Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Jüs’d

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

Conan talks to Jon in Reno about starting his own juice bar business, the virtues of celery, and how much juice could be squeezed from Conan himself. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, John. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan. How are you, John? Good to see you.

I'm amazing. How are you guys? Well, we'll decide if you're amazing or not, John. That's our decision. We are the judge, jury, and sex executioner. John, that made no sense, and I apologize. Where are you coming to us from right now, John? Located in Reno, Nevada, just north of you guys.

I was going to go buy your house plant behind you and your guitar that was Reno. I'm coming in hot, and I apologize, John, but I just had some very sugary cereal. The company that makes Fruity Pebbles sent us in a couple of boxes of Fruity Pebbles, and I had three bowls of Fruity Pebbles with whole milk. Yes. That's my favorite cereal. It's out there, there's tons of them.

And it's like I mainlined something that's much purer than crack cocaine. And big bowls are small bowls. How much volume are we talking about? How dare you ask me a question, John? I came in way too hot, John, and that's a fair question. I would say a medium-sized bowl, a healthy-sized bowl, and that's why I'm revving a little bit.

And I blame the people who make the delicious and fantastic Fruity Pebbles. John, let's get to the point. You come from Reno. What is it you do? Who are you? Tell us about this man named John. Oh yeah, absolutely.

Born and raised in Reno, Nevada, for better or worse. And yeah, started a couple of juice bars with my older brother in Reno. You and your older brother own some juice bars in Reno, Nevada. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, we started them after I dropped out of college. We started them when I was 19 years old.

Okay. And I'm 32 years young now. And- How are they doing? Yeah. Is this a viable, are you making your living off these juice bars? I am making my living off of these juice bars.

Congratulations, that's very cool. You're an entrepreneur. This is very cool. Yeah, yeah, it's exciting. It's a lot of smoothies for a living, but I'm constantly making and serving smoothies year after year, but there's worse problems to have on this. Well, I don't know if there are,

but John, tell us about these smoothies, these juices that you make. Pretend I'm a potential investor or let's simplify it. A customer, what makes these juices or smoothies so great? Sell me on these. Well, absolutely, yeah. So raw and fresh is what sets us apart, I would say. We join sort of the juice bar craze, everybody's getting green juice.

Do you guys drink any green juice? Yeah, yeah, I like a green juice every now and then. And I do have a habit of making, I've been doing it for a while, I'd make a smoothie for myself in the morning using like three fistfuls of baby spinach. And then I put some protein powder in there and some fruit. And fruity pebbles?

No, no. The fruity pebbles was an aberration. I don't do that a lot, but they sent the fruity pebbles and it is my, I can't help it. You're teaching every product that they could just send it to you and you're gonna use it no matter what it is. Well, so far, yes. Every time.

I mean, we get sent a lot of fresh medicines and antibiotics from the pharmaceutical companies and I just immediately inject them in my body without even knowing what they are. So send us whatever you got. Send us some juice. No, but the juices, so I'm familiar with, it's a good way to get some good stuff into you.

And it is. What's wrong with that? I hear sugar crashing. I know, it's just the wording. Get some good stuff into you. Well, it is. I mean, when am I gonna eat a couple of handfuls of spinach? That's not gonna happen.

I'm not Popeye. That's not gonna happen. I'm not Popeye. That's not gonna happen. I'm not with olive oil, sailing the seven seas. That's not gonna happen in my life. But if I put it into a kind of a tasty vanilla tinge juice or smoothie, that's going into my body. So what kind of juices do you have? What do you recommend?

Yeah, so we're all over the spectrum. You know, like real health juicing is just like, no fruit is not that much sugar. You can have a little bit, but like mainly you're talking like spinach, kale, cucumbers, celery, now what makes that all the boring stuff. What makes that palatable? How do you take all that stuff and make it drinkable?

We sell things like shots and stuff, and I tell people it's just like taking any other shot. You just get it down. Cucumber, kale, spinach juice is always gonna taste kind of a earthy. That's really funny that you're serving a product for people to eat, and you're saying, just get it down quickly and ignore the taste.

Do you know what I mean? Can you imagine a restaurant where they're like, just get it in you fast! Just get it in fast! And then just hold it down. You're gonna want to vomit, but hold it down. Uh, once in a blue moon, we get like bad Yelp reviews where they go like, this product tastes like shit. I don't understand what the hype is about.

And we always respond like, it's supposed to taste like that. It's really good for you. Yeah, it's got shit in it. So yeah, we run into this. We put feces in it because it's good roughage. Um, uh, are there, there are some things that I'm suspicious of that shouldn't, like, I don't like, uh, I know beets are good for me.

