Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Kenan Thompson

Episode Date: February 22, 2021

Actor and comedian Kenan Thompson feels great about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Kenan and Conan sit down to talk about the importance of manners, a shared love of biking, and Kenan’s new self-titled television series. Plus, Conan considers his own personal clothing brand. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. 

Hi, my name is Keenan Thompson, and I feel great about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hello there. How was that? Was that sincere? You just put on this broadcaster voice when you say hello. You just went from destroying me and talking about getting help to just suddenly being like, I'm a professional guy now, look at me. Yeah, your voice changed eight registers. You went flipping Sona at like ultra high frequency to hello there, hello there. I'm trying to become professional when I do the podcast, and it's not working.

The biggest note that we get about our podcast is that it is by far the least professional operation anybody's ever encountered. So I thought I'd start with, hello, I'm Conan, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. But I should say, just before we started the podcast today, Sona had a total technical meltdown. I did. And it's been a joy for me. I've been loving it because usually the joke is, ha, ha, Conan, the old fool, what an idiot. You know, everyone laughs at me because I'm not very good with tech. Obviously, I way outperform in other areas, but when it comes to tech, not great. But I think I've really learned how to do it pretty well.

I got on my computer early today. I set up my ring light. I adjusted my mic to the various correct frequencies. I did everything right. And just at 11 o'clock when we were starting, I was ready to go. Sona immediately froze. And Sona, you said your problem was that you were, you didn't have, you weren't hardwired. You were in a different room.

Are you hardwired? Yeah. Do you know what hardwired is? Yes. What is it? It's a thicker coating around the wire. Makes it harder to bend. You're not hardwired.

You know how I know you're not hardwired either? Is because if you need to be hardwired, we need to bring our IT guy, Chris Hayes, to your house so that he can hardwire your computer. So you're saying that the thing that I was making fun of you for not having, I also don't have? Yes. Yeah, you haven't even achieved that level yet. You haven't. You don't even know where your router is. So you couldn't even hardwire yourself even if you wanted to.

I could try. I've seen the movie Weird Science. And I happen to know by watching Anthony Michael Hall that all you need is a computer and then some pictures of girls in magazines from the 80s. And then you need to wear underwear on your head and get hit. And the house has to get hit by lightning. And then a real life sexy woman will come out of a closet with a lot of steam. Okay. So everything you know about tech, you know, from that 1980s?

Everything I ever needed to learn about technology. Kelly Labrock, is that correct? Yeah. I saw that movie when I first came out to Los Angeles. Like one of the first movies that I think Greg Daniels and I who were writing partners, we had nothing to do. We had no girlfriends. We had no social life. We wrote jokes all the time.

We shared a car. We went over and there was a movie called Weird Science and we watched it. And in it, these guys, these idiots literally, they want to create the perfect woman. So they cut out pictures from a magazine. I mean, and they feed them into, I don't know what they just feed them. I think into a printer. Or a computer. Or a computer.

Yeah. And then the house, they wear helmets made of foil. No, they wear bras on their heads. No, they wear bras on their heads. The house gets hit with electricity and then suddenly a closet opens and there's a lot of the same light they use for ET and the Goonies and every other movie made in the 80s. Kelly Labrock walks out in her underwear and I thought, oh, so that's how computers work. And sex. Yes.

And sex. So I tried for years afterwards to create a woman by shoving pieces of paper into any hole I could find in the computer and then hoping that I'd get hit by lightning. And nothing, nothing happened. That's not actually true. No, that's, I did create Andy Richter. So that was, it wasn't quite what I was looking for. But it's one of the funniest people I've ever met. So I didn't get exactly what I was looking for.

And, but it was still, you know, it was a great achievement. Andy Richter, I should point out, was also wearing the same underwear Kelly Labrock was wearing, which wasn't, again, what my favorite thing, but not my least favorite thing either. I remember that I think she was wearing like blue briefs and a cut off like half top sweatshirt. Yeah. Well, I, I want to, I want to pretend I don't remember, but I remember exactly. So that had a, that movie had a big impact on me, weird science, because I decided then that computers aren't so hard. It's neat. It's sort of in a weird way, it was anticipating the secret, you know, which is if you, the whole Oprah philosophy of if you just think about it, it will happen. It's the same.

It's the same. Yeah. It's, if, it's, if nerds don't have a girlfriend and they want a sexy girlfriend, they just have to buy a lot of soft core porn magazines and shove, shove pictures. How do you feed it into a computer? I'm looking at my computer now and I want to say this is my big problem. I love Apple products. My big problem with Apple is I don't see a place for me to shove a photograph of Kelly LeBrock. Right.

I don't see it anywhere. We should talk to Tim Cook about that. You should use your power. I've called many times and left messages with assistant. So somewhere there's a bunch of memos that say to Tim Cook saying Conan O'Brien called R.E. No, no, no portal in any MacBook Pros where he can insert photographs of 80s sex symbols to create them while wearing a bra on his head and getting hit with lightning. That's what it says in the memos to Tim Cook. There were at least 50 of them and he's never returned my call. I love the image of your computer on a desk and below it is a bunch of crumpled Kelly LeBrock photos that you've tried to shove into it.

I try. I get frustrated and for a while I was trying to use what I thought and it was just like, no, that's just a small, that's just as the power cord goes there. No, that's, you know, so anyway, get on that Apple because there are a lot of freaks like me who are, you know, we're ready to go. Yeah, this is important. Well. Whatever else you're working on, stop. I need portals to put in pictures of 80s sex symbols. Well, I also am.

