Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Matthew Rhys Returns

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

Actor Matthew Rhys feels equal parts confused and terrified about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Matthew sits down with Conan once more to discuss competing for the role of James Bond, riding vintage motorcycles on Perry Mason, purchasing and restoring a 1939 Wheeler Playmate antique wooden boat, and more. Plus, Conan recalls the time Andy Richter stepped up to help out with a dental procedure. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. This episode was recorded on 5/15/23.

Hello, my name is Matthew Reese and I feel... Equal parts confused and terrified about being Conan O'Brien's friend. The confusion would be... Why my even here? To be perfectly honest. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien, needs a friend. And I do. I do need a friend. Sometimes I make a friend and then I quickly'Brien. Needs a friend. And I do. I do need a friend.

Sometimes I make a friend and then I quickly lose them. And that's on me. I'm told I'm alienating and clingy. But that's not the important thing. That's from my father. I'm here as always with Matt Gourley and Sonoma Sessian and guys. I have some exciting news for you, which is that recently I was in New York City and I started to hear a lot of,

there was talk of Jerubles. All that you call. And as let me just update anybody, for a long time, Catacai was the catchphrase. And I would get catacai's wherever I went. And that's people's way of letting them, letting me know that they listened to the podcast, which was kind of fun. And then not too long ago, I was telling a story about when Mickey Rooney was on the show many, many, many years ago.

And he was trying to invoke, come up with the name Richard Geer, but he couldn't think of his name. And he said, who is he? Who is he? You know that guy, that actor. And Andy and I are both trying to help him. And he said, we'll tell us something about him. And Mickey Rune said, there was talk of Sheryls. And Andy and I both explode laughing and laugh for solid 40 minutes. It was one of the most absurd moments of my life,

which is really saying something, there was talk of gerbals. Anyway, we were talking about that and then that we decided that should be the new catacai. And I'm very impressed because I'm getting a lot of, there was talk of gerbals. And I even had one person walk up behind me in a restaurant and practically whisper in my ear. There was talk of gerbals. I thought you were going to say something else happened behind you with a gerbil.

Oh, no, no, no. Okay. No. There's, it doesn't count if someone else has to place the gerbil. There are rules to these things for Christ's sake. But anyway, it's been kind of cool. It's working.

It's working. People are listening to us. You feel inflated when you hear that. That's a good thing when someone shouts across a crowded room. There was talk of Jerl's. I'm walking up Fifth Avenue, very crowded street and someone shouts from 200 yards away. There was talk of Jerl's.

How do you feel about resuscitating like a 30 year old rumor about a beloved actor? Actually, you know, he's pretty beloved. And he's never obviously never come in to the podcast. Oh, Matt. Yeah. Sure. It's good enough. I don't think they do. He provides sanctuary. Does he get consent? Come on. No, listen.

It's an insane rumor. Of course, it's not true. There's no way that ever happened. But the fact, first of all, I didn't resuscitate it. It was Mickey Rooney, God rest his soul, who did it. Back in 1993 on my show. And then I just happened to recall it. I don't think that that is technically me resuscitating the rumor.

You just need to see. So I think I'm in the clear. You are keeping it alive in a way. You are. Yeah. People Googled that rumor after you, after they listened to that segment. And they're like, what?

Richard Geer did what? And that you think people didn't know? I think that there is a contingent of people who had no idea. Right. Eduardo was saying he didn't know. Yeah. I think people might not know it. Okay. Eduardo didn't know. Yeah. Okay. So now just because I repeated what Mickey Rune said, you now are aware of this. You believe it? Well, guess what? We have the gerbil. He's here. He's going on the record. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He died. He died. He died. He died. This guy. He's gerbil. Do a little, uh, it is all untrue. It is root. This is the chiron that will go underneath the gerbil. Yeah, podcast voice. Yeah. Okay, the gerbil is now saying, and then we just put this on a chiron.

The rumors are untrue. I never even met Mr. Gear. Mr. Gear is an outstanding actor. These are absurd, absurd allegations. And I deny that. That sounds like a... No, it's clearly not true. It's clearly not true.

I don't know if it's clearly not true. I think it could be. You think... No, no, what are you doing? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not true. It's clearly not true. I don't know. It's clearly not true. I think it could be. You think, what are you doing? Yeah. I'm not true. Okay. First of all, it's an who would, a lot of people would. What would he wouldn't? He'd start using specifics for Christ's sake.

He's the, okay. The rumor is, no one wants a gerbil. They have claws. That's not gonna be good. Not a p.d. clom. I was thought they wore mittens. They do. I think you get little gerbil, they have claws. That's not gonna be good. Not a p-d-clomb. I was thought they wore mittens. They do. I think you get little gerbil mittens.

Little boxing gloves. Little boxing gloves. And, but also do they enter through a habit trail? I always heard it was through a cardboard tube. Like a tape paper towel roll. You know what I pictured, one of those giant habitrails that's literally, it's massive.

The gerbil's been journeying for days. No, they entered through it like a home depot pneumatic message delivery system. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. How many of you are putting going in there? Anyway, no, it's completely untrue. And I am as shocked as anybody by the allegation that I have resuscitated this rumor because I would not do that. Oh, no, I think there's a whole generation of people now who know that rumor because of you specifically.

And they're yelling to you that, hey, I know what that dribble thing's about. So every time they say it, they mean that you're ruining Richard Cures career and rough each. I am not in any way hurting his career. Or although Barbara Walters in an interview did ask him about it. Really? What?

There's a Barbara Walters interview where she says, you know that rumor and he's like, oh my god. Yes. So Barbara Walters, in her own way, I think Mickey Rooney and Barbara Walters. And you. And the true criminals here. And you. And God rest both of their souls.

But they're the ones that the true criminals. I'm just repeating something I heard during one of my idol chats. What are we gonna do if we ever have Richard Gears a guest on this show? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He won't come on. That ship sailed.

Yeah. Time to go. He won't come on. That ship sailed. Yeah. Time to go. I love Richard Gear. I, he's, and I've met him a bunch of times. He's a lovely man. He's a very talented actor, and it's the stupidest untrue rumor in the history of show business.

But it's out there. I don't know how it got revived, but I'm gonna look into it and find out. Let's talk, guess's my guess today. This guess deserves better. Oh my God, this guess deserves better than this intro. Oh my God. Jerbles being fired through a pneumatic tube

into the bottom of a famous whew. All right, my guess today, won an Emmy for his portrayal of Russian spy Philip Jennings in the FX series The Americans. He also stars in the HBO series Perry Mason. I have to tell you, I believe him to be one of the most charming and witty gentlemen I have encountered in this lifetime. in this lifetime. How's it going? Thrilled these with us today.

