Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - JB Smoove

Episode Date: January 4, 2021

Actor, comedian, and writer JB Smoove feels as though Conan is taking advantage of him and pressuring people into being his friend. JB sits down with Conan to talk about his favorite pitches that never made it to air, learning to read people by selling fire extinguishers, making strong choices on Curb Your Enthusiasm, and life lessons on fashion. Plus, Conan checks in with his team for another State of the Podcast address. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

Hey, my name is JB Smoove and I feel, oh man, you know, I feel as though Conan is taking advantage of me and he's putting pressure on people to be his friend. That's a big thing to do. It's like co-signing for a friend for a car that you know he can't afford. Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend and a very happy New Year. This is our first episode of 2021. What does it all mean? I don't know, but it feels good to be out of it.

Yep. Yeah. I think all of us are happy to get 2020 into our rear view mirror. Thoughts about the New Year, Sona, what do you, you know, do you have any resolutions for this year? Well, I want to put that vaccination in my body as quickly as possible and then go hug Dede. That's going to be one of the big ones.

Do you have to explain to people who Dede is? Dede is my grandpa. He's 97. I haven't touched him in like all year and I miss him. And so, you know, it'd be nice to hug him. Yeah. And then, you know, the usual, I think it's the same resolutions I have every year, which is lose some weight.

Don't look at my phone too much. First of all, I don't think you need to, I think you need to stop looking at your phone so much. Yeah. But you look great. I don't think you need to lose any weight. I see that, but then when you call me and I don't answer my phone, the wrath that I get from you.

Untrue. Completely untrue. No. And it's so passive-aggressive. Oh, please. When has anyone ever suggested that I was passive-aggressive? I defy you to find one example, look through all these podcast tapes that have been over a hundred episodes and find one example of me being passive-aggressive.

I dare you to do it. Insert passive-aggressive. I think you bring up something, getting this vaccine. Matt Goorley, producer extraordinaire, correct me if I'm wrong, I heard somewhere that of course people are saying frontline workers need to get the vaccine quickly and the aged need to get the vaccine quickly and they should be first and of course that makes perfect sense to me. And then someone was saying that podcasting was considered, who was saying that?

Well podcasting, yeah, podcasting did get designated as essential work because, I'll tell you how, I'll tell you how. How did podcasts get designated as essential work? Because 0.5% of it is like a journalistic podcast where the rest is absolute horseshit and we got brought along with the journalists. So we basically got into a legitimate party by, Jack Nicholson was walking in and we ducked under his trench coat and snuck into a party, no, I was hearing this, I was hearing someone saying that, well of course podcasts are essential, they need to continue.

And then I started thinking, what if we started a campaign on the podcast which is, I need to get that vaccine, I need to get that vaccine ahead, let me just make my pitch, ahead of frontline workers, people who are working in hospitals, let me just say this, you don't know what it's like to talk to comedians, you have no idea what it's like to do ad integrations and try and make them funny, the pressure I'm under, the danger I'm in constantly, and I do think I could make some kind of, that America will cease to function if this podcast is shut down. You're shoving doctors out of the way in line to get to the front.

How angry people would be. You have me saying, hey look, I just think before any frontline workers, people are like Conan, no, no, Conan, don't finish this sentence, no, no, listen, I'm serious, I have a podcast, so what I'd like to do is cut to the front of the line, actually have there be footage of me shoving a 98 year old war veteran, who are you, I took the beach at Normandy, I took out seven machine gun nests, yeah, stand back, Gramps, I have a podcast, a what, where I podcast, hello sir, how do I watch it, you don't watch it sir, look, listen, I'm not belittling what you did to defeat the Nazis sir, but I'm going to step ahead of you in

this line and get the last vaccine for today, you can come back tomorrow, because I have to yes and during improvisations, I have to come up with strange and funny observations off the top of my head at my leisure in a comfortable studio, so sir, I will see you tomorrow, well actually I won't see you tomorrow, because I'm getting my shot now, and I'm going home. And I may be dead. Well sir, those are the risks you have to take. You've convinced me, good day.

You know, when you started talking, I thought you were an idiot, but it does sound difficult. Come to think of it, Normandy wasn't that hard, I took a few shots in the shoulder, but the shoulder, it heals, but you, I mean, having to talk to musicians and comics, that's quite a wide variety of people to make funny, I think you should go first, and you have to watch the projects they've done. Yes, I do, I do have to watch some of the projects they've made for Netflix before I talk to them. Good God, you sir are my hero.

All right, well. Take my Medal of Freedom. This is a Medal of Freedom that was given to me for saving 55 people in my platoon. But I want you to wear it. Thank you, sir, I'll take that. Maybe you want to think about taking it, nah, nah, nah, I'll take it, I'll just jam it in my pocket. Just take it.

You're supposed to wear it with pride, nah, I'll just jam it in my pocket, it'll probably go in my sock drawer, I don't know, I got a bunch of medals old people have given me, because I do a podcast which is much braver than anything they ever did with the big depression in World War II and the Korean War. Oh my God, it's still going. I don't think you should put the Medal of Freedom in your s- Look, Gramps, you gave it to me. Once you give it to me, it's mine and I decide where the Medal of Freedom goes, okay?

I got to go get my vaccine and you should probably just head on home. I don't have a car, I have to walk. Well, that's your problem, I'd give you a lift, but there's not a lot of room in my Bentley. You have a Bentley? Yeah, but I, you know, got a couple of boxes in there, so I don't want to put them in the trunk, that would take a minute. Okay.

Wow, I love thinking about the worst thing I could do. It's amazing. It's amazing, I'm very prolific when it comes to what is the worst thing in the world I could do. Do you have resolutions, maybe, I don't know, be nicer? Yes, I resolve to get to the guests more quickly, you know, I think sometimes I go on at length in these crazy mental fantasies of mine, of belittling a war hero so that I can get their Medal of Freedom and the last COVID vaccine of the day, I resolve to get, I resolve to

get to the guest faster in this decade, not because it's easy, but because it's hard, and with that in mind, my guest today, a hilarious actor and comedian who wrote for Saturday Night Live and appeared in such movies as, I think, by the way, the best title ever for a movie, Pootie Tang. It's right up there with, what is it, Dude, Where's My Car, Yeah, he wrote for Saturday Night Live, he appeared in such movies as Pootie Tang and Spider-Man, Far From Home. You also know him as Leon on the HBO series, Curb Your Enthusiasm. I've known this gentleman for a long time.