I don't, I have a beef with beets. Yeah, I do too. Because they look like candy. Yes. They look like watermelon. They are false advertising. Right, right. It tastes like absolute ass.

Yeah, yes, yes, yes. And yet it's the staple crop in Russia. Right. And people swear by beets. I'm with you on this. Oh. Beets look red and wonderful and inviting, and it looks like you're gonna bite

into the sweetest cherry in the world, and you bite into it, and suddenly, your mouth is World War III. I disagree, I like borscht a lot. Yeah, well, I mean, you grew up in a different country in a different time. Different political ideology. What does that have to do with liking borscht?

You grew up under the cold iron boot of an authoritarian regime. That's not true. That is not true. So back to you, John, and I apologize for my compatriots bursting in like that. I've made it very clear to them that they shouldn't speak, and yet they do, and yet I continue to invite them in

and encourage them to speak and pay them to speak. John, I'm still on a fruity pebbles high right now. I'm jealous. Hey, you know what you should do? Make a really healthy shake, but then throw a handful of fruity pebbles in there and you've got a delicious shake. That's what he was saying.

He said that earlier. Did you say that earlier? I like that for a second. Oh, okay, well we're paying attention, John. Sorry. I'm sorry, John. It'll be new on our list. Oh no, of course, yeah.

Okay, I have a question. Celery, is celery anything? That's a good question. No, I'm serious. You're right. Is it anything? What is celery? Celery is definitely something.

It's just water that somehow managed to form into a stick, isn't it? Yeah, and then they sprinkle a little salt on it. It's water that took a class and got hypnotized and thinks it's a stick. But it's not beats. It's not telling, isn't it? Yeah. And they sprinkle a little salt on it. It's water that took a class and got hypnotized and thinks it's a stick. But it's not beats. It's not telling you anything different. No, no, it's not telling you anything.

But what is, is there any nutritional value in celery? Let's say I'm in a shipwreck. I go overboard. I get into a little raft and all it has is celery. Do I survive after 30 days or am I dead? I would say emphatically, no, you do not survive. Really? Because what's in celery?

With just celery. Well, it's got a lot of water and sodium and potassium. And yeah, I mean, it's good. It's got nothing, but it's a nice vessel. It's good to dip in peanut butter. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yes, yes, it's like a cracker you don't mind, a tasteless cracker, but then you put some peanut butter on Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yes, yes, it's like a cracker you don't mind, a tasteless cracker,

but then you put some peanut butter on it, it's fine. But in and of itself, why would you add celery to any, and look, I know that there are some listeners right now saying, why is Conan going down this celery road? I think he's lost his noodle, he's gone, you know. He's been pebbled. Yeah, he's been pebbled. But no, I think I'm onto something.

Isn't celery a waste of time? Why put it in anything? Well, you're right. It is mostly water. And then while you were saying that, I was thinking that, you know, it does form into celery and then we technically are turning it back into a water product to put it back into juice. But does it have roughage?

Because roughage has its value. But celery has tons of value. You want all that potassium, you want all that sodium. It's salt. It's a great source of water I have a bagel this is all done like that crisp crunch where the beats let you down fiber, too Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah fiber roughage. I said roughage celery over beets any day But I said I will take beats on I hate over celery Yeah, I'm with you on cellar so I add, you guys are crazy for hating Beats.

I'm Team Sona here because Beats are great. All right, John. You can pickle them, you can boil them, you can juice them. Yeah, Beats is the best. You know what's funny? Possibilities are endless. I hate a beet, but when you say pickle it, suddenly I'm down. Let it rot for a little bit, And then I'm all in the basement.

And then I'm ready to go. No, if you don't like a food, pickling it doesn't make you like it more, John. I'm sorry, I've never been angry or at anyone in my life. I understand. I never knew about your feelings about celery. But I agree with you. You're in business with your brother.

Now, I love my brothers, but if I went into business with them, there'd be gunplay pretty quickly. There'd be shots fired. I can't, do you get along with your brother and what's your brother's name? My brother's name is Adam. Yeah, we started the business together

and my number one piece of advice is you got it perfectly right. Don't go into business with your family. It's never a good idea. Does he add, is he additive? Does he add much to it? Or is he sort of this celery in your shake? Is he just this, he's there,

he has a little bit of sodium and a lot of water and like you could do without him, but whatever, he's here. Be honest, is he, is your brother celery? Is Adam celery? I would like, I would like to think I'm the beets in this family, versatile, delicious. And then yeah, I would like to think he's the celery.

