Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Name Name

Episode Date: February 2, 2023

Conan talks to Anna in Bangkok about how to get her mom to stop yelling across the house, the most popular names in Thailand, and what it would be like to bring Conan to a ping pong show.

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Konan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, Anna. Welcome to Konan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Hi. Hi, Anna.

How are you? I'm good. It's 5 a.m., but... Okay. Well, you seem very awake for 5 a.m. I am. Have you had a lot of caffeine? Yes, coffee ready.

I thought so. You seem like you're about to just burst out of your own skin. Anna, where are you contacting us from? Where are you right now? I'm from Bangkok, Thailand. Oh, wow. And, yeah. Very cool.

Tell us about... Yes. Well, first of all, how did you find us? How do you know about us? Do you listen to the podcast? I watch a lot of YouTube videos. And, yeah. So, I saw you on YouTube and then from the late-night show and now to the podcast.

Now the podcast. So, you're following me everywhere, which sounds creepy. Exactly. Anna, this is very cool. I don't think I've spoken to anybody. I don't think we've had anybody from Bangkok, Thailand before. So, this is very cool to talk to you. Yeah.

That's why I was like, I want to be the first. The first one from Thailand. You did it. You did it. You're the first. Yeah. Yeah. And guess what?

You win nothing. I know. You win absolutely nothing. No, we'll send you like a... What do we have? Oh, I think we have a microwave oven that doesn't work. Yeah. We got some coasters.

Oh, coasters. We'll send you one of the... We'll send you half a coaster. And then... Okay. I'll take it. You can't send you the whole thing because we need it. So, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Where do you live? What's your living situation? Yeah. I live in Bangkok, the capital city. And right now I'm living with my parents and my family. It's... Yeah. And I also have all my family with me.

And it can be a little bit difficult when you have to work from home. So... Oh, wait a minute. So how many people are... How much family are you living with right now? Be honest with me. Well, it's not much right now because they started to go out. But at first they were like...

I have four... I mean, I have three siblings. They started to go out. Meaning they didn't die. No. They just started to... Yeah. Because now I think you're a murderer.

No, no, no. It was very crowded in here. But then they all started to go out. No, not like that. But more like, you know, they started to marry and have kids. That's good. Have their family and they move out. So who are you living with?

Who are you living with right now? My mom. My Asian mom. And how's that going? It can be quite hard when, you know, I'm working from home and I have to be on Zoom. And my mom will always yell outside. And sometimes, yeah, it can be... Will we hear any of that during this call?

Yeah. Is it possible that she'll yell while we're talking to you? I hope not. It's 5 a.m. But she does wake up pretty early. Okay. Oh, that's right. It's 5 a.m.

So we won't hear her. No. What kind of things does she yell at you? Does she yell at you? Yeah. What is she yelling at you? Just do like an impression if you can. Tell us exactly what she does.

She yells like, Adam, do you want dinner? And yeah, it can be a little bit... Okay, mom. Is she trapped under something? Maybe something... Maybe something... Yeah, an appliance fell on her and she's trapped. Maybe a large dinner and that's why she's asking you.

Yeah, yeah. Do you want this dinner? She doesn't really understand that I have to work from home. She doesn't get it. And she would be like, your job cannot be as important as knowing if you want dinner. So she's always... That's true. That's true.

Okay, I have a lot of questions. First of all, what do you do? You said you work from home on Zoom. What kind of work do you do? I work in a travel and tech company. So I have to talk to hotels and partners like that. And I have to talk about business and how to drive them. So I have to keep professional.

And then my mom would yell and she would have a nickname for me. And it would just like in the middle of the Zoom. So you're trying to conduct business and it would be as if right now I was trying to talk to you. And my mother was in the background screaming at me. Code in! Exactly. Do you want ham? Exactly.

Do you want fried ham? Which is what she was constantly yelling at me throughout my childhood. What did she call you like porky pie or something? She called me little ham fat. Well, that's cute. Thanks a lot, Mr. Gorley. Appreciate that. Anna, what's your nickname that your mom uses for you?

It will be aunt, like the little aunt. Oh, she calls you, she yells at you and she refers to you as an inset. Yes, pretty much. And she will be like, aunt, what do you want for dinner? And sometimes she actually just come in, barge in. And you will see it in the reflection behind. Wait, can you, so where is your mother right now? She's asleep.

She's downstairs, yeah. Now, does your mother know who I am? If I were to talk to your mother and say, she wouldn't know. She wouldn't know who I am, right? Because if I could talk to her, maybe I could explain to her that it's very important that Anna do her work and you've got to stop yelling. Don't you think that would be helpful? Why do you think she would listen to you?

I think just my great height. She doesn't know how tall you are. You're just an image on a computer. Well, I know. You're just a strange man telling her to behave. Okay, well, so if you woke her up right now, nothing good would come of it, would it? She would get mad and she would not know who I am. Imagine this woman waking up, there's a laptop being held in her face

and you're the image on the other side going, Leave her alone. Yes, stop yelling at her. That's, I mean, works for me and maybe it would have an impact on her. It might frighten her into not yelling at you. I actually did one trick. So I sent myself like an email or a message that, you know, act as my boss saying like it would be better to have your mom be quiet a little.