Matthew Reese, welcome. I think you thought you were on your way to a different podcast. No, no, it's not that I usually go to most interviews and certainly most jobs going, why am I here? It's just going to go, we meant Terry Reese, get out. Lord, I live my life. I mean, what a way to live.

I mean, I know what most actors do. Uh-huh. Is that ever crossed your mind for a second? Why should I be here? Yeah, the imposter syndrome. Of course, what are you talking about? I've built a career on the imposter syndrome. I know.

I'm constantly looking about saying, how is any of this happening? Right. And I think that they're talking about someone behind me. And sometimes they are actually. That has happened. That's a terrible feeling. But I still navigate life looking at people like you going,

I bet you have Betty. I bet he bloody doesn't feel it. Who the revelation recently was Ryan Reynolds says he has, and I was like, God, he has it. Right. Well, if he has it, we're all fine. Yeah. Well, okay.

This is a true story that should put you at ease. I have these two colleagues that usually do the show with me, Sonna, who's my assistant and Matt Gourley, but they have been found out. They have been found out. They've not been removed. They're gone. But because I'm, they both have young, and I'm here in New York, and they found out that you were booked,

and they were ecstatic, then they find out that only I get to talk to you because it's in New York, and they talked about it on the show and how bitter they were, because I hate to break it to you, but you were a delightful, good looking fellow that everyone, so there was an insurrection

at my little show because they couldn't be here. Things I have never sparked, one, an insurrection in my own lunchtime. Yes. It genuinely makes me feel like I have something to give. I, this reminds me of years and years and years ago in another lifetime, I was walking through a section of Boston, ran into a gang of kids who were not too happy to see me.

One of them punched me really hard in the face, smashed my nose, so my mother's at work and she gets a call. And the person who calls my mother says, I don't know why, she phrase it this way, but it was a gang of kids and she said, your son Conan was attacked by a mob and my mother's first thought was that makes sense. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying., was it Conan? Yeah. That makes sense. Oh my God. No, we all have. But the fact that she thinks you could offend a mob

or incite a mob. I could do it. It's all, it's all, it's a testament to you in a way. I think it is. It shows, I'm, you know, I'm like Braveheart. Yeah, yeah. I'm just a great, a leader. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you for that. Congratulations. Thank you. That's a true story that people adore you. And when we talked, the last time we talked on the podcast, it was Zoom because it was during the alleged virus. I'd still like to see proof on that. And you were fantastic and we were cackling away.

And then I will admit, at one point, you're lovely and beautiful wife, Kerry walked by in the background with I think a load of laundry. And I have to tell you, my soul left my body for a minute, and I didn't listen to you at all. I watched this vision of beauty walk by with some laundry

and then walked by the other way. Yes, my soul off, when I see her with laundry, my soul leaves my body because I think, shit, I haven't done it all, God, I'm trying to have her in trouble. Oh, shit, yeah, that'll make me leap like Norea, when I see work in a house that I haven't done. You know, it is still a disconnect for me.

I'm a big fan of yours and if you work and whether it's the Americans or Perry Mason or any of the work you've done in film, I'm just used to this accent. Your true accent is fantastic. The Welsh accent might be my favorite accent. Harah! Because I find the Irish accent to be absurd. I mean, the real Irish accent. You know, the real Irish accent, and you go to Ireland and you talk to Irish people when I was a kid, there was a commercial for cereal

called Lucky Charms. Yes, of course. And a little lucky charm, so I was like, ah, Lucky Charms, it was all kind of like this. Yeah. And falling in, falling in, and I thought that's how Irish people talk. And then I talked to real Irish people.

I just wanted it. And I said, you know, what is on there? And you didn't know it. Not a word. Can't understand a word. talk and then I talk to real Irish. Not a word. Can't understand a word. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. One long aggressive vowel. When was the first time you went to,

when do we, were you chasing roots the first time you went? No. I went there the first time, of course, to do comedy. I went there to shoot a comedy piece. And the idea was that I was looking for my roots, but that all I knew was that they looked like me, meaning round face, I read hair, they drank a lot and they were depressive. And I was asking people, and their last name was O'Brien. And of course, it was a really fun segment, but I have found myself, I mean, I basically know sort of where we're from, but the last way, we are from the south on the water, Dungarvin, in Waterfront.

And we know that I have a great, great, great grandfather who is a bone-setter and someone else was really good at building a stone wall. And seriously, like he knew where to put the rock. Yeah. And all of the, I can see the bone setter and the wall mace and kind of discussing notes at times. Yes. Surely they found a common thread there.

Yes, which is when you drop the rock. Yes. No, I've got a fellow, well, I'm related to him. I send it to him now. Yeah. He'll set you right. Yeah, they probably worked with each other. They did.

They did. But I'm curious. You it's got to be such a rich and important part of your life because I think of the amazing actors, storytellers, poets come from Wales. It's just got to be in your blood. There's something in your, there's something in the blood. Oh, the God people. What is it besides the obvious? Yeah, yes, yes, 90% alcohol. There's a number of things I attribute it to. Yes, I think like the other Celtic countries, we have that very deproved storytelling society.

Yes, I think Wales, possibly more so than Ireland's Gotland, because we were far smaller in numbers and size, had to work that much harder to find an equal footing in the kind of between the two Celtic giants. So sometimes at times we shout a little too loud as the kind of aggressive young sibling of the tribe. And I think it's certainly in Wales where there's still a very, I don't know if I've bored you this last time, there's a very strong tradition in youth movements of Wales, the twice a year. There are two enormous cultural festivals for children, although slightly ironic that they make it a competition. Right.

