Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Lizzy Caplan

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Actress Lizzy Caplan feels confused about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Lizzy sits down with Conan to talk about being well-positioned geographically, her new show Fleishman Is in Trouble, and the abandonment issues that come along with a career in acting. Later, Conan takes engineer Eduardo to task about distractions in the workplace.

Hello, my name is Lizzie Kaplan and I feel confused about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, the podcast that gives and gives and gives and never takes. I said that without thinking about it and I immediately regret it. What would we take? I don't know, I just sometimes we get going and I don't give it any thought. We take an hour from their lives, they take it back. Yes, you're right. Yeah.

Nice to see you both. Matt Gorley, Sonoma of Sessian. Yes. Yes. Correct, that is my name. I am not an alien in Sonoma's skin. This is not a border crossing. Yes, yes, yes.

It's a subcommittee hearing. Yes, yes, yes. That is correct, that's my name. Distinguished gentlewoman from Altadena. I'd like to mention something that's on my mind, which is that recently we started this Team Coco channel on Sirius Radio. As you guys know, I was not a regular listener to our podcast. Right. I'm not someone who seeks out my work and wants to enjoy it, watch it.

That's just not something that I do. But what's interesting is that this Sirius channel started and they play podcasts that, you know, the podcasts we've done, they play a lot of different content from over the years. And I don't know what the psychological difference is, but because it's on the radio and it's just playing, when I get in my car now, I'll turn it on. And so I drove to work today. I was listening. I was in my car listening to myself and you guys. And I was laughing and I realized this is the most masturbatory thing I've done since I last masturbated. Were you masturbating at the time?

Well, I want to try that because that would be, I'm sure, an incredible high. Weren't you worried about someone driving up and then seeing Conan O'Brien listening to Conan O'Brien? You know what I do? If I pull up to a light and someone pulls up next to me and they're in a convertible, I lower my window and I laugh hysterically and I say, it's me. I'm on the radio and I'm killing it. I'm as funny as I think I am. Confirmed. No, I just thought, I'm sure that this is, I don't intend to do this a lot, but it is funny.

First of all, I've forgotten a lot of things. And so we've done so much over a number of years. It hasn't been that long, but we've done a lot of stuff. So I'm listening to it with fresh ears. What were you listening to? Which episode was it? I was listening to us with JB Smoove. Do you like it? Do you like this podcast? Yeah, I do.

I think there are improvements that could be made. What improvements? What do you think you bring to the table? You know what? I mean... No, I really do. I don't even know. I enjoy it and it was just funny because I thought, this is a new low. Why do you think it's a low?

Because I shouldn't be listening to myself. No, there's nothing wrong with this being like, hey, you know what? Good job, cones. That's not what I do. I don't say, oh, good job, cones. I say, you're killing it. At least you admit it. At least you admit it. I think there are some people that wouldn't admit that they listen to themselves. I high-fived myself.

That's when you're masturbating? No. Well, first of all, I use one of those trucker devices. What? Yeah, you can buy them. Oh, you mean like a flashlight? Let's just say that you... I was a trucker for a while. In between gigs.

Of all the jobs that you could pretend you've ever done. Hey, guess what? Trucker is the most far-fetched. You know that it is. I did go to trucking school and I took a class and I drove a big rig and you can watch it. It was a late night remote. Oh, you did it for jokes and yucks and stuff? No, but I actually did have to learn how to drive what we call in the business, the big rig.

I think there's so many truckers that just are so angry right now. Listen, the course was just a couple of hours and I took it maybe 25 years ago. But I think I'm every bit as good a trucker as any trucker out there right now. No way, man. I'll tell you this. But anyway, I've heard tell that there's a device that can plug in. It's like a... If one wants to pleasure oneself while driving, it's no hands.

So it is a flashlight, right? Yeah. Does it plug into the cigarette lighter? Why do you need to plug it in? First of all, there's one now that's solar powered. Oh. You attach a little thing to the roof of your car, the sunroof. Because I'd like to go eco and be green.

Sure. But is it doing a... Excuse me? What? Do that again. Why are you plugging... Is it... Come see the human flashlight live on stage. So obsessive.

I mean, first of all... You're plugging it in. I mean, can't you just... Also, why do you even need it to... Also, it's not just truckers I'm thinking to do this. Matt, you must understand what I'm talking about here. I think I do. You're on a long trip and you're driving your truck.

Oh, am I hauling cab with repeat? Kenworth 18-wheeler with 18 gears? There you go. And then you're far away. You're lonely. And then you got to take care of business. But you don't want to take your hands off the wheel. You can't stand on the side.

I'm hiding pickles in the shade. I got a bear in the air. Oh, yeah. I said let's that trucker roll. We got a great big gun. Going through the night. No. You're climaxing as you're driving.

Isn't that dangerous? But when you're hauling... Tell them. A bed full of logs. Or you got a reefer, and you're stacked, and you're Peterbilt, and you're heading down... Oh, man, I'm getting excited.

You're heading down the old concrete highway. Yeah. You need sometimes to blow off some steam, and that's when the old... Whoop, whoop, whoop comes in. You got the Bandit running blocker for you. Eastbound and down, long way to go. Short time to get there.

Oh, right. You got contraband coolers. Got to get it over the Arkansas state line. You got to help... You got to help Sally Field. We went too far. You guys did a long time ago. Can I stop at a Chokin' Pute and get a Diablo sandwich?

Okay. Have you memorized the movie? Have you memorized the movie? This is a movie. What are you doing? This is Smokey and the Bandit, one of the great movies of all time. Oh, that's what this is.

Bert Reynolds. You know what? I'll agree with you. Shout out to the late Jerry Reed, one of the great pickers of all time who wrote wonderful songs for Elvis Presley among some, and it was a great recording artist in his own right, and then

went on to be the sidekick in the Bandit movies. And he's a really good actor. Terrific. I never got to meet him. I wish I had met him. But anyway, I'm worried that we got off topic, which is a device that pleasures your penis when you plug it in or

there is a solar option. Okay. So let's get the word out of that. Is there one that you could plug into a potato like those old little kid's clocks and you could get powered that way? I don't think so. I'll work on it. In my childhood, everything was powered by a potato.

