Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Kathryn Hahn

Episode Date: June 14, 2021

Actress Kathryn Hahn feels like she’d be lying about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Kathryn sits down with Conan to talk about hamming it up in grade school theater, bringing iconic eras of TV back to life with Wandavision, and her earliest role as a child actor on Hickory Hideout. Later, Conan ponders how he may have ruined his own name as he and his team Review the Reviewers.  Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

Hi, my name is Katherine Hahn, and I feel like I'd be lying about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Because I don't really know him, and I'm excited to get to know him today. Hey, Conan O'Brien here. Welcome to another episode of Conan O'Brien Needs Friend, my never-ending quest to force very talented people in the business and in the world of politics and just in the world of life to be my friends often against their will. And I'm joined as always by Matt Gorely. Hey, guys. You do a great job, Matt. Really do. I don't know what you do, but you do it very well.

Huh. Well, how do you know I do a good job then? I don't know. I wouldn't probe this too deeply. I just said it quickly to give the very thin patina of kindness that I know is required of people like me in moments like this, and you don't want to test this at all. You're a mensch. Yeah, thank you. It's a bare minimum. Speaking of the bare minimum, Sona, thank you very much for doing the job that you do,

not to its fullest, but the job that you do. Pleasure to be here, as always. Just such a joy to be with you in the same room. I do have something to talk to you about, Sona, and this is an actual concern of mine. Okay. And I think our audience is aware that Sona is very pregnant now with twin boys. Yes. And you are going to be bringing them into the world any week now. Any week, any time, yeah.

And I'm going to be very honest about this. This is not a bit. This is actually something I felt a little bit. I am a middle child in a family of six, and in my family, I could often feel a little bit lost in the shuffle, which can happen. And now for 11 years, you've worked for me. 12. I said worked. So, you've been with me for 12 years. Yes. I was your priority. You didn't always act like it, but I was your, no, but I was your priority.

And now that priority, I think is going to shift because I think it's going to shift when these twin boys show up. You think it's going to shift? Yes. I believe that that's a possibility. You think there's still a chance you are going to be my biggest priority in life. Yeah. Your best case scenario is that there's one twin, then you, then another twin in priority order. And that's not going to happen. No, I feel some of the same feelings that I felt back in the early 70s when my youngest brother, Justin, was born. He was the sixth. And I remembered feeling another one. I'm shoved more into obscurity.

And of course, they made a big deal about Justin. And my father was like, oh, Justin's going to be the smart one. And Justin will be the good one. And I remembered feeling it was a tough time that Watergate was happening. The country was still recovering from the Vietnam War. And then I, of course, plunged more into obscurity with each additional child. Now you're putting me through the same trauma by having twins. And I'm wondering how I'm going to figure into your life once the twins show up. Well, first of all, you're a man in your 50s now.

Late 40s, let's say. Definitely not. It's late 50s. Mid 40s, early 20s. I'm not a man in my early 40s. The fact that you still have these feelings is troubling. But also, you know, you're right. For a long time, I was single. I was having a good time. You were having a really good time. Okay, relax. And then TAC came in the picture.

And I'm sorry, but TAC, my husband, is also a bigger priority to me than you are. Is he really? Yes. He's my spouse. He's my life partner. But I pay you. No, that's not how life works. It's like Liza is a bigger priority to you, you know? And that's how family works. I don't know why.

Can you tell me what you think in terms of rank, priority? Like, what's the priority list in my life? What do you think it is? Show business first. Oh, boy. I'm just telling you what my, that's how I wake me up in the middle of the night and go, there's trouble and I'll say, what? The show? Podcast? What's the problem? Okay. That's what I do. Just wake me up in the middle of the night.

Oh no, something terrible happened. What? My career? What? Then I'll start asking questions about children and wives and parents and stuff like that. What do you think the list is in my life? Like, how do you think you rank? I understand having to have close to similar billing with TAC. I think the order should be me, TAC, very close second. Huh. Podcast children. Oh my God. So the way I see it now is it's Oki first, my dog.

What? Yes. Oh my God. This is hilarious by the way. So you're both crazy? You know what I love? She's all about her dog. She carries her dog around. She's one of those people that's like, oh, Oki just had an idea. I can tell. Oh, did you hear what Oki did last night? What'd he do? So I put out water and he drank it. Isn't that a good story?

No. That's the kind of shit that Sona's always saying. And I keep telling her when these twins show up, you're going to forget your dog. You just are because that's what happens and you refuse to believe me. I think you guys are both too close to it. You're too in the thick of it. I think the natural priority order is your two twin sons, your husband, your dog, me, Cohen. So who's our guest today? I feel like it's 1973 all over again.

Okay. You were 10. Now you're in your late 50s. No, I was 10 then, but still somehow I'm only in my late 30s. Listen, I'm working on my publicist on a new date of birth. We'll get to that very soon. All right, let's move on to better things. My guest today is a very talented actress from such movies as How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Bad Moms, and Spider-Man, End of the Spider-Verse. Man is she having an incredible renaissance. You can now see her as Agatha Harkness in the hit Disney plus series One Division.