Okay. It's a little bit boring, a little plain, you know beats in this family, versatile, delicious. And then, yeah, I would like to think he's the seller. Okay. He's a little bit boring, a little plain, you know. No, he's great. Yeah, and boy do we fight. You know, we've developed some skills over the years of not like screaming at each other in front of customers and staff.

Yeah, when people go to a juice bar, they don't want to see two guys screaming at each other. It's supposed to be, you're like a yoga studio. Yeah. You're supposed to represent this calm, self-nurturing. Exactly. What do you fight over in the juice world? Oh my gosh, you wouldn't believe it.

Recipes, how much chocolate we should add to something. Chocolate, a lot. Yeah, who's more and who's less chocolate? You or Adam? I would say I'm probably more chocolate and he's probably less chocolate. And can I say something? I'm gonna jump in here and I know that's unusual

for me to talk a lot on these things, but I'd say if you're using beets, go very heavy on the chocolate. Anything you can to kill the beet and force the beet. Agreed. Into a silence. That beet chocolate combo, you would be surprised. It's no, no.

Yeah. It's terrible. It's incredible. So banana, how do you feel about a banana? Is that too much sugar? Love bananas, not too much sugar at all. It's an evolutionary sugar. It's the kind of sugar you want. So yeah, all types of bananas.

Hey, if it comes from a tree or a plant, it's gotta be good for us. That's right. Wait a minute, some poisons come from trees and plants. That was a stupid thing I just said. No, I think food-wise. No, I should have qualified. Unless they're poisonous berries.

With the exception of certain poison berries. I'm just trying to be safe and make sure that no kids out there get hurt. I love bananas. A lot of kids listen to this podcast and then do immediately what I said. That's true. A lot of young children.

Beethoven's favorite fruit. Bananas? What's that? Bananana. Bananana. Bananana. Bananana. Oh my God. Oh my God. John, not only do I apologize,

but I give you permission to sue us. Oh great. And I will not contest the suit. You know what Dr. Dre's favorite fruit is? What's that? Beets. Beets by Dr. Dre. John, you can't do the banana joke and then get on me for that.

Beats were not good. It wasn't that good. John, is there any way that I can cut, I can just talk to John myself on these two? I would love that. You know what I wish? I wish that this was, there was a section, there was a button where I could push and you two were ejected into space. This whole side of the room was ejected. I wish that. But you need Eduardo and you need Adam.

Oh, really? I need Eduardo? Oh, wow. Where were you in 93, Eduardo? I don't remember you spitting the dials back there when I was killing it in late night. -♪ I, uh... I think you are right. Hold on. I'm not crashing.

This is me being thoughtful. Sometimes I take pauses to create the illusion that I'm thoughtful. I see. John, there is a juice movement in this country, and it sounds like you have ridden this way perfectly. People love their juices. Now, what kind of equipment do you use?

What kind of blender do you use? And some might say, do you use a juicer? What's that big juicer everybody uses? Queezonart? Breville. Breville has that one juicer, doesn't it? Are you getting money from Breville? What are you getting money from?

No, but I'd like them to send me a juicer. Don't do that. We're not gonna be. No, me too, if we're doing this. Breville, Breville, Breville. Breville, Breville. Send us stuff. Breville, Breville. Send us stuff.

Breville, Breville. The Neutra Bullet. Oh, Neutra Bullet. I use the Neutra Bullet. And- I take that too. And again, I am not, we do not, no, I refuse any compensation. That's bad, we should not do that.

And if any of that stuff comes to us, I'm gonna have it destroyed except for Fruity Bubble, which I will eat immediately. What's your blender of choice? Absolutely, yes. So blenders were just using classic Vitamixes. To make our juice, we're using two different machines. We're using a huge cold press machine, which is essentially just like a hydraulic pincher.

It just squeezes fruits and vegetables together. Um, for like softer fruits and vegetables, we use a machine called the, uh, auger masticating. What? An auger masticating. So say it again, auger masticating. Yeah. So in our case, we're using a dual auger masticating juicer.

Oh my God. That's like a torture device. You have them talk and then they unveil it. This is the dual auger masticating process. I'll tell you, I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Sorry, that was a little flight of fancy of mine. Continue, please. But yeah, so for our volume, we are using huge cold press machines.

Yeah, and it's really just pinching. It's really just a pinch machine. You wouldn't want to get like hands caught in there. I wouldn't want to get hands caught. Can I just say one thing? It would result in my death, but it might be kind of erotic to fall into a pinching machine.

