Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Jim Gaffigan Returns Again
Episode Date: November 25, 2024Comedian Jim Gaffigan feels privileged about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Jim returns to sit down with Conan once more to discuss his foray into SNL history portraying Tim Walz, the worst possib...le audiences for stand-up comedy, the full story of their joint visit to the Vatican, and Jim's new special The Skinny. Plus, Conan and his team look back approaching the show’s sixth anniversary with another State of the Podcast address. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.
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My name is Jim Gaffigan and I feel...
I told myself I wasn't going to cry.
I feel like they're going to edit this.
I feel privileged about being Conan O'Briens.
Oh, that's so nice. Walk in blues, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
I am the aforementioned C-O-B joined by Sonam Avsesyan.
SM.
And MJG.
I don't wanna know your middle name.
The less I know about you at this point, the better.
You don't want to know an animal too well
before you put it down.
Any hoots?
What's up, gang? What's happening?
What's the haps?
Yeah, you tell us.
Yeah, big news.
Big news.
Yep, yep, it was announced.
Was it Friday, I guess it was announced that, uh...
Was this evergreen?
You like to keep these... Oh, that's right, sorry. Yes, I guess, it was announced that- This is evergreen.
Oh, that's right, sorry. Yes, there is some big news out there.
Would you like to tell us what it is, Sona?
Well, you've been tapped to host the Oscars in 2025,
which is a really big deal.
It's really cool.
That's cool.
Oh, why are you guys silently applauding?
Oh. Wow.
Guess what?
That is the amount of applause I'll get
when I walk out on stage.
I think there's also partially a reason.
There'll be the sound of two hands clapping.
America's wanting to know, because, you know,
Sona and I are essentially your co-hosts on this podcast,
why aren't we co-hosting the Oscars with you?
Yes, yes, I know. Can I...
I have to mention this Vulture article real quick.
Okay.
Because Vulture is my favorite entertainment article,
and it said, Conan O'Brien will host the 2025 Academy Awards.
And at the end, it says, now that O'Brien is our official host, we gotta ask, will his
assistant Sonam O'Fessian be there?
Will she get to be on stage?
What happens with Sonam O'Fessian in all of this?
So it's not just us asking.
Wait, nothing about Matthew James Burley?
You know what?
After I said it, I was like, oh shit, he didn't mention it.
Oh, quit.
I know there's another article.
It's in the Pasadena Post.
Well, it's actually, it's not,
it's more of a supermarket circular.
How do we fit in? What do we do?
It said 89 cent sale on roast beef,
pre-sliced and Matt J. Gourley.
And it definitively says, should not be.
Should not be in any way.
Uh, Sona, Sona.
Where do we go?
What do we, what do you want us to do, boss?
Okay, uh, Sona, it's the Oscars.
Yeah, I know.
Uh, they made him a, you know, they let me in,
which was probably a mistake, but I don't know,
Sona, um, that's a big night. That's...
Come on, I know so much about movies.
You only know about Bond films.
That's not true.
That's true.
That's not true.
The movies you know about are not
in the Criterion collection, let's put it that way.
You don't know about the classics.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah.
See, this is the type of shit you can have at the Oscars.
Yeah, this is a great top to the show right here.
What about you, Sona?
What have you got to say for yourself?
Pitch yourself, pitch yourself.
I am the only person in this among the three of us
who knows new things, including new movies.
New movies like after 1991.
Yes, exactly.
So I think it's a natural fit.
Name one new movie.
Yeah.
That came out this year.
Yeah. Now I'm this year. Yeah.
Now I'm on the spot and I'm really nervous.
Yeah.
I'm Nora Conclay.
I know.
Heretic with my boy Hugh.
I mean, there's just, look, I can keep you guys hit.
But understand-
I'm a millennial.
Okay, but you're pitching yourself
and I think Vulture is pitching you.
Yes.
And shout out to Vulture. I think they do amazing work.
I love Vulture.
They're okay.
But...
Um...
Iced by Vulture.
God damn.
Coralie.
But listen, pitch yourself for what you would do on air.
Okay, you're a millennial and stuff,
but seriously, what are you gonna do?
Okay, I can't sing.
Right? Sold. I can't sing. Right.
Sold.
I can't dance.
And you have hard Gs.
I'm terrible, yeah, I'm terrible with,
like if you have like prepared material for me.
Oh yes, yes, anything that requires, yeah.
But I can do any accent.
Okay, let's hear it.
Oh my God.
Give me an accent.
French. South African.
French, French.
French is like this, I can do French, it's easy.
South African.
South African.
South African.
No, you're Australian.
I'm South African.
That's not bad.
South African.
No.
Yes, no.
District 9.
District 9.
Yes!
She's very good.
Wait a minute.
Okay, okay, Austrian.
Austrian, Christoph Waltz.
He's Austrian.
What, you just say the names of people?
In your impressions? Oh myz. He's Austrian.
What, you just say the names of people in your impressions?
Oh my god. Vulture, are you listening?
Yeah.
It's like a German accent almost.
No, fuck. I don't know if that was...
Shut up!
Scheitze, Scheitze.
Scheitze is shit in German.
You said Scheitze.
I thought that was another thing you wanted me to do in action. I crush it with acting.
No, no, can I just say something?
I was skeptical.
You're out, Gorley.
And listen.
No, no.
I'm hosting the Golden Globes.
Yeah, sure, yeah.
But Sona, I am impressed.
Yeah.
Because now I'm thinking of all these really funny bits
I could do where I'd say, everyone settle down,
and then I hear a French person in the crowd.
My friend doesn't come in, I'm riding the Oscars!
And the crowd says,
Oh, can you not bring in?
The Oscars are my Super Bowl, you guys have sports,
I don't have sports.
Listen, Matt, you are so not a part of this conversation
that I can't even hear you right now, okay?
And I guess it's a silent J, because I can't hear you. Oh my God.
Now, Sona, Sona.
Yeah.
I think you have a good chance
of being in the Oscars somehow.
Thank you.
Scottish, I could do Scottish.
Now, and guess what?
I'm pretty sure,
I don't have to clear this with anybody at the Academy.
Yeah.
I mean, my feeling is they gave me the keys
to the whole show.
That's my guess.
Yeah, I think so.
Because I, and so,
I guess what I say goes. So you're gonna be the first 40 guess. Yeah, I think so. Because I, and so I guess what I say goes.
So you're gonna be the first 40 minutes.
No.
And I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, listen,
the Oscars is all about,
it's not just about the United States,
it's about the world of film.
Here now is everyone in the world
representing all nations.
You come out in a combination
of 15 different national costumes.
Easy.
And you welcome everybody in different accents.
Yes. Go!
Give me an accent!
Just start doing, going, going!
Oh, it's a tough French, and then we go,
oh, I'm Scottish, I'm a Scottish person, I'm Scottish.
Oh, God. Merida, you got to get married, you can't do archery, Merida, I'm Scottish. I'm a Scottish person. I'm Scottish. Oh, God. Merida, you got to get married.
You can't do archery, Merida.
I'm doing brave.
This is just, just, just, just.
Awful.