She absolutely kills it. Everyone's talking about her. I'm thrilled she's with us today. Catherine Hahn, welcome. I am a huge fan of yours. And then like everyone in the universe, after your amazing turn on One Division, it's so nice that everybody in the entire world has caught up, which is deserved, because you deserved this for a long time and it's so nice that you hit it out of the park like that. Well, listen, let me reframe then the answer to my question at the beginning,

which is that I would, I mean, because I would feel very hopeful about becoming your friend, especially after that introduction. You know, I feel, you know, I've been at this, at this for a hot minute acting, and you know, I've been like squirming around at different like nooks and crannies for a while now. So this has been, this is so crazy. Yeah, it's just been bonkers. I mean, whatever it to be like a Marvel situation is like, what? It's just all so kind of hyper surreal.

I'm going to guess that people listening don't know this about show business. These people come along like yourself. They become so popular and they become, you know, you're so self-assured and you knew exactly what to do with your part on One Division. Once they see that would have a hard time believing that you used to audition for stuff all the time and not get it. I mean, I still feel so close to that. I used to, when I was in school, take the Metro, like I would get an audition at 30 Rock, I would take the Metro down to 30 Rock, go to Banana Republic, buy a suit,

change in the bathroom at 30 Rock, go off audition at NBC, go down, return the suit, get back in the train and go back up to school. Like many, many, many times. Didn't they catch on to you at some point? But if you remember. You're buying suits? Uh-huh. You're buying suits for like an hour?

And then you return them and they're just soaking wet with sweat? Wasn't anyone asking any questions, Catherine? So much sweat, but it was a two-floor Banana Republic. So that kind of worked in my favor as that I can kind of work the different cashiers. Yeah. Oh, there were so many times. Like I was just talking about the backstage, the paper, and there would be the auditions. Like in the back, we would always joke about the no-pay nudity show.

It's like, oh, please sign me up. Like I can't wait to wait in line for a no-pay nudity job and your suit filled. Wait, what's a no-pay nudity job? They would have that. My husband would be like. What is it? Listen, I don't know. I'd never showed up to one of that.

Oh, you don't know. Oh, Catherine, you know exactly. Oh, I don't know. Okay, now you're this version of Catherine Hahn who doesn't even know what it is. I really want you to explain to me because I honestly don't know. There's a job where you're nude and you don't get paid. I think they want to be very clear upfront that if you want this credit, there's going to be no-pay, and also you're going to be nude.

If you still want to show up. It's just for the credit. Yeah, I think so. I think I did this. I swear to God. I think 86 to 88. I was a no-paid nude. Yes.

You know, in my situation, when word got around and they saw the footage, I was paid not to be nude. I supported myself for a year and a half not taking my clothes off in New York City. It's a great paying gig. I made hundreds of thousands of dollars. Please keep your clothes on. Please, please. The skin looks like spam. Yeah.

Spam. Oh, it really does. To open a can of spam, and I encourage anyone to do that and look at it, and that is what my chest looks like when the shirt comes off. I think that the color of my legs right now looks like a fetal, chic egg eye, like the palest blue pink. It's almost pale blue, the color of my legs right now. You know what this is? This is the exact opposite of dirty talk on the phone. I've got chests like spam.

I have a fetal pale eye from a chicken that died before it could be patched. And I'm like, oh yeah, let's meet up. What's so funny is that you and I both have the hand bone deeply embedded in our souls. I'm constantly mugging and doing faces and on. It's exhausting. And I know I definitely feel like I need to come home and just shut the machine down completely. And my son is onto me now who's 14 and a half. And he just looks at me with such kind of a wistful, kind of like a sadness for me.

I feel so sad that you have to work so hard all the time. You don't have to work that hard, mom. It's okay. We've got you. We're okay. We've got you. So I totally, I totally hear you in that department. I've been doing better the older I get.

I certainly in my 20s and 30s was like, I was doing serious, I mean in quotes, like serious theater. That's what I wanted to do. And I was that way in my family growing up. It was like a hard to entertain. We always used humor as like our, like hard humor. That's what we always did. We tried when I was in grade school to be in serious productions of things and have serious parts. And then I realized I actually did this and a shout out to my old music and drama teacher, Mrs. Steel.

But she, I was in a production of some show and it was a serious show and I didn't have a huge part. But I started to, I remember that was, I think it was Oklahoma. And it was not, not that that's the most serious show, but I didn't have the most comedic part. And I was supposed to hold a rifle and I learned all these tricks with it. And I was doing tricks with the rifle and pulling focus and people were laughing. And then I had a line and I remember I started ad-libbing off my line. And like I broke the fourth wall at one point because it went such to my head. And I was like, well, that's a pretty good question.

And then I turned to the audience and said, when do you fellers think? And the audience laughed and my, the Mrs. Steel said, can I speak to you for a second? This was after the show. Don't you ever. And I'm like, huh, well, I got big laughs. You know, I'm still in character. But what I'm saying is I understand that. And my, I think also my learning ground too.

And I remember very much thinking, oh, it's all about the dinner table. And I think Bill Murray said everything you need. He needed to learn about comedy. He learned at his dinner table because there was like 30 Murray's sitting around a table. And I absolutely believe that it was all about the table. Who can score? Who can get dad to really laugh? Who can kind of run the table?

That was what it was all about. Absolutely. It was my mom just like cutting down, just like, just cut like at the knees. Like she just could just bite. I mean, she just knew exactly how to just like, my dad would say one thing. And then she would just like slice him in half. Like, and we would all be laughing, but it was like, she was, it was a tough, tough table. So when did your father walk out on the marriage?

I think you told her these stories. It was so fantastic. My mom would just, my mom would cut him off at the knees. She never let him finish the sentence. What happened to your dad? Oh, we don't know. He walked away. Oh my God.

