Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Maya Rudolph

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

Actress and comedian Maya Rudolph feels pretty terrific about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Maya sits down with Conan to talk about making Emmy history by competing against herself in a single category, meeting (and hugging) Prince, her inspiration for voicing Connie the Hormone Monstress on Big Mouth, and more. Plus, Conan learns about his surprising impact on the human population as he and his team respond to a listener voicemail. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

Hi, my name is Maya Rudolph and I feel pretty terrific about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hey everybody, welcome to, that was terrible. Let's try it again. Hello and welcome to another episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I really do need a friend. We all need a friend during these times, these very trying times, and so thrilled to be doing the podcast, you know. It nourishes me. Can you tell that Sonna that the podcast nourishes me? What? It nourishes me. I enjoy it. I enjoy the podcast. That's not a hard concept, I understand. It's not. It's a, nourishes is a weird word. I, I really do see that you enjoy, what do you mean? It feeds me. It nourishes me. No, that's weird. People say that. Matt, do you think that was so weird that I say the podcast nourishes me?

No, I think it's like you're like a Lestat vampire who feeds on the adoration of other people, so it does make sense to me. Yeah. Oh, so I was thinking of myself as a, as an infant suckling at the teat of podcaster. Either one isn't a win, but I do agree. Yeah. That's how I see it. I see it that the podcast is, I'm a newborn and I need fresh mother's milk. Yes. And I've found this medium quite by accident and I'm sure I don't belong here, but I'm suckling at the teat of podcaster. I don't think of myself as a wampere. That's vampire. I've pronounced in the old 19th century since I am not a wampere. Why? Why what? Why would anyone need to care about how they pronounced vampire in the 18th century? I think they didn't. Matt, is there's a movie, the one where,

Is it the Francis Ford couple? Yes. Yeah. Yes. Wampere. Gary Oldman over annunciates everything. Why don't you grow a beard? Why don't you grow a beard? Oh my God, I love that movie. I tried to get my kids to watch that movie the night and they, I was describing it to them and they wouldn't watch it. I love that movie too. They don't watch horror. My kids won't watch horror and I love horror movies. And also that movie has so many, it has great, truly great moments and then moments that are like so ridiculous, you know, in some of the performances and in some of the imagery. It's insane. But anyway, we've decided one way or the other, whether you say it nourishes me or it suckles me. It suckles you? Yes. Wait, I said that wrong. You did say that. Well, you know,

in a way, can I say something? And this is going to sound a little, maybe just a little self-centered. The medium has suckled at me. Oh. Because I think I have nourished podcasts with my contribution. And I know that that's going to enrage the podcast community. They're going to say, hey man, you just came along like a year and a half ago with the fuck. And I'm going to go, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry, other podcasts, but you suckled at my teeth just as I suckled yours. Yeah. And it's been two years. So fuck off. Yeah. Yeah. Once you go get bit by a wampere. Oh, man. I think it's too late to introduce you guys now, but of course, Sonoma Obsession, my assistant until, well, she moves on. Yes. Many hints, but nothing happens. And then, of course,

Matt Gorley, a terrific podcast producer. You do a great job. You really do. Thanks. Where's the bit? There's no bit. He really does do a good job. Yeah. I have a pitch for us. Yes. I think the three of us should go on the sensation that sweeping America floor is lava. Do you know about this? No. It's this huge new game show on Netflix where three people have to go across a room where all the furniture is floating in lava and you have to use all this kind of like strategy and coordination to work together as a team. And I think we'd all, let me ask a couple of questions to, to understand quickly. So quickly. Is it real lava? It's no, but it's like red colored water. And when the people fall in, they cut away and you never see them again. Like they died. Wow.

It's about teamwork. We would die. No. Yeah. I think so. I think so. Yeah. I think you would start speaking way too loud and that would part the lava. The lava would move aside. It'd be a path. That doesn't even make sense. Not like Moses, but just because you're speaking. No, no, no. Seriously. You'd be like, no, wait a minute. Where do we got a good burrito? And all of the lava would part. Well, is this, is this a huge show? It's huge. Yeah. And you think the three of us should go on it? Yeah. I think it will be a study and dysfunction. Would they book us? I mean, obviously they'd be, you know, Conan O'Brien, that's a catch. I think that's exactly why. Yeah, they would. But when I say I'm bringing my two friends from the podcast along, don't I get some

pushback? You know, hey, why not Andy Garcia? That's your first choice. Are you even friends with Andy Garcia? I'm not, but I'm pretending that I have a posse that's me, Andy Garcia, and Larry Storch. Larry Storch. I think he's close to 100 years old and he played A-Garn on F-True. That's my posse. It's a strange posse, but it's my posse. Do they get celebrities on that show? They have not yet. You're pitching him for a show? So you're pushing me? I thought they got like the top celebrities in the world and I was flattered that you thought I could be on it. But what they do is they'll be like the teachers, the tennis friends, we would be the podcasters. No. Yes. No, no, we would not be the podcasters. I would be Conan

O'Brien and then those two people. What? I'm so sorry. That's what it would be. We don't even get names? Well, no. People, you'd be person one and Gourly would be person two. I'm sorry. That's how it works. I don't think this is a good idea. You don't think we should go on the show? No, because I think- Is there a show we should go on? Is there ever a bachelor? What? I can't go on the bachelor, can I? Because I'm married. No, you can't. No, and you're, I'm not saying this to be mean. You're too old. I'm not saying that to be mean. You are too old. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You had a perfect out, which is Conan, you've been married for almost 20 years. You can't be on the bachelor and you didn't go with that. How am I too old to be on the bachelor? They're all in their

20s and 30s. So what I look, people have no idea how old I am. I'm a very youthful person. You've been on television for as long as some of those contestants have been alive. I got started very young and I've had a lot of work done. I'm telling you, if I was a bachelor, so many women would just be losing it and hoping that I, is it the, is it a rose? What do you do? Yeah, you give a rose. I don't watch them. What? I don't see the show a lot. I just assume- You want to be on a reality show? You don't watch? I don't care about that. You just want to be flanked by a lot of women. I want, I think a lot of very young women who are like fitness instructors would be saying, I got to spend time in the hot tub with Conan, but then Kirstie came along. But there'd be a

lot of the episode of the bachelor where I had to leave to go take cholesterol lowering medication. I needed a nap and I wanted to watch the latest Ken Burns documentary. And there's just 20 roses left on the ground and that's all I need to do. There's just roses everywhere and all these women are like, who is this guy? And then one of them's like, how old is he again? Jesus, you're kidding. He's that old? Wait, when I was born, he was 40? How is that even possible? Oh my God. And I'd come out every now and then and I'd be like, who wants a shoulder rub? Oh God. Like, no, thank you. I'll give you the rose if you let me smell your hair. You never eliminate anyone. You just keep all 15 contestants. I would keep all.

