Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Kaley Cuoco Returns

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

Actress Kaley Cuoco returns to chat with Conan once again about shooting her action movie Role Play while pregnant, being discouraged from acting as a child, and her new line of eco-friendly dog products Oh Norman! Later, Conan wistfully recalls his clubbing days. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].

Hi, my name is Kaylee Cuoco. And I feel suspicious about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Suspicious. Well, you know, I've been here before. You asked me back a second time, so I'm thinking maybe the first time I can go so well. This is a sting operation. This is what I'm wondering. You have not paid your taxes in four years.

Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. And what are you laughing about? Well, you know, often when you come right in with a, hey there, Sonia and I just exchange a look, like, is he gonna make it through? How's this gonna go? I know, but then that makes me self-conscious. Well, that's even better.

And then I can't roll through, you know? Oh no, now we won't look at each other. Well, I might want to. And then I can't roll through, you know? Oh, no. Now we won't look at each other. Well, I might want to put up some kind of curtain or something for the open, and then it slowly rises so that you can see each other once I've gotten through the open. But it is distracting. Okay, sorry. And we need to run this like a professional organization.

Okay, take it again. We won't do anything. No, no. I just want to tell you that, hey there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. I do need a friend.

Always in need of a friend. You can't have too many friends. Actually not true. You can have too many friends. Yeah. Who? I just, you know, if you had like, don't you find that sometimes?

Like you get to a certain stage of life and someone is kind of interested maybe in being your friend and you think, I'm all set. It's true. I'm set until the grave. Or unless some of them dies. The older you get, the smaller your circle needs to be. I have told people, I like you, you seem like a nice person.

I would be your friend, but I need for one of my friends to die. That's what you told me. Yeah. Yeah. No, but I didn't say you'd ever be a friend. No. That was just, I said, that was the acquaintance list. You could be an acquaintance of mine if an acquaintance dies.

But Sona, right? Do you agree with what I'm saying? You don't have room. You have twins, you have a tack, your husband tacked Texesian. You don't have- Fast name, okay, yeah. Well, whatever.

No, not whatever. That's just not his name. You can't just say whatever. You know, for years I thought that was his name. I know, I think there's people who probably- Is it tack, tack, a ca just not his name. You can't just say whatever. Do you know for years I thought that was his name? I know, I think there's people who probably... Is it TAC, TACC, and Cessorian? Okay. I don't know, I'm honestly asking you what his last name is.

You know what his last name is. I don't know his last name. It's Groyan. You, God, oh man. Okay, well anyway. Let's go back to the friend thing. Okay, what I'm saying is you have a full plate. I have a lot of friends.

You've got two children. Yeah. You've got T children. Yeah. You've got Tak, last name, whatever he wants to say it is. Okay. You've got, I know your friends, Piss, right? Yeah. That's true.

Christina, who I've called Piss, Veronica, Angie, you know, Erica, Megan, Lindsay. Right. You have a lot of friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, if another person came along at this point and said, hey, I want to be your friend and have some time with you, would you tell them I'm full up? No, I went and you know what?

I actually made a friend recently and we went to the Huntington Library together and we had a really lovely day and we had lunch and it was really nice. Is this an affair or a friend? No, she's my friend, she's my friend now. We'll like text everyone for a while. But how did you meet?

She's Armenian, she's a comedian, her name's Mary and she's my friend. She's my friend now. We'll like text everyone for a while. But how did you meet? She's Armenian, she's a comedian. Her name's Mary and she's really funny. And you know, we just ran into each other at a lot of different events and she's cool. I like her. Do your current friends resent at all that you've taken on a new friend? No.

Okay. Friends don't think like that. No, that's not how friends work. They don't get mad that you have more friends. What kind of friends do you have? The people that really like keep track of this stuff. No. Okay.

Really keep track of our friends. Yeah. Well, that's all I have. I'm sorry. But, no, I- They don't want to share you? No, I don't. I-

I- Well, do you understand what I'm saying? Don't you, Matt, that at a certain point, you're set. You've got your friends. In a sense, I do. Yeah, you've got your friends. No, I don't understand this at all. I'm saying I'm open to more friends, but you got to be a banger. You've got your friends. In a sense, I do. Yeah, you've got your friends. No, I don't understand this at all. I'm saying I'm open to more friends,

but you got to be a banger. You know what I mean? Right. You really got a real corker. Like you got to come in dancing. Right. You got to have real good Spiro Agnew memorabilia. Exactly. You have to have a lute that's in tune.

You need to have your shit together. And that's how I feel, which is you can come to me, you can ask me if you want to be my friend, but you got to bring something to the table. Because at this point, you know my friends, I've got a big posse. You know, I've got a big, I roll deep. With a lot of friends. Three to four people.

Why are we doing this podcast? It's called Conan O'Brien. He's a friend. Yes, but what isn't, I think what should be implied is let's see if you make it. Oh, okay. What do you think the series finale of this podcast is? Is there a friend for you? Do you bring one of these people in and finally announce, I've had you in a number of times,

you're the one, you're the friend. Oh, so we should make it like the bachelor. Kind of. Like I should hand a rose when this thing finally comes to the end, which I hope isn't for a long, long time, months from now. I think I should hand a rose. Or a plate of corned beef. Are you gonna have an overnight and then like go to their hometown

and meet their families and stuff too? I've never watched these shows. Is that what happens? That's what happens. When you say there's an overnight, do they have sex? I mean, that's implied. That's implied. They have sex on television. The cameras aren't on.

No, no, the cameras aren't on, but it's implied. And there's like rose petals on the bed. And then they're like, you know, they start making out. Is that sexy to have rose petals on the bed? I mean, I personally would not like. It's supposed to be rose petals, right? What do you put on it? See, I got, I fucked up.

Like succulents, like cactus? Yeah, for Eliza once, I was trying to be romantic and I went and there was just a shrub. Come on. There was a shrub that I saw in your- Just like a ficus? It was like a ficus and I just pulled it out and I remember when I pulled it out

and then my hands broke out in these big sores. But then I just threw it all over the bed and she said, how is this sexy? And I said, come on! This is what people do. It's a fucking shrub. What dirt do you have on this woman that you got her to marry?

I don't know. I definitely married up. Did it have the roots and like the dirt? There was soil all over the bed. Aw man, come on. That's not sexy. And also a traffic sign that was nearby. It said deer crossing and it was rusty

and that came out too. Oh no, then a deer died. And so that was just up near the pillow Yeah, and then that yeah the deer didn't no one was slowing down for the deer the deer were like this should be okay There's a sign Antler jelly all over the place I love deer going it should be fine. There's a sign And then the other deer is like should we check that it's still there?

And the first deer is like, who would move a deer crossing sign? There's only shrubbery here. There aren't roses. Here I go with no peripheral vision. Lump! Get your deer jelly, Patler jelly, nose jelly, hoof jelly. We've got it all. Oh man, come on, don't kill the deer.

That's not sexy. Don't do the shrubs. All right, well now you tell me. Now you tell me. This was after we had already had two children. None since. Fortunately, my two kids had already come along when I tried the shrub. Hey, it's your shrub on the bed.

Let's do it. Well, there's no transition here. There never is. I know. My guest today starred on the hit CBS series, The Big Bang Theory, and the Max series, The Flight Attendant. Now you can see her in the new prime video movie, role play.