Yours specifically. Myself. And so I... There was just way too many potatoes in my childhood, so no. You could turn for the worse. But a shout out to the late Jerry Reid and to truckers everywhere.

We respect what you do. And to anyone who needs to use a device that plugs into a cigarette lighter to relieve themselves on the road. I mean, these are all things that I just want to make sure that we wrap up and salute them in that order. Yes. Okay. Let's get started. All right.

My guest today, if she's still here. I'm sorry, I can't believe... This was an intro? Yeah. My guest today, if she still is the intro. Let's say if she's still here. We have many guests now leave during the intro. That's right. Very talented actress, you know, from such films and TV shows as Mean Girls, Cloverfield

and Masters of Sex. Now you can see her in the new FX miniseries, Fleshman in Trouble. I really do adore this person and have for a long time. Very excited she's with us today. Lizzie Kaplan, welcome. I was under the impression

that we already were kind of friends. No, I thought we were too and then I checked the paperwork. No, we never got the friend status. Right. I saw that I just forged like a cat paw print instead of my name in the paperwork. Well, yes.

We should disclose that we have been friendly for a number of years and... Friendly. Yeah, very friendly, I think. And I have dined in recently with you and your

just incredible husband who enrages me with his talent and good looks. Both those things. Yes. And he can tell too. It feels pity for me. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But we also had a really good time.

We hung out in England. I was there to interview Ricky Gervais and you were living there at the time with Tom and you guys joined up with me and we ended up having Guinness in a real pub

in the northern part of London, I think. Yeah. And you ordered a Scotch egg. Yes, I did. Yes. And I thought, what's a Scotch egg? Because you... When you romanticize, when people live in a foreign country, that's always something I dream about. So you come into the pub, you're nice enough

to meet up with me, you guys. You and Tom come in and you sit down and then you just seem to be so comfortable, like you would become British. And you ordered a Scotch egg, which I didn't even know what a Scotch egg... Do you know what it is? Yeah, it's a... Isn't an egg racked in sausage and then fried?

That's correct. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've had a Scotch quail egg before. Oh, dainty. I knew to turn to gorelly for this, because if there's something... Anything slightly... Give me an angle and make it dainty. Yeah.

Yeah. I can tell that you romanticized it because you just called it like a real pub. It's more of a real pub. I know, it was a pub. I know, I know, but I get very...

I'm nerdy in a lot of ways, but one of my things when I was... When I'm walking around in London, I just keep thinking, I'm in London. Yeah. Now I'm in a pub in London. Same. I'll have a Guinness. I'm drinking the Guinness in London. I'm wearing a tweed cap. I mean, I'm...

I don't know, I'm so self-conscious. I feel like that all the time about everything and only recently do I feel like I'm shedding that thing, like that I'm not doing commentary about the normal things that people just seem to be doing around me without, you know, thinking too hard about it. Right, right.

But we did drink a lot of Guinness that day in the middle of the day. I may have had more than you guys. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Tom was just saying, he's like, you guys, you drink when you're together, like you and I. Yeah. And I don't feel like I drink that much, but when I'm

with you, my best friend Lee. Ben. I also think, and I could be wrong, but there's something about Guinness that feels like it doesn't count. Like if I had... If someone was putting down scotch or anything like that, I'm not big into spirits, but

if it's Guinness, I don't know what it is. I don't feel like it counts. It's like a meal. Yeah. It is. If someone took a loaf of Pumpernickel bread and put it into a paper shredder and then let it sit for a couple of months. Yeah. It's bread soup. It's bread soup, and then you

drink it. Yeah. But we had a very good time and I have wanted you to be on the podcast for a long time because and I say this with just right out. You're one of my favorite people. You really are. You are... Do you say that to everybody that walks in? You know, I've said it.

Please, please answer four. I would say 25% of the people, but I do feel there's sincerity in your voice this time. So I'd put that in the top 5%. Come on. I'm serious. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think you're non-sense. No, I'm kidding. No. He really sincerely means it. Yeah.

I'm always and the other person, my wife knows it. My wife knows that I have Lizzie Kaplan favor and she's like, yeah, I get it. I totally get it. Just the fact that you two drink together, he won't drink with us. Oh, God, no. No. No, no. I take a lot of pills when I'm around you. Yeah. That's just for your hip.

You can take a pill for your hip. Go on. Take a pill for anything. No, I adore you. You're such a terrific comedic actress who can also do drama. You're so good at what you do, but also, and we won't

get into specifics, but you are so smart about people and you and I have had conversations where different people will come up or in the industry or whatever and you are so incisive, not mean just so incisive about human beings, what makes them tick, what you've noticed. And I always

walk away and think like, this is an incredible person. That's so nice. No, it's true. I mean this 130%. I believe you and that's like, I don't think anybody's ever said that to me and I think it's the greatest compliment I've ever received and I'm not even being like, flip into about it.

That's a great thing to have somebody think about you. But it's true. I'm thinking specifically of different times people have come up and you'll say something and it's just I feel like you have a bit of a superpower, not a bit of a it is a superpower to be able to just see people for who they are in this

business. That's tricky. Part of this journey of this podcast started with me just wanting to be very honest if I could about talking to people who anyone else would envy saying, yes, it is great.

I am not complaining but also it is very complicated and there's a lot of strange people in this business and there's a lot of our buttons get pushed and I feel like that is something that you are aware of

and you've handled it really well. I do feel like I've been positioned in a just geographically positioned well, meaning I'm from L.A. I have these friends that I grew up with probably like 10 to 15 of us who have been friends since we were little kids

like five years old and none of them do this and I don't have to get on a plane to go see this group of friends. They're here in the city that I live in most of the time and so think that's been helpful like they don't care and they genuinely don't care

but like in a loving way whereas some people say that they don't care like, okay, so going back to where you're saying it because of Thanksgiving, right, just happened. I was talking to Tom and it's like it's almost like if you do this for a living, what we do it's like a family disease tell me if you agree with this.