But you get together to compete in poetry, recital, singing, any kind of cultural medium. So you are beaten over the head from a very early age. And this is, I'm gonna add to this, which is that I spent 28 years with a talk show talking to a lot of actors and I learned over time. And this is just, almost like I was doing a science experiment, whether you're English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, those actors come and they have stories and they're

funny. And there is a thing and it's not true of every American actor certainly. But there was, I don't know, I have a theory that it was maybe James Dean or Marlon Brando, the looking down, never smiling, mumbling, tradition meant that it's not cool to be a rock contour. Right. Does that make any sense, too? Absolutely. Absolutely. So, you know, you'd have great American actors would come on and they give very little,

be a little monosyllabic. And every now and then, they dare, be a little monosyllabic and every now and then they dare to be a little funny every time I talk to anybody who came up in the UK, they, I mean, you're talking about, and we were talking just before the show about just some of the amazing greats and you see them on talk shows back in the 60s. Yeah. And the 70s. Which is why I was right, I was certainly raised on, you know, that couple I was going to say, you know, that couple, I was gonna say, you know, I think there was a certainly, there was a, I'm gonna segue viciously,

because I have quite a mustache at the moment, because my nephew came over to stay with me recently, and I have such vivid memories of my uncles back in the 70s and 80s, we have terrible mustaches. So I kind of wanted to have pictures of us together, so we'd always have these terrible pictures of me in a mustache Because I always think you should have a picture a photo of your uncle with a do with a dubious

Mustache and somebody's like what wait a minute you're on the Americans couldn't you have just I thought I did think about going Into the cigar box and going no, what do we want? We have here today. I'm grouch your marks. Yeah. Yes That coupled so that it was always the uncle that was the slight racon turf for us back at home, who always came in with a long story or the, you know, the tall tale, coupled with those, you know, the Peter or Tuller Richard Harris, the Richard Burton's, when they're on, you know, on the big talk shows, who could just spellbind with these stories of such enormous standing that you didn't care if they were true or not. Oh, God.

True has no place in a story. No, absolutely. We have a saying, it's an Irish fact, you know, which is, and my mother-in-law, who I adore, who's great, she, her family like mine, is Irish Catholic, and she'll sometimes, with great certainty, tell you a story, and my father-in-law will say, well, it's an Irish fact. That's pretty, I'm thinking that one home.

Oh yeah. Well, Kerry and I, Kerry and I, Kerry does that thing, so she's like, yeah, but that's not true. And I'm like, but that doesn't matter, because the story was infinitely better with that fact. This is, was it, but that's not true. And I'm like, but that doesn't matter because the story was infinitely better with that fact. This is, was it, but it's not a fact. I'm gonna play this segment for my wife because my wife and my kids are always around.

They saw the actual moment go down. Then I rearrange it. I make a few tweaks and I'm killing with it at a party. Yes. No, no, no, no, no, that's not true. You have the order wrong. Yes. And no, you didn't have a shotgun.

And I think, well, okay. Yeah. It was a pellet gun. It broke the skin. Yeah. It shot bubbles. It shot soap bubbles. Yeah.

Um, but I saw, I think footage. I don't remember where he was, but I saw Richard Burton telling a story and, you know, you think about now there's just so much, so many interviews everywhere, and they're just the world is, everybody's constantly just interviewing each other. No one's growing food anymore. Yeah, and so you can get like, okay, you know, this is really so much fluff. But then I watched, I forget who it was, but they were interviewing Richard Burton and he was talking, telling a story about as a young man doing performing Shakespeare in London and then he said he could hear

the word had come out just before he went out that Winston Churchill's in the audience and then he said he starts to say his lines and he can hear this very familiar voice in the audience, saying them along with him. Yes. Word for word. Word for word. And I think, and he said, I sped up, I slowed down, I couldn't lose him. I couldn't lose him.

No, no, no, and I think to myself, now that's a talk show story. Yes. I don't have one like that. No, I have no. I tell people Winston Churchill came to a late night show a few years ago and no one ever for some reason I couldn't lose him in the monologue. Yeah, and then at the end of the story he said The he's an interesting and there's a knock at the door and and the door opens and Churchill's there and he goes my noble Lord Hamlet May I use your bathroom

What a fitting code. Now, now, here to you. So you grow up. Yes. I mean, there's that trend at selling debate. That's, yeah. Well, you physically grow up. Yes. You have still the mind of a child.

But you grow up and you have this such this rich tradition and now you're spending the portion of your life in New York City and you have a family here. And that must feel like a disconnect sometimes. It's still to this day. It feels like so many things. When I remember the one of the first times that really hit home was when we were driving we were driving back into the city and we

lived very close to the Brookham Bridge. And we were crossing the Brookham Bridge and the kids go, oh, a home. And I went, who's home? Who? What? This is not my home. I know I'm sick. This is part of a movie.

Yes. You can only work in 10 hour a day. Yeah. You prokoshas assholes. Yes. So, and it's still, there are more, as I was coming in today, there are scenes I will look at, in Times Square and still feel like,

I'm in a Scorsese movie. Yes. You're a taxi driver. Yes, yes. I'm giving the best performance of my life, but it's still hasn't sunk in. There's, where the kids play football, it has this incredible view of Manhattan,

it's the kind of Brooklyn, the southern tip of Manhattan. It has the entire view of that, you can see, you can see the Chrysler Empire State, you can see everything from a football field where the kids played football. And I said the other day, I said, it is incredible that you will grow up having this view from your soccer field.

Yeah. And he went, what view? I went, nothing, it doesn't matter. Kickable. Yeah, yeah. It is, it's like, if you talk to us, if one does talk to, I try not to, but talk to a small boy in France and Paris

who lives in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower, there's a good chance he's never been up in it. No, no, it doesn't give a shit. No, and understandably, no shuddy. Lots of Angeles, you know, I was in, I was seven years in Los Angeles, and that felt, that felt a lot more foreign to me. That was truly the thing.

I think we all grew up with this incredibly exotic idea of Los Angeles, and it sort of doesn't disappoint when you got off the plane. You know, we were all heading over there for pilot season with these giddy notions. But LA to me, and still has that light and those palm trees that still feel like it was everything I imagined and wanted to do as a child. And then when I came to New York, having spent 13 years in London, I felt one step to what I still felt in a movie,

but as one step towards somewhere I knew, I was like, I can navigate the subway. I know, you know, this feels a little more, the bars were a little more familiar. I felt like, okay, I can be relatively comfortable here. You've clicked back a little closer on the diet. I have, I can be relatively comfortable. You've clicked back a little closer on the diet. I have. I have. I can find my own among these dirty streets.

What when you're a kid and you're dreaming about Hollywood? Yeah, it was. What, you know, who are the actors that really spoke to you or the film actors? Were there people that spoke to you? And were they necessarily any of the Welsh greats or had you moved on to, you like Levereign and Shirley? Well, I've always ever earned Levereign Shirley, Cagney and Lacey, all the classics.

