Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Joel McHale Returns

Episode Date: September 21, 2026

Actor, comedian, and television host Joel McHale feels blank about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Joel sits down with Conan once more to discuss solo spousal vacations, adventurous palates, his early days performing theater sports at Pike Place, and absurd internet impulse buys. Later, Conan ponders which president he could portray while he and the team Review the Reviewers. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

My name is Joel McCale. And I feel blank about being Conan O'Brien's friend. You know, when I look into your eyes, I get blank. Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school. Ring the bell. Brand new shoes, walking blues. Climb the fence, books and pens.

I can tell that we are going to be friends. I can tell that we are going to be friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. People are giggling here in the studio. I don't know why. Multiple reasons. I'll just, yeah, I'll just go with it. And I am here with my buds.

Yep. My buds, my contractual buds, sonam of Sessian, Matt Gorley. And I don't even want to know why you're giggling, you know? That's your business. Sometimes we just giggle. It's okay. We talk beforehand.

I want to ask you a question. Yes. I saw your band perform a couple weeks ago. Oh, which did you come to? I went to the lodge room in Highland Park to watch the vagodas. You guys crushed it. It was so much fun. It's a lot of fun to do.

And you look like you're having a really good time. Yeah, I love it. It's really fun. It's a pretty simple story. I was feeling like I was getting stagnant on guitar. And then in this studio, I don't know how long ago, maybe two, three years ago, we had Nora Jones on the show. Oh, yeah. And afterwards, she always knew that I played guitar and it was kind of a hobby of mine.

She said, how's that going? And I said, you know what? I just feel like I'm, I need to work with someone because I'm, I'm just playing the same things over and over again. I'm not learning anything new. I'm not challenging myself. And she said, I know a great guy. Give this guy a call.

And she gave me this name, Jason Roberts. And so I called him up. Shout out. Shout out to Jason. And Jason. Where's my Roberts hands at? Yeah. So I call this guy up.

He comes out of my house. He's fantastic. And he's an amazing player. And so we just started hanging out like once a week or once every two weeks whenever I had time and he would show me things and we would play together and I just had a blast.

And then one day, not that long ago, like six months ago, I said, hey, if we were to start a band, would you know the guys? He said, oh, I know the guys. And cut to immediately, I'm in a garage in NoHo and playing with an amazing keyboard player

named Ben and Jason's on guitar. Josh is on drums and Eric is a killer bass player and I do vocals and rhythm guitar and occasional goofy solos. And it's just fun. It's just really fun. So we started playing these really tiny venues. We played a really kooky venue in Ohio, which was fun. And it was this older crowd. And so I started to tell them.

In Ohio? Yeah, in Ohio. Was this older crowd that they politely applauded when we came out. It was a pretty small room. And so I started telling them that, listen, I know that your minister doesn't allow you to dance. And they all started laughing. And then I went on this whole thing about, I don't care what the minister says. Screw that.

You have a right to dance. It's not a sin. And so they all started getting up these older people and they were all dancing. Oh, cool. And it was kind of a happening. So we've been playing these shows. We just did The Moron. which is down near the train station in downtown L.A., and that was fun.

What covers, I assume? We do all. What are some songs you guys do? There's one song I wrote myself called Bad Podcast Partners. Oh, okay. So it's self-reflexive? How does it go? How does it go?

You know, finding something that rhymes with gorely was hard. Well, it's right there, poorly. But, yeah. And then Mavsassian, forget it. Oh, okay. No, we do, we play a wide variety of, I mean, I love rockabilly, so there's some old rockabilly tunes, but there's also Elvis Costello, Harry Nelson. What Harry Nelson signed you do? Well, we've been playing around with Jump Into the Fire.

Oh. Yeah, I just like it to be sort of an eclectic mix. We do a song by the band. We do, we sort of jump around, but what I like is I like fast, energetic things where I can channel my hyperactivity. but the musicians are so good that I just get to enjoy being on stage with them. It's really fun. So it's... That's so cool.

Yeah. And I've been... Well, what was your impression seeing it? You can be honest. Oh my God, I had so much fun watching you. It's really, you really enjoy it. You've always enjoyed it. You played the guitar when we would rehearse.

Yep. And, you know, any chance... I would do that more than I would do the comedy. Everybody would just kind of wait until you were done and then we would rehearse. People were so annoyed. It was, no. I mean, it's your... It's your show. You can do whatever you want.

But I think that it's really cool. It's a great creative outlet. I know you have a band too. TAC has a band. Everyone should have a band. It's like if you know how to play music, why not get together with other people who play music and then just play music together? Yeah.

Well, my thing is we're called the Vagodas after Abe Vagoda. Yeah. Terrific actor from The Godfather and Fish and Barney Miller. But he was a part of my show for many, many years. And I always thought, if I ever have a lot of my show, a band, I'm going to call it the vagodas. And we got permission from Abe's family. And so now we

got merch. And I swear to God, 99% of the reason to have a band is to have the merch. With Abe Vagoda's face on it. Yeah, it's really fun. It's really fun. Do you get to choose like the songs? Do they, I mean, they're younger, these musicians. Do they know,

do they know these songs? Do they know who you are? They don't know who I am. No idea. Okay. They're always shocked that people seem to come to the shows and know me. They're like,

oh, you must have played this club before. No, they do know a bunch of the songs, but I'm also surprised sometimes I'll bring up a song that I think everybody knows and they don't because I'm an older fella.

But, and then they... Well, they're really young. Yeah. Yeah. It's not just that it has nothing to do with you being older. It's just that, like me,

you guys reference things all the time that I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, like the Civil War. War. Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Vagoda. That would be his

full first name. I guess so, yeah. Oh, my God. My mind is blown right now. And marry Todd Vagoda. Yeah. Well, I'm glad we brought this. Abraham Vagoda just really blew me away. I know. That was the most stunned I've ever seen you.

I don't know. Wait a minute. Abraham Vagoda. You have to like you just split the atom. You don't expect the full names to come into the life. You certainly don't. It's a good point. Like Matthew Gordley.

Tallene. Oh. Talene. So anyway, that's my hobby. I'm really happy you're doing that. But I will say the, I can't say enough about these youngsters that are playing with me. They're just, they are the franchise. They're really fun.

Right. And they're so good at what they do. And they're lovely, funny guys. So they say things and you're like, what? I'm not saying that. I know. I'm really harping on the fact that they're really young. That's why I'm, like, very impressed that they're, like, doing all this stuff with you.

Because these are songs I've never heard of before, a lot of them. Yeah. Well, what would be the song you would want us to do Queen? Well, yeah, but, I mean, yeah. I'd want you to do Queen, but also, I don't know. Rihanna's umbrella. Is that true? No!