So I'm with my family who are amazing and wonderful but a lot of family friends and people kind of come in and get a lot of like, I don't know if it comes from like, I'm going to prove to you that I'm not impressed that you're an actress. I don't care that you're an actress so I'm going to say mean shit to you all the time

and you kind of just take it and it's fine but like it's always family, friends or like some distant aunt that's like, I saw that show it wasn't for me. I liked the other thing you did you're like, cool, I just spent eight months of my life. I don't go to like your accountancy office and say like, you know what, you're doing just fine.

And you sort of have to take these blows like all the time and they're not a big deal but also nobody wants to hear you complain about these little mean things. It's a tricky balancing act. We were talking on the podcast once to David Sedaris and he was talking

about this exact same phenomenon and I said to him, I get this sense that there are people that need to tax you meaning they apply a bit of a tax to you because they think in some way you need to pay them a little bit for your

whatever success or perceived better life, you know. I don't know and it's very complicated and so the idea that no but I'm sure other people kiss your ass so I'm going to cross a crowded room and tell you by the way, I never quite got it.

You're like, wow, okay. That's impressive. I mean you have it on a much different scale than I do and I see also that it would be really annoying for let's say your family to have your sibling. Somebody's always trying to talk to your sibling about

you. That would suck. I wouldn't handle that well at all but I also don't personally feel successful or famous or any of those things ever. I don't think that's the reality of my situation and so when people occasionally

like to kind of stick it to me, I was just sitting here. It is true. You do just sit around a lot. Most of the time when we got here every time I've bumped into Lizzie anywhere, she's just sitting.

I enjoy it. She's sitting on a rock or sitting on a bench and I'm like, what are you doing? She's just sitting here. When you find a nice rock you can pass up that opportunity but yes and then like the dirty little secret is like nobody wants to hear you complain and you know, you shouldn't actually complain to many

people about this. It's not a universal experience but it is a weird thing where it becomes and I see it with a lot of friends or any little bits of success I've had it just, you're like up to level of isolation and because nobody wants

to hear you, let's say you, let's make it about you Kelly. Nobody wants to hear you complain because you are very successful and you have a lot of money and whatever. I lost a lot of it. You used to have a lot of money. I bought up an entire collection of, put all my money into

Victorian pornography. Which is not racy at all. A lot of clothes. It's just a bare ankle here and there. And I'm your only customer. And after you had bought like $8,000 worth you were cleaned out.

It's true and I chose my life. I've had some ups and downs but I'm one of, I'm the dictionary definition of very lucky. So I have absolutely nothing to complain about and I would like that on my tombstone

which would be ironic because I'd be dead. Which is a legitimate thing to complain about. How about up until this point I had nothing to complain about last year. Dot, dot, dot. Colin LeBron, 1963 2025. No, that gives me a little time.

I know but I have to fix up my resume. I'm going to start looking for other work. Come on, I know you guys are, do you want to start a podcast? I would love to. I really like it here. We could just keep the same space.

You could just move from there to there. Trust me, you would, everyone would be very happy with that outcome. This is your first podcast, is that right? It's my first podcast and it's already feeling like I've done it wrong. What are you talking about? This is you.

My guess is you don't like to watch yourself do your work? No, it's very rare that I like that. I like it on Fleishman is in Trouble. I like watching that. Which by the way, I told you this before we started Fleishman

is in Trouble with you and Claire Danes and Jesse Eisenberg and I was binge watching it and I am loving it and it's such a good story and it's so compelling that it got to the end of the third episode

and they said, yeah, now you have to wait for more and I became enraged and pulled my flat screen off the wall. Wow, so strong. Oh, I didn't mean that for that to come out but with a slight tug of my massive arms and a bit of a torque

of my perfect six-pack and I'm just describing what happened. It easily came out of the wall up into the sky. Must have been poorly installed. I like torque of my six-pack. I've never heard that before. It was a slight torque

and just then some photographers were there and they took beautiful black and white photographs. Were you oiled at the time? I was oiled and bare chested. And then I threw the flat screen up into the sky and it went into the sun. Something, yeah, and just disappeared. But anyway,

I love it. I'm also a fan of your co-stars. Yes. Claire Danes is a lovely person and obviously very talented. Jesse Eisenberg she first came on my show many years ago when he was just starting out I think for Squid and the Whale

and a couple of days later, a handwritten note showed up on my desk. That's adorable. And this very nice boy wrote me a beautiful letter thanking me for having him on the show. He had me. He's like, that guy had me.

And then a couple of other times I've received a nice Jesse Eisenberg. So, Jesse, if you're out there I need another letter soon. He is a sweet boy. He's a really sweet guy. Now he's a sweet man. 40, 40 years old. Well, according to Wikipedia, he's 67.

Oh, damn. He is the best guy. I love him. No, he is the best. The funny is like a guy in the public eye. Have you seen him rip a TV off a wall? Bare chested and oil.

Yeah, I'd like to see Jesse do that. I guess if the walls were made of oatmeal it would come right on. What a weird insult. Hey, Jesse. Jesse, if you're listening if you had to rip a flat screen off a wall the wall would have to be made of oatmeal. It's going to write you a letter about that.

We'll be right back with more insults no one's ever said in the history of mankind. I'm curious because I have not talked to you about this, but to me you are a very natural talent and it makes me feel like you must have known you wanted to do this

at an early age, but that was not the case. You had other dreams, other schemes. I mean, I now looking back yes, I was very young when I decided this but at the time it didn't, because again grew up in LA did not have these dreams of actress work. I'm not even going to say start

being a working actor. And then yeah, I went to a performing arts high school and I played the piano and I used to be pretty good at the piano, but I was never going to be like a pianist.

Right? Let's just watch the language. And then I needed, so I quit the piano and then I needed an elective to stay in the academy and so I just said I'll do acting because I don't know how to sing or dance or play the saxophone, so I did that

and then now I do this for a living. Did you feel like Freaks and Geeks was the first moment where you felt like oh, this gelling or were there experiences before Freaks and Geeks That was my first experience. That was the first thing I did. You had done like a commercial? Nothing. My first thing was one

line on Freaks and Geeks opposite Ben Foster who was amazing in the show. Like everybody in that show was amazing. And I had to go through like periodically I have to go through this big box of old photos usually like for set decoration for whatever I'm working on.