But I think Berton was revered in Wales because he was the trailblazer, the one who not only conquered Hollywood. He took it to a realm that we could have, we can still only imagine. Well, because I don't think there's a lot of young people that listen to this and they don't understand that Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were this scandalous couple. They were, whatever you think the Kardashians are now in terms of pure level of fame or, you know, Brad Pitt, Anseline, Jolie, whatever you can imagine, it was bigger because they were the acknowledged biggest couple in the world.

And for about eight years and whatever they did was news. And to a degree, the sort of first of that paparazzi that kind of would shut down blocks because of the trail of paparazzi and just the extravagance of the life that went with it, the yachts and the kind of outbidding. He got her a giant ring. Yes, he helped Bidronassus on the gemstone or something. Yeah. All those incredible stories and hailing

from a tiny mining town in South Wales. So he was, I read about him as a young boy and he really was, he was great friends with Dylan Thomas. So he bestowed so much in kind of Welsh mythicism and lore for me personally still does, that he was, you know, and then Hopkins, from the same town, anti-Hopkins from the same town, followed in his footsteps. And then we were all off. And then we were off. We were like, right, we're on. Right, I want to go back in time and be born in that town. I really do.

I know. I want a time machine as a visa. Yes. I want to be born in that town. Yes. And then I'll get the respect I deserve. Right, Michael Sheen, also born in that town. But then, but you know, these, they, they set, they set the trail for us to kind of go,

it's, we're allowed now. It's possible. Are there any things that you can do, say, with your family that will bring them closer to your childhood? Can you go out and, and this is a, I don't even know if this is something that happens in Wales, I'm just making it up. But can you say, let's go cut some peat for the fire. No, we leave that to the Irish.'s go cut some peat for the fire.

No, we leave that to the Irish. No one can cut peat like the Irish. Okay. Yes. All right. That was a bad one. How about this? No, how about you dig a small mine wherever you're living. Yeah. Just outside. Get permission from the city to build a small mine. Well, that's what we have going on in Brooklyn, Mowell. We're going down another scene in a week. So we're very excited. The kids are very excited. I'm old school, so I like the naked flame on the helmet. Of course, of course. Here's a canary for the morning off you go. You know, you lower them on a road.

Yeah, I do. Sing, sing down the woods. Yes. So, you know, they get a sense of both worlds. I like that. A sense of, you know, both worlds and understanding. Funny enough, last year for the, you know, Kerry was shooting back in London. So for the first time, and my son was six, so I got to start taking him back to those elements of my childhood

when we were kind of packed off to the farms at early ages and we went back to my father's farm. And that was, I did get quite emotional at times. But that was to me was this incredible moment where I started to show him all the old, you know, codec photos of me at six, feeding various livestock and stuff like a complete Welsh cliché. But, but yeah, I was, I was incredibly happy to be able to do that to kind of, you know, link, link, link my past, more so than I've been doing so. I mean, that's the other thing too, is do you think your, your kids going to have an accent

at all? You're going to have, can you just, can you give him tapes that he could listen to as he's sleeping at night? I do speak to him in Welsh now because, you know, I was, I was raised speaking Welsh and it wasn't any kind of conscious decision when, when he was born, I was raised speaking Welsh and it wasn't any kind of conscious decision when he was born and just started speaking to him in Welsh. And he's now entering this phase where he's realizing that he calls it data language and mama language. And he's kind of getting, it's not embarrassed by it, but some, well no, he is embarrassed by it because sometimes in school, he'll say,

hey, can you speak mama's language? And I go, I go, yes, absolutely, but you know, know that it's our own secret language because I'm pretty sure there's a very few in Brooklyn that can pick up on our conversation. So, you know, I'm just trying to impart things that in retrospect, I hope you'll go, all right, he did pass on. There are these phrases, these songs that I can remember, the songs from my father to quote Marlon Brando's. Look, did you, it's funny, what I'm passing on to my kids is, because my wife is very, she's a wasp, so she's, she just is, I married someone who's got ancestors

with portraits and, do they go back to the Mayflower? Oh, I'm sure they were on the Mayflower. These are people who there are there are mix of some Welsh, Scottish, English, a little bit of Irish, and then it's funny when I came along, there my wife's grandfather was was just like, Oh, you brought an Irishman, have you? And I'm like, well, you know, we've been in this country a couple of hundred years. I'm well educated.

I think I clean up nice. But he was suspicious. He told me at one point, he called me over and he said, you know, I just have to tell you, I have a problem with the Pope. And I said, well, I, yeah, I said, you know, first of all, it's 2005. But it was just funny that I think when he looked at me, he saw Leopardon, who was trying

to Pope loving, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,? I would very Catholic, yeah. Very is very Catholic. And so, have you done genealogy? Have you done the kind of? I did.

And we have percentages. I am 100%. That's amazing. I think about it, congrats with you. But I thought I'd read. Well, what I say when it's true is I'm in bread. And that's true. I kept that art of my standup after a while.

And people would really laugh hard. And I think they always laugh at the true part. And that is not the goal. But of course, you know, you're only a hundred percent Irish. If if brothers are marrying sisters for a couple hundred years. Exactly. So this is done. You passed the test.

You get the key to the country now, not alone with city, pick a city. No, it's true. I would love, I always tell my kids, your guys are a mix and you wanna be a mix. An exotic mix. Yes, of course. I wish with Scottish, with English,

with all bases covered. Yes, yeah, then they can mix in any social circle. Exactly. Yeah, and passport, 20, 20, so all kinds of country they want. But anyway, no, you should think of doing a remake of the I Love Lucy show, where it's you and Kerry, except, you know, when he would, when Desi would get upset, he would start babbling and he started like, he'd get upset and hit start ranting in Spanish. And I think you could do the same show,

except you just go into wealth. I live that life, I don't, that's life in our house. Well, I kind of curse in wealth and kind of shout, you know, count the recon. What is a, I don't even know a swell swear, what it sounds like. Cocky, yes. Let you just sneeze.

Yes, I know. People, I have people often say, because I'm tired like. Kaki, yes. Not you just sneeze. Yes, I know. People, I have people often say, because I'm talking Welsh. During COVID, you must have been a terrifying person to be around. Well, of course, it was like, get away, get away, get away, get away, get away. Yes, yes.

You are right, sir. Yes. Was that a lung? Yeah. Yes. What gave me great joy the other day was actually hearing my son swaying well. Oh, that's terrific.