Yeah, I do the JZ rap. It's the way to get people out of the club. That's what we do, if there's a five. if there's a fire or any kind of health emergency, I start playing, I start singing Rihanna's umbrella and wrapping the JZ parts and the place clears out. You should do pit bull. What's that?

You should do pit bull. Oh my God. Yes, men in black theme song. This is so cool, though. I'm really happy you're doing this. I think it's really cool. Well, we'll be coming soon to a venue near you. All right.

Let's get into this, okay? My guest today is an actor and a comedian. comedian? Sure. He's a friend, so I can get away with that, who starred on the NBC series Community, one of the greatest shows of all time. Now you can see him in season five of the Fox series Animal Control.

He is a good pal. I've known him for a long time. He is a quality fellow. We hang a lot. And I'm thrilled he's here today. Joel McHale. Welcome. These are compulsive sips of ice coffee you're taking.

Have you seen this? Yeah. You are drinking. them in a very obsessive compulsive way. You took the shriner as if it wouldn't get you enough. Oh, yeah. That's great. I love, yeah, it's a problem. Also, I don't know if you want, you have a bit of coffee right here if you want.

That's ejaculate. Yeah. I didn't know the fleet was in town. Just making sure if you wanted. So, sorry. My mom's going to love it. This is a terrible episode. I'm going to say up front.

How can you say it right now that it's, we just started. A doctor can declare a patient dead the minute it's brought in if there's no heartbeat and no sign of life. Joel, let me talk to you about something. Yes. You and I are friends in real life. I hate to admit it, but it's true. We've hung out a lot. I enjoy your company.

I enjoy yours. And then today, we're supposed to start recording this at noon. Yeah. And you sail in at like 25 past. Noon. Al Pacino doesn't do that. Barack Obama doesn't do that. We have heavy hitters come on this show.

You cruise in late. I have a pretty good excuse. Let's hear it. I forgot your gift. Is that true? Yeah, and I went back and got it. You brought me a gift. I did.

I did see this thing. I want to see this. Yeah, I literally turned out. I was like, ah, fuck. We've talked about this gentleman on the past. For years, Joel McHale has been giving me mostly weapons. Yeah, mostly. It got to a point where they were all over the house, and I think my son once was

walking around with... I hope it was a bow. knife. It was a, it was like a scimitar. And I got it out of his hands and then I took all of the weapons you've given me and put them up on a really high shelf. We've talked about that. If I'm ever attacked in my home, I will retreat to my closet, reach up on a high shelf. And in my stumblings and panic, all of them will come falling down and I'll be killed. And then it'll turn out the intruder is just someone who was here to fix the AC. At three in the morning. At three in the morning, which is when I like my ice AC fix. Let's open this up. Sarah, uh, wrapped it.

What's it? My wife wrapped it, Sarah. She did a beautiful job. I love Sarah, by the way. Yes, I'm very lucky. Thirty years, guys. Thirty years. This, this is another weapon. Wait, what? Sword cane! Yes. I've always wanted a sword cane. I'm not kidding. I don't blame you. This is a good one. This is a good one. Oh, my God. Wow. This is a real. This is real. Where do you get these things? Because you know what? Some of the things that you've given me, I've later been told are illegal. Yeah. Is this illegal? That is illegal. I think it's illegal. Well, hey, who's gonna know? Arizona, Georgia, you can get them. Uh, there's a number of irresponsible. Do you have a poison-tipped umbrella? I don't have a pointed-tipped umbrella. Or like a

knife umbrella? Oh my God. Look at this. This is, this is, we'll talk about this. This is, um, what is this made? It's, it's, it's well made. It's really well made. Cold steel does not mess around. That's the name of the company. Oh, you're getting a free, free stuff? I know. Free, I paid for this. Is that like carbon fiber or something? It's like carbon fiber on the outside. Look at this. I love that this is a QVC or hold feel for just weapons.

You and I should do a show. I will do that. Where it's just weapons and all the prices are on the side and people. You know what I mean? And it's all done in it. We could start our own brand and I'm not kidding. Just pull on it. Just pull.

Yeah. Feel that. Yeah, that's going to. Oh, yeah. It's just a, it's just, yeah, you just, yeah, you just. stick that straight into somebody. It's going to go right through it. This is incredible. I should say, uh, penal code 20510 under California law. It is a crime to possess, manufacture, import, sell, or give in California a cane. This is also Chekhov's sword cane where one

of us has to die by the end of this episode. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's true. Chekhov always said in drama if a gun is introduced, eventually it has to be fired. Yeah. Oh. Welcome to the nerd party. No, I meant check off from Star Trek Oh, that's... Okay, okay. And Gun meant phaser. Okay. So, yeah, we're all good here now.

Sorry, nothing. This is... And also, let's just see... And you can't, because I'm a tall gentleman. Yeah, this is great. This is... Look at this. Yeah, you look like Paul Feig.

What's that? You look like Paul Feig, wherever he goes. This is terrific. We're seeing what will become the undoing of him. And then, you know... Oh, my God. And then you want to be like that. And then you want to just see.

It's incredible. I love this. And you could just be, one of you could be talking and then all of a sudden you get that weird look and the point just comes out of your chest. You know what? You are such a great, I love the gifts that you give me. You know, every morning, he gave me a very dangerous switchblade where the blade comes straight out of the handle. Automatic force. Yeah.

And the logo is like an eagle's talons. Yeah, that's a microtech. And you told me when you gave it to me, this is very illegal. Very illegal. It's very cool. It's got this bright orange handle. I keep it in my drawer, in my bathroom. And in the morning, when you have to open up like anything, like an aspirin or anything that has that little plastic, I reach, you know, that's covering the lid.

I reach in and I go, and then just do the simplest thing that you could do with a pair of scissors or anything. It's badass. It's so bad. And then it retracts. It's got it's a double spring action. Yes. Yes. You can get those in Georgia as well.

So Georgia is a place where you can just get whatever you want. You also, well. But how do you get them from Georgia? You can't fly with them, right? You can have to kind of chase. They used to be able to get them on Amazon for a while. Did you buy this in Georgia and then stroll all the way? What's it doing?

Just backpacked school. Through the South. Automatic. through the southwest, into California. You know what you are? You're the Johnny Appleseed of death. Roaming across America. I love this.

You know, you give such great gifts, and you've given me... I was thinking... Crossbow. Yeah, I gave me a crossbow. Yeah. And I was worried that I was like, oh, man, we can't just bring him guns now. And just get just a higher caliber guns each time.

in Wisconsin, I think, is the most dangerous state. Why is that? Because there's no helmet law, fireworks year round. Weed is fully legal and obviously alcohol. Unlike Georgia, where weed is not legal, but you don't have to wear a helmet. You've really looked into the rules. Well, I was like, there's no rules in Wisconsin. You started a militia or something?