You'd say bring a friend. I would say bring a friend. I would say, I'd be completely asexual. Well, ladies, we've had a great couple of months here. You haven't eliminated any of us. Maybe I'll give a rose soon. You haven't given one fucking rose away, you old piece of shit. I'm not as old as you think I am. They hate you so much. They hate me so much. They're always just like, I just went off the island. Oh my God. If you're lucky, I'll have sex with you. Oh, what? They should do a creepy old bachelor. Well, you've convinced me. Forget Flores Lava. I want to see this and I want to see it now. You know what they should do? It's the new show I'm looking at called... Expired Bachelor. Creepy old bachelor. None of the women

want to be with him. I really want to see that show. I think that's just called every office environment. Yeah, probably. No. Well, they never know who the bachelor is until they get there, I think. No, they don't get to. Can you see that? Can you imagine their faces? Yeah. If they get all those women and they go like, well, now, who hosts the bachelor? Chris Harrison. Yeah, I thought it was Stibb Chutley. Oh, you thought of... No, Stibb Chutley quit a couple of years ago. Is it Chiz Backman? No, not Chiz Backman. Is it Chaz Halloway? But anyway, no, the host of the bachelor, right? Bing Shalamar. Bing Shalamar would say, and here he is and I come out. Yeah, it's a franchise that's existed for so long. And I would kill it in one episode. And whoever sticks it out gets to

have a little bundt cake. That's what they're there for. You get a bundt cake. Yeah. Well, anyway, we can't mess around. We got a fantastic show today. Fantastic show today. Want me to tell you who's on? Yes. Oh, right. They already announced who's on. Yeah, it's not a big surprise. I always act like it's a surprise. I fundamentally don't understand how my own podcast works. I know. It says when you get the show, who's on the show. Do you know what I mean? And they've already introduced themselves. They've already introduced themselves. It's so clear. I don't, don't listen to it. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just having a good time. But I'm very excited about our guest. My guest today is someone who I've wanted to have on the program since the very beginning of his

podcast. She's a hilarious actress and comedian who is a cast member on Saturday Night Live and starred in the hit movie Bridesmaids. She's currently nominated for three Emmys. Good God. Three Emmys. Just this season alone for her roles on Senate Live, Big Mouth and The Good Place. I am thrilled and honored she is with us today. Maya Rudolph. Welcome. I'm going to start by bragging on your behalf, which is you are currently nominated for three Emmys. Ain't that a, a bitch? That's pretty cool. Yeah. That's a, I wouldn't say it's a bitch. I don't know what I'd say. I guess you're supposed to say like, ain't that about a bitch? If you're cool. I don't

really know if I'm saying it right, but I'm pretty thrilled. Well, I am cool. And you're supposed to say, ain't that about a bitch? Cause that's how I talk. That's what people, Conan. That's what they know you for. That's a Conanism. That's, that was my catchphrase in the nineties when I was in late night. I would open the show by going, ain't that about a bitch? People went crazy. Yeah. Just crowd would go nuts. But I'm going to say something. You get, you're nominated for three Emmys this year for your roles on Senate Live, Big Mouth and The Good Place. Check this out. You were the first actor in Emmy history, in Emmy history to be nominated twice in the same guest category in a single year. That's fucking crazy. That's fucking crazy. I can't believe it's

me that they're talking about. Well, I looked into it. They're not. It's a mistake. It's a clerical. Yeah. It's, no, it's not you. It was about Angela Bassett. Listen, I'll take it. It says right here, Angela Bassett and they fucked up. I'll take it. Angela, I'll take it. Cause let me tell you something, Conan. I'm not getting a lot of great news these days. I don't know about you, but it's nice to get good news. Yeah, it is. Well, I can imagine you getting the call early in the morning, I'm guessing that you're nominated three times. And then this historic, you know, twice in the, you're competing against yourself in the same guest category. I am. There's such a rivalry going on at my house right now between me and me. That'd be great. That's so great. If you were just,

yeah, if you were just sort of bitchy about yourself, like, no, she's okay. There's some hate campaigns out. You're putting out against yourself. You've seen her on Saturday Night Live, but is she really reading the cue cards? Well, as long as you hate yourself, my advice to you is put all of your self-esteem into these Emmys. If you win, really love yourself, and if for some reason you don't, which I think is statistically difficult, but if you didn't, I think you should just feel terrible. I should end it all. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't do that. No, I'd stick around. You might be right. You make a good point. I make a really good point. No, I'm very happy for you. I am always, I want to say nourished when really talented people are

recognized. And you've been recognized many times, but it makes me believe in the system. Does that make sense? It kind of makes me feel like I feel like I'm talking about someone else. I know because I feel the same way because I think you and I both share the same underdog DNA because of our Saturday Night Live time that we put in. And so no matter how successful you become or how loved or lauded you are, we were originally plebs working within a system that I mean, I'm being facetious when I say that I, you know, there's nothing I'm more proud of than being at Center at Life. But there's this amazing thing that Lauren did, which was when he created that place he put in that not ready for primetime players thing that built up this kind of amazing

camaraderie with all of us that worked there, both the cast and the writers that made us these underdogs because we had these movie stars coming in and out every week and we were the hardworking scrappy kids that fought really hard to get our shit on the air. And that's where you find all those incredibly talented people that weekend and week out, you know, put their lifeblood into that place and really are the funniest people that you know, but don't always get the credit. And so I just became really used to that, you know, I mean, I think that's kind of my response every time something gets recognized that it's, that's someone that I think is amazingly talented because it happens rarely in my opinion. You know, what's interesting is that there's this feeling

that I had at Center at Life and I think it's what you're describing. Of course, it's, you know, the institution, the comedic institution, maybe in American history, it's this absolutely incredible place that you go into. But while you're there, it plays on all your insecurities. That's what happened to me. I never felt like I deserved to be there. I would work incredibly hard and no matter what kind of success I had there, I thought, I'm just the guy that's here to sort of fix the furnace, you know, you had tremendous success, but there's something about leaving and then you have done so well as yourself and on your own terms that and it's the same thing, you know, Tina Fey, so many people, Amy Poehler, you've become those people that would then come back to