Kakti? Kakki. Kakki. I don't want to know what it means. I just want to enjoy it. It's like, okay. I'll let you imagine. Let my mind fill in.

Yes, I can watch it. It's like two little movie screens. Yes. Two little beaty movies, movie screens. You're looking in my eyes. I have to ask you something, which is I heard, I don't know if it's true, that you auditioned. And I was delighted when I heard it. Number of years ago, for James Bond, and the role went to Daniel Craig, as we all know.

But I think it'd be terrific. I really do. I really do think it'd be terrific. I really do. I really do think it'd be terrific. Thank you. I told so many people I would be. I practically told my family I was going to be. Right. Which was always that. Did you, when you walked out of the rehearsal, did you, I mean, out of the audition, did you see Daniel Craig sitting there with his sides and go, good, good luck. Good luck. Yeah, it's good luck, DC, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good luck. Yeah, it's good oh my God, this could be true. Where are the right age? It's going to be amazing. And this, I think we were relatively large group of kind of young white men who were invited to read Xenaroi. I'll put on a nice dark suit and go to the Prokali's office, which was a site to behold, the office itself

that looks out over Green Park, I think in London, was just unbelievable. I mean, this is the family that's been producing the film since Doctor No. Yes. Yeah. Since the first one. Yes. So it was terrifying in itself that you walked in.

There was a number of faces in that little anti-chain, whether you knew who were very successful and you're like, oh, shit, oh, god. And then we all sat there sweating and making terrible small talk and then you're invited in. And they're all behind this enormous desk and there's so much memorabilia around that you want to start talking about it and fanning out. Sure, yeah. And you're trying to remain kind of very serious and suave at the same time. You're trying to be a bond. Oh, God, it's so depressing when you look back at it.

And so how did you think the audition went? Well, I'm not playing bonds. No, have I been. I thought, well, maybe. Yes. It was a close call between you and Mr. Craig. Obviously in my mind, it was. You know, I kept telling everyone,

between me and Daniel Craig, it's not he's been offered the part, stop saying that. He's made three of them. Yes. I know, but it's not, he's been offered the part, stop saying that. He's made three of you. Yeah, I know, but it's something I've got a chance. Yeah. They're just using him to get my price out. Yeah, he is. He's thinking of them as a warm up.

So they basically said of you Red Xunarial and said, yes, and then they just said a question I hadn't anticipated for the love and of money that he went, so what would you do different with bond? And then I was like, oh shit. I was like, is this, so what kind is this the trick question or is it a genuine question? And as a terrible joke, I said, limp. And it went and, and, except it got worse because it was a quiet, it wasn't very quiet. So then I thought I would double down and said,

I patch and then I just fell apart. And it lasted about 30 seconds after that. I love bond with not just a little limp, but a decided aggressive limp. And a lot of, I'll get you, someone help me out. Yes, I did want to say. I was like, look, Roger Moore had a running double in view to a kill.

It's not out of the question. Yeah. Also, do you think of the comedic elements? They were like, did you get that from, you know, missions? He's like, no, I had polio and rickets as a child. The Navy are very accommodating. So I didn't need enough fresh proof.ickets as a child, the Navy are very accommodating. I didn't need enough fresh proof. Yes, a child.

Yes. So, yeah, it was very brief after that. There was a quick kind of a twist. Yes, yes. Well, thank you so much for coming in. You're like, oh, that was my bond moment. That was your bond moment. Yeah, yeah. And I think of that often.

But then I still think of the question. I go, well, as you can tell, I still don't have a coherent answer that would have wowed them. I often wonder what Daniel Craig said to that question. What would you have said to that question? I would have said, what if he's very claustrophobic? He has little text, so he doesn't take elevators. He only takes stairs. That's good. It doesn't like the oh, how about a bond that doesn't like to fly

And so there you know the way because most of those movies are he's hopping. Yeah from he's in London obviously But then suddenly he's in you know, similar. It's but then he's in you know, he's on the ivory coast Yeah, all over the place. Yeah a who needs to, it's in his contract. I don't know. Yeah. That's good. So it's long boat. Right. Yes. Yes. Or train. Train. Yes.

Trains and then boats. Yes. He's always cutting them in travel exhausted. Yeah. And Emma's always saying, well, is bond there? Well, no. Let's see where he is now. Yeah. He's, yeah. Yeah. You can see that. Yes. You can see that.

Yeah, I can see that. Yes, I could have been. I know. I think of the film career I've had with talent in a completely different face. Ha, ha, ha. Imagine how close I got. I won't.

I won't. Yes, you will. Tonight is you trying to fall asleep? Yes, it will be only the moment I'll be thinking. It'll haunt me. Kerry will say, tonight is you try and fall asleep. Yes, it will be only the you'll be thinking. It'll haunt carry will say why are you twisting and turning in the bed? Yes, because I have a problem with the Pope. Is that what you're calling it now? Yes.

Is that the euphemism for it now? Yes, it is. I have a problem with the Pope. Yes. You know, I've been shooting a travel, some travel pieces recently. And I find myself kickboxing in Thailand and I think, how could this have happened? You know, I come from Boston, Massachusetts. My parents were nothing near show business. I love that part of it. And I know that, you know, for example, for the second season of Perry Mason, which I adore, you got to ride a vintage motorcycle.

Is that right? Yes. Yeah. Are you a motorcycle guy? Well, this will color the way I answer this question. Okay. I'll tell you this. I do have a motorcycle.

I have all these rules about when I ride it because I want my kids to... Yes. I want to meet my grandchildren. But I recently was in a very exotic location and they found a motorcycle for me to ride for this one shot and it was a 1956 BMW in Bangkok and I just was looking at this thing. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life. And then you ride it and you think, I really like the improvements they've made. Yes. I like the look of this thing. Oh, I love the look of it. Yes, but what did you get to ride? So it was a 19, it's a 1933

Harley Davidson, right. And it took a course very quickly. So they said, we were talking about what we're gonna do with Mason and they said, what do you, like dream scenario, what would you get to do in this? And I said, look, I do love being on a horse, I've always loved horses. If you can find your way onto a horse, if you can find Mason onto a horse, that'd be great. But in a courtroom scene?

Yes, I was like, now there's your challenge. That's what I've noticed about the new season that threw me a bit. Is you're often on horseback in a courtroom scene? Yes, I was like, now this is your challenge. Yes. That's what I've noticed about the new season that threw me a bit. Yes. Is your often on horseback in the courtroom? Yes, exactly. Hi, oh, yes. That was a lot of objections.