This is going to be controversial. We've got plenty of vaccines now out there. Oh boy. I'm just saying, let's pull off some of those people in research and development. You've got at least five vaccines. Let's put the person working on the sixth working on creating Kelly LeBrock's using MacBook Pros. Hey, so who's who's on the show today, Conan? Yeah, let's go.

I always change the subject because I really don't want to update my resume. So who's on, who's on the show? Well, I'm glad you brought it up. Oh, good. Because I'm pretty sure what I just said was unacceptable. You're pretty sure? I am 60% sure that my idea to pull research and development people off of more vaccines and putting put them into making what happened in weird science or reality. Probably most people will think I'm a little off kilter.

So I think it's a good time to bring out the guest. Yeah, yeah, probably. My guest today is a hilarious comedian who's been a cast member on Saturday Night Live for 18 seasons. Good God, making him the longest tenured cast member. That's fascinating. That's fantastic. I haven't been the longest host of the Conan show. Did you know that?

No one else has hosted Conan longer than Conan. Okay, I made it about myself. Let's not do that. I'm thrilled to have him here. I can't believe he's been on SNL for 18 years. He's so funny. He also stars in the new series Keenan on NBC. I'm excited to chat with him today. Thrilled, actually.

Keenan Thompson, welcome. You know, people love you. They really do. I was talking to them. You are absolutely beloved. I appreciate it. No, it's true. You have a...

You were saying other things before we got on. I just wanted to... Well, before we got on, we were just getting started. And all I said was I asked Keenan where he was right now, and he said he's in LA because we're doing this remotely. I could feel your presence. And he said, what's that feel like? And I said, it's COVID-like symptoms. It's heaviness in the chest.

It's a mild fever. But I meant it as a compliment. Yeah, absolutely. And that's how I took it. The power of your personality. Many people have thought they were having COVID, and then it just turned out Keenan was nearby and they were picking up on his vibe. And it's such a powerfully good vibe. Their immune system can't handle it.

That's what it's all about. It's heavy in the chest. Yeah. Heavy in the chest. It's in the chest. It's respiratory, mostly. No, Keenan, seriously. I was talking to a friend of mine, and he's always saying who's on the podcast.

And I'll always say who it is. And I said, I got to go soon because I know the podcast. And every time I tell him who's on the podcast, my friend Rick, he's like, oh, I really like that person. I really like that person. And I said, well, I got to go. I'm going to talk to Keenan Thompson. And he just starts kind of yelling into the phone. He's the best.

He's the best. He's the funniest guy. He's my favorite cast member and starting out live. And I was just like, all right. Okay, that's good. Easy, Rick. Thank you, though. Exactly.

Yeah. It was the ghost of Rick James I was talking to. That's incredible. I knew you were spiritual like that. Yeah, I'm very spiritual. And I only talked to Rick James. Only Rick, right? He spreads the message from there.

Yeah, yeah. Through Dave Chappelle, I talked to the ghost of Rick James. But I understand that reaction because I know I'm friendly with Bill Hader, who I think is one of the funniest people in the world. Absolutely. And he's such a huge fan of yours. And he talks a lot about you and your serenity kind of on stage. You're so happy when you're performing, but you're also serene. And that it's very comfortable to be around.

And he's eyed you and sketches and thought, man, I wish I could channel more of that. Which is, I think, maybe the highest compliment. Absolutely. I mean, that's amazing. I guess I'm putting up a good front because I'm actually pretty terrified doing that stuff at the same time. Are you really, though? Because I don't pick up any of that energy from you. I mean, you've been doing this.

You started being a professional sketch performer until when, how old are you? Like 15? Yeah. My God. But, you know, we were still like recording to tape. You know what I'm saying? Like the live element is a whole another level. True.

True. It's just, it reminds me of theater. You know what I mean? It's like you're so nervous before you do your play. And then as soon as you get out there and say your first word, like all of that stuff just like goes away or whatever. So I try to anticipate getting to that moment more as opposed to being nervous. But I also get to shake my jitters, singing the warm up. You know what I mean?

It gives me my chance to like be in front of those strangers that are going to be looking at me or whatever and get past that. You know what I mean? And then I can focus on the actual work. And I think it's different for people when they their first time seeing the people is for the cold open or if they're in the monologue or something like that. It's just like all those jitters up until that point. And then it's about waiting on your first laugh. You know what I'm saying? Yep.

I know exactly what I'm saying. And hopefully the first thing you say is a laugh and you can just get through that point. Here's the way I look at it. I look at it like any audience, it's a blind date. Do you feel that that's a unique thing to comedy because like if you're doing like Shakespeare, it's always Shakespeare or whatever. Yeah. But comedy you have to earn a reaction every time. Yes.

Well, I can't say with any authority because I'm not an actor. I've never been. I've actually been told not to do Shakespeare. That was in the park. I did it. I did it. Yeah. And I don't look good in tights and they didn't like the whole thing.

They want to be gone. And it really wasn't Shakespeare. I was just trying to talk to women in tights and the whole thing creeped everybody out. And then later my lawyer said, let's call it Shakespeare in the park. Yeah. So thank you to him. That guy's good. By the way, that's Rick.

That's my lawyer, Rick. He's banking. Yeah. That's a great way. Is he sharing any of those crises? Because it's a big deal now. I know. I know.

