Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Jon Bon Jovi Live from SiriusXM Miami Studios

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

Musician Jon Bon Jovi feels mildly amused about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Jon sits down with Conan live in Miami to discuss his new documentary Thank You, Goodnight: The Bon Jovi Story and his latest single Legendary, being joined onstage by Bruce Springsteen, performing in the Soviet Union, and looking to leave something behind. Later, Conan takes audience questions about which Muppet he relates to, the sex lives of seniors, and more. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are gonna be friends, can tell that we are gonna be friends. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Cotonin' Up! Incredible, that's all I can say. Incredible, they told me this was a storage room, and it's like a surprise. party. This is amazing. Thank you so much for being here. Who's from my... Are you guys from Miami? No, how many people just make noise if you're not from Miami? Okay. What the hell's going on?

Because yesterday I came out and talked to the crowd and went, yeah, Miami and they're like, I don't know. We're from Germany. You all, who traveled the furthest to be here? If you think you traveled the furthest, raise your hand. Yes. How far did you travel? Boca Raton. Oh, wait. all from Florida. Oh, well, screw you then. I did a show in Brooklyn, and people were from, remember they were from the Netherlands?

Oh, yeah, somebody came from like Venezuela or something. Yeah, exactly. And these people were like, Boca Raton. How long a drive is Boca Raton? Oh, an hour and a half to see the greatest, greatest comedian who ever lived, who can't say greatest, but says greatest. No, thank you very much for being here.

We're going to have a lot of fun today, and Blay, it's been pretty crazy since we've been here. I know you're not, and you don't have you have been to Miami before now, but no, we had a pretty good time last night. We hit a restaurant, and then I'm pretty proud of myself because I managed to avoid the paparazzi. And when I say avoid the paparazzi, I mean, they don't give a shit about me. I mean, the most boring celebrity,

but we come out of the restaurant last night with you and the whole entourage. Yes. And there's a paparazzi. guy there filming us. That's right. And I come out. You tell the story. It's your show. You go ahead. You're wearing the Hawaiian shirt. I'll just stand over here like an asshole. So sorry.

I was just going to say, before we went out, this woman approached to you and say, Mr. O'Brien, there's paparazzi outside. Do you want to go out the back? Yeah. And then... And I was like, no. I want to see what paparazzi looks like. I want to see what this paparazzi

thing is all about. So we went out the front and I brought you all out with me. and then the guy starts filming me and then I walk up to talk to him and he puts the camera down. And I guess it's online today. Like, I bored him to death immediately. You talked to him for like 10 minutes

and then he was like, I gotta go. He's like, I gotta go. And I'm like, don't you want a picture of me maybe kissing someone who's not my wife? He's like, nah, I'm good. That's the effect I have on these people. I've walked past guys before who have the long lenses in New York

and they start to lift the camera And then they go, ah. I'm like, it's digital. You're not way. Just get one just in there like, it's good. We're fine. You're too boring. Hey, Ruthie, how are you?

You shooting this on the socials? I don't know what that is. I'm 85 years old. Hi, Instagram. How are you? Okay, well, anyway, that happened. David Hopping, is David Hopping here? David's my assistant.

Who fills in for some... Don't play music for David. That's my music. Here, you stand over there. You're being punished for having your own music when you came out. I didn't say give him music. That's insane. No, we have so much to talk about.

I talk about our big paparazzi experience. That was fun. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They couldn't wait to get away. Okay, shut up, David. Conan started to walk and was like, do you want to see the buns?

And the camera goes down so fast. Give the mic away. There you go. That's enough, David. You lost your mic. No, no, no. You lost your mic privileges, David. No, he'll get it back. Don't worry. We're going to have such a good time. We're going to have a really good time here.

Oh, one thing I have to mention. This show is going to drop in March, I believe. Is that correct? So please play along, okay? Don't be like, Merry Christmas! Because when it drops in March, you'll look like we're brain damage. So don't do that. Just be chill. It's March when this airs, okay?

So if I say, man, spring is sprung. You know, play along. Like spring really just sprang, you know. If I say, well, April, only a couple of weeks away, sort of nod and go, yeah, yeah, a couple of weeks away. Boy, these are boring things I'm talking about. If I actually say those things, it means we're in deep trouble. But anyway, that's the plan.

It's, when is it, David? What? Okay. It's March. It's March. Yeah. too much. You overdid it. Some people came as far as Boko Raton.

That's an hour and 20 minute drive. Yeah. Probably running an errand here anyway. So, yeah. And then just came in here and was like, I guess I'll watch him. Yeah. I've never seen the paparazzi photos of him,

so I'll check him out in person. All right, well, I guess we should get started, shouldn't we? Yes. Let's get David up here. David, you want to sit with me for a second? What is this transition music doing? What's it accomplishing? It was just, it's a night.

We're playing you over to the stage. I just stepped up onto this little riser thing, and there has to be a song? This chair is too low. I'm sorry, folks. I just, I got to get it together. I stayed out really late at the clubs. It's not true.

It's not true. We dropped you off at the hotel and then Blay, Ruthie, and I went out. I know. I went right up to my room and, yeah, watch the other. Like just whatever. I forget what I watched.

Agent Cody Banks. Agent Cody Banks, too. They go to London. It's a true story. Well, anyway, I'm a creep. No, it's what was on when I turned on the TV. And I thought of you because I know you love 90s television. I do.

You even have a podcast. I do. I'd like to want you to say the name of your podcast. That's nice. It's called Back to the Best. Okay. You can all follow us in Instagram at BTDB podcast. We can pause so the audience can all follow.

right now. What are you doing? I just said you can be watching your podcast. There you go. All right. Well, anyway, are you having a good time here in Miami? I am, yeah.