Center at Life and everyone would be nervous around you. Do you know what I mean? Which is very hard to accept. There's this acceptance that if you're lucky, happens later on that you can never feel when you're at Center at Life because it feels like you're in high school. You can't feel too cool. Absolutely. Like it like maybe college at best. But yeah, I mean, my office was so messy and shitty. It probably smelled bad because we were in there at, you know, when the cleaning people were supposed to come in, we were in there till eight o'clock in the morning. So it was disgusting. I mean, I was there for the days that some of those dudes were peeing in cups and leaving them on their shelf, you know, those those stories. I do that during the podcast. You do that now.

I'm doing it now. Right, right, right now. Hold on. There we go. What was the question? What was the question? I got distracted. I got distracted too. But yeah, you said it so well because the minute you said these beautiful people come in your office, my first thought was J.Lo, you know, like her it was the first time Jennifer Lopez came into the office and we were pitching her something and I thought, God, I'm really not. That's a real person. That person's skin looks that good in real life. And this was before people were surgically augmenting their posteriors. Hers is real. And it was in my office and it was beautiful. So beautiful. Did you look at it a lot? Did you look at you? Were you just staring at it like it was the second coming of

Christ? I was. I was. I honestly was. It was really beautiful. Yeah. I hear it can heal the sick. You will walk again. Little boy in a wheelchair is brought to J.Lo's ass and he just looks at it and then he's tap dancing. And J.Lo's like, come on. That's the first step is after the wheelchair he's tap dancing. Oh, he goes right to tap dancing and he's not good. He's not a good tap dancer, but he's just so excited to be walking because of J.Lo's ass. No, but it's so true. What you said is exactly true. Not the not the tap dancing part, but the high school imposter syndrome. The like, I do believe that it's there for a reason, whether it was intended initially or not, but it does breed something where we work harder, that much harder. I mean, when I worked there,

I didn't have a family and I lived alone and I lived like a vampire, like there was nothing in my refrigerator and I don't know when anything had been cleaned. And I was rarely home because everything I did was for that place. And that's all that mattered at that time. But it made me a really, it made me a really dedicated, a hard worker. You, I think like a lot of us, a lot of us thought, could I work there? It's in her life. That was a dream of yours. You were a huge fan of Gilda Radner's and I'm wondering why did you gravitate? I mean, I think the answer is obvious and this isn't me being, many people gravitated to her, but what was it specifically about Gilda Radner for you? It's so funny because, you know, when you're a kid and you like something

like that, you don't know why and you think, huh, it was odd that I like that. And then you meet all your people and you find out later that Tina loved her and Amy loved her and, you know, everybody had the same feelings. But for me, it was this adult world that my parents were old enough to be a part of and they were watching the show. And I know now that other than the fact that they all looked cool, Gilda radiated some sort of joy and I wanted to be her friend. You know, I felt this like gravitational pull to her smile and to the joy that she was having. And I later recognized this feeling for myself that when I feel that way, when I want to play with someone, that means that I'm going to enjoy it. That means that I obviously like it. You know,

when you really feel like you're pulled in like, oh, I want to go play with that person, you know that you're going to love it. I never got to meet Gilda Radner, but I just know that she would have been a delightful person. And I know so many people who've said, oh, no, no, she was absolutely delightful. And you would have had a really good time with her. And I think what you hit on is this thing that makes me think about music and comedy and how it's all about playing. Oh, this is one of my favorite things to talk about. You know that though, the didn't know that we're going to you're going to know that in a minute. I think I intuitively brought you to I mean, this is just what I do. It's like I have a divining rod. But no, but I

was going to say, you say it, it's you can enjoy yourself and tap into this frequency. And it's fun. And afterwards, people are like, that was great. Good job. You think job. Yeah, I would have done that for free. And I've been doing it for free for the last 48 years, really, or at least the first 20 something years in my house. And for my parents and their friends in my living room, it's the thing that you do. And it feels right. And it feels good. The thing you were bringing up about music also just fascinates me because I'm fascinated by the music comedy connection, especially and I know you understand that being a musical person yourself. So it's like this strange place where it's it's like me. I'm fascinated by the place where there's a mutual admiration

society between musicians and comedians and also how they're very exclusively their own things. And great musicians can't really be fabricated. You either just are a great musician or not. It's there's no there's really no in between. And the same, I think with a great comedian, I could that's why I love hearing, you know, bands talk about like quote, spinal tap or or quote, you know, their favorite funny things. Because I know that they understand how funny it is. And for some reason, they both operate on the same frequency. Well, you know, it's interesting because you as someone who's very, you know, incredibly adept at both, you maybe you can answer this, there's this weird thing where rock gods envy comedians. Yes. And comedians, every comedian I know wants to be

a rock god because it's a it just seems objectively cooler to be them. It does, doesn't it? It's definitely cooler hands down from a comedian's point of view to be the rock god 150%. But I don't know, talk to them about it and you might be surprised. They still they still know they're cooler. No, no, no, I will tell you a quick story. It's happened in like the 90s. I went out and I used to do my own warm up on the show and I would actually sing a song and I'm walking up the aisle and I stopped and Jeff Beck is sitting in the audience will probably next maybe many people put him on par with Eric Clapton as one of the great guitarists of all time and just this iconic amazing incredible musician and he's still making great music and he is he is, you know,