What? Well, your body's being pinched and you're like, ooh. And then you realize, oh, it's over for me. I'm being turned into a juice. But then there's like a glass below that there's just all this Conan juice that comes out. Yeah. And I'm telling you something,

you can do a lot worse than Conan juice if you're doing it right now. I don't know, that's true. It's, I feel like some people would be willing to give it a try. Oh, God. Has anyone ever fallen into a juicer and been killed? And if they had, would you sell that juice?

That's a good question. I would, we would probably examine the juice. No, it's not, it's not a good question, John. It's a stupid question. You're insane if you think that's a good question. I would, we would probably examine. No, it's not. It's not a good question, John. It's a stupid question. You're insane if you think that's a good question. Has anyone fallen into the juicer and then been turned into a juice and then have you sold that juice?

That was my question. You would need to fall very thin because you have a very small amount of area to get in, but I'm willing to give it a shot, I'd say. Yeah. I'm gonna say, John, let me ask you a question. Let's say I did, I'm gonna say, John, let me ask you a question. Let's say I did, I had an accident and I fell.

I was visiting you in Reno, cause I was there to gamble and lost big, got depressed and jumped into your juicer to end it all. The juice that resulted would be pure Conan juice. Wouldn't you be tempted to sell that for a lot of money? Cause just think about it, the essence of Conan O'Brien in a juice. I think that would be worth...

SHANNON NOVOTNY No, but of... That'd be the essence of my... Whatever it is that makes me me. The genius, the... SHANNON NOVOTNY No, no, no, no, no. That sounds gross. That sounds gross. You would close up your shop completely forever. CRAIG Yeah, what I was gonna ask is if we... Let's say we bottle and sell it in 16 ounce increments, like how much would we charge for Conan?

How many 16 ounce lots can you get out of a big man? Yeah, six foot four, 191 pound male. Boy. You get a lot of people coming back saying there's a red hair in my juice. I'm sorry. Come on. I bet we get 50 to 60 bottles out of you. There's a red hair in my juice. Oh! I'm sorry! Come on. I bet we get 50 to 60 bottles out of you. We probably sell them for, what, eight to $10 each

or something like that. Eight to $10? I am a seminal figure. No, it's like tequila, but instead of a worm, there's a red hair and you gotta drink the red hair. It's carrot juice with red hair. There's a red hair and a little ivy. To $10.

Hey, John, this has been a terrible conversation. I mean, from beginning to end, just insanity. But I've enjoyed it, I really have. And I'm wondering if you have a question for me. How can I help you? I do Conan, so we share something which is that we both have webbed feet. Well, excuse me.

I will not be, let's be specific. On one foot, I have two toes that are joined by some webbing. So they're webbed. Me too, I feel like that's called webbed feet. Yeah, that's what I am. No, what I'm saying is, it's not like I have these two duck feet. There's two toes joined by one web. What I'm saying is, it's not like I have these two duck feet.

There's two toes joined by one web. Is that, does that mean I'm just in the webbed foot category? I have a family member with a similar thing. That's what we in the industry call it. That's a webbed foot. You're in the webbed foot industry? Yeah. That's what our club calls it anyway.

Okay, so yes, I am part of that club. Just be proud of it. Yeah. It's a cool thing. You can win better. Yeah. Except it's just one foot, so I swim in circles. It's circle.

One foot's much more powerful than the other. Like a bath toy. Yeah, it looks like I'm circling the drain whenever I go swimming. Okay, I'm sorry, go ahead, Jon. So you have webbed feet, as do I. I do, and I don't know if this would be of interest to you guys, and I also don't know

if I'm flexible enough to show you, but I actually got the sort of famous webbed foot tattoo a couple years ago. What's the famous web? I don't know what that is. Let's see. Can I show you? Is that okay?

Can I see if I can get my pleasure? I insist. I insist. I did not take care of my feet before this, so forgive whatever that was. Please, that's okay. That's all right, we can clean this up in editing. Oh!