Yeah, it's cool. Yeah. Okay, that's all the show we have. Thanks a lot for being here. I'm very excited. I think we should get our guest out here. I really do. I think we should do this thing.

Let's do this thing. I never get to say do this thing, but I'm going to say it now. All right, let me get the correct card. Here we go. Are you folks ready for our guest? And what month is it? You bet it is

March It is Yeah Summer's coming on fast I'm almost here Hey David What did you get for Christmas What was your favorite gift

What about the Maserati I gave you Hey That was so nice I loved that Yeah Too bad we had to take it back All right It was just a stunt

I hate it here I gave him a mazorati And then took it away immediately Meest joke ever. My guest today is a Grammy Award-winning rock and roll. Hall of Fame musician and frontman, one of the most successful rock bands of all time. He now has a new single entitled Legendary as well as a new docucus series I just watched entitled Thank You Good Night, the Bon Jovi story. I'm thrilled he's here today.

John Bon Jovi, welcome. Hi, I'm John Bon Jovi, and I feel mildly amused about being Conan Lloyd's friend. I'll take it. I'll take it. I need a phone book. I know. We're both sinking into these seats. We're both like Mr. Burns.

Yes, accident, exited, yes. I know that we are a similar vintage. I think we were probably born around the same time. And all I ever do is I walk in the room, this is like the best-looking man I've ever seen at any age group. And every day I look at my face in the mirror, and it's a pumpkin rotting in the sun. I don't know what you're doing.

You're drinking the blood of the living, but whatever you're doing, absolutely incredible. Thank you very much. I'm older than dirt. I've earned this gray hair. At least you're still, he's got the quaff.

I just strapped this on. It's just Velcro and it goes on in the back. Yeah, that's me. No, thank you so much for doing this. You've been very nice to me over the years. You came on the late night show, I think seven times, which I don't.

You guys were incredibly supportive of the band. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. And you were even crazy enough to invite Triumph along. Yes. It's one of the fans' favorite remotes is Triumph giving you guys endless amounts of shit. And I remember when Roberts Michael told me, yeah, they've invited Triumph.

And I said, why would anyone invite him in? He was on the podcast last week, and he spent 15 minutes absolutely ripping me apart. And when he was done, I was laughed. As Triumph? for it. As triumph. He had the puppet there ripping me apart and then when he was done, I was really laughing hard, but when I went home there was blood in my

urine. He attacks and you think you're having a really good time and then you get home and realize oh my God. He destroyed me. He absolutely destroyed me. Triumph. Classic. We had MetLife Stadium. I mean, he didn't like come to a little club somewhere.

We took him to the stadium. Oh, I know. Yeah, I remembered seeing it. You guys We're very good sports and fools, I think, to have them. We loved them. But I was talking to you backstage that I got to see this documentary about you, the band, how it all got started. And the first thing it struck me, which I could relate to, is how much things change. You get a little older and how much harder you have to work just to stay at the same level. And that's something you talk about, like your work ethic is absolutely insane and very admirable,

because people think being in a rock and roll band and being a massive star would just be fun. Of course it is. Of course it's fun. Yeah, I got that from the documentary. You didn't have to work at all. You totally phoned it in. But it's impressive, like how much work you have to do.

Well, you know, look, every kid thinks he's a singer because he's in the shower doing it. And then you can do it in a bar. And then you can even make a record. You make a record now you've set the bar. And now you have to beat that record every fucking time. You can watch the swearing a little bit. This is a podcast for children.

A kid show. It's a kid show, five and six years old. Yeah. No, but it is, and it starts out with you doing all these vocal exercise, and you're just talking about like, yep, 60, the band's been around 40 years, and you do all this work, and I don't even think fans, they're not supposed to know how much work you put into it.

Right, it's supposed to look easy. Yeah. the harder you work the luckier you get and you know on the other hand i had an old adage nobody loved the fat elvis you know it's like i don't want to go out like that if i'm gonna if i'm gonna die it's going to be you know out there doing it the right way or don't do it right you know i mean just if if you're not going to do it don't be the fat elvis yeah yeah so i i i disagree I plan to really fall apart and hang around

and I'm just hanging around and we're constantly doing research that shows no one wants me anymore and I'm like I don't care I'm going to eat these pork chops and get out there and just embarrass myself no it is a real testament

and also it is a great story I think people should watch this because like anything else when you see everything that went into to it, what I took away from it is you're this kid and no one's, you have music teachers in school telling you, yeah, you're not a singer. Yeah. Everyone's telling you you're not a singer and you just are like, uh-huh, yeah, no, I am.

You'll see. Right. You just keep going in the face of a lot of adversity. You know, give a kid a dream. It's dangerous. So it was as simple as that. And at the time, growing up in New Jersey was very different than being. in Los Angeles or Manhattan or somewhere that had a big spotlight on you, we were in the shadow

of the greatest city in the world, with New York City. We were close enough to greatness, but we could craft or we could develop our chops, we could learn our craft, we could play other people's music and emulate them until the time when we got to that place where you felt the hell would and I'm going to jump off the diving board and see if I can swim. And so that was really important the time the late 70s was a melting pot of great music that was happening at a time when a DJ could influence an audience they had an endless playlist and a microphone and they could talk to the audience and say check this out and a band could break out of a city it didn't have to be a national thing with a big you know push behind it so all of those things came together at a time for me

even by the time I was 18 I said I can't play other people's music anymore. And at 18. You were a cover band. You were in a cover band and you're only playing other people's songs. And then you decide. I'm 18. Yeah, 18 years old. That's enough. And you decide I'm going to start writing my own stuff. And I don't even, I have a decent imagination and I've made my living off of what goes on in my brain. The one thing is a complete mystery to me. And I've said this to a lot of my musical guests is songwriting. It's completely magical. And you clearly have this great gift for it, but when you first start, how do you even know what you're doing? You don't, but I've heard others say that.