You scammed your mother? Yeah, I did. And I screenshot it and send it to her and say, you really need. And what did she say? She just, she actually ghosted me. She didn't say anything, but she saw it. She left me on red and I think it worked because she's been kind of, yeah. She's been quieted down a little bit, right?

Yes. So, yes. So, I mean, this is, I mean, this is, that's a terrible thing you did. I know. It's brilliant though. But it's also brilliant. It's also brilliant. I know.

But do you think is your mother, does she want you to move out of the house? No. Why maybe she's being so loud or she wants you to stay? No, because I'm the last one left. I'm the youngest and she really wants me to stay as long as I can. And because or else she'll be very lonely. And that's why like I try to like introduce her to Netflix. And now she's always on Netflix.

Yeah. Does she like, does she like Netflix? Yeah. And all the Korean and Chinese series, I just realized that there's a lot of those in there. And does she like the soap operas? You know, the stories that, does she like watching those? Yes.

I think Chinese and Korean soap operas. Yeah, both. And I think she watched all of them and all of my algorithm are all like Chinese and Korean, yeah, Korean series. You know, they have some really good programming like that on HBO Max. Oh, we don't have it here in Thailand. So. Well, it's been nice talking to you.

You're never to speak to me again. You know, I've heard that nicknames are a big thing in Thailand. Is that true? Yes. We have. Why? Why are nicknames so big? I think it's because we want to be westernized a little bit and we want to have nicknames.

So in Thailand, we have our real names and our last names. Those are for, you know, government, like all these official documents, but in real life, day to day, we have nicknames and it's not, it has no relation to our real name whatsoever. So you will see a lot of weird names. Like there's a lot of boat. Bank. Arm.

Wait, what? Arm is a name. Hey, boat. Hey, boat. Arm. So if I had a, if I had a gang, I'd be like, boat, boat, arm. What's up phone book? Yeah.

Hey, phone book. I just look around the house. Hey, Shifero. Give you the nickname of whatever they see. Yes. My sister's name is oil. Oil. Why?

Why? You call her oil? Yes. Um, it's a, yeah. Oil. But you don't know why? You don't need, it's just because it's an, it's an English word. I think it's a popular tiny.

I have no, um, I have no clue why it's, why. What's the weirdest nickname you have in Thailand that would be misinterpreted here in the United States? Um, name. Yeah. Is there a name? No, that's the name. Name.

Oh, name is a name? Oh my God. Oh my God. That's fantastic. Cause I'm always forgetting people's name. Yeah. And if I was in town, I'd be like, Hey, uh, name. That's pretty good.

It cuts out the middle man. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. It's my friend and he has a twin and his twin name is nom, which means name and tie. Okay. Name and nom. Name.

Name nom. Yeah. Now is porn a nickname? There's a lot of names with the word porn in the name because it's a blush. It means blessing. Like well wishes. I'll say it does. Yeah.

The porn has been quite a blessing for us as well. Yeah. So porn means blessing. So there are lots of names that have porn in it. Is there essentially someone named porn oil? No. Thank God. No.

Yeah. Name like porn. Okay. Uh, I see now why your mother is in such a bad mood. You're always bringing oil, porn, boat and arm to the house. Yeah. God knows what you people are up to. Um, I don't blame your mom for being a little cranky.

Uh, I have a question. It must be lead to so many misunderstandings in Thailand. Imagine the Mr. Roper of Thailand listening at the door. Oh, porn oil. More porn oil. And it's just two friends playing chess. But God knows what Mr. Roper thinks. Um, what?

What? Uh, I don't know. You know what? I've never, I've traveled the world, but I've never been to Thailand and Bangkok. Uh, what kind of things do you think? Let's say I showed up and, and you and I were going to hang out. What kind of places would you take me to? I mean, besides the touristy spots, I really want to bring you to a ping-pong show.

Have you heard of it? No. What's a ping-pong show? People play ping-pong? I, I, no. Actually. Is this, is this what I think it is? It's a vagina.

Oh, you know about it. Yeah. Yeah. Damn it. Why don't you tell us what it is? I seriously don't know what it is. I've actually never been, I think Thai people don't go there. It's actually a foreigner show.

But essentially what I heard, it's like, it's a show that people use their pelvic muscles to, to do tricks on stage. So. I'm sorry. Why don't you translate that? They shoot ping-pongs out of their vaginas. Right? Yeah.

That's it. Right? Right? Oh yeah. Right. What do you mean they shoot ping-pong? They shoot. Yeah.

It would also be my first time to go see it as well. I've always heard about it. Sure. Yeah. That's not creepy at all. How old are you? I'm 27. Still.

I'm 79 and I show up with you. I'm like, hey, we're, we're here to see the ping-pong vag show. What do you get? Who? I'm sorry. Did they get, did they get points for marksmanship? What? I don't know.