in that pantheon of 60s and 70s rock gods and he's sitting on the aisle and I go up the aisle and I see him and I think, shit, it's Jeff Beck. I can't believe what's he doing here. And so I recover. I don't call him out. I get through the warm up. I do the show. The show's over. It's like I think it was an okay show, nothing to write home about. He's outside the studio 6a afterwards and he's like, I'm like, oh, you know, wow, Jeff, it's Mr. Beck. It's so cool to have you here. And he went, oh, if I could do what you do, I would finally be happy. And I'm like, what? What do you mean? Like, like, and he was like, um, just to be is, you know, kind of. And I was like thinking, what do you mean to do what I do? Have light chat with someone from Dawson's Creek? What the fuck

are you talking about? By the way, yes, that's specifically what he was talking about. The way you handled Vanderbake was masterful. You and I just couldn't understand what he was talking about. And then when you threw this commercial, and then there was a commercial that I don't know how you do it. Was he dying when he was talking to you? Yes, he was, it was weird. Very few people know this, but he had a terrible disease at the time. And he was literally running out of air as I spoke to him, which is Muslim. I, you know, it sounds like you're putting down my impression, but it's actually very, very accurate. No, I think that in hearing that it really makes me believe in my own personal theory that might be complete bullshit, which is that there is something,

I don't know if musical is the right word for it, but what he was watching you do is something that is really only attainable by the Canadian. Yes. And we feel the same way about that unbelievable ability when we see a fantastic musician. Like I said, people can play music, but we're talking about fantastic musicians. And there is something about timing that is not, that's my Instacart delivery guys. Yeah, I had that sent over. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you. Thank you for 16 fryer chickens. I know what to get people. I know what people like. I mean, that's all I live on. You know, there's something about that that is just, that's not the bed that isn't fake. And I think that's really exciting to what is it? She's going to get him. And then she's going to, she's

going to talk. Okay, I'm just going to describe to people because they can't see it. You're holding up a beautiful small dog. Okay, now it's clear it's a dog. What's your dog's name? Daisy. I like that Daisy said, I'm going to help Conan out by proving that I am a dog in this audio format by going poof. I squeezed her. I just, I squoze, I squoze the life out of her so that she would let you know. I was showing everybody before, but she likes to sit in this like weird nook where like she can't, she gets squished on purpose. It must be like a womb thing for dogs. Yes, some people want to be crushed. It's one of my erotic fantasies. Excuse me. I thought that's, it says here on the paper, talk to me about your erotic fantasies. Well, I heard that this is something you were into.

I like to be crushed and constrained. That's, that is what I wanted to talk to you about today. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, we could get into all the amazing work you've done and all the things that are happening for you and talk about comedy. But no, I'm a fledgling, I'm a fledgling therapist as well. I mean, I've got to find something to do these days. Well, good. Then you can help me. Yeah, I really want to be, I think of tight belts around you. They're tightened and, and the woman is saying you be good and it's very complicated. A snake, a snake comes out of her mouth. Yes, it does. How did you know that? I'm a fledgling therapist. I know. Oh, God, you're good. Yes. Pretty good. I'm pretty good. And then the snake says, except your real sexuality. And I'm like, hey, hey,

whoa. Okay, that was too much. Probably too much. You know, I did want to bring up, I know that you are a huge admirer of Prince's music and that you had this incredible band, Princess. Do you still, do you still do Princess occasionally? Do you guys reform? Do you still perform? We do. I mean, I didn't know if we, we were doing it when he was alive. Because my friend Gretchen and I were just doing it anyway. It was like one of those things, like I'm going to be doing this in my car anyway, or like doing this in the shower. We might as well do this publicly, not together. We weren't in the shower together, but I mean, we could. We were college buddies, but it's another my fantasies. Go ahead. But then we, we realized

that the Prince that we loved was the Prince that we grew up with, which was this early gritty up into purple rain and a little bit beyond that, this kind of like sun. And he was really back to what we were talking about before. I realized as an adult, really funny. His stage, his stage performances had such great stuff too. He was, he was like, I mean, one of my all-time favorite performers that will ever, that I will have ever seen. I don't know if he ever got to see him live, but it was so exhilarating because he could do anything. And then he was also really funny too. And there was something about that combination. So that's why we, we started doing it and we were kind of laughing through it and all that wonderful energy combined. We were doing

that in the shows. And then he died and I thought, well, this sucks. I don't want to do this anymore. But after a while, it started to feel nice to celebrate him. And then we weirdly like found all these other, you know, you find more of your people and like we found all these other kind of freaks who felt the same exact way and that like they, they got all the jokes, they knew how funny he was. They knew all the live stuff and they loved the, the bootlegs. We all knew the same bootlegs and the same long versions of things. And he just happened to be such a prolific musician that there was just so much, there's so much stuff to cover that we always do new stuff every time. So we've been doing it for a while. I think we were talking about doing

something again before the election to get people to vote, but I don't think we'll be doing it just yet. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think so either. I think COVID will not allow that. But did you get, I imagine you got to meet Prince? I did get to meet him. I realized the other day that I, I didn't know him intimately. Like he wasn't like a, like a true friend, but I, but he knew I loved him, which made me feel really proud. And then I got to hug him three times in my life. You were there the, the one of those nights, you were there for the, one of the hugs, which was the SNL. Yeah. I saw him several times. He was at SNL when I was there. I don't remember what year that was. And I thought that is the most perfect looking human I've ever seen. And people have asked me,

and I said, and I don't mean it to be, it's not about his size. It's not like a size joke that he was small. He was like a doll, a very perfectly made doll. And I'm talking about his face and his features. And he looked like he had been crafted by, by a, by a beautiful, you know, someone who really knew workmanship. And I had a funny thing with him, which is I was hosting something, I think it was for Tiger Woods, some charity event. And they had this amazing lineup and they asked me a sort of MC or do stuff. And I can't remember, but I remembered it was, I was at this venue and an insane lineup. The person closing the show is going to be Stevie Wonder. And so I'm backstage and there was this rumor that maybe Prince might show up and play

with Stevie Wonder. Always a rumor, by the way, never, never confirmed. Yeah. And it was like, but I remembered, I heard it, all of us backstage were talking about it. I think people in the audience thought it might happen was this rumor. So I'm backstage and Stevie Wonder is on stage and he's playing and I'm suddenly aware the way you're aware, like in the sixth sense of a presence, like I could see suddenly my breath, you know, and I turned to the left and Prince is there, backstage. And he's air drumming along to this music. And it's the best air drumming I've ever seen. It's better than what the drummer, what the real drummer is doing with Stevie Wonder, what Prince is doing is better. It's fantastic. And so he saw me and he went, hey, and I said,