Well, it would be a pretty irresponsible militia with no helmets. And you could just be like throwing... When you say no helmets, you mean you're riding your motorcycle. You do not need a helmet. You don't need a helmet, but you can cover your head in lit fireworks. And weed. But in Georgia, it's, a weed is still illegal. So, yeah.

Let's talk about you. All right. I know you don't want to do that. But we have been friends for a long time. I enjoy hanging out so much with you, your wife, Sarah, who's spectacular. She is. Eddie? We both.

My older son, Isaac. Your kids are great. Eddie Isaac, we always have a fun time. Yeah, we missed the days when Bucket and Ed would come over. It's Beckett. We used to, our kids called him Bucket. Yeah, yeah. And it turns out he's a super genius, but yeah, we used to have a great man.

But yeah, we should have named him Bucket. I was shocked to learn. I don't want to talk to you about this. Sarah, your wife, who's one of the coolest people ever met, she takes her own vacations. Yes. And you don't go on them. No. So there are vacations from Joel McHale.

Yes. Because you could, from the moment I walked in here, you all thought this is a lot already. I need a vacation. Yeah. This is, this is requiring a lot of attention. And it's not giving necessarily. It's taking all the time. I think, so where does she go?

Iceland. Like the... Your wife goes to Iceland to get away from you. Yeah. She wants... That's not, I would understand that. Oh, she likes to go down to the Caribbean and just chill for a little bit. Great.

She goes to Iceland to escape you. She did that one time. She went to Egypt. Yep. And how long has she gone for? I don't know. It seems like a long time. Yeah.

Sometimes she'll be back. I'm like, weren't you there? And she goes, I'm just stopping back. And then you're looking at the Instagram and you're like, who's that guy? Yeah. We got two other families. She has this friend who, wait a minute. And so she organizes these trips where they all, she's a yoga teacher. And she's like, I just want to go to Argentina.

And she'll set up the whole trip. And then this kind of group goes and they have this grand old time. And they go to her. They don't do too much yoga, but they do. She kind of sets up these tours and she has a grand old time. I have the same situation with Liza where she'll go someplace. and I'm aware that she's having a really good time. Yes.

And then she comes back and she just feels like, you know, she's finally, she's finally found true happiness. Yes. I come in the door and go, you're back, baby. And I just see the light go out of her eyes. It, we, she wouldn't, yeah, she'll face time from a boat and be so happy. Yeah. And her friends will be there.

Yeah, it'll be, well, yeah. The first night when she was gone to Egypt, I, one of our dogs got skunked in the face and walked in. And then I forgot to give our other dog epilepsy medicine. So she had been gone for two hours and the house smelled like all the wires were burning. And then I was at the- And the dog was in the corner. And just convulsing.

Completely at the hospital all night. And I was like, this day one. Day one. Yeah. It's great. Well, she needs that vacation. Yeah. Very desperately.

How often are you gone? I'm going to do these travel shows. I'm gone for a while. Liza has started coming on a few of them, but she's very smart. She'll, oh, I'm going to Madrid, and I'm going to hang out with Javier Bardem for a show. Liza wants to come.

You know? Oh, I'm going to Amsterdam. Liza's coming along. But when I go, you know, to Conan in the jungles of Guam, she's like nowhere to be found. Yeah. Yeah. But now,

wait, are you going for a lot? like two weeks? Like if when you go to India, it depends on the trip, but it can be 10, 11 days. And how has the stomach been? Fine, actually, I have to tell you, fine. Nothing. Nothing. Never got crazy? I'm not a suit. I'm not Anthony Bourdain, so I'm not roaming around the streets, shoving a lot of street food into my mouth. Okay. But I've been just really lucky. And, and also, So, you know, yeah, it's been, I've been very fortunate. So if you got invited to the, like, Yucatan Oyster Fest, would you go? I would go.

I would not eat the oysters. Well, that kind of defeats the purpose of the Oyster Fest. I just don't like oysters. But I would enthusiastically go. I would talk to everyone about how happy I was to be at the Yucatan Oyster Fest. Okay. And then when someone offered me one, I'd say, why would I want to eat phlegm from the bottom of the sea? And they're like, you're insulting the Yucatan Oyster Fest.

And I'd say, no, I'm insulting all oysters. Oh. I just, are you an oyster guy? I'm not an oyster guy. I'm afraid. I love them. I love eating them. But it is one of my, that I don't like to think I have a lot of neuroses, except.

Oh, you have a ton of neuroses. Okay. You realize when you sip. Oh, my God. Oh, you're a very. Let's be very honest about what your issues are. Oh. I've noticed that Joel is an amazing grillmaster and cook.

He makes, I go over to his house and he grills up these incredible meats and it's perfection. And he's a real artist about picking the right. I get very upset. You are. But I can tell that when you're doing it, you're in some kind of a zone. A tunnel. A tunnel. A tunnel.

A tunnel. Okay. What? I saw a movie called Meat Tunnel. Who was in it? Well, they changed. They were using different names. Okay.

Let's just put it that way. All right. And leave it at that. Yeah, I get very, I get very mad about it. Not mad. I get very, like, worked up about whether I get the steak right. Yeah. Which is not healthy, probably.

Yeah, but you're, you know, you're great at it. I don't know my cholesterol is, but I think you've had two heart attacks since you've been on this podcast today, which accounts for some of your meandrings. Good. time for another sip. It's been four seconds. I remember in the COVID show, you were like,

compulsive gulp. On the COVID show, you said, you were not taking me down this cul-de-sac at 90 miles an hour right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a good little chat. That was good.

But oysters, I did get poisoned once when I was a kid, and I've still been afraid. So I'm like, if I eat this oyster, what do I have going tomorrow? Yeah. And do I,

is this going to be a whole thing? Yeah. And so, yeah. So then I am. I've just always been, phobic about oysters. Can't do it. I like most shellfish. Are you an oyster

guy? I like oysters, yeah. Okay, you did? I've never had one. You've never had one? Never. Never? He's from Illinois. They're, yeah. It's true. Southern Illinois. You know? Oysters? Yeah, I live close to this restaurant called Mess Hall, which has great oysters. They do have great oysters. So those are, I do have some. Should we have some?

I'm out on oysters. Yeah, you're out on oysters. See? I knew it. Would you like to have some now? If we could get some in by the end of this episode, would you guys No, I would not try an oyster. You would not. I started this by saying I really don't like oysters and I don't want to have an oyster. You said if we could get them in right now. Hear me out, though. Would you have them?