They always want to, you know, like put your own family photos and photos of you when you're a little kid up. So I go through this box and I found this photo that I hadn't seen forever and it was the day that I had done this job this Freaks and Geeks one day of work, first day ever. And I remember this moment

and I remember sitting there like talking to my dad and his girlfriend and being like, it was so crazy there was somebody. So I'd never even been on a set. And it's like, you stand on this thing it's like a piece of paper or a tape and they call it a mark and I was eating a banana and then it was

time for us to shoot the thing and somebody came and just held my banana for me and then like gave it back to me and then somebody else did that with my jacket and it was like I blew every part of it completely blew my mind. And now I'm just jaded his head. I'm like, why am I holding

my own fucking banana? Where's our banana holder? Lizzie's locked herself in her trailer. She won't come out. You're my fucking banana holder! Fucking ringling circus, you're running here! I remember it's sweet that you say that because I am still

very in touch with when I first got started and again this is you were a baby when this happened but my my writing partner Greg Daniels and I came out to LA and we had our first job right out of college working on a show on HBO called Not Necessarily the News

and they showed us where our desks were going to be like here's where you work, you'll have desks at we desks that faced each other like bankers and you're going to sit in this room and pump out just write gags on these typewriters I'm sorry, what year was this?

1985 this is September 1985 and yeah, it's typewriters but I remembered the first thing they showed us our office and they said by the way, this here is the snack room and it was a room that was just

you know, had like popcorn potato chips, sodas cookies, junk food snacks? I really list a few more snacks I'm not... A cracker jacksay which would be a popcorn with caramel

a Snickers bar anyway, Greg Daniels who went on to do the American office and Parks and Rec and I'm going to list all of his shows now and more snacks no, Greg

he went there and he came back and he had a paper plate and it had some potato chips and cookies and stuff on it and he was like we get to have this now keep in mind, he's 22, I'm 22 and he's like we get to have this I don't think we have to pay and he'd like eat them and then they go

I'll be right back and it was the pure joy which you know, and now here we are a million years later but I still remember the joy of I'm sorry when I was at Saturday Night Live at the craft service table

so we can have this and do we have to sign for it? That's a craft service table Anybody that comes to visit, that's the thing that blows their mind the most it takes you back to those moments but I feel that way about like an office supply closet with like vans

and like post-its, you just take as many as you want and you sometimes think and to this day this is my you know, podcast company building but if I grabbed a couple of

my favorite pens we all know what they are the pilot precise What are they? and anyway, but you know what I mean there's a part of me that thinks I might get stopped on the way out the door Yeah and you make us pay for snacks so this is not fair

I went and I bought one of those 1940s those machines that dispense sandwiches Yeah and so I installed an auto mat Of course you know what it's called What the fuck And if people want toilet paper they have to put in and you have to find

you have to find nickels and dimes from the 1950s Such a fun office Oh it's terrific It's great So you did that and then I know that you did all these different projects and you were

then Mean Girls comes along Yes and there was a lot of Because there was a lot that happened before Mean Girls You were known Definitely like Freaks and Geeks while it was like a mind blowing experience just because it was also new I didn't like feel connected

to anything that was just all overwhelming it wasn't fun it was just like I can't believe I'm doing this and I did a few episodes of it and every episode felt like that and then sometimes I think that some actors only have that experience like they only have oh people were sort of

nice and it was fine but I didn't like bond with anybody and I didn't become like homies with the makeup they don't have the full experience well what I consider to be the full experience and I think it would be a really bad job if you only got that version of it because so much

of it is like you build these really intense relationships with so many people throughout every job maybe you keep like one or two friends as you move on but like it is full I couldn't the main like oh I couldn't work in an office thing is I couldn't imagine not having that

full on we are related to each other we are in love with each other and now I'll never see you again I need that weird right it's like it's like being in I mean I shouldn't say this but it's a kin in some way to being in the trenches with some people like it feels it feels like we're in this we got to make this

work together and then these bonds form it bonds you and then the same the abrupt goodbye it took me guess it's that's the one difference is like you do these you did the same show forever you stuck around with these people but for me it was like you have these experiences and then you really do

like depart this family and I don't know a single actor certainly not any that I'm friends with that don't have like severe abandonment issues and like we just go and do this to ourselves all the time like it's wild you know it's funny we always choose

the thing that we fear most as a kid and it's documented because I would talk about and I actually wrote the writer E.B. White a letter telling him I was wanted to do something and maybe be a writer but that I was very afraid of criticism

and he wrote me back and this is in 1980 so one of my like 16 years old and I know that my nightmare was what's the thing I care about the most being funny what would

terrify me the most to be up in front of people trying to be funny and have it not work I would rather be burned with acid than have that happen what did I choose to do yeah but isn't that impressive that you did that with your life

like you faced the thing that scared you and yeah you always have to like put it in context like no it's not as impressive as like X, Y and Z we're just entertainers don't worry we hate ourselves but it is like facing the thing that's scary so you said and

do you think this is something that is true view and other actors is abandonment issues yeah for I mean that's been my experience for sure right and then is this something you had your whole life I mean yes I know my mom died and that's when it happened

and then you were quite young I think 13 yeah damn but then like you see all these and I think it was especially painful at the beginning because when you're doing it especially like young people high school things for example when I did a bunch of those there's this whole social element to it I'm very happy to have graduated from this

to be honest I aged out of it because you used to be like okay we're in Canada for two months and we're gonna work together but we're also gonna be best friends and we have to go out every single night together and if you don't go out then you're left out and it's like this whole social element to it which is exhausting

and then you're convinced you're gonna be best friends forever and you never are like you put those relationships you like put them in the real world and they fizzle and die except for like maybe one or two and the same thing with like romantic relationships like this is this is true love

to like learn that a few times I think that's a pretty universal thing like then as soon as you're like not living in a hotel room with like nothing no responsibilities whatsoever no distractions nothing nothing but

the people I know who still hold on to that and there are very few now that we're grown-ups and people have families and stuff but like you don't expect to it's never gonna be the same you accept that it's never gonna be the same it was interesting with with Fleischman because Taffy