Hey, hey, guess what?
Shut the fuck up.
Girlie, I've never agreed with Sonia before,
but you've got to shut the fuck up.
I can't just like think of accent.
Can you just tell me accent?
Mexican.
Yeah, Mexican.
Do Mexican.
Infra, yeah. Yeah, Mexican. Do Mexican, Zoto.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, do it.
Do Mexican in front of Eduardo.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Can I be honest?
I'm not-
Look into his eyes and do a Mexican accent.
Yeah, I'll do it like Conan.
Los atos atos atos atos atos.
That's not what I do.
Es importante que los atos se me vengan.
Pero creo que si, pues, pues. That's not what I do. That's important to us. But I think that yes, well, well, well.
That's it.
Listen.
We're killing time here.
Listen, yeah, and the Oscars is all about killing time.
Yes.
It's, when they run it efficiently, it's six hours long.
You've got four hours where you have to come up with material.
No, no, no, it's four hours of solid show
and all the stuff they have to get through.
How important are the awards?
I think I'm being given,
I think I get probably a total of 48 seconds total on them.
If they're smart, that's what they'll do.
Anyway, yes, I will be hosting the 2025 Oscars apparently
with Sonam Avsesyan, woman of a thousand voices,
and with, I'm gonna be nice here,
the backstage behind-the-scenes help.
Oh, my God.
I'm the only one that would truly, truly appreciate this.
You're just gonna freeloader.
No, you're just a goddamn coattail-riding hack.
I'm the only one that loves these guys.
I said you're gonna be there!
I don't wanna be backstage!
I wanna be in the lights!
I wanna be rubbing elbows with Nicholson!
Nicholson?
Yeah.
Nicholson?
You have to go to his, he's at home in his basement.
I don't think he's been to the last like 15 Oscars.
He's living in another time.
Oh, fuck you.
Anyway, let's get to it.
We got a lot of, we got a lot of show today.
My guest today is a hilarious comedian
whose latest comedy special, Jim Gaffigan,
the skinny is now available to stream on Hulu.
Jim Gaffigan, welcome.
Jim Gaffigan, welcome.
Jim Gaffigan, welcome.
I'm thrilled that you are here because I'm a comedian. Jim Gaffigan, welcome.
I'm thrilled that you are here because I was curious today and I thought, how many times
did Jim come on my late night show over the years because you were a regular fixture?
Thirty times.
Really?
You came on, you do stand up, you could also do hilarious panel You could do everything and I'll just say this up front every time with a completely new
Set of material you are from my money the most prolific comedy mind that I can think of oh well
Thank you. Well as you gotta go yeah
But it is it is I mean that's what's so rewarding is the coming up with the material, right?
Yeah.
That's the whole lesson that I want to share with everyone.
It's enjoying the process.
No, but there is something, like whenever I get frustrated, I lose sight the fact that
it is really rewarding to kind of come up with material and be able to do it.
It's one of the reasons why you're one of the biggest
comedy stars out there now.
Oh, thank you.
And I say one of, like, there's like 35.
I mean, there's like 35.
I'm sorry, 135.
135.
Of the 2,000 top comedy people.
Of the people in the Los Angeles county.
You are 8,000.
No, no, I mean, the other nice thing too is
I've seen people ride this crazy wave
and then that kind of compete her out.
And you have consistently over the years,
you're always really funny.
It just kept building and building and building and building.
And now your level of success is mind boggling.
And I look at your whole career and I go,
oh, you just, it was all earned in this very like,
I say that in a very Catholic way,
but you, it was all built, you've built this thing.
And now you're, I'm hard pressed to think of anyone else
who could tour with Jerry Seinfeld, you know?
And it's crazy.
Yeah, no, it's, I mean, I'm very grateful
and it's a weird thing.
You know, there is nothing normal about going on stage
and trying to make strangers laugh.
So that's whenever comedians are like,
yeah, these weird people, I'm like,
but there's nothing weirder than going on stage
and trying to get the approval of a room full of strangers.
Right.
Who sometimes are hostile to begin with.
And also, it's like, it is a conversation, but it's very, you know, it is very one-sided.
It's like, I'm the only one with a microphone, and if they responded verbally, I'd have them removed.
It is a unique conversation, but it is the perfect type of conversation where they can respond with,
hee-hee- hee or silence.
That's one of their options.
Did you ever have this?
I have found for some sick reason,
there's always part of me that enjoys the silence.
Okay, get a laugh, get a laugh and then nothing.
I enjoyed in some sick way, I enjoyed that.
And it's hard to explain to people that you want laughs,
but what I really want is some laughs.
And then I want a big dead spot where we can all sit down
as a group and wonder what just happened.
Well, you want to relieve the tension, right?
Yeah.
You know, you can identify that in comedians.
Like Bill Burr will say a statement where people are like,
come on, don't say that. And then he will win you over and you're like, all right,
yeah, I guess you have a point there. You know what I mean? I mean, I don't know if I'd say it,
I'd phrase it the way you're saying, but yeah, you make a point. But a lot of comedians love
that tension. When you relieve it or release it, it's more rewarding. You know what is what I've
been dying to talk to you about ever since we did that benefit with God's Love Delivered.
Yes, we did a benefit together.
I'll just set it up.
We did a benefit together in New York City
at the Beacon Theater.
It was God's Love We Deliver.
It's an incredible organization.
We visited the day before.
It's a giant kitchen where they make food.
I think- For people that are ill
and then also for their caretakers. It's like, it where they make food. I think it- For people that are ill, and then also for their caretakers,
it's like the whole package,
I think it really kind of kicked off
during the AIDS epidemic, but it's like been going strong.
It's expanded, it's this amazing organization.
And one of the things they asked is,
could you guys come down who are part of the show?
Can you come down to meet all the workers
and sort of participate and work in the kitchen,
which we all did, which was fascinating.
Yeah, it was amazing.
Oh, but so then we,
so we're figuring out what we're gonna do for this.
And then there's also these elements where they're like,
I think it was that event where they're like,
Murray might show up, Martin Short might show up.
And here's what I'm getting to.
Like there is, cause there's this ongoing kind of,
you show affection by criticizing someone.
Then how that overlaps with roast comedy.
Here's my point. My point is,
I believe the most powerful roaster or roast comic that's ever existed,
and this includes Don Rickles. I think Martin Short. Yeah, I'm totally with you. most powerful roaster or roast comic that's ever existed,
and this includes Don Rickles.
I think Martin Short.
Yeah, I'm totally with you.
Is beyond a doubt the quickest, meanest.
Yes.
So funny.
Yes.
And he does the Jiminy Glick because he's a sweet guy.
And he can hide in the fat suit.
Yes.
And say things like,
you know, your career never quite took off, never did it, you know?
And so he's stating the obvious.
Yes.
And, oh, sorry, I cut you off.
No, no, no, no, go ahead.
I just think it's so fascinating.
He came out, I was out, you were out,
and then he came out, and I think he went after both of us.
And of course, you and I are like kids in a candy shop.
The artistry of what he does it, and compared to like roasting,
where you see someone,
even that Tom Brady roasts or you think of Don Rickles,
who is obviously magical.