Very excited to talk to her. I really love talking to this woman. She's lovely. ["The Love Song"] Kaylee Cuoco, welcome. There was a little bit of, I guess, a kerfuffle when you pulled in. No, let me just tell you what I had to deal with. I just told you if I could fire. All I wanna do is fire people. I know, a kerfuffle when you pulled in. No, I don't know what happened. I had to deal with it.

I just told you if I could fire. All I want to do is fire people. I know. I don't want to watch you fire people. So this is last time I came, this was not here. I was at a different place. This is our facility that we've had for about two years now. It's amazing. Yeah. And you came, I think you were the first person that came during.

At the height of COVID. The height of COVID you came in. In person. In person, coughing on everyone. Well, I didn't think COVID was real The height of COVID you came in. In person. In person coughing on everyone. Uh-huh. Well, I didn't think COVID was real. So I was like, here I am. I came in, didn't care.

That was a different place because this place wasn't done yet, but this is my James Bond- It's beautiful. Evil lair. No, it's definitely evil. Well, I drove in and they say, they're like, drive in

and they were gonna have a parking spot for you. Now I drive a huge car, like an obnoxious car. And so they go, oh, you just pull your car right behind Conan's right there. That shiny blue gorgeous Tesla and it's like four inches to get by your car. And I was like, I can't hit Conan's car. I couldn't park there.

So I left the facility and I parked myself in a parking garage on Larchmont. This is... So if you're gonna validate this for me, I'm gonna owe a lot of money when I leave. Because of this bullshit parking situation. I'm gonna be honest with you. We're in a wonderful facility, beautiful facility,

as you will attest. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. And we do editing here for this TV show I'm doing for HBO Max and we can do podcasts here We make our own honey and we make ale here. We have we run medieval fairs out of this place So there's a birthing center. There's a birthing center Yeah, and I'm a doula. I mean, I say I am. I don't really know what's going on.

You could be the worst doula. I'm the worst doula. It wasn't happening! This is disgusting! Vomiting everywhere. Who said there'd be fluids? He doesn't want to look at the vagina. Oh no, don't even talk about it.

When's the stork coming? I was told there was a stork. You'd be the best, Dula. We'd be laughing so hard. But no, we have this great facility and you can chime in because Adam's access here and he's one of the fellow masterminds of this whole thing. But there's not a lot of parking.

No. There really isn't. I mean, sometimes there's no parking for me and you'd think I would have parking. What's going on? Now you have a nice comfortable me, and you'd think I would have parking. What's going on? Now, you have a nice comfortable space, don't you? I get here first. You get here first. Yay!

That's why it's an incentive to get here really early, so that I get a spot and... Right. And if you're a guest, you get here early. He's got a spot. And so I pulled in and, first of all, I was hoping that you would hit me. Well, I was great. Well, you've got that big bang money, you know I mean you're a big success and I would I would quickly run out and pretend that I was in the car

That's why I parked in a parking structure on large ones. You say you drive a big car. Is it like two hummers strapped together side by side? I actually drive an 18-wheeler. Nice, very nice. I got my license for that recently and I enjoy driving it around town. People love it, people love it.

No, but I really didn't wanna hit your car and so. It's fine. Well, I'm not a, I'm really't want to hit your car. And so. It's fine. Well, I'm not a, I'm really. What's done is done. I'm not into my possessions. I'm not a very materialistic person, said the guy with the blue Tesla. Yeah.

And it's very shiny and very clean, but it looked like it was like lights were streaming down. It was like, oh, you haven't lit. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it's like. We haven't lit from all different angles. There's better lighting on my car

in the non-parking space that I don't have than there is in this studio right now. I could not wait to come back today because I remember last time I was here, I think I spent two straight hours laughing. I don't even think I talked. Well, you were on something. You were on something.

It was COVID. I wasn't even there. I remember I got there a little late and they said, Kaylee's been here for an hour and she's in the studio alone laughing. So it wasn't me. That's true. So much has happened in your life. You have a 10-month-old today child.

Today. Today. I had a baby 10 months ago. How's everything going? Oh my God. So how old are yours? You're two and a half. Oh my God. You had two at the same time. I had a baby 10 months ago. How's everything going? Oh my God, Sona, how old are yours? You're two and a half. Oh my God, you had two at the same time.

I did. Why did you do that? I honestly, I don't know. It's crazy. It is really crazy, it's a lot. And they're four-eyes. And you look so rested. Oh, do I?

Yes. I think it's just a lot of makeup because I'm not rested. I mean, Matt's got a two and a half year old too. Two and three months, yeah. We're just talking about not getting any sleep. She's in the Navy now. She's in the Navy.

She's actually a seal, a Navy seal. Yeah, she's badass. That's amazing. She is badass. I'm thinking of, because my kids are- How many months are you okay? My daughter's 51 daughters my son is 49 yeah exactly he still did months

950 months old I hate hearing myself say 10 months it really annoys me before one it's a lot It's like almost one. Right. The months conversation. It is, this is the thing is I'm pulled back into it all because I remember viscerally what it was like when our children were, you know, 10 months old. Then you, it's funny.

It starts to drift away and go away. If you, I think this is very, very sexist, but if you're the guy, I kind of start to forget. And I'll say it on my wife, isn't it funny? She was like, I don't forget anything! What do you mean you forget? Of course you forget. You ran off and did a talk show every day, asshole.

I just didn't see you sit. Yeah, exactly. And I'd say, oh, we had kind of a rough time today. Yeah, George Clooney. Yeah, exactly. And I'd say, oh, he had kind of a rough time today. Yeah, George Clooney. Yeah, exactly. He kept talking about a prank, and I couldn't get him to come to the point. And then I had this veal that wasn't quite to my liking

at a restaurant. And then made my way home after a few cosmos. How's the baby? Do you even know its name? Not really. But anyway, so it's, yes, she does not forget. You will not forget any of it. I know what I hate though,

and you can tell me if you hate this too. What I hate is how everyone now is like, hey, mama, what is that? I'm just like, I had a call on the way here and she was like, how's mom life? And I'm like, this is the? I'm just like, I had a call on the way here and she was like, how's mom life? And I'm like, this is the same 10 and a half months ago. Like, I don't, it's the same. Like, I just, I get like this visceral angry reaction

like, hey mama, you're looking so good. I'm like, well, what did I look like before? Like, I'm so happy. Who sang this to you? Everybody. So you were at a 7-Eleven, just trying to get some slim gyms. And you're like, hey mama!

Yes! It's they know you have a baby and all of a sudden you're mama. Yes. And you look good. Yes. But it's like a difference than just looking normal good. Yeah, they expect you to look good.

Wow! Yeah. You're alive and walking. Yeah. You're living today? Yeah. You're out in the world? No, I can't believe it. And I'm like, what are you doing? Your eyes are still in their sides. You're living today? You're out in the world?

No, I can't believe it. Your eyes are still in your sights. It's just ridiculous. You know, I had to tell Miss Last Job that I did, because they were all calling me mama. I actually had to tell my assistant to tell everyone. And I'm not, I'm easy. Like, I'm whatever. I'm good. I'm good. But everyone was calling me mama so often, and I was really hiding, and I'm not, I'm easy. Like I'm whatever, I'm good, I'm good.

But everyone was calling me mama so often and I was really hiding and I was like, I'm not gonna like, let them call you that. Like don't get mad. I started to really resent everybody. And I had my assistant call a meeting and tell everyone to stop calling me mama. And they did.

Yeah, of course they did. Yeah, that's quote go long. Can you imagine? I couldn't take it anymore. I think that's fine. Yes, I do too. I swear this is a true story. I can't.