This was a long time ago. But I've always been very envious of people. You'll see the times that I was around or performing for, you know, or in the same room and watching President Barack Obama give a speech. If he makes a joke, it kills, but he doesn't have to make a joke. He can just tell you, we need to bring peace to the world. The whole room goes crazy. And I'm sitting there thinking, if I go up there and say, by the way, we need to bring

peace to the world, they say, shut up. No one wants to hear that from you. And it's a weird thing because that speech is well prepared. You know what I mean? It's written and read over several times and they don't have to deviate from that at all. But still even doing that terrifies people. You know what I'm saying? Yes.

It's just the difference with people. I don't know, man. It's a tough thing to try to like get past, but it's also part of like embracing the fact that it's got to happen. You know what I mean? It's almost like pulling that tooth. My daughter, you know, was scared about losing her tooth recently and it was just wiggling and kind of.

I'm glad it was loose because if for a minute I thought you said my daughter, she had this like healthy second tooth and I thought it had to go. Yeah. It was like no doubt. And then it got bad. But anyway, so she had this tooth that had to go and you. She was so scared of me pulling it like I tried pulling it a couple of times. It was making her cry.

And then the dentist was just like, let her just let it fall out on its own. And like the next day, you know, she was eating apple and it just popped right out. And it was, it was no big deal. You know, and she was so happy and the tooth fairy was coming to visit her and everything. So she got like right over it basically. So it's kind of that same philosophy. But, you know, a lot better preached than performed than practiced. You talk about starting out live, which is such a uniquely terrifying place to work in

some ways, in many ways. And when you say you get to sing in the warm up, what it means is you get to go and meet the audience and connect with them before you've ever been in a sketch. And I understand completely how that would settle you because you almost feel like you are on your way. I'm going to go with the blind date analogy, but you've parked at the restaurant and you're on your way in when you bump into the person that you're going to be seeing in five minutes and you guys share a big laugh and you have a good connection.

And you know before the blind date starts, you're okay. It's so scary. And I wish there was a way to get past that. But Leslie Jones talks about it. She's just like, you know, it's because you care. If you didn't care, then you wouldn't feel anything. Yeah, that's, that's the crux of, I mean, obviously not just performing a lot of things, but the minute you think I've got it, I'm good.

I cracked this and I figured it out and it's smooth sailing from here on out. Nothing good is going to happen anymore. It'll be fine and people might pay to see it, but nothing real is going to happen. And I think that's why you want that raw meat. Yeah, I know you're a carnivore. You know, it's funny because I was, I was thinking about you. You're such a, I could be wrong, but I think I know one of the things that would make someone like a Lauren Michaels really love you.

He wants you to be a really good performer. But I know specifically, it means a lot to him when people are, it sounds old fashioned. It sounds like I'm my mom talking now, but it means a lot to him when someone's well mannered and has manners. And I remember... Yes, that's the Canada in him. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I know that years and years and years ago in another lifetime, now 28 years ago,

when he, you know, tapped me to take over the late night show, I remember thinking, wow, Lauren Michaels picked me because he thought I was the funniest one. And later on he was like, he was like, no, that's not why I picked you. And I was like, oh really? And he said, you're good, you have good manners. He said, you have good manners and you'll be well mannered with the guests. And I thought, shit, that's the reason you picked me. Fuck you, old man.

Yeah, then it wasn't so well mannered. Listen to me, you fucking huge piece of shit from Toronto. Conan, where'd you get a leather jacket from all of a sudden? I sprout a leather jacket when I become enraged. The way the Hulk turns green, I sprout a leather jacket. But, and, you know, all the times that I've encountered you, you're capable of so much explosive comedic joy, and you're also a very quiet, very kind person who sort of exudes,

I don't know, for lack of a word, goodness, you know, and you're nice to people. I try. That's good old Southern charm, you know. I have my manners and I was raised with knowing what pleasantries can get you in life. You get a lot further with the honey than you do with, what is it, salted vinegar chips? I don't know what it's called. It's not a salted vinegar chips. I'm bad at sayings. Well, maybe that, I mean, first of all, yes, that's the essence of the saying.

I have never heard it said that way, but I like that. I think it's true, you can get further with honey than with the salted vinegar chip, depending on what you're eating or drinking. Or what you like. Yeah, I mean, I know for me that came from my mom. Big time from my mom for sure. She was definitely like always in the start of like, I don't care about none of this Nickelodeon mess.

I will take you out of here in a heartbeat and we'll go back to Atlanta and I will beat your ass all the way back and like all of that type stuff. So I was, you know, raised in the fear of the Lord and the fear of my dad's belt and all that. You know, I came from the whoopens era, you know what I'm saying? So I was taught to behave myself. But I mean, I don't know, I'm just a positive person. I like to stay happy and want the people around me to be happy. And I'm always really, you know, eager to celebrate a funny moment if it happens naturally.

I'm not necessarily the guy in the room like, hey, everybody gather around. You know what I'm saying? I got something funny going down and I would love to tell you about it. Guess what? The truth is Keenan, everybody hates that guy. They do. And he does too. He hates himself.

Yeah, he hates himself. And I know because I'm that guy. Anybody who comes into the room and says, hey, everybody, I got some funny stuff going down. Check me out. Has about a year to live before he's just murdered by everybody around. This is when they're dragging in a giant trunk. Hold on a second. Yeah, it's funny because I heard you say in an interview once that when you were a kid,

you really love the prices, right? The game show, the prices, right? And then you decided like, I want to, whatever that is, that's what I want to bring to people through entertainment. It's so funny because I kind of know what you're talking about and at the same time, I never took my inspiration from the prices right. I mean, it's just the level of joy for those people to hope to get their name called. You know what I mean? That's how you get in. It's like, we want to see how excited you are to meet Bob Barker.