But what Marty does,
if he does it in such,
and by the way, none of it's scripted.
I think he just does it.
I do think he thinks of them.
I think he thinks ahead of time,
not to take anything away from him.
Maybe some of the Jiminy Glick.
Because the writing is, I mean, it's so sharp,
but I think some of them, no, he can do it.
He can do it ad lib,
but I think he also has some lighted up.
Because when we did the God's Love Delivered,
he literally walked out, stole the whole show,
just dressing us down for five minutes and left. He was shooting the next day.
He's 75 years old, walked out, ripped into us, left,
and everyone's like,
well, that's the best part of the show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And these two pale, these two skeletons
are standing there.
We're like, eh.
Anyway.
Maybe Marty will come back.
Stay in your seats.
That was a joy.
And he's also a sweet guy.
Oh, he's the real deal.
When he's not performing, you're like,
I don't know, maybe he's got a split personality.
And he was also great on that.
He's a great actor too.
Yeah.
He was great.
Now it's like I'm trying to win him over for some job.
He's a good guy.
He's riding high. He's riding high. I, he's a good guy. He's, you know, he's riding high.
He's riding high.
I think he controls some purse strings.
Yeah.
I want to ask you about, you know,
you've been in comedy for so long,
but you never, your DNA never merged with Star Net Live.
And then you get this gig to play Tim Walz
during the run-up to the election.
So suddenly you're in the world of SNL.
It was kind of interesting to me
because I thought, oh, I wanna get Jim's take on SNL
because he's a really smart, funny guy.
And I know that that was something that would,
everyone wants to check that bucket list off.
Absolutely.
So what was that like for you?
It was really interesting because that is one
of the questions that I've been doing standup or in the comedy thing for 35 years,
and I never auditioned for SNL.
I've never hosted, never.
And it's just it never lined up where it was a possibility.
I think there was talk of me auditioning to be a writer,
but at that time I was like, no, I want to
be an actor.
I want to be on the West Wing.
And so I, I mean, I'll just, no, but I was-
You have terrible instincts.
Why Rob Lowe?
What's he got that I don't got?
It's the ultimate graduate school of comedy, right?
To go there, there's nothing that, it's unique to the comedy business.
I mean, it's a unique television show in that,
outside of Living Color and Mad TV,
no one's even come close to replicating it.
Probably financially doesn't make sense.
It's the impact on the Zeitgeist.
It was a huge thing.
I've always been aware
that it's something that you don't campaign for.
So I'm respectful of the boundaries and the cultural phenomenon that it is.
So when she picked Tim Walz as her running mate,
and then Steve Martin turned it down,
the Internet was bringing up every doughy white Midwestern guy.
And I was like interested, but I was like, well, I'm not, you know, you can't campaign
for it.
You can't kind of like.
You either get the call or you know.
Yeah.
You can't be like, hey, you know what I'm going to do is I'm going to go on Howard Stern
and do my Tim Wallace impression.
You can't do that.
Right.
And so I very much stood back.
And then I would check in with my manager who would say,
you know, here's what they're thinking,
you know, but you're supposedly on a list.
And again, there's nothing you can do on it.
And so then I was in, you know,
I get one acting job a year.
So I was in England doing this acting job.
And then, and at night I'm walking back to my hotel
and I get a call from my manager and he's like,
hey, so we've been telling people at the Booker at SNL
that you've been sending us
little videos where you're pretending to be Tim Walls.
And I'm like, oh, that's interesting.
And he goes, yeah.
And you weren't.
And I wasn't.
And so he was on with my manager and my agent.
I'm like, oh, well, that's an interesting approach,
but you know, this is what you guys do.
And they're like, yeah, now they want to see those.
And I'm like, so what do you mean they want to see them?
I'm like, well, we brought it up.
And now they're like, why don't you send them over?
I'd be mad at this management team.
So then I spent the next hour in my hotel room,
taking off a jacket, putting on a thing, doing different.
I had been checking out Tim Walls and looking at speeches.
Then in that moment,
I just did an impression of my brother, Mitch,
who is this similar to Tim Walls,
a very sincere, enthusiastic Midwestern guy who's got a little bit of that golly gee.
And so I essentially did an impression of my brother Mitch in a different settings in
this England hotel, sent him off, and then I don't know what happened, but it worked.
They hired your brother Mitch.
Yeah.
So when people are like, how do you do that impression?
I'm like, well, just don't meet my brother Mitch and we should be Mitch. Yeah. So when people are like, how do you do that impression? I'm like, well, just don't meet my brother Mitch
and we should be fine.
Yeah.
Grow up in Indiana.
Yeah, grow up in Indiana.
Surround yourself with very sincere Midwestern people
that have that optimism that Tim Walz has.
You know?
Which is like, we can do this.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I mean, jeez, come on, Jimmy. You know, like, that's my brother Mitch. I mean, we can do this. You know what I mean? I mean, geez, come on, Jimmy.
You know, like that's my brother Mitch.
I mean, geez, Jimmy, I mean, Jimmy, you're a bad driver.
Like my brother Mitch would just get so angry
when I would drive him.
He's even sweet when he's telling you
bad things about yourself.
Yes, he's like a great guy.
So that's what happened.
But it was absurd because not only was I,
so this opportunity to be on SNLL and it was just for five weeks,
but then they bring in all these all-stars, right?
So they bring in Maya, who I had worked with before,
Dana and Andy and I'm like,
so not only am I doing this guest star,
but the MVP from every decade for the last 40 years.
So it was stressful in an unnecessary way.
Where it's like, I go on stage in front of huge rooms,
but I was like, I have two lines, how do I do it?
So I was definitely a little nervous. Did you like the machinery of it being around?
There's nothing else like it.
Yeah.
And I've always thought there is the carnival atmosphere of it, the machine aspect of it,
it's Willy Wonka's factory, it's all these things that you grew up watching, and then suddenly you're inside it,
and then there's the buildup to the show,
there's the meeting between Dressenere,
and then after the show, there's a party.
It's this whole Roman kind of crazy,
it's like the Colosseum followed by the orgy,
you're just, what's happening?
This madness.
It's insane every step of the way.
So I remember I did the table read the first week,
I guess that's on Tuesday.
Then I was like, all right,
I know that there's going to be a lot of changes.
Then by the end, I would be calling
my point person at 8 o'clock on Friday.
I'm like, do we know what we're doing?
And they're like, I'm going to send it.
It's just because it's the cold open and it was the election.
So there were kind of what and so like,
yeah, there were things where if you have an idea,
you're looking at a writer who's been up for four days,
who's also realizing there's the element of serving everyone in
the cold open.
There's also Lauren stuff.
So it's a very complicated thing.
So you're like, I don't want to be a pain in the ass.
One of the things I kind of pride myself on is hopefully being a good soldier when I'm
in a situation like that.
Because having...
Do your part well, don't let anybody down.
Yeah, and not be the pain in the ass.
So I kind of want to do that.
But yeah, so that whole process of the bureaucracy, and maybe that's not the right term,
but it's the process is so bananas that you also have to just go with the flow.