It takes me out of the window. I know, everyone said that. So one of the writers, one of the writers was in, is an enormous, you know, motorbike fan, so he said, I'm going to, you know, we're going to make some of the motor is an enormous motorbike fan. So he said, I'm gonna, we're gonna make some of my motorbike, but great.

So then the stunt coordinator calls me, he says, can you ride a motorbike? I said, I can. I said, I've had to ride a vintage one before. They said, great, come down. We're gonna do a test day weeks before, okay, great. Let's go down, produces the everyone's there. And there's the Harley guy.

And he's like, okay. So, you hold this and then pull that in now. Obviously, you'll have pumped this first, and I'm like, right, then you go for the, right, now the kick start. As that's kick start, timing time, right, turn that turn, turn, turn, turn, I was like, this will never work. Can't you get me something that looks like this,

but it just has an on-off switch. Yes. And it has an on-off switch. Yes. And it has an automatic transmission. Is exactly so. So that was established very quickly. I did, and they got the stuntman to write it for a second. No one could hear anything. Everyone's going, I got here over the noise of this thing.

Right. The stuntman said, oh, this, whoa, this is tricky, right? Yeah. Wow, this is dangerous. Yeah, I wouldn't want to ride this thing. Yeah. So the producer's very quickly, went turn to the action vehicle team

and went, how long would it take to turn this into an electric bike? I went, which, there were audible gas from certain male members of this car. Yes, yes, you've been emasculated. Oh, so they took it away and they turned it into an e-bike. So very often out on set, it was still this beautiful night, this chelver thing, 1933 Harley, that had all these batteries squirreled away about it.

And very often we were on location in various places around LA, and I'd be on the thing kind of warming it, doing little laps and stuff like that. And gentlemen of us, usually a certain age would come up and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, what is that? And I was like, well, it's a 1933 Harley-Divison. And they go, yeah, but it's not an original. They wouldn't have done that to an original.

Now I went, yes, they have. Because I asked them. Yes. And some it was met with a very great mix of reverence for the engineering that would have gone into turning into an e-bike and object discussed to the butchering of some American history. I'm also thinking of, you know, most people want the Harley in any era because of that distinctive Harley sound. And I imagine this thing sounded like, the know, most people want the Harley into any era because of that distinctive Harley sound.

And I imagine this thing sounded like, the little little little little little little. Yes. And little bubbles came out of that. Yes, it was like, it was like, and then warning battery low. Yes. And the embarrassing sounds come out of it.

Yeah, yeah, and it would tell you when you needed, you know, another coffee or something like that. So it was good and both it. Yeah, and it would tell you when you needed another coffee or something like that. So it was good and both bad. And then the flip side of that was when they said, we're gonna write this scene where you're in Santa and a racetrack on a thoroughbred. And I was like, you doing what though? And they went, well, galloping around the track.

And I said, yes, but I won't get to gallop. That'll be a stunt man. They won't allow me to do that. And they went, oh, sorry, well't get to Gallup. That'll be a stuntman. They won't allow me to do that and they went oh Sorry, well, we've written it so cut to me on the most This is probably one of the smelly humiliating moments. They kind of got me this it was used in sea biscuit But it's basically like an adult rocking horse That's attached to the back of a pick up of a pick up. And yeah, so there's a stuntman riding a horse, it looks amazing.

And then they cut in for the tight shot of Perry Mason. And you're on basically a carpet. Yeah. A horse-colored carpet has been laid over a fake horse back. Yeah. And that's it. And that rocks a little bit. Yes.

And then the horse-ranging team kind of sit with you while they try and talk you through how you should be looking on this adult hobby horse. That was a bad day. I didn't enjoy that day. But then you asked, could I have this, please? Yes, and they said, yes, of course, take it. We call it biscuit. If they do, it was built for seed biscuit.

I like riding, but it feels a little dangerous now. And so, big love, you know what I love it if you just went out in the country. And you know, carry in the family, and you're just in the back. Yes, pretending to gall. Pretending to gall. Oh, I thought this is what I genuinely wanted.

I said, I would pay, if this was loud, I would pay good money to go up and down Hollywood Boulevard in this pickup. And I'm just on the back giving it the full and they didn't even answer and he's looked at me. Yeah, that's not gonna. Oh, you know we've been talking about because I love obviously I love the Americans. I love Perry Mason and I love the take on it. I love that the first season was about it's the origin story which I thought was brilliantly done.

And now that that's been settled, you're off and running, which is fantastic. But I must mention your stunning cameo in cocaine bear. Yes. Yes. I want to start by saying, I read the scripts, and then one of the first lines is, Andrew Thornton, the second.

So if you Google Andrew Thornton, the second. So if you Google Andrew Thornton the second, I was already said, I've pitched this to Elizabeth Banks, I said, we have to do the prequel that leads up to that moment where he's throwing cocaine. Because he's a fascinating story. Oh my God. Yes. But he's unbelievable. But the film opens and I don't think I'm spoiling much of anything. But I, you know,

I was, you know, I would have, I'll go see you in anything. So, did I not know that, you know, Elizabeth Banks, I'm friendly with her and I was excited to see Co-Campairon. I really enjoyed it. And so the whole thing was a success. But if I hadn't known any of those things and I just heard that you were in this movie, I'd have said, well, it's Matthew Reese, I got to go check it out. And so I would go. And you work on very quickly. Oh, yes. It's simply in a way that's hilarious.

Yes, but it was very strategic because I was carrying shooting in Ireland. Ireland was being shot as Appalachia, obviously. And I'd been with the kids going to various aquariums for some time and I'd read the script and I'd, and in passing I said, who's playing that? Who's playing under the underthought in the second? She's like, who's he? I was like the guy, the guy at the beginning, the reason for this film. Right.

And she's like, I don't know, I'll ask back. I was like, text banks now, she goes, we haven't even cast it yet. I said, tell, I'll do it. I'll do, text banks now, she goes, we haven't even cast it yet. So I said, tell her, I'll do it. I'll do it because it would mean half a day away from the children. Kerry wasn't in the scene and I knew I could get like a solid three quarters of a day on my own. Yes.

And that was really a sole reason for doing it. And then you held out for $10 million. I did, I did. You got it. I got it, I got it, but I think it was worth, I think I was worth it. And I had. I got it. But I think it was worth. I think I think I I was worth it. And I had a lot of fun. It's the best 80 seconds of my life. Of my life.