Do you have, what about this? This is something I'm curious about. When you were pregnant, did you ever have men put their hand on your belly who, without your permission? Cause I saw that happen once or twice. It's weird, right? It was me the one that was doing it. Yeah. That's so weird. I was on me the one that was doing it. Yeah.

That's how I was. I was on the subway. I didn't think they'd catch me. No, no, no, I saw, I saw one or two times I saw someone reach over and put their hand on my wife's belly. But it was people we kind of, we knew them, but I always thought like, wow, that is a move.

I would never. I know. I am so phobic about the touching. Yeah, I just do that to non-pregnant women. Yeah. That's, that is a move I would never... I know. I am so phobic about the touching. Yeah, I just do that to non-pregnant women. Yeah, that's... Someday there'll be a baby in here. Weird. What an awful move.

That's weird. Let me feel where the baby will one day be. One day be. Oh, it's so gross. I just... That is the creepiest... Now I keep thinking about that and wondering why I didn't think of it. That is a visual. Yeah, I know. I just. That is the creepiest. Now I keep thinking about that. And wondering why I didn't think of it. Yeah, I know.

Hey there. Let's just feel where that someday a baby might live in this apartment. No. I'm throwing up. Oh my God. What? It's the rubbing it too.

I know. That makes it worse. Future nursery. I wish you could see everyone's hands the way they're moving right now. Well, anyway, it's like we've done it before. No, I know. Future nursery. Come on. I wish you could see everyone's hands the way they're moving right now. Well, anyway, it's like we'd done it before. No, I know. I just didn't think of it.

I was never there. I'm like, I wasn't that way either, even with other pregnant friends. Like I'm not a stomach toucher. I'm not at all. Like I just, I was, I would literally walk around forgetting I was pregnant. Like I just wasn't that pregnant girl that like, I wasn't like Mrs.

I just, I just wanted it to be done. Right. You know, yeah. This comes to mind because of the movie you just did, which I watched and I really loved. Oh, thank you. Where you're your role play where you're doing all these amazing bad ass stunts, basically playing a mom who's also an assassin. And it's really physical and you're really good at it. Thank you. And I'm like, this is major some

Keanu Reeves moves in here. And I was thinking, what was the timeline? Was this after you landed in Germany? I shot it in Germany, it landed in Germany. And then we found it a week later, I was pregnant. And I went in for my first day of stunt training. I was pregnant. That's insane. I Germany, I shot it in Germany, it landed in Germany, and then we found out a week later I was pregnant and I went in for my first day of stunt training, I was pregnant. That's insane. I know, I was pregnant that whole time. It was wild.

Also, we shot in Berlin in the summer, it was like a thousand degrees and all I wanted was Taco Bell. And they don't have Taco Bell in all of Germany. I looked, I searched, it's all I wanted, but also I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant. So all they kept thinking was this girl Is keeps asking for Taco Bell and won't let us go

And her stunt double seems to be interfering with a lot. I'm saying like I'll do that. I'll do that because I told her Okay, that's good. Oh my son double. I was doing a lot and you were doing a lot Yeah, and and there's no way that's like nope, they did not CGI your head onto that person's body. No. You're doing a lot of these stunts. They did. And you're pregnant while you're doing it, obviously early on, but still, that's got to be in your head a little bit or no. It was more, it wasn't the physicality.

I was sick the whole time. So I was just so, I wanted to die the entire time. I just was sick. I was just nauseous. So the physical stuff, I just was sick, I was just nauseous. So the physical stuff, I actually felt better because I was like moving around, but when I would just have to sit there and like say dialogue, I just was like seeing white.

But yeah, it was a wild experience. I wouldn't recommend it. When I was like, oops. What if your baby now just has that, you know, just, because she was in utero, what if now she can- She's in stunt classes now. She's doing sword fighting. I mean, I told you she's 10 months today.

Yeah, that's the time. Yeah, this is the time to get her going in that. So sword fighting and, you know, all those sorts of things. That's funny that you wanted Taco Bell. My wife was a vegetarian when I met her. And so then we get married, she finds out, she's pregnant. Okay, everything's moving along fine. We go out to this place in New York.

I order a burger because I'm Irish Catholic and for me that's a well-rounded healthy meal. Absolutely. And so I get my burger and she gets her salad and I'll never forget, she said, Liza said, can I just have one bite of your burger? And she had never been interested at all in any of the giant Flintstone steaks

I was eating or anything. And she said, can I just have one bite of your burger? And I went, okay. And I held it over the table and she took a bite and then didn't let go. Oh my God. And then I swear to God, her jaw detached. Yes. Like a snake and she pushed it and my fist into her mouth and inhaled it.

And bye bye, no more vegetarian. Like because it was no longer her in charge. Yep. It was our daughter inside saying it's burger time and pulling a lever. Yes, how does she still eat meat? Yes. So it's so crazy. So I also was a vegetarian. I hadn't eaten meat in like probably seven or eight years. And my fiance, my partner's big meat eater too,

and this exact story happened to us. Oh really? Okay. And I was like, I want that. It was the same thing. And I said, I have to have that. He's like, you have it. And I ate like, I want that. It was the same thing. And I said, I have to have that. He's like, you have it. And I ate the whole steak and I now like only eat steak. Your cholesterol is 7,000.

I'm actually dying. But yeah, this is my last six heart attacks since you came in here. No, but it's crazy. And now I eat meat, which is nuts. And I didn't for years, but it was a second that I got pregnant. Yeah, and it's funny,

because at the time I asked my dad, who's a doctor, and I said to him, isn't that something? And he went, ah, the passenger is now in charge. That's so crazy. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. And he had this little smile like, ah yes, the passenger.

I'm like, what are you suddenly talking in this weird code? You know, you've been to medical school, you can say that child in utero was protein. No, the passenger has taken control of the vessel. What? Ah! Ha ha ha! It's funny, I think I have almost like the grandpa syndrome, because I'm so hungry for videos of children I'm constantly pestering. I pester Sona all the the time and she'll send me some that are really funny of her kids, basically

with hammers smashing their house. And- Just going crazy. And the funniest thing is Sona's shooting it and laughing. Like that. She's always like, uh-oh. Oh, gonna smash that, huh? Gonna smash that thing that great grandpa left for us

in his will. There we go. There it goes. Ha ha ha. You're just laughing. It's really funny. It's so funny. I beg her for these things. And then I'm like, more, more, more.

I know. And suddenly I'm realizing that, oh, I'm just in that phase where I can't, I love it. I just love it. That kid thing is so fun. I'm sure you guys see it. We will have her all day and then I'm like,

oh, finally, and we put her to bed. I'm like, oh. And then if I'm sitting there watching videos that I took of her, all like, I'm like, what are you doing? Go live, lady. I do that about my shows from the late 90s. You do? I top that up for you. Yeah, no, no, I watch them.

And then I'm like, oh my God, look at him. Look at him. He's still in his 40s. Oh. Look how he eats with his hands. Yeah, look how he eats with his hands. You can tell he's shitting himself. Aw.

And then I send them to people. You gotta check this out. This is me with Christine Baransky. Check it out, 2002. Wait, why am I looking at this? Oh my God. Aren't I adorable? No.

Oh my God. You seem weird. Face hurts. But I would, you can't take, that's the only thing I tell parents is you cannot take enough video. Like you just have to have cameras rolling all the time. Constantly.