oh, yeah, hey, hey, how are you? He's like, good, good. And he's still air drumming, not missing a beat. And then he said, I said, so there's a rumor that you're going to go out and play with Stevie Wonder. And he went, no, not going to do that. No, just here to watch. And I went, oh, so you're not going to play. And he went, no, no, no, not going to play. And I went, okay. And just then Stevie Wonder starts to play superstition. And I'm thinking, okay. And I said, um, yeah, because there are people were saying you were going to go out. And he looked at me and went, no, man, I'm really not going out. And as he said, I'm not going out. This technician put that perfect, that perfect Paisley guitar around his neck. And it was all mic'd up. And he looked

at me and he went, gotta go. And then he fell in with bonon bon bon bon. And walked out on stage. And I'm like, fuck her. Well, why? And I, and part of me thought he just, hey, man, it's supposed to be a secret. I'm backstage. You're going out in eight seconds. You can tell me, yeah, I'm going out. But this was him saying in his own way, mystical way, I can't ruin the surprise. And I thought that's perfect. God damn it. That's so frustrating and so accurate. But it was perfect. That's who he was. That's who he was. And I think that thing that he did, he created this mystique and this thing that he couldn't, he couldn't put down anymore. I think he had to have that game. There was never, there was never an answer. There was never a yes, he's

coming. No, he's not coming. You might see him. You might, and the titter of everyone talk, that is the best, that might be the best story about his mystique that I've ever heard. Yeah, no, it's an absolutely true story. And I've since heard Largo, I'm sure you've performed at Largo Theatre. We're doing our late night shows at Largo Theatre now in Los Angeles. That's right. I'm so happy about that. And, but Flanny, who runs Largo, told me, oh, he used to always, when someone he liked was coming on, he'd call ahead and he'd make all these like, if I could sit in the back and can I have this to drink? And can I have this ready? Can I have that ready? And then never come. And somewhere he was giggling, somewhere he was giggling.

That it's like, when, when were we going to get the memo that, that, you know, you could be cool too. If you, if you fucked with people like that, we just don't, we don't put in the energy and the time to be that cool. You know what? I think it's all, it's different than that. I think you could do it. I could put in all the energy and all the time and people would would just say, what an asshole. Yeah, no, it would be cool to head and he said, make sure there's chicken McNuggets there and make sure it's with the sweet and sour sauce and make sure that, you know, you have my favorite pillow and then I didn't show up. Hey, guess what asshole, you owe us for the chicken McNuggets. I want to bring this idea of music and comedy together because I do think one of your or maybe

some source of your superpower is that you are a very talented musician and an incredibly talented comedian and actor. And I see it all coming together. I mean, in so many places, but specifically, and this is one of the roles that you've been nominated for, Connie, the hormone monstrous, you, the voicing. Now it's genius voicing. I remember when your character first showed up on Big Mouth, it's this great scene where you show up and you just, it's so hard to hit a home run with just your voice, but you come out and I don't know where that voice comes from. I have no idea where that voice comes from, but it is one of the greatest vocal performances I've seen in animation and I've been around animation a bit. I was blown away by that performance and still am.

We started doing Big Mouth and I was hired to be Nick's mom. Fred Armisen and I were hired as his parents. And I think it was like the third, the second or third episode. Nick Kroll already was doing a hormone monster and so Jesse's character needed a hormone monstrous and she was getting her period and it was all kind of a perfect storm and they threw it to me. I think the idea was to do a one-off thing. I don't know where the hell that voice came from. But you know what, the reason I bring it, go back to the music thing is that no one without innate musical talent could play that character because there's something, and I'm not going to try and do it because I can't do it. I kind of, I kind of wish you would, like a little bit. There's a, there's a polyatogonorrhage

and you're talking about, this is bad. This is, now I'm going to be Nixon. Any voice I do always goes back to Nixon. Now that the girl's having her period, I will resign the presidency effective at noon tomorrow. No, but there's a, that's exactly like her. Yeah, there's a, there's a, there's this such a syrupy, sensual, sometimes I'll see something in print that reminds me I'm not insane, but I got obsessed with the way your character said this certain word and then I saw online that people were talking about it, which was bubble bath. Bubble bio. But you take, there's, there's only two B's in there and it's, but you make such a meal out of it. Such a meal. Give Rudolph, give Rudolph an edge. Sure, make a meal out of that. It's so true.

I remember doing it and I remember sort of being egged on to like, can, can you find more? Can you find, can you actually find more? And we were trying to make, I think maybe initially, because she's meant to be a hormone monstrous, we were trying to make her voice a roller coaster, just like a roller coaster of emotion. So it was sort of that low, high, low, dipping stuff. And then I don't know where bubble bath. I have never, I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever asked a celebrity to do my outgoing message, but I swear to God, there's a good chance I'll call you and ask you. I'm into that. Because all I, I don't even want it to say, hey, it's Conan, I'm not here right now. I just want people who don't get me to hear you say, you, I should slowly bubble out.

Yeah, it should take a long time. It's revving up. By the way, I would be happy to do that for you. Okay. And then I know I'm going to get charged. It's just, it's a nominal fee. It's $8,000. Anytime I've asked you. $8,000 and a little bit of stock in the My Pillow. I just want to see that guy get more money. We'll take care of him. We'll take very, very good care of him. No, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't think Emmy's or Emmy nominations are always proof of anything. I think some, you know, sometimes people get an Emmy nomination like, wait, what? You know, Pol Pot got an Emmy nomination for his, you know, in the 70s for his crimes. But my point is, yeah, and he won. He won. He beat Bob Newhart.

That's it. You know what? It's typical. They didn't. Stalin got one. Stalin. Yeah. Stalin. He won six Emmys. I mean, listen, I don't, I, I don't currently own an Emmy. And I'm not going to lie that it would be great to, to, to have one, to make Martin Short feel shorter, but. I'd be so happy if you beat Martin Short. I love him and he's a friend, but he's got to go. He's got to go, man. Yeah. It's too much time. I was at his house not too long after the fires and I walk in and he says, something's happened. And he takes me into his office and he's got all his pictures and he says, my Emmy's gone.