All my real is now is that 80 seconds. We're talking about, you know, this antique motorcycle reminds me that I heard that you got yourself this boat recently. Yeah. And I love the way you got the boat. It started, which is a deadly combination. I think were you on the internet and was drink involved. And later night, yes. Yes. Yes. It was actually well whiskey. I hastened to add, but I don't usually drink. So I count that as part of this madness befell me. But I do occasionally like to look at old boats. me. But I do occasionally like to look at old boats and I was looking and I'm a little bit of a Hemingway fan and I saw this boat which I knew Hemingway had a wheeler playmate and I saw a wheeler playmate for sale on eBay and I knew this very few around. This boat

was also called Rearbit. Now I don't know if you know the dish. Well, Shreibit, yeah. And she was named Reibit in 1939, which was built in Brooklyn. And so many planets were aligning and colliding. Oh, that's what that's that's a voice from beyond saying this, you have to do this. Right. And that's what I told Kerry in the morning. I said, how did I have to do this? That I had done it? Reaking of alcohol. Yes, I've bought a boat. And she's like, you don't even row. I was like, oh, it's beyond rowing.

Oh, you're not talking about rowing, my child. No, no, no. We shall take family trips to this. So, yeah, so I embarked on this four-year audacity of madness, where I restored this, but well myself and the captain did, she kind of spearheaded the restoration, because so many things went wrong.

We started out with a shipwriter who said we would do it, didn't do it, another one did, didn't do it. So in the end, my captain said, we'll do it. Listen, there's plenty of YouTube videos, we just need to do that and we'll be fine. And that's what we did over many years. And then we passed, we passed the inspection and now she's being chartered in New York Harbor.

I am still waiting for the captain to call going, we're going down and it's that little bit in the front that you did, you half wet. Yeah. You said you patched it. I did, I did, I didn't say with bot. Yeah. So this is the boat because I'm also a Hemingway fan.

And I think this is the boat that, do you have this boat in Cuba? He did. Okay. And I think there's, there's famous footage of him. He would, he would go out and, uh, and fish on this boat. Yes. Um, and had, it had a big chair, like a big fighting chair,

fighting chair. And then, uh, he would, um, you know, unfortunately also drink a lot on the boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which just, you know, didn't help things for him. No, no. I was in Cuba once. I didn't get to see his house, but I was shooting something in Havana.

And I was in a bar. I was shooting a travel show in in in Havana. How long have you been doing this travel show? It was called Conan Without Borders. It's now we're shifting into something else. We're gonna give it a different name. Conan Wheeve Borders. shooting a travel show in in in in Havana. How long have you been doing this travel show? It was called Conan Without Borders. It's now we're shifting into something else. We're gonna give it a do it. Conan with borders.

Conan with yeah with borders. Good, good. Responsible Conan. Oh good. Conan who stays within the county lines. Mental borders. Yeah, yeah, it's just me roaming around a very small portion of Los Angeles, mostly in the same mall.

Brilliant. But I was there and I went to a bar, and I guess it was one of Hemingway's favorite bars in Havana, and there's a big statue, there's a life-size statue of him at the bar. So it's a life-size Hemingway in bronze that's at the bar, leaning against the bar, having a drink, and I thought,

he was an alcohol. Yeah, it's insane. No, this is strange. I know that it was. This is strange. Yes, the applauding or the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I have this, I do have this strange relationship with Hemingway. I think it boils down to my own strange relationship with kind of possibly what I do and do you say machismo? Yes. So I kind of grapple with all these things at time because sometimes I

look at what I do and I go, oh my god, this is so stupid or I feel a time very emasculated and therefore I wonder sometimes if I overcompensate by doing stupid things like this, or whether I, you know, but then at the end of the day I enjoy it. It's a boat, it's a beautiful boat. I'm all for it. I know.

And I accept your invitation. Glorious. I stutter too heavily. Wow, you're a dam, I'm not quite as good an actress. I thought you were. No, no, Polish isn't my no. It's me, yes. I, yes were. No, no, no, no. Who's the yes? I, I, yes.

Oh, damn it, ask me again. There's always a second take. That's why I love soap operas is that, and certain kinds of TV dramas is that an actor will clearly register displeasure, but the other actor, all the actors, you know, so you'll come to me and you'll say, well, Conan, I'll be spending the weekend with you and I'll go, the weekend with me.

And then you'll go, problem and I'll go, not at all. And then you're as happy as a client. I know. Where's anyone else? The goal. Did you blink for that length of time? What happened to your brain in those four seconds? I love to do that in real life. I know. I know.

I think I'm happy that you got this boat. I think it's great. Well, then come aboard anytime you want. Oh, seriously? I'm going to the children who go near it anymore. Everyone, you don't like twice. I think it's you and me out on the ocean together. It's good, but it. Sending out distress calls. You know, we can't have immediately. I'll be sending out distress calls. We don't. When it's slightly rocking.

Yes, I con him. We're fine. What, why is it doing that? Why is there motion in this vehicle? Make it stop. Um, I am going to, you're a busy man. You're a busy man. You have things to do. I'm going to. You have worlds to conquer.

I say I do. I know, but you know what? Everyone, I learn to say it. I used to say I have nowhere to go, and my time is yours. Yes. I was dead in Hollywood. I was dead in Hollywood.

So what I love is when you get the call ahead of time, Matthew Reese, he's got a lot going on. He's very busy. And so I know that if I follow you down to the lobby, you're going to go across the street, get a bubble tea. No, there's a biryani truck outside. I clucked out on the way in. I'm no stranger to some street Indian food.

You are a pure delight. You're a crazy talented actor, but also you are hilariously funny. And it is a personal grudge of mine. Um, I when when handsome talented actors are also hilariously funny, it enrages me. I like to say this was my consolation prize for other things. So fuck you. Thank you.

Fuck you. Thank you. It's not right. No, there's a tuna phrase I've heard in many a time and we'll happily hear it again. What? Fuck you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Perfectly said. Oh, cuticraft. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna keep that one. Yes. That was coming in handy. I was doing a play on his off-roadway, and I was playing not a very likable character,

and I was, I would say within half a block of the theater after finishing, and a woman was walking in the opposite direction, she was, I was walking away from this, she was coming towards me, and she just went, you're an asshole. And I thought, oh, she's seen the play. Yeah. And then I went, hang on, she's walking I thought, oh, she's seen the play. Yeah.