There are oysters that would travel in the L.A. heat from a rest of up to here. I feel like there's a lot of high-end, you know. These oysters came right from Phoenix. We can get ice the oysters. Yeah, I would do it. I love, I love them. All right. Little lemon.

Segment, yeah. Then we'd all get a little orange. You love game shows. I love them. And this is where we, this is a point of separation for us. Why? Because I've never,

I think I don't like games. And so I, whenever, you know, if I was on a game show, I'd just be trying to remember the rules. You know, when someone does a card trick and they're like, okay, which card is it? Now remember that card, but here's another card. I just get so tense that I don't enjoy myself at all.

And then I forget which card was mine. I say the wrong one. The magician gets angry. Do you play any puzzles on your phone? I do a lot of crosswords and things like that, yeah. But I'm not someone who would enjoy being a game show host. I think I'd screw it up. But you really like it.

Is there a number, though, where you're like? I'll do it. Yes. Okay. So let's just meet that number. And it's very low. But I make some terrible investments. Because I host the 1% Club on Fox next day on Hulu.

Who are you looking at? Sorry, whichever. For a minute, it was me and I got really uncomfortable. And what are the rules of the 1%. If I was, let's say I was on the show as a contestant, what would I, what would my task be? You just answer these puzzles. They show you the puzzle. You have 30 seconds to answer them.

Right. But you do the, there's like the 90% question, which is we asked 100 people. 90 of them got it right. Right. Here's that question. I would get the 1% questions and I would get wrong the 90% questions. That happens to me all the time. So I'm terrible at the game, but I love mocking people for getting the questions wrong.

Here's my question. Here's my question because game show hosts when I was growing up anyway, we're always kind of avuncular and kind and sweet. You are. Dick. You're dicked. I just were trying to think of a better word, but then no, Dick is it. Yeah. So it's okay for you to be a dick on the 1% club next day on Hulu.

Which, I thank you. Yeah, that was part of it. I was like, I have to be able to, you know, ridicule these people as they get these questions wrong. So. Even though you wouldn't be able to get them correct. Yeah, and I tell them that all the time. Right. And I also say, I'm not, I'm bad at reading.

I'm fully dyslexic. And so when I read the questions, and they can be pretty complicated, I'm like, just read the question. Don't listen to me because I'm going to screw it up. So you guys read it. So they're amazing. You're a terrible host. I'm bad at it. And you know what the prize is?

It's a bag of oysters, which is. That's right, Phoenix oysters. Fresh from the desert. We got these ones from Oklahoma. So, yeah, so I, but I love doing it. of them, you know, Andy Richter loves game shows, too. He's always, he loves to host them. He has in the past. He has, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And he's, you know, he's a very funny host, but he enjoys that world. And I think, I'm phobic about it. I'm phobic about games like that. Really?

Yeah, I kind of am. Yeah. They would pay you a lot of money. Listen, money's never been my thing. Now, if you'll excuse me. I would say taste has never been your thing. I say you spent a lot of money, but I'm kidding But my jacket taste That coat is fabulous Through the roof Is that Tom? We're not talking about

I'm a man of the people Who walks around with a sword cane Please, I'm just a regular average Joe Just Ramble I'm getting killed by this later today Yeah

I'm gonna hurt myself Yeah when you put it in your car Just be careful Okay Yeah That won't be the problem I'll go into an in and out with it And forget

Forget that it's also a sword What are these guys doing here? What's that? These guys? Yeah. That's a good question. Yeah, that is. Well, Matt jumps in every now and then and just sticks the shiv in between my fifth and sixth rib. And he gets like how you're sitting.

You got one too. It's nice. I can't fool. The pillow aside went nowhere. Eduardo built this place. And I don't mean just with his hands. He built. He is a genius audio engineer.

Blais is here to occasionally shout into the microphone, right? but also to keep us on track. I'm a good laffer. You are. Oh, right. Yeah. There you go. And David, what do you do?

I don't know. Yeah. Oh, Sona couldn't be here. David fills in. Yeah. And so I think we're a happy crew. I think it's good. And you know Matt from Nirvana of the show?

Yeah, Matt and Jay from Nirvana of the band the show. And you brought that up because it came up earlier. He just mentioned he liked Tony when he was in the green room. And I said, I was just in something that happened in the green room. Before we started. recording. Yes. You know, I'm so glad I have a sword cane right now. Because little asides and you're like, no, no, no, that's a joke off of something we did in the green room before we started recording when you weren't there, Conan, because you were going over

notes to prepare for the great Joel McHale's sit down. Notes that say things like oysters. Wait, you have oysters. Does it like fraternity? You were briefly in a fraternity in college. And then you left because they asked you to leave. No, I just, it was very dirty. What do you mean? Oh, not clean. Yeah. It wasn't, I'm sure there's some, a lot of my friends have enjoyed fraternities and sororities.

I was not in a fraternity. We didn't have fraternities in college. But so this was a fraternity you joined thinking, oh, this would be fun. We'll put on togas. We'll throw kegs out the window. Yeah. And we'll chant in unison with the guys and it'll be great. Yeah.

And they, it wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't for me. They were actually, it was okay. I moved home and then lived at home for the rest of college, which was a whole different type of fraternity. That's a whole other thing. You didn't just leave the fraternity. You went home. I went home. The home was close. That's a quick question. Were you kicked out of school? No, I should have been. Yeah. Because I. Why'd you move home? Because I was like, I figured out a place to stay later. Ironically, I'm friends with a number of the people in the fraternity. Sure. Yeah. They now live at your home. Yeah. Rody, my friend Rody, of course. Anybody in a fraternity is named Rody. Yeah, it wasn't a pleasant time.

But then I was like, we were all making our way, trying hard. And you played football in college. I did. Which they were, that was great. They were, that was a good group because they had a really good goal, which was win football games. At the fraternity at that time, I hear everything has changed since then. but at the fraternity of that time, you know, the goals were much different. Maybe they are the same now.

I don't know. I'm wandering around. I would hate to be in your mind. It's just such a rat's name. That's you saying that. That's me. I know. That's me.

Yeah. But, um, yes. So I see now why you left college. I wanted to live in a sorority because they, they was, they were clean. Yeah. And full of girls. Okay. Yeah.

You're bored. Just bored. I'm not bored. I'm no. I just am trying to figure out if that's a cool thing to say in the modern era I wanted to live in a sorority

because of all damn goyles are we allowed to do that anymore? I, well, oh, you didn't do that other stuff. You said it's way different. I want to go with the goyles on. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. With the sword cane, it really.

You gave this guy a sword game. I loved playing football. It was very dangerous, but ultimately very rewarding. You are a very muscular man. We've talked about this. And this, despite the fact that you don't really do weight training, I've tried to encourage you to do that. I do do weight training.