who wrote the book and the show is her first experience doing a television show and she's experiencing all of that for the first time like on the last day of work like how emotional that was last day of shooting like but then what happens and how do we stay close

and how do we keep this going yeah but you do get used to it it's like a callous forms and so for Taffy seeing it with her for the first time and I just had to be like it's not gonna continue this is it like as bad as it feels now it doesn't it's not going to feel better you're just gonna maybe

have another fun experience hopefully in the future but like this is dead there's nothing that I can say to you other than the truth which is like it feels bad but most of us have been doing this for so long we're used to the feeling and so couldn't you lie to her just a little bit

like this is it you've peaked sorry peaked yeah how is Taffy now is she okay yeah but there's still I mean we're still in it you know like especially with this roll out like the old school week by week

episodes coming out it's still happening but not for much longer you know like now it's really over it's it sucks like I do feel for her and the premiere was in New York and for many reasons it was such

a celebration like it felt the first time like post like truly post pandemic like it was a Carnegie Hall and Tavern on the Green and I hadn't been to a big premiere and so long and she kept saying like it's like my pot mitzvah

and it really was the happiest night of her life and it was so fun it was genuinely fun and those premiere parties are never fun like they're always just kind of work and I'm always in her ear like they're never fun like this you know it's probably never going to be fun like this again the whole time

it's good to have you around what are you like on the holidays this is probably our last Christmas a family the tree was a pagan symbol it's but it is Fleischman was one of those lucky things where like

everybody in the cast was nice everybody came like very prepared all these things that don't happen every time everybody bonded it really felt like a family and everybody says that and it rarely actually feels like a family family but this did

to the point where Taffy gave a speech at the premiere and she thanked her sons and her her husband Claude at the end and everybody I mean the thunderous applause for Claude because everybody in that room knew like we took

your wife away and you had to hold it down and like the first time you do a show I can't imagine anything crazier and everybody knew Claude and everybody knew how he stepped up in the greatest way and everybody it felt like genuinely like the warmth in the room for this show I have never

experienced anything like that and I think it is because of Taffy coming in all green and bright-eyed and like this is amazing and it's nice to have somebody remind you like oh actually this is amazing. Yeah it is my experience I saw it at SNL when I'd been there for a while

and was really still blown away by it but I'll never forget when Adam Sandler showed up for the first time as a kid all he kept doing was coming by and going like oh this is the best this is the best oh my god did you know and again that same kind of thing like these snacks are free

and you know and I thought I've always been drawn to that energy. I love that energy because I think the biggest challenge and I'm not just talking about show business I mean in any career the biggest challenge

is how do I stay young and I don't mean how do I look young but how do I just keep that sense of wow this is fun which is you know you have to work at it it's like stomach crunches or something you just have to do it. You really keep bringing up the maps

I don't think you've we got it. Let's see them. Wonderful apps. There we go Slurp Slurp Blarp The sound blarp isn't heard much but when I take my shirt off you'll hear three blarps

as different chunks of abdominal fat settle down by my ass oh come on ladies out there you getting hot how does your abdominal fat get to your ass? Yeah. It falls so it's back abdominal

it's like pendulum swings back the twixp the legs thank you thank you. Lizzie saw me come out of the ocean and she saw it happen so it's like you're like swing dancing with your body fat. That's a beautiful way about it.

That German that Berlin film swing dance which is all about German what an improbable film I think it takes place like during World War II and there are Nazis but Germans are swing dance and you're like no. No. You're

impressive swing dancers but maybe oppose this regime swing kids swing kids. Yeah I remember that movie I remember that. You actually I got. Yeah and then in the end Hitler's driving by and a Mercedes Benz and he hears the swing

music and he goes in and he sees them all and he decides to be a better person. Oh that's nice dance. God bless dance. Yeah. It'll save us all. I will it will. You know I was going to ask you

because I brought up Mean Girls and this was something that is I think kind of important to your story which is you this character who's now iconic you know Janice Ian and there was a while where you felt like you needed to

now change the trajectory after that. Is that true? Yes but that was honestly it was such a different time. Yeah. It also feels it's so strange it almost feels like Mean Girls just came out like recently for whatever reason it's I've been

talking to so many kids about Mean Girls like and it came out so long ago now and it's like it never really goes away but it just feels like there's a weird resurgence. I think Mean Girls is one of those films it's a bit there's a bunch not a bunch but they're few and far

between but it's like an L for something that's just going to keep getting rediscovered. I think that's probably true based on what's happening and it's cool I mean I think I used to be like I've done other things you know like right after the years following but now I'm like

I'm very proud to have been in that and I just ask the kids like but how is this like this high school in Mean Girls doesn't look anything like your current high school there's not like a social media element to any of this. Right. What are you identifying with you know kids are mean to other kids.

It's a beautiful universal truth. It's emotionally resonant. But I also think the reason I bring it up is I thought when you went to Masters of Sex you had really carved out this very enviable niche in comedy.

And then you take this big turn which was worked amazingly well. Yeah I don't know how that happened. That took a lot of I would think that's talk about a brave thing to do I think that's a brave thing to do. Oh I was like I think it was braver for them honestly to hire me because

I hadn't done anything dramatic but like the yes your previous question the Mean Girls thing I did feel like pigeonholed and typecast but it's not like girls playing like the weird best friend anymore like the weird best friend gets to be the central character now. Right now that now that's the star of the show.