No, it sounds horrible. It was actually the opposite. They were married for a long time, but then waited until after we all left the home. And then they, but now they live like five blocks away from each other. And they're still very, very, very codependent. Yes. I mean, of course. But I mean, I remember when you were telling that story about high school, I remember sister

Deborah was my high school directoress and she, we did a production in all girl's school of a play called stage door was, which was about a group of actresses that lived in an apartment in New York city in the twenties. And I had to play the part of one of the actresses that had to go off that had, that had like a mental breakdown. And she went off into another room and you hear a gunshot and it's clear that she's committed suicide. It's very dramatic in front of like all the parents of the sophomores that are putting

on this show. And the only place for me to go off stage was into the wrestlers room. Like there was no off stage. So I had to just like go off into the wrestlers room and there was like two pieces of wood together. Like I was my own Foley artist and we had to kind of like make a gunshot. And my mom and dad just, I remember them saying like the lead actress who was on stage just scanning the audience, like squinting into the audience for her parents the whole time.

So that everything that was supposed to be any sort of dramatic impact that happened was totally gone by me just squint by her squinting into the audience looking for her parents at the same time. The theater. But you know what I would have done in that play if I was supposed to, I swear to God, if I was in fourth or fifth grade and my job was to go off in a very serious like check off play, go off stage and then you hear a gunshot and I was supposed to have killed myself afterwards.

I would have been like, ouch. Like from off camera, you know, my foot. And the teacher, people would have maybe laughed or my friends would have laughed and the teacher would, Mrs. Steele again would say, come here, come here. I never want to see you again. You know, I didn't have that in me. I just could not. Couldn't do it.

Yeah. It was very difficult. I was also Polonius in Hamlet and I had to be, I had to be, my big line was, oh, I am slain. And so I had to be behind a curtain and get that was all very difficult, very difficult not to win quick nudge, nudge. I'm with you. It's hard.

Oh, I'm slain. I'm slain. That's what I would have done. It hurts a lot to get slain. Mrs. Steele wants to see you. What? I killed. I killed.

Poor Mrs. Steele. Poor Mrs. Steele. She kept trying with me and I couldn't do it. It really, really wanted it to be about the work. But you know what's so funny is that, you know, with Agatha, there was this meme that went viral, which I know you're aware of, but of you giving that sort of exaggerated sitcom wink and you say that all these people who've known you your whole life are like, there you go.

You know what I mean? Like you found, you're capable of all this other stuff, but they just, there was some part of you, I guess from your youth, or if anyone who knows you would be like, they're so happy for you that you got to do the big wink, you know? I mean, in my IMDB page, that had been like listed as one of, of like, my special skills had been over the top facial expressions. That's on my chart under medical, medical conditions over the top facial. Yeah.

For like so long. So we were laughing about the long game that somebody had been playing, like it was so weird and so amazing the size of the mouth and that meme that went around. I was like, geez, Louise, look at that face. I mean, and I have no social media. So I was being sent it by so many different like factions of my life. It was very funny, just, of course, so surreal and for it to happen in this chapter has just been like, what is reality?

It's so weird. It's also weird. That's nice. I mean, I've always had this theory about show business, which is you have to keep going into the casino and pulling the lever. And I try to tell that to young people, which is that they should gamble. No. No, you've got to get to Vegas and you've got to get a lot of coins.

What I'm trying to tell them is you have to keep going back in and putting yourself out there, which you did. I mean, you had a very good and healthy career before this latest triumph and so you're known and you're respected, but you kept going back into it in different ways. And I believe that that is the part that is actually as important as the talent somehow. Oh my gosh. Do you know? I didn't really have any grand expectations.

Like I didn't know what it was going to look like, but there just wasn't an option for me. I was an actor. So I didn't know if it was going to be on. I couldn't really see myself on a big screen. Like that seems really out of a different again. Like I didn't see myself as having the that felt too far away from me in Cleveland. Like I just didn't.

But it was there was no doubt like that it was going to be that that was my life. And you know, I put myself whatever through school and there was a lot of just like what I was talking about. Like a lot of time as a receptionist at a hair salon, like a lot of time. Like now what's so about that? Because you were very good at that and maybe clearly maybe you should. Your hair looks amazing, by the way, it is a horse tail. You could put a heavy wax on it and it'll settle right down.

If anybody has a good mask recommendation, I could really use it. But yeah, I was like my cousin got me a job at a hair salon in New York and when then I got I went to grad school and I got my first gig out here on a medical procedural show called Crossing Jordan or Crossing Jordash as we affectionately called it and I played a medical grief counselor in a morgue and which consisted of me having to sit across from one amazing guest star after the other who had to just drop in to the most intense crying scene like you could possibly for like a half a day like it was like just amazing watching these people have to like pull it together and pull it out.