Really? Yes. That's all I do. Be more muscular if you did that. What? It's a downtime. When do you work out? You get up in the morning, first thing?

Yeah. Well, it depends on the day. I haven't worked out today because I had to wake up early. Yeah, clearly you were 20 minutes late. Oh, to get your gift. Am I the latest out of anybody who's done your podcast? No, who was the latest? Kesha.

Oh, Kesha had to go get you a gift, too. That's right. And you know what? Kesha was super late, but no one minded. No. Because she came in. She was fantastic. She looked amazing.

All of her stories had a beginning, middle, and end. She was kind of wearing pants. Yeah. And she had a shirt with your face on it. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's what I love so much. I was like, you look amazing, and then I did the whole

Bing, Bing, Bing, Awuga, and then I was canceled. Wait. If I had just worn a T-shirt with your face on it? I love you. This would be my favorite podcast. I have a Craig Kilbourne shirt, but that's about it. Really? No. I gave it to the Smithsonian.

Okay. The only one. Your aside are jewels. Each aside you make is just an absolute jewel. Two out of four are kind of injunction. join them. Yeah, I, I love it. I love it. I don't know where they come from. I don't know what they mean. You're Seattle guy. Yes. As are you an honorary Seattle guy? I am an honor. I married into Seattle. I'm from Seattle. I go there all the time. I love it. Great a city. We invented everything. Yeah. It's just a the sky being three inches above the sidewalk. Okay. Um, airplanes, coffee,

perpetual depressions. Online shopping. I do love. I do love. I really do. And you, um, You got sort of your start in Seattle because you did theater games. I didn't know this about you. I always try and find out something about you that I didn't know before. You did theater games improv at Pikes Place Market, where they throw the fish and catch them? Yeah. I'm there all the time because we sort of always stay in that part of downtown and I wander around. So I'm there constantly.

Tell me, what was it like doing improv while people were throwing raw fish around? Well, the theater is now, you've been to the gum wall. The gum wall at Pike Place Market is truly a disgusting. It's got to be the most unsanitary monument in all of the world, is my guess. It is just people chew gum and then stick it to the wall. And you think, oh, there are millions have gone through. As a thing, that's like what they're saying. Yes.

Yeah. And it smells like a homeless person's crotch. There it is. There it is. That's the gum. And I know what a homeless person's crotch smell for. You know what I? There's the theater.

That literally, that window is the theater window. Where you got your start and now it's covered in gum. You know what I love to do? I do this all the time. I go to the gum wall. I peel off a piece of gum and I plant it on a crime scene. I've had more innocent people who were just tourists arrested. I swear to you, officer.

I was not. I'm moving along now. You're coming with us. It was a wonderful time. It was a wonderful time. So you liked doing improv? It was so great because it got me comfortable. on stage for hours and hours

and I was able to bomb a lot. And when did that go away? How dare you? How dare you? Oh, I don't even need this. I don't need this. I've got my sword cane right here. I think when did it go away? No, it really did like, I was just,

I could be on stage for hours. That's what I did first. I did improv and it was when I first got started out here, 1985. I thought it was the 50s. I'm sorry, 195. I had my hair grease back. It just voted for Eisenhower. I remember just, it gets you up on stage and it gets you thinking and moving and I loved being in front of people. So it was great. It was great. Yeah. And they kept me, it was called Unexpected Productions. We did theater sports. And it was just hours and hours of so. And I remember thinking, this is what I want to do. This is, I got to do this as much as I until I have to get a real job.

Yeah. Boy, they're still doing it. There's people in that company that they're still going. Oh, yeah. And I've gone back on stage with them. They're lifers. Yeah. And they're so much better now.

I mean, I'm like, God, dang. It's like getting, it's like playing a sport you haven't played in years. I'm like, I'm sorry. No, not very good at this anymore. So I always a good thing to start off with when you're on stage. I suck at this. And then it just gets super racist. But you're good at it.

Thank you. You know all the different races so well. You've got a lot of a step there. Thank you. You've gotten much better in these races. So, yeah. Have you been to a theater?

We should go to a show there sometime. I've done to a bunch of different shows. I haven't been to a show there, but I have seen a lot of theater in Seattle. What happens when you walk in? What does that mean? People go, I'd fuck him. I don't know what.

No, I mean, if Conan O'Brien walks in. That's what people say audibly. I'd fuck him. It's weird. You're like, we're doing this 12th night. Yeah, exactly. No, no, what do you mean when I walk in? Nothing happens.

I sit down and people go, ugh, that guy. I just saw him at the market. He was peeling gum off a wall. And he planted it. Planted it. What's the last play you saw? I don't remember.

We said, all the time we used to go see theater with our kids. You know, kids there, so we would go to see Christmas carol, that kind of thing, Christmas story. Yeah, Christmas story. Whatever it is.

You just watch a movie The John Hugh, the famous I used to take my kids to see movies and then I would say wasn't that a good play? And then I got points for taking my kids to theater

and people would say what did you see and they would say End game and we saw The Plenters Endgame as done by the Royal Shakespeare Company

That's a great scam Oh, I love the theater What did you just see? Obsession. So you come down to L.A. Because I'm trying to figure out your trajectory. You come down to L.A. and you're getting little acting parts here and there?

Yeah, I went to acting school at the University of Washington. U.W. Go dogs. Let it go. All right. Let it go. And, yeah, I did for three. People listening to this.

on their serious radio or stopping their rental car, getting out and shooting into the hood with a gun. Why would they destroy their car? I didn't say it wasn't an overreaction. Yeah, I will say we have the coolest student of all time

at the UW who went to UW. Who's that? Who's the coolest? You went to Harvard, right? Sure. You're bringing up all the time. I think you just did. Coolest graduate of all time,

other than you. Uh-huh. You had presidents. Right? Yeah. And you guys, did you go to college? Harvard? Yeah, everyone here. That's the only people I hire. Yeah, that's why they're all wearing mortar boards. Bruce Lee. We had Bruce Lee. Oh, yeah, of course. And also, so guess what? Bruce Lee's buried there. Yeah. Is he really? Yeah. On campus? Not on campus. He's right on Capitol Hill right now. Yeah. And so is Jimmy Hendricks. Yes. Burris people are buried in Seattle. This is Sarah's parents, no joke, are buried in the same graveyard.

as Jimmy Hendricks. Her, because Sarah's father died a long time ago and was buried there. So there's a fun story. I thought of a sketch, since we're doing, you know, crazy side commentary here,

I thought of a sketch not long ago where it's heaven and someone gets up to heaven and they've just died. And of course, their dream, you know, whenever someone who loves guitar dies,

they say, you know what they're doing right now? They're jamming with, Jimmy Hendricks and John Lennon and Elvis and that guy shows up and Jimmy Hendrix and John Lennon and Elvis are just so sick of this shit

that's all they and they're like they and God is like come on it's what they know I can't fucking do it anymore these guys can't even play

and the guys from Jethro Toll are like we'll play with anybody yeah yeah you guys want to do some rock flutes Sorry. Those girls are still alive. I think they're still alive. They're alive. And that's incredible band.