Because it doesn't, yeah. Just constant funny stuff. It's ridiculous. is you cannot take enough video. Like you just have to have cameras rolling all the time. Constantly. Just constant funny stuff. It's ridiculous. She's going pointy right now and going, uh-oh, everything's uh-oh. Which we find, but it's somebody like, I wanna send videos to everyone. I'm like, why, why, no one's gonna think this is cute, but me, because I remember when my friends would send me,

I'm like, oh great, she's saying uh-oh. Now I'm like, look our child's saying uh-oh. Like everything's so exciting. Just means your baby is neurotic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh- great, she's saying, uh-oh. Now I'm like, look, our child's saying, uh-oh. Like everything's so exciting. Just means your baby is neurotic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. You know, she does say that. Later at 45, uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Well, she would be if she got swords coming at her face in her classes. Oh my God, yes, she is totally immersed. Doing stunt work, you know. Now, what are you gonna, what's your feeling gonna be down the road? Because it's so interesting. It's like, you got started so young.

I know. Doing what you're doing. And then you think about your daughter coming to you and saying, I wanna do that. And your attitude might be very different. Like, listen, I survived that, but I don't want that for you. I had such a good experience growing up as an actor.

I had like the best parents. And I mean, Tom and I were actors. I'm like, she's probably going to be something like that or maybe the drama. And she's very, you know, she's loves to show off and be on the video. Loves to stare at herself. I mean, she's, she's our child for sure. Loves watching her own videos, loves to catch yourself in the mirror and like keeps looking and we're like, yes, we know.

We got it. You know, she's very entertained with the things that she does. I think she'll probably will do something like that. But my experience was so great. You had a good experience. I really did. And I started so young.

And if she wants to, I'm... What was your first gig, your first paying gig? How old were you? Oh my gosh, I did so many Barbie commercials when I was like, I was like the first Barbie girl. Yes, like I was probably between five and seven and I did like 10 Barbie commercials. I actually, yeah, we, I was talking about this the other day.

I think we were talking about it on Kimmel cause they wanted to see some of them and I couldn't even feel like they don't even exist anymore. Like that long ago. But those were my first couple of things. And then the first, I did a TV mini series where I played, Flishtie Huffman played my mom, Donald Sutherland played my grandpa,

and Tim Matheson played my dad, and I was five. And I remember the weird part is I remember every moment of it. I remember my mom taking me there, I remember my little schooling I had to do, I remember going to set, I remember sitting on Felicity's lap doing the scene, being told what to say, and like had like the best time.

It was just, you know, I loved every second of it. So my experience was very good, but my parents were amazing and they did it right. And I did like a bunch of other things. I wasn't just acting. I think we talked about this last time. I wasn't just acting. I was like, okay, now you have your tennis lesson.

Now you're gonna go to camp. Now you're gonna do this. So there was never like, I didn't get a job. It wasn't like that for me. It wasn't like that for me. It wasn't that effective for me. It's so good, I mean, it's fascinating. Like the times I've spoken to Ron Howard and he had such success throughout his whole childhood,

but clearly his parents were on the ball. And same with Shirley Temple, you know, there's people whose parents are all over. And then of course there are parents that, unknowingly, but they're not well. They're not well people. And we've talked to some, I mean, we were talking to Natasha Lyonne about it.

She was saying, it's funny, she wasn't blaming her parents. She was saying they did the best they could, but they weren't well and she got a tough deal. And you just think about all these people whose parents are living through their kids, their own disappointments. Yeah, that's really tough. I just did not have that experience. I was very, very lucky.

So, if that's what Matilda wants to do, I can't really tell her not to because I loved my experience so much. I can't be like, don't do that, you know, if that's what Matilda wants to do, I can't really tell or not to, because I loved my experience so much. I can't be like, don't do that, don't do that, because I loved it. Eventually, they have to find their own way. Yeah. As long as you control their finance. Right. Oh, yeah. Wait, what? Yeah. Just isn't that the whole point? Control their finances? It sounded very aggressive. It did. It sounded devious actually.

It did. It was a little blurry. I probably shouldn't have stroked my non-existent goatee when I said it. There's literally a dollar sign above your head right now. What's going on? You can see those? Yes, I went above your car when I drove in.

I must control their finances. We were chatting about you. You were so, like, I remember last time you came and you brought us these mugs. And then, and then I didn't, what I didn't realize at the time is mugs is like a fixation of yours. You love mugs. I love, I did bring you guys mugs.

You brought us my life after. Oh, you got them. I never, I never knew if they went into the abyss of mail. No, no, no, no, no, we got them. The mugs are beautiful, but on the outside. That means we never thanked you, and I'm sorry. Yeah, I know. So thank you, sorry.

Well, the mugs did say, Drop Dead on them. Yeah. It was just a weird thing. They were beautiful mugs, and it's so beautiful. I still have mine. Mine said never again. Yours said never again.

Mine said Drop Dead. And yours said never have children. Oh my God, that's right. Which was, yes. You all got the wrong ones. Oh, shh. Yeah. I was supposed to get never have children.

Yours is no children. Yours is drop dead. Drop dead is fine. That makes sense. Doesn't this make sense? That makes sense. So you love mugs, but you need them to have a very hostile message on it. Yes, it, because it makes you happy and then immediately steals your joy. It was sweet because you are among, I think Brando Park was the only other person to bring something.

He brought whiskey and we're not putting it out there that people need to bring something. We are. Yeah. But these were like wonderful little equestrian mugs with chocolates in them. And it was so kind. We still drink out of that mug to this day. How do we? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I'm so happy to know that they made it here. My mug was sent to the Conor O'Brien Museum in Orlando, Florida.

What else do they have there? Yeah, it's your mug. Oh. It's Jesus, there's not much. No, it's not a lot. It's a pillow that Al Roker leaned against. Oh, okay. 1994.

Some of my original pomade. Oh, wow. It's not a well-visited museum. Not a lot of people go there. No. But also, they do a free lube job there. We get a lot of people. You mean a car?

Is that an oil change? For cars. Oh, okay. But also lubricating people that want sex. Oh, whoa! Wait, what did you mean? I thought you were talking about an oil change. Yeah.

Okay, because you said lube job. Yeah, okay, you meant, okay, because you said loop job. Yeah, okay, okay. So they're lubricating genitalia. Well, they do both. At your museum. I took a, yeah, a mod to Miata can come in. Well, it's just a thing to try and get people to visit the museum.

Yeah, it's in someone's basement. Wow. We say it's a museum. Look, it's just, it's really more of a trap than a museum. Okay. But anyway, that's an important, it's Orlando, check it out. Oh my God, you're like the Buffalo Bill.

Honestly, it's Florida, it doesn't surprise me at all. Yeah, that's true. The people in Florida know and they're like, whatever, it's fine. That makes sense. They're like, we got so much shit to deal with. Run your little fake museum trap. You're a loop job. You're a loop job museum.

They don't care over there. We got real problems here. They don't care over there. Oh man, I'm so glad you loved your mugs. I love coffee mugs. That's my love language. You know what's interesting, whenever I'm anywhere, that's my big weaknesses.

If I look in some of these travel shows that I've done over the years, I always want to find, is there a mug here? When I was on the DMZ, the line between North Korea and South Korea, I was like, do you have any mugs? I mean, I'm just always looking for- We felt like a line down the middle of it.