And it's, it sort of mystifies me because I think, oh, it's really not that hard, but I could never write comedy or I could never write a script. You know, how I think how difficult that would be to write a script and all of that dialogue or every, you know, intention of each of the characters. But writing a song for me, it starts out very stupid and simple. And you're stealing from everybody and then you're emulating your heroes. And then you're rhyming moon, June, and spoon. And with time.

I like that song. That was a hit for me, by the way. 1987 it went to the top of the charts, yeah. You know, until eventually you develop a voice and then you, you know, you're writing chapters in your own book. Yeah. But that's, that's kind of what it is. When you're looking at those old tapes, 85, 86, and what is it that hits you right away? Is it what you're wearing, the look?

You know, look, my baby pictures were public. your audiences were not you know so i have to live with that yeah the poster boy of the 80s no i i can chuckle at all of that now and really you know enjoy the laugh uh as much as anyone else can but i think that what i enjoyed the most is that we made the impossible possible by just saying we can go why not you know it wasn't why it was why not we can do this if you work hard we can do this and and the film really was great for me because i got to look back at this 40 years in a time capsule. You know, the four parts are, well, as you've seen,

and I hope your audience has seen, really telling, because it's all the warts. You know, it's the ups, the downs, it's the hurting, it's the healing. Any successful band, to be really good, they have to have an element where they're almost tearing each other apart in times. I don't know what that thing is,

but clearly it just is part of the stew of any great band. And another great music documentary was about the Eagles, and it's just about them. They're all trying to kill each other at different times. I mean, it's like you're watching Survivor. And, but that's the element that seems to be kind of important.

I think it absolutely is it, it's a sexless marriage in most rock bands. You know, I mean, you're... You mean, it's a marriage. Right. Anyway. You're with these guys 24-7. I'm laughing and crying at the same time. You know, so you're together to the point of frustration.

And then there's all the infighting and success is, it's intoxicating. And then it depends on what you do with it. Yeah. You know, how many comedians have we seen or actors or singers that get a taste of that? And then they fuck up. Or you realize what you're doing and you go on. I remember telling a story. about the Beatles, that they were the archetype that you wish that John had lived because

could they, would they have gotten back together? Or could they would they have had a healing because they had seen someone else somewhere get fixed? Yep. Because the Eagles were a great example, right? It's 15 years of not being together and then they get back together and they're still touring. Yeah. You know, every great band, if you think about it, technically the East Street band was not working together. The Eagles weren't working together. Guns and Roses were working together. Aerosmith had this whole period with a little. came apart, down a list. You know, but in a weird way, you know, the gravitational pull gets everybody back together

one more time. And, you know, and if it can, it does. One of the things that's very cool about your story that I'd heard about but didn't really understand completely until I saw the documentary series is that you're a kid, you know this is what you want to do. And so you manage to get a job working at this recording studio. and you're running errands. Sure.

You're getting coffee. You're probably getting other illegal things for people as well. You're around it. At that level. At that level. And I've always told young people are always saying to me, if they're interested in comedy, they say, well, how did you get into this? Or what do you think I should do?

What's your advice? I say, go to where they're doing the thing that you love and be around it. Just get close to it. And if it means that you're getting paid next to nothing and you're getting coffee, do that. You pay them. Yeah. And so you were around in this studio. Yeah. And famous studio. The power station. The power station. And so you're around and you're 18, 19. Exactly. There's Aerosmith. There's Stephen Tyler. Yeah. These huge stars are around and you're the kid. And you're close to it. But I think it's something. But far enough away because they weren't inviting you in. Right. You know, for nine out of ten times.

I looked through the control room door window, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie, singing under pressure. That's incredible. I jumped out of a cab one time, paying with nickels and quarters, no lie, with my little band from a rehearsal studio about to go up to the stairs of the recording studio to just walk through the door.

Paparazzi guy, as you're talking about, jumps out of a garbage can. He starts taking pictures of what was the Rolling Stones jumping out of their limo to go in the studio. The guy yells at Mick Jagger, Mick, Mick, Mick, Mick, make, give us a picture of the band. he grabs me and my friends, throws his arms around me, and he says, this is all new band, the frogs.

What I would give to find that picture, 43 years later. I thought it was the guy Ron Galella. Remember that guy? I thought it was him for the longest time. He says, no, it wasn't me. But somebody jumped out of that dumpster. Somebody took that picture of, and if I'm not mistaken, and it was Bill Wyman who held the door for us

and Mick said, yeah, go upstairs. And there was Rolling Stones in the lobby of this studio. Now, granted, we didn't get to hang out, we didn't get to talk, you know. But I was lucky enough in that period of time to be there. And having had several bands by that time, and when I'd gotten out of high school,

that second cousin of mine is a guy that I didn't know before, came to see my band play at my father's behest. And he said, the band stink. the kids sort of got something and stay in touch. And so for 50 bucks a week, I called them, you know, in September after I graduated high school with no college on the horizon. He says, yeah, I'll give you 50 bucks a week and come be a go for us. Like, thank you, please.