Yeah and it certainly was not that way so yes I tried to do everything to like go against that and I like you know got a spray tan and dyed my hair blonde and got on this WB show. I have a friend actress Lindsay Sloan and we met we've been friends many many years now

but we met in audition rooms for these WB shows and we built like brunette like Jewish girls and we wanted to get t-shirts made that said I am WB pretty because we always get these jokes like they're going in another direction

he's like blonde we're like mha mha I like to buy a wig. Yeah I definitely did I was like I'm going to fool you into thinking I guess I'm not Jewish or whatever whatever was required. I'm Dutch and I'm from Malibu

I'm new here yeah it didn't anyway but then Masters of Sex like that whole process was crazy I think I only got that job because they weren't shockingly familiar with smash hit party down

that like nobody in the world saw so they just weren't aware like the producers were not aware of me and just remember going out to drinks with them and just talking about how obsessed I was with this character and then it was like the perfect time for me I just really

identified with her and what she was sort of doing and going through this Virginia Johnson and I had to do an audition but the audition just in itself was amazing because they did like full hair and makeup was John Madden the director

was like an incredible director like such a talent and I did all the scenes it was just the two of us in this room we videotaped it and not all the scenes wait a minute yeah this older white man where's the camera

no trust me there's a camera well I'm sorry I realize now that that's what it sounded like and then it was over and I remember leaving and feeling like even if I don't get this role that was so incredible like I don't

get to do auditions like this for these traumatic roles and I didn't think I could do any of this I didn't think I could like pull this off in any way and then they called me and said that they wanted me to do it and I was like can I go celebrate I haven't wanted to celebrate in

a while anything anything and they were like just hold off a minute and then that minute took like months and months and months for me to actually get the part and my agents were like you need to take this other job you need to do this other thing and for whatever I was like no I have to just

the possibility of getting to do this is better than anything else it's more of a you know real job which I don't know if I'd have the balls to do that now but I knew that like if I got to do that it would really change

things for me and it did I now can do both of those things and I have so many comedic actress friends who are more than capable of doing amazing heavy hitting dramatic roles they just don't get the shot at it so that's just luck I don't know

how that I don't know how that happened well now I want to find out why they were waiting so long yeah I mean I did there is I know why but you probably have to cut it out up to you maybe you could you know disguise it in some way was there someone else in the mix there was

a co-star who was not thrilled with the idea of me doing it yes who was not Michael Sheen it wasn't who ended up being the guy yeah but I don't and I don't know any of the details of that at all I just know that there was a lot of pushback oh god

do you want me to cut that out well I don't know if anybody knows yeah doesn't matter no no and I say we keep it in and also I when I told you before the podcast that we would take stuff out yeah you were lying I was lying cool yeah yeah sometimes we add stuff in yeah he's gonna be a voice that doesn't sound anything

like yours it was Michael Sheen hey we're blowing up on the internet yeah but it's not true it wasn't Michael Sheen I know but fuck it we're blowing up yeah I don't think Michael Sheen and Lizzie Kaplan gossip is going to blow up the internet no you don't understand

I mean yeah it's a it's a weird it's a it was a weird thing and a weird story but it ended up working out and it ended up working out wonderfully because it was Michael Sheen I think yeah yeah I think that such a big part I think of a career and it's something that people don't think

about that much but it's the arc of a career I remember I don't know why when I was unemployed and in my early 20s my writing partner and I got a job right away and then it went away after like a year or two and we didn't have work and I was sitting in a

DuPars coffee shop at like 1130 in the morning and trying to make my breakfast last as long as possible because I had nowhere to go and I'm petrified because every cars are just whizzing by and all I'm thinking about is that is a very familiar feeling everybody

else has a place to be and I don't and did this not work and what if this doesn't work the thing that occurred to me I don't care what happens to me I just want it to be interesting and I practically said it out loud to the point where the waitress was like what do you want do you want hash browns no I said whatever happens

to me I want it to be interesting you want some interesting hash browns you're not listening to me wait a minute tell me more of these interesting hash browns but you came on my late night shows like five times or six times you were on

a number of times and I always loved talking to you but we never could have done this in that world and this is more meaningful to me oh totally it's possible to I mean those like the nightly talk shows

are terrifying because you do I mean terrifying for me I really go through quite some gastrointestinal Olympics beforehand let's talk more about that yeah so what happens is the small intestine needs

well you'll see do you want me to edit that out no no no I want to I want you to do that add on in the demon boys um yeah this is and in many ways like I am minutes away from being on a porch with a shotgun

like get off my like I am a get off my law an old person I'm like six months away from that and I think most of the internet stuff is horrible and I hate it and I keep waiting for everybody to realize it was a bad idea we should go back to how things were before yeah but

podcasts are like one of the only exceptions right because this is better like why wouldn't you want to actually talk to a human yeah and um do it in a way getting to the time that my wife and I and you and Tom we got to hang out together and have dinner

recently with our good friend Amy Littman Robin Flander shout out to them because if my friend Amy Littman finds out that I had a podcast uh with you and um and you and she her name did not come up

Amy Littman I feel like we should talk about Amy Littman she's great she's a genius and she she was one of the main creative forces behind Masters of Sex yes that's where I met her she wrote the episode that I'm the most

proud of Masters of Sex this episode called the fight oh I know this one yes she's like she's next level Amy Littman yeah I've known her since my sophomore year of college that's crazy

and um she'll maybe get mad at me for telling this story but I ran the lampoon when I was there the comedy magazine and we're in this building and we would have these crazy parties every couple of weeks and um I did not drink at all

the whole time I was in college and um I was the only and it was an organization pretty much of um borderline alcoholics but why didn't you because you were like focused on well also I come from a family that just

there was a ingrained terror of alcoholism which is earned in my family in any probably Irish Catholic family and so the way that my people handled it going back several generations was no alcohol

absolutely none so I grew up in a completely dry house never touched anything and it never even occurred to me in college like well no I'm not going to do that so um I mean I would be in charge of this place where people are drinking massive amounts of beer

wine anything you can imagine spirits and then uh there's a nitrous tank somewhere and I'm supposed to be in charge but I'm nitrous yeah I know it was ridiculous uh I thought like yeah I was like is someone

going to do some welding no you idiot we're going to suck on this until we almost died but anyway we'd have these parties it was hilarious because right across the street in Adam's house on the first floor in a window uh was a friend of mine who

was there who would always call the cops because it was too loud because she was working on her writing and so it was Amy and yes it was Amy she would call the cops yeah now listen to be fair it wasn't the Cambridge cops it was the Harvard police

which is you know and so they would just come by and they knew me so like ding dong and people would be like but I don't you know whatever soft sell would be playing upstairs you know and I said but bam bam get away and I won't you bam bam get us