And he's really being matter of fact about how his Emmy's missing and we had the fires and he had, you know, he had to evacuate everyone in the area had to evacuate. And he's talking about this stuff. And then Henry and his son, Henry and his daughter-in-law came home and he was telling them, I don't believe this, something happened. And he said, dad, it's in the back of my car. So basically what he had Henry do is pack everything important up. So he told, he told Henry to pack up his Emmy just in case the house burned down. And guess what? I'll tell you a true story about Martin Short. He has two dogs and he left the dogs. That's a true story. I believe that. And took the Emmy and took food for the Emmy.

Yeah. And left the dogs. The Emmy has the Emmy actually has like a little carrying case that he straps. He straps on the front of him like a newborn. He has a baby Bjorn and it holds. And the thing is the Emmy, Marty Short told me this, the Emmy loves to hear your heartbeat because it knows. And so he had the Emmy and he's got all these lacerations from the sharp wings. But yeah. You know, is this true? I always heard that Tina Fey saw you at the groundlings and she was really blown away as anyone would be by you. But she was really impressed. I think the story was that you had a, maybe your improv

partner was not helping you out too much. And she saw how you handled it, which I could imagine you doing so well. But being improv is such a, you are so dependent on the other person on the other person is, can you elaborate anything on that story? I don't want to give away any names or, you know. Well, my improv partner Conan O'Brien and I were. Okay, listen. Listen. No, let's know what the truth is that I knew, I knew right away that she was an ally. I was talking about night. You know, it was one of those things where you're at the theater and you hear like some, some hot shots from Saturday Night Live are going to be, they always get like producers from the show are going to be in the audience. So everyone's nervous. But the truth is that later on when she

did tell me, I saw that that guy was fucking with you. And I saw how you handled it. Because the truth is he wasn't being a bad improviser. He was so skilled that he was fucking with me. And she knew that and she could tell that. And it really pleased me that she recognized that what someone who probably isn't an improviser would have noticed that he was trying to fuck me up and make me stumble. And because there were these people in the audience, it was that kind of a thing. And I was really, I was really grateful that it was someone that speaks that language and that understood and she knew. So we've tried to kill him, but we haven't had, we haven't had any success. No, it's very, I mean, I think Bob Odin Kirk has since apologized. But I am very grateful

to, I mean, to you, to Tina, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, I mean, all these people that I have a daughter, a 16 year old daughter, and all of you and you, you know, so well, you've been relentlessly funny and inventive and talented. And then, and I want to make sure I say this the right way, like people's gender to me is almost like it's the afterthought, you're just such funny people. You know what I mean? And I love, I love that we're getting to a place where it used to be Lucille Ball is a funny woman. And then I think, I hope this is true, that we're getting to a place where it's just there's so many goddamn, really funny, brilliant women who are, I don't know, gender, I mean, it's part of it, but it's not part of it in a beautiful way. Does

that make sense? Yes, because you and I have both been through this so many times, we've heard this question before, we were brought up in an environment where it's a woman in a woman in comedy is is the phrase that you hear over and over again. And then when, when my group was at Saturday Live, there were so many incredible women that were there before me. And I loved both the men in the women on the show, I was, I was equally attracted. I would have had sex with all of them. They were all that funny, like whether they were male or female. But the thing is that the questions that my generation of women were getting was, you know, it's a real boys club at Saturday Live, how do you deal with that? And it was so much, it just didn't, it was based more on this

idea that was in print and this journalistic story, like everyone has to have a story. So they kept asking us this story that wasn't really applying to us anymore, whether we had something to do with it, or whether we were the recipients of the benefits of people that came before us, whatever the hell it was, it just kind of continued on till I remember all this talking about it, because we had to do an article, I don't remember, it was like Time Magazine. So it was something was like the perfect storm of like Tina being the first female head writer, and all then there were like five females in the cast once and everyone was really strong. And that was kind of the moment where I think someone said, like, can we stop asking this

question? Because I was never a little girl that was hoping to be the first, you know, funny woman in my family. It was just sort of like being funny was cool. My brother was funny growing up. My brother and I used to watch the gong show and make me laugh. And that and my dad showed us Mel Brooks movies and comedy was cool to me. I wasn't watching it so that I could be a cool lady. Like it's like you said, it was, you know, my gender was first of all predisposed. I had no choice, but like, it wasn't part of the thought process or conversation. And it never is really. So, you know, it's sort of like, it's like anything, it's like when you put yourself out into the world, people have to create a name for it in a category or it's like, wow,

you're so funny. This is the first time we've ever seen you serious. What's that like? And you're like, I'm still the same fucking idiot who's eating the same yogurt every morning. I haven't changed. But people need to define you somehow. And it's sort of like how you are digested in the world. It is true that I think we certainly are getting better. But I just don't, I don't know that that is ever going to change because people love to label. It's, it's, it's kind of lame. Well, I've, you know, noticed that it's the need. I think it's a very human need. It's not just the media. I'm not going to blame the media. I think it's a very human need that there's a lot going on out there and we want to make it make sense. So, and you're a fascinating person to talk to

about this because you are such a great shapeshifter and you just keep changing. And so I think you could put out an album, you could have an incredible crush in a, in a, in a dramatic role. You can be like steal a show with a voice and a cartoon. You could do a puppet show. I just don't know what, what you could come up with next. But, but I think, but I think that there's always going to be a desire to say, she was a funny lady on SNL. Yeah. Or like then suddenly, you know, that's always happened to me or like, there hasn't been an African American woman on the show since my root off. I was like, Oh, I, it's good to know I was African American when I worked there. I didn't, you know, that was, it's always something. I used to shout that whenever

you would come on camera. Here comes the African American. And then I, people told me that's not cool. I used to, I remember, I, I, I went into Lawrence office and I was like, am I the black girl on the show? And he's like, I always think of you as the Jewish girl. I was like, I'm never just like, just like Prince. I'm never going to get a straight answer out of, out of love and learn either. But, but the truth is that shape shifting thing that you're talking about is actually like a very clear indication of like how I like to put myself out in the world and how I feel about being in the world. Like I don't really want to feel like one thing. And I totally get it when you say that not just, it's not just a journalistic story, but people need to