So that was like a real just a real school for sure. But I never felt like I just couldn't know like I just couldn't find my creative self. It just didn't marry. I didn't I was trying. I was like acting a being an actor almost like I just didn't feel my authentic performer self that I felt when I was on stage really until my mid 30s. We have such a youth culture that so many people think if you haven't blown up by like the time you're 22 or 23, you're screwed and yeah, that's true if you're if you want

to be a major league athlete or maybe if you want to be a supermodel that's ballerina. No, I love an old old ballerina that just starts at 45. I like when it starts at 45 and then they really come into their own in their 60s and the bones are giving out but they just they just hit hit their stride. But I think what's so nice about you getting this that the role of Agatha is that there's something eventually it brought together all of these things that you can do that you have access to that took you years to find and just genius casting that they thought of you. It's almost as if it was written for you but I don't think I think there are very few people

who could have done that. I think there are very few people who could have played it because you had to play such different realities and the way that you guys would switch realities. It's a sitcom but then it's really not and it would keep evolving and have menace there but you're also fun to watch. I can't think of someone else who would do that as well and I think that that took you that just takes a long time to be able to do that. I mean I guess like you know what's so interesting about all of this is like you just arrived

you're right and you're right not to get too highfalutin I'll try not to but like it does feel like this thing just kind of happened like it's a gig and this was like something happened in this particular gig that was that called on something that was awesome timing. I'm going to hazard to guess that while you were doing it you probably felt oh I know exactly. Yes. I know what this is and you said earlier you know in my 20s or whatever I felt or there are other times where I felt false we all know what that feels like.

I did a lot of TV especially early on where I felt like I'm trying to be this thing and I hope people think I am this thing and then it took a long time for me to just own that thing. Just own it yeah own that thing. Yes. It sounds dirty. No. Own that thing.

But you were so like you were a like a just generosity I just will never forget it like and I'm not the only person I mean you know all this but just to be such for no reason to be sitting there on your couch on your talk show. Yes. Just clarifying. Thank you. Clarifying. But just such generosity not feeling like a comedian or particularly funny and just

feeling like I'm not supposed to be here. This is not my world and you were you were just a generous bird. So generous and I was just nice for ever being. You know what the thing is I can't I honestly can't I wish I could take credit for saying that that comes out of like moral character. Oh okay. When someone's out there with me I want us both to have a good time or I will feel terrible. I want to make it work as a group.

I want it to be a group dynamic as long as my name's at the top of the bill as long as I get most the money. Sure. I mean these are just little caveats. Oh sure sure sure. And as long as it's pretty clear I'm top dog. Sure. You know and that's really established again and again and again and that merch I want

all the merch but that shit aside I want people to have a good time. Yeah. No I mean. That shit aside. Did you get that did you understand what I said Matthew Gorley Matt I want Matthew Gorley to chime in because I really understand that I need to be top dog Matt all the time you understand. I only know that to be a universal truth for you.

That's the only thing he knows. You know Matt I know you dream about a piece of the merch but you're never getting a fucking piece of this. Oh god. Never. I'll never. I'm gonna have all of it but other than that I want to support you you know what I'm saying as a performer.

I know that I was dead to you before I was even born. Thank you. So now you're not getting merch. No merch for you. None at all. A small piece for your twins. Just a small piece. Oh.

Oh god. I mean I'll take a small piece. It's kind of amazing that you make them sit in on these zooms to just hear this over and over again. Over and over and over again. Look I've been told Catherine I've been told it's cruel and I've been told it's almost arbitrary and sick to a degree. Yes.

That I lash out this way for no reason. Yes. But I want it just made so clear. No. Across the board. Not that much to you. Oh yes. Yes.

You have no idea. I've got to have all the merch. Merch. But that said I think I'm a very generous man. Sure. Also Catherine can you take us away from here? Sure yes. I'm going to just slide really quickly into the chat my phone number and an address.

You know what I wanted to remember to ask you which is like a lot of people my vintage I grew up seeing reruns of the Dick Van Dyke show and so it was so fascinating to me and I'm sort of going to nerd out here but when you guys recreated in that first episode when you recreated the basically essentially the Dick Van Dyke show in this alternate universe it wasn't it was a while before I realized you did it in front of an audience. You're on the actual set of the show and I thought oh my god you guys know what it's like to make the Dick Van Dyke show in a way. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. It was the kind of performing that kind of I mean it was you cannot attempt that and screw it up. Well you know we got to yeah we got to rehearse it which was a luxury so we had some time and then we rehearsed it like a play like you know like they would back then and then they also and like you would you know multi cam now but they used like the the audience was dressed in period clothes they had period lights they like the all the operators were dressed in period clothing like the only time that they put the fourth wall up was

and then the audience didn't see that was when the camera flipped for when Mr. Hart was choking. Yes. Yes. So the audience didn't actually see that so that the laughter could keep going and there wasn't any confusion the audience didn't see that but what I was most I think like skeptical of was Jack Schaeffer who wrote the script it was so spot on like the jokes were so period period bless you period perfect that I was like is there going to be laughs

like it's so earnest like I wonder if it's going to be and then the this still be funny to people. Yes. Yeah well well a modern audience laugh at this cadence these kind of jokes. They did. It was so funny because when I was watching and Sona you know I know that you felt the same way but I was like watching that first episode and and throughout but I was always because I'm such a TV fanatic I was watching the Dick Van Dyke episode as if it was made

in 1962. You know I was watching as it as it moved along I was watching it I would and not intentionally I wasn't trying to be a good watcher I was just I would fall into the rhythm that you guys set out. There's a rhythm. And the costume and everything but it's almost like a they should use that show almost as like a master class and these were the major styles of comedy. Yeah.