I actually really want to see it. Are they firing at a target or does anyone not care at that point? That's what I heard. Do they actually play? Oh, here's a question. Yeah. Do they play ping-pong this way? That's what I heard.

Patang. Patong. Patang. You got to catch it and shoot it back. That's what I heard they do though. So we can find it out together. Yeah. Hey, do you think your mother would come with us?

Yeah. I can totally invite her and she'll be like, what am I doing here? Fine. Does your mother even know about these shows? I think she's heard of it. I think everybody, I think everybody's heard of it, but we never... But you're saying, this is interesting. Nobody in Thailand goes to a ping-pong show.

It's a tourist attraction. Yeah, it's a tourist attraction. But so, so creeps from foreign countries. Yeah. You're attracting creeps from around the world to go and see this. It's a lot of money, I think I heard. I've been to Thailand and I've sadly never been to a ping-pong show. Wait, how did you...

So what kind of crappy guy did you have? Your guy just probably took you to see shrines and beautiful, you know, mountains and gardens. Yeah. Yeah. Your guy sucked. Yeah. Who was telling me a story about a ping-pong that hit someone in the eye and then they got like chlamydia or syphilis in their eye from the ping-pong?

That sounds like an old wives tale. No. It's like someone I know knows someone. You know, I'm glad you brought this up. Yeah. If I go to this ping-pong show with you, I'm wearing goggles. Yeah. It's like the old thing your parents used to say when they give you a ping-pong ball and

it's, be careful, you'll chlamydia your eye out. Exactly. Yeah. Be very careful. That's interesting. So we're going to go and see. Interesting. All right.

I got to think about that. That's really something. Hi. I'm here to learn and I'm here to see people shoot ping-pong balls out of their vagina. Yes. How do you, how do you even learn how to do that? It's a skill. What do you mean?

What do you mean? Wait a minute. Not every, not every woman can do it. You have to have the specific muscles in your vagina to be able to, because they shoot it pretty far too from what I've heard. You have to like be naturally gifted with those muscles or you have to work them out. I feel like you probably do have to have a natural, like there has to be something anatomically. I'd like to be inspirational here and say, you don't have to be anatomically gifted with

hard work and dedication. Yeah. Anyone can shoot a ping-pong ball out of their vagina. But you need a vagina. Yeah, you do. Like you guys can't do it. No, but I can shoot candy corn out of my ass. Jesus.

That's what I do on Halloween sometimes. I'm just like, you want some? Coming you away. And I drop trow and start firing candy corn. You can get nine up there in a shot. Oh my God. This is all your fault. I wanted to create a cultural bridge with you, Anna.

And the next thing I know, you've dragged us into the filth, which is unbelievable. Well, that's an interesting thing to do, right? And I guess you are interested to come. I hope. You had me a ping-pong vagina. But I don't know what to say. I don't know that I don't know. I'm very upset.

You know what shocks me is you right away were like, oh, yeah. You act like I drop by on weekends all the time to check it out. I'd go to the ping-pong vagina show. I'm like very fascinated with just the apparatus of where do you put it? What is shooting it? How many can you load in? Yeah. I mean, I think it's just one.

It's not like doot, doot, doot, doot. It's not a machine gun. And then it goes, bing. I don't know. It's like when Will Ferrell is throwing snowballs and elf. He's just like, boing, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I mean, think about the anatomy that goes up there during intercourse. You could have a row of three or four.

Oh, for God's sake. But I think you have to. Nobody has vaginal intercourse. What plan are you on? Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Hannah. You poor little ham fat.

Ham fat just doesn't understand how things work. Oh, God. Wow. This has been fantastic. And educational. Very educational. Yeah. I'm sorry that you've now probably lost your job with the travel agency.

Yeah. I mean, it's an activity. And I mean, yeah. You're right. You're right. Your job is to spread the word about all the different activities. Exactly. Yeah.

I think that's a very common tourist attraction is the ping-pong show. And I think you can't, next time you go to Thailand, you should check out that show. I'm going to change the topic. Back to me shooting candy corn out of my ass. I thought we knew those. Oh, the record is 15. Jesus.

It's impressive. Not my record, by the way. Yeah. Anyway. The record. Churchill. Yeah. Winston Churchill did it.

Yeah. I took down three Messerschmitt. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Oh, my God. I don't know what to tell you. And except, you know, I wanted this to be a cultural coming together. And I think in a way it was.

Yeah. And in another way, it was horrific. It was a horrifying experience. All right. Well, listen. What I want to tell you now is to explain when your mother wakes up in half an hour and starts yelling at you, you need to explain to her who Conan O'Brien is. Okay.

Okay. I'm sure it's going to blow her mind. Yeah. I'll tell her. How do you think it's going to go over? Is she going to be impressed? I don't think so. I think she'll be like, okay.

It sounds like my kind of woman. All right. Well, thank you very much. You're amazing. It was really nice getting to talk to you. Thank you. Yeah, that was hilarious. Have a great day.

Get some sleep. Bye. All right. This has been a team Coco production in association with Stitcher.