So it's a little lizard. That's really funny. Oh, that's okay. That's all right, we can clean this up in editing. Oh! So it's a little scissor. Oh, wow! That's really funny. Oh, you're a real webbed! That is so cool! So for the listener, he's got a little icon of scissors

with a dotted line, like cut here. That's so cool. You should do that too! Yeah. Now, have you ever been tempted to get the webbing cut? I would think it'd be a very simple procedure and then your toes are separated. So I heard this, I'm not a doctor,

I make smoothies for a living. Are you sure you're not a doctor? I'm not sure it's true or not. But I heard that you can't anymore. Once you reach the age of like post being a baby, whatever the scientific term for that is, they can't cut them anymore because your nerves are like too ingrained in there

and then you'll bleed to death. What? Yeah. I don't know who you're talking to, but I'm sure there's some way to stop the bleeding by sewing it up. But why mess with what God has done is what I say. And I say that knowing that a year from now,

I'm gonna have radical facial surgery so I can stay in show business. But I had a webbed foot question for you, Conan, which is that I don't know if you promulgate, I don't know if you tell people a lot about your webbed feet, but people always ask- Well, clearly you knew about it, so I guess I have mentioned it.

I didn't even know that. That's true, you are fairly vocal about it. I think it came up in a- I forgot. I think it came up somewhere, yeah. Yeah, you mentioned it in a podcast and I was like, oh my god, Conan and I have something in common. But my question for you is, people always say, are you a fast swimmer?

And I go, oh yeah, Michael Phelps, blah, blah, blah. But that answer is always a little boring. So I was hoping you could help me come up with some better answers to what to respond with people ask, like, are you a fast swimmer? What's it, you know, even what's it like? What are some good excuses I could make? I mean, the only thing that comes to my mind is fuck you. I was born this way and it's not funny, you know?

And then really act offended and hurt and walk out of the room and act like you've been, and then come back in the room and then walk out again. That's one way to go. The other way to go is with my quick, is it on both feet or just one? I technically have them on both feet. Oh cool, see that, cause my joke is I just swim in circles cause it's just one foot, which is a pretty funny joke,

but we already did that. Oh, that is great. I would just go with it. I think it's a yes and, so, are you a fast swimmer? Yes, I'm incredibly fast. And it's like there's an Evan Rude outboard motor on my ass. I can swim at great speeds.

I would go that route, possibly. There's all kinds of stuff you could- You're like Aquaman. You're like Aquaman. Yeah. Oh yeah, oh, I get to go the Aquaman route. Maybe I could get like a bronze Olympic medal and say I like place, not first,

but like place something or something like that. Yeah, get a bronze. And actually you can say there's one after bronze, which is a dense wood or a balsa. Then there's one after that. There's a mahogany and then after that there's a balsa. But yeah, I would just go with it. I would always go with the riff, I say.

So yeah, say I'm an incredible swimmer and then always allude to this sexual prowess. And people don't have to know what it means, but kind of, you know, and you know what they say about guys with webbed feet and do the old groucho with the eyebrows. That they have a webbed dick? Yeah, webbed balls.

Excuse me, what's going on here? I was trying to keep it in a mysterious land and John, you went totally into the gutter with the help of Matt Gorley. John, I'm proud of you. I'm proud that you, as a young man, you left college, you started out a business, made the mistake of joining up with your brother.

I would never do that. And, but I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you and what you've done. And someday maybe I'll get to Reno and try your juice. What's the name of joining up with your brother. I would never do that. And, but I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you and what you've done. And someday maybe I'll get to Reno and try your juice. What's the name of your store? It's called Juice, J-U-S. Yeah, you won't have a hard time finding us if you come to Reno. That's Juss.

Yeah, something like that. Yeah, you can call it whatever you want though. But J-U-S is, how do they, how do you know that? Is it a juice with an umlaut? Oh yeah, yeah, sorry. It's J-U-S with the German umlaut. So it's juiced. Oh, juiced.

Okay. It's not just. All right, yeah, cause I would just think that's just. Yeah. And all right, well, I'll check it out someday, but hey, no beets and no celery, okay? Well, that's too bad.

That's mostly what we serve. So. Well, that's a terrible commercial for your business. Lots of chocolate. Yeah, I just basically want a milkshake. Chocolate covered beets full set. Hey John, best of luck to you and thanks so much for calling in. Yeah, what an absolute pleasure.

Thank you so much you guys, I really appreciate it. What a nice guy, take care man. Did I do okay? You did great, this was fantastic. This was great. Oh great. We've never had people at, no one seems to care how they did except you.

That's nice. And you did great. I like that you cared. That's very nice. Well, would you be honest with me if I did terribly? No. We'd act just like we're acting now. But guess what?

It was a really fun conversation and you seem like a nice guy. And I wish you'd take my advice about getting rid of beets and celery in that fucking juice. I'll send a group chat to my brother about it. No, I hate that guy. All right, man, take care. Great job.

Bye, John. Yeah, thank you guys so much. Really appreciate it. Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Lea. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

Supervising producer Aaron Blayard. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. You'll get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.