You know what I'm saying? It's like, oh yeah, Bob is a college crush of mine and ladies are bouncing their balloons around. I don't know. It's a weird, very colorful place. Keenan, you looked in the mirror as a child and said, I want to make people that happy through being funny. You realize those people are getting yachts. They're getting barbecues. They're getting saunas.

Free cars. They're getting cars. Vacations. Like that's why I think. As of Steve Hill to climb with jokes. Yeah, I look at Oprah and Ellen sometimes and I think, you know, people are screaming and crying and jumping up and down and they're so happy because they just got something. They each got the equivalent of $25,000 or $30,000. And I think I'm never going to be that funny.

There's no way possible. But this is a six year old looking at himself in the mirror. Thank God. But yeah, I mean, it's a steep hill to climb. But I don't know, man, just the colorfulness and the joy of being in a room altogether on a vibe like that. Trying to figure out, you know, jobs that match that kind of energy. And SNL was definitely one of them, which is a big part of, like, why I've been there for going on 18 seasons now. When I see you on Serenade Live over the years, I can see that you're most alive when it's completely beside the point foolishness.

Absolutely. You know, I'm thinking about like DeAndre Cole and like, what's up with that? The idea that the show, your talk show host who never lets anybody talk because you're too busy singing. And I'm always looking at who's going to come dancing out, what's going to happen. And it's a complete, it's an explosion. It's an explosion of joy, madness, and the guests are never allowed to say a word. Yeah. That's the kind of show I would want to host.

It's the perfect storm of silly. Yeah, it's the perfect storm of extreme silly that we are all so excited to even get on, even when it's like the fifth time going around. Like when we were rehearsing the first time and afterwards I would see like Sudeik is pouring sweat. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Like he's just dancing. Like it's not like a sketch he has to do that for. Everybody was just loving the idea and loving the vibe that it was creating.

It was the greatest parade of my friends that I could ever come up with, you know? That's the kind of shit I'm talking about when I talk about like price is right, you know, level of enthusiasm. Just a big, wild circus, but still setting something funny, basically. Like that Lindsey Buckingham joke is my favorite thing in the world. Yeah, yeah. In the world. Bill Hader just sitting there. You always say things.

You got something to say every time. He came to say something real serious and I tell him we're going to get to it. I'm going to get to it. And he's sitting there and then I always love the cut to him every time. And you say you always, it's such a smart joke. You plant, you put it out there. He's supposed to be with his family. It's the holidays.

Yeah. But he flew here. He took like three planes to get here. That's good. That's my buddy. He's going to tell us the meaning of Christmas and he made a huge sacrifice to be here. And then at the end, sorry we couldn't get to you. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Lindsey. We forgot. We ran out of time once again. Oh, you ain't mad at me. Oh, you're Lindsey. But here's how I watch because I worked at Cernot Live, I think before you were born, but because I worked there way back in the day and I don't think this has changed.

I always watch that show differently because when I watch you do say Deandre Cole, I'm very aware that you did a dress rehearsal and the dress rehearsal. So when I'm seeing you do that, I'm aware that you did it an hour and a half ago and that nobody holds back in dress rehearsal. So that is unbelievable to me. I'm thinking nobody in America knows this is the second time in an hour and a half that you've done it. Well, thank you for telling them because they need to recognize it. It's bullshit.

You should get paid twice is what I'm saying. That's right. And the NCAA should be paying. What else can we vouch for? I'm going to get a lot of people involved. You know what I'm going to do? Let me represent you in a class action lawsuit and I'm not going to go. You and Rick.

I'm going to get my lawyer Rick. And as you know, he loves you, but I'm going to get. I want you. There are a lot of people that perform at a lower energy. And when I see what you do on that show often, I think, no, he did that twice tonight and no one in America knows that. So I'll start a Kickstarter to get compensated for those other performances. They're not seeing.

Yeah. No, I mean, I appreciate it. But yeah, that's that's one of those other like personal things that, you know, people inside appreciate and they know when they see it and, you know, it graduates and it helps the word of mouth as far as getting other jobs is concerned. But honestly, like, you know how that celebration thing is fleeting over there. Like, you know, you celebrate something that went well one week and your back starting fresh on Monday.

And that week might be the worst week of your life. You know what I'm saying? You learn to kind of like mediate the celebrating and just kind of look back on it. Like when it's all done, probably, you know what I mean? And yeah, the fact that you did it twice is like, wow, I feel like, you know, a very, you know, durable type of a performer. Like the fact that my voice, I crack sometimes like doing warm up and then doing the Andre Cole twice in a night.

It would take his toll sometimes. So in other sketches, my voice might be blown and that will bug me more than anybody else because I don't think people are paying that much attention to it. But at the same time, it allows me to forgive myself because it's like, yeah, man, like you're doing, you know, two shows a night. Like it's all good. You can have a crack on that one weird world, one weird word and nobody will really be paying attention.

There's the pride too of you're giving it. You're all all the time. I tried to, man. I mean, that was one of those pride points of being a professional, you know, growing up when I was trained. Like when I was looking at my mentors in the theater, that's all they talked about being being on time, being prepared, knowing your character, knowing your lines, like, you know, little things like that.

So I always take those performances to heart when I feel like I went into it with the right attitude, basically. So if something goes well and I was being a little turd about it the whole week, like I don't feel as good about it, you know what I mean? But like it makes me feel good when I have done a whole lot of work and people still talk kindly about me. That's not the word we got before we got on this phone call. Is that right?