Then the meeting in between the dress where Lauren would go up there and be like,
don't touch your ear.
You're like, okay, all right,
I won't touch, I didn't know I was touching my ear, but okay.
Some of it is he's giving his notes.
He's also this icon who obviously, you know, like I realize now that he is the modern day
equivalent of P.T. Barnum, right?
Like the impact he has on the zeitgeist is so enormous.
So he sits there and he goes, yeah, we're not going to do that.
Like things that you, I think people could judge as bizarre,
but if you consider the history and the on base percentage,
the batting average, it's pure genius.
Yeah.
If someone could watch the process
of how a sketch gets written and then it's read through,
I do think it's Wednesday,
is it gets read through on Wednesday
and then it gets to rehearsal,
then it gets to the dress show,
then there's that meeting beforehand,
and then they select the sketches,
finally they reorder it,
and then there's the air show that happens.
I think watching that process would make less sense
than how they pick a pope at the Vatican.
I think there's more mystery, smoke signals, craziness,
Cardinals making crazy deals behind ancient walls.
That would seem more normal
than what happens at Cernet Live.
And I think there is also something of the resiliency
that you need to process.
I mean, you went through it,
but the resiliency that these creative types,
these people that are creative because they know how to react,
listen to their emotions or keep in touch with their point of view.
But because even the,
so like I only did one table read.
So like I don't even know what day that is.
And then also like the moving parts,
like I think on the last episode,
they dressed, they did cuts,
and then I think they had to cut a sketch mid show.
Yeah, they do all the time.
Which is just like, how do you, yeah, not happening.
No, I, back in my day,
I authored several of those sketches where you're,
I've called my parents and I've said,
it's about two coal miners
and their little bird that's with them
and then look for me, I mean, that's my sketch
and it's gonna be on at 1255 and my parents would be like,
well, we're gonna watch, yay.
My father was Ronald Reagan, well, well, well.
And we are first emmocrats with the taxes.
We could use you up on Capitol Hill.
So, and then at 1248, I'd see my card come off,
because other stuff went long,
so my card would come off the board
and go to the side of the board,
which means there's this side of the board
that's outside the grid,
where literally you see your card slipping beneath the waves.
And so suddenly my parents the next day,
well, we thought it was terrific.
It wasn't on.
Yeah.
They are lying.
Oh no.
We love you.
They went to bed at nine.
They went to bed at nine.
Yeah.
That's so true.
And so anyway, I was just,
I'm so happy that you got to have that experience.
And I'll just put it out there. You'd that you got to have that experience.
I'll just put it out there.
You'd be the perfect host for that show.
And you are in the zeitgeist now
and they'd be lucky to have you.
So from my lips to Lauren's ears.
Well, I am standing back.
I have no opinion on that.
I have all respect. It's nominated, I will not serve.
I will, I have all respect for the process.
The convention, I will do as I'm told.
I was gonna ask you about,
cause there's something about,
I'm just always trying to figure out,
especially comedic minds I really admire.
I wanna get into a little bit of the workings
of where they're from.
I know you went to an insanely small high school
in Indiana, like how small are we talking?
There were 105 kids in the entire school,
but there were 25 in my graduating class.
There were five girls.
Oh my God.
And 20 guys.
Jesus.
And, but Chief Justice John Roberts went there.
Oh really?
And, but it was kind of, yeah,
so now I think it's 150 students.
It's just blown up.
Seven girls.
Now it's huge.
Now it's, yeah.
Six girls.
But it was a great experience.
And you know, there's a delusion in
those smaller schools where you're like, you know what?
Yeah. And so I didn't have that John Hughes experience
where there were the potheads and the jocks and the beautiful people.
It's like everyone was everything.
Yeah.
So I think that kind of had an impact where I didn't necessarily, I wasn't, so when I
got to college, I wasn't swayed by, I should only hang around football players or I should
only do this or that.
Somewhere you got this ability, there are a lot of comedians I admire, but I know, well,
they can kill in front of this crowd, but they should probably stay away from that kind of crowd
or vice versa.
They have their areas.
I feel like I can't imagine a crowd
that you wouldn't kill in front of.
You do feel like someone who talks to everybody.
Oh, well, thanks.
Yeah, no, it is weird,
because having done corporates, you've done corporates.
I've done some corporate, but really not much.
Sometimes the assignment is just like,
So it's all me.
Make sure you mention, and whatever, the CEO,
make sure you mention, really get him,
and something just, I don't know,
I get very depressed.
And then you look at the CEO and they're like,
don't do that.
Yeah.
But I used to always.
I hear he's a real shithead. My go-to line, and they'd're like, don't do that. But I used to always- I hear he's a real shithead.
He'd go to my go-to line and be like,
hey, we thought you had a joke or something.
Yeah, well sometimes they're like,
you can make fun of it, make fun of, you know,
Mindy, she's in charge of marketing, go after her.
And then you look at Mindy, I don't do that stuff anyway,
but then you look at Mindy and she's like,
what are you doing?
Yeah.
I'm just in charge of marketing.
It was just that one person's bad idea.
Do you know what I mean?
And so, but the corporate setting is such a,
like there is part of me that,
cause I feel like I can work in those corporate settings
where that means that it might be all over.
Cause like I would do a corporate show, I would bomb
and then you get off and they were like, you were great.
We just don't laugh.
And I was like, no one laughed.
They're like, we're too rich to laugh.
Yeah, well, we were golfing all day.
So, but you're much better than the guy before
who made fun of Mindy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This was one, as I say, I've tried say, I've tried to not do it too much, but there was one, it was
I think an integration maybe with the Turner show.
I can't say the name of the company, but it was a telecommunications company and we had
to do this.
They said, hey Conan, they're buying time on the show and they really want you to go.
So I remember I got on a plane and flew somewhere and they say they're buying time on the show and they really want you to go. So I remember it, I got on a plane and flew somewhere
and they say they're in there.
It's the top.
It wasn't an, and I come out, I had wrote jokes
because you can't do standard stuff.
It's gotta be for them.
And it's gotta be about this company and stuff like that.
So a lot of work went into it.
I walked out there.
I wanna say it was about maybe 12, I think all guys,
and they were in big leather chairs.
Oh wow.
That reclined slightly.
And I looked out the window,
there was a big window behind them
and they had projected the famous logo of the company
onto a mountain that you could see in the night through the window.
So I walked out there and it was these,
and I started doing my, and I thought,
oh, this is, I've never felt more like a pathetic,
bring the clown in.
Yeah.
Bring the clown.
We're ready for the clown.
The court just.
And I could see some of them.
Should not challenge the king too much.
Yeah.
And I could see, they weren't really laughing, but they had wry smiles. And occasionally I could see some of them. Should I challenge the king too much? Yeah, and I could see, they weren't really laughing,
but they had wry smiles.
And occasionally I could see one of them adjust
his recliner a little more.
And I started to make fun of the fact
that the logo was projected onto a mountain.
Out like this all felt evil.
And I'm sort of starting to go off on that.
And one of them deigned to crane his neck to see,
oh, yes, it is, isn't it?