Like it's half North and half South. They have a gift shop. To access the DMZ, you have to drive, and either side of the road is mined. It's filled with land mines. It's crazy, one of the craziest experiences I've ever had. And you drive along and I went there with Steven Young. Yeah. And we get there and there is a room that's half

in South Korea, half in North Korea. Oh my gosh. And so we shot a little bit there where he did the weather from the window that looks out on South Korea. And I did the one that looks out on North Korea. But then there's a gift shop. And you've never seen a gift shop like the one they have there. All kinds of stuff. And I was just, my main obsession was I've got to get a coffee mug. That's what I do.

I get the coffee mugs from wherever we go. I also make a ton. I have like, I put pictures on them and give them as gifts. I'm obsessed with that. But I can't sit, so hotels and stuff make me crazy because the mugs are always like small, like cappuccino mugs. Exactly. This is a this is a

mug. Good mug. I love this mug. I don't know. Someone gave me this mug. I wish I could remember or maybe I found it. I can't remember. But anyway, this is the correct size. He's holding a well-sized mug in his hand. Yes. I have large hands and a large man and I need a big mug. Yes. And this is the right size. And I know what you mean. those little- What is that? Shot of coffee? So I have to travel with my mugs, and I travel with my coffee makers. That's crazy. Well, I have, I brought it here.

So if you have a choice between- In case you didn't have what I wanted. If you have a choice between bringing your daughter or your special mugs, you leave your daughter at a mugs. A thousand percent. I need my mugs, because I need my coffee to deal with her.

Are these ceramic mugs with these break or they like I'm very nicely or I'll make sure I have one when I arrive. I'm a real diva you guys when I travel Will you send someone out for some Taco Bell really? I know I have this whole facade of being really easy breezy, but not at all. Do you still, you still have the craving for the Taco Bell? I love Taco Bell. So when Sona was working full-time as my assistant, I remembered how often we'd be driving around and we would pass a sign for Taco Bell, like I would pass a Taco Bell

and you would always say the same thing. You'd be like, I could murder me some Taco Bell right now. And then you would go through the whole menu. Yeah. But I love it, it was very aggressive. Like I could go in there and massacre some Taco Bell. Yes. I love Taco Bell too.

I do too. And we're not getting paid right now by Taco Bell. You don't, to be sure. You don't tell her on Taco Bell, you do, you devour it. You do murder it. Yes, you murder it. That's what it's there for, you know? Cause it's gonna murder you later.

Exactly. I had an incision made in my body that can be opened where you can just push the talk. Oh, yeah And the doctor said 50 50 chance you die from this operation It's worth it And then the doctor said is this so you can shove Taco Bell directly in here and I said yes And he said we've done many of this yeah, and I put it in with the wrapping With the wrapping yeah, you're savage. Wow, with the wrapping. Yeah. You're savage.

I am savage. You are, you're living on the edge. The wrapping. The wrapping. Why don't you just unwrap it? This is my taco bell port. You might want to get an MRI. Yeah.

Or get it checked out. Those things are expensive. I don't know. I've been a lot of pain, but I'm not gonna. You might. You might. Kaylee, I have a question. Did you do a lot of improv when you were studying,

acting or preparing or did you just, is this just you? Never, never. You are, you're one of the best yes-anders. You are just, you just- That's sweet. No, but you really are. That's sweet.

You like, you're very fun. And so I always thought, oh Kayleigh must have started out doing improv. Like so many people I talk to. That is so nice. No, I'm I talk to. That is so nice. No, I'm not like a comedian. I didn't take that path. I never did improv.

I took one acting class when I was 10 years old. Did I already tell this story? I feel like I probably did. I don't think so. I don't think so. And you know what? I've told so many stories so many times over about my career in porno.

So yeah. Oh. Everyone knows the story. We yeah, everyone knows the story. We know that story very well. No, I took one acting class when I was 10 years old and it was like, there was a bunch of kids my age and I had to do a scene and the acting teacher said to me in front of all my peers, you will not make it.

She said, you act, you are a pots and pans actor is what we call someone like you. I was 10. And what she meant by that was I was a messy, not sophisticated. That was what she said to me. And I went home and it bawled my eyes out. I mean, I could cry, cry now is really PTSD. And my mom, I said, I'm not going back to that class and she goes, yeah, you're going to finish the class. I was like, please don't make me go back. I don't want to go back. She thinks I'm so bad. I suck. I suck class. And she goes, yeah, you're gonna finish the class. I was like, please don't make me go back. I don't wanna go back.

She thinks I'm so bad, I suck. I suck. My mom made me go back. I ended up finishing the class. It was like a few months, whatever I had to do. I never took another class again. But that woman, yeah, literally said that to me. And from that point on, I've never forgotten that

because I actually do think I am that kind of actor in a way. But in a way, I think that was like a good thing. Yeah. But she was not thinking that was a good thing. We had a couple of people like Harrison Ford has come on here and had a similar experience with Jerry Takovsky. And then who else came? Do you want to name this one? Tracy Ellis Ross.

Tracy Ellis Ross. Tracy Ellis Ross. Tracy Porter. Wow. Now you're never heard of him. I just do. You know what's funny? We talk about these things because I always, a secret mission of mine in this podcast.

Mostly it's just to have fun. But if I had a theme that I like to pursue, it's a little inspirational for people listening, which is it's good for people to hear from you that you were told no. And we've had so many people come in here who've had these incredible careers and they share these stories. And I think that's good for people to know that. It's good for people also to know that some of that insecurity and some of that doesn't go away later on. Just because you've had a lot of success, it's still there. That actually drives me now because I laugh. I'm like, I am kind of like that. Like I have created my own way and that's completely fine, but I definitely was told that I was terrible

a long, long time ago and that I would never make it. And that I wasn't sophisticated enough to like, you know. And then, you know, it's interesting because you have this, you know, crazy success with Big Bang Theory. And I've heard you say that when that was over, you thought, well, I guess that's it. People will see me on the street for the rest of my life

and say, oh, hi, Penny, how are you doing? And your career since then has been you shape-shifting in all these cool ways. You know, whether it's like the flight attendant or like in role play, you do these things where you get to do light comedy, but also you get to be very serious or wounded or put through the ringer and you do that beautifully. And so now I feel

like you've carved out this space where no one could say. Thank you. You're, that's okay. We'll let you know, Ms. sitcom, when we need you. That's so sweet. But you know what I mean? Thank you. Thank you. I mean, I laugh. If I was known as Penny for the rest of my life, I'm more than fine with that. It was like one of the best experiences. It got me to where I am literally right now. It was amazing.

And I learned so much on that show and how to blast. Yeah, I kind of thought that too. I'm like, well, maybe I'll do sitcoms forever. And by the way, I love doing sitcoms. I love the schedule. I love an audience. So I had nothing against it. And then when I found Flight Attendant, I love doing sitcoms. I love the schedule. I love an audience. So I wasn't, I had nothing against it. And then when I found Flight Attendant, I'm like,

oh, maybe, maybe I could do this. Like people might, I don't know if they're gonna believe I can do it, but I think I can do it. And then kind of created, I wanted to do that drama, but also bring in, I always have to add a little, you know, a little comedy in there. And we kind of turned it into that and kind of formed our own little tone.

And that's what I've run with. Yeah, I was saying the same thing watching the movie that you just did where I thought there are really fun funny moments but then there are also moments where I don't know is someone getting killed right now. Yeah. And I love that the that's the era that I think a whole generation has come up with, which is we don't, there's so many amazing shows like Breaking Bad that could be hilariously funny and comical. Brian Cranston in his tidy whiteies,

yelling while his meth lab blows up. So many great comedy moments. And then some of the deepest pathos that I've seen, that's everywhere now. I know, I know, it's so crazy. I can't believe how long I've been doing this. I mean, truly, I can't. You're 77 years old.