and ding dong and I would go downstairs and open the door and they'd be like hey Conan be like hey guys too loud huh and he went yeah we got a call all right well fellas I'm really sorry I'll make sure we turn it down and and then I would cross the street and Amy would be there at her window and it was so nice because it was nothing antagonistic

about it at all she'd be at her typewriter working away brilliant writer even then and I would walk up and because her window was practically at face level I'll just walk up to the window and go like hey Amy and she'd be like hey Conan and I'd be like too loud huh and she went yep yep had to call that's all right

hey what you working on we would just sit there and chat why didn't she call you why didn't she like just come over and take Conan because she's not gonna she's she's working and first of all I'm actually on her side on this one I know you clearly are I am not on the

the nerd side at all yeah give her a wedgie now she uh there's no cell phones back then and there's no like calling the castle that would be like you know calling the playboy mansion during an orgy you know no one's gonna pick up the phone

hey telly savalis put your pants on and go get the phone you got it baby hey Adrian Barbo put on a bra and go get that phone not one big enough I've tried 30 bras

they're all too small I'm not getting that phone so yeah I'm on her side with this one but anyway we just um that's crazy except really funny story but it was a little bit like there's that old cartoon that old Warner Brothers cartoon of the sheep dog and the coyote who are

Ralph and Sam and their arch enemies but then the whistle blows they're each trying to kill each other and then there's a whistle blows and they're like that's it for the day and they both check out and that was Amy and I in college I mean the other people who were having fun at the party

we were gonna get shut down anyway someone was gonna call it just always happened to be Amy wow the lifelong friendship that was probably the volume level too and she's like turn it down I can almost hear it

did a part of you want the party to end too so it kind of feels like you were hoping someone would call so that you could get back I think I called you there's a good chance it'll later come out that I called Amy can you please can you call the Harvard cops

can you please call the Harvard cops if I hear soft sell one more time Conan I'm working I'm trying to work it doesn't bother me I can't hear it you can dance if you want to you can leave your friends behind because your friends can't dance and if

I swear to God God that music it's really hard to be romantic about that music now if there's ever the Conan O'Brien story and they show a scene of I'll be played by Eddie Redmayne and it's like me 1983 the castle

the Harvard Lampoon castle in Cambridge Bump Bump get away and I've got to I'd watch it I'd watch it too the lowest grossing movie of all time I don't know you're Conan O'Brien you didn't cast Eddie Redmayne as an 18 year old boy

it was your first problem I think I could do it all he could do it if anybody can do it yeah also usually the person who doesn't like experiment at all in high school

you in this story goes crazy in college but you kept it someone say I waited until I met you and the minute I met you I was like okay I'm gonna have nine Guinness in this real pub

ye old do you remember the name of the pub it's always the Cribble and the Jabble yeah the Sly as in a t-shirt I did have a best friend when I was 19 and all my friends

left for college and I was in LA by myself and it was a horrible horrible dark time but I did this pilot that didn't get picked up in the one of the writers and showrunners of the pilot my friend Mark he was 30 and I was 19 and we became best friends

my 19 year old friends were like what why do you have a 30 year old guy friend and his friends were like why are you hanging out with a young but it wasn't there was nothing it was just buddies like we were really close buddies but I made him take his first shot of alcohol

smoke his first cigarette every every one of his first I did with him so it's sort of the same with you I like to bring out the wild man and my elderly male friends and that elderly didn't mean elderly

I'm referring to a 30 year old as elderly 2025 here it comes this was this was one of my favorite talks on a long time and now I'm just in a pit of despair well it's about time for your napping

I didn't mean it I just fell asleep this my favorite trait for me was seriously I adore you and I'm so happy that you could come in and talk to us and I just want to make sure

that people also check out Fleischman because it's really good thank you and I never say like something is really good and I think it's really good it will make you cry Lizzie you broke our you destroyed

but was I think a good podcast image thank you so much for being here and I hope we get to do this again I hope so too because I don't think I actually answered a single one of your questions I don't think this was it

I don't think you asked any it was just a nice talk I have a whole bunch of questions here but it's all about your finances oh yeah I'd love to talk about my finances okay because I see a real discrepancy in your income tax return from two years ago you know do a full background

before any guest can come in you're solvent but we're worried that's a whole other podcast they do want to do with certain kinds of celebrities we are not sure how they pay the rent and I want to break I want to say like no no seriously tell me so wait a minute because you haven't made a movie in like seven years

but wait a minute so how and then they'll be telling me no no no I get this much from cameo and then I do this and then I and I'll say yeah but okay but you just pulled up in this car you know but it's a lease and I'm not going to really pay it it's a good idea and also they just have to go on that

celebrity net worth thing that says everybody's worth like a hundred million dollars that's crazy yeah yeah no it's it's anyone who's worked for more than three years in a row hundred million hundred million and then other people just cite it like you know yeah that's how but I think that's probably the answer to your question

of how these people who haven't worked have made a movie in seven years they just say look at celebrity net worth I have a hundred million dollars count celebrity net worth is never wrong and what if the IRS could use that yeah that'd be really funny well according to celebrity net worth you owe us twenty five million dollars

I'm sure it's used in like divorce proceedings oh yeah you would think you should be able to use it to get a loan for sure oh collateral yes I do that today a lot of good ideas see coming out of this see yeah and you thought this was going to be awful I thought it was going to be the worst

day of my life turns out Lizzie Kaplan I salute you thanks go forth continue to do well and um let's grab a Guinness soon and when I say a Guinness you know I mean six gani I don't like to do this