What is wrong with that?
That's as it should be, as it always is.
And I just left shivering.
And I was, I don't know, it was a terrible experience.
Yeah, have you done a birthday party?
That's pretty weird.
I did a very famous person's birthday party for no money.
Oh, really?
I did it as a favor.
Oh, that must have went well.
If there was no money, that means it's pure death.
It was...
Was it for the birthday person themselves
or one of their children?
No, it was for the person.
It was a famous person who...
And it was a personal favor
because they had done the show a bunch of times
and one of their managements said,
hey Conan, would you stop by and just do,
and I remember it again feeling like bring him in.
Yeah.
You know, it was just, let's see if he amuses us.
And I didn't like it.
It's fun to perform for real people.
But there are people like Regis Feldman would love that.
People are listening, they're like,
who's Regis Feldman?
But there are some people,
it is in their DNA.
But-
He would love doing it or love being the recipient? What do you mean?
I think someone like,
not that I know Regis or knew him,
but there's some people that are like showmen that would be relish the opportunity.
It's kind of, even when we did that Pope thing.
Oh, we gotta talk, we gotta,
well, let's back it up quickly.
Five months ago, something like that,
you contacted me out of the blue and said,
would you be willing to go to Rome and meet the Pope?
Which is the weirdest to this day.
I think it's the third weirdest text I've ever had.
The other two I can't say on the air.
This text came in and I thought, are you kidding me?
And so I contacted you back and then it turned out insane
as if some higher power was at work that my wife,
my son and I were going to be in Italy at Lake Como
that week.
So literally all we had to do is get on a train
and go down and be part of this
because they were inviting comedians.
So it's you, me, Chris Rock, Jimmy Fallon,
Stephen Colbert.
Julia Louise Dreyfus. Julia Louise Dreyfus.
I mean, the list goes on. David Sedaris.
David Sedaris, Tegna Tarot.
Yeah, just Rami.
Just, yeah, just really interesting.
I mean, it's such a surreal experience.
But like in that setting, like, I don't know if you remember,
because we all went in there.
It was like every...
First of all, I think they told us to be outside the Vatican
at the gates at 6.50 in the morning or something.
I mean, the sun is just coming up in Rome.
And I thought, doesn't the Pope, he's the Pope.
He should be asleep.
I would be like hitting this.
If I was the Pope, I would hit my snooze alarm constantly.
I would just sleep as late as possible.
Yeah, he's like in his eighties.
They told us that we were like his third thing of the day,
that he gets up at like five in the morning.
And so we got there and then they bring us into the Vatican
and they sit us down this surreal room.
Yeah, and there's comedians from every country.
There's probably a humorous take on where there was a meeting
and someone was like, well, why don't we bring in
the comedians from throughout the world?
But the Pope was, it was about humor don't we bring in the comedians from throughout the world? But the Pope was, you know, it was about humor,
how we could help, I don't know.
No, it was actually, he gave his speech,
his speech was in Italian.
Yes.
So we couldn't understand it, but they gave us
the printout of the speech, and it was actually very,
it was very beautiful.
You know, it was a very nice unifying idea about comedy
and how it relates to bringing people together.
And I thought, well, that's-
And humor's a level of honesty and all that, yeah.
But he didn't have an ender.
Uh, and we were bowing in.
I did notes on the thing and I handed it out.
I'm like, here's my rewrite.
Yeah, but here's the thing.
You did it while he was doing it,
which was very rude.
It was just some punch-ups, you know what I mean?
Some punch-ups, you know?
Yeah, so that was a very surreal experience.
Yeah, so we are in this room in the Vatican,
and there's comedians from all the different countries,
like Stephen Merchant.
There were some countries where you're like,
well, shouldn't they have more people from,
like there was no one from the Philippines.
I was like, I've been to the Philippines.
That's a pretty Catholic country.
And there were a couple of people like quiz
and they were like, I'm more of a weatherman.
Lighthearted weatherman.
I'm like, well, you're not a comedian.
Sometimes I say low pressure front,
more like high pressure front.
Okay, but yeah, it was just a little...
I'm a cartoonist.
Yeah.
And there was...
So there's 300, I don't know how many...
All over the world, yeah.
All over the world.
Sitting in this room, it was everyone that couldn't behave in church or synagogue or
in the mosque was in this room.
And then there would be,
cause it was his third meeting,
there'd be these people that would walk by.
The Swiss guards came out.
Yes.
The Swiss guards came out and did this whole,
they're wearing the outfit of the Swiss guard,
which is the most, which was designed by.
Leonardo DiCaprio, right.
Leonardo DiVinci.
Leonardo DiVinci designed it.
And if Leonardo DiVinci hadn't designed it,
they would have changed it a long time ago.
Because it looks like a cross between a clown costume
and someone who's working at a ground rounder.
I don't know, it just looks insane.
They come out with pikes, they do a whole thing,
and then the Pope came out.
And they're walking by, so there's people,
you feel like you're, it's,
so you're just sitting in the room waiting,
and there's people, these characters that go by
that are from like medieval times.
Yes.
You're like, what is?
It was a medieval fair.
It's like, what is going on?
So you think, oh, the pope's coming.
But in that setting, do you remember,
Jimmy Fallon stood up and did bits
and I was like, he's the king of the clowns.
Well, the rest of us were like, well, we gotta kind of be-
We should be respectful.
The rest of us are being kind of respectful.
He did like an eight minute Mr. Bean bit
where he can't find his chair
and he keeps flopping down and falling down.
It's like all the-
And we're-
And he's like, wow!
And then he gets up and turns the chair around,
but it's going the wrong way.
And he's like, who's the haba-hooba?
But it was very funny.
But it was also, it was this meeting of everyone
who couldn't behave, who was at one point in eighth grade
sent to the principal's office.
It was fascinating.
My favorite was the part where we're all going up,
they line us up and we all go up
to shake hands with the Pope.
Cause that was also fun seeing people's different reactions.
I mean, Stephen Colbert, very, I mean, it was,
he's very pious and devout and you know.
Probably knows more about Catholicism than the Pope. Oh.
Right?
And also, he asked me the night before, like,
I think in front of everybody, we all went out to dinner
and he said, Conan, do you think the Pope
is aware of your work?
And I said, absolutely fucking literally not.
He's an Argentinian man who's in his 80s.
And you're like, no, there's no way he knows me.
I think Stephen was hoping that the Pope was big fans of all of ours. in his eighties and you're like, no, there's no way he knows me.
I think Stephen was hoping that the Pope
was big fans of all of ours.
Oh, really?
Well, I know that-
He knows you, I think.
No, well, I mean, I've met him, but I don't think that-
Well, he went to your high school.
He went to the Pope one time.
It's you, Roberts, and the Pope.
But Stephen did, I think he does the audible
or the audio of all the Pope's books.
Yes, and he told that to the Pope when he was up there.
And the Pope just probably gave him like,
no, no, no, I asked him, I could see him.
If you see the videotape,
Stephen's talking to him for a little bit.
The rest of us are just going like,
oh, hello, your eminence and you're getting
a nice place you got here. And then we move on.