And I, you know, took the bus to New York every day and did that. I remember the first comic relief. I think they still have them. But for the first comic relief to raise money for unhoused people that they, they, they, they, They had got every famous comedian in the world. And I think at the time, I was 21, you know, complete unknown, just getting started in LA, but I volunteered and ended up getting coffee for people. But I just wanted to be around it.

I didn't ask anybody for a favor. I didn't say, hey, I think I'm pretty funny. You don't do that. No. You just be of service. You make yourself kind of indispensable to people. And then they start to say, they're a little nicer to you. They're a little nicer to you.

And when you have that proximity to it, it probably made you think, this is achievable. This can be done. We believed that in Jersey at 17, 18. I believe that the band weren't together yet. It made the impossible possible for me, because 25 miles south was the Asbury Jukes

and the East Street band. Yeah. It wasn't Led Zeppelin. That was just beyond the reach. You know, that was too big, but those guys. And they were right down the street. And remember now, there was 10 Asbury Jukes and seven East Street band members.

There was always going to be one of them bumming a beer from somebody somewhere. Right. You know, so he couldn't help but run into them, even though, you know, I was obviously the next generation. But, I mean, the first time Bruce jumped on stage with me, I was 17 years old. It's amazing they actually have. There's photos, yeah. There's photos of that. You were singing, you're in a cover band, you're singing a Springsteen tune in New Jersey

when this guy jumps on stage to grab the mic and sing with you, and it turns out to be Bruce Bruce Baccy. It's just like pretty unbelievable. It doesn't happen a lot, I wouldn't think. Oh, night. Well, then again, Bruce plays with a lot of people. They've actually asked him to leave a couple of weddings. What do you mean I have to go? Just get out of here.

Just one more. Come on. Yeah, I have my horn section at Late Night for all those years. La Bamba, the guy for years saying, In the year two thousand. He was an original. They were the Jukes horn section.

You bet they were. And Southside's still doing it and he's doing it great and he's in great spirits and he's working and doing and being and of course the East Street band are still doing their thing. So it's, yeah, they're still doing it. It's great. And it's funny because at that time Asbury Jukes come along, Springsteen comes along,

they didn't proudly say we're from New Jersey. It wasn't something, it wasn't sexy. No, it's the punchline. Yeah, you guys. No, Bruce did. Well, Bruce did, but I'm saying as a group, all of you sort of made Jersey this magical place. Well, he did. He did. And so for the next generation, which is us, we're the next generation, not even a year or two or five or ten. The next generation, you know, give all respect where it belongs. It's the East Street band was everything.

But, you know, for the next generation, yeah, Bon Jovi became a big worldwide band, yeah. Yes, I heard of you. Well, it's so cool because you put in all this work and all this time. It's really, it's the third album. Yeah, isn't that the classic story? That explodes. I remember this really clearly because it blew up just as my comedy career. I really get started in 86 right around the time.

And so I'm hearing that on the radio. What really struck me about that whole part of your life is now I see how much work went in before that. Sure. At the time, it just looked like, well, these are. guys hit it big and this this john bon jovi guy just lucked out and now all the women in the world want to be with him and now i see that it was this relentless struggle for you know what must have seemed to you like a long time before it finally hit but then you're ready for it at every level of success when you're playing a block dance you think you're the king of the world you know i mean just anytime you

stepped on the stage i'm sure you were happy to be in front of 30 people going i'm the king of the world i'm going to know brian now and then all the way up that ladder if it was just 30 people no i was And this was a problem for much of my career, I would scream at the crowd. Why aren't there more? Why aren't there more? And then people would just leave, kind of bummed. That was a real roadblock for me. But no, but it felt like when that finally hit and then you're playing stadiums,

you're ready because you've done the work. Well, yeah, you can do it over and over if you've got some chops by then. Sure. But every step along the way, I swear to you, if I played a block dance, I thought that we had made it. You played the fastling, which was the play. in Asbury were original bands played. And that was so my home club, which is no longer there,

tore it down. But I thought we made it because we played there. You know, in every way, you know, getting a record deal, opening opening for somebody at the garden, you thought that was it, all the way up the ladder. And to this day, I don't think I've ever achieved the top of the ladder yet every day you want to do better. Not more, just you want to do better.

It's funny because that kind of intensity can be tough on people around you. you know, if you have that, I've got to, it's not good enough, you know, or I think I could do better. I have a little bit of a negative voice in my head that's always saying, okay, that was all right, but other people are saying that was really good. I'm like, no, it wasn't. And people check me on it all the time, and I realize it's not always fun to be around, but that's part of what it is. Yeah, I've learned to be more comfortable and stuff around everybody and open to being vulnerable. I certainly will express to any and everybody. You know, I'm hurting.

I could use the help guys, and everybody's very support of that. But I won't accept mediocrity. You know, I want it to be the best it can possibly be. You know, I just can't do anything else. I think the part that is mind-boggling to me is that if you are, if you're playing an instrument, if you're playing the keyboards, if you're the bass player, and you keep your chops up, you can play that in a stadium,

but you have to put the song across vocally. Yeah. And that's something where you start to run into, you're fighting Mother Nature at a certain point, which you show very honestly in the documentary how hard you have to work. At one point you have lasers treating your throat to kind of take the inflammation down

and the amount of work, the amount of vocal training you have to do that you didn't have to do when you were 18, 25, 30. 40 or 50. Yeah. But it caught up. And again, you know, it's something that I work at every day. So I enjoy it too, though. I like doing it.