I don't like to out somebody on the team for poor performance it's not my style I don't put down I build up opposite all you do absolute lie it's my entire time you know what I was thinking you know what I was thinking of the obamas

you thought you were the obamas remembered no I'm talking about me your slogan is when they go high you go low yeah no my slogan is I don't care where they go I go low and if they go very low I go even lower yeah I'm low

all the time wherever they go I hunt them down and kill them yeah and I attack from underneath because I'm so far below them I'm disappointed because we owe a lot of credit to this gentleman Eduardo who's done a wonderful job

designing this studio he's our engineer you can hear him on the podcast sometimes and he's always on it and we were just ready to start recording when it was revealed to me he's got several monitors and I thought he was making sound levels checking you know making sure that the recording

is happening perfectly for all we know he's monitoring the norad missile defense system keeping us safe he's got three different screens if you include his cell phone which is also propped up we just took a peak he's watching soccer two games he's watching

two games simultaneously Eduardo did someone just score you got really excited I didn't listen to a word Conan just said this is the guy monitoring the audio I just know it works because I heard something but uh yeah Mexico's playing right now this is your team this is my

one of my two teams US go USA go Mexico and if they score another goal they advance to the next round which they have done since 1962 okay so what is the score right now it's 2-0 2-0 and who are they playing Mexico's playing against Saudi Arabia

right now their game is also contingent in Argentina and Poland right potentially yes so if if Argentina can be Poland by three goals then Mexico also gets in that way and that score is currently 2-0 Argentina oh geez so in either game I would I want to watch

the game so I don't want to record okay shout out shout out to play for ratting me out while I was watching these games and we didn't rat you out play is you know part of the crew that has to keep this plane aloft

and he saw someone behaving terribly in the cockpit is this plane aloft no it's a mess everyone's kind of a mess can I just say that during the US game yesterday which was also equally as important we decided to push back recording

of any podcast or anything like that but during Mexico's game we were like nope we could keep going but wait a minute wait a minute in fairness is this right in fairness I want to be I want to be I want to be fair here had I known Eduardo that's true had I known

that this game was happening and this was important to you I'm not as avid a soccer fan as most people believe but Eduardo if I had known I would have said your job's your job and fuck soccer I'm sorry

I see but I just didn't know so I didn't get to fair enough no I feel badly you are allowed to keep watching the game and will you update us if anything I will update you there's like three minutes left so Eduardo I have to hand it to you my hats off to you though you are as corrupt as FIFA

in what you're doing but I this is the only sporting event I watch in my entire life once every four years so I'm with you thank you you follow soccer as well I do I used to play or as we like to call it football we do yeah football

is that right that is correct football yes would you have been able to tell if Eduardo like if you didn't know that he had the game you wouldn't have been able to tell that he wasn't I could tell because Eduardo regularly when he's not paying attention to soccer

he has a couple of dials he uses that gives me more of a manly voice and they're the testosterone knobs and he so I actually sound like someone who could still have children instead

of you know pretty much turning into Georgia O'Keeffe now very old how cool is this wow yeah but anyway was that it? that was it that was the voice that was the fact I forgot to put on

that's not more manly that's me just as effeminate but trapped in a well yeah help me help me can someone please lower down the soccer scores I don't get reception down here

please Eduardo well I do think that you are within your rights listen we don't have I believe people should stand up for themselves if you had come to me Eduardo seriously and said I really want to watch this game we would have made an

adjustment what else do I have to do I don't have young kids like Sona and Matt it doesn't matter Saudi Arabia scored Mexico it just happened it just happened right now why are you laughing because if you can't

laugh at your misery I don't know what else to do he is tearing up I'm sorry wait this sucks what was the final score it's about to be 2-1 there's a minute left but either way Mexico now has to score two goals and that's not going to happen so game over

I'm sorry about that you know what man I don't want to do this well no as miserable as you are right now just think of if I had forbidden you to watch it you'd have a few more moments of happiness but now in real time we hear your misery

I believe that was karma if I wouldn't have been watching I would have never had the heartbreak you know what I have to say I do this too if I'm watching if my football team is down and they've just been playing terribly I will leave the room

and I say I'm going to give them time to sort this out away from me I'm serious and I'll go and take a walk or something and then come back and often the fortunes have been reversed in my absence I just have a quick question I want to travel back on something here you were going to give

Eduardo off if he simply would have asked for it so if Sonya and I have something that deeply matters to us describe deeply matters be honest I was a new Star Wars TV show there's always a new Star Wars TV show so this applies we can just

no I mean listen within reason I don't like to think of myself as the boss I'm uncomfortable in that position I like to think of myself as the absolute dictator and so yeah I don't know of course of course

I want you guys to be happy you're integral to the whole process so on the air I'm going to say yes if you ever need to move the schedule please move it now it's on record but you don't know the tones of his voice well I'm just going to edit whatever comes after this

oh no but that that tone and the way he said that I'm very good at pretending I have other people do my dirty work for me so I'll have Adam Sacks drop the hammer Jeff Ross and then I'll oh I had no idea I had no idea

oh I thought I was fine with you doing whatever you wanted to see was it Star Trek no Star Wars okay wasn't there a Star Wars where they visit Star Trek there should be what are you doing

I'm just saying Luke Skywalker's there and then Spock is like live long and prosper oh god that's a that makes everybody happy that's a money making machine everyone upset okay all right listen now I know your plan and I know if Adam comes and puts the hammer down that I'll know it's you

yeah but do you yes I'm pretty good at sometimes pretend to be a good guy it's all pretend it's all pretend well listen Eduardo I do I'm sorry for your loss I know that's disappointing but all you have to do is wait four years

and maybe you'll have a little bit of goodness still have USA it's only three and a half years because we'll be back in summer next time do people get angry if the Mexico team goes back home and they've been kicked out already people throw like eggs at them no weirdly it's expected that we'll lose in the next round

oh yeah but to lose in this round is a disappointment yeah sorry about it also I think throwing having eggs thrown at you is not the worst outcome for some of these teams oh returning to their countries after they've lost

having an egg thrown at them would be quite a delight for some of these countries so that got serious really fast you got it down a lot Conan I don't know why you did that eggs was like a fun lighthearted thing and then you just got really serious I don't know I don't like it anymore

you know I don't think anyone in Iran right now is saying well we lost to the United States we're on the flight home I hope no one throws an egg at me I'm sorry this got really dark I'm very uncomfortable I don't even want to like giggle at the things you're saying the fact that you even thought about giggling

is sociopath well you said it you said it though you're the one who brought it up I was very serious and then you decided to make light of it I don't I value human life you disgust me Sona I'm just gonna drink my water every time I get uncomfortable I'm just gonna take a sip

okay that's a lot of water peace out music music music music music music

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