And, um, you know,
a nice job plundering the world's gold
over an 800-year period.
Oh!
A nice conquest of South America.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No one advertises like you guys.
You know, you know, whatever.
But Steven's talking to him for a bit,
and I asked Stephen what he talked about,
and he said, I told him, you know,
your holiness, I do your audio book,
and I narrate it, and blah, blah, blah.
And he said the pope used his hand to push him.
I used his hand to push him down the line.
That's the nice, now get the fuck away from me.
Did you bring gold?
No, we didn't bring gold.
Did I steal your gold?
No, you can't do that anymore.
I'll get your gold.
He's leprechaun.
He's a leprechaun now.
I'll get your gold.
I'll get your gold, you'll see.
That's a spicy meatball.
I'll send a conquistador, I'll get your gold.
No, you can't really do that anymore.
You want to taste a pizza pie?
I've got a pizza pie.
Wow, I'm glad they didn't let me perform at that thing.
That would have gone badly.
But it was crazy.
And then they said at the end that we got to,
I thought we were getting a,
I sound like a real dick now, but I thought,
well, you've come all this way.
Well, for me, I pretended that I flew all the way from LA
when I just literally got an Uber from Lake Como
and then demanded, pay for my airfare back.
I didn't do that.
But I thought, then they said like,
and then you may tour the Vatican.
But basically they just shoved us through a door
and then we were in with all the tourists.
You know, and tourists were like, what are you doing here?
It was weird. after that event,
they led us into this room
and there was this red carpet like media.
And I was like, oh, now I know why we're here.
But it was kind of-
It's what they do in an award show.
It's also-
Everyone's there to get their media.
And I, that's-
And also get the message out.
You know what I mean?
And which, and as you said,
it was a very sincere message. It was beautiful. It And as you said, it was a very sincere message.
It was beautiful.
It was a really nice, it was a nice message.
My golden conquistador riff aside,
800 years of plundering still.
Yeah, it was a lovely message.
Great example of something that's cool, complicated.
Like you've been talking to Julia Louise Dryface,
there's some complexity.
Like at the dinner, she's like,
I don't know how I feel about some of this.
I'm like, that's why it's interesting
because it's complex.
Yes, yes.
We all went in there, I think for the most part
with complex feelings about this institution
and what's placed in the modern world.
And of course the women who were present
had very complicated feelings.
Of course.
And it was really nice to talk about all that.
Yeah, I love doing events like that
where it's a little bit, you're gonna anger some people.
Like I did the Al Smith dinner, which is-
With Trump there.
Trump was there.
Kamala Harris did not go, is that right?
She did not go.
There was, because there was part of me that's like,
that was, I'm not a Trump guy,
but there was part of me and there were
plenty of people that were invited.
They're like, I'm not even going to sit in the same room as him.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? So there is something where,
and so when I did that,
I knew there were going to be people on the left
and on the right that were going to be angry,
which almost kind of ties back to like, you know,
that moment of disc, where people are uncomfortable
that it's kind of, you relish it.
Yeah, yeah.
And the challenge, which kind of,
the no-win situation of the Al Smith dinner,
but I love history and the association with-
I usually, I'm a, usually if there's a chance to,
I have a list of, my life will, is finite.
I was told recently, no.
We're only here for a certain amount of time.
And I do, and I'm a history buff.
And when I see an opportunity to be,
whether it's a White House Correspondence Dinner
or something, even when I know it's gonna be tough,
it's a tough room, I think,
you gotta go and be part of that.
So it's the Al Smith dinner, yeah.
Yeah, and there are people today
that on my Twitter, X or whatever it's called,
will be like, I can't believe you were
in the same room with him.
And I'm like, well, I don't know.
I feel like that's kind of the opposite of discourse.
Like you shouldn't.
So anyway, that's why I'm running for Senator.
Um.
As Tim Walz.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Who's as your brother.
Jim Gaffigan, the skinny.
This is again, to your being prolific,
you've got another special.
They have been stunningly successful.
You've won countless awards.
I think you have every award one can have.
I think it's too many and you should give me some.
But the skinny, you're addressing weight loss,
you're addressing people's obsession
and weird feelings about weight loss and food,
which is sort of a huge topic right now.
Yeah, I think it's really peculiar how people are
secretive about taking an appetite suppressant.
Or maybe they aren't secretive.
I mean, there's people that walk around with
their hair dyed a different color and we all know that,
but nobody would think it was that weird.
You've talked about how there is kind of a shaming
of people that have a food issue,
and then somehow there are other areas
where we have a completely different,
like drinking can be seen as very cool.
Romantic.
It's romantic and the ad-
I can't put the bottle down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sounds much cooler than I can't put the cream pie.
I love donuts.
I want a donut.
Yeah.
I think there is, I think that's what this drug, I mean, this is not humorous, but like,
I think that that's what this drug proves is that like some people, it might not be
psychological.
It's a chemical thing, because it's fixed by chemical,
that they have a chemical compulsion.
I mean, I come from a family that is like big eaters,
like, ah, ah, ah, you know?
And that's a good sound effect, right?
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
But I think-
The way you did that, it looks like it would be
Cookie Monster where most of it doesn't go in.
The cookies are just- Such waste. Cookies are just just bouncing off. That's why you're so hungry.
You're not getting much in the mouth.
Such waste that Cookie Monster.
Cookie Monster never actually tasted a cookie.
It just, he just parrined off the felt backstop of his mouth.
It's like he wasn't even really eating it, it's sad.
But this is, but you know, there is a cultural part of it too, which is you talk about it
from a Midwestern point of view.
I've seen the Boston Irish side of it, which is it is the way in my family that we showed
love was eating because it wasn't hugging and saying, I love you.
And I love my parents, love my family.
It was just cultural.
It wasn't about that.
We didn't drink.
It was a dry house.
And so no one could talk about sex in a million years.
I still don't understand how it works.
And then what do you have?
You have, I'm gonna, we're gonna cook a giant meal
and I'll eat it together, which is, we're gonna cook a giant meal and I'll eat it together,
which is, we're gonna eat tons of ham and potato
and all the butter in the world.
And that is gonna be how we show our affection
and love for each other and have a communal moment.
Celebrate or lick your wounds by overeating.
Like my brother and I was like, oh, I could throw up.
That's what, you know, like when you've eaten so much,
you're like, oh, oh, I could throw up.
I feel great.
You know what I mean?
It's just.
We did it.
We did it.
Yeah, so you talk about that
and you talk about obviously
how the drug has changed your life.
Yeah.
And you-
But I also think it's temporary,
meaning we're eventually gonna find out
that it makes people grow tails or something like that.
So I view this weight loss as completely,
I don't think I'm gonna be,
not that I'm even super thin,
but I imagine it's an ongoing battle, my weight.
It's also, over the years,
it was such a part of your comedy too.
Yeah.
It was so funny talking about it and
talking about your obsession with food.
Yeah, the love affair with food.
Now it's alcohol.
No. But there is something,
but the skinny there is about the appetizer present.