Because you could study it and you can really see the the the rhythms and the and the way that you had to shift the way you performed and the kind of jokes you were doing. It's stunning and educational too. We got to do the I mean I'll never forget this but we you know at the end of I think it's episode seven where I get to do that theme song the Agatha all along and which was by the way I think went to number one would it go to no it went to a crazy Agatha all along went to number one reach number one in the iTunes charts. And you know what I was like yes I love that song so it deserves it but how we're saying

is that. It was but so longers but they there's a shot at the very end where I have the dog and I have the witch cackle and that shot was literally in front of the original bewitched house so we were on the back lot of Warner Brothers and so that was like like Matt and I when we were doing that we couldn't like just the fact that we were able to do that the fact that that was like it baked into the history of of that moment and like just the sitcom history was baked into the making of this show was like was just we were it was Goosebumps City USA when we were making it was pretty great.

My life as a kid was watching these iconic TV shows and then cut forward to you know I'm in my 20s and I'm out in LA getting started on my career and I was on a date with someone once and she said oh I know where the Brady Bunch house is and she drove me to it and I'm looking at the Brady Bunch house and I thought there's so many mysteries of the world that are supposed to blow our minds and I'm but this is the one that really blew my mind that wait how can how can I have seen that as a child but now I'm here and I've had that so many times time and time again where I've been on a back lot and someone said oh and yeah that's where Gilligan's Lagoon was and I'm like what are you talking about

and then I insist on seeing it and it looks just like a swimming pool or something and I go like where are they and you're in your sir please you're an adult male you're having an episode and I don't know there's something about when you say being in front of the B witch house I think the only way to be in show business is just to kind of keep in touch with the awe. Yes. Wait a minute how did I end up here I'm from Cleveland Heights Ohio and I'm here and I'm making one of these things and when they say action I'm the one talking and that's

where the B witch house is. No it's so crazy yeah exactly you can I'm still constantly like in awe I mean I remember back when I was doing crossing Crow Joe crossing George Ash when my dad came to help that you never learned the name of the show I think that probably hurt you very badly very badly and like the seven years but I remember being able to take my being so proud that my dad came out to visit me and I borrowed we shot it at Universal and we borrowed a golf cart and I was able to take him on the back lot tour of Universal and the psycho house is there in the Bates motel and he's hilarious you know both my parents hilarious he was so determined

to get a picture of me in the window with the mother you know like she would be like this and then she would come in like so it's like you have to time it so that she would like come into the thing and so behind the psycho house it's like you know it's just a it's like all you know it's all pretend it's just like a half of house and then there's like little stairs to get up to like dusty grandma who's been in the window for years and years so I he was like come on Catherine come on so I ran up because I wanted to give this be like he wanted it so badly thought it would be hilarious so I ran up the stairs behind the psycho house and there's a picture of me like come on like take the picture next

to the grandma who's kind of out of focus just like on her way up the best we still have it we had a picnic in front of the Bates motel and like to be able to say that we were able to do that together was kind of a lovely place to take the family come on kids get in the car we're going to have a picnic well at the Bates Motel a picnic for the Bates Motel yeah I love it you're gonna enjoy it glamping yeah when did you come out here when did you come out to LA it was I think 2001 it was right after yeah it was like right it was my first gig after grad school so I came like I came right after were you I remember very clearly coming out here for the first time me too and I'm gonna date myself here

because no one else will date me left track I am a soccer for those oh yeah guess what Catherine you're the only one you're the only one maybe you should be our position on this oh no I'm getting a call I just lost the merch they just took it away no I came out in 1985 and I was just out of college and I got and I came here and had a cruddy car and I had a complete misunderstanding of what Hollywood was yes were you scared of this place when you went to LA when you got out here I mean again I came out here with Crow Joe and so they put me up at the Oakwood apartments you know the Oakwood oh best best way to meet a divorced man a divorced pregnant man no no I was gonna say it's the best way to meet

a divorced pregnant woman I swear to God was yeah a woman who's like I would say seven months pregnant going through a divorce and hanging out at the hot tub totally and there are so many like and so many child actors like there are so many stage moms so many child actors there's an amazing documentary about that that's not I can't remember what it's called but about about the pilot season and oak and the Oakwood apartments I can't remember what it's called but it was explained to people the Oakwood apartments are these I guess they're gone now but it used to be where you stayed and so that's where before we got our apartment with no furniture Greg and I stayed in an Oakwood apartments that's

right in Burbank it's very hard to describe it's a period of my life it still gives me the chills yes but child actors recently divorced men in my case that's that's what that's how what I saw right right and again I saw at least three very pregnant divorced women or go women going through a divorce and proposed to all of them we had oh the Hollywood complex is the name of the documentary to me but we I remember like it's a furnished apartment so that's why they were very popular and we I was working right across the street which was unit at Universal so like I remember walking in there was like it was all carpeted which is immediately like oh and then it was like in the drawers in the kitchen there was like

a can opener and two forks fake ficus in the corner that's like you know dusty and I just remember feeling so lonely they rented me a purple Suzuki sidekick and I thought my idea of Los Angeles was that was that strip of Ventura from like all the way to to die sushi so I was like oh there's there's vivid entertainment like I remember being like oh my god everything so dirty like I couldn't believe I was driving by actual that vivid had like a legit looking a place no I swear to god it looks like a building that that Google would be in but it's vivid video who makes all the porn and but it's this incredibly impressive building and I know I used to go by there all the time I just want to come in and talk to people you