Oh, okay. That's new to me. What exactly was that word? There were all these, you know, this is what Kenan requires before he'll get on the Zoom call. That's interesting. That's interesting. Do you ever find that people, someone will say that we were told X or Y about you and

it didn't come from you. I've actually had that in the past where interns back at NBC were told don't make eye contact with Conan. They never said that. No. And in fact, I like to chat up everybody. Yeah. I had to learn that because people would walk by and they'd be like, hey, and then they

wouldn't say anything. And I'm like, what is that? And they were like, oh, they're told not to speak to you guys or whatever. I'm like, that's some, that's crap. You know, I'm like, we're from, I'm from the South. So everybody, you know, says, hey, how are you doing? Good morning. Would you like some tea or would you like some lemonade?

Just, you know, everybody has tea and lemonade, I guess, as they're walking around. I find that really weird. You're saying that if you walk, wait a minute, Kenan, you're saying you walk anywhere in the South and you're just walking down the street and people are just coming out of the bushes saying, would you like some tea? Would you like some lemonade? You should try it. You should.

You obviously haven't tried it. It's a little cold. Does anybody have some tea or something? I love that you live in this, you're at your South is this magical Disney South where people are just coming out of. Would you like some tea? Would you like some lemonade? Yes, I would.

Well, hello, Mr. Bluebird, let's have a little song together. Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. Well, I very much would like some lemonade. Tweet, tweet, tweet. Absolutely. Meanwhile, it's just me up in a tree tripping out by myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be great if I went with you and we were just walking around, you know, Georgia and

that's what you were experiencing and I was seeing what's really happening. Exactly. And then I realized, oh, he had a serious psychotic break a long time ago. Yeah. I know that you're also into one of my obsessions is bicycles. I grew up riding bikes and I recently like got into it like workout wise because I'd been through, you know, lifting weight years or trying to jog and being a jogger type years and like, you know, I just didn't really stick to any of them.

I hate gyms. I hate treadmills. I hate stationary bikes. They don't make enough sense to me. Like it's the worst, you know, waste of my time ever, basically. I could be outside running, but it takes a toll on your knees, blah, blah, blah. So biking came back up and my wife bought me a bike for like my birthday or Christmas or something.

Yeah, it became a thing like I had time during COVID in the beginning of the lockdown for like six months. I was in Tampa and it was a great bike trail. So I just started hitting it every morning, you know, and then got back to New York and kept it up and got a new bike that goes a little faster and stuff like that and started hitting all the New York trails. So I wanted to ask you being in LA like I've been riding on the beach, but where else do you ride out here?

First of all, that's my business. Okay. Yes, it is. I'm not going to tell you that. Could you write your address down? I said you were well-mannered. I think those were rude questions. I apologize.

No, I'll tell you, first of all, I'm bitter because I lived in New York for years. There was no place to ride your bike and it's like the second I left, they said, is he gone? Yeah, he's gone. Yeah. I'm going to carve out the city. Bike trails, shut down a whole sections of the city and turn them into beautiful bike lanes. Through the middle of Times Square.

You want to see Times Square from a bike? Now that Conan's gone, you can do it. Yeah, they waited for me to go. Those bastards, they waited for me to go and then they turned it and now, of course, there's a lot of great places. You don't really feel bad. It's pretty great. You can ride from like the Tappan Z to like Brooklyn, basically, on the bike trails.

And I think about what I used to do because I had a bike and I think about how I just used to dodge cabs and I used to get up and go across the George Washington Bridge and I'd be like crazy and I think I probably was killed 10 times over and I just don't know it. I don't know I'm dead. Go around. Go around. Go around.

Yeah. I had a large. I had a large tricycle. I had a really large tricycle. Yeah, a little flag and I wore my baseball cap sideways and I was like, go around me. Yeah, screw you, too. It's not a trike. It's a bike with an extra wheel.

And now it's a completely different experience here in LA. It's really tricky. I have a bunch of rules because I don't want to die on a bike and I'm constantly seeing people. I don't know if you've had this experience now that you're here in Los Angeles and doing some work here, but when you're in LA, all I do is see people that look like they're doing their best to get killed. They ride on, like the main road here, one of the main roads that runs all the way across

Los Angeles is Sunset Boulevard and people think if it's a famous street, people think of it as a street. It's not a street. It's a highway and it's a highway with no shoulder and there's a lot of blind corners and every night I come home, I'm driving my car and it's nighttime and I'm coming back from the studio or the theater and I'm coming up in my car and I'm coming around the corner and someone will be wearing all black and it's dark and... And they'll be black and it's even worse.

And they'll be black and I'll be like, hey you, you're black and you're wearing black, which sounds like I'm being racist, but I'm just worried, you know? If you're not, you're worried because it's nighttime and they're riding a bike in the traffic. Sometimes my worry is misconstrued as racism. It's the accent. Yeah. It's kind of the accent.

It's just me to ask, sir, you are wearing black and you also appear to be black and I'm worried about you at nighttime on that bicycle, but no, it's really bad. So I have all my rules involved, I feel like I'm jinxing myself as I say this because I think like, okay, now tomorrow I get hit and then this plays, but I really do try hard and what I do is I try to stay off streets like that. And so I have all kinds of shortcuts. And then if you can get down to the water safely, that's where it gets amazing because there are these trails.