I'm 77. And I wanna thank you for your service in the Korean War. I'm 3,000 months old. I think, you were there. I've done a lot. You were at the DMZ long before they had a gift shop. And God bless you for it. I have been around.

I have been around. The work you did to get Dwight Eisenhower elected puts you in rare company. Really rare company. No, it's like, God, I've been doing this so long at this point now. I just wanna work with people I love to work with. I wanna have fun.

I wanna do jobs that are fun. I mean, dude, when I got, I heard I got to work with. I want to have fun. I want to do jobs that are fun. I mean, dude, when I heard I got to come back on it. You just call me dude? Yeah. Okay, that's it. We're done. Listen, I'm 3,000 months old, okay? I'm trying to get back with the young kids.

I'm so glad. We speak in months now. I was about to give you a compliment. Oh, you're getting a note. Am I fired? For you to hand me this note. What was I supposed to do? I don't know how am I supposed to...

He looked at me then like, give me that note. Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed right now. Just got this note from Adam Sexton. You're not coming across as very masculine. Why did you just notice that now? I know. I did ask him to tell me, please, I want to look super masculine all the time

How is that not a note every show that we do? That's just... Every single recording I would give you that That's fine Okay, I'm sorry, really you're like a total dude It wouldn't be great if I got notes constantly throughout Just constantly sliding across the table What I just witnessed was great if I got notes constantly throughout. Just constantly sliding across the table. What I just witnessed was a polling.

I know. No, I like it. I love getting past that. I was in the middle of giving you a compliment. You know what? And you guys are talking over here. Can I say something? Adam and Matt, they've root against me.

Yeah, I know. Which I think, and so they saw me getting this probably compliment. And then they throw that over there. And then they're, you know, let's tell them he could, you know, butch it up a bit. And, you know, we're tell him he could, you know, butch it up a bit. And, you know, we're talking a lot about, you know, and I was going to write, she's lying.

Yes. This is the funniest part of the interview. Oh my God. I do want to bring something up, which is I am a dog lover. You are a dog lover. And a cat tolerator. We have two cats, but the cats and I do love cats. I grew up with a little cat when I was a kid.

I asked my parents, could I have a cat? They let me have a cat, even though we were six kids and it was madness in the house. My parents were nice enough to drive me to the animal shelter. And I got a little white cat that I named Pabbles. Obviously. And was ridiculed for for years, but that was my cat, big part of my life. Now we have two cats that live with us

and they just don't like me. No, I know, it's so frustrating. And they are so affectionate with my wife. They're like crawling all over her and looking at me. And every now and then, even though it's hard because they just have paws, they'll give me the finger. Yeah.

The cats know. They know. They know cats know. Screw you. But we also have, we have had a succession of dogs. I love dogs. Oh, what do you have now? We have a golden and his name is Loki.

And our kids named him when he was a puppy because he was mischievous. And they said, oh, that's the Norse god of, Oh my gosh. and he's lived up to his name, but he is pretty much all we talk about in the house. And I have two kids who are fascinating, multi-dimensional people, but I come home and I'm like, what did Loki do today? And it's all we talk about.

I know. But I know this is a big part of your life. Huge. First of all, I would love to send you, I just came out with a pet line, so I wanna send you all of our products. What's the pet line? It is all eco-friendly dog products.

And it's, we're doing shampoos, we're doing snacks, that's coming out soon, we're doing wipes for the paws, we're doing teeth cleaning, a bunch of different things. Because the food makes a big difference. I know. Like that's another thing too is, wipes for the paws, we're doing teeth cleaning, a bunch of different things. Because the food makes a big difference. I know. That's another thing too is, I grew up a long time ago,

and no one thought about this, it was just, you know, you just, here's the dog shower. I know. And you would just put things in their bowl and then you realize how much of a difference it makes. I know, it really does. No, I'm excited about it.

I mean, obviously anyone that knows me, I'm a huge animal lover. We have five dogs right now. You have five? Yes, that's all we talk about. We talk about our dogs more than we talk about our kid. She's like mogley. She literally thinks she's, I'm not joking.

What's weird is like, she doesn't notice when they crawl on her. Like I almost think there's like, she is sociopathic. Like she just, she's like one of them. She never notices them because they've always just been there. Right. Like she just sits there and they sit with her and there's no difference.

It's like she's a baby wolf. That's, but I think that could be really good. Does she, she'll probably never stand. By the way, refuses. She'll run through the woods on all fours. Dude, when did your, when we're now we're jumping all over the place, but my child will not stand or crawl

or do anything that requires any effort whatsoever. But if she's in her walker, she's like a Ferrari around the house, but doesn't wanna do any effort other than that. Won't stand, won't do anything. Should I be concerned? I'm jealous, cause ours was early to the point of, she was like a Roomba that just had to get out of the house

and create havoc. Oh my gosh. How many months when she was crawling? One. I mean, she just fought early. No, I'm kidding. She crawled out. She crawled out of your wife.

She crawled out of the wife. She did all that. She walked out standing out of your wife, chipped a cap, and said, top of the morning to y'all. She's been early with everything, but in a kind of like, she's just too clever. She's too clever. So I would say, don't worry. I mean, you take this however you want.

I was very late to stand. I was a very late to stand in talk. He worried. Oh, oh, oh. Very, very late. How late? How late? Oh.

Oh. 19.92. Oh, no. Yeah. Is where you were to stand? Yeah. How many months were you in? I remember it was towards the end of Cheers. I was 9,600 months.

No, I was in my 30s and I stood and said, now that's a sitcom. You walked out on the late night showing a walker. One of the baby walkers. Yeah, one of those little things that you're suspended. But you know, it's good because I had a Zweibex cookies and orange juice on the little trays around me on the surface. Yeah. And I was like, welcome to the show everybody.

I'm taking over for Letterman. Hey look a cookie. Chomp, chomp. Wow. Well I won't be worried then. No don't worry about it. He's got plenty of time. I said there are all those stories about,

you know Einstein, all the great people including myself. Didn't walk till they were 19. I'm Lines-Stein'd. All the great people, including myself. Didn't walk till they were 19. I'm Lines-Stein'd. People do compare you to Einstein. I get that a lot. I've heard that a lot. Yeah. Well, just about aging poorly.

Okay, right. Nothing about intellect. Aging poorly and I own some land and shrinks to New Jersey. That's about it. Oh my God, you guys are ruining my Botox again. It's like last time, I should have gone tomorrow, not yesterday.

And I knew it and I was like- I hear all this cracking. Not you. It sounds like- This isn't even my face. Tetonic plates are cracking. I'm gonna start getting shit done. I gotta get some shit done.

This eye vein under my eye has to go. No. It's gotta go. I love you just the way you are. I was looking at- That's not what the note you just passed. Yeah, that's true. It says aging badly.

Yes. I'm that note he's about to pass me. I'm gonna say something different to make myself look good, but read this note. Oh my God. Tell me the name of your line because I wanna get the word out. Oh Norman.

Oh Norman, yes, I know this, because that's named after your late dog. Yes, and my beloved dog Norman died a few years ago, but I had him for 14 years, and I named my production company after him too. So it's yes, Norman Productions, and then oh Norman is the pet line. I know, so it's in his name.