He is an absolute delight and wonder. JB Smoove, welcome. You know, what do you mean I'm pressuring you to be my friend? This is pressure, you call a show Conan, what's the name of the show, Conan needs a friend and you call said friend who ain't sure he's even your real friend, you know what I'm saying? That's putting pressure on people. And I use a co-signing thing because you have a co-signing for a friend for a car and you got to go down there with him, they got to run his credit and they got to run your damn

credit. Right now, you're running my credit, you know what I'm saying? You're running my credit, you're running my credit right now and I'm looking at this damn salesman like, no, you know what I'm saying? The first day you get the car, you crash. Wait a minute, wait a minute, JB, you're likening being friends with Conan O'Brien is having to co-sign for a 1991 Toyota Tercel. Yes, a used car.

A used car. That's missing a rear panel. You know what I mean? Nice, Conan. Get one of those Suzuki Samurais. Now, that's a car you co-signing person for, so you know, they don't, I don't even make those anymore, just Suzuki Samurai. You can find them, but it's not easy, it's not easy to find those Samurais, you know,

the top comes off and everything. I understand. Well, a little lady on the side or something like that. I don't know what's going on in your household, but you don't put your real lady in that car because they say those things tip over, so you put your side chicken in that car. That's what I'm saying. I mean, that's what I'm saying. The Suzuki Samurai is for your, you know, your mistress, your side, your side.

Same thing with the Pontiac Fierro, remember the Fierro is the catch on fire, they call it the Fierro, but the damn thing, you start it up and catch on fire. Don't make no damn sense. JP. Either way, either way, that car catch on fire, that's a hot chick. You know what I'm saying? Okay. You are saying that I'm not even as good as a Suzuki Samurai as far as being friends

with somebody go. Which is hard not, it's hard not to hear that and be insulted. Well, look, there's different ways of being a co-sign. Anybody else who's watching this is going to say, wow, is JB Cohen his friend, or is he not his friend, or is he just going to be a co-signer, and Cohen's going to get that car, he's going to drop off that lot and bam, ran into a damn tree. This is an endless stream of bullshit, JB, and let me tell you something. Let me tell you something because I, it's going to be very hard for me to get a word

in edgewise here and it's my podcast, but here's the deal, JB, I've known you for a long time, when you were a writer on Starin' at Lies before anybody else knew your face, I used to have you come on the show, do bits for us, right? And you were always hilarious, you were always fantastic, and I would talk to you, you were great, but you were always JB, you were always this guy. You've done a bunch of other things, then you get on Curve, and you start playing Leon, and everyone says, oh my God, he's brilliant at this character, and I'm like, no, that's JB, that's who you are.

24-7, I've run into you in all kinds of places and situations and you are JB smooth all the time talking a stream of bullshit. I try to be consistent, you know, I separate, there's different levels of bullshit, see, and I try to categorize my bullshit into different people, you know what I'm saying? There's a certain level of bullshit that Leon does, a certain level of bullshit that I do, see, so you got to separate your bullshit. Well, what I don't want to happen here is my bullshit to intertwine with each other, you know.

I want my bullshit to start to go into other shit, like, okay, you're a farmer, right? You're a farmer. You got bulls. Why am I a farmer? No, I'm just saying, I'm just using this metaphor. All right, all right, so I just, you got to give me a second to catch up, suddenly I'm a farmer. I'm telling you, you're a farmer.

We're talking about, you know, in Ghostbusters, they can't pass the, you know, they have these beams they shoot, these streams, and they can't cross streams because that's a big problem. You're saying bullshit streams cannot cross or it will create a massive explosion. I just want my shit to intertwine with other shit, that's what I'm saying, but use the farmer metaphor because a farmer has several animals on his farm. He got bulls. He got cows. He got hogs.

He got pigs. He got chickens and shit. Hens. A rooster. Okay, we don't have to listen at all. How come you never see more? How come you never see more than one rooster? It's only one rooster.

You know what I mean? Is the rooster a pimp? Is he like a pimp to all these chickens and shit, and hens, and what's the difference between a hen and a chicken? You know what I'm saying? It's a hen. I know. It's a hen.

It's supposed to be like the fine one. Because they always had a better body shape. That's the one wearing pearls. You look at those cartoons. You look at the cartoons. The hen has a better body shape than the regular ass chicken. That's what I'm trying to tell you. So the hen is a higher level.

We consider the hen fine, all right? The rooster is like some dashing, handsome ass chicken and shit. Because they've been talking rooster. You got that little red thing hanging from your, but I don't know how to give you a handsome with that red little fucking gizzard thing hanging from your fucking neck. What the fuck is that red thing, Conan? You know what I'm talking about? I have no idea.

Listen, I am a professional conversationalist. It's like a little punching bag and shit. Like if anyone out there understands how we got into this quickly, please contact me and let me know how we got to the little thing that hangs off the rooster's throat from me mentioning curvy ear enthusiasm. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I don't want my shit to intertwine.

I'm saying this. When you're walking through a farm and you're walking, you might step in. You might step in pig shit, hog shit, chicken shit, dog shit and bull shit. I'm saying that I don't want all the shit to get all confused. You know what I'm saying? Is there a difference in shit? You know what I'm saying? If you go in the house and it's on your shoe, do you say specifically that's bull shit?

Or do you say, you know what? That could be any kind of shit. I got a lot of shit going on in this farm. That could be any shit of those animals. Maybe my one really cool talent is I can immediately tell what excrement comes from what animal instantly, just by smell. So when people come into my home, I'm like, ah, you stepped in raccoon shit. Right.

And I know immediately I'm able to tell which species I can break it down. I can tell the sex of the species. Wow. I guess there's a female kangaroo in the neighborhood. You just stepped in female kangaroo shit. I can do that. I can tell before it gets on my shoe. Some animals shit like a curly fry.

It's like a curly fry and shit. You know what I mean? We've got a swirl to that motherfucker. Like a Mr. Softby Ice Can Cone. It's a swirl-y kind of thing. I don't know if that's on purpose or I don't know how that happens, but it just comes like a swirl and shit. And sometimes it has sprinkles on that motherfucker, but sprinkles.

Should we not do this? Should we just stop this now? No. Because someone's going to get hurt. Someone's going to get hurt. This is called co-signing. I'm co-signing for your ass right now. You understand?