guys I'm a big fan of what you guys do come on let me in alright but that was literally like what I thought it was first I thought I could walk to work because it was right across the street and then they were like you know they take us you don't know what studio is like I thought I could just like walk into from the back entrance into Universal and then I had so I had my little Suzuki oh god that was depressing you guys those were depressing depressing days and I don't know if you remember to die sushi TODA yeah it was a sushi buffet which is already you know away and do you enjoy this buffet to die sushi you know when I was younger and I lived in the suburbs it was like a fancy play yeah and then you realized

buffets and sushi don't really go together no it's like you don't leave it out to eat sushi yeah great sushi yeah that was like the sushi on the conveyor belts like my son and I remember there's one by the arc light for a hot second by the center on the dope and we were we were wait we had dinner there once and we kept watching the same the same California role like go round and around still there still going yeah and also just the idea now especially after covid of food traveling on a taking a long journey through a room filled with people what a great idea I want my food to have met everyone in the restaurant four times before I grudgingly put it in my mouth yeah a lot of a lot of aerosol droplets

please just think of where this raw tuna has been oh it's it's a nine mile journey through the entire restaurant and back again exactly before it wears you down all right I'll do it I'll put that in there it's been sneezed on by everyone I still drive because I still live in Los Angeles or after years and years of being in New York and came back here I drive around all the time and I see those places I passed that Oakwood or what was that okay uh I think now it's a nuclear facility um it just runs on despair the despair built up there headshots and headshots yeah exactly and you see all those places and you mentioned child actors I remember I think first of all were you not a child actor oh I was definitely

yeah what were you in you were in some kind of was it a local show it was a local show called hickory hideout and it was it was you can't make that up no it was hickory hideout everyone it was me and two puppets called not so and surely squirrely we shoot this is fantastic we shared space with our local NBC affiliate news affiliate so like you would see the news desk and then when we would have our shoot days they would just wheel in a giant tree and then they would just shoot us with the news cameras and I would like knock on you know me and this other little boy would knock on the door and these two puppets would come out and we would ask you know questions and no there was oh there was another puppet named know what owl that was an owl and we'd ask

questions about like getting braces and whatever QAnon QAnon I know what owl we oh QAnon is actually a reality cabal rings you know that light stuff yeah mr. know-it-all was into all kinds of weird stuff I remember him the show in Boston which was actually I think aired in other cities as well was called zoom very impressive and it was very I know and it was very um uh yes did you see zoom gordon yeah yeah well you're doing we're on a podcast and you're doing a hand gesture and going like this and I was trying to stay with you and I had no idea what I was following no it was a zoom and the show is come on and zoom zoom zoom a zoom you're gonna zoom a zoom a zoom a zoom come on give it a try you know and kids got on zoom

and I remembered in uh high school a guy telling me like yeah I went out with a girl who was on zoom oh no we were all like oh my god that might as that was the most I couldn't believe that I knew a guy who had dated a girl who was on zoom sure yeah but when have you looked at footage of yourself at that age performing and thought okay you're doing a good job there good job Catherine or do you look at it in a horror I mean I a little bit of both I wasn't I wasn't like nailed it like I was where definitely had a Dorothy Hamel haircut me too we all did girly had one I had one we were adorable weren't we girly I when you were singing that zoom zoom zoom jingle like all I could imagine what were the gentlemen who were just half sloshed like so like basically alcoholics

trying to compose it in someone's basement on a keyboard just reeking of cigarettes there was like a tone of sadness to that jingle that I can't get out of my head now zoom zoom zoom gonna zoom a zoom a zoom zoom yeah see come on give it a try oh god yeah there's something about it that's very sad um but uh no I don't know if I look back and I'm like nailed it but it's interesting I don't know if you ever did this but kids we've all experienced child actors and you know there's a whole range I mean hardcore fans of ours know that really early on on the run of our show we used to do fake guests and try and fool the audience and we had a young woman on uh I mean she must have been maybe 11 or 12 and she came out there and I and I announced with all seriousness

that she was it was in our like Andy Kaufman stage of you know let's let's fool the audience and so we brought her out and we said that she's uh like she's won the national spelling championship and so she came out and she did a really good job she nailed it and the joke was that she couldn't spell anything and the audience was really embarrassed but then I think they eventually they learned that they realized oh this is a this is a joke but the actress was terrific and it was it was only years later that someone said by the way that was Scarlett Johansson no way yes yeah and she's on this old late night clip you can look it up this of the spelling bee this uh champion oh I'm gonna look it up but I what I used to remember is that to be the kids whose mom

it was clearly the mom drilling this into them but a kid who was maybe five coming up to me backstage at late night or maybe older like eight I'm gonna say eight but going excuse me Mr. Brian I just want to say my name's Peter and I am such a fan of the work you have done in late night it is so prescient you have the ability to hold the audience both comedically but also with an intelligence and there you can tell that this has been branded under their form they don't know who I am their mother said go and talk to that tall red-haired woman over there and convince him yeah but it's just so I felt so bad for some of these kids it's so rough I do too like you can tell when there is a joy in a child's eye and then when you can tell when they've just been plied when they're

just getting plied with candy between takes and that's maybe why they're there is because they're being offered candy like it's so it's really like oh yeah yeah I mean I was a curtain puller at the Cleveland Playhouse like I was in it I'm telling you I was first I played Salty the Songbook PSALTY in church in a play called Salty the Songbook that was I think my first production I've ever done that's the role to get in that production it's the only role I know you know I was in Salty the Songbook uh oh yeah what did you play Salty the Songbook asshole there's no one else even if there was it doesn't matter but I remember I remember uh staying up very late to make that costume out of a I think it was a refrigerator or a maybe a dryer or a laundry