You know, it's just sort of what I do, I guess, at this point. It's just ingrained in me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't do it. Not on the stage, not in the spotlight, but just singing and playing and writing. You know, it's not generated or motivated by the spotlight or the stage. It really isn't. You have this new single. Yeah.

and legendary. And I'm curious at this point in, and I heard it today and loved it, but I was thinking to myself, how do you, at this point in your life, do you walk around and play it for people on a guitar and say, what do you think of this? Do you have people you go to,

do you bounce it off of who you think are going to be honest with you? Yeah, but... Because I don't. No one will say, people just tell me, I just want to get paid. Just tell you what I say? Yeah.

Is this what gets me paid today and I say, just tell me it's great, and they say it's great, and then it sucks. And that's worked for me for years. But I would think at this point, even if I, if I, if I, as long as I care enough. Look, our last album was called 2020 and I put it into this black hole called COVID and you know, came out right. I couldn't promote it in any way. I couldn't tour it. It was a very topical record. It wasn't an upbeat record. I'm writing songs about George Floyd and about COVID and about gun violence and my audience was like cool you know no hits why why and i go well depressing songs you know about yeah the mood of the world at the time yeah but here's the diary of my life at that time

and so you know you write these songs and i'm very very proud of the record now i'm in a better mood so we can go out you know and and you know i don't have to sit home and drink i can go out and so you know I prefer to drink at home. Yeah, I got good at that. And I'll tell you, people say that's not good, but you should try it. You don't have to share any. You don't have to share the whole bottle is yours. And you have all these great ideas.

And you start yelling. You write them down. And then in the morning, they just look like gibberish. No, but I get to talk to so many people whose work I admire and who've achieved these great things. And what you're saying resonates exactly with what Neil Young told me not too long ago on this podcast, which is he told me that whatever is happening to me right now, it's not my business, whether or not it's a big commercial thing or not. You know, you can have hits, you not have hits, but what you're giving people is what is available to you and to them at that time.

That's all that mattered. Otherwise, you're going to write the macarena. Yeah. You know, if you're chasing hits, you're going to write the macarena. I mean, what a... I forgot about the Macarena. Great song. This guy's doing it.

There's a guy in the front row doing it. Or he's having some kind of attack. I think he's off his meds. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're going to chase hits? Yuck. Couldn't do it.

Wouldn't be interesting. You know you've made it because you can sometimes probably everybody, no matter what they've achieved, can still question, did I, you know, did I really get there? You have a rest area named after you on the Garden State Parkway.

Now that, To me, that's fantastic. I'm with you. We arrested the suspect at the John Bon Jovi rest area. I stand on the side of the road. I welcome people in to go, and I direct them to the men's room, the ladies' room. You should be there to give people shoulder massages. I hand them towels when they're washing their hands.

You, you didn't wash your hands. Come back here. Yeah. I also didn't realize that you guys played in the, in, I think it was 89, you played in the Soviet Union. We did. Which is absolutely unbelievable to me. Before the wall came down, you guys were there. We were.

And I would... With the torch at Lenin Stadium. I mean, this is at a time when rock bands were not allowed to go into the Soviet Union. And I would bet that would be a very appreciative audience. They were. Now, you've got to remember, the Soviet Union. If you even thought of having an album as we knew it, you would be imprisoned. There was kids that had lists on a piece of paper that were very small

because if the KGB came up at that time, they would crumple and need it. Right. You know, so there was more security on the catering backstage than there was on any band's dressing room. Because they were like, if they see the hard rock cafe's cheeseburgers and French fries, there will be a fucking ride. Yeah. And meanwhile, we're playing at this, you know, festival with these other bands.

And nobody gave a shit about that, you know, because the security was truly, you know, crying when they saw the kinds of food. So we went to the Soviet Union, yeah. And it was a part of a deal that my first manager who was arrested for smuggling a lot of drugs and to, you know, whatever. We've all done it. So to keep him out of jail, I had to go to the Soviet Union. But it was a, that's another story. Wait a minute. Yeah.

You can't just toss that off. So he was in a lot of trouble, and if you went to the Soviet Union, he would not be in trouble. Crazy. I don't know how he did this, but my first manager got into some trouble with the law. Honest to God, he was accused of smuggling, I don't know, some incredible amount of tons of marijuana into America. If you're going to do something, go all out. Like, I'm talking like hundreds of, like a lot of dope. And somehow his plea bargain was to take, you know, the, you know, the,

young cute kid and throw him to the wolves and the judge and then he says and i've got an idea we'll go to the soviet union and promote you know peace and harmony and blah blah blah and please your honor don't put me in prison and so i had to go in the snow to the soviet union and say we're coming yeah and he put a package together with some of his acts and some of his friends and and we went and played. It was crazy story. He never went to prison. Right. That's a good, happy ending. Yeah. Good happy ending. He went on to move a lot more drugs. Right. Crazy story, but true story. So it's been 40 years, 15 studio albums. Is that right? At least, yeah. And like I say, the thing that I related to the most is, because I'm right there with you,

some more vintage is, I'm always trying to find something I'm passionate about. And if I can find that and I can find something that interests me, that's good enough. You know what I mean? Like that, and that's, you have to really work at it. You have to keep trying. And it's, it was, I took a lot of inspiration from your, from your documentary because I thought, this is a, this is a guy who has put in the work over and over and over again. Thanks. I don't know about you but I could have been very comfortable and I mean this working at the auto body shop or my father was a hairdresser my mother had a little retail shop I was very very comfortable confident who you know who I was and what my life could be but I loved this thing which was you know

singing in a rock band and and it I'm the only one in my family that ever did it wasn't like we had a musical household but that was my love it wasn't I was drawn to it for celebrity it's just I just needed it in the morning so otherwise I really could have been happy. It's not driven by anything other than the sheer love. Yeah. When I meet young people, and especially in this age of the cell phones and the Instagram and influencers, and I meet people and they tell me they're interested in doing something. I say, well, what is it? And when they tell me that their interest is just being famous, when that's the first thing they mention, I think, I don't know what that is because that's a clear

broth. There's no nutrients in that. That's people in a restaurant looking up. seeing you and then looking back down at their food for a second, you have to love the thing that you're doing and that has to drive it. I'm sure they love that thing that they're doing, but what exactly is it, you know? I'd like to think that what we're trying to do is leave something behind. You know, all the people that you made smile over the years is leaving something behind. You impacted all those people for generations now. You know, Conan, you made people laugh.