This is a co-signing process. We are both in front of this damn car dealer. We're both sitting here. He's running my credit right now. He's running your credit. Evidently, your credit wasn't a surprise. So I got to give my Social Security card number. My credit is a comedic voice.

What you're saying is I came in with my comedic voice. They said, you've got to get a co-signer. You got to get J.B. Smooth. You came in and still, still they need to check our credit. Don't blame this shit on me. You're trying to find a friend. Don't blame it on me.

You're trying to find a fucking friend. Not me. I got bigger friends. You're trying to find a friend. Your show's called, it's calling you the friend. I'm trying to be there for you. I'm trying to co-sign for your ass right now. Okay.

This got belligerent very quickly. I'm just trying to make the point that you've always been this guy. And you've been this guy through, I think, your entire life. Going forward, what I don't understand is where did this guy come from? Were you born this guy? You know what? Are you always this guy? No.

I am actually a very down-to-earth, grounded person. It's like, their fucking positivity oozes out my pores. It pours out. Some people sweat. I love when people don't just say the very positivity. They say their fucking positivity. I love that. It pours out of my pores.

It's just like, it oozes out of me. You know what I mean? So all day, I'm just trying to help people, man. I'm trying to help your ass right now. We know. In some sense. You know what I'm saying? We're in a psychiatrist's office right now, right, in our mind.

You know, you've got a psychiatrist sitting in a chair, leg crossed, right over left, you know, a little pad and shit the right down, all the crazy shit that's going on in your head. Right now, that's what I do to people. But I'm not sitting in a chair with my leg crossed with a little pad. I am actually the fucking couch. So I'm the couch and you're laying on top of me. I'm not laying on top of you?

Fuck yeah. You're, you know, not, not, not like this. I'll be more like this. You know what I mean? Like. Okay. You had your hands fit. Okay.

You just because it's a podcast. You had your hands together. You said we're not, we're not lying crotch to crotch. No, no. We're lying like this. I'm the couch. You know what I mean? Maybe I got a few little throw pillows on me or something like that.

But picture me, the couch, you know, it's more intimate. It's more intimate thing. Yeah. I recommend. I recommend most psychiatrists to have their bodies like have a body cut out in the couch that they fit right in like Lego, like they fit right in that little slot, you know, and that way they could be, they could be the couch closer to the occasion. So this is fantastic.

This is a fantastic idea. You're saying lay on the psychiatrist. You actually have to lie on top of the psychiatrist while you talk about your problems. So that psychiatrist is not only providing psychological support, but actual low back and leg support. Physical attraction, lumbar. No. Who said attraction?

No one said attraction. You just said attraction. No. You just said attraction. You said attraction. You said attraction. Of course, your psychiatrist has got to be like, you have become, you've got to become one person.

I recommend also, when you walk into your psychiatrist's office, you guys switch pants. Like he pulls his pants off. Okay. For God's sake. What do you know? I'm gonna say switch pants. Of course you got to become one person. You got to become one.

So you've created an awkward situation here. This is more awkward than you just suddenly making me a farmer not minutes ago. You've just now said that I'm going to my psychiatrist. My psychiatrist and I, I'm attracted to this guy and he's attracted to me. And the first thing we do is we switch pants. That's what you said. That's what you said. Just like you want a friend.

If you want that said friend or a psychiatrist to get in your head, you must connect. And right now I'm just trying to connect right now. So if I can decide for myself, if I want to be your fucking friend, that's all I'm trying to tell you. Okay. Okay. Well, I, I, you know me pretty well, JB. You've known me over the years.

We've known him for a long time. Yeah, I know you. No, what is that? What is that all about? You know me. Yeah. I don't like that laugh. Yeah.

I don't like it at all. Yeah. That's the, that's the shit that people do. When someone coughs their mouth like this, that means like, okay. All right. Yeah. So you're not buying any of this. You don't think, do you think we could really be good friends?

No, I think, I think we could, but I got to connect though. I do believe that we should switch pants when I see you next time. Now I don't want to switch pants with you, JB. Although I'll say this, you're one of the few guys who if we switch pants, they would fit because you and I are about right. We're about the same height. We're super, we're lean guys. Long and lean.

We're long, long and lean guys. Yes, indeed. Long and lean guys. And you like being long and lean, don't you? I love it. I love it, man. You know, you know, I don't know if I told you this, but you know, I'm a vegan, you know, vegan lifestyle is wonderful, Conan.

You know, we also have a vertical garden here. So all of our vegetables from Thanksgiving, we actually grew in our own garden. That's beautiful. Yeah, we have a vertical garden by this company called LA Urban Farms. Do you get paid if you mention their name? No, but I don't get paid per se, but know what I get though? I get this thing called seedlings. I get an abundance of seedlings.

Seedlings are what your plants will grow out of. We call them seeds. No, seedlings. They're called seedlings. There's a different process. They're smaller, a different process. You put them in the ground and they grow, right? I just told you it's a vertical garden.

It goes up. It's in a silo. It's in like a... Right, but when you plant a seed, it grows up. No, that's what got Jack in the beanstalk fucked up. See, his dumb ass planted those stupid ass seeds, grew the fucking thing up. Then he took his nosey ass up that goddamn vine to the top and that giant whooped his ass.

See, and then the giant beat his ass. Then he ran back down. Then the giant... I thought he got away. I thought Jack got away. He got away. Did Jack get away and get the goose that laid the golden egg? What?

What am I thinking of? I don't remember. I thought Jack got away. He did get away after said giant snapped the shit out of his ass and up the vine for being in his house. He told him, fuck you doing here. Then he ran and then the giant... That's not how the story went.

Of course it did. The giant did not say what the fuck you doing here. He did say that. And then the giant tripped and that's when the giant fell to his death and hit the ground. That's when Jack got away. Because the giant didn't have life alert. He should have had life alert. That would have helped his ass out.

Again, I've never seen a guy jump the tracks faster than you. Hey, that brings me to something. One of my first little bits I ever wrote as a standup was about life alert. Because you know we had a commercial in New York. I fall and I can't get up. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So here's what I did.

It was fine. And they would combine two commercials into one. The lady would say, oh, I've fallen and I can't get up. And then the operator would say, oh, it's okay Mr. Johnson. We'll send help right over right now. We'll send help. She'd say, oh no, it's okay. I just got this new carpet from a carpet world.