I think you picked the wrong band. Glass Tiger. Remember that band? Why do you do this? They're still alive. And when I say, why do you do this? Don't forget me when I'm gone. When I say, why do you do this?

I mean, why do you come here when I ask you? I was invited. And much like a vampire, now you're screwed. You invited me into your home. Never invite the Joel McAil in. I'm here for her. ever now. Is it weird when you have guests on

that are way less famous than you? No, I love that because then I get to be the alpha dog. That's true. Then I get to go like, ah, look at you. You haven't achieved what I have achieved. See? Now listen to me, see. No. Did you, like, when you interviewed McJagger, were you like, you're in L.A. all the time. You could have come to the studio.

I did. I actually made a, I was very passive aggressive in the interview. you. I said, oh, I guess we had to do it here in London. Yeah. Because you're McJagger. And a lot of people said it ruined the interview because I think I spent most of the interview just, I couldn't get over it. So couldn't you have met me halfway? Which would be, which would be in Nova Scotia. He just strolling through Halifax along the beach. Was he nice? He was lovely. Yeah. He was lovely. He was lovely. Incredibly smart, whip smart. So what are you saying? you'll get there you just need more time you need more stage time is what you need okay um i'm very

fascinated with and maybe we've talked about this before but it can it just fascinates me anytime i visit you you have a new vehicle but it's not i'm let me paint the picture here it's not like oh he's got a a Ferrari or a Lamborghini or anything you have what looks like stuff you got at an auction house um yeah like something it says as U.S. Navy on the side, and it looks like it used to have a machine gun on the back, but doesn't have the machine gun anymore. You get these things. I can get that in Georgia. Is that a little, yeah, is that an obsessive, compulsive thing? Yes. I think it is part. Yes. It gives you a lot of joy. I don't begrudge you that. And it's cool. It's very cool stuff.

Yeah. But whenever you get in it, you show me these things, you're like, man, you got to get one. And I get really excited. I have a little bit of that thing. When I'm with someone, I'm, and someone I like. and I do like Joel a lot. I get excited about the thing they're excited about. And then I'll be saying like, yeah, yeah. And then while getting the car with lies on the way home when we're at your house, and I'll be like, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I'm going to see if there are any naval trucks around that have a rig in the back for a weapon.

She's like, you're not doing any of that. And I go, I know. And I wake up in the morning, I'm like, I don't even want to do that. So Sarah puts up with that. She's very patient. Yeah. And she like, okay, this, for example, I do have a truck from the Air Force that is part that's out of my home. Because I want people to think that I'm slightly crazy.

But also, it might be a crime deterrent. Because I would, if I was going to case a joint and I saw there was a giant, I mean, huge machine out front that's like Matt Gray and it says U.S. Navy on the side. and it looks like it has the apparatus to have a machine gun, I don't think I'd go inside that house. I'd go into the other house and I'd be surprised by a gentleman with a simple walking stick.

Oh, hello. I'm not no threat to you. Yeah, I would say anybody who's listening to this, if you look at that truck and think, oh, he's just doing it as a deterrent and you can just walk right in. I dare you. I fucking dare you.

That was... Because I got some theater games waiting for you. I will play... We'll start slowly. Go off track. ...someone's armpits and pretend to swing at you. Yeah, so I know a guy, his name is Brian. And I'll be like, oh, that was really cool truck.

And then he will send me five links going, hey, I found that truck you just happened to mention. Don't you hate it? That happens to me sometimes with guitars. I'll say, like, ah, I always, you know, Grette's round. up that's a really great guitar man I love those guitar and then I have people in my life that are enablers yes drug dealers that say hey I just found this link that guitar could be yours for 700 million dollars and you're like okay no I say no you've said yes before I have a couple times but not how many

guitars do you have we don't want to talk about it okay so here's what you have started in my life are these glasses Jacques Marie Lamont yes now I just buy these yeah and And it's cheaper. You know what? They're for. They're for people with big heads and faces. Yeah. And you know who turned me on to them?

A man named Jeff Goldblum. Hmm. Jeff Goldblum, I was doing some project with him. Somewhere on the line and we were in a voiceover booth together. And I looked at his glasses. Jeff Goldblum is the coolest guy. And he always wears the coolest stuff. And we're a similar build.

I looked at his glasses and I said, those glasses are miserable. Oh, oh, oh, my boy. Oh, my boy. Oh, my boy. Oh. Jacques Marie Lamarge. And then he took them off and he was touching my face and then he was touching my chest. There was a long embrace, a hotel room.

And then he was right. And he told me where to go and they're fantastic. Yeah. And I, Sarah's, and I have bags of them now. And Sarah's like, what? You have a backpack full of these. What are you doing? And I'm like, I just, my new, it's, it's, it's,

It helps you avoid buying something large. I would think the Internet would destroy you because it's too easy to buy things. Yeah. Someone like you who sees things and, oh, really cool, a grenade. I can have a live grenade from the Korean War and you would click on it. I have one of those. Do you have a grenade? I have a grenade.

Do you seriously have a grenade? I have a grenade that doesn't have, obviously, the charge in it. But how do you, I don't trust you not to have a live grenade in your home. And I don't think you really checked. When I pull the pin, I do feel excitement because then you can put it back in. But I've got a bunch of bullwhips. I was trying to get you a bullwhip for today. I prefer this.

A bullwhip, you actually have to be able to move your arm a little bit. I saw you playing cricket in that thing. You move fast. I do move fast. It's much cat-like. It scares me. A stealth athlete. It's like watching a stork run away from like a wildebeest or something.

I'm sorry. I had to turn it back. I had to turn it into insult. I'm sorry. You did. It's okay. You learned that at the fish market. Well, that's how they got us off stage.

They just huck a salmon at us. You know? Joel, what's good? You know, and I've said this to you before. You're the only show I've ever written a letter to. When? In 96 or five. I was living in my parents' home.

Oh, so it was 93. It was any time during college. for 10 years afterwards. I've never written a letter. And you wrote a letter, that's nice. But when it was before the devil and the angel and the bear sketch. Oh, yeah. That would be on either side of your shoulder.