box right yep the book of Psalms trying not to trip because I would be very embarrassing um and then it was like I was in I mean I was just in in in in in in talking to you it's almost like you're out of time I and this is why I feel this is why I feel a kindred spirit to you because I think you and I were kind of were two people that have always felt I was kind of supposed to be around in the 1890s yes age and it's like playing doing five shows a day and coming out and going like hey folks you know have a now let me tell you something and I've always had that and I look at you and I think okay this is someone else who I talked to you and even though you've grown up in the modern era and you were a very young person I'm looking at you like well no I'm comparative to me you are

you are you're a child compared to me and I'm looking at you and I'm thinking I talked to you and you go like yeah when I was three I was in hickory hideout you know I was a curtain puller over at the old Bijon theater you know for six years I was the second half of a horse costume I had a partner for a while and you know he did a someone's you know he did a fall down act yeah my wig on fire with the foot lights yeah exactly that's who you are I love it that's that's that's exactly it that's why I was I was like okay gotta talk to this Catherine Hahn because whatever it is we're traveling the same misguided journey both of us I love it so much I'm telling you when I said that at the beginning of this like I want to be your friend Conan O'Brien I really really really do I knew it

from the beginning and it's it's true now I'm a polite midwesterner and I didn't want to presume okay you know what it did it took me about an hour but I I got you from I don't know it feels like a lie to I'm you desperately want to be my friend and that that means that this has been a successful episode absolutely listen I want to thank you so much for doing the show you're a delight and I I'm just very excited to see what you do next and I can't wait to see you in person too once this world changes enough that we can all hang it would just be nice to get our top hats on and start yeah get our cane get our cane routine going exactly you and I should work out a routine and then try and get invited to dinner parties together and pretend that it's impromptu but wait a minute

they both brought hats and canes and then oh my god this is so sad exactly Catherine an absolute delight talking to you just the best afternoon you guys really really really thank you so much and congratulations on everything you've more than earned it and I'm really happy for you thank you so much for having me you guys and congratulations Sona thank you so much awesome thank you all right wow wow wow such a pleasure wow wow thank you goodbye you guys really a total pleasure they all right do what do I screw this up if I just please don't delete this please don't delete this occasionally we like to look at the reviews on apple podcasts of this show and then just discuss them and in a way kind of review the reviewers do you guys want to hear

one yeah I find it mildly terrifying you never know what you're gonna hear and uh but this is the profession I have chosen and I must accept the voice of the critics well just to put you at ease right away this is a five star review you can't get any better out of like nine stars nine and a half stars yeah terrific it's my favorite review here we go okay this is titled help me conan and it's by rocket book official a fan on instagram suggested I reach out this way I'm having an issue with my husband he wants to name our son conan after you at first I thought he was joking but as we progress I realized he's very serious the issue is I have red hair and he has a lot of hair sort of like you so this could be really creepy we had a deal a while back that I get to name the baby

if it's a girl and he gets to choose the name for a boy maybe you can talk him out of it please well you've come to the wrong person I say I totally with your husband here I think the name conan is not used no one uses this name and I don't know if I've ruined it or whatever but it's a valid beautiful first name with like a great you know sort of Gaelic anglo-saxon heritage and I don't know I don't know why more people don't use it and I'm starting to feel a little self-conscious that I've ruined the name I think conan the barbarian may have ruined it yeah oh I think so I'm sorry did you what did you want to ruin it I kind of didn't want to ruin it it does that's the size of my ego is that I'm hurt that I'm not the one who ruined Conan maybe this will make you

feel better but obviously for my whole life I only knew it as conan the barbarian and then when your show came on like everybody it took a while for that to seep in and then when I started working for you conan was so clear to me that I then saw the movie conan and kept calling it conan the barbarian right right yeah it's funny I remember that movie came out I think I was in college the first one the early college maybe freshman year and I went and saw it and no one had ever really heard my name before because none of us really knew the comic books and then this movie came out and I'm in the theater and you just heard all these characters saying conan conan and I had never heard my name outside of someone addressing me yeah um and of course it was all I will kill you

I'll rip your head off that stuff I had heard right from various siblings and neighborhood thugs parents parents I see and grandparents I'll crush you um but I still think it's a great name and uh I think if you it's kind of like that old Johnny Cash song a boy named Sue where the character is named Sue and people tease him for it but then he turns into like the toughest son of a bitch ever yeah I think if your son has red hair and a lot of it and combs it up in a pompadour and his name is conan he's going to work so hard that he will eventually because he'll have to he'll have to to surpass and rise above the tort the torture and the teasing he will eventually become famous that and he will replace conan and conan O'Brien who replaced us both right and then he'll be the

new conan and that's what needs to happen with oh this needs to happen is that your son needs to pick up the mantle and become the most famous conan of all did people make fun of you with your name yeah yeah they did when the when the movie got really popular okay trying to think what did it make me do I didn't work out I know I was gonna say it didn't you didn't have the sue effect it's not like you became super tough no like I don't want to hurt your feelings but no no I didn't develop to razor sharp wit now I didn't really either do that I know you think it's more just I made I learned how to make a lot of faces and move my hips around in a strange way what do you think this new conan will be known for if it goes barbarian comedian something yeah what do we think