See? See that? There's two commercials in one. She fell, but she didn't join. Did she die? No, she didn't die. She died on the night. No, she was comfortable.

She fell onto the carpet. And the carpet was so plush. And she was like, it's okay. I just got this brand new carpet from a carpet world. Let's combine this shit together again. See? That's a cold back. I mean, if like, say you were involved in a lawsuit and I was a lawyer and I had to depose

you, or I was an investigator, detective, and I had to talk to you, J.B. Smoove, you were a witness and I was trying to get information out of you because you had seen the murderer run out of the building holding a hatchet. You would get to Roosters and then Jack and the Beanstalk within seconds. Meanwhile, the bad guys getting away. He's in another country by the time they even establish what you say the guy looked like. You know what?

Some people don't like, I'll tell you what. You know why they invented podcasts? People want to see you and they want you to paint pictures from them and vividly express things like swirly poop and freaking. No one wants to envision that. And combining of different types of shit on that farm. People don't understand what you're saying. That's not why the podcast was invented.

Of course it was. People want to see what you're talking about. They want to see you. And the same thing goes for holograms. Holograms are the same thing. Fucking holograms. A hologram is only good for voice. A hologram can't be anywhere else.

You can't be a hologram pimp because the lady pays you and you go to put the money in your pocket and the money just falls on the ground because you're a hologram. You're right, a pimp is there to threaten as a source of menace and protection and so a hologram pimp is a complete waste of time. Some people can't be holograms. Hologram monsters, pimps. Hologram bouncer outside of clubs. He can't throw you out of there.

You can talk as much as you can talk. You can't come in here and get out of here. You walk right through him. Walk right through him. What are you going to do about it? Walk and fade right through his ass. Here's the thing. One of my favorite things about working at Sound Out Live and you worked at Sound Out

Live as a writer and I worked there as a writer at different times. But one of the things I love was being in the room with someone with a mind like yours because we'd get a good idea just shooting the shit, just talking. I was lucky enough to be in a room with Robert Smigel and Bob and Kirk and Greg Daniels and hilarious guys and we would just be talking. We wouldn't even be working. We'd be talking and a funny idea would come out. I know that if I shared an office with you, all I'd have to do is talk to you.

I would probably say three words. You would be babbling and then you'd get to hologram pimp and we're off to the race. You've got to sketch. You start creating that kind of stuff, man. But I do believe that was a great process. Not only just the writing part but also the pitching. That was your test ground to see if this is even a good idea. Lauren's very good at like, he'll smirk a little bit and he would have a bowl of those

goddamn edamames on his table. So it's like a smirk. Grab one edamame. Oh, JB. Anything else, JB? And he'll fucking edamames. Those are the only things keeping him alive. He has four of those a day and he's been living on them since 1975.

I'm telling you, there's tedious things like that that you could eat. Edamame, fucking pistachio, pistachio. You got to crack them shit open and eat them. Pistachio. You burn more calories cracking the pistachio than you get out of the pistachio nut. You got damn right you do. Have you ever cracked one open and the inside was a rotten one? You're like, fuck.

You know what I mean? You're like, fuck. You just learned a lot about what it's like behind the scenes that sound not live with Lorne Michaels. I'm telling you. Sometimes you bite into a pistachio and the inside nut is soft. This is crazy. I don't know how this should happen. One time I had an edamame.

You know, you put it in your mouth, you pull it out, and guess what was inside that motherfucker? What's that? Three fucking pistachios. I said, what the fuck is happening? Okay, all right. You said, what the fuck just happened? What the fuck just happened, Cody? I said, what the fuck is happening?

You know what? I no longer want you. What I think about was somebody been fooling around. That's all I can think about. I no longer want you as my comedy co-signer. Okay, I want you to take your Visa card. I want you to take your Visa card and leave, and I'll take my chances on my own. That's what the pitching was.

You know, I didn't get a lot on air. Legendary pitches, though. Fucking legendary pitches. I didn't get a lot on air. So you would have everybody in the room laughing at your comedy ideas, but very little of it ever could make it on the air as a sketch. You know what I thought would make it, though? It was the one about the guy that used to work at a bank.

He got fired from the bank, and then he got a job at Subway, making sandwiches and shit, but he couldn't stop doing bank stuff. Like, he would say, you want salami cheese? Let me get that salami cheese and ham on this, and he would lick his finger. Like, he's counting out bills. He'd lick his finger like he's counting out bills, except he's doing it with deli meat. He's doing it with fucking deli meat. Oh, my God, man.

That's a sketch that has a lot of backstory. It does have a lot of backstory. Because you got to do a lot of backstory where we explain he worked at a bank, but then lost that job, and now he's at Subway, and that explains it. So how do you do the backstory for that sketch? How do you educate the audience about what happened before? You got it. That's the tricky part.

That's my challenge. Here's what's to happen. Anytime you go somewhere, right, to take care of business, right, they always ask you, if I can help you with anything else. You always, now, I always throw out the most obscure shit ever. You know what I mean? No. You do this in real life.

Fuck yeah. Keeps people in their toes. So you come to me, and you ask for a Subway sandwich, and I give it to you, and then I say, sir, can I get you anything else? And when you say that, I say some weird shit out of left field. Like, I would love a nice shepherd's pie. You know what? I love shepherd's pie.

Would you happen to have some shepherd's pie? Sir, this is Subway. We've never, ever, ever had shepherd's pie. We've never advertised that. That's completely off brand for us. You asked me, did I want something else that you could help me with. Yes, I want you to help me make a fucking shepherd's pie. If you'll say that, you gotta put up a shut up.

Put up a don't ever say that shit again. You know what I'm saying? You know, JB, you were, and I found this out about you, and it makes so much sense, because I've always thought as such a funny comedian and actor and personality, you're so goddamn funny. I thought there's an element to you that always feels like a salesman. Like, I equate you with that old TV show, Bilko, starring Phil Silver, like the guy that's always trying to talk somebody into something.

And then I find out that you used to be a salesman. That you had a lot of jobs back in the day. You sold fire extinguishers at one point. I did sell fire extinguishers. Were you a good salesman? You know what? I was good at getting in your house. You know what I mean?

I was good at causing, you know, I'm very good at reading people. That's where the comedic part comes from. This is all before I became a comedian. So, being able to read people was always something you needed as a salesman. You got to be able to get in the house. You got to be able to be, I would knock on someone's door, you know? They would open the door, and immediately I would put my foot down in the threshold so your ass couldn't close the door back.