You can ride way south of LAX and there's really amazing long beach, there's amazing bike paths, which are fantastic. So I will, the minutiae of it in detail will be boring on a podcast, but I will gladly tell you everywhere I think you should go. Please map me out because like, I've been riding at Santa Monica and it's nice going north and then you go south and you run into reality. So it's like, all right, cool. Yeah, what you want to do is just continue along for a while and just look at the ocean

and the mountains and escape. Yeah. What you want to do is get south of the marina and there's a whole kooky way and you don't have to do this. I'll just put that out there. If you want to ride with me, I mean, I feel like you're saying it because you want to want company. I mean, I could be reading into it a little too far.

I was, I only do this as a favor to you, but I desperately want you to ride with me. It's, hey, this thing is called Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. How many clues do you need? I hear you. There is a way to get down. You basically want to get south of the marina and there's actually like a little bridge that goes over the marina. And then once you get over there, you keep going and you're in Mexico.

And then it's fantastic. It's crazy. You're in Mexico. And you do it. I think that's a little close. I feel like Mexico's not right where LAX is. Look, I'm not. How long have you been out here?

I'm not good at geography. I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure that several times I've been having a really good time on my bike. I got south of, and then the next thing I know I was in Mexico and I was paying with things. There are a lot of Mexicans in California. Arthur?

Yeah. Oh. Names of towns that are Mexican sounding and things like that. Yeah. A lot of heritage here. Oh. I keep coming back. That's easily confused because the only difference is a tow bridge booth between California

and Mexico. So that's kind of the only. You know, I was curious. I never had to show my passport. You know what? And now I'm embarrassed. You definitely didn't leave the country then. I came back, I come back from these trips and I'm always telling people I was in Mexico

and I had the best time. And then I was just in a place that sounded like it was Mexico and I saw tons of people who were speaking Spanish. I've had amazing. That happens. It was all 10 minutes south of the airport, which I was convinced I was, Sona, do you think I was in Mexico? No.

I don't. I'm sorry. I'm glad we straightened this out. Yeah. What about you, Matt? Matt? Absolutely not. I mean, he asks every guest to go biking with him.

Oh, well, that's cool. But what kind of biker are you? I don't have the uniform. I don't like the uniform. I used to, I used to wear the uniform because I almost thought you had to, like you go, when you first start biking, you think, oh, and I have to, everyone else driving a bike is riding a bike wearing that stuff. And I thought that's just what you had to do.

And I really hate it. So I went and found, I just didn't like looking like that. I wanted to get off my bike, go into a cafe and get coffee and look like a person who maybe conceivably drove or walked there. I didn't want to look like a moon man, clomping in in his clumpy feet and wearing weird spandex. With butt pants. Yeah, exactly. Well, actually, I've been a few keen and I like the butt pad.

You like the butt steak. I have no ass. I have no ass. And so what I found is that I can wear, I can get pants that have a butt pad, but they just look like pants. And so I like that. That's the way I like to ride now. I like to look like kind of a normal person who's riding a bike.

I don't even think I have my water bottle thing on my bike. I like cruising. I like feeling like a little kid out there as opposed to like, I got to work out because of, you know, heart murmurs or whatever, I don't want to have to think that it's just for health. You think everybody on a bike has a heart murmur? Yeah, that's how you fight heart murmurs with bicep, right? Yeah.

Maybe, I guess. I am a learned man of medicine. Yeah. It's either the best thing to do if you have a bad heart or the worst thing to do. Yeah, give me the worst thing to do. I've got a really bad heart. I got to get on this bike and get out there and just get my heart rate up as high as possible. Well, okay, clearly, I've put it out there and you've let me know very gently, there's

going to be no Keenan and Conan bike ride. Not true. It's happening. I'm down to go, whatever. You can say anything on this call. It all sounds good. And then later on, when I try to make it happen, your people, your people shut it down. It's just, you know, lots going on.

There's a lot of press. We're still shooting. And then all of a sudden, I'm back in New York. This is what it is. I'm back. Yeah. But maybe I'll be back in the summer. Yeah.

Okay, that's great. When I touch down. Here's what happens. I call Lorne and then you're going to get a call from, when you get back to SNL, Lorne's going to call you into his office. He's going to go, Keenan, you've got to help me. Conan's calling. And he says there's a bike.

If you promise him you'd go bike riding. You should go bike riding, Keenan. Did you promise him? You can't do that. You can't promise him things and leave him hanging because he didn't, he's calling me and then I have to buy him toys and he only likes a specific toy from a specific store. Would you just get on the fucking bike with him? Just one time, Keenan.

No, I've got to go. I can't believe I have to have a fucking meeting about this. Like, really, are we talking about this? You told him you'd go get on the fucking bike. Is this really what we're talking about? I've got Mick Jagger on line one. I've got Paul Simon on line two and Paul McCartney on line three. Or is it Paul McCartney on line two?

It's still those three. It's still those three, by the way. Yeah. And you never know which Paul it is. I've got to go talk to Paul. Well, Cartney or Simon? I'm not sure. I don't know.

Well, listen, we'll straighten that out with you. I'm going to get you, you'll be an expert. Is that Teddy Roosevelt? I got Teddy Roosevelt behind me. It's a prop that I stole from Warner Brothers. It's actually, I stole that. You know, I just like to have an authority figure in the room. I was watching, not to change subjects drastically two times in a row, but I was watching your

doc when you were on tour, like doing it in between shows. And it was amazing because I guess it was the first time actually seeing you play an instrument constantly. You know what I mean? Like I think people knew that you played, but I didn't know that you, you know, did it, you know, like full on damn near basically rock shows. I know that you play guitar too. For me, I play it constantly.