it could be what's this new conan gonna do that makes him the most famous conan of all well there is a singer named conan gray who's pretty popular right and there was conan Nolan the broadcaster that's right conan Nolan yeah but they slip by the wayside this conan gray guy is he really coming up on me fast he is I mean you know the real trick is to like type in conan on google and see which name comes up first I'll do that right now no you know what I don't what if it's not what if it's not O'Brien then this is awkward well let's find out if this conan gray is coming up fast on me conan O'Brien yeah second place is conan gray okay so I'm still conan the barbarian right conan the barbarian so so conan gray is still in second position we've man I'm I'm gonna sweat this now

yeah how popular is he popular right he's got a great face okay all right okay sorry my oh so my face is all fucked up no I mean no he's like a he's like a cute singer right doesn't have like be eyes and thin lips and come on you're winning can you just take that I'm barely ahead right now it's just like some young cute guy is that the idea yeah well I'm sorry I'm aging I'm getting old and I'm falling apart looking kid yeah show me a picture of this conan gray this is upsetting I've worked hard to build this conan name look at look at his face that's a great face there's a picture of him with the raven on his shoulder oh my god this guy is so much better looking than me and you know what he has a look of intensity yeah that I can't manage you're better looking than conan the

barbarian what um well yeah no no you are no yeah conan the barbarian you what are we talking about we're talking about Swartz nigger and his prime was an adonis he was yeah no I'm I'm really just trying to be nice right now I'm talking about conan the barbarian now oh the aged conan conan no hold on a second hold on a second I'm looking at these pictures of conan gray you really are scrolling I'm really scrolling and there's a lot of pictures of him we're very different he's got oh there's a picture of him biting into an apple see I can't look like that biting into an apple I'm just usually like oh good apple this guy's really looks there's a picture of him from equate magazine biting into an apple and he looks like he means business he wants to get that top spot on

google I need my fans to rally you know the way Beyonce has these fans whenever someone threatens Beyonce you know or says something about Beyonce she has the beehive the beehive what I want that the cone drones the cone drones thank you thank you oh yeah that's as cool as the beehive they're both bees you know you're not can you do me a favorite you're not helping we're on to something good and you're just like an anchor dragging off the back of our race bar sorry I'm helping listen Matt I am serious the cone drones this is fantastic it's you picture an army of like orange drones I just want them to go I just we got a chip away at this conan gray thing because I look at this guy he looks he looks like a million bucks I hear that he sounds great

I can't compete with that I'm I'm rotting like an old pumpkin in the sun and this guy's coming up fast I think there's two ways to handle this what you either have the cone drone army google your name to raise that higher in the ranks or google conan the barbarian to surpass cone and gray no no your second idea is stupid your first idea is genius I need the cone drones to drive me way up high in the google search so that cone and gray fades like the gray light at dusk you want to destroy this young man's career destroy it he can do other things do they still have copy shops you want to work at like a kink ex office yeah there's still things he can do he's got a whole life ahead of him how many years do I have left 150 we don't know but conan gray is here to stay

well here's the thing that's weird is that it started off with this this person asking if they should name their kid conan you said please you said let's make you more famous that kid's gonna surpass you on the google list you know what can I just say and I don't mean to you know this woman reached out and asked me for a favor but we've got bigger things to worry about now and I can't be I can't get bogged down in your problems name the kid conan don't I just gotta jump out of this one it's the conan gray thing you've now made me aware of that it's triggered my fight or flight reflux okay and I have to do something okay I have to I gotta get the cone drones to put me ahead of conan gray I just had a horrible realization what what happens when you go gray haired people are gonna

google conan oh no well that's why I'm buying all these wigs I bought all of lucille ball's old wigs at the state sale I have 600 lucille ball vintage wigs that I got at the estate sale and I'm gonna start applying them you're gonna see me 1950s lucy 60s lucy here's lucy lucy's back you're gonna see all stone pillow lucy when she did her star turn as a homeless person sure I remember that yes I have that way god it's not a great wig but the point is I'm set I've fought ahead about this and conan gray it's nothing personal it's just you or me man it's you or me and I've got to win okay okay the other realization I had is just us discussing this is gonna make every listener go what's this conan gray look like oh no you did this yeah yes oh no and then

they're gonna look him up you know what don't I will say you should no no no no no don't there's something I noticed a virus or something on that on that on that google search I'm not sure I know exactly how computers work but I'm getting yes a text now oh this is oh god I can't believe this is too bad for the kid yet there's a virus when you look up his name and that gets right in your phone it's already got into my phone and a blue foam is coming out of it now I wouldn't go on that but uh it says here if you oh if you google conan brian oh that's cool huh yeah you get a free uh crispy cream donut huh well rocket book official I hope we helped yeah I'm sorry I forgot your problem sorry I didn't really listen uh good luck with whatever's happening I think it involved the human life

conan o brian needs a friend with conan o brian sonam of sessian and matt goreley produced by me matt goreley executive produced by adam sacks joanna solitarov and jeff ross at team coco and collin anderson at earwolf theme song by the white stripes incidental music by jimmy vivino take it away jimmy our supervising producer is erin blair and our associate talent producer is jennifer samples engineering by will beckton talent booking by paula davis jenna batista and brick kahn you can rate and review this show on apple podcasts and you might find your review red on a future episode got a question for conan call the team coco hotline at 323 451 2821 and leave a message it too could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already please

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