Okay, see, JB, that's exactly what you're probably not supposed to do. That sounds like it's creating a threatening environment. You don't make it obvious. You don't pick your leg up here and stomp it in a ha-ha. Once you say a-ha, they get suspicious. A-ha! Don't say a-ha. So, when you physically kick their door open and yell,

a-ha, you think that's going to cause suspicion. Don't do that shit. Don't do that. That's the worst salesman ever. But when you open the door, you just put your foot on the threshold. You know, you say, hello, ma'am, or hello, sir. You lean over about 30 degrees just to get a little peek into their world. What's going on inside that house?

What you want to do as a fire extinguisher salesman is ask, do you have a fire extinguisher in your home and you lean over like this? And when they say no, you say, hey, I see you have a bunch of baby toys over there. I see you have a grandpa in a wheelchair. See, once you do that, let's them know that they ain't safe. You've got me wanting to get a fire extinguisher. If you don't have one, you should be ashamed of your fucking self. You've got to have a fire extinguisher.

You're the number one thing. You're not even a fire extinguisher salesman anymore. And I think I'm going to buy a fire extinguisher. I can still sell them because I know what it takes to sell them. Let me guess. Your flaw as a salesman might be a salesman has to stay on track, always be selling, always be closing. And my thought is that you knock on the door.

They answer. You say, sir, madam, you got your foot in the door. But suddenly you do the 30 degree lean. You see grandpa in the wheelchair. You see the baby toys. You see the grandfather clock. You say, do you have a fire extinguisher? And they say, no, we don't.

You say, you really got to have a fire extinguisher. And they say, you know, that's probably a pretty good idea. And you go, why does a rooster have that thing coming off the bottom? What is that? What is that? Is the rooster the pimp? Is the rooster a pimp? You better do that.

And then you've lost them. You better do that to the salesman because they want to feel attached to you like you're their friend. And then I asked them, hey, do you have Netflix? Or do you have Hulu? Or do you have Amazon Prime? And I asked them, while I'm doing my sales, my sales pitch, I'm going to put that movie backdraft on while I'm doing my pitch.

See? See? Yeah. That's smart. You got to think. You got to think. You got to think. So they go and they put backdraft on.

They put that shit on. I watched the Ron Howard movie famously about fire. And I turned the volume down because I don't want to talk over the fucking dialogue. You don't want to compete with one of the Baldwin brothers. Put the shit on me. But every once in a while, I go, oh, I love this part. Every once in a while.

Every 15 minutes, I go, oh, I love this part. Wait, how long are you in the home? You sound like you're in the home for a long time. As long as possible. As long as fucking possible. And what I do is I do my demonstration. But while I'm doing my demonstration, I'm pointing things out that you got going on in this house.

Things that would be a problem. Like getting that goddamn grandpa through that door, throwing a fire in that goofy ass wheelchair might be a problem. You know what I'm saying? You got to navigate through smoky shit and fire and shit falling down, you know, just like on backdraft. Just like on backdraft. See?

This is ingenious. I could see why you were a great... See? That's why I was a great salesman. That's why I was a great salesman. Because I got to pull in different elements. Sometimes there's a show that's up and it's going and it feels like this show doesn't need anybody else.

This show is great the way it is. And I felt that way about curb your enthusiasm. And then I heard that you were going to join the show. And I thought immediately, I was so happy because I knew you and I thought, this is going to add such a fantastic element. And this is going to let JB be JB and really blow it up. And you did just that. You did that.

You did a fantastic job. You're hilarious on that show. What is your process with Larry? What is your process when you do that show? Because you are so yourself in that program. You know what? The only way I know how to do it is I got to be in the moment. If I overthink it, I can't get a natural reaction.

One thing I try to do is I try to give Larry something he didn't know about Leon. I try to give him something new all the time. Because my character doesn't have an origin. He just came out of nowhere and you know he's living in Larry's house. And Larry can't be rid of him. So I try to give him something new since I can make shit up. So I just started creating my own kind of, you know, even in season, was it 10? Yeah, we did this scene where we were talking about constipation.

So I gave him, you said his secretary was taking days off because he had constipation. And he's like, you think that's right? I said, no. Constipation shouldn't stop. Nothing. I said, shit. I ran a 5K marathon constipated. You know, I was in a hot dog eating contest constipated.

And I still fucking won. And I said, I saw the porno constipated. You know what I mean? And Larry was like, you saw the porno? Now I didn't answer him. I didn't answer him because I can use that another time. I can use that. You know, I didn't want to overpower the scene about Leon doing fucking pornos and shit.

You know, but my thing is I choose in the scene, whether I want to have Larry's back or do I want to go against them? Yes. Or the other thing you do that's so good is you go after somebody and you did it today. And I'm just going to assume it was a joke when you pretended that you weren't sure you wanted to be my friend because it was like co-signing for a shitty car. And you didn't know if I was good if I had the credit and you came after me and then I get to go after you and we immediately have a lot of fun.

Immediately. See, that's what I'm trying to tell you. It's just a way of helping your ass. See. No, no, no. Now I'm really mad again. Because I don't need your help. I don't need your help.

I don't need my help. But if I co-sign for you, it's a possibility you can fuck my credit with. Okay. See, now I'm realizing it's not a bit. Now, see, I tried to figure out a way intellectually that up front, you were giving us all a master class in improv and you decided to go after me as if I was not a worthy friend. Now you're revealing I'm really not worthy of your friendship. No, you are worthy.

See, here's the thing. Once I give that dude my social security number. I cannot get you out of this analogy. You are trapped in this analogy. You are trapped like a mastodon in a tar pit in like, you know, 10 million BC. You cannot get out of this. You can't seem to get out of it. If I run into you six years from now, if you're in the hospital in a coma and I come visit

you, you're going to wake up and go, why would I co-sign for your ass? And I'd say, what? We're back in this again? That's exactly what you would do. No. Conan, you know already, you are my dearest friend. But I have seen dearest friends fuck up somebody. I'm going to tell you.

I'm going to tell you what the possibilities are. It could happen. Now, let me ask you something. You know, you are my buddy. You are my buddy. We've known each other a long time and I got to say two things. One, every time I run into you and I ran, you are one of the best dressed people I've ever met and I just, I mean, I bump into celebrities all the time.

