think it doesn't hurt you because you're Javier Bardem or, you know, I'm a comedian who's been around for a long time and you think, well, that won't really get to them. No. It hurts as much as it did when you were a kid and someone made fun of you. It hurts exactly that much.

Exactly. If you're, if you're a real person and you're still here, it has to hurt just as much. And if you get to the point where nothing like that hurts you, your work can't be any good. That's a good point. You made me think about the bullying. Yeah. The little kid being bullied by, by other people's opinions and they can be cruel.

And of course I had all those things where you, they were throwing on me many bad adjectives that will hurt a lot in Spain for whatever reason, either professionally or personally because I was defending that cause or the other. And I'm done. Then, then, then is when I stopped reading it because like this is hurting me a lot. I don't deserve this. And as you said, I'm trying to do my best, but I would never be able to be liked by everyone. So give up that dream and, but it's a, it's a good point.

Like, yeah, it's a good point. I don't know what you said, but it was a good point. That's exactly Matt's job. I don't know what you said, boss, but it was the best. Haveir, you have a very busy schedule and I just want to tell you, I'm going to wrap this up, but it is beyond a thrill to see you again. And you've always been so nice to me and I am such a crazy fan of your work and as of you as a person, I'm just, and I hope someday when I'm rambling around, we've always thought

I always want to do these travel shows and I've always thought we've talked about it. Someday I'll come to Spain and we'll figure out a way, I don't care what I have to do. We'll work around the schedule where maybe I accidentally go through your kitchen and you're there and maybe you beat the shit out of me or something. I'll be there, my friend, I'll be there, if I get to hit you, I'll be there. Anyway, Javier Bardem, this was my favorite podcast in quite a while and you're a great man. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. Thank you everyone. Well, by now you've done some work in New York, you've done some sessions and some recordings and some podcasts in New York and including one that Adam and Sonia and I want to talk to you about. This hasn't happened at the time of this recording but we all feel a little, what would the word be, sad? Jealous.

Jealous. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about, I honestly don't. The three of us have a massive crush on Matthew Reese and we just want you to send them our love. Yeah. I don't know if I can do that. Oh, come on.

Yeah. Why? Well, my time is very valuable and Matthew Reese is, I mean, God, it's such a brilliant actor and raconteur. I just love that he's coming on the podcast so to waste time saying, hey, before you get going, they're these people. You don't have to do it before you get going. It can be after.

Yeah. It can totally be after. The first time he was on, it was over Zoom and I think we all sort of fell head over heels and none of us are going to be able to meet him in person this time. Yeah. Yeah. Here's how it's going to go. My plan is that if Matthew Reese ends up being on this podcast a total of six times, none

of you will ever meet him. Come on. Do you purposely plan really cool? I mean, we've had a lot of really cool guests, but sometimes you really get someone you know we're going to love and then you do it somewhere else and we can't be there. You did this with Oliphant the second time you had him on in New York. Yeah. It was Oliphant and I, it's a special time when we're together.

I was cool with the way that one worked out. Yeah, because you were there. You were there too. I got to spend a lot of time with him. Oh, congrats. Another massive. You got to do a whole segment with him. So great.

No, wait a minute. To be fair, when I interviewed Tommy Lasorda, you guys were here. You know, so you got him. You weren't even here for that. No, I mean, whenever there's an older baseball manager, I always make sure that you guys get to meet him. I just think we're a team and sometimes you go rogue and I get it. It's your podcast and stuff, but still don't be silly.

It's our podcast. I just happened to be the star. Does that, did that come out right? No, it's, I don't know, did it? I guess. I just want to meet Matthew Reeves. So do I. And you're getting in the way.

You're, you're, you're cock blocking all of us. You're pod blocking us. I'll tell you what I'll do. If you guys can write me a little message or something to him, we could record a little message for him right now. I prefer you write a message and then just trust that I'll give it to him. Oh, what do you mean? You won't though.

You'll lose it. What would you say to Matthew Reeves that is so important? Dear Matthew. Oh, I didn't realize this was a, let's go around the table. School essay, a fifth grade essay. Hi. My name is Sonamov Sessian. You don't know me, but I watched you in the American and I love you.

What's it like to be married to Carrie Russell? I love her curls. You're a lucky guy. She's a lucky girl. I hope we're friends one day. Love Sonamov Sessian. Okay. Um, if that was your intention, because that's what you were going to say to him, I'm really

happy that you're not going to New York. Okay. Wait. Adam, say shit like that to Matthew Reeves. Yes, I can. A compliment his wife, who I loved, who's a curly hair icon. Yeah, I can. Right.

They both are. I would start with Americans, but then I would, I would really lean into his last appearance on the podcast and how he just blew us away with his humor, which, you know, you don't always get to see because he's such a great actor and has a lot of serious roles, but he has such a good personality, so charming. Was actually really, I remember him being so nice to us. I think when we were getting him like all set up with his Zoom, he was just, we, I think we all just kind of became best friends of them in that moment, but haven't spoken to

him since. And so we'd love to, uh... I think this is all unprofessional and borderline creepy. Well, you haven't even heard mine yet. Oh, I'm sure this will write the boat. Off you go, freaky. Hey, Matt. What's it like having the same name?