And that's a gift that you gave back. Looking hot in an Instagram picture is pretty shallow. I used to be... I'd like to have both. I would love to have both. I'd like to look so hot in an Instagram photo. It just doesn't look. It's just this Irish face is collapsing in on itself.

You're a very generous guy. He plays a lot of benefits. I think I've been at maybe 10 different benefits over the years where you've shown up and played. And when you're playing, your music, just watching people jump up on their feet and sing along. And one of the coolest things I ever saw

is I was standing near your wife, Dorothy. And I think you started to play one of your many hits, and she jumped up and started singing along. And I thought, my wife doesn't do that. My life's like, whatever. You think he's funny? All right.

But I love that, you know, you guys have been together forever. That she seems like your biggest fan, which I thought was very cool. Well, she's my most honest fan. You know, she'll tell you when it sucks. You know, it absolutely tells me when it's not good. So that's the best thing is, look, we've been together since high school, for God's sake, you know. Yeah, that's amazing. It's a good thing.

But she's no bullshit. She doesn't do the Insta either, so she don't care about that. Yeah. You know, it's better to leave that all out there and on the stage. It's not what we bring home. Now, I have to bring this up because I'm a very enthusiastic wine drinker. Yeah. I know that you have a, you started a wine business and you come out with this rosé.

And I'm bringing this up because apparently this thing is huge. This rosé is huge. It's called Hampton Water. Hampton Water is really big. It's really my son's. company. I get to be Santa Claus. I come in for the photo up. And the tastings. Everyone wants to sit on my lap and take a picture. And then HR comes in.

And by the way, thanks for letting me do that before the show. I hope you enjoyed as much as I did. You weren't supposed to grind on my lap when he sat down with a picture. It's when I started bouncing that you got upset. I'm on my job. He lives. Yeah. It's funny because this is a true story, like sometimes different singers or actors

are associated with like a really cool liquor. Right. And I remember a couple of years ago, my manager was like, you got to get in on this. And I said, no one's going to buy a tequila or a whiskey because it's associated with Conan O'Brien. And he was like,

well, we got to think of something. We don't really have to think of something. I'm fine. He's like, you're not thinking straight. Clooney. And he starts yelling at all about all the people who've made all this money, probably shouted your name too. I'm telling you, John Bon Jovi's killing it.

You got to do something. And then he called me up later and he was like, hair pomade. Now, wait a minute. I was like, wait a so you're the businessman here. Do you want to go in? Yeah. Because you've got iconic. You and I have a history of the hair.

In the, yeah. Yeah, I have, you know, hair that's, it's a punchline, but it's got me through. And so I think, you know, let me know. There's an opportunity. I think people would get the Conan Palme. I agree. Yeah. I agree.

I like the idea. Yeah. Yeah. You can see the wheels turning right now. I'm there. You're going to call me later tonight, aren't you? Yep. And tell me it's a really stupid idea.

All right. Well, I want to make sure I get the word out here. Cool. Check out Bon Jovi's new single, legendary, as well as the four-part docu-a-saries. Thank you. Good night, the Bon Jovi story, which I recommend, because it's really a, terrific document and also just kind of to me a how to of well yes you get the luck you get I mean you clearly were born with all these gifts but then you made sure you made absolutely

sure that that success had every opportunity to happen just through working your ass off now thanks brother I appreciate it and thank you for all the years of friendship it's been great to see you and your audience today but I don't know who these people are. They're waiting on some... Some of them came as far as Boko Raton to be here. Oh, I heard that. That's the kind of fan base I have.

Yeah, but the guy said it took him an hour and a half to drive here. You should have said it took eight hours to drive here because the freaking drive down this highway. You have to take the train. Take the train? Yeah, you got to take the train. I haven't, you know, I can't leave my hotel because of the paparazzi. I mean the paparazzi not being interested.

Hey, man, thank you so much for doing it. Oh, it's a joy. Thanks. buddy. He looks so much better than me. It's infuriating. I couldn't even think. I kept falling in love with him as I was speaking to him. You're very handsome too, right guys?

That was horrible. Sorry. I hated that. I'm just trying to help you out. You're not bad looking to you. I'm sorry. Right, everybody? I'm sorry.

There's $100 in it for each of you. If you applaud his rotting skull. Quiet, you. Now we're going to take a few questions from the audience. Oh, sure. This is where I get to find out what's going on. Hello. Hi.

What's your name? I'm Kaya. Hi, Kaya. Hi. How's it going? Good. I can't believe you're there. I'm sorry.

Look, I can get even closer. I'm trying to. Look, Kaya. So in the game. Did your phone just go off? What the hell? You're running my social media empire and your phone just went off? I'm so sorry.

Do I have a microphone so I can stand? Is that okay? Yes, okay. Here, take this one. Hello, hello? There we go. This thing's on. Yes, I'll stand closer to you so you can really see.