I go to their homes and ring the bell and it's never a long conversation. I'm asked to leave. But you, I bumped into you several times and you are the most, you wear incredible suits. You are always perfectly dressed and you take it very, very seriously, don't you? I was time travel was a real thing because I feel like I would have loved to be around when that form of fashion, even the heyday of Harlem, you know, all this amazing suits and how people carried themselves and every club had a doorman, you know, a dude standing in front, you know, a suit.

You know what I mean? I always love speakeasies and because, you know, everybody knows that a suit, when you get a suit, get out of here. When you get a suit, right? Come on. Get out of here, man. I'm not Mike Pence. Get out of here.

I just want people, there's a fly buzzing around because I don't want people listening. Same fucking fly. It's a podcast. It's not the Pence fly. That was a long time ago. That fly died. They have a very short life cycle. Same fucking fly.

How you gonna tell me? I saw the fucking fly on TV. That's him. Okay. Sure. You know flies. Okay. That's him.

I'm telling you. That's the same fucking fly. Yeah. Anyway, just explaining to people is a podcast. Right here. I think they thought that you were losing your mind or maybe suddenly growing angry with me. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Yeah. So you like a suit. You like, you like the way. I love a good suit, man. I love a good suit. I could learn a lot from you. Yeah.

Yeah. You got to make something pop. See, your skin tone is begging. It's begging. Your skin tone is like a canvas. See, you got to picture it like, like you naked as hell. And it's this amazing painter who's painting your body because your body is a canvas. You're white as a canvas right now.

I'm trying to tell you. I'm pretty. I'm pretty. Am I the whitest guy you've met? Do you think? You might be. You might be. You are a canvas.

You understand? Slightly freckled canvas. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Slightly freckled canvas. Yeah. You know what I mean? Some areas, no freckles.

Some areas, absolutely nothing. Some areas, no freckles. I'm sure you're freckled in some areas. Yes, I am. But you're still a canvas. Your body, think about, and listen to me go shopping, think about your body as being a canvas. What's the story?

What do you want to? It's a sad story. It's a tragic tale. That's what it is. Yeah, you can't be. You know what? I wrote a sketch on SNL. My first season was called Morty's, the home of the 11 piece suit.

11 piece? I know this. I've heard this. It's such a great idea. An 11 piece. Explain how an 11 piece suit works. You got another. You got a vest.

You got a vest. You know what I'm saying? Oh, man, you got all kind of, oh, hold it. You understand. You say, what color do I feel like wearing today? You figure your color out first. Then you grab your tie. You know what I do sometimes?

Sometimes I put my tie on. I just posted something on my Twitter and Instagram of me wearing a tie. I got no shirt on. I'm naked as a J-bird. But I got a tie. I got my tie on while I'm shaving. You know why? Because I want to feel my posture that's me working on and seeing while I'm getting

dressed, while I'm doing something else, I'm getting dressed in my mind. So I put a tie out that I would love to wear that day. I put the tie on while I'm still in my boxes or naked or whatever. I put the tie on and then I shave my face while the tie is on. That allows me to think while I'm shaving. Wait a minute. You see, you're naked wearing a tie shaving. Doesn't shaving cream get on the tie?

No. This is all smooth already. I put the tie on because I need a reference. I need a fucking reference to see what color I'm thinking about. If I love the tie for the day, I'll think about what's going to go with this tie perfectly. But I don't want to be in a room overthinking it while I'm in the closet going through stuff like I can't fucking find shit. But while I'm saving, I'm relaxed.

You know what I'm saying? You want to be in a relaxed state when you're getting dressed. Put the tie on, put a little cream on your face, shave your face. Still looking at your complexion, looking at your tie. Oh, I know what I can wear with this tie. It sounds to me like we have another difference, which is you seem to be comfortable with your naked body. Oh, you better be.

Well, I'm not. I'm not comfortable with my naked body. And guess what? You gotta be comfortable. You shouldn't be comfortable with my naked body either. Because it's something I didn't grow up that way. It's not the culture I come from. Are you happy being naked at home?

You gotta open up. We have this thing called Naked Thursday around my house. Called a Naked Thursday. This is actually a true thing you do. This is real. This isn't a joke. Naked Thursday. Yeah, it's not a joke.

Every Thursday, you get butt ass naked and walk around the house. You know what I'm saying? Now, this is you and your wife. Yeah, me and my wife. And you're both naked. So here's what it is. Ladies like cute shit like this. So I combine naked ass Thursday.

And so every Thursday, I meet my wife for the first time. Of course, we changed the story around a little bit. So what I did was I bought one of those strobe lights like in the club. Nightclubs and shit that blink real fast and shit. So you're walking your body such as, you know, like we pop locking and shit. I got them blinking ass lights. I got a smoke machine and shit. Wait, this is happening in your house and you and your wife are naked.

We recreate. We met in the club. So I recreate the night over and over again. But I changed the story around once in a while. We do different things. So the couch is the VIP area. The kitchen island is the bar. See.

So what happens is I got a smoke machine and shit. The smoke makes the room more hazy. I got the blinking ass lights. You know, I get my homeboy to DJ and shit. But I make him DJ facing the wall. Yeah. You don't want him looking at you. You don't want to do it.

It's an invasion of privacy. It's too much shit. I said, you turn around. You turn the fuck around and you DJ. He put his forehead on the wall while he DJ. He's got a DJ with his head up against the wall. That's a very different way. His forehead got a test of wall and he got a DJ while his head is on the wall.

You know, that way we got our privacy. So your wife's comfortable. You got to have something like that. You're comfortable and there's a lot of nudity and that's commendable. I think that's very commendable. That would not happen in my marriage. My wife and I have still not seen each other naked. I call it neck and Thursday.

You got to theme it out. You got to call it something. So I call it neck and Thursday. And know why? Not just because Thursday is a great day, but no other day sounds naked. You can't put naked with no other. Like naked Monday. She sounds dumb.

Yeah. Look at Tuesday. Look at Wednesday. So those days already got shit attached to it. You know, you know, Monday is like, oh, Monday back to work. You know, Tuesday or Wednesday, hump day. They already got hump day already. You know, thank God it's Friday.

Everybody got their own shit. So Thursday is naked Thursday. You told me once again, you've sold me. What do you say, JB? We've been talking for a while now and I want to know after this long conversation, what do you think about us really being friends, really hanging out? What do you think? And be honest.