But I use the title of the skinny because that's,
you write the standup and then the theme,
you see the theme when you look at the material.
Some of the special is about parenting teenagers.
I had no idea how difficult it was going to be to
parent teenagers because they, and I say that with empathy and also exhaustion and
part of I don't want to do it anymore, is because it's so difficult.
And, and I think, cause I think adult humans, we have a built-in forgetter of the anxiety
and the stress of being a teenager
because it's painful for them.
So when they're going through it and you're this parent,
it's not an easy road, even for the best kids.
And so that's some of, so I complain about my kids,
but I do that in every special too.
But it's a different type of complaining.
But then you get to pay,
then you can say my bitching about you
paid for your tuition, paid for this roof.
And since they're teenagers,
I know they'll never watch the special,
so it doesn't matter.
They're not your demo.
Yes.
Well, Jim Gaffigan, the Skinny is now available
to stream on Hulu, and Jim, from the bottom of my heart,
I thank you for lending your comedic genius
to my show for over a 30 year period
and then continuing to come back and do the podcast.
I love talking to you.
And I'm kind of in awe of just,
you're so talented and so funny.
And I just, when you're around, I'm in a good mood.
Oh, well, thank you.
So you can't leave.
That's very nice.
I can tell I'm really getting to you
when your mouth gets very small.
You went, oh, thank you.
I don't know what to do.
I'm not comfortable with the compliments. Well then you like this part?
Very weird.
You're a real shitty guy, Jim.
Yeah, that's more like it.
I don't like the compliments, you know?
What are we in, group therapy?
Ah, you got an ugly mug, see?
Yeah, that's more like it.
That's what I'm talking about. I feel better. I feel better. I feel better. I feel better. I feel better. I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better.
I feel better. I feel better. I feel better. you know me, I'm more of an artistic type.
I paint what I see and I'm removed from, of course,
the commerce of it all.
I'm above that, high up in the clouds.
So you don't get paid?
No, I get paid and I'm, I mean,
if they miss my payment by a day.
And if it's one penny off,
I'm just a dog with a bone.
I'm all over it.
But again, then I go up in the clouds.
Well, as always, we like to bring Adam in.
Adam in, Adam, Adam Sachs, the guru, the genius,
the high muckety muck who makes it all run.
I call you, you pull the strings.
I'm about a puppet.
You guys are sort of like hand puppets,
but I'm more of a Marionette.
Oh.
And,
What?
I'm just curious how it's all going.
It's going really well.
I feel like I start every state of the podcast like that,
but we've been lucky in knocking on wood.
We've been lucky enough to have a really good run here,
six years in.
The audience is as strong as ever.
And I'll get into in a second about where we're expanding
our audience a lot.
Prepare the whole outlet.
Well, I mean, mostly I wanted to first of all,
talk about the big guests we've had.
Because we've been on a run with guests
that is just like unbelievable.
The show has always had great guests,
but most recently we've had, I just wanted to highlight
a few, Tom Hanks, Al Pacino, John Stewart, Goldie Hahn,
David Oyelowo, Jeff Bridges, Quinta Brunson,
Don Cheadle, The Beastie Boys, Ron Howard,
Ted Danson, Woody Harrelson.
I mean, this is a crazy list of guests.
Big names, but also I thought great conversations.
Everyone came to play.
Yeah, totally.
And these types of names are not, you know,
even a few years ago, maybe four or five years ago,
six years ago, these were not people you would ever
even like hear on a podcast.
It's pretty amazing.
Al Pacino, I don't know, he doesn't do a lot of podcasts.
It's pretty amazing.
Right, either things are going very well for us
or very badly for Al Pacino.
And you'd have to decide what that means.
And then I think the biggest update that I think,
a lot of it is pretty status quo based on last year,
but the biggest update that we've done
is we're experimenting.
Conan, you probably don't even know this,
Simon and Matt.
Oh, I love that you put in there
that I'm 1987 Reagan.
You may not know that we're experimenting
with putting full length video episodes up.
And it's only just been an experiment so far.
That are like an hour long?
Yeah, we've done two of them so far.
And people watch them?
Well, that was the thing we wanted to see,
would people watch them?
We put up Larry David and Harrison Ford. We put up those full episodes. And thing, we wanted to see, would people watch them? We put up Larry David and Harrison Ford.
We put up those full episodes,
and yeah, it was an experiment to see,
would people watch them?
Also.
I'm waiting with bated breath for the answer.
The answer is yes.
I mean, we were curious, would it be like,
something where it was a substitute audience?
You know, where it was like cannibalizing
the podcast audience, people would instead listen
or watch it on video.
But instead it looks like it's really incremental. Like there's more people,
we have a huge YouTube audience
and we had been getting tons of fan requests.
People were clamoring for this.
We've put out clips now for a few years,
obviously video clips.
Why?
They wanna watch it.
I know, but they like, okay.
I do think, I understand because Harrison Ford,
he's so funny in a different way
that people aren't always accustomed to,
but also to be able to see, when you see Harrison Ford,
when his expressions and his deadpan,
That's true.
It does add something to it.
And I'm glad, I mean, first of all,
I love this medium and I was at first skeptical
because I love the purity of, no, you just hear the voices.
But once I started seeing some of the video with some of these people,
I thought, no, I like that too.
I was skeptical too. I was the same way.
I liked the purity of audio and, you know, I've been in the space,
Matt's been in the space forever and it was always very pure audio only.
But the truth is people want to see the video.
YouTube is the number one, like media consumption platform in the world,
more than any streamer and people are consuming podcasts now.
It's now become the number one platform
for podcast consumption.
That's weird. Get out!
Yes, so that is part of the bigger macro trend
is that like people are expecting now
that there's gonna be a video component to podcasts.
Interesting, I'm just glad you said macro trend.
Um.
I knew there was something that I would say
that would just come out that would-
Yeah, sure. No, that's what this podcast is all about,
bringing business speak into your ear.
So we're gonna be on camera more.
Well, this brings up an interesting thing.
None of us are, well, Sonya, you might be wearing makeup.
I do. I wear makeup because of the YouTube component.
I'm not wearing anything.
I think that's clear to the viewers.
Have there been comments about my ghastly appearance?
I haven't seen any.
Visible eye vein?
No.
He wouldn't tell you if there was.
I wouldn't tell you if there was.
Yeah.
So I'm looking at you.
You're staring back at me with your Michael Cera eyes.
And I have no idea if you're lying to me or not.
I honestly have not seen any comments.
Somebody, Jalemi would have come in
and dusted your vein if there were comments.
Dusted my vein.
I don't know what you do to a vein.
I also love Jalemi coming in.
Oh my God, oh, he would be the one.
I love, wait, let's sit with this for a second.
Dusted my vein.
Chills, we need a vein dusting.
Hey, Conan, Conan, you seem like you're
in a pretty good mood today.
Let's just say I got my vein dusted last night.
Uh-oh, we got a shiny vein, Chills.
That just sounds like a euphemism.
Yeah.
Oh, someone looks, someone's in a good mood.
Yeah, I got my vein dusted.
Woo!
Couple of tequilas, got my vein dusted.
Oh my God.