to feel like they know what they're consuming or digesting. And it is really interesting. You know, I think just naturally I really gravitate towards whatever rises to the top. If it's fantastic, it's fantastic. I mean, I don't really want to know about the other stuff. And if it's like fair to Midland, sorry, I'm, I'm not that interested. So it's the, it's the quality that I desire. And if I think it's probably the quality of the work that I'm looking, looking forward to doing and what I'm doing, which is probably why, I don't know, I think maybe like with Connie, with the, with the big mouth stuff, I think it's like the first one of the most successful things I've ever done. But I think it's probably because I'm laughing so hard when I'm doing it. It's like

they give me the fucking funniest stuff to say, I say butthole on a regular basis, which is my all time favorite word. Like I say the nastiest, dumbest stuff. And it's so fun. And I find myself joyful and giddy when I leave because, because I'm happy. And like that stuff is, it's back to the whole Gilda theory. It's like that, that joy, you know, when you're in the room with someone that makes you laugh, when you're at work and you're happy and you're genuinely making yourself laugh, it's just better work that comes out better and people and somehow that transfers and people, it resonates. I said this many times, but there's so many moments, some of my happiest moments in my comedy career are not recorded. I mean, I'm just picturing you and Malanian Kroll in between

takes fucking around. And I think that would be like, okay, that would, you're being just as funny when it's not being recorded as you are when it's being recorded. The one person that I probably regularly have recorded with more than anyone is Nick for that show. And I think he might be one of the funniest fucking people of all time. He's not Irish, which is, which is a real, which is a real ding against him. So he's got that going against him. Oh, no, I've got two dogs. Not one of the two dogs. I just had a dog sent over to you. Did you get it? I just got him. Look, he's right. He's right there. Yep. That's the one I picked out. You got much bigger than the other one. Yeah. Thank you. His name is Reinhardt. Reinhardt. Thanks, Reinhardt. I had

that center. I always, if I really like a guest, I give a signal at one point, send a dog over to that guest. Yeah, so that's for you. This monster is a puppy, if you can believe that. We're looking, we're on a Zoom call. If anyone doesn't know during this COVID era, that's how we do it. And you are being very generous in showing, you keep swinging the camera around to show us all kinds of things. I now know where you live. I can, I can judge by the, the pin oak. It's just outside. It's not, it's not as glamorous as you thought is it. I live in a one bedroom condo. Yeah, it's depressing. It's depressing. Yeah, it's really depressing. And there's just, there's an old poster of the fawns on the wall and just some scattered man.

He was one of my first loves. And I used to play Demolition Derby when I was a kid and, and wrapped my arm in a paper towel, hoping that I was like pinky, remember pinky? Yeah, pinky Tuscadero. Tuscadero. And I would, I would fantasize that I got to marry the fawns. That's so cool. You know, this is such a creepy thing. But one of my, my first TV crush, and it's so creepy to admit to is I was so young and it was showing in reruns, but Sally Fields first, like one of her big roles in TV was the flying nun. She was a nun that flew. I had a crush on a nun. Yeah, you did. That's wrong. I was a crush on a nun. But your senses were right. You knew that there was something else underneath that habit. But it's wrong. I just, and I don't think I've

ever admitted that until, I don't think I've ever said that out loud until today. I fuck this, you are a therapist. I have a crush on a nun. I do not want to keep you any longer because you have been incredibly generous with your time. Well, I'm also, my fee is a lot more expensive in this for flipping over. Just such a delight, such a delight to talk to you. Talk to you. And, and I'm, I'm really into all the stuff we talked about. I could talk about the stuff with you for a long time. Okay, well, let's continue for another hour. I'm, I see a publicist in the background throwing things. Listen, I, I'm very good friends with Martin Short, but I'm rooting for you. Screw Marty Short. I hear it. He can suck it. He's got plenty. Yes. He's got enough,

enough with the Martin Short. He's got two Latin Grammys. The guy has enough, you know? So, so I, I am, I am really, I'm, I'm, and it's silly because I want you to win. I want you to win everything. But your talent and your grace is completely undisputed. So you do not need, you do not need an Emmy, but you do need more dogs in your house. I do need, I have one more. He's a lot older. He knows his place. I am really, I am very, I'm so honored to hear that from you. I've loved you for so long, as you know, and then I'm really, it means a lot coming from you saying all that stuff. Thank you. I really appreciate it. All right. Well, best of luck to you and, and my best to your very talented other half. You mean my dog, Jason? Your dog, Jason.

Yeah. Craig director, by the way. By the way, look at her face. She looks angry. She does. Indifferent, angry, and you know what, not a Conan fan. She's not a Conan fan. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. That was, I will definitely give Paul your love and I watched, I made my son watch, there will be blood with me last night because I, I've watched it over 50 times and the times I've been around your husband. I've restrained myself. I have not asked him questions that I've wanted to ask him about his movies. He's one of my favorite filmmakers of all time. Yeah. You should. I think he would. I should say. I think he would like it. He is an undisputed master and he really makes movies just for me, I think. So I just watched it,

I think for the 55th time last night and had my son watch it with me and he loved it too. That's so cool. But enough about him. Screw him. Yeah. By the way, he does, he does make them for you. I know. That's what I know. And you know what? You can tell because at the top, it always says for Conan. There's always just sort of a little. Maya, congratulations on all the amazing stuff that's deservedly happening for you and I can't wait to see you in a non-COVID world where we can hang. That'd be nice. Same. I would, I would really like that. You make me very happy. Thank you. All right. You take care. This was really fun. You too. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Let's check in with some more voicemails from listeners. Does that sound good? Yes. Yes. I love to hear what the listeners think. I'd like to try and please them. So let's do as you suggested. Hi, Conan. This is Anna. I wanted to let you know how much you have affected my family, not in a bad way. My dad always wanted four kids and my mom said, that's not happening. So when my sister was born, she would get up in the middle of the night and nurse my sister. And in order to keep my dad awake, she would always turn on Conan O'Brien. And so to this day, my dad always says, you know the reason you don't have any more brothers or sisters is Conan O'Brien. And I wanted to let you know that you're curbing the population with your show. And now my sister's an adult and