How do you think it would go? I'm gonna be honest. I think the first thing we got to do is we got to go shopping again. I like shopping. I should upgrade not just your wardrobe, but your attitude towards your wardrobe. See, here's how you got to figure it out. You are doing that fucking outfit fucking favor. You understand?

Allowing it to wear you. See, that's how you got to think. You thinking like, oh, I got to put this shit on me. No, that shit. It gets to be on me. Fucking right. When you walk in that closet, they should all be all those suits and shirts and fucking underwears be yelling out, me, me, me, me, me.

Yeah. Yeah. It should be like 1978 outside Studio 54. All my shirts and t-shirts and sort of shitty, you know, sweaters should be going me, me, me, me, me. And the underwear I've had since high school. Me, me, me, me. Yes.

Everyone should be begging to get on your body and walk around with you. And not even just clothes. I mean, also people. People on the street should want to be on my body. You got to damn near be insane when you're wearing a great outfit. When I meet people and I know I look fucking good, know what I do? I introduce my outfit to said person. I say, you know, this is my good friend jacket, suit jacket and shit.

Say hi to them. See that? I love it. So they're like, when you're on a red carpet and they want to know what you're wearing, you just go, say hi to suit jacket. You don't say the brand. You don't say the designer. You don't say this is Hugo Boss.

You go, say hi to fucking suit jacket. You're damn right. And sometimes these, these interviewers will ignore your outfit. They won't show the proper respect for your shit. It took you a long time to put that outfit together and show my outfit the proper respect and say hello to it, you know? Well, that's right. You know what?

I'm going to say you are a, a delightful, hilarious gift to humanity. You always make me laugh. I've known you for so many years before. I think a lot of other people knew you and, you know, before your big success and you've always been a hilarious and delightfully nice and funny guy. And I, I don't know if this deal, if our credit, if my credit's going to come through, but to take that analogy even further, I would love, I just would, I love the, I even the idea of being your friend makes me happy.

You know, I love you brother. And, you know, I always tell you, man, when I was sitting upstairs at SNL, typing behind that goddamn computer and that phone would ring and I would see your extension on that motherfucker. I was to be like, oh God, please call me downstairs. I'm proud to say, yeah, I'm proud to say that you are a big part of my movement, man. Oh. Yeah.

When you make people, when, you know, when people give you feedback and they laugh, or you can, or you can bounce off each other like this, man. It's, it's like, you know, it confirms that, you know, you're, it's a, it's a checkpoint. I always think when, when you can just hang out with somebody as funny as you, and then that's part of your job, you did something right in a prior life. And JB, I'm sold. I'm sold on you. I'm sold on the fire extinguishers.

I'm sold on lying on top of a psychiatrist. As I talk to him, my crotch. Yes. Oh wait, no, his, how would it work? I guess my ass would be on his crotch, wouldn't it? The ass would be on his crotch. Very good. That way, you know, when he's trying to make a point, he can grab his shoulders and say,

listen to me. Okay, for God's sake. See? Listen to me. Why are you letting that listen to me? You know what I mean? Also. You know, you're a, and he passed the check.

You're a good guy. See? He puts his arm around my chest and yeah. And everyone's talking about, he may, everyone's talking about, his hand may scratch your chin or rub your nose. I don't know. Give me a favor, JB. Also, please write up hologram pimp.

Yeah. Please write that up. I love that idea. I love that idea. Or just give it to someone inside of that live and tell them what the beats are because that's a hilarious. I love a pimp getting in someone's face and he's a hologram. All right, JB, I gotta go.

You gotta go. I'm going to go out and buy a, I'm going to buy a suit at Sears. Is there still a Sears? Did Sears go away? I think it went away. You know what? I don't know. They might still have the big S inside.

I don't know. I'm going to get a suit at Bed Bath and Beyond. Oh. Oh. Oh. I like that idea. All right. I like that idea.

Thank you so much, JB. I love talking to you. Thank you. I think most of you know that I'm not an experienced podcaster. I stumbled into this, bumbled into it. It's like I fell through a skylight, you know? I was in broadcasting and then I stepped on a skylight and crashed into podcasting and I love it.

I really enjoy it. It's a lot of fun, but I don't really know what it is I'm doing. I just babble like a chimp on meth and then what's that? Well, I think you are an experienced podcaster now. I was going to say the same thing. You've been doing it for like what, two and a half years? Well, I'm saying compared to television, which I've been working in since technically in 1985, I feel I'm still a newbie.

I'm figuring it out, but I like to every now and then check in and see how we're doing. I like to check on the state of the podcast. I feel like I am supposed to be in charge. I'm stunned. I'm stunned at the number of things I don't understand. And you guys are always asking me to do things and I don't quite know what it means. Yeah. For instance, for this segment, you said, is this at the beginning where I say, hi, hello?

I know. Well, I don't know. I don't think I'm supposed to know. You should though. Why? Because it's not hard to know. It's an easy thing to know. Did you know that Lennon McCartney never learned to read music during their whole career with

the Beatles? They didn't read music. They didn't understand. They just knew. They knew chord shapes. They knew how to make the tune. Now, some listening saying, oh, wait a minute. Conan, you're comparing yourself to Lennon McCartney.

Yes, that's because I think that's what I was just going to say. No, you're saying you're both of them. Yeah. I'm not saying I'm either one. I'm saying I'm both. Wow. I'm, yes. I'm McCartney.

So cheeky. I just say things. And if you start getting into the technical, I mean, Matt, we have you there to go, this is at 32 megahertz. Hello. No, I'm your George Martin. Are you kidding? Come on.

Oh, so who does megahertz? Who's on that? Who's on that? It's definitely Sam. So Sam, you're in there. Sam, get your feet off. Sam is in the booth. Sam is so chill.

And he's got his feet up on a board that looks like it's worth $600,000. Would you grow up in a barn? Wisconsin. Okay. All right. I used to get up at four in the morning, go to the barn and put my feet up on the $600,000 Sony console. Well, Sam, are we, you're there monitoring levels.

Is that correct? Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. And what does that mean? I don't even understand that. It's just watching things. And if it goes wrong, then I just tell everyone that it went wrong.

Yeah. I'm familiar with that. We have that in mind of the business as well. Is there a way to add more of a masculinity to my voice? Is there a way to do that? Is there a knob? I could overdub it later. Okay.