And then I went, hang on, she's walking in the opposite, I'm walking from the theater, she's walking the opposite towards it. So maybe she hasn't seen the play and that stayed with me forever. Did you ever find out? No. And it's of always wondered whether she's seen the play or not

or whether you married her. And then, that's when I knew. I'm so needy, that's the woman I would follow. Exactly. Is there any way I can make it up? You played into every insecurity I had. Well played. Matthew, good God.

It's just, this is the made my day, seriously. Thank you very much. Thank you for the invitation as always. Oh my God. True joy. Yes, I will come. I will haunt you on your boat. Please, please do. True joy. Yes. I will haunt you on your boat. Please do.

It needs a ghost. Okay, true story. The other day I walked into our wonderful offices here in large Monk, Los Angeles. And I stroll in and I hear that our talent coordinator, Maddie Ogden, is chatting away. She's terrific, by the way. She is great. She has this amazing sense of style. She's very funny.

Funny and comic in her own. She's a very funny, stayed up comedian. And she also greets all the guests. When they come in, she makes them feel right at home. She puts these baskets of food. I encourage you, if you haven't been a guest on the show, be a guest just to meet Maddie and get the snacks. Yeah.

Okay. You do not have to be famous. Trust me, that's the new culture. Anyway, Maddie was talking. And she apparently had had some dental surgery. And sort of they excavate the tooth a little bit. And then if you clean it out too much, you get something called dry socket. That's where literally some of the nerves, and then this is

going to freak some people out, but some of the nerves in the jaw get exposed. And it's temporary, it goes away. But what you have to do is you have to put a little bit of a medication in there that numbs the pain. So you have to literally drop this medication down into this little hole in your tooth and it numbs the pain and then you're fine, okay? This brought back a memory, a repressed memory that I have, okay? And it's a story about what an amazing man and director is. That's, here's how it goes. A number of years ago when I'm doing the late night show back in the old days in New

York and Rockford Center, I had to have this work done in my tooth, and they said, we're gonna finish this up later, but you should be fine. You're gonna have some pain. So here's what you do. Get someone on your staff. So here's a little vial of liquid anesthetic.

Get someone on your staff to take these little balls of cotton, tiny, and dip and soak them in this liquid anesthetic and then reach back with tweezers and here are the tweezers we're giving them to you and drop them into this part of your tooth. So I go thinking how big is the hole? It's like a little hole on your tooth not that big in the tooth. Yeah, so I'm getting to it. So I think, oh, this will be easy. And so I get to work and I think, wait a minute, who do I ask to do this? I'm kind of looking around, I'm thinking, you can't ask an intern

and I'm not gonna ask my assistant. This is just weird. I don't know who to ask. What am I gonna do? Maybe I could yell at a writer. Now these writers, they all, you know, they're all addicts and stuff, they're handshake, that's not gonna work. So, you know, I'm telling the problem to somebody and I'm saying, yeah, it's starting to hurt now.

And Andy Richter, God bless his soul. My honor aside, kick says, I'll do it. What's the big deal? So anyway, for about two weeks before the show, he's dressed up. He's in makeup. I'm dressed up. I'm in makeup. The band's playing, but it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, makeup. I'm dressed up. I'm in makeup. The bands playing but it

BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM I don't know why they did that song. Um, and I'm in my dressing room and Andy would come and go like it's you know, 4 30 time to go and he would take out the stuff. And he would like an expert. He would dip the little cotton ball in there and then go open wide and I'd open wide and I don't know why he's Rosanne. And then he'd reach way back there and like with the seriously with the skill of an eye surgeon He would drop this little pellet into the hole. This was pretty small and it would go down and land perfectly and he go all right Let's go to the show down and land perfectly and he goes, all right, let's go to the show. Oh my god. You know, did Regis ever do this for Kathy Lee?

Oh. Did Ed McMahon ever do this for Johnny Carson? That's special. This is special. That's nice. And I just thought, it just gave me this reminder that like, I think I blocked all of that out. What'd you do for Andy?

Um, I remember trying to push a $5 bill into his hand when it was all over. Five? Yeah. He could have gotten him a nice gift. I thought I said, Hey, buddy, go out in the town tonight. It's on me. And it was a $5 bill. Five in New York City.

I know. I know. I don't know. I was a child of the depression. So I thought he can, he can, no, I mean, I was very depressed. Oh, right. But I thought he could go out on the town My mother used to do that. She would send us to the store

There's like six kids and she she'd give us, you know a quarter and say well if you get sodas Until Franklin Roosevelt. I said hi All right, but we used to go like mom you can't, we can't all get coaks for a quarter. Well, I think you can. But anyway, I had this sense because Maddie brought it up, I thought, that's unusual. That's the kind of, I was lucky. Lucky that we have a real friend like in.

We turn the favor to her and put her little pellets in her mouth. No, I think in today's climate, that would be creepy. Yeah. You did officiate his today's climate, that would be creepy. Yeah. You didn't, you did officiate his wedding recently, so that's nice. No, and to be honest, I didn't press a $5 bill into his hand.

I know, no one really see it. It was $7. Oh, that's more believe it. Crankly old fucked up ones, most of which were taped together. But anyway, I just had a, this is a memory of something that I remember very clearly. And also, what an unusual,

you know, we had a, you know, a TV show that was on a network and it's kind of a big deal and we have this big studio and big guests and no one would ever believe that. If I told them that it's literally minutes before we go out there and do this show and Andy's saying, ah, Conan, have a seat.

You're right, Andy, it's time. Open your mouth. Dip, dip, dip, dip, sclerch, sclerch. Boms away. I'm surprised you guys actually didn't do this on the show. Like, I know we should have done it on the show,

but, No, I think it's okay. I will say, I will say this whenever that stuff used to wear off, man, that would, you'd feel that. You would feel that. So to wear off man. That would, you'd feel that. You'd feel that. So, yeah.

But anyway, Andy Richter, a great man and an incredible dental technician. Oh, he's not. Well, he's, yeah, I think he's actually being schooled right now. He learned, he said, oh, this is fantastic. He's one of the best in Beverly Hills. It's a side hustle for him. He makes millions of dollars a year. And that's all he does is drop little

anesthetics down tiny holes. I wish I hadn't said tiny holes. But it happened. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley, Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf.

Themes Song by The White Stripes, Incidental Music by Jimmy Vivino, Take It Away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our Associate Talent Producer is Jennifer Samples, engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on

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