We love our dogs. Well, a friend of mine, I have a really good friend, Charlotte Bain, and she has a, she's very knowledgeable about dogs, and she was talking to me about Oh, Norma a while ago. Really? Yeah. She has a website called The Baru that is All Things Dogs. And, but every day she's at our house talking to us because she helps us take care of, we had to, one of them passed,

but I think we're getting another dog too. Because I just have to. It's like- I love just, I also, I think it's because I grew up as one of six kids. And my grandmother lived with us and there were animals around, there was just chaos.

And my family unit is much smaller. There's four of us, one's away at college. And so I just want more. I like, I love it when the dog's running through the room, a cat's jumping on the chandelier, my wife's swinging a broom at me. I don't know why she's holding a broom. I've never seen her use a broom.

Yes, do you guys have a broom? You've never seen it. No, we bought a broom just so she could swing it at me. She could swing it at you. Yeah. No, it's so true though. We had two friends over the other night and we have five dogs, obviously, and a baby.

And they were laughing. They're like, this is the best place ever. You sit down, there's a dog on you or a baby or one's running across. I mean, it's total insanity. But you get to have something in your arms when you're at our house. Our house is absolutely crazy.

But it would be weird if it wasn't. That's how I grew grew up, too. And so did Tom. Yeah, I think I'm uncomfortable when things are too quiet and too sane. My wife grew up very differently. And so she's always quietly in the corner making herself. I mean, I grew up around people that were just constantly eating giant pork chops and throwing the bones at each other.

There was just and I've told this story too many times, my mother once tried to get us all to quiet down by tossing a potato through the center of the kitchen. Oh my God, that's the best. And it went through the window, and the neighbors just heard yelling, and then a potato came out the window. You're amazing.

And so that's the kind of house of horror there. I know, it's so crazy. And my mother, of course, a very accomplished woman who very much wanted us to behave like, we are lace curtain Irish, we are high class Irish, and we are not gonna crash. The potato goes out the window. Potato?

But then now I'm living with this person who's always in the corner, and she's very beautiful, and she's always pouring herself, she's making herself a little broth. She's making, or she's got, she's boiled some hot water, and she's pouring it, she's making herself a little broth. She's making, or she's, God, she's boiled some hot water and she's pouring it over some basil leaves because she read somewhere that that can be good for the skin of the knuckle.

And she's, I'm like, whatever, I don't know. I read somewhere, so this warming and I'm like, ah, I just want to drink some mead and chew on a ham and then jump through a window and whatever, you know what I mean? Yeah, oh, I definitely know what I mean. You've seen me, I'm a big monster. I've seen you when you're unhinged

and it is, you know, you usually have good self-control but sometimes when you're like, I'm just gonna eat whatever, it's insane. I can, I'm one of those people who, someone recently told me, I was talking to some doctor and he said, oh yes, we know, I know what you are, you're all or nothing. And that is what I am, I'm all or nothing.

So if you told me tomorrow, there's something I have to do in three months and so I can't eat for three months and I can't, I have to work out all the time to do this, but it's important that you do it for this reason. I could do that. But the minute it was done, I have to then go equally hard the other way. And I just into an insane degree. So yeah, I have, you've seen me truly lose my mind.

Put one pizza in between two other pizzas and eat all three pizzas like that's a sandwich. The pizza sandwich. Yeah, you love that. That's good. That's good. It's very healthy for you two apparently. Because it is healthy. I totally understand the all or nothing. I'm the same way. Black or white, I mean, literally working on this in therapy, trying to find the gray in life,

which I've never been able to do. You and I are similar in that we both really like to work. You love to work. I do, I really do love to work. But now you're probably finding, when you dip your toe in that other pond of, especially having a child. Nope, still want to go to work. Ready to go to work right now.

Ready to head to set. Right this second. Anyone wants to hire me right now. Head on over. I don't need to go back home. I'm just writing this down. No maternal feelings. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Can you, is there a way to add? Don't call me Baba. Eduardo, can you add maternal feelings? Yeah, all today we've heard is, I just wanna work. And if one person refers to me being a mother, they're dead, dead.

You're right, this has been very eye-opening even for me. You need a lot of help. I know, I'm concerned. And then you said, my daughter just hangs out with the dogs. I'm very eye-opening even for me. You need a lot of help. I know, I'm pretty sure. And then you said my daughter just hangs out with the dogs. I'm sure. And they're all the same. I don't know which is the dog and which is the daughter. Okay.

You're a sick, dangerously sick person. I am, I have learned a lot about myself today. Well, if we've accomplished nothing else, I think we just saved a child. I think so. From a monster. Child services is waiting for you. I know, they really are.

They should be out there waiting for you as you come out. Yeah, well, there won't see my car because they parked in the lot. Oh, that's why I'm away. Guess what? Miles away. I bet you that's why you hid your car.

You thought this might be a sting operation. This might be us following me. Kaylee, just park right here. It's fine might be a sting operation. This might be a sis following me. Kaylee, just park right here. It's fine. Conan's not leaving. He works here. No, no, no, no! I should probably park it underneath those bushes over here. And then cover it with a bunch of... Why'd you cover it with craigs, Kaylee? I've been laying low for a while. You guys won't hear from me for a little while. And a lay low.

Well, you are the dictionary definition of a delight. You really are. Can I give you the compliment I was gonna give you before I was rudely interrupted by everyone? We were out of time. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I see.

Okay, go ahead. I'm getting a note now. Come and take a shower. I was stanked. No, I was gonna say, when you guys asked me to come back, I was so touched, so honored to be a second time arrival. And I couldn't wait because you from the first, one of the first talk shows I ever did, you

were so, look, it's scary to do that sort of thing when you're new and you were so amazing and you made me, you made me laugh so hard. And I told, I told someone after someone on my team. I said he's one of those that saves you I'm like he's a saver. So if you start to Maybe you're missing you dive in and no one ever knows and you save the day and you say something funny Or you do something that no one realizes there was a lag and that is such a nice thing And so coming here is like a part I couldn't wait. Well, that's very sweet of you to say, but you know what? No one needs less saving.

They're really close to having that right now. Thank you. There are people that in my life who've who've needed saving. And I do like to help people who who need help in that moment. But good God, you do not need any help. Very sweet. This is such a fun room. Also, my fiance sent a video to you and he wants you to watch it

because he's a big fan. Oh, yeah. I was going to have him come. He said once he says hi and he's just a fun room. Also, my fiance sent a video to you and he wants you to watch it. Because he's a big fan. Oh, yeah. I was going to have him come. He says hi and he's just a big fan. We got to hang some time. Oh, suddenly you're busy. Did you guys see that? We should hang some time.

And you know what? I've never seen the light go out of someone's eyes so quickly. It's like I asked you for a kidney. Did you we have that on tape? Oh my God, please get the video. You will see a soul leave a body. I don't, I can't understand why someone with a nine month old and 19 dogs wouldn't want to have.

She's 10 months today. We'll see. 10 months. Like you know her birthday. I don't, I don't. I googled it before I walked in because I knew you guys would ask. I've got to Google my child's name. What's her name? Well, tell your husband, I would love to, your fiance, I would love to hang with him or meet him or whatever.

Oh, it's so nice. That's so nice. He would love to meet you too. He loves you. Well, role play really good. Thank you. And it's on, it's on prime video. And I'm so happy for you. Thank you. You've, play really good. Thank you. And it's on Prime Video.

And I'm so happy for you. Thank you. Yeah, I'm thinking about the first time I went over and taped a bit over on the big bank set. Yes. And you guys were all there. Yes. And I, because I was next door, and I remember thinking, this is like the number one show

on television, and you could expect a set like that to be tense and weird. And you were the night, it was just a group of nice people. And I thought something's very wrong. Yeah, I went back to my set and created the sort of creepy tension that I think you need for really good. It worked out well for you.