Yes. Yes. Overdub it with like a completely different voice. Yeah. If you could get Morgan Freeman, you know, just to just put him in for my voice. So not even change the like the levels on your voice. You want a completely new person. I want Morgan Freeman.

I don't care what it costs. But I think if Morgan Freeman were talking my nonsense word for word. I mean, we'd compensate him. I know he's probably got a very high price. Yeah. But I think technically the podcast seems to be going well. I'm told we have Adam Sacks, who's the guru behind it all. He's the master puppeteer.

He's Oz. Adam, tell us how's the podcast doing? Is it a successful podcast? It's very successful. It continues to do well. We had to make some adjustments through quarantine. And we were, I have to be honest, I personally was a little bit nervous about those adjustments. We had never done a remote episode up until the quarantine.

And we were pretty serious about avoiding any remote episodes because we felt like the show would suffer. Yes. The idea of the show was always, I really need to be in the space, sharing the space, packed in very closely with the guests and that it would be that compression of my energy and their energy that would help the podcast. So we were obviously very worried when we went to this technology where they're in a remote location. And I, yeah, sometimes it's been a little hairy.

Yeah. I think when we talked to John Cleese, John Cleese was on an island. Yeah. And I think he had one of four bars of Wi-Fi. And I think he was eating a bowl of nuts and wearing a robe from a hotel. Yeah. And he was chomping away on nuts. And speaking of nuts, it was an open robe.

Oh, man. Well, when they did the sound check with them, he literally didn't have a shirt on. Yeah. He had no shirt on during the sound check. He was delightful. And it's, you know, my dream, I've talked to him before, but my dream was, yes, the podcast with John Cleese. And then I find out that it is one step removed from a carrier pigeon.

You know, a carrier pigeon flying back and forth with questions and answers. But that worked pretty well. Yeah. And it did. No, no, I didn't mean to do that with my voice. I'm sorry. The technical achievement, I'm very proud of our people. I think there are a lot of times where people don't even know we're in different locations.

Yes. And that's what I'm, sometimes I'm a little deceptive. Like I want it to seem like they're here. So I'll say, oh, you know, Harrison Ford, your hair is a little in your eyes. Let me get that for you. And he's not with me. No. And we add that later on.

And then people think, wow, he's touching Harrison Ford and adjusting his hair. That's so creepy and weird. I just add those in to make it look like we're in the same room. That's a weird thing to do, though. Yeah. And I don't think anyone buys it. Remember when I said to Michelle Obama, do you want a bite of this Toll House cookie I'm eating? And I said, here you go.

And then I made a sound and then I went, hope you liked it, Michelle Obama. That was me faking it to make it look like, you know, we were in the same room when actually that was a remote segment. Oh, she wasn't in the same room? Yeah. Oh, wow. That wasn't her going. Oh, okay. Yeah.

When I said to Liza Minnelli, your back looks like it's gone out. Let me get that for you. Crickle, crackle, crickle, crackle. And I said, there you go, Liza Minnelli. That was me doing all of that. Was that her moaning? No, no, no. That wasn't her moaning.

I do all of it after they're gone, but I do it so people think I'm in the studio with these people. Yes. Matt, what did you have to say? Well, we've already recorded our episode with the Pope, so do you want to add one of those in for him? Yes. The Pope? This is good soup. Would you like some of my soup?

Pontiff? God's representative on earth? Then here you go. Oh, it's Pope Yoda. I know. Is that sound? What it is. Hot and steamy it be.

Okay. You're a good Pope. Good luck. You're a good Pope. That's what you're going to say to the Pope? Anyway, I do that. I've been doing that. I listen to the other podcasts, and I hate to go be critical of the other podcasts.

They don't make any attempt to fool the listener into thinking that they're in studio with the person during quarantine. They respect their intelligence. I think what I do is ingenious. These are little things I do that make it all seem much more intimate. I agree. You know? Okay. Everybody knows about technical stuff for the podcast.

Remember when Taylor Swift was on and everyone was like, oh, this is such a great interview? Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. I hope she sounds like Yoda. No, don't be stupid. I'm very careful about how I do the voices. You don't know how the Pope sounds like.

But Taylor Swift was on and I went way out on my way to go. Taylor, I know you just finished that roast beef sandwich. There's some roast beef between your third and fourth tooth right near the bicuspid. What? Let me reach over there and get that for you. And you heard. Huh? And I went, got it, got it.

I just got going to grab that little piece of fat and then it went there. I got it. And she went. And I said, there you go, Taylor. And that was another thing I did to create the illusion that Taylor Swift was with me during coronavirus. Now we're never going to book these people. Yeah.

For real. The Pope and Taylor Swift. Yeah. We're never going to get the Pope. No. The Pope has given us a hard maybe. A hard maybe. Yeah.

A hard maybe. And Taylor Swift, it just keeps going to voicemail. And you know what? It's an old. You're calling her personal line? Yeah. And hard maybe sounds like a Taylor Swift song. Yeah.

A hard maybe. Here's Taylor Swift burning up the charts with hard maybe. I think my celebrity voices are pretty good. Oh, you do? Yeah. Okay. Soup good at me, Taylor. You want?

Wait, the Pope and Taylor Swift are now in the same room? Uh-oh, yeah. And here comes their friend with a bag, bag, Liza Manelli. Together again. Anyway, we're doing what we can. And I hope this is inspiring if you're listening because we're all doing the best we can through this pandemic to try and make adjustments. And I look forward to the day when we're all back in studio.

Yes. With these people who will probably refuse then to come in because they know that. Yeah. Yeah. Are we ever going to get someone back in the studio again? I don't know. I may never come back in. Yeah.

Look at you. Matt, I miss you. I know. I haven't seen you guys in person in almost a year. Really? Well, nine, 10 months. March. Yeah.

It will be a year probably before we see each other. That's not true. Why do you say that? Well, don't you think? Because by the time the vaccines roll out and we can get out again, it'll probably be March. Well, first of all, I'm going to figure out some way to get this vaccine way ahead of the first responders and old people.

Okay. I'm just going to talk to the Pope. Pope Yoda. He'll do it. Do it? I will. No, that's just a joke. I would never do that.

I know that sounds horrible. Anyway, onward and upward, better things, as the kinks say, are on the way. The show is engineered by Will Bekton. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review featured on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode.

And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been A Team Coco Production, in association with Ear World.