Is this too much for you? This is what women do when I get close to them. What's going on? I have a terrible question now. Okay, so in the game, fuck Mary Kill. What? You heard the game. In the game, yes, yes.

I play this with my grandchildren all the time. Before you go to bed, little ones, we're going to play Fuck Mary Q! In the game, if you can only pick male comedians. Only male comedians. Only male comedians, yeah. Yes, who would you choose? And a bonus if you choose Flula as one.

But that's a wild card. Flula, Borg. I don't know if you guys are familiar, but he's a hilarious. Yeah. Yeah, he'd be, maybe, I would go with Flula for sexual relations. Because he is just, he's chiseled, you know? Yeah, he's like a piece of Bavarian furniture. I don't even know what that means. I apologize.

Then do I do the other two as well? Okay, so who would I, who would I marry? Let's see. I would marry, I think I'm going to marry Bill Hader. because he just does bits. He does such great impressions all the time that I would feel like I was constantly with a different partner.

And we're never real with each other. Whenever he comes over to my house, he's like, oh, yes, Mr. Brack. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm with a new person. This is fantastic. And then who am I going to kill? Okay, let's see. Who I'm going to murder?

There's so many that I want to murder. The list is so long. Yeah. I would, no, I'm going to murder. murder Jack McBerer. I love him, I love him, but I just want him to hear that I said I'm going to get him. And he's another person

who I'm never real with. I'm always like, I'll point to an elevator when I'm with Jack, and I'll say, does it scare you? Because it's a moving room? Did they not have that back on the farm? And he's so funny, he'd be like, sir, I know what an elevator is. And we just do that back and forth, like idiots.

for hours, so, but he needs to be murdered. I'm going to murder him. Okay, that's a good question. Hello. Oh, I'll get you. Yes, this woman next and then you, and I'll take care of everybody. Hello. Hi.

Hi, I love your hair. Thank you. You look fantastic. It's dark. Thank you. Yeah. That's so cool. How did you do that?

Someone I paid too much money for did it for me because I don't trust myself. Okay, okay. All right. Well, it's cool. You have a fringe of gold around your face. It's beautiful. It's a halo effect. It's very nice. It's a way. Thank you.

Yeah. I'd like to have the same thing done to my hair. You can have it. We'll trade. Okay. You don't want this. This is a curse. We'll see what happens. So what's your name? Sammy. Hey, Sammy. Hi.

A long time listener, first time caller. Thanks a lot. I have a two-fold. So I really like the Muppets. Which Muppet do you sincerely relate to? And then would that Muppet play you in a biopic? Oh my God. Man, I wish I knew the Muppets well enough.

I think it would be Cookie Monster because I eat very quickly. I grew up, I was one of six, and they would put food out. And like Cookie Monster, I just throw the food at my mouth, and it all comes falling out. You know, so I'm a very, right, you can attest that I'm a very fast eater. I eat things like very fast. And I always, when I see Cookie Monster eat, anyone who knows me knows that that's Conan, you know, there's like a ham sandwich. And I'm just throwing it at my mouth. and there's just a big piece of felt that blocks it from going in and just I mean

Cookie Monster way he was so much food those cookies go flying right out of his mouth so yeah and I would want him to play me in the biopic yeah or maybe he would yeah no maybe I don't know I don't have to he'd have to do like a swat because I'm more I look more like Elmo you know we'll hold an audition what's that we'll hold an audition okay we'll figure it out but that's that's my answer for now yes you have a question my name's Delaney hey Delaney cool name that's your first name Yeah. That's so cool.

Thank you. Because your first name's a last name. Is your last name a first name? Unless Costello is a first name. No, Dwayne Costello. That's a cool name. Thank you. Also Irish.

Oh, sorry. It's a terrible thing. Yeah, I don't know I'm bragging. No, no one's bragging. You're just identifying the disease, and we're going to talk about it. So we didn't plan this. I have a question about the Muppets, too. Something about my fans.

I don't have the most mature fans. Fair, especially this question, too. All right. So if you had to kiss a Muppet, which one would you kiss and why? Definitely snuffaloagus. Why? Why?

Yeah. Because I went to Sesame Street once to tape something years and years ago, and I saw Snuffalofugus when he wasn't being operated and he was hanging from the ceiling. They like hang him up there

and he looked like one of Hannibal Lecter's victims. It was the most freakish thing and I felt so terrible for snuffaloficus that part of me wants to see him alive and then embrace him and kiss him and cover him with caresses because what I saw just shocked me. It was horrifying.

It was like someone was leaving, it was like a mob guy was leaving a threat. Like, we did this to snuff a lufferuf against, and we're going to do it to you next if you don't come across. So anyway, yeah, I'd like to see snuffaloffa us alive because that sort of traumatized me. And then the idea that we would have a romantic liaison.

Sounds like you've thought about this a lot. It's all I think about it. I was just backstage thinking about it. And then when I was with John Bon Jovi, I was thinking about a threesome. Is this why you didn't go out last night? Because he's so big that, you know, You'd lose John Bon.

You wouldn't even know John Bon Jovi's there for a while. And then he'd sort of, whoa, I didn't know. And then he'd go back into something. What are we doing? Is this any way to behave? I don't think so. Delaney, that's even your real name. I don't think it is.

Uh-oh. Here we go. Hello. Hello. Hi, what's your name? My name's Emily. Hi, Emily. I'm so nervous.

I'm so happy to talk me. Oh, don't be nervous. It's just me. To make you feel better, though. I did have to leave at 1130 this morning and didn't get here until 4.45. So you're well. Wait. Where were you coming from?