Yeah, I mean, that's, that's a question is,
A, it starts with just some light makeup,
which I'm still not doing, sorry, YouTube.
But then it's gonna get into me having
radical facial surgery if I wanna stay in the podcast game.
And I fled to podcasts, like a vampire fleeing the sun
to get back to his crypt.
I fled to podcasts because I knew this Irish melon
was rotting fast in the, in the autumn heat.
And here I am now on camera.
Well, you've joked that you tried to like, you were,
it was something different from the late night show.
And then little by little, it's sort of-
Oh yeah, you keep adding things.
Yeah, and now it's getting like that.
And soon it's gonna be, yeah.
Should we say-
We're bringing Andy in and a band.
Yeah.
You want me to get rid of these microphones?
And I'm like, what do you want, lav mics?
Yeah.
No, I like the mics.
I like the mics. When you talk about your face,
should we be like, oh no, you look great.
No, you don't have to do that because I get it.
Whenever I talk about my face in these terms,
everybody just quietly nods.
No, I think you look great.
I really do. Thank you.
And I think that I do get self-conscious about like,
should I be dressing different?
I mean, makeup is a thing.
How many people watch these videos?
Like 30,000.
Hundreds of thousands.
Hundreds of thousands?
Hundreds of thousands approaching millions.
Approaching millions.
But also, Sona, can I say something?
This is, and this is a compliment.
You have beautiful skin.
You have skin that has some melanin in it.
You have, right?
I do, yeah. You can get a tan. I am Armenian and Greek. You have, right? You have- I do, yeah.
You can get a tan.
I am Armenian and Greek.
You are Armenian and Greek.
And so both of those come with some color.
Yeah, Gorley and I look like we were just,
they found us-
Hey, don't take me down with you.
I'm sorry.
No, it's fair.
I'm bringing you with me.
But we were trapped in a cave for a couple of years
and then they rescued us.
And when we went into the cave,
we had a bone marrow disorder.
So you are very fortunate that I don't,
you always look very beautiful.
You always look like you're wearing makeup,
even when you're not wearing makeup.
Well, that's nice.
Thank you.
I do get self-conscious about my hair.
Don't you?
I mean, you have-
Oh, your hair is a mess.
Oh, yeah, it is.
It is.
But you have iconic hair.
Don't you wanna like,
don't you worry about your poof?
I got over that.
But couldn't we just-
I got this headset on.
Do this, agree to just give up,
cause that's what I've done.
That's why I'm always just wearing a ball cap and-
No, I don't.
You know what, I have an idea.
A guy who fell off a truck.
I have an idea.
Let's make a headset that has a Conan Pompadour attached.
A fake one.
So when I put my headset on, a Conan Pompadour,
so the iconic swoop that some of the old fans want to see
is there in QWOP.
We don't have to wear those.
No, I think we should sell those in the merch store.
What?
Headset with a-
With the poof, kind of like the Groucho Marx nose
and mustache.
Yes, and if you put it, let's say you're
listening to your favorite tunes.
I know how kids talk.
You're putting on, you listen to your favorite beats. Bunditties.
And, or whatever.
Nice.
Or you're gaming and you wanna put your headset on,
you're playing Glip Glorp.
You put the headset on and the hair comes right down with it.
Yeah, I'll work on the prototype.
Seriously.
Those'll sell like hotcakes, boss.
You did it.
That was great. Or we could do one with the sona too, where your hair comes down on You did it. That was great.
Or we could do one with the Sona too,
where your hair comes down on top of it, all 90 pounds.
Okay, you know what?
How about, so the state of the podcast.
State of the podcast, good.
Well, I have a quick question.
Do you remember last time we did state of the podcast
and you had run a study on all these-
Brand safety.
Yeah, brand safety.
And I remember asking at that time,
because there was like some things
that were ticking
on the chart about like profanity
and sexual conversations and stuff.
But then on that episode, we ended up using
so much profanity talking about it.
Did that up our profanity?
What has happened in the world of brand safety
is the pendulum has swung back to be a little more sane.
It was getting so crazy.
If you remember some of the,
we were not rated well on brand safety
and part of it was like,
we were talking about war, do you remember?
And it was like, if you talk about war,
you get like a red mark.
And then obviously all the sex and profanity stuff.
But now the...
War, and then of course the nonstop sex and profanity.
We did not change anything after we had that conversation.
No, but brands changed.
I think brands realized we're being too conservative
and we're missing out on,
it didn't even have to do with Arshad,
but we're missing out on a lot of good content.
The Church of Latter-day Saints is back
on its own advertising.
Yes, absolutely.
Yeah, yeah.
That's good.
Just for a trial, because one of us always has to use
one of the products, I had to join the Mormon Church.
Oh, okay. Had us always has to use one of the products, I had to join the Mormon church. Oh, okay.
Had to, had to.
They saw you and assumed that you were there to talk.
I really can see you in that white background.
Come in, brother.
Yeah.
You're very Mormony.
You are so Mormony.
Really?
Yeah.
You think so?
You got a Mormon vibe.
You got an LDS vibe.
Ah, really?
Yeah.
And you have several wives.
That's true.
One thing I will say though, just in the state of the podcast is this is,
I would say this is open-ended.
Like we should check back in in a year
and see what the future looks like with video.
Because we are, there's a blurring of lines happening
in general where there's, you know, YouTube creators
have been out there for years doing their YouTube shows.
Podcasts have been out there for years
doing just audio shows.
And there's a blurring of lines where now
there's not as much of a differentiation
between these different digital content creators.
I don't want this to become a TV show.
I fled television.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean it did.
It kind of did.
But it's not in content because it's casual conversation,
it's off the cuff and we don't have a plan.
But when you say TV show,
you're talking about where it's distributed mostly,
because it's a video show now.
I mean, again, we're just experimenting with it.
When I said I don't want it to become a TV show,
what I meant was unless there's money in that.
Oh, okay, well.
Yeah, this is the worst of both worlds,
because there's not TV network, and yet it's on video.
All right, well, I was glad,
I think this is mostly good news.
I think it's all good news.
No, it's all good news.
It's all good news.
And it's fun to still experiment
and see where this is all going.
Oh, you know, it's, I'll say again,
I've said it many times,
but I have more fun doing this
than just about anything I can think of.
And I've had a lot of fun in my career.
I've had, I thoroughly enjoyed doing the late night show,
but this is so fun and so loose.
So let it become what it's going to become.
You're welcome.
Oh, thanks a lot.
We got you.
You're welcome.
Yeah, don't worry about a thing.
We'll keep doing it for you.
And I'll hold your hand.
Let's hold hands.
Oh, my hands are a little clammy.
Can I enjoy?
Yeah.
Is there like a oil on these clammy too. Oil on these?
Yeah, I lotion up a lot.
You're warm. You're very warm.
You are very warm.
Yeah, well, talent burns hot.
I said you were warm, not hot.
I have a lukewarm talent.
All right, peace out, Tupac.
Conan O'Brien needs a friend.
With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley.
Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow.
Theme song by The White Stripes.
Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer
Samples.
Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.
Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn.
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