We did a repeating sketch where I was in a moral quandary, and I'd wonder what to do and the old thing where an angel would appear on one shoulder and go, return the wallet Conan, that's the right thing to do and God will bless you. And I'd go, huh, but I wonder if there's another perspective. And you'd think a devil would show up on the other shoulder, but it was a bear. And the bear didn't know anything. Well, the bear would always go, don't always maw with your front paws. Yeah, it would give me advice to just specific to those.

Oh, I love going past the old stuff and thinking about it. But it was, those were good times. So you wrote me a letter. I wrote you a letter. You like a fan letter. That's so nice. Yeah. You were the, like when you came on, like people our age, like 30 years younger than you, we were.

We were, yeah, when you came on. You joke, but it is true. Anyone my age or older thought this is a disaster. What is this man doing? And then it was young people that were like, oh, this is cool. He's doing it all. He's doing all the stuff we want to do. Yeah.

That's nice. Yeah, that was, yeah. And I remember just thinking, man, if I can just be in entertainment, if I can somehow entertain. You will get there. Then I was like, then. It's going to happen for you. You just need a few more trucks and nine more glasses of liquid.

I have to ask because everyone. wants to know. No one wants to know. One of my favorite shows of all time. We talk about this a lot and my family as well, my kids. The Great Indoors on CBS. The Great Indoors on CBS. Your favorite. Animal control. Animal control. Coming back this season. Coming back this month. That's a very good show. But, I mean, the show that they've built religions around community, there's always talk of a movie. I ask you every time you say possibly maybe it could. Is that how Happening or not happening? Possibly, maybe. It could. Got it. We have the money. It's getting the schedules together. And I know it's been going on for years now. I ruined it one time because I think I did. I recorded a commercial for a gambling app. But, uh, and I fucked up the schedule. You fucked up the gambling. You fucked up the community reunion because. Yeah, it was like a morning. You were shooting a commercial. Yeah. No, it was, uh, it was, uh, for another schedule thing that I couldn't move.

But then it was, yeah. So it's just, it will happen. We have the money. Yeah. I swear. Stop saying we have the money. You sound like you even have a script. You just have the money.

There is a script. Dan Harmon, if you're listening, please, let's do it. I've never heard a guy just keep saying, we've got the money. We've got the money. It's like you're a kidnap victim. I know. We got the money together. Just give us a half an hour more.

We don't even want the money. But that's one of the hardest things to get, right? Is the funding. Okay. Yeah. You don't believe me? I don't know. I don't know much about movies.

But I loved you in... Clearly. Joel, I'm going to let you go. No. I thought we were going to talk to somebody. No, we don't talk to other people. Isn't there someone phones in from... No, no, you're thinking of a different show.

Oh, we don't solve crimes here. Okay. We clearly create crimes. You've got a weapon. Animal Control. Season 5 of Animal Control. Yeah, the 27th. Premier Sunday, September 27th on Fox.

Yeah. And is available next day on Hulu. Yeah. And now it's on Netflix. Do you enjoy the making of the show? I do. It seems like you guys really have a good time. It's great.

The cast is great. Everyone's cool. And I like it. Having the animals was a strangely delightful. Isn't it fun to be around animals? Yeah. Whenever we had animal segments on my show, I was just deliriously happy that,

critters were roaming around the halls. It was, we just had a bunch of baby goats, and they were so cute. And I was like, okay, just take one of these home. And they were like, it'll be 240 pounds in about six months. And I was like, well, it's just like a lot of my relatives. You're going to eat it before then. Yeah, I would. But it's been, yeah, we just finished.

And it was so, yeah, thank you. I can't believe it. Season 5. Well, I want to thank you for this incredible, I mean, if you see me strolling around with a cane, don't screw with me. because this walking stick is fantastic. It makes me really happy. If I ever come back, I'm going to bring a bunch of knives.

And then we can, you know, hash. Only one of us is allowed to leave the room. Oh, yeah. Something tells me. I think you're the one that would live because I think you have a Derringer, a women's, like, 19th century, Derringer, a very small one on your ankle.

It's on my garter. Thank you very much. Okay. Respect me, please. Come on. Joel. You're a good friend. I always like seeing you.

I love hanging out with you. We always have a good time. Let's eat. That would be nice. Oycers. Boo. Meat. You love a steak.

I do love a steak. I'm an Irish potato steak day. How's your cholesterol? We don't talk about it. All right. But it is so high that if I was, if I was strapped into my car and I stopped short, a cholesterol, me would come crashing through my chest. Oh, man.

You could just paint it and put it right in Madame Tussauds. What is it look? I mean, it's just, like, scoop. It's me. It's, yeah. Let's not, let's not push that image too hard because it won't hold. Who do you have coming up next on the show? We have some really good people. They show up on time.

Shit. Everything they say follows a continuous narrative and links together. There's no hemming and hoeing. There's no slurping of drinks. But if they don't have a, Sword cane, I don't want to talk to them. God bless you, Joel McHale. Thank you.

And watch, you know, Animal Control. Animal Control. Animal Control. And 1% Club. Yeah. And Crime Scene Kitchen. Yeah. And House of Villains.

Yeah. And your commercials. And that's my commercial for Jackpot Party. Yeah. Where you're encouraging people to gamble. Yeah. Gamble irresponsibly. Very good.

That's spending money. That is the company's the motto. Gamble irresponsibly. Cache your paycheck. You can always live at home. Kids don't have to live in cool. It's cool. Bring a kid.

Thank you for having me, guys. Thank you for being here. How about we do a review the reviewers? Okay. I love it. Just to remind people, this is where I go to Apple Podcasts. I look at a review for the podcast, and we read it, comment, and review on the review. Very nice.

It's our take on their take. This is titled Conan Movie Roll. It's five stars out of 16. Out of five. It's the new scale, yeah. Hi, all, I love the podcast and listen regularly. I should mention this is from someone called DeVanx. I love the podcast and I listen regularly.

I just wanted to share my response to Blaze question in one of the recent episodes about who you could play in a movie, I believe. I think Conan could play James Garfield in his biopic, but we could change the ending so he doesn't get shot. Do you think you could play James Garfield? Oh, well, first of all, all, this was just done. There was just a brilliant, I thought, limited series about the

assassination of Garfield that I loved called Death by Lightning. Yeah, Michael Shannon played Garfield. He was amazing. And Matthew McFadden played Charles Gatow, the cook who shoots Garfield. What was the deal he was shot in a train station or something like that? Yeah, yeah. Garfield hadn't been president long and was doing a really good job. And this is a different time, but he

was going to go get on a train. It was, I think, the summer, and he was going to go join his wife family at a beach house. And so he was walking to the train station. Jeez. He used to be so easy. And he walked into a train station. Just kill a president.