And Sony, you can attest to this. It's all I do when I'm at work. If my fingers are doing that, then my brain can think about comedy in a serene, calm way. Does that make sense? It does. It does. Because I know you play guitar too. A little bit, but like I'm still learning very much so like I'm, my chord game is strong,

but my solo game is pretty ghostly. It's non-existent. You know, that's kind of the way like my wife, you know, learns basically she has to draw while she's listening to people. That's the only way she can listen. And it seems like she's being disrespectful, but that's the way she's like really listening to you. So I get that genius minds are kind of like that.

Like you have to be doing a lot for one part of the brain to focus because so many parts of the brain are firing that they can't be just, I don't know, bored or else they'll miss it. You know what I'm saying? Like if you're bored, then you won't be able to be as creative as you want to be because then you might be like, oh, now I'm focused on the anxiety of creating something comedic or funny or whatever. I find that in a weird way that's also like driving.

For me, it's the shower. I don't know what it is about being in the shower, but I have great ideas in there. Well, also, because you're doing something, you're the part of your brain that's anxious that thinks I need to be doing something is satisfied because you're taking care of a task, but it's, but it's kind of a mindless task. And that frees up this other part to just say, Hey, wait a minute, I have an idea. What if a phone booth was filled with custard and I opened it in a sketch and it burned to me.

Like that's brilliant. But Keenan, the show, not the man, but Keenan, the show, this is where are you in the process? We are, we're making 10 and we are finishing up episode six, I believe. So we are in the middle of it. And it's single camera looks like single camera, but we're shooting several cameras at once to shave time for COVID protocol reasons and things like that. But it actually helps us because we don't have to wait on turnarounds and stuff like that.

You know, I mean, we're able to like crank through a lot of stuff. So 12 hour days, but, you know, they could be, you know, 12 hour days, getting a lot less done. So the cast is amazing. You've done film. So it's not like this, you're, you're new to this, but it is almost in some ways, maybe the polar opposite of being a sign out live and getting that, that adrenaline kick. It's a bonding, but I mean, it's also like you got to come in and be ready to like perform

at your highest level, like all day, every day, as opposed to like, all right, let's, you know, massage it up until Saturday night and then once dress rehearsal happens, that's when we kick it in a, you know, full time gear or whatever and do it twice. Right. But this is like several takes and each take you want to be usable basically, you know, I mean, so if we're doing like a musical performance, like we just finished last night and today, you know, we're doing dance moves. We're jumping down on our knees, you know what I mean, standing up without pushing up

with your hands. You know, last time I actually stood up off of my knees without using my hands. It's been a long time. You know what? I've been lifted to my feet by other adults my entire life. You feel that pain, inner thigh muscle pain that you never thought you would use the next day. So that's what I'm feeling right now, stretching my knees out and just feeling the age, but

you know, that's, that's kind of the difference. Either give it every day all day, Monday through Friday or, you know, stress out about trying to write something, you know, brilliant in comparison to a 45 year history, basically, you know, it's like the two different things, it's two different stresses. Well, I feel bad for everyone else out there during this pandemic who we all get antsy and we all get feeling really glum. And then I have this experience of saying, I'm going to talk to Keenan Thompson today and they made me happy all day anticipating getting to talk to you because I am a, a big

admirer of your talent, but also just your, your way of conducting yourself and your joy in bringing silliness to people. And so this was a real treat to have you on the podcast. It really was. Because I thought I've never really got to sit and talk to you like this before. No, it's always been like the talk show version where I'm supposed to be eight minutes funny and sharp. And I think in my younger, when I first was hired, SNL days, I wasn't ready to do that.

So I don't think I got called back too many times and ever since then, like I've just been watching you and being, I was a fan before, but just watching you do your thing and just being a fan from afar and wanting to hopefully one day wind up back between you and Andy and being mature enough to have a great interview, you know what I mean? So this is definitely my version of that. Oh my God. I've been looking forward to it all week actually since it was on the schedule. I'm like, that's one I've been waiting to do either the show or his podcast for forever.

So let me say that to you. Well, you can do both. Do me a favor when you're ready to really get out and push any time, I mean, whether it's for the new show or anything, you're always welcome on anything I'm doing. And if you get desperate enough and want me to show you how to get how to get south of the marina out of the real Mexico, I'm still convinced I was there. It's it's it's 20 it's it's 20 minutes south of the airport. I'm convinced that's Mexico.

I also think I was in Korea because and I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure I was in Armenia. You can go to all those places here in Los Angeles. I'm telling you, there's magic portals to those countries, not just Hollywood. It's a melting pot. It's a beautiful melting pot. Hey, Keenan, my congratulations on on on the new show and everything that's happening for you and has been happening for you. And God bless and thank you for doing this.

Likewise, man, it's absolutely my pleasure. I hope everybody loves the show. I said earlier, the cast is amazing, but we really have some great people like our name drop Don Johnson, Chris Red, Fortune Feamster, Taylor Louderman, Kim Ray Lewis, Danny and Dana, my little daughters. I mean, I I'm so excited. I name drop just to shout them out because I love them. That's a fantastic.

That's yeah, man. I think we're going to dig it. Man, who's cooler than Don Johnson and that the few times I've encountered him in life, he is exactly as cool as you would want him to be and then some because he's got the stories to match. Yeah. God, those stories are so good. Yeah.

I'm getting them daily. I'm getting advice. Crazy 80s. Good, good stories. The 80s was the time to be super famous and sexy. Absolutely. Hey, listen, I want you to get you to rest. You're working way too hard.

So I will go yell at your people. I'm willing. That's what I really appreciate this, man. Thank you so much. Okay. No problem. Bless you guys. Nice meeting you, son.