Central Florida. So is it the traffic? Is that what the problem is? Yes. You know what I'm going to do the next time I do one of these is send all the fans that get tickets, sirens. Yes.

That you can put on the roof of your car. It would have been helpful. You all get here in like eight minutes. If any cop stops, you'd be like, no, it's my Conan podcast, Siren. Yes. So where I live is part of the largest retirement community in America, which is called the Villages.

which is a crazy place. Why is everyone making noises? Because everybody hates it. No, they're crazy. The older generation gets it on. Yes. That is my question. Why are you waving?

This man's got a story to tell. What did they do to you? They have the highest STD rate, I think, in the American. Everyone seems to know about this. Why am I having no fun? Well, my question. They only use golf carts to travel. They probably do it in.

the golf carts too. My God. This is fantastic and everyone seems to know about it. They use a LUFA system that they attach to their golf carts that lets the other people know what they're into like swinging or anal or oral. So my question for you is... No, no, no, no. We're not going to get to your... You're not going to get to you... You're not asking a question now. And shall we fully examine what's happening here? You're now the guest. I'm going to cancel. We're not even going to air John Bon Jovi.

This is all going to be an expose on. What's this place called? The villages. The villages. They use a lufus system? They do. But the lufus aren't involved in the sexual acts, are they? I mean, they could be.

Sure. So they have different, whatever color. You can look online. They have a color-crued system. I'm going to look online immediately. And so they'll have that attached their golf cart, so when they're driving around, somebody can be like, oh, they're into swinging.

Let's go hook up with them. Yes. Yes, yes. So my question is what kind of loop What is the minimum age? Well... Well...

What sounds like a wonderland? You are old enough. What's that? You are old enough to be there. I wish you would said not old enough. Sorry. Okay.

I wish you would said, Oh, Conan, don't be silly. You have to be much older than you are. So really, I could get in at my age. Yes, you could. Okay. Now, what if I... Can I get a place there

and kind of visit every now and then? Yes. So I don't have to stay there. Most of them are snowbirds in that they only come during the winter and then they go back up north during the summer. Okay. Yeah.

Why do you know so much about this? I work for the county that it's in. So you're blowing that you're a whistleblower. You're blowing, we're here at like a historic, Delaney, write all this down. Why do you, only my fans then pretend to write. She's blowing the roof off a criminal ring

and you're doing bits where you space write something in an improv class? We're going to go there, all of us, and stop this madness, or participate. Yes. Oh, I think we're going to participate. Definitely, this is a participation crowd. Oh, my God, well, I don't want to be age. Just I think whatever age you are, you know, good for you.

You know what I'm saying? But, man, oh, my God. You went to such detail about what they're up to, swinging, and then you said all this other stuff, and I blacked out for a minute. Okay, you did have a question, and then I'm going to have a follow-up question for you. Okay. Just about application process, how long as it take? Is it anonymous?

That kind of thing. Because I don't want it getting out that I'm seeing a woman who fought in the Korean War. Man, Edna and I really got it on last night. So what's up? What's going on? So my question is, if you were a member of the villages, what would... It would be so great if your question wasn't about that at all. Yeah, that would be hilarious.

Do you like oatmeal cookies? With raisins or without? Go ahead. Okay. If I was a member... What would you want? want your lufa to tell the other villagers that you're into. Well, I don't know what they mean.

Do you really know what the different lufus mean? White is novice and beginners. Purple is voyeur and people who like to watch. Pink, soft wrap, people who like to do it with others in the room. And then there's more, blue. Lowest level of swap. Those who can play well with others. Well, that sounds like me.

Here we go. Yellow. Mid-level swap for those who want to have fun but are still nervous. I would be very nervous that someone's hip would fall off. Full swap, those who say, what the hell, let it all go down. Teal, bisexual, for those who want to increase their dating chances. Is that it? Okay, that's enough.

That's a lot of lufas. This is incredible. This is absolutely unbelievable. Yeah, Triumph needs to go there. That's a really good idea. That's me on. Soled, the last time you had sex, you were with Nancy Lincoln. Yes, he's, you suck!

Do you take your teeth out before, hey, that's enough, try him. What's this? I don't know, I'd say black, full swap, those who say what the hell, let it all go down. That's what I would do. That's what I would do. Not because it's hard, because it's easy. Ask for like a handshake or something.

What's that? Can I ask for a handshake or something? It's going to end with a handshake? Yes. We discussed anal. and ear sex and all kinds. Yeah, come on over. We'll have a quick, yeah, here we go.

Thank you. Let's do a quick hug here. Seriously, I have a lot of more questions for you. We'll figure that out. I didn't, you guys seem to all know about this place. It's incredible. I would love it if we all went together. Because I don't want to go alone.

I want to have people from Boko Ritone with me and then other people from an area near Boko Ritone. And then other people that were in traffic all day. God, that's incredible. We've got to go there. I've got to see what's going on. Incredible. History in the making. Okay.

They really are the greatest generation, aren't they? They got us through the Depression. They won World War II, and they're still out there. Oh, don't make things with your finger. It's got it out. Grow up. You guys were really nice. You were also delightfully weird.

What an odd group. Seriously, your questions were fantastic. and I am legitimately, I always say this, but I really mean it. I have like the funniest fans in the world. They're super nice and smart, but they're also very funny, and so lucky to have you guys come here and be hilarious improvisers. And I know that's not your name. I'll see you guys next time, all right?

We'll see you around. Bye-bye, everybody. Goodbye. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goorley. Produced by me, Matt Goreley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brick Con. rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode.

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