Pretty cool. You're from Wales and I'm from Whittier, two W places. I really loved Perry Mason. I love you. Love you a lot too. If you want to just hang out, hit up my man, Koenzee. He's got my deets and miss you. Thank you.

Miss you. Bye. Um, who has control over what happens? Eduardo, you have these tapes now. Do you not? I know where they are. Tapes? Okay.

Uh, digital recordings. Recordings. Okay. I don't know. How do you, what do you refer to them as now? Recordings. You have these wax cylinders. Yeah.

Make sure that they're in my possession. Yeah. What are you going to do with them? I'm going to hand deliver them to Matthew Reese. That's what I'm going to do. And you're going to trust that I didn't. He could just email it to his rep. He could just email them to his rep right now.

Yeah. No, no, no. We could do it right after this podcast. Nope. That's not the way I like to do it. I like to give the personal touch. I'm going to write a little handwritten note with it. And then you guys are just going to trust that I gave these to Matthew Reese.

Do you think you purposely keep us away because you're embarrassed of us a little bit? I'm going to say that's 80% true. What's the other 20% that I get more focus on me? So it's embarrassment that you guys will screw it up. And then there's 20% of it is me just wanting more time with Matthew Reese. One idea I had was just hear me out. We could talk to Paula about rescheduling. Maybe for when we can all be there with Matthew Reese.

Oh, let me just check my schedule and see if that works. No, it can't. That's not your schedule. No, no, no, no. I'm entering the priesthood shortly after we... So, oh, and then I'm in the circus. Yeah, doesn't work out. Oh, and then I'm working for that Zeppelin company.

For those reasons, just relax. Why don't you do this? Just trust that I form a strong enough connection with Matthew Reese that he wants to come back. And on the third go round, you guys will get to be behind glass when I interview them. You could fly us out too just for that day. No, no. This podcast is hemorrhaging money because of a certain Matt Gorley's spending habits that he charges.

When he buys stuff now, kooky stuff at the Rose Bowl swap meet, he charges it to the podcast. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. He bought a 1938 Zamboni. Oh. Yeah, it's a hipster thing.

I now have 36 through 48 all-year Zambonis. Yeah. True story. My wife, her step-grandma, was a Zamboni. She was heir to the Zamboni fortune. So just... Is that true? That's true.

Wait a minute. Is that really true? Is she Mrs. Zamboni? I just threw out Zamboni from the random part of my brain. Yeah. What? That's a family name? It's her step-grandma's maiden name and she was a wealthy heiress of the Zamboni family.

I don't know what else to say. Is that... Matthew, you listen? Is that pretty cool? Well, more proof that you should get a lot of talking time with Matthew Rees. I loved you. Love Perry Mason. Yeah. That's great.

No. Guys, just let me handle. Let me handle the heavy hitters. All right? You guys are all fun. When we booked someone on the podcast who was third lead in a movie that didn't really go, I'm very comfortable with you being here. But when it's these heavy hitters, I think I need to handle it myself.

You understand? I feel like they notice our absence though. I feel like he... I feel like... The way you notice the absence of pain, yes. I feel like he's going to be like, hey, we're Matt and Sona and Adam. Yeah. And then I'm going to be like, you know, and then you have to like have that awkward conversation.

What if he listens to this podcast? He's a fan. What if he listens to this podcast? Could be. A lot of guests listen to the podcast. Yeah. Please. Some do.

Yes, some do. A lot of people do. Very successful podcast, but no, Matthew Reese, I assure you, he's a classically trained Welsh actor. He's a man. He's a good looking guy. He's charming. Yeah, he is.

He's so charming. Yeah. I can't wait to see him. Are you going to... Are you going to what? What if you guys become friends? Yes. What's wrong with that?

A lot. A lot. If anyone out of the four of us is going to be friends with Matthew Reese, I don't think it should be you. Yeah. What are you talking about? You don't appreciate it like we do. I just don't think that...

I don't know. I don't think you can hang with him and carry and keep bringing up Kerry because that's... What are you going to do with Matthew Reese? Are you going to take him to the Altadena 7-Eleven and buy him a slim gym? I'm sorry. And don't even get me started on you. What? I'm sorry.

I happen to know he restores old sailboats, so you think that's not up my alley, that kind of thing? He and I will get along. We'll be fast friends. You work on small toy sailboats. He works on real sailboats that a man can get into. Anything you do. That is not true.

I am quite the seaman. I have been at sea many a time. I have sailed off the coast of Boston, Rhode Island, Cape Cod. I've sailed off the rough seas of Black Island. My face is weathered by the salty spray and old Neptune's ire. Anyway, none of you were ever meeting Matthew Reese. That's the end of this segment. We'll see.

OK. Never going to happen. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gorely. Produced by me, Matt Gorely. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf. Theme song by the White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Your supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review

read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Steacher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.