Yeah, Kaylee, we absolutely adore you. Love you guys. Come back here anytime. This was like a joy for me to get here. I can't wait to hang out with you when you're fiancée. I gotta head out now. It's gonna take four miles for me to walk to get to my car, so I gotta head out now. I need a Gatorade.

Can you send me with a sandwich? Yes, we'll send you with a sandwich. It's a long walk. Yeah. Thank you. As a cooler. Thank you. Hey guys, it's time for the third act segment. And we don't have an idea for this segment. There's literally nothing that we can think of to talk about.

We're giving it absolutely no thought. I know, usually I come up with so many ideas. Oh, so not. Yeah. And, uh. My kids went to sleep, my kids woke up. My kids ate something. It's all about my kids these days.

I have nothing else going on. I don't know what else is happening. We'll get back to us in 20 years, you know? What? I'm just saying, then they'll be doing all kinds of cool stuff. Well, they do cool stuff now. No, no, I mean when they're hitting the clubs.

I'm not gonna talk to you about when they're hitting the clubs. Anyway. You can't live vicariously through my kids. I'm sorry. I wanna know what it's like to be young and cool. 20 years, you're gonna be 80. Have you ever once hit a club?

I've never hit a club. Yeah, I haven't either. Never once in my life. Yeah, Sona. Yeah. Big club hitter. I was, I love the clubs. You actually, Sona tore it up Big club hitter. I was. I love the clubs. You actually, Sona tore it up back in the day.

I know. That's what I hear. I mean, they weren't expensive clubs. They were, you know. Excuse you. Price club. We know people. We got into places.

We were cool. What do you mean? Like, what's a good place that you went? What do you do? Like, I would say something and you would even know if it was school or not. What was it? Club Fantastique?

Was it club Geronimo? Was it Club Cacao? Club Cacao? Did you go to Mudroom? Did you go to, you know, Jacomo Joes? Where did you go? Keep going, what else? What other clubs do you know?

Oily Sam's? Yeah, what about Flop House, which was a German club? Yeah, I went to all of those places. The places where you guys would stand across the street just like staring at the people going. Yeah. And pleasuring ourselves. Aw, come on in.

No, with our clothes on. And then with our clothes on. Just wearing bulky parkas, but just rubbing our chestill areas. Ew. No, no, no, I had no club life. You didn't like dancing? Don't you like dancing?

No, I never went dancing. A club, the thought of an, like, after hours thumping Hollywood nightclub gives me so much anxiety. When I see it in movies, it's upsetting to me because I need to yap, I need to talk to people. And I also, my only weapon was my spiel. And so the idea that you would take that away

with loud club music? No, you would also, you have money that you could get a nice table in the middle of the dance floor. Now I do, but for years I didn't. Oh, I guess. For years I was, you know, driving a 77 Suzu Opal and wearing clothes that I had worn in high school that I had stolen from my brother Luke.

And then I'm going to be in the end, you know, like waiting for my skin to clear up. I'm going to be, you know. You and Greg and Rodman and you guys never just like went out and. Yeah, if you ever want to know what the opposite of entourage was, like literally the negative image of entourage was like literally the negative image of entourage. It was my posse in the late 80s. Is there a gluten free bun? Absolute fucking opposite. There was a place here in LA when we first moved out here called flaky jakes.

Oh, I remember that place. And my restaurant. Yeah, it was a restaurant. But what you did is you got like a tray and you built your, you built, and my friend Greg figured out, he was like, we got to go to Flaky Jakes because he figured out you could, you could just buy the hamburger bun for like 30 cents and then you could take it through the salad bar and just pour a salad in between the two buns and make a sandwich that cost basically 35 cents that was made of stuff at a salad bar. And he would eat it and just be like, man, we got the system beat.

And this was my wingman. This was my wingman. Hey, ladies. Who wants to go out? You want to go out to dinner? Sure. You guys seem cool. We'll go out to dinner?

Sure! You guys seem cool. We'll go out to dinner with you. All right, we're going to Flaky Jakes. And dinner is on us. There's two of you, so that's 60 cents. Greg gets one bun, I get the other bun. Who wants ranch?

Now who wants French on top of ranch now who wants croutons on a bun now who wants coleslaw on that. Oh my god. You know what all the same I would way rather do that than go to a club. I like letting loose. I like just going place someplace and just like having drinks with my friends and just like letting loose. It was nice. I had a lot of fun. But also you're a very uninhibited person like you were and this is not but you were someone who you could meet a fella and then be Making out with him on the dance floor, and there was no problem. Sure. Yeah, you weren't afraid of a little PDF, you know PDA

What I'm saying is you were not afraid You were not afraid to call up a document on your screen in a lab club with a guy you don't really know. Oh my God, you weren't afraid of a little Microsoft X, were you? You had some time for a Pages Doc or let's say an Adobe Photoshop JPEG on a hot night, maybe even a GIF. Woo! Yeah, no I didn't. I had no unfamiliar, maybe even a GIF. Woo! I, yeah, no, I did.

I had no confidence. That's how unfamiliar I am with a PDA, is what I call it a PDF. Yeah, yeah. But what I'm saying is, I've, you know, used to come back, you know, in the early days when you were, you would come back with stories.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd be listening like they were ghost stories. I was like, oh my goodness, I actually put on pearls so I could clutch them. Oh my. No, you're right. I think, on pearls so I could clutch them. Oh my. No, you're right. I think, yeah, you and I are different that way. Right, that you enjoyed life.

No, it's that, you know, you're a lot more, you know, just like, dduh, boh, boh. Those are just noises. You're not saying words. No, but I mean, you know. Yeah. You're a lot more buttoned up than I am.

Yeah, yes. Which is, I think, good. Oh, come on. I think I was a little too much to the extreme. You were a little extreme, but also, I had my time. I had my time. Let's just say I had my time. Okay, you PDF.

Flaky Jakes, you brought a PDF to Flaky Jakes. No, post-Flaky Jakes. There was a period where I briefly got it together. Okay. It was basically during the first George Bush administration. I see. All right. Leading into the early Clinton administration.

Okay, see. Let's just say I was quite a, I mean, yeah. Do you have a nickname? That must have been everyone's call you something. Now my definition of got it together is probably different from yours. No, but still, you went outside your comfort zone. Sure.

Okay. Yeah. What did they call you in that period? They called me the red rooster. Oh, God. Oh my God. It's not sexy. That's not sexy. Red rooster?

That's not sexy. It's okay. Why not just like the cock? That's too obvious. It's just too- There was a writer on it. All the nose, the bat. I'm talking about the genitals.

Oh, okay. All right. No, then that's okay. There was a writer on our staff once who was sort of bragging about how he was quite the ladies man back in the day. And I said, yeah, they called you Jack fuck. Because I just thought it was such a ridiculous man. What are you, Jack fuck?

What a ridiculous nickname for a ladies man to have. I just love that you think they have to have a nickname. Shout out to Flaky Jakes. You think they're still in the business? No, but there is an abandoned Flaky Jakes, I think, in like, off the 60 freeway. Yeah, but it's haunted. Ghosts are making sandwiches for 60 cents. Woo! We're getting away with murder. Well, anyway, I think we got to get going. Let's hit the clubs.

Let's hit the clubs. Yeah. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Mack Gourly. Produced by me, Mack Gourly. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brick Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode.

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