I'm an adult. And actually, I have my own daughter and we watch Conan O'Brien and listen to him, you, all the time. So thank you for keeping our numbers low. Have a great day. Bye. To keeping our numbers low. Yeah. Yeah. I am a spermicidal gel. It is so funny because I completely, that resonates with me because especially all those years, 16 years of doing late night at 1230, people would always come up to me who were new moms and they would say, I never was up that late. And this is long before, you know, internet and ways of recording things. So people would always say, I love your show and then tell me why they were up at 1235, which was really funny. It was like, oh, I've really grown to love the show. You see,

I have a very bad rash and there's a cream I need to put on every six hours. Now, I put it on before I go to sleep. But that means I have to get up again at 1230 and reapply the cream for my burn. So it was just always this hilarious, really like the show. And my teeth need to be taken out at 1235 and put in a solution of formaldehyde for 10 minutes and then replace in my jaw. And during that time while I'm waiting, I watch your show. So, but I was specifically here from moms and they were always, they always looked really tired and they were always pushing a stroller with a newborn baby. And they were like, yeah, this show has had a good theme this week. It's had a good feel. And you could tell they were up watching me under duress. So I believe that. What's the

logic? Help me through the logic of how I kept the numbers low because they were up feeding the child. Here's what I think he wanted. They wanted fork or somebody wanted four kids, then they would watch you and maybe you took them out of the mood to do it. Well, I don't know. Yeah. So is that what she's saying? Is she saying that? Or is it not that she knows you were from a big family and they don't want that? Yeah, it could be that too. I don't think that was implied. I think what she's saying, and this could be, this is my read on it, that no man can perform while hearing my voice. Okay. It's why I can't speak when I'm having sex. Wait, what? Because I wither my own erection with my voice. I think that's what she's saying. That's just

true. I do. It withers. It's like a chili pepper that withered on the vine, withers instantly. You know the time lapse of something rotting where it shows something rotting and time lapse? And it goes from healthy to then just withering really quickly and then there are flies all over it and then it's gone. That's what happens to a male penis when it hears my voice. Yeah. So I haven't had sex since I took this joke. Yeah. No. And I'll tell you, it's one of the reasons why if you look at countries where this podcast is very popular, those populations are dropping rapidly. They're seeing a wrap. That's why they won't allow us to be shown in Italy because Italy has a terrible population problem. They really need the population

to grow in Italy and the Italian people are disappearing. They found out that we were doubling the, actually, we were cutting it by a third. Oh, okay. We were cutting. I bet every time you do a cone in without borders, you can just measure that data. There's a steep drop. Yeah. Yeah. We went to Mexico. No births since I went to Mexico. Oh, no. Korea. No births since I went to Korea. One birth, but child is strange. You were born and then your parents had three more kids, though. Yeah. But I was kept in a different room. I was kept far away. I was kept up in the attic. Isolated you? Yeah, they isolated me so that they could have more children. And that was something that people realized right away that my voice, even as a child,

wham, wham, it was a high-reedy wham, wham, wham, wham, wham, wham, wham, wham. And so they realized if we're going to have a large family, which is our dream, we need to isolate this child. Oh. So they isolated me. But yeah, I'm a walking spermacidal gel. I am a deboner, I suppose you would say. I have called you a boner killer. Yes, you have. In past podcasts, I think. Boner killer. Yeah. That would be your superpower. I don't think any, but no one could, we're the opposite of what you would put on. This show is the opposite of what you would put on this podcast to set the mood. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Because, you know, people classically say, oh, you got to put on this music. This is what you got to have. You got to light these candles. Very white.

Yeah. Candles. Yeah. And you want to get the mood just right. And I think we're the Barry Manilow of podcasts. No. I don't think that's fair. To Barry Manilow or us? Barry Manilow. I think that's not fair to him. I mean, Lola, she was a dancer. She was a show girl. She was a show girl? Yeah. Oh. Is that what she did? Yeah. Lola, she was a show girl. And she did something. Oh, wait, am I right? No. Her name was Lola. She was a show girl. That's a show girl. And then she did some really cool stuff. Anyway, don't sing it because we can't afford to pay the rent. Okay. But us singing Barry Manilow is a boner killer. I don't know why. Listen, I reject this whole, I'm saying very clearly that my ready, needy voice would drain any penis of its life-giving blood.

So even if you were like reading an exotic novel, like, I mean, not exotic, erotic novel. Yeah, I've tried that. Oh, okay. When I read Fifty Shades of Grey out loud and talk about, you know, the various plugs that were put in the butt and stuff like that. Oh, come on. Yeah, it just becomes the least erotic experience anybody's ever had. Well, the way you just said it now. You just sterilized me by saying that. Right. I can, yeah, I can- Oh my God. I would like to have a child member. You know, it would be great if I read some erotic fiction and we tested this out. It'd be great if I just read a page of like the most erotic page of Fifty Shades of Grey and you would see, you would see how no one out there gets aroused. Absolutely no one.

I mean, I could pull it up. Tune in next episode. Let's do a two-parter. I mean, I could try to pull it up. I could try to pull it up. It's on your fucking screensaver. Okay. You know. I have watched all three of the movies. She loves the movies. I don't understand the thing about Fifty Shades of Grey, which is they get married. I'm sorry, no. And then it's still like this forbidden. He's, now it's time for you to put on the leather chaps and descend into the pit. And I'm going to take this rubber pickle and I'm going to like, no. Married people don't do that. Married people are like, what the fuck are you talking about? We've got to go. We've got to get going. We said we were going to rent, you know, we got to get over to the Schlesingers. We got to get going. We're supposed

to be there in half an hour. Stop dragging your ass. No, but first you're going to take off. I'm going to tie you up. And now you're not going to fucking tie me up. We've got to go and then we've got to get you at the PTA thing. We've got to be there. We said we'd be there. Yeah, you're going to hear more about this next episode when I will read some classic erotic fiction and you will see how my voice completely drains all sexual tension out of even the most erotic prose. Oh God. Well, oil up and stay tuned, everyone. Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Sonamov Sessian and Conan O'Brien as himself. Produced by me, Matt Gorely. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Salatarov and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf. Theme song by the White

Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. The show is engineered by Will Bekton. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review featured on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.