Yeah, this guy, Charles Gateau, just shot him. You could just go shoot a president. Yeah. It used to be so easy. It's good that it's not. Okay. I feel like I was wondering if you wanted to add that on. that. Here's the thing. I don't know anything. I'm not going to jail. I don't know anything about James Garfield. You can play him anyway. And I'll be like,

oh, he's James Garfield. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Your gift is that you know nothing about American history. So in, no, no, it's a gift. He's like one of the presidents that. All I know is that he was assassinated. That's a shame. But I don't know where he's from. You could have a southern twang. I have no idea. You could be. Ohio. You might think he's from a while. Why did Gatot shoot him? Was there a reason? Charles Gatot was a disappointed office seeker.

He had given a speech or two. No one asked him to. He would just get up on a street corner and give a speech. And he felt that he had helped Garfield get elected. And then he was a kook. So he would, this is back when if you wanted a job in government, when a new president was elected, you got to go hang out in the White House and wait to try and get an audience with him. There are hundreds of people standing around waiting to talk to the president.

And he just left a note that said, I would like to be the ambassador to, I think he said, I would like to be the, very much like to be the ambassador to Paris or something. And he had no experience. There was no reason. He was a weirdo. He had gone to a free love camp. Might have been Oneida. It's like upstate New York.

He went to a free love camp and none of the women, you know, it was everyone in open relationships, having sex with each other. one would sleep with Charles Gatot. And one of the... He's an insult. Yeah, he was. The first America's first in-cell. And one of the women at the camp started calling him, their nickname for him, his name is

Charles Gatot was Charles Get Out, because they're always telling him to get out of our room. Oh, my God. He was very bitter about that. And he finally decides that he's been screwed over and that if he shoots, if he kills Garfield, Chester Arthur will become president. And then Chester Arthur will give him a job. So we're not good reasoning. Do you think that this is accurate or do you think there's a president that you're more suited to play?

If you had to play any president. I think I mean, I think I'm very Lincoln. I really do. I'm the exact same height as Abe Lincoln. Okay. And I'm, you know, I'm. You've got that dark complexion. Okay.

Let's just watch it. Very dark hair. Yeah. Okay. No, no, no. I'm just saying same height, prominent cheekbones. I'm a depressive. I use humor to see my way through just the terrible tragedy that is the Civil War.

Yeah. So, yeah, I think I'm Lincoln. Yeah, I mean, if Daniel Day Lewis could do it, you could do it. I've noticed all the presidents you're associated with the ones that are getting assassinated. Or I could be Gerald Ford. Yeah, there we go. Because I can fall down pretty easily. Oh, okay.

I know how to do that. Was Gerald Ford the one who was like kind of jocky? He was a jock. It's really good looking, too, as a young man. Yeah, okay. Gerald Ford was jockey? Oh, yeah, he was a football player. Yeah, even I knew that.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, not that I don't know about history. I know about some stuff. I just, I knew Gerald Ford was a jock. You could do, you could be a jock. No, I don't think I could be Gerald Ford. You could be like a guy who used to play sports, who doesn't anymore.

No, I mean, I don't know who I would be. I mean, you kind of look like, what's his name? Tyler? What? Don't you? Tyler the creator? Yeah. I get that all the time.

Maybe that's not how I'm thinking of. I get that all the time. That's not what I'm thinking of. Probably a James or a John. Yeah. That's good. There's a good case to be made that Gatto didn't really assassinate him because Charles Gatto shot him, hit him in the low back, and then all these doctors without cleaning their hands.

And one in particular just kept jamming their hands in there to try and find the bullet. And he got sicker and sicker and sicker over months and months and months. And they just finally he died and they realized the bullet when they did the autopsy. had a cyst formed around it. He had just left him alone. He'd have recovered fully, but his body was riddled with infection. He wasn't the one that his wife

basically took over and ran the presidency while he was sick. Was that McKinley? No, that would be Wilson. Wilson had a massive stroke when he was out pushing his plan to end wars, and he was trying to sell it to Congress, and he was working really hard, and he had a massive stroke.

And then his wife would go into the room and confer with the president and then come out and say, you know, all food is half off today for women. Oh, nice. Stuff that was just, not I'm kidding. Was she good? What's that? Was she good at running the country?

I don't know enough about this. Yes, you do. Yeah. I was just going to say, I think you, all of us in this room, you can't hear you. Can you just be louder? I'm trying. All of us in this room, you could say anything about any president and we would believe you. Yeah.

Yeah. And I do remember one time, I don't remember. where we were, but you had said that we were talking about Lincoln, and you said that you went to go to the Lincoln Museum, and his coat was there that he had been shot in. And I was like, oh, my God, that's so cool. And you're like, oh, and you talked a little bit about how I got shot. And then you're like, and because I'm famous, they took it out. And they showed it to me. I was like, oh, my God, that's amazing. And then you said, and then you asked to try it on, and they let you try it on. Yeah. Is this true? Whoa. Oh, my God. They let you try. You're like, yeah, it fit me

perfectly and I was like and and then you said and then I did a little dance and I still believed you. Yep. And then you said and then I ran out of the room. Yeah. And they changed and I was like you did. And you were like, dude, at what point are you going to say that this is fake? And if you start, I just started believing you. If you start a story and it's always start with the plausible. And you always keep it plausible like, oh, I went and it's like and then give real details. And then you're like, And then you start to just push it a little bit. And at a certain point, people have followed you so far down into the coal mine. And that's one of my favorite things to do is wait and see when someone goes, wait, what?

Yeah. That you put it on. Yeah, I put it on. And then I started doing the Charleston. If they're in that deep, they have to admit to themselves. They have to admit that they have, A, that their lives have been wasted for the last 20 minutes. Yeah. And that they've been talking to a sociopath.

Right. And then they have to admit that they believed everything up until, okay, I believe that Conan got to put it on because he lives in a bubble and people treat him really nicely. And then when he said he started doing kind of a little bit of a robot dancer, like, okay, well, Conan, I could see him maybe trying to get a little bit of laugh. But once I'm running out of the building and running through the streets of Washington going, yeah. I just love you. They took it out because you're famous. Yeah. Like you're just because you're a famous guy, they took a priceless coat from the display.

Guess what? That is the plausible part of the story. It is. I mean, I'm not just saying because me, I'm just saying that people sometimes bend the rules a little bit and say, you know, yeah, no one is laid on this bed since Jefferson died here at Monticello, you know, in 18, whatever, 07. Oh, that's fascinating. You know, Conan. I really love the podcast. Yeah, my, man, my dogs are tired. My feet are on fire. Once you just stretch out. Oh, this is great. Oh, no, I wet the bed. Why'd you wet the bed? I don't know.

I got really relaxed. I had so much lemonade outside. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goreley. Produced by me, Matt Goreley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino

Take it away, Jimmy Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brick Con You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode

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