Nice meeting you, too. That was great. It's always nice to check in with the people that call the number at the end of this show to leave a voicemail for you, Conan. Do you want to hear one? Yes, I do. Okay. Hello.

My name is Douglas Wood. On a recent episode of Conan O'Brien Meads, a friend, there was a brief discussion about Conan having his own clothing line. I think this is a fabulous idea that has historical precedent. Johnny Carson's apparel line from the 1970s. I am, however, having trouble figuring out what kind of clothing Conan could offer. The only thing that comes to my mind is he could specialize in clothing that protected you from the sun, like broad-brimmed hats and shirts that had an SPF reading.

So my question is, Conan, what kind of clothes do you think you could offer in a clothing line? Thanks. Love the podcast. Keep up the good work, Pat and Sona. Bye. Oh, first of all, I love this guy. He's very, he's obviously very intelligent, has good taste in podcasts.

And he knows his broadcast history. Yes, Johnny Carson had his own clothing line that was very successful and there were suits you could get, you could dress like Johnny Carson and it was a big thing. And the reason this happened is that Johnny Carson was thought of as one of the coolest guys in the country. That's why he could have his own clothing line. Now I'd like to think that I've had some impact in the comedic world and that I've had a long and pretty decent talk show career.

However, nobody thinks that I'm a super cool guy, nobody. Men wanted to dress like Johnny Carson and women wanted to be around a guy that was like Johnny Carson. That's why he could have a clothing line. That's the first flaw in the reasoning that I would actually have a clothing line. I don't even know that I have a personal style. Do you guys want to weigh in? Do I have a personal style that speaks to you?

Brown leather jacket, millions and millions of brown leather jackets. I'd say it's Michael Myers goes to math camp. Michael Myers goes to math camp. No, listen, you saw my boat turning around slowly in open water and you put a torpedo right in my bathroom. Well, I just know how many times I've had to take it from you on how I dress. So it just fell. No, no, I do not own a hockey mask.

No, that's Jason Voorhees. Oh, oh, who's Michael Myers? He's the one that's a William Shatner mask, but he has kind of red hair and a white face. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. I think, well, Sona's right. I mean, what you said, Matt was just cruel.

It's funny. And you know, if I dish it out, I suppose I have to learn how to take it and then insist later on you edit it out. We've been on such a good streak lately, I shouldn't have taken that shock because I risk ruining this. No, no, no. That was, no, no, no. It was very funny and you'll pay for it, but it was very funny.

Yeah, I will. And you'll wish you'd never done it. But Sona, you're right. I do favor just a leather jacket and I wouldn't say I've got millions and millions of them. And I did the ride-along remote that a lot of people know with Ice Cube and Kevin Hart. I was wearing a leather jacket and then later on I did another one with them like a year later, a year and a half later, and I had the same jacket and they were making fun of me for having the same crappy jacket and really ridiculing it.

And I realized I didn't even wear it for continuity. I just happened to be wearing the same jacket. So I wouldn't say I have millions and millions of them. You have a lot. I think the two things you have a lot of are guitars and brown leather jacket. True. It's just what you, oh, and glasses. Oh my God, you have glasses.

Well, because I lose them a lot. I lose them. Yeah. And I also give them away to people who I think look nearsighted. I'm very generous that way. Rockefeller used to hand children a dime. My thing is I walk around with like 15 eyeglasses in my pocket and when I see people squinting at all, even if it's from the sun, I say, here you go, boy, here you go, young lad,

some glasses for you. That's your clothing line. You can do eyewear. I could do eyewear. You know, if I did, I have very, very long legs. So maybe I could specialize in people whose bodies are disproportionate, meaning shorter torsos and then horrifically long legs. Like I could specialize in a whole line of 39 inch inseam legs, you know, and then brown

leather jackets that look like they could, they would fit a toddler because they're for a smaller torso. That would be my clothing line, I think. Well, that and I think, because I think this color is right. I think that you have a lot of UV shirts and then hats, like big floppy hats. That mean like Johnny Carson had suits. You could have UV shirts and floppy hats. Oh, that's great.

Yeah. Exactly. Johnny Carson had the most amazing slim cut suits that every man wanted and every woman wanted her man wearing them. And I can wear big hats that old women wear at the beach, big floppy hats and big formless blobby shirts. And maybe I could come out with a line of dense zinc cream that you can pull all over your face.

And you know those eyeglasses, those sunglasses that people wear who are really phobic about their eyes that wrap, they like go over the other glasses. Yeah, they look like they look like LeVar Burton on Star Trek. I would, I would have those. I would have these just as giant black windshields that you wear over your face. Does your clothing line have a name? Is it just Conan or what are we calling it? That's a good question.

Any suggestions? Watch out, son. You're not going to get me. We should probably just name it, it should give it like an old woman's name. You know, like Agnes Beedleman, you know, the Agnes Beedleman collection. And then people in the know know, oh, that's Conan O'Brien's line. Why is it called Agnes Beedleman? Well, you'll see.

Put it on. Boy Scouts will help walk you across the street because you're going to look like a 98 year old woman. Yeah. So I'm sorry, sir, no clothing line for me, but thank you for your concern. And also for your passive aggressive digs. I did notice those. And I'm coming for you, man.

I'm coming for you. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Sonamov Sessian and Conan O'Brien as himself. Produced by me, Matt Corley, executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solotarov, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf, theme song by the White Stripes, incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. The show is engineered by Will Bekton.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review featured on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.